1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,390 Speaker 1: Hello 2 00:00:02,230 --> 00:00:04,670 Speaker 2: and welcome back to another episode of clarity's. 3 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,360 Speaker 2: So in our previous episode we spoke about something that 4 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:10,869 Speaker 2: was 5 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,700 Speaker 1: my time please. What do you 6 00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 2: say? She means like 7 00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:21,280 Speaker 1: okay and you know I hear sounds. 8 00:00:21,290 --> 00:00:25,220 Speaker 2: I've actually gotten some like d m responding to that 9 00:00:25,230 --> 00:00:25,860 Speaker 2: episode 10 00:00:25,870 --> 00:00:26,630 Speaker 1: about cheating. 11 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:30,370 Speaker 2: Yes. Yes. And how support is very important. So in 12 00:00:30,380 --> 00:00:34,379 Speaker 2: this episode we're actually going to speak about friend therapist. 13 00:00:34,390 --> 00:00:37,540 Speaker 1: Friend therapist. So like a friend who acts as a therapist. 14 00:00:37,550 --> 00:00:40,379 Speaker 2: That's right. So they're not professional but they're there to 15 00:00:40,380 --> 00:00:42,420 Speaker 2: listen to you and offer you advice. 16 00:00:42,436 --> 00:00:45,186 Speaker 2: And you know how how sometimes this can lead in 17 00:00:45,186 --> 00:00:47,986 Speaker 2: a good way or not? Okay but first of all girls, 18 00:00:47,986 --> 00:00:50,136 Speaker 2: do you have a friend therapist to turn to? 19 00:00:50,146 --> 00:00:53,596 Speaker 1: Yes. Absolute. one of my best friends is essentially my therapist, 20 00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:56,976 Speaker 1: that's why I don't pay for therapy whenever I'm spiraling 21 00:00:56,976 --> 00:01:00,046 Speaker 1: or I'm going through a tough time or even something simple. 22 00:01:00,046 --> 00:01:02,266 Speaker 1: Like I don't know what to reply to this guy immediately. 23 00:01:02,266 --> 00:01:02,590 Speaker 1: All this 24 00:01:02,602 --> 00:01:04,422 Speaker 1: screenshots are sent to her or I get on a 25 00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,242 Speaker 1: video call with her and she will be able to 26 00:01:06,242 --> 00:01:08,652 Speaker 1: calm me down or just give me perspective. 27 00:01:08,662 --> 00:01:11,021 Speaker 2: So nice and her scones are also very nice 28 00:01:11,062 --> 00:01:14,592 Speaker 1: scones are delicious. Mr butter. Okay, 29 00:01:14,592 --> 00:01:14,931 Speaker 2: what about 30 00:01:15,222 --> 00:01:17,142 Speaker 1: um Usually I'm the therapist, 31 00:01:17,152 --> 00:01:17,812 Speaker 2: I 32 00:01:17,822 --> 00:01:19,491 Speaker 1: also have my own set of therapists 33 00:01:19,902 --> 00:01:21,662 Speaker 2: must be tough to be that person. 34 00:01:21,672 --> 00:01:22,612 Speaker 1: Which one? 35 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:24,420 Speaker 1: The therapist? 36 00:01:24,430 --> 00:01:29,000 Speaker 2: Your therapist. So for me I feel like my therapist 37 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:33,250 Speaker 2: friends um Jeremy is one of them. I always remember 38 00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:34,850 Speaker 2: last year when I was going through a very very 39 00:01:34,850 --> 00:01:38,370 Speaker 2: tough period. Like I mentioned this, she would listen to 40 00:01:38,370 --> 00:01:41,550 Speaker 2: me like 20 minutes before our radio shift starts? We 41 00:01:41,550 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 2: would sit at level three of Mediacorp and she would 42 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:48,550 Speaker 2: just like listen to me, pour my sorrows and my troubles. 43 00:01:48,550 --> 00:01:50,650 Speaker 2: And that really brought me a lot, a lot of comfort. 44 00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:52,970 Speaker 2: I wish I can be this figure to somebody else. 45 00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 2: But I don't know if I'm actually a friend therapist 46 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:57,200 Speaker 2: to any of my friends actually 47 00:01:57,210 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 1: you could be as in to be honest. I do 48 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 1: think that like we said previously, you are quite a 49 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:04,630 Speaker 1: moral compass. Yeah. So 50 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:05,559 Speaker 2: maybe it doesn't know. But he 51 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:06,750 Speaker 1: didn't come to me 52 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,370 Speaker 2: and tell me about that issue. 53 00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:11,150 Speaker 1: I don't go to Hazy first, but I will tell 54 00:02:11,150 --> 00:02:15,360 Speaker 1: Hazy and approval is very important to me because it 55 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,030 Speaker 1: means that you're doing something right. I 56 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 2: remember there was one time she told me something 57 00:02:19,290 --> 00:02:21,820 Speaker 2: and then after she she told me about the entire incident, 58 00:02:21,820 --> 00:02:24,399 Speaker 2: she was like hazy, I hope you're not disappointed with me. 59 00:02:24,410 --> 00:02:26,590 Speaker 2: And I was very taken aback. I was like Zora, 60 00:02:26,590 --> 00:02:29,050 Speaker 2: why would I be disappointed in you if anything, I 61 00:02:29,050 --> 00:02:31,049 Speaker 2: would support your choices because I'm here for you as 62 00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:34,590 Speaker 2: your friend. Yes. So don't ever think that, you know, 63 00:02:34,590 --> 00:02:37,600 Speaker 2: I'm not very fierce. Yeah, I just have a stricter 64 00:02:37,610 --> 00:02:39,910 Speaker 2: moral compass. You can come to me. I can be 65 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,550 Speaker 2: your friend therapist at a lower rate. 66 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:44,350 Speaker 1: Okay. Dm Hey hi hazel on instagram 67 00:02:44,350 --> 00:02:46,810 Speaker 2: now. Okay now speaking of friend therapist, what do you 68 00:02:46,810 --> 00:02:47,750 Speaker 2: think of some of the good call. 69 00:02:47,850 --> 00:02:49,179 Speaker 2: He's in a friend therapist. 70 00:02:49,190 --> 00:02:54,260 Speaker 1: Okay. I think it's someone that can listen very well. 71 00:02:54,270 --> 00:02:57,010 Speaker 1: So they listen to everything that you have to say before. 72 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,870 Speaker 1: They offer any opinions or any perspective for you to 73 00:02:59,870 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 1: move on. I think they also know you on a 74 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,680 Speaker 1: better level. They know like certain things you don't have 75 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:09,150 Speaker 1: to explain. You know, they understand why you did certain things, 76 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:12,410 Speaker 1: how you can avoid certain things. So I think that helps. 77 00:03:12,419 --> 00:03:15,000 Speaker 2: I feel like you also have to be a genuinely 78 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,230 Speaker 2: kind person 79 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:19,040 Speaker 2: and empathy must be one of his strongest suits because 80 00:03:19,050 --> 00:03:22,020 Speaker 2: then you can understand how other people are feeling or 81 00:03:22,020 --> 00:03:23,060 Speaker 2: where they're coming from. Right? 82 00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:24,850 Speaker 2: So now a quick question for the floor among the 83 00:03:24,850 --> 00:03:27,480 Speaker 2: three of us who do you think is the best 84 00:03:27,490 --> 00:03:29,049 Speaker 2: friend therapist? 85 00:03:29,060 --> 00:03:33,140 Speaker 1: 0123 We say the name. Okay, let me think. Okay, 86 00:03:33,139 --> 00:03:35,010 Speaker 2: In 321 87 00:03:35,020 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 1: jimmy, 88 00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,150 Speaker 2: who do you say to 89 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:40,350 Speaker 1: me? Oh gosh, I made so many bad life decisions. 90 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,050 Speaker 1: I'm your therapist friend. No, 91 00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:44,970 Speaker 2: actually I feel like maybe that's why you make such 92 00:03:44,970 --> 00:03:46,380 Speaker 2: a good therapist friend. 93 00:03:46,590 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 1: I know I know I understand where you're coming from 94 00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:50,660 Speaker 1: because 95 00:03:50,670 --> 00:03:51,920 Speaker 2: you have gone through this 96 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:55,960 Speaker 2: decisions that you know how it makes you feel after 97 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:59,580 Speaker 2: making them. So sometimes your advice is to never mind 98 00:03:59,590 --> 00:04:00,750 Speaker 2: just take the fall 99 00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:02,000 Speaker 2: and then you feel better. 100 00:04:02,010 --> 00:04:07,140 Speaker 1: Jermaine is very brave one. Yes. She will tell you 101 00:04:07,140 --> 00:04:11,560 Speaker 1: as it is and she will support you making uncomfortable decisions, 102 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 2: right? I don't 103 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:13,810 Speaker 1: judge, I will never judge, correct, correct, 104 00:04:13,810 --> 00:04:16,020 Speaker 2: correct. Like some of the things I tell jimmy right, 105 00:04:16,029 --> 00:04:19,500 Speaker 2: If I were being rational, I would never make this 106 00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:22,810 Speaker 2: decisions that I have made. Therefore I need to confide 107 00:04:22,810 --> 00:04:25,600 Speaker 2: in her. But she tell me it's okay. See, we 108 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,140 Speaker 2: all have bad days. It's just a bad day, not 109 00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:28,279 Speaker 2: a bad life. 110 00:04:28,529 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: It's 111 00:04:29,745 --> 00:04:31,905 Speaker 2: okay to make this mistake in it. I feel like 112 00:04:31,915 --> 00:04:33,775 Speaker 2: maybe I'm not that bad after all. 113 00:04:33,785 --> 00:04:37,555 Speaker 1: Okay, so my therapist rates are as such. So my 114 00:04:37,555 --> 00:04:39,845 Speaker 1: own therapist friend, I actually sent her this whole script 115 00:04:39,845 --> 00:04:41,534 Speaker 1: and I said, let me know what you think. Okay. 116 00:04:41,545 --> 00:04:43,535 Speaker 1: So she sent me a whole paragraph because she's someone 117 00:04:43,535 --> 00:04:45,715 Speaker 1: like that. And she actually said the same thing to 118 00:04:45,714 --> 00:04:48,535 Speaker 1: be a good therapist friend. You actually have to go 119 00:04:48,535 --> 00:04:50,885 Speaker 1: through a lot of shift in your own life so 120 00:04:50,885 --> 00:04:53,085 Speaker 1: that you can relate easily to others and make them 121 00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:54,205 Speaker 1: feel safe talking to you. 122 00:04:54,214 --> 00:04:57,104 Speaker 2: I'm so sorry jimmy that you went through. So she 123 00:04:57,105 --> 00:04:57,415 Speaker 1: went through, 124 00:04:58,740 --> 00:05:01,370 Speaker 1: correct? There we go. Very good. And I think that 125 00:05:01,370 --> 00:05:03,360 Speaker 1: before you open up to someone as well, I mean 126 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,929 Speaker 1: like everybody has many friends, right? The reason why you 127 00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:08,580 Speaker 1: chose that one person because you knew that they wouldn't 128 00:05:08,580 --> 00:05:11,839 Speaker 1: push back too much or that they would comfort you 129 00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:13,650 Speaker 1: in the way that you need it. You knew that 130 00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:16,570 Speaker 1: they had something to give the way you needed to 131 00:05:16,580 --> 00:05:19,130 Speaker 2: be. Yes. Yes, Yes. So I feel like they're different 132 00:05:19,130 --> 00:05:22,260 Speaker 2: friends for different occasions when you 133 00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:24,020 Speaker 1: want to drink, call me Yes, correct, 134 00:05:24,029 --> 00:05:27,659 Speaker 2: correct. When it comes to like bad decision making, 135 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:35,550 Speaker 2: for example, when it comes like career related like issues, right, 136 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,370 Speaker 2: then would be someone that I will approach. 137 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:39,120 Speaker 1: He's actually a very 138 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,460 Speaker 2: good listener as well. That's true, that's true of empathy. 139 00:05:41,470 --> 00:05:43,610 Speaker 1: But I mean, you know, being the therapist friend that 140 00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:46,570 Speaker 1: comes with a lot of expectations as well, right? You 141 00:05:46,570 --> 00:05:49,570 Speaker 1: need to be able to draw like healthy boundaries. Yes, 142 00:05:49,570 --> 00:05:52,409 Speaker 1: you have to be empathetic to the person, but you 143 00:05:52,410 --> 00:05:55,630 Speaker 1: can't absorb everything like a sponge and then bring that 144 00:05:55,630 --> 00:05:56,830 Speaker 1: home with you as well. 145 00:05:56,935 --> 00:06:00,235 Speaker 1: So, here's what my therapist friend said. Sometimes it is 146 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:03,914 Speaker 1: important to be that therapist friend, yes, professionals exist for 147 00:06:03,915 --> 00:06:06,885 Speaker 1: a reason, but they are not as easily available, they're 148 00:06:06,885 --> 00:06:09,945 Speaker 1: expensive and they're not easy to talk to sometimes because 149 00:06:09,945 --> 00:06:10,945 Speaker 1: they are a stranger. 150 00:06:11,214 --> 00:06:14,044 Speaker 2: On the other hand, I feel like sometimes it's easier 151 00:06:14,045 --> 00:06:16,505 Speaker 2: to open up to a stranger because you have no 152 00:06:16,505 --> 00:06:20,275 Speaker 2: fear of being judged unless your friend can be like jeremy, 153 00:06:20,275 --> 00:06:22,995 Speaker 2: you know, really don't judge you, then you feel comfortable 154 00:06:22,995 --> 00:06:24,265 Speaker 2: in like confiding in her. 155 00:06:24,430 --> 00:06:26,310 Speaker 2: But in all honesty, I think a lot of friends 156 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,120 Speaker 2: out there, they would like to offer a piece of 157 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:31,679 Speaker 2: your own advice to these people facing situations or issues, right? 158 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:34,930 Speaker 2: And sometimes these advice are uncalled for yes, 159 00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:37,589 Speaker 1: correct. Sometimes you just want to rent correct. 160 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,469 Speaker 2: So I think a very important question is also to ask, 161 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 2: do you need a listening ear or do you need advice? Yes. 162 00:06:44,450 --> 00:06:46,500 Speaker 1: You want me to do something about it or do 163 00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:48,839 Speaker 1: you just want me to listen correct? But I also 164 00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:51,190 Speaker 1: feel like I'm the kind of person who, 165 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,910 Speaker 1: who does not really give advice. 166 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:55,880 Speaker 2: Oh yes, that's very true. So when you tell Zora, 167 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,010 Speaker 2: like some troubles, she's 168 00:06:58,010 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: the reservoir 169 00:06:58,690 --> 00:07:01,539 Speaker 2: correct. She looks at you. It's like concern and love 170 00:07:01,540 --> 00:07:04,750 Speaker 2: in her eyes and go like I understand correctly, understand 171 00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:05,589 Speaker 1: and her eyes are very 172 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,690 Speaker 2: big, correct, correct. Then she holds your hand and go, yes, 173 00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:11,090 Speaker 2: I understand. No, it's okay to feel that way. Hazy. 174 00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:13,480 Speaker 2: It's okay. It's okay. And then immediately I feel like, 175 00:07:13,490 --> 00:07:14,570 Speaker 2: well I leveled up 176 00:07:14,610 --> 00:07:17,960 Speaker 1: basically, basically we trauma dumb on his aura. 177 00:07:18,490 --> 00:07:21,120 Speaker 1: So thank you for allowing us to do that. 178 00:07:22,140 --> 00:07:24,780 Speaker 1: I'm a reservoir. People come to me and tell me 179 00:07:24,780 --> 00:07:27,160 Speaker 1: these things and I just take it and I keep 180 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:29,870 Speaker 1: it and bring it to my deathbed. Oh my gosh, 181 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:32,240 Speaker 1: a lot of secrets in your deathbed. Yeah, but what 182 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:34,540 Speaker 1: do you think are some, you know, cons of being 183 00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:37,190 Speaker 1: a therapist friend or confiding in a friend instead of 184 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,990 Speaker 1: actually going to therapy. What could go wrong there. I 185 00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:43,010 Speaker 1: think there's a lot of things to consider, especially if 186 00:07:43,025 --> 00:07:46,575 Speaker 1: if your therapist friend is maybe someone who is vocal 187 00:07:46,585 --> 00:07:49,605 Speaker 1: and let's say you're in a space where you have 188 00:07:49,605 --> 00:07:54,115 Speaker 1: no capacity to sort of filter or you're very easily sweet, 189 00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:57,145 Speaker 1: you're in a very vulnerable position where you're lost, you're 190 00:07:57,145 --> 00:08:01,005 Speaker 1: confused and you're really holding on for support. But let's 191 00:08:01,005 --> 00:08:03,905 Speaker 1: say they offer an advice that 192 00:08:04,490 --> 00:08:08,610 Speaker 1: maybe it's something you usually wouldn't do. Yeah, but at 193 00:08:08,610 --> 00:08:11,230 Speaker 1: that point, I feel like, you know, in a space 194 00:08:11,230 --> 00:08:14,250 Speaker 1: like that you're very easily swayed. That's true because recently 195 00:08:14,250 --> 00:08:15,840 Speaker 1: I was going through a tough time and I confided 196 00:08:15,850 --> 00:08:18,660 Speaker 1: in my therapist friend and a few other friends as well, right? 197 00:08:18,670 --> 00:08:21,710 Speaker 1: So everyone was giving me different advice and it came 198 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,270 Speaker 1: to a point where one of my friends had to 199 00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:26,020 Speaker 1: tell me to my face germaine, everyone is giving you 200 00:08:26,020 --> 00:08:26,560 Speaker 1: different advice 201 00:08:26,570 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 1: and you're getting very conflicted and confused in your head. 202 00:08:28,930 --> 00:08:31,200 Speaker 1: You need to decide for yourself what's best for you. 203 00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:33,190 Speaker 1: So that's the thing about talking to friends as well. 204 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:34,689 Speaker 1: Everyone has a different opinion 205 00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:36,960 Speaker 2: and you will feel afraid of hurting the feelings if 206 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:38,160 Speaker 2: you don't hit your advice. 207 00:08:38,170 --> 00:08:40,520 Speaker 1: That's true. That's true to a certain extent of this 208 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:44,050 Speaker 1: thing called and asked whole ask hold my like asshole 209 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:44,530 Speaker 1: s 210 00:08:44,530 --> 00:08:45,650 Speaker 2: k hole 211 00:08:45,990 --> 00:08:48,679 Speaker 1: hole like they ask us, but they don't listen. Yeah, 212 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:49,550 Speaker 1: that's me, 213 00:08:50,490 --> 00:08:52,620 Speaker 1: that's me. I get good advice, but then I just 214 00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:54,550 Speaker 1: do the wrong things, but some mistakes you got to 215 00:08:54,550 --> 00:08:54,750 Speaker 1: make for 216 00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:56,000 Speaker 2: yourself, correct 217 00:08:56,610 --> 00:08:58,860 Speaker 1: over and over again, you stupid like me. But 218 00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:04,319 Speaker 2: some friend therapist, they may impose their advice on you 219 00:09:04,330 --> 00:09:06,360 Speaker 2: and they will follow up and ask you like you 220 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,380 Speaker 2: know how are you feeling any better? Have you done 221 00:09:08,380 --> 00:09:10,470 Speaker 2: what I asked you to do? I mean they come 222 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,739 Speaker 2: they come from a good intention, they come from a 223 00:09:12,740 --> 00:09:14,990 Speaker 2: good place definitely. But then it just makes you feel 224 00:09:14,990 --> 00:09:17,620 Speaker 2: a lot more pressurized and stress. So I remember there 225 00:09:17,620 --> 00:09:19,090 Speaker 2: was this point in my life where I was going 226 00:09:19,090 --> 00:09:21,709 Speaker 2: through one of my most like major breakup when I 227 00:09:21,710 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 2: was still like schooling and stuff and I confided in 228 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:24,940 Speaker 2: my mom, 229 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:26,980 Speaker 2: she listened to me like you know that night she 230 00:09:26,980 --> 00:09:29,700 Speaker 2: really made me feel very comfortable but you know moms 231 00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:32,890 Speaker 2: being moms, they're so worried for their daughters and then 232 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:35,220 Speaker 2: she gave me a lot of advice that she expected 233 00:09:35,220 --> 00:09:38,800 Speaker 2: me to follow like step 12345. And as much as 234 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,570 Speaker 2: I knew she was coming from a good place, it 235 00:09:40,570 --> 00:09:42,990 Speaker 2: was a bit hard to hit her advice because when 236 00:09:42,990 --> 00:09:44,840 Speaker 2: was the last time she experienced a break up like 237 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:45,130 Speaker 2: probably 238 00:09:45,150 --> 00:09:48,969 Speaker 2: 2030 years ago before she met my dad and how 239 00:09:48,980 --> 00:09:51,160 Speaker 2: they dealt with things back then. It's very different from 240 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,280 Speaker 2: how we deal with things now in our day and age. 241 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:56,530 Speaker 2: So I find like advice actually doesn't apply to me. 242 00:09:56,540 --> 00:09:59,729 Speaker 2: Therefore there was no way of me like using it 243 00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:00,350 Speaker 2: then 244 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,920 Speaker 1: what she heard that you didn't heed her advice. She 245 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,059 Speaker 2: wasn't, she was just extremely worried 246 00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:07,260 Speaker 2: and then this makes me like 247 00:10:07,270 --> 00:10:08,929 Speaker 1: conflicted 248 00:10:08,929 --> 00:10:11,320 Speaker 2: and confused. Like should I not have told her in 249 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,910 Speaker 2: the first place? That's 250 00:10:12,910 --> 00:10:15,290 Speaker 1: the thing about confiding in your parents, if your parent 251 00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:17,410 Speaker 1: is your therapist friend, there needs to be a very 252 00:10:17,410 --> 00:10:20,670 Speaker 1: special dynamic for that to happen. Like for my therapist friend, 253 00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:23,470 Speaker 1: her mom is sort of her therapist friend, but they 254 00:10:23,470 --> 00:10:25,530 Speaker 1: have a very good relationship and her mom would never 255 00:10:25,530 --> 00:10:28,099 Speaker 1: impose on her to do anything. You know, just be 256 00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:29,439 Speaker 1: there for her, hear her out 257 00:10:29,570 --> 00:10:32,650 Speaker 1: when she's spiraling, she calls her mom. So I think 258 00:10:32,650 --> 00:10:35,300 Speaker 1: that's very, very nice. I'm learning to confide in my 259 00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:38,300 Speaker 1: parents as well. Step by step. It's tough to 260 00:10:38,309 --> 00:10:40,910 Speaker 2: correct. And sometimes the things they say just make you 261 00:10:40,910 --> 00:10:45,050 Speaker 2: feel like you should not have ever angry anything, but 262 00:10:45,050 --> 00:10:47,300 Speaker 1: that could happen with your friends as well. Oh true. 263 00:10:47,309 --> 00:10:47,559 Speaker 1: You 264 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:50,650 Speaker 2: need to pick your friends that you emotional allude to. 265 00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:54,140 Speaker 1: So here's the thing friends are not objective, whereas a 266 00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:55,750 Speaker 1: professional therapist, 267 00:10:55,765 --> 00:10:59,135 Speaker 1: it's in their nature of their job to be objective. Yeah. 268 00:10:59,145 --> 00:11:01,855 Speaker 1: So friends can only give you advice based on their 269 00:11:01,865 --> 00:11:04,575 Speaker 1: own past experiences which may not exactly match up with 270 00:11:04,575 --> 00:11:06,635 Speaker 1: what you're going through right now and they may tell 271 00:11:06,635 --> 00:11:08,694 Speaker 1: you what you want to hear because they want to 272 00:11:08,705 --> 00:11:11,495 Speaker 1: maintain that friendship and avoid conflict. Yeah, 273 00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,515 Speaker 2: they want to make you feel better so that things 274 00:11:13,515 --> 00:11:15,095 Speaker 2: that they know will make you happy. 275 00:11:15,105 --> 00:11:18,655 Speaker 1: That's true. Um and you know, their view is formed 276 00:11:18,655 --> 00:11:21,175 Speaker 1: on how things have worked in their life and made 277 00:11:21,175 --> 00:11:21,954 Speaker 1: sense to them 278 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,780 Speaker 1: and I think with any friend therapist, take it with 279 00:11:24,780 --> 00:11:26,959 Speaker 1: a pinch of salt, correct? I think that's very important. 280 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,750 Speaker 1: Like you can speak to as many people as you 281 00:11:28,750 --> 00:11:30,600 Speaker 1: want to, but I think at the end of the day, 282 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,690 Speaker 1: you need to know that it's your decision to make 283 00:11:33,870 --> 00:11:36,970 Speaker 1: and you will bear the consequences. So people can say 284 00:11:36,970 --> 00:11:39,600 Speaker 1: whatever they want you, but you're going to have to 285 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:40,559 Speaker 1: live through that 286 00:11:40,570 --> 00:11:41,580 Speaker 2: correct. Which 287 00:11:41,580 --> 00:11:43,530 Speaker 1: means at the end of the day, you still have 288 00:11:43,530 --> 00:11:45,620 Speaker 1: to come to your own conclusion. 289 00:11:45,630 --> 00:11:48,210 Speaker 2: So let me ask you girls, you're such good listeners, right? 290 00:11:48,210 --> 00:11:50,120 Speaker 2: And I'm sure like many of your friends confide in you, 291 00:11:50,130 --> 00:11:53,230 Speaker 2: has there been any situation where you felt like they 292 00:11:53,230 --> 00:11:55,720 Speaker 2: were talking too much and there's just too much negative 293 00:11:55,730 --> 00:11:58,300 Speaker 2: energy that you are taking in, 294 00:11:58,309 --> 00:12:00,179 Speaker 1: definitely. Um 295 00:12:00,380 --> 00:12:02,500 Speaker 1: I think there comes a certain point, especially when I'm 296 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,750 Speaker 1: not in a good mental headspace and then people come 297 00:12:04,750 --> 00:12:07,610 Speaker 1: to me for advice and stuff and my mind is 298 00:12:07,610 --> 00:12:10,960 Speaker 1: already jumbled up and I can't self regulate my emotions. 299 00:12:10,970 --> 00:12:13,640 Speaker 1: That's when I get very overwhelmed, you know, trying to 300 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:16,320 Speaker 1: solve my own problems and solve someone else's problems, but 301 00:12:16,330 --> 00:12:17,829 Speaker 1: that's the thing about being a therapist 302 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:21,270 Speaker 1: what's very important. Um like my friend says it was 303 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,970 Speaker 1: only tiring and crappy for me as a therapist friend 304 00:12:23,980 --> 00:12:26,150 Speaker 1: when I didn't know how to self regulate and set 305 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,569 Speaker 1: boundaries once I managed to get that done, I was 306 00:12:28,570 --> 00:12:30,359 Speaker 1: very happy to be there for my friends in that 307 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:34,090 Speaker 1: way and conversely if they don't confide in me, I 308 00:12:34,090 --> 00:12:35,300 Speaker 1: would actually be set. 309 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,110 Speaker 2: She 310 00:12:37,110 --> 00:12:40,130 Speaker 1: relishes, you know, having this role to her friends, she 311 00:12:40,130 --> 00:12:43,210 Speaker 1: enjoys being that person. She feels like why not coming 312 00:12:43,210 --> 00:12:43,710 Speaker 1: to me, 313 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,380 Speaker 2: right, not everybody can do that. You know, 314 00:12:45,380 --> 00:12:48,150 Speaker 1: she's very selfless in a sense, I love you, 315 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:50,839 Speaker 2: she's so sweet, but next time 316 00:12:50,850 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 1: Can her number is 80, 317 00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:57,620 Speaker 1: but I also feel right like when you have a 318 00:12:57,620 --> 00:13:00,460 Speaker 1: therapist friend because they're your friend and I mean they 319 00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:01,380 Speaker 1: should love you like right, 320 00:13:01,390 --> 00:13:03,630 Speaker 2: correct, That's why you're confiding in them in the first place. 321 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,200 Speaker 1: So because they love you, I think sometimes when you 322 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:09,290 Speaker 1: share with them certain experiences, like let's say, you know, 323 00:13:09,290 --> 00:13:11,390 Speaker 1: you went through certain things or people did certain things 324 00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 1: to you that maybe 325 00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:15,940 Speaker 1: things that they feel as well, so they can't be 326 00:13:15,940 --> 00:13:19,260 Speaker 1: completely impartial true because they get affected as well, let's 327 00:13:19,260 --> 00:13:21,740 Speaker 1: say they feel angry for you, but they feel upset 328 00:13:21,740 --> 00:13:24,480 Speaker 1: for you. So how can you even remain objective in 329 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,090 Speaker 1: a situation like that, whether you are the therapist friend 330 00:13:27,090 --> 00:13:28,890 Speaker 1: or you're just a friend offering advice. 331 00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:31,740 Speaker 2: Well I feel like when it comes to my friends, 332 00:13:31,740 --> 00:13:34,450 Speaker 2: I suck at being objective, I 333 00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:38,070 Speaker 2: I will want to protect them and like offer the 334 00:13:38,070 --> 00:13:41,709 Speaker 2: best advice that I can and that means already not 335 00:13:41,710 --> 00:13:42,590 Speaker 2: being objective. 336 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,520 Speaker 1: So do you think you could be a therapist friend? 337 00:13:44,530 --> 00:13:47,180 Speaker 2: I can be a listener, but whether or not they 338 00:13:47,179 --> 00:13:49,410 Speaker 2: hit my advice, I think it's up to them. So 339 00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:51,420 Speaker 2: I remember in the previous episode I mentioned I have 340 00:13:51,420 --> 00:13:54,890 Speaker 2: a male friend who hooked up with a married lady Yes. 341 00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:56,040 Speaker 2: Their colleagues. So 342 00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:58,660 Speaker 2: you know when he told me about this, the first 343 00:13:58,660 --> 00:14:00,630 Speaker 2: thing I said was you need to cut this for 344 00:14:00,630 --> 00:14:03,020 Speaker 2: your mental health. But then after I went home I 345 00:14:03,020 --> 00:14:05,709 Speaker 2: was reflecting on what I said and I just thought 346 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:09,270 Speaker 2: should I have understood the situation more before I even 347 00:14:09,270 --> 00:14:12,010 Speaker 2: said you should cut it right away. Like am I 348 00:14:12,010 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 2: not coming from a point of view that is very 349 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,690 Speaker 2: understanding or empathetic towards this person and I just felt 350 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 2: bad about myself. You know I listened to him but 351 00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:23,150 Speaker 2: I feel bad giving advice. This whole thing is like 352 00:14:23,150 --> 00:14:25,890 Speaker 2: a vicious cycle both of us like spiraling downwards 353 00:14:25,900 --> 00:14:30,360 Speaker 1: giving advice is a responsibility. It really just like anyhow 354 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,360 Speaker 1: and then like ruin your friend's life 355 00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:35,450 Speaker 2: stress to give advice sometimes. 356 00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:38,800 Speaker 1: Okay, but don't you feel like at the end of 357 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,710 Speaker 1: the day, your friends should also know the one who's 358 00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:44,350 Speaker 1: seeking advice should also know that 359 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,310 Speaker 1: it's still on them to make that 360 00:14:46,310 --> 00:14:47,660 Speaker 2: decision. Yes, 361 00:14:47,660 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 1: it's on you in a way where you could sway 362 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:51,900 Speaker 1: the decisions. You have to be very careful about what 363 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:54,140 Speaker 1: you say. You know, especially the space that they're in. 364 00:14:54,150 --> 00:14:57,250 Speaker 1: But I think they should also know that at the 365 00:14:57,250 --> 00:14:58,150 Speaker 1: end of the day 366 00:14:59,050 --> 00:14:59,290 Speaker 2: we're 367 00:14:59,290 --> 00:15:02,500 Speaker 1: not trained therapists of course that were coming from a 368 00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:06,130 Speaker 1: friend angle before anything else. I am actually really trying 369 00:15:06,130 --> 00:15:08,510 Speaker 1: to look into like actual therapy. I've tried it once 370 00:15:08,510 --> 00:15:10,560 Speaker 1: many years ago, I didn't really feel like it was 371 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:12,780 Speaker 1: fit for me, but now I'm trying this thing called 372 00:15:12,790 --> 00:15:15,000 Speaker 1: tele therapy where you do 373 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,120 Speaker 2: it online. Yeah, 374 00:15:16,130 --> 00:15:18,830 Speaker 1: it's an app then you just like video call or 375 00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:21,190 Speaker 1: call or just chat with the therapist and therefore like 376 00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:22,610 Speaker 1: all over the world, they're from all over the world 377 00:15:22,610 --> 00:15:24,630 Speaker 1: and you can keep switching it up until you find 378 00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:27,110 Speaker 1: one that you feel comfortable with and it's much much 379 00:15:27,110 --> 00:15:29,480 Speaker 1: cheaper than regular therapy where it's face to face so 380 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,950 Speaker 1: you could consider that it's called Better Help. My therapist 381 00:15:31,950 --> 00:15:34,030 Speaker 1: friend told me about it. So she not only offered 382 00:15:34,030 --> 00:15:37,720 Speaker 1: therapy but she offered therapy services and solutions, but we 383 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:42,520 Speaker 1: have a story here. Okay, okay from one of our producers, 384 00:15:42,530 --> 00:15:45,840 Speaker 1: which one the one who's directing this episode? 385 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,320 Speaker 1: So she has a friend who is a bit of 386 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,910 Speaker 1: a mess okay drunk shitfaced for a few days in 387 00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:54,430 Speaker 1: a row and she had to cap down to, you know, 388 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,940 Speaker 1: help him out, get him home and make sure he's okay. 389 00:15:56,950 --> 00:15:59,920 Speaker 1: She was so mad. She actually shouted at him after 390 00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,300 Speaker 1: a few days in a row, this few days in 391 00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,530 Speaker 1: a row, she shouted at him, she said, get your 392 00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:06,470 Speaker 1: fucking ass together, stop your pity party and don't you 393 00:16:06,470 --> 00:16:09,000 Speaker 1: dare call me again. This is the last time I'm 394 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,240 Speaker 1: really mad at you right now. 395 00:16:10,730 --> 00:16:14,980 Speaker 1: He ugly cried and then he left a few days later, 396 00:16:14,990 --> 00:16:16,900 Speaker 1: she texted him to check on him and asked him 397 00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:19,750 Speaker 1: to pay for his beers. Oh my gosh, so savage. 398 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:23,120 Speaker 1: He told me he ended up in the hospital that 399 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:27,000 Speaker 1: night because he tried to hurt himself and because her 400 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,380 Speaker 1: words like, you know, don't call me anymore, that felt 401 00:16:29,380 --> 00:16:31,870 Speaker 1: like abandonment to him and he felt like all his 402 00:16:31,870 --> 00:16:35,080 Speaker 1: friends didn't care about him anymore, basically, she didn't know 403 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,760 Speaker 1: that she was his last lifeline. She didn't know that 404 00:16:37,770 --> 00:16:40,200 Speaker 1: she was the last straw that he was hanging on 405 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:40,580 Speaker 1: to 406 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,460 Speaker 1: and he didn't call me, he didn't call her when 407 00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:46,270 Speaker 1: he went in the hospital because she said, don't ever 408 00:16:46,270 --> 00:16:48,570 Speaker 1: call me again and that really broke her heart, 409 00:16:48,580 --> 00:16:49,410 Speaker 2: but we're still 410 00:16:49,410 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 1: friends, they're still friends thankfully. But that's when, you know, 411 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:56,300 Speaker 1: like the pressure of being a therapist friend, it's actually 412 00:16:56,300 --> 00:17:00,750 Speaker 1: really dangerous because people's lives could be at stake as well. 413 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,560 Speaker 2: But to be fair, I can understand where she's coming from, 414 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:06,419 Speaker 2: like a few nights in a row, like cabin to 415 00:17:06,420 --> 00:17:08,760 Speaker 2: him to see him in this drunken state. 416 00:17:08,970 --> 00:17:11,360 Speaker 2: I would be mad, maybe I wouldn't have said like 417 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:13,530 Speaker 2: don't ever call me again, but I would be so 418 00:17:13,530 --> 00:17:16,160 Speaker 2: so pissed at this person. Like what are you doing? 419 00:17:16,170 --> 00:17:17,970 Speaker 2: Really get your life together 420 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,340 Speaker 1: because I think as a friend as well, 421 00:17:20,650 --> 00:17:23,150 Speaker 1: I mean you're watching your friend spiral right? And sometimes 422 00:17:23,150 --> 00:17:24,780 Speaker 1: you don't know the degree of it or the extent 423 00:17:24,780 --> 00:17:27,820 Speaker 1: of it because they maybe then explain to you, but 424 00:17:27,820 --> 00:17:29,389 Speaker 1: they were just behaving that way and you have to 425 00:17:29,390 --> 00:17:32,159 Speaker 1: pick up after them are basically right? So obviously you 426 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:35,590 Speaker 1: would have this inclination to like get yourself together because 427 00:17:35,590 --> 00:17:38,960 Speaker 1: the scary part about relying on friends as well because 428 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,800 Speaker 1: they are humans after all, correct. Um I'll share a story. 429 00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:45,419 Speaker 1: So my therapist friend was my ex, not not this friend, 430 00:17:45,450 --> 00:17:49,300 Speaker 1: this girlfriend. So my ex was actually my therapist friend. Okay, 431 00:17:49,310 --> 00:17:49,889 Speaker 1: you 432 00:17:49,890 --> 00:17:50,709 Speaker 2: guys were still together? 433 00:17:50,710 --> 00:17:52,869 Speaker 1: Yes. So he was someone that brought me out of 434 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:57,640 Speaker 1: depression multiple times would always change my perspective because of him. Actually. 435 00:17:57,650 --> 00:18:01,520 Speaker 1: I have a very strong like sort of mental capacity now, 436 00:18:01,530 --> 00:18:02,330 Speaker 2: okay, 437 00:18:02,340 --> 00:18:04,409 Speaker 1: okay. When things ended 438 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:08,010 Speaker 1: I was very lost, right? And when I was spiraling 439 00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,490 Speaker 1: I turned towards him even though we had already broken up, 440 00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:13,890 Speaker 1: he wasn't able to be there for me for for 441 00:18:13,890 --> 00:18:17,050 Speaker 1: for valid reasons, you know? And I guess I shouldn't 442 00:18:17,050 --> 00:18:18,790 Speaker 1: have expected that he would be there for me in 443 00:18:18,790 --> 00:18:21,140 Speaker 1: the same capacity, but it's just because I've grown so 444 00:18:21,140 --> 00:18:22,770 Speaker 1: used to it and I didn't know who else to 445 00:18:22,780 --> 00:18:25,410 Speaker 1: turn to, right. Um he wasn't able to be there 446 00:18:25,410 --> 00:18:27,250 Speaker 1: for me and I ended up in a very bad 447 00:18:27,250 --> 00:18:31,390 Speaker 1: situation and that's when I realized in that bad situation, 448 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,790 Speaker 1: watching all these friends show up for me 449 00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:37,200 Speaker 1: like stay with me like, you know, make sure that 450 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,189 Speaker 1: I'm okay, anything that I needed to help me with it. 451 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,389 Speaker 1: That's when I realized actually there are some points when 452 00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:46,700 Speaker 1: you need to let your therapist friend go and know 453 00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:48,780 Speaker 1: that you have a good support system and you will 454 00:18:48,780 --> 00:18:52,250 Speaker 1: survive no matter what. Yeah. So sometimes, you know, evaluate 455 00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:54,230 Speaker 1: the situation that you're in if you let things go 456 00:18:54,230 --> 00:18:56,980 Speaker 1: and let people go because they can't support you anymore, 457 00:18:56,990 --> 00:18:57,700 Speaker 1: you got to do it. 458 00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:00,540 Speaker 2: Yeah. I feel like it's really tough being a friend 459 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:04,540 Speaker 2: therapist because you have your own ship to handle, but 460 00:19:04,540 --> 00:19:06,350 Speaker 2: you still have to take care of other people's emotions 461 00:19:06,350 --> 00:19:07,399 Speaker 2: and make sure they're okay. 462 00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:09,959 Speaker 2: So my heart really goes out to all the therapies 463 00:19:09,970 --> 00:19:11,790 Speaker 2: out there and I really don't know how you guys 464 00:19:11,790 --> 00:19:12,840 Speaker 2: do this for living. 465 00:19:12,850 --> 00:19:13,790 Speaker 1: The real therapist, 466 00:19:13,790 --> 00:19:17,350 Speaker 2: correct? Yeah. Okay, fine. And our friend therapists out there, 467 00:19:17,350 --> 00:19:21,369 Speaker 2: you know, who are constantly taking in your your circle 468 00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 2: of friends, negative energy or like the rents and trying 469 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:28,320 Speaker 2: to turn that into something positive, that's really commendable. 470 00:19:28,330 --> 00:19:31,860 Speaker 1: So this relationship psychologist with over 20 years of experience 471 00:19:31,869 --> 00:19:35,480 Speaker 1: actually said that on some level it really doesn't matter 472 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:36,320 Speaker 1: what you say 473 00:19:36,330 --> 00:19:40,030 Speaker 1: or what advice you give because mostly people always follow 474 00:19:40,030 --> 00:19:42,390 Speaker 1: their own instinct, which I found to be true. Yes. 475 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,980 Speaker 2: Sometimes when I gave my friends advice that I can 476 00:19:44,990 --> 00:19:47,930 Speaker 2: tell that they're thinking of what they want to do 477 00:19:47,940 --> 00:19:50,710 Speaker 2: themselves already. Like nothing to do with my advice at all. 478 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,490 Speaker 2: Like you can tell and you know 479 00:19:52,510 --> 00:19:55,140 Speaker 1: that's true. Your advice might point them in a certain direction, 480 00:19:55,140 --> 00:19:56,449 Speaker 1: but at the end of the day they always go 481 00:19:56,450 --> 00:19:59,480 Speaker 1: with their gut. Yes, I agree. That's not wrong. I 482 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:01,379 Speaker 1: think that's important. That's 483 00:20:01,380 --> 00:20:03,800 Speaker 2: better for you as a friend therapist because you are 484 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:04,949 Speaker 2: free of that. Like 485 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:09,240 Speaker 2: responsibility and stress to make sure that she's in a 486 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:09,880 Speaker 2: good place 487 00:20:09,890 --> 00:20:12,190 Speaker 1: correct. In fact actually write a lot of my friend 488 00:20:12,190 --> 00:20:14,969 Speaker 1: therapist or like my friends for that matter. Sometimes when 489 00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:16,409 Speaker 1: I go to them and I said I don't know 490 00:20:16,410 --> 00:20:17,859 Speaker 1: what to do or like I don't know what I 491 00:20:17,859 --> 00:20:19,930 Speaker 1: want or I don't know what to think, you know, 492 00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:23,240 Speaker 1: and they'll actually tell me like, you know what you want, 493 00:20:23,250 --> 00:20:24,260 Speaker 1: you just 494 00:20:24,430 --> 00:20:26,010 Speaker 1: I don't want to admit it or you're not thinking 495 00:20:26,010 --> 00:20:28,510 Speaker 1: hard enough, but you probably know what you want. Yeah, 496 00:20:28,510 --> 00:20:31,359 Speaker 1: I definitely hear that. It does get tiring. Like very 497 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:33,679 Speaker 1: similar to this story. I have a girlfriend who is 498 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,359 Speaker 1: in a super toxic relationship. Every time we talk she 499 00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:39,580 Speaker 1: will talk about her issues with a boyfriend and always 500 00:20:39,580 --> 00:20:41,929 Speaker 1: talks about how the whole relationship is very bad and 501 00:20:41,930 --> 00:20:43,490 Speaker 1: she's very miserable and Dada 502 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,969 Speaker 1: and the friend will tell her okay then break up 503 00:20:45,980 --> 00:20:47,820 Speaker 1: then she will not listen and she'll continue and should 504 00:20:47,820 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 1: come back another day and say I'm still very upset. 505 00:20:50,010 --> 00:20:52,680 Speaker 1: So that gets very tiring because they're not heeding your 506 00:20:52,690 --> 00:20:55,220 Speaker 1: advice over and over again. And I've had that happen 507 00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:56,950 Speaker 1: to me as well, where it came to a point 508 00:20:56,950 --> 00:20:59,230 Speaker 1: where I was like, you know what, just like just 509 00:20:59,230 --> 00:21:01,650 Speaker 1: break up if not just just shut up. 510 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:03,790 Speaker 1: Yes. So essentially 511 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:04,700 Speaker 2: I agree. I've 512 00:21:04,700 --> 00:21:07,030 Speaker 1: had a friend said it to another friend, right? So 513 00:21:07,030 --> 00:21:09,400 Speaker 1: basically it's either you break up or I don't ever 514 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,340 Speaker 1: want to hear about it again, something like that. 515 00:21:11,460 --> 00:21:12,439 Speaker 2: And then that friend is 516 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,900 Speaker 1: very hurt. Like Yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure, 517 00:21:14,910 --> 00:21:18,300 Speaker 2: but but I feel like maybe they need someone else 518 00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:22,050 Speaker 2: to knock some sense into. You can't just keep being 519 00:21:22,050 --> 00:21:25,570 Speaker 2: negative over this relationship, right? And then like it spills 520 00:21:25,570 --> 00:21:27,040 Speaker 2: over to other friendships as well. 521 00:21:27,050 --> 00:21:29,330 Speaker 1: I think for me when I get when I 522 00:21:29,350 --> 00:21:32,750 Speaker 1: get advice, right? I hate tough love, it makes me cry. Yeah, 523 00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,620 Speaker 2: I don't think jimmy is a tough love kind of person, 524 00:21:34,630 --> 00:21:37,920 Speaker 1: you have to be like soft and gentle and loving. Yes, 525 00:21:37,930 --> 00:21:39,080 Speaker 2: we will be. Thank 526 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:40,630 Speaker 1: you. Yes. 527 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:41,050 Speaker 2: Yes, 528 00:21:41,060 --> 00:21:44,359 Speaker 1: But I'm also a baby. Okay, Maybe soft 529 00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:46,810 Speaker 2: approach, kind soft, 530 00:21:46,820 --> 00:21:50,540 Speaker 1: but like in general I just don't like screaming and 531 00:21:50,540 --> 00:21:54,250 Speaker 1: shouting and like harsh tones. I get very sensitive, even 532 00:21:54,250 --> 00:21:56,460 Speaker 1: it has nothing to do with me. Like, 533 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,859 Speaker 1: but sometimes I'm very harsh with zero. I'm so sorry. 534 00:21:59,869 --> 00:22:00,169 Speaker 1: I 535 00:22:00,180 --> 00:22:02,950 Speaker 2: feel like since I'm like, 536 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:07,210 Speaker 1: I was a bit like resistant, I think you need 537 00:22:07,210 --> 00:22:09,820 Speaker 1: tough love actually, I do think you need tough love. 538 00:22:10,609 --> 00:22:12,490 Speaker 1: I cannot wait to try 539 00:22:12,490 --> 00:22:15,350 Speaker 2: both approach, but it don't seem to work 540 00:22:16,130 --> 00:22:19,750 Speaker 1: actually hazy. You look like you would appreciate tough love. 541 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,110 Speaker 2: I don't know, I'm conflicted myself. 542 00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:23,030 Speaker 1: Like 543 00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:26,630 Speaker 2: let me imagine this situation where I'm telling a friend 544 00:22:26,630 --> 00:22:30,400 Speaker 2: therapist about something that I've been through. I feel like 545 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:33,869 Speaker 2: if she starts like being all harsh and fierce about 546 00:22:33,869 --> 00:22:36,470 Speaker 2: it with me, I would be very afraid and I 547 00:22:36,470 --> 00:22:38,730 Speaker 2: would never there to go to her for advice again. 548 00:22:38,740 --> 00:22:39,420 Speaker 2: You know, 549 00:22:39,430 --> 00:22:42,190 Speaker 1: I think a different situation calls for different things, correct 550 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,270 Speaker 1: if it's repeated over and over and over 551 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:45,729 Speaker 2: and then you need to let me in my face 552 00:22:45,740 --> 00:22:48,940 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, your face too expensive for that cannot 553 00:22:48,950 --> 00:22:50,859 Speaker 1: But yeah, it really depends on the 554 00:22:51,450 --> 00:22:51,650 Speaker 1: well, 555 00:22:51,650 --> 00:22:55,909 Speaker 2: yeah, so this other person says that I'm really tired guys, 556 00:22:55,910 --> 00:22:58,270 Speaker 2: I'm trying so hard to just take care of myself, 557 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:02,020 Speaker 2: my friends, my body, my grades and my family. I 558 00:23:02,020 --> 00:23:05,020 Speaker 2: just really wish someone would make me a nice cup 559 00:23:05,020 --> 00:23:07,639 Speaker 2: of tea come. So this 560 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:08,760 Speaker 1: is for you. 561 00:23:08,770 --> 00:23:11,899 Speaker 2: So sad. This is when I feel like you let 562 00:23:11,900 --> 00:23:14,660 Speaker 2: your role as a friend therapist go too far. You 563 00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:17,320 Speaker 2: also need to draw the line and and you need 564 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:18,510 Speaker 2: to know how to 565 00:23:18,869 --> 00:23:19,909 Speaker 2: practice self love, 566 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:23,149 Speaker 1: set boundaries when you have to protect yourself. You have to. 567 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:26,050 Speaker 1: One of our producers said I used to enjoy being 568 00:23:26,050 --> 00:23:29,060 Speaker 1: the therapist friend. I still do even though time doesn't 569 00:23:29,060 --> 00:23:31,870 Speaker 1: really allow me to be so invested anymore. But on 570 00:23:31,869 --> 00:23:34,540 Speaker 1: darker days I wonder how come I can go around 571 00:23:34,540 --> 00:23:38,160 Speaker 1: solving everybody's problems, but I can't solve my own problems. 572 00:23:38,170 --> 00:23:42,240 Speaker 1: We are same. Yeah. And she says sometimes you just 573 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,920 Speaker 1: want to be the person that's being taken care of. 574 00:23:44,930 --> 00:23:46,730 Speaker 2: I mean who doesn't like that? 575 00:23:48,570 --> 00:23:51,540 Speaker 2: But there are really some people who enjoys being the 576 00:23:51,540 --> 00:23:54,100 Speaker 2: therapist friend, like another of our producer says that being 577 00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 2: the therapist friend makes her happy because she thinks that 578 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,640 Speaker 2: she can give very good advice because she can provide 579 00:23:59,650 --> 00:24:03,270 Speaker 2: alternative perspectives. But she also admits that you know when 580 00:24:03,270 --> 00:24:05,750 Speaker 2: it gets a bit too much it's pretty tiring at 581 00:24:05,750 --> 00:24:08,570 Speaker 1: times. I understand. I think for me right? I think 582 00:24:08,570 --> 00:24:10,040 Speaker 1: people look for me too 583 00:24:10,220 --> 00:24:10,650 Speaker 1: dumb 584 00:24:10,830 --> 00:24:12,229 Speaker 2: to vent emotionally 585 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,570 Speaker 1: unloading correct because I listen right? 586 00:24:14,580 --> 00:24:17,070 Speaker 2: Like with Zora is like a one way thing, we 587 00:24:17,070 --> 00:24:19,770 Speaker 2: just need someone to listen to us and then we're good. 588 00:24:19,780 --> 00:24:21,450 Speaker 2: But for Germany is more of a two way thing. 589 00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:22,869 Speaker 2: Like if you ask me like 590 00:24:22,869 --> 00:24:24,100 Speaker 1: I can't shut up, 591 00:24:24,109 --> 00:24:26,670 Speaker 2: like she must listen and I want to hear what 592 00:24:26,670 --> 00:24:29,580 Speaker 2: she thinks okay, you know it's very weird like different 593 00:24:29,580 --> 00:24:30,810 Speaker 1: friends you know for 594 00:24:30,820 --> 00:24:31,820 Speaker 2: different things. So 595 00:24:31,820 --> 00:24:34,590 Speaker 1: I feel something you set your own boundaries like 596 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:35,810 Speaker 2: how do you regulate 597 00:24:36,010 --> 00:24:38,320 Speaker 1: it doesn't affect me 598 00:24:38,330 --> 00:24:41,550 Speaker 2: very good and just like that. I love that. 599 00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:44,760 Speaker 1: Yeah. So last time like sometimes I used to joke 600 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,320 Speaker 1: about it and I sometimes say like is there a 601 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:50,100 Speaker 1: sign on my forehead that says tell me all your 602 00:24:50,100 --> 00:24:53,530 Speaker 1: problems and make a problem. My problem. Actually 603 00:24:53,530 --> 00:24:54,490 Speaker 2: there is a 604 00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,950 Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's why I also write, I am almost 605 00:24:58,950 --> 00:25:03,160 Speaker 1: fully booked, booked and busy booked and busy. I probably 606 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:05,840 Speaker 1: have someone to see like every day. I think sometimes 607 00:25:05,850 --> 00:25:09,520 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm very tired or I'm very busy 608 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:12,140 Speaker 1: and I have even when I have a full day right, 609 00:25:12,150 --> 00:25:13,600 Speaker 1: if someone looks for me, I will still go and 610 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:14,750 Speaker 1: see them. She 611 00:25:14,750 --> 00:25:17,060 Speaker 2: will sacrifice asleep just to see this person. 612 00:25:17,070 --> 00:25:19,460 Speaker 1: I'll tell you like I can't do it now. But 613 00:25:19,460 --> 00:25:21,380 Speaker 1: like my earliest slot is like midnight. If you can 614 00:25:21,380 --> 00:25:23,500 Speaker 1: wait until midnight I'll be there. It is like my 615 00:25:23,500 --> 00:25:25,280 Speaker 1: real therapist also got a book slot 616 00:25:25,770 --> 00:25:29,389 Speaker 1: very similar. But yes, you have to communicate boundaries to 617 00:25:29,390 --> 00:25:32,050 Speaker 1: your friends. If you are the therapist friend, right? Um 618 00:25:32,060 --> 00:25:34,179 Speaker 1: let's say you are not ready or not in a 619 00:25:34,180 --> 00:25:38,050 Speaker 1: good headspace for someone to emotionally rent event to you 620 00:25:38,060 --> 00:25:40,840 Speaker 1: just tell them No, just say not right now, but 621 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:42,530 Speaker 1: I'll come back to you. If they're true friends, they 622 00:25:42,530 --> 00:25:43,070 Speaker 1: should understand 623 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,409 Speaker 2: correct and I think it's very important to give honest 624 00:25:45,410 --> 00:25:48,449 Speaker 2: advice and let your friend know that this is based 625 00:25:48,460 --> 00:25:52,150 Speaker 2: on your own opinion is not professional, just take whatever 626 00:25:52,150 --> 00:25:53,230 Speaker 2: he or she wants to. 627 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:53,760 Speaker 1: This is why 628 00:25:53,780 --> 00:25:54,500 Speaker 1: I think 629 00:25:54,510 --> 00:25:55,680 Speaker 2: yes, but please make 630 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:57,760 Speaker 1: your own decision informed decision 631 00:25:57,770 --> 00:25:59,260 Speaker 2: and I feel like sometimes when it gets a bit 632 00:25:59,260 --> 00:26:02,090 Speaker 2: too much, like we mentioned just now the our producer 633 00:26:02,090 --> 00:26:05,680 Speaker 2: with that drunk friend, I think it's way out of 634 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:09,650 Speaker 2: her ability to help really, then this is when it's 635 00:26:09,650 --> 00:26:11,100 Speaker 2: assigned to seek professional help. 636 00:26:11,109 --> 00:26:14,490 Speaker 1: For sure you need to be able to identify when 637 00:26:14,490 --> 00:26:17,610 Speaker 1: your friend needs professional help and when you can't help 638 00:26:17,609 --> 00:26:19,390 Speaker 1: them anymore as much as you want to help them, 639 00:26:19,390 --> 00:26:22,200 Speaker 1: which we understand, but there comes a point where you're 640 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:23,270 Speaker 1: not able to anymore. 641 00:26:23,580 --> 00:26:27,010 Speaker 1: Yes. Also like what Hazy said ask them, do you 642 00:26:27,010 --> 00:26:29,070 Speaker 1: want advice or do you just want someone to listen? 643 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,530 Speaker 1: And I think the person who is seeking advice as well, 644 00:26:31,540 --> 00:26:34,490 Speaker 1: maybe you can start with, I need to talk, are 645 00:26:34,490 --> 00:26:35,850 Speaker 2: you, are 646 00:26:35,850 --> 00:26:38,740 Speaker 1: you able to right now? Not in terms of time, 647 00:26:38,740 --> 00:26:39,920 Speaker 1: but maybe in terms of like 648 00:26:40,260 --> 00:26:41,659 Speaker 2: mental commitment and stuff. 649 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:46,230 Speaker 1: Um this licensed marriage and family therapist in new york 650 00:26:46,230 --> 00:26:49,870 Speaker 1: city receiving Henry said if you're the one who's on 651 00:26:49,869 --> 00:26:52,880 Speaker 1: more of the receiving end, you can definitely burn out. 652 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:55,380 Speaker 2: And this applies not just to friend therapist applies in 653 00:26:55,390 --> 00:26:56,420 Speaker 2: any relationship 654 00:26:56,420 --> 00:26:58,220 Speaker 1: work or life 655 00:26:58,230 --> 00:27:02,610 Speaker 2: friendship like romance, whatever. If you're on the receiving end 656 00:27:02,740 --> 00:27:04,800 Speaker 2: a lot more you can burn out easily. 657 00:27:04,810 --> 00:27:07,990 Speaker 1: So something that I always try to do for anyone 658 00:27:07,990 --> 00:27:09,810 Speaker 1: that event to write. I always make sure that I 659 00:27:09,810 --> 00:27:12,639 Speaker 1: ask them every single day, how are you doing? Are 660 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:15,020 Speaker 1: you okay? Because they asked me the same thing, right? 661 00:27:15,020 --> 00:27:17,340 Speaker 1: So you have to show them the same care and concern. 662 00:27:17,350 --> 00:27:19,619 Speaker 1: You can't just always take from people and never give back, 663 00:27:19,630 --> 00:27:21,570 Speaker 2: correct. And most of the time when people ask you 664 00:27:21,570 --> 00:27:25,060 Speaker 2: that you find yourself responding with like good positive responses 665 00:27:25,070 --> 00:27:25,540 Speaker 2: or 666 00:27:25,550 --> 00:27:28,010 Speaker 1: So what me and my friends do is that we 667 00:27:28,020 --> 00:27:31,490 Speaker 1: rate our day out of 10, right? So we'll ask 668 00:27:31,490 --> 00:27:31,679 Speaker 1: each other 669 00:27:31,690 --> 00:27:33,410 Speaker 1: Like how's your day? And then my friend would tell 670 00:27:33,410 --> 00:27:35,580 Speaker 1: me today was two out of 10 or today was 671 00:27:35,580 --> 00:27:37,060 Speaker 1: a three out of 10. Then someday there'll be a 672 00:27:37,060 --> 00:27:38,469 Speaker 1: six out of 10 or seven out of 10. So 673 00:27:38,470 --> 00:27:41,890 Speaker 1: that's how we kind of know how we are both feeling. 674 00:27:41,900 --> 00:27:43,560 Speaker 1: I think that's quite nice. This 675 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:47,050 Speaker 2: is a good like scorecard kind of way like your day. 676 00:27:47,060 --> 00:27:49,500 Speaker 1: And then I think when you read the number as well, 677 00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:51,689 Speaker 1: you sort of know whether you know how to approach 678 00:27:51,690 --> 00:27:51,860 Speaker 1: as 679 00:27:51,859 --> 00:27:54,909 Speaker 2: well. On this note. I think a mood tracker also 680 00:27:54,910 --> 00:27:58,619 Speaker 2: works as well, like your journal. I have that in 681 00:27:58,619 --> 00:28:00,629 Speaker 2: my journal. So I think I mentioned you can 682 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:04,439 Speaker 2: either draw a smiley face a frown or neutral face. 683 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,540 Speaker 2: So this helps you like track your emotion throughout the 684 00:28:07,540 --> 00:28:09,810 Speaker 2: entire month and then from there you can see if 685 00:28:09,810 --> 00:28:12,890 Speaker 2: there's any steps you need to take to achieve a happier, 686 00:28:12,890 --> 00:28:13,780 Speaker 2: healthier lifestyle. 687 00:28:13,790 --> 00:28:16,709 Speaker 1: Speaking of that, So me and my friends actually just 688 00:28:16,710 --> 00:28:20,300 Speaker 1: me and one friend actually have this widget, it's on IOS, 689 00:28:20,300 --> 00:28:22,670 Speaker 1: it's called Widget Hable. So on the new IOS 16, 690 00:28:22,670 --> 00:28:24,710 Speaker 1: you can put it on your home page, then you 691 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,460 Speaker 1: each update your feelings for the day. It comes out 692 00:28:27,460 --> 00:28:29,560 Speaker 1: in an emoji, so it can be like excited, 693 00:28:29,580 --> 00:28:33,010 Speaker 1: sleepy, happy, tired, frustrated. So every day I know how 694 00:28:33,010 --> 00:28:34,760 Speaker 1: she's feeling because I can see it on my home 695 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:38,340 Speaker 1: screen and she knows how I'm feeling. So then you 696 00:28:38,340 --> 00:28:40,490 Speaker 1: keep track of how you're both feeling. 697 00:28:40,500 --> 00:28:41,760 Speaker 2: Is it 1-1 kind of thing? 698 00:28:41,770 --> 00:28:43,660 Speaker 1: I think you can do it with multiple. You can 699 00:28:43,660 --> 00:28:45,310 Speaker 1: do it. It's called Widget Hable. 700 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:47,120 Speaker 2: That's a that's a good way to offer help to 701 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,510 Speaker 2: someone if he or she needs it, but he doesn't 702 00:28:49,510 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 2: want to talk about it. 703 00:28:50,330 --> 00:28:51,290 Speaker 1: Technologies. 704 00:28:51,300 --> 00:28:53,470 Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah. 705 00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:55,520 Speaker 1: So if I see like my friend is set on 706 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:57,820 Speaker 1: the widget, right? Of course I would text her immediately 707 00:28:57,820 --> 00:28:58,520 Speaker 1: and be like, hey, what's go 708 00:28:58,830 --> 00:29:01,610 Speaker 1: are you okay? Because sometimes you don't have time to 709 00:29:01,620 --> 00:29:04,270 Speaker 1: always be talking to this person throughout the day, but 710 00:29:04,270 --> 00:29:06,630 Speaker 1: if I see something that's of concern, then I'll reach 711 00:29:06,630 --> 00:29:10,710 Speaker 1: out to her. I think it's just natural actually very recently. 712 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:12,670 Speaker 1: Um I think a friend was not in a very 713 00:29:12,670 --> 00:29:18,380 Speaker 1: good space and was desperately reaching out for me but 714 00:29:18,390 --> 00:29:21,610 Speaker 1: at that time it just so happened. I was in 715 00:29:21,610 --> 00:29:23,830 Speaker 1: the middle of a storm as well. Like literally I 716 00:29:23,830 --> 00:29:26,920 Speaker 1: was outside and I was dealing with something so there 717 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:27,469 Speaker 1: was no way for 718 00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:29,460 Speaker 1: I believe there was no way for me to attend 719 00:29:29,460 --> 00:29:32,480 Speaker 1: to this person but I felt like they really needed 720 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,480 Speaker 1: me and I couldn't be there. But I did reply 721 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,420 Speaker 1: and say like can you just give me some time? 722 00:29:36,420 --> 00:29:38,380 Speaker 1: I'm in the middle of something that I honestly am 723 00:29:38,390 --> 00:29:39,850 Speaker 1: in the middle of the storm. I'm trying to sort 724 00:29:39,850 --> 00:29:41,969 Speaker 1: this out myself, let me know where you are. Let 725 00:29:41,970 --> 00:29:43,650 Speaker 1: me know if you're okay. Like let me see whether 726 00:29:43,650 --> 00:29:45,480 Speaker 1: I can get to you like later. But this is 727 00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,300 Speaker 1: probably like in the middle of the night already. But 728 00:29:47,300 --> 00:29:49,480 Speaker 1: you felt guilt for not being able to be there 729 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:51,580 Speaker 1: for him. Can I tell you something funny? I know 730 00:29:51,580 --> 00:29:54,710 Speaker 1: who this person is. And actually my therapist friend was 731 00:29:54,710 --> 00:29:56,430 Speaker 1: there for him that night that you couldn't be there for. 732 00:29:56,700 --> 00:30:02,000 Speaker 1: Yes because complicated relations kept texting right? I know. I know. 733 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,000 Speaker 1: I know and this friend had texted her therapist friend 734 00:30:05,010 --> 00:30:08,340 Speaker 1: looking for her. Yes going to go where you and 735 00:30:08,340 --> 00:30:11,300 Speaker 1: this therapist friends like wrong person. I'm not but my 736 00:30:11,300 --> 00:30:14,900 Speaker 1: therapist friend actually actually saved him that night. So I 737 00:30:14,900 --> 00:30:15,570 Speaker 1: think 738 00:30:15,910 --> 00:30:17,750 Speaker 1: at the end of the day you can't just rely 739 00:30:17,750 --> 00:30:20,990 Speaker 1: on one person. You need a big support system, right? 740 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,970 Speaker 1: Like even my own therapist friend says that her therapy 741 00:30:23,980 --> 00:30:26,850 Speaker 1: comes from all these people that talk to her, she 742 00:30:26,850 --> 00:30:30,040 Speaker 1: gains perspective, She learns from them as well, and that 743 00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,990 Speaker 1: gives her, you know, reason to continue providing for 744 00:30:33,990 --> 00:30:36,240 Speaker 2: people. And I feel like the social media content 745 00:30:36,250 --> 00:30:38,990 Speaker 2: you consume online is very important as well, not just 746 00:30:38,990 --> 00:30:41,420 Speaker 2: your friends, the kind of things that you're looking at 747 00:30:41,430 --> 00:30:43,590 Speaker 2: throughout the day also affects your mood as well. 748 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,400 Speaker 1: Absolutely. It's what you feed your mind. So, question for 749 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:50,410 Speaker 1: the floor, have you ever received like a bad advice 750 00:30:50,410 --> 00:30:51,900 Speaker 1: that you followed through with? 751 00:30:51,910 --> 00:30:56,120 Speaker 2: Not really, no. I think I'm a bit more like rational. True. 752 00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:56,590 Speaker 2: And 753 00:30:57,030 --> 00:31:01,150 Speaker 2: I make decisions that I want to in a certain sense. 754 00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:02,630 Speaker 1: So at the end of the day, you follow your 755 00:31:02,630 --> 00:31:03,110 Speaker 1: own gut, 756 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,540 Speaker 2: correct my own instincts we mentioned just now. Right? Actually, 757 00:31:05,540 --> 00:31:06,740 Speaker 2: I already know what we want to do. 758 00:31:06,750 --> 00:31:08,430 Speaker 1: If you make a mistake. That's on you, 759 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:11,040 Speaker 2: correct? Yeah, I wouldn't put it on that person who 760 00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:13,330 Speaker 2: gave me this advice because I choose to take it. 761 00:31:13,340 --> 00:31:15,470 Speaker 2: That's true. What about you? Have you taken any bad 762 00:31:15,470 --> 00:31:16,370 Speaker 2: advice from any friends? 763 00:31:16,370 --> 00:31:18,430 Speaker 1: I want to say I've taken bad advice, but I've 764 00:31:18,430 --> 00:31:21,020 Speaker 1: probably heeded advice from people that 765 00:31:21,780 --> 00:31:25,430 Speaker 1: are not good therapist friends, like people that are not 766 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,750 Speaker 1: also not in the right headspace to give me advice, 767 00:31:27,750 --> 00:31:30,300 Speaker 1: but I just listen because I'm vulnerable. So now I'm 768 00:31:30,300 --> 00:31:34,060 Speaker 1: just a bit more careful. Like what I listen to 769 00:31:34,070 --> 00:31:35,250 Speaker 2: understand you? 770 00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:39,110 Speaker 1: I don't think so. I think I will listen and 771 00:31:39,110 --> 00:31:41,590 Speaker 1: I will consider, but I know that at the end 772 00:31:41,590 --> 00:31:44,390 Speaker 1: of the day it has to be my choice. Okay? 773 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:45,750 Speaker 1: It has to be my decision. 774 00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:47,600 Speaker 2: It's very good and responsible. But 775 00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:50,810 Speaker 1: I also feel like that's why I sometimes give myself 776 00:31:50,810 --> 00:31:54,410 Speaker 1: more time to make a decision. Yeah, just to be 777 00:31:54,420 --> 00:31:57,490 Speaker 1: extra sure. So I think at the end of the day, 778 00:31:57,500 --> 00:31:59,480 Speaker 1: being a therapist friend comes with a lot 779 00:31:59,490 --> 00:32:02,680 Speaker 1: of pressure. Like Azura said, you can feel guilt not 780 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:04,420 Speaker 1: being able to be there for them. But if it's 781 00:32:04,420 --> 00:32:06,060 Speaker 1: like a situation like that and you know, your friend 782 00:32:06,060 --> 00:32:07,790 Speaker 1: needs professional help, tell them to go and get it 783 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:12,000 Speaker 1: because it shouldn't be on your shoulders, this responsibility. So 784 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,000 Speaker 1: how do you actually reach out to your therapist friends? 785 00:32:14,010 --> 00:32:16,880 Speaker 1: I have so many receipts from my chat. This one 786 00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:19,760 Speaker 1: says baby S. O. S. She was like, are you okay? 787 00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:21,860 Speaker 1: Where are you? I said I'm okay, I just need 788 00:32:21,860 --> 00:32:23,580 Speaker 1: your advice. What do I say? 789 00:32:24,220 --> 00:32:26,950 Speaker 1: Then? All the screenshots, screenshots, so things like that, I'll 790 00:32:26,950 --> 00:32:28,980 Speaker 1: just call her immediately and be like, hey, I need 791 00:32:28,980 --> 00:32:29,090 Speaker 1: your 792 00:32:29,090 --> 00:32:31,380 Speaker 2: help for me. My friends always come to me with 793 00:32:31,380 --> 00:32:34,320 Speaker 2: a more serious tone like hazy, are you free right now? 794 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,910 Speaker 2: I need to speak with you. But this happens like 795 00:32:36,910 --> 00:32:39,370 Speaker 2: so rarely. So when it happens, I know that 796 00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:40,030 Speaker 2: shit, 797 00:32:40,620 --> 00:32:43,040 Speaker 1: that's what you do to me. Like she will be like, 798 00:32:43,050 --> 00:32:44,550 Speaker 1: can you come in earlier? Let's meet? 799 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:45,590 Speaker 2: Oh yeah. 800 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:48,100 Speaker 1: I'll be like, what's happening? Right? That's 801 00:32:48,100 --> 00:32:49,700 Speaker 2: one of the very rare occurrences. 802 00:32:49,710 --> 00:32:52,640 Speaker 1: Let me tell you, Right? So I see jumps all 803 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:55,210 Speaker 1: the time because we're next to each other, right? This 804 00:32:55,210 --> 00:32:57,600 Speaker 1: one particular day a couple of weeks ago. It's the 805 00:32:57,610 --> 00:33:00,570 Speaker 1: first time ever that she came to me and said, 806 00:33:00,580 --> 00:33:04,330 Speaker 1: I need to talk to you and I freaked out, 807 00:33:04,340 --> 00:33:08,000 Speaker 1: freaked out. I was like, what? 808 00:33:08,940 --> 00:33:12,570 Speaker 1: I'm sorry that caused you unnecessary anxiety, but it was 809 00:33:12,570 --> 00:33:13,530 Speaker 1: really nothing. It was really 810 00:33:13,530 --> 00:33:14,880 Speaker 2: nothing. It was really nothing 811 00:33:14,890 --> 00:33:17,170 Speaker 1: as if it was something that I had heard, I 812 00:33:17,170 --> 00:33:19,560 Speaker 1: just want to check into her, make sure she's okay. 813 00:33:19,570 --> 00:33:22,050 Speaker 1: So I wasn't going to her for advice, but I 814 00:33:22,050 --> 00:33:23,830 Speaker 1: had heard that she was in a tough spot. So 815 00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:26,060 Speaker 1: I went to her and said, are you okay? And 816 00:33:26,070 --> 00:33:30,100 Speaker 1: it turns out she was okay. So, but standing at 817 00:33:30,100 --> 00:33:32,770 Speaker 1: the radio door staring at me going, I didn't talk 818 00:33:32,770 --> 00:33:34,590 Speaker 1: to you later in the most serious tone. 819 00:33:35,300 --> 00:33:35,730 Speaker 2: That's 820 00:33:35,730 --> 00:33:37,490 Speaker 1: kinda scary. I'm so sorry, I scared for no reason. 821 00:33:37,490 --> 00:33:40,850 Speaker 1: I will I regulate my tone next time. Usually if 822 00:33:40,850 --> 00:33:44,240 Speaker 1: I need to talk to a therapist friend, my line 823 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:47,150 Speaker 1: is usually I got story. Yeah. 824 00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:49,310 Speaker 2: And then like we feel like, okay, that's a good story. 825 00:33:49,310 --> 00:33:51,240 Speaker 2: It should be nothing serious. Yeah. Then it turns out 826 00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:54,220 Speaker 2: to be something serious because it's always so positive. 827 00:33:54,220 --> 00:33:57,110 Speaker 1: She takes it so lighthearted, correct. You know how it 828 00:33:57,110 --> 00:33:58,340 Speaker 1: described as aura? 829 00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:03,450 Speaker 2: Yes. 830 00:34:04,410 --> 00:34:08,620 Speaker 1: We, but what about your therapist friends, Right? That don't 831 00:34:08,620 --> 00:34:09,750 Speaker 1: have a therapist friend? 832 00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:14,140 Speaker 2: Well, none of people like that. They choose to regulate 833 00:34:14,140 --> 00:34:16,400 Speaker 2: their emotions not by going to someone else, but by 834 00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:20,279 Speaker 2: other means. For example, listening to podcasts, listening to music, 835 00:34:20,290 --> 00:34:21,160 Speaker 2: going for a run, 836 00:34:21,489 --> 00:34:22,779 Speaker 2: going for a swim. I 837 00:34:22,780 --> 00:34:24,980 Speaker 1: think sometimes for a lot of these people, they also 838 00:34:24,980 --> 00:34:27,710 Speaker 1: feel like maybe they might want to talk to someone, 839 00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:29,760 Speaker 1: but I think a lot of them that's a part 840 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:31,650 Speaker 1: of them that feels like they don't want to burden 841 00:34:31,650 --> 00:34:32,640 Speaker 1: someone else even though they're 842 00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:36,299 Speaker 2: not, that's me. I feel like that's me. Don't 843 00:34:36,300 --> 00:34:37,689 Speaker 1: ever feel that way first. 844 00:34:38,940 --> 00:34:41,920 Speaker 2: It's like other than my, my partner, if I ever 845 00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:44,320 Speaker 2: had one. Um, I feel like it's okay to go 846 00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:46,870 Speaker 2: to him because he's my partner, right? But when it 847 00:34:46,870 --> 00:34:48,299 Speaker 2: comes to my friends, I feel like, oh, am I 848 00:34:48,300 --> 00:34:49,469 Speaker 2: being a burden? Should I like 849 00:34:49,469 --> 00:34:50,310 Speaker 1: not tell them? 850 00:34:50,310 --> 00:34:53,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, I am. I like inconveniencing them and 851 00:34:53,730 --> 00:34:56,279 Speaker 1: you know, I think it's natural to feel that way. 852 00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:57,780 Speaker 1: It's valid to feel that way, But 853 00:34:57,969 --> 00:35:00,730 Speaker 1: you should be able to rely on your friends as 854 00:35:00,730 --> 00:35:04,320 Speaker 1: a support system. So don't be afraid to in essence 855 00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:07,490 Speaker 1: or hash podcasts. Are we not therapist friends to 856 00:35:07,489 --> 00:35:09,230 Speaker 2: so many people, I 857 00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:11,730 Speaker 1: just realized that the people on Tiktok say what these 858 00:35:11,739 --> 00:35:14,689 Speaker 1: people were talking about all these things 859 00:35:15,180 --> 00:35:18,400 Speaker 1: take our words with a pinch of salt correct And 860 00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,640 Speaker 2: I just want to remind everybody that you know, I 861 00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:22,770 Speaker 2: believe that you already know what decision you want to 862 00:35:22,770 --> 00:35:23,250 Speaker 2: make within 863 00:35:23,250 --> 00:35:24,360 Speaker 1: yourself. You're feeling 864 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:27,050 Speaker 2: correct. Go with it. We're just here to offer extra 865 00:35:27,050 --> 00:35:30,400 Speaker 2: advice and just some fun and laughter and love. Hopefully 866 00:35:30,410 --> 00:35:30,750 Speaker 1: different. 867 00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:35,960 Speaker 1: Love, love, love, you're in love. And then right, there's 868 00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,860 Speaker 1: also this other thing. It's a bit shallow I feel, 869 00:35:38,860 --> 00:35:41,360 Speaker 1: but I feel like I believe in it. So I 870 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,839 Speaker 1: don't know if you've heard this before, but basically if 871 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,750 Speaker 1: you need to make a decision between two things 872 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:48,910 Speaker 1: and you can't decide, Oh right. 873 00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:50,040 Speaker 2: You flip a coin, you flip 874 00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:52,780 Speaker 1: a coin because when it's in the air you will 875 00:35:52,780 --> 00:35:55,350 Speaker 1: be hoping for one side, correct. I feel like that's 876 00:35:55,350 --> 00:35:59,100 Speaker 1: bad advice. No coin really, 877 00:35:59,100 --> 00:36:00,009 Speaker 2: really not because 878 00:36:00,010 --> 00:36:01,969 Speaker 1: of what the coin will tell you when it's in 879 00:36:01,969 --> 00:36:04,570 Speaker 1: the air, you will be hoping for one side. But 880 00:36:04,570 --> 00:36:06,600 Speaker 1: I feel like if I flip right and then the 881 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:08,850 Speaker 1: coin lands on one side, but I wanted the other one, 882 00:36:08,860 --> 00:36:10,880 Speaker 1: then I don't follow through right? I feel like something 883 00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:14,239 Speaker 1: bad will happen. No, because that's what the universe intended 884 00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:15,000 Speaker 1: for you to do. 885 00:36:15,010 --> 00:36:15,790 Speaker 2: No, 886 00:36:16,950 --> 00:36:20,590 Speaker 1: no la. So while it's in the area of the thing, 887 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,250 Speaker 1: so throw higher. You 888 00:36:23,250 --> 00:36:24,790 Speaker 2: got more time to think before it 889 00:36:24,790 --> 00:36:25,550 Speaker 1: comes down. 890 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:29,049 Speaker 2: But that's true. That's true. Whenever you are in a spot, 891 00:36:29,050 --> 00:36:31,560 Speaker 2: maybe flip a coin and we hope that they can 892 00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:32,420 Speaker 2: give you some light 893 00:36:32,430 --> 00:36:33,270 Speaker 1: clarity, 894 00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:35,680 Speaker 2: clarity, clarity. That's right. 895 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:36,839 Speaker 1: Shout out with 896 00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:40,100 Speaker 2: that. Thank you for tuning into this episode of clarity's 897 00:36:40,110 --> 00:36:44,290 Speaker 2: follow us on instagram at its clarity dot co. 898 00:36:44,300 --> 00:36:47,220 Speaker 1: You can listen to us on me lessons, 45 Apple podcast. 899 00:36:47,219 --> 00:36:49,729 Speaker 1: Don't forget to turn on your notifications. Yes. And also 900 00:36:49,730 --> 00:36:54,760 Speaker 1: catch us on YouTube. I have fiery redhead, a 901 00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:57,290 Speaker 2: thank you so much. Once again, I'm hazel 902 00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:59,410 Speaker 1: and I will catch you next time.