1 00:00:03,039 --> 00:00:07,010 Speaker 1: So when I told my dad like Sean and I 2 00:00:07,019 --> 00:00:10,068 Speaker 1: want a very simple wedding, I don't need all the 3 00:00:10,079 --> 00:00:14,829 Speaker 1: gate crush on that. Then his eyes widen like, really 4 00:00:15,569 --> 00:00:18,520 Speaker 1: like I really watch, I like panic. I stress. 5 00:00:18,530 --> 00:00:18,610 Speaker 2: A 6 00:00:19,139 --> 00:00:20,129 Speaker 2: lot of people have 7 00:00:20,225 --> 00:00:24,024 Speaker 2: told me before that actually the wedding planning part. Right sucks. Yeah. 8 00:00:24,034 --> 00:00:26,965 Speaker 2: It is the worst face ever. And it might trigger 9 00:00:26,975 --> 00:00:28,764 Speaker 2: a lot of emotions that to the point that you 10 00:00:28,774 --> 00:00:31,465 Speaker 2: might want to split up my hot take, right? Is 11 00:00:31,475 --> 00:00:34,185 Speaker 2: that wedding planning is overly romanticized? 12 00:00:34,194 --> 00:00:34,205 Speaker 1: Oh 13 00:00:34,215 --> 00:00:37,324 Speaker 1: my God, I cannot deal with this. 14 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,380 Speaker 2: Hey, everyone and welcome back to the hot pot where 15 00:00:46,389 --> 00:00:49,720 Speaker 2: we hop into different transitions in life. I'm k, I'm Joey. 16 00:00:49,729 --> 00:00:53,180 Speaker 2: I'm Nick and joining us today on the couch is 17 00:00:53,189 --> 00:00:55,099 Speaker 2: none other than Xenia. 18 00:00:56,849 --> 00:01:01,150 Speaker 1: Hi, everyone. I'm Xenia. I'm an actress, content creator, dog, mom, 19 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:05,619 Speaker 1: wife to be and many more to come home owner. Yes. 20 00:01:06,199 --> 00:01:11,949 Speaker 1: This year and today we're going to be talking about 21 00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:15,429 Speaker 1: what comes after. Will you marry me from getting engaged 22 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:17,139 Speaker 1: to planning for the big day? We're going to be 23 00:01:17,150 --> 00:01:20,599 Speaker 1: sharing the reality of wedding planning. Common challenges faced by 24 00:01:20,610 --> 00:01:21,449 Speaker 1: couples and tips 25 00:01:21,544 --> 00:01:24,404 Speaker 1: on how you can navigate this very stressful day. How 26 00:01:24,415 --> 00:01:24,565 Speaker 1: long 27 00:01:24,574 --> 00:01:26,464 Speaker 1: have you guys been in your relationships? 28 00:01:26,474 --> 00:01:33,625 Speaker 2: Five years together. Married for eight months. Then before that 29 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:34,525 Speaker 2: engage for one year, 30 00:01:34,574 --> 00:01:38,345 Speaker 1: December 8 years that we've known each other and then 31 00:01:38,355 --> 00:01:41,525 Speaker 1: two years married like a week ago. What con, 32 00:01:43,095 --> 00:01:44,794 Speaker 2: how, how long you engaged? 33 00:01:44,875 --> 00:01:45,485 Speaker 1: Three 34 00:01:45,495 --> 00:01:46,125 Speaker 1: days. 35 00:01:48,349 --> 00:01:52,769 Speaker 1: So, we planned already to do the ceremony in the US. 36 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,790 Speaker 1: So we had to book, like the town 37 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,650 Speaker 2: hall. He haven't proposed yet. Yeah, 38 00:01:56,660 --> 00:01:59,260 Speaker 1: he didn't propose. Fun fact. Right? I had to help 39 00:01:59,269 --> 00:02:03,110 Speaker 1: him expedite the ring shipping. Oh my God. Yeah, so 40 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,089 Speaker 1: that he proposed 41 00:02:04,690 --> 00:02:08,679 Speaker 1: like I think two days before we actually signed the papers. 42 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,758 Speaker 1: So I posted the engagement thing two days. 43 00:02:13,229 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 2: How long have you been engaged? 44 00:02:14,889 --> 00:02:15,929 Speaker 1: Good question. 45 00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:19,669 Speaker 2: How long did for 46 00:02:19,679 --> 00:02:23,690 Speaker 1: a year plus and then he proposed and then I 47 00:02:23,699 --> 00:02:27,149 Speaker 1: said yes. So we are together for about three year. 48 00:02:27,258 --> 00:02:29,820 Speaker 1: So math two year plus 49 00:02:29,860 --> 00:02:32,470 Speaker 2: you have been engaged longer than you were dating. Yeah, 50 00:02:32,580 --> 00:02:34,179 Speaker 1: but I feel very lost or so 51 00:02:34,350 --> 00:02:36,630 Speaker 1: I think when he proposed to me, it was quite 52 00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:41,649 Speaker 1: a surprise like we didn't talk about anything. So I 53 00:02:41,660 --> 00:02:44,220 Speaker 1: think the only thing I could confirm that we talked 54 00:02:44,229 --> 00:02:47,830 Speaker 1: about was our feelings. It was more like you can 55 00:02:47,839 --> 00:02:50,859 Speaker 1: feel the same way about me my first day. And 56 00:02:50,889 --> 00:02:53,110 Speaker 1: he said yes. And then for me, I think we 57 00:02:53,119 --> 00:02:55,448 Speaker 1: both knew we were in it for the long run 58 00:02:55,949 --> 00:02:58,630 Speaker 1: and you know how you can tell whether it's like 59 00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:01,869 Speaker 1: a true surprise is when halfway through the proposal, I 60 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:03,910 Speaker 1: also knew though, I don't know how I even and 61 00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:07,009 Speaker 1: I remember that video and then you were like, I 62 00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:08,410 Speaker 1: was, I scared, 63 00:03:09,679 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 1: then he was like, don't say you scared. I was scared. 64 00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:17,229 Speaker 1: So the video is just like ridiculous halfway, I'm kneeling down. 65 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:21,339 Speaker 1: So I think that's why after the proposal, we also 66 00:03:21,350 --> 00:03:24,359 Speaker 1: wasn't in a rush to move things forward because everything 67 00:03:24,369 --> 00:03:25,138 Speaker 1: happened so quickly. 68 00:03:25,324 --> 00:03:29,985 Speaker 2: You need to process a bit. Enjoy if you didn't 69 00:03:29,994 --> 00:03:37,065 Speaker 2: know Right Zus Engagement Tik Tok, like when viral, viral, 70 00:03:38,115 --> 00:03:40,434 Speaker 2: viral for you was just surprise. 71 00:03:41,559 --> 00:03:44,779 Speaker 2: No, I think so. I proposed in Iceland. I think 72 00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:47,259 Speaker 2: she knew that I was going to propose on that trip. 73 00:03:47,479 --> 00:03:48,539 Speaker 2: But if she don't know where 74 00:03:48,559 --> 00:03:53,520 Speaker 1: mine was somewhere in Wales. So I think he wanted 75 00:03:53,529 --> 00:03:56,639 Speaker 1: to hike up to the peak. But due to poor 76 00:03:56,649 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 1: planning that we missed the last train like supposed to 77 00:04:02,089 --> 00:04:04,660 Speaker 1: be a very scenic ride. Then I saw him and 78 00:04:04,669 --> 00:04:06,699 Speaker 1: he just looked so sad. So I thought he really 79 00:04:06,710 --> 00:04:07,809 Speaker 1: wanted to hike. 80 00:04:09,839 --> 00:04:12,220 Speaker 1: It was like really sad. Yeah. And then it was 81 00:04:12,229 --> 00:04:15,699 Speaker 1: raining really badly. So we just like walk, just walk 82 00:04:15,710 --> 00:04:17,849 Speaker 1: a bit in the rain. And I think he saw 83 00:04:17,859 --> 00:04:23,058 Speaker 1: like this, this mini bridge and like it's not even, 84 00:04:23,070 --> 00:04:26,420 Speaker 1: it's just a water body like a small water body. 85 00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:29,083 Speaker 1: And he figured out like, OK, we should just do 86 00:04:29,095 --> 00:04:31,803 Speaker 1: it here. But the one thing I realized right is 87 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,724 Speaker 1: I'm an extrovert. So I always thought like my dream 88 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:39,183 Speaker 1: proposal would have all my family and friends. But I 89 00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:41,795 Speaker 1: think after that proposal, if it is going to be 90 00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:43,725 Speaker 1: like a surprise, surprise, 91 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,738 Speaker 1: I think it's best to do just the both of you. 92 00:04:46,750 --> 00:04:49,529 Speaker 1: I felt like, oh, thank God, it was just the 93 00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:52,269 Speaker 1: both of us because if there were other people around, 94 00:04:52,329 --> 00:04:55,219 Speaker 1: I might feel a bit like in a rush to 95 00:04:55,230 --> 00:04:56,579 Speaker 1: process and 96 00:04:56,589 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 1: the 97 00:04:58,059 --> 00:04:59,690 Speaker 1: and the need to like, yes I do. 98 00:05:01,589 --> 00:05:04,079 Speaker 2: But do you feel that like women's intuition is them 99 00:05:04,089 --> 00:05:07,089 Speaker 2: spot on when it comes to knowing that you're gonna 100 00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:07,890 Speaker 2: get proposal? 101 00:05:07,980 --> 00:05:11,609 Speaker 1: I guess I'm a man that I really didn't know. 102 00:05:11,869 --> 00:05:12,500 Speaker 1: Is it because the 103 00:05:12,510 --> 00:05:13,940 Speaker 2: guy is always nervous? Like Right. 104 00:05:14,303 --> 00:05:16,915 Speaker 2: No, I think I think cause like in Singapore, right 105 00:05:16,924 --> 00:05:19,545 Speaker 2: is a lot more predictable because ours was like, oh 106 00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:25,635 Speaker 2: we're going to move in together already then like traditional like, yeah, 107 00:05:25,644 --> 00:05:28,714 Speaker 2: like need to propose and at least be engaged before 108 00:05:28,725 --> 00:05:30,654 Speaker 2: we move in that kind of thing. And then the 109 00:05:30,665 --> 00:05:32,385 Speaker 2: other thing is I don't know about you but I 110 00:05:32,394 --> 00:05:34,225 Speaker 2: find like calling 111 00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:37,339 Speaker 2: like just my fiance a bit. I feel like when 112 00:05:37,350 --> 00:05:39,299 Speaker 2: I tell people this is my fiance, then I feel 113 00:05:39,309 --> 00:05:45,040 Speaker 2: like over sharing a bit like this, my girlfriend or 114 00:05:45,049 --> 00:05:47,988 Speaker 2: this is my wife. OK? But then like this are 115 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:51,369 Speaker 2: my fiance like a bit like you're trying to like flex. 116 00:05:51,738 --> 00:05:56,250 Speaker 2: I feel like the other party will feel obliged to. Congrats. Yeah. 117 00:05:56,290 --> 00:05:58,049 Speaker 2: But I don't need, I don't need to. 118 00:06:00,950 --> 00:06:04,109 Speaker 2: Did you feel like the weeks after was just going 119 00:06:04,119 --> 00:06:07,820 Speaker 2: back to normal or even maybe stressed out because you 120 00:06:07,829 --> 00:06:10,109 Speaker 2: have to start planning for a wedding? I think we 121 00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:13,649 Speaker 2: got argue like the wedding planning because she like one 122 00:06:13,660 --> 00:06:16,109 Speaker 2: to faster get things done. Right. But then I'm just like, 123 00:06:16,119 --> 00:06:18,988 Speaker 2: I'm very busy with work. But after a while then 124 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,779 Speaker 2: resolve LA. Then the other thing also was that because ok, 125 00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:24,609 Speaker 2: so you so stressed and can, right? Then whatever you 126 00:06:24,619 --> 00:06:25,690 Speaker 2: want to do you do first. 127 00:06:26,149 --> 00:06:28,529 Speaker 2: But then she said no, like planning together is supposed 128 00:06:28,540 --> 00:06:31,540 Speaker 2: to be enjoyable. I'm like, but I don't agree. Why, 129 00:06:31,549 --> 00:06:31,980 Speaker 2: what do you 130 00:06:31,988 --> 00:06:32,578 Speaker 1: mean? 131 00:06:32,790 --> 00:06:35,799 Speaker 2: Not every aspect of wedding planning needs to be enjoyable. 132 00:06:36,459 --> 00:06:37,980 Speaker 1: You need to be a lot of tough decisions. 133 00:06:37,988 --> 00:06:41,859 Speaker 2: The important thing is that I enjoy the wedding but 134 00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:44,058 Speaker 2: the planning is like someone just needs to do it. 135 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,500 Speaker 1: No, but maybe she wants you to be more involved. 136 00:06:46,549 --> 00:06:49,570 Speaker 1: Like her love language is like, yeah, do it together. 137 00:06:49,579 --> 00:06:50,820 Speaker 1: Then you have like, you know, 138 00:06:51,428 --> 00:06:52,290 Speaker 1: the spirit 139 00:06:52,859 --> 00:06:54,118 Speaker 2: but I don't find the 140 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,488 Speaker 1: wait. So when she's settling one thing, do you settle another? 141 00:06:57,790 --> 00:07:00,170 Speaker 2: Yeah, we got settle like different things and then when 142 00:07:00,178 --> 00:07:03,660 Speaker 2: I got crisis, then I will be the, I'll be mobilized. 143 00:07:03,970 --> 00:07:04,089 Speaker 1: I'm 144 00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:07,079 Speaker 1: the same as you. I'm a procrastinator because right now 145 00:07:07,089 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 1: we are planning for our wedding and we are doing 146 00:07:09,609 --> 00:07:11,450 Speaker 1: our home r at the same time. I don't know, 147 00:07:11,459 --> 00:07:13,829 Speaker 1: something happened to us. So I don't know why we 148 00:07:13,839 --> 00:07:16,010 Speaker 1: need to do both in the same year. Like I 149 00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:18,570 Speaker 1: think when it comes to this, it shows even more 150 00:07:18,779 --> 00:07:19,649 Speaker 1: when like 151 00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:22,339 Speaker 1: you need things to move forward. But I'm not replying. 152 00:07:22,350 --> 00:07:25,170 Speaker 1: I'm not giving them the things that they need, not 153 00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:27,619 Speaker 1: say quarrel. But I think he really sat me down 154 00:07:27,630 --> 00:07:30,570 Speaker 1: and had like a very serious discussion. So he said 155 00:07:30,579 --> 00:07:33,720 Speaker 1: this rule, he said whenever we need to settle anything, 156 00:07:33,730 --> 00:07:36,649 Speaker 1: if you are not doing any urgent work and I 157 00:07:36,660 --> 00:07:39,709 Speaker 1: ask you, can we do this now? The answer must 158 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,200 Speaker 1: always be yes, please. 159 00:07:42,809 --> 00:07:44,690 Speaker 1: It's so childish, right? But actually 160 00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:45,630 Speaker 2: has been working. 161 00:07:45,649 --> 00:07:46,420 Speaker 1: Yeah, it has been 162 00:07:46,429 --> 00:07:47,670 Speaker 2: working and it's respectful. 163 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,190 Speaker 1: Yeah. So sometimes you want to play FIFA and then 164 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,230 Speaker 1: I'll be like, oh, you never see. 165 00:07:53,410 --> 00:07:53,519 Speaker 1: Yeah. 166 00:07:54,839 --> 00:07:56,760 Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I can imagine that will be helpful because 167 00:07:56,769 --> 00:07:59,029 Speaker 2: there were a lot of times where like just wants 168 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:01,160 Speaker 2: to like do something, right? But then I like I 169 00:08:01,290 --> 00:08:04,600 Speaker 2: just settled down to like not do anything then for 170 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,690 Speaker 2: Joey as in you had a small wedding, 171 00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:08,890 Speaker 1: right? OK. I realized the thing that you need to 172 00:08:08,899 --> 00:08:11,670 Speaker 1: fight off, right? Is the parents and the expectations of 173 00:08:11,679 --> 00:08:13,850 Speaker 1: the grandparents and your family because 174 00:08:13,959 --> 00:08:16,040 Speaker 1: the wedding is not really for you. The wedding is 175 00:08:16,049 --> 00:08:19,540 Speaker 1: for your family members and sometimes the in laws and 176 00:08:19,549 --> 00:08:23,779 Speaker 1: the they don't agree. So I wanted to eradicate any 177 00:08:23,790 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 1: possibility of that. So we got married overseas and I 178 00:08:26,730 --> 00:08:29,950 Speaker 1: said no one is invited. Nobody come our live streaming. 179 00:08:29,959 --> 00:08:30,859 Speaker 2: What was your wedding? 180 00:08:30,989 --> 00:08:33,960 Speaker 1: So we just went to the courthouse where like people 181 00:08:33,969 --> 00:08:35,020 Speaker 1: chop pass for everything. 182 00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:38,010 Speaker 1: They have a little like set up like tower. When 183 00:08:38,020 --> 00:08:40,750 Speaker 1: they say they get married in Vegas, it is really 184 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,369 Speaker 1: like a place to get married. So there was a 185 00:08:43,380 --> 00:08:46,140 Speaker 1: lady who officiated the wedding. We live streamed it, went 186 00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:48,840 Speaker 1: to eat pancakes. Then we went to a petting zoo 187 00:08:48,849 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: to see cows or whatever. And then at night they 188 00:08:52,770 --> 00:08:54,859 Speaker 1: were like, ok, fine, let's have a nice dinner. We 189 00:08:54,869 --> 00:08:55,189 Speaker 1: went to an 190 00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,275 Speaker 1: Asian restaurant. So it's nice. I just wanted it to 191 00:08:57,284 --> 00:09:00,324 Speaker 1: be that we like not everyone likes if you don't 192 00:09:00,335 --> 00:09:03,824 Speaker 1: like it don't come is celebration of our marriage and 193 00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:07,145 Speaker 1: our union. Not like for you to feel happy and 194 00:09:07,155 --> 00:09:10,164 Speaker 1: thankfully in their culture is not. So it's not like 195 00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:12,353 Speaker 1: I'm doing it for your own. Right in Singapore was 196 00:09:12,364 --> 00:09:16,465 Speaker 1: a little bit different. So we did like three different weddings. 197 00:09:16,474 --> 00:09:18,625 Speaker 1: One was a mom side, one was a dad side, 198 00:09:18,635 --> 00:09:21,265 Speaker 1: one was my friends. So both moms and dad side, 199 00:09:21,275 --> 00:09:24,015 Speaker 1: we just book a very small like private dining area 200 00:09:24,025 --> 00:09:25,025 Speaker 1: in like a restaurant 201 00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:27,469 Speaker 1: and then we just had it to us. It was 202 00:09:27,479 --> 00:09:30,919 Speaker 1: stupid to spend so much money on something that appeases 203 00:09:30,929 --> 00:09:33,960 Speaker 1: other people. Because for us, our priorities just really did 204 00:09:33,969 --> 00:09:36,119 Speaker 1: not lie there. We rather use that money on the 205 00:09:36,130 --> 00:09:39,699 Speaker 1: honeymoon or for the future and buy a house, you know. 206 00:09:39,710 --> 00:09:44,679 Speaker 1: So we just had very simple lunches and dinners and 207 00:09:44,690 --> 00:09:46,949 Speaker 1: our friend one. It was also super chill. We got 208 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,239 Speaker 1: like the ice cream uncle, 209 00:09:48,710 --> 00:09:53,390 Speaker 1: you know, like the tattoo station. There was a playstation 210 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:56,359 Speaker 1: that Billards like it was just very chill and everyone 211 00:09:56,369 --> 00:09:58,469 Speaker 1: was happy because I told my mom this is your wedding. 212 00:09:58,479 --> 00:10:00,349 Speaker 1: Then my dad says I was like this is your 213 00:10:00,359 --> 00:10:03,069 Speaker 1: wedding celebration. My friends want you don't touch. 214 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:03,630 Speaker 2: What 215 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,109 Speaker 2: is a dream wedding for you? 216 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:10,349 Speaker 1: My current wedding is definitely not my dream wedding. Yeah. No, 217 00:10:10,590 --> 00:10:15,750 Speaker 1: but I think we did try to go to an 218 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,690 Speaker 1: unconventional place 219 00:10:18,330 --> 00:10:20,979 Speaker 1: but I think when I walked in, I was just 220 00:10:20,989 --> 00:10:25,369 Speaker 1: like I am really not a good planner. I can't 221 00:10:25,380 --> 00:10:28,549 Speaker 1: imagine pulling this off. I think in the end we 222 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:31,770 Speaker 1: just went with something that was good looking, it was 223 00:10:31,780 --> 00:10:35,108 Speaker 1: decent and it's got a lot of perks of parking. 224 00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:40,939 Speaker 1: Yeah, everything is like prepared for you. 225 00:10:45,299 --> 00:10:47,799 Speaker 1: I don't think so much, you know. Yeah, like people 226 00:10:47,809 --> 00:10:50,659 Speaker 1: already prepare that package for you. You just be there 227 00:10:51,090 --> 00:10:56,080 Speaker 1: when we wanted to have our wedding. We both thought 228 00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:58,760 Speaker 1: our parents were very chill except that Sean was right. 229 00:10:58,770 --> 00:11:02,718 Speaker 1: I was wrong. Yeah, so like one day I wanted to, 230 00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:05,960 Speaker 1: you know, initiate the conversation with my parents and I 231 00:11:05,969 --> 00:11:08,479 Speaker 1: was very confident that they will be fine because I 232 00:11:08,489 --> 00:11:11,848 Speaker 1: have two elder brothers. So when I told my dad, like, oh, 233 00:11:13,169 --> 00:11:14,608 Speaker 1: Sean and I want 234 00:11:14,955 --> 00:11:17,444 Speaker 1: a very simple wedding, I don't need all the gate crush, 235 00:11:17,455 --> 00:11:20,934 Speaker 1: all that. Then his eyes widen. You know, when somebody's 236 00:11:20,945 --> 00:11:27,455 Speaker 1: eye white more than the people really, like, I really watch, 237 00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:30,315 Speaker 1: I like panic. I stress. I was very glad that 238 00:11:30,325 --> 00:11:32,554 Speaker 1: Sean wasn't there because I think just me and my 239 00:11:32,565 --> 00:11:36,645 Speaker 1: parents maybe they can speak more freely. Yeah. So then 240 00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:38,984 Speaker 1: I was just like, oh no, we just wanted a 241 00:11:38,994 --> 00:11:39,705 Speaker 1: simple 242 00:11:41,250 --> 00:11:44,260 Speaker 1: and then there was also the moment I realized like 243 00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,780 Speaker 1: what we want, right is because we don't really know 244 00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:50,010 Speaker 1: the reason behind all the customs and tradition context and 245 00:11:50,020 --> 00:11:52,559 Speaker 1: I are renting a house together. So we are sort 246 00:11:52,570 --> 00:11:53,489 Speaker 1: of staying together really. 247 00:11:54,090 --> 00:11:57,309 Speaker 1: But he wants me to come the night before and 248 00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,729 Speaker 1: he wants to comb my hair. Then the gate crash 249 00:12:00,739 --> 00:12:04,210 Speaker 1: is not just about all the fun and the sabotaging 250 00:12:04,219 --> 00:12:08,609 Speaker 1: it symbolizes Sean coming over to my parents' house asking 251 00:12:08,619 --> 00:12:12,179 Speaker 1: for permission to take me away. Yeah, that was the 252 00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:12,978 Speaker 1: respect that he 253 00:12:13,684 --> 00:12:17,294 Speaker 1: Right. Yeah. Explain until like that. Then I say no, 254 00:12:17,755 --> 00:12:23,194 Speaker 1: I was like, OK, it's quite sweet. Then after I 255 00:12:23,354 --> 00:12:26,215 Speaker 1: test water a bit more, I was like then the 256 00:12:26,224 --> 00:12:34,414 Speaker 1: quota all that need or not. Then he went like that. 257 00:12:35,010 --> 00:12:38,130 Speaker 1: I think when he like like that. When talking about 258 00:12:38,140 --> 00:12:40,780 Speaker 1: the quarter, he didn't ask for much. He just wants 259 00:12:40,789 --> 00:12:44,299 Speaker 1: the basic and then his reason behind it. This one 260 00:12:44,309 --> 00:12:46,659 Speaker 1: how to say no, I tell you, he said when 261 00:12:46,669 --> 00:12:50,679 Speaker 1: you pass me the cake, I will have to use 262 00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:53,900 Speaker 1: that to pray to your grandma and tell her that like, hey, 263 00:12:53,909 --> 00:12:56,728 Speaker 1: nana is going to get married. Yeah. And I'm very 264 00:12:56,739 --> 00:12:58,859 Speaker 1: close to my grandma and in my head, I was like, 265 00:12:58,869 --> 00:12:59,960 Speaker 1: oh my God, how can I? 266 00:13:01,099 --> 00:13:04,549 Speaker 1: Yeah. So then I was like, OK, so I went 267 00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:06,859 Speaker 1: back then I talked to Sean and Sean was like, OK, 268 00:13:07,039 --> 00:13:12,219 Speaker 1: the reasons are like, he's not, he's not asking for 269 00:13:12,229 --> 00:13:15,789 Speaker 1: like a lot also. He just wants like the basic 270 00:13:15,799 --> 00:13:19,520 Speaker 1: respect which we definitely can give because in Chinese tradition 271 00:13:19,530 --> 00:13:21,189 Speaker 1: or Asian tradition is like, I'm giving you 272 00:13:21,293 --> 00:13:26,333 Speaker 1: my daughter but you are, she's gonna continue your name. Yeah. 273 00:13:26,343 --> 00:13:30,033 Speaker 1: So you better make it worth my while because I 274 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:33,293 Speaker 1: meet her, the woman she is today. I'm giving my 275 00:13:33,302 --> 00:13:36,672 Speaker 1: family to your family and use your family name to 276 00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:39,833 Speaker 1: continue the legacy. So it's very different for like females 277 00:13:39,843 --> 00:13:42,153 Speaker 1: and like sons getting. Yeah. So it's funny 278 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:45,236 Speaker 1: but you don't really know all these things and yeah, 279 00:13:45,245 --> 00:13:48,416 Speaker 1: and what's even funnier is like, we don't really know 280 00:13:48,426 --> 00:13:53,356 Speaker 1: the traditions very well. So Sean told my aunt, oh 281 00:13:53,785 --> 00:13:57,366 Speaker 1: Xenia's parents need to give me money, right? Like, 282 00:13:58,535 --> 00:13:58,765 Speaker 1: like, no, 283 00:14:00,075 --> 00:14:02,755 Speaker 1: I think that one is a India not. 284 00:14:04,729 --> 00:14:06,250 Speaker 1: He was like, oh, of course, I googled. It was 285 00:14:06,260 --> 00:14:08,020 Speaker 1: like google wrong place. 286 00:14:08,549 --> 00:14:08,559 Speaker 2: Oh 287 00:14:08,669 --> 00:14:09,020 Speaker 1: my 288 00:14:09,229 --> 00:14:15,280 Speaker 2: God. I was quite lucky. Like Js parents super like 289 00:14:15,289 --> 00:14:19,469 Speaker 2: my in laws. Very. You, you your dream wedding at 290 00:14:19,479 --> 00:14:23,799 Speaker 2: the gym? G when I was younger I always thought 291 00:14:23,809 --> 00:14:26,650 Speaker 2: that I'll have a big wedding with like what, 203 292 00:14:26,659 --> 00:14:27,469 Speaker 2: 100 guests, 293 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:30,650 Speaker 2: invite all my friends from primary secondary school. But then 294 00:14:30,659 --> 00:14:33,030 Speaker 2: now I realize actually I just want it small and 295 00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:36,609 Speaker 2: I don't think I want a banquet wedding. It's a bit. 296 00:14:36,619 --> 00:14:38,409 Speaker 2: I think a bit like what Xenia mentioned is a 297 00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:42,309 Speaker 2: typical Singaporean wedding which I don't really like. I quite 298 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:45,270 Speaker 2: like your style which is like go overseas and then 299 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,710 Speaker 2: like celebrate with close friends and family. Well, I would 300 00:14:47,719 --> 00:14:48,549 Speaker 2: not want to do gr 301 00:14:54,219 --> 00:14:57,109 Speaker 1: but if your father's eye white more than the black part, 302 00:14:57,289 --> 00:14:57,469 Speaker 1: I 303 00:14:57,559 --> 00:14:57,590 Speaker 1: mean, 304 00:14:57,750 --> 00:14:59,559 Speaker 2: I think my father not as scary as your father, 305 00:14:59,570 --> 00:15:02,830 Speaker 2: but he also speak ha but I will tell him 306 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,599 Speaker 2: this is my wedding. Like no means no. I think 307 00:15:05,609 --> 00:15:08,030 Speaker 2: we would be able to meet in the middle, but 308 00:15:08,039 --> 00:15:11,200 Speaker 2: they would think that my relatives should all be there. 309 00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:15,179 Speaker 2: What if your future husband like he more particular? 310 00:15:16,380 --> 00:15:19,969 Speaker 2: He said, I love great crash. I really, I really 311 00:15:19,979 --> 00:15:21,309 Speaker 2: want to eat the Bitter God. 312 00:15:21,770 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 1: Shut 313 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:23,729 Speaker 1: down, crushing. 314 00:15:24,309 --> 00:15:27,320 Speaker 2: I want to, I really want to eat the GD 315 00:15:27,330 --> 00:15:30,340 Speaker 2: party and the Bitter God and wasabi. Yeah, I really 316 00:15:30,349 --> 00:15:34,340 Speaker 2: want to give all your T ma, oh, my God, 317 00:15:36,419 --> 00:15:39,770 Speaker 2: my bridesmaids. Yeah. I really want to have a huge 318 00:15:39,780 --> 00:15:41,070 Speaker 2: banquet and, like, 319 00:15:41,390 --> 00:15:43,599 Speaker 2: wake up at three and then March in two times. 320 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,640 Speaker 2: I also want to march into, like, I want to 321 00:15:45,650 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 2: wear multiple dresses, but when it comes to the gate crash. Right. 322 00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:52,559 Speaker 2: I think I want to date someone who wants that. 323 00:15:52,570 --> 00:15:52,760 Speaker 2: So that, 324 00:15:54,179 --> 00:15:54,460 Speaker 1: what 325 00:15:54,489 --> 00:15:56,820 Speaker 1: was your number one criteria? So, she go on a day? Like, 326 00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:57,409 Speaker 1: do you like 327 00:16:00,570 --> 00:16:01,229 Speaker 1: to meet you? 328 00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 2: Hi, my dating app. No. Gate crash. Why do you 329 00:16:07,409 --> 00:16:12,940 Speaker 2: all think that parents tend to take control of their 330 00:16:12,950 --> 00:16:13,890 Speaker 2: children's wedding? 331 00:16:14,359 --> 00:16:16,770 Speaker 2: I think it's a face thing. I feel like they 332 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,080 Speaker 2: feel like they need to be able to answer to 333 00:16:19,090 --> 00:16:22,830 Speaker 2: their friends or relatives. When people ask how come the 334 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,140 Speaker 2: wedding they do like that with 335 00:16:24,229 --> 00:16:29,390 Speaker 1: everybody's excitement. Sometimes it becomes a bit too forward. Yeah, 336 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,690 Speaker 1: it's like, no, I tell you you must do this other, 337 00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:34,369 Speaker 1: like they just want to participate and they trying 338 00:16:34,380 --> 00:16:38,940 Speaker 2: to help their version of helping then actually Joey for you. Right. 339 00:16:38,950 --> 00:16:41,099 Speaker 2: Like how was that whole process? Because like 340 00:16:41,510 --> 00:16:42,739 Speaker 2: Charlie know how to quarterly. 341 00:16:43,590 --> 00:16:47,700 Speaker 1: So I also know how to quarterly. I was like, ok, minimal. 342 00:16:47,849 --> 00:16:51,760 Speaker 1: We had the peanut biscuit and all that must salty one, 343 00:16:51,770 --> 00:16:54,979 Speaker 1: sweet one something, something, something. I don't know. I don't know. 344 00:16:54,989 --> 00:16:57,609 Speaker 1: But you pack this thing, then you give to the people. 345 00:16:57,619 --> 00:16:58,719 Speaker 1: So it's still power 346 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,059 Speaker 1: the thing. So I ordered the bags on Taobao and 347 00:17:02,070 --> 00:17:04,349 Speaker 1: my mom was in charge of buying the peanut snacks 348 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:07,010 Speaker 1: and we went to my grandparents house to do it. 349 00:17:07,020 --> 00:17:10,180 Speaker 1: And in doing it, I realized this is way more 350 00:17:10,189 --> 00:17:13,189 Speaker 1: than just I, I need to give peanuts to your 351 00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,599 Speaker 1: family members that I don't even see. It was really 352 00:17:15,609 --> 00:17:18,979 Speaker 1: like a my mom took care of me knowing that 353 00:17:18,989 --> 00:17:21,469 Speaker 1: this day would come and this is her way of 354 00:17:21,479 --> 00:17:23,550 Speaker 1: like sending you off. And as we're doing it, I 355 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:24,530 Speaker 1: realized it was a 356 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,750 Speaker 1: another bonding activity because we're not very close. And when 357 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,680 Speaker 1: else will we have this moment to like be at 358 00:17:30,689 --> 00:17:33,640 Speaker 1: my grandparents house for a long period of time planning 359 00:17:33,650 --> 00:17:36,619 Speaker 1: and like packing, you know, they really want to go 360 00:17:36,630 --> 00:17:39,780 Speaker 1: through this rite of passage with you and send you 361 00:17:39,790 --> 00:17:42,659 Speaker 1: off because they invested in you like to meet you, 362 00:17:42,709 --> 00:17:45,339 Speaker 1: the woman you are today. I feel like we've slowly 363 00:17:45,859 --> 00:17:49,639 Speaker 1: lost that cultural importance in our generation because to us 364 00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:53,930 Speaker 1: it's like whatever. Yeah, but once we understand from their perspective, right, 365 00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:56,129 Speaker 1: then you are like, OK, so really the way of 366 00:17:56,170 --> 00:17:58,170 Speaker 1: that city, I'm like, oh my God, I also want 367 00:17:58,180 --> 00:17:58,680 Speaker 1: to like, 368 00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,339 Speaker 2: I think it also depends a lot on like where 369 00:18:02,349 --> 00:18:06,010 Speaker 2: is it coming from? If it's like a a face thing, right? 370 00:18:06,020 --> 00:18:09,909 Speaker 2: Then is a bit like, yeah, why am I doing this? 371 00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:12,089 Speaker 2: But when there's like this sort of deeper meaning and 372 00:18:12,099 --> 00:18:15,369 Speaker 2: you realize that that generation truly believes in it. Right? 373 00:18:15,739 --> 00:18:16,199 Speaker 2: Then 374 00:18:16,910 --> 00:18:19,290 Speaker 2: it becomes less of a hassle. You see less of 375 00:18:19,310 --> 00:18:21,640 Speaker 2: a hassle. What are other conflicts that you guys would 376 00:18:21,650 --> 00:18:24,819 Speaker 2: face with your partners when planning a wedding? I think 377 00:18:24,829 --> 00:18:29,290 Speaker 2: the other thing is money. Right? Yeah, I mean, for 378 00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:31,750 Speaker 2: me we never had that issue because it's like because 379 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,050 Speaker 2: you reach, she said 380 00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:34,739 Speaker 1: what we were thinking. 381 00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:37,810 Speaker 2: No, no, 382 00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:41,149 Speaker 1: you have two weddings. Grows 383 00:18:45,890 --> 00:18:46,650 Speaker 1: question. 384 00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:50,890 Speaker 1: OK. Go for faster. Would you rather have a guaranteed 385 00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:52,909 Speaker 1: good night sleep every night or a burst of energy 386 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,520 Speaker 1: whenever you need it? Good night sleep every night. 387 00:18:55,530 --> 00:18:57,400 Speaker 2: Why is one survival skill? You would like to be 388 00:18:57,410 --> 00:19:01,479 Speaker 2: extremely good at bracket example, making a fire, building a tent. 389 00:19:01,810 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 2: I think I would like to be able to build 390 00:19:05,530 --> 00:19:06,520 Speaker 2: a heart. 391 00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:10,300 Speaker 2: The saliva with a Swiss army knife. 392 00:19:11,949 --> 00:19:12,329 Speaker 1: You can 393 00:19:12,339 --> 00:19:14,359 Speaker 1: watch those videos like two men building 394 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:16,660 Speaker 1: on Tik Tok 395 00:19:16,670 --> 00:19:19,619 Speaker 2: and youtube. Oh my God. Do you shower facing in, 396 00:19:19,630 --> 00:19:20,899 Speaker 2: break at the wall 397 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:22,300 Speaker 2: or out 398 00:19:22,310 --> 00:19:22,489 Speaker 1: or 399 00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,540 Speaker 1: you face the shower or away 400 00:19:25,099 --> 00:19:25,310 Speaker 2: the shower 401 00:19:27,859 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 1: to wash your back? Then you need to face away. 402 00:19:30,810 --> 00:19:31,760 Speaker 1: I will just do this 403 00:19:32,319 --> 00:19:32,349 Speaker 2: one. 404 00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:36,339 Speaker 1: I'm not moving. What is one highlight you had in 405 00:19:36,349 --> 00:19:39,640 Speaker 1: your past week, Charlie and I had we finished he's 406 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:43,020 Speaker 1: kitchen and then like now when, now when I fry 407 00:19:43,030 --> 00:19:45,060 Speaker 1: the chicken, right, Charlie was like, are you frying it? 408 00:19:45,069 --> 00:19:48,109 Speaker 1: Good enough for Gordon? Oh, wow. No, I had to 409 00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:49,829 Speaker 1: put in microwave the middle cold. 410 00:19:53,020 --> 00:19:57,209 Speaker 1: I feel like we've been doing quite well for now. 411 00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:59,810 Speaker 1: Um But once again, because we set a lot of 412 00:19:59,819 --> 00:20:03,069 Speaker 1: rules in place, we will help each other out when 413 00:20:03,079 --> 00:20:06,770 Speaker 1: it comes to facing our parents. My parents believe in 414 00:20:06,780 --> 00:20:09,000 Speaker 1: the past because they asked us a lot of times really. 415 00:20:09,010 --> 00:20:10,280 Speaker 1: So I want to mention some of the parts of 416 00:20:10,339 --> 00:20:12,099 Speaker 1: ma have you all went to do the past and 417 00:20:12,109 --> 00:20:13,010 Speaker 1: get your wedding date? 418 00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:15,500 Speaker 1: And then Sean and I we were just like, so 419 00:20:15,510 --> 00:20:18,189 Speaker 1: like I feel like I'm quite in the middle because 420 00:20:18,199 --> 00:20:22,659 Speaker 1: Sean doesn't believe in past he's a Christian in the end. 421 00:20:22,670 --> 00:20:25,069 Speaker 1: I decided to go with Sean 422 00:20:25,430 --> 00:20:27,920 Speaker 1: also because we were quite last minute, you know, in 423 00:20:27,930 --> 00:20:28,770 Speaker 1: Singapore 424 00:20:28,959 --> 00:20:30,718 Speaker 2: wedding one year, one year plus 425 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:34,449 Speaker 1: in advance we book this year. So we don't have 426 00:20:34,459 --> 00:20:38,430 Speaker 1: much days to choose. So imagine the chef will tell us, oh, 427 00:20:38,439 --> 00:20:41,329 Speaker 1: you can only choose this is this which is not. Yeah. 428 00:20:41,410 --> 00:20:44,589 Speaker 1: And some more I feel like I'm someone if I 429 00:20:44,599 --> 00:20:47,109 Speaker 1: don't listen to it, I won't believe in it. But 430 00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:48,688 Speaker 1: once you tell me something 431 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,609 Speaker 1: and I can't get the date. Yeah, then I'll feel like, 432 00:20:51,619 --> 00:20:53,810 Speaker 1: oh no, you see now we quarrel because we never 433 00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:56,479 Speaker 1: take the date that time. Yeah. So I think what 434 00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:59,250 Speaker 1: we did is we always team up. So we said, ok, 435 00:20:59,260 --> 00:21:01,020 Speaker 1: once we go up, right, we just tell them, oh, 436 00:21:01,030 --> 00:21:02,969 Speaker 1: we are going to do at this hotel. Yeah, Wow. 437 00:21:02,979 --> 00:21:07,239 Speaker 1: Very nice show picture. So yeah, so we went out, 438 00:21:07,250 --> 00:21:09,910 Speaker 1: we did the same thing except my mom asked food. 439 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:14,339 Speaker 1: Tell your one. Then I was like, but guess who 440 00:21:14,349 --> 00:21:18,130 Speaker 1: stepped out and help us? Your dad? Yeah, 441 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:22,579 Speaker 1: he just told my mom, yeah, Sean is Christian. He 442 00:21:22,589 --> 00:21:26,000 Speaker 1: don't believe in this kind of thing. One, never mind, 443 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:29,400 Speaker 1: never mind. Then Sean and I just look at my dad. 444 00:21:29,410 --> 00:21:30,670 Speaker 1: Then that moment is like 445 00:21:32,060 --> 00:21:35,180 Speaker 1: you cry. No, they just like what? Then my dad 446 00:21:35,189 --> 00:21:36,390 Speaker 1: had this like Halo. 447 00:21:37,420 --> 00:21:41,550 Speaker 2: I think his battles must do. Gate crash must do. 448 00:21:41,739 --> 00:21:43,889 Speaker 2: But the date I give it to you. What about 449 00:21:43,900 --> 00:21:47,650 Speaker 2: your invitation list or is that something that you guys 450 00:21:47,660 --> 00:21:50,439 Speaker 2: will fight about? Because I can imagine how, you know, 451 00:21:50,449 --> 00:21:52,930 Speaker 2: sometimes you just need to fit the right amount of 452 00:21:52,939 --> 00:21:56,270 Speaker 2: people in that space. But they are fearless slots. Also, 453 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:59,899 Speaker 2: let's be real. I have been a fearless slot before, 454 00:21:59,910 --> 00:22:01,660 Speaker 2: you know, you can sense one. You're not very close 455 00:22:01,670 --> 00:22:03,520 Speaker 2: to this person. Then like a very very 456 00:22:03,974 --> 00:22:05,744 Speaker 2: one month before the wedding day, you invite me. I'm 457 00:22:05,755 --> 00:22:12,324 Speaker 2: like one thing that I think we faced was like 458 00:22:12,334 --> 00:22:15,833 Speaker 2: a lot of last minute addition. Like say I'm not 459 00:22:15,844 --> 00:22:18,055 Speaker 2: going to invite a lot of people then suddenly like 460 00:22:18,064 --> 00:22:22,604 Speaker 2: almost finalized, then a cousin. So and so can add 461 00:22:22,614 --> 00:22:26,714 Speaker 2: in or this person can then then like two weeks 462 00:22:26,724 --> 00:22:28,584 Speaker 2: before a wedding or they busy, they cannot come. I've 463 00:22:28,594 --> 00:22:30,734 Speaker 2: also heard stories of like 464 00:22:31,099 --> 00:22:33,899 Speaker 2: how your parents also have to go and manage the 465 00:22:33,910 --> 00:22:37,430 Speaker 2: family politics, maybe like, I'm closer to this cousin. And 466 00:22:37,439 --> 00:22:40,060 Speaker 2: then there is another like cousin that I'm not super 467 00:22:40,069 --> 00:22:42,839 Speaker 2: close to, but it's the same generation one. So I 468 00:22:42,849 --> 00:22:44,910 Speaker 2: cannot just invite this one, then don't invite that one. 469 00:22:45,339 --> 00:22:47,500 Speaker 2: But in my mind, I'm like, I like this person 470 00:22:47,550 --> 00:22:49,719 Speaker 2: but this person I never see for like 10 years. 471 00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:52,910 Speaker 2: Why must invite? But for them they like, oh if 472 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:56,060 Speaker 2: I don't invite them later, like the the auntie like 473 00:22:56,530 --> 00:23:00,869 Speaker 2: happy and I think it also happens in friend groups. 474 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,869 Speaker 2: So for example, you have a group of eight or 475 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:06,319 Speaker 2: 10 people but some people are just like acquaintances. Yeah. 476 00:23:06,329 --> 00:23:09,459 Speaker 2: But you feel the need to invite everyone because 477 00:23:10,420 --> 00:23:12,349 Speaker 2: like you guys always hang out as a group, right? Yeah, 478 00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:16,709 Speaker 1: inevitably, right? The non invite can serve as a 479 00:23:17,689 --> 00:23:21,900 Speaker 1: like a very clear line drawn to end the friendship. 480 00:23:21,910 --> 00:23:23,489 Speaker 1: It could be assigned as I you will 481 00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:23,760 Speaker 2: end 482 00:23:23,770 --> 00:23:25,569 Speaker 2: the acquaintance, acquaintance ships. Yeah. 483 00:23:25,579 --> 00:23:28,430 Speaker 1: If I burn a bridge, you just have to accept 484 00:23:28,439 --> 00:23:31,670 Speaker 1: that the way we invited the people were, if they 485 00:23:32,260 --> 00:23:33,510 Speaker 1: invite me 486 00:23:34,390 --> 00:23:37,130 Speaker 1: and I don't want to go, then I won't invite them. 487 00:23:37,140 --> 00:23:39,969 Speaker 1: If they don't invite me and I am not offended, 488 00:23:39,979 --> 00:23:42,969 Speaker 1: then I also wouldn't invite them. Yeah, that was, you 489 00:23:42,979 --> 00:23:45,209 Speaker 1: cannot invite everybody. You know, that's a good 490 00:23:45,219 --> 00:23:47,949 Speaker 2: gauge to people that take offense to not being invited 491 00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:49,900 Speaker 2: to a wedding. It's a bit petty. 492 00:23:50,229 --> 00:23:54,849 Speaker 1: Same. I'm glad that I'm having my wedding at this age. Yeah, 493 00:23:54,859 --> 00:23:58,270 Speaker 1: because I think if I were to have 15 years ago, like, 494 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:00,290 Speaker 1: I will be too much of a people pleaser, 495 00:24:00,579 --> 00:24:03,140 Speaker 1: I'll be very scared that like, people will be angry 496 00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:06,530 Speaker 1: at me or like my friends, like, upset that kind. Yeah. 497 00:24:06,540 --> 00:24:09,959 Speaker 1: But I think now I'm more like no, like I 498 00:24:09,969 --> 00:24:14,169 Speaker 1: want you, you don't need, it's ok. Yeah. Currently we 499 00:24:14,180 --> 00:24:16,359 Speaker 1: are still doing the table arrangement. So 500 00:24:16,689 --> 00:24:19,880 Speaker 2: you must be prepared to have your heart broken. Why 501 00:24:20,030 --> 00:24:22,159 Speaker 2: when people will be last minute, 502 00:24:22,849 --> 00:24:23,869 Speaker 2: then they are not your 503 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:24,390 Speaker 2: friends. 504 00:24:24,579 --> 00:24:27,079 Speaker 1: Ok. If bill last minute I had a friend who 505 00:24:27,810 --> 00:24:29,540 Speaker 1: work but she still transferred 506 00:24:30,239 --> 00:24:33,410 Speaker 1: and I, you know, and then I'm ok like you 507 00:24:33,420 --> 00:24:36,790 Speaker 1: didn't have to. But there some people who just like sorry, 508 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:41,310 Speaker 1: I'm just not feeling well like yeah, ok, he's ok 509 00:24:41,339 --> 00:24:43,689 Speaker 2: but people like they just no show on the day 510 00:24:43,699 --> 00:24:47,050 Speaker 2: itself then like my brother party texts like, oh hello? 511 00:24:47,060 --> 00:24:48,188 Speaker 2: Are you coming for the wedding? 512 00:24:48,709 --> 00:24:50,790 Speaker 2: Then they just never reply and then got another one 513 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:52,909 Speaker 2: and this was for like the overseas wedding. So supposed 514 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,319 Speaker 2: to be like the close close friend one. Then they 515 00:24:56,339 --> 00:24:56,849 Speaker 2: be also 516 00:24:57,030 --> 00:24:57,500 Speaker 1: I 517 00:24:57,510 --> 00:25:00,650 Speaker 1: feel like as of now we are just struggling with 518 00:25:00,660 --> 00:25:04,969 Speaker 1: how to see everybody in a table of 10 harmoniously. 519 00:25:04,979 --> 00:25:07,959 Speaker 1: Right now we have settled the family part and then 520 00:25:07,969 --> 00:25:11,670 Speaker 1: I send my my dad and he was just like, 521 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:13,650 Speaker 1: oh no, this person should sit here, this person should 522 00:25:13,660 --> 00:25:16,079 Speaker 1: sit there. Then we do again draft two. Then my 523 00:25:16,089 --> 00:25:16,770 Speaker 1: brother was like 524 00:25:16,875 --> 00:25:19,794 Speaker 1: then where are you sitting? So I put everybody 10, nice, nice. 525 00:25:20,655 --> 00:25:24,905 Speaker 1: And we forgot that both of us just like then 526 00:25:24,915 --> 00:25:26,555 Speaker 1: we took a break for one week. We didn't want 527 00:25:26,564 --> 00:25:31,275 Speaker 1: to like, how about we just stand the whole wedding 528 00:25:32,635 --> 00:25:33,655 Speaker 1: so difficult, you know, 529 00:25:33,665 --> 00:25:33,905 Speaker 2: to 530 00:25:33,915 --> 00:25:35,704 Speaker 2: be fair. They can just let the chair because you 531 00:25:35,714 --> 00:25:39,014 Speaker 2: are barely seated and barely eating. And ok, so now 532 00:25:39,025 --> 00:25:43,094 Speaker 2: right there is increasingly a trend of having like micro weddings, 533 00:25:43,104 --> 00:25:44,935 Speaker 2: weddings where you have less than 50 534 00:25:45,219 --> 00:25:45,899 Speaker 2: 50 is 535 00:25:45,910 --> 00:25:50,969 Speaker 1: very ok. Just my dad's side. 62. You close to 62. Yeah, 536 00:25:50,979 --> 00:25:52,930 Speaker 1: we all go together every year 537 00:25:54,890 --> 00:25:55,119 Speaker 2: is the 538 00:25:57,859 --> 00:26:02,859 Speaker 1: very, every day. Eat, sleep, sleep, maj sleep a big chalet. Yeah. 539 00:26:02,869 --> 00:26:07,419 Speaker 1: How many bus, some of them drive for? There's a lot. 540 00:26:07,430 --> 00:26:08,069 Speaker 1: The total 541 00:26:09,369 --> 00:26:09,468 Speaker 1: and 542 00:26:09,540 --> 00:26:11,010 Speaker 2: I had the same childhood. 543 00:26:11,209 --> 00:26:13,050 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just big 544 00:26:13,635 --> 00:26:16,265 Speaker 1: and all clothes. It's like you really want it 545 00:26:16,344 --> 00:26:24,094 Speaker 2: like, so nice. But I think micro weddings are more 546 00:26:24,104 --> 00:26:26,994 Speaker 2: popular these days because I feel like our generation care 547 00:26:27,005 --> 00:26:30,625 Speaker 2: more about our boundaries and not feeling the need to 548 00:26:30,635 --> 00:26:34,294 Speaker 2: please others. I had a micro wedding and then non 549 00:26:34,305 --> 00:26:38,224 Speaker 2: micro banquet wedding, right? The smaller wedding that was overseas 550 00:26:38,234 --> 00:26:41,265 Speaker 2: we really enjoyed like until like today, right? 551 00:26:41,630 --> 00:26:43,739 Speaker 2: 30 years of existence is the best day of my life. 552 00:26:43,750 --> 00:26:46,109 Speaker 2: It was very fun to really get to connect on 553 00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:49,129 Speaker 2: a deeper level with all your friends because as adults 554 00:26:49,140 --> 00:26:51,729 Speaker 2: you don't see, like, a lot of them as often 555 00:26:51,739 --> 00:26:53,510 Speaker 2: as you used to, some of them are secondary school 556 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:55,939 Speaker 2: friends and things like that. So that wedding process, I 557 00:26:55,949 --> 00:26:59,760 Speaker 2: feel like, really helped to deepen like those friendships or 558 00:26:59,770 --> 00:27:04,329 Speaker 2: like reignite a lot of those friendships. Then the banquet wedding, right? 559 00:27:04,339 --> 00:27:07,479 Speaker 2: It was a complete blur. Like, I wake up at 560 00:27:07,489 --> 00:27:10,430 Speaker 2: like three o'clock right. Then suddenly, like, but then it's 561 00:27:10,439 --> 00:27:11,199 Speaker 2: like 10 pm, 562 00:27:11,839 --> 00:27:14,489 Speaker 2: you look a bit sad that day. Yeah, I was 563 00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:18,280 Speaker 2: exhausted there and like, I, I didn't eat the food 564 00:27:18,290 --> 00:27:20,229 Speaker 2: so they had to and I think apparently it's like 565 00:27:20,239 --> 00:27:24,489 Speaker 2: quite a standard practice because the hotel coordinator was like, super, like, 566 00:27:24,500 --> 00:27:26,400 Speaker 2: experienced about it. Ok, you won't be able to eat. 567 00:27:26,410 --> 00:27:27,679 Speaker 2: So I'm going to put this in the warmer for 568 00:27:27,689 --> 00:27:29,500 Speaker 2: you later we sent to your room. So I think 569 00:27:29,510 --> 00:27:31,650 Speaker 2: that's also why a lot of people are leaning more 570 00:27:31,660 --> 00:27:32,290 Speaker 2: towards like, 571 00:27:32,849 --> 00:27:34,729 Speaker 2: yeah, you just want to enjoy the day. 572 00:27:34,739 --> 00:27:38,060 Speaker 1: Yeah, that was my biggest fear that, like, I will 573 00:27:38,069 --> 00:27:41,050 Speaker 1: be seeing everything at a glance from the stage and 574 00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:44,589 Speaker 1: not have any interactions with my guests when they are 575 00:27:44,599 --> 00:27:47,399 Speaker 1: there for like, my husband and I, you know what 576 00:27:47,410 --> 00:27:49,489 Speaker 1: I mean? So I didn't want it to be like 577 00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:50,760 Speaker 1: the only time I say hi to you for the 578 00:27:50,770 --> 00:27:52,550 Speaker 1: photo op and then that's it 579 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:55,729 Speaker 2: just now, I think you guys mentioned about budget and finances, right? 580 00:27:56,069 --> 00:27:59,130 Speaker 2: So reports show that an average wedding in Singapore has 581 00:27:59,140 --> 00:28:02,698 Speaker 2: an average cost of around 30,000 to 50,000. Is what 582 00:28:03,599 --> 00:28:03,688 Speaker 1: does 583 00:28:03,699 --> 00:28:03,770 Speaker 2: it 584 00:28:03,780 --> 00:28:04,219 Speaker 1: sound 585 00:28:04,229 --> 00:28:07,300 Speaker 1: where you get that money from? So funny you say 586 00:28:07,310 --> 00:28:09,780 Speaker 1: that right? Because I forgot how much we spent. So 587 00:28:09,790 --> 00:28:12,688 Speaker 1: I went to my sheets. Ok. Guess. Ok. Ok. Let's 588 00:28:12,699 --> 00:28:14,930 Speaker 1: play a game three, right? Guess. No, 589 00:28:15,010 --> 00:28:16,829 Speaker 1: no. Guess how much our friend's wedding was because that 590 00:28:16,839 --> 00:28:18,719 Speaker 1: was the only one I paid for. We booked an 591 00:28:18,729 --> 00:28:21,988 Speaker 1: event space and then had like an ice cream uncle 592 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,780 Speaker 1: tattoo person like games toys six 593 00:28:24,790 --> 00:28:25,520 Speaker 2: 0.5. 594 00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:26,750 Speaker 1: She looks so proud 595 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:27,949 Speaker 2: from lower than us 596 00:28:28,869 --> 00:28:29,649 Speaker 1: really low. Like 597 00:28:31,699 --> 00:28:33,819 Speaker 1: I'm like, ok. Ok. Seven K 598 00:28:34,439 --> 00:28:35,530 Speaker 1: 7.5. 599 00:28:37,219 --> 00:28:37,919 Speaker 2: Not that. 600 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:43,050 Speaker 1: So that's why like I heard people say 2030 I'm like, no, 601 00:28:44,650 --> 00:28:45,150 Speaker 1: no way. 602 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:50,640 Speaker 2: Every year the wedding event kit, right? Like, and this 603 00:28:50,650 --> 00:28:53,300 Speaker 2: is a sales tactic because my wedding was in October, right? 604 00:28:53,310 --> 00:28:55,979 Speaker 2: So we booked it October the year before then. The 605 00:28:55,989 --> 00:28:59,439 Speaker 2: sales people will tell me next month, November, we're gonna 606 00:28:59,449 --> 00:29:01,640 Speaker 2: start using 2023 price already. 607 00:29:02,339 --> 00:29:06,030 Speaker 2: So then they pressure you to like faster and then 608 00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:09,550 Speaker 2: the other one was next year. GST increase. So you 609 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:11,750 Speaker 2: better lock in the price now and 610 00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:13,589 Speaker 1: it's a big purchase. So, 611 00:29:13,959 --> 00:29:18,209 Speaker 2: so the GST the 1% quite was it hard to 612 00:29:18,219 --> 00:29:21,680 Speaker 2: park money aside for that? I think the thing is, right? 613 00:29:21,689 --> 00:29:25,150 Speaker 2: Like it's quite an unhealthy culture in Singapore where there 614 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:28,810 Speaker 2: is like this unspoken expectation amongst a lot of people, right? 615 00:29:28,819 --> 00:29:29,229 Speaker 2: That like 616 00:29:29,540 --> 00:29:31,680 Speaker 2: never mind, I just host the banquet cause like on 617 00:29:31,869 --> 00:29:34,369 Speaker 2: power cover. But the way that like just and I 618 00:29:34,380 --> 00:29:36,479 Speaker 2: saw it was that like I invite you because like 619 00:29:36,689 --> 00:29:39,420 Speaker 2: I want you there for my wedding. So if you 620 00:29:39,430 --> 00:29:42,489 Speaker 2: cover great, if you don't cover, it's OK because like 621 00:29:42,500 --> 00:29:44,569 Speaker 2: ultimately the people that I have in my wedding are 622 00:29:44,579 --> 00:29:45,449 Speaker 2: the people that like, 623 00:29:45,849 --> 00:29:47,609 Speaker 2: I trust that they will want the best for us. 624 00:29:47,619 --> 00:29:51,150 Speaker 2: But then you don't know what sort of personal circumstances 625 00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:53,170 Speaker 2: people are going through and things like that. So I 626 00:29:53,180 --> 00:29:56,160 Speaker 2: went to check recently because I attended a wedding. It's 627 00:29:56,170 --> 00:30:00,209 Speaker 2: like nearly 300 bucks for like to cover one seat there. Yeah, 628 00:30:00,219 --> 00:30:04,609 Speaker 2: there's not, there was one week I attended three weddings, 629 00:30:04,619 --> 00:30:05,540 Speaker 2: one k gone 630 00:30:07,430 --> 00:30:10,000 Speaker 2: take my money. Yeah. So I feel like this whole 631 00:30:10,010 --> 00:30:14,560 Speaker 2: industry really there is something fundamentally wrong. But then again, 632 00:30:14,569 --> 00:30:17,599 Speaker 2: the package really not bad. Like because after that, you 633 00:30:17,609 --> 00:30:19,420 Speaker 2: got a lot of hotel points and you wish you 634 00:30:19,430 --> 00:30:22,130 Speaker 2: wish salesperson from which hotel got credit card miles 635 00:30:23,170 --> 00:30:26,119 Speaker 1: you strategize when it comes to like every 636 00:30:26,130 --> 00:30:28,479 Speaker 2: month, go to the hotel to tap like five card 637 00:30:28,855 --> 00:30:31,296 Speaker 2: when it comes to like payments, right? Do you usually 638 00:30:31,306 --> 00:30:35,036 Speaker 2: split 5050 with your partner? I think there's no fixed 639 00:30:35,046 --> 00:30:37,456 Speaker 2: rule but for like just and I was like, I 640 00:30:37,465 --> 00:30:40,895 Speaker 2: paid for everything. But then I, then I just keep well, 641 00:30:40,906 --> 00:30:43,656 Speaker 2: then if it covers, it covers, if it doesn't cover 642 00:30:43,666 --> 00:30:45,046 Speaker 2: its money, I don't mind spending. 643 00:30:45,056 --> 00:30:47,645 Speaker 1: I mean, for us at the time Charlie was still 644 00:30:47,656 --> 00:30:50,715 Speaker 1: on his student visa so he couldn't 645 00:30:50,812 --> 00:30:53,621 Speaker 1: work. So I paid for everything first. And then we 646 00:30:53,631 --> 00:30:57,761 Speaker 1: just agreed that when the uncle money came, we pay 647 00:30:57,771 --> 00:31:00,312 Speaker 1: me back first. Then the rest we split. I'm 5050 648 00:31:00,322 --> 00:31:03,151 Speaker 1: but I've heard of friends who, so there's a significant 649 00:31:03,161 --> 00:31:05,232 Speaker 1: gap in how much they earn, right? So they do 650 00:31:05,241 --> 00:31:08,972 Speaker 1: by percentage which is quite cool. So yeah, I think 651 00:31:08,982 --> 00:31:09,712 Speaker 1: that's fair. 652 00:31:09,791 --> 00:31:12,631 Speaker 2: How can couples prepare for the wedding 653 00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:17,880 Speaker 2: without going through too much conflict? Are there sources out 654 00:31:17,890 --> 00:31:20,170 Speaker 2: there that can help you? For example, Telegram chats Jess 655 00:31:20,180 --> 00:31:23,660 Speaker 2: was inside this telegram chat. Then I remember that like 656 00:31:23,939 --> 00:31:26,930 Speaker 2: I was having quite an unpleasant experience with a very 657 00:31:26,939 --> 00:31:31,479 Speaker 2: non responsive like our Singapore wedding, the hotel coordinator very 658 00:31:31,489 --> 00:31:34,810 Speaker 2: responsive until I put deposit. Then after that not responsive 659 00:31:35,449 --> 00:31:39,479 Speaker 2: then got people like bitching about her in the telegram chat, 660 00:31:39,959 --> 00:31:43,270 Speaker 2: anybody deal with. So and so from this hotel struggling 661 00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:44,670 Speaker 2: to get hold of them then got a few people 662 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:46,599 Speaker 2: reply like yeah, she's like that. 663 00:31:47,609 --> 00:31:50,250 Speaker 2: And this group chat got like thousands of people inside 664 00:31:50,699 --> 00:31:53,709 Speaker 2: this one, a glass door. But then yeah, so but 665 00:31:53,719 --> 00:31:55,550 Speaker 2: it ended up being very useful because like 666 00:31:55,859 --> 00:32:00,250 Speaker 2: aside from the beach and like like therapeutic feeling of, oh, 667 00:32:00,260 --> 00:32:03,319 Speaker 2: this is a shared experience. There were a lot of 668 00:32:03,329 --> 00:32:05,640 Speaker 2: people like letting go second hand things because they use 669 00:32:05,650 --> 00:32:09,479 Speaker 2: one only like props, decoration and things like that. How 670 00:32:09,489 --> 00:32:09,829 Speaker 2: about you? 671 00:32:09,930 --> 00:32:12,180 Speaker 1: We are just not planners. So we got a wedding 672 00:32:12,189 --> 00:32:15,000 Speaker 1: planner and that has been super helpful. So I think 673 00:32:15,010 --> 00:32:18,670 Speaker 1: when we started planning the wedding, it gets to you 674 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,800 Speaker 1: when the goal is so big. And so 675 00:32:21,704 --> 00:32:25,145 Speaker 1: and you don't have like little milestones to yourself and 676 00:32:25,155 --> 00:32:27,594 Speaker 1: that's what a wedding planner does for you. Yeah, so 677 00:32:27,604 --> 00:32:30,214 Speaker 1: which to us it doesn't feel like oh God, you 678 00:32:30,244 --> 00:32:32,334 Speaker 1: plan for a wedding. It's more like, ok, I just 679 00:32:32,344 --> 00:32:33,875 Speaker 1: need to sign this then next week I need to 680 00:32:33,885 --> 00:32:36,805 Speaker 1: do this because I'm a planner and I know Charlie's 681 00:32:36,814 --> 00:32:40,944 Speaker 1: not planner. So it was just the fact of like 682 00:32:40,954 --> 00:32:43,535 Speaker 1: communicating that and I'll be like, ok, I know you 683 00:32:43,555 --> 00:32:45,755 Speaker 1: are not gonna plan. So 684 00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,719 Speaker 1: whatever I tell you to do, you just do OK, OK, 685 00:32:48,729 --> 00:32:51,579 Speaker 1: then any time I felt like I was doing something 686 00:32:51,589 --> 00:32:53,010 Speaker 1: I didn't want to do, then we will have to 687 00:32:53,020 --> 00:32:55,050 Speaker 1: talk about it and be like, is this necessary because 688 00:32:55,060 --> 00:32:57,569 Speaker 1: it's causing more grief or be like, can you go 689 00:32:57,579 --> 00:32:59,829 Speaker 1: and text this person? Just say this is this. Yeah, 690 00:32:59,839 --> 00:33:02,979 Speaker 1: and delegating friends like that is really one thing that 691 00:33:03,979 --> 00:33:06,739 Speaker 1: I really felt like I don't want to burden my friends, 692 00:33:06,910 --> 00:33:10,329 Speaker 1: but I also realized that they were more than willing 693 00:33:10,339 --> 00:33:11,910 Speaker 1: and they wanted to be a part of this day 694 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,729 Speaker 1: with me. I don't like making use of people. So 695 00:33:14,739 --> 00:33:17,189 Speaker 1: I just kept feeling like I was but it was 696 00:33:17,199 --> 00:33:18,550 Speaker 1: little task that my friends were like, oh my God, 697 00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:20,890 Speaker 1: I really want to do this. So simple, things like that. 698 00:33:20,900 --> 00:33:22,689 Speaker 1: I don't need to be there for pick up the donuts. 699 00:33:22,699 --> 00:33:24,619 Speaker 1: Like we didn't have a cake. We just built like 700 00:33:24,630 --> 00:33:27,280 Speaker 1: a crispy Cream Tower Excel Sheet. Saved my life. All 701 00:33:27,290 --> 00:33:28,349 Speaker 1: the types of expenses 702 00:33:28,974 --> 00:33:31,275 Speaker 1: and like timeline everything was on the Excel Sheet. I 703 00:33:31,285 --> 00:33:33,655 Speaker 1: made it shared. So I just told Charlie ever, you 704 00:33:33,665 --> 00:33:37,175 Speaker 1: don't ask me, you just look at the Excel Sheet, correct? 705 00:33:38,025 --> 00:33:41,255 Speaker 2: I feel like he wasn't as involved and that could 706 00:33:41,265 --> 00:33:43,444 Speaker 2: potentially make you feel a little bit 707 00:33:43,454 --> 00:33:43,954 Speaker 2: upset. 708 00:33:43,964 --> 00:33:46,295 Speaker 1: It was a bit unique because it was mostly my 709 00:33:46,305 --> 00:33:49,094 Speaker 1: friends like he didn't want to get his friends to 710 00:33:49,104 --> 00:33:50,854 Speaker 1: fly also. He was like, he's so true that he's 711 00:33:50,864 --> 00:33:53,165 Speaker 1: I don't want my friends here. Oh, ok. Then 712 00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:56,510 Speaker 1: then technically why is he planning for a wedding that 713 00:33:56,589 --> 00:33:58,640 Speaker 1: none of his friends are going to be there for? So, 714 00:33:58,650 --> 00:34:01,540 Speaker 1: you know, I think it's very normal for couples to 715 00:34:01,550 --> 00:34:02,290 Speaker 1: feel like 716 00:34:03,189 --> 00:34:05,829 Speaker 1: like I'm doing more than you both of you, right? 717 00:34:05,839 --> 00:34:10,399 Speaker 1: You have different strengths. So for example, Sean is actually 718 00:34:10,409 --> 00:34:13,040 Speaker 1: also not good at the paperwork stuff, but he does 719 00:34:13,050 --> 00:34:15,580 Speaker 1: that then for me that I'll go and do like 720 00:34:15,590 --> 00:34:18,439 Speaker 1: the rest of the things then don't, don't think that 721 00:34:18,449 --> 00:34:21,419 Speaker 1: the other party is not doing something. And plus with 722 00:34:21,429 --> 00:34:25,310 Speaker 1: work and you're just tired, like, mentally exhausted. So it's 723 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:28,459 Speaker 1: super easy to be, like, super short views, especially 724 00:34:28,790 --> 00:34:30,560 Speaker 1: when you're settling so many things. Right in your house 725 00:34:30,570 --> 00:34:32,840 Speaker 1: is so messy. It's just like, oh, my God. Oh, 726 00:34:32,860 --> 00:34:33,600 Speaker 1: my God. 727 00:34:33,750 --> 00:34:36,189 Speaker 2: Especially if you had a rough day or so. Yeah, 728 00:34:36,199 --> 00:34:38,049 Speaker 2: since you're talking about that. Right. 729 00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:42,179 Speaker 2: What do you do when negative emotions arise? Because a 730 00:34:42,189 --> 00:34:44,810 Speaker 2: lot of people have told me before that actually the 731 00:34:44,820 --> 00:34:48,229 Speaker 2: wedding planning part, right sucks. Yeah. It is the worst 732 00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:51,000 Speaker 2: face ever and it might trigger a lot of emotions 733 00:34:51,010 --> 00:34:52,610 Speaker 2: that to the point that you might want to split up, 734 00:34:52,639 --> 00:34:56,860 Speaker 2: you know. But, but my hot take, right? Is that 735 00:34:56,870 --> 00:35:00,379 Speaker 2: wedding planning is overly romanticized. It's a process that is 736 00:35:00,389 --> 00:35:02,860 Speaker 2: being put on a pedestal, right? That like, 737 00:35:03,129 --> 00:35:06,340 Speaker 2: oh it's so romantic like we are planning for our 738 00:35:06,350 --> 00:35:08,770 Speaker 2: big day. We need to enjoy this process. We need 739 00:35:08,780 --> 00:35:11,270 Speaker 2: to do it together. We both need to be like 740 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,729 Speaker 2: equally involved and things like that. But to me it's 741 00:35:13,739 --> 00:35:16,830 Speaker 2: like you need to separate that wedding planning and the 742 00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:19,529 Speaker 2: wedding wedding I will enjoy and like that was the 743 00:35:19,540 --> 00:35:22,069 Speaker 2: best thing of my life. But then the planning, there's 744 00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:24,040 Speaker 2: no need for it as long as it gets done, 745 00:35:24,050 --> 00:35:24,060 Speaker 1: I 746 00:35:24,070 --> 00:35:28,389 Speaker 1: feel like for me, I learned to keep quiet first 747 00:35:30,810 --> 00:35:33,300 Speaker 1: because sometimes when I'm short feels I can be a 748 00:35:33,310 --> 00:35:39,069 Speaker 1: bit sarcastic and that time was very late. Then. Then 749 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,629 Speaker 1: I think when he saw the house was so messy, 750 00:35:41,639 --> 00:35:44,659 Speaker 1: he just like, you never clear the p then like 751 00:35:44,669 --> 00:35:48,139 Speaker 1: the peace then is like from Tuesday or something like that. 752 00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:49,129 Speaker 1: I was just like, 753 00:35:50,129 --> 00:35:53,750 Speaker 1: I should have kept my mouth shut but I went 754 00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:55,639 Speaker 1: for it and it was not great. 755 00:35:55,850 --> 00:35:56,030 Speaker 2: What you 756 00:35:56,070 --> 00:35:57,139 Speaker 2: say, what is it? What is it? I 757 00:35:57,149 --> 00:35:58,909 Speaker 1: just say, you think I am very free the whole day. 758 00:35:58,919 --> 00:36:00,889 Speaker 1: I don't need to work. And I just say the 759 00:36:00,899 --> 00:36:02,879 Speaker 1: peace team was too weird. How can you be from you? 760 00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:08,629 Speaker 1: I just like, I'm not a housewife. I'm like many things. 761 00:36:08,649 --> 00:36:12,060 Speaker 1: So he was communicating like what he's expecting but he's 762 00:36:12,070 --> 00:36:14,850 Speaker 1: not getting like, maybe that's not his intention of saying like, 763 00:36:14,860 --> 00:36:16,649 Speaker 1: you never do anything. But I think that day I 764 00:36:16,659 --> 00:36:18,659 Speaker 1: was just like, wow, I, 765 00:36:18,780 --> 00:36:21,489 Speaker 1: I work the whole day. I was like really, really tired. 766 00:36:21,689 --> 00:36:25,379 Speaker 1: I think couples who usually quarrel to them until they 767 00:36:25,389 --> 00:36:28,350 Speaker 1: split up, right? Is really because they really have underlying 768 00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:33,340 Speaker 1: issues and this amplifies when you are like super tired, 769 00:36:33,350 --> 00:36:35,229 Speaker 1: you have so many things to do. Your working styles 770 00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:40,299 Speaker 1: are different. So that arises actually, right? The wedding planning 771 00:36:40,310 --> 00:36:42,759 Speaker 1: can really bring out a side of your partner that 772 00:36:42,770 --> 00:36:44,799 Speaker 1: you've never seen before. Like if she 773 00:36:44,909 --> 00:36:49,080 Speaker 1: the bright Zilla and you realize, oh my God, I 774 00:36:49,090 --> 00:36:51,409 Speaker 1: cannot deal with this. You know, I mean, because there 775 00:36:51,419 --> 00:36:54,290 Speaker 1: are some people who don't mind it. Ok, great. She's 776 00:36:54,300 --> 00:36:56,179 Speaker 1: taking charge of it. She wants it that way. Go 777 00:36:56,189 --> 00:36:57,870 Speaker 1: for her. She knows what she wants. But if you 778 00:36:57,879 --> 00:36:59,830 Speaker 1: are very chill and you don't care and someone is 779 00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:03,530 Speaker 1: so uptight and like needs it to be this way 780 00:37:03,679 --> 00:37:06,139 Speaker 1: or the highway, then you're like, I cannot do this 781 00:37:06,149 --> 00:37:06,870 Speaker 1: for rest of my life. But 782 00:37:06,879 --> 00:37:06,909 Speaker 2: at 783 00:37:06,919 --> 00:37:09,649 Speaker 2: the same time, I feel like, ok, so if for example, 784 00:37:09,659 --> 00:37:10,639 Speaker 2: the bride is a bright zilla 785 00:37:11,270 --> 00:37:14,399 Speaker 2: or the bright is a certain way like that can 786 00:37:14,409 --> 00:37:18,620 Speaker 2: be quite difficult to deal with. Then as your partner, right? 787 00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:21,219 Speaker 2: I should already know all of these things about you 788 00:37:22,070 --> 00:37:24,659 Speaker 2: and I should already know what is the best way 789 00:37:24,669 --> 00:37:27,939 Speaker 2: for me to complement your behavior during this process. So 790 00:37:27,949 --> 00:37:30,399 Speaker 2: you cannot just be like the guy putting the blame 791 00:37:30,409 --> 00:37:35,339 Speaker 2: like crazy. Yeah, you need to, I mean your team. 792 00:37:35,399 --> 00:37:37,370 Speaker 2: So you need to be able to go in there 793 00:37:37,379 --> 00:37:38,260 Speaker 2: and help to 794 00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:40,340 Speaker 2: like navigate the crazy. 795 00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:44,500 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not bad guys, green flag. But I feel 796 00:37:44,510 --> 00:37:46,699 Speaker 1: like another reason why couples end up 797 00:37:47,149 --> 00:37:50,839 Speaker 1: having this like friction is because all their conversations revolve 798 00:37:50,850 --> 00:37:53,850 Speaker 1: around the things that they are not happy about like 799 00:37:53,860 --> 00:37:56,199 Speaker 1: every time they sit down in bed, right? When you 800 00:37:56,209 --> 00:37:58,020 Speaker 1: can talk about your day, the good things you only 801 00:37:58,030 --> 00:38:00,310 Speaker 1: talk about. Have you contacted this person? Have everybody was 802 00:38:00,340 --> 00:38:04,359 Speaker 1: not like every conversation revolves around the wedding or the planning, 803 00:38:04,370 --> 00:38:08,320 Speaker 1: then they forget to celebrate like the actual relationship. 804 00:38:08,330 --> 00:38:11,218 Speaker 2: So based on your personal experiences, right? What is one 805 00:38:11,229 --> 00:38:13,609 Speaker 2: take away that you can share with our audience? Mine, 806 00:38:13,620 --> 00:38:16,360 Speaker 2: very practical. You must max out the miles 807 00:38:17,620 --> 00:38:21,120 Speaker 2: like I put it out there. I have redeemed like 808 00:38:21,189 --> 00:38:24,489 Speaker 2: five business class tickets from my wedding mouse alone. Help 809 00:38:24,500 --> 00:38:24,969 Speaker 1: me 810 00:38:27,250 --> 00:38:31,169 Speaker 1: be open to listen to both your parents and your 811 00:38:31,179 --> 00:38:34,389 Speaker 1: partner first. Before you make a decision, I think it's 812 00:38:34,399 --> 00:38:37,989 Speaker 1: very easy to lose sight of the true purpose of 813 00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,319 Speaker 1: the event, which is to celebrate the union of you 814 00:38:40,330 --> 00:38:43,590 Speaker 1: and your partner. And once you make decisions that you 815 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,600 Speaker 1: or your partner feel uncomfortable with that is like a 816 00:38:46,870 --> 00:38:48,780 Speaker 1: like sign that maybe you need to take a step 817 00:38:48,790 --> 00:38:50,889 Speaker 1: back and re evaluate because you should never make a 818 00:38:50,899 --> 00:38:51,509 Speaker 1: decision 819 00:38:51,929 --> 00:38:54,840 Speaker 1: like truly based on other people and then you sacrifice 820 00:38:54,850 --> 00:38:56,719 Speaker 1: your happiness for that day. You want to look back 821 00:38:56,729 --> 00:39:00,310 Speaker 1: on that day and have happy memories. So after all 822 00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,570 Speaker 1: that we've said, I think it's important to remember that 823 00:39:02,580 --> 00:39:05,629 Speaker 1: every couple is different. We all come from different circumstances 824 00:39:05,639 --> 00:39:08,959 Speaker 1: and all have very different expectations too. It's very easy 825 00:39:08,969 --> 00:39:10,620 Speaker 1: to see something online and be like, 826 00:39:10,889 --> 00:39:13,189 Speaker 1: I want that now as long as that they truly 827 00:39:13,199 --> 00:39:15,409 Speaker 1: celebrates who you and your partner are. I think that's 828 00:39:15,419 --> 00:39:18,010 Speaker 1: all that matters. And every night we say is our 829 00:39:18,020 --> 00:39:21,560 Speaker 1: opinion and it's purely anecdotal. So take what you will 830 00:39:21,570 --> 00:39:24,189 Speaker 1: from it, whatever works you take, whatever doesn't work, which 831 00:39:24,199 --> 00:39:26,020 Speaker 1: is what makes it then don't need to take except 832 00:39:26,030 --> 00:39:26,819 Speaker 1: the mouse, but they don't 833 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:27,600 Speaker 2: take quite 834 00:39:27,989 --> 00:39:28,000 Speaker 1: a 835 00:39:29,169 --> 00:39:30,000 Speaker 1: lot. 836 00:39:31,570 --> 00:39:33,370 Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us on the hot pot. You 837 00:39:33,379 --> 00:39:36,149 Speaker 1: can also listen to us on Spotify Apple podcast and 838 00:39:36,159 --> 00:39:37,159 Speaker 1: me listen and 839 00:39:37,169 --> 00:39:39,259 Speaker 2: subscribe to our channel if you haven't already and if 840 00:39:39,270 --> 00:39:43,739 Speaker 2: you have any interesting wedding planning stories as well, let 841 00:39:43,750 --> 00:39:45,169 Speaker 2: us know in the comments down 842 00:39:45,179 --> 00:39:45,540 Speaker 2: below 843 00:39:45,550 --> 00:39:48,279 Speaker 1: and thank you so much to our beautiful guest, Xenia. 844 00:39:49,780 --> 00:39:52,419 Speaker 1: I'm so excited to see your wedding. Like videos and 845 00:39:52,429 --> 00:39:54,300 Speaker 1: photos stress. 846 00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:57,060 Speaker 2: Is it your dress is going to be the hot 847 00:39:57,070 --> 00:39:58,330 Speaker 2: cheeky lace kind 848 00:39:59,790 --> 00:40:01,870 Speaker 1: and we'll see you on the next episode. 849 00:40:03,469 --> 00:40:07,010 Speaker 2: My, my Australia one was a micro wedding. Yeah. Yeah. 850 00:40:07,229 --> 00:40:10,870 Speaker 2: Yours is definitely micro but I think that's on the 851 00:40:13,919 --> 00:40:14,790 Speaker 1: definitely 852 00:40:15,419 --> 00:40:15,540 Speaker 2: I 853 00:40:15,550 --> 00:40:15,889 Speaker 1: did 854 00:40:15,899 --> 00:40:16,699 Speaker 2: not mean 855 00:40:16,709 --> 00:40:17,939 Speaker 1: what I said 856 00:40:17,949 --> 00:40:18,799 Speaker 2: that way.