Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of men explained clearly episode
Speaker 1: after episode we realized they still have a lot of
Speaker 1: explaining to do and we have a lot of learning
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 1: I have the perfect guest for today's topic. Welcome Kitchen.
Speaker 2: Hi, Hello,
Speaker 1: how are you? I'm good. Please tell audience I think
Speaker 1: or two about yourself.
Speaker 2: I'm kitchen, I'm a actor host and social media personality.
Speaker 2: Sometimes
Speaker 1: you are also on billboards and ads and
Speaker 1: I see you once in a while and
Speaker 2: practically practically the annoying guy that you want to skip
Speaker 2: ads on Youtube most of the time every month I
Speaker 2: get an ad and then my friends go,
Speaker 2: can you get off youtube was like why are you
Speaker 2: being cheap? Just get youtube premium.
Speaker 1: Exactly. Today we're talking about listening listening. Oh you don't
Speaker 1: like it already is you know? Yeah. The age old question.
Speaker 1: Our men simply
Speaker 2: Terrible listeners. Yes, thank you for having me. Really? That's it.
Speaker 2: That's our episode five seconds, we're done. What
Speaker 1: what what is there to say? Don't you think listening
Speaker 1: is a very important part of like communication and you know,
Speaker 1: conversation even amongst friends and
Speaker 2: all that. I I
Speaker 2: so what are you saying? You see you have the
Speaker 2: perfect guest? I wasn't listening but there's a time and
Speaker 2: place to listen. Right? I think the question is when
Speaker 2: when do you listen? So when when when I'm being
Speaker 2: paid
Speaker 1: to that's
Speaker 2: it like this show. Okay, so I'm being paid to
Speaker 2: be here. So I'm listening to every word you're saying.
Speaker 2: But if I'm not being paid to listen really
Speaker 1: even amongst friends,
Speaker 1: like when you're chilling and I
Speaker 2: wasn't
Speaker 1: listening an important part of your conversation.
Speaker 2: I thought being there for them was the biggest part.
Speaker 1: So you're physically being there. But mentally you're thinking of like,
Speaker 1: what to eat for dinner, what to do later.
Speaker 2: Okay. Like right now I'm talking to you. Yes. But
Speaker 2: I was just thinking
Speaker 2: should I take the taxi home later? Should I take
Speaker 2: the bus? You know, badly
Speaker 1: offended?
Speaker 2: I do
Speaker 1: producers. I think you need to pay him a little
Speaker 1: bit more so that he can be more present in
Speaker 2: This conference. Is there another $1,000,
Speaker 2: sonya? Do you have my undivided attention?
Speaker 1: Oh, that's it. Is it? You have the written contract
Speaker 1: for
Speaker 2: $1,000. 1
Speaker 1: 1000 you will listen. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I just wanted to ask you, do you think you
Speaker 1: are a good listener?
Speaker 2: No, no. This isn't amongst friends.
Speaker 2: I am.
Speaker 1: Come on. Your friends are watching right now. They're watching
Speaker 1: right now. And I think they have something to say
Speaker 1: in the comments. Because
Speaker 2: here's the thing about me. See, I cannot speak for
Speaker 2: men in general, but in my experience, Yes, this is
Speaker 2: the reason why I don't play poker because I don't
Speaker 2: have the poker face. Oh yeah, I'm so expressive in
Speaker 2: my expressions, right?
Speaker 2: I can never lie. Like if someone says something stupid
Speaker 2: to me, you'd be like, your stupid, isn't it? You
Speaker 2: should think about what you just said. You know, just
Speaker 2: be like this and I do this to my friends
Speaker 2: all the time and they can just see right through you,
Speaker 2: right through me and then here's the best part they
Speaker 2: realize it and then they replay what they said and
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh yeah.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, there you go. And you thought I
Speaker 2: wasn't listening. Right? You see, you are in your own. Yes.
Speaker 2: In your own. It's guys have been said not to multitask. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we can.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's a good one. I feel like, you know,
Speaker 1: people always say, Oh, guys can't multitask or men are
Speaker 1: bad listeners. But I feel like
Speaker 1: for us as well, I don't think it's really gender specific.
Speaker 1: I sometimes feel
Speaker 1: like I'm not the best listener in certain moments too.
Speaker 1: Like I sometimes can space out, I can sometimes blank out.
Speaker 1: I can sometimes fade out in the conversation a little
Speaker 1: bit and people can tell, right? You know? So I
Speaker 1: don't think it's just men. I don't know. Do you
Speaker 1: agree with me? This is a fake plant. Yeah. He's
Speaker 1: drifting off already. You see,
Speaker 2: I'm joking. I'm joking.
Speaker 2: No, but it's it's it's very true
Speaker 2: when it comes to
Speaker 2: multitasking in the mind for a guy. Um,
Speaker 2: I'm listening. Yes. I'm also thinking about something else and
Speaker 2: my face is also doing something else and I feel
Speaker 2: like I do that all the time. And my mom,
Speaker 2: she's no holds barred at home and she lets me
Speaker 2: know just the other night, she just went, I hate
Speaker 2: talking to you.
Speaker 2: She said in my face,
Speaker 2: she's like, I hate talking to you.
Speaker 2: She say why? Yes, because here's what I do, we
Speaker 2: were having a glass of wine and we were sitting
Speaker 2: in this very nice coffee area in my house and
Speaker 2: the fish tank light was in my face
Speaker 2: and I'm listening to her talking about her mom being
Speaker 2: an absolute piece of ship and she's going on and
Speaker 2: on
Speaker 2: and then this light is in my face and it
Speaker 2: was a very romantic night, you know that you know
Speaker 2: we have a nice move like the nice
Speaker 1: bonding but the fish
Speaker 2: tank light like these lights in my face when she
Speaker 2: stopped talking the moment she stops just can you off
Speaker 2: the fish tank like,
Speaker 1: and she's like, did you hear
Speaker 2: a word I said Exactly. Oh my God. And I
Speaker 2: was like, yes, yes, yes
Speaker 2: I did. But how about we turn that off and
Speaker 2: then continue and just you know what, I hate talking
Speaker 2: to you, you do this all the time. Every time
Speaker 2: I say something, you're looking somewhere else, you're thinking of
Speaker 2: something else and I just have this short
Speaker 2: span attention span like I would go to the kitchen
Speaker 2: and I would make a cup of coffee and then
Speaker 2: she would come in and then she would say something
Speaker 2: and then I went, oh yeah, yeah, that's that's great. Okay.
Speaker 2: And then I would take the mug and I would
Speaker 2: walk out now. That's an international que
Speaker 2: I'm starting my day. I don't want to talk, you
Speaker 2: know at this point
Speaker 1: international care if I'm starting
Speaker 2: my day, I like that. Yes. And then you walk
Speaker 2: out of the kitchen now here's the thing. Everybody if
Speaker 2: you're just want you to know if you're walking out,
Speaker 2: don't talk to me
Speaker 2: like its international. If you're walking out or somewhere don't talk.
Speaker 2: But I don't know why people find it the best
Speaker 2: time to talk to somebody when they're leaving a particular location.
Speaker 2: Here's
Speaker 1: why. So my mom sometimes does it too and she
Speaker 1: says because at any other time she can't catch me
Speaker 1: to tell me something. So in those moments like when
Speaker 1: I'm like
Speaker 1: doing something that's not so like work related or like
Speaker 1: I'm on the phone, I'm not on zoom call, whatever
Speaker 1: it is the perfect time to like raise certain things
Speaker 1: because then if not she won't be able to talk
Speaker 1: to me otherwise
Speaker 2: no, I can't do it. I can't every time. Like
Speaker 2: I'll be walking to the hall and then and then
Speaker 2: she would catch me and I'll be like, no, I
Speaker 2: got to listen but it depends on the time. I
Speaker 2: feel like
Speaker 2: when it comes to men
Speaker 2: we need to be, there's a time and place for everything.
Speaker 2: You just catch me
Speaker 2: tell me, hey I need to have a chat about this,
Speaker 2: prepare myself, I'll get ready for the conversation.
Speaker 2: Now Go, you're on the clock. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's so different actually. This kind of segways nicely into
Speaker 1: my next question because you know when, when us girls,
Speaker 1: when we get together and when we chat and talk right,
Speaker 1: I feel like it's very different when guys get together
Speaker 1: and chat and talk about feelings like do you guys,
Speaker 1: you know, sort of like, hey, you want to go
Speaker 1: grab a coffee or a drink and then
Speaker 1: how long do you take to talk about your problems
Speaker 1: and your issues?
Speaker 2: And I think the problems usually never shows up really
Speaker 2: just in a few seconds and you know, it just,
Speaker 2: it just within guys like in a group of guys,
Speaker 2: like remember hanging out with my guy friends just hanging
Speaker 2: out and then I think there was never a time
Speaker 2: we just went what problems? You know, the other day,
Speaker 2: I felt so shitty about this thing idea. Okay. You know,
Speaker 2: just what
Speaker 1: does it sound like me and my girlfriend? I guess. Sorry,
Speaker 1: we can go on for six hours about the same thing. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: And we still don't come to a conclusion. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you can feel me on that.
Speaker 2: That's the fun part because I hang out with friends
Speaker 2: this couple, right? And then he,
Speaker 2: you've got to coax him out and ask him what
Speaker 2: is your problem? What's happening? Why do you look like this?
Speaker 2: And my listening skills with him very short because it's
Speaker 2: yeah you know the other day she's going to me
Speaker 2: for this
Speaker 2: and I'm like yeah I understand. I got you. That's it.
Speaker 2: I got it yeah that's it. I got it. And
Speaker 2: then 10 seconds I got you bro you know next
Speaker 2: time why don't you do that? And we get it,
Speaker 2: wow really? She scolded me for not lifting up the toilet.
Speaker 2: Yeah I feel you
Speaker 2: I feel you I know you didn't lift up but
Speaker 2: once you next time sit on the toilet bowl but
Speaker 2: then you provided
Speaker 1: a solution.
Speaker 2: Okay that's my experience. Too bad. You know I mean
Speaker 2: I grew up sitting on the toilet bowl and that matters.
Speaker 2: Yeah
Speaker 1: thank you for the information that we did not ask for.
Speaker 2: You know I don't need like a but when she
Speaker 2: when the girlfriend started telling me about her problems, oh
Speaker 2: my God the details you blanked out. Is it?
Speaker 1: What were the details forgot? Ready? Right.
Speaker 2: It's like he wakes up in the morning and he
Speaker 2: takes a walk to the toilet and he's in there
Speaker 2: for I don't know how long
Speaker 2: and then and then I don't know what he does
Speaker 2: in there and then he doesn't even want to lift
Speaker 2: up the toilet and then when I walk into the
Speaker 2: toilet and then I see all of these and then
Speaker 2: I get angry.
Speaker 2: The point of the entire thing was actually just to
Speaker 2: tell me that he didn't lift up the seat and
Speaker 2: I sat there going,
Speaker 2: yeah, you want to get to the point? And then
Speaker 2: I can get to my experience of telling you to
Speaker 2: tell him to sit down and then end of conversation.
Speaker 1: I actually get what you mean because you know in
Speaker 1: my own life as well, like with my own partner
Speaker 1: as well, like sometimes when I go on about something
Speaker 1: like I'm bitching about a day at work or like
Speaker 1: a ship day that I had or whatever, he's just
Speaker 1: like and the point is like dot dot dot and
Speaker 1: the point all right, I'll get to the point right now.
Speaker 1: So I don't know whether it's just innately in us,
Speaker 1: Like when we sit down with our girlfriends and we
Speaker 1: talk about our problems and we are more than happy
Speaker 1: to listen. That's the thing. Like we love to listen,
Speaker 1: we love to ask questions like
Speaker 1: If my friend, I don't know, fought with a boyfriend
Speaker 1: or something, you know, we can sit and chat over
Speaker 1: a wine for like five hours
Speaker 1: and just go on about it and then we come
Speaker 1: back to how he was being a total dick or whatever.
Speaker 1: Like at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: you know guys, we just cut that show and go, yeah,
Speaker 2: he was a dick,
Speaker 1: Okay, so then what do you do with the rest
Speaker 1: of the time hanging out? What do you talk about
Speaker 1: for the rest? I'm so curious about this. I just
Speaker 1: want to like listen, be a fly on the wall
Speaker 1: in a hangout session with just the guys.
Speaker 2: You ever see a bunch of dogs get together
Speaker 2: just walking around just barking around, wagging our tails, sitting
Speaker 2: there enjoying each other's company and they're going, yeah, you
Speaker 2: see that? Yeah, you see
Speaker 1: the Spider man. Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's that's that's about it, wow. I never understood that.
Speaker 2: We can see it. Okay and chill
Speaker 2: and say absolutely nothing and be happy with our lives.
Speaker 1: What you guys sound like, such simple
Speaker 2: creatures, you know? But then when we are so passionate
Speaker 2: about something yes
Speaker 2: then we get into it. It's like two dogs barking,
Speaker 2: you know, some things that you're so, I mean I'm
Speaker 2: passionate about filmmaking and acting and tv and dinosaurs and
Speaker 2: I'm a big Jurassic park fan. So if you start
Speaker 2: talking about Jurassic park, I just go on and on.
Speaker 2: Did you see the film? So and then now my
Speaker 2: group is into N. F. T. S. Yeah, so it
Speaker 2: goes on forever. Yeah. So I usually excuse myself from
Speaker 2: the group most of the time.
Speaker 1: So you're not in? You're not into that conversation. Okay.
Speaker 1: That's why I
Speaker 2: became an artist darling because I can't do the one
Speaker 2: plus one. How you can do the creative stuff. Bang.
Speaker 2: And then you get when, when two guys are so
Speaker 2: passionate about 10 FPs, did you, did you watch list
Speaker 2: that you mean that pop, pop, pop, pop, pop pop,
Speaker 1: that's all he picked up from the current, the word
Speaker 1: meant
Speaker 2: by a digital picture having on the Blockchain, something like that.
Speaker 2: And then I'm like,
Speaker 2: yeah,
Speaker 2: I'd rather talk to your girlfriend at this point
Speaker 1: about
Speaker 2: the toilet seat, walking to the toilet in the morning routine.
Speaker 2: So you know, and sometimes I would tell us telling
Speaker 2: you so long with, so that's where you
Speaker 1: fade out basically. Yeah, I don't think that it's specific
Speaker 1: to like men that they were bad listeners at least
Speaker 1: that's how I feel. I feel like it's something specific
Speaker 1: to the person as well because I have, I have,
Speaker 1: you know, great friends, like very close best friends that
Speaker 1: are also, I mean the guys and they're great listeners
Speaker 1: and they sit down one on one with me talk
Speaker 1: about life, talk about relationships, They want to get in
Speaker 1: depth with it and all that. So then the question is,
Speaker 1: you know, if a bro comes to you with like
Speaker 1: a serious problem, like, you know, hey, um I have
Speaker 1: this make or break issue like with my partner or
Speaker 1: my girlfriend or whatever, Like how is that going to go? Like,
Speaker 1: would you then give your 100% focus and attention,
Speaker 1: give solutions, give suggestions, ask him questions. So go more
Speaker 1: in depth. You know, like
Speaker 2: I said,
Speaker 2: there's a time and place and moment for that. So
Speaker 2: if he were to text me and say, hey, look,
Speaker 2: I have a problem. I have this and that I'm prepared. Now.
Speaker 2: I'm prepared not to have any sort of fun for
Speaker 2: that day. I'm prepared to sit there and then you know,
Speaker 2: and then you rattle off and then I'll take my
Speaker 2: notes mentally
Speaker 1: or mentally
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna sit there and actually right now I'm
Speaker 2: having so much problem. Would you like buying life insurance
Speaker 2: at the same time?
Speaker 2: Why don't you buy a full support life plan? Because
Speaker 2: you sound like you're about to get hit by a bus.
Speaker 2: I mean your girlfriend, but you know, you take the
Speaker 2: notes and then you, you are there for your guy
Speaker 2: friend and then you are listening to what he has
Speaker 2: to say and then you take notes and then you give,
Speaker 2: because I never give advice. I always share an experience
Speaker 2: and
Speaker 2: I'm the sort of guy who's in the group who's
Speaker 2: the neutral party. Okay, Okay. I take what you said
Speaker 2: and I take what you said and then I go,
Speaker 2: here's where you've sucked up. Here's where you right here
Speaker 2: is where you sucked up. Here's where you right now,
Speaker 2: please let's get back to having fun. Have you ever
Speaker 2: been the person with the problem? Yeah, here's my New
Speaker 2: Year's resolution for
Speaker 2: 20-2, please do tell me I haven't made mine yet,
Speaker 2: which was don't kiss anybody off. Yeah, well that's going
Speaker 2: to be tough
Speaker 1: because I'm currently reading a book called the Courage to
Speaker 1: be disliked.
Speaker 2: Really recommend it to you. I don't even need that,
Speaker 2: but I can tell you what's that? Okay? I'm loved
Speaker 2: for my mouth. I'm also disliked for my mouth,
Speaker 2: understandably, right. I mean, I try not to hurt feelings,
Speaker 2: but I am blunt and I get to the point
Speaker 2: and if you are close to me and I'm close
Speaker 2: to you,
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna say like it is you get that
Speaker 1: dynamic, you know, you're a close friend
Speaker 2: and I expect that from my friends to tell me
Speaker 2: don't be friends. Yeah, yeah. So my friends know this
Speaker 2: and then they will go look here the other day,
Speaker 2: you were supposed to do this and you did that
Speaker 2: and I didn't like it and I appreciate that very much.
Speaker 2: I love that. And then I would tell them in
Speaker 2: their face instead
Speaker 1: of like bottling up your and I think this is
Speaker 1: this applies to more than just relationships. But even in
Speaker 1: friend groups and stuff as well, because the bigger your
Speaker 1: group is sometimes it's like internal politics or whatever. And then,
Speaker 1: you know, you want to confide a bit about this
Speaker 1: person to like someone else and the movement that causes
Speaker 1: this like weird rift and energy and all
Speaker 2: that.
Speaker 2: And you know the thing about being blunt is you
Speaker 2: have to be a very good listener. Yes, because that's
Speaker 2: the job when you are a blunt guy or you're
Speaker 2: saying jokes or you or you want to say something,
Speaker 2: somebody you actually have to be a very good listener
Speaker 2: and catch the keywords, right? Right. You know, and
Speaker 2: as somebody who makes jokes half
Speaker 2: my bloody life,
Speaker 2: You've got to catch and then you've got to, that's
Speaker 2: when you're fast at it. Like I'm listening to you,
Speaker 2: I may look like I'm not listening, but I'm actually
Speaker 2: listening to you 110%. If I wouldn't be able to
Speaker 2: carry on this conversation,
Speaker 2: men just want to pretend that we don't listen. We
Speaker 2: just want to have this carefully lives in our head
Speaker 2: is butterflies and the beach and a beer.
Speaker 2: You know, butterflies
Speaker 1: beach and a beer Okay. Where the butterflies came from?
Speaker 1: I'm
Speaker 2: not sure. But I don't know, I just needed something
Speaker 2: nice there. You know, maybe I should have like fish.
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't like no, we just we
Speaker 2: just want to pretend that we have this carefree life.
Speaker 2: We don't want to think about
Speaker 2: all these feelings and stuff like that. We are listening.
Speaker 2: We are there. We we want to have that chat
Speaker 2: with you, We want to open up. But you know
Speaker 2: when it comes to men, I've got no problems, you know, good.
Speaker 2: I started, you know, she's the one with the problem.
Speaker 2: Not me. Yeah, we do have problems. So
Speaker 1: then bringing that back to when you had a problem
Speaker 1: and you had an issue and you wanted someone to listen.
Speaker 1: How long can you go on talking for and how
Speaker 1: much do you expect this person to give you like
Speaker 1: in terms of attention in terms of suggestions, ideas, solutions.
Speaker 1: I don't know
Speaker 2: I speak in .4. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Okay
Speaker 2: summaries so can't be too long. Went down to see
Speaker 2: the other day I went out
Speaker 2: and then I bumped into this person he said this
Speaker 2: to me and then I said that back and then
Speaker 2: he got a fender and then I went this way
Speaker 2: and then I did that and then
Speaker 2: my friend said okay so and then once I get
Speaker 2: the point from on then they go back to this
Speaker 2: point and they go
Speaker 2: yeah but what did you say at this moment that
Speaker 2: you see now that's the conversation. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2: Instead of me going.
Speaker 2: So last sunday night at 7:30 p.m. I was out
Speaker 2: at Clark key. I was walking down the river and
Speaker 2: then I bumped into a friend of mine and then
Speaker 2: he looked at me and I said
Speaker 2: I'd rather watch a movie.
Speaker 1: Okay wait so why the details not important?
Speaker 2: Why the details not important details
Speaker 1: to me. I feel it is important. I agree
Speaker 2: with you. The details are absolutely important but it's how
Speaker 2: you phrase those details. Okay
Speaker 1: Okay I get it.
Speaker 2: That's when you catch, right,
Speaker 2: Do you want to put
Speaker 2: s a with two details in there or summarize the
Speaker 2: two lines with two details in there and then have
Speaker 2: a conversation that's faster. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I feel it's just a build up, you know? I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's more like like I'm trying to make
Speaker 1: a point so I need to build it up. Like
Speaker 1: the reason why this happened is because I was here
Speaker 1: at this time and because we were supposed to meet
Speaker 1: here to do something, you know what I mean? Like
Speaker 1: so I'm like, oh that's why the build up is
Speaker 1: important and that's why amongst us girls that we always
Speaker 1: get into the nitty gritty details
Speaker 1: and we just let them talk like we just let
Speaker 1: our girlfriends go. But that being said um I was
Speaker 1: in film school last time as well and the number
Speaker 1: one thing in script writing is if it doesn't move
Speaker 1: the plot forward, don't include it in the script. That's
Speaker 1: the one thing that I learned in script writing class. Right?
Speaker 1: It's cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's closed. No, no, I get it. I memorize point
Speaker 2: for me
Speaker 1: but not point form. You know, it's just like if
Speaker 1: it's really unnecessary then maybe I won't include it. But
Speaker 1: I'm not opposed to listening to it.
Speaker 2: I mean okay
Speaker 2: if you're talking about film. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: this is something
Speaker 2: he's interested in you see and then and then and
Speaker 2: then and then when you do a tv show
Speaker 2: what's the most important thing
Speaker 2: character, our character building. You know, sometimes an unnecessary scene
Speaker 2: like
Speaker 1: could waste like 10 minutes of your screen
Speaker 2: time making a cup of coffee,
Speaker 2: you know
Speaker 2: to, you might not mean anything but you're feeling for
Speaker 2: the character at this particular moment you're relating to him
Speaker 2: and then for her and then you move on through
Speaker 2: that story. Art, you grow that compassion for your character
Speaker 1: and maybe it was sponsored by an espresso last year.
Speaker 1: Also product placement.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I see your stories. I see that
Speaker 2: going dammit. I want one of those capsules. Exactly. Nespresso
Speaker 2: have a machine that up please.
Speaker 2: That is very important for filmmaking
Speaker 2: in the outside world.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's not a 3-hour long film. It's true. You
Speaker 2: really can't sit there and listen.
Speaker 2: But when you go and watch a film like that,
Speaker 2: those long stories, you're prepared for it. So I'm not
Speaker 2: saying you need to be
Speaker 1: mentally prepared for your night out with your friends
Speaker 2: prepared, you know, netflix and chill. You put on the
Speaker 2: movie and go like,
Speaker 2: um, so are we going to do it now? You
Speaker 1: Already, you already allocated the two or 3 hours? Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Some of the asian Slaw. Right. I live with
Speaker 2: my mom. So there's, there's, there's time slots. Yes. Yes.
Speaker 2: You know what time she comes back.
Speaker 2: So it's a fast paced world and when you're talking
Speaker 2: about listening, my job on a daily basis is to listen,
Speaker 2: I have to listen to my costar. It's true.
Speaker 1: It's true. I totally agree. I have to listen to joking.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's torture, right? So
Speaker 1: kidding, kidding.
Speaker 2: Like I said, like, it's really the time and place
Speaker 2: and honestly
Speaker 2: what I feel like an absolute girl, if I were
Speaker 2: to tell the truth, I like joining
Speaker 2: my girlfriends, girlfriends
Speaker 2: and sit down and
Speaker 2: actually really listen to them and talk.
Speaker 1: Really, I feel like this is
Speaker 2: absolutely honest.
Speaker 1: I feel like this is the peak of our conversation
Speaker 1: right now. Self acceptance and awareness.
Speaker 2: I mean, the entire three quarters this podcast is me
Speaker 2: making a joke about men being such dumb fox not listening, right?
Speaker 2: But we I I honestly love
Speaker 2: sitting down listening to that gossip, right? Yeah, the t
Speaker 2: is being spilled. Like absolutely hilarious. Like a stand up
Speaker 2: show when you guys talk about the details that she
Speaker 2: had that hair extension, She thinks that Botox, you see
Speaker 2: when she laughed and she looked, you
Speaker 1: know, now I need to go and find out who
Speaker 1: he's been hanging out with. So I know this person
Speaker 2: and then I'm sitting there going, oh my God, that
Speaker 2: is hilarious. And then I'll be watching and oh yeah,
Speaker 2: the Botox. Really? When she loved it?
Speaker 1: Is she laughing? Or is she
Speaker 2: not? Yeah, that's true, but
Speaker 2: it's because you guys said it, right? And then I'm like, right, right?
Speaker 1: It's ok trust me, if you just listen in on
Speaker 1: a girls chat it can be bitchy. F Okay? Like seriously? No.
Speaker 1: And you think
Speaker 2: I'm not listening, right? But then fast forward. This one
Speaker 2: catches your attention and then three weeks later I'll be like,
Speaker 2: wasn't that the one you're talking about the other day
Speaker 2: and then you are not listening to me like that?
Speaker 2: Yeah man, we pretend not to listen. Actually we are
Speaker 2: there you are there. And the reason why we pretend
Speaker 2: not to listen so that you don't counter check what
Speaker 2: you said, right? Because we'll never get it right? Just
Speaker 1: you basically
Speaker 2: just all your just basically Yeah. The dog. What? This
Speaker 2: one after the other the other day you said auntie Margaret.
Speaker 2: What what what the other yeah. Another
Speaker 1: story for another day. Okay. But we're taking it back
Speaker 1: from you know just conversations, sitting down conversation to texting.
Speaker 1: Is there a difference from you know the sit down
Speaker 1: conversations that you have with your friends or girlfriends or
Speaker 1: girlfriend or whatever?
Speaker 1: And the texting? Because I know sometimes we've actually addressed
Speaker 1: the whole art of texting a couple of times during
Speaker 1: our episodes. Do you are you a texter in the
Speaker 1: first place? What if people want to tell you about
Speaker 1: their shitty day or their fight with their partner On text.
Speaker 1: What kind of texture are you? Um And how do
Speaker 1: you how do you read into these things? Like would
Speaker 1: you rather also just get to the point? Like on
Speaker 1: text as well.
Speaker 2: First things first when I text people is in full
Speaker 2: sentences because I can't do the I don't know, I'm
Speaker 2: a boomer that will I keep my problems to myself. Okay.
Speaker 2: Why? It's my problem, it's not yours. But sometimes you
Speaker 2: need like a ventilator board right? Yeah screaming the pillow.
Speaker 2: You know, did you sit by my own? Usually I
Speaker 2: just rented my mom and like she's like why your
Speaker 2: face like that? You gave birth to this face? What
Speaker 2: kind of question is that? Oh no no, I just
Speaker 2: had this and that but let's see if you're going
Speaker 2: out right to the beach.
Speaker 2: I had a problem in the morning and you can
Speaker 2: clearly see it in my face because I'm not going
Speaker 2: to hide it in a way, but I would know
Speaker 2: that ship, we're out here to have a good time,
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna sit you down and go,
Speaker 2: you know this is this day and I had this
Speaker 2: problem like let's have a good time and then maybe
Speaker 2: maybe when it comes to some timeframe throughout the night
Speaker 2: and we find that moment and then I'm like yeah
Speaker 2: you know just just had that problem. I
Speaker 1: think I think there's a balance. I feel like because
Speaker 1: if I know that my friend that I'm hanging out
Speaker 1: with had a bad time or isn't
Speaker 1: you know, going is going through something and also ideal
Speaker 1: and all that. I would want to be there for
Speaker 1: my friend and I would want to get that out
Speaker 1: of the way first. Okay. I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: a self awareness thing, but if I'm having a ship day,
Speaker 1: I will immediately tell my group of friends, by the way,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to harp on this for too long,
Speaker 1: but I'll spend like 5, 10 minutes. I'll just tell
Speaker 1: you why I had a crappy day and then you
Speaker 1: guys can tell me what you want to say. And
Speaker 1: then we move on. All right? So you just let
Speaker 1: it out, that's my style. I just let it out
Speaker 1: like for a fixed amount of time and then we
Speaker 1: move on and have have a fun rest of the
Speaker 1: day
Speaker 2: minus the total opposite. Like I will keep it in,
Speaker 2: put on a good smile, keep it we will have
Speaker 2: a great day and then when the time comes and
Speaker 2: you need to do it,
Speaker 2: I'll just let you know okay and then we would
Speaker 2: have if it's not on a fun day, you know,
Speaker 2: it's time to sit down and have a chat about it.
Speaker 2: We'll do that when it comes to texting most of
Speaker 2: the time. I just go, what are you guys up
Speaker 2: to tonight? I'm busy. It's okay. That's at the end.
Speaker 2: I don't really
Speaker 2: but I'm the one who's always um and I feel
Speaker 2: this with my friends. I hope you don't
Speaker 2: you know unfriend unfriend me But I'm the one always
Speaker 2: texting the group that you guys okay And I will
Speaker 2: check in. Yeah I do.
Speaker 1: I think that's very appreciated as well and that's considered
Speaker 1: a good form of being you know support a good listener.
Speaker 1: Okay so on that note if you're you know let's
Speaker 1: say in an argument on text or like a heated
Speaker 1: conversation of some sort or whatever.
Speaker 1: And
Speaker 1: And you send like multiple messages like .1 I'm this
Speaker 1: you know that that making a point and stuff and
Speaker 1: the person on the receiving end just replies like one message.
Speaker 1: Does that like tissue off or
Speaker 1: I feel like you have an example coming I will
Speaker 2: murder you if you don't read. There's a reason why
Speaker 2: I typed every damn thing. Yeah yeah yeah yeah that's
Speaker 2: paragraph one paragraph to read paragraph one and then read
Speaker 2: to and then reply me like the chronological order. Like
Speaker 2: if you come and tell me you saw Star Wars
Speaker 2: five and then you saw one I will punch you
Speaker 2: in the face. You're gonna watch 456123
Speaker 2: and then watch the T. V. Shows. You know it's
Speaker 2: it has an order is an order. Yes I pisces
Speaker 2: me off
Speaker 2: when they just read the second time to go. Yes
Speaker 2: or they just like I asked you about dinner here
Speaker 2: and then you tell me what movie you wanna watch
Speaker 2: on
Speaker 1: that They prompt you again. You write full sentences. Hello? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's
Speaker 2: like a you,
Speaker 2: what do you want to have for dinner? Where shall
Speaker 2: we go
Speaker 2: then? The first question,
Speaker 1: what do you want to eat? Anything? I
Speaker 2: write for fun? Like you said for fun, is it? Yeah,
Speaker 2: I took all that time to click click click campaign. No,
Speaker 2: pays me off. Like I have like the other question,
Speaker 2: they'd be like, oh yeah, it's a singaporean thing. You
Speaker 2: think so? Yeah. So
Speaker 1: now it's no longer like a man versus woman thinks
Speaker 2: it's a singaporean thing.
Speaker 2: You know, I just have this pet peeve for singaporeans
Speaker 2: asking me and saying damn things Sometimes My, my current
Speaker 2: pet peeves, yes. If I were to say that it
Speaker 2: is not reading the full text or it's like asking
Speaker 2: if I ask you two questions in one sentence, you
Speaker 2: just say yes. It's like, hey, you want to meet
Speaker 2: later at 7 30 or shall we go here? Yes,
Speaker 1: without giving any details. Is it?
Speaker 2: You know, I just go like, oh my God, is
Speaker 2: this the day I'm going to have the second one
Speaker 2: is
Speaker 2: it's an obvious location, there's nothing to do here but
Speaker 2: the obvious thing.
Speaker 2: And you asked me
Speaker 2: what you are doing here.
Speaker 1: So that's your other pet peeve,
Speaker 2: is it? Right, right, right.
Speaker 2: Like I said, if you both
Speaker 1: at spin class and you're like, hey, what are you
Speaker 1: doing
Speaker 2: here?
Speaker 2: That would be bad, here's the, here's, here's, here's an
Speaker 1: example, okay.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, you see as much as I don't
Speaker 2: like that, he said, I love listening to these kind
Speaker 2: of people because it just riles me up. So I
Speaker 2: was walking to the gym on the way to the gym,
Speaker 2: I spot a newly opened gym right next to my house,
Speaker 2: so I thought, let's check it out
Speaker 2: now. Mind you, if you saw me from afar, you'd
Speaker 2: be like,
Speaker 2: you're going to the gym because you know, you're dressed
Speaker 1: and you're, you know, near their backpack, gym
Speaker 2: shoes, gym shorts and I walk into the gym
Speaker 2: and the receptionists
Speaker 2: or whatever you call, the person standing in front of
Speaker 2: the gym, looks at me and goes, you are here
Speaker 2: for in that tone really you are here for? And
Speaker 2: I snap man, I just, I apologize, but I want
Speaker 2: to buy a goat.
Speaker 1: Oh my God, no, you did not say
Speaker 2: that literally to buy a goat. Do you have one here?
Speaker 2: What did you see that exactly that
Speaker 2: I said. Exactly. That. Is there anything else to do here?
Speaker 2: And this is active S. G. Yeah, they just had weights,
Speaker 2: there's no Pilates class. There's no doom, basically just equipment.
Speaker 2: Equipment
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I walked out and said, you know what, this
Speaker 2: place ain't for me, I mean, why can't you go,
Speaker 1: can I help you? Yes, okay. I think we can
Speaker 1: be friends.
Speaker 2: Did you sign up for this? You know what you're
Speaker 2: here for in that like,
Speaker 1: condescending tone, is it?
Speaker 2: It's the same thing as writing three lines and then
Speaker 2: you reply to which one you choose. It's the same
Speaker 2: thing you are here for in this group chat. For
Speaker 2: what
Speaker 1: I think, you know, this definitely ties back to being
Speaker 1: a good listener, a good communicator and just being more aware, right?
Speaker 1: I think in general,
Speaker 2: I'd be very honest with you. I think the roles
Speaker 2: are reversed. I think men should be called females and
Speaker 2: females should become men. I think, I
Speaker 1: think that the lines are just blood in general. You
Speaker 1: know what
Speaker 2: I want to throw all you men under the bus
Speaker 2: right now crap.
Speaker 2: Let's just be honest here. How many times have we
Speaker 2: gotten together
Speaker 2: and bitched and gossip and shared long ask detailed questions
Speaker 2: or stories. But then when we go back and then
Speaker 2: we pretend like we just hang out. Yeah, but I
Speaker 2: tell you, man,
Speaker 2: I knew it. I knew
Speaker 1: it. This is literally
Speaker 2: just throwing on it. But you're sitting there going, what
Speaker 2: the other deal he like, then we go to sleep
Speaker 2: and then we, you know, whatever y'all do. We do,
Speaker 2: we just pretend that we're not doing it
Speaker 1: on. And on that note,
Speaker 2: thank
Speaker 1: You for watching this episode of men explain. I think
Speaker 1: we're going to lose 80% of our male followers
Speaker 1: right now. See you next time.
Speaker 2: Yeah. They're all embarrassed and shy and hiding, but you
Speaker 2: know what? I think it's time to come clean guys.
Speaker 2: We
Speaker 2: a bunch of
Speaker 2: gossip girls like, okay, hello? Yeah, let me sit down
Speaker 2: there and just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Don't lie.
Speaker 2: Don't lie to yourself.
Speaker 1: I think that you had a nice character arc during
Speaker 1: this podcast. Actually, if I would drop a filmmaking term
Speaker 1: in there somehow, he was like kissing the guy that
Speaker 1: I see on tv, on videos on instagram tiktok, whatever.
Speaker 1: And as the time went by, he actually had this
Speaker 1: wonderful character arc. I have to say, I don't know
Speaker 1: if you noticed it. Yeah, maybe when you re watch this,
Speaker 1: you might notice it
Speaker 1: and you might not have any other friends after this
Speaker 1: podcast so you can just come and chat with
Speaker 2: me. Do I even have friends at this point? I mean,
Speaker 2: I think that's what they love about me.
Speaker 2: The bluntness, the crudeness, maybe the joke's on this side
Speaker 2: of
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And
Speaker 2: I think, I mean I'm looking into the camera. Only
Speaker 2: my close friends know the serious times, the quiet times,
Speaker 2: the heart to heart talks there listening that I had
Speaker 2: to do.
Speaker 1: We should charge them by the minute is
Speaker 2: it should send the invoice each time I had to
Speaker 2: counsel everybody. Nobody.
Speaker 2: That's the funny thing.
Speaker 2: As much as I portray myself to be. This guy's
Speaker 2: like hurry up, let's get there. Let's go. Yes.
Speaker 1: This is the, yeah,
Speaker 2: I end up having
Speaker 2: the most people
Speaker 2: come to me to have a chat. They want to
Speaker 2: tell me the other day they want to talk
Speaker 1: about their problems to
Speaker 2: me. Yes,
Speaker 2: I think they just know it's because I'm going to listen.
Speaker 2: I'm going to give you some sort of an experience
Speaker 2: of mind. Maybe you can learn from that to help
Speaker 2: your situation and then I will make a joke about
Speaker 2: it and then turn your whole day around.
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, Shawn, thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 1: I don't know why I'm laughing. This has been a journey.
Speaker 1: I feel
Speaker 1: like we need to do like a character art, graph
Speaker 1: of position throughout this entire one hour. Yeah, literally a
Speaker 1: graph to see like where his character went.
Speaker 1: But I really appreciate that because we get to see
Speaker 1: different sides of each other because you know, we're always
Speaker 1: like only seeing each other like you know, work sort
Speaker 1: of situation or like energetic hyped up and all. This
Speaker 1: is the first time we're like sitting down like for
Speaker 1: an hour chatting and I just saw a different side
Speaker 1: of you that was
Speaker 2: pleasantly you made it very comfortable to be
Speaker 2: the other side of me Also, thank you very much.
Speaker 2: You
Speaker 1: are most welcome to conclude this whole thing today. You know,
Speaker 1: I think the lines are very blurred. It may not
Speaker 1: be specific to you know, just men or just women.
Speaker 1: Like I feel in general we can be good or
Speaker 1: bad listeners regardless of gender, right? You
Speaker 2: Know, it's just boils down to your personality, man. It's
Speaker 2: not gender whatsoever. Having hung out with gay men. Yeah, 100%.
Speaker 2: They are the best listeners man and they will catch you.
Speaker 2: We
Speaker 1: talked for six hours. I love it. Oh my God,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening to this episode of
Speaker 1: Men explain if you like this episode, please hit the
Speaker 1: follow button. We are on Spotify
Speaker 1: and Apple podcast. Also, please do follow us at its
Speaker 1: clarity dot com
Speaker 1: on instagram and facebook for more of our content and
Speaker 1: we'll see you next time. Thanks christian
Speaker 2: was the fun for me. Thank you. Goodbye.