Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sonia. Welcome to another episode of men. Explain.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming back, week after week
Speaker 1: for our new episodes. If you haven't already subscribed, please
Speaker 1: do so send it to all your friends and your family.
Speaker 1: Let them know there's good content right here.
Speaker 1: Now, today, I haven't actually met our guest in person
Speaker 1: till this moment. And I really want to get deep
Speaker 1: with this conversation here. Watch a couple of his videos
Speaker 1: and one that I picked up most recently got me
Speaker 1: pretty emotional. At the same time, I was like laugh crying.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the set right here.
Speaker 1: Tell our audience a little bit more about yourself.
Speaker 2: Yes. My name is Ria Content Creator and I recently
Speaker 2: actually opened a video production house and doing that. I
Speaker 2: also quit my job. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I heard I heard, how's that been? Is it liberating
Speaker 2: or the day that I finished serving my notice? I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, there's so much
Speaker 2: like relief and like the burdens from your shoulders were gone.
Speaker 2: But then there's also like new burdens because start up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: good on you for taking that deep as well. And
Speaker 1: we're here today to chat a little bit more about
Speaker 1: some touchy topics I feel not addressed enough. Do our
Speaker 1: body parts define our identity and who we are and
Speaker 1: the reason why we've got right here here in the studio,
Speaker 1: you've got a lot to share and just watching your
Speaker 1: recent video alone where you shared about your cancer journey.
Speaker 1: It was very difficult to watch at the same time.
Speaker 1: It was emotional yet you had the lighter side of
Speaker 1: things to that video too. I could tell you you
Speaker 1: processed a lot already. Can you take us through that
Speaker 1: journey and your recovery and all that? Just to catch
Speaker 1: up a little before we start
Speaker 2: going back when I, I just got diagnosed, right? It
Speaker 2: was very tough for me because I it was the
Speaker 2: same week that I moved out.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So in your video, you mentioned that a lot
Speaker 1: of things were happening at
Speaker 2: once. I wanted to just be the man that I
Speaker 2: can be that kind of thing, right? And then when
Speaker 2: I got the diagnosis, I was like, oh shit.
Speaker 2: Now I have to depend on people again, you know,
Speaker 2: that kind of thing which I to me, I didn't
Speaker 2: like being taken care of. I want to be the
Speaker 2: one taking care of my family, that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: So and there was also that particular like part in
Speaker 2: my brain. I was like, maybe I don't tell them. No. Yeah. No,
Speaker 2: there was there was a part of me just like,
Speaker 2: maybe don't tell, I mean, how hard can cancer be?
Speaker 2: Right then. Ok, this guy,
Speaker 2: I tried, I tried, I tried for a week but
Speaker 2: then I, we just don't, you
Speaker 1: need, you need to, you need to get up and
Speaker 1: you mentioned that you actually told your mom on the phone. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Speaker 1: How did she take to that? Look,
Speaker 1: I tell you my relationship with my family, right? Like
Speaker 1: if I get a cut, I have to tell them
Speaker 1: immediately they rush down like they are that kind of people.
Speaker 1: It's they will overreact. Like the
Speaker 2: same thing is the same thing that I had. My
Speaker 2: mom was like, no, we need to go down. I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: I scolded her on the phone because I'm like, if
Speaker 2: you come, I will cry. I get
Speaker 1: where you're coming from though. Like you don't want to
Speaker 1: unlock the whole well of emotion.
Speaker 2: Correct. Correct. I wanted to be like just
Speaker 2: you just get on with it, take out the whatever
Speaker 2: CS that is, is not working, you know, that kind
Speaker 2: of thing and just get through it, but I'm so
Speaker 1: happy to see you. Thank you. Well, today, you greats,
Speaker 1: greats and you're here with us here in the studio
Speaker 1: as well. Was it difficult to consider talking about testicular
Speaker 1: cancer on a public platform
Speaker 2: being the content creator that I am. He was
Speaker 1: like, I make a video
Speaker 2: obviously I had that thought when I see like the
Speaker 2: content space right now there has been in recent years,
Speaker 2: people talking about like sickness and like going through the journey, right?
Speaker 2: But in Singapore not much. And I think it's also
Speaker 2: maybe a very Asian mindset that we don't talk about health.
Speaker 2: I do get comments like why you put this online. Right. Right.
Speaker 2: Which is like, it sucks because
Speaker 2: I'm not, I didn't ask for the I I obviously
Speaker 2: I'm a content creator. So like, you know, if the
Speaker 2: views are more then obviously is great, right? But then
Speaker 2: it's also like, I didn't really do it for the film,
Speaker 2: but more so like when I was going through it,
Speaker 2: I didn't have anybody to relate to. And that's to
Speaker 2: me what content creators aspire to be, to be able
Speaker 2: to connect to an audience. My friends were very supportive,
Speaker 2: my family was supportive, right? But it wasn't like
Speaker 2: they know they know how it is. Only my chemo buddies,
Speaker 2: like the ones that sit beside me doing chemo, then
Speaker 2: we were able to like chit chat about these kind
Speaker 2: of things.
Speaker 1: I watched your video and just looking at the comments alone,
Speaker 1: there's so much support pouring in like
Speaker 1: 600 plus comments right now. I think at this point
Speaker 1: in time, like and it was really brave of you
Speaker 1: to post about that because I think also to a
Speaker 1: certain sense, men feel very p to talk about these things.
Speaker 1: How do you gonna talk about your balls? Like on youtube?
Speaker 1: That's not easy at all. Right. And I mean, the
Speaker 1: way that you delivered it was very, matter of fact,
Speaker 1: was very casual, but also because you've already been through it,
Speaker 1: I
Speaker 2: had a lot of time to process it really, like months. Yeah.
Speaker 2: But if I were to do it, like, in the
Speaker 2: beginning
Speaker 2: it would just be like, it's basically like the why
Speaker 2: me mentality, why me? I never do anything. I was
Speaker 2: the best son, you know, that kind of shit, right?
Speaker 2: So I did have time to process everything. So that's good.
Speaker 2: And I didn't want to dwell too much on the
Speaker 2: sadness
Speaker 1: when you were going through that entire process. Did you
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna be less of a man after this
Speaker 1: entire ordeal?
Speaker 2: Definitely when they were cutting me out of the or
Speaker 2: I was still drugged up. So I was just like
Speaker 2: when the drugs were off, I started to cry, it
Speaker 2: was a realization that I had one body part gone, right?
Speaker 2: Although not as not like late or whatever, right? But
Speaker 2: it still like a part of your identity like in
Speaker 2: that sense to me at the time, I may not
Speaker 2: be able to have kids. And also,
Speaker 2: I mean, during the sexual intercourse, people are like my
Speaker 2: partners will ask what happened to the other one, you know,
Speaker 2: the kind of thing. Yeah. So that's that also weighed
Speaker 2: down on me.
Speaker 1: So, on that note, I mean, if you don't mind
Speaker 1: me asking, only if you don't mind me asking ever
Speaker 1: since you went through the medical procedures and everything. Have
Speaker 1: you been physically intimate with anyone? Yes. And how did
Speaker 1: it go?
Speaker 2: Funny enough, they never ask questions. So it's all in
Speaker 2: my head actually because
Speaker 2: before the surgery, right? Like actually the, the reason why
Speaker 2: I want, I've always been advocate for being transparent and
Speaker 2: like all these right? Because
Speaker 2: one of the reasons why I knew it was cancer
Speaker 2: was because my partner at that time did say something
Speaker 2: about a or something wrong, right? Because I don't do
Speaker 2: the check myself or which, which everybody should do after
Speaker 2: the surgery, right? I always had this thinking like, oh
Speaker 2: sh people gonna ask even if they don't say, even
Speaker 2: if they don't say right, I'm like, I'm sure they
Speaker 2: are in their head. Like what this guy only got
Speaker 2: one ball, you know thing, right?
Speaker 1: OK. But you're over, you feel like you're overthink, correct
Speaker 2: and
Speaker 2: that whole ball issue, that whole height issue. I think
Speaker 2: all my, all my partners have never said like, oh
Speaker 2: you're too short kind of thing or like or you
Speaker 2: have one ball because I also do have existing body
Speaker 2: image issues already. So this is another thing like piling up.
Speaker 2: I'm like shit, man. I'm less of a man already.
Speaker 2: And then just because of this then I also like
Speaker 1: it piles on Yeah.
Speaker 2: II I do think that it's not as intense as
Speaker 2: what women have to go through because
Speaker 2: I mean, women body image issues is like a whole thing, right?
Speaker 2: And when women have to go through body image issues,
Speaker 2: it's always like to be skinny or I mean, it
Speaker 2: changes
Speaker 1: so influenced by what we see in the media or
Speaker 1: like we want to look at this model or
Speaker 2: unrealistic. The male version is slightly more forgiving like you
Speaker 2: can be a bit more like chubby and they were
Speaker 2: just a dead board. Any kind of thing. Mind stems
Speaker 2: from weight and height. Yeah, because
Speaker 2: yeah, so I'm a shock king.
Speaker 1: Hey, but there have been a couple of short kings
Speaker 1: out there that made it really. Exactly.
Speaker 2: But before they went viral and the trend, right? Last
Speaker 2: time being a short guy is not the most ideal
Speaker 2: what you want to be like taller because the standard
Speaker 2: of beauty for men is you have to be tall,
Speaker 2: dark and handsome, right? I have the other two,
Speaker 1: the other two. That's right. I don't disagree.
Speaker 2: So I'm not tall. So there was something that hindered
Speaker 2: me in my dating processes as
Speaker 1: well. Then just did petite girl.
Speaker 2: No, even the P goes one the tallest man, the
Speaker 2: one that looked like the eating the giant carrot that
Speaker 1: me. Yeah, I know I to struggle with those things,
Speaker 1: as you can tell, I'm also a small person, I
Speaker 1: think being petite or shorter as a girl is not
Speaker 1: as
Speaker 1: bad as for men. I've got a couple of shocking
Speaker 1: friends as well and they are trying to embrace it.
Speaker 1: But it is a deep insecurity. It's not something that
Speaker 1: you can change. Us. Being in the media. Sometimes we
Speaker 1: may get comments. I'm not sure if you've experienced any.
Speaker 1: Not so nice. Your comments.
Speaker 2: No comments. What on my platform,
Speaker 1: God sometimes? Yeah. So there have been a couple of
Speaker 1: times people like, oh you're such an airplane runway or like,
Speaker 1: oh you're so short or you're so this there have
Speaker 2: been actually speaking of like social media like the airport
Speaker 2: runway thing, casual, very casual. Has the comments ever like
Speaker 2: affected you?
Speaker 1: Definitely, definitely. And I always, I always think about this
Speaker 1: moment years ago when I just joined the industry, right?
Speaker 1: And I got my first magazine cover.
Speaker 1: This magazine doesn't exist anymore because it shut down like
Speaker 1: literally after I did discover maybe my copy so badly.
Speaker 1: They were like, ok, but we were out I was
Speaker 1: super insecure because actually I didn't think much about my
Speaker 1: body type or the way that I look last time
Speaker 1: because I didn't expect to go into media. It wasn't
Speaker 1: what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a journalist,
Speaker 1: I just wanted to like write and be behind the scenes.
Speaker 1: So when I first got that magazine cover, I was like, OK, like, OK, I,
Speaker 1: I'll
Speaker 1: do it but maybe can we, you know, style it
Speaker 1: in a way where it's not so really healing, I guess.
Speaker 1: Because is it, don't worry, don't worry, trust us, everything's ok.
Speaker 1: We'll do a little bit of shading, contouring. You're good. So,
Speaker 1: so I was like, ok, actually looks pretty good. Like, hello.
Speaker 1: I have boobs for once and then the magazine came out.
Speaker 1: They did a bit of di or that. Ok, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna lie. I mean, it wasn't as, it wasn't
Speaker 1: that revealing my colleagues back then guys, by the way,
Speaker 1: who do not work at my station anymore. In fact,
Speaker 1: one of them recently got into trouble won't say where
Speaker 1: or what or who this person is. But you might
Speaker 1: know this person. So they actually got a copy of
Speaker 1: the magazine and they vandalized it and they wrote things
Speaker 1: like Airport Runway and like blah, blah, blah and all that.
Speaker 1: And they said, and they posted it on Facebook and
Speaker 1: I took it as a joke because I was the
Speaker 1: newest person there and I just like, laughed it off
Speaker 1: and I was like,
Speaker 1: ha ha. Like, you know, I just have to take
Speaker 1: it in my stride and be a big girl about
Speaker 1: it because I don't want to seem affected. But of course,
Speaker 1: back then I felt like, wow, they single handedly just
Speaker 1: ruined that moment for me because I was kind of
Speaker 1: excited to see the cover or, like, have this magazine
Speaker 1: and they just kind of squashed it. You know,
Speaker 2: if that happened to me, I would have
Speaker 2: been upset, been upset. Obviously you upset. I was upset
Speaker 2: for sure. I don't know. Maybe I would have done
Speaker 2: the surgery.
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, I mean, I know some friends who have
Speaker 1: done gone, I mean, good for them. Good for you. Like,
Speaker 1: you can make your own decisions and if that makes
Speaker 1: you more confident and happier, then that's good. You had
Speaker 2: this experience, right? What was your coping mechanism? My
Speaker 1: coping mechanism was just to be by myself. And I
Speaker 1: read a lot, like I read a lot of books.
Speaker 1: It's very weird now because you're looking at me now
Speaker 1: here doing this job and you're probably like, wow, this is,
Speaker 1: this is not expected,
Speaker 1: but I really think I lean a lot on my family,
Speaker 1: like I'm very close to them, lean a lot on them,
Speaker 1: told them everything, you know. So I think that was
Speaker 1: something that was crucial to my development years as well.
Speaker 2: Ok? I just want to say this, you're beautiful, you're
Speaker 1: handsome
Speaker 2: than you just now when you step in I starr,
Speaker 2: you know, legit, legit. That's why, that's why I a
Speaker 2: bit nervous. Is
Speaker 1: it not nervous anymore? This guy calling himself handsome on
Speaker 1: our show, by the way,
Speaker 1: is this something that you open up about with your
Speaker 1: guy friends? Like, do you talk about it?
Speaker 1: Do you ever open up? Really? Because amongst girls, right?
Speaker 1: I mean we always bitch and whine and moan about
Speaker 1: how we look. You don't talk about that with your
Speaker 1: man
Speaker 2: friends. I think it's not like talking about it but
Speaker 2: we teach each other. You do. It's like more weight
Speaker 2: I think because the he one is a, is a,
Speaker 2: is a more sensitive issue for guys because what you
Speaker 2: can change but
Speaker 2: my guy friends will like put me on my stomach
Speaker 2: because I got a stomach. It's fun and games. But
Speaker 2: also after all like deep, deep.
Speaker 1: But you know, when it comes to comparing ourselves with others, right?
Speaker 1: When we look at social media and all that, do
Speaker 1: you think being in the media has accelerated your insecurities
Speaker 1: in a way as well?
Speaker 2: Yes. The fact that you see yourself more often like
Speaker 2: even the zoom I think, do you know the zoom effect?
Speaker 2: Like how during the COVID? Everybody started to be more
Speaker 2: aware of what they look like and then the rate
Speaker 2: of plastic surgery went up during it? Really? Yeah. Correct
Speaker 2: me if I'm wrong, I don't know that it really
Speaker 2: did went up because people were like seeing yourself on hyper,
Speaker 2: then they were like, oh shit, my eye a bit,
Speaker 2: a bit wonky, you know, that kind of
Speaker 1: thing. But for men to, aside from just physical appearance,
Speaker 1: do you guys talk about sexual performance? And I scored this,
Speaker 1: I score that that adds on to your ego and
Speaker 1: the way that you are, you feel about yourself. I,
Speaker 1: I
Speaker 2: do think that it was a young man thing. Yeah.
Speaker 2: You still young. What? I'm a millennial but last time
Speaker 2: when growing up, like 2020 plus that kind of thing, right.
Speaker 2: That one was more of like,
Speaker 2: it's a thing because you were flex like I be
Speaker 2: bla bla bla the kind of thing. Right? But now
Speaker 2: it's also like you're more mature, you're less childish. I
Speaker 2: also subscribe to the don't, was it?
Speaker 2: I don't kiss and tell. Oh
Speaker 1: yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't kiss and tell with your friends.
Speaker 1: Even
Speaker 2: for example, if I let them meet this particular girl, right,
Speaker 2: then they will have their own preconceived notion because of
Speaker 2: what I say before. I like don't wanna but
Speaker 1: girls tell girls everything I know
Speaker 2: and that's the scariest part, right?
Speaker 1: So you know that girls tell everything I know. Ok,
Speaker 1: so I feel bad because we really tell the nitty
Speaker 1: gritty details.
Speaker 2: Women are more, they share more stuff and like they're
Speaker 2: more emotional. So like in terms of like they share
Speaker 2: the emotion stuff but men because of like maybe society
Speaker 2: and we are not allowed to share emotions and share
Speaker 2: whatever last. But of course, like my friends do, we
Speaker 2: do talk about other stuff are not like our partners
Speaker 2: but more so like life goals and stuff like that,
Speaker 2: which is, which is which is great. Like it's not
Speaker 2: like shallow, it's
Speaker 1: not shallow. Do these body insecurities that we have also
Speaker 1: affect our sex life and our, I don't know, our
Speaker 1: intimacy in general.
Speaker 2: Definitely. Yeah, I think because we,
Speaker 2: we always put an emphasis on like this one is
Speaker 2: the size thing, right? This is the thing that guys,
Speaker 2: they don't talk about it. I don't talk about it,
Speaker 2: but they always in your mind is like, am I adequate?
Speaker 2: Am I average? Right? It's the same thing as he
Speaker 2: is all about size, right? The bigger the better.
Speaker 1: Do you really think bigger is better?
Speaker 2: Honestly? Now, I now I know that it's not the truth, right? There's,
Speaker 2: there's a term called, can I say? Yeah, please go ahead.
Speaker 2: There's a term called boyfriend and there's a reason why
Speaker 2: because you match, right? It doesn't have to be the
Speaker 2: biggest but you just match like a match made in
Speaker 2: heaven in a sense. He yeah, you can like plug,
Speaker 2: you can plug
Speaker 2: but in the dating world, I guess you just want
Speaker 2: to be the bigger to us. Like you want to
Speaker 2: be bigger. You want to be the most muscular. You
Speaker 2: want to be the richest. You just want to be
Speaker 1: everything. Yeah. Well, how do you then navigate through all
Speaker 1: these body image insecurities that you had? You said you
Speaker 1: want to try and accept some of them? Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you also try and I don't know, work out
Speaker 1: or
Speaker 2: my goal has always been Chris Hemsworth. I see. Definitely
Speaker 2: gonna see going, how is it going to reach that?
Speaker 2: Because like he's too buff how to fit in this
Speaker 2: small body. The one that, that's more attainable is like
Speaker 2: Tom Holland because he also shocking
Speaker 1: and look at his girlfriend
Speaker 1: and then, and she's taller than him. Right. I'm not wrong.
Speaker 2: So I'm for me as well. Right. Like dating, I
Speaker 2: have dated girls who are all. So I'm like, ok,
Speaker 2: I generally ok, how
Speaker 1: did that feel though? It doesn't make you feel emasculated
Speaker 1: or anything? Like as the
Speaker 2: years go by,
Speaker 2: I feel more ok with it. Last time is really
Speaker 2: like when you are immature and you're childish, right? You
Speaker 2: always want to be the bigger, the better, the richer, whatever.
Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, like those things
Speaker 2: are very superficial and this is,
Speaker 2: of course, it carries a little bit of weight but
Speaker 2: it's not the be all and all thing.
Speaker 1: Just walk with personality, I mean,
Speaker 2: beauty and looks and whatever, right? You just wait, it's
Speaker 2: always just skin deep.
Speaker 1: Ok. So there's a list of what attributes to being
Speaker 1: a man. I'm going to read some out and you
Speaker 1: tell me what you agree and disagree with some concerns.
Speaker 1: So manhood concerns, lowered sex, drive, erectile dysfunction, orgasm difficulties
Speaker 1: and changes in ejaculation.
Speaker 1: These are some of the things that men are like
Speaker 1: ultra concerned with. I know is this awkward that we're
Speaker 1: talking about this? Like on the first time that we're meeting? Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know why this poor dude, like we force
Speaker 1: you to sit here, chat with me and I'm like
Speaker 1: throwing him these questions and he's just like, I want
Speaker 1: to die right now, please. Like, I'm gonna melt here
Speaker 2: when you guys gave me the topic. I was
Speaker 1: like, like, oh my God, why?
Speaker 1: OK. But let's just casually talk about it then do
Speaker 1: you agree that these are some concerns?
Speaker 2: Definitely, definitely. I mean, there is a market for write
Speaker 2: out dysfunction, all these like size, whatever things. Right. There's
Speaker 2: a market to curb that. Yeah. Right. EDS and all that. Right.
Speaker 2: So there is definitely a concern for men in general
Speaker 2: with this kind of topics. Even I myself, performance anxiety
Speaker 2: is there's nothing wrong with your,
Speaker 2: your equipment, you know, nothing about the equipment. Nothing wrong
Speaker 2: with the equipment is just you're psyching yourself up like, oh, shit.
Speaker 2: Am I gonna suffer this? Then it will just,
Speaker 1: sometimes when you talk about like lower sex drive and stuff,
Speaker 1: those are, I think across both men and women. What
Speaker 1: I worry about also sometimes is like after you get
Speaker 1: married or like you have kids sometimes I see just
Speaker 1: in a slump. Yeah, I'm like, oh my gosh, like
Speaker 1: what that happened to us too? Like in the future,
Speaker 1: do you think that it's ok to chat about it
Speaker 1: with your partner or your future partner? Are you open
Speaker 1: about that? Have you done that before?
Speaker 2: I've always done that. I've always been very clear and transparent.
Speaker 2: I think it's very important. Not just because of like
Speaker 2: if you're talking about, you want to have kids like
Speaker 2: that kind of thing. Right. But more like sexual health,
Speaker 2: I mean, if you're gonna have sex, right? You want
Speaker 2: to be both safe, right? And you can only assure
Speaker 2: each other if you tell each other that you're safe
Speaker 2: and you get tested. I mean, you don't anyhow say
Speaker 2: that you're safe but you're not right growing up as
Speaker 2: Asians
Speaker 2: or like in the Asian culture, right? We don't talk
Speaker 2: about sex, we don't talk about a lot of things actually.
Speaker 2: But I think school tried, right? But parents don't at all.
Speaker 2: So I think growing up we feel like we don't,
Speaker 2: we cannot speak about it actually recently, right? Because I
Speaker 2: get tested like
Speaker 2: every year, at least every year, not because I'm sexually
Speaker 2: active or anything, but just because I am a hypochondriac.
Speaker 2: So I like anything happened. I like, OK, so I
Speaker 2: received a letter of the STD results, right? And my
Speaker 2: mom opened it. No, like it was last week. So
Speaker 2: she opened and she was like, oh
Speaker 2: then she just put in you, then she asked me,
Speaker 2: you got, you got a doctor checkup, is it? I
Speaker 2: was like, yeah, and she just put back when she
Speaker 2: left the room so it's like we never don't even
Speaker 2: talk about it. Correct. Correct.
Speaker 1: Correct. But you think it's embarrassing, that's why people find
Speaker 1: it embarrassing to talk about it.
Speaker 2: I think so. I think so. And also the upbringing,
Speaker 2: they just do want this awkward moments. And it's weird
Speaker 2: because I do hang out with a lot of my
Speaker 2: gay friends. Right? And in the LGBT industry industry,
Speaker 2: LGBT community, the LGBT Q plus qi A plus plus
Speaker 2: plus community, right? They do get tested very often I
Speaker 2: think also because they are more sexually active, right? Hero,
Speaker 2: sexual couples don't even the ones that are sexually active,
Speaker 2: like the ones like my bros, right? Who last time
Speaker 2: we go out and like go club, right? OK. I
Speaker 2: asked them before he got tested before. Never, never
Speaker 1: for women because we definitely go for like at least
Speaker 1: yearly checks with the gynecologist and stuff. So these tests
Speaker 1: are a bit more normal or common to us. But
Speaker 1: for men, I I'm very sure some of my friends
Speaker 1: have never even stepped into a doctor's office to do this.
Speaker 1: The CD test before I
Speaker 2: suddenly became the unofficial boys. Is it? No, not just
Speaker 2: in life but also like unofficial
Speaker 2: poster boy for insurance everywhere I am the C from this,
Speaker 2: I am the cautionary tail,
Speaker 1: but you mentioned that you didn't get the right coverage.
Speaker 1: Was it prior to that? Because you didn't expect this
Speaker 1: to happen, correct?
Speaker 2: So I, I didn't get the lump sum of. So like,
Speaker 2: technically you can get 200 if you sign the correct plan.
Speaker 2: I didn't. So I was just like, I tried to
Speaker 2: hustle and like,
Speaker 2: try to find people to see if they want to
Speaker 2: partner with me to join me in our journey sourcing.
Speaker 2: Life was one,
Speaker 1: of course, on a more serious note, you talked about
Speaker 1: the bleak possibilities of being a dad in the future
Speaker 1: as well. Was having kids always something on your radar.
Speaker 1: Did you always want to have kids?
Speaker 2: Last time I wanted 11 kids. No,
Speaker 1: we're learning something new about him every few minutes. I'm
Speaker 1: like hypochondriac 1, 11 kids,
Speaker 2: you know, but like last time because I grew up in,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say a big family but the extended family
Speaker 2: was very, very big and I like that community, right?
Speaker 2: A very kampong, right? I wanted that for myself or
Speaker 2: in the future. But during before the chemo, I had
Speaker 2: to go for, I had to freeze my sperm.
Speaker 1: Oh, so you can still be there.
Speaker 2: So I had to freeze my sp but this one
Speaker 2: was not good. So I don't know what,
Speaker 1: so why?
Speaker 2: So because when you go through chemo, they will kill
Speaker 2: all the cells. So that means the cells of the
Speaker 2: good cells are gone to. So after the chemo, the
Speaker 2: sperm will all die, so they try to freeze the
Speaker 2: ones that are somewhat OK. But because I already had
Speaker 2: cancer
Speaker 2: to begin with. Right. I see. So it was affected.
Speaker 1: Ok, so then how would this affect your thought process
Speaker 1: moving forward? Like talking about kids and all
Speaker 2: that? It's a conversation that I will have with my partner.
Speaker 2: But I think also
Speaker 2: I have it easier because people have watched a video already.
Speaker 2: People know that I got the testicular cancer. So
Speaker 2: they wouldn't be surprised if they see something missing down there.
Speaker 2: So
Speaker 1: ever since you've been on this journey, and we're talking
Speaker 1: about how body parts sometimes really, we attach our self
Speaker 1: worth and identity to these for men. When you say
Speaker 1: being a man is not defined by your testicles, what
Speaker 1: then do you feel you are defined by?
Speaker 2: I think like there's also this like h like notion
Speaker 2: that for example, for women, right,
Speaker 2: the ability to child like child bear is what makes
Speaker 2: you a woman, you know, that kind of thing, right?
Speaker 2: And same goes for being able to make babies and
Speaker 2: like procreate and like spread the seed like, you know,
Speaker 2: that kind of thing is what it means to be
Speaker 2: a man last time, right? But nowadays or so is like,
Speaker 2: like you said, you don't have to have kids, you
Speaker 2: don't some even you have four babies, right? To me,
Speaker 2: it is about being stable, being dependable and also being
Speaker 2: the partner that being someone that your partner wants you
Speaker 2: to be to support them. Sometimes we put so much
Speaker 2: emphasis on like the men must be the breadwinner counting,
Speaker 2: then the women must make the sandwich. I'm like, you
Speaker 2: can make my own sandwich.
Speaker 2: Great. That's great. Right. How about for yourself? Like in
Speaker 2: terms of what you see as being a woman, I
Speaker 1: used to think, I definitely want kids and I come
Speaker 1: from a family, I'm the only child, so I have
Speaker 1: no siblings and I don't really have a reference point
Speaker 1: on how it's like to have like
Speaker 1: a nice big family or siblings. And at the same time,
Speaker 1: I also think that there's a lot of life to
Speaker 1: be lived without a kid as well. And I think
Speaker 1: that there is no right or wrong in whichever way
Speaker 1: that you want to go. But a lot of my
Speaker 1: friends and I are quite on the same page. Like
Speaker 1: we're ok if we have kids, but we're also ok
Speaker 1: if we don't, I mean,
Speaker 2: if you've seen like,
Speaker 2: like social media, they have this thing called DNKD Double income.
Speaker 2: No kids and lifestyle.
Speaker 1: Exactly. That's fantastic as well. I have a dog maybe
Speaker 1: like it. Yeah, I actually spoke to my mom about
Speaker 1: it before when we talked about this whole, like settling
Speaker 1: down thing and all that. Obviously, me being the only
Speaker 1: child they're concerned, they're also getting old. They want to
Speaker 1: see me
Speaker 1: at some point. And her response to me was that's fine.
Speaker 1: Like not gonna pressure you to your kids. That's ok.
Speaker 1: As long as you're happy and he takes care of you.
Speaker 2: That's nice. I think also like my parents are similar.
Speaker 2: I also did tell them that if I got no kids,
Speaker 2: I have more money than I can spend on you
Speaker 2: so
Speaker 1: smart.
Speaker 2: Ok, so they were like, ok, you know that kind
Speaker 2: of thing, more notes,
Speaker 1: take notes. Thank you so much for being with us
Speaker 1: on the episode today and for opening up and being
Speaker 1: so candid, we really appreciate it
Speaker 1: and to you tuning in right now. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for listening to this episode of man. Explain. If
Speaker 1: you enjoyed it, please hit the follow button. We're on
Speaker 1: Spotify and Apple Podcast. Thank you
Speaker 2: Sonia for having me and also making me feel at ease.
Speaker 2: I know I was very nervous for the shoot, but
Speaker 2: very nice, very nice. Don't forget to follow its Clarity
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Speaker 2: for having me.
Speaker 2: See you.