1 00:00:00,009 --> 00:00:02,690 Speaker 1: Hi, this is Z and I'm Jermaine and welcome back 2 00:00:02,700 --> 00:00:04,460 Speaker 1: to another episode of Cities. 3 00:00:06,690 --> 00:00:10,079 Speaker 1: So today we are dressed up in something that is 4 00:00:10,090 --> 00:00:13,340 Speaker 1: very relevant to our topic. Take a good look at this. Wow. 5 00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:16,989 Speaker 2: Actually this is the first time I'm hearing this term. Pocketing. 6 00:00:17,090 --> 00:00:20,270 Speaker 1: Yes. Pocketing. Well, we're wearing lots of pockets today and 7 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,670 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean like we're discussing them, we're discussing what 8 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:25,129 Speaker 1: you put in your pockets. 9 00:00:25,670 --> 00:00:26,889 Speaker 1: Let's go around the table. What do you have in 10 00:00:26,899 --> 00:00:31,360 Speaker 1: your pockets? Sometimes some receipts, some candy wrappers usually does 11 00:00:31,370 --> 00:00:31,549 Speaker 1: that 12 00:00:31,559 --> 00:00:34,209 Speaker 2: mean like someone wanting to keep me in their pockets? 13 00:00:34,220 --> 00:00:34,680 Speaker 2: But 14 00:00:34,689 --> 00:00:37,930 Speaker 1: in a, in a way where they're trying to hide you, 15 00:00:37,939 --> 00:00:42,360 Speaker 1: that's what pocketing means. So apparently being in someone's pocket 16 00:00:42,369 --> 00:00:44,529 Speaker 1: in a relationship is when 17 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:48,778 Speaker 1: they don't want to be public about you, they don't 18 00:00:48,790 --> 00:00:51,009 Speaker 1: want you to be seen, they want in their pocket, 19 00:00:51,020 --> 00:00:54,330 Speaker 1: they want to conceal you in their pocket. So before 20 00:00:54,340 --> 00:00:57,380 Speaker 1: we get to that, let's just set the tone. Ok. 21 00:00:57,470 --> 00:01:00,369 Speaker 1: So let's say you guys have dated before in the 22 00:01:00,380 --> 00:01:02,700 Speaker 1: past and all that. How long in general have you 23 00:01:02,709 --> 00:01:07,429 Speaker 1: waited to introduce your partner to your friends? And family, 24 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,769 Speaker 1: it's different. Friends is one thing, family is one thing, 25 00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:12,839 Speaker 1: usually friends faster. Right. Yeah, I agree. I don't know. 26 00:01:12,919 --> 00:01:14,040 Speaker 1: I mean, for some people, maybe the 27 00:01:14,110 --> 00:01:16,239 Speaker 1: introduce your family first but for me it is always 28 00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:20,650 Speaker 1: the other way around friends. Maybe one month, one month. Ok. 29 00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:23,669 Speaker 1: Is it a fair time line? But for my family, 30 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:27,470 Speaker 1: maybe half a year, six months. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I 31 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:31,339 Speaker 1: think for friends. Right. It's ok. Ok. Yeah, they, they 32 00:01:31,349 --> 00:01:33,620 Speaker 1: see who you've been with. I think that's fine. But 33 00:01:33,629 --> 00:01:36,410 Speaker 1: for family I think it comes with a bit more complications. 34 00:01:36,419 --> 00:01:39,169 Speaker 1: What about the other way? How long did you know 35 00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:43,089 Speaker 1: whichever partner take to introduce you to their friends and family? 36 00:01:43,389 --> 00:01:47,559 Speaker 1: I think quite fast. Ok. What kind of fast? Sorry. 37 00:01:47,580 --> 00:01:48,480 Speaker 1: Lesser than youtube 38 00:01:50,379 --> 00:01:52,449 Speaker 2: still. We're talking months, two 39 00:01:52,459 --> 00:01:57,730 Speaker 1: months, maybe rough gauge. It's interesting because I was reading 40 00:01:57,739 --> 00:02:01,169 Speaker 1: on Reddit right about some people that were lamenting about 41 00:02:01,180 --> 00:02:03,580 Speaker 1: this whole pocketing. They may not know what pocketing is 42 00:02:03,589 --> 00:02:06,160 Speaker 1: but they were complaining about how, you know, we've been 43 00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:08,698 Speaker 1: dating for a year and I've never met any of 44 00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:09,729 Speaker 1: his family yet. 45 00:02:10,139 --> 00:02:12,240 Speaker 1: Right. I don't even know if his family knows I 46 00:02:12,250 --> 00:02:14,910 Speaker 1: exist and that we're dating, but I've never met them. 47 00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:17,678 Speaker 1: Is that an issue for you? After a year? I 48 00:02:17,690 --> 00:02:20,259 Speaker 1: think it's a major red flag. I think there's something there, 49 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:22,369 Speaker 1: there must be a reason, right. That you haven't met 50 00:02:22,380 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 1: their family unless they all did like there must be 51 00:02:25,610 --> 00:02:28,250 Speaker 1: a reason why I can't say the same. I can't 52 00:02:28,258 --> 00:02:30,460 Speaker 1: say this is a red flag because what if 53 00:02:30,889 --> 00:02:34,288 Speaker 1: the family is toxic? You know, full of issues? This 54 00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:37,029 Speaker 1: is why my other half doesn't want me to meet them. 55 00:02:37,038 --> 00:02:40,869 Speaker 1: He's protecting me. What is this the case? True as well? Right. 56 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:44,500 Speaker 2: Because I'm the kind who take a little bit longer. 57 00:02:44,508 --> 00:02:48,470 Speaker 2: In fact, I've only brought one person home. Oh, 58 00:02:48,479 --> 00:02:50,460 Speaker 1: as to meet your family. Yes. 59 00:02:50,589 --> 00:02:53,149 Speaker 2: Wow. Maybe when I was a lot younger, I got 60 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:56,229 Speaker 2: this feeling from my mother, especially that 61 00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:59,802 Speaker 2: there's a little scrutiny because I am after all, the 62 00:02:59,811 --> 00:03:01,442 Speaker 2: only child, the only 63 00:03:01,451 --> 00:03:05,141 Speaker 1: daughter, the bar is high, right? So whoever you bring home, 64 00:03:05,151 --> 00:03:09,151 Speaker 1: they will be very closely judged and scrutinized. Is that 65 00:03:09,162 --> 00:03:09,352 Speaker 1: what you're 66 00:03:09,361 --> 00:03:12,351 Speaker 2: saying? And then I feel like I'm also gonna get 67 00:03:12,602 --> 00:03:17,401 Speaker 2: scrutinized or like I'll have questions to 68 00:03:17,472 --> 00:03:17,852 Speaker 1: answer 69 00:03:19,322 --> 00:03:21,432 Speaker 2: and I just didn't want to deal with that. 70 00:03:22,184 --> 00:03:24,764 Speaker 1: That's true. That's true. It is very complicated sometimes to 71 00:03:24,774 --> 00:03:28,833 Speaker 1: introduce them to your family. Right? And I will touch 72 00:03:28,843 --> 00:03:30,404 Speaker 1: on this as well, but I don't think pocketing is 73 00:03:30,413 --> 00:03:33,714 Speaker 1: necessarily an all bad thing or I agree. But what 74 00:03:33,723 --> 00:03:36,093 Speaker 1: is pocketing? Right. This is actually not new. It's been 75 00:03:36,104 --> 00:03:38,104 Speaker 1: around for a few years and I'm sure it's been 76 00:03:38,113 --> 00:03:40,794 Speaker 1: happening for centuries, but this is the first time I've 77 00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:44,333 Speaker 1: heard of it. This is so cute. I my pocket. Yeah, 78 00:03:44,343 --> 00:03:47,232 Speaker 1: I remember when our producers texted us. We're talking about pocket. 79 00:03:47,406 --> 00:03:50,445 Speaker 1: I'm like, why like stealing people's money in your pocket 80 00:03:50,455 --> 00:03:54,345 Speaker 1: or something. Pocketing is what happens when you're dating someone 81 00:03:54,356 --> 00:03:58,195 Speaker 1: in a relationship with someone and they avoid introducing you 82 00:03:58,205 --> 00:04:02,035 Speaker 1: to their friends, their family, both in real life and 83 00:04:02,046 --> 00:04:05,255 Speaker 1: on social media. Even after you've been together for a while, 84 00:04:05,266 --> 00:04:10,055 Speaker 1: it almost seems like you don't even exist in their life. 85 00:04:10,065 --> 00:04:12,716 Speaker 1: Kind of like they're trying to keep you hidden, right? 86 00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:16,789 Speaker 1: And they can be used to describe like certain behaviors, like, 87 00:04:16,799 --> 00:04:19,390 Speaker 1: for example, let's say you're with this guy, you're dating, 88 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:23,159 Speaker 1: you bump into his friend and he doesn't introduce you 89 00:04:23,170 --> 00:04:25,219 Speaker 1: as the girlfriend. He just says, oh, this is my 90 00:04:25,230 --> 00:04:25,678 Speaker 1: friend hazel. 91 00:04:25,820 --> 00:04:28,070 Speaker 2: That is no. Very 92 00:04:28,459 --> 00:04:33,029 Speaker 1: s yeah. Not appearing on social media, like not being 93 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,989 Speaker 1: introduced as your girlfriend when you are in a proper relationship, 94 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,480 Speaker 1: stable relationship and all that. Yes. Yeah. Proper 95 00:04:38,584 --> 00:04:40,605 Speaker 1: relationship. I think they are like different 96 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:44,605 Speaker 2: scenarios. And it also depends on, does it feel stuff 97 00:04:44,613 --> 00:04:46,334 Speaker 2: or does it not, you know what I mean? It 98 00:04:46,345 --> 00:04:49,454 Speaker 2: could be just privacy. It could just be, this is 99 00:04:49,464 --> 00:04:51,945 Speaker 2: just between us. Why does it have to involve other people? 100 00:04:52,105 --> 00:04:55,363 Speaker 2: And it also depends whether it's just hidden from family. 101 00:04:55,375 --> 00:04:58,505 Speaker 2: Is it just hidden from friends or hid from you? Yeah. 102 00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:01,164 Speaker 2: But then like, if you bump into someone and you're 103 00:05:01,174 --> 00:05:03,924 Speaker 2: being introduced as friend that is like, strange. 104 00:05:04,459 --> 00:05:08,859 Speaker 1: I have had that situation not personally but bumped into 105 00:05:08,869 --> 00:05:12,709 Speaker 1: a friend who was with his guy friend that, you know, 106 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:15,630 Speaker 1: a lot of us know is his boyfriend. But then 107 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:18,559 Speaker 1: he introduced as this is my friend. This is my friend, 108 00:05:18,570 --> 00:05:22,329 Speaker 1: my friend that I can understand because he's not out yet. Right? 109 00:05:22,339 --> 00:05:25,450 Speaker 1: Even though we claim we know and we're pretty sure 110 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:29,609 Speaker 1: we know, but he's not out with that public information. 111 00:05:29,845 --> 00:05:32,864 Speaker 1: So that's another reason why. But some people may think. Oh, 112 00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:35,734 Speaker 1: is he cheating on me? Is that why? Or maybe 113 00:05:35,744 --> 00:05:38,295 Speaker 1: he is not just so genuine about me. He's only 114 00:05:38,303 --> 00:05:40,474 Speaker 1: genuine about me when it's between me and him. But 115 00:05:40,494 --> 00:05:42,415 Speaker 1: with his friends and all that, he doesn't want to 116 00:05:42,424 --> 00:05:46,125 Speaker 1: acknowledge we're in a relationship. It makes you overthink. And 117 00:05:46,135 --> 00:05:49,084 Speaker 1: I would consider like, is he seeing someone else behind 118 00:05:49,095 --> 00:05:52,084 Speaker 1: my back and his friends and family all know about 119 00:05:52,095 --> 00:05:54,784 Speaker 1: that girl? Which is why he can't introduce me as 120 00:05:54,815 --> 00:05:55,144 Speaker 1: his own 121 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:59,250 Speaker 1: girlfriend. Because if that is so then you're an asshole. 122 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,450 Speaker 2: Actually the person who does the night show on r 123 00:06:02,790 --> 00:06:05,219 Speaker 2: she has a segment called What's Up Love, 124 00:06:05,230 --> 00:06:05,958 Speaker 1: what's up, 125 00:06:06,130 --> 00:06:11,429 Speaker 2: what you love? And it's like love stories, problems, complaints 126 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,109 Speaker 2: and stuff like that. And there was a story that 127 00:06:13,119 --> 00:06:17,190 Speaker 2: came up recently. So basically this woman, she said she's 128 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:20,738 Speaker 2: 27 years old and she was dating this guy who's 44. 129 00:06:20,845 --> 00:06:22,774 Speaker 2: So almost twice the age, not 130 00:06:22,785 --> 00:06:30,635 Speaker 1: almost twice, quite a bit far, but significantly significant years old. 131 00:06:31,075 --> 00:06:34,265 Speaker 2: Ok. And he told her from the very start that 132 00:06:34,274 --> 00:06:38,743 Speaker 2: he is a divorcee with one kid, honestly. Ok, so 133 00:06:38,755 --> 00:06:42,303 Speaker 2: she believed and she had no reason to doubt him, right. 134 00:06:42,434 --> 00:06:45,635 Speaker 2: He also said that he had intentions to marry her 135 00:06:46,670 --> 00:06:51,000 Speaker 2: and then she got pregnant. Ok? When she got pregnant, 136 00:06:51,230 --> 00:06:55,480 Speaker 2: he came clean and said that actually he's still married 137 00:06:56,940 --> 00:07:01,359 Speaker 2: and she never suspected because he was always available. He 138 00:07:01,369 --> 00:07:04,109 Speaker 2: would always reply and pick up like there was no 139 00:07:04,119 --> 00:07:06,988 Speaker 2: like times that she couldn't contact him or anything like 140 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,940 Speaker 2: that and they always met up. So she had no 141 00:07:09,950 --> 00:07:12,820 Speaker 2: reason to doubt him after he came clean. He said 142 00:07:12,829 --> 00:07:15,809 Speaker 2: the wife is always out of the country. Now, she's 143 00:07:15,820 --> 00:07:17,489 Speaker 2: saying that you got to come 144 00:07:17,589 --> 00:07:21,230 Speaker 2: clean your wife and fucking marry me because I'm pregnant 145 00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:25,929 Speaker 2: and he is convincing her to get an abortion because 146 00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:29,109 Speaker 2: he says that he can't do that to the family. 147 00:07:29,119 --> 00:07:32,329 Speaker 2: And so she was asking basically when she wrote into Ria, 148 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:36,850 Speaker 2: she was asking whether she should get an abortion or 149 00:07:36,989 --> 00:07:38,350 Speaker 2: go to his wife, 150 00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:44,529 Speaker 1: you should go to the wife. I agree. I know. 151 00:07:44,540 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 1: And if he's not going to do it, you have 152 00:07:45,890 --> 00:07:49,910 Speaker 1: to do it, right. Saucy. Wow. The fact that you 153 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:55,179 Speaker 1: go to R 897, what's up love? That's crazy. And 154 00:07:55,190 --> 00:07:58,350 Speaker 1: that is exactly why like Hazy said, it is real. 155 00:07:58,359 --> 00:08:00,679 Speaker 1: There are situations like that where this guy has a 156 00:08:00,690 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 1: whole marriage, a whole family and 157 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,470 Speaker 1: they're hiding it from you and it's so funny because 158 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:10,100 Speaker 1: it almost seems like the wife was the one being pocketed. Exactly. Right. 159 00:08:10,109 --> 00:08:12,880 Speaker 1: Like it's wild. But there are a lot of reasons 160 00:08:12,890 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: I think why people pocket their significant other. One of 161 00:08:15,450 --> 00:08:18,989 Speaker 1: them a bit more extreme. I'm hiding a family man. 162 00:08:19,049 --> 00:08:21,470 Speaker 1: A possible as we know from this lady, 163 00:08:21,809 --> 00:08:23,820 Speaker 1: please give us a call. We, we, we would love 164 00:08:23,829 --> 00:08:28,049 Speaker 1: to try. Yeah, but there are also more everyday reasons 165 00:08:28,059 --> 00:08:31,399 Speaker 1: like for example, external pressure, I'll give you this example. 166 00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:35,340 Speaker 1: This is crazy. OK. This person online says my family 167 00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:38,270 Speaker 1: has a unique tradition where whenever one of us dates 168 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:39,080 Speaker 1: a new partner, 169 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,940 Speaker 1: the all the members of the family have to vote 170 00:08:41,950 --> 00:08:45,309 Speaker 1: yes or no on that partner. And all these votes 171 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:50,210 Speaker 1: are read aloud from a hat on Christmas Day. You're joking. Yeah. 172 00:08:50,219 --> 00:08:53,049 Speaker 1: So what if there are more no votes break up? 173 00:08:53,239 --> 00:08:55,840 Speaker 1: I mean, they didn't say break up. You just know 174 00:08:55,849 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 1: that your family doesn't like this person. What kind of 175 00:08:57,890 --> 00:09:00,349 Speaker 1: pressure that put on someone? Wow. 176 00:09:00,359 --> 00:09:01,099 Speaker 2: OK. 177 00:09:01,244 --> 00:09:03,224 Speaker 2: As much as I think that's crazy 178 00:09:03,234 --> 00:09:04,184 Speaker 1: family traditions. 179 00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:08,215 Speaker 2: My God, I recently saw a video actually of this 180 00:09:08,224 --> 00:09:11,284 Speaker 2: person on Tik Tok saying you go to your friends 181 00:09:11,294 --> 00:09:14,104 Speaker 2: for everything. Sure, you go to your friends for advice 182 00:09:14,114 --> 00:09:16,965 Speaker 2: about anything that happens in your life. But when nobody 183 00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:19,483 Speaker 2: likes your partner, you don't listen to them. Why the 184 00:09:19,494 --> 00:09:22,934 Speaker 2: hell and then they say that should tell you something. No, 185 00:09:23,409 --> 00:09:27,549 Speaker 1: if nobody likes your partner. I, I, I'm sure it 186 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:31,569 Speaker 1: counts for something. Yeah. There are also situations where, like 187 00:09:31,580 --> 00:09:35,150 Speaker 1: I mentioned earlier. Right. LGBT Q plus situations where maybe 188 00:09:35,159 --> 00:09:37,140 Speaker 1: you're not out yet, you're not open yet or even 189 00:09:37,150 --> 00:09:39,589 Speaker 1: interracial relationships because you know that 190 00:09:40,070 --> 00:09:43,619 Speaker 1: your parents, their parents might not approve. Yeah, I think 191 00:09:43,630 --> 00:09:47,729 Speaker 1: that's a tough one. A bit more complicated. There are 192 00:09:47,739 --> 00:09:54,520 Speaker 1: certain reasons like complicated family history. Right. Right. Right. Let's say, 193 00:09:54,599 --> 00:09:56,840 Speaker 1: let's say you're not close to your family. You don't 194 00:09:56,849 --> 00:09:59,690 Speaker 1: have that kind of relationship where you introduce your significant 195 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,909 Speaker 1: other to them. To be honest, I think I'm like that. 196 00:10:01,919 --> 00:10:04,260 Speaker 1: I don't really prefer 197 00:10:04,635 --> 00:10:07,674 Speaker 1: losing my other half to my family members. I mean, 198 00:10:07,684 --> 00:10:10,875 Speaker 1: my sister is like, because my parents are more conventional. Right. 199 00:10:11,395 --> 00:10:15,564 Speaker 1: And I've always just felt awkward introducing my other half 200 00:10:15,575 --> 00:10:16,655 Speaker 1: to my parents. It 201 00:10:16,664 --> 00:10:19,564 Speaker 2: feels like there's pressure, want to introduce a 202 00:10:19,585 --> 00:10:21,864 Speaker 1: bit and I feel like I put my other half 203 00:10:21,875 --> 00:10:25,075 Speaker 1: in a difficult, an awkward situation. I think that if 204 00:10:25,085 --> 00:10:27,135 Speaker 1: you date someone, you have to be prepared to date 205 00:10:27,145 --> 00:10:29,114 Speaker 1: their family, no matter how crazy their family 206 00:10:29,340 --> 00:10:32,299 Speaker 1: is, it's a whole package. I know, but I've always 207 00:10:32,309 --> 00:10:35,130 Speaker 1: been the kind who like to spend time with my partner. 208 00:10:35,140 --> 00:10:37,968 Speaker 1: One on one. I don't actually also prefer bringing my 209 00:10:37,979 --> 00:10:41,289 Speaker 1: partner out to meet my friends. Have you realized I've 210 00:10:41,299 --> 00:10:43,700 Speaker 1: noticed that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Me on 211 00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:45,820 Speaker 1: the other hand, I'm the complete opposite. My partner is 212 00:10:45,830 --> 00:10:48,780 Speaker 1: everywhere I go. So I've noticed that Hazy tends to 213 00:10:48,789 --> 00:10:50,739 Speaker 1: want to hang out with her friends on her own terms. 214 00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:53,400 Speaker 1: You know why this is because I feel like then 215 00:10:53,409 --> 00:10:53,659 Speaker 1: I have time 216 00:10:53,765 --> 00:10:56,034 Speaker 1: to spend with you guys one on one. And then 217 00:10:56,044 --> 00:10:57,684 Speaker 1: when I spend time with my partner, it's like one 218 00:10:57,695 --> 00:11:00,385 Speaker 1: on one, but I can commit all my time and 219 00:11:00,395 --> 00:11:02,554 Speaker 1: energy to my friends or my 220 00:11:02,565 --> 00:11:06,025 Speaker 2: partner. Do you not feel like you enjoy or you 221 00:11:06,034 --> 00:11:10,304 Speaker 2: like or you want to integrate them into your social, 222 00:11:10,315 --> 00:11:12,794 Speaker 2: social circles? Because this person is going to be a 223 00:11:12,804 --> 00:11:13,984 Speaker 2: part of your life. Anyway, 224 00:11:13,994 --> 00:11:17,494 Speaker 1: if I were, you know, that person that you were dating, right? 225 00:11:17,505 --> 00:11:18,265 Speaker 1: I would maybe think 226 00:11:18,770 --> 00:11:21,439 Speaker 1: is it that, you know, if she brings me into 227 00:11:21,450 --> 00:11:23,789 Speaker 1: a social circle, it's harder to then cut me out 228 00:11:23,799 --> 00:11:27,229 Speaker 1: next time, right? In the future. Well, I never considered 229 00:11:27,239 --> 00:11:30,830 Speaker 1: that because once things get very entangled and everyone's become 230 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:34,630 Speaker 1: close to everyone else, it gets complicated, right? 231 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:41,468 Speaker 2: I know someone who has hesitations or reservations, introducing whoever 232 00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:45,114 Speaker 2: he's seeing to his friends because he cannot. Now before 233 00:11:45,275 --> 00:11:49,755 Speaker 2: basically the person he was dating was an out of town. 234 00:11:49,984 --> 00:11:54,194 Speaker 2: So this person has no friends, no social circle, et cetera. 235 00:11:54,354 --> 00:11:58,604 Speaker 2: So they started dating and then he integrated her into 236 00:11:58,614 --> 00:12:02,544 Speaker 2: his social circle and then they broke up and this 237 00:12:02,554 --> 00:12:04,275 Speaker 2: person basically 238 00:12:04,809 --> 00:12:09,468 Speaker 2: talk shit about him and then everybody became her friend 239 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:12,880 Speaker 2: and said, when these were his really good friends, which 240 00:12:12,890 --> 00:12:15,710 Speaker 2: obviously I said, like, if they can be swayed so easily, 241 00:12:15,719 --> 00:12:18,190 Speaker 2: were they really your friends to begin with? Right. True. True. 242 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,030 Speaker 2: But I think if you experience something like that, maybe 243 00:12:21,039 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 2: in future you have some sort of hesitation in integrating 244 00:12:25,049 --> 00:12:27,080 Speaker 2: whoever you're seeing into your social circles. 245 00:12:27,184 --> 00:12:31,525 Speaker 1: Sure. Yeah. But how do you then know, like, am 246 00:12:31,534 --> 00:12:35,824 Speaker 1: I in someone's pocket? Like, am I, am I being pocketed? 247 00:12:35,835 --> 00:12:38,034 Speaker 1: here are a few signs if you're dating someone right 248 00:12:38,044 --> 00:12:40,895 Speaker 1: now and you're like a bit s, yeah. You see 249 00:12:40,905 --> 00:12:43,945 Speaker 1: how many of these you take, he or she never 250 00:12:43,955 --> 00:12:47,885 Speaker 1: makes plans involving you and other people in their life. 251 00:12:47,895 --> 00:12:50,385 Speaker 1: So they only meet you when they meet you and 252 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,604 Speaker 1: then if they meet their friends, you're not there. You, 253 00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:57,709 Speaker 1: but that's not because I'm not proud to show him. 254 00:12:57,719 --> 00:13:01,270 Speaker 1: It's because I genuinely enjoy time one on one with 255 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:01,789 Speaker 1: different groups of 256 00:13:01,799 --> 00:13:05,799 Speaker 2: people. I think we're the kind who enjoy togetherness, assimilating 257 00:13:05,989 --> 00:13:09,469 Speaker 1: them as the two together together. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, 258 00:13:09,479 --> 00:13:12,869 Speaker 1: usually when I date someone right within the first month 259 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,669 Speaker 1: I'm hanging out with their friends. They're hanging out with 260 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:18,469 Speaker 1: my friends and things like that. Yeah. Number two, they make, 261 00:13:18,479 --> 00:13:20,549 Speaker 1: they make up excuses on why 262 00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:24,135 Speaker 1: you can't meet their friends and family. Like things like, oh, yeah, 263 00:13:24,145 --> 00:13:26,724 Speaker 1: the timing is not right or no, you know, my 264 00:13:26,734 --> 00:13:29,164 Speaker 1: family are very complicated. I want you to see them. 265 00:13:29,255 --> 00:13:31,625 Speaker 1: I mean, I do think they could have valid excuses 266 00:13:31,635 --> 00:13:35,594 Speaker 1: for that. But sometimes excuses are just excuses. You know, 267 00:13:35,734 --> 00:13:39,965 Speaker 1: you meet at secluded and discreet places. Never in a 268 00:13:39,974 --> 00:13:43,084 Speaker 1: public place. You never catch yourself in MRT with this person. 269 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:46,325 Speaker 1: Only like you when I come over what you do 270 00:13:46,375 --> 00:13:47,223 Speaker 1: like things like that. 271 00:13:48,270 --> 00:13:49,579 Speaker 1: Like I want to come over to my, hang at 272 00:13:49,590 --> 00:13:52,169 Speaker 1: my place or we hang it in like I don't 273 00:13:52,219 --> 00:13:57,330 Speaker 1: book but it was a, it's a nice place. OK? 274 00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:58,539 Speaker 1: It's secluded. 275 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:02,799 Speaker 1: It's different than like hanging out in Buki Bato and 276 00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:06,059 Speaker 1: hanging out on orchard road. Am I right? I'm wrong. 277 00:14:06,070 --> 00:14:11,309 Speaker 1: You are OK. That's more and I of course, I 278 00:14:11,369 --> 00:14:14,340 Speaker 1: don't know. So they are less likely to bump into 279 00:14:14,349 --> 00:14:18,718 Speaker 1: someone that you might know you in like a discrete area. OK? 280 00:14:18,729 --> 00:14:21,349 Speaker 1: Understand that may also be like, hey, how come you 281 00:14:21,390 --> 00:14:22,739 Speaker 1: know a little bit, 282 00:14:23,284 --> 00:14:26,255 Speaker 1: right? They don't tell you much about the people in 283 00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:29,474 Speaker 1: their social circle friends. All the guys I date would 284 00:14:29,484 --> 00:14:31,875 Speaker 1: know about you too. Like I ramble on and on 285 00:14:31,885 --> 00:14:35,034 Speaker 1: about the people in my social circle chosen so harsh podcast. 286 00:14:35,094 --> 00:14:38,885 Speaker 1: They know everything about you girl and you know, they do, 287 00:14:38,895 --> 00:14:43,614 Speaker 1: they do, excuse me, don't say we I I 288 00:14:44,330 --> 00:14:46,570 Speaker 1: this is the example I gave if you run into 289 00:14:46,580 --> 00:14:48,739 Speaker 1: someone that they know, let's say you're with them, right? 290 00:14:49,049 --> 00:14:52,570 Speaker 1: You are never properly introduced as like proudly like hi, 291 00:14:52,580 --> 00:14:55,820 Speaker 1: this is a my girlfriend. But unless this is communicated 292 00:14:55,830 --> 00:14:59,320 Speaker 1: previously that you want to keep it low key, low profile. Yeah, 293 00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:02,619 Speaker 1: that's true. So, yeah. But if it's a serious relationship 294 00:15:02,630 --> 00:15:04,659 Speaker 1: heading towards marriage and both of you wonder 295 00:15:05,330 --> 00:15:09,030 Speaker 1: world to know, then there's a problem. That's true. Ok. 296 00:15:09,210 --> 00:15:09,380 Speaker 1: I 297 00:15:09,390 --> 00:15:13,619 Speaker 2: know someone who is now married in the first couple 298 00:15:13,630 --> 00:15:18,369 Speaker 2: of years of dating. He pocketed her. Did not. Yes. Yes. Oh, 299 00:15:18,549 --> 00:15:22,150 Speaker 2: I think 23 years. Ok. Did not introduce the friends, 300 00:15:22,159 --> 00:15:23,150 Speaker 2: Did not introduce the 301 00:15:23,159 --> 00:15:26,309 Speaker 1: family. Did they know she existed? I'm not too sure 302 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,919 Speaker 2: about that. Oh, wow. But it's a kind like, oh, 303 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:31,669 Speaker 2: I'm gonna hang out with my friends. Oh, can I come? No? Why? 304 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:33,150 Speaker 2: But I think 305 00:15:33,289 --> 00:15:36,020 Speaker 2: not entirely pocketed because I think in that couple of 306 00:15:36,030 --> 00:15:39,250 Speaker 2: years maybe brought her to one gathering with 307 00:15:39,260 --> 00:15:41,750 Speaker 1: friends and you said they're married now? Yes. But now 308 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 1: she's not being pocketed. Not, she's like a batch now 309 00:15:45,409 --> 00:15:47,250 Speaker 1: on the, on top of the pocket. 310 00:15:47,260 --> 00:15:50,369 Speaker 2: Yes. But I asked why. Actually I was a wire 311 00:15:50,799 --> 00:15:53,880 Speaker 2: and she herself said because in the first couple of 312 00:15:53,890 --> 00:15:57,510 Speaker 2: years he wasn't certain, he wasn't certain where it was going. 313 00:15:57,590 --> 00:16:00,780 Speaker 2: He wasn't certain if she was going to be in 314 00:16:00,789 --> 00:16:01,150 Speaker 2: the next 315 00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:05,030 Speaker 2: 20 years of his life and would prefer to not 316 00:16:05,039 --> 00:16:09,330 Speaker 2: deal with the aftermath of removing this person from circles 317 00:16:09,340 --> 00:16:13,030 Speaker 1: that's valid. Love myself, a rational man, man. Like that's 318 00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:16,369 Speaker 1: logical and that's very mature. But it's also hard to 319 00:16:16,380 --> 00:16:18,969 Speaker 1: say to someone, hey, you know, I'm kind of pocketing 320 00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,590 Speaker 1: you because I'm not certain about you that's gonna break 321 00:16:21,599 --> 00:16:24,729 Speaker 1: any person's heart. You don't have to say you can 322 00:16:24,739 --> 00:16:27,510 Speaker 1: tell from the signs like you never appear on your 323 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,119 Speaker 1: social media, social media. 324 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,789 Speaker 1: I think it's quite tricky. There are a lot of 325 00:16:31,799 --> 00:16:35,570 Speaker 1: people that say if you don't post about this person 326 00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:39,489 Speaker 1: on social media, you're not properly like public with them. 327 00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:43,309 Speaker 1: That's bullshit. Like being in our line of work, I've 328 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:46,030 Speaker 1: learned to be discreet about my personal life because it 329 00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:48,559 Speaker 1: protects me and the people I love. Of course, by 330 00:16:48,570 --> 00:16:51,989 Speaker 1: not posting certain things or certain people, I don't think 331 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,190 Speaker 1: that I'm treating them any less. So why do you, 332 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,039 Speaker 1: what was the thought process behind 333 00:16:58,020 --> 00:17:02,500 Speaker 1: not posting about certain people in your life? So I 334 00:17:02,510 --> 00:17:05,399 Speaker 1: was in a relationship for about 1.5 years, right? And 335 00:17:05,410 --> 00:17:09,560 Speaker 1: in this entire time, I didn't post anything about that relationship, 336 00:17:09,699 --> 00:17:14,349 Speaker 1: but we have actually achieved common consensus that this was 337 00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:17,290 Speaker 1: going to be the case because yeah, like what's wrong mentioned? 338 00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:18,560 Speaker 1: I don't want to deal with the 339 00:17:18,900 --> 00:17:21,930 Speaker 1: the aftermath. If things didn't work out and true enough, 340 00:17:21,939 --> 00:17:26,179 Speaker 1: it didn't, but I don't, I don't mind holding hands 341 00:17:26,189 --> 00:17:28,750 Speaker 1: in public. We do hold hands in public but I 342 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 1: just don't post about it, you know, 343 00:17:31,489 --> 00:17:32,479 Speaker 2: but if you see that you see 344 00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:37,079 Speaker 1: I'm not hiding anything. Yeah, I'm cool but I don't 345 00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:39,399 Speaker 1: put it up on social media for 346 00:17:39,410 --> 00:17:41,819 Speaker 2: me as well. I understand this because I'm very private 347 00:17:42,010 --> 00:17:45,390 Speaker 2: and don't talk about partners, even friends and family. I 348 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,199 Speaker 2: don't post 349 00:17:46,709 --> 00:17:50,219 Speaker 2: to me, my rationale behind this is I chose this life. 350 00:17:50,229 --> 00:17:51,469 Speaker 2: They didn't, oh, 351 00:17:51,479 --> 00:17:56,319 Speaker 1: fair makes sense. To be honest. I've never really pocketed anyone. 352 00:17:56,329 --> 00:17:58,869 Speaker 1: The person that I'm dating now. I think I did 353 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,920 Speaker 1: try to, I did try to pocket him for a 354 00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:05,500 Speaker 1: while at the start because I, I just felt like 355 00:18:06,140 --> 00:18:08,780 Speaker 1: I didn't want to lose him, right? By introducing him 356 00:18:08,790 --> 00:18:11,479 Speaker 1: to my friends, family or even like on social media, 357 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,699 Speaker 1: there's a chance that external factors can then come in 358 00:18:14,709 --> 00:18:17,780 Speaker 1: and affect that relationship, especially when it's so new and 359 00:18:17,790 --> 00:18:20,959 Speaker 1: so fresh, right? So, so I held off as long 360 00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:24,650 Speaker 1: as possible introducing him to my parents. In the end, 361 00:18:24,660 --> 00:18:27,099 Speaker 1: I had to because I was in the hospital for 362 00:18:27,109 --> 00:18:28,849 Speaker 1: about a week and I was very sick and he 363 00:18:28,859 --> 00:18:30,300 Speaker 1: was there to take care of me because my family 364 00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:31,160 Speaker 1: weren't in town 365 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:33,250 Speaker 1: and they were like, who the hell is taking care 366 00:18:33,260 --> 00:18:35,660 Speaker 1: of our daughter and like bring her food and soup 367 00:18:35,670 --> 00:18:38,050 Speaker 1: every day. So I had to come clean like there's 368 00:18:38,060 --> 00:18:41,609 Speaker 1: someone there. And then he says to me is literally 369 00:18:41,619 --> 00:18:44,319 Speaker 1: the opposite of pocketing on social media. He says I 370 00:18:44,329 --> 00:18:47,869 Speaker 1: want to post like, like something on my social media 371 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,300 Speaker 1: like as soon as possible, right? Of a photo of 372 00:18:50,310 --> 00:18:51,728 Speaker 1: the both of us. And I'm like, why we've only 373 00:18:51,739 --> 00:18:53,899 Speaker 1: been dating for like two months at this point, like 374 00:18:53,910 --> 00:18:56,109 Speaker 1: really dating for two months. And he says, no, I 375 00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:58,699 Speaker 1: want to make it a statement out there so that, 376 00:18:58,883 --> 00:19:01,692 Speaker 1: you know, people stop bothering both me and you who 377 00:19:01,703 --> 00:19:03,821 Speaker 1: still think that we are single, right? I think that 378 00:19:03,833 --> 00:19:06,571 Speaker 1: I'm single thing that he's single. And then I was like, wait, 379 00:19:06,583 --> 00:19:08,633 Speaker 1: but I haven't put my parents here and they follow 380 00:19:08,642 --> 00:19:10,333 Speaker 1: me on social media. If they see this, they're gonna 381 00:19:10,343 --> 00:19:13,162 Speaker 1: have a heart attack. So then I was like, ok mom, OK, 382 00:19:13,172 --> 00:19:15,422 Speaker 1: that and then I told them there are a lot 383 00:19:15,432 --> 00:19:18,532 Speaker 1: of things stopping me like age gap, like nature of 384 00:19:18,542 --> 00:19:20,363 Speaker 1: work and things like that. But at the end of 385 00:19:20,373 --> 00:19:23,733 Speaker 1: the day, I am still glad I did it though. 386 00:19:23,743 --> 00:19:26,003 Speaker 1: I am trying to cut down posting on social media 387 00:19:26,255 --> 00:19:29,045 Speaker 1: because I I learned about this concept recently called The 388 00:19:29,056 --> 00:19:32,615 Speaker 1: Evil Eye. Have you said that? You know I'm talking about, no, 389 00:19:32,625 --> 00:19:37,005 Speaker 1: I've only ever experienced it in Athens the Blue Eye 390 00:19:37,015 --> 00:19:40,826 Speaker 1: Evil Eye, right? Posting about anything good in your life 391 00:19:40,836 --> 00:19:42,605 Speaker 1: in your life on social media. Like I got a 392 00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:45,446 Speaker 1: new job, I got a raise. We are together, we 393 00:19:45,455 --> 00:19:48,916 Speaker 1: in happy relationship. People say the myth is it will 394 00:19:48,926 --> 00:19:52,666 Speaker 1: invite evil or jealous eyes that can then wish bad 395 00:19:52,676 --> 00:19:53,244 Speaker 1: upon you. 396 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:57,619 Speaker 1: Basically that jinx what you have something like that, right? Yes, 397 00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:57,670 Speaker 1: I 398 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,050 Speaker 2: think it's also an energy thing. What you want to 399 00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:06,520 Speaker 2: avoid is people having ill feelings, negative energy towards you. Basically, 400 00:20:06,619 --> 00:20:08,948 Speaker 2: it's not that they jinx it or it's not that 401 00:20:08,959 --> 00:20:11,920 Speaker 2: because of them something bad is gonna happen, but it's 402 00:20:11,930 --> 00:20:12,849 Speaker 2: a possibility 403 00:20:12,859 --> 00:20:13,650 Speaker 1: and if you don't post a 404 00:20:13,910 --> 00:20:16,780 Speaker 1: you don't, you can't invite it. Yeah. Well, I've never 405 00:20:16,790 --> 00:20:19,369 Speaker 1: seen it this way. This is, this is where the 406 00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:22,750 Speaker 1: close friends function come in handy. Just you want to 407 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,780 Speaker 1: share it, just share with people whom you trust. That's true, right? 408 00:20:25,790 --> 00:20:28,698 Speaker 1: And you can still share that joy and happiness. That's true. 409 00:20:28,709 --> 00:20:31,900 Speaker 1: So I'm assuming that both of you don't really care 410 00:20:31,910 --> 00:20:33,579 Speaker 1: if your partner doesn't post you on social media. 411 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:38,439 Speaker 1: I gotta think about it. OK. OK. 412 00:20:38,469 --> 00:20:41,680 Speaker 2: Let me raise something. So just now we were talking 413 00:20:41,689 --> 00:20:45,640 Speaker 2: about us where in a lot of work etc now 414 00:20:45,810 --> 00:20:48,000 Speaker 2: let's bring it to someone, for example, with 415 00:20:48,010 --> 00:20:50,459 Speaker 1: no, not in the media, not in the 416 00:20:51,930 --> 00:20:55,010 Speaker 2: like let's say it's a random person on the streets 417 00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:58,149 Speaker 2: with 300 followers, all friends. Why? You know, 418 00:20:58,574 --> 00:20:59,444 Speaker 2: I don't 419 00:20:59,454 --> 00:21:02,354 Speaker 1: think it's a problem because honestly, whatever people want to 420 00:21:02,364 --> 00:21:04,545 Speaker 1: post on social media, it's up to them. If I 421 00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:07,444 Speaker 1: only just want to post pictures of food and nothing 422 00:21:07,454 --> 00:21:10,094 Speaker 1: else in my life and I have 300 followers, why 423 00:21:10,104 --> 00:21:12,685 Speaker 1: can't I do that? Right? You can Yeah, it's not 424 00:21:12,694 --> 00:21:16,645 Speaker 1: like I have an Instagram page with like 50 followers. 425 00:21:16,655 --> 00:21:19,744 Speaker 1: I have to post my partner for the relationship to 426 00:21:19,755 --> 00:21:21,264 Speaker 1: be legitimate. What if you post 427 00:21:21,275 --> 00:21:22,045 Speaker 2: everything? 428 00:21:23,180 --> 00:21:26,619 Speaker 2: But your partner like this person. Very active. Always in 429 00:21:26,630 --> 00:21:30,889 Speaker 2: a story, the food, the place, the holiday, the everything. 430 00:21:31,189 --> 00:21:32,089 Speaker 2: But you, 431 00:21:32,239 --> 00:21:35,069 Speaker 1: oh, man, this is tough. This is tough. That's a 432 00:21:35,079 --> 00:21:38,010 Speaker 1: bit tough. Yeah, a little, I will feel pocket. 433 00:21:38,510 --> 00:21:41,109 Speaker 1: Yeah. So this is coming from a situation of no 434 00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:43,208 Speaker 1: one's in the media, no one's in entertainment or that 435 00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:46,160 Speaker 1: reason that we say for hazy. This person, right? Did 436 00:21:46,170 --> 00:21:48,969 Speaker 1: he post about you in that 1.5 years? Oh, yes. 437 00:21:50,079 --> 00:21:52,000 Speaker 1: Oh yeah. Close friends list. 438 00:21:53,739 --> 00:21:57,500 Speaker 1: OK. Sorry CFL doesn't count though. It's like sending a chat, 439 00:21:57,510 --> 00:21:59,589 Speaker 1: a message in whatsapp is the same thing. But at 440 00:21:59,599 --> 00:22:01,869 Speaker 1: least I'm happy after I see about me. I know. 441 00:22:04,550 --> 00:22:07,739 Speaker 1: But then you never post him. Yeah, I'm very double standard. 442 00:22:09,770 --> 00:22:11,880 Speaker 1: Go like that. But you see the also never work out. 443 00:22:15,050 --> 00:22:17,510 Speaker 1: It's true. It's true. So more of the story is 444 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,010 Speaker 1: you post or you don't post. It doesn't matter. It 445 00:22:20,030 --> 00:22:22,959 Speaker 1: doesn't determine whether or not your relationship will be a success. 446 00:22:22,969 --> 00:22:26,000 Speaker 1: You happy. But I have to say I never pocket 447 00:22:26,010 --> 00:22:29,359 Speaker 1: the guy. He just doesn't appear on my social media. 448 00:22:29,489 --> 00:22:33,030 Speaker 1: But my friends like yourselves. My family knows about him. 449 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:37,109 Speaker 1: So let's say, right? You are at ac San San 450 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:39,879 Speaker 1: event and one of your long time most loyal 451 00:22:40,371 --> 00:22:44,202 Speaker 1: comes up to you and say says he so like 452 00:22:44,212 --> 00:22:47,712 Speaker 1: actually you're dating someone, right? You have a boyfriend, right? OK. 453 00:22:47,722 --> 00:22:51,261 Speaker 1: So this happened once I was having noodles with him 454 00:22:51,571 --> 00:22:54,592 Speaker 1: just somewhere outside. And then a listener bumped into us. 455 00:22:54,602 --> 00:22:57,041 Speaker 1: Right after that. When I went on air, he sent 456 00:22:57,052 --> 00:23:00,371 Speaker 1: in a text to my station phone saying, hey, I 457 00:23:00,381 --> 00:23:03,011 Speaker 1: saw you and the guy eating noodles at this place 458 00:23:03,021 --> 00:23:06,212 Speaker 1: and I'm just like, y of course, I didn't reply. 459 00:23:06,323 --> 00:23:08,683 Speaker 1: Right. Because it was a public kind of setting. But 460 00:23:08,792 --> 00:23:10,904 Speaker 1: if he had seen me 1 to 1 and asked 461 00:23:10,913 --> 00:23:12,943 Speaker 1: me about it, I would admit that I'm in a 462 00:23:12,953 --> 00:23:15,394 Speaker 1: relationship but hope that he will keep it private because 463 00:23:15,404 --> 00:23:19,453 Speaker 1: you wouldn't lie. It's hard for me to lie. I understand. Yeah. 464 00:23:20,053 --> 00:23:22,562 Speaker 2: Ok. We're talking about introducing to your friends to your 465 00:23:22,573 --> 00:23:26,813 Speaker 2: family and all that. Right. Yeah, I feel, and feel 466 00:23:26,823 --> 00:23:31,843 Speaker 2: free to challenge me. I feel like introducing the person 467 00:23:31,854 --> 00:23:32,542 Speaker 2: you're dating 468 00:23:32,816 --> 00:23:36,515 Speaker 2: to your friends and family. Too quick is a red flag. 469 00:23:36,806 --> 00:23:39,806 Speaker 1: I agree. How quick is too quick? One week? What 470 00:23:39,816 --> 00:23:43,696 Speaker 1: are we talking about this person? Like I'm, I'm seeing 471 00:23:43,705 --> 00:23:46,926 Speaker 1: this person on a very casual basis. That's fine if 472 00:23:46,936 --> 00:23:48,816 Speaker 1: you tell your friends that. But if you introduce this 473 00:23:48,826 --> 00:23:51,095 Speaker 1: person as your boyfriend within the first week, then I 474 00:23:51,105 --> 00:23:52,556 Speaker 1: think it's a bit too fast. 475 00:23:52,696 --> 00:23:55,025 Speaker 2: But what if never introduce his boyfriend. But then like, 476 00:23:55,036 --> 00:23:56,895 Speaker 2: you're dating this person and you're dating this person for 477 00:23:56,906 --> 00:23:58,906 Speaker 2: one week and you bring, and you're like, this is a, 478 00:23:58,988 --> 00:23:59,998 Speaker 2: I see. Friends 479 00:24:00,008 --> 00:24:02,968 Speaker 1: is ok. What? Yeah, just like, you know, just hanging 480 00:24:02,978 --> 00:24:06,387 Speaker 1: many people coming together hanging out. I met his parents 481 00:24:06,397 --> 00:24:09,128 Speaker 1: after three weeks of dating and I met his whole 482 00:24:09,137 --> 00:24:12,186 Speaker 1: family literally four weeks after that. But that was because 483 00:24:12,358 --> 00:24:19,427 Speaker 1: of circumstantial. I was gonna say that circumstances. Ok? Just OK. 484 00:24:19,446 --> 00:24:22,446 Speaker 1: And it was a good time there. Right? Thank you. 485 00:24:22,657 --> 00:24:25,196 Speaker 1: Thank you. My life decisions 486 00:24:25,689 --> 00:24:30,949 Speaker 1: too soon is a red flag. Ok. Do you agree? Disagree. Agree. 487 00:24:30,959 --> 00:24:33,949 Speaker 1: Too serious. Too soon may be a bit of pressure 488 00:24:33,959 --> 00:24:37,329 Speaker 1: on this person. I think you want to have what 489 00:24:37,339 --> 00:24:41,369 Speaker 1: they call shit here. A world of these two people. 490 00:24:41,900 --> 00:24:44,520 Speaker 1: People don't. How do you, is there an English translation? 491 00:24:44,530 --> 00:24:46,579 Speaker 1: A world of two people? Just 492 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,400 Speaker 1: it just time spent between the both of you your 493 00:24:50,410 --> 00:24:54,839 Speaker 1: own space, right? And just know what you are before 494 00:24:54,849 --> 00:24:58,839 Speaker 1: you introduce your friends, your family and make it very complicated. OK? 495 00:24:58,849 --> 00:24:59,139 Speaker 1: So 496 00:24:59,150 --> 00:25:03,250 Speaker 2: here's the thing that was once OK, I went out 497 00:25:03,260 --> 00:25:03,819 Speaker 2: with someone 498 00:25:04,719 --> 00:25:08,310 Speaker 2: and before the fella even went on that first date, 499 00:25:08,540 --> 00:25:11,060 Speaker 2: the whole family already, I was very uncomfortable. By the way, 500 00:25:11,089 --> 00:25:11,939 Speaker 2: I was like, why? 501 00:25:12,199 --> 00:25:15,000 Speaker 1: No, but maybe this is his way of showing you 502 00:25:15,010 --> 00:25:18,819 Speaker 1: that he's genuine about this relationship. Maybe he's very close 503 00:25:18,829 --> 00:25:21,930 Speaker 1: to his family and he tells them everything. Is that possible? Yes, 504 00:25:21,939 --> 00:25:24,698 Speaker 1: it is as we have seen. So if you are 505 00:25:24,709 --> 00:25:27,050 Speaker 1: uncomfortable with that, then maybe she was not the right 506 00:25:27,060 --> 00:25:28,790 Speaker 1: one for you as we found 507 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:28,959 Speaker 2: out. 508 00:25:33,089 --> 00:25:34,978 Speaker 1: So trust your instincts. 509 00:25:34,989 --> 00:25:37,669 Speaker 2: I was very uncomfortable with that. And then after the 510 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:41,389 Speaker 2: second date coming home as in to meet the family, 511 00:25:41,510 --> 00:25:42,180 Speaker 2: like 512 00:25:42,189 --> 00:25:45,129 Speaker 1: a new situation, like faster than everyone or what? A 513 00:25:45,140 --> 00:25:45,819 Speaker 1: second date. 514 00:25:45,925 --> 00:25:46,764 Speaker 2: No commitment 515 00:25:46,775 --> 00:25:49,194 Speaker 1: issues. First of all, I think it really differs from 516 00:25:49,474 --> 00:25:50,444 Speaker 1: its a you problem 517 00:25:51,405 --> 00:25:53,805 Speaker 2: problem. But do you not think it's a red flag 518 00:25:53,814 --> 00:25:56,405 Speaker 1: though? Second day is a bit fast, combine with your 519 00:25:56,415 --> 00:26:00,614 Speaker 1: commitment issues? It's, it's like explosion. 520 00:26:01,189 --> 00:26:04,909 Speaker 1: Then at what stage of the relationship do you think that? 521 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,109 Speaker 1: On the other hand, you should be wary of signs 522 00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:09,339 Speaker 1: of pocketing? I think that it comes to a stage 523 00:26:09,349 --> 00:26:12,129 Speaker 1: in your relationship where you have to communicate about it. 524 00:26:12,140 --> 00:26:14,489 Speaker 1: We always talk about this and it's true. You just, 525 00:26:14,500 --> 00:26:19,609 Speaker 1: just approach the conversation. Don't go in, in an accusatory 526 00:26:19,619 --> 00:26:21,790 Speaker 1: way after you hear this podcast, right? You go to 527 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:24,369 Speaker 1: your boyfriend, like why you pocket me? Don't do that, right. 528 00:26:24,449 --> 00:26:26,250 Speaker 1: Approach it in the sense where you're like, 529 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,290 Speaker 1: you know, yesterday, when we bumped into your friend, you 530 00:26:29,300 --> 00:26:31,920 Speaker 1: introduce me as a friend rather than girlfriend. Was there, 531 00:26:31,989 --> 00:26:36,369 Speaker 1: was there a reason or did you feel uncomfortable introducing 532 00:26:36,380 --> 00:26:39,399 Speaker 1: me as your girlfriend? And what? Right. Ask them and 533 00:26:39,410 --> 00:26:41,569 Speaker 1: tell them how you feel? Like I was hurt. I 534 00:26:41,579 --> 00:26:44,359 Speaker 1: was a little uncomfortable. I was upset and I would 535 00:26:44,369 --> 00:26:46,520 Speaker 1: just like to understand why, like, approach it from a 536 00:26:46,530 --> 00:26:50,229 Speaker 1: very mature point of view and just talk things out. Absolutely. Yeah, 537 00:26:50,239 --> 00:26:52,859 Speaker 1: I do agree about that. I also do think that 538 00:26:52,869 --> 00:26:55,099 Speaker 1: pocketing may not always be 539 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:59,229 Speaker 1: bad times. Like for example, you know, like your parents 540 00:26:59,239 --> 00:27:01,958 Speaker 1: have a lot of scrutiny, you know, that your parents 541 00:27:01,969 --> 00:27:05,429 Speaker 1: have traditionally never been approving of anyone that you date. 542 00:27:05,439 --> 00:27:07,349 Speaker 1: Then you kind of want to keep this person to 543 00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:09,760 Speaker 1: yourself for a bit longer because you like them so 544 00:27:09,770 --> 00:27:14,060 Speaker 1: much that you don't want anything to spoil the relationship. Yeah. 545 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:17,469 Speaker 1: So it may not always be bad even though it's 546 00:27:17,479 --> 00:27:20,530 Speaker 1: very much paraded as a negative thing. It may not 547 00:27:20,540 --> 00:27:24,750 Speaker 1: always be bad. And especially for certain agent parents, like 548 00:27:25,180 --> 00:27:28,130 Speaker 1: I feel like they will expect the relationship to end 549 00:27:28,140 --> 00:27:31,188 Speaker 1: up in a marriage kind of situation. So that kind 550 00:27:31,229 --> 00:27:36,739 Speaker 1: of puts extra pressure that's unnecessary on the relationship and 551 00:27:36,750 --> 00:27:40,060 Speaker 1: that's suffocating us. Very tough. That's true. OK. So on 552 00:27:40,069 --> 00:27:41,438 Speaker 1: this note of communication, 553 00:27:41,849 --> 00:27:45,169 Speaker 1: how do you think couples can pace more effectively? Like 554 00:27:45,180 --> 00:27:47,800 Speaker 1: when do you see the friends, when you see the family, 555 00:27:47,930 --> 00:27:50,079 Speaker 1: stuff like that? I feel like this is something that 556 00:27:50,089 --> 00:27:53,919 Speaker 1: should be discussed right before you get together, even even 557 00:27:53,930 --> 00:27:56,180 Speaker 1: in the dating phase. If you know that this is 558 00:27:56,189 --> 00:27:59,489 Speaker 1: hated somewhere serious, before you step into a relationship, you 559 00:27:59,500 --> 00:28:01,670 Speaker 1: should talk about all this. But before I stepped into 560 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:04,819 Speaker 1: a relationship, don't know whether II, I told all my 561 00:28:04,829 --> 00:28:06,389 Speaker 1: closest friends. I said, 562 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,489 Speaker 1: I don't think this is a guy that I'll bring 563 00:28:08,500 --> 00:28:10,420 Speaker 1: home to meet my parents. I don't think I'll meet 564 00:28:10,430 --> 00:28:12,469 Speaker 1: his family. I don't think we'll ever post about each 565 00:28:12,479 --> 00:28:17,839 Speaker 1: other on social media and then, ok, so, even though 566 00:28:17,849 --> 00:28:20,800 Speaker 1: you may think, right? I just think it's hard to 567 00:28:20,810 --> 00:28:24,379 Speaker 1: predict this situation. I think once you're in a relationship, 568 00:28:24,750 --> 00:28:28,420 Speaker 1: talk about the future, not like 10 years down the road, 569 00:28:28,430 --> 00:28:32,300 Speaker 1: but six months down the road. Yeah. Ok. Fair. Because when, 570 00:28:32,310 --> 00:28:32,859 Speaker 1: if you ask 571 00:28:32,935 --> 00:28:35,234 Speaker 1: too early, right? Like you're only dating, right? And you're like, 572 00:28:35,244 --> 00:28:37,814 Speaker 1: we're gonna introduce me to your parents. It's a bit 573 00:28:37,824 --> 00:28:40,935 Speaker 1: of a yes for someone like a zero of commitment issues, 574 00:28:40,944 --> 00:28:44,094 Speaker 1: she will run faster than the F one car. Putting 575 00:28:44,104 --> 00:28:47,515 Speaker 1: this in the context of someone who matters, who loves 576 00:28:47,525 --> 00:28:49,814 Speaker 1: you and wants to meet who you 577 00:28:49,824 --> 00:28:52,744 Speaker 2: love. I think sometimes like when you're going to introduce 578 00:28:52,755 --> 00:28:56,035 Speaker 2: me to your friends, people don't usually discuss that because 579 00:28:56,084 --> 00:28:58,535 Speaker 2: sometimes it's sort of just like you think it's gonna 580 00:28:58,545 --> 00:28:58,994 Speaker 2: happen naturally 581 00:28:59,579 --> 00:29:01,920 Speaker 2: and then it's when it doesn't for a while, then 582 00:29:01,930 --> 00:29:05,890 Speaker 2: you start questioning, right? But then like to sit down 583 00:29:05,900 --> 00:29:08,170 Speaker 2: from the start to discuss it. It's a little bit 584 00:29:08,310 --> 00:29:11,069 Speaker 2: scary because you both don't really know where it's headed. 585 00:29:11,079 --> 00:29:14,829 Speaker 2: You're both trying, but you are also afraid. Like, if 586 00:29:14,839 --> 00:29:17,469 Speaker 2: I had to raise the question, I would feel like, wow, 587 00:29:17,479 --> 00:29:20,479 Speaker 2: do I look like I'm coming on so strong. Do 588 00:29:20,489 --> 00:29:21,010 Speaker 2: I see? 589 00:29:21,020 --> 00:29:23,920 Speaker 1: Like, yeah, like a psycho? OK. So let me, so 590 00:29:23,930 --> 00:29:25,130 Speaker 1: let me rephrase this question 591 00:29:25,204 --> 00:29:27,285 Speaker 1: instead of when are you going to take me to 592 00:29:27,295 --> 00:29:28,984 Speaker 1: see your friends or when are you going to take 593 00:29:28,994 --> 00:29:31,234 Speaker 1: me to see your family? How about, will I be 594 00:29:31,244 --> 00:29:34,045 Speaker 1: someone whom you introduce your friends or family or? How 595 00:29:34,055 --> 00:29:38,064 Speaker 2: about something? Like, would you be open to hanging out 596 00:29:38,074 --> 00:29:40,954 Speaker 2: with my friends? Maybe after some time has passed? 597 00:29:40,964 --> 00:29:44,175 Speaker 1: Ah, ok. Ok. So you come from your point of 598 00:29:44,185 --> 00:29:47,505 Speaker 1: view and say that's nice. That's very encouraging. That's true. 599 00:29:47,694 --> 00:29:49,744 Speaker 1: I still think that at the end of the day 600 00:29:49,755 --> 00:29:51,265 Speaker 1: let things happen naturally. 601 00:29:51,829 --> 00:29:57,280 Speaker 1: If it's like the two year mark already then reflect. 602 00:29:57,469 --> 00:29:57,780 Speaker 1: But 603 00:29:59,829 --> 00:30:01,219 Speaker 2: the one I told you about just now, 604 00:30:01,229 --> 00:30:03,910 Speaker 1: now they married who was pocketed for two or three years. Yeah, 605 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:05,800 Speaker 1: I still think at the two year mark she should 606 00:30:05,810 --> 00:30:08,229 Speaker 1: have said something. I 607 00:30:08,250 --> 00:30:11,420 Speaker 2: mean, but here's the thing, right side note for guys, 608 00:30:11,430 --> 00:30:14,640 Speaker 2: chances are from the day you're met or from the 609 00:30:14,650 --> 00:30:17,400 Speaker 2: day you start talking all her friends knows about it already. 610 00:30:17,474 --> 00:30:20,724 Speaker 2: Trust me. First of all, I have a nickname already. 611 00:30:20,734 --> 00:30:23,675 Speaker 2: There's a code name flying around somewhere. She knows everything 612 00:30:23,685 --> 00:30:26,094 Speaker 2: about you. Your messages have been floating around, 613 00:30:26,285 --> 00:30:29,915 Speaker 1: dissected north, south east and west. What does he mean 614 00:30:29,925 --> 00:30:30,435 Speaker 1: by this? 615 00:30:30,444 --> 00:30:34,025 Speaker 2: Correct? Whatever reply she sends you. It's not one person's reply. 616 00:30:34,035 --> 00:30:35,574 Speaker 2: The board of directors. 617 00:30:35,584 --> 00:30:40,734 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yes. Yeah, we have to call for a general meeting. Yes. Just, yeah. Anyway, 618 00:30:40,744 --> 00:30:43,535 Speaker 1: you know what if you feel like you're being pocketed, 619 00:30:43,930 --> 00:30:48,089 Speaker 1: calm down. Ok. Don't overreact. Just think about how you 620 00:30:48,099 --> 00:30:50,449 Speaker 1: want to approach the situation and whether now is the 621 00:30:50,459 --> 00:30:54,219 Speaker 1: right time to approach it and always think of the 622 00:30:54,229 --> 00:30:57,140 Speaker 1: good in people. Maybe there's a reason why they're doing that. 623 00:30:57,150 --> 00:31:00,000 Speaker 1: Maybe there's a reason why they haven't introduced you to 624 00:31:00,010 --> 00:31:01,619 Speaker 1: their family. Maybe it's more complicated than you 625 00:31:01,630 --> 00:31:05,199 Speaker 2: think. Correct. And I think also that something that's important 626 00:31:05,329 --> 00:31:07,829 Speaker 2: to you may not be something that's important to them. 627 00:31:07,869 --> 00:31:09,969 Speaker 2: So maybe they never really thought about it. They're like, oh, 628 00:31:09,979 --> 00:31:10,489 Speaker 2: it's 629 00:31:10,500 --> 00:31:13,109 Speaker 1: not a big deal. Yes. Which is why I think 630 00:31:13,119 --> 00:31:16,229 Speaker 1: approach the situation in a very calm manner because it 631 00:31:16,239 --> 00:31:20,069 Speaker 1: can actually positively influence your relationship if you talk about 632 00:31:20,079 --> 00:31:21,229 Speaker 1: it in a very mature way, 633 00:31:21,239 --> 00:31:24,369 Speaker 2: so nice. But try not to tell your entire family 634 00:31:24,380 --> 00:31:26,099 Speaker 2: and kampong before you go on the first date, 635 00:31:27,189 --> 00:31:31,219 Speaker 1: she's not over it. Ok. Wholesome episode. We hope you 636 00:31:31,229 --> 00:31:33,680 Speaker 1: took away something from this. Don't forget to follow us 637 00:31:33,689 --> 00:31:36,239 Speaker 1: on Instagram for more. Ok. At its CCL dot 638 00:31:36,250 --> 00:31:37,900 Speaker 2: CO. That's right. You can listen to us on me, 639 00:31:37,910 --> 00:31:41,329 Speaker 2: listen Apple podcast, Spotify. Don't forget to turn on your notifications. 640 00:31:41,339 --> 00:31:43,599 Speaker 1: Yes, that's right. And if you are being pocketed, just 641 00:31:43,609 --> 00:31:45,959 Speaker 1: think about it, you're cute enough to fit in a pocket. 642 00:31:46,119 --> 00:31:48,849 Speaker 1: Maybe it's not such a bad thing. Ok, see you guys. Bye.