1 00:00:00,009 --> 00:00:02,489 Speaker 1: Hi, Ciso. Hey, Cesura and I'm Tremaine and welcome back 2 00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:05,190 Speaker 1: to another episode of Cle Hash Pods. 3 00:00:06,699 --> 00:00:10,709 Speaker 1: I'm someone who tends to romanticize life a lot. You are. 4 00:00:10,728 --> 00:00:12,869 Speaker 1: Do you know what that is? It's like when a 5 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,630 Speaker 1: guy does something for me, like when he opens the 6 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,558 Speaker 1: door for me, I told you guys this before, when 7 00:00:16,569 --> 00:00:18,440 Speaker 1: I was 14 and a guy opened the door for me. 8 00:00:18,799 --> 00:00:21,029 Speaker 1: I fell in love and I love this guy for 9 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:24,530 Speaker 1: like one year. But apparently some people would now scold 10 00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:24,639 Speaker 1: me 11 00:00:24,729 --> 00:00:28,149 Speaker 1: and say, how can you reward the bare minimum? Like 12 00:00:28,159 --> 00:00:30,569 Speaker 1: it's his job to open the door for a girl. 13 00:00:30,579 --> 00:00:34,278 Speaker 1: It's what's expected of like a gentleman or that's what 14 00:00:34,290 --> 00:00:36,680 Speaker 1: they say, right? And I think I tend to romanticize 15 00:00:36,689 --> 00:00:38,430 Speaker 1: it a bit too much. But here's what I think 16 00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,799 Speaker 1: this is what the movies have been teaching us, right? 17 00:00:40,810 --> 00:00:42,668 Speaker 1: Dramas have been teaching us. But 18 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:46,138 Speaker 1: when it comes to like actual life, how many people 19 00:00:46,319 --> 00:00:49,650 Speaker 1: actually open the doors for women? Fight someone fall. 20 00:00:49,740 --> 00:00:50,119 Speaker 2: Why 21 00:00:50,130 --> 00:00:52,220 Speaker 1: for not opening the door for you? No, 22 00:00:52,250 --> 00:00:56,729 Speaker 2: because the person was like, you can't expect reality to 23 00:00:56,740 --> 00:00:59,099 Speaker 2: be like the movies. And I was like, why 24 00:00:59,110 --> 00:00:59,759 Speaker 2: not 25 00:00:59,770 --> 00:01:01,258 Speaker 1: a zero delusional go. That's 26 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:02,659 Speaker 1: no. 27 00:01:02,669 --> 00:01:05,699 Speaker 2: But actually though, like, ok, I'm not saying like, you know, 28 00:01:06,220 --> 00:01:09,378 Speaker 2: run to each other in the rain or whatever, but 29 00:01:09,389 --> 00:01:13,220 Speaker 2: certain things, I don't think they're wrong for you to 30 00:01:13,230 --> 00:01:14,029 Speaker 2: want them. Ok. 31 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:14,180 Speaker 1: So 32 00:01:14,190 --> 00:01:16,848 Speaker 1: this is exactly what we're going to discuss today. Ok. 33 00:01:17,209 --> 00:01:20,069 Speaker 1: What is the lulu in this society? Is the, 34 00:01:21,785 --> 00:01:24,455 Speaker 1: yeah, are we expecting too much or are we just 35 00:01:24,464 --> 00:01:28,294 Speaker 1: barely hitting the bare minimum? Absolutely. So this idea of 36 00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:31,495 Speaker 1: a bare minimum relationship, right? Or actions that are the 37 00:01:31,504 --> 00:01:33,974 Speaker 1: bare minimum? What does that mean to you? Girls barely 38 00:01:33,985 --> 00:01:36,614 Speaker 1: showing up only doing like 39 00:01:37,309 --> 00:01:43,190 Speaker 1: what's minimally expected of this person? Not going past this 40 00:01:43,199 --> 00:01:46,230 Speaker 1: mark to deliver something more, not going the extra mile 41 00:01:46,389 --> 00:01:49,779 Speaker 1: to show love to show care, concern, appreciation. So the 42 00:01:49,790 --> 00:01:52,069 Speaker 1: bare minimum is this is this spot where 43 00:01:53,099 --> 00:01:56,519 Speaker 1: this person doesn't do anything that causes a breakup. It's 44 00:01:56,529 --> 00:01:58,980 Speaker 1: not like they cheat on you, correct? Or they hit 45 00:01:58,989 --> 00:02:02,599 Speaker 1: you leave. But do you have any reason to stay? Actually, 46 00:02:04,430 --> 00:02:07,419 Speaker 1: there's this therapist, her name is Israel Nasir. She says 47 00:02:07,430 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 1: a bare minimum relationship signifies the lack of effort, emotional and, 48 00:02:13,413 --> 00:02:16,485 Speaker 1: or commitment in the relationship and your partner is just 49 00:02:16,494 --> 00:02:19,164 Speaker 1: doing enough to say I did it what? There's nothing 50 00:02:19,175 --> 00:02:22,484 Speaker 1: wrong I did it. I was a boyfriend but like 51 00:02:22,494 --> 00:02:25,645 Speaker 1: Hazy said, what's making you stay right? You know, 52 00:02:25,654 --> 00:02:31,244 Speaker 2: sometimes people cite examples of bein like opening doors. Like 53 00:02:31,255 --> 00:02:32,043 Speaker 2: what else? 54 00:02:33,190 --> 00:02:34,970 Speaker 1: If it's a B we know we should be able 55 00:02:34,979 --> 00:02:36,149 Speaker 1: to come up with some examples quick. 56 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,978 Speaker 2: Correct, correct, correct, replying to you whenever they can. That's 57 00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:45,619 Speaker 2: calling you ever so often. Good morning text example. I 58 00:02:45,630 --> 00:02:48,490 Speaker 2: think when people cite these examples, some people are not 59 00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:51,809 Speaker 2: too happy because they think, oh, you know, you're being superficial, 60 00:02:51,820 --> 00:02:54,410 Speaker 2: you're being demanding, you're asking for all these things. But 61 00:02:54,419 --> 00:02:56,690 Speaker 2: I think what someone is trying to say, they're trying 62 00:02:56,699 --> 00:03:00,460 Speaker 2: to articulate what they can't in theory and that's why 63 00:03:00,470 --> 00:03:02,859 Speaker 2: it's being given as these examples. You know what I mean? 64 00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:05,330 Speaker 2: Like, ok, let me give you an example for myself. Right. 65 00:03:05,479 --> 00:03:08,168 Speaker 2: It's not about the actions, you know what I mean? Like, 66 00:03:08,460 --> 00:03:10,729 Speaker 2: if you made up for it in some other way, 67 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:12,589 Speaker 2: I don't care whether you open the door or not. 68 00:03:12,699 --> 00:03:15,130 Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Yeah. And I think I 69 00:03:15,139 --> 00:03:17,490 Speaker 2: saw this thing very recently and I agreed with it, 70 00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:20,820 Speaker 2: which was, I think you want a love that loves 71 00:03:20,830 --> 00:03:24,130 Speaker 2: you when it's inconvenient and not just when it's convenient. 72 00:03:24,139 --> 00:03:27,850 Speaker 1: True. Yeah. So if you girls ever been in a relationship, 73 00:03:27,860 --> 00:03:30,229 Speaker 1: then after a while it kind of gets stagnant and 74 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:30,910 Speaker 1: then you're like, 75 00:03:31,330 --> 00:03:33,508 Speaker 1: is he just doing the bare minimum? 76 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:34,389 Speaker 2: Would you say 77 00:03:34,399 --> 00:03:38,429 Speaker 2: that doing the bare minimum is almost similar to breadcrumb 78 00:03:38,490 --> 00:03:41,070 Speaker 2: where they're just giving you enough to keep you around? 79 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:41,490 Speaker 1: That's 80 00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:45,460 Speaker 1: an interesting thought. Perhaps it's something I think it might 81 00:03:45,470 --> 00:03:48,229 Speaker 1: not even be like a relationship, like boyfriend, girlfriend. It 82 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:49,949 Speaker 1: could just be someone that you're interested in 83 00:03:50,270 --> 00:03:53,399 Speaker 1: and they are just doing the bare minimum to keep 84 00:03:53,410 --> 00:03:56,160 Speaker 1: you interested. Yeah. Like, situationships. I like a lot of 85 00:03:56,169 --> 00:04:00,169 Speaker 1: situationships are like bare minimum minimum and then that's why 86 00:04:00,179 --> 00:04:02,770 Speaker 1: they don't make it to the next phase. Right. I 87 00:04:02,779 --> 00:04:05,330 Speaker 1: would like to think that thankfully in my recent relations 88 00:04:05,585 --> 00:04:08,464 Speaker 1: I've never experienced one that is like the bare minimum actually. 89 00:04:08,475 --> 00:04:11,024 Speaker 1: Me too. Yeah, I think because we just keep picking 90 00:04:11,035 --> 00:04:12,875 Speaker 1: people that are more and more right for us as 91 00:04:12,884 --> 00:04:14,375 Speaker 1: time pass by. So 92 00:04:14,384 --> 00:04:17,575 Speaker 2: thankfully, I don't think I have a bare minimum experience 93 00:04:17,584 --> 00:04:19,325 Speaker 2: and below minimum have below 94 00:04:21,558 --> 00:04:22,519 Speaker 1: negative, 95 00:04:22,628 --> 00:04:25,618 Speaker 2: negative, low minimum is like, cannot even smile when they 96 00:04:25,628 --> 00:04:28,118 Speaker 2: see you go so miserable or not 97 00:04:29,088 --> 00:04:32,549 Speaker 1: while you are in a relationship. Yeah. I don't understand. 98 00:04:34,088 --> 00:04:35,278 Speaker 1: That's quite bad. Who, 99 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:36,508 Speaker 1: who 100 00:04:36,588 --> 00:04:36,989 Speaker 2: else? 101 00:04:38,369 --> 00:04:41,230 Speaker 1: That's quite bad. Yeah. I mean, at that point you 102 00:04:41,238 --> 00:04:44,118 Speaker 1: already know it's a no go, it's the bare minimum 103 00:04:44,130 --> 00:04:47,269 Speaker 1: when it's, like, actually got nothing wrong. You got nothing wrong. 104 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:49,428 Speaker 1: When do you say? You know what, I'm going to 105 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,109 Speaker 1: cut this off and find something better. It's very hard. 106 00:04:52,119 --> 00:04:54,428 Speaker 1: There's no, nothing to tell you. Like it's time to 107 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,019 Speaker 1: end it, especially for a lot of people, right? When 108 00:04:57,029 --> 00:05:00,450 Speaker 1: it's past the dating phase you are into like the marriage, 109 00:05:00,660 --> 00:05:03,829 Speaker 1: my God. It even harder to cut all ties and 110 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,670 Speaker 1: go back. Right and say no, I have a friend 111 00:05:06,980 --> 00:05:10,170 Speaker 1: she used to date someone who would like game all 112 00:05:10,178 --> 00:05:14,850 Speaker 1: the time. They cohabitate but there's no connection. Like when 113 00:05:14,859 --> 00:05:17,070 Speaker 1: they go home, they just, each of their phones, they 114 00:05:17,079 --> 00:05:20,219 Speaker 1: don't talk when they eat together, they're still scrolling their phones. 115 00:05:20,230 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 1: And I think this is a relationship that is even 116 00:05:22,769 --> 00:05:24,700 Speaker 1: lower than the bare minimum. Don't you think 117 00:05:24,738 --> 00:05:24,909 Speaker 2: it 118 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,839 Speaker 2: makes you think? Do you genuinely enjoy each other or 119 00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:29,659 Speaker 2: do you just not want to be lonely? I think 120 00:05:29,670 --> 00:05:30,070 Speaker 1: that's a great 121 00:05:30,154 --> 00:05:32,225 Speaker 1: example that you brought up, right? If you're thinking now 122 00:05:32,234 --> 00:05:35,034 Speaker 1: and you're reflecting on your own relationship and you're saying 123 00:05:35,045 --> 00:05:37,505 Speaker 1: to yourself is this bare minimum? Some of the signs 124 00:05:37,515 --> 00:05:40,575 Speaker 1: would be. Where was your last date night? Do you remember? 125 00:05:40,765 --> 00:05:44,024 Speaker 1: There's no planning, there's no effort to treat each other. 126 00:05:44,035 --> 00:05:47,005 Speaker 1: Take each other out on dates. There's no emotional support. 127 00:05:47,015 --> 00:05:49,695 Speaker 1: Like you guys don't talk to each other when you're upset, 128 00:05:49,704 --> 00:05:51,724 Speaker 1: you talk to your friends so you talk to other people. 129 00:05:51,734 --> 00:05:52,695 Speaker 1: There's a huge, 130 00:05:54,690 --> 00:05:57,839 Speaker 1: there is no wrong in talking to your friends, but 131 00:05:57,850 --> 00:05:59,428 Speaker 1: you also have to speak to your partner about it. 132 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:02,299 Speaker 1: That's true. Or you just don't ever fight at all. 133 00:06:02,309 --> 00:06:05,399 Speaker 1: You just completely avoid conflict because you don't want to 134 00:06:05,410 --> 00:06:10,589 Speaker 1: have difficult conversations. Tough conversations are a must. Yes. And 135 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:13,420 Speaker 1: if the person is not showing interest in your life, 136 00:06:13,428 --> 00:06:16,429 Speaker 1: your hobby, your job, your friends, I think there's also 137 00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:19,695 Speaker 1: a red flag. That's true. Yeah, I, I have a 138 00:06:19,704 --> 00:06:23,404 Speaker 1: friend who, towards the end of their relationship was doing 139 00:06:23,415 --> 00:06:26,885 Speaker 1: very well in, in, like, career wise. Right. And would 140 00:06:26,894 --> 00:06:28,595 Speaker 1: go and tell the partner, like, you know, I got 141 00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:30,464 Speaker 1: this job, I got this, I got this and the 142 00:06:30,475 --> 00:06:35,045 Speaker 1: partner was very disinterested or because he's jealous, something like that. 143 00:06:35,053 --> 00:06:37,765 Speaker 1: I guess, of this person, you know, being more in 144 00:06:37,774 --> 00:06:41,165 Speaker 1: the spotlight, getting more attention and the partner just could 145 00:06:41,174 --> 00:06:42,595 Speaker 1: not be happy for 146 00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:46,380 Speaker 1: my friend. I don't get that. Like, I just don't 147 00:06:46,390 --> 00:06:48,529 Speaker 1: get no. But that comes from inner hood. It comes 148 00:06:48,540 --> 00:06:51,040 Speaker 1: from inner, like, trauma. It doesn't come from, you know, 149 00:06:51,049 --> 00:06:53,640 Speaker 1: wanting to be a bad person. It's a self projection. 150 00:06:53,730 --> 00:06:56,260 Speaker 1: It's a self projection. Exactly. So all these are, I 151 00:06:56,269 --> 00:06:59,709 Speaker 1: think signs of a bare minimum relationship. Speaking of that example, 152 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,359 Speaker 1: I have a friend in the industry as well. She's 153 00:07:01,369 --> 00:07:03,500 Speaker 1: once shared with me that she told her partner, like, 154 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:05,160 Speaker 1: you know, how much she earns and she's getting better 155 00:07:05,170 --> 00:07:08,839 Speaker 1: and better. Right? Her partner had actually said, what can 156 00:07:08,850 --> 00:07:10,660 Speaker 1: I do to better myself so that I can be 157 00:07:10,670 --> 00:07:11,559 Speaker 1: on par with you? 158 00:07:11,859 --> 00:07:14,130 Speaker 1: No, I think that's a healthy way of looking at 159 00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 1: it maybe by thinking that you can't actually start earning 160 00:07:17,450 --> 00:07:19,600 Speaker 1: more income. But by thinking that you can actually start 161 00:07:19,609 --> 00:07:22,519 Speaker 1: taking steps to actualize that. Right. 162 00:07:22,540 --> 00:07:22,940 Speaker 2: It's 163 00:07:22,950 --> 00:07:26,190 Speaker 2: like I'm happy for you and I'm inspired by you 164 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,250 Speaker 2: and I want to work as hard as you do too. 165 00:07:28,260 --> 00:07:29,799 Speaker 2: That's what it sounds like to me, correct. 166 00:07:29,809 --> 00:07:31,130 Speaker 1: The ego does not stop here, 167 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:34,464 Speaker 1: you know, as a male to recognize that the woman 168 00:07:34,475 --> 00:07:37,105 Speaker 1: is doing better than him and he, he wants to 169 00:07:37,114 --> 00:07:37,714 Speaker 1: do better. 170 00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:38,035 Speaker 2: I 171 00:07:38,045 --> 00:07:42,075 Speaker 2: saw this video recently and it said that if someone 172 00:07:42,084 --> 00:07:45,825 Speaker 2: told you, oh, you're just like your partner, would that 173 00:07:45,834 --> 00:07:48,595 Speaker 2: make you feel offended or would that make you feel 174 00:07:48,605 --> 00:07:49,964 Speaker 2: proud of the person that they are? 175 00:07:52,484 --> 00:07:54,355 Speaker 1: If you feel offended, then maybe it's a sign that 176 00:07:54,364 --> 00:07:57,075 Speaker 1: this partner really isn't for you. But if you feel proud, 177 00:07:57,125 --> 00:07:58,114 Speaker 1: they say, hey, 178 00:07:58,790 --> 00:08:01,070 Speaker 2: if someone says that you are like that person, how 179 00:08:01,079 --> 00:08:02,160 Speaker 2: would that make you feel good? 180 00:08:02,170 --> 00:08:02,709 Speaker 1: This 181 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:06,209 Speaker 1: is very interesting perspective. Have you girls heard of the 182 00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:10,480 Speaker 1: orange peel theory? I think it's stupid. You think theory? Ok. 183 00:08:10,489 --> 00:08:13,940 Speaker 1: Let me explain. So is this trend on tiktok whereby 184 00:08:13,950 --> 00:08:17,279 Speaker 1: this wife got her husband to peel an orange for 185 00:08:17,290 --> 00:08:21,079 Speaker 1: her and the husband willingly did? So by doing that, 186 00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:24,679 Speaker 1: it proves that the husband loves her. It's a bare minimum. 187 00:08:24,690 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 1: It's like a test. No. Ok. I don't think it's 188 00:08:27,609 --> 00:08:29,779 Speaker 1: the bare minimum. Some people just don't like to get 189 00:08:29,790 --> 00:08:32,679 Speaker 1: their hands dirty and peel like prawns, peel oranges. I 190 00:08:32,690 --> 00:08:35,880 Speaker 1: think it's fine. But why are you testing your partner 191 00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:39,059 Speaker 1: with an orange? No, because you can jolly. Well, do 192 00:08:39,070 --> 00:08:42,039 Speaker 1: so yourself. And your partner knows that. But by doing 193 00:08:42,049 --> 00:08:45,260 Speaker 1: it for you, he's saving you the inconvenience and that's 194 00:08:45,270 --> 00:08:47,530 Speaker 1: why it shows that he loves you. That's the point 195 00:08:47,539 --> 00:08:49,530 Speaker 1: of this theory? Ok. Well, 196 00:08:51,409 --> 00:08:54,390 Speaker 1: I think there are other more relevant ways to, you know, 197 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:57,239 Speaker 1: see if your partner really loves you. Tell us one, 198 00:08:57,250 --> 00:09:00,849 Speaker 1: we trend it just in your everyday life, right? Do 199 00:09:00,859 --> 00:09:05,679 Speaker 1: they plan dates? Like, do they take the initiative to achieve? Well, 200 00:09:05,690 --> 00:09:08,409 Speaker 1: like what is your love language? Do they pander to that? 201 00:09:08,419 --> 00:09:11,069 Speaker 1: Do you communicate about that? Just things like that? But 202 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,929 Speaker 1: an orange, I mean, yeah, I get the logic. If 203 00:09:13,940 --> 00:09:15,809 Speaker 1: you do give them an orange and you say, can 204 00:09:15,820 --> 00:09:17,309 Speaker 1: you please peel this for me? 205 00:09:17,809 --> 00:09:20,539 Speaker 1: They should say yes. And if they peel it for you, 206 00:09:20,549 --> 00:09:22,390 Speaker 1: a lot of girls see this as a sign as, oh, 207 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,468 Speaker 1: this person is so sweet. This was actually what happened 208 00:09:25,479 --> 00:09:28,179 Speaker 1: in the comment section. A lot of comments started coming 209 00:09:28,190 --> 00:09:30,030 Speaker 1: in praising the man saying, what do I find a 210 00:09:30,039 --> 00:09:32,719 Speaker 1: husband like that? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And 211 00:09:32,729 --> 00:09:35,489 Speaker 1: then this went viral because a lot of other comments 212 00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:39,669 Speaker 1: were like flaming these comments for complimenting the minimum. 213 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:40,819 Speaker 2: Exactly. OK. I'll 214 00:09:40,919 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 2: I tell you why. I think it's bare minimum because 215 00:09:43,010 --> 00:09:45,880 Speaker 2: it's things like that, right? That let's say we're not 216 00:09:45,890 --> 00:09:47,780 Speaker 2: talking about things that you don't want to do. But 217 00:09:47,789 --> 00:09:51,179 Speaker 2: if it's a simple thing that costs you nothing but 218 00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:54,280 Speaker 2: your partner wants it, I think it should be quite 219 00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:56,559 Speaker 2: easy for you to do it. So this should want 220 00:09:56,570 --> 00:09:56,869 Speaker 2: to do 221 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:57,049 Speaker 2: it. 222 00:09:57,059 --> 00:09:59,608 Speaker 1: This is where when I was, you know, trying to 223 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:03,020 Speaker 1: absorb this whole episode today, right. That I really need 224 00:10:03,030 --> 00:10:05,020 Speaker 1: to put my foot down. I think that 225 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,858 Speaker 1: even though it's a very easy thing for your partner 226 00:10:07,869 --> 00:10:11,260 Speaker 1: to do, it doesn't hurt to show them appreciation for it. 227 00:10:11,270 --> 00:10:13,979 Speaker 1: Even though it's expected of you, it doesn't hurt to 228 00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:16,849 Speaker 1: show them love and say, thank you, for example, right 229 00:10:16,859 --> 00:10:20,179 Speaker 1: at your job, what you're doing right now is your job. 230 00:10:20,190 --> 00:10:22,119 Speaker 1: But if your boss every day look at you right? 231 00:10:22,130 --> 00:10:24,030 Speaker 1: It just, this is your job but I shouldn't. Thank you. 232 00:10:24,039 --> 00:10:27,359 Speaker 1: Why should I show you appreciation? That sucks. That feeling 233 00:10:27,369 --> 00:10:30,289 Speaker 1: just sucks. So say even more so with the relationship, 234 00:10:30,299 --> 00:10:33,619 Speaker 1: even though it's simple, things like peeling prows opening the door, 235 00:10:33,724 --> 00:10:37,534 Speaker 1: hold your back for you just show appreciation even if 236 00:10:37,544 --> 00:10:40,054 Speaker 1: it's the bare minimum. I agree. I always want to 237 00:10:40,065 --> 00:10:42,335 Speaker 1: say thank you and not to be for granted because 238 00:10:42,344 --> 00:10:44,744 Speaker 1: you never know some guys out there who never do it, 239 00:10:44,755 --> 00:10:47,784 Speaker 1: but your partner would. Yeah. And I saw this interview 240 00:10:47,794 --> 00:10:51,924 Speaker 1: where Katy Perry said that her love language is her 241 00:10:51,934 --> 00:10:55,184 Speaker 1: partner doing the dishes because she really hates it. So 242 00:10:55,195 --> 00:10:57,585 Speaker 1: if she could find a partner who do a dishes, 243 00:10:57,594 --> 00:11:00,603 Speaker 1: she said a sentence, just do the fucking dishes. I 244 00:11:00,614 --> 00:11:01,635 Speaker 1: will suck your date 245 00:11:02,630 --> 00:11:05,429 Speaker 1: and like the comments came in like, whoa, I think 246 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:08,739 Speaker 1: a lot of people would do the dishes for her. Actually, 247 00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:11,079 Speaker 1: one comment said I want to do the dishes. Nothing happened. 248 00:11:12,849 --> 00:11:14,228 Speaker 1: I mean, some people kind of 249 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,280 Speaker 1: didn't really like that. She said that they just felt 250 00:11:17,289 --> 00:11:21,939 Speaker 1: that why are you offering up your body for someone 251 00:11:21,950 --> 00:11:24,039 Speaker 1: doing the dishes for you? But maybe she just feels 252 00:11:24,049 --> 00:11:25,799 Speaker 1: like it's a very sweet gesture of a partner to 253 00:11:25,809 --> 00:11:29,108 Speaker 1: do so. Yeah. Good for Orlando Bloom. I mean, like, 254 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:34,289 Speaker 2: I think what goes behind that is that you just 255 00:11:34,299 --> 00:11:37,489 Speaker 2: want to make things a little bit easier for your partner. Like, 256 00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:40,210 Speaker 2: if I don't mind doing it and if you hate 257 00:11:40,219 --> 00:11:43,900 Speaker 2: it to record of, I do, you know. Yeah, 258 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,400 Speaker 1: I think I would love to see. Right. I mean, 259 00:11:46,409 --> 00:11:48,659 Speaker 1: if you're listening right now to hush, what are your 260 00:11:48,679 --> 00:11:52,690 Speaker 1: experiences of a bare minimum relationship? There's this one that 261 00:11:52,700 --> 00:11:54,989 Speaker 1: we saw on Reddit, basically a girl was on a, 262 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,150 Speaker 1: she's doing work from home and she's on a Zoom 263 00:11:57,159 --> 00:12:00,039 Speaker 1: call and her husband brought her a cup of coffee. Ok. 264 00:12:00,049 --> 00:12:02,859 Speaker 1: And then her colleagues were like, oh my God, like 265 00:12:02,869 --> 00:12:05,809 Speaker 1: he loves you so much like, wow. You know, you 266 00:12:05,820 --> 00:12:07,419 Speaker 1: got him whipped and stuff like that. 267 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:11,320 Speaker 1: And she was like, it's just a cup of coffee. Ok. 268 00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:13,799 Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm crazy but I think it's sweet. 269 00:12:13,809 --> 00:12:14,489 Speaker 1: I think it's super 270 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:18,200 Speaker 2: sweet. I think it's the thought that you're working. I 271 00:12:18,210 --> 00:12:21,349 Speaker 2: think you might need something. Yeah. So for me it's 272 00:12:21,359 --> 00:12:23,809 Speaker 2: not the action but as the thought behind that, 273 00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:25,030 Speaker 1: but is it the bare minimum. 274 00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:28,059 Speaker 1: I don't know about this because rose reverse. Would you 275 00:12:28,070 --> 00:12:30,039 Speaker 1: do the same for the partner? Like, would you think 276 00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:31,880 Speaker 1: about a, he's on a meeting now? Let me get 277 00:12:31,890 --> 00:12:34,650 Speaker 1: him a cup of coffee. Sometimes he doesn't come so 278 00:12:34,659 --> 00:12:39,200 Speaker 1: naturally to us everyone's, everyone's different. Yeah. The fact that 279 00:12:39,210 --> 00:12:40,909 Speaker 1: he thought about that, I think that's super sweet. I 280 00:12:40,919 --> 00:12:42,669 Speaker 1: think it's very sweet. I think it is slightly above 281 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,559 Speaker 1: the bare, you know, I think it's I think you 282 00:12:44,570 --> 00:12:46,000 Speaker 1: can expect this from every 283 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:46,718 Speaker 1: men. You know, I 284 00:12:46,729 --> 00:12:47,640 Speaker 1: appreciate the 285 00:12:47,690 --> 00:12:49,679 Speaker 2: thought, you know, any action. I don't care what the 286 00:12:49,690 --> 00:12:50,010 Speaker 2: action 287 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:50,468 Speaker 2: is 288 00:12:50,650 --> 00:12:53,479 Speaker 1: about. The Lulu in this day and age. Sometimes I 289 00:12:53,489 --> 00:12:54,348 Speaker 1: find it really rare 290 00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:55,390 Speaker 2: talking 291 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:58,299 Speaker 2: about this coffee thing, right? I saw this video of 292 00:12:58,309 --> 00:13:02,760 Speaker 2: this couple who were at the guy's parents house. So 293 00:13:02,770 --> 00:13:05,270 Speaker 2: the father was there and then she was sitting there 294 00:13:05,419 --> 00:13:06,150 Speaker 2: and then 295 00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:08,199 Speaker 2: he had come back I think and then she said, 296 00:13:08,210 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 2: can you get me water? It was a prank. So 297 00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:12,960 Speaker 2: he said no, go get it yourself. His father went 298 00:13:12,969 --> 00:13:16,319 Speaker 2: mad like just go and get it for her. Like 299 00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:19,140 Speaker 2: what on earth are you on about? And he was like, no, 300 00:13:19,190 --> 00:13:21,369 Speaker 2: you are standing right there, go get it yourself. So 301 00:13:21,390 --> 00:13:24,739 Speaker 1: they are trying to prank the father. Yes. Oh my God, 302 00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:25,829 Speaker 1: who's being prank? 303 00:13:27,030 --> 00:13:31,340 Speaker 2: Yes. And I think correct. Yeah, like you know, even 304 00:13:31,349 --> 00:13:35,260 Speaker 2: if that person was standing for example, but if someone 305 00:13:35,270 --> 00:13:38,199 Speaker 2: asked you for something so simple. There's no harm in 306 00:13:38,210 --> 00:13:40,390 Speaker 2: doing it. And I think when you find it a 307 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,840 Speaker 2: chore to do it, you've got some questions to 308 00:13:42,849 --> 00:13:43,229 Speaker 2: ask. 309 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:47,090 Speaker 1: But what if this partner keeps wanting the other half 310 00:13:47,099 --> 00:13:50,140 Speaker 1: to do something simple every day? She said, can you 311 00:13:50,150 --> 00:13:51,489 Speaker 1: please get me a cup of water? Can you please 312 00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:53,299 Speaker 1: bring me my phone? Can you please do this, do that? 313 00:13:53,549 --> 00:13:57,369 Speaker 1: I mean, at one point also be seen, right? I agree. 314 00:13:57,380 --> 00:14:00,909 Speaker 1: I don't think so. Why if you love the person, 315 00:14:00,919 --> 00:14:02,739 Speaker 1: you know, because my brother used to ask me to 316 00:14:02,750 --> 00:14:08,728 Speaker 1: take things for him, you know, annoying. Ok. I'll give 317 00:14:08,739 --> 00:14:10,570 Speaker 1: you guys some examples and you say like, 318 00:14:10,909 --> 00:14:13,479 Speaker 1: OK, that's very minimum or no, that's kind of sweet. Ok, 319 00:14:13,489 --> 00:14:15,599 Speaker 1: so this person on Reddit said, I mean, this person 320 00:14:15,609 --> 00:14:18,559 Speaker 1: is obviously gay and said that I always hear my 321 00:14:18,570 --> 00:14:22,099 Speaker 1: street friends hyping up the most basic shit that their 322 00:14:22,109 --> 00:14:25,280 Speaker 1: boyfriends do for them. Like for example, he brought me 323 00:14:25,289 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 1: a glass of water when I said I was thirsty. 324 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:32,390 Speaker 1: Yeah, I OK, if I were to break that down 325 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,280 Speaker 1: and dissect it, I said I was thirsty. I didn't say, 326 00:14:35,289 --> 00:14:37,919 Speaker 1: can you bring me a glass of water? He inferred 327 00:14:37,929 --> 00:14:39,809 Speaker 1: from the fact that I'm thirsty and bring me a 328 00:14:39,820 --> 00:14:42,200 Speaker 1: glass of water. That's critical thinking. 329 00:14:42,210 --> 00:14:42,880 Speaker 2: No, 330 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,630 Speaker 2: that's bare minimum because now that you broke it down 331 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:49,619 Speaker 2: like that, have they been so disappointing that when they're 332 00:14:49,630 --> 00:14:53,099 Speaker 2: able to think critically we think it's incredible. 333 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,880 Speaker 1: No, I beg to defer. I think it's sweet because 334 00:14:56,750 --> 00:14:59,880 Speaker 1: if my other half had told me I'm so thirsty 335 00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:01,650 Speaker 1: right now, would I have said, oh, then go drink 336 00:15:01,659 --> 00:15:03,950 Speaker 1: some water and continue doing my work? Or would I 337 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,549 Speaker 1: have gotten him a glass of water? I either get 338 00:15:05,559 --> 00:15:05,590 Speaker 1: it 339 00:15:05,599 --> 00:15:06,419 Speaker 2: or say you want water, 340 00:15:06,429 --> 00:15:09,070 Speaker 1: I think. Oh yeah. But I must ask. Right. But 341 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,440 Speaker 1: he didn't ask. This is what 342 00:15:11,570 --> 00:15:14,010 Speaker 2: sometimes right? I cross check with 343 00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:17,750 Speaker 2: by replacing it with a friend. For example, if I 344 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:21,260 Speaker 2: said I was thirsty, would my friends fetch me water? Yes. 100% correct. 345 00:15:21,270 --> 00:15:22,609 Speaker 2: So are you special? Not really? 346 00:15:23,030 --> 00:15:26,200 Speaker 1: OK. Next one he picked me up for our first 347 00:15:26,210 --> 00:15:28,500 Speaker 1: date and paid the bill. I think the pay the 348 00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:31,809 Speaker 1: bill is OK? But the picking you up that sweet. 349 00:15:31,969 --> 00:15:35,289 Speaker 1: I mean, look the pain, you know, not much to 350 00:15:35,299 --> 00:15:36,739 Speaker 1: shout about paying the bill. Is there a 351 00:15:36,750 --> 00:15:38,729 Speaker 2: difference between bare minimum? 352 00:15:39,580 --> 00:15:40,609 Speaker 2: That's nice. 353 00:15:41,530 --> 00:15:42,469 Speaker 2: And that sweet 354 00:15:42,599 --> 00:15:44,390 Speaker 1: like one tier above the other? 355 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,559 Speaker 2: I think that's nice is in between. OK, 356 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:49,369 Speaker 1: let's flip it around if we did. What's something that 357 00:15:49,380 --> 00:15:51,500 Speaker 1: a girl could do? That is the bare minimum for 358 00:15:51,510 --> 00:15:51,940 Speaker 1: a guy? 359 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:52,530 Speaker 2: Let 360 00:15:52,539 --> 00:15:53,469 Speaker 2: him game in peace. 361 00:15:53,479 --> 00:15:57,179 Speaker 1: Understand when he needs his bro time. That's the bare minimum. 362 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,109 Speaker 1: Very simple, right? Quite hard. Maybe 363 00:16:00,130 --> 00:16:04,169 Speaker 1: exactly what I was talking about. See if I did that. 364 00:16:04,179 --> 00:16:04,929 Speaker 1: I think that's, 365 00:16:05,890 --> 00:16:08,890 Speaker 1: that's really fucking sweet. Like you want a medal I 366 00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 1: want to go meal. How about like, ok, if your 367 00:16:12,090 --> 00:16:15,520 Speaker 1: boyfriend is tired, right? Or has a headache, you just, like, 368 00:16:15,530 --> 00:16:18,010 Speaker 1: press his head, massage his head a little bit. That's 369 00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:20,669 Speaker 1: the bare minimum, right. That's like water. So, would you 370 00:16:20,679 --> 00:16:24,210 Speaker 1: want them to say like, oh, that's really sweet of you. 371 00:16:24,219 --> 00:16:25,919 Speaker 1: Or would you want them to be like, no, this 372 00:16:25,929 --> 00:16:29,429 Speaker 1: is expected of you. No, of course. You want compliments. Right. Yeah. 373 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,820 Speaker 1: So I do anything. I want compliments what I'm saying, 374 00:16:34,239 --> 00:16:36,270 Speaker 1: just say just what you want to say. 375 00:16:36,570 --> 00:16:37,099 Speaker 2: I 376 00:16:37,609 --> 00:16:41,539 Speaker 2: don't like the word expectations, but I think when you 377 00:16:41,549 --> 00:16:45,510 Speaker 2: start expecting things, that's where a lot of people get 378 00:16:45,599 --> 00:16:49,989 Speaker 2: unhappy with each other because you have expectations of your partner. 379 00:16:50,159 --> 00:16:52,890 Speaker 2: Let's say this person has always been doing something for 380 00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:54,190 Speaker 2: you for a really long time 381 00:16:55,059 --> 00:16:57,510 Speaker 2: or you think it's a bare minimum and thus you 382 00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:01,130 Speaker 2: expect it. But there's a line to the expectation. I 383 00:17:01,140 --> 00:17:01,789 Speaker 2: feel it's 384 00:17:01,799 --> 00:17:05,089 Speaker 1: being very careful to not take it for granted for granted, 385 00:17:05,099 --> 00:17:08,300 Speaker 1: even if it is simple, even if it's the bare minimum, correct, 386 00:17:08,310 --> 00:17:10,020 Speaker 1: not to take it for granted. Grateful 387 00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:12,890 Speaker 2: if you do it. I say thank you. If you don't. Ok, 388 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,670 Speaker 2: there's no problem. We've got one here. Ok. This person 389 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:19,290 Speaker 2: says my current boyfriend and I 390 00:17:19,588 --> 00:17:23,129 Speaker 2: have been dating for over eight months and every time 391 00:17:23,138 --> 00:17:26,769 Speaker 2: we have sex, he makes sure he takes his time, 392 00:17:26,917 --> 00:17:30,249 Speaker 2: puts in the effort to give me a good foreplay 393 00:17:30,259 --> 00:17:33,667 Speaker 2: while treating me with the attention and care I need. 394 00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:37,148 Speaker 2: He doesn't just get down to business like some guys 395 00:17:37,249 --> 00:17:41,348 Speaker 2: and he always makes sure I'm in the mood aka content. 396 00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:43,088 Speaker 2: Is that bare minimum? 397 00:17:43,489 --> 00:17:45,459 Speaker 1: What is the point of this? They're just trying to 398 00:17:45,469 --> 00:17:48,270 Speaker 1: tell us that they are very healthy sex life. I 399 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:48,609 Speaker 2: think 400 00:17:48,619 --> 00:17:51,000 Speaker 2: she's trying to say that she's been with trash men 401 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:53,390 Speaker 2: who are there just, just 402 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,670 Speaker 1: getting down to business right away, which is taking 403 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:59,550 Speaker 2: pleasure for themselves and not thinking of you 404 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:00,239 Speaker 1: not taking to a 405 00:18:00,354 --> 00:18:05,323 Speaker 1: how the lady feels. Well, that's sweet. But I feel 406 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,534 Speaker 1: like in every healthy relationship 407 00:18:08,015 --> 00:18:08,425 Speaker 2: minimum. Yeah, 408 00:18:08,625 --> 00:18:10,275 Speaker 2: because it's about thinking of you. 409 00:18:10,285 --> 00:18:14,844 Speaker 1: That's true. Yeah. I wouldn't be like, oh, that's so sweet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 410 00:18:15,125 --> 00:18:17,044 Speaker 1: I wouldn't be like, oh, thank you so much. 411 00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:24,560 Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, like you do me, I do you. Right. Correct. Correct. Ok. 412 00:18:24,569 --> 00:18:27,939 Speaker 1: So clearly it doesn't apply to everything. Yeah. Right. Do 413 00:18:27,949 --> 00:18:31,439 Speaker 1: you think that we then kind of like, idealize this 414 00:18:31,449 --> 00:18:35,130 Speaker 1: bare minimum? Too much? If I were to be very honest, 415 00:18:35,140 --> 00:18:38,160 Speaker 1: I think a little bit because we don't see this 416 00:18:38,170 --> 00:18:38,819 Speaker 1: happening 417 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:42,959 Speaker 1: very often anymore in this day and age. Right? I mean, 418 00:18:42,969 --> 00:18:45,958 Speaker 1: do you still see guys opening car doors for girls? 419 00:18:45,969 --> 00:18:48,459 Speaker 1: My brother does it. Hey, Justin. Yeah. But my own 420 00:18:48,469 --> 00:18:51,149 Speaker 1: boyfriend doesn't. So you see, but I don't even ask 421 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,489 Speaker 1: because I feel like I'm a woman, I'm an independent woman. 422 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,438 Speaker 1: I open it myself. This guy I date opens the 423 00:18:56,449 --> 00:18:58,500 Speaker 1: car door for me every time and every time I 424 00:18:58,510 --> 00:19:01,180 Speaker 1: still feel like, did you ask him to do that ever? 425 00:19:01,189 --> 00:19:04,589 Speaker 1: So he just did it. Yeah. But sometimes if he forgets, 426 00:19:04,599 --> 00:19:05,550 Speaker 1: I just stand there 427 00:19:06,069 --> 00:19:10,208 Speaker 1: the expectation. Correct. Correct. And you, and you run over 428 00:19:10,599 --> 00:19:13,250 Speaker 1: my princess, please get it. Should I do that? Is 429 00:19:13,260 --> 00:19:16,170 Speaker 1: that the way I was just, I just stand there right? 430 00:19:16,310 --> 00:19:19,879 Speaker 1: Until he gets it. He doesn't, he drives off. He's 431 00:19:19,890 --> 00:19:23,438 Speaker 1: like a wish you'll be really angry. I'll be really angry. Yeah. Yeah, 432 00:19:23,449 --> 00:19:26,060 Speaker 1: that's true. So that's why I say I don't consider 433 00:19:26,069 --> 00:19:28,229 Speaker 1: these things the bare minimum because not a lot of 434 00:19:28,239 --> 00:19:29,040 Speaker 1: people do it. 435 00:19:29,420 --> 00:19:32,810 Speaker 1: Yeah. Like they do in like movies and KK dramas 436 00:19:32,819 --> 00:19:34,770 Speaker 1: and all that love but in real life, I don't 437 00:19:34,780 --> 00:19:35,250 Speaker 1: think so. Not 438 00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:37,909 Speaker 2: really. So, are you saying that there are things that 439 00:19:37,930 --> 00:19:42,339 Speaker 2: you didn't have to but you did to show care. Yes. 440 00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:43,909 Speaker 1: To show that. 441 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,780 Speaker 1: You know, I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking of you. 442 00:19:46,790 --> 00:19:50,219 Speaker 1: I think it's a very, it's a very fine line between, hey, 443 00:19:50,229 --> 00:19:54,060 Speaker 1: this is respectful to do, right? As someone who is 444 00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:56,829 Speaker 1: in a situation or relationship with you or, you know, 445 00:19:56,839 --> 00:19:59,500 Speaker 1: this is something that is of a higher effort. It's, 446 00:19:59,510 --> 00:20:02,530 Speaker 1: it's a very fine line to decide between left and right. 447 00:20:02,540 --> 00:20:04,839 Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, I think you 448 00:20:04,849 --> 00:20:06,780 Speaker 1: will know when 449 00:20:07,050 --> 00:20:09,829 Speaker 1: it's really like nothing to be celebrated. Correct. 450 00:20:09,839 --> 00:20:09,869 Speaker 2: I 451 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,359 Speaker 2: think I want to push it a step further and 452 00:20:12,369 --> 00:20:15,670 Speaker 2: say that if you're truly happy with a true connection, 453 00:20:15,969 --> 00:20:19,229 Speaker 2: such that you didn't have to quantify it down to things. 454 00:20:19,780 --> 00:20:23,650 Speaker 2: I don't think he would be thinking about every action 455 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,839 Speaker 2: and thinking. Should this person be doing this? It's so 456 00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:28,459 Speaker 1: transactional. You know what I mean? 457 00:20:28,469 --> 00:20:28,750 Speaker 2: Yeah, 458 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,839 Speaker 1: I also think that if you're thinking, hey, is my 459 00:20:31,849 --> 00:20:34,770 Speaker 1: relationship bare minimum. It probably is and you probably need 460 00:20:34,780 --> 00:20:35,069 Speaker 1: to 461 00:20:35,449 --> 00:20:37,000 Speaker 1: reconsider not. 462 00:20:37,010 --> 00:20:37,540 Speaker 2: You wouldn't 463 00:20:37,550 --> 00:20:38,339 Speaker 2: even think 464 00:20:38,369 --> 00:20:40,280 Speaker 1: you even get to that stage. And there is a 465 00:20:40,290 --> 00:20:42,319 Speaker 1: lot of reasons why I guess people would 466 00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:46,369 Speaker 1: stay in a bare minimum relationship where like we describe 467 00:20:46,380 --> 00:20:49,410 Speaker 1: the relationship, right? You go home, you don't talk at all, 468 00:20:49,599 --> 00:20:51,869 Speaker 1: you never go on dates, you never spend time with 469 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:52,609 Speaker 1: each other, you never 470 00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:53,208 Speaker 1: connect. 471 00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:56,209 Speaker 2: They don't take your feelings into consideration. 472 00:20:56,219 --> 00:20:58,280 Speaker 1: Your feelings are not valid. We're not saying you have 473 00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:01,198 Speaker 1: to walk out of that relationship but maybe try introducing 474 00:21:01,209 --> 00:21:04,449 Speaker 1: things into your relationship that will change the dynamics. Yeah, 475 00:21:04,459 --> 00:21:08,510 Speaker 1: like foreplay, which apparently works for a person on Reddit. 476 00:21:08,739 --> 00:21:12,319 Speaker 1: Um Some reasons why I guess people might choose to 477 00:21:12,329 --> 00:21:15,099 Speaker 1: stay in a bare minimum relationship where even though it's 478 00:21:15,109 --> 00:21:18,159 Speaker 1: not being reciprocated, the love, it could be because of 479 00:21:18,170 --> 00:21:21,399 Speaker 1: trauma from previous relationship where you feel you're not worthy 480 00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:24,199 Speaker 1: of love, you're not worthy of better, you're not worthy 481 00:21:24,209 --> 00:21:28,399 Speaker 1: of more effort. And that comes from a low self esteem. Yeah. And, um, 482 00:21:28,410 --> 00:21:31,000 Speaker 1: childhood I think is a huge reason as well. If 483 00:21:31,010 --> 00:21:33,119 Speaker 1: you trauma, yeah. If you grew up in 484 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:38,869 Speaker 1: an unhealthy, you know, environment, maybe in your future relationships 485 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:42,669 Speaker 1: you wouldn't dare to settle for something more above that. 486 00:21:42,989 --> 00:21:43,270 Speaker 1: You know, 487 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:44,060 Speaker 2: it's like 488 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:48,160 Speaker 2: when we were trying to find ourselves and I think 489 00:21:48,170 --> 00:21:50,020 Speaker 2: when we had to realize that 490 00:21:50,660 --> 00:21:55,939 Speaker 2: healthy was unfamiliar to us because we were so used 491 00:21:55,949 --> 00:22:01,438 Speaker 2: to unhealthy. And I think sometimes people idolize healthy, they 492 00:22:01,449 --> 00:22:04,839 Speaker 2: think they want healthy, but sometimes they can't deal with 493 00:22:04,849 --> 00:22:07,520 Speaker 2: it when it comes because they look for what's familiar. 494 00:22:07,530 --> 00:22:10,149 Speaker 1: Exactly. Brings me to my next point. A lot of 495 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:13,680 Speaker 1: people are in hopes that their partner would change. So 496 00:22:13,689 --> 00:22:16,050 Speaker 1: you keep hoping that, ah, the change will come, he 497 00:22:16,060 --> 00:22:17,699 Speaker 1: will become a better man. And then you keep seeing 498 00:22:17,709 --> 00:22:18,520 Speaker 1: their relationship 499 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,339 Speaker 1: and one day if you realize that, hey, you know, 500 00:22:21,349 --> 00:22:25,170 Speaker 1: things are not moving forward, then how basically you fall 501 00:22:25,180 --> 00:22:28,209 Speaker 1: in love with the person that they could be, but 502 00:22:28,219 --> 00:22:30,819 Speaker 1: they're not there yet. And then they never try to 503 00:22:30,829 --> 00:22:33,109 Speaker 1: make an effort to get there. But you think, you know, 504 00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:36,000 Speaker 1: they're gonna be this good, they're gonna be so good. 505 00:22:36,010 --> 00:22:38,189 Speaker 1: They're gonna be, you know, such a loving partner, but 506 00:22:38,199 --> 00:22:38,979 Speaker 1: they never get there. 507 00:22:38,989 --> 00:22:41,250 Speaker 2: That's why I always say, like, you cannot fall in 508 00:22:41,260 --> 00:22:44,899 Speaker 2: love with potential. Yeah, because first of all, it's not 509 00:22:44,910 --> 00:22:46,140 Speaker 2: your job to change that person. 510 00:22:46,849 --> 00:22:49,640 Speaker 2: So, do you really like what you're seeing 511 00:22:49,650 --> 00:22:50,030 Speaker 2: now. 512 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:53,310 Speaker 1: No. Absolutely. And I think being in a very minimum relationship, 513 00:22:53,439 --> 00:22:56,839 Speaker 1: it could have quite significant effects on you in the 514 00:22:56,849 --> 00:22:57,670 Speaker 1: future as well. 515 00:22:57,910 --> 00:23:00,630 Speaker 1: Every relationship to me is a two way street. Right. 516 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,290 Speaker 1: Both people need to put in the effort. It's not 517 00:23:03,300 --> 00:23:05,819 Speaker 1: always going to be 5050. And we've talked about this 518 00:23:05,829 --> 00:23:09,250 Speaker 1: and that's fine, but it can't always be one person 519 00:23:09,260 --> 00:23:11,589 Speaker 1: putting in the effort. It's, it's a lot of burnout 520 00:23:11,599 --> 00:23:17,760 Speaker 1: for you emotionally, physically, mentally. It's very exhausting and decreasing self-worth. 521 00:23:17,770 --> 00:23:20,550 Speaker 1: I do see that in one of my girlfriends, she's 522 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,239 Speaker 1: in a bare minimum relationship and 523 00:23:23,199 --> 00:23:26,010 Speaker 1: just many years down the road, she feels like she 524 00:23:26,020 --> 00:23:29,760 Speaker 1: doesn't deserve something better. So which I like, really tried 525 00:23:29,770 --> 00:23:32,719 Speaker 1: to snap some sense into her to tell her that 526 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,989 Speaker 1: you deserve better. Ultimately, she walked out of that relationship 527 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,849 Speaker 1: and she found someone better. I'm so happy for her, 528 00:23:38,859 --> 00:23:41,188 Speaker 1: but it's scary to do that right when you don't 529 00:23:41,199 --> 00:23:44,439 Speaker 1: think you deserve better. Correct. And she doesn't realize she 530 00:23:44,449 --> 00:23:46,839 Speaker 1: was in a relationship that was not even the bare 531 00:23:46,849 --> 00:23:48,939 Speaker 1: minimum was slower than that. You know. 532 00:23:49,319 --> 00:23:50,280 Speaker 2: You know, it's like 533 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,349 Speaker 2: that book and movie, a fault on our source. I 534 00:23:53,599 --> 00:23:55,180 Speaker 2: read a very, very long time ago. I was very 535 00:23:55,189 --> 00:23:57,349 Speaker 2: young and there was this very famous line which says 536 00:23:57,359 --> 00:23:59,920 Speaker 2: that we accept the love that we think we deserve. 537 00:24:00,079 --> 00:24:02,000 Speaker 2: And for a very long time, I didn't understand what 538 00:24:02,010 --> 00:24:04,180 Speaker 2: that meant. But I got older and I was like, 539 00:24:04,189 --> 00:24:07,290 Speaker 2: it's true. It's true. And someone was saying the other 540 00:24:07,300 --> 00:24:10,729 Speaker 2: day that your choice of partner is a reflection of 541 00:24:10,739 --> 00:24:11,099 Speaker 2: how much 542 00:24:11,176 --> 00:24:12,156 Speaker 2: you love yourself. 543 00:24:12,715 --> 00:24:14,975 Speaker 1: That's very true. I love that. I also find that 544 00:24:14,984 --> 00:24:19,225 Speaker 1: some people, they have difficulty leaving their relationship, even if 545 00:24:19,234 --> 00:24:21,215 Speaker 1: they find that maybe this partner is not the one 546 00:24:21,225 --> 00:24:23,984 Speaker 1: for me. I have had a girlfriend. Tell me, oh, 547 00:24:23,994 --> 00:24:26,505 Speaker 1: I've been with this guy for five years. It's been 548 00:24:26,515 --> 00:24:28,206 Speaker 1: so long it would be such a waste to let 549 00:24:28,215 --> 00:24:31,014 Speaker 1: it go. That's what happened to me. Like there was 550 00:24:31,026 --> 00:24:31,235 Speaker 1: not 551 00:24:31,311 --> 00:24:36,411 Speaker 1: think bad but it was just like, you know, but 552 00:24:36,442 --> 00:24:40,391 Speaker 1: there's really nothing left but even longer time ahead of you. 553 00:24:40,401 --> 00:24:43,821 Speaker 1: That's true. It's not. Now when I think never in 554 00:24:43,832 --> 00:24:47,131 Speaker 1: the history of the world, has anyone regretted leaving a 555 00:24:47,141 --> 00:24:49,741 Speaker 1: relationship that they should have left much earlier? So I 556 00:24:49,751 --> 00:24:53,291 Speaker 1: hope that gives you some, you know, courage, strength and 557 00:24:53,302 --> 00:24:55,572 Speaker 1: courage to leave a situation that 558 00:24:56,109 --> 00:24:57,989 Speaker 1: you're not, it's not deserving of 559 00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:58,239 Speaker 1: you. 560 00:24:58,250 --> 00:25:00,099 Speaker 2: You know, you stay for various reasons. Right. And I 561 00:25:00,109 --> 00:25:03,699 Speaker 2: think a lot of people are not at peak satisfaction 562 00:25:03,709 --> 00:25:06,930 Speaker 2: or peak happiness but they stay because it's been this, this, 563 00:25:06,939 --> 00:25:10,129 Speaker 2: this amount of years. Oh, I'm 32 now. We've been 564 00:25:10,140 --> 00:25:13,209 Speaker 2: together for eight years. If I leave this relationship. Do 565 00:25:13,219 --> 00:25:15,079 Speaker 2: I know I'm going to find something better. What if 566 00:25:15,089 --> 00:25:19,130 Speaker 2: I don't? What if I'm just alone? You know, after that? 567 00:25:19,140 --> 00:25:21,729 Speaker 2: But something I always say is if 568 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:23,979 Speaker 2: it's bare minimum 569 00:25:24,869 --> 00:25:27,530 Speaker 2: and you are saying, can you live like that for 570 00:25:27,540 --> 00:25:29,829 Speaker 2: the rest of your life? And maybe your answer will 571 00:25:29,839 --> 00:25:30,949 Speaker 2: be yes, because 572 00:25:31,569 --> 00:25:34,199 Speaker 2: keep it peaceful. You're used to it, you're used to it. 573 00:25:34,209 --> 00:25:37,800 Speaker 2: Everything is comfortable. But my next question is, should you 574 00:25:37,810 --> 00:25:40,839 Speaker 2: live like this for the rest of your life? Why 575 00:25:40,849 --> 00:25:41,800 Speaker 2: should you actually? 576 00:25:41,810 --> 00:25:44,560 Speaker 1: So we've been talking a lot about the bare minimum. 577 00:25:44,569 --> 00:25:47,000 Speaker 1: Let's talk about what are some things we should expect 578 00:25:47,010 --> 00:25:55,739 Speaker 1: in every relationship? The good things expect. Yes, loyalty, ambition, driven, respect, respect. 579 00:25:55,750 --> 00:25:59,119 Speaker 1: I think in a relationship, the both of you should 580 00:25:59,130 --> 00:26:00,079 Speaker 1: be growing 581 00:26:00,165 --> 00:26:02,944 Speaker 1: together and when you come to a space where like 582 00:26:02,954 --> 00:26:05,844 Speaker 1: I'm growing, but he refuses to grow or you know, 583 00:26:05,854 --> 00:26:08,824 Speaker 1: something like that, then I think you kind of realize 584 00:26:08,834 --> 00:26:11,244 Speaker 1: that there is a bit of a misalignment. 585 00:26:11,255 --> 00:26:14,214 Speaker 2: Yeah. I think action matching up to your 586 00:26:14,224 --> 00:26:14,744 Speaker 2: words. 587 00:26:15,005 --> 00:26:17,954 Speaker 1: I mean, people can say anything right? They can say like, oh, 588 00:26:17,964 --> 00:26:19,544 Speaker 1: you know, I'll treat you the best. I'll never make 589 00:26:19,555 --> 00:26:21,525 Speaker 1: you cry. But that's a lie. By the way, I've 590 00:26:21,535 --> 00:26:23,604 Speaker 1: had guys tell me I'll never make you cry like 591 00:26:23,614 --> 00:26:27,005 Speaker 1: the other guy bullshit. Every guy makes you cry. OK? 592 00:26:27,135 --> 00:26:28,594 Speaker 1: That's a lie. Don't believe 593 00:26:30,250 --> 00:26:33,339 Speaker 1: it's what they do when you cry. Correct. It's unrealistic 594 00:26:33,349 --> 00:26:35,500 Speaker 1: to think that you'll never cry in a relationship will 595 00:26:35,510 --> 00:26:37,349 Speaker 1: never make you cry. OK? Korea 596 00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:38,469 Speaker 2: drama. Cry. How much? 597 00:26:39,290 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 1: Yeah. True. And I think it's all in the little 598 00:26:42,290 --> 00:26:45,359 Speaker 1: things if this person really cares for you, he or 599 00:26:45,369 --> 00:26:46,589 Speaker 1: she will not keep you waiting for, 600 00:26:47,104 --> 00:26:49,685 Speaker 1: but you won't ever have to wait like, what, 1214 601 00:26:49,694 --> 00:26:53,744 Speaker 1: hours for their reply. They are always like, you know, 602 00:26:53,755 --> 00:26:56,974 Speaker 1: catering time to attend to you. Be it in real 603 00:26:56,984 --> 00:26:57,425 Speaker 1: life or over 604 00:26:57,435 --> 00:26:57,964 Speaker 1: text. 605 00:26:58,015 --> 00:27:01,055 Speaker 2: I think you never have to question your position in 606 00:27:01,064 --> 00:27:01,545 Speaker 2: their life. 607 00:27:02,375 --> 00:27:05,784 Speaker 1: Yes, they are very sure of you and you are 608 00:27:05,795 --> 00:27:07,744 Speaker 1: very certain of them. I think it's a two way street. 609 00:27:07,765 --> 00:27:11,464 Speaker 1: I love that very much. And I think what's the 610 00:27:11,474 --> 00:27:12,714 Speaker 1: most important thing is 611 00:27:13,079 --> 00:27:16,040 Speaker 1: your other partner respects your boundaries. I think there's a 612 00:27:16,050 --> 00:27:19,430 Speaker 1: huge green flag boundaries as in work life boundary, your 613 00:27:19,439 --> 00:27:22,140 Speaker 1: boundaries between you and your friends, you and the things 614 00:27:22,150 --> 00:27:25,380 Speaker 1: that matter to you. I think all of this must 615 00:27:25,390 --> 00:27:28,560 Speaker 1: be considered and taken into account. Yeah. I mean, I 616 00:27:28,569 --> 00:27:30,919 Speaker 1: think all of us after today's episode are going to 617 00:27:30,930 --> 00:27:31,430 Speaker 1: go back and 618 00:27:31,494 --> 00:27:34,055 Speaker 1: kind of like take stock of our relationships and we 619 00:27:34,064 --> 00:27:36,014 Speaker 1: hope that you do as well. Yeah. And if you're 620 00:27:36,025 --> 00:27:38,104 Speaker 1: listening to this and you realize that, hey, is my 621 00:27:38,114 --> 00:27:41,295 Speaker 1: relationship like the bare minimum. Once again, we're not saying 622 00:27:41,305 --> 00:27:44,694 Speaker 1: that leaving or quitting this relationship is the only way 623 00:27:44,704 --> 00:27:48,425 Speaker 1: to go. You can start by introducing things into your 624 00:27:48,435 --> 00:27:49,785 Speaker 1: relationship that will 625 00:27:50,199 --> 00:27:52,969 Speaker 1: improve it. But of course, then it takes two hands 626 00:27:52,979 --> 00:27:54,869 Speaker 1: to clap both you and your partner has to agree 627 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,349 Speaker 1: to it. Yeah, you have to communicate, maybe get some 628 00:27:57,359 --> 00:27:59,739 Speaker 1: third party help. You know, there's no shame in there 629 00:27:59,750 --> 00:28:02,938 Speaker 1: and you could very much revive your relationship, but only 630 00:28:02,949 --> 00:28:04,739 Speaker 1: if both hands are willing to 631 00:28:04,750 --> 00:28:09,520 Speaker 2: correct. Because I always say that I think in a relationship, 632 00:28:09,530 --> 00:28:12,978 Speaker 2: no matter how long it's been, you have to never 633 00:28:13,074 --> 00:28:15,484 Speaker 2: just stop chasing your other half. That's a good way 634 00:28:15,494 --> 00:28:17,885 Speaker 2: to put it like that because I think a lot 635 00:28:17,895 --> 00:28:20,544 Speaker 2: of people get so comfortable, they start taking things for granted. 636 00:28:20,685 --> 00:28:22,854 Speaker 2: But here's the thing, right? As much as you've pledged 637 00:28:22,864 --> 00:28:27,224 Speaker 2: loyalty to each other, there is nothing that is holding 638 00:28:27,234 --> 00:28:29,994 Speaker 2: the other person back from leaving any time. So what 639 00:28:30,005 --> 00:28:32,314 Speaker 2: makes you think that they can't leave? And if you 640 00:28:32,324 --> 00:28:34,954 Speaker 2: keep that in mind, then you would put in effort 641 00:28:34,964 --> 00:28:37,454 Speaker 2: to chase them just so you can keep them every day, 642 00:28:37,464 --> 00:28:37,784 Speaker 2: you know, 643 00:28:39,025 --> 00:28:42,015 Speaker 1: and then these are little sweet gestures that I believe 644 00:28:42,619 --> 00:28:46,119 Speaker 1: are past the bare minimum. It's things that you do 645 00:28:46,130 --> 00:28:48,719 Speaker 1: to retain each other in your lives, you know, ok. 646 00:28:48,729 --> 00:28:50,689 Speaker 1: If you have any stories or if you want to 647 00:28:50,699 --> 00:28:53,260 Speaker 1: share your thoughts with us, we'll be more than happy 648 00:28:53,270 --> 00:28:55,790 Speaker 1: to hear. You can DM us or drop us a 649 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,670 Speaker 1: comment on Instagram at is clarity.co. 650 00:28:58,719 --> 00:29:00,540 Speaker 2: That's right. You can listen to us on me. Listen, 651 00:29:00,589 --> 00:29:02,170 Speaker 2: Apple podcast, Spotify, turn out not 652 00:29:02,900 --> 00:29:04,560 Speaker 2: actually, I also want to know like, can you please 653 00:29:04,569 --> 00:29:07,079 Speaker 2: comment and tell us like he did this, this, this 654 00:29:07,089 --> 00:29:08,339 Speaker 2: is this bare minimum. 655 00:29:09,300 --> 00:29:11,020 Speaker 1: I will go in the comments and I will read 656 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:12,780 Speaker 1: it here. I will check it out and of course, 657 00:29:12,790 --> 00:29:13,989 Speaker 1: check us out on youtube as well. We have a 658 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,479 Speaker 1: brand new set. It's very beautiful, so big, shout out 659 00:29:16,489 --> 00:29:19,040 Speaker 1: to our team as well for making this gorgeous, gorgeous 660 00:29:19,050 --> 00:29:22,199 Speaker 1: set and we'll catch you next time on Hush Podcast.