Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sonia. Welcome to another episode of men. Explain
Speaker 1: today we're going straight to it. Are men too logical
Speaker 1: and unromantic or are they simply not putting in enough effort?
Speaker 1: I've got a couple here with me here today. Please
Speaker 1: introduce yourself. You guys, hi,
Speaker 2: everyone. I'm Fabian. Um This is my wife. We just
Speaker 2: got married and we are expecting a child. I'm
Speaker 1: Deborah in case you forgot my
Speaker 2: name. I thought I'm introducing myself, then you introduce yourself,
Speaker 1: introduce both of us. I mean, you guys, people might
Speaker 1: have already seen you on social media, on tiktok on
Speaker 1: all these places. So how has that sort of changed
Speaker 1: your relationship so far? I mean, you know, you started
Speaker 1: off with being very open about your relationship. Not everyone
Speaker 1: is
Speaker 1: OK with that, but you guys were and it was
Speaker 1: a
Speaker 2: hit funny story is that when we first started tiktok, right? Yeah,
Speaker 2: my videos would not show her face. They
Speaker 1: will show like like they hide, my face will not
Speaker 1: be shown this one. So launching, show my face. I
Speaker 1: break up with you, you know, a
Speaker 2: so her is like if she breaks up with me
Speaker 2: I can still find someone with the same body
Speaker 1: and then you can replace me. And
Speaker 2: obviously it is a long joke, but it worked out
Speaker 2: and then we started to show
Speaker 2: ourselves on social media more and more. Yeah, we did
Speaker 2: not expect to blow up. He was doing the lockdown
Speaker 2: and we had nothing to do. And we just started
Speaker 2: creating like couple comedy and like pranking each other.
Speaker 1: But it started from him. He had like a lot
Speaker 1: of strange idea. He's like each other. I want to
Speaker 1: do that idea, you know, for like my 23 followers
Speaker 1: or let's do those fun, fun, fun, fun. Got nothing
Speaker 2: to do. Don't attack my 23 followers. I was like,
Speaker 1: supporting you. So you guys compliment
Speaker 1: each other somehow. I feel. So
Speaker 2: and the weird part is that we have so little
Speaker 2: in common when we first started dating, like, really tell
Speaker 2: me more about like, I like gaming. I like anime.
Speaker 2: I like, I like, like, like stuff but she is
Speaker 2: the complete opposite. So like movies that I like to watch.
Speaker 2: Lord of the Rings. She does not,
Speaker 1: I don't, I can't follow a lot of the Rings
Speaker 1: too much. Like I really try it and he made
Speaker 1: me watch anime and I want to try for the
Speaker 1: whole first episode. I'm like, why
Speaker 1: does she suddenly have things like what's happening here?
Speaker 2: I couldn't like we had so little in common but
Speaker 2: the beauty of it that when we first started dating, like,
Speaker 2: her concern was like, do you think, like, we have
Speaker 2: very little in common? Is that going to be like
Speaker 2: a factor? I'm like, actually it makes sense because now
Speaker 2: you got the best of both worlds. Yeah. And it's
Speaker 2: always like you always get to do something new. It's
Speaker 2: always a different experience. Her interest. I need to learn my,
Speaker 2: my interest, she learns and it's like something new you
Speaker 2: always introducing to the relationship. It does compliment
Speaker 1: me a lot. Like,
Speaker 1: actually I'm very logical talking about whether men are more
Speaker 1: logical today, more pessimistic. He's like a dreamer. You
Speaker 2: know why we do this? And she's like pulling me. No,
Speaker 2: be real.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that, that's not gonna happen. OK. OK. So since
Speaker 1: you're talking about your early courtship days, tell me, how
Speaker 1: did he
Speaker 1: commend you to convince you that, hey, you know, this
Speaker 1: could be something I want to work at since you
Speaker 1: had not so much in common in the beginning, I
Speaker 1: think for me, I'm a very guarded person. Yeah. So like, um,
Speaker 1: I don't know, is it trauma or another for another day?
Speaker 1: But I was like a really guarded person. So I'm
Speaker 1: someone who I realized like, don't lay my cards on
Speaker 1: the table, right? I'm still, I'm clear like what the
Speaker 1: other person want. So I feel like the best thing
Speaker 1: he did in the beginning of our course,
Speaker 1: he's just such a, you know, they say like golden
Speaker 1: retriever energy. Yeah, like he's just so like, oh like
Speaker 1: he's so straightforward, he's so confident in like, in his feelings.
Speaker 1: So he's always just like, yeah, you know, I like you.
Speaker 1: I want to date you. Yeah, this is what I do.
Speaker 1: Not like
Speaker 2: I was like straight forward.
Speaker 1: So it's like for me, it made me feel very
Speaker 1: safe to pursue the relationship, right? So he gave you
Speaker 1: the assurance first. Then you like, OK, maybe I go right.
Speaker 1: That's right. That's right. So he he told me
Speaker 1: loves me first. So after I was like, let me
Speaker 1: contemplate this new information and then yeah, I know. So
Speaker 1: that's very much our dynamic in the beginning. That's cute guys.
Speaker 1: That's very cut and we met on coffee me and
Speaker 1: he's like, oh I deleted the app and everything. So
Speaker 1: it's very like there's no game. You're like, ok, let
Speaker 1: me think about that. My premium account, she
Speaker 2: was, she was my last date, but I was her
Speaker 2: first date. So that was the beginning of her dating phase.
Speaker 2: That was the end of my dating.
Speaker 1: You just, and I just went in there and like
Speaker 1: I'm ending the dating now
Speaker 2: is over after I met her. I was like, oh man,
Speaker 2: I'm going to marry this girl. Yeah, and I I'm
Speaker 2: going to marry this girl, but she was like, I
Speaker 2: still want to like date. I mean, it's fair enough Right,
Speaker 2: because she just started dating. I can't hold her down.
Speaker 2: So like I did, I did in the sense that
Speaker 2: I said I told
Speaker 1: so, then my next question is, what are your perceptions
Speaker 1: of romance? For example, because I think in a, in
Speaker 1: a relationship, you know, in a couple, right. It's kind
Speaker 1: of hard to always be on the same page. Like,
Speaker 1: what I might think is romantic is not what my
Speaker 1: partner thinks is romantic. And if we don't get on
Speaker 1: the same page of each other's love languages for lack
Speaker 1: of a better word, then we may not feel like
Speaker 1: we are giving each other the romance or the affection.
Speaker 1: So maybe we start with you. Tell us what is
Speaker 1: your idea of romance? So I've always known that I'm
Speaker 1: a very like
Speaker 1: away from cliche and big romantic gestures, like 99 roses.
Speaker 1: Like those doesn't hit me like I feel very like,
Speaker 1: you know, but yeah, I'm super into like daily romance.
Speaker 1: I remember one of my favorite quotes about love was
Speaker 1: I want a Tuesday kind of love. Is that from
Speaker 1: a song? I, I don't know where I think I
Speaker 1: was in my tumblr face or
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think so. I
Speaker 2: mean, it
Speaker 1: sounds so cliche. No, but it's like
Speaker 1: I remember even on my dating app, they were like,
Speaker 1: what's your idea of a perfect Sunday or whatever? And
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, we're waking up we're making pancakes
Speaker 1: and then we go on, you know, like the kind
Speaker 1: of daily, daily thing. So that is my idea of romance.
Speaker 1: I find that like, super romantic, you know, daily stuff.
Speaker 1: Not like, I don't know what to do with flowers,
Speaker 1: like they die. And then I'm like, what do I
Speaker 1: do with that now? You know. So I don't, I
Speaker 1: don't like this kind of things and I think, I
Speaker 1: think coincidentally he is someone of a very, like, everyday
Speaker 1: romance kind of.
Speaker 1: Oh, ok. So both of you have the same idea
Speaker 1: of what romance is. Yes. But I think there was
Speaker 1: also much learning to be done
Speaker 2: because the learning was big. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Ok. You can tell us what is your idea when
Speaker 2: we first started dating? There was a lot that I
Speaker 2: needed to learn and change. There was a period so
Speaker 2: that she actually broke up with me for one month
Speaker 2: and it was actually during that period that I realized actually,
Speaker 2: you know what I've been a, I've been a dick
Speaker 2: and I needed to change for, for her.
Speaker 2: And yeah, I did, I did a lot of like,
Speaker 2: learning and like, you know, self development. Yeah. So I
Speaker 2: realized that because I love her, I need to accept
Speaker 2: things that are not right with me. I need to
Speaker 2: change this aspect of myself. I need to change my laziness,
Speaker 2: my attitude towards the way I treat her.
Speaker 2: And like, even even like daily things like making coffee
Speaker 2: for her last time I'll be like making noise. I like,
Speaker 2: can you just go do it yourself, like, you know? Yeah.
Speaker 1: You realize that that is how she likes to be appreciated.
Speaker 2: Correct? Yeah. So like things like bring her out for
Speaker 2: walks or like, like a dog but she's very, like
Speaker 2: after a while I start to learn and that she
Speaker 2: is actually very easy to please in, in terms of
Speaker 2: like
Speaker 2: she likes like she just like
Speaker 1: maybe I want to give you a shovel right now
Speaker 1: today the day I
Speaker 2: die. No, no. But she loves this as a compliment
Speaker 2: for her. Like she she loves like just making her
Speaker 2: cup noodles and like making her coffee simple things and
Speaker 2: she finds that like that's her romantic like gesture that
Speaker 2: I can do for
Speaker 1: her. I think there's something romantic about people knowing the
Speaker 1: small things that you like
Speaker 1: pay attention to that and then giving that to you,
Speaker 1: you know, like everyone can buy flowers, you know, but
Speaker 1: it's like, what are the very specific things he knows?
Speaker 1: I like this specific brand of whatever the way I
Speaker 1: like my coffee. You know, these are like the romantic
Speaker 1: stuff that I feel.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm actually a very hopeless and romantic kind of person. Ok.
Speaker 2: So let's get to this
Speaker 1: in romantic from hopeless, romantic,
Speaker 2: hopeless. I was very bad at like I was,
Speaker 2: he
Speaker 1: took a course and our relationship
Speaker 2: along the way. I kind of realized that, that um ok,
Speaker 2: so like, I don't want to talk about my past relationships,
Speaker 2: but it was bad because I realized after meeting her
Speaker 2: that wait, I actually do need to change a lot.
Speaker 2: I need to grow up, you know. So like when
Speaker 2: it came to her, I wanted to be serious. So
Speaker 2: things like she had this thing where she said that, ok,
Speaker 2: when we did every single week, we have to go
Speaker 2: for at least a date night. Ok. So we don't
Speaker 2: let
Speaker 2: die off and we still carry that tradition three years
Speaker 2: later until today. So at the time, like why must
Speaker 2: we do that? Like why, why you need to preplan
Speaker 2: just go out, go out, you know, that kind of thing.
Speaker 2: So like I realized that she is someone who likes
Speaker 2: to preplan stuff and then I have to lock it
Speaker 2: down and then she likes that like, like that authority.
Speaker 2: She doesn't like that last minute. Let just go. She
Speaker 2: finds that unromantic
Speaker 1: total opposite. Like you want to do this. OK? You
Speaker 1: want to do this? Yeah.
Speaker 1: OK. So do you date people who are exactly like
Speaker 1: you but somehow or totally opposite. I mean, I am
Speaker 1: seeing somebody now. Um I would say he is very
Speaker 1: much like you like he's very like he would be
Speaker 1: 12345 and today I'm doing 5214 somehow just opposite. People
Speaker 1: just meet each other and each other. I don't know
Speaker 1: what
Speaker 2: it is. Fun. Right. It's funny
Speaker 1: in a way sometimes he gets irritated
Speaker 1: because he's like, but, but I will give him credit
Speaker 1: because he also realized that, hey, we have to learn
Speaker 1: about each other's patterns and, like, how we work and
Speaker 1: certain things cannot entirely be changed. You know? And you
Speaker 1: don't want to completely change your. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: In a way. Ok. So we get to you now,
Speaker 1: what is your idea of romance? Does she meet the requirements?
Speaker 2: I'm actually a very easy guy, please. Like, um,
Speaker 2: like, I love it when she takes interest in my interest.
Speaker 2: So for example, like, like anime Lord of the Rings. Yeah. Yeah. No,
Speaker 2: but I really, really love it. Like, there are a
Speaker 2: few times where she's like, can I play video games?
Speaker 2: I'm like, wow, where did that come from? So, like,
Speaker 2: I will be out like my other Playstation controller and
Speaker 2: we will be playing games but then I get frustrated because,
Speaker 2: oh my God. Yeah. But, but I really love it.
Speaker 2: I really love it and then like, spontaneous things where she, like,
Speaker 2: say
Speaker 2: let's watch Game of Thrones all over again. I'm like,
Speaker 2: oh my God, I'm down, oh my God, you're speaking
Speaker 2: my language. There's two love languages that we have to,
Speaker 2: that we, like, portray the strongest, right? Like for hours
Speaker 2: it's time and touch both. We have the same, but
Speaker 2: I read it somewhere that we actually, we have the
Speaker 2: hidden love language as well on the third and mine
Speaker 2: is actually words of affirmation. I realized it likewise. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Hers is act of service.
Speaker 2: Correct. Yeah. Yeah. So I love it. Like when she
Speaker 2: like says things like, like just to boost my confidence
Speaker 2: and my moral up, you know, it's like, because I mean,
Speaker 2: sometimes it like life gets you down but she's always
Speaker 2: there to like pick me back up. Yeah. So I
Speaker 2: love these moments from her. It's like those simple, simple
Speaker 2: things that just brings me back up. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like this whole podcast is a bit of
Speaker 1: a bonding session for two of you
Speaker 1: therapy session.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Turns out soon. Third party. I just, I just
Speaker 1: be $200 actually 252 150 girls. Ok. Anyway, so on
Speaker 1: that note, you know, since we are on a good
Speaker 1: role there, I have some um some research that has
Speaker 1: been done and theories that you may or may not
Speaker 1: agree with. So let's read some of it out and discuss. Ok.
Speaker 1: Now the first one is men tend to fall in
Speaker 1: love faster whereas women are more guarded.
Speaker 1: True or
Speaker 2: no, I will speak for myself. True, true, true, true.
Speaker 2: And
Speaker 1: for you, you think, yeah, for
Speaker 2: sure. I had to chase her hard, hard,
Speaker 1: she needed convincing that she doesn't need to be on
Speaker 1: the app
Speaker 2: anymore, like hundreds every day. Like
Speaker 1: an interview. What is your biggest strength? OK. The next
Speaker 1: one is men say I love you first. Whereas women
Speaker 1: say I love you more often.
Speaker 1: And you mentioned this earlier that he said it first
Speaker 2: hand.
Speaker 1: I wonder if I say it more often.
Speaker 2: Um
Speaker 1: Somehow, same, same I feel, I feel the same way.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think who said I love you first.
Speaker 1: I actually, I'm not sure. Uh, being, being very Capricorn,
Speaker 1: we might have timed it.
Speaker 1: But I mean, like today you say, ok. No, no,
Speaker 1: but I accidentally introduced him as my boyfriend first, accidentally, accidentally.
Speaker 1: So it wasn't a trap or anything or was it?
Speaker 1: But he was like, oh, I just realized that you
Speaker 1: addressed me as your boyfriend. I was like, oh my God,
Speaker 1: I didn't realize that you mean you are not exclusive.
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, this is new information. So, yeah. II,
Speaker 1: I honestly can't remember. It might have been around the
Speaker 1: same time.
Speaker 2: I think like that was my moment.
Speaker 2: Most nerve wracking moment to tell her that I love her.
Speaker 2: Did
Speaker 1: you plan when exactly? Or you felt that it was
Speaker 1: all the time? This was
Speaker 2: after she broke up with me. And then I said,
Speaker 2: do you want to go for supper one month later?
Speaker 2: And then I went on for supper. I love you,
Speaker 2: by the way, in case you don't know if, if
Speaker 2: I in case I don't ever get to say this
Speaker 2: in case you don't want to date me. I actually
Speaker 2: love you. Yeah, it's very cliche. I was like,
Speaker 1: but I was gonna respond. He is like, OK, just
Speaker 1: hold that thought because I need to pee
Speaker 1: and then he drove off and then he was like
Speaker 1: see you tomorrow or something like that. I was like,
Speaker 1: I was like you just flat. I think I only
Speaker 1: said it maybe a month plus later. Yeah, girl, you know,
Speaker 2: and within that month, I still like said I love
Speaker 2: you on this but she would not reply that kind
Speaker 2: of stuff. So I didn't give up. And then like
Speaker 2: I remember there was one time when I was sleeping
Speaker 2: I think and then she just said I love you.
Speaker 2: I like what, what did you say? I was like, wait.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I thought about it. So it took her one
Speaker 2: month to
Speaker 1: say that honestly could just sometimes be a personality difference
Speaker 1: like the way that we process things for sure. Ok.
Speaker 1: The next one is
Speaker 1: how men fall in love have more to do with
Speaker 1: physical appearance. Whereas women access more factors like personality and
Speaker 1: similarities and so on.
Speaker 2: Ok, I know this is going to sound like a
Speaker 2: very big move, but I would say that physical appearance
Speaker 2: does that matter. It does matter for me.
Speaker 2: Uh like everyone has a type, right? Everyone has a
Speaker 2: physical type like I know my physical type and I
Speaker 2: look for that in a woman, but there's also another
Speaker 2: thing called emotional type, like character wise. So just because
Speaker 2: I meet the physical type does not mean that they
Speaker 2: are my type emotionally. Yeah. And she aligned perfectly. So
Speaker 2: like when I look for someone like, yeah, appearance wise
Speaker 2: it matters for me. Yeah.
Speaker 1: What about you? What do you think? Like for me,
Speaker 1: attraction in the beginning is definitely super important and that's
Speaker 1: very much physical, right? You see a person like, oh
Speaker 1: does he give you butterflies or not? You know, you know,
Speaker 1: actually I feel like sometimes people will say, oh, it's
Speaker 1: about inner beauty don't be so superficial but I think
Speaker 1: and this is not to sound like an ass or anything,
Speaker 1: but you do still need to be attracted to each other, right?
Speaker 1: Like physical appearance is subjective, but all that matters is
Speaker 1: that you guys are into it,
Speaker 1: right? Yeah. And I'm not saying that it has to
Speaker 1: be like a like perfect and someone who is super
Speaker 1: super is my type, you know, immediately, but they have
Speaker 1: to be some at least give you some form of
Speaker 1: attraction makes you feel you feel like, OK, you know,
Speaker 1: let's explore it. So I think the initial attraction is
Speaker 1: always physical. Yeah. And then after that, you let the
Speaker 1: other aspects kind of tune you out like do I
Speaker 1: like this or not? Because there's no way that there's
Speaker 1: no way if you are attracted to the person
Speaker 1: that you can still forgive, like, you know, things are
Speaker 1: not your type in terms of the personality type, right?
Speaker 1: I do feel at the end of the day, like
Speaker 1: I still want to get to know you as a person,
Speaker 1: your character, whether we click emotionally, whether we solve problems well, together,
Speaker 1: you know, that, that kind of important stuff because I'm
Speaker 1: a serial relationship per person. Like, ok, guys, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be single or boom to your relationship.
Speaker 1: Serial monogamy. I don't know why. I don't know why
Speaker 1: I always set out to be single and that never happens. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think because people like us, we just like for me,
Speaker 1: I'm not good at being single. Yeah. No, I'm not
Speaker 1: afraid to admit. I do feel like sometimes I need
Speaker 1: someone to experience life with. Ok. The next one is
Speaker 1: men tend to express affection through more physical means, for example,
Speaker 1: initiating intimacy or sex. Is that
Speaker 2: true? Oh, yeah. Um
Speaker 2: I definitely give, I remember the first kiss I ever
Speaker 2: gave her like it was just random. She was talking,
Speaker 2: I was just looking at her and just waiting for
Speaker 2: the kiss. Oh OK.
Speaker 1: So I remember this is so funny because it was
Speaker 1: our second date. OK? And he was like, oh, my
Speaker 1: brother is proposing to his girlfriend and then after that
Speaker 1: we're having a small party, you know, at my place.
Speaker 1: So you want to come for the after party. And
Speaker 1: I said, where your parents will be at?
Speaker 1: And he was like, and he was like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: don't worry, you will not see my parents at all.
Speaker 1: They are upstairs, we will be downstairs. You know, you
Speaker 1: will not get to even interact with them. And I
Speaker 1: went there and then not even 10 minutes in the house,
Speaker 1: like my dad would like to speak to
Speaker 2: you. No. OK. Wait. And then we
Speaker 1: spend 1.5 hour just talking to the parents. I was like,
Speaker 1: I did not expect to meet this girl but I
Speaker 1: had some wine.
Speaker 1: OK. Yeah. So at one point I felt like I
Speaker 1: was floating out of my body watching myself answer questions.
Speaker 1: I was like, how are you doing this?
Speaker 2: But she nailed it, nailed it. Oh Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then he's like, OK, I need to kiss this
Speaker 1: girl to lock this down.
Speaker 2: Obviously not
Speaker 1: in my mind. I'm like trying to piece this scene
Speaker 1: together and your parents are in every scene
Speaker 1: like and they're like, we are still
Speaker 2: here, you know, that's my boy. Yeah.
Speaker 1: OK. The last one here, women are better at remembering
Speaker 1: dates and events that mark important milestones of the relationship.
Speaker 1: Do you think that's true?
Speaker 2: Yeah. 100
Speaker 1: percent. I actually disagree. I am so I am so
Speaker 1: bad at it. I'm good at it because you, you,
Speaker 2: I feel like she's so organized because you're
Speaker 1: also bad. So she says, oh yeah, tomorrow is our anniversary.
Speaker 1: You like you, you know, if I'm lying, right?
Speaker 1: I don't even know.
Speaker 2: You know, even for normal dates that she plans, she
Speaker 2: has to send a Google invite invite so we can
Speaker 2: remember it. So like she's so organized that even anniversary
Speaker 2: birthdays is all there. That's great.
Speaker 1: My calendar because it's just so packed, right? If it's
Speaker 1: not my calendar, it doesn't exist like the agenda doesn't exist.
Speaker 1: So I have everything has to be down. If not,
Speaker 2: I forget. So she reminds me everything. I can't remember
Speaker 2: my own nephew's birthdays and stuff like that. So she
Speaker 2: just write it all for you. She reminds me,
Speaker 2: ok, this, this Saturday, we have your nephew's birthday. We
Speaker 2: are going, I'm like, ok, let's go buy a gift. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So she locks everything down and I'm like, ok, let's
Speaker 2: do it.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Great. Very complimentary. I love
Speaker 2: that. But like I said, it took a lot of
Speaker 2: learning at the start because I'm not used to it.
Speaker 2: I'm like a very free spirited person. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Ok. So then in that case between the two of you,
Speaker 1: since we already know who said I love you first
Speaker 1: and all that. Who is the more logical one? And
Speaker 1: it's got to be her, right? More logical.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. So, in your opinion, there's nothing wrong
Speaker 1: with being so logical in a relationship Oh, definitely. But
Speaker 1: I feel like somehow in my experience, the logical people
Speaker 1: always find the dreamers because like the dreamers, right? Sometimes
Speaker 1: they just dream so high up and then we pull
Speaker 1: them back to the ground with execution of possibilities. But
Speaker 1: for us, like for me as a logical person, sometimes
Speaker 1: I kind of think too small because I'm so logical, right?
Speaker 1: I want to know what is possible and I only
Speaker 1: think within that box, but sometimes he inspires me with
Speaker 1: like, oh, but you know, we could do something like
Speaker 1: that and I'm like, ok, maybe not that but something
Speaker 1: in between and then we kind of get to that,
Speaker 1: you know, so he helps me like dream a bit bigger,
Speaker 1: I would say yes, like, so you mean in the
Speaker 1: middle somehow, you mean in the middle? Like he inspires
Speaker 1: me and I think I help him, I ground him.
Speaker 1: So it really, really helps. So then why do you
Speaker 1: think people have the perception that men are perceived to
Speaker 1: be less romantic? Because I feel now it sounds more
Speaker 1: like a personality, character driven, individual driven? I
Speaker 2: would say that actually it comes to like
Speaker 2: sometimes men, we are just very lazy to plan a
Speaker 2: lot of things, especially romance. I, for me personally, I
Speaker 2: cringe at big romance romance moment, which is exactly like her. She,
Speaker 2: there are a lot of women out there that I
Speaker 2: know who like those. A lot of women, friends, family.
Speaker 2: I'm going to put it out there, friends, family. Um
Speaker 2: That's all.
Speaker 1: Leave a comment now to prove that you exist. I
Speaker 1: know cousins and my sisters, they
Speaker 2: like those big, they like flowers. She doesn't like flowers.
Speaker 2: She says flowers die. I'm like, ok, good point. Let's
Speaker 2: not buy flowers for me. I don't have to waste money.
Speaker 2: But there are a lot of people who like big
Speaker 2: romance moments and as a guy that it stresses you out,
Speaker 2: I have friends who also complain to me like my
Speaker 2: wife's birthday or my girlfriend's birthday is coming. I do
Speaker 2: not know what to do. They are just clueless. They
Speaker 2: don't know what we do not know what to do.
Speaker 2: Like we do not know whether this will please them
Speaker 2: or they will be like, wow, why waste money or like,
Speaker 2: you know, like the whole episode
Speaker 1: on its own, you document all his questions. So we
Speaker 2: really, we really don't
Speaker 2: know like how, how this stuff works. And then our
Speaker 2: best friend is Google obviously like, ok, what do we do?
Speaker 2: And then Google is like, oh, like it's the generic
Speaker 2: stuff that we really did before. Like staycation or fancy dinner.
Speaker 1: You try chat G BT yet or not yet. That's
Speaker 1: not the idea. You know, it's never all men or
Speaker 1: all
Speaker 2: I don't think. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's like, like it's true that from my experience, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe seeing friends around me, men maybe do seem
Speaker 1: like less maybe detail oriented. Yeah, when it comes to
Speaker 1: a relationship, you know, with romance, you kind of need details, right?
Speaker 1: You kind of need to be about the details, you
Speaker 1: need to plan, you need to do this, you need
Speaker 1: to kind of take note of, oh she said this,
Speaker 1: what does this mean? Blah, blah, blah, women are a
Speaker 1: little bit more like maybe intuitive with that, you know,
Speaker 1: in terms of a gender thing. Of course, this is
Speaker 1: like total stereotype. Yeah. Sometimes there are women who are like,
Speaker 1: you know, you are not white like that or men
Speaker 1: who are not, not super romance. I, I agree and
Speaker 1: I also feel like I'm not sure
Speaker 1: if it's because of media portrayal of, you know, all
Speaker 1: these rom coms or you know, this, you know, the
Speaker 1: chase and then how they locked down the girl and
Speaker 1: you watch so much of that growing up and as
Speaker 1: a teenager, you're like reading all this kind of stuff
Speaker 1: and watching to the point where you also craft or
Speaker 1: shape a certain idea of how the courtship should be. Like,
Speaker 1: do you think that is a big, I don't know,
Speaker 1: big
Speaker 2: controversy? Is
Speaker 1: that a how is it in Lord of
Speaker 2: the Rings?
Speaker 2: No, but I would say like the way they portray
Speaker 2: anime romance and like, like Korean drama and all this
Speaker 2: kind of stuff. It does factor in a lot of things.
Speaker 2: I think maybe I mean,
Speaker 1: that's not even get started on Korean dramas. All of
Speaker 1: my friends, like, oh, it's this or no one else, like, ok,
Speaker 1: keep on dreaming girl drama. No, I don't, I don't
Speaker 1: actually like
Speaker 2: this moment where, like, the guy chases the girl and
Speaker 2: then the girl fights
Speaker 2: the guy and then they don't talk but then after
Speaker 2: they start to, he just,
Speaker 1: like, this is like, 20 seconds just, yeah. You know,
Speaker 1: I had to watch it at 1.5 speed. Like some,
Speaker 1: I mean, there was some dramas that, ok, I watched
Speaker 1: just because of the high point for too
Speaker 2: long, but I would say it is a factor because, um, ok,
Speaker 2: so for, we both like shows like Brooklyn 99, the Office, um,
Speaker 2: Modern Family, all these kind of shows. She always
Speaker 2: compare me to feel from Modern Family or Gym from
Speaker 2: in the office or like, um, or like friends, her favorite. Like,
Speaker 2: they were
Speaker 1: like, there are few characters I say, oh, that is
Speaker 1: like that, like our dynamic, right? Like Chandler and Monica, like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's very much like he's like, and I,
Speaker 1: you know, all like Amy and Jake Per, she's also like,
Speaker 1: you know, and so there's things like that. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And, and I would say like, when I watch these shows,
Speaker 2: I always told myself like, oh, man, I want a
Speaker 2: relationship that's fun like this. Like we can tease each other,
Speaker 2: we can have fun
Speaker 2: and stuff and I don't know how it happened but
Speaker 2: I think I manifested it, found it. Yeah. Yeah. I
Speaker 2: think I manifested it but I really looked for it.
Speaker 2: It really, it was a factor because I wanted something fun.
Speaker 2: Imagine if I'm dating someone and we do not match
Speaker 2: in chemistry and energy level and then I'm just going
Speaker 2: to be like,
Speaker 1: then, you know, that's not it. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So, like I did have this goal when I was
Speaker 2: finding a partner, which is why when I dated her,
Speaker 2: like the moment I met her. Yeah, dude, she was
Speaker 2: so funny. She was like, so hilarious. I never laughed
Speaker 2: so much in my, on a date before. I never,
Speaker 2: I really never
Speaker 1: if someone thinks you're funny,
Speaker 2: I thought, I thought I was funny because I'm always
Speaker 2: the one trying to like, I always had to engage
Speaker 2: in a conversation. But with her, everything just flew like
Speaker 2: it was flowing and like I was laughing non-stop and
Speaker 1: suddenly you're not the funniest guy.
Speaker 2: Yes. Yes. Yes. I was, I was like, dude, I
Speaker 2: think I met my match. So my friend was the
Speaker 2: bartender at that time. She went to the toilet. I
Speaker 2: told I really met my match and then I told
Speaker 2: him watch me marry this girl on the first day.
Speaker 2: And my friend still remembers
Speaker 1: it. Well, this visualization technique, I teach some of our
Speaker 1: friends
Speaker 1: manifestation. I
Speaker 2: manifested it. But I would say that um watching all
Speaker 2: these shows. It did, like, play a factor, like, in
Speaker 2: a partner that I was
Speaker 1: aspirational because you look at it and you like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, I really can relate. I would love that. Correct.
Speaker 2: In a real sense. I'm not talking about the dreamy
Speaker 2: sense about K drama and stuff like that. I mean,
Speaker 2: that's your go to a
Speaker 1: lot of people watch K dramas and a lot of
Speaker 1: these romantic shows. I mean, ok, I admit I was
Speaker 1: hooked on and
Speaker 1: the actor that played King Charles. 00 my God. OK.
Speaker 1: That's your time. That season two? My season one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like, girl, this is the kind of show
Speaker 1: I cannot watch with my partner or anyone I have
Speaker 1: to watch alone. It's like my me time.
Speaker 1: So my relationship with the Duke just don't bother me for,
Speaker 2: would you say that when you were finding a partner,
Speaker 2: you found you were like, finding someone similar to this
Speaker 2: character
Speaker 1: came after I met him? So like, yeah, too late. No, OK.
Speaker 1: I'm very much more logical and practical. So I,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say I'm much of a dreamer when it
Speaker 1: comes to these things. Maybe when it comes to my life,
Speaker 1: I'm just a go with the flow person. But I
Speaker 1: don't necessarily think that I, so what do you find romantic?
Speaker 1: I would definitely say acts of service. So when both
Speaker 1: of us started going out, my current partner,
Speaker 1: he also he and I were on the same page
Speaker 1: for certain things, but a little different on others and
Speaker 1: he's so practical to the point where every year and
Speaker 1: because our birthdays are one day apart. I know. So,
Speaker 1: it's impossible to forget once again. Yeah. And it's right
Speaker 1: after Christmas. So it's just like back to back. I
Speaker 1: know it's too much,
Speaker 1: too much. But the way that he shows that he's romantic,
Speaker 1: he's like, oh, I have a list of items that
Speaker 1: I would like for my birthday. You can just pick
Speaker 1: from this list and he's like, why don't you give
Speaker 1: me a list or, or show me your list? But
Speaker 1: to me, I was like, that's so unromantic like then
Speaker 1: he said, but I want to get you something that
Speaker 1: you want. Like
Speaker 1: I'm OK. But how about this year? You try something different?
Speaker 1: You think about what I want and I can see
Speaker 1: him stress. He's like, oh my God, oh my God.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Ok,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna, I'm gonna back him up here. OK? Tell me,
Speaker 2: tell me like I wanted, I wanted to mention this
Speaker 2: earlier like we can't read mine. So I would rather
Speaker 2: you tell me what you want
Speaker 2: like, OK, even even I'm going like even for the
Speaker 2: engagement ring. OK, tell me how that
Speaker 1: I want to say this is a separate thing because
Speaker 1: you know, like literally the my Pinterest has been like
Speaker 1: talking about my engagement ring. Even since before I even started,
Speaker 1: I knew it. I already know exactly what I want.
Speaker 1: But when it comes to actually presents,
Speaker 2: I'm, she does not like
Speaker 2: presence. I'm
Speaker 1: a bit like, like your partner. Like I want to
Speaker 1: be given exactly what I want. Yeah. If not, then
Speaker 1: give me an experience. That is interesting. Ok. Yeah. If
Speaker 1: it's gifts I rather, because I always feel so bad
Speaker 1: when I receive things that I cannot use or don't like.
Speaker 1: But when it's experiences, you will always get to experience
Speaker 1: it no matter. Ok. But my idea is, yeah. Ok.
Speaker 1: We love experiences too,
Speaker 1: but of course, we still want to exchange a gift during,
Speaker 1: you know, birthday, right? So my idea is we've already
Speaker 1: known each other for so long. You should kind of
Speaker 1: know like what I, like I said something, something I
Speaker 1: never do that. But it's just like knowing each other
Speaker 1: for so long. I'm sure they might be right. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: But
Speaker 2: there's only so much that you can surprise someone until
Speaker 2: it runs the idea runs dry. Ok. Yeah, like, ok, say,
Speaker 2: for example, you like jewelry. Ok. And your, your boyfriend
Speaker 2: buys you a necklace and then
Speaker 2: next day he buys you a bracelet and the next
Speaker 2: day he buys you a ring and it's boring. Buys
Speaker 2: you a watch and then sooner or later he's going
Speaker 2: to run out of body parts to cover you. With jewelry, right?
Speaker 2: So it just runs dry in terms of like this
Speaker 2: kind of things. So I would rather you tell me, ok,
Speaker 2: what do you want? Like you want a Dyson hair dryer?
Speaker 2: You want you? What? I don't know
Speaker 1: if I got a hair dryer for my birthday. No,
Speaker 1: but I, I remember I had an exboyfriend and he,
Speaker 1: he wanted to surprise me with a gift. Ok. So
Speaker 1: he didn't want to ask me what I want. He said, II,
Speaker 1: I bought something for you a surprise. Ok.
Speaker 1: And then I remember he set up and his contact was,
Speaker 1: he said I saw that you don't have this and
Speaker 1: you never wear it. And that's why I've gotten it
Speaker 1: for you in my head. Don't have this. I don't
Speaker 1: have this and I don't because I don't like it.
Speaker 1: What was it? Hold on, what was it? I need
Speaker 1: to know it was like jeans. Oh, like
Speaker 2: what? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was like, like, you know, or like I have friends
Speaker 1: who like the engagement ring was a surprise. So the,
Speaker 1: the guy was like,
Speaker 1: you always wear gold jewelry. So I thought we will
Speaker 1: switch it up with silver.
Speaker 1: Like where, why, how, why, you know, it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: they are like, it's like some of that because when they,
Speaker 1: if they think by themselves, right, they might come to
Speaker 1: a totally wrong conclusion. I better tell them, you know,
Speaker 1: and you know, when, if you are a gold girl, right? Yeah,
Speaker 1: everything is gold. If you are a girl, everything has
Speaker 1: to be, you know, you like it like a mix, mix, everything.
Speaker 2: It should be easy to buy you something. Right? Yeah.
Speaker 1: Ok. But this should be a whole episode on it.
Speaker 1: Own how to engage
Speaker 2: and it's so hard. You can't. Ok. So like men
Speaker 2: can't read mine again. Ladies man can't read, we can
Speaker 2: read mine or what. No, but at least we tell
Speaker 2: you what you want. I don't
Speaker 1: disagree with him. I mean, my partner does tell me
Speaker 1: exactly what. But I also try to think out of
Speaker 1: the box a bit. Like I try to be observant,
Speaker 1: you know, and I realized like certain things that he
Speaker 1: might have said that he needed, but he didn't put
Speaker 1: it in his list. Maybe he didn't realize or like whatever.
Speaker 1: Then I'll just try and be more in tune with that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So at least there's still
Speaker 1: surprise element. I don't know. Like life needs to be
Speaker 1: interesting because I suddenly remember this romantic thing. I felt
Speaker 1: like he did for me, which was that, uh, like,
Speaker 1: I think it was a, it was like a random
Speaker 1: day and he was like, what are you doing tonight?
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, I'm not doing anything and
Speaker 1: he was like, um, how about you dress up and
Speaker 1: bring you somewhere secret? Turns out he was like, bring
Speaker 1: me to this party like that. Was it like a
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift party? Oh, so I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I love this. So it's like
Speaker 1: this kind of things, you know, you apply to gifts
Speaker 1: also like you saw like, oh you have this bag
Speaker 1: and it's like falling apart and it's like looking like trash,
Speaker 1: you know, let me go get him something. Yeah, I didn't,
Speaker 1: I forgot that I probably need this or whatever. So
Speaker 1: that is that romantic surprise gift? Yeah, for sure. So
Speaker 1: all in all I think the key is just to
Speaker 1: be a bit more.
Speaker 2: I think guys just like it direct. Like when I
Speaker 2: bought her this ring, then she, she told me, ok,
Speaker 2: what do you want for your engagement present? I'm like,
Speaker 2: get me api so she got me a py.
Speaker 1: No, I was like, so, you know, do you want engagement?
Speaker 1: He's like this is the carousel link of the PS
Speaker 1: five that we can get tonight if you are done.
Speaker 1: You did the research. I was let go. I mean,
Speaker 1: he uses it every day, I'm guessing. So, I mean,
Speaker 2: because I won't have the time anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So to summarize, I mean, we talked so much today.
Speaker 1: I really enjoyed our conversation.
Speaker 1: How important do you think is romance in a relationship?
Speaker 1: I feel like romance come so intuitively and easy in
Speaker 1: the beginning of a relationship. And now I think that like,
Speaker 1: you know, it, it, it probably with the busy schedule
Speaker 1: and the comfort level that comes in the relationship and
Speaker 1: how often you guys spend together right now. We are
Speaker 1: like staying together and everything. It takes much more like
Speaker 1: maybe excitement and in, you know, like kind of intention
Speaker 1: to bring romance into
Speaker 1: the relationship. It's not, you kind of very easily fall.
Speaker 1: So you're saying that it has to be like a
Speaker 1: conscious effort and decision, like you sometimes lose the spy or,
Speaker 1: you know, people always say honeymoon period, but I think
Speaker 1: you need to kind of keep the honeymoon period going.
Speaker 1: Um You have, you have to intentionally do it. That's
Speaker 1: why I remember when I was writing our marriage, one
Speaker 1: of our v is that I will not only fall
Speaker 1: in love but I will work in love,
Speaker 1: which for me is very important, which is like you,
Speaker 1: you have to work to intentionally actually love someone, everyone
Speaker 1: take notes, write that down. So, you know, it, it's
Speaker 1: very important for me to, to keep, especially, you know,
Speaker 1: they always say that after a baby comes out like, right,
Speaker 1: you suddenly become like project mates team and then you
Speaker 1: may go on autopilot for, for a while because you
Speaker 1: are just so crazy. You know, so if there's no
Speaker 1: intention of your head, like a to do list that
Speaker 1: I have to be,
Speaker 1: I have to love this person. I have to be
Speaker 1: romantic this way and you forget about it, you know,
Speaker 1: or you kind of take it for granted. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: I think that is really like the, the, that's the
Speaker 1: important part for me to keep being not even for,
Speaker 1: just for men, like for women. I also forget. So,
Speaker 1: what are some of your tips then?
Speaker 2: Yeah, like what she said, I think love is driven.
Speaker 2: You cannot be stagnant. Yeah, you got to keep working
Speaker 2: because like, I know like a lot of people who
Speaker 2: break up and they say like, they, they, they don't
Speaker 2: feel the love anymore. They feel stagnant. It's not going anywhere.
Speaker 2: I don't think
Speaker 2: she fell out of love. Maybe you're just not working
Speaker 2: towards it anymore. Which is why I said that she
Speaker 2: always made it a point from the start that we
Speaker 2: have to have date night at least once a week.
Speaker 2: So it's driving the, the love even for us. It's
Speaker 2: also like finding things that, uh, uh, that we have
Speaker 2: in comparison, like stuff like making content together. Like, you
Speaker 2: don't even have to go out to have a romantic date. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you can have like a couple of activity at home
Speaker 2: in the comfort. Just find something that both of you
Speaker 2: all can do and like, you know, just work towards it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So
Speaker 1: what I think he's trying to say is that keeping
Speaker 1: romance alive doesn't have to be high maintenance. It can
Speaker 1: be like everyday low maintenance stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Like buying coffee or like making cup noodles. That's
Speaker 2: what romance would grow into. It's not something big that
Speaker 2: we have to do all the time because you become,
Speaker 1: you become like desensitized or
Speaker 2: if it happens that way, then I feel like this
Speaker 2: love that I have is a job that I need
Speaker 2: to keep pleasing my part.
Speaker 2: Right. Then it grows something into something very tiresome. That's
Speaker 2: what I was very afraid of because I don't like
Speaker 2: one sided love. It has to be both ways where
Speaker 2: you can actually click in a small uncomfortable environment, right?
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say I love
Speaker 1: it. I love it whenever he's like you want to
Speaker 1: go get coffee. I'm like
Speaker 2: her love language. She's like, yeah, so romance is like
Speaker 2: those moments where at the start, yeah, we work hard,
Speaker 2: the honeymoon period. But to keep it going, you can't
Speaker 2: keep doing big things. You have to find romance in
Speaker 2: the small things.
Speaker 1: It's a marathon, not a race.
Speaker 1: You guys thank you so much for an insightful episode
Speaker 1: and for sharing your love with our audience. It's very
Speaker 1: inspiring also to hear from a young couple like yourself.
Speaker 1: So please take care of yourself and come back and
Speaker 1: visit us when you pop girl. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for tuning in to this episode of men. Explain, we
Speaker 1: hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please hit the
Speaker 1: follow button. We are on Spotify Apple podcast and me listen,
Speaker 2: follow its clarity dot co at Instagram and tiktok. Thanks
Speaker 2: for having us.
Speaker 1: Bye.