1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,340
Speaker 1: this is a C. N. A podcast

2
00:00:03,810 --> 00:00:05,960
Speaker 1: in a few words can you give us your thoughts

3
00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:08,060
Speaker 1: on the following baby bonus

4
00:00:08,070 --> 00:00:10,709
Speaker 2: leveraging? That has helped me greatly

5
00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:12,690
Speaker 1: tuition classes. I

6
00:00:12,690 --> 00:00:16,400
Speaker 2: Use that as a supplement to my responsibility as a

7
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,349
Speaker 2: parent to help my child succeed. one

8
00:00:19,350 --> 00:00:21,200
Speaker 1: child or more Children,

9
00:00:21,210 --> 00:00:23,610
Speaker 2: definitely more Children for me.

10
00:00:23,630 --> 00:00:25,110
Speaker 2: Pocket

11
00:00:25,110 --> 00:00:25,700
Speaker 1: money

12
00:00:25,710 --> 00:00:30,420
Speaker 2: only enough to get them what they need and enough

13
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:33,339
Speaker 2: also to teach them the value of saving. How

14
00:00:33,340 --> 00:00:35,650
Speaker 1: about top financial tip for parents?

15
00:00:35,659 --> 00:00:39,560
Speaker 2: Long term planning is very important. Number one and number

16
00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:42,690
Speaker 2: two I would say is making sure that your retirement

17
00:00:42,690 --> 00:00:43,450
Speaker 2: is covered

18
00:01:00,890 --> 00:01:04,320
Speaker 1: by some estimates and depending on who you ask, the

19
00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:07,690
Speaker 1: cost of raising a child in Singapore can be high.

20
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:12,460
Speaker 1: Some surveys say parents can spend anything from 200,000 to

21
00:01:12,459 --> 00:01:16,520
Speaker 1: half a million dollars for one child in Singapore. Children

22
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:19,740
Speaker 1: do cost money but should this be a big factor

23
00:01:19,740 --> 00:01:22,870
Speaker 1: in deciding whether to have Children, can you ever be

24
00:01:22,870 --> 00:01:26,320
Speaker 1: financially ready to have kids and once you do have them,

25
00:01:26,330 --> 00:01:29,729
Speaker 1: how do you balance everyone's needs and the budget

26
00:01:30,170 --> 00:01:33,360
Speaker 1: In this episode we count the costs of raising Children

27
00:01:33,370 --> 00:01:35,810
Speaker 1: and how we can make it work. And to talk

28
00:01:35,810 --> 00:01:39,490
Speaker 1: me through this is Sam Lai, founder of life work coaching.

29
00:01:39,510 --> 00:01:44,360
Speaker 1: Sam is also the mother of four Children aged 15-23.

30
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,310
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining us Sam I know you're

31
00:01:48,310 --> 00:01:50,950
Speaker 1: a very busy person but first let me just say

32
00:01:50,950 --> 00:01:54,200
Speaker 1: that you know, having one child myself, I'm amazed at

33
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,640
Speaker 1: how you have four, I mean do you always want

34
00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:59,180
Speaker 1: to have a big family?

35
00:01:59,190 --> 00:02:03,000
Speaker 2: Yes. Actually it was a conversation with, my husband how

36
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,420
Speaker 2: many kids we would like to have and we landed

37
00:02:05,420 --> 00:02:08,150
Speaker 2: on four more like, okay, the first two would have

38
00:02:08,150 --> 00:02:11,450
Speaker 2: partners and then the second two would have a playmate.

39
00:02:11,950 --> 00:02:15,070
Speaker 1: And what was it like for you raising four kids

40
00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:15,930
Speaker 1: in Singapore?

41
00:02:15,940 --> 00:02:20,090
Speaker 2: I'm often asked the question, how do you manage sam? Um,

42
00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:22,869
Speaker 2: and I always answered by saying, I do not manage,

43
00:02:22,870 --> 00:02:26,959
Speaker 2: I struggle just like every other parent and I had

44
00:02:26,970 --> 00:02:30,170
Speaker 2: a lot of support and help from both families and

45
00:02:30,169 --> 00:02:33,870
Speaker 2: also my siblings, we were blessed in that we were

46
00:02:33,870 --> 00:02:36,070
Speaker 2: the first people to have kids in both sides of

47
00:02:36,070 --> 00:02:39,070
Speaker 2: the family. So they are very much taken care of

48
00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:40,300
Speaker 2: and doted upon,

49
00:02:40,470 --> 00:02:44,049
Speaker 2: we still emphasized the need to be independent. So really

50
00:02:44,050 --> 00:02:47,600
Speaker 2: nights and weekends are all us. So yes, it was

51
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:51,040
Speaker 2: very difficult when they were growing up in terms of logistics,

52
00:02:51,050 --> 00:02:54,840
Speaker 2: but the joy of raising kids I think is unparallel.

53
00:02:54,850 --> 00:02:55,920
Speaker 1: Does it get easier? Oh

54
00:02:55,919 --> 00:03:00,030
Speaker 2: yeah. Okay. I know that

55
00:03:00,050 --> 00:03:03,570
Speaker 2: actually you think that when they were young, it would

56
00:03:03,570 --> 00:03:07,470
Speaker 2: be the easiest actually when they become teenagers is when

57
00:03:07,470 --> 00:03:11,320
Speaker 2: the difficulties do get a little bit more complex. So

58
00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:14,220
Speaker 2: young you're trying to keep them alive right? Like feed them,

59
00:03:14,220 --> 00:03:16,770
Speaker 2: taking care of them, making sure they are learning and

60
00:03:16,770 --> 00:03:19,630
Speaker 2: all of that. But when they become teenagers is when

61
00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:23,100
Speaker 2: they started to develop a sense of independence, they want

62
00:03:23,100 --> 00:03:26,550
Speaker 2: to detach from you. They want to have their own thinking.

63
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:29,130
Speaker 2: But on the other hand, they also feeling a little

64
00:03:29,130 --> 00:03:32,299
Speaker 2: bit worried and they do need the security that we

65
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:35,440
Speaker 2: provide so that I think the teenage hood is the

66
00:03:35,450 --> 00:03:38,820
Speaker 2: most difficult to navigate but I think the hard work,

67
00:03:38,830 --> 00:03:41,630
Speaker 2: the logistics is really when they were very young,

68
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:46,230
Speaker 1: Your kids are now 15-23, so you've been a parent

69
00:03:46,230 --> 00:03:50,140
Speaker 1: for so long out of this whole journey, especially here

70
00:03:50,140 --> 00:03:53,480
Speaker 1: in Singapore. What do you think would be the biggest

71
00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:56,260
Speaker 1: costs in the society that we live in when it

72
00:03:56,260 --> 00:03:57,820
Speaker 1: comes to raising Children,

73
00:03:58,660 --> 00:04:04,390
Speaker 2: we didn't really wanted to allow the society's rules or

74
00:04:04,390 --> 00:04:08,590
Speaker 2: limitations to affect us too much. I will be lying

75
00:04:08,590 --> 00:04:11,600
Speaker 2: if I say it's not expensive, send them overseas and

76
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,230
Speaker 2: things like that. However we wanted to focus on

77
00:04:14,245 --> 00:04:18,455
Speaker 2: the right things. There are three different areas that we

78
00:04:18,455 --> 00:04:22,495
Speaker 2: focus on a lot in order to manage that financial

79
00:04:22,505 --> 00:04:25,815
Speaker 2: priorities if I might say so the first thing I

80
00:04:25,815 --> 00:04:29,815
Speaker 2: mentioned earlier was experiences and learning over things.

81
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,260
Speaker 2: So they are not the ones who will get their

82
00:04:32,260 --> 00:04:34,350
Speaker 2: hand phones and all of that, they only get their

83
00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:37,839
Speaker 2: first mobile phone at 13 years old and even that

84
00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:40,680
Speaker 2: is a really low end won pretty much like text

85
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:44,100
Speaker 2: call only and if they wanted to buy a higher

86
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:47,620
Speaker 2: end handphone then they would have to contribute. So they

87
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:52,050
Speaker 2: would feel that okay buying things means this, we do

88
00:04:52,050 --> 00:04:52,330
Speaker 2: not

89
00:04:52,345 --> 00:04:55,925
Speaker 2: stingy on experiences and learning. So my kids have gone

90
00:04:55,925 --> 00:04:58,885
Speaker 2: through all kinds of things that interest us barely. You

91
00:04:58,885 --> 00:05:02,205
Speaker 2: have kung fu, you have rock climbing, whatever they want

92
00:05:02,205 --> 00:05:04,875
Speaker 2: to try their hand on. That would be things that

93
00:05:04,875 --> 00:05:09,265
Speaker 2: we focus on experiences include traveling as well. So you

94
00:05:09,265 --> 00:05:12,085
Speaker 2: will notice that our clothes and bags and things like

95
00:05:12,085 --> 00:05:14,725
Speaker 2: that are not branded, they're just sufficient.

96
00:05:14,950 --> 00:05:19,480
Speaker 2: The other thing is self sufficiency versus dependency, We impress

97
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,780
Speaker 2: upon our kids that you want this, then you will

98
00:05:21,779 --> 00:05:24,320
Speaker 2: have to say for it because it's not me, it's

99
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:25,020
Speaker 2: a want.

100
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,419
Speaker 2: So if they want a nice pair of headphones then

101
00:05:28,420 --> 00:05:30,980
Speaker 2: they would have to save and buy and they become

102
00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:35,789
Speaker 2: very resourceful because if they want a better headphones generally

103
00:05:35,790 --> 00:05:39,529
Speaker 2: they would have to fork out the difference in cost

104
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:42,180
Speaker 2: and if they are very resourceful, which I noticed in

105
00:05:42,180 --> 00:05:45,490
Speaker 2: some of my kids, they would actually talk to their

106
00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:48,560
Speaker 2: more tech savvy uncle and say I'm looking for this.

107
00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,529
Speaker 2: Do you have any advice to give? And the next thing,

108
00:05:50,529 --> 00:05:52,410
Speaker 2: you know, the uncle is like, oh you know what,

109
00:05:52,410 --> 00:05:54,900
Speaker 2: I'm not using this set, would you like one?

110
00:05:55,140 --> 00:05:58,460
Speaker 2: Yeah. So my sister in law and my brother especially,

111
00:05:58,470 --> 00:06:01,219
Speaker 2: they would have a lot of this tech toys if

112
00:06:01,220 --> 00:06:04,470
Speaker 2: I might say and sometimes they use it and they

113
00:06:04,470 --> 00:06:07,070
Speaker 2: no longer want to use it and then they would

114
00:06:07,070 --> 00:06:09,660
Speaker 2: pass it on to my kids. So we always tell

115
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:11,849
Speaker 2: them if you don't ask the answer is always no.

116
00:06:11,865 --> 00:06:14,095
Speaker 2: So it's always good to check in. So sometimes it

117
00:06:14,095 --> 00:06:17,785
Speaker 2: may be inconsequential as a USB cable, but they need

118
00:06:17,785 --> 00:06:20,995
Speaker 2: a certain specification or whatever it is. So they always

119
00:06:20,995 --> 00:06:23,654
Speaker 2: check in with other people so they ask for help

120
00:06:23,665 --> 00:06:26,675
Speaker 2: but they don't depend on them. So if they say no,

121
00:06:26,685 --> 00:06:28,575
Speaker 2: that's fine, they would go and buy one.

122
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:32,260
Speaker 2: And the final thing that I thought about was we

123
00:06:32,260 --> 00:06:35,180
Speaker 2: actually focus quite a lot on the long term rather

124
00:06:35,180 --> 00:06:39,070
Speaker 2: than the instant gratification or the right now. So whenever

125
00:06:39,070 --> 00:06:41,570
Speaker 2: they say, oh, you know my friends have iphone, I'll

126
00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:44,490
Speaker 2: be like, so what are you doing about it? What

127
00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:47,710
Speaker 2: is your plan to buying something that you want? And

128
00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:49,680
Speaker 2: it isn't the whole let me help you or let

129
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:52,750
Speaker 2: me buy one for you just because I can afford it.

130
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:56,000
Speaker 2: It doesn't mean that we do it. It's tough because

131
00:06:56,010 --> 00:06:58,380
Speaker 2: you want to give our kids things but

132
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:01,550
Speaker 2: prioritizing that has helped them to be a little bit

133
00:07:01,550 --> 00:07:05,080
Speaker 2: more prudent about how they manage their resources, not just

134
00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:06,960
Speaker 2: money actually. So

135
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:11,500
Speaker 1: experiences and learning being self sufficient and focusing on the

136
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:14,420
Speaker 1: long term, I guess would be some of those key

137
00:07:14,430 --> 00:07:18,670
Speaker 1: things you mentioned just now that you focus on needs

138
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:22,510
Speaker 1: versus want, right? And I know you've previously mentioned in

139
00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:26,500
Speaker 1: other interviews that you see a difference between the cost

140
00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:27,740
Speaker 1: of living and the cost

141
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:32,790
Speaker 1: of lifestyle. So give us some examples on your experience

142
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:35,370
Speaker 1: when determining what needs and wants,

143
00:07:35,380 --> 00:07:38,890
Speaker 2: when we have conversations about this in the family needs

144
00:07:38,890 --> 00:07:41,450
Speaker 2: are things like if you don't have it, you can't

145
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:44,400
Speaker 2: do what is required of you as a person, things

146
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:47,850
Speaker 2: like I have to eat. Then the difference comes with,

147
00:07:47,860 --> 00:07:49,530
Speaker 2: do I eat out of my budget or do I

148
00:07:49,530 --> 00:07:53,320
Speaker 2: eat within my budget? Because that dish looks really good.

149
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,140
Speaker 2: But that's your want. So ask yourself if you can

150
00:07:56,140 --> 00:07:57,120
Speaker 2: afford it

151
00:07:57,290 --> 00:08:00,590
Speaker 2: and do you really need to have it or was

152
00:08:00,590 --> 00:08:03,580
Speaker 2: it just a desire that you have because maybe your

153
00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:07,100
Speaker 2: friends have it or it looked really good in a photo.

154
00:08:07,110 --> 00:08:09,350
Speaker 2: So these are the kind of nuances that we want

155
00:08:09,350 --> 00:08:12,940
Speaker 2: to impress upon our kids. We would tell them that

156
00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:15,630
Speaker 2: we have a limited budget. We're very open about it.

157
00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,340
Speaker 2: We always say we have a limited budget over food.

158
00:08:18,350 --> 00:08:20,910
Speaker 2: So whenever we go to the food court, they will

159
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,940
Speaker 2: always ask the question which tells us it has been successful,

160
00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:26,600
Speaker 2: which is mom, what's the budget?

161
00:08:26,710 --> 00:08:29,160
Speaker 2: And also another thing is we don't fix the budget.

162
00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:31,460
Speaker 2: It depends on the food court we're in. Right. If

163
00:08:31,460 --> 00:08:33,880
Speaker 2: the food court sells more expensive things that we would

164
00:08:33,890 --> 00:08:37,560
Speaker 2: increase that budget, if not we would reduce it. And

165
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:40,290
Speaker 2: so they have a sense of, okay, that's how it's

166
00:08:40,290 --> 00:08:43,700
Speaker 2: like even when they're buying big ticket items, like a

167
00:08:43,700 --> 00:08:48,820
Speaker 2: laptop or a mobile phone, they research extensively, we would

168
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:51,950
Speaker 2: question them. So you're buying this. But do you really

169
00:08:51,950 --> 00:08:54,610
Speaker 2: need this other function that you say, well they're so

170
00:08:54,610 --> 00:08:56,130
Speaker 2: fantastic and all of that.

171
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,840
Speaker 2: And it's really for them to think about it because

172
00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:00,900
Speaker 2: in the end, some of these things are not funded

173
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:03,330
Speaker 2: by us. So we let them make their own mistakes

174
00:09:03,330 --> 00:09:03,860
Speaker 2: as well.

175
00:09:03,870 --> 00:09:06,230
Speaker 1: Oh, mistakes are important to

176
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:07,310
Speaker 2: very

177
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:10,450
Speaker 1: and what do you do in mistakes happen or what

178
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:12,720
Speaker 1: are some of the mistakes that you've seen?

179
00:09:12,730 --> 00:09:16,460
Speaker 2: Oh, buying something on impulse? The eldest one wanted to

180
00:09:16,460 --> 00:09:18,240
Speaker 2: buy this mobile phone And

181
00:09:18,530 --> 00:09:21,059
Speaker 2: I said, but your mobile phone is working fine. Why

182
00:09:21,059 --> 00:09:23,340
Speaker 2: would you want that? Well it's getting old. I would

183
00:09:23,340 --> 00:09:26,090
Speaker 2: like to have one sure. So we took them out,

184
00:09:26,090 --> 00:09:28,540
Speaker 2: they look around and they did their research and all

185
00:09:28,540 --> 00:09:31,460
Speaker 2: of that because I know he doesn't really need it.

186
00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:34,479
Speaker 2: I asked him do you really, really need it? He

187
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,660
Speaker 2: paused for a while and he's like, no, I just

188
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:40,059
Speaker 2: wanted to buy, I was like, okay, your money, your decision.

189
00:09:40,070 --> 00:09:42,280
Speaker 2: So he bought it. And within days I think it

190
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:45,770
Speaker 2: got damaged. Like he dropped it or whatever. He hide

191
00:09:45,770 --> 00:09:48,520
Speaker 2: it in his drawer and he used his old phone

192
00:09:48,710 --> 00:09:51,420
Speaker 2: because he's still working right? So I would look at

193
00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:53,600
Speaker 2: the old phone and I sort of have an inkling

194
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,900
Speaker 2: what happened. I said, hey, I thought you had a

195
00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:59,840
Speaker 2: new phone. It's not working very well. So the lesson

196
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,559
Speaker 2: is learned and he waited for a long time before

197
00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:05,199
Speaker 2: he bought the next one because this one is still working.

198
00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:08,220
Speaker 1: So he learned that lesson for sure I think.

199
00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:11,810
Speaker 2: Yeah, so he's very careful. So now he's back for

200
00:10:11,809 --> 00:10:15,400
Speaker 2: the summer holidays, but whenever he's overseas, he's careful

201
00:10:15,410 --> 00:10:18,340
Speaker 2: about the things that he buy, he knows that he

202
00:10:18,340 --> 00:10:22,750
Speaker 2: can claim for groceries like food. He would always ask

203
00:10:22,750 --> 00:10:25,849
Speaker 2: us what's the budget and when he's so old now

204
00:10:25,850 --> 00:10:28,220
Speaker 2: we don't set a budget, but we said you use

205
00:10:28,220 --> 00:10:31,280
Speaker 2: your own discretion and so far no problems. He has

206
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:34,670
Speaker 2: always been very careful about how he used our money.

207
00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:36,929
Speaker 1: I want to go back to what you mentioned about

208
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:39,530
Speaker 1: the difference between needs and wants and some of these

209
00:10:39,530 --> 00:10:41,910
Speaker 1: lessons that we have to impart on our kids.

210
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:46,429
Speaker 1: Sometimes though as parents, let's say, we are thinking of

211
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:50,290
Speaker 1: going for a trip to europe for example or giving

212
00:10:50,290 --> 00:10:54,590
Speaker 1: them lessons like ballet lessons, football lessons or whatever it

213
00:10:54,590 --> 00:10:57,640
Speaker 1: may be. Some people would say, well you don't really

214
00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,470
Speaker 1: need to put your kids in all these classes, you

215
00:11:00,470 --> 00:11:02,860
Speaker 1: don't really need to go so far away.

216
00:11:03,090 --> 00:11:06,340
Speaker 1: But sometimes if you think of it as increasing your

217
00:11:06,340 --> 00:11:10,960
Speaker 1: child's exposure for example and giving them more life experiences,

218
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:16,000
Speaker 1: making them well rounded Children. Then the line between needs

219
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,410
Speaker 1: and wants that becomes a little blurry, doesn't it?

220
00:11:18,630 --> 00:11:22,250
Speaker 2: I totally agree with you. We struggle with that as well.

221
00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:25,160
Speaker 2: I think every family have to really reflect upon what

222
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:28,770
Speaker 2: is very important to them for our family. The learning

223
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:31,309
Speaker 2: and experience is very high. So there are a lot

224
00:11:31,309 --> 00:11:34,179
Speaker 2: of things that we don't splurge on. So we will

225
00:11:34,179 --> 00:11:37,020
Speaker 2: buy the house brand in fair price. However you will

226
00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:41,290
Speaker 2: see us spending over trips as well as what you

227
00:11:41,290 --> 00:11:43,469
Speaker 2: said the learning classes. So

228
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:47,520
Speaker 2: again, ask yourself, why are you doing this? So if

229
00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:51,650
Speaker 2: it is for making my child more well rounded, more

230
00:11:51,660 --> 00:11:56,260
Speaker 2: well traveled, understanding different cultures, that is invaluable. I think

231
00:11:56,270 --> 00:11:59,530
Speaker 2: we do what we can, but the process of planning

232
00:11:59,530 --> 00:12:02,160
Speaker 2: the trip is also very important, isn't it? It's not

233
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:04,429
Speaker 2: just a europe trip, it is a trip that we

234
00:12:04,429 --> 00:12:08,320
Speaker 2: must maximize learning, maximize experiences, what haven't we done

235
00:12:08,330 --> 00:12:11,370
Speaker 2: as a family? Oh we haven't really gone skiing. So

236
00:12:11,370 --> 00:12:14,830
Speaker 2: we're thinking about going skiing this time. But you will see,

237
00:12:14,830 --> 00:12:18,460
Speaker 2: we will always buy coach tickets, flights and then try

238
00:12:18,460 --> 00:12:22,480
Speaker 2: to reduce money used in the flights and do a

239
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:25,780
Speaker 2: lot of self catering when we are in the other country.

240
00:12:25,790 --> 00:12:29,510
Speaker 2: I would say don't stingy, don't say, okay, this is

241
00:12:29,510 --> 00:12:31,929
Speaker 2: a one and all of that. But really ask about

242
00:12:31,929 --> 00:12:33,170
Speaker 2: your own goals then,

243
00:12:33,390 --> 00:12:36,200
Speaker 2: is it a one or a need? I feel deeply

244
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,580
Speaker 2: that my role as a parent is to make sure

245
00:12:39,580 --> 00:12:43,100
Speaker 2: that my kids grow up with a sense of the

246
00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:45,670
Speaker 2: rest of the world as well and to learn how

247
00:12:45,670 --> 00:12:49,220
Speaker 2: to learn and to know what works for them, right?

248
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:51,600
Speaker 2: And ballet for this one may not be ballet for

249
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:52,460
Speaker 2: the other one.

250
00:12:52,670 --> 00:12:55,740
Speaker 2: If we don't allow them to experience that, then it's

251
00:12:55,740 --> 00:12:59,280
Speaker 2: very difficult. Now then the decision comes, should I sign

252
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:03,010
Speaker 2: up for that really expensive class or can I just

253
00:13:03,010 --> 00:13:06,530
Speaker 2: let them try a few sessions before? I think about

254
00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:09,949
Speaker 2: that because they are young, right? They're going to try it.

255
00:13:09,950 --> 00:13:10,300
Speaker 2: It's new,

256
00:13:10,315 --> 00:13:13,375
Speaker 2: It's fun. But six months in they may be like,

257
00:13:13,385 --> 00:13:15,385
Speaker 2: no way mom, I'm not going,

258
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:16,285
Speaker 1: I don't want it anymore.

259
00:13:16,285 --> 00:13:18,125
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't want it anymore. So what's

260
00:13:18,225 --> 00:13:19,184
Speaker 1: the next thing you

261
00:13:19,184 --> 00:13:21,354
Speaker 2: Said? Only one thing at a time as well so

262
00:13:21,355 --> 00:13:24,255
Speaker 2: that you complete one the money. We can't have 10

263
00:13:24,255 --> 00:13:26,835
Speaker 2: classes at one goal time. We don't have the time

264
00:13:26,835 --> 00:13:27,955
Speaker 2: to shutter year around.

265
00:13:28,130 --> 00:13:32,280
Speaker 2: And number three Most importantly, do you truly experience the

266
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:35,089
Speaker 2: class or you're just going there for the fun of

267
00:13:35,090 --> 00:13:37,100
Speaker 2: it or are you really learning something

268
00:13:37,110 --> 00:13:38,350
Speaker 1: just because your friends are there?

269
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,710
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. And it's not really about you must be

270
00:13:41,710 --> 00:13:44,110
Speaker 2: very serious and learn all the skills and all that.

271
00:13:44,110 --> 00:13:44,420
Speaker 2: But

272
00:13:44,580 --> 00:13:48,890
Speaker 2: is it for you? Do you feel almost this movement

273
00:13:48,890 --> 00:13:52,439
Speaker 2: in your heart that knows that yes, dancing is for me.

274
00:13:52,450 --> 00:13:55,290
Speaker 2: So I have a quick story to share with you,

275
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:58,350
Speaker 2: my daughter at three years old keep asking us to

276
00:13:58,350 --> 00:14:02,110
Speaker 2: go for ballet lessons. So we waited two years because

277
00:14:02,110 --> 00:14:02,960
Speaker 2: we think she's too

278
00:14:02,970 --> 00:14:05,750
Speaker 2: young. Although there are classes for three year old by

279
00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:08,240
Speaker 2: the time she's five, we know that she's quite serious.

280
00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:11,040
Speaker 2: So we signed her up for just some trial class

281
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:13,390
Speaker 2: and she said, Mom, I really enjoyed myself. I really

282
00:14:13,390 --> 00:14:17,990
Speaker 2: want lessons. Remember she's five. So we said, sure, why not?

283
00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:20,640
Speaker 2: We signed up for a few months and see how

284
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:24,320
Speaker 2: you do. She enjoyed it so much. She learned all

285
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:28,020
Speaker 2: the way until she was 12. Guess what happened at 12?

286
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:31,930
Speaker 2: She stopped one thing. It she didn't want it anymore.

287
00:14:31,940 --> 00:14:34,310
Speaker 2: Now everybody around us was like, oh my God, she's

288
00:14:34,310 --> 00:14:38,640
Speaker 2: already in a major levels. You should make her completed

289
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:42,070
Speaker 2: so that she has the certification. This very singaporean, right?

290
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:46,120
Speaker 2: And I'm like, no, she doesn't want it anymore. She

291
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,480
Speaker 2: doesn't enjoy it anymore. Why should I force her to

292
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:49,140
Speaker 2: go for everything

293
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,740
Speaker 2: Lesson or paying for torture. That's what I said, I'm

294
00:14:52,740 --> 00:14:56,190
Speaker 2: not going to do that. She's not 21, she's thinking

295
00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:58,680
Speaker 2: about going back. So it's not

296
00:14:58,680 --> 00:14:59,460
Speaker 1: wasted.

297
00:14:59,470 --> 00:15:02,450
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not. And you know what the few things

298
00:15:02,450 --> 00:15:05,859
Speaker 2: that she learned was she didn't know this by the way.

299
00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:08,530
Speaker 2: But the teachers told me after that was that her

300
00:15:08,530 --> 00:15:09,930
Speaker 2: body is not made for ballet.

301
00:15:09,940 --> 00:15:14,720
Speaker 2: So guess what? Because she didn't know that every single

302
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:18,440
Speaker 2: thing was a difficulty was a barrier was an obstacle.

303
00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:22,660
Speaker 2: So this made me realize how much she must have

304
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:25,890
Speaker 2: wanted to be able to overcome every single one of

305
00:15:25,890 --> 00:15:28,520
Speaker 2: these means all her classmates can do it. She cannot

306
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,730
Speaker 2: do it. But she'll practice suggest she can

307
00:15:30,940 --> 00:15:34,330
Speaker 2: Because her physical legs and all of that does not

308
00:15:34,330 --> 00:15:37,980
Speaker 2: work for ballet and now she's thinking about going back

309
00:15:37,990 --> 00:15:41,360
Speaker 2: because we gave her the experience, she learned how to

310
00:15:41,370 --> 00:15:45,410
Speaker 2: overcome difficulties. She's become quite resilient and now she has

311
00:15:45,410 --> 00:15:48,140
Speaker 2: a mind of her own at 21. She's like, this

312
00:15:48,140 --> 00:15:51,940
Speaker 2: would be fun to go back to. So again, going

313
00:15:51,940 --> 00:15:54,370
Speaker 2: back to the long term, what are we teaching our kids?

314
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:55,240
Speaker 2: What is it that we

315
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:58,854
Speaker 2: one from sending her to ballet? It's not a certification.

316
00:15:58,855 --> 00:16:01,935
Speaker 2: It's not that she'll become a ballerina. It's not, it

317
00:16:01,935 --> 00:16:05,595
Speaker 2: was always been try new things. Go. Try if you

318
00:16:05,595 --> 00:16:07,305
Speaker 2: want to stay long enough go.

319
00:16:07,315 --> 00:16:10,855
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is a good point. And all these life

320
00:16:10,855 --> 00:16:13,975
Speaker 1: lessons that they really need to learn and not just

321
00:16:13,985 --> 00:16:18,385
Speaker 1: the actual skills of sports or arts, even though that's important.

322
00:16:18,385 --> 00:16:18,835
Speaker 1: Of course,

323
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:19,555
Speaker 2: yes.

324
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:26,660
Speaker 1: Hi, I'm steven and I host the new season of

325
00:16:26,660 --> 00:16:29,940
Speaker 1: our podcast heart of the matter, join me in getting

326
00:16:29,940 --> 00:16:32,320
Speaker 1: right to the heart of the headlines as we speak

327
00:16:32,330 --> 00:16:35,790
Speaker 1: with experts and newsmakers to delve deep into the most

328
00:16:35,790 --> 00:16:39,840
Speaker 1: talked about news developments, look out for our episodes wherever

329
00:16:39,850 --> 00:16:41,110
Speaker 1: you get your podcast.

330
00:16:45,950 --> 00:16:51,700
Speaker 1: What also is important is education. That's another big expense

331
00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:55,670
Speaker 1: that many parents have to face university fees can be

332
00:16:55,670 --> 00:16:59,630
Speaker 1: expensive and there's tuition, I mean you have one son

333
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:03,870
Speaker 1: overseas and I can't imagine what that's like but how

334
00:17:03,870 --> 00:17:07,159
Speaker 1: did you navigate this and how would you tell other

335
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,230
Speaker 1: parents to tackle education.

336
00:17:09,830 --> 00:17:11,919
Speaker 2: Education is a tough one because we live in a

337
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:16,530
Speaker 2: very competitive society. My past experience in my career in

338
00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:19,120
Speaker 2: an M. N. C. Has also opened me up and

339
00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:23,000
Speaker 2: realized that we are so into the education route that

340
00:17:23,010 --> 00:17:25,550
Speaker 2: we forgot that there's other things in life as well.

341
00:17:25,570 --> 00:17:28,450
Speaker 2: So this led me to believe if we want them

342
00:17:28,450 --> 00:17:30,899
Speaker 2: to fail we need to let them fail early so

343
00:17:30,910 --> 00:17:33,590
Speaker 2: we don't help very much. And if we do sense

344
00:17:33,590 --> 00:17:37,410
Speaker 2: that the tuition culture in Singapore do I feel like

345
00:17:37,420 --> 00:17:40,570
Speaker 2: I'm not good enough as a mother sometimes. Like I'm

346
00:17:40,570 --> 00:17:44,800
Speaker 2: not giving as many tuition classes to my kids as

347
00:17:44,810 --> 00:17:46,060
Speaker 2: other parents would

348
00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:48,800
Speaker 2: but I also had to balance it to know that

349
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:52,850
Speaker 2: their happiness is very important. Their mental wellness is very important.

350
00:17:52,859 --> 00:17:56,130
Speaker 2: So if they didn't like this subject, what reason was it?

351
00:17:56,140 --> 00:17:59,570
Speaker 2: And also balancing the practical. Right. Right. If you feel

352
00:17:59,570 --> 00:18:01,430
Speaker 2: this subject you really cannot go on to the next

353
00:18:01,430 --> 00:18:04,340
Speaker 2: level then what are we going to do? So instead

354
00:18:04,340 --> 00:18:07,550
Speaker 2: of treating our kids like just someone to more

355
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,340
Speaker 2: or to tell what to do is to involve them

356
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:12,730
Speaker 2: in that partnership and to lay it on the table

357
00:18:12,740 --> 00:18:17,180
Speaker 2: look I understand you don't like mandarin, common thing with

358
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:20,490
Speaker 2: a lot of kids but you know that without this

359
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:23,490
Speaker 2: it's going to be very difficult for you to get

360
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:27,750
Speaker 2: into the next level. So what is the minimum you

361
00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:28,770
Speaker 2: need to do?

362
00:18:29,310 --> 00:18:31,740
Speaker 2: And they will of course know the answer I said,

363
00:18:31,740 --> 00:18:35,650
Speaker 2: so what do you want? And the conversation very quickly

364
00:18:35,650 --> 00:18:38,190
Speaker 2: will make them realize that if they want this, then

365
00:18:38,190 --> 00:18:39,440
Speaker 2: they need to do that.

366
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:43,850
Speaker 2: So when I asked for tuition, they are very unhappy

367
00:18:43,850 --> 00:18:46,020
Speaker 2: about it. But they know they have to do it.

368
00:18:46,030 --> 00:18:50,070
Speaker 2: That's different. Right? This is not a negotiation because you

369
00:18:50,070 --> 00:18:53,230
Speaker 2: said that you wanted this. Then the only way to

370
00:18:53,230 --> 00:18:55,970
Speaker 2: help you get to even the minimum is to do

371
00:18:55,970 --> 00:19:00,670
Speaker 2: this extra thing. And recently my younger son, he told

372
00:19:00,670 --> 00:19:03,100
Speaker 2: me mom, I think I can manage, I'm not doing

373
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,970
Speaker 2: very well yet, but you can see my improvement from

374
00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:07,710
Speaker 2: one term to another. So

375
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,390
Speaker 2: I think I want to pause for a while and

376
00:19:09,390 --> 00:19:11,780
Speaker 2: see if I can do it and since he's in

377
00:19:11,780 --> 00:19:14,379
Speaker 2: secretary and it's not a very crucial year, I want

378
00:19:14,390 --> 00:19:17,190
Speaker 2: him to make the decision. So I said, sure, we

379
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:19,800
Speaker 2: pause for a while and just like you suggest we

380
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,919
Speaker 2: look at your results in the next term if you

381
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,190
Speaker 2: improve or you think you can even maintain, I think

382
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,820
Speaker 2: we're good to not have it because they feel like

383
00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:30,350
Speaker 2: I I have to do this extra lesson and all

384
00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:31,050
Speaker 2: of that, right. You don't

385
00:19:31,050 --> 00:19:32,190
Speaker 1: see the value yes,

386
00:19:32,190 --> 00:19:34,040
Speaker 2: yes. They don't see the value. They feel like they're

387
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,550
Speaker 2: wasting a lot of time. But then

388
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,609
Speaker 2: I think in the back of their mind, they also

389
00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:39,710
Speaker 2: know that without this, they cannot go to where they

390
00:19:39,710 --> 00:19:43,300
Speaker 2: want to get to and I, because my girl generally

391
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:46,850
Speaker 2: quite self driven and all of that, the others are boys.

392
00:19:46,859 --> 00:19:49,880
Speaker 2: So when they were going through their teenagers, sometimes it

393
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,830
Speaker 2: gets difficult for boys. I always try to focus on

394
00:19:52,830 --> 00:19:55,760
Speaker 2: the long run. So the long view of the child

395
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,830
Speaker 2: rather than, oh, you feel this subject is the end

396
00:19:57,830 --> 00:20:00,070
Speaker 2: of the world is not going to be like that. Right?

397
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,629
Speaker 2: So it's to have conversations with them

398
00:20:02,980 --> 00:20:08,780
Speaker 1: for many people out there. Sometimes the financial part of

399
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:13,170
Speaker 1: the equation is something they have to seriously consider whether

400
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:16,619
Speaker 1: they're ready to be parents, whether they want to be parents.

401
00:20:16,630 --> 00:20:20,909
Speaker 1: Do you think there is a point where young couples

402
00:20:20,910 --> 00:20:24,820
Speaker 1: can determine whether they are financially ready to have Children?

403
00:20:25,330 --> 00:20:28,910
Speaker 2: I think it goes back to our conversation earlier, right?

404
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,669
Speaker 2: What do you mean by giving a good life to

405
00:20:31,670 --> 00:20:34,230
Speaker 2: your child and what kind of parent do you want

406
00:20:34,230 --> 00:20:38,230
Speaker 2: to become is something that they need to think about. Yes,

407
00:20:38,230 --> 00:20:41,820
Speaker 2: money will be a limiter. I will not even say that.

408
00:20:41,830 --> 00:20:44,969
Speaker 2: It won't, but what you do with whatever you have

409
00:20:44,970 --> 00:20:46,149
Speaker 2: is very important.

410
00:20:46,490 --> 00:20:50,230
Speaker 2: So we said before, a tuition class, a ballet class

411
00:20:50,230 --> 00:20:52,609
Speaker 2: or any of that sort of thing. Number one, You

412
00:20:52,609 --> 00:20:54,510
Speaker 2: can limit it. Number two. Do you really have to

413
00:20:54,510 --> 00:20:57,129
Speaker 2: go for the most expensive class? Do you really have

414
00:20:57,130 --> 00:21:00,100
Speaker 2: to buy organic food all the time? I understand all

415
00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:02,629
Speaker 2: parents want the best for their kids, but your best

416
00:21:02,630 --> 00:21:05,290
Speaker 2: and my best maybe a little bit different. So it

417
00:21:05,290 --> 00:21:08,260
Speaker 2: still comes down to what are your priorities? We have

418
00:21:08,260 --> 00:21:11,060
Speaker 2: limited resources but yet we could do it and

419
00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:14,290
Speaker 2: the number of kids you wanna have, it also matters.

420
00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:17,640
Speaker 2: I will be honest having four kids, which was our desire,

421
00:21:17,650 --> 00:21:20,180
Speaker 2: we have to work harder, We have to work harder.

422
00:21:20,180 --> 00:21:23,109
Speaker 2: We do more things for our career and really chose

423
00:21:23,109 --> 00:21:26,120
Speaker 2: the part where it can fund and the lifestyle that

424
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:30,510
Speaker 2: we chose. I feel like using the money. It's also

425
00:21:30,510 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 2: an easy crutch to say, oh I don't have enough

426
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,639
Speaker 2: money and therefore I don't want to be very honest here.

427
00:21:35,990 --> 00:21:38,830
Speaker 2: The thing is there are many options out there, especially

428
00:21:38,830 --> 00:21:41,670
Speaker 2: in Singapore. There are really a lot of options to

429
00:21:41,670 --> 00:21:45,940
Speaker 2: be able to raise a well adjusted child and yet

430
00:21:45,950 --> 00:21:49,740
Speaker 2: allowing you to enjoy the parenting journey. I have lots

431
00:21:49,740 --> 00:21:53,530
Speaker 2: of friends doing that with less money. So why not?

432
00:21:53,540 --> 00:21:55,690
Speaker 2: I mean if you want to live in a condo

433
00:21:55,700 --> 00:21:58,189
Speaker 2: and because of that you think you can't have a

434
00:21:58,190 --> 00:22:02,530
Speaker 2: child and why not live in a HDB Although prices nowadays,

435
00:22:02,540 --> 00:22:04,850
Speaker 2: I'm not sure anymore. But what I'm saying

436
00:22:04,859 --> 00:22:08,070
Speaker 2: thing is you can choose a lower price housing. That's

437
00:22:08,070 --> 00:22:10,770
Speaker 2: another example. We had all four of our kids when

438
00:22:10,770 --> 00:22:13,240
Speaker 2: we were staying in a four room flat in tampons?

439
00:22:13,260 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 2: There's always a sliding scale how you spend your money.

440
00:22:17,490 --> 00:22:20,150
Speaker 2: If you want all the frills then yes, it's going

441
00:22:20,150 --> 00:22:21,110
Speaker 2: to be tough.

442
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:23,990
Speaker 1: Yeah. You know what I admire about you as well.

443
00:22:23,990 --> 00:22:27,090
Speaker 1: Sam is that on top of providing for your four kids?

444
00:22:27,090 --> 00:22:30,439
Speaker 1: You also prepare for your own retirement And that's something

445
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:34,050
Speaker 1: that you've discussed in other interviews and

446
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,760
Speaker 1: I think it's easy to feel like we don't have

447
00:22:36,770 --> 00:22:40,590
Speaker 1: enough to raise kids and prepare for our own retirement.

448
00:22:40,590 --> 00:22:43,150
Speaker 1: So tell us why studying aside money for your own

449
00:22:43,150 --> 00:22:45,640
Speaker 1: future is a priority for you.

450
00:22:45,650 --> 00:22:48,640
Speaker 2: If me and my husband look after our retirement, it

451
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,990
Speaker 2: is a gift to my Children. This is the biggest

452
00:22:51,990 --> 00:22:54,570
Speaker 2: gift I can ever give them because they never have

453
00:22:54,570 --> 00:22:56,980
Speaker 2: to worry that they need to give us money or

454
00:22:56,980 --> 00:23:00,560
Speaker 2: they need to look after us financially in any way

455
00:23:00,570 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 2: by building

456
00:23:02,410 --> 00:23:06,170
Speaker 2: our own retirement, our own financials, it will help them

457
00:23:06,170 --> 00:23:08,590
Speaker 2: not to worry and really go out there and do

458
00:23:08,590 --> 00:23:11,990
Speaker 2: their thing right. There was a lot of conversation about

459
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,710
Speaker 2: in case all four wants to go overseas. How can

460
00:23:14,710 --> 00:23:17,719
Speaker 2: we afford to do that And yet plan for our

461
00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:18,790
Speaker 2: own retirement.

462
00:23:19,100 --> 00:23:22,800
Speaker 2: So investment was very important. That helped us greatly. But

463
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:27,350
Speaker 2: I think leveraging our CPF system over in Singapore also

464
00:23:27,350 --> 00:23:29,150
Speaker 2: helped us greatly as well.

465
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:32,419
Speaker 1: And is there any advice you'd give to young parents

466
00:23:32,420 --> 00:23:35,070
Speaker 1: struggling with childcare costs.

467
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,920
Speaker 2: Wow, that's a tough one.

468
00:23:38,060 --> 00:23:41,570
Speaker 2: As a couple. You need to agree, what are some

469
00:23:41,570 --> 00:23:44,220
Speaker 2: of the priorities in life? There will be times where

470
00:23:44,220 --> 00:23:47,640
Speaker 2: you disagree and more conversations need to be had so

471
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:51,020
Speaker 2: that you are aligned. Because if one person want to

472
00:23:51,020 --> 00:23:53,750
Speaker 2: spend a lot of money and the other one does not,

473
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,389
Speaker 2: this means that it's going to be difficult making a

474
00:23:56,390 --> 00:24:00,730
Speaker 2: decision and we will generally tilt towards the person who

475
00:24:00,730 --> 00:24:04,730
Speaker 2: is stronger and more insistent or you fight and don't

476
00:24:04,730 --> 00:24:07,050
Speaker 2: talk to each other for this. That's not the outcome

477
00:24:07,050 --> 00:24:07,700
Speaker 2: we want. Right?

478
00:24:07,710 --> 00:24:11,330
Speaker 2: So that alignment is very important. My husband, I don't

479
00:24:11,340 --> 00:24:15,560
Speaker 2: always agree, but we always agree upon certain principles when

480
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:18,560
Speaker 2: it comes to child rearing and if we really don't

481
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,560
Speaker 2: have the money, we don't do it. That's it. The

482
00:24:21,570 --> 00:24:24,290
Speaker 2: early days where we didn't have so much money, we

483
00:24:24,290 --> 00:24:26,540
Speaker 2: did have enough to travel but not enough to go

484
00:24:26,540 --> 00:24:30,170
Speaker 2: so far, definitely not enough to stay in nice hotels.

485
00:24:30,180 --> 00:24:32,440
Speaker 2: We would go to nearer countries.

486
00:24:32,450 --> 00:24:35,790
Speaker 1: How about childcare costs? Especially when

487
00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:38,980
Speaker 1: you have to work because you have to pay the

488
00:24:38,980 --> 00:24:42,650
Speaker 1: bills and kids are still young but they need so

489
00:24:42,650 --> 00:24:46,700
Speaker 1: much attention and care. Do you have any insight into

490
00:24:46,710 --> 00:24:49,150
Speaker 1: how young couples can tackle that?

491
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 2: Yes, I was blessed with my in laws who are

492
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:55,580
Speaker 2: willing to help me with the kids when they were young,

493
00:24:55,580 --> 00:24:58,720
Speaker 2: there was no infant care. I I have to tack

494
00:24:58,730 --> 00:24:58,890
Speaker 2: on

495
00:24:58,910 --> 00:25:01,780
Speaker 2: Family. So it was either I quit my job or

496
00:25:01,790 --> 00:25:05,450
Speaker 2: move into a part time role or somebody helped me.

497
00:25:05,460 --> 00:25:08,240
Speaker 2: I was very blessed that they were willing to help me.

498
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 2: But I also had a conversation with my husband where

499
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 2: we can't do this long term, which means that at

500
00:25:14,970 --> 00:25:17,660
Speaker 2: 18 months when they were able to get into childcare,

501
00:25:17,670 --> 00:25:20,169
Speaker 2: I set that expectation with my in laws as well.

502
00:25:20,180 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 2: You only need to help us

503
00:25:21,530 --> 00:25:23,900
Speaker 2: For 18 months and at that time there wasn't four

504
00:25:23,900 --> 00:25:26,949
Speaker 2: months maternity leave that was really too. So out of

505
00:25:26,950 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 2: the two, I will be the very active caregiver and

506
00:25:30,530 --> 00:25:33,630
Speaker 2: also some rules were like once I come back from

507
00:25:33,630 --> 00:25:36,750
Speaker 2: work you're off work and if the kids were sick,

508
00:25:36,750 --> 00:25:39,350
Speaker 2: it's all on us. It was all like that. It

509
00:25:39,350 --> 00:25:41,919
Speaker 2: was tough because I want a promotion as well. Right?

510
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,140
Speaker 2: So it was really tough. I'm not gonna lie

511
00:25:44,369 --> 00:25:48,139
Speaker 2: Singapore childcare system help us as working mothers, we actually

512
00:25:48,140 --> 00:25:51,230
Speaker 2: have a great support and funding that will help us

513
00:25:51,230 --> 00:25:55,120
Speaker 2: defray the cost of child care. Now then lies that question.

514
00:25:55,130 --> 00:25:56,310
Speaker 2: During my time

515
00:25:56,450 --> 00:26:00,470
Speaker 2: I paid like maybe a couple $100 for each child.

516
00:26:00,470 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 2: So it was very cheap. The only reason why was

517
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:07,139
Speaker 2: because I put them in the higher standard, low tier childcare,

518
00:26:07,150 --> 00:26:10,000
Speaker 2: but a lot of my friends similar with young kids

519
00:26:10,010 --> 00:26:13,030
Speaker 2: preferred to send us to a much higher one, which

520
00:26:13,030 --> 00:26:15,860
Speaker 2: could be 8 to 10 times more expensive than

521
00:26:16,060 --> 00:26:19,130
Speaker 2: what I pay for each child. So there lies in

522
00:26:19,130 --> 00:26:21,910
Speaker 2: the decision you have to make, isn't it? I believe

523
00:26:21,910 --> 00:26:24,670
Speaker 2: there are resources out there that can help to defray

524
00:26:24,670 --> 00:26:27,340
Speaker 2: a lot of these costs. But are you tapping on

525
00:26:27,340 --> 00:26:30,320
Speaker 2: it or are you wanting the very expensive things when

526
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:33,560
Speaker 2: you really cannot afford it? This becomes our personal value.

527
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:36,070
Speaker 2: That we need to check. What is your person

528
00:26:36,090 --> 00:26:39,160
Speaker 2: value? Yes. I want my child to have everything. Doesn't

529
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,440
Speaker 2: mean that my child who comes from child care system

530
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:44,100
Speaker 2: will not be able to succeed. That's not true. Is

531
00:26:44,100 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 2: that a script we tell ourselves or is it something

532
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:50,550
Speaker 2: that we ask ourselves? Oh, I didn't have that. So

533
00:26:50,550 --> 00:26:52,920
Speaker 2: I want my kids to have it. That's not the

534
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:55,700
Speaker 2: right way to make a decision, isn't it? It should be.

535
00:26:55,710 --> 00:26:56,119
Speaker 2: What does

536
00:26:56,130 --> 00:26:59,470
Speaker 2: my child need? What will they need as they grow up?

537
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,750
Speaker 2: What are some of the things that will help them

538
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,250
Speaker 2: in their life rather than I didn't have it? So

539
00:27:04,250 --> 00:27:05,129
Speaker 2: I want my childhood

540
00:27:05,130 --> 00:27:08,950
Speaker 1: right and really goes down to your values right? And

541
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:12,490
Speaker 1: that will determine how you become a parent, how you

542
00:27:12,490 --> 00:27:16,159
Speaker 1: manage expenses that come with being a parent.

543
00:27:16,340 --> 00:27:19,490
Speaker 1: And as you mentioned as parents, we should focus on

544
00:27:19,500 --> 00:27:23,890
Speaker 1: giving our kids experiences teaching them to be self sufficient

545
00:27:23,890 --> 00:27:28,010
Speaker 1: by determining what our needs are versus what our wants

546
00:27:28,010 --> 00:27:30,810
Speaker 1: are and we should focus on the long term as

547
00:27:30,810 --> 00:27:34,869
Speaker 1: opposed to focusing on what they seem to need right now.

548
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,899
Speaker 1: Thank you so much Sam for sharing 20 years of

549
00:27:37,910 --> 00:27:41,050
Speaker 1: learning and wisdom with us today, I

550
00:27:41,050 --> 00:27:43,330
Speaker 2: am very honored to be asked and I'm so happy

551
00:27:43,330 --> 00:27:45,710
Speaker 2: to be able to share my experiences. Some of these

552
00:27:45,710 --> 00:27:48,850
Speaker 2: are not for everyone, but it's really the come back

553
00:27:48,850 --> 00:27:50,980
Speaker 2: to the main question. Who do you want to be

554
00:27:50,980 --> 00:27:51,880
Speaker 2: as a parent?

555
00:27:51,890 --> 00:27:53,660
Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks so much. Sam.

556
00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:58,730
Speaker 1: Thanks to all of you for tuning in. The team

557
00:27:58,730 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 1: behind this podcast is Jacqueline chan Audrey one daniel lee

558
00:28:02,730 --> 00:28:05,810
Speaker 1: and Christina robert and you've got a refreshed slate of

559
00:28:05,820 --> 00:28:08,740
Speaker 1: audio material. You can listen to on your commute or

560
00:28:08,740 --> 00:28:11,669
Speaker 1: your workout. Go to the C. N. A. Website or app.

561
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,710
Speaker 1: Look for the listen button and subscribe to their podcasts

562
00:28:14,710 --> 00:28:17,680
Speaker 1: you like if you have thoughts, ideas or even stories

563
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:20,330
Speaker 1: you'd like to share. Please write to us. The details

564
00:28:20,330 --> 00:28:22,639
Speaker 1: are in our episode notes. Until next time. This is

565
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:23,460
Speaker 1: Sarah called in