WEBVTT - Protective or possessive? — The invisible line in relationships 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:03.770 Hey, it's Sonia. Welcome to another episode of Men explain 0:00:03.780 --> 0:00:08.060 is gonna be an interesting one today. 0:00:13.039 --> 0:00:15.520 I have a special guest here with me and he's 0:00:15.520 --> 0:00:18.060 also a friend. We used to drink together a lot. 0:00:18.060 --> 0:00:21.670 His name is Edwin. Hi everyone. I'm Edwin, I'm an actor. 0:00:21.680 --> 0:00:26.590 So recently I've been busy filming per usual and actually 0:00:26.590 --> 0:00:29.750 we were supposed to meet last month and the month before, 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:32.650 but because we were so busy, so we arranged this 0:00:32.650 --> 0:00:35.710 program to meet up basically. Yes, this is our catch 0:00:35.710 --> 0:00:38.360 up session, but today's topic is quite juicy. 0:00:39.140 --> 0:00:42.840 Okay. It's two words that I feel sometimes there would 0:00:42.840 --> 0:00:46.140 be a bit of like lion's blood in between of 0:00:46.140 --> 0:00:50.140 being possessive or protective. How did you meet your girlfriend again? 0:00:50.140 --> 0:00:52.440 Can you share with our, Okay. So we met at 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:56.320 this party branch party and I saw her and you're like, 0:00:56.320 --> 0:00:59.740 damn girl! I got to talk to her. So after 0:00:59.750 --> 0:01:02.560 some liquid courage, I decided to 0:01:02.640 --> 0:01:06.550 talk to her. He means two bottles of champagne. Probably. Yeah. 0:01:06.550 --> 0:01:08.120 I mean I tried to talk to her, I have 0:01:08.120 --> 0:01:10.209 sort of like the lines I want to say, but 0:01:10.209 --> 0:01:12.700 when I met her, like I just couldn't remember any, 0:01:12.709 --> 0:01:14.740 what were the lines that you prepared? I just want 0:01:14.740 --> 0:01:18.569 to know? Hey, how do I find you beautiful? Like 0:01:18.580 --> 0:01:21.230 I'm so cheesy. And what did you, what did you say? 0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:24.660 Do you want to be friends? You say you want 0:01:24.660 --> 0:01:27.839 to be friends? Oh yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. And 0:01:27.840 --> 0:01:32.490 to that. She said okay. Yeah. With a huge question mark. 0:01:32.500 --> 0:01:35.140 Oh my gosh, but I'm sure you got lost in 0:01:35.140 --> 0:01:39.050 her like eyes already. Yeah. Yeah. How long did it 0:01:39.050 --> 0:01:41.660 take for you to I don't know, ask her out 0:01:41.660 --> 0:01:44.050 or go for your first official date and stuff like that. 0:01:44.060 --> 0:01:45.260 It was actually about 0:01:45.740 --> 0:01:48.820 close to two months through text. We found out that 0:01:48.820 --> 0:01:50.940 we kind of get along and we click you know 0:01:50.940 --> 0:01:54.320 you also traveled I think actually because she's not local 0:01:54.330 --> 0:01:59.010 so we actually met in bali surprisingly we could understand 0:01:59.010 --> 0:02:02.560 each other's working schedule and how busy we can get. 0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:05.320 Is that one of the reasons why things clicked? Because 0:02:05.320 --> 0:02:05.850 I think 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:09.190 in previous experiences we may have dated people that don't 0:02:09.190 --> 0:02:12.179 really understand the nature of our job and it doesn't 0:02:12.180 --> 0:02:14.660 mean that the person has to be in the same industry. 0:02:14.660 --> 0:02:17.430 It can just be someone who is willing to learn 0:02:17.430 --> 0:02:21.160 more about understand understand more the nature of the job, 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:24.030 the people that we meet and the irregular timings that 0:02:24.040 --> 0:02:25.260 we work, we heard of like 0:02:25.540 --> 0:02:26.560 opposites attract 0:02:26.639 --> 0:02:30.970 right? But I've come to know that actually similarities do 0:02:30.980 --> 0:02:37.030 play a larger part. Yeah. If you guys share similar hobbies. Yeah, 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:40.460 you can you can click together easier two years. It's 0:02:40.470 --> 0:02:42.970 not very long period of time but it's enough time 0:02:42.970 --> 0:02:45.530 for us to work out differences apart a few years 0:02:45.530 --> 0:02:46.460 ago and 0:02:46.740 --> 0:02:49.600 my mindset now will be different. Like when we look 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:51.660 for a partner, we want to look for someone 0:02:51.940 --> 0:02:53.950 for long term. Like someone I could 0:02:54.540 --> 0:02:56.760 I see life with, I think we saw each other 0:02:56.760 --> 0:03:00.230 through some weird stuff as well at one point in time, right? 0:03:00.230 --> 0:03:02.750 You know, so when it comes to relationships, there's always 0:03:02.750 --> 0:03:05.320 that question about boundaries and you know, whether or not 0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:09.250 you have a partner that is being, you know, understanding 0:03:09.250 --> 0:03:13.010 and understanding that all crossing that sometimes, have you ever 0:03:13.010 --> 0:03:14.060 had 0:03:14.340 --> 0:03:17.549 partner or were you the person in the relationship that 0:03:17.740 --> 0:03:21.020 might have gotten a bit too overbearing or possessive? Well, 0:03:21.020 --> 0:03:24.060 I think like boundaries do need to be crossed too, 0:03:24.440 --> 0:03:27.160 realize like, oh, that's your boundary, you know? 0:03:27.540 --> 0:03:31.930 So since young, every time I work after work, I'll 0:03:31.930 --> 0:03:34.709 have some time to myself to the structure and just 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:37.980 chill and clear my mind and reset for the next day. 0:03:37.990 --> 0:03:42.210 But there was this relationship that the the longest relationship 0:03:42.210 --> 0:03:44.060 I've had at the 0:03:44.840 --> 0:03:49.010 sort of initial phase, um my partner could understand the 0:03:49.020 --> 0:03:53.030 initial phase of your career, of the relationship of the relationship. Okay. 0:03:53.040 --> 0:03:56.440 And sort of my career, right? Yeah, that crisscrosses, so 0:03:56.440 --> 0:03:59.550 I needed my own space, but she couldn't understand why 0:03:59.560 --> 0:04:01.580 did that sort of set her off when she triggered 0:04:01.580 --> 0:04:03.430 that she was a bit triggered. It came to a 0:04:03.430 --> 0:04:04.160 point where 0:04:04.540 --> 0:04:06.360 it was like, also if 0:04:06.840 --> 0:04:09.020 when we are married, you need alone time, you're just 0:04:09.020 --> 0:04:12.190 going to go somewhere and not come home, and I'm like, 0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:14.850 and back then I didn't really know how to convey 0:04:15.240 --> 0:04:18.440 my thoughts, feelings, Yeah, these feelings like like this what 0:04:18.440 --> 0:04:19.460 I'm telling you now, 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:23.300 I just kind of sucked it up and you just 0:04:23.300 --> 0:04:25.550 decided to stick with it and so we can give 0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:27.359 in kind of Yeah, but I mean 0:04:28.040 --> 0:04:32.000 over time I felt like I wasn't truly being myself. 0:04:32.010 --> 0:04:34.659 I think it's the kind of situation where you change 0:04:34.660 --> 0:04:37.400 too much of yourself that you don't recognize yourself anymore 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:40.719 to some extent. You're trying to compromise to some extent, 0:04:40.720 --> 0:04:44.870 understand her. And also like for me personally, I love 0:04:44.870 --> 0:04:46.460 spending time with my friends. 0:04:46.540 --> 0:04:48.900 Ah Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:04:49.240 --> 0:04:51.250 The best of both worlds to be, 0:04:51.640 --> 0:04:53.969 if my partner can hang out with my friends, everyone 0:04:53.970 --> 0:04:56.890 have fun together. But I mean if if like the 0:04:56.890 --> 0:05:00.029 lines are clear, it's okay as well, like some people 0:05:00.029 --> 0:05:03.370 could have a healthy relationship while it's not making friends 0:05:03.370 --> 0:05:06.349 with each other's friends. Yeah, of course the ideal is 0:05:06.350 --> 0:05:10.050 like everyone has told me that it's really important. Yes agree. 0:05:10.060 --> 0:05:12.670 Did you ever have an X Or were you the 0:05:12.670 --> 0:05:16.180 person that has ever been not okay with your partner 0:05:16.180 --> 0:05:17.050 having like 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:21.000 friends of the opposite sex or attractive friends or wherever, 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:24.300 maybe have you found yourself in that position before? There 0:05:24.310 --> 0:05:28.469 is especially, it was quite complicated because her senior in 0:05:28.470 --> 0:05:30.560 school and her used to have a thing. 0:05:31.440 --> 0:05:34.390 I mean I was insecure and therefore it resulted me 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:37.540 like being a bit controlling like okay, you don't stay 0:05:37.540 --> 0:05:42.210 too long, okay, like can I be there, okay, can 0:05:42.210 --> 0:05:44.800 I be there? Or like, I felt a bit better after, 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:48.740 she sort of assured me there's nothing and they're not 0:05:48.740 --> 0:05:50.960 even friends anymore, they're not even talking 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:52.460 terms Yeah, 0:05:52.839 --> 0:05:55.529 so then now that you are obviously you're quite seasoned 0:05:55.529 --> 0:05:57.359 and you've been doing so many shows and you're more 0:05:57.360 --> 0:06:00.380 in the public eye now, more than ever um was 0:06:00.380 --> 0:06:04.159 dating kind of challenging for you because I mean for me, 0:06:04.160 --> 0:06:06.570 I can share my experiences with you later on as well, 0:06:06.570 --> 0:06:08.219 and I'm sure you know, some of them, because you've 0:06:08.220 --> 0:06:08.760 actually met 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:13.880 some of them already, one of them was actually insecure 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:14.550 about you. 0:06:15.140 --> 0:06:21.779 Yeah, yeah, I don't know if you can get but yeah, 0:06:21.779 --> 0:06:23.560 I'm sure you will guess, guess it later on, no 0:06:23.560 --> 0:06:26.420 hard feelings all, no hard feelings, I think it's because 0:06:26.430 --> 0:06:28.670 the nature of the job in the industry and they're like, oh, 0:06:28.670 --> 0:06:32.170 you know, you're around all these other eye looking people, 0:06:32.170 --> 0:06:34.460 like part of why my 0:06:34.820 --> 0:06:35.960 girlfriend and I 0:06:36.140 --> 0:06:36.440 no 0:06:37.339 --> 0:06:41.560 able to understand each other's job scope because like, let's 0:06:41.560 --> 0:06:44.260 say in the show, I have to 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:46.820 date a girl, I have to like marry a girl, 0:06:46.820 --> 0:06:50.920 have to kiss a girl, thankfully hasn't happened. Our local 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:57.900 scene is quite PG Yeah, you know, there's no tongue. Yeah, yeah, 0:06:57.910 --> 0:07:02.570 but you know, I think from someone in a very 0:07:02.570 --> 0:07:03.560 different industry, 0:07:04.040 --> 0:07:07.060 it's very hard for them to fathom, like how 0:07:07.540 --> 0:07:11.450 is that going to be a professional offscreen onscreen? you 0:07:11.450 --> 0:07:15.200 have no feelings after, right, have you ever felt insecure 0:07:15.200 --> 0:07:18.230 about her, your current girlfriend? Because I mean she's a 0:07:18.230 --> 0:07:21.470 beautiful girl. Have you ever felt like, oh my God, 0:07:21.470 --> 0:07:24.120 I don't know man, like this girl, she has like 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:27.050 a Brazilian suitors out there, like why is she going 0:07:27.050 --> 0:07:29.900 to pick me? Have you ever felt that way? Definitely, definitely. 0:07:29.910 --> 0:07:30.760 But 0:07:31.540 --> 0:07:32.260 I think 0:07:32.840 --> 0:07:36.280 not meeting each other for nine months and still being 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:40.360 able to keep the relationship strong has proved 0:07:41.040 --> 0:07:43.920 significant point in both of us that the foundation is 0:07:43.940 --> 0:07:47.250 the foundation is there and even if you're separated 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:50.520 you would still commit, you're still committing to this. Really? 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:52.550 That's actually fantastic because this is the first time you 0:07:52.550 --> 0:07:55.640 did a long distance thing first time ever, I've never 0:07:55.640 --> 0:07:57.110 done long distance, so I don't know how that feels 0:07:57.110 --> 0:08:02.400 like it must be nerve racking Yeah, and you might go, 0:08:02.400 --> 0:08:05.050 you might drive yourself nuts thinking like speculating what could 0:08:05.060 --> 0:08:09.700 be going on and especially for instagram, a lot of 0:08:09.700 --> 0:08:14.450 it is to promote our work or update our lives dish, 0:08:14.450 --> 0:08:17.860 but most of the time if I have to um 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:20.620 you know, let's say post a photo of hauling and 0:08:20.620 --> 0:08:23.890 I getting married, right, you know, and if she's all 0:08:23.890 --> 0:08:26.000 the way back in Ukraine, she'll be like, what the 0:08:26.010 --> 0:08:30.100 hell is this? And thankfully she's met humbling and yeah, 0:08:30.110 --> 0:08:32.550 and they have um she has a mutual understanding what's 0:08:32.550 --> 0:08:34.250 going on and she knows what, 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:36.969 well speaking of instagram, since we're on that note right 0:08:36.970 --> 0:08:40.160 now you obviously post a lot more pictures 0:08:40.240 --> 0:08:43.530 from what we noticed and our stock courage producers that 0:08:43.530 --> 0:08:47.949 also got all up in Edwin's business just before this episode. 0:08:48.040 --> 0:08:50.390 But naturally, no, we've been following each other for a 0:08:50.390 --> 0:08:52.550 while and you post a lot about your relationship, which 0:08:52.550 --> 0:08:55.309 is very nice, very refreshing. I just don't feel like 0:08:55.309 --> 0:08:58.929 there is no need to hide. Yeah, when it comes 0:08:58.929 --> 0:09:01.390 like it's something fun we're doing together and then we 0:09:01.390 --> 0:09:04.760 just posted up and share the joy. Nice. Yeah. But 0:09:04.770 --> 0:09:08.530 is this then different from you previously, would you have 0:09:08.530 --> 0:09:11.809 posted less about your relationships in the past? Actually I 0:09:11.820 --> 0:09:16.130 didn't post anything lesser. Yeah, but I mean I start 0:09:16.130 --> 0:09:19.660 to draw the line like if it's a stable relationship, 0:09:19.940 --> 0:09:21.050 I would be okay to go 0:09:21.140 --> 0:09:25.949 public. Okay then on the flip side, would you hope 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:29.150 or expect your partner to post more about you 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:33.140 or your relationship? Okay, here here comes like a tricky 0:09:33.140 --> 0:09:37.230 part because she would she actually post more about us 0:09:37.700 --> 0:09:39.939 than me. Okay. Yeah, 0:09:40.440 --> 0:09:42.930 I have yet to give her this talk, you know 0:09:42.929 --> 0:09:47.270 like about like because this my instagram, it's worked for me. Okay, 0:09:47.280 --> 0:09:49.520 you understand? So there has to be like a balance 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:53.860 of things, you know, because it's how we want to 0:09:53.870 --> 0:09:57.960 portray ourselves to everyone else and of course I want 0:09:57.960 --> 0:09:59.760 to have a balance of like work, 0:10:00.140 --> 0:10:06.350 leisure and personal lives. So sometimes I feel a bit 0:10:06.740 --> 0:10:12.470 pressure if she's posting something and I don't really repost it. Yeah, 0:10:12.470 --> 0:10:14.510 I have yet to have this talk. You heard it 0:10:14.510 --> 0:10:18.300 here first, the next podcast that explained the follow up 0:10:18.559 --> 0:10:22.100 follow up episode just on this topic alone. But you know, 0:10:22.100 --> 0:10:25.220 I I personally back then when I was dating other 0:10:25.220 --> 0:10:26.059 people and stuff, I 0:10:26.440 --> 0:10:28.949 I felt like I didn't really post that much about 0:10:28.960 --> 0:10:31.150 my relationship, I'm not sure whether it was an industry 0:10:31.150 --> 0:10:33.370 thing at the point. Also when you know what I mean, 0:10:33.370 --> 0:10:35.840 Like when you're just starting out, you're like, okay, portray 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:38.170 yourself to have this like awesome life. I don't know, 0:10:38.170 --> 0:10:41.340 I'm single or whatever, maybe to be more appealing to 0:10:41.340 --> 0:10:43.960 your audience when we're just starting out. I think we 0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:48.360 also want to overshare like so much about our personal lives, 0:10:48.540 --> 0:10:51.510 but that also resulted in quite a bit of fights 0:10:51.520 --> 0:10:55.280 with some that I've dated before. And then it got 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:57.949 me also quite upset when I saw that he posted 0:10:57.950 --> 0:11:00.650 a lot about his next girlfriend and he didn't post 0:11:00.650 --> 0:11:02.810 anything about me. I just felt like was it a 0:11:02.809 --> 0:11:05.640 reaction like, because I didn't post so much about relationships, 0:11:05.640 --> 0:11:08.439 so he said, okay, maybe I won't post and then 0:11:08.450 --> 0:11:10.319 I know it sounds so petty, but like it was 0:11:10.450 --> 0:11:13.610 just a little post, but it actually sounds like something Yeah, 0:11:13.620 --> 0:11:15.660 you can actually get some real reaction from 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:18.290 it is and then you start thinking like, is my 0:11:18.290 --> 0:11:21.250 partner not proud of me or my partner right in 0:11:21.260 --> 0:11:24.660 the world to see that he or she is dating me, 0:11:24.670 --> 0:11:28.260 I think because my family surprisingly they'll be like, okay, 0:11:28.260 --> 0:11:32.380 don't put so much about your personal life. Okay, So 0:11:32.380 --> 0:11:35.780 sometimes when I want to share or something that I'm 0:11:35.780 --> 0:11:37.349 happy to share, I have 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:39.370 that thought at the back of my head, like you 0:11:39.370 --> 0:11:42.820 wish I should hold off, yeah, and then when the 0:11:42.820 --> 0:11:44.319 time has passed, you know, it will be too late 0:11:44.320 --> 0:11:45.260 to post and it's like, 0:11:45.740 --> 0:11:46.550 yep, 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:48.850 I said, I know this all sounds like super trivial, 0:11:48.850 --> 0:11:52.079 but real thoughts sometimes, but actually, I mean, I'm sure 0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:55.530 people who aren't in the industry have instagram would understand 0:11:55.530 --> 0:11:57.820 this feeling as well. That's why I noticed a lot 0:11:57.820 --> 0:11:59.609 of my friends as well, like who are not in 0:11:59.610 --> 0:12:02.380 the media industry on social media a lot less now, 0:12:02.390 --> 0:12:03.929 to be honest, I don't know whether it's like a 0:12:03.929 --> 0:12:05.610 growing up thing or they're just like, I know I 0:12:05.620 --> 0:12:08.780 can't be hacked to like share anymore shit about my 0:12:08.780 --> 0:12:11.130 life like who needs to know this? Maybe that's the 0:12:11.130 --> 0:12:13.770 reason why I went off instagram for quite a while. 0:12:13.780 --> 0:12:17.090 I noticed you're posting a lot less actually not that 0:12:17.090 --> 0:12:19.290 there's anything wrong with that at all for taking a 0:12:19.300 --> 0:12:21.949 digital detox and take care of your mental health. 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:24.439 So I want to take us back to like the 0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:26.770 whole personal space and all that as well that we 0:12:26.770 --> 0:12:28.880 mentioned earlier on, which kind of ties back in quite 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:31.449 nicely because now that we also established that 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:34.630 you are dating somebody who is very understanding of the 0:12:34.630 --> 0:12:37.559 industry and all that, what do you guys do for 0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:41.130 that quiet time alone? Like off social media, off, you 0:12:41.130 --> 0:12:42.360 know everything, 0:12:42.940 --> 0:12:46.470 we just like to concentrate on our own hobbies and 0:12:46.470 --> 0:12:49.430 we make it a point where when we are sort 0:12:49.429 --> 0:12:55.060 of dining or chilling together. No phones, that's great. 0:12:55.440 --> 0:12:57.120 Yeah. At the start I was the one who tells 0:12:57.120 --> 0:12:59.830 her like no phones and she respected, but nowadays I 0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:02.809 have the tendency to look at me and she's like, hey, 0:13:02.809 --> 0:13:06.920 you're the one who told me during your look sometimes, 0:13:06.920 --> 0:13:10.010 you know, like waiting for the food arrives and it's 0:13:10.010 --> 0:13:12.859 like a little bit, but I mean, yeah, I'm kind 0:13:12.860 --> 0:13:15.000 of a hypocrite in that way, but you know, she 0:13:15.000 --> 0:13:16.640 would remind me to like, hey, you're the one who 0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:18.679 said no phones. So I'm like, ok, no phones and 0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:22.300 we're just really cute, you just start to talk more 0:13:22.309 --> 0:13:25.979 and you have a serious conversation, like if you're doing 0:13:25.980 --> 0:13:27.660 this podcast and I'm always on my phone, you know, 0:13:27.670 --> 0:13:29.750 it's a bit hard to connect, you won't get paid 0:13:29.750 --> 0:13:33.030 after this, basically you won't get paid, no, but I 0:13:33.030 --> 0:13:35.600 think that's great because you know, when you establish those 0:13:35.600 --> 0:13:37.350 boundaries and you both agree on it, 0:13:37.740 --> 0:13:41.520 it becomes like a very healthy, like an apology for 0:13:41.530 --> 0:13:45.650 us collectively? Right in some ways I think me being 0:13:45.650 --> 0:13:47.610 on my phone too much was definitely one of the 0:13:47.610 --> 0:13:49.850 red flags from my ex boyfriends because it's like you're 0:13:49.860 --> 0:13:51.360 always on instagram like stop 0:13:51.740 --> 0:13:54.110 obviously when it comes to respecting each other's boundaries, I'm 0:13:54.110 --> 0:13:57.330 glad that you have found that balance. Have you guys 0:13:57.330 --> 0:13:58.960 ever thought about anything that, 0:13:59.440 --> 0:14:04.260 you know, it's related to being insecure setting certain boundaries 0:14:04.260 --> 0:14:07.220 or anything like that at all. The boundaries she said 0:14:07.220 --> 0:14:09.150 for me was to hang like if I hang out 0:14:09.150 --> 0:14:09.660 too late 0:14:10.540 --> 0:14:14.030 so far, it kind of works. My friends are also 0:14:14.030 --> 0:14:17.130 getting older so we don't hang out till so late anymore. 0:14:17.140 --> 0:14:21.140 Oh my gosh, I feel you do like now it's 0:14:21.150 --> 0:14:23.850 now that place is closed at 10 30. I'm actually done. 0:14:23.860 --> 0:14:26.479 I'm like, okay, I'll go home now and I'm kind 0:14:26.480 --> 0:14:29.140 of happy because once you go home, you have more 0:14:29.140 --> 0:14:30.550 time to spend 0:14:30.840 --> 0:14:35.040 to yourself with your loved ones and Yeah, and just 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:37.350 hang out or do something just to 0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:38.760 does she also like her alone time? 0:14:39.540 --> 0:14:43.140 Not really. Not really. But she respects that you like 0:14:43.140 --> 0:14:45.660 your alone time. Yeah, I can't tell her that every 0:14:45.660 --> 0:14:49.330 saturday it's like poker night with the boys. Okay, She'll 0:14:49.330 --> 0:14:51.570 leave me to it. Yeah. Just that I don't come 0:14:51.570 --> 0:14:54.560 home too late. Yeah. What's your definition of late though 0:14:54.940 --> 0:14:56.930 and or too drunk, did I just hear that like 0:14:56.930 --> 0:14:59.540 a side note? Yeah, so I'm just trying to lay 0:14:59.540 --> 0:15:00.350 that off. 0:15:00.440 --> 0:15:04.070 Yeah, so, so for me, is that like possessive or not? 0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:04.660 I think 0:15:05.340 --> 0:15:12.010 I think it's protective because ultimately it's advice head just 0:15:12.010 --> 0:15:15.420 trying to get me to lay out advice actually, you know, 0:15:15.420 --> 0:15:17.390 the funny thing is I think we've grown up quite 0:15:17.390 --> 0:15:19.340 a bit in the few years that we've known each 0:15:19.340 --> 0:15:22.350 other because in the beginning, when, I mean, I think 0:15:22.350 --> 0:15:24.630 this is also like public knowledge because we used to 0:15:24.630 --> 0:15:26.840 also post about our parties last time when things were 0:15:26.840 --> 0:15:29.800 normal and stuff like that. So crazy. Things were crazy. Yeah, 0:15:29.810 --> 0:15:31.700 it was fun, it was fun times, but you also 0:15:31.700 --> 0:15:34.010 kind of grow into a different phase of life. And 0:15:34.020 --> 0:15:35.250 on that note also 0:15:35.340 --> 0:15:38.510 related to, let's say when things open up again and 0:15:38.510 --> 0:15:40.680 you know, we go out partying and stuff like that 0:15:40.690 --> 0:15:43.140 and she wants to wear like, I don't know, like 0:15:43.140 --> 0:15:45.810 a hot dress or whatever. Do you feel uncomfortable with 0:15:45.810 --> 0:15:48.610 stuff like that or do you like my girl is hot, 0:15:48.620 --> 0:15:51.750 go for it. Yeah, I think for her she would 0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:55.840 dress appropriately for the event as well, like if it's 0:15:55.840 --> 0:15:57.660 like a grand event, she would 0:15:58.240 --> 0:16:01.610 um go like a full bad bad dress, get something 0:16:01.610 --> 0:16:03.460 nice and she looked great. 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:04.350 Um 0:16:04.740 --> 0:16:07.260 Maybe initially I feel like, oh wow, that's like, 0:16:08.040 --> 0:16:11.920 whoa, like if I can't take my eyes off, you know, 0:16:11.930 --> 0:16:17.110 I think everyone else. Yeah, so I'm really okay with it. Okay, 0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:18.750 But you will still stay close. 0:16:19.040 --> 0:16:22.270 I mean I would stay close because she'll be cold 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:26.150 as well. She might be your jacket surprisingly she's in Ukraine. 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:30.390 Like a very cool country. But she's really afraid of cold. Yeah. 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:33.460 And of course like fend off like other potential. 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:36.350 Yeah. But look, this is being protective. I mean those 0:16:36.350 --> 0:16:38.800 are those are in my head. Those are in my head. 0:16:38.810 --> 0:16:41.270 It doesn't come out. It would just be like 0:16:41.840 --> 0:16:42.770 maybe for like a 0:16:43.140 --> 0:16:46.820 millisecond of that. Is that the deaths there just a 0:16:46.820 --> 0:16:49.110 little bit just a little bit Actually I've, I've been 0:16:49.110 --> 0:16:52.680 on dates with people who are more revealing. Okay. Who 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:55.790 were a little less to like the like the club 0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:58.690 to go to a bar. And at first I was 0:16:58.690 --> 0:17:01.070 really not used to it because it's 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:03.360 I think back then it was not really common. 0:17:03.540 --> 0:17:07.889 Mm hmm. Here in Singapore. Like to dress too revealing 0:17:07.890 --> 0:17:09.060 Or like just like a 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:12.850 what's that? Like that material you have on your top 0:17:13.540 --> 0:17:20.850 girlfriend material? Sorry. Nice. Like this semi translucent mash thing. 0:17:20.890 --> 0:17:23.710 She would just wear like a mesh dress with like 0:17:23.710 --> 0:17:26.180 a thong and that's it. And I was really not 0:17:26.180 --> 0:17:27.830 used to it. And you're like, what do I do 0:17:27.830 --> 0:17:31.359 with this? How do I? Okay. Right. And 0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:34.040 I mean people would stare because it's not common anyway. 0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:35.460 So people would stare out of 0:17:35.940 --> 0:17:40.050 like okay, surprised, surprised. And so I was a bit 0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:42.859 but after a while I believe like she could hold 0:17:42.859 --> 0:17:45.810 her own ground and like, you know, if like people 0:17:45.810 --> 0:17:48.560 are like harassing her, she'll be able like, hey, yeah, 0:17:48.570 --> 0:17:51.880 don't stop. This is my private space. Yeah, No, I agree. 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:53.850 I think sometimes it's not so much about like 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:55.750 how little you're wearing or whatever. I think, you know, 0:17:55.750 --> 0:17:57.740 if something makes you feel confident and you like it, 0:17:57.740 --> 0:17:59.879 then go for it because no matter what you wear, 0:17:59.880 --> 0:18:01.159 if people are going to harass you, they're going to 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:04.730 harass you anyway. Yeah. And kind of girlfriend, she should 0:18:04.730 --> 0:18:07.810 dress appropriately and I think it's fine. Yeah, I agree. 0:18:07.810 --> 0:18:10.430 I think in a way like, like many jobs you 0:18:10.440 --> 0:18:12.270 reassure your partner as well and 0:18:12.640 --> 0:18:14.850 this whole idea of reassurance did not come to me 0:18:14.850 --> 0:18:18.510 like supernaturally. I feel like saying, yeah, I don't know. 0:18:18.510 --> 0:18:21.169 It's like a thing we have to constantly put an 0:18:21.180 --> 0:18:24.450 effort to do. I think I was 0:18:25.140 --> 0:18:26.360 obviously to my access. 0:18:26.740 --> 0:18:30.300 I think we've all been through bad times where we 0:18:30.300 --> 0:18:32.750 reflect after that and we're like, okay, maybe I messed 0:18:32.750 --> 0:18:34.990 up here and I should have been a bit more 0:18:34.990 --> 0:18:37.869 like this or that more more tactful and like, you know, 0:18:37.869 --> 0:18:40.770 you can, for me surprisingly, you know, a lot of 0:18:40.770 --> 0:18:43.660 the stereotyping would be like, oh girls would want 0:18:44.040 --> 0:18:46.689 the guys who read their minds and whatnot. Like for me, 0:18:46.690 --> 0:18:49.740 I expect like my partner to read my mind. Like, yeah, 0:18:49.750 --> 0:18:51.899 like when I hang out with friends, like being a 0:18:51.910 --> 0:18:53.859 guy or girl, like sometimes I get a bit close 0:18:53.859 --> 0:18:56.270 to them, I would expect them to know that we're 0:18:56.270 --> 0:18:59.760 just friends right without actually saying it without actually saying 0:18:59.760 --> 0:19:00.859 I thought like they would know 0:19:00.940 --> 0:19:03.630 I'm exactly the same. And it resulted in a lot 0:19:03.630 --> 0:19:04.450 of fights 0:19:04.640 --> 0:19:07.060 back then for me at least like, hey, where is 0:19:07.060 --> 0:19:09.070 this coming from? Exactly where it's coming from? I have 0:19:09.070 --> 0:19:11.710 no idea. What do you mean? You have no idea. 0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:13.480 But I think it's part and parcel of growing up 0:19:13.640 --> 0:19:16.650 of course, you know in relationships. Yeah. So I think 0:19:16.650 --> 0:19:19.190 that's a fantastic thing as well because sometimes when you're 0:19:19.190 --> 0:19:23.090 being protective, you cross the line to being possessive and 0:19:23.100 --> 0:19:23.560 you know, 0:19:23.740 --> 0:19:26.680 um not one of my proudest moments, but have you 0:19:26.680 --> 0:19:29.170 ever checked your partner's phones before? 0:19:30.140 --> 0:19:33.480