WEBVTT - Are men simply terrible listeners? 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:04.260 Welcome back to another episode of men explained clearly episode 0:00:04.260 --> 0:00:06.640 after episode we realized they still have a lot of 0:00:06.650 --> 0:00:09.200 explaining to do and we have a lot of learning 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:11.950 to do. 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:20.770 I have the perfect guest for today's topic. Welcome Kitchen. 0:00:20.780 --> 0:00:22.550 Hi, Hello, 0:00:22.560 --> 0:00:25.430 how are you? I'm good. Please tell audience I think 0:00:25.430 --> 0:00:26.560 or two about yourself. 0:00:26.570 --> 0:00:29.920 I'm kitchen, I'm a actor host and social media personality. 0:00:29.920 --> 0:00:30.310 Sometimes 0:00:30.310 --> 0:00:32.150 you are also on billboards and ads and 0:00:32.240 --> 0:00:33.380 I see you once in a while and 0:00:33.390 --> 0:00:35.900 practically practically the annoying guy that you want to skip 0:00:35.909 --> 0:00:39.160 ads on Youtube most of the time every month I 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:40.550 get an ad and then my friends go, 0:00:40.840 --> 0:00:42.810 can you get off youtube was like why are you 0:00:42.810 --> 0:00:44.240 being cheap? Just get youtube premium. 0:00:44.250 --> 0:00:49.120 Exactly. Today we're talking about listening listening. Oh you don't 0:00:49.120 --> 0:00:52.590 like it already is you know? Yeah. The age old question. 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:54.150 Our men simply 0:00:54.160 --> 0:00:57.050 Terrible listeners. Yes, thank you for having me. Really? That's it. 0:00:57.050 --> 0:00:59.120 That's our episode five seconds, we're done. What 0:00:59.120 --> 0:01:01.980 what what is there to say? Don't you think listening 0:01:01.980 --> 0:01:05.060 is a very important part of like communication and you know, 0:01:05.060 --> 0:01:06.890 conversation even amongst friends and 0:01:06.890 --> 0:01:08.050 all that. I I 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:11.259 so what are you saying? You see you have the 0:01:11.260 --> 0:01:14.570 perfect guest? I wasn't listening but there's a time and 0:01:14.569 --> 0:01:18.050 place to listen. Right? I think the question is when 0:01:18.060 --> 0:01:20.950 when do you listen? So when when when I'm being 0:01:20.950 --> 0:01:21.240 paid 0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:22.590 to that's 0:01:22.590 --> 0:01:25.220 it like this show. Okay, so I'm being paid to 0:01:25.220 --> 0:01:27.449 be here. So I'm listening to every word you're saying. 0:01:27.540 --> 0:01:29.400 But if I'm not being paid to listen really 0:01:29.400 --> 0:01:30.560 even amongst friends, 0:01:30.940 --> 0:01:34.069 like when you're chilling and I 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:34.310 wasn't 0:01:34.310 --> 0:01:36.560 listening an important part of your conversation. 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:39.360 I thought being there for them was the biggest part. 0:01:39.370 --> 0:01:43.840 So you're physically being there. But mentally you're thinking of like, 0:01:43.840 --> 0:01:45.980 what to eat for dinner, what to do later. 0:01:45.990 --> 0:01:49.310 Okay. Like right now I'm talking to you. Yes. But 0:01:49.310 --> 0:01:50.050 I was just thinking 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:53.350 should I take the taxi home later? Should I take 0:01:53.350 --> 0:01:55.390 the bus? You know, badly 0:01:55.390 --> 0:01:56.450 offended? 0:01:56.460 --> 0:01:57.650 I do 0:01:57.660 --> 0:01:59.440 producers. I think you need to pay him a little 0:01:59.440 --> 0:02:01.790 bit more so that he can be more present in 0:02:01.790 --> 0:02:03.960 This conference. Is there another $1,000, 0:02:04.140 --> 0:02:06.210 sonya? Do you have my undivided attention? 0:02:06.220 --> 0:02:09.010 Oh, that's it. Is it? You have the written contract 0:02:09.120 --> 0:02:09.210 for 0:02:09.250 --> 0:02:10.300 $1,000. 1 0:02:10.310 --> 0:02:13.780 1000 you will listen. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Anyway, 0:02:13.790 --> 0:02:17.260 I just wanted to ask you, do you think you 0:02:17.260 --> 0:02:18.359 are a good listener? 0:02:19.540 --> 0:02:21.640 No, no. This isn't amongst friends. 0:02:23.540 --> 0:02:24.800 I am. 0:02:24.810 --> 0:02:27.530 Come on. Your friends are watching right now. They're watching 0:02:27.530 --> 0:02:28.989 right now. And I think they have something to say 0:02:28.990 --> 0:02:29.640 in the comments. Because 0:02:29.639 --> 0:02:32.710 here's the thing about me. See, I cannot speak for 0:02:32.720 --> 0:02:36.810 men in general, but in my experience, Yes, this is 0:02:36.810 --> 0:02:38.579 the reason why I don't play poker because I don't 0:02:38.580 --> 0:02:42.100 have the poker face. Oh yeah, I'm so expressive in 0:02:42.100 --> 0:02:43.250 my expressions, right? 0:02:43.340 --> 0:02:46.160 I can never lie. Like if someone says something stupid 0:02:46.160 --> 0:02:49.250 to me, you'd be like, your stupid, isn't it? You 0:02:49.250 --> 0:02:51.310 should think about what you just said. You know, just 0:02:51.310 --> 0:02:52.640 be like this and I do this to my friends 0:02:52.650 --> 0:02:54.839 all the time and they can just see right through you, 0:02:54.850 --> 0:02:56.780 right through me and then here's the best part they 0:02:56.790 --> 0:02:59.700 realize it and then they replay what they said and 0:02:59.700 --> 0:03:00.760 I'm like, oh yeah. 0:03:01.139 --> 0:03:02.989 And I'm like, there you go. And you thought I 0:03:02.990 --> 0:03:07.040 wasn't listening. Right? You see, you are in your own. Yes. 0:03:07.050 --> 0:03:12.680 In your own. It's guys have been said not to multitask. Yeah, 0:03:12.690 --> 0:03:13.340 we can. 0:03:13.350 --> 0:03:15.740 Okay, that's a good one. I feel like, you know, 0:03:15.750 --> 0:03:17.830 people always say, Oh, guys can't multitask or men are 0:03:17.830 --> 0:03:19.260 bad listeners. But I feel like 0:03:19.440 --> 0:03:22.169 for us as well, I don't think it's really gender specific. 0:03:22.180 --> 0:03:23.660 I sometimes feel 0:03:24.139 --> 0:03:27.900 like I'm not the best listener in certain moments too. 0:03:27.910 --> 0:03:30.950 Like I sometimes can space out, I can sometimes blank out. 0:03:30.950 --> 0:03:33.400 I can sometimes fade out in the conversation a little 0:03:33.400 --> 0:03:36.170 bit and people can tell, right? You know? So I 0:03:36.170 --> 0:03:38.200 don't think it's just men. I don't know. Do you 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:40.190 agree with me? This is a fake plant. Yeah. He's 0:03:40.190 --> 0:03:41.480 drifting off already. You see, 0:03:41.490 --> 0:03:42.810 I'm joking. I'm joking. 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:45.860 No, but it's it's it's very true 0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:47.660 when it comes to 0:03:48.040 --> 0:03:51.660 multitasking in the mind for a guy. Um, 0:03:52.140 --> 0:03:56.150 I'm listening. Yes. I'm also thinking about something else and 0:03:56.160 --> 0:03:58.820 my face is also doing something else and I feel 0:03:58.820 --> 0:04:01.160 like I do that all the time. And my mom, 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:04.520 she's no holds barred at home and she lets me 0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:06.420 know just the other night, she just went, I hate 0:04:06.430 --> 0:04:06.950 talking to you. 0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:09.440 She said in my face, 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:12.460 she's like, I hate talking to you. 0:04:13.040 --> 0:04:16.670 She say why? Yes, because here's what I do, we 0:04:16.670 --> 0:04:18.920 were having a glass of wine and we were sitting 0:04:18.920 --> 0:04:21.589 in this very nice coffee area in my house and 0:04:21.600 --> 0:04:23.250 the fish tank light was in my face 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:27.200 and I'm listening to her talking about her mom being 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:29.380 an absolute piece of ship and she's going on and 0:04:29.380 --> 0:04:29.760 on 0:04:30.140 --> 0:04:33.930 and then this light is in my face and it 0:04:33.930 --> 0:04:36.909 was a very romantic night, you know that you know 0:04:36.910 --> 0:04:38.250 we have a nice move like the nice 0:04:38.250 --> 0:04:40.080 bonding but the fish 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:43.820 tank light like these lights in my face when she 0:04:43.830 --> 0:04:47.000 stopped talking the moment she stops just can you off 0:04:47.000 --> 0:04:47.750 the fish tank like, 0:04:47.940 --> 0:04:49.010 and she's like, did you hear 0:04:49.010 --> 0:04:51.059 a word I said Exactly. Oh my God. And I 0:04:51.060 --> 0:04:52.849 was like, yes, yes, yes 0:04:53.040 --> 0:04:56.180 I did. But how about we turn that off and 0:04:56.180 --> 0:04:58.060 then continue and just you know what, I hate talking 0:04:58.060 --> 0:05:02.490 to you, you do this all the time. Every time 0:05:02.490 --> 0:05:05.510 I say something, you're looking somewhere else, you're thinking of 0:05:05.510 --> 0:05:08.460 something else and I just have this short 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:12.900 span attention span like I would go to the kitchen 0:05:12.910 --> 0:05:14.630 and I would make a cup of coffee and then 0:05:14.630 --> 0:05:17.210 she would come in and then she would say something 0:05:17.220 --> 0:05:20.700 and then I went, oh yeah, yeah, that's that's great. Okay. 0:05:20.710 --> 0:05:22.970 And then I would take the mug and I would 0:05:22.970 --> 0:05:25.950 walk out now. That's an international que 0:05:26.170 --> 0:05:28.900 I'm starting my day. I don't want to talk, you 0:05:28.900 --> 0:05:29.960 know at this point 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:31.590 international care if I'm starting 0:05:31.589 --> 0:05:33.580 my day, I like that. Yes. And then you walk 0:05:33.580 --> 0:05:36.010 out of the kitchen now here's the thing. Everybody if 0:05:36.010 --> 0:05:38.750 you're just want you to know if you're walking out, 0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:39.960 don't talk to me 0:05:40.740 --> 0:05:44.150 like its international. If you're walking out or somewhere don't talk. 0:05:44.160 --> 0:05:46.030 But I don't know why people find it the best 0:05:46.029 --> 0:05:48.640 time to talk to somebody when they're leaving a particular location. 0:05:48.640 --> 0:05:48.900 Here's 0:05:48.900 --> 0:05:51.380 why. So my mom sometimes does it too and she 0:05:51.380 --> 0:05:54.010 says because at any other time she can't catch me 0:05:54.010 --> 0:05:56.900 to tell me something. So in those moments like when 0:05:56.900 --> 0:05:57.450 I'm like 0:05:57.940 --> 0:06:01.120 doing something that's not so like work related or like 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:03.490 I'm on the phone, I'm not on zoom call, whatever 0:06:03.510 --> 0:06:05.370 it is the perfect time to like raise certain things 0:06:05.380 --> 0:06:07.680 because then if not she won't be able to talk 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:08.580 to me otherwise 0:06:08.589 --> 0:06:11.270 no, I can't do it. I can't every time. Like 0:06:11.270 --> 0:06:14.200 I'll be walking to the hall and then and then 0:06:14.200 --> 0:06:16.160 she would catch me and I'll be like, no, I 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:18.289 got to listen but it depends on the time. I 0:06:18.290 --> 0:06:18.849 feel like 0:06:18.940 --> 0:06:20.260 when it comes to men 0:06:21.240 --> 0:06:23.830 we need to be, there's a time and place for everything. 0:06:23.830 --> 0:06:25.260 You just catch me 0:06:26.140 --> 0:06:29.279 tell me, hey I need to have a chat about this, 0:06:29.290 --> 0:06:32.650 prepare myself, I'll get ready for the conversation. 0:06:33.140 --> 0:06:35.300 Now Go, you're on the clock. Yeah, 0:06:35.330 --> 0:06:39.010 that's so different actually. This kind of segways nicely into 0:06:39.020 --> 0:06:41.140 my next question because you know when, when us girls, 0:06:41.140 --> 0:06:43.529 when we get together and when we chat and talk right, 0:06:43.540 --> 0:06:46.419 I feel like it's very different when guys get together 0:06:46.430 --> 0:06:48.700 and chat and talk about feelings like do you guys, 0:06:48.710 --> 0:06:49.820 you know, sort of like, hey, you want to go 0:06:49.820 --> 0:06:51.260 grab a coffee or a drink and then 0:06:51.440 --> 0:06:53.610 how long do you take to talk about your problems 0:06:53.610 --> 0:06:54.850 and your issues? 0:06:54.850 --> 0:06:57.430 And I think the problems usually never shows up really 0:06:57.440 --> 0:07:00.550 just in a few seconds and you know, it just, 0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:02.360 it just within guys like in a group of guys, 0:07:02.360 --> 0:07:05.250 like remember hanging out with my guy friends just hanging 0:07:05.250 --> 0:07:08.360 out and then I think there was never a time 0:07:08.940 --> 0:07:11.690 we just went what problems? You know, the other day, 0:07:11.690 --> 0:07:15.330 I felt so shitty about this thing idea. Okay. You know, 0:07:15.340 --> 0:07:18.040 just what 0:07:18.040 --> 0:07:20.540 does it sound like me and my girlfriend? I guess. Sorry, 0:07:20.550 --> 0:07:25.220 we can go on for six hours about the same thing. Yeah, yeah. 0:07:25.230 --> 0:07:27.600 And we still don't come to a conclusion. I don't 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:29.170 know if you can feel me on that. 0:07:29.180 --> 0:07:32.930 That's the fun part because I hang out with friends 0:07:33.140 --> 0:07:36.160 this couple, right? And then he, 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:38.840 you've got to coax him out and ask him what 0:07:38.840 --> 0:07:41.090 is your problem? What's happening? Why do you look like this? 0:07:41.090 --> 0:07:43.750 And my listening skills with him very short because it's 0:07:44.340 --> 0:07:45.860 yeah you know the other day she's going to me 0:07:45.860 --> 0:07:46.350 for this 0:07:47.140 --> 0:07:50.020 and I'm like yeah I understand. I got you. That's it. 0:07:50.020 --> 0:07:52.020 I got it yeah that's it. I got it. And 0:07:52.020 --> 0:07:54.820 then 10 seconds I got you bro you know next 0:07:54.820 --> 0:07:57.240 time why don't you do that? And we get it, 0:07:57.250 --> 0:08:00.670 wow really? She scolded me for not lifting up the toilet. 0:08:00.680 --> 0:08:01.560 Yeah I feel you 0:08:01.940 --> 0:08:03.890 I feel you I know you didn't lift up but 0:08:03.890 --> 0:08:06.100 once you next time sit on the toilet bowl but 0:08:06.100 --> 0:08:06.830 then you provided 0:08:06.830 --> 0:08:07.630 a solution. 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:11.570 Okay that's my experience. Too bad. You know I mean 0:08:11.570 --> 0:08:13.230 I grew up sitting on the toilet bowl and that matters. 0:08:13.240 --> 0:08:14.000 Yeah 0:08:14.010 --> 0:08:17.070 thank you for the information that we did not ask for. 0:08:17.080 --> 0:08:20.450 You know I don't need like a but when she 0:08:21.040 --> 0:08:23.739 when the girlfriend started telling me about her problems, oh 0:08:23.740 --> 0:08:26.010 my God the details you blanked out. Is it? 0:08:26.020 --> 0:08:27.920 What were the details forgot? Ready? Right. 0:08:27.930 --> 0:08:31.380 It's like he wakes up in the morning and he 0:08:31.380 --> 0:08:34.430 takes a walk to the toilet and he's in there 0:08:34.429 --> 0:08:35.559 for I don't know how long 0:08:36.140 --> 0:08:38.179 and then and then I don't know what he does 0:08:38.179 --> 0:08:40.240 in there and then he doesn't even want to lift 0:08:40.240 --> 0:08:42.010 up the toilet and then when I walk into the 0:08:42.010 --> 0:08:43.610 toilet and then I see all of these and then 0:08:43.610 --> 0:08:44.360 I get angry. 0:08:44.740 --> 0:08:48.400 The point of the entire thing was actually just to 0:08:48.400 --> 0:08:51.120 tell me that he didn't lift up the seat and 0:08:51.120 --> 0:08:52.150 I sat there going, 0:08:53.940 --> 0:08:55.890 yeah, you want to get to the point? And then 0:08:55.890 --> 0:08:58.530 I can get to my experience of telling you to 0:08:58.530 --> 0:09:00.920 tell him to sit down and then end of conversation. 0:09:00.929 --> 0:09:03.280 I actually get what you mean because you know in 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:04.949 my own life as well, like with my own partner 0:09:04.950 --> 0:09:07.740 as well, like sometimes when I go on about something 0:09:07.740 --> 0:09:10.100 like I'm bitching about a day at work or like 0:09:10.100 --> 0:09:12.350 a ship day that I had or whatever, he's just 0:09:12.350 --> 0:09:16.050 like and the point is like dot dot dot and 0:09:16.140 --> 0:09:18.300 the point all right, I'll get to the point right now. 0:09:18.309 --> 0:09:21.290 So I don't know whether it's just innately in us, 0:09:21.290 --> 0:09:23.000 Like when we sit down with our girlfriends and we 0:09:23.000 --> 0:09:25.510 talk about our problems and we are more than happy 0:09:25.510 --> 0:09:28.300 to listen. That's the thing. Like we love to listen, 0:09:28.300 --> 0:09:30.060 we love to ask questions like 0:09:30.240 --> 0:09:32.319 If my friend, I don't know, fought with a boyfriend 0:09:32.320 --> 0:09:35.140 or something, you know, we can sit and chat over 0:09:35.140 --> 0:09:37.050 a wine for like five hours 0:09:37.240 --> 0:09:39.400 and just go on about it and then we come 0:09:39.400 --> 0:09:41.440 back to how he was being a total dick or whatever. 0:09:41.450 --> 0:09:42.480 Like at the end of the day, 0:09:42.490 --> 0:09:44.230 you know guys, we just cut that show and go, yeah, 0:09:44.230 --> 0:09:44.929 he was a dick, 0:09:44.940 --> 0:09:46.480 Okay, so then what do you do with the rest 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:48.720 of the time hanging out? What do you talk about 0:09:48.730 --> 0:09:50.679 for the rest? I'm so curious about this. I just 0:09:50.679 --> 0:09:53.370 want to like listen, be a fly on the wall 0:09:53.380 --> 0:09:56.160 in a hangout session with just the guys. 0:09:56.240 --> 0:09:58.059 You ever see a bunch of dogs get together 0:09:58.740 --> 0:10:02.870 just walking around just barking around, wagging our tails, sitting 0:10:02.870 --> 0:10:07.729 there enjoying each other's company and they're going, yeah, you 0:10:07.730 --> 0:10:09.059 see that? Yeah, you see 0:10:09.059 --> 0:10:10.620 the Spider man. Yeah, that's great. 0:10:10.630 --> 0:10:14.839 Yeah that's that's that's about it, wow. I never understood that. 0:10:14.850 --> 0:10:18.450 We can see it. Okay and chill 0:10:18.540 --> 0:10:24.079 and say absolutely nothing and be happy with our lives. 0:10:24.090 --> 0:10:26.360 What you guys sound like, such simple 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:28.640 creatures, you know? But then when we are so passionate 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:30.060 about something yes 0:10:30.540 --> 0:10:33.230 then we get into it. It's like two dogs barking, 0:10:33.230 --> 0:10:37.050 you know, some things that you're so, I mean I'm 0:10:37.050 --> 0:10:42.120 passionate about filmmaking and acting and tv and dinosaurs and 0:10:42.140 --> 0:10:44.130 I'm a big Jurassic park fan. So if you start 0:10:44.130 --> 0:10:46.550 talking about Jurassic park, I just go on and on. 0:10:46.550 --> 0:10:49.240 Did you see the film? So and then now my 0:10:49.240 --> 0:10:51.480 group is into N. F. T. S. Yeah, so it 0:10:51.480 --> 0:10:54.199 goes on forever. Yeah. So I usually excuse myself from 0:10:54.200 --> 0:10:55.210 the group most of the time. 0:10:55.220 --> 0:10:57.490 So you're not in? You're not into that conversation. Okay. 0:10:57.500 --> 0:10:57.809 That's why I 0:10:57.809 --> 0:10:59.540 became an artist darling because I can't do the one 0:10:59.540 --> 0:11:02.550 plus one. How you can do the creative stuff. Bang. 0:11:02.550 --> 0:11:05.740 And then you get when, when two guys are so 0:11:05.740 --> 0:11:08.690 passionate about 10 FPs, did you, did you watch list 0:11:08.690 --> 0:11:11.000 that you mean that pop, pop, pop, pop, pop pop, 0:11:11.140 --> 0:11:13.730 that's all he picked up from the current, the word 0:11:13.730 --> 0:11:14.400 meant 0:11:14.620 --> 0:11:18.610 by a digital picture having on the Blockchain, something like that. 0:11:18.610 --> 0:11:19.260 And then I'm like, 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:20.260 yeah, 0:11:20.640 --> 0:11:22.460 I'd rather talk to your girlfriend at this point 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:23.360 about 0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:27.170 the toilet seat, walking to the toilet in the morning routine. 0:11:27.250 --> 0:11:29.280 So you know, and sometimes I would tell us telling 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:30.940 you so long with, so that's where you 0:11:30.940 --> 0:11:34.900 fade out basically. Yeah, I don't think that it's specific 0:11:34.900 --> 0:11:37.830 to like men that they were bad listeners at least 0:11:37.830 --> 0:11:40.380 that's how I feel. I feel like it's something specific 0:11:40.380 --> 0:11:42.550 to the person as well because I have, I have, 0:11:42.840 --> 0:11:45.530 you know, great friends, like very close best friends that 0:11:45.530 --> 0:11:47.850 are also, I mean the guys and they're great listeners 0:11:47.850 --> 0:11:49.690 and they sit down one on one with me talk 0:11:49.690 --> 0:11:51.750 about life, talk about relationships, They want to get in 0:11:51.750 --> 0:11:53.710 depth with it and all that. So then the question is, 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:56.699 you know, if a bro comes to you with like 0:11:56.700 --> 0:12:00.610 a serious problem, like, you know, hey, um I have 0:12:00.610 --> 0:12:02.520 this make or break issue like with my partner or 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:05.540 my girlfriend or whatever, Like how is that going to go? Like, 0:12:05.540 --> 0:12:08.850 would you then give your 100% focus and attention, 0:12:08.940 --> 0:12:13.060 give solutions, give suggestions, ask him questions. So go more 0:12:13.059 --> 0:12:14.240 in depth. You know, like 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:14.760 I said, 0:12:15.140 --> 0:12:18.100 there's a time and place and moment for that. So 0:12:18.100 --> 0:12:20.209 if he were to text me and say, hey, look, 0:12:20.210 --> 0:12:24.080 I have a problem. I have this and that I'm prepared. Now. 0:12:24.080 --> 0:12:26.080 I'm prepared not to have any sort of fun for 0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:29.600 that day. I'm prepared to sit there and then you know, 0:12:29.610 --> 0:12:31.580 and then you rattle off and then I'll take my 0:12:31.580 --> 0:12:32.970 notes mentally 0:12:32.970 --> 0:12:34.160 or mentally 0:12:34.840 --> 0:12:37.309 I'm not gonna sit there and actually right now I'm 0:12:37.320 --> 0:12:39.450 having so much problem. Would you like buying life insurance 0:12:39.450 --> 0:12:40.859 at the same time? 0:12:41.340 --> 0:12:43.770 Why don't you buy a full support life plan? Because 0:12:43.770 --> 0:12:45.810 you sound like you're about to get hit by a bus. 0:12:45.820 --> 0:12:48.290 I mean your girlfriend, but you know, you take the 0:12:48.290 --> 0:12:51.220 notes and then you, you are there for your guy 0:12:51.220 --> 0:12:53.320 friend and then you are listening to what he has 0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:55.559 to say and then you take notes and then you give, 0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:58.679 because I never give advice. I always share an experience 0:12:58.679 --> 0:12:59.059 and 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:01.150 I'm the sort of guy who's in the group who's 0:13:01.160 --> 0:13:04.429 the neutral party. Okay, Okay. I take what you said 0:13:04.429 --> 0:13:05.890 and I take what you said and then I go, 0:13:05.900 --> 0:13:08.040 here's where you've sucked up. Here's where you right here 0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:10.000 is where you sucked up. Here's where you right now, 0:13:10.010 --> 0:13:13.350 please let's get back to having fun. Have you ever 0:13:13.350 --> 0:13:15.460 been the person with the problem? Yeah, here's my New 0:13:15.460 --> 0:13:16.560 Year's resolution for 0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:19.280 20-2, please do tell me I haven't made mine yet, 0:13:19.290 --> 0:13:23.150 which was don't kiss anybody off. Yeah, well that's going 0:13:23.150 --> 0:13:24.530 to be tough 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:27.910 because I'm currently reading a book called the Courage to 0:13:27.910 --> 0:13:28.729 be disliked. 0:13:28.740 --> 0:13:32.050 Really recommend it to you. I don't even need that, 0:13:32.059 --> 0:13:36.030 but I can tell you what's that? Okay? I'm loved 0:13:36.030 --> 0:13:39.460 for my mouth. I'm also disliked for my mouth, 0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:42.950 understandably, right. I mean, I try not to hurt feelings, 0:13:42.950 --> 0:13:45.839 but I am blunt and I get to the point 0:13:45.850 --> 0:13:48.960 and if you are close to me and I'm close 0:13:48.960 --> 0:13:49.660 to you, 0:13:50.340 --> 0:13:52.219 I'm just gonna say like it is you get that 0:13:52.220 --> 0:13:54.329 dynamic, you know, you're a close friend 0:13:54.330 --> 0:13:56.560 and I expect that from my friends to tell me 0:13:56.570 --> 0:13:59.780 don't be friends. Yeah, yeah. So my friends know this 0:13:59.780 --> 0:14:02.660 and then they will go look here the other day, 0:14:03.140 --> 0:14:04.780 you were supposed to do this and you did that 0:14:04.780 --> 0:14:07.960 and I didn't like it and I appreciate that very much. 0:14:08.440 --> 0:14:10.780 I love that. And then I would tell them in 0:14:10.780 --> 0:14:12.120 their face instead 0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:14.630 of like bottling up your and I think this is 0:14:14.630 --> 0:14:17.100 this applies to more than just relationships. But even in 0:14:17.100 --> 0:14:19.380 friend groups and stuff as well, because the bigger your 0:14:19.380 --> 0:14:22.660 group is sometimes it's like internal politics or whatever. And then, 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:25.120 you know, you want to confide a bit about this 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:27.570 person to like someone else and the movement that causes 0:14:27.570 --> 0:14:29.510 this like weird rift and energy and all 0:14:29.510 --> 0:14:29.860 that. 0:14:29.940 --> 0:14:34.030 And you know the thing about being blunt is you 0:14:34.030 --> 0:14:39.190 have to be a very good listener. Yes, because that's 0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:41.750 the job when you are a blunt guy or you're 0:14:41.750 --> 0:14:44.000 saying jokes or you or you want to say something, 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:45.890 somebody you actually have to be a very good listener 0:14:45.890 --> 0:14:49.260 and catch the keywords, right? Right. You know, and 0:14:49.540 --> 0:14:51.550 as somebody who makes jokes half 0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:52.960 my bloody life, 0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:56.760 You've got to catch and then you've got to, that's 0:14:56.760 --> 0:14:59.180 when you're fast at it. Like I'm listening to you, 0:14:59.180 --> 0:15:01.670 I may look like I'm not listening, but I'm actually 0:15:01.670 --> 0:15:04.740 listening to you 110%. If I wouldn't be able to 0:15:04.740 --> 0:15:05.950 carry on this conversation, 0:15:06.040 --> 0:15:08.990 men just want to pretend that we don't listen. We 0:15:08.990 --> 0:15:12.100 just want to have this carefully lives in our head 0:15:12.100 --> 0:15:15.250 is butterflies and the beach and a beer. 0:15:15.540 --> 0:15:16.880 You know, butterflies 0:15:16.880 --> 0:15:19.560 beach and a beer Okay. Where the butterflies came from? 0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:19.660 I'm 0:15:19.660 --> 0:15:21.630 not sure. But I don't know, I just needed something 0:15:21.630 --> 0:15:24.930 nice there. You know, maybe I should have like fish. 0:15:24.940 --> 0:15:28.420 I don't know, I don't like no, we just we 0:15:28.420 --> 0:15:31.130 just want to pretend that we have this carefree life. 0:15:31.130 --> 0:15:32.060 We don't want to think about 0:15:32.140 --> 0:15:35.180 all these feelings and stuff like that. We are listening. 0:15:35.180 --> 0:15:38.160 We are there. We we want to have that chat 0:15:38.160 --> 0:15:40.160 with you, We want to open up. But you know 0:15:40.170 --> 0:15:44.290 when it comes to men, I've got no problems, you know, good. 0:15:44.300 --> 0:15:46.940 I started, you know, she's the one with the problem. 0:15:46.940 --> 0:15:49.910 Not me. Yeah, we do have problems. So 0:15:49.910 --> 0:15:52.820 then bringing that back to when you had a problem 0:15:52.820 --> 0:15:55.370 and you had an issue and you wanted someone to listen. 0:15:55.380 --> 0:15:58.330 How long can you go on talking for and how 0:15:58.330 --> 0:16:00.830 much do you expect this person to give you like 0:16:00.830 --> 0:16:06.080 in terms of attention in terms of suggestions, ideas, solutions. 0:16:06.090 --> 0:16:06.560 I don't know 0:16:06.570 --> 0:16:08.780 I speak in .4. Yeah. 0:16:08.790 --> 0:16:09.390 Okay 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:13.360 summaries so can't be too long. Went down to see 0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:14.560 the other day I went out 0:16:14.740 --> 0:16:16.670 and then I bumped into this person he said this 0:16:16.670 --> 0:16:18.360 to me and then I said that back and then 0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:20.310