WEBVTT - Bare minimum in love: Where do we draw the line? 0:00:00.009 --> 0:00:02.489 Hi, Ciso. Hey, Cesura and I'm Tremaine and welcome back 0:00:02.500 --> 0:00:05.190 to another episode of Cle Hash Pods. 0:00:06.699 --> 0:00:10.709 I'm someone who tends to romanticize life a lot. You are. 0:00:10.728 --> 0:00:12.869 Do you know what that is? It's like when a 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:14.630 guy does something for me, like when he opens the 0:00:14.640 --> 0:00:16.558 door for me, I told you guys this before, when 0:00:16.569 --> 0:00:18.440 I was 14 and a guy opened the door for me. 0:00:18.799 --> 0:00:21.029 I fell in love and I love this guy for 0:00:21.040 --> 0:00:24.530 like one year. But apparently some people would now scold 0:00:24.540 --> 0:00:24.639 me 0:00:24.729 --> 0:00:28.149 and say, how can you reward the bare minimum? Like 0:00:28.159 --> 0:00:30.569 it's his job to open the door for a girl. 0:00:30.579 --> 0:00:34.278 It's what's expected of like a gentleman or that's what 0:00:34.290 --> 0:00:36.680 they say, right? And I think I tend to romanticize 0:00:36.689 --> 0:00:38.430 it a bit too much. But here's what I think 0:00:38.439 --> 0:00:40.799 this is what the movies have been teaching us, right? 0:00:40.810 --> 0:00:42.668 Dramas have been teaching us. But 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:46.138 when it comes to like actual life, how many people 0:00:46.319 --> 0:00:49.650 actually open the doors for women? Fight someone fall. 0:00:49.740 --> 0:00:50.119 Why 0:00:50.130 --> 0:00:52.220 for not opening the door for you? No, 0:00:52.250 --> 0:00:56.729 because the person was like, you can't expect reality to 0:00:56.740 --> 0:00:59.099 be like the movies. And I was like, why 0:00:59.110 --> 0:00:59.759 not 0:00:59.770 --> 0:01:01.258 a zero delusional go. That's 0:01:02.479 --> 0:01:02.659 no. 0:01:02.669 --> 0:01:05.699 But actually though, like, ok, I'm not saying like, you know, 0:01:06.220 --> 0:01:09.378 run to each other in the rain or whatever, but 0:01:09.389 --> 0:01:13.220 certain things, I don't think they're wrong for you to 0:01:13.230 --> 0:01:14.029 want them. Ok. 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:14.180 So 0:01:14.190 --> 0:01:16.848 this is exactly what we're going to discuss today. Ok. 0:01:17.209 --> 0:01:20.069 What is the lulu in this society? Is the, 0:01:21.785 --> 0:01:24.455 yeah, are we expecting too much or are we just 0:01:24.464 --> 0:01:28.294 barely hitting the bare minimum? Absolutely. So this idea of 0:01:28.305 --> 0:01:31.495 a bare minimum relationship, right? Or actions that are the 0:01:31.504 --> 0:01:33.974 bare minimum? What does that mean to you? Girls barely 0:01:33.985 --> 0:01:36.614 showing up only doing like 0:01:37.309 --> 0:01:43.190 what's minimally expected of this person? Not going past this 0:01:43.199 --> 0:01:46.230 mark to deliver something more, not going the extra mile 0:01:46.389 --> 0:01:49.779 to show love to show care, concern, appreciation. So the 0:01:49.790 --> 0:01:52.069 bare minimum is this is this spot where 0:01:53.099 --> 0:01:56.519 this person doesn't do anything that causes a breakup. It's 0:01:56.529 --> 0:01:58.980 not like they cheat on you, correct? Or they hit 0:01:58.989 --> 0:02:02.599 you leave. But do you have any reason to stay? Actually, 0:02:04.430 --> 0:02:07.419 there's this therapist, her name is Israel Nasir. She says 0:02:07.430 --> 0:02:12.720 a bare minimum relationship signifies the lack of effort, emotional and, 0:02:13.413 --> 0:02:16.485 or commitment in the relationship and your partner is just 0:02:16.494 --> 0:02:19.164 doing enough to say I did it what? There's nothing 0:02:19.175 --> 0:02:22.484 wrong I did it. I was a boyfriend but like 0:02:22.494 --> 0:02:25.645 Hazy said, what's making you stay right? You know, 0:02:25.654 --> 0:02:31.244 sometimes people cite examples of bein like opening doors. Like 0:02:31.255 --> 0:02:32.043 what else? 0:02:33.190 --> 0:02:34.970 If it's a B we know we should be able 0:02:34.979 --> 0:02:36.149 to come up with some examples quick. 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:39.978 Correct, correct, correct, replying to you whenever they can. That's 0:02:40.300 --> 0:02:45.619 calling you ever so often. Good morning text example. I 0:02:45.630 --> 0:02:48.490 think when people cite these examples, some people are not 0:02:48.500 --> 0:02:51.809 too happy because they think, oh, you know, you're being superficial, 0:02:51.820 --> 0:02:54.410 you're being demanding, you're asking for all these things. But 0:02:54.419 --> 0:02:56.690 I think what someone is trying to say, they're trying 0:02:56.699 --> 0:03:00.460 to articulate what they can't in theory and that's why 0:03:00.470 --> 0:03:02.859 it's being given as these examples. You know what I mean? 0:03:03.149 --> 0:03:05.330 Like, ok, let me give you an example for myself. Right. 0:03:05.479 --> 0:03:08.168 It's not about the actions, you know what I mean? Like, 0:03:08.460 --> 0:03:10.729 if you made up for it in some other way, 0:03:10.940 --> 0:03:12.589 I don't care whether you open the door or not. 0:03:12.699 --> 0:03:15.130 You know what I mean? Yeah. And I think I 0:03:15.139 --> 0:03:17.490 saw this thing very recently and I agreed with it, 0:03:17.500 --> 0:03:20.820 which was, I think you want a love that loves 0:03:20.830 --> 0:03:24.130 you when it's inconvenient and not just when it's convenient. 0:03:24.139 --> 0:03:27.850 True. Yeah. So if you girls ever been in a relationship, 0:03:27.860 --> 0:03:30.229 then after a while it kind of gets stagnant and 0:03:30.240 --> 0:03:30.910 then you're like, 0:03:31.330 --> 0:03:33.508 is he just doing the bare minimum? 0:03:33.520 --> 0:03:34.389 Would you say 0:03:34.399 --> 0:03:38.429 that doing the bare minimum is almost similar to breadcrumb 0:03:38.490 --> 0:03:41.070 where they're just giving you enough to keep you around? 0:03:41.080 --> 0:03:41.490 That's 0:03:41.500 --> 0:03:45.460 an interesting thought. Perhaps it's something I think it might 0:03:45.470 --> 0:03:48.229 not even be like a relationship, like boyfriend, girlfriend. It 0:03:48.240 --> 0:03:49.949 could just be someone that you're interested in 0:03:50.270 --> 0:03:53.399 and they are just doing the bare minimum to keep 0:03:53.410 --> 0:03:56.160 you interested. Yeah. Like, situationships. I like a lot of 0:03:56.169 --> 0:04:00.169 situationships are like bare minimum minimum and then that's why 0:04:00.179 --> 0:04:02.770 they don't make it to the next phase. Right. I 0:04:02.779 --> 0:04:05.330 would like to think that thankfully in my recent relations 0:04:05.585 --> 0:04:08.464 I've never experienced one that is like the bare minimum actually. 0:04:08.475 --> 0:04:11.024 Me too. Yeah, I think because we just keep picking 0:04:11.035 --> 0:04:12.875 people that are more and more right for us as 0:04:12.884 --> 0:04:14.375 time pass by. So 0:04:14.384 --> 0:04:17.575 thankfully, I don't think I have a bare minimum experience 0:04:17.584 --> 0:04:19.325 and below minimum have below 0:04:21.558 --> 0:04:22.519 negative, 0:04:22.628 --> 0:04:25.618 negative, low minimum is like, cannot even smile when they 0:04:25.628 --> 0:04:28.118 see you go so miserable or not 0:04:29.088 --> 0:04:32.549 while you are in a relationship. Yeah. I don't understand. 0:04:34.088 --> 0:04:35.278 That's quite bad. Who, 0:04:36.359 --> 0:04:36.508 who 0:04:36.588 --> 0:04:36.989 else? 0:04:38.369 --> 0:04:41.230 That's quite bad. Yeah. I mean, at that point you 0:04:41.238 --> 0:04:44.118 already know it's a no go, it's the bare minimum 0:04:44.130 --> 0:04:47.269 when it's, like, actually got nothing wrong. You got nothing wrong. 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:49.428 When do you say? You know what, I'm going to 0:04:49.440 --> 0:04:52.109 cut this off and find something better. It's very hard. 0:04:52.119 --> 0:04:54.428 There's no, nothing to tell you. Like it's time to 0:04:54.440 --> 0:04:57.019 end it, especially for a lot of people, right? When 0:04:57.029 --> 0:05:00.450 it's past the dating phase you are into like the marriage, 0:05:00.660 --> 0:05:03.829 my God. It even harder to cut all ties and 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:06.670 go back. Right and say no, I have a friend 0:05:06.980 --> 0:05:10.170 she used to date someone who would like game all 0:05:10.178 --> 0:05:14.850 the time. They cohabitate but there's no connection. Like when 0:05:14.859 --> 0:05:17.070 they go home, they just, each of their phones, they 0:05:17.079 --> 0:05:20.219 don't talk when they eat together, they're still scrolling their phones. 0:05:20.230 --> 0:05:22.760 And I think this is a relationship that is even 0:05:22.769 --> 0:05:24.700 lower than the bare minimum. Don't you think 0:05:24.738 --> 0:05:24.909 it 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:27.839 makes you think? Do you genuinely enjoy each other or 0:05:27.980 --> 0:05:29.659 do you just not want to be lonely? I think 0:05:29.670 --> 0:05:30.070 that's a great 0:05:30.154 --> 0:05:32.225 example that you brought up, right? If you're thinking now 0:05:32.234 --> 0:05:35.034 and you're reflecting on your own relationship and you're saying 0:05:35.045 --> 0:05:37.505 to yourself is this bare minimum? Some of the signs 0:05:37.515 --> 0:05:40.575 would be. Where was your last date night? Do you remember? 0:05:40.765 --> 0:05:44.024 There's no planning, there's no effort to treat each other. 0:05:44.035 --> 0:05:47.005 Take each other out on dates. There's no emotional support. 0:05:47.015 --> 0:05:49.695 Like you guys don't talk to each other when you're upset, 0:05:49.704 --> 0:05:51.724 you talk to your friends so you talk to other people. 0:05:51.734 --> 0:05:52.695 There's a huge, 0:05:54.690 --> 0:05:57.839 there is no wrong in talking to your friends, but 0:05:57.850 --> 0:05:59.428 you also have to speak to your partner about it. 0:05:59.440 --> 0:06:02.299 That's true. Or you just don't ever fight at all. 0:06:02.309 --> 0:06:05.399 You just completely avoid conflict because you don't want to 0:06:05.410 --> 0:06:10.589 have difficult conversations. Tough conversations are a must. Yes. And 0:06:10.600 --> 0:06:13.420 if the person is not showing interest in your life, 0:06:13.428 --> 0:06:16.429 your hobby, your job, your friends, I think there's also 0:06:16.625 --> 0:06:19.695 a red flag. That's true. Yeah, I, I have a 0:06:19.704 --> 0:06:23.404 friend who, towards the end of their relationship was doing 0:06:23.415 --> 0:06:26.885 very well in, in, like, career wise. Right. And would 0:06:26.894 --> 0:06:28.595 go and tell the partner, like, you know, I got 0:06:28.605 --> 0:06:30.464 this job, I got this, I got this and the 0:06:30.475 --> 0:06:35.045 partner was very disinterested or because he's jealous, something like that. 0:06:35.053 --> 0:06:37.765 I guess, of this person, you know, being more in 0:06:37.774 --> 0:06:41.165 the spotlight, getting more attention and the partner just could 0:06:41.174 --> 0:06:42.595 not be happy for 0:06:43.100 --> 0:06:46.380 my friend. I don't get that. Like, I just don't 0:06:46.390 --> 0:06:48.529 get no. But that comes from inner hood. It comes 0:06:48.540 --> 0:06:51.040 from inner, like, trauma. It doesn't come from, you know, 0:06:51.049 --> 0:06:53.640 wanting to be a bad person. It's a self projection. 0:06:53.730 --> 0:06:56.260 It's a self projection. Exactly. So all these are, I 0:06:56.269 --> 0:06:59.709 think signs of a bare minimum relationship. Speaking of that example, 0:06:59.720 --> 0:07:01.359 I have a friend in the industry as well. She's 0:07:01.369 --> 0:07:03.500 once shared with me that she told her partner, like, 0:07:03.510 --> 0:07:05.160 you know, how much she earns and she's getting better 0:07:05.170 --> 0:07:08.839 and better. Right? Her partner had actually said, what can 0:07:08.850 --> 0:07:10.660 I do to better myself so that I can be 0:07:10.670 --> 0:07:11.559 on par with you? 0:07:11.859 --> 0:07:14.130 No, I think that's a healthy way of looking at 0:07:14.140 --> 0:07:17.440 it maybe by thinking that you can't actually start earning 0:07:17.450 --> 0:07:19.600 more income. But by thinking that you can actually start 0:07:19.609 --> 0:07:22.519 taking steps to actualize that. Right. 0:07:22.540 --> 0:07:22.940 It's 0:07:22.950 --> 0:07:26.190 like I'm happy for you and I'm inspired by you 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:28.250 and I want to work as hard as you do too. 0:07:28.260 --> 0:07:29.799 That's what it sounds like to me, correct. 0:07:29.809 --> 0:07:31.130 The ego does not stop here, 0:07:31.285 --> 0:07:34.464 you know, as a male to recognize that the woman 0:07:34.475 --> 0:07:37.105 is doing better than him and he, he wants to 0:07:37.114 --> 0:07:37.714 do better. 0:07:37.725 --> 0:07:38.035 I 0:07:38.045 --> 0:07:42.075 saw this video recently and it said that if someone 0:07:42.084 --> 0:07:45.825 told you, oh, you're just like your partner, would that 0:07:45.834 --> 0:07:48.595 make you feel offended or would that make you feel 0:07:48.605 --> 0:07:49.964 proud of the person that they are? 0:07:52.484 --> 0:07:54.355 If you feel offended, then maybe it's a sign that 0:07:54.364 --> 0:07:57.075 this partner really isn't for you. But if you feel proud, 0:07:57.125 --> 0:07:58.114 they say, hey, 0:07:58.790 --> 0:08:01.070 if someone says that you are like that person, how 0:08:01.079 --> 0:08:02.160 would that make you feel good? 0:08:02.170 --> 0:08:02.709 This 0:08:02.720 --> 0:08:06.209 is very interesting perspective. Have you girls heard of the 0:08:06.220 --> 0:08:10.480 orange peel theory? I think it's stupid. You think theory? Ok. 0:08:10.489 --> 0:08:13.940 Let me explain. So is this trend on tiktok whereby 0:08:13.950 --> 0:08:17.279 this wife got her husband to peel an orange for 0:08:17.290 --> 0:08:21.079 her and the husband willingly did? So by doing that, 0:08:21.500 --> 0:08:24.679 it proves that the husband loves her. It's a bare minimum. 0:08:24.690 --> 0:08:27.600 It's like a test. No. Ok. I don't think it's 0:08:27.609 --> 0:08:29.779 the bare minimum. Some people just don't like to get 0:08:29.790 --> 0:08:32.679 their hands dirty and peel like prawns, peel oranges. I 0:08:32.690 --> 0:08:35.880 think it's fine. But why are you testing your partner 0:08:35.890 --> 0:08:39.059 with an orange? No, because you can jolly. Well, do 0:08:39.070 --> 0:08:42.039 so yourself. And your partner knows that. But by doing 0:08:42.049 --> 0:08:45.260 it for you, he's saving you the inconvenience and that's 0:08:45.270 --> 0:08:47.530 why it shows that he loves you. That's the point 0:08:47.539 --> 0:08:49.530 of this theory? Ok. Well, 0:08:51.409 --> 0:08:54.390 I think there are other more relevant ways to, you know, 0:08:54.440 --> 0:08:57.239 see if your partner really loves you. Tell us one, 0:08:57.250 --> 0:09:00.849 we trend it just in your everyday life, right? Do 0:09:00.859 --> 0:09:05.679 they plan dates? Like, do they take the initiative to achieve? Well, 0:09:05.690 --> 0:09:08.409 like what is your love language? Do they pander to that? 0:09:08.419 --> 0:09:11.069 Do you communicate about that? Just things like that? But 0:09:11.080 --> 0:09:13.929 an orange, I mean, yeah, I get the logic. If 0:09:13.940 --> 0:09:15.809 you do give them an orange and you say, can 0:09:15.820 --> 0:09:17.309 you please peel this for me? 0:09:17.809 --> 0:09:20.539 They should say yes. And if they peel it for you, 0:09:20.549 --> 0:09:22.390 a lot of girls see this as a sign as, oh, 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:25.468 this person is so sweet. This was actually what happened 0:09:25.479 --> 0:09:28.179 in the comment section. A lot of comments started coming 0:09:28.190 --> 0:09:30.030 in praising the man saying, what do I find a 0:09:30.039 --> 0:09:32.719 husband like that? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And 0:09:32.729 --> 0:09:35.489 then this went viral because a lot of other comments 0:09:35.500 --> 0:09:39.669 were like flaming these comments for complimenting the minimum. 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:40.819 Exactly. OK. I'll 0:09:40.919 --> 0:09:43.000 I tell you why. I think it's bare minimum because 0:09:43.010 --> 0:09:45.880 it's things like that, right? That let's say we're not 0:09:45.890 --> 0:09:47.780 talking about things that you don't want to do. But 0:09:47.789 --> 0:09:51.179 if it's a simple thing that costs you nothing but 0:09:51.190 --> 0:09:54.280 your partner wants it, I think it should be quite 0:09:54.289 --> 0:09:56.559 easy for you to do it. So this should want 0:09:56.570 --> 0:09:56.869 to do 0:09:56.880 --> 0:09:57.049 it. 0:09:57.059 --> 0:09:59.608 This is where when I was, you know, trying to 0:09:59.700 --> 0:10:03.020 absorb this whole episode today, right. That I really need 0:10:03.030 --> 0:10:05.020 to put my foot down. I think that 0:10:05.520 --> 0:10:07.858 even though it's a very easy thing for your partner 0:10:07.869 --> 0:10:11.260 to do, it doesn't hurt to show them appreciation for it. 0:10:11.270 --> 0:10:13.979 Even though it's expected of you, it doesn't hurt to 0:10:13.989 --> 0:10:16.849 show them love and say, thank you, for example, right 0:10:16.859 --> 0:10:20.179 at your job, what you're doing right now is your job. 0:10:20.190 --> 0:10:22.119 But if your boss every day look at you right? 0:10:22.130 --> 0:10:24.030 It just, this is your job but I shouldn't. Thank you. 0:10:24.039 --> 0:10:27.359 Why should I show you appreciation? That sucks. That feeling 0:10:27.369 --> 0:10:30.289 just sucks. So say even more so with the relationship, 0:10:30.299 --> 0:10:33.619 even though it's simple, things like peeling prows opening the door, 0:10:33.724 --> 0:10:37.534 hold your back for you just show appreciation even if 0:10:37.544 --> 0:10:40.054 it's the bare minimum. I agree. I always want to 0:10:40.065 --> 0:10:42.335 say thank you and not to be for granted because 0:10:42.344 --> 0:10:44.744 you never know some guys out there who never do it, 0:10:44.755 --> 0:10:47.784 but your partner would. Yeah. And I saw this interview 0:10:47.794 --> 0:10:51.924 where Katy Perry said that her love language is her 0:10:51.934 --> 0:10:55.184 partner doing the dishes because she really hates it. So 0:10:55.195 --> 0:10:57.585 if she could find a partner who do a dishes, 0:10:57.594 --> 0:11:00.603 she said a sentence, just do the fucking dishes. I 0:11:00.614 --> 0:11:01.635 will suck your date 0:11:02.630 --> 0:11:05.429 and like the comments came in like, whoa, I think 0:11:05.440 --> 0:11:08.739 a lot of people would do the dishes for her. Actually, 0:11:08.750 --> 0:11:11.079 one comment said I want to do the dishes. Nothing happened. 0:11:12.849 --> 0:11:14.228 I mean, some people kind of 0:11:14.840 --> 0:11:17.280 didn't really like that. She said that they just felt 0:11:17.289 --> 0:11:21.939 that why are you offering up your body for someone 0:11:21.950 --> 0:11:24.039 doing the dishes for you? But maybe she just feels 0:11:24.049 --> 0:11:25.799 like it's a very sweet gesture of a partner to 0:11:25.809 --> 0:11:29.108 do so. Yeah. Good for Orlando Bloom. I mean, like, 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:34.289 I think what goes behind that is that you just 0:11:34.299 --> 0:11:37.489 want to make things a little bit easier for your partner. Like, 0:11:37.500 --> 0:11:40.210 if I don't mind doing it and if you hate 0:11:40.219 --> 0:11:43.900 it to record of, I do, you know. Yeah, 0:11:44.280 --> 0:11:46.400 I think I would love to see. Right. I mean, 0:11:46.409 --> 0:11:48.659 if you're listening right now to hush, what are your 0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:52.690 experiences of a bare minimum relationship? There's this one that 0:11:52.700 --> 0:11:54.989 we saw on Reddit, basically a girl was on a, 0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:57.150 she's doing work from home and she's on a Zoom 0:11:57.159 --> 0:12:00.039 call and her husband brought her a cup of coffee. Ok. 0:12:00.049 --> 0:12:02.859 And then her colleagues were like, oh my God, like 0:12:02.869 --> 0:12:05.809 he loves you so much like, wow. You know, you 0:12:05.820 --> 0:12:07.419 got him whipped and stuff like that. 0:12:07.880 --> 0:12:11.320 And she was like, it's just a cup of coffee. Ok. 0:12:11.330 --> 0:12:13.799 I don't know if I'm crazy but I think it's sweet. 0:12:13.809 --> 0:12:14.489 I think it's super 0:12:14.500 --> 0:12:18.200 sweet. I think it's the thought that you're working. I 0:12:18.210 --> 0:12:21.349 think you might need something. Yeah. So for me it's 0:12:21.359 --> 0:12:23.809 not the action but as the thought behind that, 0:12:23.820 --> 0:12:25.030 but is it the bare minimum. 0:12:25.780 --> 0:12:28.059 I don't know about this because rose reverse. Would you 0:12:28.070 --> 0:12:30.039 do the same for the partner? Like, would you think 0:12:30.049 --> 0:12:31.880 about a, he's on a meeting now? Let me get 0:12:31.890 --> 0:12:34.650 him a cup of coffee. Sometimes he doesn't come so 0:12:34.659 --> 0:12:39.200 naturally to us everyone's, everyone's different. Yeah. The fact that 0:12:39.210 --> 0:12:40.909 he thought about that, I think that's super sweet. I 0:12:40.919 --> 0:12:42.669 think it's very sweet. I think it is slightly above 0:12:42.679 --> 0:12:44.559 the bare, you know, I think it's I think you 0:12:44.570 --> 0:12:46.000 can expect this from every 0:12:46.099 --> 0:12:46.718 men. You know, I 0:12:46.729 --> 0:12:47.640 appreciate the 0:12:47.690 --> 0:12:49.679 thought, you know, any action. I don't care what the 0:12:49.690 --> 0:12:50.010 action 0:12:50.020 --> 0:12:50.468 is 0:12:50.650 --> 0:12:53.479 about. The Lulu in this day and age. Sometimes I 0:12:53.489 --> 0:12:54.348 find it really rare 0:12:54.599 --> 0:12:55.390 talking 0:12:55.400 --> 0:12:58.299 about this coffee thing, right? I saw this video of 0:12:58.309 --> 0:13:02.760 this couple who were at the guy's parents house. So 0:13:02.770 --> 0:13:05.270 the father was there and then she was sitting there 0:13:05.419 --> 0:13:06.150 and then 0:13:06.419 --> 0:13:08.199 he had come back I think and then she said, 0:13:08.210 --> 0:13:10.280 can you get me water? It was a prank. So 0:13:10.289 --> 0:13:12.960 he said no, go get it yourself. His father went 0:13:12.969 --> 0:13:16.319 mad like just go and get it for her. Like 0:13:16.330 --> 0:13:19.140 what on earth are you on about? And he was like, no, 0:13:19.190 --> 0:13:21.369 you are standing right there, go get it yourself. So 0:13:21.390 --> 0:13:24.739 they are trying to prank the father. Yes. Oh my God, 0:13:24.929 --> 0:13:25.829 who's being prank? 0:13:27.030 --> 0:13:31.340 Yes. And I think correct. Yeah, like you know, even 0:13:31.349 --> 0:13:35.260 if that person was standing for example, but if someone 0:13:35.270 --> 0:13:38.199 asked you for something so simple. There's no harm in 0:13:38.210 --> 0:13:40.390 doing it. And I think when you find it a 0:13:40.400 --> 0:13:42.840 chore to do it, you've got some questions to 0:13:42.849 --> 0:13:43.229 ask. 0:13:43.239 --> 0:13:47.090 But what if this partner keeps wanting the other half 0:13:47.099 --> 0:13:50.140 to do something simple every day? She said, can you 0:13:50.150 --> 0:13:51.489 please get me a cup of water? Can you please 0:13:51.500 --> 0:13:53.299 bring me my phone? Can you please do this, do that? 0:13:53.549 --> 0:13:57.369 I mean, at one point also be seen, right? I agree. 0:13:57.380 --> 0:14:00.909 I don't think so. Why if you love the person, 0:14:00.919 --> 0:14:02.739 you know, because my brother used to ask me to 0:14:02.750 --> 0:14:08.728 take things for him, you know, annoying. Ok. I'll give 0:14:08.739 --> 0:14:10.570 you guys some examples and you say like, 0:14:10.909 --> 0:14:13.479 OK, that's very minimum or no, that's kind of sweet. Ok, 0:14:13.489 --> 0:14:15.599 so this person on Reddit said, I mean, this person 0:14:15.609 --> 0:14:18.559 is obviously gay and said that I always hear my 0:14:18.570 --> 0:14:22.099 street friends hyping up the most basic shit that their 0:14:22.109 --> 0:14:25.280 boyfriends do for them. Like for example, he brought me 0:14:25.289 --> 0:14:27.640 a glass of water when I said I was thirsty. 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:32.390 Yeah, I OK, if I were to break that down 0:14:32.400 --> 0:14:35.280 and dissect it, I said I was thirsty. I didn't say, 0:14:35.289 --> 0:14:37.919 can you bring me a glass of water? He inferred 0:14:37.929 --> 0:14:39.809 from the fact that I'm thirsty and bring me a 0:14:39.820 --> 0:14:42.200 glass of water. That's critical thinking. 0:14:42.210 --> 0:14:42.880 No, 0:14:43.080 --> 0:14:45.630 that's bare minimum because now that you broke it down 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:49.619 like that, have they been so disappointing that when they're 0:14:49.630 --> 0:14:53.099 able to think critically we think it's incredible. 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:55.880 No, I beg to defer. I think it's sweet because 0:14:56.750 --> 0:14:59.880 if my other half had told me I'm so thirsty 0:14:59.890 --> 0:15:01.650 right now, would I have said, oh, then go drink 0:15:01.659 --> 0:15:03.950 some water and continue doing my work? Or would I 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:05.549 have gotten him a glass of water? I either get 0:15:05.559 --> 0:15:05.590 it 0:15:05.599 --> 0:15:06.419 or say you want water, 0:15:06.429 --> 0:15:09.070 I think. Oh yeah. But I must ask. Right. But 0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:10.440 he didn't ask. This is what 0:15:11.570 --> 0:15:14.010 sometimes right? I cross check with 0:15:14.789 --> 0:15:17.750 by replacing it with a friend. For example, if I 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:21.260 said I was thirsty, would my friends fetch me water? Yes. 100% correct. 0:15:21.270 --> 0:15:22.609 So are you special? Not really? 0:15:23.030 --> 0:15:26.200 OK. Next one he picked me up for our first 0:15:26.210 --> 0:15:28.500 date and paid the bill. I think the pay the 0:15:28.510 --> 0:15:31.809 bill is OK? But the picking you up that sweet. 0:15:31.969 --> 0:15:35.289 I mean, look the pain, you know, not much to 0:15:35.299 --> 0:15:36.739 shout about paying the bill. Is there a 0:15:36.750 --> 0:15:38.729 difference between bare minimum? 0:15:39.580 --> 0:15:40.609 That's nice. 0:15:41.530 --> 0:15:42.469 And that sweet 0:15:42.599 --> 0:15:44.390 like one tier above the other? 0:15:44.400 --> 0:15:46.559 I think that's nice is in between. OK, 0:15:46.570 --> 0:15:49.369 let's flip it around if we did. What's something that 0:15:49.380 --> 0:15:51.500 a girl could do? That is the bare minimum for 0:15:51.510 --> 0:15:51.940 a guy? 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:52.530 Let 0:15:52.539 --> 0:15:53.469 him game in peace. 0:15:53.479 --> 0:15:57.179 Understand when he needs his bro time. That's the bare minimum. 0:15:57.200 --> 0:15:59.109 Very simple, right? Quite hard. Maybe 0:16:00.130 --> 0:16:04.169 exactly what I was talking about. See if I did that. 0:16:04.179 --> 0:16:04.929 I think that's, 0:16:05.890 --> 0:16:08.890 that's really fucking sweet. Like you want a medal I 0:16:08.900 --> 0:16:12.080 want to go meal. How about like, ok, if your 0:16:12.090 --> 0:16:15.520 boyfriend is tired, right? Or has a headache, you just, like, 0:16:15.530 --> 0:16:18.010 press his head, massage his head a little bit. That's 0:16:18.020 --> 0:16:20.669 the bare minimum, right. That's like water. So, would you 0:16:20.679 --> 0:16:24.210 want them to say like, oh, that's really sweet of you. 0:16:24.219 --> 0:16:25.919 Or would you want them to be like, no, this 0:16:25.929 --> 0:16:29.429 is expected of you. No, of course. You want compliments. Right. Yeah. 0:16:29.440 --> 0:16:31.820 So I do anything. I want compliments what I'm saying, 0:16:34.239 --> 0:16:36.270 just say just what you want to say. 0:16:36.570 --> 0:16:37.099 I 0:16:37.609 --> 0:16:41.539 don't like the word expectations, but I think when you 0:16:41.549 --> 0:16:45.510 start expecting things, that's where a lot of people get 0:16:45.599 --> 0:16:49.989 unhappy with each other because you have expectations of your partner. 0:16:50.159 --> 0:16:52.890 Let's say this person has always been doing something for 0:16:52.900 --> 0:16:54.190 you for a really long time 0:16:55.059 --> 0:16:57.510 or you think it's a bare minimum and thus you 0:16:57.520 --> 0:17:01.130 expect it. But there's a line to the expectation. I 0:17:01.140 --> 0:17:01.789 feel it's 0:17:01.799 --> 0:17:05.089 being very careful to not take it for granted for granted, 0:17:05.099 --> 0:17:08.300 even if it is simple, even if it's the bare minimum, correct, 0:17:08.310 --> 0:17:10.020 not to take it for granted. Grateful 0:17:10.030 --> 0:17:12.890 if you do it. I say thank you. If you don't. Ok, 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:16.670 there's no problem. We've got one here. Ok. This person 0:17:16.680 --> 0:17:19.290 says my current boyfriend and I 0:17:19.588 --> 0:17:23.129 have been dating for over eight months and every time 0:17:23.138 --> 0:17:26.769 we have sex, he makes sure he takes his time, 0:17:26.917 --> 0:17:30.249 puts in the effort to give me a good foreplay 0:17:30.259 --> 0:17:33.667 while treating me with the attention and care I need. 0:17:33.678 --> 0:17:37.148 He doesn't just get down to business like some guys 0:17:37.249 --> 0:17:41.348 and he always makes sure I'm in the mood aka content. 0:17:41.458 --> 0:17:43.088 Is that bare minimum? 0:17:43.489 --> 0:17:45.459 What is the point of this? They're just trying to 0:17:45.469 --> 0:17:48.270 tell us that they are very healthy sex life. I 0:17:48.280 --> 0:17:48.609 think 0:17:48.619 --> 0:17:51.000 she's trying to say that she's been with trash men 0:17:51.160 --> 0:17:53.390