WEBVTT - Should I be worried if my partner is a frequent clubber? 0:00:00.009 --> 0:00:04.340 Welcome to another episode of me. Explain. Today's topic hits 0:00:04.349 --> 0:00:07.780 home a little bit and I'm kind of concerned about 0:00:07.789 --> 0:00:10.800 this one. I hardly ever say that, but the topic 0:00:10.810 --> 0:00:14.340 is about clubbing. Should we be worried if our partner 0:00:14.350 --> 0:00:16.219 is a frequent clubber? 0:00:23.520 --> 0:00:25.649 Now, today I've got a special friend here with me. 0:00:25.659 --> 0:00:27.559 I've known him for quite some time and guess where 0:00:27.569 --> 0:00:30.770 we met at a party in a club. It's Myrne. 0:00:30.780 --> 0:00:32.729 Please welcome my. Hello. Thanks, 0:00:32.740 --> 0:00:35.470 Sonia. Thanks for having me. My name is my, I'm 0:00:35.479 --> 0:00:39.130 a DJ producer based in Singapore. And, um, 0:00:39.659 --> 0:00:43.029 yeah, I go to clubs quite a bit to work 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:44.509 and to enjoy myself. 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:47.918 Ok. So, before we delve into the topic, you work 0:00:47.930 --> 0:00:51.278 at the club, but you also enjoy partying, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 0:00:51.290 --> 0:00:54.130 So how do you sort of differentiate that? Do you, 0:00:54.279 --> 0:00:55.090 when you go there, you 0:00:55.169 --> 0:00:57.700 work mode and then you also go there to party 0:00:57.709 --> 0:00:57.919 with that 0:00:58.400 --> 0:01:01.220 because it's, it's kind of like a workplace for me. Right. 0:01:01.229 --> 0:01:03.270 So I go there really? Just to, it sounds cheesy. 0:01:03.279 --> 0:01:05.250 But I go there to listen to music, to do 0:01:05.260 --> 0:01:06.289 research too 0:01:07.190 --> 0:01:08.150 all the time. Yeah. 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:09.989 Yeah. Most of the time unless, you know, you go 0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:13.690 to like a, a party club or something. But, yeah, 0:01:13.699 --> 0:01:16.489 I think most of it is, you know, I can 0:01:16.500 --> 0:01:17.120 split it 0:01:17.949 --> 0:01:18.539 quite 0:01:18.550 --> 0:01:21.650 well. So when you first started djing, did it make 0:01:21.660 --> 0:01:23.599 dating challenging for you? I 0:01:23.610 --> 0:01:26.449 think. Not really. I think it's more so just finding 0:01:26.459 --> 0:01:30.639 a person that manages those schedules a bit better because 0:01:30.650 --> 0:01:33.230 you're working through, you know, Friday, Saturday the weekend. 0:01:33.540 --> 0:01:38.050 Um, Just so finding someone that can manage those times. 0:01:38.069 --> 0:01:39.599 Um Yeah, that's all you need. I think. So. 0:01:39.610 --> 0:01:43.000 Why do you think clubbing has such a bad rep then? Because, 0:01:43.010 --> 0:01:44.480 you know, from, from our point of view or from 0:01:44.489 --> 0:01:47.580 your point of view, it's quite professional clearly because you're 0:01:47.589 --> 0:01:50.720 also working and it's also like networking, you know, you 0:01:50.730 --> 0:01:52.730 meet a lot of people there. Why do you think 0:01:52.739 --> 0:01:54.089 it has such a bad rep? 0:01:54.300 --> 0:01:57.290 Well, this is my experience, you know, playing in Asia 0:01:57.300 --> 0:01:59.300 and mostly in the US. Um I will go to 0:01:59.309 --> 0:02:02.129 a lot of raves in the US and people there 0:02:02.519 --> 0:02:05.120 like it was very dingy, like you would pay, I 0:02:05.129 --> 0:02:07.510 think like five bucks to enter a drink was super cheap. 0:02:07.519 --> 0:02:09.850 So people were just there to catch, you know, artists 0:02:09.860 --> 0:02:10.440 or catch them 0:02:10.820 --> 0:02:14.820 some really cool performances. Um Whereas here, clubbing is kind 0:02:14.830 --> 0:02:18.940 of like a refined kind of societal triggering. Like you 0:02:18.949 --> 0:02:20.880 kind of go there to either, you know, spend money 0:02:20.889 --> 0:02:24.758 or flex conspicuous consumption, buy some bottles and all 0:02:24.770 --> 0:02:28.000 that, like a whole bathtub of it. I only see 0:02:28.008 --> 0:02:28.440 in Asia. 0:02:29.380 --> 0:02:32.649 Same, same. Um, so I guess that's where the difference lies. 0:02:32.660 --> 0:02:35.869 Ok, so then taking your perception of what clubbing is 0:02:35.880 --> 0:02:36.490 in Asia, 0:02:36.779 --> 0:02:39.059 um, you think that's why it has struck up a 0:02:39.070 --> 0:02:41.710 bad name. Like, or people just have this impression guys 0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:44.669 go there to flex to girls, pick, pick girls up, girls, 0:02:44.679 --> 0:02:46.839 go there to look for rich guys. Is that, is 0:02:46.850 --> 0:02:48.399 that what it is? I think so and I think 0:02:48.410 --> 0:02:51.830 it's just a matter of um you know, time, like 0:02:51.839 --> 0:02:54.970 given enough time, any kind of um scene, no 0:02:55.160 --> 0:02:57.839 industry of progress. And also that I think running a 0:02:57.850 --> 0:03:00.720 club in Singapore is really hard. So the clubs that 0:03:00.729 --> 0:03:04.080 tend to survive are the ones that, you know, encourage 0:03:04.089 --> 0:03:07.660 like the spending kind of mentality. So, I mean, naturally 0:03:07.669 --> 0:03:12.009 follows that these behaviors are also kind of not prioritized 0:03:12.020 --> 0:03:14.860 but you know, um put in the spotlight la 0:03:15.500 --> 0:03:19.449 OK. So from your experience, what do you then enjoy 0:03:19.460 --> 0:03:20.070 about the night life? 0:03:20.639 --> 0:03:21.198 Ok. Like 0:03:21.210 --> 0:03:23.820 this is a super mundane point. But, but this is, 0:03:23.830 --> 0:03:25.508 I think going out to a club is the only 0:03:25.520 --> 0:03:29.330 time I can catch some of my friends because yeah, 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:33.550 because people work weird hours, long hours. Um I think, yeah, 0:03:33.559 --> 0:03:36.009 like first of all, it's easy to catch them. Um 0:03:36.020 --> 0:03:38.220 you know, when it's, when it's night. And second, I 0:03:38.229 --> 0:03:40.850 think Singapore is also a pretty good spot for electronic 0:03:40.860 --> 0:03:43.679 music in general. Live music. Like lots of DJ S, 0:03:43.690 --> 0:03:45.050 lots of bands come through. 0:03:45.429 --> 0:03:48.289 Um, so you get a lot of really interesting performances. Like, 0:03:48.300 --> 0:03:50.399 that's what, um, I really enjoy. I, 0:03:50.410 --> 0:03:55.389 I completely agree because, um, I've gotten into some arguments before, like, 0:03:55.399 --> 0:03:56.800 with my current partner 0:03:57.119 --> 0:03:59.940 and my previous partners about the fact that I like 0:03:59.949 --> 0:04:02.389 to go out and party and I think it's because 0:04:02.399 --> 0:04:04.529 of this perception that, oh, you know, when you go 0:04:04.539 --> 0:04:07.970 out to party, it's really just like a bad behavior 0:04:07.979 --> 0:04:09.740 or like, you know, all that kind of stuff that 0:04:09.750 --> 0:04:12.889 rack up, you know, bad reputation for the club. But 0:04:13.000 --> 0:04:15.490 to be honest, generally, I will go if I like 0:04:15.500 --> 0:04:17.230 the DJ. Firstly, I need to like the music, 0:04:17.329 --> 0:04:20.010 music. If not, there's no point of me going out 0:04:20.019 --> 0:04:22.488 at all. Like I connect with the music. I want 0:04:22.500 --> 0:04:24.820 to like have fun with my friends and these are 0:04:24.829 --> 0:04:27.149 the things that I enjoy going out for. So I'm 0:04:27.160 --> 0:04:28.980 going to read you a couple of stereotypes and you 0:04:28.988 --> 0:04:31.140 tell me whether you think it's true. Ok. Sure, sure 0:04:31.149 --> 0:04:34.269 of frequent partygoers. And then I feel like we need 0:04:34.279 --> 0:04:37.480 to dispel some of this, some of this points over here. Ok. 0:04:37.779 --> 0:04:40.320 So the first point is they love to party. 0:04:40.709 --> 0:04:43.709 Always looking for a good time indulging in excessive drinking 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:47.899 or looking for casual sexual encounters and engaging in risky behavior. 0:04:48.079 --> 0:04:51.100 Is that, do you think is valid behavior. I don't 0:04:51.109 --> 0:04:53.589 know what is risky behavior. You guys tell me, 0:04:54.738 --> 0:04:57.140 I think clubbing as a whole is kind of, um, 0:04:57.149 --> 0:05:00.200 you assign what kind of whatever value you want to. It, like, 0:05:00.209 --> 0:05:03.690 clubbing also means different things to different people. Right. Some people, like, 0:05:03.700 --> 0:05:05.549 it could really just mean going to, like 0:05:05.829 --> 0:05:06.829 a disco. 0:05:06.899 --> 0:05:09.739 Right. Oh, that's not my thing though. I can't, I can't. Sure. 0:05:09.750 --> 0:05:12.018 Sure. Yeah, for some people it means that some people, 0:05:12.029 --> 0:05:14.720 it means, you know, going to like a mega club, 0:05:14.730 --> 0:05:17.369 buying some drinks and have a good time. I don't 0:05:17.380 --> 0:05:21.669 think it's necessarily like a reflection of who you are. Yeah, 0:05:21.690 --> 0:05:21.719 I 0:05:21.769 --> 0:05:27.190 think it's so misunderstood because also like when your single 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:29.678 friends are single, they be like, oh, hey, let's go 0:05:29.690 --> 0:05:29.880 like 0:05:30.045 --> 0:05:34.734 let's go, let's go rack it up or whatever. OK. 0:05:34.744 --> 0:05:39.515 Next point they are superficial, materialistic, very focused on physical appearance, um, 0:05:39.524 --> 0:05:43.934 expensive items and seeking shallow pursuits. These are very strong words, guys. 0:05:43.945 --> 0:05:47.053 Where did you get this survey from? Do you think 0:05:47.065 --> 0:05:48.924 that is necessarily the case? 0:05:49.035 --> 0:05:53.815 Maybe I think some percentage percentage but I mean 0:05:54.488 --> 0:05:56.260 to be frank, I think everyone looks good in like 0:05:56.269 --> 0:05:58.919 the dark light, you know, so 0:05:59.709 --> 0:06:02.700 the dark and beer goggles, everyone looks good like 100 0:06:02.709 --> 0:06:03.519 times better at five 0:06:03.529 --> 0:06:04.690 AM. The lights turn on you like 0:06:05.649 --> 0:06:08.619 even I look at myself, I'm scared at 5 a.m. 0:06:08.630 --> 0:06:11.420 I'm like, whoa what was going on? Ok. The next 0:06:11.428 --> 0:06:15.630 one they lack commitment and stability spending frequent nights at 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:16.359 a club could imply 0:06:16.459 --> 0:06:19.289 that they're not serious at looking at long term commitments 0:06:19.299 --> 0:06:21.868 or anything serious at all. It could also seem to 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:26.510 suggest that these individuals need a more spontaneous and independent lifestyle. 0:06:26.519 --> 0:06:28.920 My partner is going to have a lot to say 0:06:28.928 --> 0:06:33.140 about this. Like this is a constant point of contention 0:06:33.149 --> 0:06:33.399 for 0:06:33.410 --> 0:06:36.429 us. Yeah. So like, what do you guys usually like? 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:38.329 So when you go out, you don't really go out together. 0:06:38.928 --> 0:06:39.500 So we 0:06:39.510 --> 0:06:43.219 do, we do. It's just that I think, um, OK, 0:06:43.390 --> 0:06:46.109 have you ever heard of the phrase? Like people ask you, 0:06:46.149 --> 0:06:48.279 when are you going to grow out of this or 0:06:48.290 --> 0:06:52.549 when are you going to stop partying? Have you heard that? Ok. 0:06:52.559 --> 0:06:55.640 I personally dislike that because I meet a lot of 0:06:55.649 --> 0:06:58.029 people who they never grow out of it. I don't 0:06:58.040 --> 0:07:00.010 think that's something you need to grow out of. You're 0:07:00.019 --> 0:07:02.768 not excessively doing it. If you just enjoy music, you 0:07:02.779 --> 0:07:03.659 enjoy going out. 0:07:03.970 --> 0:07:07.618 I don't think there's anything to grow out of. No. Like, 0:07:07.630 --> 0:07:09.000 don't hate me for saying that, 0:07:09.010 --> 0:07:12.179 but I, I definitely agree. I think it's not really, 0:07:12.350 --> 0:07:14.619 it's just another thing that people like to do. I 0:07:14.630 --> 0:07:18.950 don't think it innately carries any kind of connotations and 0:07:18.959 --> 0:07:19.859 I think it's fine. 0:07:20.054 --> 0:07:22.234 Like if you really like clubbing, well, it depends what 0:07:22.244 --> 0:07:23.144 you like clubbing for. 0:07:23.154 --> 0:07:26.535 Exactly. Yeah, I think there's so many layers to it. When, 0:07:26.575 --> 0:07:29.424 you know, people throw that term around, I think, immediately 0:07:29.434 --> 0:07:32.105 they think, oh, late nights, bad behavior. When are you 0:07:32.114 --> 0:07:34.575 going to grow out of that? But yeah, it's really 0:07:34.584 --> 0:07:36.065 what you want to make out of it. Ok. 0:07:36.279 --> 0:07:38.170 Last point here, tell me if you agree with it, 0:07:38.329 --> 0:07:41.820 they are irresponsible. Partygoers are depicted as individuals who neglect 0:07:41.829 --> 0:07:46.119 responsibilities where they prioritize having fun over other important aspects 0:07:46.130 --> 0:07:48.309 of their lives. I disagree. Like, 0:07:48.320 --> 0:07:50.369 what, you know, like, what else is there in life 0:07:50.380 --> 0:07:52.190 to do except go to, you 0:07:52.200 --> 0:07:54.869 know, I mean, I guess people who have normal day 0:07:54.880 --> 0:07:58.410 jobs because our hours are a bit different. Yeah. Yeah. 0:07:58.420 --> 0:08:02.410 Yeah. No, I think everyone needs some kind of release 0:08:02.420 --> 0:08:04.109 or like a place just to have fun. 0:08:04.350 --> 0:08:07.200 Um, and it could be perfectly innocent, I think. Yeah. 0:08:07.209 --> 0:08:07.410 But 0:08:07.420 --> 0:08:10.739 even, ok, you know, when it comes to drinking, right, 0:08:10.959 --> 0:08:13.369 sometimes it's more often than not, it's the alcohol that 0:08:13.380 --> 0:08:15.950 makes you do stupid things. You drink too much, you 0:08:15.959 --> 0:08:18.279 do stupid things and then it becomes a question of 0:08:18.290 --> 0:08:21.519 whether you can make a conscious decision to stop at 0:08:21.529 --> 0:08:23.799 a certain point because I think clubbing as a whole 0:08:23.809 --> 0:08:27.630 is not a bad thing. It's the consumption of alcohol actually. 0:08:27.649 --> 0:08:28.619 That's how I feel. 0:08:28.695 --> 0:08:30.994 Yeah. Yeah. Can you go out, like, for a good 0:08:31.005 --> 0:08:32.614 night without any alcohol? Oh, yeah. 0:08:32.635 --> 0:08:35.354 I've been trying that out, I think after COVID. How 0:08:35.375 --> 0:08:38.135 is that working? Ok. Ok. Now I'm just the kind 0:08:38.145 --> 0:08:40.005 of guy that, you know, will have a craft beer. 0:08:40.015 --> 0:08:42.155 And I'm like, oh, I love the aftertaste on this 0:08:42.164 --> 0:08:44.824 or something. I think prior to COVID, like a few 0:08:44.835 --> 0:08:46.405 years ago I would get, 0:08:46.890 --> 0:08:49.419 you know, really drunk. Like, I would use alcohol as 0:08:49.429 --> 0:08:52.119 a crutch because I think what alcohol is, it just 0:08:52.320 --> 0:08:56.630 increases your agency and lowers your inhibitions. So it really 0:08:56.640 --> 0:09:00.218 depends like, what is there at the surface? Right? I 0:09:00.229 --> 0:09:02.619 guess for a lot of people it's like liquid courage. 0:09:02.630 --> 0:09:03.830 You know, it's like, I don't know how to talk 0:09:03.840 --> 0:09:05.819 to girls. If I get drunk, I'm going to be 0:09:05.830 --> 0:09:07.039 able to pick up anyone. 0:09:07.590 --> 0:09:12.119 Um, sure. But really if you're drinking alcohol, it just 0:09:12.130 --> 0:09:14.710 means you're just having a good time and there's no, 0:09:14.770 --> 0:09:18.280 I think natively negative connotation it comes to 0:09:18.289 --> 0:09:20.968 that, I think. Unfortunately it's just the stuff that we 0:09:20.979 --> 0:09:24.780 see sometimes on social media people, like, you know, being 0:09:24.789 --> 0:09:25.289 a wreck or, 0:09:25.380 --> 0:09:28.939 or, I don't know, getting up to stupid things fighting. Yeah. 0:09:28.950 --> 0:09:31.479 That kind of stuff that gives the whole industry like 0:09:31.489 --> 0:09:34.190 a bad name. But speaking of which, have you ever 0:09:34.200 --> 0:09:37.979 been stereotyped because of your job or because you're in nightlife? 0:09:38.260 --> 0:09:41.940 They definitely assume things based off. Like, oh, so you 0:09:41.950 --> 0:09:45.289 love partying? You love going out and I don't really 0:09:45.729 --> 0:09:48.189 enjoy it as much as people think I do. 0:09:48.469 --> 0:09:50.929 I think, like, when I go out clubbing it's really 0:09:50.940 --> 0:09:54.280 just to see music. Like, I can go sober, I 0:09:54.289 --> 0:09:57.349 can go alone or with my partner. Um So yeah, 0:09:57.359 --> 0:09:59.549 I think everyone is totally different. 0:09:59.739 --> 0:10:02.179 So you mentioned that you can go out with your partner, 0:10:02.190 --> 0:10:02.718 you can 0:10:03.109 --> 0:10:06.840 party with her. How, so how did you guys talk about? This? 0:10:06.849 --> 0:10:09.729 Is she also very similar to you in terms of personality? Yeah, 0:10:09.739 --> 0:10:10.219 super 0:10:10.229 --> 0:10:13.200 similar. And also we met um while she was working 0:10:13.210 --> 0:10:17.319 for a club, like not, not um during the nightlife period, 0:10:17.330 --> 0:10:20.469 but I think like doing marketing or day and we 0:10:20.479 --> 0:10:23.729 both love live music. We both love electronic music. Um, 0:10:23.739 --> 0:10:26.440 so I think it's quite compatible and quite easy. Sometimes 0:10:26.450 --> 0:10:27.939 I'll be like, I want to see this person 0:10:28.219 --> 0:10:29.919 and then she'll be like, oh, I don't want, I 0:10:29.929 --> 0:10:31.400 kind of want to stay at home. I said, ok, 0:10:31.409 --> 0:10:32.679 I'll just go and check it out a little bit 0:10:32.690 --> 0:10:33.309 and come back. 0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:35.309 Yeah. So she's ok with you going out to party 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:37.799 a lot and you're ok with her going out to party. 0:10:38.059 --> 0:10:40.478 I think so. Yeah. Ok. So tell me more about 0:10:40.489 --> 0:10:42.609 that because I think this is a point of contention 0:10:42.619 --> 0:10:45.140 for a lot of couples. When you're in a committed relationship, 0:10:45.150 --> 0:10:47.439 it makes it more difficult for you to do your 0:10:47.450 --> 0:10:51.200 own thing, especially partying late at night. Right. 0:10:51.210 --> 0:10:55.830 Um It really depends a lot on trust and communication. 0:10:56.119 --> 0:10:59.859 So I guess just communicate well with your partner and 0:10:59.869 --> 0:11:04.090 um trust like we both earnestly love music. So we'll 0:11:04.099 --> 0:11:06.039 go out just to see music and just have a 0:11:06.049 --> 0:11:08.929 good time and then together, more time together than not. 0:11:09.179 --> 0:11:13.010 And you've never had a fight about anything related to, 0:11:13.820 --> 0:11:14.330 I guess. 0:11:14.340 --> 0:11:17.669 The, the one. Yeah. No, this was a few years ago, like, 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:19.679 really early on. Right. I was, I think I was 0:11:19.690 --> 0:11:22.609 touring the US and they were here in Singapore 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:25.520 and, you know, like how in L A time, like 0:11:25.530 --> 0:11:27.989 you wake up and then in Singapore maybe like midnight. 0:11:28.000 --> 0:11:29.809 So like by the time you have lunch in L A, 0:11:29.820 --> 0:11:33.159 it's around 4 a.m. in Singapore. So I was like 0:11:33.169 --> 0:11:34.789 texting her at lunch. I was like, are you home yet? 0:11:34.799 --> 0:11:37.150 And you get home safe and then just no reply. 0:11:37.460 --> 0:11:40.468 So obviously as a, as a guy, you assume the worst, 0:11:40.479 --> 0:11:43.270 but really they just, you know, fell asleep after getting home, 0:11:43.280 --> 0:11:45.919 you know, but that wasn't even a real fight or 0:11:45.929 --> 0:11:46.450 anything I 0:11:46.460 --> 0:11:48.489 think. But how did you react then? Were 0:11:48.500 --> 0:11:51.270 you? I'm just like, oh, this is kind of immature like, 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:53.520 why am I worrying about this? So you should put 0:11:53.530 --> 0:11:55.530 yourself back. Yeah, I guess so, you know, you kind 0:11:55.539 --> 0:11:55.929 of notice 0:11:56.000 --> 0:11:58.679 that, you know, they're a grown person like they're an 0:11:58.690 --> 0:12:02.179 adult like they can take care of themselves. Um So yeah, 0:12:02.190 --> 0:12:04.069 not too big of a deal. 0:12:04.080 --> 0:12:06.140 I think that's a good point because for me, I've 0:12:06.150 --> 0:12:09.468 definitely been in a situation like that where I'm overseas 0:12:09.479 --> 0:12:12.799 the time difference is huge. Um, I could be replying 0:12:12.809 --> 0:12:16.530 at a weird time or whatsoever. Unfortunately, it did result 0:12:16.539 --> 0:12:18.650 in a couple of really big fights before because I 0:12:18.659 --> 0:12:21.859 think ok, for my partner and I, I don't know 0:12:21.869 --> 0:12:23.349 whether I want him to watch this episode. 0:12:25.049 --> 0:12:28.179 Um, for us, like I, I would say he's in 0:12:28.190 --> 0:12:31.280 a different phase of life a little bit. So I 0:12:31.289 --> 0:12:33.479 don't know whether in his mind he's like, ok, I'm 0:12:33.489 --> 0:12:35.510 kind of over this whole scene. Like I maybe I 0:12:35.520 --> 0:12:37.900 only come out if I really like the DJ or whatever. 0:12:38.030 --> 0:12:41.140 But for me, I'm more spontaneous, like I could be 0:12:41.150 --> 0:12:44.099 having dinner with my girlfriends. Ok, I mean, if you're 0:12:44.109 --> 0:12:46.070 watching this, now, see if you relate, I could be 0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:48.150 having dinner with my girlfriends or we're chatting a couple 0:12:48.159 --> 0:12:51.080 of bottles of wine. Suddenly a genius goes, guys, you 0:12:51.090 --> 0:12:52.619 want to go out and we're like, yeah, OK, let's 0:12:52.630 --> 0:12:54.260 go to me. I'm like, yeah, 0:12:54.367 --> 0:12:57.377 OK, sure, because I'm super spontaneous and I just go 0:12:57.386 --> 0:12:59.827 with the flow, right? But for him, he's more like 0:12:59.836 --> 0:13:01.836 I'm going to plan my day and like, I'm going 0:13:01.846 --> 0:13:04.056 to do 1234 and five and then I'm going to 0:13:04.067 --> 0:13:06.836 sleep by like midnight. So he's that kind even though 0:13:06.846 --> 0:13:11.117 we're both Capricorn, but he's like a very like organized Capricorn. 0:13:11.187 --> 0:13:13.767 I am like the go with the win kind of Capricorn, 0:13:13.776 --> 0:13:17.606 you know. So in that sense, we clash because if 0:13:17.617 --> 0:13:20.295 I tell him like, hey, you know, this, this was 0:13:20.307 --> 0:13:22.976 very spontaneous. We decided at dinner like that we wanted 0:13:22.986 --> 0:13:23.317 to go 0:13:23.684 --> 0:13:25.653 be like, are you sure you didn't already want to go? 0:13:25.664 --> 0:13:27.114 And then you still don't want to tell me? And 0:13:27.124 --> 0:13:29.633 then like you, I'm not saying who's right and who's wrong? 0:13:29.643 --> 0:13:32.414 Because I think we just have both different ways of 0:13:32.424 --> 0:13:37.064 seeing the situation. So in that sense, it kind of 0:13:37.213 --> 0:13:40.494 causes some points of contention between the two of us. 0:13:40.573 --> 0:13:44.373 Um We just treat this whole thing very differently. He's 0:13:44.383 --> 0:13:46.783 not as spontaneous as I am, but to give him credit. 0:13:46.794 --> 0:13:49.374 I think over the years he has tried to be 0:13:49.383 --> 0:13:52.914 more spontaneous. Yeah. Yeah. He's tried to understand 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:54.971 then like, oh, for example, you know, we go to 0:13:54.981 --> 0:13:58.041 events often or it could be related to work and 0:13:58.051 --> 0:14:00.080 then it escalates, you know, and he's like, ok, I'll 0:14:00.091 --> 0:14:02.440 try to be more ok with that and try to 0:14:02.450 --> 0:14:04.341 let go a little bit. I don't know if you 0:14:04.351 --> 0:14:05.420 can even relate to that. 0:14:06.460 --> 0:14:09.020 Yeah, I, I think I'm the one that sleeps at 0:14:09.030 --> 0:14:12.810 midnight sometimes when you're working except when I'm working. But 0:14:12.820 --> 0:14:15.080 in Singapore, not too much. Like we don't really play 0:14:15.091 --> 0:14:18.651 too much. But yeah, my girlfriend will want, we have 0:14:18.660 --> 0:14:21.361 the exact, she's a Capricorn as well. So she will 0:14:21.370 --> 0:14:22.171 have dinner 0:14:22.570 --> 0:14:25.770 with her girlfriends and then she'll decide like, ok, we 0:14:25.780 --> 0:14:29.409 need to check out this blah, blah, blah, have to, 0:14:29.530 --> 0:14:30.500 it's a priority, 0:14:31.950 --> 0:14:35.049 you know, my number one priority and I'm like, ok, 0:14:35.059 --> 0:14:38.299 I guess I'm going, you go, sometimes I'll go, uh, 0:14:38.309 --> 0:14:41.390 sometimes if I'm really beat and I really want, I 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:43.150 had a long day or something, I'll just be like, ok, 0:14:43.159 --> 0:14:45.460 just let me know when you get home, I guess. 0:14:45.950 --> 0:14:47.770 And it's ok when she's like, oh, but it's a 0:14:47.780 --> 0:14:49.869 girls night. Will you be cool with that? 0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:51.869 I don't, I don't, I don't really care about that. 0:14:51.880 --> 0:14:54.859 It's like girls guys. I don't feel any kind of 0:14:54.869 --> 0:14:58.890 concern or anything. Um, you're going out, um, you're having 0:14:58.900 --> 0:15:01.270 a good time, like I trust you, we communicate as 0:15:01.280 --> 0:15:03.010 long as you don't, you know, like puke in the 0:15:03.020 --> 0:15:05.039 bed or anything, you know, it's fine. I guess 0:15:05.109 --> 0:15:08.239 that's quite, I mean, yeah, that's the bare minimum. 0:15:09.630 --> 0:15:12.409 I've never done that. I think. You think I have? 0:15:12.419 --> 0:15:15.679 I've never done that. So, yeah, definitely. Trust and communication 0:15:15.690 --> 0:15:18.700 is so important, right? But, um, my question is for 0:15:18.710 --> 0:15:20.640 those of us who are still navigating that, you know, 0:15:20.650 --> 0:15:23.270 for our viewers who are listening in and really trying 0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:25.570 to get some tips from this. How do you even 0:15:25.580 --> 0:15:27.520 start a conversation like that? How do you even talk 0:15:27.530 --> 0:15:30.750 about trust when you go partying clubbing? How do you 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:33.140 even communicate that without having any sort of, 0:15:34.184 --> 0:15:34.945 or meltdown? 0:15:35.065 --> 0:15:38.145 Sure. I get that. Um, well, first off, I think 0:15:38.155 --> 0:15:41.294 my personal experience was quite different. Like we were both 0:15:41.304 --> 0:15:44.065 like working in nightclubs, we were both in nightclubs. So 0:15:44.885 --> 0:15:46.885 that helped a lot because like, we've seen it for 0:15:46.895 --> 0:15:48.515 what it is and what it isn't and like, what 0:15:48.525 --> 0:15:50.875 you like, whatever you get out of it is just 0:15:50.885 --> 0:15:53.825 what you want. Right? So, I think when you're talking 0:15:53.835 --> 0:15:56.455 about this with someone who's not really like a clubber 0:15:56.465 --> 0:15:58.984 or not big into night life, I guess, 0:15:59.710 --> 0:16:02.640 honestly, it would just be to go out together, like, 0:16:02.650 --> 0:16:05.719 have a nice night together just to see how you 0:16:05.729 --> 0:16:08.760 guys react and like, and even talk about, like, ok, 0:16:08.770 --> 0:16:11.429 I'm going to this club because blah, blah, blah, like, 0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:14.030 my friends are there. I want to see this DJ, 0:16:14.039 --> 0:16:16.890 et cetera. Yeah, I think it really starts from there 0:16:17.239 --> 0:16:20.280 and I guess if there's any kind of pushback, it's also, 0:16:20.929 --> 0:16:23.469 yeah, a sign. I wouldn't, I don't know, I don't 0:16:23.479 --> 0:16:24.989 know what I'd do if my partner said like, oh, 0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:27.239 you can't go clubbing. So, like, I don't think I've 0:16:27.250 --> 0:16:29.039 experienced that. Do you? No. 0:16:29.049 --> 0:16:32.320 Um, no, my partner has never said you can't go. But, uh, 0:16:32.510 --> 0:16:35.900 so what we concluded was that if I were to 0:16:35.909 --> 0:16:38.789 go out, I just have to make sure I set expectations. Like, ok, 0:16:38.799 --> 0:16:40.239 it's going to be a late night, 0:16:40.325 --> 0:16:43.135 for example. And, you know, don't just go off into 0:16:43.145 --> 0:16:45.094 the wind and be like, oh, yeah, maybe another hour 0:16:45.104 --> 0:16:46.905 or maybe two. If it's going to be a late night, 0:16:46.914 --> 0:16:48.484 he just wants me to say it's going to be 0:16:48.494 --> 0:16:50.864 a late night and just stay it there in black 0:16:50.875 --> 0:16:53.164 and white so that he has no expectations of me 0:16:53.255 --> 0:16:55.635 coming back like now or like in the next half 0:16:55.645 --> 0:16:58.174 an hour. So I think that really helps. Um, that 0:16:58.184 --> 0:16:59.635 was one thing that we ironed out. 0:17:00.239 --> 0:17:02.380 The other thing that I also promised to do was 0:17:02.390 --> 0:17:05.750 say like when I get home. So if I am 0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:07.879 going back myself or, you know, back to my own 0:17:07.890 --> 0:17:09.579 apartment and stuff, I'll just have to let him know 0:17:09.589 --> 0:17:11.540 like I'm on the way back now or like I'm 0:17:11.550 --> 0:17:14.280 home and I'm going to sleep so then he's more 0:17:14.290 --> 0:17:17.649 at peace, I guess with. So I think that's fair. Yeah, 0:17:17.660 --> 0:17:18.349 that's a great 0:17:18.359 --> 0:17:20.989 point. Actually, I think um if you're going out 0:17:21.180 --> 0:17:22.770 and I guess, you know, let you know when you 0:17:22.780 --> 0:17:23.810 get home and 0:17:24.770 --> 0:17:27.599 if I'm with friends, I mean, he knows all my friends. 0:17:27.609 --> 0:17:29.930 So I'll just tell him like, oh, who I'm with 0:17:29.939 --> 0:17:32.280 then at least if he can't reach me, at least 0:17:32.290 --> 0:17:34.849 he can reach someone if everyone is still sober. I 0:17:34.859 --> 0:17:37.270 don't know, like, but I guess that could, you know, 0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:40.890 that could help if you're navigating a situation like that. 0:17:41.540 --> 0:17:42.050