1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,110 Speaker 1: Hi and 2 00:00:02,110 --> 00:00:04,170 Speaker 2: welcome back to another episode of clarity's 3 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:10,320 Speaker 1: girls. I'm scared, I'm scared. Today we're actually going to 4 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:13,970 Speaker 1: talk about cheating. This is not something we have discussed before, wow, 5 00:00:14,010 --> 00:00:16,810 Speaker 1: I don't think so. I think we've touched on like 6 00:00:16,820 --> 00:00:19,250 Speaker 1: other topics that we mentioned a little bit 7 00:00:19,260 --> 00:00:20,620 Speaker 2: like red flags and stuff 8 00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:22,740 Speaker 1: like that, but we've never zeroed in. But I think 9 00:00:22,750 --> 00:00:24,940 Speaker 1: over the past few weeks there's been a slew of 10 00:00:24,950 --> 00:00:27,530 Speaker 1: cheating incidents. You heard about the adam Levine incident. Of 11 00:00:27,530 --> 00:00:30,170 Speaker 1: course he was called D M. Ng a model. Like 12 00:00:30,170 --> 00:00:30,790 Speaker 1: a few models. 13 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,100 Speaker 1: Yeah, A few models like your body is insane. That 14 00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:36,580 Speaker 1: and he's married to prince lu also net foma from 15 00:00:36,580 --> 00:00:39,340 Speaker 1: try guys. He's got a wife, but he was apparently 16 00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:42,310 Speaker 1: consensual workplace relationship with this girl that he works with 17 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,730 Speaker 1: and he was dropped from the try guys. He's got 18 00:00:44,729 --> 00:00:46,650 Speaker 1: kids as well by the way. So they're not the 19 00:00:46,650 --> 00:00:48,800 Speaker 1: first celebrities to be caught cheating and they will not 20 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,570 Speaker 1: be the last, I think cheating is a human condition. 21 00:00:51,580 --> 00:00:53,300 Speaker 1: So today they, 22 00:00:53,310 --> 00:00:56,590 Speaker 1: the question that we want to ask is monogamy, 23 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,820 Speaker 2: that monogamy it is the state of being married to 24 00:00:59,820 --> 00:01:02,010 Speaker 2: one person at any one time, being 25 00:01:02,010 --> 00:01:05,660 Speaker 1: committed to one person, not necessarily married. So just being 26 00:01:05,660 --> 00:01:10,500 Speaker 1: with only one person or only having sexual relationship, One person, right? 27 00:01:10,510 --> 00:01:13,339 Speaker 1: What do you think about this? Being loyal to one person? 28 00:01:13,350 --> 00:01:14,670 Speaker 2: Hey, I'm all up for that 29 00:01:14,670 --> 00:01:15,810 Speaker 1: man. 30 00:01:16,870 --> 00:01:17,480 Speaker 1: That's all right. 31 00:01:18,209 --> 00:01:19,520 Speaker 2: This silence is deafening. 32 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no. I feel like sometimes there 33 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:26,190 Speaker 1: will be points in your life where you question if 34 00:01:26,190 --> 00:01:29,190 Speaker 1: it's possible, not because you want to cheat, but let's 35 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,530 Speaker 1: say like in your circle of friends, right? When you 36 00:01:31,530 --> 00:01:34,740 Speaker 1: have friends, you have different friends for different things. So 37 00:01:34,750 --> 00:01:40,810 Speaker 1: is it fair to expect everything out of one person? Oh, okay. 38 00:01:40,810 --> 00:01:42,589 Speaker 1: So like for example, you go to one person for 39 00:01:42,590 --> 00:01:45,590 Speaker 1: companionship and then you go to another person for sex. No, no, no. 40 00:01:46,090 --> 00:01:50,220 Speaker 1: Like if I have a problem A I got a 41 00:01:50,220 --> 00:01:52,750 Speaker 1: hazy maybe five problem B. You're more suited for it. 42 00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 1: I go to you. Sure. So let's say you have 43 00:01:55,970 --> 00:01:58,100 Speaker 1: things that you like to do. You know, you've got hobbies, 44 00:01:58,100 --> 00:01:59,530 Speaker 1: you've got um, 45 00:01:59,890 --> 00:02:03,230 Speaker 1: just different things right in your life. But when people 46 00:02:03,230 --> 00:02:06,180 Speaker 1: are with one person, sometimes they expect this person to 47 00:02:06,180 --> 00:02:06,340 Speaker 1: be 48 00:02:06,350 --> 00:02:07,500 Speaker 2: everything. 49 00:02:07,510 --> 00:02:08,320 Speaker 1: So 50 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:11,190 Speaker 2: your partner cannot be that everything for you. Is that 51 00:02:11,190 --> 00:02:11,540 Speaker 2: what you're talking 52 00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:12,850 Speaker 1: about? You 53 00:02:12,850 --> 00:02:15,820 Speaker 2: have to turn to other measures to satisfy your 54 00:02:15,820 --> 00:02:18,519 Speaker 1: needs for your wants. 55 00:02:21,530 --> 00:02:25,019 Speaker 1: Okay, here's the thing though. Here's what my take is 56 00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:28,340 Speaker 1: on monogamy. From what I understand. Do you think cavemen 57 00:02:28,340 --> 00:02:29,460 Speaker 1: were monogamous? 58 00:02:30,340 --> 00:02:37,130 Speaker 1: Obviously not humans were not born or built to be monogamous? Yes, 59 00:02:37,130 --> 00:02:39,820 Speaker 1: this is like the situation of the world, right? But 60 00:02:39,830 --> 00:02:42,610 Speaker 1: monogamy is kind of like a social construct 61 00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:46,060 Speaker 1: because of marriage because of a civil union. That's how 62 00:02:46,060 --> 00:02:48,090 Speaker 1: it came to play. But of course there are a 63 00:02:48,090 --> 00:02:50,250 Speaker 1: lot of reasons why people cheat, You know, it's never 64 00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,190 Speaker 1: a nice situation to be in whether you're the cheetah 65 00:02:52,190 --> 00:02:54,530 Speaker 1: or you're being cheated on. But what are some reasons 66 00:02:54,530 --> 00:02:57,829 Speaker 1: they all think people cheat? Okay before that, let's talk 67 00:02:57,830 --> 00:02:59,750 Speaker 1: about what we think constitutes 68 00:02:59,750 --> 00:03:00,410 Speaker 2: cheating. 69 00:03:00,419 --> 00:03:05,649 Speaker 1: Okay, if you're in a committed relationship, obviously if you 70 00:03:05,660 --> 00:03:07,950 Speaker 1: go and someone else that's cheating, even 71 00:03:07,950 --> 00:03:09,900 Speaker 2: if you kiss someone else, I think that's cheating as well, 72 00:03:09,910 --> 00:03:12,060 Speaker 1: what if it's emotional, 73 00:03:12,085 --> 00:03:15,055 Speaker 1: how do you draw the line? That's worse. Emotional cheating 74 00:03:15,055 --> 00:03:16,185 Speaker 1: is the worst. It's 75 00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:18,954 Speaker 2: okay. I feel like physical cheating is worse, 76 00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:20,085 Speaker 1: but 77 00:03:20,085 --> 00:03:22,675 Speaker 2: we'll get to that later. But yes, emotional cheating is 78 00:03:22,675 --> 00:03:23,415 Speaker 2: still cheating. 79 00:03:23,425 --> 00:03:27,475 Speaker 1: But what is emotional cheating? Like where's the line Because physical, like, okay, sure. 80 00:03:27,835 --> 00:03:31,145 Speaker 1: But where's the line when it comes to emotional cheating? 81 00:03:31,145 --> 00:03:33,544 Speaker 1: When you find yourself emotionally invested in someone else other 82 00:03:33,544 --> 00:03:36,365 Speaker 1: than your monogamous partner, then that's when 83 00:03:36,365 --> 00:03:38,535 Speaker 2: you send them to other people. Like how adam living, 84 00:03:38,535 --> 00:03:39,465 Speaker 2: text other goals. 85 00:03:39,475 --> 00:03:40,475 Speaker 1: I'm sorry that his game is 86 00:03:40,475 --> 00:03:41,295 Speaker 2: damn week. 87 00:03:41,730 --> 00:03:44,340 Speaker 1: He's a stupid. Okay, so what are some of the 88 00:03:44,340 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 1: most common reasons why people 89 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 2: cheat? Like you mentioned just now physically cheating, lack of 90 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,970 Speaker 2: the physical connection, lack of emotional connection. I think this 91 00:03:52,970 --> 00:03:56,010 Speaker 2: can constitute like two reasons as to why people cheat. 92 00:03:56,020 --> 00:03:58,550 Speaker 1: That's true. I think there are also a lot of reasons, 93 00:03:58,550 --> 00:04:01,350 Speaker 1: like for example, sex addiction, people that, you know, you 94 00:04:01,350 --> 00:04:03,640 Speaker 1: just addicted to sex and you can't just have one 95 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,820 Speaker 1: sexual partner, but you somehow ended up in a committed 96 00:04:05,820 --> 00:04:07,220 Speaker 1: relationship and you're like, she, 97 00:04:07,230 --> 00:04:08,110 Speaker 2: I 98 00:04:08,110 --> 00:04:10,970 Speaker 1: want to go sleep, other people. Then people would argue 99 00:04:10,970 --> 00:04:14,740 Speaker 1: and say that, you know, cheating is unnecessary because you 100 00:04:14,740 --> 00:04:16,580 Speaker 1: should end whatever that you have first 101 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:21,660 Speaker 2: correct. Unless your partner is also agreeable to this situation, 102 00:04:21,670 --> 00:04:25,070 Speaker 1: then that's an open relationship and that's not cheating, right, correct? 103 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:30,119 Speaker 1: That's truly sometimes unresolved childhood issues. Like childhood trauma can 104 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,720 Speaker 1: also cause you to cheat because maybe you 105 00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:34,960 Speaker 1: I have this whole and you always feel like you 106 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,500 Speaker 1: never loved enough. So you seek love in a lot 107 00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 1: of different places and that could lead to cheating. 108 00:04:39,450 --> 00:04:43,830 Speaker 2: Yeah. Bad boundaries to people outside of a relationship. If 109 00:04:43,830 --> 00:04:46,140 Speaker 2: you don't draw the lines, well, then you may end 110 00:04:46,140 --> 00:04:48,460 Speaker 2: up in the situation that is uncalled for 111 00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:52,920 Speaker 1: I think a monogamous relationship needs a lot of self control. 112 00:04:52,930 --> 00:04:55,790 Speaker 1: For sure. Because temptation is always there. It doesn't matter 113 00:04:55,790 --> 00:04:58,229 Speaker 1: if you've been together five years or 50 years, right? 114 00:04:58,390 --> 00:05:00,380 Speaker 1: The temptation is there is whether you act on it 115 00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:00,700 Speaker 1: or not. 116 00:05:00,710 --> 00:05:02,850 Speaker 2: Exactly. And sometimes don't you feel like the longer you 117 00:05:02,850 --> 00:05:05,950 Speaker 2: are in a relationship, the stronger this temptation gets because 118 00:05:05,950 --> 00:05:08,050 Speaker 2: you just know your partner inside out. You know him 119 00:05:08,060 --> 00:05:11,530 Speaker 2: or her so well already. And when someone new comes along, 120 00:05:11,540 --> 00:05:13,450 Speaker 2: you feel like, oh, it's exciting. 121 00:05:13,475 --> 00:05:14,515 Speaker 2: This is fresh. 122 00:05:14,525 --> 00:05:16,495 Speaker 1: I like to think of it as the theory of 123 00:05:16,495 --> 00:05:20,365 Speaker 1: the forbidden fruit. You know, forbidden fruit is always very tempting, right? 124 00:05:20,365 --> 00:05:23,714 Speaker 1: You want what you can't have. Yeah. Okay. Do you 125 00:05:23,714 --> 00:05:28,560 Speaker 1: girls think cheating is ever justifiable or acceptable? 126 00:05:29,130 --> 00:05:32,770 Speaker 2: Well, I don't want to put a hard no to 127 00:05:32,770 --> 00:05:35,870 Speaker 2: this question in certain cases where relationships are 128 00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:37,150 Speaker 1: toxic 129 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:41,279 Speaker 2: and people cheat, then I think in a certain way 130 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:44,510 Speaker 2: it's justifiable because you can't get love from that relationship. 131 00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 2: And that's why you turn to other means, 132 00:05:46,210 --> 00:05:50,500 Speaker 1: right? What do you think agreed agreed? I think there 133 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:54,810 Speaker 1: are situations that makes it justifiable, but 134 00:05:55,260 --> 00:05:58,180 Speaker 1: maybe it still doesn't make it right. I mean, of course, 135 00:05:58,180 --> 00:06:00,990 Speaker 1: the whole concept of cheating is something that morally may 136 00:06:00,990 --> 00:06:05,080 Speaker 1: not be right, but the reasons for it may be justifiable. Yeah. 137 00:06:05,089 --> 00:06:08,590 Speaker 1: Like I know, you know, I have friends who um 138 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,270 Speaker 1: have been with married men, not me at this moment. 139 00:06:11,270 --> 00:06:12,420 Speaker 1: I say friends is really friendly. 140 00:06:13,270 --> 00:06:15,650 Speaker 1: I see you guys on Tiktok and you're always like 141 00:06:15,660 --> 00:06:18,820 Speaker 1: when you say friends, it's really about, you know, it's 142 00:06:18,820 --> 00:06:21,720 Speaker 1: really our friends, I have friends who have been with 143 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:24,450 Speaker 1: married men. And, and the thing is that they are 144 00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:28,250 Speaker 1: not happy in their situation. The man who's married, right? Um, 145 00:06:28,250 --> 00:06:31,630 Speaker 1: sometimes they even have kids. You know, it happens. And 146 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,720 Speaker 1: as a friend, right? I would never judge my friend 147 00:06:33,730 --> 00:06:37,039 Speaker 1: for, for, you know, doing something like that or entering 148 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,570 Speaker 1: into a situation like that. I will do is support her. 149 00:06:39,580 --> 00:06:41,979 Speaker 1: So I think like no one is above this like 150 00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 1: moral high ground where I judge this person and this person, 151 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,219 Speaker 1: which is why when the whole net former thing came out. 152 00:06:47,230 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 1: I mean I do think people a bit harsh on him, 153 00:06:49,210 --> 00:06:52,080 Speaker 2: okay I see where you're coming from. But I also 154 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,839 Speaker 2: have a friend, he's male and he's together with a 155 00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:58,650 Speaker 2: married woman way older than him. But he himself is 156 00:06:58,650 --> 00:07:02,020 Speaker 2: in a relationship, a very committed stable relationship I would say. 157 00:07:02,029 --> 00:07:03,640 Speaker 2: But as a friend 158 00:07:03,810 --> 00:07:06,980 Speaker 2: I tried to talk some sense into him because a 159 00:07:06,980 --> 00:07:08,690 Speaker 2: long time ago he was the one who told me 160 00:07:08,690 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 2: that he would never go in between someone else's marriage 161 00:07:11,410 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 2: and fast forward a few years later here he is 162 00:07:14,570 --> 00:07:17,520 Speaker 2: into someone else's marriage and we know that this married woman, 163 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,980 Speaker 2: she's a very nice person, 164 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:22,040 Speaker 2: she has a family of her own but she's still 165 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:23,840 Speaker 2: doing this together with my friends. So I think both 166 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:24,490 Speaker 2: of them are equally 167 00:07:24,490 --> 00:07:25,970 Speaker 1: conflicted. None 168 00:07:25,970 --> 00:07:27,910 Speaker 2: of them wants this to happen. But they just enjoy 169 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:30,020 Speaker 2: each other's company so much. And at the end of 170 00:07:30,020 --> 00:07:31,500 Speaker 2: the day both of them want to go back to 171 00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:35,570 Speaker 2: their family slash relationships. They know that this thing between 172 00:07:35,570 --> 00:07:37,280 Speaker 2: them would never work out will never turn into a 173 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,970 Speaker 2: proper relationship, but they just enjoy the physical 174 00:07:39,980 --> 00:07:41,030 Speaker 2: expects of it, 175 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 1: understand? So it's kind of like getting the best of 176 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:43,780 Speaker 1: both worlds. 177 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,270 Speaker 2: I don't know. So I tried to tell him why 178 00:07:46,270 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 2: don't you stop yourself? Now pull yourself back. You have 179 00:07:49,530 --> 00:07:51,970 Speaker 2: a very good relationship, a very good girl waiting for you. 180 00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:53,020 Speaker 2: Why waste this. 181 00:07:53,030 --> 00:07:54,880 Speaker 1: But I think this is back to what I said 182 00:07:54,890 --> 00:07:57,700 Speaker 1: earlier where one person can give you everything. You know, 183 00:07:57,700 --> 00:08:00,070 Speaker 1: like you have kids with this person but what if 184 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:00,790 Speaker 1: you know you're just 185 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,990 Speaker 1: fulfilled sexually then you just 186 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:06,110 Speaker 2: couldn't be relationships, relationships are not for you. 187 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,270 Speaker 1: I don't think that that's relationships are not for you. 188 00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:10,490 Speaker 1: But you know, you already have a kid, you can't 189 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,780 Speaker 1: just leave, you can't just up and leave, but you 190 00:08:13,780 --> 00:08:15,750 Speaker 1: kind of have to satisfy your needs elsewhere, 191 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:18,740 Speaker 2: correct? But then you have to see which one matters 192 00:08:18,740 --> 00:08:20,830 Speaker 2: to you most because you kind of the best of 193 00:08:20,830 --> 00:08:22,020 Speaker 2: both worlds, right? I 194 00:08:22,020 --> 00:08:26,020 Speaker 1: think the thing about monogamous relationships is that people step 195 00:08:26,020 --> 00:08:29,530 Speaker 1: into it with the one, 196 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:30,330 Speaker 2: the 197 00:08:30,330 --> 00:08:34,819 Speaker 1: security and the assurance that you will choose me and 198 00:08:34,820 --> 00:08:40,150 Speaker 1: only me. Yeah. So I think that's the that's the basis. 199 00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:42,630 Speaker 1: So that's the root of it, right? Because people have 200 00:08:42,630 --> 00:08:45,580 Speaker 1: this expectations where they want to be chosen and they 201 00:08:45,580 --> 00:08:48,100 Speaker 1: want to be the only one. Yeah, but it's not 202 00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:49,970 Speaker 1: fair to want to be the only one and then 203 00:08:49,970 --> 00:08:51,569 Speaker 1: you go find someone else correct. That's 204 00:08:51,580 --> 00:08:52,950 Speaker 2: exactly what I told him. 205 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:53,600 Speaker 1: I get it. 206 00:08:53,670 --> 00:08:53,870 Speaker 1: So 207 00:08:53,870 --> 00:08:57,290 Speaker 2: he's really trying to take steps to stop this whole situation. 208 00:08:57,290 --> 00:08:59,739 Speaker 2: But I understand once you're in it is actually a 209 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,470 Speaker 2: bit hard to withdraw from that whole. 210 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:04,270 Speaker 1: Sometimes you have friends who you know will just support you. 211 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,840 Speaker 1: Sometimes you have friends who are a moral compass. Hazy 212 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,630 Speaker 1: is the ultimate moral compass. Thank you for keeping us 213 00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:13,480 Speaker 1: in check. You're welcome. I have a story here. People 214 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,680 Speaker 1: who have had experiences with cheating this from Buzzfeed by 215 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:17,220 Speaker 1: the way, shout out to former. 216 00:09:18,740 --> 00:09:21,600 Speaker 1: So this person says which the ribbon 84 I was 217 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,300 Speaker 1: a cheater. I've been with the same guy for four 218 00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:25,550 Speaker 1: years and it wasn't going anywhere. And I had a 219 00:09:25,550 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 1: very bad feeling. He wasn't going to let me out 220 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 1: of the relationship without good reason. That sounds scary. That's scary. Right, toxic. 221 00:09:31,730 --> 00:09:33,460 Speaker 1: I tried many times before to break it off, but 222 00:09:33,460 --> 00:09:35,520 Speaker 1: he always came back saying I would change, I would 223 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,820 Speaker 1: change and I stupidly took him back and I believed 224 00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:40,580 Speaker 1: in him. He never changed. But I had and I 225 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,390 Speaker 1: wanted out, so I cheated on him. And the next 226 00:09:43,390 --> 00:09:45,650 Speaker 1: day I told him what I'd done, he broke it 227 00:09:45,650 --> 00:09:46,490 Speaker 1: off crying 228 00:09:46,510 --> 00:09:49,870 Speaker 1: and screaming at me, your your your home. And I 229 00:09:49,870 --> 00:09:51,090 Speaker 1: haven't seen him since. 230 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:52,699 Speaker 2: But well at least you got to break up. 231 00:09:52,710 --> 00:09:54,510 Speaker 1: Right. It's not bad because I think this is a 232 00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:57,560 Speaker 1: toxic situation to be in. Um and I think if 233 00:09:57,559 --> 00:10:00,069 Speaker 1: you've tried every way to get out and you couldn't, 234 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,310 Speaker 1: maybe this is your last resort, it's like being held hostage. 235 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:04,959 Speaker 1: It's not relationship. 236 00:10:04,970 --> 00:10:08,560 Speaker 2: And this other one by Desi underscore Dukes says that 237 00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:11,060 Speaker 2: I've been a long term relationship and long distance relationship 238 00:10:11,059 --> 00:10:12,820 Speaker 2: for a long time now. And it's gotten to the 239 00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:14,130 Speaker 2: point where I realized I ignored 240 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,939 Speaker 2: so many red flags for years and I don't feel 241 00:10:16,940 --> 00:10:19,120 Speaker 2: safe breaking up with him because he's in a very 242 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:20,370 Speaker 2: dark place, mentally 243 00:10:20,380 --> 00:10:21,520 Speaker 1: toxic. 244 00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:23,319 Speaker 2: I love him with all my heart, but I don't 245 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:26,069 Speaker 2: love him in a romantic way anymore. A few months ago, 246 00:10:26,070 --> 00:10:27,890 Speaker 2: I was at a party and had too many drinks 247 00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:30,100 Speaker 2: and heavily made out with a friend of mine who 248 00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:33,140 Speaker 2: I knew was into me, we didn't sleep together, but 249 00:10:33,140 --> 00:10:36,220 Speaker 2: we got really close. I eventually left, went back to 250 00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:39,380 Speaker 2: my place and cried myself to sleep. 251 00:10:39,390 --> 00:10:40,970 Speaker 1: What is heavily made 252 00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:42,050 Speaker 2: up? 253 00:10:42,230 --> 00:10:42,610 Speaker 2: What's 254 00:10:42,610 --> 00:10:45,179 Speaker 1: the definition? You asked heavy? Let 255 00:10:45,179 --> 00:10:46,410 Speaker 2: me let me send a DM. 256 00:10:47,610 --> 00:10:52,309 Speaker 1: I think this is a situation where sometimes the relationship 257 00:10:52,309 --> 00:10:55,830 Speaker 1: changes your feelings changed. The romance is just not there anymore. 258 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:59,050 Speaker 2: Yes. And then this is when temptation comes into play. 259 00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:03,010 Speaker 2: So you find yourself like tempted to cheat on your 260 00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:05,110 Speaker 2: other half, especially after you had a few drinks, 261 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,140 Speaker 1: but I feel like, you know, she still had the 262 00:11:08,150 --> 00:11:09,680 Speaker 1: self control, 263 00:11:09,860 --> 00:11:10,200 Speaker 2: right? 264 00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:13,250 Speaker 1: Don't you think that's like respectable? And she didn't go 265 00:11:13,290 --> 00:11:16,530 Speaker 1: all the way for sure she had that at the 266 00:11:16,530 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 1: back of her mind and knew that what she was 267 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,600 Speaker 1: doing was wrong and stopped it as soon as she could. 268 00:11:20,610 --> 00:11:23,450 Speaker 1: I mean, not, not like commendable, not like good job, 269 00:11:23,460 --> 00:11:26,360 Speaker 1: but I think to stop where she did, that did 270 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:30,590 Speaker 1: take a lot of discipline, discipline. Yes. So I mean, 271 00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:32,930 Speaker 1: we've heard of a lot of experiences of people cheating. 272 00:11:32,929 --> 00:11:35,809 Speaker 1: I mean our friends, you know, whoever that we know, 273 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:38,990 Speaker 1: but what about us? Sorry, 274 00:11:39,370 --> 00:11:41,300 Speaker 1: ask the question, Do you go there for all of 275 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:41,850 Speaker 1: a sudden? 276 00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:48,050 Speaker 1: Listen carefully. Have you ever found yourself in a situation 277 00:11:48,059 --> 00:11:49,920 Speaker 1: where you're tempted to cheat? 278 00:11:51,929 --> 00:11:53,040 Speaker 1: Who's gonna speak up 279 00:11:55,070 --> 00:11:56,170 Speaker 1: crazy? 280 00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,890 Speaker 2: Okay. Okay. I'll go first. I think I mentioned this 281 00:11:59,890 --> 00:12:01,650 Speaker 2: on the harsh podcast before, like back when I was 282 00:12:01,650 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 2: in J. C. I was dating this guy and then 283 00:12:03,410 --> 00:12:07,230 Speaker 2: after A. Levels and I started to go to work, right, 284 00:12:07,230 --> 00:12:09,640 Speaker 2: and then I met this other guy and I found 285 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:14,030 Speaker 2: myself really tempted to go out with him and me 286 00:12:14,030 --> 00:12:18,010 Speaker 2: and this new guy we kissed. Well I was still 287 00:12:18,010 --> 00:12:20,420 Speaker 2: in a relationship with the guy from my J. C. 288 00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:23,540 Speaker 2: And I felt terrible about it. Like I had to 289 00:12:23,540 --> 00:12:24,319 Speaker 2: tell 290 00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:27,679 Speaker 2: my boyfriend my then boyfriend what happened and I had 291 00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:29,660 Speaker 2: to like break it off with him. I think I 292 00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:32,059 Speaker 2: heard him really, really badly, especially when he was about 293 00:12:32,059 --> 00:12:35,540 Speaker 2: to go into N. S. O. I was the worst. 294 00:12:35,550 --> 00:12:39,329 Speaker 2: I'm so sorry being the cheater put me in a 295 00:12:39,330 --> 00:12:43,140 Speaker 2: very awkward and terrible kind of position. I hated how 296 00:12:43,140 --> 00:12:45,800 Speaker 2: that felt. And I told myself this is the last 297 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:46,240 Speaker 2: time 298 00:12:46,450 --> 00:12:47,730 Speaker 2: I would do this. I 299 00:12:47,730 --> 00:12:50,260 Speaker 1: think I've definitely, you know, been in situations where the 300 00:12:50,260 --> 00:12:53,290 Speaker 1: temptation is there, especially when you are in a long 301 00:12:53,290 --> 00:12:56,970 Speaker 1: term relationship and I just think that guys tend to 302 00:12:56,970 --> 00:13:00,280 Speaker 1: get too comfortable in long term relationships and you will 303 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,580 Speaker 1: tell them that no, like you need to keep making 304 00:13:02,580 --> 00:13:04,439 Speaker 1: the effort, you need to do this and this and 305 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,689 Speaker 1: this and it just flies over their 306 00:13:06,690 --> 00:13:07,210 Speaker 2: heads 307 00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:07,800 Speaker 2: then 308 00:13:07,809 --> 00:13:10,750 Speaker 1: after time and time again of telling them the same thing, right? 309 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,079 Speaker 1: You just kind of give up and you seek attention elsewhere, 310 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:16,630 Speaker 1: you seek companionship affection elsewhere and yes, you know, I'm 311 00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,230 Speaker 1: not gonna sit here in front and be like, oh, 312 00:13:18,230 --> 00:13:20,630 Speaker 1: I've never done that, Yes, I have, but there was 313 00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:22,559 Speaker 1: a reason for that, right? Because I put my heart 314 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:25,340 Speaker 1: and soul into my relationship, but I don't feel the 315 00:13:25,340 --> 00:13:26,620 Speaker 1: same effort being put 316 00:13:26,620 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 2: back, understand 317 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:28,630 Speaker 1: Yeah, and that, 318 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:31,160 Speaker 1: yeah, that makes you feel kind of kind of sad 319 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:31,960 Speaker 1: and kind of lonely, 320 00:13:31,970 --> 00:13:32,960 Speaker 2: correct. I 321 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,110 Speaker 1: think sometimes people forget that like in long term relationships 322 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:39,920 Speaker 1: um that you should never stop chasing, you know, but 323 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,530 Speaker 1: the work carries on, but I think maybe sometimes not 324 00:13:43,530 --> 00:13:44,910 Speaker 1: to say that it's just the guys, you know, it 325 00:13:44,910 --> 00:13:47,040 Speaker 1: could be either party, but I feel like there's an 326 00:13:47,050 --> 00:13:49,670 Speaker 1: imbalance there sometimes and maybe one 327 00:13:49,670 --> 00:13:50,800 Speaker 2: party gets a little bit more 328 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,650 Speaker 1: comfortable, they feel like, you know, 329 00:13:52,650 --> 00:13:53,600 Speaker 2: it's supposed to be easy, 330 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,160 Speaker 1: what does it have to be like, oh you have to, 331 00:13:55,175 --> 00:13:57,905 Speaker 1: in work all the time, I'm happy, what, you know, 332 00:13:57,915 --> 00:14:01,495 Speaker 1: but I think a healthy relationship, you just gotta keep 333 00:14:01,495 --> 00:14:02,905 Speaker 1: working at it, it just never stops 334 00:14:02,905 --> 00:14:05,035 Speaker 2: correct at this point can I just shout out to 335 00:14:05,035 --> 00:14:07,285 Speaker 2: nick Tokyo and Hong ling. I feel like they are 336 00:14:07,285 --> 00:14:09,854 Speaker 2: one of the most genuine couples in the industry. They've 337 00:14:09,865 --> 00:14:12,805 Speaker 2: been together for like seven years but they have never 338 00:14:12,804 --> 00:14:17,064 Speaker 2: stopped being sweet to each other, putting an effort. There 339 00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:19,755 Speaker 2: was one time Hong ling did this birthday bento box 340 00:14:19,755 --> 00:14:21,425 Speaker 2: for nick which he brought to set 341 00:14:21,630 --> 00:14:23,490 Speaker 2: well all of us were eating like the chicken rice 342 00:14:23,490 --> 00:14:26,510 Speaker 2: and production brought us, he took out the bento box, 343 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:29,140 Speaker 2: open it up and there was this friday in the 344 00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:32,180 Speaker 2: shape of a heart and the note 345 00:14:32,180 --> 00:14:33,370 Speaker 1: says like happy 346 00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:36,310 Speaker 2: birthday love, remember to eat well because we're filming a 347 00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:40,420 Speaker 2: very physically intensive show, camel jockeys and I saw that 348 00:14:40,420 --> 00:14:43,500 Speaker 2: like recently in Next proposal, you know, he really put 349 00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:46,150 Speaker 2: in a lot of effort to try and surprise Homelink, 350 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:50,590 Speaker 2: bring her friends and family um you know on this 351 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:51,080 Speaker 2: trip 352 00:14:51,250 --> 00:14:54,240 Speaker 2: out and I feel like these are the little things 353 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:57,780 Speaker 2: and the little details that you cannot lose even after 354 00:14:57,780 --> 00:15:00,500 Speaker 2: seven years into the relationship. And they have been perfect 355 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,020 Speaker 2: examples of this 356 00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:05,820 Speaker 1: relationship is hard work and it's true. Like never stop dating. 357 00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:08,540 Speaker 1: That's what I would say, right? Never stopped. Exactly. I 358 00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:12,340 Speaker 1: think for me, right, I don't get physical limitations, but 359 00:15:12,340 --> 00:15:16,660 Speaker 1: I fear emotional connections because you like to talk talk talk. 360 00:15:17,980 --> 00:15:20,310 Speaker 1: It's true, my voice hasn't been well for the past 361 00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:22,440 Speaker 1: four weeks and it's not getting better and I'm like 362 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:24,020 Speaker 1: complaining and people are just like, you just need to 363 00:15:24,020 --> 00:15:28,410 Speaker 1: shut up, just shut up. But sorry what you were saying? Yeah, 364 00:15:28,410 --> 00:15:30,410 Speaker 1: I always feel very like, you know there are seven 365 00:15:30,410 --> 00:15:33,270 Speaker 1: billion people in this world and not that I'm looking 366 00:15:33,270 --> 00:15:37,310 Speaker 1: for anything, but I enjoy connecting with people like on 367 00:15:37,310 --> 00:15:41,490 Speaker 1: a human level and sometimes it just so happens that 368 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:46,700 Speaker 1: when you connect with someone you feel something Yeah, that's understandable. 369 00:15:46,710 --> 00:15:49,190 Speaker 1: I think regardless of what kind of cheating it is 370 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:52,270 Speaker 1: cheating is probably a sign that there's something wrong in 371 00:15:52,270 --> 00:15:54,830 Speaker 1: your relationship. It signals that may be 372 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,580 Speaker 1: you know, you guys have some issues you need to 373 00:15:56,580 --> 00:16:00,230 Speaker 1: work through correct. Yeah, or maybe it's time to end 374 00:16:00,230 --> 00:16:03,550 Speaker 1: the relationship, but I think now, right with technology with 375 00:16:03,550 --> 00:16:06,170 Speaker 1: like then the coffee meets bigger and hinge and there's 376 00:16:06,170 --> 00:16:09,410 Speaker 1: so many apps now, it's made my opinion is that 377 00:16:09,420 --> 00:16:12,479 Speaker 1: it's made cheating easier because it makes meeting people easier. 378 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:13,310 Speaker 1: What do you think? 379 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,620 Speaker 2: I feel like if one person takes that step to 380 00:16:15,620 --> 00:16:17,850 Speaker 2: sign up for an account on Tinder or even download 381 00:16:17,850 --> 00:16:21,580 Speaker 2: that app, then you are making that conscious decision to cheat. 382 00:16:21,590 --> 00:16:24,270 Speaker 1: Exactly. So here's what happened with one of my exes 383 00:16:24,270 --> 00:16:27,070 Speaker 1: right many years ago, it was a long distance thing 384 00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:29,470 Speaker 1: and we were already on the rocks, right? And and 385 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:32,280 Speaker 1: I already knew this was going to end one day. 386 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:35,110 Speaker 1: My friend text me from Singapore and she's like, she 387 00:16:35,110 --> 00:16:38,210 Speaker 1: sent me a screenshot of my then boyfriend on Tinder. 388 00:16:38,220 --> 00:16:39,670 Speaker 1: I was like, 389 00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:43,410 Speaker 1: I was like, what is this? And I straightaway confronted him. 390 00:16:43,410 --> 00:16:45,670 Speaker 1: I forwarded it to him. I was like, well if 391 00:16:45,670 --> 00:16:47,680 Speaker 1: you're gonna be on Tinder then let's just break up. 392 00:16:47,690 --> 00:16:49,490 Speaker 1: And then he sent me back, like really long text 393 00:16:49,490 --> 00:16:51,150 Speaker 1: saying like, oh, the way you treated me with shit, 394 00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:53,530 Speaker 1: da da da da da. I just ignore him and 395 00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:55,620 Speaker 1: we never spoke again. I've never seen him till this day. 396 00:16:55,630 --> 00:16:56,360 Speaker 2: So 397 00:16:56,360 --> 00:17:00,250 Speaker 1: basically he went onto Tinder before officially breaking up 398 00:17:00,550 --> 00:17:01,740 Speaker 2: rough. 399 00:17:01,750 --> 00:17:04,570 Speaker 1: So do you think technology makes it easier to cheat? 400 00:17:04,580 --> 00:17:07,649 Speaker 1: I think technology makes it obvious that the intention 401 00:17:07,650 --> 00:17:08,770 Speaker 2: was there. Yes, 402 00:17:08,780 --> 00:17:11,770 Speaker 1: okay. Because sometimes when you go out, you may not 403 00:17:11,770 --> 00:17:14,230 Speaker 1: have the attention that it just so happened or whatever 404 00:17:14,230 --> 00:17:15,879 Speaker 1: it is. Whatever excuses they give, right? 405 00:17:16,070 --> 00:17:19,800 Speaker 1: But like to download, to create a profile, to look 406 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,530 Speaker 1: for pictures, to think about what the same with yourself. 407 00:17:22,540 --> 00:17:27,540 Speaker 1: It's effortless. It's decisions, decisions upon decisions. It's a premeditated. 408 00:17:27,550 --> 00:17:29,409 Speaker 1: I agree. What if it's not premeditated? 409 00:17:29,420 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 2: What do you mean? 410 00:17:30,609 --> 00:17:33,010 Speaker 1: What if it's a drunken one night stand? 411 00:17:33,020 --> 00:17:36,960 Speaker 2: But again, I feel like by going to the party 412 00:17:36,970 --> 00:17:38,439 Speaker 2: and drinking so much 413 00:17:38,950 --> 00:17:43,149 Speaker 2: you are opening yourself up to that possibility of having 414 00:17:43,150 --> 00:17:44,700 Speaker 2: a drunken one night stand. So 415 00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:46,840 Speaker 1: let's say, right, if you guys find, I mean we've 416 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:49,550 Speaker 1: all been in long term relationships, right? Let's say, just 417 00:17:49,550 --> 00:17:51,440 Speaker 1: think of one partner in your mind, let's say that 418 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,410 Speaker 1: person comes to you one day and tells you I 419 00:17:53,410 --> 00:17:55,629 Speaker 1: had a drunken one night stand, but it was completely 420 00:17:55,630 --> 00:17:57,619 Speaker 1: a mistake. I'm so sorry, I still want to be 421 00:17:57,619 --> 00:17:59,500 Speaker 1: with you. How you're gonna react 422 00:17:59,510 --> 00:18:00,920 Speaker 2: is no for me. 423 00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:02,990 Speaker 1: No heart. 424 00:18:02,990 --> 00:18:03,490 Speaker 2: No. 425 00:18:03,710 --> 00:18:06,950 Speaker 2: And if that happened to myself and I am honest 426 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,820 Speaker 2: about it with my partner, I'm okay if he decides 427 00:18:09,820 --> 00:18:12,520 Speaker 2: to leave this relationship as well, because I know that 428 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:13,620 Speaker 2: I wouldn't be able to take it. 429 00:18:13,630 --> 00:18:15,530 Speaker 1: I feel like I would question like 430 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:19,090 Speaker 1: did I have a part to play in it? You know, 431 00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:25,770 Speaker 1: like did I ignore his ones? Did I ignore requests 432 00:18:25,770 --> 00:18:28,609 Speaker 1: that he made if I feel like, oh, I didn't 433 00:18:28,609 --> 00:18:31,010 Speaker 1: try hard enough or I took it for granted. 434 00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:32,990 Speaker 1: I think it might be more acute. 435 00:18:33,010 --> 00:18:35,930 Speaker 2: So you're putting it upon yourself like this one night 436 00:18:35,930 --> 00:18:36,859 Speaker 2: stand that he made 437 00:18:36,869 --> 00:18:39,400 Speaker 1: because I feel like it's cause and effect there. But 438 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,840 Speaker 1: even though on his part, not even though he made 439 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:46,030 Speaker 1: that decision, right? But you know, we touched earlier about 440 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,540 Speaker 1: how a lot of times these things happen because there's 441 00:18:49,550 --> 00:18:51,870 Speaker 2: misaligned values, 442 00:18:52,380 --> 00:18:57,070 Speaker 1: there's like dissatisfaction somewhere and I think that's real like 443 00:18:57,070 --> 00:18:57,860 Speaker 1: you can't 444 00:18:58,330 --> 00:19:01,390 Speaker 1: ignore that. I've had friends who have cheated and I've 445 00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:04,030 Speaker 1: asked them, do you regret it? Most of them tell 446 00:19:04,030 --> 00:19:04,730 Speaker 1: me no, 447 00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:05,910 Speaker 2: I can't understand why 448 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 1: why. 449 00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:09,500 Speaker 2: Um No, I feel like at the point of cheating, 450 00:19:09,510 --> 00:19:12,150 Speaker 2: a part of yourself really knows that this is going 451 00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:14,890 Speaker 2: to happen and you know what you're about to risk already, 452 00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:18,380 Speaker 1: it takes many steps to actually get to be together 453 00:19:18,910 --> 00:19:23,030 Speaker 1: and it's not like it's not like whoa, that's yeah, 454 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:23,480 Speaker 2: you know, 455 00:19:23,490 --> 00:19:25,120 Speaker 1: it's not like you snap a finger and you've cheated, 456 00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:27,760 Speaker 1: it's not like that. Yeah, so I completely understand, I mean, 457 00:19:27,770 --> 00:19:30,240 Speaker 1: as we talked about earlier on, there's a lot of 458 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:34,550 Speaker 1: different forms of cheating. We talked about emotional cheating, being, 459 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,700 Speaker 1: having an online dating profile, 460 00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:40,490 Speaker 1: going to dinner with someone that you have feelings 461 00:19:40,490 --> 00:19:42,100 Speaker 2: for all 462 00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:43,340 Speaker 1: in a relationship, 463 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:44,580 Speaker 2: I wouldn't do that. 464 00:19:44,590 --> 00:19:47,830 Speaker 1: I think even talking like texting all day with someone 465 00:19:47,830 --> 00:19:49,810 Speaker 1: you have feelings for while you're in a relationship. That's 466 00:19:49,810 --> 00:19:52,429 Speaker 1: also very so what if you don't have feelings for 467 00:19:52,430 --> 00:19:55,730 Speaker 1: that person, but you know that person has feelings for you? Oh, 468 00:19:56,490 --> 00:20:00,300 Speaker 1: I feel like Hazy has experience with somebody, let's hear 469 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,100 Speaker 1: from her. 470 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:03,730 Speaker 2: Listen, 471 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,210 Speaker 1: we need to block a lot of people from this podcast. 472 00:20:07,220 --> 00:20:08,470 Speaker 2: I will make it very clear 473 00:20:09,020 --> 00:20:12,160 Speaker 2: that my intentions are just to be friends and if 474 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,860 Speaker 2: you choose to continue texting me and if I, I 475 00:20:14,859 --> 00:20:18,260 Speaker 2: find value in like communicating with you and we continue 476 00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:20,929 Speaker 2: this conversation and I feel like it's fine because you 477 00:20:20,930 --> 00:20:22,280 Speaker 2: already know where I'm coming from, 478 00:20:22,290 --> 00:20:25,130 Speaker 1: right, but you still know that the person still has feelings. 479 00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:28,840 Speaker 1: I think it's a very great area. Um but whatever 480 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:32,740 Speaker 1: it is, you know, having relations or having a very 481 00:20:32,740 --> 00:20:36,240 Speaker 1: deep sort of relation with someone that has feelings for 482 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:37,889 Speaker 1: you or you have feelings for while you're in a 483 00:20:37,890 --> 00:20:38,630 Speaker 1: relationship 484 00:20:38,930 --> 00:20:43,639 Speaker 1: that is just opening yourself up to a whole. Exactly yeah. 485 00:20:43,650 --> 00:20:43,960 Speaker 1: You 486 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,080 Speaker 2: don't know what will hit you 487 00:20:45,090 --> 00:20:48,310 Speaker 1: keeping in touch with your ex through social media while 488 00:20:48,310 --> 00:20:51,879 Speaker 1: you're attached if your partner is aware and okay, okay. 489 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:53,910 Speaker 1: What occasion in touch with your ex? 490 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,960 Speaker 2: Not really. But the occasional replies to the I. G. 491 00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:01,140 Speaker 2: Stories or asking, how's your family doing this kind of thing? 492 00:21:01,140 --> 00:21:02,260 Speaker 2: I feel like it's fine. 493 00:21:02,270 --> 00:21:05,750 Speaker 1: Actually blocked my ex out of anger on social media. 494 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:07,129 Speaker 1: And then like 495 00:21:07,550 --> 00:21:09,550 Speaker 1: a while ago I was like, okay okay I'm not 496 00:21:09,550 --> 00:21:12,199 Speaker 1: angry anymore. So I'm blocked. I realized this account's private. 497 00:21:12,210 --> 00:21:16,510 Speaker 1: I should just keep it blocked at this point. But 498 00:21:16,510 --> 00:21:18,200 Speaker 1: then I also follow him. 499 00:21:19,650 --> 00:21:21,260 Speaker 1: We'll 500 00:21:21,260 --> 00:21:23,390 Speaker 2: tell you what he posts if you want to know, 501 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,540 Speaker 1: screenshot everything. I'm kidding. I really don't give a sh 502 00:21:25,540 --> 00:21:26,250 Speaker 1: it 503 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:31,220 Speaker 1: um Some might argue that nonphysical sexual forms of cheating, 504 00:21:31,220 --> 00:21:36,129 Speaker 1: such as emotional infidelity are harmless. But the boundaries of 505 00:21:36,130 --> 00:21:39,359 Speaker 1: emotional cheating way more vague because exactly where do you 506 00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:41,580 Speaker 1: draw the line? Like Sarah said, so what are your 507 00:21:41,580 --> 00:21:43,639 Speaker 1: boundaries when it comes to cheating? 508 00:21:43,650 --> 00:21:46,859 Speaker 2: So just now we talked about emotional cheating versus physical cheating. 509 00:21:46,869 --> 00:21:49,830 Speaker 2: You said that emotional cheating is worse. Yes, I thought 510 00:21:49,830 --> 00:21:51,109 Speaker 2: that physical cheating is worse. 511 00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:54,250 Speaker 1: Okay let's discuss, right? I think emotional cheating is worse 512 00:21:54,250 --> 00:21:54,940 Speaker 1: because 513 00:21:55,109 --> 00:21:58,050 Speaker 1: because when you're in a relationship. Yes. Physicality is part 514 00:21:58,050 --> 00:22:01,500 Speaker 1: of it. But majority of the time it's the emotional connection. 515 00:22:01,510 --> 00:22:03,640 Speaker 1: You know it's having someone that you go home to 516 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,379 Speaker 1: you tell all your secrets to. And when you start 517 00:22:06,380 --> 00:22:08,640 Speaker 1: doing that with someone else, I feel like you're gone. 518 00:22:08,650 --> 00:22:11,030 Speaker 1: What do you think why physical cheating is worse for you? 519 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:12,560 Speaker 2: Because I feel like it is a very 520 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:15,980 Speaker 2: obvious decision to go to bed with someone. So once 521 00:22:15,980 --> 00:22:19,790 Speaker 2: you break that trust, that's it. Like what you always say, 522 00:22:19,790 --> 00:22:21,400 Speaker 2: you can still look at the menu but just don't 523 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:21,860 Speaker 2: order 524 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:22,790 Speaker 1: window shopping. 525 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:23,810 Speaker 2: Window shopping. 526 00:22:23,820 --> 00:22:29,220 Speaker 1: Sorry what does that mean? I'm very hungry. Can see 527 00:22:29,220 --> 00:22:30,020 Speaker 1: how touch. 528 00:22:30,420 --> 00:22:34,380 Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. I feel like it's okay to maybe feel 529 00:22:34,380 --> 00:22:36,450 Speaker 2: like you have a bit of like a crush on 530 00:22:36,450 --> 00:22:39,340 Speaker 2: someone else when you are in a relationship because you 531 00:22:39,340 --> 00:22:40,399 Speaker 2: cannot have your feelings. 532 00:22:40,410 --> 00:22:41,580 Speaker 1: It's okay. We're 533 00:22:41,580 --> 00:22:42,930 Speaker 2: human. We're human 534 00:22:42,940 --> 00:22:43,820 Speaker 1: but just 535 00:22:43,830 --> 00:22:45,950 Speaker 2: don't act on it. Just don't go to bed with 536 00:22:45,950 --> 00:22:46,560 Speaker 2: this person 537 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,280 Speaker 1: on it physically, both both 538 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,850 Speaker 2: both don't continue speaking to this person. You know, like 539 00:22:51,850 --> 00:22:55,619 Speaker 2: maybe mute his I. G. Stories don't go to bed 540 00:22:55,619 --> 00:22:57,490 Speaker 2: with him. Don't go out to dinner with him. This 541 00:22:57,500 --> 00:22:57,859 Speaker 2: are so 542 00:22:57,869 --> 00:22:59,440 Speaker 2: steps that you can take to make sure that this 543 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:00,710 Speaker 2: crushing you dies. 544 00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:04,130 Speaker 1: True emotional cheating is scary because it is harder to 545 00:23:04,130 --> 00:23:07,350 Speaker 1: detect because a lot of these things with technology, right? 546 00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:09,980 Speaker 1: Like you can archive that, you can do this secret 547 00:23:09,980 --> 00:23:12,060 Speaker 1: chat here and there are many, many ways that you 548 00:23:12,070 --> 00:23:14,229 Speaker 1: can do it, right? Um, and it can drag out 549 00:23:14,230 --> 00:23:15,590 Speaker 1: a lot longer as well. 550 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:17,480 Speaker 2: Well, that, that is tough. That is tough. You could 551 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:17,920 Speaker 2: have a full 552 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:21,990 Speaker 1: blown emotional relationship while you're in a committed relationship and 553 00:23:21,990 --> 00:23:24,369 Speaker 1: I think it's very easy to fall into this because 554 00:23:24,369 --> 00:23:25,320 Speaker 1: a lot of people don't go 555 00:23:25,330 --> 00:23:28,050 Speaker 1: looking for it. You know, you you think that you're 556 00:23:28,050 --> 00:23:28,650 Speaker 1: just friends, 557 00:23:28,660 --> 00:23:31,680 Speaker 2: right? Right. Maybe you have that mindset yourself? No, I 558 00:23:31,690 --> 00:23:32,790 Speaker 2: mean this guy, we're just friends. 559 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,180 Speaker 1: You get yourself 560 00:23:34,190 --> 00:23:36,940 Speaker 2: correct, correct. But your text, you're texting like from day 561 00:23:36,940 --> 00:23:39,609 Speaker 2: to night, you say good morning to you 562 00:23:40,190 --> 00:23:42,369 Speaker 1: cannot obviously, but 563 00:23:42,369 --> 00:23:43,770 Speaker 2: their friends to do this. 564 00:23:43,780 --> 00:23:47,080 Speaker 1: True. But here's the question, right? I mean with any 565 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:51,270 Speaker 1: sort of cheating, it causes trauma. Now, can you heal 566 00:23:51,270 --> 00:23:52,780 Speaker 1: from this trauma? Let's say 567 00:23:53,010 --> 00:23:55,770 Speaker 1: if your partner tells you that they've cheated or if 568 00:23:55,770 --> 00:23:58,700 Speaker 1: you've cheated on your partner, is there any way that 569 00:23:58,700 --> 00:24:00,110 Speaker 1: you can go back to normal? 570 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:03,070 Speaker 2: I feel like the only condition for this to happen 571 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,690 Speaker 2: is if you have kids together because 572 00:24:06,700 --> 00:24:08,270 Speaker 1: you, 573 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,760 Speaker 2: you want to make sure that your kids don't know 574 00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,020 Speaker 2: about this and he or she is still growing up 575 00:24:13,020 --> 00:24:16,190 Speaker 2: in a very well loved environment, that would be my 576 00:24:16,190 --> 00:24:17,250 Speaker 2: only condition 577 00:24:17,810 --> 00:24:20,780 Speaker 2: to accept my partner even after he's cheated on me. 578 00:24:20,790 --> 00:24:23,580 Speaker 1: I think if you have kids, right, especially if you 579 00:24:23,580 --> 00:24:27,340 Speaker 1: have kids and you cheat, fuck you honestly, like you're 580 00:24:27,340 --> 00:24:29,699 Speaker 1: messing up a lot of people, you know what I mean? 581 00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:34,330 Speaker 1: And um you see, I feel like if you're unhappy 582 00:24:34,869 --> 00:24:37,600 Speaker 1: in a marriage and you stay because of the kids. 583 00:24:37,609 --> 00:24:40,389 Speaker 1: I understand, I understand there's a lot of sick, but 584 00:24:40,390 --> 00:24:43,460 Speaker 1: at the same time if you are not happy and 585 00:24:43,460 --> 00:24:45,810 Speaker 1: you're miserable, right, how are your kids going to be happy? 586 00:24:45,820 --> 00:24:50,010 Speaker 1: Let me challenge that a little bit with an example right? 587 00:24:50,020 --> 00:24:53,810 Speaker 1: Of a friend. So the married man got a kid 588 00:24:53,820 --> 00:24:55,710 Speaker 1: um but cheated 589 00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:59,439 Speaker 1: and kept it secret because and and didn't think like, oh, 590 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,080 Speaker 1: let me just get a divorce because he'll lose custody 591 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:05,439 Speaker 1: of his kid if you got a divorce before you cheated, 592 00:25:05,450 --> 00:25:09,340 Speaker 1: don't you think there's a higher chance of keeping the custody? Yes. 593 00:25:09,350 --> 00:25:11,850 Speaker 1: I think, I think it's definitely possible, but I think 594 00:25:11,859 --> 00:25:15,880 Speaker 1: in that situation she wouldn't take no for like, she 595 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:17,700 Speaker 1: wouldn't take a divorce for an answer. 596 00:25:17,930 --> 00:25:20,290 Speaker 1: If you leave me, you're leaving me in the lurch 597 00:25:20,290 --> 00:25:22,250 Speaker 1: with my kid, I'm gonna be angry, I'm gonna fight 598 00:25:22,250 --> 00:25:25,070 Speaker 1: for full custody. You can understand where she's coming from. Yeah. 599 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:27,630 Speaker 1: So I think let's not judge like why people make 600 00:25:27,630 --> 00:25:31,430 Speaker 1: these decisions or why they enter into these situations actually. 601 00:25:31,450 --> 00:25:32,580 Speaker 1: So I know 602 00:25:32,580 --> 00:25:34,010 Speaker 2: somebody 603 00:25:34,460 --> 00:25:36,100 Speaker 2: who 604 00:25:36,109 --> 00:25:39,440 Speaker 1: marriage at that point was not very good and um 605 00:25:39,450 --> 00:25:42,500 Speaker 1: they have a kid together and she was still like 606 00:25:42,500 --> 00:25:44,700 Speaker 1: school going age at that point. So I think it 607 00:25:44,700 --> 00:25:48,270 Speaker 1: got to a point where they decided like, you know 608 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:49,900 Speaker 1: that he was going to move out for a bit 609 00:25:49,910 --> 00:25:52,619 Speaker 1: because he couldn't do it anymore, but they wanted to 610 00:25:52,619 --> 00:25:57,220 Speaker 1: protect the kid and not let her in on it. Okay. 611 00:25:57,230 --> 00:25:59,870 Speaker 1: So he would sleep elsewhere 612 00:26:00,250 --> 00:26:03,180 Speaker 1: and every day before six a.m. He would come back 613 00:26:03,180 --> 00:26:06,420 Speaker 1: to the house to drive her to school 614 00:26:06,750 --> 00:26:10,070 Speaker 1: and I respect that the wife is aware. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. 615 00:26:10,070 --> 00:26:14,000 Speaker 1: So it's a mutual decision like okay we're separated ish, 616 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,149 Speaker 1: but we're going to function like a family unit for 617 00:26:16,150 --> 00:26:17,150 Speaker 1: the kid, but 618 00:26:17,150 --> 00:26:18,760 Speaker 2: to come back every morning at six in the 619 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,600 Speaker 1: morning before six a.m. Before she gets up to get 620 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,570 Speaker 1: her to school so that she doesn't know that she 621 00:26:23,570 --> 00:26:27,180 Speaker 1: was living elsewhere. It's a very new age kind of 622 00:26:27,180 --> 00:26:28,429 Speaker 1: way to deal with this in 623 00:26:28,430 --> 00:26:29,610 Speaker 2: a very tiring way. 624 00:26:29,619 --> 00:26:32,490 Speaker 1: It is, but respectable. 625 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:33,940 Speaker 2: Yes, correct. 626 00:26:33,950 --> 00:26:36,030 Speaker 1: There's some ways I guess you can, you know 627 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:40,470 Speaker 1: maintain trust after committing infidelity and yeah, here's how some 628 00:26:40,470 --> 00:26:42,670 Speaker 1: people did it. I mean let's see if you agree 629 00:26:42,670 --> 00:26:45,290 Speaker 1: or not. This girl from Chicago, her name is leah 630 00:26:45,300 --> 00:26:48,080 Speaker 1: we agreed not to go through each other's phones because 631 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,690 Speaker 1: you find trouble when you're looking for it. It's been 632 00:26:50,690 --> 00:26:53,770 Speaker 1: 2.5 years and nothing has happened since he trust that 633 00:26:53,770 --> 00:26:56,440 Speaker 1: I love him and I won't cheat again. Okay. 634 00:26:56,660 --> 00:26:57,600 Speaker 2: She's coming from 635 00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:59,100 Speaker 1: turning a blind eye. No, 636 00:26:59,109 --> 00:27:00,420 Speaker 2: a bit, a bit 637 00:27:00,430 --> 00:27:03,740 Speaker 1: is what you don't know, won't kill you, ignorance is 638 00:27:03,740 --> 00:27:05,140 Speaker 1: bliss okay, 639 00:27:05,140 --> 00:27:05,320 Speaker 2: but 640 00:27:05,330 --> 00:27:07,160 Speaker 2: maybe sometimes this works out for the best, 641 00:27:07,170 --> 00:27:09,300 Speaker 1: I think no matter how you say like, okay, like 642 00:27:09,300 --> 00:27:11,609 Speaker 1: in a marriage, in a relationship like you don't keep secrets, 643 00:27:11,609 --> 00:27:14,650 Speaker 1: but at the end of the day everyone has their 644 00:27:14,650 --> 00:27:16,040 Speaker 1: own secrets. Yes, for 645 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:19,030 Speaker 2: sure. This other person said that after my partner cheated, 646 00:27:19,030 --> 00:27:21,320 Speaker 2: we agreed that we do things differently and we were 647 00:27:21,330 --> 00:27:23,869 Speaker 2: each getting a clean slate. It was as simple as that. 648 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,510 Speaker 2: We each thought that the relationship was worth saving and 649 00:27:26,510 --> 00:27:28,720 Speaker 2: there was no way to save it without trusting that 650 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:29,980 Speaker 2: the other person would do their 651 00:27:29,980 --> 00:27:33,580 Speaker 1: best. Yeah, that's true because that's where trust comes from it. 652 00:27:33,590 --> 00:27:34,609 Speaker 1: I mean sometimes 653 00:27:34,619 --> 00:27:37,800 Speaker 1: you just need to blindly trust the person and hope 654 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:40,040 Speaker 1: that it turns out for the best. This guy paul 655 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:43,490 Speaker 1: from Chicago says we made some agreements about more communication 656 00:27:43,490 --> 00:27:47,429 Speaker 1: and going to parties together more often after the third 657 00:27:47,430 --> 00:27:51,070 Speaker 1: time she cheated, we added rules about drinking. We've been 658 00:27:51,070 --> 00:27:52,990 Speaker 1: together for about three years and we are going through 659 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,440 Speaker 1: issues and her drinking was a part of that. And 660 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,470 Speaker 1: these rules seem like it could make a difference. So 661 00:27:57,470 --> 00:28:01,410 Speaker 1: this is where the drinking opens you up to cheating, 662 00:28:01,420 --> 00:28:01,670 Speaker 1: but 663 00:28:01,670 --> 00:28:03,900 Speaker 2: paul is usually three times. 664 00:28:04,859 --> 00:28:07,960 Speaker 2: You gotta go, man, you got to go, 665 00:28:07,970 --> 00:28:12,760 Speaker 1: I mean agreed, it's a one time mistake, one time, 666 00:28:12,830 --> 00:28:17,520 Speaker 1: two times, Okay three times cannot 667 00:28:17,770 --> 00:28:21,680 Speaker 1: call. We got to have a conversation, but 668 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,970 Speaker 2: seriously, I feel like maybe some listeners listening to a 669 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:27,459 Speaker 2: podcast now maybe in paul situation like their partners may 670 00:28:27,460 --> 00:28:30,119 Speaker 2: have cheated on their multiple times, but they find that 671 00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:33,450 Speaker 2: time and again they want to accept the partner because 672 00:28:34,070 --> 00:28:36,570 Speaker 1: you love them understandable. 673 00:28:36,730 --> 00:28:41,000 Speaker 1: But I think at some point you've got to think 674 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:45,830 Speaker 1: of yourself and sort of just, especially if there's nothing 675 00:28:45,830 --> 00:28:49,560 Speaker 1: much to think about, you know, like other responsibilities etcetera, 676 00:28:49,570 --> 00:28:50,590 Speaker 1: I think 677 00:28:51,060 --> 00:28:52,880 Speaker 1: you will just know when the time comes that you 678 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:53,420 Speaker 1: have to show up for 679 00:28:53,420 --> 00:28:54,480 Speaker 2: yourself. Right? 680 00:28:54,490 --> 00:28:56,920 Speaker 1: True. That's true. Whether you're the cheetah or the one 681 00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,610 Speaker 1: being cheated on, if you've been cheated on multiple times, 682 00:28:59,610 --> 00:29:01,560 Speaker 1: then you've got to decide for yourself when it's time 683 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:04,219 Speaker 1: to exit. If you're the cheetah, you either have to 684 00:29:04,220 --> 00:29:07,170 Speaker 1: come clean about it or you got to leave the relationship. 685 00:29:07,180 --> 00:29:10,820 Speaker 1: But it's it's very sad because when you, like when 686 00:29:10,820 --> 00:29:13,350 Speaker 1: you've cheated on someone, right and you want to break 687 00:29:13,350 --> 00:29:14,690 Speaker 1: up with them, but you want to tell them that 688 00:29:14,690 --> 00:29:16,620 Speaker 1: you cheated because you don't want to hurt their feelings, 689 00:29:16,630 --> 00:29:17,490 Speaker 1: they end 690 00:29:17,510 --> 00:29:19,950 Speaker 1: that feeling like what the hell did I do? 691 00:29:19,950 --> 00:29:21,770 Speaker 2: Yes, correct. Why are you breaking up with me? 692 00:29:21,780 --> 00:29:23,590 Speaker 1: So it's very sad. I've seen a lot of situations, 693 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,390 Speaker 2: I feel like if you tell them the truth, they 694 00:29:25,390 --> 00:29:28,620 Speaker 2: may be able to accept it better and love themselves. 695 00:29:28,620 --> 00:29:32,080 Speaker 1: But I've known of people who are literally suicidal and 696 00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 1: you can't tell them the truth. You just have to 697 00:29:34,050 --> 00:29:35,690 Speaker 1: leave them in the lurch to break up with them. 698 00:29:35,700 --> 00:29:39,880 Speaker 1: That happens as well. So life is really complicated guys. Yeah, 699 00:29:39,890 --> 00:29:42,080 Speaker 1: it is, it's really not black and white. Have anyone 700 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:47,120 Speaker 1: of us ever been cheated on you? Have you know this? 701 00:29:47,860 --> 00:29:48,760 Speaker 1: My memory is so bad. 702 00:29:48,770 --> 00:29:49,930 Speaker 2: one of her ex boyfriends. 703 00:29:49,940 --> 00:29:58,010 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, sorry, not just cheetah not someone up. 704 00:29:59,610 --> 00:30:01,190 Speaker 2: Wait, 705 00:30:01,190 --> 00:30:03,560 Speaker 1: Do I know this? You know this? So how do 706 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,790 Speaker 1: you find out? Okay? He gave me a lot of 707 00:30:06,790 --> 00:30:10,340 Speaker 1: reasons to not trust. Okay. Okay. I'm not crazy. I 708 00:30:10,340 --> 00:30:13,330 Speaker 1: swear to God, I'm not crazy. I don't ever look 709 00:30:13,330 --> 00:30:15,690 Speaker 1: through phones one. I really don't. Okay, 710 00:30:16,500 --> 00:30:20,840 Speaker 1: but there was already a lot of reasons to, you know, 711 00:30:20,850 --> 00:30:27,130 Speaker 1: So one day I took his phone and sync it 712 00:30:27,130 --> 00:30:32,900 Speaker 1: to my whatever, wow was forever on my laptop. Me 713 00:30:32,910 --> 00:30:35,210 Speaker 2: Then you just don't ever log out. 714 00:30:35,220 --> 00:30:38,700 Speaker 1: So you saw the receipts, you confronted him. 715 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,190 Speaker 1: Did he admit it? Was 716 00:30:41,190 --> 00:30:43,220 Speaker 2: he angry that you sink his phone to your what? 717 00:30:43,230 --> 00:30:43,290 Speaker 2: He 718 00:30:43,290 --> 00:30:46,300 Speaker 1: doesn't know. How was he planning to hide the fact 719 00:30:46,300 --> 00:30:48,840 Speaker 1: that he knocked someone else up? Huh? 720 00:30:49,070 --> 00:30:50,240 Speaker 1: I guess so. But 721 00:30:50,430 --> 00:30:53,640 Speaker 2: after all of this that happened, did you feel like 722 00:30:53,650 --> 00:30:55,980 Speaker 2: that relationship is worth saving or is a straight no 723 00:30:55,980 --> 00:30:57,310 Speaker 2: for you? Okay. 724 00:30:57,320 --> 00:30:59,590 Speaker 1: So what kind of trauma did that cause you, do 725 00:30:59,590 --> 00:31:00,739 Speaker 2: you have trust issues now? 726 00:31:00,750 --> 00:31:04,900 Speaker 1: Yes. And no, I by nature, I feel like I 727 00:31:04,900 --> 00:31:08,920 Speaker 1: trust people quite easily. I feel like people deserve that. 728 00:31:08,930 --> 00:31:09,710 Speaker 1: I can see this. 729 00:31:09,730 --> 00:31:13,190 Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think it comes out in other forms 730 00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,730 Speaker 1: of which I like to push buttons and test test 731 00:31:16,740 --> 00:31:19,850 Speaker 1: because then I want to see whether like you stick 732 00:31:19,850 --> 00:31:22,920 Speaker 1: or you don't or like whether you're willing to like 733 00:31:22,930 --> 00:31:24,740 Speaker 1: swim across a fiery ocean or not, 734 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:26,780 Speaker 2: but it's too much hassle. I don't think you have 735 00:31:26,780 --> 00:31:29,290 Speaker 2: to go through all of this. If you trust someone fully, 736 00:31:29,300 --> 00:31:30,400 Speaker 2: just sit back 737 00:31:30,550 --> 00:31:33,480 Speaker 2: and enjoyed love, 738 00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:36,600 Speaker 1: I enjoyed. But I think because of what you went through, 739 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:40,400 Speaker 1: you have certain expectations out of a partner, out of 740 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:44,300 Speaker 1: someone that you're seeing, right and in situations like that, 741 00:31:44,310 --> 00:31:47,000 Speaker 1: you know, you, I think you really need to communicate 742 00:31:47,010 --> 00:31:50,180 Speaker 1: with your partner and I understand that you guys are 743 00:31:50,180 --> 00:31:52,930 Speaker 1: both aligned. I think that's how you can get your security. 744 00:31:52,940 --> 00:31:53,830 Speaker 1: So 745 00:31:53,830 --> 00:31:56,020 Speaker 2: to our listeners who are listening, um 746 00:31:56,260 --> 00:31:59,390 Speaker 2: if you were ever cheated on our hearts, go out 747 00:31:59,390 --> 00:32:01,520 Speaker 2: to you, we're so sorry to hear that. But here's 748 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,240 Speaker 2: how you can help yourself feel better. Here's how you 749 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,680 Speaker 2: can move on. So first of all, you can turn 750 00:32:06,690 --> 00:32:09,600 Speaker 2: inward rather than lashing out because for one thing I 751 00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:12,220 Speaker 2: know if you lash out upon someone, you just feel 752 00:32:12,230 --> 00:32:14,320 Speaker 2: worse about yourself. So it doesn't go 753 00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:17,160 Speaker 1: anywhere. You can't change someone, but you can change yourself, 754 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:20,980 Speaker 1: you can heal, you can work on yourself internally and 755 00:32:20,980 --> 00:32:22,670 Speaker 1: make sure that you're strong enough for the next person 756 00:32:22,670 --> 00:32:23,220 Speaker 1: that comes along 757 00:32:23,230 --> 00:32:25,300 Speaker 2: correct. And if you're not able to do that yourself 758 00:32:25,300 --> 00:32:28,550 Speaker 2: get support from someone, a professional or a friend to 759 00:32:28,550 --> 00:32:29,790 Speaker 2: get them to listen to you 760 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:32,440 Speaker 1: and I hope you never like go and cheat because 761 00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:35,230 Speaker 1: someone cheated on you correct? It's not like an eye 762 00:32:35,230 --> 00:32:35,990 Speaker 1: for an eye, kind of, 763 00:32:36,730 --> 00:32:39,740 Speaker 2: definitely not. I think you need to ask yourself is 764 00:32:39,910 --> 00:32:42,040 Speaker 2: is this relationship we're fighting for 765 00:32:42,050 --> 00:32:44,260 Speaker 1: as in would you want to stay in this relationship 766 00:32:44,270 --> 00:32:45,970 Speaker 1: even after your partner has cheated on you, 767 00:32:45,980 --> 00:32:48,620 Speaker 2: correct? And if the answer is yes, then communicate with 768 00:32:48,620 --> 00:32:51,739 Speaker 2: your partner, especially if you need facts to move on. 769 00:32:51,750 --> 00:32:54,260 Speaker 2: If you need details about how that that whole cheating 770 00:32:54,260 --> 00:32:57,670 Speaker 2: episode happened, then ask him or her about it. So 771 00:32:57,670 --> 00:32:57,860 Speaker 2: it 772 00:32:57,880 --> 00:32:59,690 Speaker 2: makes you feel better about yourself. The most 773 00:32:59,690 --> 00:33:02,550 Speaker 1: important thing is that you have to learn from what 774 00:33:02,550 --> 00:33:05,700 Speaker 1: went wrong, right, assess the relationship, see if there's something 775 00:33:05,700 --> 00:33:08,230 Speaker 1: that's lacking something that, you know, someone has to change 776 00:33:08,230 --> 00:33:10,780 Speaker 1: because if you don't learn then it will just keep happening. 777 00:33:10,790 --> 00:33:13,760 Speaker 1: You just keep going on, do things that reinforce the 778 00:33:13,770 --> 00:33:15,840 Speaker 1: awesomeness of you, 779 00:33:16,250 --> 00:33:19,190 Speaker 1: Yes. Things that bring you self love, things that make 780 00:33:19,190 --> 00:33:22,850 Speaker 1: you confident. Um whatever is maybe just hanging out with 781 00:33:22,850 --> 00:33:24,840 Speaker 1: friends who are very supportive and you know, give you 782 00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:28,710 Speaker 1: words of affirmation that you're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're talented, 783 00:33:28,710 --> 00:33:34,270 Speaker 1: amazing showstopper. Yeah, we have ourselves up every day like 784 00:33:34,270 --> 00:33:34,520 Speaker 1: this 785 00:33:34,530 --> 00:33:37,370 Speaker 2: as you should last, but not least. I think commitment 786 00:33:37,370 --> 00:33:40,090 Speaker 2: and discipline is very, very important for me to start 787 00:33:40,100 --> 00:33:43,510 Speaker 2: over and heal after being cheated on. So don't bring 788 00:33:43,510 --> 00:33:48,010 Speaker 2: your past relationships, traumas with you into the next relationship. 789 00:33:48,020 --> 00:33:50,350 Speaker 2: That may be hard. I know, but at least try 790 00:33:50,350 --> 00:33:54,780 Speaker 2: to give your next partner the trust and the chance 791 00:33:54,780 --> 00:33:55,720 Speaker 2: that he deserves, 792 00:33:55,730 --> 00:33:57,980 Speaker 1: correct. I think it's not healthy for you, it's not 793 00:33:57,980 --> 00:34:00,900 Speaker 1: healthy for them. Um if you don't heal and you 794 00:34:00,900 --> 00:34:03,110 Speaker 1: jump into something, I feel like, you know, it's going 795 00:34:03,110 --> 00:34:03,950 Speaker 1: to come out in different, 796 00:34:04,170 --> 00:34:05,520 Speaker 1: so you're going to take it out on this other 797 00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:09,129 Speaker 1: person that probably does not deserve that that's right. And 798 00:34:09,130 --> 00:34:11,860 Speaker 1: whatever it is, you know, whatever relationship that you jumped 799 00:34:11,860 --> 00:34:15,400 Speaker 1: to be yourself, if you can't be yourself in that relationship, 800 00:34:15,410 --> 00:34:19,300 Speaker 1: then I say walk away and just to close it 801 00:34:19,300 --> 00:34:22,649 Speaker 1: off as a last story. So actually very timely because 802 00:34:22,650 --> 00:34:26,399 Speaker 1: I just saw this like video online of this woman 803 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:27,810 Speaker 1: basically saying that 804 00:34:27,980 --> 00:34:32,810 Speaker 1: um she only posts pictures on her instagram with her 805 00:34:32,810 --> 00:34:36,650 Speaker 1: husband and her kids. She never ever post pictures of 806 00:34:36,650 --> 00:34:37,820 Speaker 1: her just 807 00:34:38,260 --> 00:34:41,340 Speaker 1: by herself and she says the reason for that is 808 00:34:41,340 --> 00:34:45,020 Speaker 1: because all it takes is for one person to comment 809 00:34:45,030 --> 00:34:48,130 Speaker 1: a drop and DM and say, oh, you look beautiful, 810 00:34:48,140 --> 00:34:51,210 Speaker 1: you know, and that's all it takes for you to 811 00:34:51,210 --> 00:34:54,690 Speaker 1: wonder of the possibilities or, you know, a reply is 812 00:34:54,700 --> 00:34:58,420 Speaker 1: all it takes because you may think that it's harmless. Okay, 813 00:34:58,420 --> 00:35:01,230 Speaker 1: so she's basically just trying to cut off any avenue 814 00:35:01,230 --> 00:35:04,890 Speaker 1: through which she could be tempted correct? 815 00:35:05,060 --> 00:35:09,100 Speaker 1: Okay, interesting. So she says like if you don't open 816 00:35:09,110 --> 00:35:13,450 Speaker 1: a channel for it you're safer that way. Okay. 817 00:35:13,980 --> 00:35:15,540 Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree with that. But is this a 818 00:35:15,540 --> 00:35:16,900 Speaker 1: bit far 819 00:35:16,900 --> 00:35:17,690 Speaker 2: fetched? 820 00:35:17,700 --> 00:35:19,460 Speaker 1: Like not posting pictures 821 00:35:19,460 --> 00:35:21,390 Speaker 2: of yourself on your own social media. 822 00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:24,240 Speaker 1: I mean do what works for you from my friend 823 00:35:24,290 --> 00:35:27,719 Speaker 1: when she gets thirsty D. M. S from guys who 824 00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:30,810 Speaker 1: are attached either married or have a girlfriend and they 825 00:35:30,810 --> 00:35:33,830 Speaker 1: have their partners on their social media, right? Her power 826 00:35:33,830 --> 00:35:36,609 Speaker 1: move is to not reply and then go and like 827 00:35:36,610 --> 00:35:38,670 Speaker 1: all the pictures that they have with their girlfriends and partners, 828 00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:40,790 Speaker 1: wow power move. Right, 829 00:35:41,790 --> 00:35:45,030 Speaker 1: so you can consider doing that and that's how we end. 830 00:35:46,010 --> 00:35:46,799 Speaker 1: Yes with 831 00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:50,980 Speaker 2: that. Thank you for tuning into this episode of clarity's podcast. 832 00:35:50,989 --> 00:35:53,529 Speaker 2: Don't forget to follow us on instagram at its clarity 833 00:35:53,530 --> 00:35:54,239 Speaker 2: dot co 834 00:35:54,250 --> 00:35:56,069 Speaker 1: That's right. You can listen to us and Spotify me, 835 00:35:56,070 --> 00:35:59,770 Speaker 1: listen apple podcast. Don't forget to turn on your notifications. Yes. 836 00:35:59,770 --> 00:36:01,940 Speaker 1: And also catch up on youtube to see who said 837 00:36:01,940 --> 00:36:04,530 Speaker 1: what so that you don't associate the wrong things with 838 00:36:04,530 --> 00:36:04,790 Speaker 1: the 839 00:36:04,910 --> 00:36:07,980 Speaker 2: people. We are so glad this episode is done. 840 00:36:09,550 --> 00:36:12,890 Speaker 1: And yeah we'll see you next time