WEBVTT - 'Pocketing'? Am I in a SECRET relationship? 0:00:00.009 --> 0:00:02.690 Hi, this is Z and I'm Jermaine and welcome back 0:00:02.700 --> 0:00:04.460 to another episode of Cities. 0:00:06.690 --> 0:00:10.079 So today we are dressed up in something that is 0:00:10.090 --> 0:00:13.340 very relevant to our topic. Take a good look at this. Wow. 0:00:13.430 --> 0:00:16.989 Actually this is the first time I'm hearing this term. Pocketing. 0:00:17.090 --> 0:00:20.270 Yes. Pocketing. Well, we're wearing lots of pockets today and 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:23.670 it doesn't mean like we're discussing them, we're discussing what 0:00:23.680 --> 0:00:25.129 you put in your pockets. 0:00:25.670 --> 0:00:26.889 Let's go around the table. What do you have in 0:00:26.899 --> 0:00:31.360 your pockets? Sometimes some receipts, some candy wrappers usually does 0:00:31.370 --> 0:00:31.549 that 0:00:31.559 --> 0:00:34.209 mean like someone wanting to keep me in their pockets? 0:00:34.220 --> 0:00:34.680 But 0:00:34.689 --> 0:00:37.930 in a, in a way where they're trying to hide you, 0:00:37.939 --> 0:00:42.360 that's what pocketing means. So apparently being in someone's pocket 0:00:42.369 --> 0:00:44.529 in a relationship is when 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:48.778 they don't want to be public about you, they don't 0:00:48.790 --> 0:00:51.009 want you to be seen, they want in their pocket, 0:00:51.020 --> 0:00:54.330 they want to conceal you in their pocket. So before 0:00:54.340 --> 0:00:57.380 we get to that, let's just set the tone. Ok. 0:00:57.470 --> 0:01:00.369 So let's say you guys have dated before in the 0:01:00.380 --> 0:01:02.700 past and all that. How long in general have you 0:01:02.709 --> 0:01:07.429 waited to introduce your partner to your friends? And family, 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:09.769 it's different. Friends is one thing, family is one thing, 0:01:09.779 --> 0:01:12.839 usually friends faster. Right. Yeah, I agree. I don't know. 0:01:12.919 --> 0:01:14.040 I mean, for some people, maybe the 0:01:14.110 --> 0:01:16.239 introduce your family first but for me it is always 0:01:16.250 --> 0:01:20.650 the other way around friends. Maybe one month, one month. Ok. 0:01:20.660 --> 0:01:23.669 Is it a fair time line? But for my family, 0:01:23.680 --> 0:01:27.470 maybe half a year, six months. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I 0:01:27.480 --> 0:01:31.339 think for friends. Right. It's ok. Ok. Yeah, they, they 0:01:31.349 --> 0:01:33.620 see who you've been with. I think that's fine. But 0:01:33.629 --> 0:01:36.410 for family I think it comes with a bit more complications. 0:01:36.419 --> 0:01:39.169 What about the other way? How long did you know 0:01:39.180 --> 0:01:43.089 whichever partner take to introduce you to their friends and family? 0:01:43.389 --> 0:01:47.559 I think quite fast. Ok. What kind of fast? Sorry. 0:01:47.580 --> 0:01:48.480 Lesser than youtube 0:01:50.379 --> 0:01:52.449 still. We're talking months, two 0:01:52.459 --> 0:01:57.730 months, maybe rough gauge. It's interesting because I was reading 0:01:57.739 --> 0:02:01.169 on Reddit right about some people that were lamenting about 0:02:01.180 --> 0:02:03.580 this whole pocketing. They may not know what pocketing is 0:02:03.589 --> 0:02:06.160 but they were complaining about how, you know, we've been 0:02:06.169 --> 0:02:08.698 dating for a year and I've never met any of 0:02:08.710 --> 0:02:09.729 his family yet. 0:02:10.139 --> 0:02:12.240 Right. I don't even know if his family knows I 0:02:12.250 --> 0:02:14.910 exist and that we're dating, but I've never met them. 0:02:14.919 --> 0:02:17.678 Is that an issue for you? After a year? I 0:02:17.690 --> 0:02:20.259 think it's a major red flag. I think there's something there, 0:02:20.270 --> 0:02:22.369 there must be a reason, right. That you haven't met 0:02:22.380 --> 0:02:25.600 their family unless they all did like there must be 0:02:25.610 --> 0:02:28.250 a reason why I can't say the same. I can't 0:02:28.258 --> 0:02:30.460 say this is a red flag because what if 0:02:30.889 --> 0:02:34.288 the family is toxic? You know, full of issues? This 0:02:34.300 --> 0:02:37.029 is why my other half doesn't want me to meet them. 0:02:37.038 --> 0:02:40.869 He's protecting me. What is this the case? True as well? Right. 0:02:41.440 --> 0:02:44.500 Because I'm the kind who take a little bit longer. 0:02:44.508 --> 0:02:48.470 In fact, I've only brought one person home. Oh, 0:02:48.479 --> 0:02:50.460 as to meet your family. Yes. 0:02:50.589 --> 0:02:53.149 Wow. Maybe when I was a lot younger, I got 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:56.229 this feeling from my mother, especially that 0:02:56.442 --> 0:02:59.802 there's a little scrutiny because I am after all, the 0:02:59.811 --> 0:03:01.442 only child, the only 0:03:01.451 --> 0:03:05.141 daughter, the bar is high, right? So whoever you bring home, 0:03:05.151 --> 0:03:09.151 they will be very closely judged and scrutinized. Is that 0:03:09.162 --> 0:03:09.352 what you're 0:03:09.361 --> 0:03:12.351 saying? And then I feel like I'm also gonna get 0:03:12.602 --> 0:03:17.401 scrutinized or like I'll have questions to 0:03:17.472 --> 0:03:17.852 answer 0:03:19.322 --> 0:03:21.432 and I just didn't want to deal with that. 0:03:22.184 --> 0:03:24.764 That's true. That's true. It is very complicated sometimes to 0:03:24.774 --> 0:03:28.833 introduce them to your family. Right? And I will touch 0:03:28.843 --> 0:03:30.404 on this as well, but I don't think pocketing is 0:03:30.413 --> 0:03:33.714 necessarily an all bad thing or I agree. But what 0:03:33.723 --> 0:03:36.093 is pocketing? Right. This is actually not new. It's been 0:03:36.104 --> 0:03:38.104 around for a few years and I'm sure it's been 0:03:38.113 --> 0:03:40.794 happening for centuries, but this is the first time I've 0:03:40.804 --> 0:03:44.333 heard of it. This is so cute. I my pocket. Yeah, 0:03:44.343 --> 0:03:47.232 I remember when our producers texted us. We're talking about pocket. 0:03:47.406 --> 0:03:50.445 I'm like, why like stealing people's money in your pocket 0:03:50.455 --> 0:03:54.345 or something. Pocketing is what happens when you're dating someone 0:03:54.356 --> 0:03:58.195 in a relationship with someone and they avoid introducing you 0:03:58.205 --> 0:04:02.035 to their friends, their family, both in real life and 0:04:02.046 --> 0:04:05.255 on social media. Even after you've been together for a while, 0:04:05.266 --> 0:04:10.055 it almost seems like you don't even exist in their life. 0:04:10.065 --> 0:04:12.716 Kind of like they're trying to keep you hidden, right? 0:04:13.330 --> 0:04:16.789 And they can be used to describe like certain behaviors, like, 0:04:16.799 --> 0:04:19.390 for example, let's say you're with this guy, you're dating, 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:23.159 you bump into his friend and he doesn't introduce you 0:04:23.170 --> 0:04:25.219 as the girlfriend. He just says, oh, this is my 0:04:25.230 --> 0:04:25.678 friend hazel. 0:04:25.820 --> 0:04:28.070 That is no. Very 0:04:28.459 --> 0:04:33.029 s yeah. Not appearing on social media, like not being 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:35.989 introduced as your girlfriend when you are in a proper relationship, 0:04:36.000 --> 0:04:38.480 stable relationship and all that. Yes. Yeah. Proper 0:04:38.584 --> 0:04:40.605 relationship. I think they are like different 0:04:40.613 --> 0:04:44.605 scenarios. And it also depends on, does it feel stuff 0:04:44.613 --> 0:04:46.334 or does it not, you know what I mean? It 0:04:46.345 --> 0:04:49.454 could be just privacy. It could just be, this is 0:04:49.464 --> 0:04:51.945 just between us. Why does it have to involve other people? 0:04:52.105 --> 0:04:55.363 And it also depends whether it's just hidden from family. 0:04:55.375 --> 0:04:58.505 Is it just hidden from friends or hid from you? Yeah. 0:04:58.515 --> 0:05:01.164 But then like, if you bump into someone and you're 0:05:01.174 --> 0:05:03.924 being introduced as friend that is like, strange. 0:05:04.459 --> 0:05:08.859 I have had that situation not personally but bumped into 0:05:08.869 --> 0:05:12.709 a friend who was with his guy friend that, you know, 0:05:12.720 --> 0:05:15.630 a lot of us know is his boyfriend. But then 0:05:15.640 --> 0:05:18.559 he introduced as this is my friend. This is my friend, 0:05:18.570 --> 0:05:22.329 my friend that I can understand because he's not out yet. Right? 0:05:22.339 --> 0:05:25.450 Even though we claim we know and we're pretty sure 0:05:25.459 --> 0:05:29.609 we know, but he's not out with that public information. 0:05:29.845 --> 0:05:32.864 So that's another reason why. But some people may think. Oh, 0:05:32.875 --> 0:05:35.734 is he cheating on me? Is that why? Or maybe 0:05:35.744 --> 0:05:38.295 he is not just so genuine about me. He's only 0:05:38.303 --> 0:05:40.474 genuine about me when it's between me and him. But 0:05:40.494 --> 0:05:42.415 with his friends and all that, he doesn't want to 0:05:42.424 --> 0:05:46.125 acknowledge we're in a relationship. It makes you overthink. And 0:05:46.135 --> 0:05:49.084 I would consider like, is he seeing someone else behind 0:05:49.095 --> 0:05:52.084 my back and his friends and family all know about 0:05:52.095 --> 0:05:54.784 that girl? Which is why he can't introduce me as 0:05:54.815 --> 0:05:55.144 his own 0:05:55.480 --> 0:05:59.250 girlfriend. Because if that is so then you're an asshole. 0:05:59.359 --> 0:06:02.450 Actually the person who does the night show on r 0:06:02.790 --> 0:06:05.219 she has a segment called What's Up Love, 0:06:05.230 --> 0:06:05.958 what's up, 0:06:06.130 --> 0:06:11.429 what you love? And it's like love stories, problems, complaints 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:13.109 and stuff like that. And there was a story that 0:06:13.119 --> 0:06:17.190 came up recently. So basically this woman, she said she's 0:06:17.200 --> 0:06:20.738 27 years old and she was dating this guy who's 44. 0:06:20.845 --> 0:06:22.774 So almost twice the age, not 0:06:22.785 --> 0:06:30.635 almost twice, quite a bit far, but significantly significant years old. 0:06:31.075 --> 0:06:34.265 Ok. And he told her from the very start that 0:06:34.274 --> 0:06:38.743 he is a divorcee with one kid, honestly. Ok, so 0:06:38.755 --> 0:06:42.303 she believed and she had no reason to doubt him, right. 0:06:42.434 --> 0:06:45.635 He also said that he had intentions to marry her 0:06:46.670 --> 0:06:51.000 and then she got pregnant. Ok? When she got pregnant, 0:06:51.230 --> 0:06:55.480 he came clean and said that actually he's still married 0:06:56.940 --> 0:07:01.359 and she never suspected because he was always available. He 0:07:01.369 --> 0:07:04.109 would always reply and pick up like there was no 0:07:04.119 --> 0:07:06.988 like times that she couldn't contact him or anything like 0:07:07.000 --> 0:07:09.940 that and they always met up. So she had no 0:07:09.950 --> 0:07:12.820 reason to doubt him after he came clean. He said 0:07:12.829 --> 0:07:15.809 the wife is always out of the country. Now, she's 0:07:15.820 --> 0:07:17.489 saying that you got to come 0:07:17.589 --> 0:07:21.230 clean your wife and fucking marry me because I'm pregnant 0:07:21.660 --> 0:07:25.929 and he is convincing her to get an abortion because 0:07:25.940 --> 0:07:29.109 he says that he can't do that to the family. 0:07:29.119 --> 0:07:32.329 And so she was asking basically when she wrote into Ria, 0:07:32.480 --> 0:07:36.850 she was asking whether she should get an abortion or 0:07:36.989 --> 0:07:38.350 go to his wife, 0:07:41.929 --> 0:07:44.529 you should go to the wife. I agree. I know. 0:07:44.540 --> 0:07:45.880 And if he's not going to do it, you have 0:07:45.890 --> 0:07:49.910 to do it, right. Saucy. Wow. The fact that you 0:07:49.920 --> 0:07:55.179 go to R 897, what's up love? That's crazy. And 0:07:55.190 --> 0:07:58.350 that is exactly why like Hazy said, it is real. 0:07:58.359 --> 0:08:00.679 There are situations like that where this guy has a 0:08:00.690 --> 0:08:03.600 whole marriage, a whole family and 0:08:04.040 --> 0:08:06.470 they're hiding it from you and it's so funny because 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:10.100 it almost seems like the wife was the one being pocketed. Exactly. Right. 0:08:10.109 --> 0:08:12.880 Like it's wild. But there are a lot of reasons 0:08:12.890 --> 0:08:15.440 I think why people pocket their significant other. One of 0:08:15.450 --> 0:08:18.989 them a bit more extreme. I'm hiding a family man. 0:08:19.049 --> 0:08:21.470 A possible as we know from this lady, 0:08:21.809 --> 0:08:23.820 please give us a call. We, we, we would love 0:08:23.829 --> 0:08:28.049 to try. Yeah, but there are also more everyday reasons 0:08:28.059 --> 0:08:31.399 like for example, external pressure, I'll give you this example. 0:08:31.410 --> 0:08:35.340 This is crazy. OK. This person online says my family 0:08:35.349 --> 0:08:38.270 has a unique tradition where whenever one of us dates 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:39.080 a new partner, 0:08:39.440 --> 0:08:41.940 the all the members of the family have to vote 0:08:41.950 --> 0:08:45.309 yes or no on that partner. And all these votes 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:50.210 are read aloud from a hat on Christmas Day. You're joking. Yeah. 0:08:50.219 --> 0:08:53.049 So what if there are more no votes break up? 0:08:53.239 --> 0:08:55.840 I mean, they didn't say break up. You just know 0:08:55.849 --> 0:08:57.880 that your family doesn't like this person. What kind of 0:08:57.890 --> 0:09:00.349 pressure that put on someone? Wow. 0:09:00.359 --> 0:09:01.099 OK. 0:09:01.244 --> 0:09:03.224 As much as I think that's crazy 0:09:03.234 --> 0:09:04.184 family traditions. 0:09:04.195 --> 0:09:08.215 My God, I recently saw a video actually of this 0:09:08.224 --> 0:09:11.284 person on Tik Tok saying you go to your friends 0:09:11.294 --> 0:09:14.104 for everything. Sure, you go to your friends for advice 0:09:14.114 --> 0:09:16.965 about anything that happens in your life. But when nobody 0:09:16.974 --> 0:09:19.483 likes your partner, you don't listen to them. Why the 0:09:19.494 --> 0:09:22.934 hell and then they say that should tell you something. No, 0:09:23.409 --> 0:09:27.549 if nobody likes your partner. I, I, I'm sure it 0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:31.569 counts for something. Yeah. There are also situations where, like 0:09:31.580 --> 0:09:35.150 I mentioned earlier. Right. LGBT Q plus situations where maybe 0:09:35.159 --> 0:09:37.140 you're not out yet, you're not open yet or even 0:09:37.150 --> 0:09:39.589 interracial relationships because you know that 0:09:40.070 --> 0:09:43.619 your parents, their parents might not approve. Yeah, I think 0:09:43.630 --> 0:09:47.729 that's a tough one. A bit more complicated. There are 0:09:47.739 --> 0:09:54.520 certain reasons like complicated family history. Right. Right. Right. Let's say, 0:09:54.599 --> 0:09:56.840 let's say you're not close to your family. You don't 0:09:56.849 --> 0:09:59.690 have that kind of relationship where you introduce your significant 0:09:59.700 --> 0:10:01.909 other to them. To be honest, I think I'm like that. 0:10:01.919 --> 0:10:04.260 I don't really prefer 0:10:04.635 --> 0:10:07.674 losing my other half to my family members. I mean, 0:10:07.684 --> 0:10:10.875 my sister is like, because my parents are more conventional. Right. 0:10:11.395 --> 0:10:15.564 And I've always just felt awkward introducing my other half 0:10:15.575 --> 0:10:16.655 to my parents. It 0:10:16.664 --> 0:10:19.564 feels like there's pressure, want to introduce a 0:10:19.585 --> 0:10:21.864 bit and I feel like I put my other half 0:10:21.875 --> 0:10:25.075 in a difficult, an awkward situation. I think that if 0:10:25.085 --> 0:10:27.135 you date someone, you have to be prepared to date 0:10:27.145 --> 0:10:29.114 their family, no matter how crazy their family 0:10:29.340 --> 0:10:32.299 is, it's a whole package. I know, but I've always 0:10:32.309 --> 0:10:35.130 been the kind who like to spend time with my partner. 0:10:35.140 --> 0:10:37.968 One on one. I don't actually also prefer bringing my 0:10:37.979 --> 0:10:41.289 partner out to meet my friends. Have you realized I've 0:10:41.299 --> 0:10:43.700 noticed that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Me on 0:10:43.710 --> 0:10:45.820 the other hand, I'm the complete opposite. My partner is 0:10:45.830 --> 0:10:48.780 everywhere I go. So I've noticed that Hazy tends to 0:10:48.789 --> 0:10:50.739 want to hang out with her friends on her own terms. 0:10:50.750 --> 0:10:53.400 You know why this is because I feel like then 0:10:53.409 --> 0:10:53.659 I have time 0:10:53.765 --> 0:10:56.034 to spend with you guys one on one. And then 0:10:56.044 --> 0:10:57.684 when I spend time with my partner, it's like one 0:10:57.695 --> 0:11:00.385 on one, but I can commit all my time and 0:11:00.395 --> 0:11:02.554 energy to my friends or my 0:11:02.565 --> 0:11:06.025 partner. Do you not feel like you enjoy or you 0:11:06.034 --> 0:11:10.304 like or you want to integrate them into your social, 0:11:10.315 --> 0:11:12.794 social circles? Because this person is going to be a 0:11:12.804 --> 0:11:13.984 part of your life. Anyway, 0:11:13.994 --> 0:11:17.494 if I were, you know, that person that you were dating, right? 0:11:17.505 --> 0:11:18.265 I would maybe think 0:11:18.770 --> 0:11:21.439 is it that, you know, if she brings me into 0:11:21.450 --> 0:11:23.789 a social circle, it's harder to then cut me out 0:11:23.799 --> 0:11:27.229 next time, right? In the future. Well, I never considered 0:11:27.239 --> 0:11:30.830 that because once things get very entangled and everyone's become 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:34.630 close to everyone else, it gets complicated, right? 0:11:34.640 --> 0:11:41.468 I know someone who has hesitations or reservations, introducing whoever 0:11:41.575 --> 0:11:45.114 he's seeing to his friends because he cannot. Now before 0:11:45.275 --> 0:11:49.755 basically the person he was dating was an out of town. 0:11:49.984 --> 0:11:54.194 So this person has no friends, no social circle, et cetera. 0:11:54.354 --> 0:11:58.604 So they started dating and then he integrated her into 0:11:58.614 --> 0:12:02.544 his social circle and then they broke up and this 0:12:02.554 --> 0:12:04.275 person basically 0:12:04.809 --> 0:12:09.468 talk shit about him and then everybody became her friend 0:12:09.479 --> 0:12:12.880 and said, when these were his really good friends, which 0:12:12.890 --> 0:12:15.710 obviously I said, like, if they can be swayed so easily, 0:12:15.719 --> 0:12:18.190 were they really your friends to begin with? Right. True. True. 0:12:18.200 --> 0:12:21.030 But I think if you experience something like that, maybe 0:12:21.039 --> 0:12:25.000 in future you have some sort of hesitation in integrating 0:12:25.049 --> 0:12:27.080 whoever you're seeing into your social circles. 0:12:27.184 --> 0:12:31.525 Sure. Yeah. But how do you then know, like, am 0:12:31.534 --> 0:12:35.824 I in someone's pocket? Like, am I, am I being pocketed? 0:12:35.835 --> 0:12:38.034 here are a few signs if you're dating someone right 0:12:38.044 --> 0:12:40.895 now and you're like a bit s, yeah. You see 0:12:40.905 --> 0:12:43.945 how many of these you take, he or she never 0:12:43.955 --> 0:12:47.885 makes plans involving you and other people in their life. 0:12:47.895 --> 0:12:50.385 So they only meet you when they meet you and 0:12:50.395 --> 0:12:52.604 then if they meet their friends, you're not there. You, 0:12:54.750 --> 0:12:57.709 but that's not because I'm not proud to show him. 0:12:57.719 --> 0:13:01.270 It's because I genuinely enjoy time one on one with 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:01.789 different groups of 0:13:01.799 --> 0:13:05.799 people. I think we're the kind who enjoy togetherness, assimilating 0:13:05.989 --> 0:13:09.469 them as the two together together. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, 0:13:09.479 --> 0:13:12.869 usually when I date someone right within the first month 0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:14.669 I'm hanging out with their friends. They're hanging out with 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:18.469 my friends and things like that. Yeah. Number two, they make, 0:13:18.479 --> 0:13:20.549 they make up excuses on why 0:13:20.625 --> 0:13:24.135 you can't meet their friends and family. Like things like, oh, yeah, 0:13:24.145 --> 0:13:26.724 the timing is not right or no, you know, my 0:13:26.734 --> 0:13:29.164 family are very complicated. I want you to see them. 0:13:29.255 --> 0:13:31.625 I mean, I do think they could have valid excuses 0:13:31.635 --> 0:13:35.594 for that. But sometimes excuses are just excuses. You know, 0:13:35.734 --> 0:13:39.965 you meet at secluded and discreet places. Never in a 0:13:39.974 --> 0:13:43.084 public place. You never catch yourself in MRT with this person. 0:13:43.364 --> 0:13:46.325 Only like you when I come over what you do 0:13:46.375 --> 0:13:47.223 like things like that. 0:13:48.270 --> 0:13:49.579 Like I want to come over to my, hang at 0:13:49.590 --> 0:13:52.169 my place or we hang it in like I don't 0:13:52.219 --> 0:13:57.330 book but it was a, it's a nice place. OK? 0:13:57.419 --> 0:13:58.539 It's secluded. 0:13:59.960 --> 0:14:02.799 It's different than like hanging out in Buki Bato and 0:14:02.809 --> 0:14:06.059 hanging out on orchard road. Am I right? I'm wrong. 0:14:06.070 --> 0:14:11.309 You are OK. That's more and I of course, I 0:14:11.369 --> 0:14:14.340 don't know. So they are less likely to bump into 0:14:14.349 --> 0:14:18.718 someone that you might know you in like a discrete area. OK? 0:14:18.729 --> 0:14:21.349 Understand that may also be like, hey, how come you 0:14:21.390 --> 0:14:22.739 know a little bit, 0:14:23.284 --> 0:14:26.255 right? They don't tell you much about the people in 0:14:26.265 --> 0:14:29.474 their social circle friends. All the guys I date would 0:14:29.484 --> 0:14:31.875 know about you too. Like I ramble on and on 0:14:31.885 --> 0:14:35.034 about the people in my social circle chosen so harsh podcast. 0:14:35.094 --> 0:14:38.885 They know everything about you girl and you know, they do, 0:14:38.895 --> 0:14:43.614 they do, excuse me, don't say we I I 0:14:44.330 --> 0:14:46.570 this is the example I gave if you run into 0:14:46.580 --> 0:14:48.739 someone that they know, let's say you're with them, right? 0:14:49.049 --> 0:14:52.570 You are never properly introduced as like proudly like hi, 0:14:52.580 --> 0:14:55.820 this is a my girlfriend. But unless this is communicated 0:14:55.830 --> 0:14:59.320 previously that you want to keep it low key, low profile. Yeah, 0:14:59.330 --> 0:15:02.619 that's true. So, yeah. But if it's a serious relationship 0:15:02.630 --> 0:15:04.659 heading towards marriage and both of you wonder 0:15:05.330 --> 0:15:09.030 world to know, then there's a problem. That's true. Ok. 0:15:09.210 --> 0:15:09.380 I 0:15:09.390 --> 0:15:13.619 know someone who is now married in the first couple 0:15:13.630 --> 0:15:18.369 of years of dating. He pocketed her. Did not. Yes. Yes. Oh, 0:15:18.549 --> 0:15:22.150 I think 23 years. Ok. Did not introduce the friends, 0:15:22.159 --> 0:15:23.150 Did not introduce the 0:15:23.159 --> 0:15:26.309 family. Did they know she existed? I'm not too sure 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:28.919 about that. Oh, wow. But it's a kind like, oh, 0:15:28.929 --> 0:15:31.669 I'm gonna hang out with my friends. Oh, can I come? No? Why? 0:15:32.200 --> 0:15:33.150 But I think 0:15:33.289 --> 0:15:36.020 not entirely pocketed because I think in that couple of 0:15:36.030 --> 0:15:39.250 years maybe brought her to one gathering with 0:15:39.260 --> 0:15:41.750 friends and you said they're married now? Yes. But now 0:15:41.760 --> 0:15:45.400 she's not being pocketed. Not, she's like a batch now 0:15:45.409 --> 0:15:47.250 on the, on top of the pocket. 0:15:47.260 --> 0:15:50.369 Yes. But I asked why. Actually I was a wire 0:15:50.799 --> 0:15:53.880 and she herself said because in the first couple of 0:15:53.890 --> 0:15:57.510 years he wasn't certain, he wasn't certain where it was going. 0:15:57.590 --> 0:16:00.780 He wasn't certain if she was going to be in 0:16:00.789 --> 0:16:01.150 the next 0:16:01.250 --> 0:16:05.030 20 years of his life and would prefer to not 0:16:05.039 --> 0:16:09.330 deal with the aftermath of removing this person from circles 0:16:09.340 --> 0:16:13.030 that's valid. Love myself, a rational man, man. Like that's 0:16:13.039 --> 0:16:16.369 logical and that's very mature. But it's also hard to 0:16:16.380 --> 0:16:18.969 say to someone, hey, you know, I'm kind of pocketing 0:16:18.979 --> 0:16:21.590 you because I'm not certain about you that's gonna break 0:16:21.599 --> 0:16:24.729 any person's heart. You don't have to say you can 0:16:24.739 --> 0:16:27.510 tell from the signs like you never appear on your 0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:29.119 social media, social media. 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:31.789 I think it's quite tricky. There are a lot of 0:16:31.799 --> 0:16:35.570 people that say if you don't post about this person 0:16:35.580 --> 0:16:39.489 on social media, you're not properly like public with them. 0:16:39.500 --> 0:16:43.309 That's bullshit. Like being in our line of work, I've 0:16:43.320 --> 0:16:46.030 learned to be discreet about my personal life because it 0:16:46.039 --> 0:16:48.559 protects me and the people I love. Of course, by 0:16:48.570 --> 0:16:51.989 not posting certain things or certain people, I don't think 0:16:52.000 --> 0:16:55.190 that I'm treating them any less. So why do you, 0:16:55.200 --> 0:16:57.039 what was the thought process behind 0:16:58.020 --> 0:17:02.500 not posting about certain people in your life? So I 0:17:02.510 --> 0:17:05.399 was in a relationship for about 1.5 years, right? And 0:17:05.410 --> 0:17:09.560 in this entire time, I didn't post anything about that relationship, 0:17:09.699 --> 0:17:14.349 but we have actually achieved common consensus that this was 0:17:14.359 --> 0:17:17.290 going to be the case because yeah, like what's wrong mentioned? 0:17:17.300 --> 0:17:18.560 I don't want to deal with the 0:17:18.900 --> 0:17:21.930 the aftermath. If things didn't work out and true enough, 0:17:21.939 --> 0:17:26.179 it didn't, but I don't, I don't mind holding hands 0:17:26.189 --> 0:17:28.750 in public. We do hold hands in public but I 0:17:28.760 --> 0:17:30.800 just don't post about it, you know, 0:17:31.489 --> 0:17:32.479 but if you see that you see 0:17:32.900 --> 0:17:37.079 I'm not hiding anything. Yeah, I'm cool but I don't 0:17:37.089 --> 0:17:39.399 put it up on social media for 0:17:39.410 --> 0:17:41.819 me as well. I understand this because I'm very private 0:17:42.010 --> 0:17:45.390 and don't talk about partners, even friends and family. I 0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:46.199 don't post 0:17:46.709 --> 0:17:50.219 to me, my rationale behind this is I chose this life. 0:17:50.229 --> 0:17:51.469 They didn't, oh, 0:17:51.479 --> 0:17:56.319 fair makes sense. To be honest. I've never really pocketed anyone. 0:17:56.329 --> 0:17:58.869 The person that I'm dating now. I think I did 0:17:58.880 --> 0:18:00.920 try to, I did try to pocket him for a 0:18:00.930 --> 0:18:05.500 while at the start because I, I just felt like 0:18:06.140 --> 0:18:08.780 I didn't want to lose him, right? By introducing him 0:18:08.790 --> 0:18:11.479 to my friends, family or even like on social media, 0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:14.699 there's a chance that external factors can then come in 0:18:14.709 --> 0:18:17.780 and affect that relationship, especially when it's so new and 0:18:17.790 --> 0:18:20.959 so fresh, right? So, so I held off as long 0:18:20.969 --> 0:18:24.650 as possible introducing him to my parents. In the end, 0:18:24.660 --> 0:18:27.099 I had to because I was in the hospital for 0:18:27.109 --> 0:18:28.849 about a week and I was very sick and he 0:18:28.859 --> 0:18:30.300 was there to take care of me because my family 0:18:30.310 --> 0:18:31.160 weren't in town 0:18:31.520 --> 0:18:33.250 and they were like, who the hell is taking care 0:18:33.260 --> 0:18:35.660 of our daughter and like bring her food and soup 0:18:35.670 --> 0:18:38.050 every day. So I had to come clean like there's 0:18:38.060 --> 0:18:41.609 someone there. And then he says to me is literally 0:18:41.619 --> 0:18:44.319 the opposite of pocketing on social media. He says I 0:18:44.329 --> 0:18:47.869 want to post like, like something on my social media 0:18:47.880 --> 0:18:50.300 like as soon as possible, right? Of a photo of 0:18:50.310 --> 0:18:51.728 the both of us. And I'm like, why we've only 0:18:51.739 --> 0:18:53.899 been dating for like two months at this point, like 0:18:53.910 --> 0:18:56.109 really dating for two months. And he says, no, I 0:18:56.119 --> 0:18:58.699 want to make it a statement out there so that, 0:18:58.883 --> 0:19:01.692 you know, people stop bothering both me and you who 0:19:01.703 --> 0:19:03.821 still think that we are single, right? I think that 0:19:03.833 --> 0:19:06.571 I'm single thing that he's single. And then I was like, wait, 0:19:06.583 --> 0:19:08.633 but I haven't put my parents here and they follow 0:19:08.642 --> 0:19:10.333 me on social media. If they see this, they're gonna 0:19:10.343 --> 0:19:13.162 have a heart attack. So then I was like, ok mom, OK, 0:19:13.172 --> 0:19:15.422 that and then I told them there are a lot 0:19:15.432 --> 0:19:18.532 of things stopping me like age gap, like nature of 0:19:18.542 --> 0:19:20.363 work and things like that. But at the end of 0:19:20.373 --> 0:19:23.733 the day, I am still glad I did it though. 0:19:23.743 --> 0:19:26.003 I am trying to cut down posting on social media 0:19:26.255 --> 0:19:29.045 because I I learned about this concept recently called The 0:19:29.056 --> 0:19:32.615 Evil Eye. Have you said that? You know I'm talking about, no, 0:19:32.625 --> 0:19:37.005 I've only ever experienced it in Athens the Blue Eye 0:19:37.015 --> 0:19:40.826 Evil Eye, right? Posting about anything good in your life 0:19:40.836 --> 0:19:42.605 in your life on social media. Like I got a 0:19:42.615 --> 0:19:45.446 new job, I got a raise. We are together, we 0:19:45.455 --> 0:19:48.916 in happy relationship. People say the myth is it will 0:19:48.926 --> 0:19:52.666 invite evil or jealous eyes that can then wish bad 0:19:52.676 --> 0:19:53.244 upon you. 0:19:53.760 --> 0:19:57.619 Basically that jinx what you have something like that, right? Yes, 0:19:57.630 --> 0:19:57.670 I 0:19:57.680 --> 0:20:00.050 think it's also an energy thing. What you want to 0:20:00.060 --> 0:20:06.520 avoid is people having ill feelings, negative energy towards you. Basically, 0:20:06.619 --> 0:20:08.948 it's not that they jinx it or it's not that 0:20:08.959 --> 0:20:11.920