WEBVTT - Should My Partner be JEALOUS of My Friendship? 0:00:00.119 --> 0:00:03.589 But sometimes I do consider the fact that your partner 0:00:03.599 --> 0:00:06.949 can see something you can't. When men go into relationship 0:00:06.960 --> 0:00:09.949 or friendship with a girl, they may see this woman 0:00:09.960 --> 0:00:11.890 as a potential partner. Is that true? 0:00:12.039 --> 0:00:13.859 And why we are friends? I think we give with 0:00:13.880 --> 0:00:15.909 giving each other the egg also. I mean, 0:00:15.920 --> 0:00:18.860 obviously, like your friends give you an egg. That's why 0:00:18.870 --> 0:00:19.979 you're not dating your friends. 0:00:20.870 --> 0:00:21.840 You know who your friends are like, 0:00:29.780 --> 0:00:32.619 hey guys, welcome to another episode of men. Explain if 0:00:32.630 --> 0:00:36.319 you haven't already subscribed to clarity, please do so. Right now, 0:00:36.439 --> 0:00:39.040 share the love and let your friends know about this 0:00:39.049 --> 0:00:42.479 episode today. It's a topic that we've kind of delved 0:00:42.490 --> 0:00:45.949 in before. Can men and women be besties? But we're 0:00:45.959 --> 0:00:48.020 going to address something a little deeper today. 0:00:48.270 --> 0:00:53.139 Friendship boundaries. Should your friendship change along with your relationship status? 0:00:53.150 --> 0:00:55.970 In other words, is there a reason for your partner 0:00:55.979 --> 0:00:59.250 to be jealous of your best friend? Now, to delve 0:00:59.259 --> 0:01:02.650 further into this today, we've got two real life besties 0:01:02.659 --> 0:01:07.179 with us right now. Attica and her. Welcome them. Hello. 0:01:07.580 --> 0:01:10.378 Thanks for you. Want to introduce yourself to our viewers. 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:14.089 Hi, my name is Atiqah and I'm a content creator 0:01:14.099 --> 0:01:15.760 and this is my best friend 0:01:15.769 --> 0:01:19.309 here. Hello, I'm here. I run a production house called 0:01:19.459 --> 0:01:19.830 Subset 0:01:20.089 --> 0:01:21.190 and I'm Aa's friend 0:01:22.169 --> 0:01:25.830 and friends for five years. Five years. Ok. So five 0:01:25.839 --> 0:01:28.949 years was enough to call each other best friend. Actually, 0:01:28.959 --> 0:01:33.860 it doesn't matter, the time, doesn't matter the quality of 0:01:33.870 --> 0:01:37.730 the friendship. So, tell me, how did you guys meet? Well, 0:01:37.739 --> 0:01:40.980 we met in university in our first year and we 0:01:40.989 --> 0:01:41.910 had a mutual friend 0:01:42.000 --> 0:01:44.779 and that's how we were introduced to each other. And 0:01:44.790 --> 0:01:47.260 then we sort of clicked like our personalities match and 0:01:47.269 --> 0:01:50.339 we join like the friend group and then we became 0:01:50.349 --> 0:01:54.150 best friends. We were in the same club in uni, 0:01:54.160 --> 0:01:55.839 we were in track and field. So we had the 0:01:55.849 --> 0:01:59.870 same interests and we took same classes. So why didn't 0:01:59.879 --> 0:02:02.900 this become like a relationship? Like, why did you? 0:02:03.099 --> 0:02:03.660 No, no, no. 0:02:04.610 --> 0:02:05.379 I was curious 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:11.179 because I want to tell the hard questions just straight 0:02:11.190 --> 0:02:11.869 into it one minute. 0:02:12.940 --> 0:02:13.300 Have 0:02:13.309 --> 0:02:15.220 you met me? No, you haven't. Actually the first time 0:02:16.038 --> 0:02:18.440 that thought never crossed my mind. And I was like, oh, 0:02:18.449 --> 0:02:19.690 why didn't you cross my mind? 0:02:21.559 --> 0:02:23.668 But for me, it was really natural that we became 0:02:23.679 --> 0:02:24.369 friends and 0:02:24.380 --> 0:02:25.448 she was already in a relationship. 0:02:25.619 --> 0:02:29.889 So, ok. But you are in a relationship. So did 0:02:29.899 --> 0:02:33.190 your partner find it? I don't know, uncomfortable that you 0:02:33.199 --> 0:02:38.050 were getting closer to someone of the opposite sex? No, 0:02:38.059 --> 0:02:38.649 I think 0:02:38.725 --> 0:02:42.255 also because in my relationship, I, we had a lot 0:02:42.264 --> 0:02:45.824 of friends of other sex. So, like, it was, it 0:02:45.835 --> 0:02:48.994 wasn't something of this world that I made a friend 0:02:49.005 --> 0:02:52.383 in UNI, was of a different gender. So, and I 0:02:52.395 --> 0:02:55.865 also introduced him to her. So it wasn't, 0:02:56.419 --> 0:02:59.660 it was completely open. There was no tension. It was like, it, like, 0:03:00.570 --> 0:03:02.660 it wasn't even like, oh, I met a friend. No, 0:03:02.669 --> 0:03:04.880 it was like, oh, I'm gonna hang out with was there? 0:03:05.089 --> 0:03:06.339 It was my friend in UNI. 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:08.990 Yeah. And also I think it helps that we were, like, 0:03:09.059 --> 0:03:11.419 in situations where, like, it's not that we tried to 0:03:11.429 --> 0:03:13.649 hang out. So we had classes together or, like, we 0:03:13.660 --> 0:03:15.479 would meet after school because we were going to track, 0:03:15.770 --> 0:03:19.059 like, you were, like, in my room alone. Like we 0:03:19.070 --> 0:03:19.410 were like, 0:03:20.526 --> 0:03:24.796 but towards the end, like, the last few years of 0:03:24.805 --> 0:03:29.076 our friendship, we basically already established as completely at the start. 0:03:29.085 --> 0:03:32.235 It wasn't like anything like we're hanging out at night 0:03:32.246 --> 0:03:38.466 and some, some you guys talk about everything and anything 0:03:39.326 --> 0:03:42.475 because I came from a girls school for, like, 10 years. Right. So, 0:03:42.485 --> 0:03:44.535 naturally a lot of my very close friends, 0:03:44.611 --> 0:03:48.401 friends are girls. Yeah, I do have a couple, one 0:03:48.412 --> 0:03:50.522 or two, like, really close guy friends. You've met one 0:03:50.531 --> 0:03:53.082 of him. Avery is one of my very close man friends, 0:03:53.091 --> 0:03:56.031 but I don't see him as, like a guy that 0:03:56.042 --> 0:03:59.272 I'm gonna hook up with or ever. I hope he's 0:03:59.281 --> 0:04:01.091 never seen me that way. I'm not sure. Please don't 0:04:01.102 --> 0:04:03.992 ask him. I don't want to know. But, you know, 0:04:04.001 --> 0:04:07.552 when it comes to that I confide in my girlfriends 0:04:07.561 --> 0:04:08.552 in a very, 0:04:09.179 --> 0:04:11.509 in a very different way than I would confide in 0:04:11.520 --> 0:04:14.149 my close guy friends. So, is that the same for 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:16.179 you guys? For me? It's the same. I was also 0:04:16.190 --> 0:04:18.019 from a gold school. I was in a gold school 0:04:18.029 --> 0:04:21.649 for like five years in my secondary school. And I 0:04:21.660 --> 0:04:24.940 do feel like I connect well, I connect better with 0:04:24.950 --> 0:04:28.510 females and there's just some things that you can speak 0:04:28.519 --> 0:04:30.519 to your female friends that you can't do with your 0:04:30.529 --> 0:04:32.919 guy friends. I'm sorry. But this is like, 0:04:34.140 --> 0:04:36.238 I want to know what can you tell your girlfriends 0:04:36.250 --> 0:04:38.250 that you can't tell you some things that are just 0:04:38.260 --> 0:04:41.928 more emotional. OK? Some things that I, I 0:04:41.940 --> 0:04:44.420 wouldn't be able to compute it 0:04:46.190 --> 0:04:51.368 don't have that, that neurons the way we do the same, 0:04:51.380 --> 0:04:54.609 like maybe the same empathy females have for each other. 0:04:54.899 --> 0:04:57.549 Like the same, the way you go about life, the 0:04:57.559 --> 0:05:00.179 way you see life is very different from, from a 0:05:00.190 --> 0:05:02.729 female lens and a male lens. So there are some 0:05:02.738 --> 0:05:03.209 things that 0:05:03.559 --> 0:05:06.269 I mean, I want to tell her but like it's 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:08.140 not like I'm withholding it from you. It's just that 0:05:08.149 --> 0:05:10.969 I would feel more comfortable telling my girlfriend is that 0:05:10.980 --> 0:05:13.409 also similar, like stuff that you would tell me your bros, 0:05:13.529 --> 0:05:14.579 you mean? Yeah. 0:05:14.589 --> 0:05:18.220 No, differently. Yeah. I think, I mean, I guess friendships 0:05:18.230 --> 0:05:22.380 with girls is, like, different from friendship with other guys. Right. So, 0:05:22.390 --> 0:05:23.989 male friendships, I mean, we talk about stuff that I 0:05:24.000 --> 0:05:28.019 wouldn't talk to article with just maybe it's inappropriate or something. But, yeah, 0:05:30.029 --> 0:05:34.019 but then I think female friendships offer different sort of 0:05:34.029 --> 0:05:37.510 function and perspective. I think also, I think I said also, like, 0:05:37.519 --> 0:05:40.380 I think I feel a bit more comfortable or, like, 0:05:40.390 --> 0:05:42.239 opening up to her about, like, emotional stuff that I 0:05:42.250 --> 0:05:43.890 wouldn't talk with my guy friends. You 0:05:43.899 --> 0:05:46.089 wouldn't mind being a bit more vulnerable. 0:05:46.100 --> 0:05:48.859 Yeah. Yeah, because I feel like they don't judge. But with, 0:05:48.869 --> 0:05:50.720 but then with the boys is like, kind of like, 0:05:50.730 --> 0:05:53.469 sweep things under the rug almost and sometimes, like, you know, 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:53.859 you would, 0:05:54.059 --> 0:05:54.260 yeah, 0:05:54.670 --> 0:05:57.369 you guys don't know how to react when you open 0:05:57.380 --> 0:06:00.659 up emotionally. I feel the awkwardness in the air when 0:06:00.709 --> 0:06:03.450 guys try to open up then they're like, is 0:06:03.459 --> 0:06:08.339 like, damn, that's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. 0:06:08.399 --> 0:06:11.309 I know that, that's true. You're not getting the in 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:12.700 depth views. 0:06:12.970 --> 0:06:14.950 It is very, I think, like, with male friendships is 0:06:14.959 --> 0:06:16.570 very rare. I mean, I have one or two friends 0:06:16.579 --> 0:06:18.339 I really open up with and we are really close 0:06:18.350 --> 0:06:20.428 like that, but I think in general 0:06:20.850 --> 0:06:21.750 it doesn't really happen. 0:06:21.760 --> 0:06:25.179 Is Atiqah your only very close female friend? I would 0:06:25.190 --> 0:06:29.290 say I have 20, ok. Ok. Jasmine. How about How 0:06:29.299 --> 0:06:32.488 about you? Guy friends? I actually don't have, I don't 0:06:32.500 --> 0:06:34.089 think I have a lot of guy friends. Actually. I 0:06:34.100 --> 0:06:37.029 have you, I have a couple but they are overseas. 0:06:37.040 --> 0:06:40.959 So similar. Similarly. I feel the same way as you. Like, 0:06:40.970 --> 0:06:44.239 I still have more female friends. Definitely more female friends. Yeah. 0:06:44.250 --> 0:06:46.549 Definitely more female friends. Ok. So then 0:06:46.649 --> 0:06:49.678 let's take it to when you guys are dating or 0:06:49.690 --> 0:06:53.239 in relationships. Ok. I'm sure you've already kind of been, 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:55.719 you've dated while you had this friendship, 0:06:55.730 --> 0:06:58.630 right? Honestly, I've been single for quite some time. Ok. 0:06:58.640 --> 0:07:01.790 So I don't date but then it's like maybe like 0:07:01.799 --> 0:07:02.950 talking to someone but then 0:07:03.339 --> 0:07:04.029 not, nothing 0:07:04.040 --> 0:07:07.040 serious. Ok. So in that process, I'm not sure if 0:07:07.049 --> 0:07:09.940 you are dating now. Are you currently? I'm seeing someone. Ok. 0:07:10.269 --> 0:07:13.839 So during that process of dating other people, has it 0:07:13.850 --> 0:07:16.980 ever cropped up? Like this friendship might be an issue 0:07:17.100 --> 0:07:17.980 to your partner. 0:07:18.420 --> 0:07:22.730 My friendship with her. Never, never, never hair was never 0:07:22.739 --> 0:07:25.450 an issue. Yeah. It's also because you have to introduce 0:07:25.459 --> 0:07:29.609 your guy friends to your partner. You have to do that. 0:07:29.619 --> 0:07:34.809 So previously I had an ex that was really not 0:07:34.820 --> 0:07:39.149 comfortable with one of my guy friends and despite the 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:41.399 formal introductions that we all hang out as a group, 0:07:41.410 --> 0:07:45.309 like it's truly purely platonic, but he was never really 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:46.209 OK with it. 0:07:46.529 --> 0:07:49.279 So I don't know. What, why did he feel that way? What, 0:07:49.290 --> 0:07:51.160 what did he say? He just said, like, he spends 0:07:51.170 --> 0:07:53.739 so much time around you. Like, I think he likes you, 0:07:53.750 --> 0:07:56.480 but it turns out that he didn't, it was purely platonic. 0:07:56.850 --> 0:07:59.420 But I feel like sometimes though, I mean, this is, 0:07:59.429 --> 0:08:03.089 you can't have blanketed statements or, like, you can have 0:08:03.100 --> 0:08:04.769 a guy friend, you can't have a guy friend or, like, 0:08:04.779 --> 0:08:08.559 guys will never like their girlfriend since obviously it's such 0:08:08.570 --> 0:08:11.720 a gray area and there's so many cases. but sometimes 0:08:11.730 --> 0:08:14.850 I do consider the fact that your partner can see 0:08:14.859 --> 0:08:15.480 something you can, 0:08:16.184 --> 0:08:20.054 like, your partner can maybe, yeah. You know, like, if 0:08:20.065 --> 0:08:22.355 I had, if I was dating someone and he had 0:08:22.364 --> 0:08:25.975 girlfriend and, like, I'm reading the girls cues and I'm like, well, 0:08:25.984 --> 0:08:28.255 that was something I was doing when I was trying 0:08:28.265 --> 0:08:30.285 to get with you, then I would know that I'd 0:08:30.295 --> 0:08:32.284 be able to tell and it would be oblivious to 0:08:32.294 --> 0:08:34.215 the guy. Yeah. So I find it 0:08:34.570 --> 0:08:37.179 like, sometimes it's best unless maybe your partner see something 0:08:37.190 --> 0:08:39.690 that you don't and then maybe it's like by the 0:08:39.700 --> 0:08:42.289 time you ask the guy, he's like, yeah, I just 0:08:42.299 --> 0:08:44.289 saw you as a friend but maybe at that point, 0:08:44.299 --> 0:08:47.669 maybe it was perhaps. But, but I think it also 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:52.000 comes down to how secure your partner is. 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:55.669 You know, because I'm still friends with this person and 0:08:55.679 --> 0:08:57.750 my current partner is completely fine with him. In fact, 0:08:57.760 --> 0:08:58.598 they're really close. 0:08:58.659 --> 0:09:01.400 That's what happened. Yeah. Right. Ok. Tell me more. What happened. 0:09:01.409 --> 0:09:04.049 So I think with and this is such an individual 0:09:04.059 --> 0:09:06.530 like human thing like connecting with another human being, right? 0:09:06.750 --> 0:09:08.330 So it just so happened to be that like her 0:09:08.340 --> 0:09:11.390 partner at that time, we became really good friends and 0:09:11.400 --> 0:09:14.960 we would even like talk without her in the 0:09:15.700 --> 0:09:18.099 like I will text him, you know, on my own accord. 0:09:18.109 --> 0:09:20.349 So we became friends and it's not just like, oh, 0:09:20.359 --> 0:09:22.969 I'm texting Aa's boyfriend, you know, it just so happened 0:09:22.979 --> 0:09:25.390 that we became really close friends and he really trusted 0:09:25.400 --> 0:09:28.770 me and there were no problems with like, you know, 0:09:28.859 --> 0:09:31.369 you not, that's a broke code and 0:09:31.380 --> 0:09:34.700 stuff like that. But ok, what are some boundaries that 0:09:34.710 --> 0:09:37.150 you would never cross with each other? For example, I 0:09:37.159 --> 0:09:39.750 have a story to share but maybe you can, can 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:40.500 answer first. 0:09:41.219 --> 0:09:43.619 I think I would never like go out with you 0:09:43.630 --> 0:09:46.039 super late at night and then not tell my partner 0:09:46.250 --> 0:09:48.689 that kind of stuff or like, I don't think we're like, 0:09:48.700 --> 0:09:55.069 really touchy but we like hug friendship, like greeting. Like 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:57.880 I wouldn't like, I wouldn't sit like super, super close 0:09:57.890 --> 0:09:59.450 to you, that kind of thing, right? Also, like I 0:09:59.460 --> 0:10:00.219 feel like it doesn't 0:10:00.229 --> 0:10:02.210 happen. Like why would we be doing that 0:10:02.409 --> 0:10:05.049 natural? It's very natural. Like it's a very friendship tonic 0:10:05.059 --> 0:10:08.419 relationship we had. So there's never a case where like, 0:10:08.429 --> 0:10:10.500 oh my God, I can't cross this boundary like no, 0:10:10.510 --> 0:10:10.960 like I don't 0:10:11.059 --> 0:10:14.159 behave like that anyway. Yeah. Well, ok, so then I'll 0:10:14.169 --> 0:10:16.849 ask you this question. Would you travel? Just the two 0:10:16.859 --> 0:10:20.510 of you? I would, would we want to? Yeah, we've 0:10:20.520 --> 0:10:20.978 been saying 0:10:20.989 --> 0:10:23.098 we want, we've been saying, would 0:10:23.109 --> 0:10:25.500 you share a room together? No, I don't think, I 0:10:25.510 --> 0:10:27.599 don't think I would be. It depends, is a 0:10:28.340 --> 0:10:31.609 budget and we don't have money but given a choice, 0:10:31.619 --> 0:10:31.919 I think 0:10:32.770 --> 0:10:36.750 like, ideally we wouldn't just like, ideally it's like I 0:10:36.760 --> 0:10:39.309 want my own bed, I'll share, I'll share his story 0:10:39.320 --> 0:10:40.760 with you. It's not about me 0:10:41.150 --> 0:10:44.400 but one of my very close friends, he actually was 0:10:44.409 --> 0:10:46.848 attached and he was so sure this goal is like 0:10:46.859 --> 0:10:50.570 the love of his life, sorry was was they broke up. 0:10:50.580 --> 0:10:53.619 But anyway, so he was so sure love of his life. 0:10:53.849 --> 0:10:56.348 But the problem is she had so many male friends 0:10:56.359 --> 0:10:59.719 a lot in this bigger group. They actually went on 0:10:59.729 --> 0:11:03.219 a trip together, the friend group without him, so without 0:11:03.229 --> 0:11:03.679 my friend. 0:11:04.010 --> 0:11:06.770 So then she goes, oh, you know, the accommodation is 0:11:06.780 --> 0:11:08.718 kind of limited and I'm going to have to share 0:11:08.729 --> 0:11:11.890 a room with this guy, right? Which is a close friend, 0:11:11.900 --> 0:11:14.349 a close friend of hers and my friend always had 0:11:14.359 --> 0:11:16.429 a bad feeling about this guy. He was always like, 0:11:16.440 --> 0:11:19.049 oh man, this dude is like, I think he's trying 0:11:19.059 --> 0:11:21.909 to be funny with her or like he secretly likes 0:11:21.919 --> 0:11:23.549 her or something. And I always told him like, don't 0:11:23.559 --> 0:11:26.059 overthink like if you trust her. Like, maybe she's really, 0:11:26.070 --> 0:11:30.429 hopefully she's telling the truth, you know. And unfortunately he 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:31.030 was right, 0:11:31.700 --> 0:11:36.159 that guy has liked her since the beginning of time 0:11:36.169 --> 0:11:39.989 and he actually admitted it to her during that trip, 0:11:40.210 --> 0:11:43.900 that he shared the room with her during the trip, 0:11:43.909 --> 0:11:45.510 that he shared the room with her. Like, they share 0:11:45.609 --> 0:11:48.630 the same, they share the same bit. Yes. Oh, my God. 0:11:48.640 --> 0:11:50.059 There's a bit. I feel like if you share the 0:11:50.070 --> 0:11:54.200 same bed, you need like a pillow for like, even 0:11:54.210 --> 0:11:56.939 with my girlfriends, we have a pillow for, you know, 0:11:57.010 --> 0:11:59.030 it's like even if my girl I'm like, look, we 0:11:59.039 --> 0:12:00.679 need to have a vibe here first. 0:12:04.440 --> 0:12:06.569 Yeah. So to me when I heard that story, I 0:12:06.580 --> 0:12:11.069 was like, wow. Firstly, I would never share a bit 0:12:11.080 --> 0:12:11.719 with it. So like 0:12:13.200 --> 0:12:15.469 a bit 0:12:15.549 --> 0:12:19.929 of a red flag. Yeah. Maybe the person's intuition is 0:12:19.940 --> 0:12:24.080 wrong but you should still respect your partner's wishes. Like, 0:12:24.409 --> 0:12:26.659 like I wouldn't want my boyfriend sharing a bit of 0:12:26.669 --> 0:12:28.989 a random girlfriend. 0:12:29.359 --> 0:12:30.789 That would be so weird to me. I feel like 0:12:30.799 --> 0:12:33.780 I'd be ok with that if I, if I trust, 0:12:34.090 --> 0:12:37.549 I mean, I, it's not that I don't trust but 0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:40.280 I just find that whole concept. I don't know. I'm 0:12:40.289 --> 0:12:43.059 someone that needs my personal space. So I find it 0:12:43.070 --> 0:12:45.619 difficult to even invite like total strangers into my house. 0:12:45.630 --> 0:12:49.020 So that's just, that's just me. Yeah, I think, I 0:12:49.030 --> 0:12:51.179 think I'd be ok with it, if I know the 0:12:51.219 --> 0:12:52.169 gold slot, 0:12:52.969 --> 0:12:53.809 honestly it 0:12:53.989 --> 0:12:55.900 is news even to me, I'm like, really? Yeah, 0:12:55.909 --> 0:12:58.010 like I, because I never took place in such a 0:12:58.020 --> 0:13:02.159 situation so I've never thought about it. But, like, now 0:13:02.169 --> 0:13:06.760 I'm thinking theoretically hypothetically I would be ok. 0:13:07.039 --> 0:13:08.939 I guess it also depends how, well, you know, your 0:13:08.950 --> 0:13:11.710 partner and how secure you are in the relationship as well. 0:13:12.099 --> 0:13:15.080 And it's very like, situation based. Like this friendship that 0:13:15.090 --> 0:13:17.569 we have was very rare. I think you don't really 0:13:17.580 --> 0:13:19.630 get that a lot. I feel. So at the end 0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:22.099 of the day really, it's like, like case by case basis, 0:13:22.109 --> 0:13:26.630 it really is. Yeah. So, so can your significant other 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:29.119 also be your best friend though? You know, if you're 0:13:29.450 --> 0:13:33.150 dating someone or having been with someone? Can that person 0:13:33.159 --> 0:13:36.239 also be your bestie? Yeah. 100%. I think they should 0:13:36.250 --> 0:13:37.130 be your best friend. 0:13:37.450 --> 0:13:39.530 But in your best friend, in a very different sense 0:13:39.539 --> 0:13:42.409 than my goal, best friend. For example, like, they can 0:13:42.419 --> 0:13:46.109 never replace the friendship I have with my female friends. 0:13:46.780 --> 0:13:50.669 But being in a relationship, I think for me, I've, 0:13:50.849 --> 0:13:54.468 you find friendship in the love and that's how you wanna, 0:13:54.780 --> 0:13:57.869 you wanna be able to enjoy time spent together and 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:02.119 you shouldn't just be all romantic. I mean, definitely it's 0:14:02.130 --> 0:14:04.510 gonna be a romantic relationship. But 0:14:04.830 --> 0:14:07.619 very important part for me in a relationship is the 0:14:07.630 --> 0:14:10.189 friendship is wanting to hang out with them to tell 0:14:10.200 --> 0:14:12.869 that person, everything that, that person has to be the 0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:15.299 first one to know everything. But it's also important to 0:14:15.309 --> 0:14:19.250 have friendship outside of your relationship. Like, that's something that 0:14:19.260 --> 0:14:22.710 you should also have for yourself to, for you to 0:14:22.719 --> 0:14:25.809 have that personal space with your partner as well. And 0:14:26.099 --> 0:14:28.659 I wouldn't want to say the old gossip by your partner, like, 0:14:28.669 --> 0:14:31.099 share your troubles with your partner, but sometimes you just 0:14:31.109 --> 0:14:33.299 need an outside perspective. You don't want to feel like 0:14:33.309 --> 0:14:37.520 you're completely overwhelmed by one person. Yeah. In these situations, 0:14:37.530 --> 0:14:40.869 have you then ever had to draw any boundaries when 0:14:40.880 --> 0:14:42.200 you started dating? Right? 0:14:42.219 --> 0:14:46.219 A person for me, I would never let someone else 0:14:46.229 --> 0:14:49.159 kind of, like, choose for me. So if the person 0:14:49.390 --> 0:14:52.000 I'm seeing or like I'm talking to, she's like, oh, 0:14:52.080 --> 0:14:54.690 you know why you always hang up with, say, article 0:14:54.700 --> 0:14:55.359 or something like that? 0:14:55.919 --> 0:14:58.510 And I'm like, there's no real reason why you should 0:14:58.520 --> 0:15:00.869 be asking that, you know, I would most probably kind 0:15:00.880 --> 0:15:04.789 of like drop and drop that, that person really? Yeah. 0:15:04.799 --> 0:15:07.530 Yeah. You feel like you're being put in a position 0:15:07.539 --> 0:15:11.830 where you're being made to choose between a relationship and your, 0:15:12.030 --> 0:15:13.570 what you regard as a very close 0:15:13.580 --> 0:15:18.109 friendship. And I think if, for example, my friendship article 0:15:18.119 --> 0:15:20.349 is important to me, I would want to keep that, 0:15:20.690 --> 0:15:23.140 you know, I think it's important to have a balance. 0:15:23.150 --> 0:15:23.200 LA 0:15:23.729 --> 0:15:26.500 Yeah. Ok. I mean, you are not wrong. Like, it's 0:15:26.510 --> 0:15:27.780 always important to have a balance. But 0:15:28.039 --> 0:15:31.900 I'm curious also, let's say you meet the love of 0:15:31.909 --> 0:15:32.820 your life. 0:15:34.900 --> 0:15:35.640 I love. 0:15:36.979 --> 0:15:40.159 No, no, no. Let's not go to the extent of like, 0:15:40.190 --> 0:15:44.179 I hate whoever but maybe to a certain extent, like, 0:15:44.190 --> 0:15:47.520 is it ok if you spend more time with me 0:15:47.530 --> 0:15:49.190 and a little less time with you because I know 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:51.059 that you guys spend a whole bunch of time together, right? 0:15:51.510 --> 0:15:54.750 Definitely hang out a lot. So what if it comes 0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:57.700 to like, maybe I want to catch the premiere of 0:15:57.710 --> 0:16:00.150 this movie with you but then you're like, oh, I 0:16:00.159 --> 0:16:01.210 already made plans, 0:16:02.090 --> 0:16:02.880 article got media invite 0:16:03.849 --> 0:16:06.049 or something like that. Would you try to like get 0:16:06.059 --> 0:16:09.210 another ticket for you? Ok. How do you then balance 0:16:09.219 --> 0:16:11.859 that if it's a simple ask of your partner? But 0:16:11.869 --> 0:16:13.409 is it ok if we watch this movie together? 0:16:13.419 --> 0:16:16.289 Because yeah, ok, then I guess in that situation then 0:16:16.599 --> 0:16:19.109 in specific situations where I feel like, yeah, you know 0:16:19.119 --> 0:16:21.460 what I mean? You're also important to me, right? If 0:16:21.469 --> 0:16:23.239 you're my partner, if you love in my life, then 0:16:23.250 --> 0:16:25.929 of course, I would wanna do that with you, but 0:16:25.940 --> 0:16:29.109 it shouldn't be like, ok, your life you cannot be 0:16:29.119 --> 0:16:32.539 friends with, of course, but in specific situations, I think 0:16:32.549 --> 0:16:33.059 it's ok. 0:16:33.390 --> 0:16:36.020 So it's ok to ask you to strike a little 0:16:36.030 --> 0:16:37.869 bit of a balance and you wouldn't take any of that. 0:16:37.989 --> 0:16:40.169 I would if she told me that she wanted to 0:16:40.179 --> 0:16:42.179 hang out with you and you have, I'll be, like, 0:16:42.190 --> 0:16:43.549 hang out with her because I don't want her to 0:16:43.559 --> 0:16:46.210 hate me because I want to be her friend. So 0:16:46.229 --> 0:16:46.549 I'd be like, 0:16:47.669 --> 0:16:49.559 yeah, both of us, we are quite like, 0:16:50.039 --> 0:16:52.650 in terms of friendships, we really share our friendship. So 0:16:52.789 --> 0:16:55.250 I think we also want to bring our, like, significant 0:16:55.260 --> 0:16:57.440 others into the friend group. Hopefully, I think we always, 0:16:57.450 --> 0:17:00.919 our friend group, we always try to like in everyone. 0:17:01.479 --> 0:17:03.549 So it's really important to me that my partner meets 0:17:03.559 --> 0:17:04.920 my friends, like my friends 0:17:05.020 --> 0:17:07.599 hangs out with my friends no 100% like an ecosystem, right? 0:17:07.609 --> 0:17:11.459 You can't just like separate lives. So then in that case, 0:17:12.050 --> 0:17:15.589 you know, I've heard of some theories before that men 0:17:15.599 --> 0:17:21.359 and women see friendships with different genders differently. So for example, 0:17:21.369 --> 0:17:25.000 when men go into relationship or friendship with a girl, 0:17:25.379 --> 0:17:28.369 they may see this woman as a potential partner. Is 0:17:28.379 --> 0:17:30.258 that true for you? I 0:17:30.269 --> 0:17:32.588 think there's some context here is that I've always been 0:17:32.828 --> 0:17:35.438 in like classrooms and stuff like that, but the ratio 0:17:35.448 --> 0:17:38.838 is insane like, yeah, so it's way more way more 0:17:38.848 --> 0:17:41.739 girls than guys. So especially when I entered JC, I 0:17:41.749 --> 0:17:43.989 think that was my first time where like maybe like 0:17:43.999 --> 0:17:46.578 five guys in the class and the rest of the Yeah, 0:17:46.648 --> 0:17:50.259 for real. So I had to really adjust into like, OK, 0:17:50.780 --> 0:17:53.069 based on that theory, right? I can't be falling in 0:17:53.079 --> 0:17:57.920 love with everyone. So it's almost like managing, managing that 0:17:57.930 --> 0:18:01.300 kind of like friendships with the opposite sex and I 0:18:01.310 --> 0:18:03.199 feel I've gotten used to it and even in uni 0:18:03.209 --> 0:18:05.180 the ratio was insane. Like our whole school, we would 0:18:05.189 --> 0:18:07.869 have like 20 guys and like the rest of girls 0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:09.679 are hundreds of girls. So you would be in like 0:18:09.689 --> 0:18:11.589 group projects with them, you would be 0:18:11.949 --> 0:18:14.819 eating lunch with them but not necessarily you want, that's 0:18:14.829 --> 0:18:16.879 not like it's not like a potential. Wait, 0:18:16.890 --> 0:18:20.479 what course do you take? Communication media that explains it? 0:18:20.489 --> 0:18:24.010 And you were in arts in JC? Arts in JC? OK. 0:18:24.020 --> 0:18:26.649 So then it shows that it's something that you grew 0:18:26.660 --> 0:18:29.189 into as well. It also the environment that you're in 0:18:29.199 --> 0:18:32.089 that has shaped you and opened you up to a 0:18:32.099 --> 0:18:34.599 friendship like this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And 0:18:34.685 --> 0:18:37.334 for you as well because you were in primarily a 0:18:37.344 --> 0:18:40.584 girl and then, and then I took biology in college 0:18:40.594 --> 0:18:45.614