Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sonia. Welcome to another episode of Men explain
Speaker 1: is gonna be an interesting one today.
Speaker 1: I have a special guest here with me and he's
Speaker 1: also a friend. We used to drink together a lot.
Speaker 1: His name is Edwin. Hi everyone. I'm Edwin, I'm an actor.
Speaker 1: So recently I've been busy filming per usual and actually
Speaker 1: we were supposed to meet last month and the month before,
Speaker 1: but because we were so busy, so we arranged this
Speaker 1: program to meet up basically. Yes, this is our catch
Speaker 1: up session, but today's topic is quite juicy.
Speaker 1: Okay. It's two words that I feel sometimes there would
Speaker 1: be a bit of like lion's blood in between of
Speaker 1: being possessive or protective. How did you meet your girlfriend again?
Speaker 1: Can you share with our, Okay. So we met at
Speaker 1: this party branch party and I saw her and you're like,
Speaker 1: damn girl! I got to talk to her. So after
Speaker 1: some liquid courage, I decided to
Speaker 1: talk to her. He means two bottles of champagne. Probably. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean I tried to talk to her, I have
Speaker 1: sort of like the lines I want to say, but
Speaker 1: when I met her, like I just couldn't remember any,
Speaker 1: what were the lines that you prepared? I just want
Speaker 1: to know? Hey, how do I find you beautiful? Like
Speaker 1: I'm so cheesy. And what did you, what did you say?
Speaker 1: Do you want to be friends? You say you want
Speaker 1: to be friends? Oh yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: to that. She said okay. Yeah. With a huge question mark.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, but I'm sure you got lost in
Speaker 1: her like eyes already. Yeah. Yeah. How long did it
Speaker 1: take for you to I don't know, ask her out
Speaker 1: or go for your first official date and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: It was actually about
Speaker 1: close to two months through text. We found out that
Speaker 1: we kind of get along and we click you know
Speaker 1: you also traveled I think actually because she's not local
Speaker 1: so we actually met in bali surprisingly we could understand
Speaker 1: each other's working schedule and how busy we can get.
Speaker 1: Is that one of the reasons why things clicked? Because
Speaker 1: I think
Speaker 1: in previous experiences we may have dated people that don't
Speaker 1: really understand the nature of our job and it doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that the person has to be in the same industry.
Speaker 1: It can just be someone who is willing to learn
Speaker 1: more about understand understand more the nature of the job,
Speaker 1: the people that we meet and the irregular timings that
Speaker 1: we work, we heard of like
Speaker 1: opposites attract
Speaker 1: right? But I've come to know that actually similarities do
Speaker 1: play a larger part. Yeah. If you guys share similar hobbies. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can you can click together easier two years. It's
Speaker 1: not very long period of time but it's enough time
Speaker 1: for us to work out differences apart a few years
Speaker 1: ago and
Speaker 1: my mindset now will be different. Like when we look
Speaker 1: for a partner, we want to look for someone
Speaker 1: for long term. Like someone I could
Speaker 1: I see life with, I think we saw each other
Speaker 1: through some weird stuff as well at one point in time, right?
Speaker 1: You know, so when it comes to relationships, there's always
Speaker 1: that question about boundaries and you know, whether or not
Speaker 1: you have a partner that is being, you know, understanding
Speaker 1: and understanding that all crossing that sometimes, have you ever
Speaker 1: had
Speaker 1: partner or were you the person in the relationship that
Speaker 1: might have gotten a bit too overbearing or possessive? Well,
Speaker 1: I think like boundaries do need to be crossed too,
Speaker 1: realize like, oh, that's your boundary, you know?
Speaker 1: So since young, every time I work after work, I'll
Speaker 1: have some time to myself to the structure and just
Speaker 1: chill and clear my mind and reset for the next day.
Speaker 1: But there was this relationship that the the longest relationship
Speaker 1: I've had at the
Speaker 1: sort of initial phase, um my partner could understand the
Speaker 1: initial phase of your career, of the relationship of the relationship. Okay.
Speaker 1: And sort of my career, right? Yeah, that crisscrosses, so
Speaker 1: I needed my own space, but she couldn't understand why
Speaker 1: did that sort of set her off when she triggered
Speaker 1: that she was a bit triggered. It came to a
Speaker 1: point where
Speaker 1: it was like, also if
Speaker 1: when we are married, you need alone time, you're just
Speaker 1: going to go somewhere and not come home, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: and back then I didn't really know how to convey
Speaker 1: my thoughts, feelings, Yeah, these feelings like like this what
Speaker 1: I'm telling you now,
Speaker 1: I just kind of sucked it up and you just
Speaker 1: decided to stick with it and so we can give
Speaker 1: in kind of Yeah, but I mean
Speaker 1: over time I felt like I wasn't truly being myself.
Speaker 1: I think it's the kind of situation where you change
Speaker 1: too much of yourself that you don't recognize yourself anymore
Speaker 1: to some extent. You're trying to compromise to some extent,
Speaker 1: understand her. And also like for me personally, I love
Speaker 1: spending time with my friends.
Speaker 1: Ah Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: The best of both worlds to be,
Speaker 1: if my partner can hang out with my friends, everyone
Speaker 1: have fun together. But I mean if if like the
Speaker 1: lines are clear, it's okay as well, like some people
Speaker 1: could have a healthy relationship while it's not making friends
Speaker 1: with each other's friends. Yeah, of course the ideal is
Speaker 1: like everyone has told me that it's really important. Yes agree.
Speaker 1: Did you ever have an X Or were you the
Speaker 1: person that has ever been not okay with your partner
Speaker 1: having like
Speaker 1: friends of the opposite sex or attractive friends or wherever,
Speaker 1: maybe have you found yourself in that position before? There
Speaker 1: is especially, it was quite complicated because her senior in
Speaker 1: school and her used to have a thing.
Speaker 1: I mean I was insecure and therefore it resulted me
Speaker 1: like being a bit controlling like okay, you don't stay
Speaker 1: too long, okay, like can I be there, okay, can
Speaker 1: I be there? Or like, I felt a bit better after,
Speaker 1: she sort of assured me there's nothing and they're not
Speaker 1: even friends anymore, they're not even talking
Speaker 1: terms Yeah,
Speaker 1: so then now that you are obviously you're quite seasoned
Speaker 1: and you've been doing so many shows and you're more
Speaker 1: in the public eye now, more than ever um was
Speaker 1: dating kind of challenging for you because I mean for me,
Speaker 1: I can share my experiences with you later on as well,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure you know, some of them, because you've
Speaker 1: actually met
Speaker 1: some of them already, one of them was actually insecure
Speaker 1: about you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't know if you can get but yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you will guess, guess it later on, no
Speaker 1: hard feelings all, no hard feelings, I think it's because
Speaker 1: the nature of the job in the industry and they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, you're around all these other eye looking people,
Speaker 1: like part of why my
Speaker 1: girlfriend and I
Speaker 1: no
Speaker 1: able to understand each other's job scope because like, let's
Speaker 1: say in the show, I have to
Speaker 1: date a girl, I have to like marry a girl,
Speaker 1: have to kiss a girl, thankfully hasn't happened. Our local
Speaker 1: scene is quite PG Yeah, you know, there's no tongue. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but you know, I think from someone in a very
Speaker 1: different industry,
Speaker 1: it's very hard for them to fathom, like how
Speaker 1: is that going to be a professional offscreen onscreen? you
Speaker 1: have no feelings after, right, have you ever felt insecure
Speaker 1: about her, your current girlfriend? Because I mean she's a
Speaker 1: beautiful girl. Have you ever felt like, oh my God,
Speaker 1: I don't know man, like this girl, she has like
Speaker 1: a Brazilian suitors out there, like why is she going
Speaker 1: to pick me? Have you ever felt that way? Definitely, definitely.
Speaker 1: But
Speaker 1: I think
Speaker 1: not meeting each other for nine months and still being
Speaker 1: able to keep the relationship strong has proved
Speaker 1: significant point in both of us that the foundation is
Speaker 1: the foundation is there and even if you're separated
Speaker 1: you would still commit, you're still committing to this. Really?
Speaker 1: That's actually fantastic because this is the first time you
Speaker 1: did a long distance thing first time ever, I've never
Speaker 1: done long distance, so I don't know how that feels
Speaker 1: like it must be nerve racking Yeah, and you might go,
Speaker 1: you might drive yourself nuts thinking like speculating what could
Speaker 1: be going on and especially for instagram, a lot of
Speaker 1: it is to promote our work or update our lives dish,
Speaker 1: but most of the time if I have to um
Speaker 1: you know, let's say post a photo of hauling and
Speaker 1: I getting married, right, you know, and if she's all
Speaker 1: the way back in Ukraine, she'll be like, what the
Speaker 1: hell is this? And thankfully she's met humbling and yeah,
Speaker 1: and they have um she has a mutual understanding what's
Speaker 1: going on and she knows what,
Speaker 1: well speaking of instagram, since we're on that note right
Speaker 1: now you obviously post a lot more pictures
Speaker 1: from what we noticed and our stock courage producers that
Speaker 1: also got all up in Edwin's business just before this episode.
Speaker 1: But naturally, no, we've been following each other for a
Speaker 1: while and you post a lot about your relationship, which
Speaker 1: is very nice, very refreshing. I just don't feel like
Speaker 1: there is no need to hide. Yeah, when it comes
Speaker 1: like it's something fun we're doing together and then we
Speaker 1: just posted up and share the joy. Nice. Yeah. But
Speaker 1: is this then different from you previously, would you have
Speaker 1: posted less about your relationships in the past? Actually I
Speaker 1: didn't post anything lesser. Yeah, but I mean I start
Speaker 1: to draw the line like if it's a stable relationship,
Speaker 1: I would be okay to go
Speaker 1: public. Okay then on the flip side, would you hope
Speaker 1: or expect your partner to post more about you
Speaker 1: or your relationship? Okay, here here comes like a tricky
Speaker 1: part because she would she actually post more about us
Speaker 1: than me. Okay. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have yet to give her this talk, you know
Speaker 1: like about like because this my instagram, it's worked for me. Okay,
Speaker 1: you understand? So there has to be like a balance
Speaker 1: of things, you know, because it's how we want to
Speaker 1: portray ourselves to everyone else and of course I want
Speaker 1: to have a balance of like work,
Speaker 1: leisure and personal lives. So sometimes I feel a bit
Speaker 1: pressure if she's posting something and I don't really repost it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have yet to have this talk. You heard it
Speaker 1: here first, the next podcast that explained the follow up
Speaker 1: follow up episode just on this topic alone. But you know,
Speaker 1: I I personally back then when I was dating other
Speaker 1: people and stuff, I
Speaker 1: I felt like I didn't really post that much about
Speaker 1: my relationship, I'm not sure whether it was an industry
Speaker 1: thing at the point. Also when you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like when you're just starting out, you're like, okay, portray
Speaker 1: yourself to have this like awesome life. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I'm single or whatever, maybe to be more appealing to
Speaker 1: your audience when we're just starting out. I think we
Speaker 1: also want to overshare like so much about our personal lives,
Speaker 1: but that also resulted in quite a bit of fights
Speaker 1: with some that I've dated before. And then it got
Speaker 1: me also quite upset when I saw that he posted
Speaker 1: a lot about his next girlfriend and he didn't post
Speaker 1: anything about me. I just felt like was it a
Speaker 1: reaction like, because I didn't post so much about relationships,
Speaker 1: so he said, okay, maybe I won't post and then
Speaker 1: I know it sounds so petty, but like it was
Speaker 1: just a little post, but it actually sounds like something Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can actually get some real reaction from
Speaker 1: it is and then you start thinking like, is my
Speaker 1: partner not proud of me or my partner right in
Speaker 1: the world to see that he or she is dating me,
Speaker 1: I think because my family surprisingly they'll be like, okay,
Speaker 1: don't put so much about your personal life. Okay, So
Speaker 1: sometimes when I want to share or something that I'm
Speaker 1: happy to share, I have
Speaker 1: that thought at the back of my head, like you
Speaker 1: wish I should hold off, yeah, and then when the
Speaker 1: time has passed, you know, it will be too late
Speaker 1: to post and it's like,
Speaker 1: yep,
Speaker 1: I said, I know this all sounds like super trivial,
Speaker 1: but real thoughts sometimes, but actually, I mean, I'm sure
Speaker 1: people who aren't in the industry have instagram would understand
Speaker 1: this feeling as well. That's why I noticed a lot
Speaker 1: of my friends as well, like who are not in
Speaker 1: the media industry on social media a lot less now,
Speaker 1: to be honest, I don't know whether it's like a
Speaker 1: growing up thing or they're just like, I know I
Speaker 1: can't be hacked to like share anymore shit about my
Speaker 1: life like who needs to know this? Maybe that's the
Speaker 1: reason why I went off instagram for quite a while.
Speaker 1: I noticed you're posting a lot less actually not that
Speaker 1: there's anything wrong with that at all for taking a
Speaker 1: digital detox and take care of your mental health.
Speaker 1: So I want to take us back to like the
Speaker 1: whole personal space and all that as well that we
Speaker 1: mentioned earlier on, which kind of ties back in quite
Speaker 1: nicely because now that we also established that
Speaker 1: you are dating somebody who is very understanding of the
Speaker 1: industry and all that, what do you guys do for
Speaker 1: that quiet time alone? Like off social media, off, you
Speaker 1: know everything,
Speaker 1: we just like to concentrate on our own hobbies and
Speaker 1: we make it a point where when we are sort
Speaker 1: of dining or chilling together. No phones, that's great.
Speaker 1: Yeah. At the start I was the one who tells
Speaker 1: her like no phones and she respected, but nowadays I
Speaker 1: have the tendency to look at me and she's like, hey,
Speaker 1: you're the one who told me during your look sometimes,
Speaker 1: you know, like waiting for the food arrives and it's
Speaker 1: like a little bit, but I mean, yeah, I'm kind
Speaker 1: of a hypocrite in that way, but you know, she
Speaker 1: would remind me to like, hey, you're the one who
Speaker 1: said no phones. So I'm like, ok, no phones and
Speaker 1: we're just really cute, you just start to talk more
Speaker 1: and you have a serious conversation, like if you're doing
Speaker 1: this podcast and I'm always on my phone, you know,
Speaker 1: it's a bit hard to connect, you won't get paid
Speaker 1: after this, basically you won't get paid, no, but I
Speaker 1: think that's great because you know, when you establish those
Speaker 1: boundaries and you both agree on it,
Speaker 1: it becomes like a very healthy, like an apology for
Speaker 1: us collectively? Right in some ways I think me being
Speaker 1: on my phone too much was definitely one of the
Speaker 1: red flags from my ex boyfriends because it's like you're
Speaker 1: always on instagram like stop
Speaker 1: obviously when it comes to respecting each other's boundaries, I'm
Speaker 1: glad that you have found that balance. Have you guys
Speaker 1: ever thought about anything that,
Speaker 1: you know, it's related to being insecure setting certain boundaries
Speaker 1: or anything like that at all. The boundaries she said
Speaker 1: for me was to hang like if I hang out
Speaker 1: too late
Speaker 1: so far, it kind of works. My friends are also
Speaker 1: getting older so we don't hang out till so late anymore.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I feel you do like now it's
Speaker 1: now that place is closed at 10 30. I'm actually done.
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I'll go home now and I'm kind
Speaker 1: of happy because once you go home, you have more
Speaker 1: time to spend
Speaker 1: to yourself with your loved ones and Yeah, and just
Speaker 1: hang out or do something just to
Speaker 1: does she also like her alone time?
Speaker 1: Not really. Not really. But she respects that you like
Speaker 1: your alone time. Yeah, I can't tell her that every
Speaker 1: saturday it's like poker night with the boys. Okay, She'll
Speaker 1: leave me to it. Yeah. Just that I don't come
Speaker 1: home too late. Yeah. What's your definition of late though
Speaker 1: and or too drunk, did I just hear that like
Speaker 1: a side note? Yeah, so I'm just trying to lay
Speaker 1: that off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so, so for me, is that like possessive or not?
Speaker 1: I think
Speaker 1: I think it's protective because ultimately it's advice head just
Speaker 1: trying to get me to lay out advice actually, you know,
Speaker 1: the funny thing is I think we've grown up quite
Speaker 1: a bit in the few years that we've known each
Speaker 1: other because in the beginning, when, I mean, I think
Speaker 1: this is also like public knowledge because we used to
Speaker 1: also post about our parties last time when things were
Speaker 1: normal and stuff like that. So crazy. Things were crazy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was fun, it was fun times, but you also
Speaker 1: kind of grow into a different phase of life. And
Speaker 1: on that note also
Speaker 1: related to, let's say when things open up again and
Speaker 1: you know, we go out partying and stuff like that
Speaker 1: and she wants to wear like, I don't know, like
Speaker 1: a hot dress or whatever. Do you feel uncomfortable with
Speaker 1: stuff like that or do you like my girl is hot,
Speaker 1: go for it. Yeah, I think for her she would
Speaker 1: dress appropriately for the event as well, like if it's
Speaker 1: like a grand event, she would
Speaker 1: um go like a full bad bad dress, get something
Speaker 1: nice and she looked great.
Speaker 1: Um
Speaker 1: Maybe initially I feel like, oh wow, that's like,
Speaker 1: whoa, like if I can't take my eyes off, you know,
Speaker 1: I think everyone else. Yeah, so I'm really okay with it. Okay,
Speaker 1: But you will still stay close.
Speaker 1: I mean I would stay close because she'll be cold
Speaker 1: as well. She might be your jacket surprisingly she's in Ukraine.
Speaker 1: Like a very cool country. But she's really afraid of cold. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And of course like fend off like other potential.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But look, this is being protective. I mean those
Speaker 1: are those are in my head. Those are in my head.
Speaker 1: It doesn't come out. It would just be like
Speaker 1: maybe for like a
Speaker 1: millisecond of that. Is that the deaths there just a
Speaker 1: little bit just a little bit Actually I've, I've been
Speaker 1: on dates with people who are more revealing. Okay. Who
Speaker 1: were a little less to like the like the club
Speaker 1: to go to a bar. And at first I was
Speaker 1: really not used to it because it's
Speaker 1: I think back then it was not really common.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Here in Singapore. Like to dress too revealing
Speaker 1: Or like just like a
Speaker 1: what's that? Like that material you have on your top
Speaker 1: girlfriend material? Sorry. Nice. Like this semi translucent mash thing.
Speaker 1: She would just wear like a mesh dress with like
Speaker 1: a thong and that's it. And I was really not
Speaker 1: used to it. And you're like, what do I do
Speaker 1: with this? How do I? Okay. Right. And
Speaker 1: I mean people would stare because it's not common anyway.
Speaker 1: So people would stare out of
Speaker 1: like okay, surprised, surprised. And so I was a bit
Speaker 1: but after a while I believe like she could hold
Speaker 1: her own ground and like, you know, if like people
Speaker 1: are like harassing her, she'll be able like, hey, yeah,
Speaker 1: don't stop. This is my private space. Yeah, No, I agree.
Speaker 1: I think sometimes it's not so much about like
Speaker 1: how little you're wearing or whatever. I think, you know,
Speaker 1: if something makes you feel confident and you like it,
Speaker 1: then go for it because no matter what you wear,
Speaker 1: if people are going to harass you, they're going to
Speaker 1: harass you anyway. Yeah. And kind of girlfriend, she should
Speaker 1: dress appropriately and I think it's fine. Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 1: I think in a way like, like many jobs you
Speaker 1: reassure your partner as well and
Speaker 1: this whole idea of reassurance did not come to me
Speaker 1: like supernaturally. I feel like saying, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's like a thing we have to constantly put an
Speaker 1: effort to do. I think I was
Speaker 1: obviously to my access.
Speaker 1: I think we've all been through bad times where we
Speaker 1: reflect after that and we're like, okay, maybe I messed
Speaker 1: up here and I should have been a bit more
Speaker 1: like this or that more more tactful and like, you know,
Speaker 1: you can, for me surprisingly, you know, a lot of
Speaker 1: the stereotyping would be like, oh girls would want
Speaker 1: the guys who read their minds and whatnot. Like for me,
Speaker 1: I expect like my partner to read my mind. Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: like when I hang out with friends, like being a
Speaker 1: guy or girl, like sometimes I get a bit close
Speaker 1: to them, I would expect them to know that we're
Speaker 1: just friends right without actually saying it without actually saying
Speaker 1: I thought like they would know
Speaker 1: I'm exactly the same. And it resulted in a lot
Speaker 1: of fights
Speaker 1: back then for me at least like, hey, where is
Speaker 1: this coming from? Exactly where it's coming from? I have
Speaker 1: no idea. What do you mean? You have no idea.
Speaker 1: But I think it's part and parcel of growing up
Speaker 1: of course, you know in relationships. Yeah. So I think
Speaker 1: that's a fantastic thing as well because sometimes when you're
Speaker 1: being protective, you cross the line to being possessive and
Speaker 1: you know,
Speaker 1: um not one of my proudest moments, but have you
Speaker 1: ever checked your partner's phones before?
Speaker 1: Yes, I have you have for a reason or to
Speaker 1: check something like this.
Speaker 1: Um a guy that's been texting her quite a bit
Speaker 1: as in your current girlfriend, Not sorry you're okay and
Speaker 1: you should actually ask um what's your relationship? And
Speaker 1: she wasn't being very upfront about it. So I've heard
Speaker 1: there's a little stars, you know, and I said okay
Speaker 1: and they started chatting more like through text. How do
Speaker 1: you know that they were chatting through text and you
Speaker 1: know sometimes when you're chilling and notification will pop up man.
Speaker 1: You know like your glance over and when I saw
Speaker 1: her like her phone was there and then the text
Speaker 1: was like I'm like okay, I cannot resist. Like don't
Speaker 1: open the next thing again. And I was like yeah
Speaker 1: you just gotta just kept going and I just want
Speaker 1: to see,
Speaker 1: I'm like okay shit, it's actually about nothing. Oh plot
Speaker 1: twist is about nothing and I just let it rest
Speaker 1: and I felt really bad that you didn't trust. Yeah,
Speaker 1: didn't trust I want to break that thing. Yeah. And afterwards,
Speaker 1: I mean I did tell her about it. You did.
Speaker 1: I did.
Speaker 1: Oh this guy is a keeper. Like he's so honest
Speaker 1: and more.
Speaker 1: No, actually I don't like to really keep that because
Speaker 1: it really makes you feel incompetent self. Yes. And that
Speaker 1: is a vicious cycle. And then I just had to
Speaker 1: tell her about it and turns out she checked my
Speaker 1: phone before too.
Speaker 1: So we were like, what she looked like, hold on.
Speaker 1: So she didn't find anything either.
Speaker 1: Then why did the relationship end? I mean there was
Speaker 1: other issues. Things are not just that oh man, that's
Speaker 1: a tough one. When I got to say, I mean, yes,
Speaker 1: I have checked like you know my previous partners um
Speaker 1: text messages before and you know, it was not great.
Speaker 1: Like this time around my story was uncovered something uncover
Speaker 1: a shipload of shit.
Speaker 1: Like seriously, if that's the only thing, it was a
Speaker 1: shipload of ship. Yeah, it's not a guy that you
Speaker 1: know though, it was before we became friends so that
Speaker 1: was that was not pleasant because we were overseas.
Speaker 1: It's always, I don't know why. I don't know. You
Speaker 1: always find out the worst time you're just stuck there.
Speaker 1: I was stuck there so admittedly I was not like
Speaker 1: the perfect girlfriend or whatever but you know just so yeah,
Speaker 1: but I was so distraught to find out about it
Speaker 1: in Japan on my first ever time that I went
Speaker 1: to Japan and it was meant to be like a
Speaker 1: birthday trip but you get that suspicious sort of gut
Speaker 1: feeling and I've had it for a while like at
Speaker 1: that point in time right here's the funny part. Okay.
Speaker 1: I found out in the middle of the night when
Speaker 1: we were both asleep but his phone kept going off
Speaker 1: and I'm such a sensitive sleeper so I cannot fall
Speaker 1: asleep when the phone is like thinking thinking I was
Speaker 1: like oh God I want to go shut it off
Speaker 1: but because I'm an Apple girl and he was enjoying,
Speaker 1: I was like what the heck how do I how
Speaker 1: do I what is this going on? Like you know
Speaker 1: I had some problems
Speaker 1: so then I noticed that it was from this girl
Speaker 1: whose name had popped up a couple of times before,
Speaker 1: like flashbacks, like all the other times the name popped
Speaker 1: up is that how they do dramas, like like suddenly
Speaker 1: realized like I've seen this name and so I couldn't resist.
Speaker 1: I was like
Speaker 1: you know what I'm gonna I'm gonna have a look.
Speaker 1: Okay so and he didn't have a password to his phone.
Speaker 1: I didn't trust you. Just feel so bad after I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my God, he trusted me like that.
Speaker 1: I opened up the messages and it was not great.
Speaker 1: Let's just say
Speaker 1: it was definitely not nothing. Is it like a Jpeg file?
Speaker 1: No it wasn't, it wasn't a picture. Oh my God
Speaker 1: you couldn't see he tried to delete the previous oh
Speaker 1: so the messages like incoherent it was like you know
Speaker 1: it started from nowhere kind of thing. Right? So out
Speaker 1: of rage. I was like
Speaker 1: pack this ship and then I like then I left
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna, I'm gonna get a flight out of
Speaker 1: Japan now. Okay in my mind I was like I
Speaker 1: took my phone, I want to call one of my
Speaker 1: best friends at the time whose dad works for an airline.
Speaker 1: So then I ran out without taking a hotel key.
Speaker 1: Um and it was winter, it was in the middle
Speaker 1: of the night, it was in the middle of the night.
Speaker 1: So I stormed off out of anger thinking of this
Speaker 1: independent woman like yeah I'm gonna put my own flight
Speaker 1: now went down, no jacket, nothing. I was damn piste off.
Speaker 1: I just ran down and I was like ranting to
Speaker 1: her on the phone like oh my God this just happened.
Speaker 1: You won't believe it. She, I think it was like
Speaker 1: five AM for her or something and she was like,
Speaker 1: oh my God, okay, like think about it and if
Speaker 1: you need, I will try to ask my dad to
Speaker 1: help you so on and so forth. So it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: like I'm definitely flying out tomorrow and hang out and
Speaker 1: like all triumphant. But yes, I'm getting the ship out here.
Speaker 1: I realized I have no hotel key, no jacket, nothing.
Speaker 1: And I had to knock on the hotel door to
Speaker 1: go back and I was like, I mean, but
Speaker 1: is he awake? He woke up, he woke up, he
Speaker 1: woke up, he was like what are you doing like outside?
Speaker 1: And I was like damn cold. And I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my God, I need to talk to you like
Speaker 1: a straight, straight up, told him about it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The funny thing is we actually made up after that
Speaker 1: and until we eventually just happening. Okay. No, I think
Speaker 1: we're just at different phases of life. I feel you
Speaker 1: realize that's so important. Yeah. Yeah. So the problem that
Speaker 1: I had after that incident in japan was that I
Speaker 1: had
Speaker 1: this h and this urge to keep checking but I
Speaker 1: think because you have a full like sort of like
Speaker 1: a phobia irish thing that's exactly, you know it's warranted
Speaker 1: in that sense. I think the problem is like once
Speaker 1: something like that happens right, like
Speaker 1: it's going to be very hard to gain your partner's
Speaker 1: trust back. But when you know that you are totally
Speaker 1: crossing the line,
Speaker 1: like if you check once and like it's nothing, you
Speaker 1: don't have the urge to check it again, right? Or
Speaker 1: do you still feel like curious? Maybe it might form
Speaker 1: into a habit. You know, you check it. That's
Speaker 1: not really something
Speaker 1: incredible. But then when it comes again and you want
Speaker 1: to go and see it, maybe it will become like
Speaker 1: a common occurrence. But I think thankfully my partner now
Speaker 1: she doesn't spy on my phone. Not that I know,
Speaker 1: I really and I don't, I don't really check on
Speaker 1: her phone. You know, like sometimes don't really check
Speaker 1: if I see something on her phone. You would, I
Speaker 1: would rather ask you to do it behind the back.
Speaker 1: I know than to sneak around and share because I
Speaker 1: mean the last time I did it I didn't feel
Speaker 1: good about myself. Yeah, I agree. So I don't, I
Speaker 1: don't want to bring that into the current relationship And
Speaker 1: I think no matter how the situation is like whether
Speaker 1: it's considered warranted or not, like you still feel crappy
Speaker 1: about yourself doing something like that. Like behind your partner's back. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I think talking about it probably is just solved
Speaker 1: quite a lot of things. Yeah.
Speaker 1: To be honest, I'm not like a good talker in
Speaker 1: a relationship or like across the board. His opening line
Speaker 1: was Hi, can we be friends? Yeah, it worked out.
Speaker 1: See you guys end up together. Yeah. Notes guys take notes.
Speaker 1: But I guess like you just got to start to
Speaker 1: talk more about how you really feel okay,
Speaker 1: moving forward. Is there anything that you wish to work on? Like,
Speaker 1: in your relationship or all is good?
Speaker 1: Like for me,
Speaker 1: when things pop up and work on it, OK, let's
Speaker 1: cross that bridge when we get there. Like, I mean,
Speaker 1: if there's not really a huge issue, if there's no issue, like,
Speaker 1: don't try to find something.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Work on. Yeah. Because when you guys fight, does it
Speaker 1: get explosive or confront each other or it has not
Speaker 1: happened and I think we would explode
Speaker 1: her go to emotion is to cry. No, no. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I feel really bad. Oh no, no. And you know,
Speaker 1: like when I see her cry, I generally feel like
Speaker 1: I'm such an S at that moment. You're like, I
Speaker 1: am an S. Yeah. And then I'll feel really bad
Speaker 1: and then we will not talk for a while just
Speaker 1: to wait for the emotions too.
Speaker 1: Wayne off. Then we have a more constructive
Speaker 1: feedback session. Yeah, feedback sit in this format. Yes. And
Speaker 1: talk about it in this in this format. I mean,
Speaker 1: so obviously to wrap things up, you know, we've gotten
Speaker 1: quite into some personal stories and you know, stuff like
Speaker 1: that and experiences to do you think that boundaries are necessary?
Speaker 1: Yes, I think definitely some extent. Yeah, if it's like
Speaker 1: a valid, I mean, there's no right or wrong boundaries
Speaker 1: is whether you can accept it or not. True. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So if both of you like, like you and your
Speaker 1: partner could create boundaries and
Speaker 1: but if you accept it and then it's all good,
Speaker 1: it's all good. I think this is one of the
Speaker 1: most like, mature conversations we've ever had. You know, like
Speaker 1: that we will remember after the influence of caffeine. I
Speaker 1: wanted to share a little quote actually that we saw
Speaker 1: earlier on. This is actually from a professor of sociology
Speaker 1: and intimacy at a university
Speaker 1: um dr Jackie Ga, but when it comes to your
Speaker 1: life as a couple, consider that there are actually three
Speaker 1: entities involved yourself. I mean the boundaries that you set
Speaker 1: for yourself, your partner's boundaries, the relationships boundaries as well.
Speaker 1: And I think these, you know, have to be defined
Speaker 1: very clearly at the end of the day, which makes
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense. It sounds really simple, but
Speaker 1: I guess when you get to it, yeah, because everyone
Speaker 1: has their own like
Speaker 1: thing going on. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But I mean recently I came across this quote,
Speaker 1: if you have a daughter for guys, if you have
Speaker 1: a daughter and your daughter is dating someone like you,
Speaker 1: would you be happy? Okay, so like, I mean for
Speaker 1: for women would be like, you know, if your son
Speaker 1: is dating a woman like you, would you be happy
Speaker 1: for him?
Speaker 1: You know that's a loaded question. So I mean like
Speaker 1: from from there I would try to like adjust my
Speaker 1: own
Speaker 1: expectations and boundaries towards Yeah. Sounds like you're ready to
Speaker 1: be a dad anytime soon, putting him on the spot
Speaker 1: right here. Thanks for joining us. And I hope we
Speaker 1: didn't feel like pressure to answer any personal questions and
Speaker 1: I'm so glad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you need to have some personal conversations with your
Speaker 1: government after this. Before this right going back and talk
Speaker 1: to her about stuff. Thanks for joining us. Thank you
Speaker 1: for having me. Thanks so much for hanging out with
Speaker 1: us on this episode of Man explain If you enjoyed it,
Speaker 1: please hit the follow button. We're on Spotify and apple
Speaker 1: podcasts also follow at its clarity dot co on instagram
Speaker 1: and facebook. And tag us as well
Speaker 1: for more content like this and we'll see you next time.