WEBVTT - Is doing it all ever really enough for women? ft. MP Nadia Samdin 0:00:00.009 --> 0:00:02.430 I say so, hey DEA and welcome back to another 0:00:02.440 --> 0:00:03.619 episode of clarity. 0:00:05.929 --> 0:00:07.849 As you can tell, we are very happy and very sad, 0:00:07.860 --> 0:00:12.319 happy because this is a brand new set, but sad 0:00:12.329 --> 0:00:14.310 because it's our very first episode in the new set. 0:00:14.319 --> 0:00:16.628 But Jemmy can't be here with us today. She's feeling 0:00:16.639 --> 0:00:18.950 a little bit under the weather but today we have 0:00:18.959 --> 0:00:21.299 a special guest and by special, I mean, very, very 0:00:21.309 --> 0:00:25.549 special because she is the youngest member of Singapore's 14th 0:00:25.590 --> 0:00:29.860 parliament representing Ang Mo Kio Grc. Let's give a warm 0:00:29.870 --> 0:00:30.549 welcome to. 0:00:32.240 --> 0:00:34.900 Oh, thank you. I was seeing that cushion smell very new, 0:00:36.299 --> 0:00:37.028 the smell. 0:00:38.310 --> 0:00:39.290 Tell our viewers 0:00:39.299 --> 0:00:40.049 more about yourself. 0:00:40.060 --> 0:00:42.569 Hi, everyone. My name is Nadia. I think as Hazel mentioned, 0:00:42.580 --> 0:00:45.669 I currently serve as the youngest member of parliament here 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:48.950 in Singapore as a parliamentary duties. I think other than 0:00:48.959 --> 0:00:52.200 what you see as in parliament, sometimes in tiktok snippets, 0:00:52.500 --> 0:00:55.520 we also do a lot of ground work in our constituencies. 0:00:55.529 --> 0:00:57.400 I serve in Ang Mo Kio, which is actually even 0:00:57.409 --> 0:01:00.689 though I'm the youngest, it's one of the oldest constituencies. 0:01:00.700 --> 0:01:03.889 So I have about 25% of my residents who are 0:01:03.900 --> 0:01:06.790 over 80 years old. Wow. But I, 0:01:06.913 --> 0:01:08.982 I love the dynamic actually that has panned out. I mean, 0:01:08.992 --> 0:01:11.193 you know, I really see them as parents and grandparents 0:01:11.203 --> 0:01:13.413 and as much as you try to look after them, 0:01:13.422 --> 0:01:15.282 you know, they also look after you. I'm very grateful. 0:01:15.292 --> 0:01:17.682 So there's groundwork. We also look after the estate. So 0:01:17.693 --> 0:01:21.553 all your town council complaints. Yes, we also you want 0:01:21.572 --> 0:01:24.402 to start later. I take my notebook, I take my 0:01:25.142 --> 0:01:27.553 I feel for you. Thank you. There must be so 0:01:27.563 --> 0:01:31.002 many complaints coming here. Yes, let's not go there. But yeah, 0:01:31.013 --> 0:01:33.303 we also play other roles. I mean, I also, you know, 0:01:33.313 --> 0:01:35.413 as the youngest speak on different issues 0:01:35.515 --> 0:01:37.155 close to the heart of many of our youth and 0:01:37.166 --> 0:01:40.136 as a woman, which is why we're here today. And 0:01:40.146 --> 0:01:41.825 as a minority, I mean, these are some of the 0:01:41.834 --> 0:01:44.856 different issues that I speak about. She does everything 0:01:44.916 --> 0:01:45.356 you wear so 0:01:45.365 --> 0:01:45.595 many 0:01:45.606 --> 0:01:47.706 hats. What got you started in the first place? 0:01:47.716 --> 0:01:50.835 I mean, I've been volunteering since I was 15 and 0:01:50.846 --> 0:01:53.486 I think, you know, my dad actually was affected during 0:01:53.496 --> 0:01:56.445 the SARS period. So pre COVID, my dad used to 0:01:56.456 --> 0:01:58.935 be in the airlines. He flew for 30 something years 0:01:59.106 --> 0:02:02.375 and he and many of his batch were affected by 0:02:02.386 --> 0:02:04.015 what happened during SARS. He was 0:02:04.119 --> 0:02:07.178 so breadwinner at the time. And so for us, it 0:02:07.189 --> 0:02:10.597 was quite a difference and I started working from quite 0:02:10.608 --> 0:02:13.779 early on and without financial assistance. I wouldn't have been 0:02:13.788 --> 0:02:16.458 able to complete whether it's my A levels or whether 0:02:16.468 --> 0:02:18.407 it's uni, so a lot of things I'm very grateful for. 0:02:18.419 --> 0:02:20.248 And so my mom always said, you know, you should 0:02:20.258 --> 0:02:23.699 then sort of do something and contribute in whatever way 0:02:23.708 --> 0:02:26.708 you can. So I volunteered since I was young. And 0:02:26.718 --> 0:02:30.018 I think for me, I see it as a way 0:02:30.029 --> 0:02:32.669 of continuing to serve and do work in the 0:02:32.722 --> 0:02:36.802 community Prior to our batch of MP S, you mentioned parliament. 0:02:36.811 --> 0:02:41.332 We've actually only had four Malay women in the history 0:02:41.341 --> 0:02:45.671 of Singapore politics. I never knew that for so it's 0:02:45.681 --> 0:02:51.661 former president Halima Dr Fatima Latif Dr Intan and Hau, 0:02:51.951 --> 0:02:55.061 who currently is still serving as well. And then Maryam 0:02:55.501 --> 0:02:58.712 and myself, we are the 5th and 6th. And I 0:02:58.722 --> 0:03:00.962 think at the end of the day, we all bring 0:03:00.972 --> 0:03:01.222 different 0:03:01.324 --> 0:03:03.684 voices to the table. I mean, I felt that it 0:03:03.695 --> 0:03:07.103 was something that when presented with this chance, I think 0:03:07.115 --> 0:03:10.445 it was something that I thought, OK, I'm gonna take it, 0:03:10.455 --> 0:03:13.345 do my best. And if I'm useful, I'll try. 0:03:14.633 --> 0:03:18.024 Nadia. Here is like the epidemic of a woman who 0:03:18.035 --> 0:03:20.984 has fought many battles like growing up being put in 0:03:21.065 --> 0:03:23.494 a stressful condition. Your dad being the sole breadwinner and 0:03:23.505 --> 0:03:25.565 to have that job taken away from him because of 0:03:25.574 --> 0:03:28.095 the pandemic, right? Have you ever heard of this phrase? 0:03:28.195 --> 0:03:29.864 Women can never win 0:03:30.889 --> 0:03:33.720 but we disagree. I disagree. You disagree? 0:03:33.750 --> 0:03:34.509 I disagree. 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:34.899 OK? 0:03:34.910 --> 0:03:35.369 Tell me 0:03:35.380 --> 0:03:38.080 more. I feel like, especially in this day and age, 0:03:38.410 --> 0:03:41.130 we have a lot of space and a lot of 0:03:41.139 --> 0:03:44.250 grounds to fight for ourselves. I wouldn't say things are 0:03:44.259 --> 0:03:47.740 the same if it's my mother or my grandmother's time. Yeah. 0:03:47.750 --> 0:03:50.970 But for now I feel like we are able to 0:03:50.979 --> 0:03:52.520 fight for ourselves. You know, I think 0:03:52.529 --> 0:03:52.679 when 0:03:52.690 --> 0:03:55.059 I think about women can never win, 0:03:55.410 --> 0:04:01.100 I almost slightly agree. Only because I think we don't 0:04:01.110 --> 0:04:03.470 allow ourselves to win because we always want more from 0:04:03.479 --> 0:04:08.039 ourselves like we never feel like we've won. I mean, 0:04:08.050 --> 0:04:10.139 you look at Nadia, right? And she wears so many hats. 0:04:10.149 --> 0:04:12.000 She does so many things. I look at her and 0:04:12.009 --> 0:04:13.240 I'm like, actually when you sleep, 0:04:15.059 --> 0:04:18.100 do you have 36 hours in a day? I have 0:04:18.109 --> 0:04:22.149 a time turner. She does so much, right? And you 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:25.320 wonder like, how is it that someone can do so 0:04:25.329 --> 0:04:27.529 much and play so many roles? I mean, she's mommy 0:04:27.540 --> 0:04:33.529 to be 30 weeks in? Thank you. Thank you. And 0:04:33.540 --> 0:04:36.489 it just feels like, you know, you always look at 0:04:36.500 --> 0:04:38.250 someone else, you look at another woman and you just 0:04:38.260 --> 0:04:40.829 always feel like how are you doing all this? Yeah. 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:41.850 So you mentioned that you 0:04:42.376 --> 0:04:45.256 women can never win. You disagree with this sentence? Why? So, 0:04:45.265 --> 0:04:48.395 ok, so I think you both raised very valid points 0:04:48.406 --> 0:04:51.355 and both that I agree with. I think one is 0:04:51.365 --> 0:04:53.776 that we've come a long way and you know, many, 0:04:53.786 --> 0:04:55.726 we stand on the shoulders of women who have come 0:04:55.735 --> 0:04:59.066 before us and men also who have, you know, been allies. Yeah, 0:04:59.075 --> 0:05:02.605 great champions who have also supported the building of this space. 0:05:02.615 --> 0:05:05.735 And I think that's something that's really important to acknowledge. 0:05:05.746 --> 0:05:09.054 But with this increased space is also 0:05:09.522 --> 0:05:13.462 faced possibilities. And that's where I think what Azura said 0:05:13.471 --> 0:05:15.582 comes in as well. That actually a lot of it 0:05:15.592 --> 0:05:20.022 is beyond the societal expectations. It's the expectations that we 0:05:20.032 --> 0:05:24.601 place on ourselves and sometimes it's just impossible buzz. I 0:05:24.611 --> 0:05:27.361 was very blessed in my early career. I did corporate 0:05:27.372 --> 0:05:30.332 M and A and I had this amazing lady boss 0:05:30.342 --> 0:05:32.782 who said that, ok, at the end of the day, 0:05:32.791 --> 0:05:35.351 you can have it all just maybe not all at 0:05:35.361 --> 0:05:36.221 the same time. 0:05:38.269 --> 0:05:42.779 And I think that's something that's really important to remember. 0:05:43.070 --> 0:05:45.700 Um And look, I mean, everyone has different ways of 0:05:45.709 --> 0:05:47.988 how they want to lead their lives. But I guess 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:51.109 thinking about it from a career perspective since it's my 0:05:51.119 --> 0:05:53.738 first boss. One thing that I used to share with 0:05:53.750 --> 0:05:57.010 my juniors is if you print out a calendar, like 0:05:57.019 --> 0:05:59.209 a monthly blank calendar and fill in your time, 0:05:59.325 --> 0:06:02.876 I genuinely how you're spending it for a month. What's 0:06:02.885 --> 0:06:04.465 important to you? Right? I mean, are you going to 0:06:04.476 --> 0:06:07.536 the gym? Are you meeting up with your friends? Are 0:06:07.545 --> 0:06:10.946 you going to church or are you how much time 0:06:11.156 --> 0:06:13.665 in a day and all of these are different colors. 0:06:14.085 --> 0:06:15.216 And then when you look at it at the end 0:06:15.226 --> 0:06:19.346 of the month, you ask yourself, is this congruent with 0:06:19.395 --> 0:06:20.365 how my, 0:06:20.842 --> 0:06:24.661 my values I want to live my life. Because until 0:06:24.671 --> 0:06:28.752 all that is congruent, I think it will always feel 0:06:28.761 --> 0:06:34.141 like you are either lacking something, letting someone down, including 0:06:34.152 --> 0:06:38.752 yourself or just not achieving any, you know, this impossible bar. 0:06:38.761 --> 0:06:41.200 But that piece of paper and how you spend your 0:06:41.212 --> 0:06:41.630 time 0:06:41.988 --> 0:06:46.329 has to speak to what you want to achieve for yourself. 0:06:46.339 --> 0:06:49.149 Shall we sit down after this and do a lot 0:06:49.170 --> 0:06:50.070 of pink highlighters 0:06:50.100 --> 0:06:52.890 as Nadia was saying that I was actually thinking about 0:06:52.899 --> 0:06:56.690 my own calendar like in the past month because in 0:06:56.700 --> 0:06:59.839 my smartphone, the calendars it comes with colors, right? What 0:06:59.850 --> 0:07:02.220 is one color? Personal thing is another color. And I 0:07:02.230 --> 0:07:04.309 find that most of them are filled with pink, which 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:06.859 is work related events. And then I think about it 0:07:06.869 --> 0:07:08.450 is this how I want to spend my life? Is 0:07:08.459 --> 0:07:09.529 this my value 0:07:09.733 --> 0:07:12.342 and my purpose in life at this point, I would 0:07:12.352 --> 0:07:14.532 say yes, yes, because I won't want to have it 0:07:14.542 --> 0:07:18.713 all in my career. But moving forward, maybe that should change. 0:07:18.722 --> 0:07:20.752 Yeah. And you know, I really want to call that 0:07:20.763 --> 0:07:22.542 out because I think a lot of times we talk 0:07:22.553 --> 0:07:25.743 about like work life balance and different people have different views. 0:07:25.752 --> 0:07:28.532 There's no one right or wrong thing. But again, because 0:07:28.542 --> 0:07:31.722 of my experience in legal practice, I realized very early 0:07:31.733 --> 0:07:34.192 that I think it's more about integration. And when I 0:07:34.203 --> 0:07:37.233 say integration, I don't mean that there's no bound, 0:07:37.946 --> 0:07:40.055 you know, you know, like your employers calling you at 0:07:40.066 --> 0:07:42.055 one am you have to pick up zoom call. OK. No, no, no, no, no, 0:07:42.066 --> 0:07:44.895 that's not what I mean. Can we employ the Australian 0:07:44.906 --> 0:07:50.096 rule to this? I think that you should have boundaries 0:07:50.305 --> 0:07:54.265 but every person's boundaries will depend on you. And like 0:07:54.276 --> 0:07:56.476 you said, right, that the truth is we spend so 0:07:56.485 --> 0:07:58.376 much time at work. And for me, like it would 0:07:58.385 --> 0:08:02.605 be impossible for work, whether my social impact work or 0:08:02.705 --> 0:08:04.855 my work on the ground as an MP, 0:08:05.209 --> 0:08:07.660 do not be part of my identity. I mean, I'm 0:08:07.670 --> 0:08:10.070 sure work is part of your identity to some extent. 0:08:10.079 --> 0:08:12.980 And that's why it goes back, I think to congruence 0:08:12.989 --> 0:08:16.470 and you know, for different women at different times in 0:08:16.480 --> 0:08:20.500 their lives, different things take priority and it's a sliding scale, 0:08:20.720 --> 0:08:22.929 it can change. I mean, it doesn't mean that that's 0:08:22.940 --> 0:08:26.040 what it is for ever. But I think we also 0:08:26.049 --> 0:08:32.619 tend to shame women who either prioritize work or prioritize family. And, 0:08:32.723 --> 0:08:35.381 and I don't think we should do that. You know, 0:08:35.393 --> 0:08:38.093 I think everyone, first of all should be able to 0:08:38.102 --> 0:08:40.822 choose what they want to do and what's important to them. 0:08:40.833 --> 0:08:43.543 Very recently. I heard about the story of this woman 0:08:43.552 --> 0:08:46.602 who was struggling basically with her life so she, I 0:08:46.612 --> 0:08:50.223 believe was getting a divorce, was handling two kids on 0:08:50.232 --> 0:08:52.942 her own. And at that time when she was still married, 0:08:52.953 --> 0:08:53.393 I think she was, 0:08:53.466 --> 0:08:56.286 she's like, not working or working part time. And now 0:08:56.296 --> 0:08:57.806 that she was a single mother, she had to, you know, 0:08:57.815 --> 0:09:00.875 sort it out. Um, she was trying to work but 0:09:00.885 --> 0:09:02.785 at the same time she had two kids to handle 0:09:02.815 --> 0:09:05.366 and then someone who was very close to her, kept 0:09:05.375 --> 0:09:08.885 going on and on and on about just build your career. Like, 0:09:08.895 --> 0:09:11.596 can you just not think about everything else and just 0:09:11.606 --> 0:09:13.926 build your career? Not so easy? Yeah. 0:09:14.419 --> 0:09:17.479 And I think that really hurt her because that may 0:09:17.489 --> 0:09:20.080 be important to you. But right now it's the last 0:09:20.090 --> 0:09:22.479 thing that I can do. But even if I wanted to, 0:09:22.489 --> 0:09:24.559 it's the last thing I can do. Yeah. 0:09:24.679 --> 0:09:26.630 So a lot of times I feel like a lot 0:09:26.640 --> 0:09:29.599 of career oriented women have to take a step back 0:09:29.609 --> 0:09:32.099 when it comes to family like myself. I feel so 0:09:32.109 --> 0:09:34.659 guilty when I cannot go home to visit my parents 0:09:34.669 --> 0:09:35.299 at least once a 0:09:35.309 --> 0:09:35.718 week. 0:09:38.809 --> 0:09:40.228 I'll see you on Sunday. 0:09:41.570 --> 0:09:42.549 Me too. Me. 0:09:43.409 --> 0:09:45.960 But have you ever felt the stress and the pressure 0:09:45.969 --> 0:09:46.940 to be a good 0:09:46.950 --> 0:09:47.599 daughter? 0:09:47.609 --> 0:09:50.189 Um And I think this goes back to what I 0:09:50.200 --> 0:09:52.309 was saying that, you know, I'm very blessed to have 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:56.010 an amazing parents. You know, my mom and dad. Um 0:09:56.020 --> 0:09:58.949 They really made me who I am today and you know, with, 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:00.789 with my younger brother as well. So 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:06.080 the pressure doesn't come from them for myself or, you know, 0:10:06.090 --> 0:10:09.339 I mean, there are comments like, you know, your daughter 0:10:09.349 --> 0:10:11.849 very busy but you know, my my parents are really 0:10:11.859 --> 0:10:15.289 wonderful about it and I think as the eldest child, 0:10:15.440 --> 0:10:18.369 you also kind of take on a lot of the 0:10:18.919 --> 0:10:25.059 decision making, planning, sorting things out. So I, I do 0:10:25.070 --> 0:10:28.619 think a lot of pressure comes from myself, you know, 0:10:28.630 --> 0:10:32.319 wanting to make sure I have the time I have this, 0:10:32.330 --> 0:10:35.900 I have that. So there was once when I was, 0:10:36.130 --> 0:10:38.260 you know, I was in a certain job and 0:10:38.700 --> 0:10:41.319 I was earning not a lot of money. And at 0:10:41.330 --> 0:10:44.090 that point, I made that decision because I wanted to 0:10:44.099 --> 0:10:47.690 pursue that role. But at the same time, I also thought, ok, 0:10:47.700 --> 0:10:49.650 maybe it will give me a bit more flexibility as 0:10:49.659 --> 0:10:53.669 compared to corporate MN A. And so in that role, 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:56.289 I remember I had the chance to bring my dad 0:10:56.299 --> 0:10:59.209 for his cataract surgery and I could sit with him 0:10:59.219 --> 0:11:01.010 and wait with him and 0:11:01.405 --> 0:11:03.736 the whole thing, right, which I would not be able 0:11:03.745 --> 0:11:05.856 to do if I was in my former role. I 0:11:05.866 --> 0:11:08.645 was thinking to myself, ok, you know, I made the 0:11:08.655 --> 0:11:12.015 right choice, right? I could accompany my dad and etcetera. 0:11:12.026 --> 0:11:14.616 But then we got to the counter to make payment. 0:11:14.684 --> 0:11:17.116 And because, you know, my dad is of the older generation, 0:11:17.125 --> 0:11:19.995 he could get certain medical subsidies and the Polyclinic had 0:11:20.005 --> 0:11:23.556 told him, ok, this is the amount of your cataract 0:11:23.565 --> 0:11:23.786 surgery 0:11:24.041 --> 0:11:28.122 and you get 50%. So the interpretation was that was 0:11:28.131 --> 0:11:30.531 the total amount and the amount you pay will be half. 0:11:30.752 --> 0:11:33.702 But when we went to the counter, they said that 0:11:33.711 --> 0:11:36.742 this is the amount it's already half, it's already subsidized, 0:11:36.752 --> 0:11:40.502 it's already, this is the, and I mean, it wasn't 0:11:40.511 --> 0:11:43.992 a super huge amount but it was more than what 0:11:44.002 --> 0:11:46.401 was in my bank account at that point in time. Right? 0:11:46.682 --> 0:11:49.021 And I remember just thinking, oh, wait a minute, like 0:11:49.030 --> 0:11:51.901 these are very real tradeoffs between, 0:11:52.260 --> 0:11:55.260 I had the time to accompany my dad and do this. 0:11:55.270 --> 0:11:57.459 But at the same time, financially, you had to take 0:11:57.469 --> 0:12:00.119 a step back, you have to reassess. So again, it 0:12:00.130 --> 0:12:03.700 goes back to I think what you can or need 0:12:03.710 --> 0:12:06.380 to prioritize at that point in time and there's really 0:12:06.390 --> 0:12:09.319 no right or wrong answer now that you're about to 0:12:09.510 --> 0:12:11.919 become a mother yourself. Yes. 0:12:12.609 --> 0:12:15.840 Have you thought about how things are going to change 0:12:15.849 --> 0:12:18.390 or how your time management is going to change or 0:12:18.400 --> 0:12:20.090 what you're going to have to give up because it 0:12:20.099 --> 0:12:22.468 must have crossed your mind. You know, I've been taking 0:12:22.479 --> 0:12:25.320 care of people. Is it maybe time for me to 0:12:25.330 --> 0:12:28.750 take care of my own child? You asked me very 0:12:28.760 --> 0:12:32.549 difficult questions. I mean, I think firstly, you know, the 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:35.169 truth is that none of us go at this alone. We, 0:12:35.179 --> 0:12:37.969 you know, have each have our own support systems, whatever 0:12:37.979 --> 0:12:41.010 that might look like for different people. For some, it's your, 0:12:41.054 --> 0:12:45.395 your closest oldest friends, for some. It's your grandma, your auntie, 0:12:45.405 --> 0:12:48.954 your uncle, your parents, your husband, etcetera. So your partner, 0:12:48.965 --> 0:12:52.195 it really depends. And I'm very grateful for the tribe 0:12:52.205 --> 0:12:54.294 that I do have. So firstly, I recognize that it 0:12:54.304 --> 0:12:57.835 won't be me alone doing this. I would like to 0:12:57.844 --> 0:13:00.275 think that with a child, 0:13:01.049 --> 0:13:04.969 a child adds to your life rather than take away 0:13:04.979 --> 0:13:08.829 from it. And I hope to build that kind of, 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:11.640 you know, parent, child relationship, which does that. I think 0:13:11.650 --> 0:13:13.450 a lot of young parents these days they do things 0:13:13.460 --> 0:13:15.340 like take the kindergarten kid out for like 0:13:15.659 --> 0:13:18.830 Bandung and then have a real conversation about, you know, 0:13:19.000 --> 0:13:22.030 I have another friend who used to call her son, 0:13:22.039 --> 0:13:24.150 little man and that was just the way that she 0:13:24.159 --> 0:13:28.390 communicated and her life didn't totally change because she didn't 0:13:28.400 --> 0:13:31.640 allow it to. Yeah, in the sense that it wasn't ok, 0:13:31.650 --> 0:13:34.080 we can only go out in between this time and 0:13:34.090 --> 0:13:37.179 this time and then we're very, you know, fixed about it. 0:13:37.409 --> 0:13:38.650 So my husband and I have a lot of these 0:13:38.659 --> 0:13:41.189 conversations about what we think it would be like or 0:13:41.200 --> 0:13:41.390 what 0:13:41.650 --> 0:13:44.010 the kind of parents we hope to be. But at 0:13:44.020 --> 0:13:46.539 the same time, I think it's very like some survive, 0:13:46.549 --> 0:13:48.419 you know, I mean, at the end of the day, right. 0:13:48.429 --> 0:13:52.299 Like you don't know for sure what it's going to 0:13:52.309 --> 0:13:57.380 be like. And my sort of approach is take things 0:13:57.390 --> 0:13:59.719 as it comes. I mean, you can have a plan 0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:04.140 but you change, change. I mean, you know, politics was 0:14:04.150 --> 0:14:06.429 not on the card. So I see this as my 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:07.239 five year plan 0:14:07.479 --> 0:14:12.059 new and, and the, the other day got the best 0:14:12.070 --> 0:14:14.718 of plants, I think. So, you know, you just roll 0:14:14.729 --> 0:14:17.640 with the punches and you prepare as much as you can. 0:14:18.020 --> 0:14:20.789 And baby's been very quiet so far, which I'm very 0:14:20.799 --> 0:14:25.070 grateful for. So don't come out so early, but we 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:26.299 got a lot of things to finish 0:14:27.479 --> 0:14:30.250 on that note. Can I ask a very real question? 0:14:30.460 --> 0:14:33.570 Have any residents come up to you and ask if 0:14:33.580 --> 0:14:35.030 you would be less available 0:14:35.289 --> 0:14:36.239 after you give birth? 0:14:36.250 --> 0:14:40.219 Honestly, I'm sure. Oh, no. And to be honest, I've 0:14:40.229 --> 0:14:43.549 had very, very kind residents who have also said like, 0:14:43.559 --> 0:14:43.950 you know, because I, 0:14:44.054 --> 0:14:46.034 my husband and I didn't really share the news until 0:14:46.054 --> 0:14:48.364 I was quite far along until I think I was 0:14:48.375 --> 0:14:52.465 past six months. And you know, a lot of residents have, well, 0:14:52.474 --> 0:14:55.955 meaning like, you know, go like MP you should have 0:14:55.965 --> 0:14:58.395 a child soon and all that. So I'm like, yeah, 0:14:58.405 --> 0:15:01.734 you ask him to ask, I have delivered, I will 0:15:01.744 --> 0:15:04.934 be delivering and actually there have been residents still like, 0:15:04.945 --> 0:15:09.565 you know, oh, I can help you babysit. I still can, 0:15:09.575 --> 0:15:11.455 by the way. Ok. Very good. I know what you 0:15:11.465 --> 0:15:11.815 say 0:15:13.239 --> 0:15:15.940 and I'm very grateful and I think there are tradeoffs 0:15:15.950 --> 0:15:19.309 that I, I will have to make in terms of 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:22.489 how much time I think, you know, some people talk 0:15:22.500 --> 0:15:24.590 about being able to take like a year of work 0:15:24.599 --> 0:15:26.020 to be able to spend with the child for the 0:15:26.030 --> 0:15:27.549 first year. I mean, I think I just have to 0:15:27.559 --> 0:15:30.010 also be very practical and realistic that they have different 0:15:30.020 --> 0:15:32.729 commitments in my life. And that's not an option for 0:15:32.739 --> 0:15:37.039 me today. Is there guilt? Uh, there is the other 0:15:37.049 --> 0:15:38.349 day I had six events 0:15:38.895 --> 0:15:41.494 and the first one was quite a long stretch. When 0:15:41.505 --> 0:15:43.114 I was on my feet, I was walking up and 0:15:43.125 --> 0:15:46.364 down and my first meal of that day I think 0:15:46.375 --> 0:15:48.844 was around 1 p.m. and I hit Tapao and I 0:15:48.854 --> 0:15:51.604 was eating in the car and that's just the reality 0:15:51.614 --> 0:15:54.484 of what it is sometimes. So I went through the 0:15:54.494 --> 0:15:56.065 rest of my day, I finished at about nine. It 0:15:56.075 --> 0:15:58.515 was me autumn, I went home and I just remember 0:15:58.525 --> 0:16:01.505 feeling so guilty like, you know, oh, I didn't, I 0:16:01.515 --> 0:16:03.544 didn't get to feed you properly today. 0:16:04.169 --> 0:16:06.849 Um, I was, you know, I didn't get to rest. 0:16:06.859 --> 0:16:09.030 I didn't put my feet up. My feet were really swollen. 0:16:09.039 --> 0:16:12.340 I was just thinking, ok, I'll try harder. Yeah. And 0:16:12.349 --> 0:16:15.849 I think that's just part of the ups and downs. 0:16:15.859 --> 0:16:18.390 And what we have to bear along the way. I 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:22.900 shouldn't stop you. I shouldn't stop you from trying to 0:16:23.409 --> 0:16:24.469 achieve all the things you want 0:16:24.479 --> 0:16:27.270 to balance it. What about your role as a wife, 0:16:27.530 --> 0:16:28.270 as a wife? 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:28.510 Do 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:30.200 you think you are living up to that? 0:16:30.619 --> 0:16:31.210 Oh, no. 0:16:32.349 --> 0:16:33.590 You know anyone else 0:16:34.119 --> 0:16:34.250 only 0:16:34.530 --> 0:16:36.450 to yourself. So, you have to ask my husband. I 0:16:36.900 --> 0:16:40.590 hold on. I got ok. She knows my husband, I think, yeah, 0:16:40.599 --> 0:16:42.309 if it goes back to what 0:16:42.405 --> 0:16:45.955 are the different versions and visions of it. And I 0:16:45.965 --> 0:16:49.015 think that's something that's very important between partners that you 0:16:49.025 --> 0:16:52.625 have that agreement and understanding about how you're going to 0:16:52.635 --> 0:16:55.405 be there for each other and in what way? So 0:16:55.414 --> 0:16:58.164 I'm really very fortunate to have an understanding and supportive 0:16:58.174 --> 0:17:01.304 husband without whom I would not be able to do 0:17:01.544 --> 0:17:04.064 half the things that I do. And it was a 0:17:04.074 --> 0:17:06.405 very serious conversation early on that if I were to 0:17:06.415 --> 0:17:07.344 go down this path, 0:17:08.380 --> 0:17:11.500 this is what it will look like. And we've had 0:17:11.510 --> 0:17:14.839 to adjust the sales along the way and have very 0:17:14.849 --> 0:17:18.579 difficult conversations. But I think at the end of the 0:17:18.589 --> 0:17:22.879 day we are ultimately stronger for it. And I think 0:17:22.890 --> 0:17:25.770 the most comforting thing to be able to go home 0:17:25.780 --> 0:17:26.399 and be like, 0:17:26.900 --> 0:17:29.739 yeah, it was a really hard day. Oh, yeah. It was, 0:17:29.750 --> 0:17:32.119 it was a really great day and I know that 0:17:32.130 --> 0:17:35.520 he likes to hear the stories of the residents interactions 0:17:35.530 --> 0:17:37.879 because he knows that that's important to me. So I 0:17:37.890 --> 0:17:40.829 don't know if I'm fully like a plus, but I 0:17:41.020 --> 0:17:42.719 think it's like, ok. Right. 0:17:44.530 --> 0:17:48.239 I don't know. You really have to ask him sweat. 0:17:48.250 --> 0:17:53.349 The moral of the story is choose your partners wisely. But, 0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:54.938 you know, like when you do your walk about, when 0:17:54.949 --> 0:17:58.359 you meet a resident, do you see women who, you know, 0:17:58.449 --> 0:18:01.520 struggle the expectations of caring for the elderly because you 0:18:01.530 --> 0:18:01.639 have 0:18:01.729 --> 0:18:06.189 so many like d residences there, I think firstly, caregiving, 0:18:06.199 --> 0:18:08.510 I mean, whether you're a son or a daughter is 0:18:08.640 --> 0:18:11.750 incredibly challenging and a lot of times you can feel 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:15.709 like your entire life has been put on hold or 0:18:15.719 --> 0:18:17.729 you need to put it aside in order to look 0:18:17.739 --> 0:18:19.050 after the care recipient. 0:18:19.390 --> 0:18:21.718 And a lot of times it does fall to the 0:18:21.729 --> 0:18:27.899 daughter sometimes unfairly, right? Sometimes a bit too casually, like 0:18:27.910 --> 0:18:31.790 an unspoken thing, you know, the they just assume your 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:34.680 daughter will look after, you know, and you know, especially 0:18:34.689 --> 0:18:37.750 during COVID, I think where, you know, a lot of 0:18:37.760 --> 0:18:41.369 our elderly are also very independent, they want to live alone. 0:18:41.380 --> 0:18:43.208 I mean, my grandma, for example, is one of the 0:18:43.314 --> 0:18:48.295 who is fiercely independent. I mean, she's 89 but she's like, yeah, 0:18:48.584 --> 0:18:51.854