WEBVTT - The Secret to Self-Love: Going on Solo Dates! 0:00:00.009 --> 0:00:01.480 Hello Sazel 0:00:01.480 --> 0:00:01.919 and I'm 0:00:01.919 --> 0:00:04.179 Jermaine and welcome back to another episode of Cities. 0:00:06.230 --> 0:00:07.710 You know what, I want to say thank you for 0:00:07.710 --> 0:00:11.260 tuning in to every of our episodes. And the past 0:00:11.260 --> 0:00:13.420 episode on solo traveling was one that I really enjoyed 0:00:13.420 --> 0:00:16.340 as well. So in that spirit, today, we're going to 0:00:16.340 --> 0:00:20.809 do another episode on solo, but not solo traveling anymore, 0:00:21.100 --> 0:00:22.849 on the theme of solo dating. 0:00:23.629 --> 0:00:24.719 What is so dating? 0:00:24.950 --> 0:00:25.110 Like 0:00:25.110 --> 0:00:27.290 you take yourself out on a date. Bingo. 0:00:27.510 --> 0:00:28.209 How is that a date? 0:00:28.670 --> 0:00:31.190 Exactly. So you are on a date with yourself. So 0:00:31.190 --> 0:00:34.270 it's like you plan something intentionally as you would for 0:00:34.270 --> 0:00:36.269 a partner, but it's just you like self-care 0:00:36.270 --> 0:00:36.778 day. Yeah, 0:00:37.939 --> 0:00:39.229 so, so for example if I go. 0:00:39.330 --> 0:00:42.409 For like my hair appointment, my nail appointment, that's solo dating. 0:00:42.840 --> 0:00:43.259 Then you take 0:00:43.259 --> 0:00:43.439 yourself 0:00:43.439 --> 0:00:47.049 out to a nice meal. And today I'm actually dressed 0:00:47.049 --> 0:00:48.880 in how I would dress if I were out for 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:51.680 a solo dating. I would take myself hiking. I would 0:00:51.680 --> 0:00:53.990 want to hit the gym and then go and eat 0:00:53.990 --> 0:00:55.080 some very good steak. 0:00:55.700 --> 0:00:58.939 Interesting. Yeah, so here's the thing about solo dating, right? 0:00:59.099 --> 0:01:02.569 Things like hair appointments, self-care, nail appointment. I always thought 0:01:02.569 --> 0:01:05.819 that those were errands to me. They were errands I 0:01:05.819 --> 0:01:08.459 had to run. So I never saw it as like 0:01:08.459 --> 0:01:09.639 solo dating. 0:01:09.779 --> 0:01:13.300 That's very good insight. I think the usual busy average 0:01:13.300 --> 0:01:15.819 Singaporean woman would probably think that way, but now that 0:01:15.819 --> 0:01:18.459 you said that, maybe it's time to change our mindset 0:01:18.459 --> 0:01:20.980 a bit. Just enjoy soak in the moment. 0:01:21.074 --> 0:01:24.625 I usually as well it's not like errands that you 0:01:24.625 --> 0:01:29.065 schedule in between things, but it has to be like intentional. Like, OK, 0:01:29.224 --> 0:01:32.613 this weekend I'm going to take myself out for brunch 0:01:32.614 --> 0:01:36.014 and then I'll go do my nails. It's like intentionally. Yeah, 0:01:36.184 --> 0:01:39.274 you have to remember that solo dating is about treating yourself. 0:01:39.425 --> 0:01:41.764 It's not just checking off something on your to do list. 0:01:41.974 --> 0:01:42.144 So 0:01:42.144 --> 0:01:43.654 do you girls do solo dates? 0:01:44.464 --> 0:01:45.934 We don't even do dates with people. 0:01:47.220 --> 0:01:49.930 I think all the time, but last time I would 0:01:49.930 --> 0:01:52.379 be very afraid to embark on a solo date. I 0:01:52.379 --> 0:01:54.540 would be afraid of what people would say. There was 0:01:54.540 --> 0:01:56.779 one time in secondary school, this friend told me, Ha ha, 0:01:56.900 --> 0:02:00.459 you know, friend, fine friend, and I was so hurt. Yeah, 0:02:00.500 --> 0:02:03.580 that's very mean, right? I mean, back then we didn't 0:02:03.580 --> 0:02:06.900 know better, but then now that I've grown up, I 0:02:06.900 --> 0:02:08.020 actually embrace my me. 0:02:08.195 --> 0:02:12.424 Time allotted. I understand. Do you enjoy having a meal 0:02:12.425 --> 0:02:12.914 by yourself? 0:02:13.675 --> 0:02:13.875 I 0:02:13.875 --> 0:02:14.065 used 0:02:14.065 --> 0:02:17.154 to hate it. I thought everyone was judging me for 0:02:17.154 --> 0:02:20.595 eating by myself and I would have literal like social 0:02:20.595 --> 0:02:23.434 anxiety going out to eat by myself, but now I 0:02:23.434 --> 0:02:26.144 love it. I just ate by myself before this episode 0:02:26.145 --> 0:02:28.674 and I had a great time. I was watching Sings Inferno. 0:02:29.929 --> 0:02:32.758 So engrossed with that show a muffin. 0:02:32.929 --> 0:02:33.789 At this age, 0:02:33.929 --> 0:02:37.889 it almost feels luxurious, you know, like, um, I have 0:02:37.889 --> 0:02:39.649 time to spare. I'm going to sit with 0:02:39.649 --> 0:02:40.769 myself. Yeah. 0:02:40.889 --> 0:02:43.130 Here's the strength of solo dating, right? 0:02:43.729 --> 0:02:45.880 You wouldn't go on a date with someone you don't like. 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:48.460 Is that correct? Sure. So if you're going to date yourself, 0:02:48.520 --> 0:02:51.320 you have to love yourself. If you don't like yourself, 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:53.759 you wouldn't want to spend time alone by yourself. What 0:02:53.758 --> 0:02:56.529 if someone is now saying, but I don't like myself? OK, 0:02:56.660 --> 0:02:59.410 you know, a psychologist based in London, her name is Dr. 0:02:59.600 --> 0:03:03.228 Natalie Bailey. She says that spending quality time alone can 0:03:03.229 --> 0:03:06.440 be a very valuable tool, and she says solo dating 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:11.240 is all about self-love, self-discovery, growth, and empowerment, and it's 0:03:11.240 --> 0:03:11.440 an 0:03:11.585 --> 0:03:14.853 meditation, a time to discover more about yourself without the 0:03:14.854 --> 0:03:18.005 noise and the influence of others. So if you are 0:03:18.005 --> 0:03:20.604 someone who doesn't like yourself, maybe you can use this 0:03:20.604 --> 0:03:23.354 chance to find out what you don't like about yourself 0:03:23.604 --> 0:03:24.323 and work on it. 0:03:25.145 --> 0:03:28.595 I think solo dating takes a lot of guts as well. So, 0:03:28.725 --> 0:03:31.414 so I'm dressed today in a very nice dinner dress 0:03:31.413 --> 0:03:35.005 because I'm aspiring to take myself out on a nice 0:03:35.005 --> 0:03:38.125 solo date dinner, right? Not like a little lunch or cafe, 0:03:38.205 --> 0:03:39.244 but a full on dinner. 0:03:39.419 --> 0:03:41.830 So this happened and this inspiration came when I was 0:03:41.830 --> 0:03:44.369 in LA for work and I was taking my friend 0:03:44.369 --> 0:03:46.940 out to dinner at like a really nice restaurant in 0:03:46.940 --> 0:03:48.880 LA and there was a girl sitting next to us 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:53.809 and she was in this red booty dress with feathers, gorgeous, 0:03:54.009 --> 0:03:57.289 gorgeous girl. And then she was alone for the whole meal. 0:03:57.369 --> 0:03:58.610 So me and my friend were like, oh, I think 0:03:58.610 --> 0:04:00.529 she came alone like just to have a nice meal 0:04:00.529 --> 0:04:02.889 by herself. And at the end of the meal, a 0:04:02.889 --> 0:04:05.928 birthday cake came out for her. So on our way out, right, 0:04:06.070 --> 0:04:07.169 we were waiting for a car. 0:04:07.304 --> 0:04:09.304 And she was there at the drop off point and 0:04:09.304 --> 0:04:11.014 we asked her like, where are you from? Like, you 0:04:11.014 --> 0:04:15.735 know what's going on? And she's actually from, I believe, Barbados. Oh, 0:04:15.854 --> 0:04:16.924 she's on holiday, 0:04:17.494 --> 0:04:18.993 is that where you want to hold your wedding next 0:04:18.994 --> 0:04:21.214 time came from? She's on 0:04:21.214 --> 0:04:22.045 holiday 0:04:22.654 --> 0:04:25.174 in the US alone. It happened to be her birthday, 0:04:25.255 --> 0:04:28.415 so she took herself out to dinner and dressed in 0:04:28.415 --> 0:04:30.005 the nicest. She was stunning. 0:04:30.535 --> 0:04:31.243 Oh my God 0:04:31.244 --> 0:04:32.424 I want to be her. 0:04:32.635 --> 0:04:34.075 Wait, she arranged the cake for herself. 0:04:36.130 --> 0:04:37.329 So that's my inspiration. 0:04:37.730 --> 0:04:40.558 You know, prior to this episode, I never ever thought 0:04:40.559 --> 0:04:43.160 about the idea of taking myself out to dinner. Like, OK, 0:04:43.209 --> 0:04:45.589 maybe like Taian sure, you know, just get it done 0:04:45.589 --> 0:04:48.750 and over with, right? But planning a dinner date for myself, 0:04:48.799 --> 0:04:51.239 you know, going to my favorite steak restaurant, sitting down, 0:04:51.320 --> 0:04:53.119 having a glass of red wine, it never occurred to 0:04:53.119 --> 0:04:55.519 me that, hey, I can do that for myself, but 0:04:55.519 --> 0:04:58.640 this episode actually inspires me to do so, and it's 0:04:58.640 --> 0:05:00.678 such a good thing to do to yourself, to just 0:05:00.678 --> 0:05:04.040 treat yourself, right? I think whether it's solo dating or 0:05:04.040 --> 0:05:06.320 solo traveling or even just, you know, have you heard 0:05:06.320 --> 0:05:07.350 of people who 0:05:07.945 --> 0:05:11.544 Can or almost cannot be home by themselves. Like they'll 0:05:11.545 --> 0:05:14.225 pack their schedules. They always have to go and see 0:05:14.225 --> 0:05:18.785 a friend. Sounds like me. I go home just to sleep, 0:05:18.855 --> 0:05:20.544 clock in my eight hours of rest, and after that 0:05:20.545 --> 0:05:21.625 I just want to get out of the house, 0:05:21.744 --> 0:05:22.265 do things. 0:05:22.464 --> 0:05:24.654 For Hazy, it's not that you can't be by yourself, 0:05:24.803 --> 0:05:27.105 it's just that you like to do things. You always 0:05:27.105 --> 0:05:28.154 like to be doing something, 0:05:28.515 --> 0:05:32.144 yeah. But I think in cases like that, sometimes people 0:05:32.144 --> 0:05:36.464 are afraid of being with themselves because they're afraid of 0:05:36.464 --> 0:05:37.105 their thoughts. 0:05:38.450 --> 0:05:39.500 I 0:05:39.500 --> 0:05:40.010 understand that, 0:05:40.329 --> 0:05:42.619 but I take the time like when I mean I 0:05:42.619 --> 0:05:44.790 don't know if solo dates count if you're just at home, 0:05:44.940 --> 0:05:47.420 like I'm taking a nice bath, I put on a mask, 0:05:47.980 --> 0:05:52.140 I do my shower. I think that's a solo date. 0:05:52.738 --> 0:05:56.100 OK, so what are some examples of solo dates? Here's 0:05:56.100 --> 0:05:59.039 one story from online that I really, really love, OK, 0:05:59.119 --> 0:06:02.019 by this girl called Kimberly, she's only 23, and she 0:06:02.019 --> 0:06:03.099 really embraces solo dating. 0:06:03.795 --> 0:06:06.545 She loves to indulge in concerts. Like she's the kind 0:06:06.545 --> 0:06:09.035 of person, she says, I find the most random artists 0:06:09.035 --> 0:06:10.434 in the middle of the night when I'm listening to 0:06:10.434 --> 0:06:13.945 Spotify and I become hyper fixated, like this person is amazing. 0:06:14.035 --> 0:06:16.354 I must see him or her life. And she started 0:06:16.355 --> 0:06:19.394 going to gigs, concerts alone. This has allowed her to 0:06:19.394 --> 0:06:21.945 tap into her interest further and just connect with herself. 0:06:22.113 --> 0:06:23.755 She's the kind of person when she's out of the concert, 0:06:23.834 --> 0:06:26.664 she posts a story, tell everybody she's at this concert, 0:06:26.795 --> 0:06:27.833 she's watching this act. 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:30.230 But now she says she doesn't feel the need to 0:06:30.230 --> 0:06:32.730 share it anymore. She just go out to the concert herself, 0:06:33.149 --> 0:06:35.779 enjoy it, go home, that's it. So that's a way 0:06:35.779 --> 0:06:38.630 of like solo dating and indulging in the interest, and 0:06:38.630 --> 0:06:39.950 I think that's so nice. 0:06:40.630 --> 0:06:43.390 I've never been to a concert alone. I know a 0:06:43.390 --> 0:06:44.260 lot of people do. 0:06:44.630 --> 0:06:45.459 I have. 0:06:45.709 --> 0:06:46.070 How was 0:06:46.070 --> 0:06:49.589 it? I have one, so basically I was still in 0:06:49.589 --> 0:06:53.670 school and then John Mayer was playing in London and 0:06:53.670 --> 0:06:55.049 there was no way I was giving up on that, 0:06:55.149 --> 0:06:56.190 but I couldn't get tickets. 0:06:57.000 --> 0:07:01.399 Scalpers are like really wild they're like wild. So eventually, right, 0:07:01.480 --> 0:07:03.679 it was like 2 weeks before the concert and I 0:07:03.678 --> 0:07:05.920 still didn't have tickets. And then one day in like 0:07:05.920 --> 0:07:09.190 the Singaporean group chat, this person I didn't even know 0:07:09.190 --> 0:07:11.839 who was from Singapore basically said like I had gone 0:07:11.839 --> 0:07:13.720 home to Singapore and I decided to stay a little 0:07:13.720 --> 0:07:17.239 bit longer, so I am not able to make it. Like, 0:07:17.279 --> 0:07:19.910 does anyone want my ticket for free? No la la. 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:22.589 I'm like, oh my God, but there was only one. 0:07:22.799 --> 0:07:24.230 So I was like I don't care. 0:07:24.459 --> 0:07:26.929 I am going to go. Did you enjoy that? I did. 0:07:27.290 --> 0:07:28.000 I was crying. 0:07:29.750 --> 0:07:30.420 I mean of course you crying. 0:07:31.880 --> 0:07:34.049 It's because you went alone that you could allow yourself 0:07:34.049 --> 0:07:34.809 to cry like that. 0:07:35.489 --> 0:07:39.059 That's not true. I went to play with her, Billie Eilish, 0:07:39.450 --> 0:07:43.130 both concerts, she was a puddle of tears. Yeah, but 0:07:43.130 --> 0:07:45.600 that takes a lot of, I feel like it takes guts. 0:07:46.130 --> 0:07:47.609 I may not be there yet, but I hope to 0:07:47.609 --> 0:07:49.450 get there one day. On the flip side of it, 0:07:49.609 --> 0:07:52.549 I think solo dating is still quite a 0:07:53.130 --> 0:07:58.250 Um, I would say not widely or fully accepted. For example, 0:07:58.399 --> 0:08:01.170 this person on Reddit said, I'm about to turn 27 0:08:01.170 --> 0:08:03.320 and I grew up as an only child and I 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:05.440 live in a college town, so I have no friends here. 0:08:05.679 --> 0:08:07.709 So I always take myself out to dinner by myself, 0:08:07.769 --> 0:08:08.480 do solo dates. 0:08:08.665 --> 0:08:11.184 there's and stuff, but a few weeks ago, I went 0:08:11.184 --> 0:08:13.434 to a football game by myself and there was a 0:08:13.434 --> 0:08:16.024 group of girls next to me. I offered to switch 0:08:16.024 --> 0:08:17.744 seats with one of the girls so that she can 0:08:17.744 --> 0:08:20.165 be with her group because I was in the middle 0:08:20.464 --> 0:08:25.424 and the girl said, Oh, you're alone, like alone alone 0:08:25.424 --> 0:08:29.144 by yourself, and this made her feel very discouraged. She 0:08:29.144 --> 0:08:29.424 was like, 0:08:29.445 --> 0:08:29.864 oh. 0:08:31.450 --> 0:08:33.969 See, this is where I think the intentions came out wrongly. 0:08:34.150 --> 0:08:36.239 The girl could have asked that because she was thinking, 0:08:36.409 --> 0:08:37.209 would you like to join 0:08:37.210 --> 0:08:37.599 us? 0:08:37.799 --> 0:08:39.830 Yeah, but maybe it came out the wrong way. I 0:08:39.830 --> 0:08:41.679 don't think she meant anything bad. 0:08:42.409 --> 0:08:46.689 I think maybe sometimes it's quite subconscious because it's not, 0:08:46.809 --> 0:08:49.450 it's not as widely known yet, right? You know what 0:08:49.450 --> 0:08:52.478 I mean. I think sometimes it comes off quite subconscious 0:08:52.479 --> 0:08:54.650 when you see someone like for example, the girl that 0:08:54.650 --> 0:08:57.728 you saw in LA. It's very easy for someone to 0:08:57.729 --> 0:08:58.609 have an immediate thought. 0:08:58.770 --> 0:09:02.080 Oh, did she get stood up like, oh, does she 0:09:02.080 --> 0:09:03.949 not have anyone that's why she has to eat alone, 0:09:04.309 --> 0:09:05.919 you know that would be the worst if people thought 0:09:05.919 --> 0:09:07.880 I got stood up because I took myself out to 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:10.770 like a really nice restaurant. It's like, oh my gosh, 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:12.869 she probably got stood up for a date and show up. 0:09:13.239 --> 0:09:15.159 But yeah, people are probably going to think that if 0:09:15.159 --> 0:09:18.919 you look hot as, you know, that girl and then 0:09:18.919 --> 0:09:19.630 you're alone, 0:09:19.849 --> 0:09:23.419 society is still a ways away from from that. I 0:09:23.419 --> 0:09:26.320 love Pey Murray's story. She said, I love solo dating. 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:28.710 And I do it all the time. There was, there 0:09:28.710 --> 0:09:33.469 was a Beyonce themed clubbing event and she was supposed 0:09:33.469 --> 0:09:35.150 to go with her friend, but her friend couldn't make 0:09:35.150 --> 0:09:38.349 it at the last minute. So I decided to go anyways. 0:09:38.429 --> 0:09:41.390 I had my outfit, my makeup, everything was ready. I 0:09:41.390 --> 0:09:45.140 went by myself. It turned out amazing. I enjoyed myself 0:09:45.140 --> 0:09:49.049 so much. I even made friends with a guy trying 0:09:49.049 --> 0:09:52.478 to set me up with his girl best friend, LOL. 0:09:52.950 --> 0:09:53.840 That's so funny. 0:09:54.030 --> 0:09:55.819 But she says, I think everyone should go on solo 0:09:55.820 --> 0:09:58.179 dates whether or not you have a partner. 0:09:58.299 --> 0:10:01.880 Oh, on that note, actually, if you have a partner, 0:10:02.059 --> 0:10:03.299 can you still go on a solo date? 0:10:04.739 --> 0:10:07.340 Why not? When you have a partner, all the more 0:10:07.340 --> 0:10:10.939 you should dedicate time to solo dating. Yes. But if 0:10:10.940 --> 0:10:12.979 your boyfriend can go for a game of golf, that's 0:10:12.979 --> 0:10:13.780 a solo date. Oh, that's 0:10:13.780 --> 0:10:13.900 a 0:10:13.900 --> 0:10:14.098 solo 0:10:14.099 --> 0:10:15.219 dating session for him, 0:10:16.840 --> 0:10:18.929 right? Did they not play golf in packs? 0:10:19.059 --> 0:10:20.049 I don't know, man. I don't 0:10:20.049 --> 0:10:20.659 know about golf. 0:10:22.049 --> 0:10:26.030 OK, PDN story. She says she loves going on solo 0:10:26.030 --> 0:10:28.179 dates and she has days where she just goes out alone, 0:10:28.219 --> 0:10:30.459 be it to a shop on self-care day, like a 0:10:30.460 --> 0:10:32.780 hair and nails kind of thing, and she just really 0:10:32.780 --> 0:10:35.619 loves having some time on her own, and she would 0:10:35.619 --> 0:10:39.890 highly recommend eating Yankee sushi if you are new to 0:10:39.890 --> 0:10:43.179 dining alone. This is because it's a very single diner 0:10:43.179 --> 0:10:44.169 friendly restaurant. 0:10:44.530 --> 0:10:46.770 And this is one thing I realized about Japanese restaurants. 0:10:46.929 --> 0:10:49.799 Remember the previous episode we're talking about how PDM, she 0:10:49.799 --> 0:10:51.830 went to Korea and there were a lot of restaurants 0:10:51.830 --> 0:10:56.159 that didn't accept single diners, right? This is exactly the 0:10:56.159 --> 0:10:58.598 opposite in Japan. In Japan they have a lot of 0:10:58.599 --> 0:11:00.719 like small little seats just for single diners 0:11:00.719 --> 0:11:04.159 ramen. You don't even have to talk to anyone. Yeah, 0:11:04.239 --> 0:11:04.640 they just 0:11:04.640 --> 0:11:06.640 appear out of the little curtain and then pass you 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:08.479 a ramen and then that's it. I love 0:11:08.479 --> 0:11:11.119 that. I love that. OK, so if you're listening to 0:11:11.119 --> 0:11:12.049 this and you're like, oh, I'm 0:11:12.179 --> 0:11:14.569 Inspired actually. I want to go on a solo date. 0:11:15.210 --> 0:11:17.929 What are some ideas, girls that we can give whoever 0:11:17.929 --> 0:11:18.890 is listening? Maybe 0:11:18.890 --> 0:11:19.090 if 0:11:19.090 --> 0:11:24.289 you're not daring enough yet for like a dinner. OK 0:11:24.289 --> 0:11:26.289 Cafe in the afternoon, I think that's quite normal to 0:11:26.289 --> 0:11:32.130 people by themselves or lunch. You start there first. Some 0:11:32.130 --> 0:11:37.239 of our fellow SG girlies actually recommended plain vanilla, Apollo coffee. 0:11:37.369 --> 0:11:39.789 Oh my gosh, under the linden. I actually 0:11:40.500 --> 0:11:43.539 Have their coffee with me right now. Yes, it's very 0:11:43.539 --> 0:11:46.900 near Mediacorp and I will recommend that cafe because most 0:11:46.900 --> 0:11:49.218 of the time it's not very packed. So if you're 0:11:49.219 --> 0:11:51.619 looking for that quiet environment, I think that's a good 0:11:51.619 --> 0:11:52.099 place to go 0:11:52.099 --> 0:11:52.400 to. 0:11:52.789 --> 0:11:56.890 Another idea is obviously to do an activity, right? Like 0:11:56.890 --> 0:12:00.299 let's say you sign up for a class, like a 0:12:00.299 --> 0:12:04.218 craft class or you go shopping or thrifting, not so 0:12:04.219 --> 0:12:06.770 advisable for me because whenever I go shopping alone. 0:12:07.159 --> 0:12:09.369 I end up buying I end up buying way too 0:12:09.369 --> 0:12:12.049 many things. I treat it like retail therapy, like when 0:12:12.049 --> 0:12:13.409 I'm in a bad mood, right, I just go and 0:12:13.409 --> 0:12:16.200 shop then I end up with too many things. 0:12:17.239 --> 0:12:19.250 But if you have someone with you, does that stop you? 0:12:19.330 --> 0:12:20.049 It depends who the 0:12:20.049 --> 0:12:21.968 person is. If it's us, then no girls, 0:12:24.289 --> 0:12:27.569 I will be. But yes, that's an idea like going thrifting, 0:12:27.650 --> 0:12:28.969 maybe finding specialties. 0:12:29.049 --> 0:12:31.320 Stores, you know, digging out good finds. I feel like 0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:32.488 that could be quite a cute. 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:33.080 I like 0:12:33.080 --> 0:12:35.000 what you mentioned about signing up for classes. I think 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:36.960 Claas is a good way for you to experience a 0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:39.559 lot of different things alone, but if you're looking for 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:43.260 something that's free, hiking is something I would really recommend 0:12:43.260 --> 0:12:46.429 like East Coast Park, West Coast Park, Bukit Timah railway. 0:12:46.719 --> 0:12:48.760 These are some places that you can go to absolutely 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:50.880 FOC, and I love that you. 0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:54.319 You can almost like ground yourself in nature like really 0:12:54.320 --> 0:12:57.390 touch grass. They say go out and touch grass, really 0:12:57.390 --> 0:13:00.590 go and touch the grass because it's very healing for 0:13:00.590 --> 0:13:03.429 you as a person and even better is if you 0:13:03.429 --> 0:13:06.349 can go on these walks and not listen to music 0:13:06.349 --> 0:13:08.750 but just listen to the sound of nature, let the 0:13:08.750 --> 0:13:11.429 thoughts come in your head and let them go. That's 0:13:11.429 --> 0:13:12.530 so like tranquil. 0:13:13.210 --> 0:13:17.090 Another very therapeutic place that I used to go very, 0:13:17.130 --> 0:13:18.929 very often, but not anymore, and it's one of my 0:13:18.929 --> 0:13:22.409 regrets is the library. I love going to the library. 0:13:22.450 --> 0:13:23.960 I can sit there for hours just like, you know, 0:13:24.030 --> 0:13:26.489 combing through a book. I think hitting the library or 0:13:26.489 --> 0:13:28.650 the bookstores is a very good way to just spend 0:13:28.650 --> 0:13:31.919 time with yourself, and the book that you pick up definitely, 0:13:32.130 --> 0:13:33.770 you know, is aligned with your interest as well, so 0:13:33.770 --> 0:13:36.169 why not? A very good place that I can recommend 0:13:36.169 --> 0:13:38.609 is the Brass Basar bookstore. They have a lot of 0:13:38.609 --> 0:13:40.530 very special and unique books. 0:13:41.125 --> 0:13:42.606 If you don't want to buy books, then just go 0:13:42.606 --> 0:13:43.895 to the library free of charge. Yeah, 0:13:45.325 --> 0:13:46.955 the other day I was having lunch with a friend 0:13:46.955 --> 0:13:48.495 and I was like, oh, you know, it's your birthday. 0:13:48.526 --> 0:13:50.286 What are you going to do after this lunch? He said, Oh, 0:13:50.445 --> 0:13:53.325 I'm going to go to the library. Yeah, he literally 0:13:53.325 --> 0:13:56.375 went there and like read about Singapore history for like 0:13:56.375 --> 0:13:57.085 3 hours on his birthday. 0:13:58.445 --> 0:13:58.645 This 0:13:58.645 --> 0:14:00.324 person happen to be Avery or what? No, 0:14:00.625 --> 0:14:01.405 it will never be never be. 0:14:02.366 --> 0:14:03.165 I don't think Avery you know what, 0:14:05.515 --> 0:14:07.955 because I just want to share that Avery has this like. 0:14:08.192 --> 0:14:14.160 e-reader thing, yeah, it's like a Kindle, but it's a 0:14:14.160 --> 0:14:18.242 Singapore version of the Kindle that's actually connected to your 0:14:18.242 --> 0:14:21.721 national library board account so you can borrow books from 0:14:21.721 --> 0:14:25.122 the NLB and it's connected to the COO and then 0:14:25.122 --> 0:14:27.041 just take yourself out to a cafe, sit down and 0:14:27.041 --> 0:14:27.841 read the book. That's so 0:14:27.841 --> 0:14:28.132 nice, right? 0:14:29.802 --> 0:14:33.442 Yeah, I think one way to make yourself feel comfortable 0:14:33.442 --> 0:14:35.691 when you're on a solo date is bring like 0:14:35.969 --> 0:14:39.270 Like they call it a comfort item, something that makes 0:14:39.270 --> 0:14:40.739 you feel safe. 0:14:40.789 --> 0:14:40.989 It will 0:14:40.989 --> 0:14:43.950 be the camera for me. Like every time I feel insecure, 0:14:44.030 --> 0:14:46.369 maybe I want to just stand up and snap something. 0:14:47.669 --> 0:14:51.109 For me it's earphones like it's my AirPods like once 0:14:51.109 --> 0:14:51.460 I put 0:14:51.715 --> 0:14:54.114 I'm like, you know, in my own world doing my 0:14:54.114 --> 0:14:54.594 own thing. 0:14:54.815 --> 0:14:57.284 For some people it could be the journal just sit down, 0:14:57.534 --> 0:14:58.335 like pencil all their 0:14:58.335 --> 0:14:59.695 thoughts. Oh yours can be wooden one. Yeah yeah 0:15:04.205 --> 0:15:06.934 yeah that's so relaxing. I love that. I love that. 0:15:07.260 --> 0:15:10.090 And I think picking the right environment that speaks to 0:15:10.090 --> 0:15:12.450 you is also something that's very important. If you are 0:15:12.450 --> 0:15:15.320 someone who is a lover of nature, then of course 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:18.450 get out to the wild, but if you are like 0:15:18.450 --> 0:15:20.969 a city girl, then maybe cafes would be a good 0:15:20.969 --> 0:15:23.330 start for you. And if you can't deal with anything 0:15:23.330 --> 0:15:25.179 too quiet, then maybe if you need a little bit 0:15:25.179 --> 0:15:28.419 of buzz, then you pick somewhere a little bit more 0:15:28.419 --> 0:15:29.049 like busy 0:15:29.049 --> 0:15:29.479 maybe. 0:15:30.260 --> 0:15:32.419 I think the biggest hurdle to get over is. 0:15:33.059 --> 0:15:36.229 caring what people think. Yeah, for most people, solo dating, 0:15:36.270 --> 0:15:39.510 solo eating, solo traveling, whatever it is, right, you always 0:15:39.510 --> 0:15:41.669 worry about like, oh people judge me if I do 0:15:41.669 --> 0:15:44.669 this alone, and the fact of the matter is you're 0:15:44.669 --> 0:15:47.500 not going to convince yourself that people don't judge you, right? 0:15:47.679 --> 0:15:51.830 But you can convince yourself that you don't care. Don't 0:15:51.830 --> 0:15:53.179 try to change people, you change yourself. 0:15:53.989 --> 0:15:56.130 And what can you do to achieve that? I think 0:15:56.130 --> 0:15:57.549 having a plan is very important. 0:15:58.159 --> 0:16:00.200 Tell yourself, OK, 8 a.m., you want to be here. 0:16:00.320 --> 0:16:01.840 By 12 p.m. you want to be there, and by 0:16:01.840 --> 0:16:03.960 3 p.m. here and then go home. So if you 0:16:03.960 --> 0:16:07.190 have a plan, it distracts you from what other people think. 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:09.679 You just go with your own flow and you call 0:16:09.679 --> 0:16:12.099 the shots. Then maybe you don't feel lost as well 0:16:12.099 --> 0:16:14.119 if you know, you're done with something, then you don't 0:16:14.119 --> 0:16:16.039 really know what to do. Maybe at that point you 0:16:16.039 --> 0:16:18.440 can feel like a little bit lost. So the plan, 0:16:18.479 --> 0:16:20.840 I think that helps. And I think the most important 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:23.570 thing like what Jimmy mentioned is shifting your mindset. Just 0:16:23.570 --> 0:16:26.239 tell yourself that you know solo dating doesn't mean that 0:16:26.239 --> 0:16:27.239 you are lonely. 0:16:27.551 --> 0:16:29.960 You're alone, yes, but that doesn't mean that you're lonely. 0:16:30.560 --> 0:16:33.181 You can tell yourself that at least you've reached a 0:16:33.181 --> 0:16:36.401 point where you're really comfortable to be with yourself because 0:16:36.401 --> 0:16:37.791 a lot of people can't do that. 0:16:38.241 --> 0:16:40.880