Speaker 1: here. What's going on, sonia here with you? And Oh man,
Speaker 1: welcome back to men explain. It has been a while?
Speaker 1: Just like a relationship. We took a short little break?
Speaker 1: But we are back?
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Mm
Speaker 1: And I've got some special guests here with me today.
Speaker 1: There will be no strangers to you. I promise you that.
Speaker 1: And um it's always going to be like a little
Speaker 1: catch up for us to please welcome Tabatha and Louis. Hi,
Speaker 1: thanks for having us. Hi, I'm Tabatha. I'm a singer,
Speaker 1: sometimes actress, a dog lover and dog mom. And um
Speaker 1: I also like cheese.
Speaker 2: Hi, I'm louis with his partner.
Speaker 1: Oh, sweet. Okay. I like how you said um I
Speaker 1: like cheese and then you look at louis anyway, you know,
Speaker 1: we're here today to talk about relationships and this is
Speaker 1: what the podcast is all about. We explore different facets
Speaker 1: of relationships um both in the workplace, friendships, relationships, romantic relationships,
Speaker 1: everything
Speaker 1: We've been through so much over the past few episodes
Speaker 1: and now
Speaker 1: we're going to be addressing toxic relationships, Dum, dum, dum. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's right. It's such a
Speaker 1: broad topic, isn't it? Because it doesn't just cover one thing.
Speaker 1: Like you've got the emotional aspect of it, then, you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes like the more serious stuff would be like the
Speaker 1: physical aspect of it. Um it's very broad, there's so
Speaker 1: many
Speaker 1: things that fall under it. It
Speaker 2: has to be like toxic bosses or managers. And of course,
Speaker 1: of course, yeah. Today, I mean obviously we're gonna be
Speaker 1: focusing on toxic relationships and romantic sense as well? Um
Speaker 1: Have you guys, personally experienced anything like that at all?
Speaker 1: Have you been in a toxic relationship?
Speaker 2: Are you the toxic 1? I don't think I have
Speaker 2: I've had close friends in toxic relationships before which
Speaker 1: you can also share stories about anonymously to
Speaker 2: Nice. You
Speaker 1: can anonymously.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think I may have been like when I
Speaker 2: was younger had like ex girlfriends that were like a
Speaker 2: little bit toxic, but nothing crazy, nothing physical more like
Speaker 2: emotional
Speaker 2: and
Speaker 1: perhaps you might not even have realized it at the
Speaker 2: Time. Exactly. And you're young, like 13, 14,
Speaker 2: you
Speaker 1: uh
Speaker 1: I think for me, maybe this topic like is a
Speaker 1: little bit close to home because I have been in
Speaker 1: a relationship before where it was toxic. And so I've
Speaker 1: got some experience, I would say so, maybe tabs if
Speaker 1: you want to like sort of expand on that a
Speaker 1: little bit.
Speaker 1: Um what did you experience in this toxic relationship that
Speaker 1: you want to highlight here on the show today? Yeah. Okay.
Speaker 1: Where do we even start? I feel like the relationship
Speaker 1: that I was in uh in the past was your
Speaker 1: very typical standard toxic relationship in a sense that it
Speaker 1: was very emotionally manipulative, very controlling. There was also physical abuse.
Speaker 1: These are the things that you need to look out
Speaker 1: for in order to I don't know how to prevent
Speaker 1: yourself from
Speaker 2: a lot of people don't realize they're in like Exactly relationships.
Speaker 2: And that's the problem. It's
Speaker 1: true. It's true? And it's funny because I feel like
Speaker 1: I only realized it
Speaker 1: years after I wouldn't even say like right after it
Speaker 1: took me a while of like, you know, having to
Speaker 1: really sit down and think about the things that did
Speaker 1: happen and process them and then really like look inward
Speaker 1: to realize
Speaker 1: actually, you know what, I was kind of messed up.
Speaker 1: Like I didn't even see it like someone else had
Speaker 1: to be like, hang on a second, that's not right.
Speaker 1: Have a look at that again because you know, it's
Speaker 1: not okay. So on that note, experts have actually defined
Speaker 1: toxic relationships as any relationship between people who don't support
Speaker 1: each other
Speaker 1: where there is conflict and people are undermining each other
Speaker 1: as well. There's perhaps competition, disrespect, you know, lack of cohesiveness, understanding.
Speaker 1: I think that's kind of all that you have mentioned
Speaker 1: earlier on as well. But you know, on the flip side,
Speaker 1: I guess I want to know also how you got
Speaker 1: out of that situation.
Speaker 1: It's not so much. When did I realized that this
Speaker 1: was a bad situation? I think I realized it pretty
Speaker 1: early on. Like I was like, yeah, this is bad.
Speaker 1: Like obviously if somebody's hitting you, that's not a good thing, right?
Speaker 1: You don't want to be in a relationship like that.
Speaker 1: It was more of how do I get out? That
Speaker 1: was what I was struggling with, right? I saw this
Speaker 1: interview that F. K twigs did, right? And so there's
Speaker 1: always the question, oh if you're in an abusive relationship,
Speaker 1: why didn't you just leave? Right? And so not to
Speaker 1: give any sort of explanation for why I didn't leave.
Speaker 1: But I think a good um context to help everyone
Speaker 1: understand is that abusers tend to cut off any close
Speaker 1: relationships that a person would have.
Speaker 1: So any close friends
Speaker 1: which ended up happening at the time, like my close
Speaker 1: friends at the time, I ended up being cut off
Speaker 1: from my family wasn't in the country like my mom
Speaker 1: and my sister. So having they were far away, like
Speaker 1: I felt like I wasn't really isolated. It kind of
Speaker 1: felt like that I was living in his house. So again,
Speaker 1: you know, not my own space and I didn't feel
Speaker 1: comfortable with all of these layers of things
Speaker 1: to get out is not that easy. You know, they're
Speaker 1: like so many different things to unpack. And so for me,
Speaker 1: I always knew at some point it was going to happen.
Speaker 1: I just didn't know when I tried many times before,
Speaker 1: which is also something that I read about that a
Speaker 1: lot of survivors of toxic relationships go through. They try
Speaker 1: multiple times before they can actually get out.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say that this was the full reason why
Speaker 1: I left. But what did help was the fact that
Speaker 1: I met lou and I felt extremely supported and safe
Speaker 1: and safe? Yeah, I felt really safe and he at
Speaker 1: the time had no idea what was going on because
Speaker 1: I still wasn't talking about it to anybody. I didn't
Speaker 1: want to because I didn't want people to look at
Speaker 1: me in a weird way,
Speaker 1: so I wasn't telling him what was going on, but
Speaker 1: just him being around us, talking me getting to know
Speaker 1: him a little bit better. I felt extremely safe and
Speaker 1: I've always felt that way since day one and I
Speaker 1: still do now guys is like, okay, I suppose something
Speaker 1: now before I ask you the next question, So I
Speaker 1: had an ex boyfriend quite
Speaker 1: early on, I think like I was still quite young
Speaker 1: before I even started doing this. Um it was it
Speaker 1: was really nice, like I was totally in love with him,
Speaker 1: everything we met at a club door,
Speaker 1: Like, as I usually do leave people in clubs um
Speaker 1: and it seemed great, you know, like for a while
Speaker 1: I was over at his place so much, but things
Speaker 1: started to show like the cracks started to show when
Speaker 1: he was constantly like checking my phone firstly. I I
Speaker 1: hate that, like, even though I may not even have
Speaker 1: anything to hide, you still feel the need to check
Speaker 1: my phone firstly secondly,
Speaker 1: he would get super crazy and insecure when I don't
Speaker 1: for example reply a message fast enough girl, I know
Speaker 1: all of these. I no, no, no, this is before
Speaker 1: this was way before I was doing school school school. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then this was the deal breaker. Okay
Speaker 1: one night um I didn't respond because I don't know
Speaker 1: I was out with friends or my phone is on silent.
Speaker 1: I can't remember. I saw like a ton of missed
Speaker 1: calls from him. He shows up at my house and
Speaker 1: back then I was living with my parents, he shows
Speaker 1: up there and he beats himself up in the stairwell.
Speaker 2: I've heard another story like this, what is wrong with you?
Speaker 2: I
Speaker 1: don't know. Like and my dad was like, my dad
Speaker 1: was just a
Speaker 1: boy, can you stop doing that? I'd be like, it
Speaker 1: was like, can you get it together? I can't imagine
Speaker 1: papa chew.
Speaker 2: He
Speaker 1: was with the straightest face like
Speaker 1: get it together and he didn't even know the context
Speaker 1: what was going on. He had to have a sit
Speaker 1: down with him and ask him like what happened when
Speaker 1: he found out it was because I didn't reply some text,
Speaker 2: you
Speaker 1: know? But
Speaker 1: also I felt for him because
Speaker 2: I don't want a boyfriend
Speaker 1: with them boyfriend because
Speaker 1: uh huh
Speaker 1: I also feel like my dad, I feel is
Speaker 2: like him just walking out and like short and like
Speaker 2: I mean just like, like eating dinner and it was
Speaker 2: like this little waste man is there like
Speaker 1: there's no ankle I know you're going to say that
Speaker 1: to say like himself, you know I mean, I was
Speaker 1: so young back then. I felt so bad for this
Speaker 1: guy was like, oh my God, this guy is beating
Speaker 1: himself up. You know, like beating himself up like this,
Speaker 1: can you beat yourself up with your own fists? I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe he was going through something, you know,
Speaker 1: I can't I can't speak for him because we know
Speaker 1: that there's so many levels of um
Speaker 1: mental well being that we also have to address and
Speaker 1: I can't explain why he did that or what he
Speaker 1: was going through at the time, but that was his
Speaker 1: way of acting out to me, not responding or you know,
Speaker 1: the possessiveness and insecurity and
Speaker 1: it just got too much I think at that point
Speaker 1: in time and there and then my parents were like,
Speaker 1: we need to talk
Speaker 2: to you. But, you know, there's another form of manipulation though,
Speaker 2: because it's like, no, it's making you feel guilty because
Speaker 2: I went through the same thing. Yes. That's why I'm like,
Speaker 2: this story is mad.
Speaker 1: So, I felt like it was my fault that he
Speaker 1: was beating himself up. Exactly, manipulation. Exactly. I was I
Speaker 1: was like, maybe 18. I had no like, freaking idea
Speaker 1: what was going on. I was like, this must have
Speaker 1: been my fault.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But, you know, we moved on from there. Like,
Speaker 1: we broke up shortly after So thankfully at the time.
Speaker 1: I mean,
Speaker 1: I have very supportive
Speaker 2: parents. Yeah, I was gonna say, did you break up
Speaker 2: because you had the support from your mom and dad.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So to give them credit, they didn't yell at
Speaker 1: me or say like, what kind of choices are you making? Like, seriously?
Speaker 1: But they knew that they had to let me learn
Speaker 1: and I feel okay, this is a
Speaker 1: a personal message to my parents or public message. I'm
Speaker 1: sorry for putting you through so many ex boyfriends.
Speaker 1: Yeah,
Speaker 2: that
Speaker 1: is a scary guy. Okay. Like my friends back in
Speaker 1: school used to not there to send you home because
Speaker 1: you're like, your dad must be waiting at the door
Speaker 1: like that so that, you know, sort of sideways into
Speaker 1: the next question, which is about insecurities Yeah. Relationship. What
Speaker 1: do you think causes that kind of insecurity
Speaker 1: in a partner? Where do
Speaker 2: you think that you can go? I think you could
Speaker 2: break that down like
Speaker 2: so much. Whether it be like their upbringing where they've
Speaker 2: got hugged enough as a kid, whether they got praised
Speaker 2: enough as a kid,
Speaker 1: there's so many,
Speaker 2: it's too deep. It's way too deep to be working
Speaker 2: out like why they're narcissist? I don't know. Maybe people
Speaker 2: just want to be controlling.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been guilty of checking your partner's phone before?
Speaker 1: I
Speaker 2: don't like to do it because I always go if
Speaker 2: you're going to go look for something, you're gonna find
Speaker 2: something and it could be, but at the same time,
Speaker 2: I'm like, you don't wanna do that to yourself because
Speaker 2: you hurt yourself jimmy, just trust your partner enough to
Speaker 2: be like, no, I don't look
Speaker 1: okay, hold on. But what if I am guilty? I've
Speaker 1: checked my partner's not jeremy. Yeah.
Speaker 2: When you're a kid, right? When you're like teenagers,
Speaker 1: you know, I have checked my partner's phone before, but
Speaker 1: I had a reason, I had a feeling and you know,
Speaker 1: I had a gut feeling and I did find something
Speaker 1: that was pretty disastrous at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: So I don't know whether, you know if you're you
Speaker 1: give your partner a reason to feel insecure or guilty.
Speaker 1: Like where does this begin? Like is it because I
Speaker 1: made my partners feel insecure. That's why he checked my phone.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
Speaker 2: There's a theory like everyone is self destructive in some
Speaker 2: way where like
Speaker 2: you've got a good thing going on and you're happy
Speaker 2: in this little bubble that you form
Speaker 2: that you're almost like it's too good to be true.
Speaker 2: So you go looking for something or like you find
Speaker 2: out like
Speaker 2: little things annoy you whether he may not pick up
Speaker 2: the laundry or he may not do the dishes or
Speaker 2: like like as simple as those little tiny tasks could
Speaker 2: be one of those things that like snowballs you two
Speaker 2: having a reaction. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. It's just
Speaker 1: like either you have a reason to like you have
Speaker 1: a gut feeling or you're like it's too good to
Speaker 1: be true. I can't, I
Speaker 1: there must be something that's why it's hard. But I
Speaker 1: think from what I've experienced, the insecurity comes from the person,
Speaker 1: not what the partner is doing in the relationship. The
Speaker 1: insecurity is not what you've done
Speaker 1: to the partner, but majority of it comes from the
Speaker 1: partner itself. I think that's what it stems from. And
Speaker 1: then the actions after that pile up on top of it, right?
Speaker 2: They must have had a bad experience. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's never in the future.
Speaker 1: So let's say you guys have a suspicion on each
Speaker 1: other on something or like you're unhappy about something. You
Speaker 1: would first talk about it, right?
Speaker 1: You guys have this open relationship
Speaker 2: like communications, right? You don't talk in, your relationship is
Speaker 2: never gonna work.
Speaker 1: Who is more of the person that raises things up
Speaker 1: and confronts the other? Or is it even?
Speaker 2: It's hard, right? Because tabs are stubborn and I'm stubborn.
Speaker 2: No, like swear spread out, spread out. I think my
Speaker 2: most toxic traces, I just shut off and ignore people.
Speaker 2: Whereas like, so me and towers, if we have an argument,
Speaker 2: we'll do the standard thing just ignoring each other for
Speaker 2: a little bit and then we like someone will do
Speaker 2: something stupid and then we'll just talk about it. I
Speaker 2: think it after. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think you ignore me
Speaker 1: to be, I'll show you I'll ignore you, but my
Speaker 1: style of handling um stuff is to take a moment
Speaker 1: to just not speak because if I speak straight off
Speaker 1: the bat, I'm going to say something I regret.
Speaker 1: That's so I always speak, Don't speak and I wait
Speaker 1: until I'm a little bit more calm and then I'm
Speaker 1: like okay, then I will speak, but I think he
Speaker 1: takes it as a she's not talking to me, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna talk to her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's terrible. It's terrible. It's very mature, very mature
Speaker 2: and I know that it's very mature
Speaker 1: and I think certain traits like this come with age
Speaker 1: and experience and maturity as well. Like I used to
Speaker 1: be super fiery back then in my relationships. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm right.
Speaker 2: I'm right. I think that's a defense mechanism. You're defending yourself, right?
Speaker 2: Like you would be fired because you're like, well I'm
Speaker 2: not going to be attacked. I'm gonna defend myself by
Speaker 2: attacking back. Yeah. My defenses just
Speaker 1: hindsight. When you look back at it, you're like, maybe
Speaker 1: I should have just calm down a little
Speaker 1: before, you know, like going all out and you like
Speaker 1: you just learn these things with time, right? Exactly. With experience.
Speaker 1: So types in a previous interview with vogue, Nice feature
Speaker 1: by the way and you work quite a bit with
Speaker 1: them to some nice photos coming out from there. Maybe
Speaker 1: the next one will be with louis modeling debut. Perhaps
Speaker 1: you never know. Um you mentioned that, you know, obviously
Speaker 1: louis helped you confront certain things in your past toxic
Speaker 1: relationship as well. So, tell us more about that and how,
Speaker 1: you know, a couple can work together
Speaker 1: after having a past like that.
Speaker 2: I knew something was up with tabs and then I
Speaker 2: think a couple months down the line,
Speaker 2: we just actually had like a sit down talk about
Speaker 2: it because you were like, and this was in the
Speaker 2: case of like, oh, I asked what was wrong and
Speaker 2: she said nothing. Like I you know, when you can
Speaker 2: just tell you engage something's happened in the
Speaker 1: background that you could tell
Speaker 2: something. I think it was just I think I think
Speaker 2: it's just watching her interact with like said person or
Speaker 2: like seeing her
Speaker 2: behavior change slightly. And I think those are kind of
Speaker 2: like tell was like, you know, I'm not trying to
Speaker 2: say to put you down anyway, but you know, when
Speaker 2: you can tell like, a child has been told off
Speaker 2: by the month, right? Like say in a supermarket, you
Speaker 2: can tell a child being told off by their mom
Speaker 2: and their moods change. I think it's almost like that
Speaker 2: where you get inside yourself or you notice someone get
Speaker 2: inside yourself and you're like, oh, that's not right.
Speaker 1: But what you're talking about, when I would
Speaker 2: have like interactions, you have interactions is what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: Okay, so because the X was still in the equation,
Speaker 2: it's like crossover in the sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And so I guess you must have seen some
Speaker 2: Sense? Something. Yeah, 100%, Just like properly sketchy behavior.
Speaker 2: Was
Speaker 1: it a difficult conversation for you guys to have? The
Speaker 1: conversation in itself is always going to be difficult. But
Speaker 1: I didn't feel like it was hard to tell him
Speaker 1: because of how understanding he is. I think
Speaker 2: it's harder to hear. Open.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But so you have a child and you have like
Speaker 2: this X amount of love for that child and then
Speaker 2: you know that the child getting bullied or getting hit
Speaker 2: or like something much worse has happened to the child,
Speaker 2: painful for you to hear. Yeah, it's painful for you
Speaker 2: to hear. But also at the same time you're like
Speaker 2: I hate injustice, what can I do? Yeah, I mean
Speaker 2: so I'm like a helpless partners. Like I want to
Speaker 2: like stamp on his face like great, that sounds like 100% right?
Speaker 2: Like I like I want to like but there's like
Speaker 2: initial reaction. You feel
Speaker 2: terrible for the person and then your main focus now
Speaker 2: is on like, okay well how do I help this person?
Speaker 2: You migrate? That energy that you had for like ruining
Speaker 2: someone to like, okay how can I help? The one
Speaker 2: that you love? That
Speaker 1: was my next question. What did you what sort of
Speaker 1: steps did you take or identify to take to help
Speaker 1: to be? Because I think for the benefit of our
Speaker 1: audience as well, I know it sometimes so broad and
Speaker 1: difficult to address a topic like this,
Speaker 1: but if you could, what were some things you did
Speaker 1: to support her?
Speaker 2: I think I think knowing what went on in the
Speaker 2: background previously I tried to the complete opposite in the
Speaker 2: sense of like, I don't think tabs as much control
Speaker 2: of what she was allowed to wear what to do.
Speaker 2: I don't think she had control of her own money.
Speaker 2: For example, even though like we work together now, I
Speaker 2: don't deal with any of that stuff I put on
Speaker 2: a pedestal because I'm like, I want her to be
Speaker 2: the most
Speaker 2: independent like boss as bits that she could be because
Speaker 2: she should know how that feels and she is, that
Speaker 2: makes sense. I don't want to feeling small again. And
Speaker 2: I think that's like the hard thing to work out.
Speaker 1: So it starts from the basic actions basically
Speaker 2: we're going to eat like just putting those, giving the
Speaker 2: like the control yeah the choices and let her decide
Speaker 2: to dictate
Speaker 2: where she wants to go and what she wants to
Speaker 2: do is not being lazy. I think it just being
Speaker 2: like consider it.
Speaker 1: Yeah and you make decisions together
Speaker 2: exactly, you're equal. You're just equal. You're not like it's
Speaker 2: not like this man being like gentlemen and all that,
Speaker 2: you generally just are equal and be like, hey you
Speaker 2: make the decisions as well.
Speaker 1: So to be obviously, you know, as we come to
Speaker 1: an end to our podcast very soon in a few minutes,
Speaker 1: how would you then identify certain things
Speaker 1: to uh certain people, for example, friends, family members, how
Speaker 1: can they show support or how can they reach out
Speaker 1: to someone who might be going through a toxic relationship.
Speaker 1: One of the main, like, pieces of advice I would
Speaker 1: give is that
Speaker 1: just
Speaker 1: Be there, there's going to be moments where like, survivors
Speaker 1: feel like they are taking three steps forwards and then
Speaker 1: it's gonna be like 10 steps back and then they'll
Speaker 1: try again. It's like five steps forward, one step back
Speaker 1: and it's gonna be like this wave of like, you know,
Speaker 1: up and down
Speaker 2: of
Speaker 1: trying to to to leave or whatever, right? But I
Speaker 1: think there needs to be constant support
Speaker 1: because if they feel constantly supported, they're going to have
Speaker 1: a bit more courage to do it because you can't
Speaker 1: just tell someone to leave, they need to feel like
Speaker 1: they
Speaker 2: can.
Speaker 2: So you guys have been friends for a long time,
Speaker 2: did you ever pick anything up? Right? Did you ever
Speaker 2: get a vibe or a sense of anything? You
Speaker 1: know, the funny thing is when we were working together
Speaker 1: at the period of time, it was so much more
Speaker 1: of a relationship that it was hanging out with that
Speaker 1: and I don't think that I was really in tabs
Speaker 1: in a circle at the point in time to not
Speaker 1: to make excuses or anything. But yeah, I don't think
Speaker 1: I interacted with them enough to see certain things. Maybe
Speaker 1: like you know, if there's somebody that's listening out there
Speaker 1: that you are some how in the same relationship where
Speaker 1: you know it's toxic or whatever, this is advice I
Speaker 1: would have given myself back then be open and speak
Speaker 1: to somebody about it. That was my thing. I did
Speaker 1: not want anyone to know that this was what I
Speaker 1: was going through. So I refused to tell anyone. Even
Speaker 1: my closest best friend had no idea for six years.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to open up. I didn't want to
Speaker 1: talk to anybody about it because I felt like this
Speaker 1: was my problem. It's something I needed to deal with.
Speaker 1: But your friends and your family are there to help
Speaker 1: if you open up. Were you concerned about
Speaker 1: the image of your relationship to others at that point
Speaker 1: in time when you're in a toxic relationship and you know,
Speaker 1: you mentioned you don't really open up to many people.
Speaker 1: You're closest friends. Were you worried about saving phase or
Speaker 1: the image? Yeah. I mean I didn't I again, I
Speaker 1: didn't want people to perceive me to be something else. Right?
Speaker 1: I am Captain Mauser
Speaker 1: the singer, right? And like, you know, I I think
Speaker 1: I project, you know really like extroverted like friendly personality.
Speaker 1: I didn't want people to think of me as somebody
Speaker 1: that wasn't strong, right? And so I didn't want anyone
Speaker 1: to know. And you also wanted your relationship to look
Speaker 1: strong on the outside on socials. I don't think so
Speaker 1: much about
Speaker 1: the relationship. I didn't want the relationship to look
Speaker 2: strong. It was more
Speaker 1: of me because I was with this person. I you
Speaker 1: know how you know, when you were the partner, your
Speaker 1: partner reflects you and blah blah blah. Um I just
Speaker 1: wanted people to look at my choice and be like, yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: she made a she made a good choice, right? And
Speaker 1: so I didn't want it to
Speaker 1: be perceived as like,
Speaker 1: oh, how could she end up? You know, like how
Speaker 1: when did this happen? Like this makes no sense. But
Speaker 1: on a related note, I think, you know, we've all
Speaker 1: seen a fair share of people on instagram and are
Speaker 1: portraying this like beautiful relationship. You know, all these nice
Speaker 1: pictures and all that and you don't know what is
Speaker 1: actually going on behind there because sometimes they just want
Speaker 1: to project
Speaker 1: a perfect
Speaker 2: relationship. But I think that's where like every fox up
Speaker 2: at the same time because you want to be relatable
Speaker 2: at the same time. I mean like tabs had her
Speaker 2: ep come out things I should've said ep where tells
Speaker 2: a very honest and open about it and I think
Speaker 2: it's the most relatable piece of work that she's done, right?
Speaker 2: Where so much so that everyone would comment on it
Speaker 2: and be like, I've been feeling exactly the same thing
Speaker 2: I've been going through that or I've had friends that
Speaker 2: go through that and I think
Speaker 2: that allows you to connect more and shows that
Speaker 2: just by being yourself and showing a bit of weakness
Speaker 2: allows you to be stronger than like the long run.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And that's something that I've
Speaker 2: learned 100
Speaker 1: after anything else that you guys would like to add
Speaker 1: maybe even as a couple to our audience members before
Speaker 1: we wrap up,
Speaker 2: your friend may be defensive still,
Speaker 2: right? But don't give up on them. Don't give up checking.
Speaker 2: Like save you fall out,
Speaker 2: be a good friend in the sense of checking on them,
Speaker 2: maybe like a month down the line or two months
Speaker 2: down the line because maybe they're dynamic has changed because
Speaker 2: you have lost friends who were trying to reach out
Speaker 2: where I'm like, I'm not saying it's on them to
Speaker 2: do it, but like say they reached out three months
Speaker 2: down the line where your mood has changed. You might
Speaker 2: have been like, yeah, this has been happening.
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't give up on trying to say,
Speaker 1: I think that's a very important point because with a
Speaker 1: lot of friendships and relationships when it reaches the breaking
Speaker 1: point where like I'm telling you
Speaker 2: that you understand
Speaker 1: why don't you and then you give
Speaker 2: up and you know exactly what I'm saying is
Speaker 2: you can do that and you may be like if
Speaker 2: you're a good friend and even though you've got a
Speaker 2: strong relationship in a couple months down the line just
Speaker 2: be like, hey, you okay, is everything okay? I know
Speaker 2: I was a bit of a dick pushing it, but
Speaker 2: I want to check in again. Yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah, because
Speaker 2: they may not like appreciate it then, but they will
Speaker 2: appreciate it later.
Speaker 1: And I think we've had so many key takeaways from
Speaker 1: this podcast, you know, although I understand it can be
Speaker 1: tough sometimes to open up about these things and I
Speaker 1: really respect and admire that you guys came on talked
Speaker 1: about it to be especially, you know, I know you
Speaker 1: have tons of experiences to share and I hope that
Speaker 1: you didn't have to hold back too much on it.
Speaker 1: I know that there are details where it's tough to
Speaker 1: review on a public platform as well, but you hit
Speaker 1: many key points and louis thank you for sharing how
Speaker 1: you support it to be along the way too. I
Speaker 1: think
Speaker 1: you guys are perfect match. I'm so glad you found
Speaker 1: each other. Um I made me love louise cooking but
Speaker 1: still I love you guys together. She's saying she doesn't
Speaker 1: love you.
Speaker 2: Just
Speaker 1: your food. Well, yes, and
Speaker 2: so it's
Speaker 1: fantastic to see you guys build a life together with
Speaker 1: your little animal farm happening is so adorable. What Yeah,
Speaker 1: we do have.
Speaker 2: So
Speaker 1: what do you guys have on coming up in the
Speaker 1: next few months,
Speaker 2: her single coming out in next couple of months. We
Speaker 2: don't really
Speaker 1: have a date yet but we know that it's going
Speaker 1: to be in the next
Speaker 2: two. I'm hoping before Chinese new year. Right? Hopefully fingers crossed.
Speaker 2: We're currently twitching and live streaming.
Speaker 1: Yes. So
Speaker 2: I'm playing a few games. Yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah, but lose the main one. Okay, let's be real.
Speaker 1: I'm just sort of there is like uh
Speaker 2: joining me,
Speaker 1: I can't even never get my way around Call of duty.
Speaker 1: Like I'm shooting this guy like floor. Like I don't
Speaker 1: know how to thank you guys so much for joining
Speaker 1: us for having us. We had a fantastic time is
Speaker 1: the first time we've ever sat down to do something
Speaker 1: like this.
Speaker 1: Especially to address such a challenging
Speaker 2: topic that
Speaker 1: has so many layers. But you know, thank you for
Speaker 1: being personal And opening up as well. On a more
Speaker 1: serious note, if you feel like you are in any
Speaker 1: sort of trouble or physical danger, you should consider calling
Speaker 1: the national anti violence helpline. That is 1 800 triple
Speaker 1: 70000 facing violence or abuse is not a trivial matter.
Speaker 1: So we really hope that you reach out to the
Speaker 1: right people
Speaker 1: and it could start with just talking to your friends
Speaker 1: and loved ones and know that you are not alone.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of
Speaker 1: men explain if you like this episode, please hit the
Speaker 1: follow button. We are on Spotify and Apple podcasts also
Speaker 1: follow at its clarity dot co on instagram and facebook
Speaker 1: From our content like this, we'll see you next
Speaker 2: time. Bye bye.