Speaker 1: Hi, this is Z and I'm Jermaine and welcome back
Speaker 1: to another episode of Cities.
Speaker 1: So today we are dressed up in something that is
Speaker 1: very relevant to our topic. Take a good look at this. Wow.
Speaker 2: Actually this is the first time I'm hearing this term. Pocketing.
Speaker 1: Yes. Pocketing. Well, we're wearing lots of pockets today and
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean like we're discussing them, we're discussing what
Speaker 1: you put in your pockets.
Speaker 1: Let's go around the table. What do you have in
Speaker 1: your pockets? Sometimes some receipts, some candy wrappers usually does
Speaker 1: that
Speaker 2: mean like someone wanting to keep me in their pockets?
Speaker 2: But
Speaker 1: in a, in a way where they're trying to hide you,
Speaker 1: that's what pocketing means. So apparently being in someone's pocket
Speaker 1: in a relationship is when
Speaker 1: they don't want to be public about you, they don't
Speaker 1: want you to be seen, they want in their pocket,
Speaker 1: they want to conceal you in their pocket. So before
Speaker 1: we get to that, let's just set the tone. Ok.
Speaker 1: So let's say you guys have dated before in the
Speaker 1: past and all that. How long in general have you
Speaker 1: waited to introduce your partner to your friends? And family,
Speaker 1: it's different. Friends is one thing, family is one thing,
Speaker 1: usually friends faster. Right. Yeah, I agree. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean, for some people, maybe the
Speaker 1: introduce your family first but for me it is always
Speaker 1: the other way around friends. Maybe one month, one month. Ok.
Speaker 1: Is it a fair time line? But for my family,
Speaker 1: maybe half a year, six months. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think for friends. Right. It's ok. Ok. Yeah, they, they
Speaker 1: see who you've been with. I think that's fine. But
Speaker 1: for family I think it comes with a bit more complications.
Speaker 1: What about the other way? How long did you know
Speaker 1: whichever partner take to introduce you to their friends and family?
Speaker 1: I think quite fast. Ok. What kind of fast? Sorry.
Speaker 1: Lesser than youtube
Speaker 2: still. We're talking months, two
Speaker 1: months, maybe rough gauge. It's interesting because I was reading
Speaker 1: on Reddit right about some people that were lamenting about
Speaker 1: this whole pocketing. They may not know what pocketing is
Speaker 1: but they were complaining about how, you know, we've been
Speaker 1: dating for a year and I've never met any of
Speaker 1: his family yet.
Speaker 1: Right. I don't even know if his family knows I
Speaker 1: exist and that we're dating, but I've never met them.
Speaker 1: Is that an issue for you? After a year? I
Speaker 1: think it's a major red flag. I think there's something there,
Speaker 1: there must be a reason, right. That you haven't met
Speaker 1: their family unless they all did like there must be
Speaker 1: a reason why I can't say the same. I can't
Speaker 1: say this is a red flag because what if
Speaker 1: the family is toxic? You know, full of issues? This
Speaker 1: is why my other half doesn't want me to meet them.
Speaker 1: He's protecting me. What is this the case? True as well? Right.
Speaker 2: Because I'm the kind who take a little bit longer.
Speaker 2: In fact, I've only brought one person home. Oh,
Speaker 1: as to meet your family. Yes.
Speaker 2: Wow. Maybe when I was a lot younger, I got
Speaker 2: this feeling from my mother, especially that
Speaker 2: there's a little scrutiny because I am after all, the
Speaker 2: only child, the only
Speaker 1: daughter, the bar is high, right? So whoever you bring home,
Speaker 1: they will be very closely judged and scrutinized. Is that
Speaker 1: what you're
Speaker 2: saying? And then I feel like I'm also gonna get
Speaker 2: scrutinized or like I'll have questions to
Speaker 1: answer
Speaker 2: and I just didn't want to deal with that.
Speaker 1: That's true. That's true. It is very complicated sometimes to
Speaker 1: introduce them to your family. Right? And I will touch
Speaker 1: on this as well, but I don't think pocketing is
Speaker 1: necessarily an all bad thing or I agree. But what
Speaker 1: is pocketing? Right. This is actually not new. It's been
Speaker 1: around for a few years and I'm sure it's been
Speaker 1: happening for centuries, but this is the first time I've
Speaker 1: heard of it. This is so cute. I my pocket. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I remember when our producers texted us. We're talking about pocket.
Speaker 1: I'm like, why like stealing people's money in your pocket
Speaker 1: or something. Pocketing is what happens when you're dating someone
Speaker 1: in a relationship with someone and they avoid introducing you
Speaker 1: to their friends, their family, both in real life and
Speaker 1: on social media. Even after you've been together for a while,
Speaker 1: it almost seems like you don't even exist in their life.
Speaker 1: Kind of like they're trying to keep you hidden, right?
Speaker 1: And they can be used to describe like certain behaviors, like,
Speaker 1: for example, let's say you're with this guy, you're dating,
Speaker 1: you bump into his friend and he doesn't introduce you
Speaker 1: as the girlfriend. He just says, oh, this is my
Speaker 1: friend hazel.
Speaker 2: That is no. Very
Speaker 1: s yeah. Not appearing on social media, like not being
Speaker 1: introduced as your girlfriend when you are in a proper relationship,
Speaker 1: stable relationship and all that. Yes. Yeah. Proper
Speaker 1: relationship. I think they are like different
Speaker 2: scenarios. And it also depends on, does it feel stuff
Speaker 2: or does it not, you know what I mean? It
Speaker 2: could be just privacy. It could just be, this is
Speaker 2: just between us. Why does it have to involve other people?
Speaker 2: And it also depends whether it's just hidden from family.
Speaker 2: Is it just hidden from friends or hid from you? Yeah.
Speaker 2: But then like, if you bump into someone and you're
Speaker 2: being introduced as friend that is like, strange.
Speaker 1: I have had that situation not personally but bumped into
Speaker 1: a friend who was with his guy friend that, you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of us know is his boyfriend. But then
Speaker 1: he introduced as this is my friend. This is my friend,
Speaker 1: my friend that I can understand because he's not out yet. Right?
Speaker 1: Even though we claim we know and we're pretty sure
Speaker 1: we know, but he's not out with that public information.
Speaker 1: So that's another reason why. But some people may think. Oh,
Speaker 1: is he cheating on me? Is that why? Or maybe
Speaker 1: he is not just so genuine about me. He's only
Speaker 1: genuine about me when it's between me and him. But
Speaker 1: with his friends and all that, he doesn't want to
Speaker 1: acknowledge we're in a relationship. It makes you overthink. And
Speaker 1: I would consider like, is he seeing someone else behind
Speaker 1: my back and his friends and family all know about
Speaker 1: that girl? Which is why he can't introduce me as
Speaker 1: his own
Speaker 1: girlfriend. Because if that is so then you're an asshole.
Speaker 2: Actually the person who does the night show on r
Speaker 2: she has a segment called What's Up Love,
Speaker 1: what's up,
Speaker 2: what you love? And it's like love stories, problems, complaints
Speaker 2: and stuff like that. And there was a story that
Speaker 2: came up recently. So basically this woman, she said she's
Speaker 2: 27 years old and she was dating this guy who's 44.
Speaker 2: So almost twice the age, not
Speaker 1: almost twice, quite a bit far, but significantly significant years old.
Speaker 2: Ok. And he told her from the very start that
Speaker 2: he is a divorcee with one kid, honestly. Ok, so
Speaker 2: she believed and she had no reason to doubt him, right.
Speaker 2: He also said that he had intentions to marry her
Speaker 2: and then she got pregnant. Ok? When she got pregnant,
Speaker 2: he came clean and said that actually he's still married
Speaker 2: and she never suspected because he was always available. He
Speaker 2: would always reply and pick up like there was no
Speaker 2: like times that she couldn't contact him or anything like
Speaker 2: that and they always met up. So she had no
Speaker 2: reason to doubt him after he came clean. He said
Speaker 2: the wife is always out of the country. Now, she's
Speaker 2: saying that you got to come
Speaker 2: clean your wife and fucking marry me because I'm pregnant
Speaker 2: and he is convincing her to get an abortion because
Speaker 2: he says that he can't do that to the family.
Speaker 2: And so she was asking basically when she wrote into Ria,
Speaker 2: she was asking whether she should get an abortion or
Speaker 2: go to his wife,
Speaker 1: you should go to the wife. I agree. I know.
Speaker 1: And if he's not going to do it, you have
Speaker 1: to do it, right. Saucy. Wow. The fact that you
Speaker 1: go to R 897, what's up love? That's crazy. And
Speaker 1: that is exactly why like Hazy said, it is real.
Speaker 1: There are situations like that where this guy has a
Speaker 1: whole marriage, a whole family and
Speaker 1: they're hiding it from you and it's so funny because
Speaker 1: it almost seems like the wife was the one being pocketed. Exactly. Right.
Speaker 1: Like it's wild. But there are a lot of reasons
Speaker 1: I think why people pocket their significant other. One of
Speaker 1: them a bit more extreme. I'm hiding a family man.
Speaker 1: A possible as we know from this lady,
Speaker 1: please give us a call. We, we, we would love
Speaker 1: to try. Yeah, but there are also more everyday reasons
Speaker 1: like for example, external pressure, I'll give you this example.
Speaker 1: This is crazy. OK. This person online says my family
Speaker 1: has a unique tradition where whenever one of us dates
Speaker 1: a new partner,
Speaker 1: the all the members of the family have to vote
Speaker 1: yes or no on that partner. And all these votes
Speaker 1: are read aloud from a hat on Christmas Day. You're joking. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So what if there are more no votes break up?
Speaker 1: I mean, they didn't say break up. You just know
Speaker 1: that your family doesn't like this person. What kind of
Speaker 1: pressure that put on someone? Wow.
Speaker 2: OK.
Speaker 2: As much as I think that's crazy
Speaker 1: family traditions.
Speaker 2: My God, I recently saw a video actually of this
Speaker 2: person on Tik Tok saying you go to your friends
Speaker 2: for everything. Sure, you go to your friends for advice
Speaker 2: about anything that happens in your life. But when nobody
Speaker 2: likes your partner, you don't listen to them. Why the
Speaker 2: hell and then they say that should tell you something. No,
Speaker 1: if nobody likes your partner. I, I, I'm sure it
Speaker 1: counts for something. Yeah. There are also situations where, like
Speaker 1: I mentioned earlier. Right. LGBT Q plus situations where maybe
Speaker 1: you're not out yet, you're not open yet or even
Speaker 1: interracial relationships because you know that
Speaker 1: your parents, their parents might not approve. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: that's a tough one. A bit more complicated. There are
Speaker 1: certain reasons like complicated family history. Right. Right. Right. Let's say,
Speaker 1: let's say you're not close to your family. You don't
Speaker 1: have that kind of relationship where you introduce your significant
Speaker 1: other to them. To be honest, I think I'm like that.
Speaker 1: I don't really prefer
Speaker 1: losing my other half to my family members. I mean,
Speaker 1: my sister is like, because my parents are more conventional. Right.
Speaker 1: And I've always just felt awkward introducing my other half
Speaker 1: to my parents. It
Speaker 2: feels like there's pressure, want to introduce a
Speaker 1: bit and I feel like I put my other half
Speaker 1: in a difficult, an awkward situation. I think that if
Speaker 1: you date someone, you have to be prepared to date
Speaker 1: their family, no matter how crazy their family
Speaker 1: is, it's a whole package. I know, but I've always
Speaker 1: been the kind who like to spend time with my partner.
Speaker 1: One on one. I don't actually also prefer bringing my
Speaker 1: partner out to meet my friends. Have you realized I've
Speaker 1: noticed that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Me on
Speaker 1: the other hand, I'm the complete opposite. My partner is
Speaker 1: everywhere I go. So I've noticed that Hazy tends to
Speaker 1: want to hang out with her friends on her own terms.
Speaker 1: You know why this is because I feel like then
Speaker 1: I have time
Speaker 1: to spend with you guys one on one. And then
Speaker 1: when I spend time with my partner, it's like one
Speaker 1: on one, but I can commit all my time and
Speaker 1: energy to my friends or my
Speaker 2: partner. Do you not feel like you enjoy or you
Speaker 2: like or you want to integrate them into your social,
Speaker 2: social circles? Because this person is going to be a
Speaker 2: part of your life. Anyway,
Speaker 1: if I were, you know, that person that you were dating, right?
Speaker 1: I would maybe think
Speaker 1: is it that, you know, if she brings me into
Speaker 1: a social circle, it's harder to then cut me out
Speaker 1: next time, right? In the future. Well, I never considered
Speaker 1: that because once things get very entangled and everyone's become
Speaker 1: close to everyone else, it gets complicated, right?
Speaker 2: I know someone who has hesitations or reservations, introducing whoever
Speaker 2: he's seeing to his friends because he cannot. Now before
Speaker 2: basically the person he was dating was an out of town.
Speaker 2: So this person has no friends, no social circle, et cetera.
Speaker 2: So they started dating and then he integrated her into
Speaker 2: his social circle and then they broke up and this
Speaker 2: person basically
Speaker 2: talk shit about him and then everybody became her friend
Speaker 2: and said, when these were his really good friends, which
Speaker 2: obviously I said, like, if they can be swayed so easily,
Speaker 2: were they really your friends to begin with? Right. True. True.
Speaker 2: But I think if you experience something like that, maybe
Speaker 2: in future you have some sort of hesitation in integrating
Speaker 2: whoever you're seeing into your social circles.
Speaker 1: Sure. Yeah. But how do you then know, like, am
Speaker 1: I in someone's pocket? Like, am I, am I being pocketed?
Speaker 1: here are a few signs if you're dating someone right
Speaker 1: now and you're like a bit s, yeah. You see
Speaker 1: how many of these you take, he or she never
Speaker 1: makes plans involving you and other people in their life.
Speaker 1: So they only meet you when they meet you and
Speaker 1: then if they meet their friends, you're not there. You,
Speaker 1: but that's not because I'm not proud to show him.
Speaker 1: It's because I genuinely enjoy time one on one with
Speaker 1: different groups of
Speaker 2: people. I think we're the kind who enjoy togetherness, assimilating
Speaker 1: them as the two together together. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,
Speaker 1: usually when I date someone right within the first month
Speaker 1: I'm hanging out with their friends. They're hanging out with
Speaker 1: my friends and things like that. Yeah. Number two, they make,
Speaker 1: they make up excuses on why
Speaker 1: you can't meet their friends and family. Like things like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: the timing is not right or no, you know, my
Speaker 1: family are very complicated. I want you to see them.
Speaker 1: I mean, I do think they could have valid excuses
Speaker 1: for that. But sometimes excuses are just excuses. You know,
Speaker 1: you meet at secluded and discreet places. Never in a
Speaker 1: public place. You never catch yourself in MRT with this person.
Speaker 1: Only like you when I come over what you do
Speaker 1: like things like that.
Speaker 1: Like I want to come over to my, hang at
Speaker 1: my place or we hang it in like I don't
Speaker 1: book but it was a, it's a nice place. OK?
Speaker 1: It's secluded.
Speaker 1: It's different than like hanging out in Buki Bato and
Speaker 1: hanging out on orchard road. Am I right? I'm wrong.
Speaker 1: You are OK. That's more and I of course, I
Speaker 1: don't know. So they are less likely to bump into
Speaker 1: someone that you might know you in like a discrete area. OK?
Speaker 1: Understand that may also be like, hey, how come you
Speaker 1: know a little bit,
Speaker 1: right? They don't tell you much about the people in
Speaker 1: their social circle friends. All the guys I date would
Speaker 1: know about you too. Like I ramble on and on
Speaker 1: about the people in my social circle chosen so harsh podcast.
Speaker 1: They know everything about you girl and you know, they do,
Speaker 1: they do, excuse me, don't say we I I
Speaker 1: this is the example I gave if you run into
Speaker 1: someone that they know, let's say you're with them, right?
Speaker 1: You are never properly introduced as like proudly like hi,
Speaker 1: this is a my girlfriend. But unless this is communicated
Speaker 1: previously that you want to keep it low key, low profile. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's true. So, yeah. But if it's a serious relationship
Speaker 1: heading towards marriage and both of you wonder
Speaker 1: world to know, then there's a problem. That's true. Ok.
Speaker 1: I
Speaker 2: know someone who is now married in the first couple
Speaker 2: of years of dating. He pocketed her. Did not. Yes. Yes. Oh,
Speaker 2: I think 23 years. Ok. Did not introduce the friends,
Speaker 2: Did not introduce the
Speaker 1: family. Did they know she existed? I'm not too sure
Speaker 2: about that. Oh, wow. But it's a kind like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna hang out with my friends. Oh, can I come? No? Why?
Speaker 2: But I think
Speaker 2: not entirely pocketed because I think in that couple of
Speaker 2: years maybe brought her to one gathering with
Speaker 1: friends and you said they're married now? Yes. But now
Speaker 1: she's not being pocketed. Not, she's like a batch now
Speaker 1: on the, on top of the pocket.
Speaker 2: Yes. But I asked why. Actually I was a wire
Speaker 2: and she herself said because in the first couple of
Speaker 2: years he wasn't certain, he wasn't certain where it was going.
Speaker 2: He wasn't certain if she was going to be in
Speaker 2: the next
Speaker 2: 20 years of his life and would prefer to not
Speaker 2: deal with the aftermath of removing this person from circles
Speaker 1: that's valid. Love myself, a rational man, man. Like that's
Speaker 1: logical and that's very mature. But it's also hard to
Speaker 1: say to someone, hey, you know, I'm kind of pocketing
Speaker 1: you because I'm not certain about you that's gonna break
Speaker 1: any person's heart. You don't have to say you can
Speaker 1: tell from the signs like you never appear on your
Speaker 1: social media, social media.
Speaker 1: I think it's quite tricky. There are a lot of
Speaker 1: people that say if you don't post about this person
Speaker 1: on social media, you're not properly like public with them.
Speaker 1: That's bullshit. Like being in our line of work, I've
Speaker 1: learned to be discreet about my personal life because it
Speaker 1: protects me and the people I love. Of course, by
Speaker 1: not posting certain things or certain people, I don't think
Speaker 1: that I'm treating them any less. So why do you,
Speaker 1: what was the thought process behind
Speaker 1: not posting about certain people in your life? So I
Speaker 1: was in a relationship for about 1.5 years, right? And
Speaker 1: in this entire time, I didn't post anything about that relationship,
Speaker 1: but we have actually achieved common consensus that this was
Speaker 1: going to be the case because yeah, like what's wrong mentioned?
Speaker 1: I don't want to deal with the
Speaker 1: the aftermath. If things didn't work out and true enough,
Speaker 1: it didn't, but I don't, I don't mind holding hands
Speaker 1: in public. We do hold hands in public but I
Speaker 1: just don't post about it, you know,
Speaker 2: but if you see that you see
Speaker 1: I'm not hiding anything. Yeah, I'm cool but I don't
Speaker 1: put it up on social media for
Speaker 2: me as well. I understand this because I'm very private
Speaker 2: and don't talk about partners, even friends and family. I
Speaker 2: don't post
Speaker 2: to me, my rationale behind this is I chose this life.
Speaker 2: They didn't, oh,
Speaker 1: fair makes sense. To be honest. I've never really pocketed anyone.
Speaker 1: The person that I'm dating now. I think I did
Speaker 1: try to, I did try to pocket him for a
Speaker 1: while at the start because I, I just felt like
Speaker 1: I didn't want to lose him, right? By introducing him
Speaker 1: to my friends, family or even like on social media,
Speaker 1: there's a chance that external factors can then come in
Speaker 1: and affect that relationship, especially when it's so new and
Speaker 1: so fresh, right? So, so I held off as long
Speaker 1: as possible introducing him to my parents. In the end,
Speaker 1: I had to because I was in the hospital for
Speaker 1: about a week and I was very sick and he
Speaker 1: was there to take care of me because my family
Speaker 1: weren't in town
Speaker 1: and they were like, who the hell is taking care
Speaker 1: of our daughter and like bring her food and soup
Speaker 1: every day. So I had to come clean like there's
Speaker 1: someone there. And then he says to me is literally
Speaker 1: the opposite of pocketing on social media. He says I
Speaker 1: want to post like, like something on my social media
Speaker 1: like as soon as possible, right? Of a photo of
Speaker 1: the both of us. And I'm like, why we've only
Speaker 1: been dating for like two months at this point, like
Speaker 1: really dating for two months. And he says, no, I
Speaker 1: want to make it a statement out there so that,
Speaker 1: you know, people stop bothering both me and you who
Speaker 1: still think that we are single, right? I think that
Speaker 1: I'm single thing that he's single. And then I was like, wait,
Speaker 1: but I haven't put my parents here and they follow
Speaker 1: me on social media. If they see this, they're gonna
Speaker 1: have a heart attack. So then I was like, ok mom, OK,
Speaker 1: that and then I told them there are a lot
Speaker 1: of things stopping me like age gap, like nature of
Speaker 1: work and things like that. But at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, I am still glad I did it though.
Speaker 1: I am trying to cut down posting on social media
Speaker 1: because I I learned about this concept recently called The
Speaker 1: Evil Eye. Have you said that? You know I'm talking about, no,
Speaker 1: I've only ever experienced it in Athens the Blue Eye
Speaker 1: Evil Eye, right? Posting about anything good in your life
Speaker 1: in your life on social media. Like I got a
Speaker 1: new job, I got a raise. We are together, we
Speaker 1: in happy relationship. People say the myth is it will
Speaker 1: invite evil or jealous eyes that can then wish bad
Speaker 1: upon you.
Speaker 1: Basically that jinx what you have something like that, right? Yes,
Speaker 1: I
Speaker 2: think it's also an energy thing. What you want to
Speaker 2: avoid is people having ill feelings, negative energy towards you. Basically,
Speaker 2: it's not that they jinx it or it's not that
Speaker 2: because of them something bad is gonna happen, but it's
Speaker 2: a possibility
Speaker 1: and if you don't post a
Speaker 1: you don't, you can't invite it. Yeah. Well, I've never
Speaker 1: seen it this way. This is, this is where the
Speaker 1: close friends function come in handy. Just you want to
Speaker 1: share it, just share with people whom you trust. That's true, right?
Speaker 1: And you can still share that joy and happiness. That's true.
Speaker 1: So I'm assuming that both of you don't really care
Speaker 1: if your partner doesn't post you on social media.
Speaker 1: I gotta think about it. OK. OK.
Speaker 2: Let me raise something. So just now we were talking
Speaker 2: about us where in a lot of work etc now
Speaker 2: let's bring it to someone, for example, with
Speaker 1: no, not in the media, not in the
Speaker 2: like let's say it's a random person on the streets
Speaker 2: with 300 followers, all friends. Why? You know,
Speaker 2: I don't
Speaker 1: think it's a problem because honestly, whatever people want to
Speaker 1: post on social media, it's up to them. If I
Speaker 1: only just want to post pictures of food and nothing
Speaker 1: else in my life and I have 300 followers, why
Speaker 1: can't I do that? Right? You can Yeah, it's not
Speaker 1: like I have an Instagram page with like 50 followers.
Speaker 1: I have to post my partner for the relationship to
Speaker 1: be legitimate. What if you post
Speaker 2: everything?
Speaker 2: But your partner like this person. Very active. Always in
Speaker 2: a story, the food, the place, the holiday, the everything.
Speaker 2: But you,
Speaker 1: oh, man, this is tough. This is tough. That's a
Speaker 1: bit tough. Yeah, a little, I will feel pocket.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So this is coming from a situation of no
Speaker 1: one's in the media, no one's in entertainment or that
Speaker 1: reason that we say for hazy. This person, right? Did
Speaker 1: he post about you in that 1.5 years? Oh, yes.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. Close friends list.
Speaker 1: OK. Sorry CFL doesn't count though. It's like sending a chat,
Speaker 1: a message in whatsapp is the same thing. But at
Speaker 1: least I'm happy after I see about me. I know.
Speaker 1: But then you never post him. Yeah, I'm very double standard.
Speaker 1: Go like that. But you see the also never work out.
Speaker 1: It's true. It's true. So more of the story is
Speaker 1: you post or you don't post. It doesn't matter. It
Speaker 1: doesn't determine whether or not your relationship will be a success.
Speaker 1: You happy. But I have to say I never pocket
Speaker 1: the guy. He just doesn't appear on my social media.
Speaker 1: But my friends like yourselves. My family knows about him.
Speaker 1: So let's say, right? You are at ac San San
Speaker 1: event and one of your long time most loyal
Speaker 1: comes up to you and say says he so like
Speaker 1: actually you're dating someone, right? You have a boyfriend, right? OK.
Speaker 1: So this happened once I was having noodles with him
Speaker 1: just somewhere outside. And then a listener bumped into us.
Speaker 1: Right after that. When I went on air, he sent
Speaker 1: in a text to my station phone saying, hey, I
Speaker 1: saw you and the guy eating noodles at this place
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, y of course, I didn't reply.
Speaker 1: Right. Because it was a public kind of setting. But
Speaker 1: if he had seen me 1 to 1 and asked
Speaker 1: me about it, I would admit that I'm in a
Speaker 1: relationship but hope that he will keep it private because
Speaker 1: you wouldn't lie. It's hard for me to lie. I understand. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Ok. We're talking about introducing to your friends to your
Speaker 2: family and all that. Right. Yeah, I feel, and feel
Speaker 2: free to challenge me. I feel like introducing the person
Speaker 2: you're dating
Speaker 2: to your friends and family. Too quick is a red flag.
Speaker 1: I agree. How quick is too quick? One week? What
Speaker 1: are we talking about this person? Like I'm, I'm seeing
Speaker 1: this person on a very casual basis. That's fine if
Speaker 1: you tell your friends that. But if you introduce this
Speaker 1: person as your boyfriend within the first week, then I
Speaker 1: think it's a bit too fast.
Speaker 2: But what if never introduce his boyfriend. But then like,
Speaker 2: you're dating this person and you're dating this person for
Speaker 2: one week and you bring, and you're like, this is a,
Speaker 2: I see. Friends
Speaker 1: is ok. What? Yeah, just like, you know, just hanging
Speaker 1: many people coming together hanging out. I met his parents
Speaker 1: after three weeks of dating and I met his whole
Speaker 1: family literally four weeks after that. But that was because
Speaker 1: of circumstantial. I was gonna say that circumstances. Ok? Just OK.
Speaker 1: And it was a good time there. Right? Thank you.
Speaker 1: Thank you. My life decisions
Speaker 1: too soon is a red flag. Ok. Do you agree? Disagree. Agree.
Speaker 1: Too serious. Too soon may be a bit of pressure
Speaker 1: on this person. I think you want to have what
Speaker 1: they call shit here. A world of these two people.
Speaker 1: People don't. How do you, is there an English translation?
Speaker 1: A world of two people? Just
Speaker 1: it just time spent between the both of you your
Speaker 1: own space, right? And just know what you are before
Speaker 1: you introduce your friends, your family and make it very complicated. OK?
Speaker 1: So
Speaker 2: here's the thing that was once OK, I went out
Speaker 2: with someone
Speaker 2: and before the fella even went on that first date,
Speaker 2: the whole family already, I was very uncomfortable. By the way,
Speaker 2: I was like, why?
Speaker 1: No, but maybe this is his way of showing you
Speaker 1: that he's genuine about this relationship. Maybe he's very close
Speaker 1: to his family and he tells them everything. Is that possible? Yes,
Speaker 1: it is as we have seen. So if you are
Speaker 1: uncomfortable with that, then maybe she was not the right
Speaker 1: one for you as we found
Speaker 2: out.
Speaker 1: So trust your instincts.
Speaker 2: I was very uncomfortable with that. And then after the
Speaker 2: second date coming home as in to meet the family,
Speaker 2: like
Speaker 1: a new situation, like faster than everyone or what? A
Speaker 1: second date.
Speaker 2: No commitment
Speaker 1: issues. First of all, I think it really differs from
Speaker 1: its a you problem
Speaker 2: problem. But do you not think it's a red flag
Speaker 1: though? Second day is a bit fast, combine with your
Speaker 1: commitment issues? It's, it's like explosion.
Speaker 1: Then at what stage of the relationship do you think that?
Speaker 1: On the other hand, you should be wary of signs
Speaker 1: of pocketing? I think that it comes to a stage
Speaker 1: in your relationship where you have to communicate about it.
Speaker 1: We always talk about this and it's true. You just,
Speaker 1: just approach the conversation. Don't go in, in an accusatory
Speaker 1: way after you hear this podcast, right? You go to
Speaker 1: your boyfriend, like why you pocket me? Don't do that, right.
Speaker 1: Approach it in the sense where you're like,
Speaker 1: you know, yesterday, when we bumped into your friend, you
Speaker 1: introduce me as a friend rather than girlfriend. Was there,
Speaker 1: was there a reason or did you feel uncomfortable introducing
Speaker 1: me as your girlfriend? And what? Right. Ask them and
Speaker 1: tell them how you feel? Like I was hurt. I
Speaker 1: was a little uncomfortable. I was upset and I would
Speaker 1: just like to understand why, like, approach it from a
Speaker 1: very mature point of view and just talk things out. Absolutely. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I do agree about that. I also do think that
Speaker 1: pocketing may not always be
Speaker 1: bad times. Like for example, you know, like your parents
Speaker 1: have a lot of scrutiny, you know, that your parents
Speaker 1: have traditionally never been approving of anyone that you date.
Speaker 1: Then you kind of want to keep this person to
Speaker 1: yourself for a bit longer because you like them so
Speaker 1: much that you don't want anything to spoil the relationship. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So it may not always be bad even though it's
Speaker 1: very much paraded as a negative thing. It may not
Speaker 1: always be bad. And especially for certain agent parents, like
Speaker 1: I feel like they will expect the relationship to end
Speaker 1: up in a marriage kind of situation. So that kind
Speaker 1: of puts extra pressure that's unnecessary on the relationship and
Speaker 1: that's suffocating us. Very tough. That's true. OK. So on
Speaker 1: this note of communication,
Speaker 1: how do you think couples can pace more effectively? Like
Speaker 1: when do you see the friends, when you see the family,
Speaker 1: stuff like that? I feel like this is something that
Speaker 1: should be discussed right before you get together, even even
Speaker 1: in the dating phase. If you know that this is
Speaker 1: hated somewhere serious, before you step into a relationship, you
Speaker 1: should talk about all this. But before I stepped into
Speaker 1: a relationship, don't know whether II, I told all my
Speaker 1: closest friends. I said,
Speaker 1: I don't think this is a guy that I'll bring
Speaker 1: home to meet my parents. I don't think I'll meet
Speaker 1: his family. I don't think we'll ever post about each
Speaker 1: other on social media and then, ok, so, even though
Speaker 1: you may think, right? I just think it's hard to
Speaker 1: predict this situation. I think once you're in a relationship,
Speaker 1: talk about the future, not like 10 years down the road,
Speaker 1: but six months down the road. Yeah. Ok. Fair. Because when,
Speaker 1: if you ask
Speaker 1: too early, right? Like you're only dating, right? And you're like,
Speaker 1: we're gonna introduce me to your parents. It's a bit
Speaker 1: of a yes for someone like a zero of commitment issues,
Speaker 1: she will run faster than the F one car. Putting
Speaker 1: this in the context of someone who matters, who loves
Speaker 1: you and wants to meet who you
Speaker 2: love. I think sometimes like when you're going to introduce
Speaker 2: me to your friends, people don't usually discuss that because
Speaker 2: sometimes it's sort of just like you think it's gonna
Speaker 2: happen naturally
Speaker 2: and then it's when it doesn't for a while, then
Speaker 2: you start questioning, right? But then like to sit down
Speaker 2: from the start to discuss it. It's a little bit
Speaker 2: scary because you both don't really know where it's headed.
Speaker 2: You're both trying, but you are also afraid. Like, if
Speaker 2: I had to raise the question, I would feel like, wow,
Speaker 2: do I look like I'm coming on so strong. Do
Speaker 2: I see?
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, like a psycho? OK. So let me, so
Speaker 1: let me rephrase this question
Speaker 1: instead of when are you going to take me to
Speaker 1: see your friends or when are you going to take
Speaker 1: me to see your family? How about, will I be
Speaker 1: someone whom you introduce your friends or family or? How
Speaker 2: about something? Like, would you be open to hanging out
Speaker 2: with my friends? Maybe after some time has passed?
Speaker 1: Ah, ok. Ok. So you come from your point of
Speaker 1: view and say that's nice. That's very encouraging. That's true.
Speaker 1: I still think that at the end of the day
Speaker 1: let things happen naturally.
Speaker 1: If it's like the two year mark already then reflect.
Speaker 1: But
Speaker 2: the one I told you about just now,
Speaker 1: now they married who was pocketed for two or three years. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I still think at the two year mark she should
Speaker 1: have said something. I
Speaker 2: mean, but here's the thing, right side note for guys,
Speaker 2: chances are from the day you're met or from the
Speaker 2: day you start talking all her friends knows about it already.
Speaker 2: Trust me. First of all, I have a nickname already.
Speaker 2: There's a code name flying around somewhere. She knows everything
Speaker 2: about you. Your messages have been floating around,
Speaker 1: dissected north, south east and west. What does he mean
Speaker 1: by this?
Speaker 2: Correct? Whatever reply she sends you. It's not one person's reply.
Speaker 2: The board of directors.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yes. Yeah, we have to call for a general meeting. Yes. Just, yeah. Anyway,
Speaker 1: you know what if you feel like you're being pocketed,
Speaker 1: calm down. Ok. Don't overreact. Just think about how you
Speaker 1: want to approach the situation and whether now is the
Speaker 1: right time to approach it and always think of the
Speaker 1: good in people. Maybe there's a reason why they're doing that.
Speaker 1: Maybe there's a reason why they haven't introduced you to
Speaker 1: their family. Maybe it's more complicated than you
Speaker 2: think. Correct. And I think also that something that's important
Speaker 2: to you may not be something that's important to them.
Speaker 2: So maybe they never really thought about it. They're like, oh,
Speaker 2: it's
Speaker 1: not a big deal. Yes. Which is why I think
Speaker 1: approach the situation in a very calm manner because it
Speaker 1: can actually positively influence your relationship if you talk about
Speaker 1: it in a very mature way,
Speaker 2: so nice. But try not to tell your entire family
Speaker 2: and kampong before you go on the first date,
Speaker 1: she's not over it. Ok. Wholesome episode. We hope you
Speaker 1: took away something from this. Don't forget to follow us
Speaker 1: on Instagram for more. Ok. At its CCL dot
Speaker 2: CO. That's right. You can listen to us on me,
Speaker 2: listen Apple podcast, Spotify. Don't forget to turn on your notifications.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's right. And if you are being pocketed, just
Speaker 1: think about it, you're cute enough to fit in a pocket.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's not such a bad thing. Ok, see you guys. Bye.