WEBVTT - How's Rainer's Dating & Sex Life After Removing His Testicles?

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, it's Sonia. Welcome to another episode of men. Explain.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much for coming back, week after week

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<v Speaker 1>for our new episodes. If you haven't already subscribed, please

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<v Speaker 1>do so send it to all your friends and your family.

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<v Speaker 1>Let them know there's good content right here.

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<v Speaker 1>Now, today, I haven't actually met our guest in person

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<v Speaker 1>till this moment. And I really want to get deep

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<v Speaker 1>with this conversation here. Watch a couple of his videos

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<v Speaker 1>and one that I picked up most recently got me

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<v Speaker 1>pretty emotional. At the same time, I was like laugh crying.

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the set right here.

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<v Speaker 1>Tell our audience a little bit more about yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes. My name is Ria Content Creator and I recently

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<v Speaker 2>actually opened a video production house and doing that. I

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<v Speaker 2>also quit my job. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I heard I heard, how's that been? Is it liberating

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<v Speaker 2>or the day that I finished serving my notice? I

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<v Speaker 2>was like, oh, there's so much

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<v Speaker 2>like relief and like the burdens from your shoulders were gone.

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<v Speaker 2>But then there's also like new burdens because start up. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>good on you for taking that deep as well. And

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<v Speaker 1>we're here today to chat a little bit more about

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<v Speaker 1>some touchy topics I feel not addressed enough. Do our

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<v Speaker 1>body parts define our identity and who we are and

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<v Speaker 1>the reason why we've got right here here in the studio,

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<v Speaker 1>you've got a lot to share and just watching your

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<v Speaker 1>recent video alone where you shared about your cancer journey.

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<v Speaker 1>It was very difficult to watch at the same time.

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<v Speaker 1>It was emotional yet you had the lighter side of

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<v Speaker 1>things to that video too. I could tell you you

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<v Speaker 1>processed a lot already. Can you take us through that

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<v Speaker 1>journey and your recovery and all that? Just to catch

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<v Speaker 1>up a little before we start

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<v Speaker 2>going back when I, I just got diagnosed, right? It

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<v Speaker 2>was very tough for me because I it was the

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<v Speaker 2>same week that I moved out.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. So in your video, you mentioned that a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of things were happening at

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<v Speaker 2>once. I wanted to just be the man that I

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<v Speaker 2>can be that kind of thing, right? And then when

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<v Speaker 2>I got the diagnosis, I was like, oh shit.

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<v Speaker 2>Now I have to depend on people again, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>that kind of thing which I to me, I didn't

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<v Speaker 2>like being taken care of. I want to be the

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<v Speaker 2>one taking care of my family, that kind of stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>So and there was also that particular like part in

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<v Speaker 2>my brain. I was like, maybe I don't tell them. No. Yeah. No,

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<v Speaker 2>there was there was a part of me just like,

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<v Speaker 2>maybe don't tell, I mean, how hard can cancer be?

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<v Speaker 2>Right then. Ok, this guy,

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<v Speaker 2>I tried, I tried, I tried for a week but

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<v Speaker 2>then I, we just don't, you

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<v Speaker 1>need, you need to, you need to get up and

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<v Speaker 1>you mentioned that you actually told your mom on the phone. Yes. Yes. Yes.

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<v Speaker 1>How did she take to that? Look,

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<v Speaker 1>I tell you my relationship with my family, right? Like

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<v Speaker 1>if I get a cut, I have to tell them

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<v Speaker 1>immediately they rush down like they are that kind of people.

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<v Speaker 1>It's they will overreact. Like the

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<v Speaker 2>same thing is the same thing that I had. My

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<v Speaker 2>mom was like, no, we need to go down. I'm like, no,

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<v Speaker 2>I scolded her on the phone because I'm like, if

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<v Speaker 2>you come, I will cry. I get

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<v Speaker 1>where you're coming from though. Like you don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>unlock the whole well of emotion.

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<v Speaker 2>Correct. Correct. I wanted to be like just

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<v Speaker 2>you just get on with it, take out the whatever

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<v Speaker 2>CS that is, is not working, you know, that kind

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<v Speaker 2>of thing and just get through it, but I'm so

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<v Speaker 1>happy to see you. Thank you. Well, today, you greats,

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<v Speaker 1>greats and you're here with us here in the studio

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<v Speaker 1>as well. Was it difficult to consider talking about testicular

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<v Speaker 1>cancer on a public platform

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<v Speaker 2>being the content creator that I am. He was

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<v Speaker 1>like, I make a video

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<v Speaker 2>obviously I had that thought when I see like the

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<v Speaker 2>content space right now there has been in recent years,

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<v Speaker 2>people talking about like sickness and like going through the journey, right?

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<v Speaker 2>But in Singapore not much. And I think it's also

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<v Speaker 2>maybe a very Asian mindset that we don't talk about health.

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<v Speaker 2>I do get comments like why you put this online. Right. Right.

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<v Speaker 2>Which is like, it sucks because

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not, I didn't ask for the I I obviously

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<v Speaker 2>I'm a content creator. So like, you know, if the

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<v Speaker 2>views are more then obviously is great, right? But then

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<v Speaker 2>it's also like, I didn't really do it for the film,

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<v Speaker 2>but more so like when I was going through it,

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't have anybody to relate to. And that's to

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<v Speaker 2>me what content creators aspire to be, to be able

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<v Speaker 2>to connect to an audience. My friends were very supportive,

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<v Speaker 2>my family was supportive, right? But it wasn't like

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<v Speaker 2>they know they know how it is. Only my chemo buddies,

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<v Speaker 2>like the ones that sit beside me doing chemo, then

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<v Speaker 2>we were able to like chit chat about these kind

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<v Speaker 2>of things.

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<v Speaker 1>I watched your video and just looking at the comments alone,

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<v Speaker 1>there's so much support pouring in like

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<v Speaker 1>600 plus comments right now. I think at this point

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<v Speaker 1>in time, like and it was really brave of you

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<v Speaker 1>to post about that because I think also to a

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<v Speaker 1>certain sense, men feel very p to talk about these things.

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<v Speaker 1>How do you gonna talk about your balls? Like on youtube?

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<v Speaker 1>That's not easy at all. Right. And I mean, the

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<v Speaker 1>way that you delivered it was very, matter of fact,

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<v Speaker 1>was very casual, but also because you've already been through it,

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<v Speaker 1>I

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<v Speaker 2>had a lot of time to process it really, like months. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>But if I were to do it, like, in the

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<v Speaker 2>beginning

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<v Speaker 2>it would just be like, it's basically like the why

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<v Speaker 2>me mentality, why me? I never do anything. I was

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<v Speaker 2>the best son, you know, that kind of shit, right?

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<v Speaker 2>So I did have time to process everything. So that's good.

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<v Speaker 2>And I didn't want to dwell too much on the

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<v Speaker 2>sadness

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<v Speaker 1>when you were going through that entire process. Did you

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<v Speaker 1>think I'm gonna be less of a man after this

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<v Speaker 1>entire ordeal?

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<v Speaker 2>Definitely when they were cutting me out of the or

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<v Speaker 2>I was still drugged up. So I was just like

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<v Speaker 2>when the drugs were off, I started to cry, it

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<v Speaker 2>was a realization that I had one body part gone, right?

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<v Speaker 2>Although not as not like late or whatever, right? But

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<v Speaker 2>it still like a part of your identity like in

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<v Speaker 2>that sense to me at the time, I may not

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<v Speaker 2>be able to have kids. And also,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, during the sexual intercourse, people are like my

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<v Speaker 2>partners will ask what happened to the other one, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>the kind of thing. Yeah. So that's that also weighed

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<v Speaker 2>down on me.

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<v Speaker 1>So, on that note, I mean, if you don't mind

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<v Speaker 1>me asking, only if you don't mind me asking ever

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<v Speaker 1>since you went through the medical procedures and everything. Have

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<v Speaker 1>you been physically intimate with anyone? Yes. And how did

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<v Speaker 1>it go?

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<v Speaker 2>Funny enough, they never ask questions. So it's all in

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<v Speaker 2>my head actually because

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<v Speaker 2>before the surgery, right? Like actually the, the reason why

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<v Speaker 2>I want, I've always been advocate for being transparent and

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<v Speaker 2>like all these right? Because

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<v Speaker 2>one of the reasons why I knew it was cancer

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<v Speaker 2>was because my partner at that time did say something

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<v Speaker 2>about a or something wrong, right? Because I don't do

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<v Speaker 2>the check myself or which, which everybody should do after

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<v Speaker 2>the surgery, right? I always had this thinking like, oh

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<v Speaker 2>sh people gonna ask even if they don't say, even

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<v Speaker 2>if they don't say right, I'm like, I'm sure they

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<v Speaker 2>are in their head. Like what this guy only got

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<v Speaker 2>one ball, you know thing, right?

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<v Speaker 1>OK. But you're over, you feel like you're overthink, correct

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<v Speaker 2>and

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<v Speaker 2>that whole ball issue, that whole height issue. I think

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<v Speaker 2>all my, all my partners have never said like, oh

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<v Speaker 2>you're too short kind of thing or like or you

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<v Speaker 2>have one ball because I also do have existing body

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<v Speaker 2>image issues already. So this is another thing like piling up.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like shit, man. I'm less of a man already.

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<v Speaker 2>And then just because of this then I also like

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<v Speaker 1>it piles on Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>II I do think that it's not as intense as

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<v Speaker 2>what women have to go through because

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, women body image issues is like a whole thing, right?

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<v Speaker 2>And when women have to go through body image issues,

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<v Speaker 2>it's always like to be skinny or I mean, it

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<v Speaker 2>changes

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<v Speaker 1>so influenced by what we see in the media or

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<v Speaker 1>like we want to look at this model or

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<v Speaker 2>unrealistic. The male version is slightly more forgiving like you

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<v Speaker 2>can be a bit more like chubby and they were

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<v Speaker 2>just a dead board. Any kind of thing. Mind stems

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<v Speaker 2>from weight and height. Yeah, because

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<v Speaker 2>yeah, so I'm a shock king.

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, but there have been a couple of short kings

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<v Speaker 1>out there that made it really. Exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>But before they went viral and the trend, right? Last

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<v Speaker 2>time being a short guy is not the most ideal

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<v Speaker 2>what you want to be like taller because the standard

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<v Speaker 2>of beauty for men is you have to be tall,

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<v Speaker 2>dark and handsome, right? I have the other two,

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<v Speaker 1>the other two. That's right. I don't disagree.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm not tall. So there was something that hindered

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<v Speaker 2>me in my dating processes as

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<v Speaker 1>well. Then just did petite girl.

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<v Speaker 2>No, even the P goes one the tallest man, the

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<v Speaker 2>one that looked like the eating the giant carrot that

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<v Speaker 1>me. Yeah, I know I to struggle with those things,

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<v Speaker 1>as you can tell, I'm also a small person, I

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<v Speaker 1>think being petite or shorter as a girl is not

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<v Speaker 1>as

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<v Speaker 1>bad as for men. I've got a couple of shocking

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<v Speaker 1>friends as well and they are trying to embrace it.

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<v Speaker 1>But it is a deep insecurity. It's not something that

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<v Speaker 1>you can change. Us. Being in the media. Sometimes we

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<v Speaker 1>may get comments. I'm not sure if you've experienced any.

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<v Speaker 1>Not so nice. Your comments.

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<v Speaker 2>No comments. What on my platform,

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<v Speaker 1>God sometimes? Yeah. So there have been a couple of

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<v Speaker 1>times people like, oh you're such an airplane runway or like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh you're so short or you're so this there have

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<v Speaker 2>been actually speaking of like social media like the airport

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<v Speaker 2>runway thing, casual, very casual. Has the comments ever like

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<v Speaker 2>affected you?

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<v Speaker 1>Definitely, definitely. And I always, I always think about this

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<v Speaker 1>moment years ago when I just joined the industry, right?

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<v Speaker 1>And I got my first magazine cover.

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<v Speaker 1>This magazine doesn't exist anymore because it shut down like

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<v Speaker 1>literally after I did discover maybe my copy so badly.

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<v Speaker 1>They were like, ok, but we were out I was

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<v Speaker 1>super insecure because actually I didn't think much about my

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<v Speaker 1>body type or the way that I look last time

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<v Speaker 1>because I didn't expect to go into media. It wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a journalist,

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<v Speaker 1>I just wanted to like write and be behind the scenes.

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<v Speaker 1>So when I first got that magazine cover, I was like, OK, like, OK, I,

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<v Speaker 1>I'll

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<v Speaker 1>do it but maybe can we, you know, style it

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<v Speaker 1>in a way where it's not so really healing, I guess.

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<v Speaker 1>Because is it, don't worry, don't worry, trust us, everything's ok.

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<v Speaker 1>We'll do a little bit of shading, contouring. You're good. So,

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<v Speaker 1>so I was like, ok, actually looks pretty good. Like, hello.

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<v Speaker 1>I have boobs for once and then the magazine came out.

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<v Speaker 1>They did a bit of di or that. Ok, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not gonna lie. I mean, it wasn't as, it wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>that revealing my colleagues back then guys, by the way,

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<v Speaker 1>who do not work at my station anymore. In fact,

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<v Speaker 1>one of them recently got into trouble won't say where

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<v Speaker 1>or what or who this person is. But you might

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<v Speaker 1>know this person. So they actually got a copy of

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<v Speaker 1>the magazine and they vandalized it and they wrote things

0:11:00.739 --> 0:11:02.929
<v Speaker 1>like Airport Runway and like blah, blah, blah and all that.

0:11:02.940 --> 0:11:06.250
<v Speaker 1>And they said, and they posted it on Facebook and

0:11:06.260 --> 0:11:07.469
<v Speaker 1>I took it as a joke because I was the

0:11:07.479 --> 0:11:09.799
<v Speaker 1>newest person there and I just like, laughed it off

0:11:09.809 --> 0:11:10.289
<v Speaker 1>and I was like,

0:11:10.710 --> 0:11:12.209
<v Speaker 1>ha ha. Like, you know, I just have to take

0:11:12.219 --> 0:11:13.450
<v Speaker 1>it in my stride and be a big girl about

0:11:13.460 --> 0:11:15.880
<v Speaker 1>it because I don't want to seem affected. But of course,

0:11:15.890 --> 0:11:19.280
<v Speaker 1>back then I felt like, wow, they single handedly just

0:11:19.289 --> 0:11:22.250
<v Speaker 1>ruined that moment for me because I was kind of

0:11:22.260 --> 0:11:25.500
<v Speaker 1>excited to see the cover or, like, have this magazine

0:11:25.789 --> 0:11:29.049
<v Speaker 1>and they just kind of squashed it. You know,

0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:31.969
<v Speaker 2>if that happened to me, I would have

0:11:33.299 --> 0:11:36.489
<v Speaker 2>been upset, been upset. Obviously you upset. I was upset

0:11:36.500 --> 0:11:39.469
<v Speaker 2>for sure. I don't know. Maybe I would have done

0:11:39.479 --> 0:11:40.559
<v Speaker 2>the surgery.

0:11:43.270 --> 0:11:45.330
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. No, I mean, I know some friends who have

0:11:45.340 --> 0:11:49.059
<v Speaker 1>done gone, I mean, good for them. Good for you. Like,

0:11:49.070 --> 0:11:51.330
<v Speaker 1>you can make your own decisions and if that makes

0:11:51.340 --> 0:11:54.079
<v Speaker 1>you more confident and happier, then that's good. You had

0:11:54.090 --> 0:11:56.929
<v Speaker 2>this experience, right? What was your coping mechanism? My

0:11:56.940 --> 0:12:00.619
<v Speaker 1>coping mechanism was just to be by myself. And I

0:12:00.630 --> 0:12:03.369
<v Speaker 1>read a lot, like I read a lot of books.

0:12:03.429 --> 0:12:05.960
<v Speaker 1>It's very weird now because you're looking at me now

0:12:05.969 --> 0:12:08.619
<v Speaker 1>here doing this job and you're probably like, wow, this is,

0:12:08.630 --> 0:12:09.820
<v Speaker 1>this is not expected,

0:12:10.890 --> 0:12:13.580
<v Speaker 1>but I really think I lean a lot on my family,

0:12:13.650 --> 0:12:15.859
<v Speaker 1>like I'm very close to them, lean a lot on them,

0:12:16.150 --> 0:12:19.059
<v Speaker 1>told them everything, you know. So I think that was

0:12:19.070 --> 0:12:22.979
<v Speaker 1>something that was crucial to my development years as well.

0:12:23.239 --> 0:12:26.260
<v Speaker 2>Ok? I just want to say this, you're beautiful, you're

0:12:26.270 --> 0:12:26.939
<v Speaker 1>handsome

0:12:27.260 --> 0:12:29.229
<v Speaker 2>than you just now when you step in I starr,

0:12:29.599 --> 0:12:32.309
<v Speaker 2>you know, legit, legit. That's why, that's why I a

0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:32.919
<v Speaker 2>bit nervous. Is

0:12:32.989 --> 0:12:36.210
<v Speaker 1>it not nervous anymore? This guy calling himself handsome on

0:12:36.219 --> 0:12:37.409
<v Speaker 1>our show, by the way,

0:12:38.059 --> 0:12:40.478
<v Speaker 1>is this something that you open up about with your

0:12:40.489 --> 0:12:42.329
<v Speaker 1>guy friends? Like, do you talk about it?

0:12:43.150 --> 0:12:46.679
<v Speaker 1>Do you ever open up? Really? Because amongst girls, right?

0:12:46.690 --> 0:12:49.968
<v Speaker 1>I mean we always bitch and whine and moan about

0:12:49.979 --> 0:12:51.710
<v Speaker 1>how we look. You don't talk about that with your

0:12:51.719 --> 0:12:51.869
<v Speaker 1>man

0:12:51.880 --> 0:12:54.929
<v Speaker 2>friends. I think it's not like talking about it but

0:12:54.940 --> 0:12:58.400
<v Speaker 2>we teach each other. You do. It's like more weight

0:12:58.409 --> 0:13:00.380
<v Speaker 2>I think because the he one is a, is a,

0:13:00.479 --> 0:13:03.770
<v Speaker 2>is a more sensitive issue for guys because what you

0:13:03.780 --> 0:13:05.689
<v Speaker 2>can change but

0:13:05.794 --> 0:13:07.625
<v Speaker 2>my guy friends will like put me on my stomach

0:13:07.635 --> 0:13:10.815
<v Speaker 2>because I got a stomach. It's fun and games. But

0:13:10.825 --> 0:13:14.635
<v Speaker 2>also after all like deep, deep.

0:13:15.434 --> 0:13:19.815
<v Speaker 1>But you know, when it comes to comparing ourselves with others, right?

0:13:19.825 --> 0:13:21.744
<v Speaker 1>When we look at social media and all that, do

0:13:21.755 --> 0:13:27.325
<v Speaker 1>you think being in the media has accelerated your insecurities

0:13:27.335 --> 0:13:28.255
<v Speaker 1>in a way as well?

0:13:28.684 --> 0:13:32.465
<v Speaker 2>Yes. The fact that you see yourself more often like

0:13:32.474 --> 0:13:34.734
<v Speaker 2>even the zoom I think, do you know the zoom effect?

0:13:35.030 --> 0:13:39.280
<v Speaker 2>Like how during the COVID? Everybody started to be more

0:13:39.289 --> 0:13:42.369
<v Speaker 2>aware of what they look like and then the rate

0:13:42.380 --> 0:13:45.570
<v Speaker 2>of plastic surgery went up during it? Really? Yeah. Correct

0:13:45.580 --> 0:13:47.770
<v Speaker 2>me if I'm wrong, I don't know that it really

0:13:47.780 --> 0:13:50.929
<v Speaker 2>did went up because people were like seeing yourself on hyper,

0:13:51.469 --> 0:13:53.390
<v Speaker 2>then they were like, oh shit, my eye a bit,

0:13:53.510 --> 0:13:54.960
<v Speaker 2>a bit wonky, you know, that kind of

0:13:55.020 --> 0:13:58.650
<v Speaker 1>thing. But for men to, aside from just physical appearance,

0:13:59.119 --> 0:14:02.890
<v Speaker 1>do you guys talk about sexual performance? And I scored this,

0:14:02.900 --> 0:14:05.619
<v Speaker 1>I score that that adds on to your ego and

0:14:05.630 --> 0:14:07.650
<v Speaker 1>the way that you are, you feel about yourself. I,

0:14:07.659 --> 0:14:08.189
<v Speaker 1>I

0:14:08.200 --> 0:14:12.179
<v Speaker 2>do think that it was a young man thing. Yeah.

0:14:12.190 --> 0:14:14.640
<v Speaker 2>You still young. What? I'm a millennial but last time

0:14:14.650 --> 0:14:18.150
<v Speaker 2>when growing up, like 2020 plus that kind of thing, right.

0:14:18.159 --> 0:14:19.229
<v Speaker 2>That one was more of like,

0:14:19.539 --> 0:14:21.830
<v Speaker 2>it's a thing because you were flex like I be

0:14:22.820 --> 0:14:24.640
<v Speaker 2>bla bla bla the kind of thing. Right? But now

0:14:24.650 --> 0:14:28.330
<v Speaker 2>it's also like you're more mature, you're less childish. I

0:14:28.340 --> 0:14:30.950
<v Speaker 2>also subscribe to the don't, was it?

0:14:31.510 --> 0:14:33.859
<v Speaker 2>I don't kiss and tell. Oh

0:14:34.679 --> 0:14:37.030
<v Speaker 1>yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't kiss and tell with your friends.

0:14:37.039 --> 0:14:37.450
<v Speaker 1>Even

0:14:37.460 --> 0:14:41.130
<v Speaker 2>for example, if I let them meet this particular girl, right,

0:14:41.150 --> 0:14:44.349
<v Speaker 2>then they will have their own preconceived notion because of

0:14:44.359 --> 0:14:46.400
<v Speaker 2>what I say before. I like don't wanna but

0:14:46.409 --> 0:14:48.619
<v Speaker 1>girls tell girls everything I know

0:14:48.630 --> 0:14:50.770
<v Speaker 2>and that's the scariest part, right?

0:14:51.549 --> 0:14:55.010
<v Speaker 1>So you know that girls tell everything I know. Ok,

0:14:55.020 --> 0:14:57.820
<v Speaker 1>so I feel bad because we really tell the nitty

0:14:57.830 --> 0:14:59.039
<v Speaker 1>gritty details.

0:14:59.049 --> 0:15:02.109
<v Speaker 2>Women are more, they share more stuff and like they're

0:15:02.119 --> 0:15:04.479
<v Speaker 2>more emotional. So like in terms of like they share

0:15:04.489 --> 0:15:07.929
<v Speaker 2>the emotion stuff but men because of like maybe society

0:15:07.940 --> 0:15:11.270
<v Speaker 2>and we are not allowed to share emotions and share

0:15:11.510 --> 0:15:13.820
<v Speaker 2>whatever last. But of course, like my friends do, we

0:15:13.830 --> 0:15:18.179
<v Speaker 2>do talk about other stuff are not like our partners

0:15:18.210 --> 0:15:21.109
<v Speaker 2>but more so like life goals and stuff like that,

0:15:21.119 --> 0:15:23.340
<v Speaker 2>which is, which is which is great. Like it's not

0:15:23.349 --> 0:15:24.429
<v Speaker 2>like shallow, it's

0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:29.049
<v Speaker 1>not shallow. Do these body insecurities that we have also

0:15:29.059 --> 0:15:33.929
<v Speaker 1>affect our sex life and our, I don't know, our

0:15:33.940 --> 0:15:35.369
<v Speaker 1>intimacy in general.

0:15:35.729 --> 0:15:38.409
<v Speaker 2>Definitely. Yeah, I think because we,

0:15:39.349 --> 0:15:41.429
<v Speaker 2>we always put an emphasis on like this one is

0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:44.969
<v Speaker 2>the size thing, right? This is the thing that guys,

0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:47.559
<v Speaker 2>they don't talk about it. I don't talk about it,

0:15:47.570 --> 0:15:50.679
<v Speaker 2>but they always in your mind is like, am I adequate?

0:15:50.770 --> 0:15:52.820
<v Speaker 2>Am I average? Right? It's the same thing as he

0:15:53.059 --> 0:15:56.210
<v Speaker 2>is all about size, right? The bigger the better.

0:15:56.659 --> 0:15:58.309
<v Speaker 1>Do you really think bigger is better?

0:15:58.919 --> 0:16:04.510
<v Speaker 2>Honestly? Now, I now I know that it's not the truth, right? There's,

0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:07.130
<v Speaker 2>there's a term called, can I say? Yeah, please go ahead.

0:16:07.140 --> 0:16:09.090
<v Speaker 2>There's a term called boyfriend and there's a reason why

0:16:09.099 --> 0:16:11.609
<v Speaker 2>because you match, right? It doesn't have to be the

0:16:11.619 --> 0:16:14.080
<v Speaker 2>biggest but you just match like a match made in

0:16:14.090 --> 0:16:16.640
<v Speaker 2>heaven in a sense. He yeah, you can like plug,

0:16:16.659 --> 0:16:17.349
<v Speaker 2>you can plug

0:16:20.239 --> 0:16:24.369
<v Speaker 2>but in the dating world, I guess you just want

0:16:24.380 --> 0:16:27.330
<v Speaker 2>to be the bigger to us. Like you want to

0:16:27.340 --> 0:16:29.150
<v Speaker 2>be bigger. You want to be the most muscular. You

0:16:29.159 --> 0:16:30.750
<v Speaker 2>want to be the richest. You just want to be

0:16:30.760 --> 0:16:33.820
<v Speaker 1>everything. Yeah. Well, how do you then navigate through all

0:16:33.830 --> 0:16:38.150
<v Speaker 1>these body image insecurities that you had? You said you

0:16:38.159 --> 0:16:40.229
<v Speaker 1>want to try and accept some of them? Yeah. Yeah.

0:16:40.469 --> 0:16:43.849
<v Speaker 1>Do you also try and I don't know, work out

0:16:43.859 --> 0:16:44.260
<v Speaker 1>or

0:16:44.270 --> 0:16:47.650
<v Speaker 2>my goal has always been Chris Hemsworth. I see. Definitely

0:16:47.659 --> 0:16:49.669
<v Speaker 2>gonna see going, how is it going to reach that?

0:16:49.679 --> 0:16:52.270
<v Speaker 2>Because like he's too buff how to fit in this

0:16:52.280 --> 0:16:57.820
<v Speaker 2>small body. The one that, that's more attainable is like

0:16:57.830 --> 0:16:59.309
<v Speaker 2>Tom Holland because he also shocking

0:16:59.359 --> 0:17:00.429
<v Speaker 1>and look at his girlfriend

0:17:02.080 --> 0:17:05.089
<v Speaker 1>and then, and she's taller than him. Right. I'm not wrong.

0:17:05.099 --> 0:17:08.160
<v Speaker 2>So I'm for me as well. Right. Like dating, I

0:17:08.180 --> 0:17:11.119
<v Speaker 2>have dated girls who are all. So I'm like, ok,

0:17:11.380 --> 0:17:13.000
<v Speaker 2>I generally ok, how

0:17:13.010 --> 0:17:15.890
<v Speaker 1>did that feel though? It doesn't make you feel emasculated

0:17:15.900 --> 0:17:17.040
<v Speaker 1>or anything? Like as the

0:17:17.050 --> 0:17:17.729
<v Speaker 2>years go by,

0:17:17.989 --> 0:17:21.250
<v Speaker 2>I feel more ok with it. Last time is really

0:17:21.260 --> 0:17:24.410
<v Speaker 2>like when you are immature and you're childish, right? You

0:17:24.420 --> 0:17:26.849
<v Speaker 2>always want to be the bigger, the better, the richer, whatever.

0:17:26.859 --> 0:17:28.959
<v Speaker 2>But at the end of the day, like those things

0:17:28.969 --> 0:17:30.869
<v Speaker 2>are very superficial and this is,

0:17:31.500 --> 0:17:34.250
<v Speaker 2>of course, it carries a little bit of weight but

0:17:34.260 --> 0:17:36.439
<v Speaker 2>it's not the be all and all thing.

0:17:36.500 --> 0:17:38.599
<v Speaker 1>Just walk with personality, I mean,

0:17:38.609 --> 0:17:40.770
<v Speaker 2>beauty and looks and whatever, right? You just wait, it's

0:17:40.780 --> 0:17:42.189
<v Speaker 2>always just skin deep.

0:17:42.810 --> 0:17:46.780
<v Speaker 1>Ok. So there's a list of what attributes to being

0:17:46.790 --> 0:17:48.619
<v Speaker 1>a man. I'm going to read some out and you

0:17:48.630 --> 0:17:52.829
<v Speaker 1>tell me what you agree and disagree with some concerns.

0:17:52.930 --> 0:17:59.500
<v Speaker 1>So manhood concerns, lowered sex, drive, erectile dysfunction, orgasm difficulties

0:17:59.510 --> 0:18:01.239
<v Speaker 1>and changes in ejaculation.

0:18:01.569 --> 0:18:03.889
<v Speaker 1>These are some of the things that men are like

0:18:03.900 --> 0:18:05.770
<v Speaker 1>ultra concerned with. I know is this awkward that we're

0:18:05.780 --> 0:18:09.369
<v Speaker 1>talking about this? Like on the first time that we're meeting? Like,

0:18:09.439 --> 0:18:12.030
<v Speaker 1>I don't know why this poor dude, like we force

0:18:12.040 --> 0:18:14.739
<v Speaker 1>you to sit here, chat with me and I'm like

0:18:14.750 --> 0:18:17.469
<v Speaker 1>throwing him these questions and he's just like, I want

0:18:17.479 --> 0:18:19.709
<v Speaker 1>to die right now, please. Like, I'm gonna melt here

0:18:19.739 --> 0:18:22.448
<v Speaker 2>when you guys gave me the topic. I was

0:18:22.459 --> 0:18:25.260
<v Speaker 1>like, like, oh my God, why?

0:18:26.510 --> 0:18:29.669
<v Speaker 1>OK. But let's just casually talk about it then do

0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:31.609
<v Speaker 1>you agree that these are some concerns?

0:18:31.619 --> 0:18:34.550
<v Speaker 2>Definitely, definitely. I mean, there is a market for write

0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:37.530
<v Speaker 2>out dysfunction, all these like size, whatever things. Right. There's

0:18:37.540 --> 0:18:41.280
<v Speaker 2>a market to curb that. Yeah. Right. EDS and all that. Right.

0:18:41.310 --> 0:18:45.750
<v Speaker 2>So there is definitely a concern for men in general

0:18:45.800 --> 0:18:50.160
<v Speaker 2>with this kind of topics. Even I myself, performance anxiety

0:18:50.170 --> 0:18:51.560
<v Speaker 2>is there's nothing wrong with your,

0:18:52.439 --> 0:18:55.280
<v Speaker 2>your equipment, you know, nothing about the equipment. Nothing wrong

0:18:55.290 --> 0:18:57.750
<v Speaker 2>with the equipment is just you're psyching yourself up like, oh, shit.

0:18:57.900 --> 0:19:00.219
<v Speaker 2>Am I gonna suffer this? Then it will just,

0:19:01.709 --> 0:19:04.599
<v Speaker 1>sometimes when you talk about like lower sex drive and stuff,

0:19:04.609 --> 0:19:07.688
<v Speaker 1>those are, I think across both men and women. What

0:19:07.699 --> 0:19:09.369
<v Speaker 1>I worry about also sometimes is like after you get

0:19:09.380 --> 0:19:11.739
<v Speaker 1>married or like you have kids sometimes I see just

0:19:11.750 --> 0:19:13.589
<v Speaker 1>in a slump. Yeah, I'm like, oh my gosh, like

0:19:13.599 --> 0:19:15.819
<v Speaker 1>what that happened to us too? Like in the future,

0:19:15.829 --> 0:19:18.099
<v Speaker 1>do you think that it's ok to chat about it

0:19:18.109 --> 0:19:21.050
<v Speaker 1>with your partner or your future partner? Are you open

0:19:21.060 --> 0:19:22.540
<v Speaker 1>about that? Have you done that before?

0:19:22.949 --> 0:19:27.170
<v Speaker 2>I've always done that. I've always been very clear and transparent.

0:19:27.180 --> 0:19:29.939
<v Speaker 2>I think it's very important. Not just because of like

0:19:29.949 --> 0:19:32.260
<v Speaker 2>if you're talking about, you want to have kids like

0:19:32.270 --> 0:19:34.599
<v Speaker 2>that kind of thing. Right. But more like sexual health,

0:19:34.619 --> 0:19:36.630
<v Speaker 2>I mean, if you're gonna have sex, right? You want

0:19:36.640 --> 0:19:40.869
<v Speaker 2>to be both safe, right? And you can only assure

0:19:40.880 --> 0:19:44.159
<v Speaker 2>each other if you tell each other that you're safe

0:19:44.209 --> 0:19:46.130
<v Speaker 2>and you get tested. I mean, you don't anyhow say

0:19:46.140 --> 0:19:48.969
<v Speaker 2>that you're safe but you're not right growing up as

0:19:48.979 --> 0:19:49.569
<v Speaker 2>Asians

0:19:50.199 --> 0:19:52.540
<v Speaker 2>or like in the Asian culture, right? We don't talk

0:19:52.550 --> 0:19:54.420
<v Speaker 2>about sex, we don't talk about a lot of things actually.

0:19:54.430 --> 0:19:58.489
<v Speaker 2>But I think school tried, right? But parents don't at all.

0:19:58.790 --> 0:20:02.579
<v Speaker 2>So I think growing up we feel like we don't,

0:20:02.589 --> 0:20:05.399
<v Speaker 2>we cannot speak about it actually recently, right? Because I

0:20:05.410 --> 0:20:06.479
<v Speaker 2>get tested like

0:20:07.260 --> 0:20:10.669
<v Speaker 2>every year, at least every year, not because I'm sexually

0:20:10.680 --> 0:20:14.420
<v Speaker 2>active or anything, but just because I am a hypochondriac.

0:20:14.430 --> 0:20:17.198
<v Speaker 2>So I like anything happened. I like, OK, so I

0:20:17.209 --> 0:20:21.800
<v Speaker 2>received a letter of the STD results, right? And my

0:20:21.810 --> 0:20:25.909
<v Speaker 2>mom opened it. No, like it was last week. So

0:20:26.260 --> 0:20:27.719
<v Speaker 2>she opened and she was like, oh

0:20:28.780 --> 0:20:30.959
<v Speaker 2>then she just put in you, then she asked me,

0:20:30.969 --> 0:20:33.930
<v Speaker 2>you got, you got a doctor checkup, is it? I

0:20:33.939 --> 0:20:36.839
<v Speaker 2>was like, yeah, and she just put back when she

0:20:36.849 --> 0:20:38.829
<v Speaker 2>left the room so it's like we never don't even

0:20:38.839 --> 0:20:39.729
<v Speaker 2>talk about it. Correct. Correct.

0:20:39.739 --> 0:20:42.609
<v Speaker 1>Correct. But you think it's embarrassing, that's why people find

0:20:42.619 --> 0:20:44.439
<v Speaker 1>it embarrassing to talk about it.

0:20:44.750 --> 0:20:46.930
<v Speaker 2>I think so. I think so. And also the upbringing,

0:20:47.170 --> 0:20:51.800
<v Speaker 2>they just do want this awkward moments. And it's weird

0:20:51.810 --> 0:20:54.169
<v Speaker 2>because I do hang out with a lot of my

0:20:54.180 --> 0:20:58.339
<v Speaker 2>gay friends. Right? And in the LGBT industry industry,

0:20:58.800 --> 0:21:06.869
<v Speaker 2>LGBT community, the LGBT Q plus qi A plus plus

0:21:06.930 --> 0:21:10.250
<v Speaker 2>plus community, right? They do get tested very often I

0:21:10.260 --> 0:21:14.000
<v Speaker 2>think also because they are more sexually active, right? Hero,

0:21:14.569 --> 0:21:19.180
<v Speaker 2>sexual couples don't even the ones that are sexually active,

0:21:19.280 --> 0:21:21.739
<v Speaker 2>like the ones like my bros, right? Who last time

0:21:21.750 --> 0:21:24.280
<v Speaker 2>we go out and like go club, right? OK. I

0:21:24.290 --> 0:21:27.579
<v Speaker 2>asked them before he got tested before. Never, never

0:21:28.089 --> 0:21:31.369
<v Speaker 1>for women because we definitely go for like at least

0:21:31.380 --> 0:21:34.260
<v Speaker 1>yearly checks with the gynecologist and stuff. So these tests

0:21:34.270 --> 0:21:36.810
<v Speaker 1>are a bit more normal or common to us. But

0:21:36.819 --> 0:21:39.219
<v Speaker 1>for men, I I'm very sure some of my friends

0:21:39.229 --> 0:21:42.310
<v Speaker 1>have never even stepped into a doctor's office to do this.

0:21:42.319 --> 0:21:43.680
<v Speaker 1>The CD test before I

0:21:43.859 --> 0:21:49.250
<v Speaker 2>suddenly became the unofficial boys. Is it? No, not just

0:21:49.260 --> 0:21:50.699
<v Speaker 2>in life but also like unofficial

0:21:50.795 --> 0:21:55.584
<v Speaker 2>poster boy for insurance everywhere I am the C from this,

0:21:55.625 --> 0:21:56.854
<v Speaker 2>I am the cautionary tail,

0:21:57.125 --> 0:21:59.935
<v Speaker 1>but you mentioned that you didn't get the right coverage.

0:21:59.944 --> 0:22:01.535
<v Speaker 1>Was it prior to that? Because you didn't expect this

0:22:01.545 --> 0:22:02.974
<v Speaker 1>to happen, correct?

0:22:02.984 --> 0:22:05.625
<v Speaker 2>So I, I didn't get the lump sum of. So like,

0:22:05.635 --> 0:22:10.045
<v Speaker 2>technically you can get 200 if you sign the correct plan.

0:22:10.305 --> 0:22:12.834
<v Speaker 2>I didn't. So I was just like, I tried to

0:22:12.844 --> 0:22:13.574
<v Speaker 2>hustle and like,

0:22:13.959 --> 0:22:16.540
<v Speaker 2>try to find people to see if they want to

0:22:16.550 --> 0:22:19.228
<v Speaker 2>partner with me to join me in our journey sourcing.

0:22:19.270 --> 0:22:19.948
<v Speaker 2>Life was one,

0:22:20.079 --> 0:22:22.520
<v Speaker 1>of course, on a more serious note, you talked about

0:22:22.530 --> 0:22:24.939
<v Speaker 1>the bleak possibilities of being a dad in the future

0:22:24.949 --> 0:22:28.619
<v Speaker 1>as well. Was having kids always something on your radar.

0:22:28.630 --> 0:22:30.520
<v Speaker 1>Did you always want to have kids?

0:22:31.329 --> 0:22:35.139
<v Speaker 2>Last time I wanted 11 kids. No,

0:22:36.420 --> 0:22:40.339
<v Speaker 1>we're learning something new about him every few minutes. I'm

0:22:40.349 --> 0:22:43.188
<v Speaker 1>like hypochondriac 1, 11 kids,

0:22:43.270 --> 0:22:45.729
<v Speaker 2>you know, but like last time because I grew up in,

0:22:45.739 --> 0:22:49.260
<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't say a big family but the extended family

0:22:49.270 --> 0:22:53.349
<v Speaker 2>was very, very big and I like that community, right?

0:22:53.359 --> 0:22:57.359
<v Speaker 2>A very kampong, right? I wanted that for myself or

0:22:57.369 --> 0:23:01.410
<v Speaker 2>in the future. But during before the chemo, I had

0:23:01.420 --> 0:23:03.300
<v Speaker 2>to go for, I had to freeze my sperm.

0:23:03.989 --> 0:23:05.750
<v Speaker 1>Oh, so you can still be there.

0:23:06.010 --> 0:23:07.409
<v Speaker 2>So I had to freeze my sp but this one

0:23:07.469 --> 0:23:09.159
<v Speaker 2>was not good. So I don't know what,

0:23:11.599 --> 0:23:13.060
<v Speaker 1>so why?

0:23:13.170 --> 0:23:15.219
<v Speaker 2>So because when you go through chemo, they will kill

0:23:15.229 --> 0:23:18.670
<v Speaker 2>all the cells. So that means the cells of the

0:23:18.680 --> 0:23:21.989
<v Speaker 2>good cells are gone to. So after the chemo, the

0:23:22.000 --> 0:23:25.738
<v Speaker 2>sperm will all die, so they try to freeze the

0:23:25.750 --> 0:23:29.109
<v Speaker 2>ones that are somewhat OK. But because I already had

0:23:29.119 --> 0:23:29.780
<v Speaker 2>cancer

0:23:30.189 --> 0:23:33.160
<v Speaker 2>to begin with. Right. I see. So it was affected.

0:23:33.300 --> 0:23:37.280
<v Speaker 1>Ok, so then how would this affect your thought process

0:23:37.290 --> 0:23:40.139
<v Speaker 1>moving forward? Like talking about kids and all

0:23:40.150 --> 0:23:42.780
<v Speaker 2>that? It's a conversation that I will have with my partner.

0:23:43.250 --> 0:23:44.849
<v Speaker 2>But I think also

0:23:45.770 --> 0:23:48.530
<v Speaker 2>I have it easier because people have watched a video already.

0:23:48.560 --> 0:23:51.469
<v Speaker 2>People know that I got the testicular cancer. So

0:23:52.650 --> 0:23:55.949
<v Speaker 2>they wouldn't be surprised if they see something missing down there.

0:23:56.270 --> 0:23:56.579
<v Speaker 2>So

0:23:56.589 --> 0:23:59.619
<v Speaker 1>ever since you've been on this journey, and we're talking

0:23:59.630 --> 0:24:03.139
<v Speaker 1>about how body parts sometimes really, we attach our self

0:24:03.150 --> 0:24:06.709
<v Speaker 1>worth and identity to these for men. When you say

0:24:07.020 --> 0:24:11.010
<v Speaker 1>being a man is not defined by your testicles, what

0:24:11.020 --> 0:24:13.699
<v Speaker 1>then do you feel you are defined by?

0:24:14.160 --> 0:24:17.000
<v Speaker 2>I think like there's also this like h like notion

0:24:17.010 --> 0:24:19.629
<v Speaker 2>that for example, for women, right,

0:24:19.900 --> 0:24:23.579
<v Speaker 2>the ability to child like child bear is what makes

0:24:23.589 --> 0:24:25.280
<v Speaker 2>you a woman, you know, that kind of thing, right?

0:24:25.410 --> 0:24:29.550
<v Speaker 2>And same goes for being able to make babies and

0:24:29.560 --> 0:24:31.560
<v Speaker 2>like procreate and like spread the seed like, you know,

0:24:31.569 --> 0:24:34.319
<v Speaker 2>that kind of thing is what it means to be

0:24:34.329 --> 0:24:36.879
<v Speaker 2>a man last time, right? But nowadays or so is like,

0:24:37.770 --> 0:24:40.719
<v Speaker 2>like you said, you don't have to have kids, you

0:24:40.729 --> 0:24:43.949
<v Speaker 2>don't some even you have four babies, right? To me,

0:24:43.959 --> 0:24:48.780
<v Speaker 2>it is about being stable, being dependable and also being

0:24:48.790 --> 0:24:52.280
<v Speaker 2>the partner that being someone that your partner wants you

0:24:52.290 --> 0:24:55.189
<v Speaker 2>to be to support them. Sometimes we put so much

0:24:55.199 --> 0:24:58.819
<v Speaker 2>emphasis on like the men must be the breadwinner counting,

0:24:58.829 --> 0:25:01.429
<v Speaker 2>then the women must make the sandwich. I'm like, you

0:25:01.439 --> 0:25:02.410
<v Speaker 2>can make my own sandwich.

0:25:03.010 --> 0:25:05.729
<v Speaker 2>Great. That's great. Right. How about for yourself? Like in

0:25:05.739 --> 0:25:10.199
<v Speaker 2>terms of what you see as being a woman, I

0:25:10.209 --> 0:25:13.040
<v Speaker 1>used to think, I definitely want kids and I come

0:25:13.050 --> 0:25:14.810
<v Speaker 1>from a family, I'm the only child, so I have

0:25:14.819 --> 0:25:17.660
<v Speaker 1>no siblings and I don't really have a reference point

0:25:17.670 --> 0:25:18.750
<v Speaker 1>on how it's like to have like

0:25:18.839 --> 0:25:22.910
<v Speaker 1>a nice big family or siblings. And at the same time,

0:25:22.920 --> 0:25:25.140
<v Speaker 1>I also think that there's a lot of life to

0:25:25.150 --> 0:25:27.909
<v Speaker 1>be lived without a kid as well. And I think

0:25:27.920 --> 0:25:29.948
<v Speaker 1>that there is no right or wrong in whichever way

0:25:29.959 --> 0:25:32.089
<v Speaker 1>that you want to go. But a lot of my

0:25:32.099 --> 0:25:34.639
<v Speaker 1>friends and I are quite on the same page. Like

0:25:34.859 --> 0:25:37.839
<v Speaker 1>we're ok if we have kids, but we're also ok

0:25:37.849 --> 0:25:38.790
<v Speaker 1>if we don't, I mean,

0:25:38.800 --> 0:25:39.930
<v Speaker 2>if you've seen like,

0:25:40.550 --> 0:25:44.879
<v Speaker 2>like social media, they have this thing called DNKD Double income.

0:25:44.890 --> 0:25:46.609
<v Speaker 2>No kids and lifestyle.

0:25:47.050 --> 0:25:50.130
<v Speaker 1>Exactly. That's fantastic as well. I have a dog maybe

0:25:50.140 --> 0:25:53.050
<v Speaker 1>like it. Yeah, I actually spoke to my mom about

0:25:53.060 --> 0:25:56.159
<v Speaker 1>it before when we talked about this whole, like settling

0:25:56.170 --> 0:25:58.869
<v Speaker 1>down thing and all that. Obviously, me being the only

0:25:58.880 --> 0:26:01.209
<v Speaker 1>child they're concerned, they're also getting old. They want to

0:26:01.219 --> 0:26:01.599
<v Speaker 1>see me

0:26:01.714 --> 0:26:04.875
<v Speaker 1>at some point. And her response to me was that's fine.

0:26:04.885 --> 0:26:07.535
<v Speaker 1>Like not gonna pressure you to your kids. That's ok.

0:26:07.545 --> 0:26:09.594
<v Speaker 1>As long as you're happy and he takes care of you.

0:26:09.775 --> 0:26:12.714
<v Speaker 2>That's nice. I think also like my parents are similar.

0:26:12.724 --> 0:26:14.925
<v Speaker 2>I also did tell them that if I got no kids,

0:26:14.935 --> 0:26:16.834
<v Speaker 2>I have more money than I can spend on you

0:26:17.064 --> 0:26:17.234
<v Speaker 2>so

0:26:17.645 --> 0:26:18.555
<v Speaker 1>smart.

0:26:18.824 --> 0:26:20.935
<v Speaker 2>Ok, so they were like, ok, you know that kind

0:26:20.944 --> 0:26:21.694
<v Speaker 2>of thing, more notes,

0:26:21.704 --> 0:26:24.333
<v Speaker 1>take notes. Thank you so much for being with us

0:26:24.344 --> 0:26:26.854
<v Speaker 1>on the episode today and for opening up and being

0:26:26.864 --> 0:26:29.025
<v Speaker 1>so candid, we really appreciate it

0:26:29.319 --> 0:26:31.369
<v Speaker 1>and to you tuning in right now. Thank you so

0:26:31.380 --> 0:26:33.680
<v Speaker 1>much for listening to this episode of man. Explain. If

0:26:33.689 --> 0:26:36.199
<v Speaker 1>you enjoyed it, please hit the follow button. We're on

0:26:36.209 --> 0:26:38.339
<v Speaker 1>Spotify and Apple Podcast. Thank you

0:26:38.349 --> 0:26:41.489
<v Speaker 2>Sonia for having me and also making me feel at ease.

0:26:41.500 --> 0:26:44.239
<v Speaker 2>I know I was very nervous for the shoot, but

0:26:44.630 --> 0:26:47.300
<v Speaker 2>very nice, very nice. Don't forget to follow its Clarity

0:26:47.310 --> 0:26:49.839
<v Speaker 2>dot co on Instagram and Tik Tok and thank you

0:26:49.849 --> 0:26:50.300
<v Speaker 2>for having me.

0:26:51.089 --> 0:26:52.140
<v Speaker 2>See you.