Speaker 1: Hi. Say so it's Azura and I'm Jermaine and welcome
Speaker 1: back to Clem Hash podcast. Have you ever heard the
Speaker 1: saying men are from Mars, women are from Venus, of course.
Speaker 1: Where are you guys from? Singapore? Hell,
Speaker 1: yeah. As you can tell my friends are very different
Speaker 1: today. We actually wanted to talk a little bit about
Speaker 1: making the first move as a woman. Ok. This can
Speaker 1: be in anything, right? But mostly in dating. I don't
Speaker 1: know about you guys, but have you girls ever made
Speaker 1: the first move? Like you the one to initiate something
Speaker 1: with a guy in recent years? Yes, I like to
Speaker 1: do it. So, what do you do?
Speaker 1: I like to make the first move. I like to
Speaker 1: ask the guy out first. I like to initiate different things.
Speaker 1: Like what do you say? Play smooth la, play cool.
Speaker 1: And then would you want to hang? I mean something
Speaker 1: as easy and simple as that innocent. I'm just kind
Speaker 1: of the innocent, innocent kind, not the but you would
Speaker 1: make that first move even if they,
Speaker 1: I haven't asked you, I don't see anything wrong with that.
Speaker 1: So like for example, us already right? When it comes
Speaker 1: to more serious conversations, for example, would you make the
Speaker 1: first move? Of course, when it comes to maybe hugs
Speaker 1: things more than their physical intimacy? I don't mind making
Speaker 1: the first move as well. What do you mean like you?
Speaker 1: I love you first? Oh OK. This one?
Speaker 1: No. OK. OK. Have you said? Well, I think I
Speaker 1: like you. Yeah, for sure. I love you are three
Speaker 1: words that carry a lot of weight. Ok. I said
Speaker 1: I love you. I would never ask a guy out first,
Speaker 1: but I said I love you first. Really? In fact,
Speaker 1: it's a stretch. What I said was I think I
Speaker 1: might love you. Yeah, I think I might love you.
Speaker 1: I was also a bit drunk
Speaker 1: and then the next day I was like, did I
Speaker 1: say that to you? Hey, hey, hey, do we have
Speaker 1: a very important conversation? I'm a firm believer that of
Speaker 1: drunk words and actions are sober. Thoughts fair enough. It's
Speaker 1: not 100% accurate. But I would say that's 70% truth.
Speaker 1: I would never ask a guy out on a date
Speaker 1: or to hang because I wouldn't want to seem over eager.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? I don't want to
Speaker 1: seem like I'm coming on too strong as a girl. No,
Speaker 1: but I think that it also is a display
Speaker 1: of affection, right? It shows the guy that, hey, you're
Speaker 1: interested then maybe next time he can make the first
Speaker 1: move or ask you out on the second day, right?
Speaker 1: I mean, it's like it's like a ping pong session. Honestly,
Speaker 1: for me, it was like if he wanted to, he would,
Speaker 1: then you want to wait until how long sometimes, right?
Speaker 1: You have to keep waiting and waiting. Then why not
Speaker 1: just save yourself the trouble? Because when you wait, you
Speaker 1: actually think about, oh when is he going to ask
Speaker 1: me out? Is he ever going to, what is you
Speaker 1: just make the first move? Ask the question. I feel
Speaker 1: like there are two camps. There's one
Speaker 1: c that have you heard of guys say like they
Speaker 1: find it hard when women make the first move like
Speaker 1: they like it when women make the first move. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no on the street like just they find it sexy
Speaker 1: and confident. Yeah. OK. But then there's also another camp
Speaker 1: that believes that men inherently are supposed to be chasers
Speaker 1: to lead to direct, correct. They are the ones with
Speaker 1: the masculine energy, right? They are chases,
Speaker 1: go get this and you need to allow them to
Speaker 1: be that. I am more of that. The second camp
Speaker 1: like you feel like men should be more proactive. But
Speaker 1: then again, the way that you act will attract the
Speaker 1: men that are in whichever camp there are, there's someone
Speaker 1: for everyone there sometimes unknowingly you project stuff and that's
Speaker 1: why you attract whatever pattern that you're attracting. But the
Speaker 1: problem is I've heard when I was single. Not now
Speaker 1: in the short thing that I was single, nobody really
Speaker 1: dared to ask me out.
Speaker 1: I think I come off as intimidating to people. So
Speaker 1: no one really dared to ask me out. There was
Speaker 1: only really like one guy that dared to ask me
Speaker 1: out for coffee. Yes, for a coffee. And this was
Speaker 1: a guy that I met in the club, right? Obviously.
Speaker 1: And you would think, ok, just let's lay it out here.
Speaker 1: If you're trying to get someone in bed, you ask them,
Speaker 1: do you want to go for a drink? Right? Do
Speaker 1: you want to go for dinner and then drinks? But
Speaker 1: he asked me out. He said I want to go
Speaker 1: for coffee in the day. I was like, I was
Speaker 1: like who I was a bit taken aback.
Speaker 1: The timing was not right at this time. My heart
Speaker 1: was already with someone else. So it didn't pan out.
Speaker 1: I didn't go for the coffee. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I think I would prefer a guy ask me out
Speaker 1: because then I can analyze what your intentions. If you
Speaker 1: ask me for a drink, what do you want? OK.
Speaker 1: But if you ask me for a coffee, then maybe
Speaker 1: you just want to say friends, I have such a
Speaker 1: good impression. No. If you ask me out for a coffee,
Speaker 1: I don't think guys will have coffee. Just with a
Speaker 1: girl for any reason. Like, would you?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you wouldn't just ask for a coffee. Like, let's
Speaker 1: be friends. It's like a sign that you wanted to
Speaker 1: lead somewhere, but maybe he wanted to show you that
Speaker 1: he was a gentleman and not ask you out for
Speaker 1: dinner and drinks on the first day. Right? Sorry. What
Speaker 1: have you seen videos? Tons of them. I've seen where
Speaker 1: girls are saying if
Speaker 1: they ask you out for coffee, don't do it because
Speaker 1: you're setting precedents that you can be casual. Like cheat
Speaker 1: with me like you want to take me out, take
Speaker 1: me out for dinner. Have you seen those video? No,
Speaker 1: and I don't believe in that coffee is expensive these days.
Speaker 1: I mean, not like coffee the right. If you bring
Speaker 1: me to go eat like drink like coffee or
Speaker 1: maybe it's because if you wanna date or if you're
Speaker 1: interested in getting to know me, if there's an intention,
Speaker 1: then maybe they wanted to be more intentional. Hey, I'm
Speaker 1: a cafe date over a dinner date. Kind of girl, man.
Speaker 1: It's casual. It's not so serious, not so much pressure.
Speaker 1: It's chill. It's fun. Right. Yeah, but asking someone out
Speaker 1: on a date is one thing, right? I think we're
Speaker 1: quite divided on that. I think that's fine. But then
Speaker 1: when it comes to chivalry, right? Paying on the
Speaker 1: first day we've talked about this. It's very different than
Speaker 1: asking out on a first date. Even if it's just
Speaker 1: coffee paying on a first date, does it always have
Speaker 1: to be the guy? Ok. I can definitely pay for
Speaker 1: my own coffee. But it would be nice if you
Speaker 1: offered to pay on the first day. Gentleman and on
Speaker 1: the second day, then I cheat you. If there is one, right?
Speaker 1: If there's one, there's one. If I know that there's
Speaker 1: gonna be no second date, then I might offer to
Speaker 1: pay for the first one
Speaker 1: because I don't owe you anything like which friends don't
Speaker 1: come at us. We're all for equality in every everything.
Speaker 1: I was not that we're double standards or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: But again, I'd like to go back to, I think
Speaker 1: the feminine and masculine energy thing is very real and
Speaker 1: I think it's very inbuilt in people. You can't change that. Hence,
Speaker 1: that's why it tells us something when you are
Speaker 1: prefer to pay on the first day. It's true. And
Speaker 1: this actually comes from years and years. I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: in the 18th century somewhere, right? An English man would
Speaker 1: send a pigeon with a love letter. What will his
Speaker 1: name be? Edward? At a pigeon? The pigeon. We love
Speaker 1: my dear Julie yet. Ok. Yeah, you know, would you
Speaker 1: care to come on a date with me? You know,
Speaker 1: like that's the step
Speaker 1: and then we were ingrained in us. My carriage shall
Speaker 1: be waiting for you at 8 p.m. Now you want
Speaker 1: to grab a and at the train station last cabin.
Speaker 1: So this is like in history, it's always been very patriarchal.
Speaker 1: It's always been like the man has to court the woman.
Speaker 1: Like have you guys seen? Yeah, you have to court
Speaker 1: the woman, you have to present yourself and all that.
Speaker 1: So it comes from there,
Speaker 1: right? Yes. Our PD actually said when it comes to
Speaker 1: casual dating, I always make the first move. IP is
Speaker 1: a girl, but that's because I want to make sure
Speaker 1: the date aligns with my schedule and I don't like surprises.
Speaker 1: So I will plan ahead and also I will plan
Speaker 1: the escape route if I need it. Oh my God,
Speaker 1: it's like the, you call your girlfriend and you're like
Speaker 1: level 10 emergency then then the friend is like, ok,
Speaker 1: I'll call crying, put me on speaker.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So that's our PD making the first move. But
Speaker 1: the escape is dating me. I said you're not very interested.
Speaker 1: Which PD is this?
Speaker 1: Oh, I see. Interesting. Do you think it's irritating when
Speaker 1: guys say like, oh, let's hang, would you rather them
Speaker 1: say I want to take you out? But then it
Speaker 1: becomes more serious if they say I want to take
Speaker 1: you out, right? Let's hang. I think it leaves more
Speaker 1: space for escape plans like you mentioned. Yeah, escape plans.
Speaker 1: But it's very like modern day thing that makes like,
Speaker 1: you know, chivalry dead. How would
Speaker 1: you get out of a date that you didn't want
Speaker 1: to be in. No, I would get through it and
Speaker 1: never see him again. You would stay till the end.
Speaker 1: What is it like? So you out bail on a
Speaker 1: date halfway disappeared. I have barely been on the how
Speaker 1: to bail on the day. I would probably just go
Speaker 1: to the toilet and never come back and leave him hanging,
Speaker 1: but I'll pay for the bill, but then I'll never
Speaker 1: come back.
Speaker 1: But it is respect for me. Like, you know, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't want my date to do this or so at
Speaker 1: least tell me and then like, ok, sure, we can
Speaker 1: end it there. We can just go home on our
Speaker 1: separate ways. True. Shall we do a quick little experiment?
Speaker 1: You think we should call some guys right now and
Speaker 1: find out whether they think which camp is it? Do
Speaker 1: they think it's hot that a girl asked them out first?
Speaker 1: Or would they rather be the one to let me
Speaker 1: call Avery? I knew it. I don't know what he's doing.
Speaker 1: He's probably at the gym or boxing or? Let's find out. Hi.
Speaker 1: What are you doing? Can I ask you something? We're
Speaker 1: filming Hush Podcast now. Say hi, hi. Hello. Hi. Do
Speaker 1: you think it's hot when a girl asks you out
Speaker 1: on a first date or makes the first move? Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course.
Speaker 2: Why? Because it kind of breaks like that whole stigma
Speaker 2: of guys having to be the ones to always be
Speaker 2: the ones to ask first. And I think it takes
Speaker 2: a lot of courage for girls to have that kind
Speaker 2: of confidence to ask you. Do you not
Speaker 1: feel like it's
Speaker 1: a guy to want to chase or to be the
Speaker 1: hunters for that matter to
Speaker 2: court? I mean, I think that is also a cultural
Speaker 2: thing that it becomes so like, ingrained in us that
Speaker 2: a guy are supposed to be the ones to do it.
Speaker 2: But I do believe that when a girl does it is,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say like a massive turn on, but like
Speaker 2: I would be like, oh, you know, she actually took
Speaker 2: the courage to ask me out. So yeah, I think
Speaker 2: it is
Speaker 1: attractive. Any other burning questions? Thank you. OK, thanks. Love you. Bye.
Speaker 1: We've heard from one guy. Interesting. It does take a
Speaker 1: lot of courage. I used to think that girls shouldn't
Speaker 1: make the first move until one girlfriend told me that
Speaker 1: I only date guys I go after and I thought
Speaker 1: that like that shed some clarity on me because she
Speaker 1: knows what are the type of guys that she likes?
Speaker 1: And she can't expect like this type of guys who
Speaker 1: always come after her. So it's ok that make the
Speaker 1: first move. So that's where she's coming from. The success rate.
Speaker 1: I haven't been in touch with her in recent times.
Speaker 1: So she told
Speaker 1: this back when we're still studying together. So I don't
Speaker 1: know what it's like, I mean, that is when we
Speaker 1: try to take the lead in dating, I think it's
Speaker 1: nice to hear from a guy. It's nice to hear that,
Speaker 1: you know, it can be quite sexy. It can be
Speaker 1: quite attractive to actually make the first move when it
Speaker 1: comes to our careers though. It's so different. It's even
Speaker 1: more so for me, here's what I heard from a
Speaker 1: lot of guys is that guys are revered for their
Speaker 1: societal status, for their financial gain.
Speaker 1: Women, traditionally, I'm not saying we're not review for anything else.
Speaker 1: But I'm saying historically, women are reviewed for their physical
Speaker 1: appearance and that makes it so much so that guys
Speaker 1: are very aggressive in their careers. But women who are
Speaker 1: very aggressive in their careers sometimes find it hard to
Speaker 1: settle down. What do you think? I think when it
Speaker 1: comes to my career is even more so for me,
Speaker 1: in the sense that I'm even more proactive than when
Speaker 1: it comes to my dating life. Ok. I will
Speaker 1: always want to take the first move, take the first step,
Speaker 1: make projects happen for me because this is my career.
Speaker 1: It concerns me and nobody else. Yes. Well, I do
Speaker 1: agree with Jimmy that, you know, traditionally men is a
Speaker 1: typical breadwinner. Women are known for their looks. But I
Speaker 1: think things are changing now, especially in Singapore where women,
Speaker 1: we have more of a say, we have gentle voices,
Speaker 1: louder discussions. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's changing and I
Speaker 1: like this change. But do you think that compared to
Speaker 1: your male count
Speaker 1: parts? Right? In the same job, same roles, do you
Speaker 1: feel like you have to work harder or do you
Speaker 1: feel that you're treated differently? No, not at all. At
Speaker 1: least in my company in where I work at, we
Speaker 1: are all treated very equally. And in fact, I feel
Speaker 1: like sometimes women, we have an additional advantage over men. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and extra edge of men, don't you feel? So maybe
Speaker 1: it's because we are in this industry, the media industry
Speaker 1: and sometimes we have to do up and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: We get to try different styles. We get to represent
Speaker 1: ourselves in
Speaker 1: many more ways than men can. I think we're very
Speaker 1: fortunate because I also feel like I haven't felt that
Speaker 1: difference in the workplace. Right? Yeah. No such discrimination. I
Speaker 1: feel not so much in our workplace, correct industry. So
Speaker 1: was there a moment when you guys felt the urge
Speaker 1: to make a strong career decision despite your fears? Ok.
Speaker 1: For me, it was back when I was 22
Speaker 1: 2016. At the time I joined the radio competition. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I never knew where it was going to bring me.
Speaker 1: I don't even know like if the amount of money
Speaker 1: I was going to make every month is gonna help me.
Speaker 1: Can I save, will I be able to grow some
Speaker 1: savings and give my parents money, stuff like that. But
Speaker 1: I still went ahead because I felt like women, we
Speaker 1: should chase after our dreams, which is women are men
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 1: It's never been about gender for me. It's always been
Speaker 1: about myself. Like what Hazy said, right? It's building a
Speaker 1: career for yourself. I don't think most Singaporean women have
Speaker 1: like the sense of, oh, you know, I don't want
Speaker 1: to be too career focused because it's not sexy. You know,
Speaker 1: I want to just focus on being a domesticated goddess.
Speaker 1: I learn how to cook and plant a garden, things
Speaker 1: like that. But I don't think we have that mindset, right?
Speaker 1: But some people still do. Correct.
Speaker 1: I'm known of people, right? That if given a choice
Speaker 1: between going to try and succeed in your own career
Speaker 1: or choosing to have kids and be a trophy wife,
Speaker 1: they will choose to have kids and be a trophy wife.
Speaker 1: But nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong. Nothing at all.
Speaker 1: You just want that extra time with your Children, which
Speaker 1: we totally respect. Right? 100%. Ok. Here's something that I've
Speaker 1: heard and it really made me feel like,
Speaker 1: wow, you know, maybe it's so great and we're so
Speaker 1: fortunate that we're in a time like this. So basically
Speaker 1: I was walking out of a relationship. I had spoken
Speaker 1: to a family member of the other party. Ok?
Speaker 1: She looks at me, she says, I understand what you
Speaker 1: mean because this person that I'm married to is the same.
Speaker 1: But I'm not like you, I'm dependent on him in
Speaker 1: what ways monetarily just, you know, take it back 30
Speaker 1: years ago where the woman is a homemaker dependent on
Speaker 1: her husband. And when she said that it hit me
Speaker 1: that some people back then did not have the option
Speaker 1: of a now when they were unhappy and we have
Speaker 1: that option of it out because we, first of all
Speaker 1: are brave enough to make these decisions for ourselves. And secondly,
Speaker 1: because we can provide for ourselves financially,
Speaker 1: imagine being in that position where you want and now,
Speaker 1: but you've been reliant on another person, you don't have
Speaker 1: one because traditionally, at that time, the man was the
Speaker 1: breadwinner of the family, right? The women never got the
Speaker 1: chance to go and make a career from themselves. And
Speaker 1: what are you going to do at that age? Like
Speaker 1: it's easier to just stay in that situation than to
Speaker 1: leave and try and make a life for yourself again.
Speaker 1: It sometimes it's too late at that stage. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't think any of us here think men should
Speaker 1: be the same
Speaker 1: breadwinner of the family. Not at all. Most families can't
Speaker 1: even survive on a single income because the cost of
Speaker 1: living in Singapore is too high. So I think that
Speaker 1: has really shaped a lot of women's mindsets into thinking
Speaker 1: it has to be a double income household, even with kids,
Speaker 1: a family. It doesn't matter. But isn't it great to,
Speaker 1: what do you call it? Bake your own bread, make
Speaker 1: your own money or you are able to provide for
Speaker 1: yourself without being dependent on the amount of money that
Speaker 1: your husband is going to give you every month. I
Speaker 1: think it's a very empowering feeling. Definitely. And I think
Speaker 1: so
Speaker 1: thing that haunts me or something that I'll never be
Speaker 1: able to do is to ask someone for permission when
Speaker 1: I want to spend money. Yes. Or when I want
Speaker 1: to buy something because that money is not mine. It
Speaker 1: drives me insane like that thought of it. So I
Speaker 1: don't know how to do it. I understand. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: think it is very empowering to have your own money.
Speaker 1: I think for me it was a bit a twisted
Speaker 1: situation for many years. I wouldn't say a breadwinner. I
Speaker 1: don't have a family, right. But I was the more
Speaker 1: financially capable one for many years and I
Speaker 1: still am. But now I'm understanding a bit more of
Speaker 1: the feminine side of it, of like taking a back seat,
Speaker 1: letting someone else plan the day, letting someone else plan
Speaker 1: the holiday, letting someone else buy you a gift for once, right?
Speaker 1: Like it used to be always me. Like if it
Speaker 1: was my birthday, I will buy myself a cake, I'll
Speaker 1: plan it. And then this year my boyfriend actually said
Speaker 1: to me, no, I'm gonna, I'll arrange everything. I'll plan
Speaker 1: everything out, it's just nice to be taken care of.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I never had that, you know, in this way
Speaker 1: for many years. So it's just nice to
Speaker 1: be a soft feminine girl for what she's in her era,
Speaker 1: not so masculine. But yeah, I do think that especially
Speaker 1: in a workplace, right, with women and men is very
Speaker 1: different when you come out as assertive. Like when you
Speaker 1: assert like I want this right? Or you're in a
Speaker 1: meeting and you say I really, really believe in this.
Speaker 1: I strongly believe in this. I think a lot of
Speaker 1: times women are seen as emotional creatures, men are seen
Speaker 1: as logical creatures. It makes things very complicated in the workplace.
Speaker 1: They will just think she's just pmsing.
Speaker 1: So do you guys feel that because women are seen
Speaker 1: as emotional creatures? Right? You try to be less emotional
Speaker 1: so that you're taken more seriously at work? No, I
Speaker 1: feel like this is interesting because especially in our industry,
Speaker 1: it helps that we're emotional. No, seriously. I feel like
Speaker 1: emotions help us become creative. Oh, yes, it's true. Right?
Speaker 1: But if let's say I'm feeling something and I'm trying
Speaker 1: to get a point across, I do have the thought
Speaker 1: that oh, I don't want someone to be able to
Speaker 1: say that she's acting based on
Speaker 1: emotions or she's just being emotional. She's just saying that
Speaker 1: because she's being emotional. So I give myself the time
Speaker 1: to write those feelings out first and then it feels
Speaker 1: like I need to be logical. I need to make
Speaker 1: sure whatever I say is gonna sound like it's coming
Speaker 1: from logic and not emotions. I'm the same way. I
Speaker 1: literally like before I go into any big conversation,
Speaker 1: I have to take check on my emotions first, I
Speaker 1: write down all the logical points I want to hit
Speaker 1: and I memorize them just because I don't wanna, when
Speaker 1: I get emotional, it does affect the quality of the point.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to put across. I've also heard people like,
Speaker 1: feel the need to say my female boss. You don't
Speaker 1: say your male boss? That's true. You've heard that
Speaker 1: right? You've heard people say like, oh, I've got a
Speaker 1: female boss. It's like implying something, you know, I have
Speaker 1: few bosses. I love them. Oh, yes, yes. Actually watching this,
Speaker 1: most of our bosses, all females in an entertainment industry,
Speaker 1: we have a lot of female colleagues. Bosses is very natural.
Speaker 1: I find that female bosses are a lot more
Speaker 1: pathetic. I like a female boss. But here's the thing, right?
Speaker 1: I feel like at the workplace when it's a work setting,
Speaker 1: maybe it's just me correct me if I'm wrong. But
Speaker 1: maybe women feel braver to be bolder at work to
Speaker 1: make first moves at work because there's less to lose.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? It's a workplace. I asked
Speaker 1: for it if I get, I get, I don't, I don't,
Speaker 1: I'm happy. I say it if I'm in a position
Speaker 1: where I'm leading people where I'm leading a team, for example,
Speaker 1: I
Speaker 1: set the rules, I set the boundaries, I lead, right basically.
Speaker 1: But I think maybe women get a little bit more
Speaker 1: afraid when it's like matters of the heart. When your
Speaker 1: heart is on the line, you're a bit more afraid
Speaker 1: to put it out there because emotional, but at the workplace,
Speaker 1: your heart is not exactly on the line. You know,
Speaker 1: whether people think you're a bitch or not. And sometimes
Speaker 1: we don't really care like you think I'm a bitch,
Speaker 1: I'm a bitch like work is getting done. So maybe
Speaker 1: because of that they are a little bit braver to
Speaker 1: make fast moves that were as a society, right? I
Speaker 1: think we can kind of watch a bit more of
Speaker 1: the vocal
Speaker 1: that we use in the workplace to describe women and men.
Speaker 1: Like for example, if a woman or a man, you know,
Speaker 1: says something very controversial during a meeting, people would describe
Speaker 1: the woman as she's so bossy, she's so like naggy.
Speaker 1: But they would describe the man as, oh, maybe he's
Speaker 1: coming on strong. It's a strong point like the vocabulary
Speaker 1: in the words that you use. The language also does
Speaker 1: perpetuate these stereotypes again and again, correct. But you know
Speaker 1: what of recent times, I think there's a tool that really,
Speaker 1: really
Speaker 1: helped women feel more powerful and that's social media, don't
Speaker 1: you think we have had guests on a harsh podcast
Speaker 1: before Rachel from Love Bonito, Naomi Neil, OG blogger. I
Speaker 1: do feel like they have made such strong impacts via
Speaker 1: social media. This in turn makes them more confident and
Speaker 1: feel better about themselves. So that's what I'm saying. There's
Speaker 1: a community out there that is for you, no matter
Speaker 1: what kind of lives you're leading at home or in
Speaker 1: the office, we just have to shed that
Speaker 1: idea of like, feminine means. You have to be more passive,
Speaker 1: more submissive. I think the roles of feminine and masculine,
Speaker 1: not just in terms of personality, but in terms of
Speaker 1: like dressing in terms of all that, you know, I
Speaker 1: love it when a guy has nail polish on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think, I think it's cute. Yeah. And these are
Speaker 1: like straight men. They're not even, you know, bi or
Speaker 1: gay or anything, but I love it. Yeah. When they
Speaker 1: bend stereotypes, stereotypes are meant to be broken. I fully agree.
Speaker 1: Just like rules. No,
Speaker 1: not the law, not the law. Rules. Rules. I actually
Speaker 1: have a friend many, many years ago and I would say, wow,
Speaker 1: this is more than 10 years ago. She proposed to
Speaker 1: her husband, what she got down on one knee. She did,
Speaker 1: they were on a road trip. He was driving, she
Speaker 1: pulled out a ring and said marry me. And it's
Speaker 1: like 10 years ago. Nice. I mean, as much as
Speaker 1: I enjoy listening to such stories, I think. It's hard
Speaker 1: to picture myself
Speaker 1: in this situation. I would still want my other half
Speaker 1: to propose to me. Yeah. You know, it's just gonna
Speaker 1: happen once in a lifetime. So I just want to
Speaker 1: enjoy it. So, in a sense, it's still a bit
Speaker 1: traditional some ways I think. So. I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: very proactive when it comes to work. I've been so
Speaker 1: independent when it comes to my career that I don't
Speaker 1: want to be independent when it comes to my relationship anymore.
Speaker 1: I just want someone to rely on. Of course, I
Speaker 1: don't mind paying for meals. I mean, we should take
Speaker 1: turns but it's only right.
Speaker 1: I don't mind asking him out on dates and stuff
Speaker 1: like that, planning stuff. I think it's great. But when
Speaker 1: it comes to the bigger events of our lives, I
Speaker 1: feel like it would be nice if he takes the lead.
Speaker 1: Have you also heard about people say like women who
Speaker 1: have careers and whole powerful positions that work, they tend
Speaker 1: to want to take a back seat at home because
Speaker 1: they spent the entire day taking care of everything they
Speaker 1: just want to be taken care of. Yeah. So I
Speaker 1: feel like if this is unfair to the men because
Speaker 1: they have also
Speaker 1: had a hard day at work, right? Everyone deserves to
Speaker 1: be taken care of to be treated like a baby sometimes. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: It's a two way street. It's a human thing at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, right? I think femininity has
Speaker 1: evolved so much, right? It used to be like, oh,
Speaker 1: if you're submissive or passive, that's feminine. Now it's like
Speaker 1: confidence is femininity. So how do you guys express your
Speaker 1: feminine sights? How about we address this question for each other? OK.
Speaker 1: I feel like for Zora, well, I've struggled but carry on.
Speaker 1: I think the struggle is past you. I think for you,
Speaker 1: you display your confidence with your dressing your fashion. I
Speaker 1: was right. Her style your hair like you break conventional norms,
Speaker 1: break by the way, every day
Speaker 1: she break the norms and hair also. That's what you are. Ok.
Speaker 1: Now for Jimmy, not very feminine is you are very
Speaker 1: confidence in yourself. Like she is just confidence in one
Speaker 1: package but we are all confident. You guys are confident too.
Speaker 1: It shines through. No, I think something that I really
Speaker 1: admire about you is that you can let go and
Speaker 1: you can allow someone to take
Speaker 1: the front seat, the driver seat. It's very hard for
Speaker 1: some people. I struggled that for a long time. So
Speaker 1: I would see it right. And I was like, actually
Speaker 1: why cannot, I mean, I think it takes the right
Speaker 1: situation and or the right person to bring that out of,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm so sorry. Yeah. OK. Hazy. OK. Come
Speaker 1: but he is the epitome of femininity, you know. Really? Yeah.
Speaker 1: As in your masculine when it comes to like
Speaker 1: when you take care of yourself. You're very masculine in
Speaker 1: a sense. Right? You're like, no means, no, health means health.
Speaker 1: Fitness means fitness. But in every way else you're just
Speaker 1: so feminine like you are soft. You know, the way
Speaker 1: that you move, the way that you talk, the way
Speaker 1: that you walk is so feminine. She's gentle. She takes
Speaker 1: care of people. She's like baby girl. Exactly. We are
Speaker 1: not gentle. We are not my goodness, gentle. She really
Speaker 1: is
Speaker 1: guys. I got new bruises every day. No, sorry, that's
Speaker 1: a side track, right? But just for shits and giggles
Speaker 1: because Hazy mentioned about clothes, right? So actually just yesterday
Speaker 1: I saw a meme, I found it very funny. So
Speaker 1: I think, I mean, so I sent it to my friend.
Speaker 1: Basically it says who the fuck raised me to believe
Speaker 1: that I need a new outfit for every event. Ok?
Speaker 1: My friend replied and said you have outfits for events
Speaker 1: that you're not even going for.
Speaker 1: That's true. That's very true. Actually, she has shoes that
Speaker 1: she's never even worn. You don't, I actually don't. I do. Ok?
Speaker 1: I better shut up. Yeah, I mean, redefining femininity is
Speaker 1: on your own terms. It's not like a playbook you
Speaker 1: have to follow. It's not like I have to be
Speaker 1: this or that you can be feminine in any own way,
Speaker 1: even as a guy, right? You can let your feminine
Speaker 1: side show a softer side show where you need a
Speaker 1: bit of taken care of like where you are a
Speaker 1: bit more emotional. It's ok, girl, appreciate it. Ok. Go
Speaker 1: actually appreciate that like, oh you also want me to
Speaker 1: say on you. It's cute.
Speaker 1: Just want to communicate. My guys are so different in
Speaker 1: front of their friends and in front of you, they're
Speaker 1: so different, so adorable. It's like two different people. You
Speaker 1: are right. We asked to come out. It's true like
Speaker 1: in front of their friends, they're like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Strong,
Speaker 1: strong then with you, they're like, I'm a baby. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then like the way they speak suddenly the pictures
Speaker 1: get higher. It's,
Speaker 1: and I think everybody can agree. Guys are the biggest
Speaker 1: babies when they're sick. No, they are, they are, they
Speaker 1: need the most TLC and love and care like that.
Speaker 1: So they've had a bad day. We like that. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying we like that just as much as guys
Speaker 1: appreciate the masculine side of girls. Girls can also appreciate
Speaker 1: the feminine side of guys. Exactly. So it's ok to
Speaker 1: be soft at times and cute.
Speaker 1: Like I can show you a teddy bear heart. So nice. Correct.
Speaker 1: I will be the big spoon. So question right in
Speaker 1: a guy that they do or a quality in them
Speaker 1: or whatever it is that gets you see me in
Speaker 1: a bad way. No, no, no, no. In a good way.
Speaker 1: Like something that just gets you get in the link
Speaker 1: for me. It's easy. The first thing I look out
Speaker 1: for in a guy is how discipline or driven is.
Speaker 1: I've always been saying this but this why she's wholesome,
Speaker 1: you understand? But this quality in the guy has never changed.
Speaker 1: For me. It is a must have in all the
Speaker 1: guys that date. But what if, because he has that quality,
Speaker 1: he prioritizes work over you. She was, but she will
Speaker 1: probably prioritize work over a don't like that.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think so. She balances very well. Actually,
Speaker 1: I actually like to achieve a balance between love and work.
Speaker 1: It's all about learning about each other and compromising you
Speaker 1: can't expect at the start. Everything is perfect but you
Speaker 1: slowly start to work towards, yeah, I used to have
Speaker 1: a relationship. This guy, he's very driven, very disciplined, but
Speaker 1: he just placed more emphasis on work and less emphasis
Speaker 1: on me. And eventually we just didn't work out
Speaker 1: because no time, no attention span. How do you make
Speaker 1: a relationship work? Right. So that's for me, discipline driven
Speaker 1: for me. It's being a gentleman. Most of the guys
Speaker 1: I dated have been, that's why I look out for
Speaker 1: opening of a door. Yes, she fell in love in
Speaker 1: school when the guy held the door open. I did. Ok?
Speaker 1: He held the door open and I was like, what
Speaker 1: a gentleman I love you
Speaker 1: holding the door open or even just holding my bags,
Speaker 1: offering to help me offering to pick up something from,
Speaker 1: it was just taking, you know, just being a man
Speaker 1: picking up shopping bags is so cute. Like some men,
Speaker 1: I find that, hey, you don't treat me as a slave. No,
Speaker 1: I really have a male friend think that like, he
Speaker 1: does not like to hold bags for his girlfriend because
Speaker 1: he feels like he's being treated like a slave that
Speaker 1: too baffles me to this.
Speaker 1: But I wouldn't ask though, I wouldn't say like, can
Speaker 1: you hold this for me? I wouldn't really be like,
Speaker 1: can you help me? Yeah, but usually you know, they
Speaker 1: offer like, can I hold that for you? Then I'll
Speaker 1: be like, no, it's ok and then he would just
Speaker 1: grab it from me. That is sexy. Yeah. Yeah. What
Speaker 1: about you? What traits in gets you weak in the knees?
Speaker 1: I can hard
Speaker 1: attention to detail like small things. This is very minute
Speaker 1: things right that I feel like people always overlook that
Speaker 1: shows like thoughtfulness that gets me like let's say I
Speaker 1: show you something on my phone and then you just
Speaker 1: see like my battery loading, you just charge it. That's
Speaker 1: like that or like let's say I'm doing my makeup
Speaker 1: of the car. It's a traffic light. I mean,
Speaker 1: we're all professionals and doing makeup and then you move
Speaker 1: off and you're like, oh sorry, I forgot to tell
Speaker 1: you that we're moving off. I'm actually fine, but thank
Speaker 1: you for the thought. The fact that. You said that? Yes,
Speaker 1: because people overlook these things all the time. So, who's car?
Speaker 1: Are you doing makeup in? Did you ever say that, Jimmy? No,
Speaker 1: I never ever said that if I drive off your
Speaker 1: eyeliner will be here.
Speaker 1: Sorry, I don't do eyeliner and browse in the car.
Speaker 1: You know what? I think we went off of it,
Speaker 1: but this is a fun conversation. I think it was cute.
Speaker 1: Hopefully any guys listening to this show a bit more
Speaker 1: of your feminine side, your cute side and to girls
Speaker 1: it's OK to make the first move. Don't be afraid.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it gets you where you want to be. Wow,
Speaker 1: you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take,
Speaker 1: that you want something, you go for it because if
Speaker 1: you don't try, the answer will always be
Speaker 1: no motivation. Also recently a male friend told me he
Speaker 1: has this theory. We found it extremely insane. Somebody out
Speaker 1: there please go and try. Ok. Basically he says, right,
Speaker 1: let's say you are a restaurant, you are above your friends,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, wherever you are, cafe, whatever you see
Speaker 1: a guy across the room that you like. He says
Speaker 1: it works 100% of the time. Ok? OK. My friends
Speaker 1: say what doesn't work. Don't look for me. Understand. So
Speaker 1: he says you make eye contact with this
Speaker 1: and so I had somebody hair tie. So here you go.
Speaker 1: I have a tiny one does this work? Can I
Speaker 1: try my best? Ok. He says that this will work 100%
Speaker 1: of the time you're across the room. Ok. Ok. Ok.
Speaker 1: The guy is there. Yes, you've been looking at each other,
Speaker 1: you know, he's interested, you are interested. You want him
Speaker 1: to come over? He says that this will make him
Speaker 1: come over. You look straight, you cannot break eye contact.
Speaker 1: That's the trick. Ok? And first of all, you must
Speaker 1: bite your own
Speaker 1: and you cannot react on that
Speaker 1: or die of her.
Speaker 1: That's hard. And apparently at some point, I don't know
Speaker 1: how long he will come over. But if you never come,
Speaker 1: I keep dying, you take out and then you try again,
Speaker 1: you take it out and you tie it again. I
Speaker 1: don't know, I never try. We put this to the test.
Speaker 1: Can somebody try please and let us know what do
Speaker 1: you guys try it? Say success? 100% like oh my God. OK.
Speaker 1: Try it. And if it works, OK, drop us ad
Speaker 1: M on Instagram. OK?
Speaker 1: Yeah, our handle is at a cavity.co, correct? And you
Speaker 1: can listen to us on me. Listen Apple Podcast, Spotify.
Speaker 1: Don't forget to turn on the notifications. And if you
Speaker 1: want to watch a zero tie her hair, make sure
Speaker 1: you watch us on youtube. Honestly, that made me feel something.
Speaker 1: It was not sexy enough. Should I do it again?
Speaker 1: It was quite sex. I have to say it was
Speaker 1: hi.