Speaker 1: Hello. It's Hazel.
Speaker 2: Hey, and
Speaker 1: I'm Jemaine and welcome back to Clever.
Speaker 2: Today we are discussing something that we are. Ok, friend.
Speaker 1: I'm
Speaker 2: thinking so, let, let's start off today's episode, right? Because
Speaker 2: we're all radio DJ s here. Ok. Let's sing a
Speaker 2: song that represents friendship to us. Ok. Ok. Ok.
Speaker 1: On the count of three,
Speaker 2: let's do it one by one. Ok. Ok. Ok. Go first.
Speaker 1: Uh, when I think of friends,
Speaker 1: I think of as we go on, we remember we
Speaker 1: had to get
Speaker 2: so soon every graduation they play a song,
Speaker 1: like, review my age with that song there. No, but
Speaker 1: everybody knows that song, right? The primary school students download
Speaker 2: icon. Yeah. What about you?
Speaker 2: Bottoms up, bottoms up.
Speaker 1: Oh,
Speaker 2: interesting. Interesting take, um, on, on friendship. I, I see.
Speaker 2: I see. Ok. Hey, hey,
Speaker 1: hey, I would not expect you to sing it.
Speaker 1: You
Speaker 2: are a friend. Thank you. I think that's a very
Speaker 2: sad song. It's about how friendships change over time, but
Speaker 2: your friends are always there for you. Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure.
Speaker 1: Actually it's quite a positive song. LA but, yeah, also,
Speaker 2: also the reason why we talk about friendships is because
Speaker 2: as we get older people find it hard,
Speaker 2: hard to make friends and harder to make close friends.
Speaker 2: And this is something that hazy you actually talked about
Speaker 2: in the hot pot with the, you got watch.
Speaker 1: That's right. That's right. And together with, I felt like
Speaker 1: it was an entire catch up session right there. So
Speaker 1: we discussed about friendships and there were a few interesting
Speaker 1: takeaways from that episode. First of all, Joey Joey. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Actually classified her friends
Speaker 1: of tears, you know, like bronze, silver, gold. 00, so
Speaker 1: she told us that every person she met at first
Speaker 1: would automatically go to the gold tier. Oh, yeah. Then
Speaker 1: based on like how the conversation develops, the person might
Speaker 1: like downgrade to the silver, bronze or might stay there
Speaker 1: all the time,
Speaker 2: I think platinum.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's all star. You must excel and outperform yourself.
Speaker 1: Then you can
Speaker 2: upgrade for me. Everyone that enters my life is a
Speaker 2: participating trophy. Correct? Yeah. Then, and then you grow up,
Speaker 2: you're just a participant.
Speaker 1: It's a really interesting takeovers. And also we discuss, have
Speaker 1: you got sort of like, of course, four more. We
Speaker 1: all know what that is.
Speaker 2: Jos, fear of missing out.
Speaker 2: Yeah,
Speaker 1: Jomo. Come on. Give it a go joy, joy of
Speaker 1: missing
Speaker 2: up, joy of missing
Speaker 1: in friendships. Yeah, of course. There's also a lot of
Speaker 1: joy of missing.
Speaker 2: I know like I don't want to go. You all
Speaker 2: have fun Yeah, you get to
Speaker 1: spend all the, you know,
Speaker 1: is a
Speaker 2: real interesting. So, um, I think you guys covered a lot.
Speaker 2: Make sure you check out the episode of the hot pot.
Speaker 2: You know? Is it a real hotpot? I wish it's
Speaker 2: not hot pot. The
Speaker 2: hop,
Speaker 1: hop into different pots to discuss different things.
Speaker 2: Ah, ok. You check out that episode of the hot
Speaker 2: pot and, you know, today I think, let's delve a
Speaker 2: little bit more into, like, girl friendship. Do you think
Speaker 2: it's easy to make friends as a girl in general?
Speaker 2: In general?
Speaker 1: Yes. Yes. Because girls talk about very frivolous stuff. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Like nails, hair, boys.
Speaker 2: The easiest place to make friends as girls is the
Speaker 2: club bathroom. Oh, my God. Nice skirt. Where did you
Speaker 2: get your shoes? Follow each other? Best friends done. Ok.
Speaker 2: I would like to tell a story. Ok. This is
Speaker 2: how Jermaine and I became friends a couple of years ago.
Speaker 1: Oh, you guys became friends through the podcast, correct?
Speaker 2: Ok. But at that point, maybe we had just met
Speaker 2: once or twice. What's going on. I'm scared. We had
Speaker 2: only met once or twice.
Speaker 2: It was during COVID and we used to go in
Speaker 2: and out of the building by the side door.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: Right. Yes. Yes. So, at this point, like, we barely
Speaker 2: knew each other. Not really. Yeah. Yeah. Not really at all.
Speaker 2: I was standing there and I was always a clown,
Speaker 2: the clown. That I am is really one kind. Ok.
Speaker 2: You don't remember this. Not at all. Oh, ok. So
Speaker 2: you know how there's that railing, right? Glass railing and
Speaker 2: then over the glass is literally like a
Speaker 2: thing like with little, oh, with little plants with little
Speaker 2: plans and then it's two stories down to the floor, correct? Ok. Ok.
Speaker 2: Hold on. Sorry, let me paint this picture for you
Speaker 2: one more time. Ok. So the door that we exit
Speaker 2: and enter is a level three. Ok. So you're sending
Speaker 2: a level three to go to level one is via
Speaker 2: a ram.
Speaker 2: But from that level three to level one, there's this
Speaker 2: like little structure with like plants on top. So on
Speaker 2: that little thing, you're basically two stories up, correct? Ok.
Speaker 2: I was standing there, Jeremy just dropped off from the
Speaker 2: car and is walking up the ramp and I am going,
Speaker 2: I knocked my phone over my phone, fell into that
Speaker 2: little thing. This girl comes up. I said, oh my God,
Speaker 2: I just dropped my phone without
Speaker 2: she never bat an eyelid. No, no time to think
Speaker 2: she jump over the glass. Lah. Yeah, I remember I
Speaker 2: have a video. By the way, I will send it
Speaker 2: to you all. I risked my life. She jumped over
Speaker 2: the glass immediately. I pushed her out
Speaker 2: for someone I barely knew to get my phone for me.
Speaker 1: Best friends, best friends.
Speaker 1: So yes,
Speaker 2: that's how our friendship. I don't remember now I see.
Speaker 2: I see. Yeah. Wow. Wow. And then I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my God.
Speaker 1: And the fact that she forgot it, see,
Speaker 2: why did I do that?
Speaker 2: So, yeah, there are many different ways to make friends.
Speaker 2: I would not advise that way. So, so
Speaker 1: is a gold star friend now because
Speaker 2: like back for life.
Speaker 2: So you can't say it's hard to make friends in adulthood.
Speaker 2: We are all adults. I think we make friends just fine, honestly. Yeah.
Speaker 2: But then again, maybe some people would say that we
Speaker 2: are extroverts. Oh, you
Speaker 1: are correct and, and given the line of work that
Speaker 1: we work in, it's easy for us to communicate effectively
Speaker 1: with people. I will
Speaker 2: say we make friends just fine, but it's hard to
Speaker 2: make close friends. Close friends have to stand the test
Speaker 2: of time and loyal and all that, right? And it's
Speaker 2: similar to what Joey has.
Speaker 2: Bronze, silver, gold, right? They are actually tiers of friendships, right?
Speaker 2: If you look at tier one participating, trophy. Ok, acquaintances. Yes.
Speaker 2: These are people that you know, someone like, hello. Hello, bye.
Speaker 2: Limited conversation. It's not someone that you really know in
Speaker 2: depth or would maybe like meet one on one on
Speaker 2: an extended period of time. Ok. Level two, just friends.
Speaker 2: This is like probably, you know, a bigger circle that
Speaker 2: you see on and off.
Speaker 2: You feel comfortable meeting them. You have a good feeling
Speaker 2: about them and you share this mutual like friendship and
Speaker 2: support can get together and all she can spend time
Speaker 2: can go
Speaker 1: out for dinner, one on one kind. Ok.
Speaker 2: The top level close friends, so close friends are the
Speaker 2: people that you can be completely yourself. You know, they
Speaker 2: don't judge you. They offer you a very high level
Speaker 2: of support, you know, and you know, that you can
Speaker 2: confide in them and it's safe with them, basically.
Speaker 2: Level four, in my opinion, are people that transcend close friends.
Speaker 2: So whenever you meet people, right, they either take energy
Speaker 2: from you or give energy to you. Right? For me,
Speaker 2: I classify the highest level of friends as people that
Speaker 2: I don't feel are taking energy from me. Yeah, you
Speaker 2: can just spend like the whole day with them and
Speaker 2: you don't feel exhausted or like your social battery has strained.
Speaker 2: Level four is also sometimes you rarely ever see them
Speaker 2: and then
Speaker 2: you just send memes all the time and then you
Speaker 2: can call at any time crying. 00 yeah, that's a, yeah. So,
Speaker 2: so love for a friendship, I, I would say it's
Speaker 2: someone that doesn't drain your social, your energy as they
Speaker 2: call it. It's like comfort.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is like comfort. Um I thought this was
Speaker 2: quite interesting. So basically I was looking online, right? And
Speaker 2: there is a British psychologist, his name is Robin Dunbar. Robin,
Speaker 2: you don't act like, you know who Robin is, Robin Dunbar?
Speaker 2: Robin Dunbar.
Speaker 2: And uh Mr Dong Bos says that humans are only
Speaker 2: cognitively able to maintain about 150 connections at once. Real
Speaker 2: connections a lot. No, no, there's very few because imagine
Speaker 2: how many people you follow on social media.
Speaker 1: Probably think about it. No. But I don't talk to
Speaker 1: all these people. I follow on social media on a
Speaker 1: daily basis. Right. Right.
Speaker 2: Exactly. So, it's different.
Speaker 1: I don't even talk to 15 people a day. Exactly.
Speaker 1: Like on a close basis. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like stuff like that. 150
Speaker 2: people is a genuine connection. Yeah. How many close friend
Speaker 2: connections would you guys say you have, like, if you
Speaker 2: would count really close friends, like close, close, right?
Speaker 2: Like, can call it three and basically whatever your definition
Speaker 2: of cloth is. Ok. I think
Speaker 1: for me about 20 a lot of it, I mean,
Speaker 1: different parts of my life. I'm close to different people.
Speaker 1: Primary school, secondary school JC.
Speaker 2: One has a different definition of close friends. So, your definition, right. So,
Speaker 2: how many people would you consider your close friends? Me?
Speaker 2: Yes. 10, maybe 10. Ok. I, I would say I
Speaker 2: have about six or seven. Yeah. I think to be
Speaker 2: a close friend it has to be someone that it's
Speaker 2: on a higher level of friendship. Yeah. And in fact,
Speaker 2: for most people research says that you need about 3
Speaker 2: to 6 close friends to maintain a good physical well
Speaker 2: being and mental health at least 3 to 6.
Speaker 1: And I think
Speaker 1: the keyword is close friends, not just any normal friend. Correct.
Speaker 2: That's absolutely right. Yeah. Um, so when you think about
Speaker 2: how many people you meet in your adulthood, how many
Speaker 2: actually can get past acquaintance level? Do you think it's
Speaker 2: harder when we are older? Ok. Question. First of all,
Speaker 2: before we get there. Right. If you look at your
Speaker 2: close friends in which part of your life did they
Speaker 2: come in?
Speaker 1: Um, I think
Speaker 1: different phases. I have one very close friend from primary school,
Speaker 1: one from secondary school, a couple from JC, a couple
Speaker 1: from UNI and then at work there's also a few
Speaker 1: here and there and they
Speaker 2: add up right for me as well. Different stages. Some
Speaker 2: go way back like 15 years ago. Some are new
Speaker 2: like in the last two years but still part of
Speaker 2: that close friend circle. Some should jump over the glass
Speaker 2: to take the phone. Yeah, I wish I didn't.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So I, I think it comes from different stages
Speaker 2: of your life because there are some people who believe
Speaker 2: that the friends that you carry with you in your
Speaker 2: life mostly come from the earlier part of your life.
Speaker 2: So school, for example, primary school, secondary school, some people
Speaker 2: believe that. Hm.
Speaker 1: No, I always feel like um there's a different person
Speaker 1: in a different stage of your
Speaker 1: correct and you must allow for that to happen. Right.
Speaker 1: You can't keep clinging on to your friends from the past.
Speaker 1: I feel like you should allow yourself that space to
Speaker 1: make new emotional connections and new friendships.
Speaker 2: That is true. I don't think a 10 year friendship
Speaker 2: is always necessarily stronger than a two year friendship. Yes. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Fair
Speaker 1: point. But I think in adulthood
Speaker 1: it's definitely easier to make acquaintances, but it's not hard
Speaker 1: to make close friends as long as you want it
Speaker 1: to happen. I do feel like as an adult I'm
Speaker 1: a lot more selective in choosing my friends. Yeah. But
Speaker 1: once I've chosen them,
Speaker 1: I do think that I make pretty good choices. So,
Speaker 1: what about you, girls?
Speaker 2: I think when you're young. Right. It may be, it
Speaker 2: may seem easier to make friends because your threshold for
Speaker 2: close friends is a lot bigger. It's like anyone can
Speaker 2: be my close friend, like, every day, you know, you
Speaker 2: come home from primary school, like, I have a new
Speaker 2: best friend. I have a new best friend. Right. And
Speaker 2: everyone is open to making friends in school also. Your
Speaker 2: problems are not as severe then. That's true. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's true. It's like who's willing to stick around even
Speaker 2: though your life may be in shambles. Is that what
Speaker 2: you say as you get older, you see your problems grow. Right. Right.
Speaker 2: And then, like I said, right. And this is something
Speaker 2: that I've been saying, I think quite a bit to
Speaker 2: people around me, which is thank you for being around
Speaker 2: and thank you for always speaking up the pieces and
Speaker 2: mending the heart that you never broke in the first place.
Speaker 2: All friends are right. Pick up the pieces with you
Speaker 2: and they are mending a heart that didn't ever broke.
Speaker 2: They are so nice. Ok? But don't let anyone break
Speaker 2: your heart. You break that. Ok? I will break you.
Speaker 2: She's very scary. No, no, no, no, no. But yeah,
Speaker 2: I think making friends when you're an adult is not,
Speaker 2: is not
Speaker 2: that deep, right? Correct. People always think, oh, you have
Speaker 2: to have like a strong level of connection. Um You
Speaker 2: have to go networking events to meet them, but really
Speaker 2: it can just be anyone that you meet from anywhere. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I think
Speaker 1: a lot of people have the misconception that making friends
Speaker 1: in your adulthood, you have to invest a lot of
Speaker 1: time and energy apart from your work, which is taking
Speaker 1: up so much commitment.
Speaker 1: Really? Right. But I feel like if you meet the
Speaker 1: right person and you invite right away then that's if
Speaker 1: she can very well be a good friend, won't be
Speaker 1: taking energy from you. Correct? You bouncing off each other's energy,
Speaker 2: trust your gut, right? Yeah. Trust your gut feeling. Um
Speaker 2: If you feel like if you vibe with the person
Speaker 2: then definitely, you know, meet them again. But if you don't,
Speaker 2: then
Speaker 2: you don't have to, you're not obliged to see anyone
Speaker 2: that you don't want to. Right. Right.
Speaker 1: So, is it safe to say that all three of
Speaker 1: us don't agree with this sentence. It's hard to make
Speaker 1: new friends once you're in your late twenties,
Speaker 2: new friends know.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I disagree. Not at all. I don't think so. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And in fact, as you get older you are exposed
Speaker 2: to more social circles. Right. That's where you get to
Speaker 2: meet more new people and it's healthy, you know, to
Speaker 2: be meeting new people, especially like having a healthy social life,
Speaker 2: you get to learn more about different life experiences and
Speaker 2: you get to,
Speaker 2: I guess, interact with different people. Yeah, and help you, right?
Speaker 2: I can understand why some people find it hard. I'm
Speaker 2: going to use this as an example. It's not the
Speaker 2: same thing but I'm sure you've heard someone say something like, ok,
Speaker 2: let's say someone is single, you've heard them say something like,
Speaker 2: oh it's a lot harder to date when you're older
Speaker 2: because where do you meet people? You know, you meet
Speaker 2: if you don't
Speaker 2: at work or you know, you only meet people at work,
Speaker 2: for example, and you don't want to date there, please
Speaker 2: don't date. Where
Speaker 1: else do you meet people? No, but that comes with
Speaker 1: conditions for dating and the relationship to happen. The other
Speaker 1: party must be single but for friends, it doesn't come
Speaker 1: with such conditions. You can be attached and you can
Speaker 1: still be good friends with this person
Speaker 2: the pool is bigger. Right. Yeah. Yeah. But, but it's just,
Speaker 2: especially if you're an adult
Speaker 2: who never goes out. Correct. You go to work, you
Speaker 2: go home on the weekends, you stay home. Where are
Speaker 2: you going to meet new friends? Where are you going
Speaker 2: to meet? You know what she's trying to say? And
Speaker 2: let's say it's mutual friends or friends of your friends,
Speaker 2: you probably already know them because the circle of friends
Speaker 2: is probably from like 5, 10 years and is not
Speaker 2: a big place, especially if you live here. It's a
Speaker 2: problem that it's not a big place. Everyone knows everyone. Right. Yeah.
Speaker 2: But you, you know, you always have that one friend.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you guys have that, that one
Speaker 2: friend who seems to be friends with everyone or they
Speaker 2: breathe and they make friends. Yeah. They seem to have
Speaker 2: like 100 friends. Do you guys know of someone like that?
Speaker 2: Is it you?
Speaker 1: I know, I feel like three of us know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like that's what my friends would picture or
Speaker 1: like paint a picture of, of me. Social butterfly. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But I really enjoy speaking to people. I think that's
Speaker 1: why we are all radio jokes, right? The US is
Speaker 1: as well. Like you go out with the, of the fingers,
Speaker 1: you're making friends already.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. Um But when you think about who your close
Speaker 2: friends are, I think that circle is the most important.
Speaker 2: Um This speaker, his name is Jim Ron. He is
Speaker 2: British as well. And I don't think so. I think
Speaker 2: he is American.
Speaker 2: You are the average of the five people that you
Speaker 2: spend the most time with, the people that you spend
Speaker 2: the most time with, they actually shape who you are.
Speaker 2: They determine the conversations that dominate your attention. And according
Speaker 2: to research, the people that you spend the most time
Speaker 2: with determine as much as 95% of your failure or
Speaker 2: success in life. So it's very important, not the quantity
Speaker 2: of friends you keep around you, but the quality of friends.
Speaker 2: I can't
Speaker 1: agree more.
Speaker 2: Wow, because you are what you feed your mind with. Exactly.
Speaker 2: So if you're constantly hanging out with people and just
Speaker 2: gossiping and negative nancy, like negative thoughts, you know, just
Speaker 2: always talking about nonsense, you're never gonna grow, they're not
Speaker 2: going to challenge you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And, and here's a tip for, uh, finding out if
Speaker 1: a person is going to be a bad friend the
Speaker 1: first time you meet. So, ok, there's a note from
Speaker 1: a producer here. What she's discovered is that people who
Speaker 1: review deep secrets about themselves when you guys first meet
Speaker 1: are almost always bad at being friends because they will
Speaker 1: always approach you and talk to you about their problems
Speaker 1: until they don't need you anymore.
Speaker 2: Really? I know like that. Isn't it true? I know
Speaker 2: of people that trauma dump to other people within the
Speaker 2: first conversation. Right. When they barely know these other people. Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's like trauma dumping but it's more for, to their own,
Speaker 2: their own problems and then when they're done they, they
Speaker 2: will just trauma up to the next person they don't
Speaker 2: need you.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And the fact that they can tell you so
Speaker 1: much on the very first meet up, what makes you
Speaker 1: think that they won't tell their secrets to somebody else? Exactly. Right.
Speaker 2: That's true. So, that's a good, that's a good tip. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Um,
Speaker 2: but yeah, I think that's why, you know, making friends
Speaker 2: in adulthood can be tough because you have to think
Speaker 2: about all these. Yeah, I guess who is going to
Speaker 2: keep my secrets from me? Correct. And I think in
Speaker 2: adulthood as well, we are a little bit more guarded.
Speaker 2: You know, everybody has gone through
Speaker 2: heartaches, heart break ups, you know, friendship, breakups and everything. So,
Speaker 2: every time or with every heartbreak, the next one that
Speaker 2: you do, you are a little bit more. Got it. Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's like when you're young. Right. It's like, what's your
Speaker 2: favorite color
Speaker 2: now? It's like, oh, you want to be friends? What
Speaker 2: kind of past trauma have you been through? And will
Speaker 2: I be able to deal with it? I went down
Speaker 2: on it. You know, the threshold gets so much higher.
Speaker 2: Everyone has busy schedules. Look at the three of us.
Speaker 2: We are still friends. When's the last time we sat
Speaker 2: down for a meal.
Speaker 1: Literally just told us next time we come together to
Speaker 1: film Harsh Podcast. Let's have lunch before that. We
Speaker 2: have to. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1: But you know what the point is? We have to
Speaker 1: record the Harsh podcast for us to come together to
Speaker 1: have lunch. Yes. You know, I,
Speaker 2: so that was my birthday. That's not too bad. Two months,
Speaker 2: maybe that's pretty long. We used to have way more
Speaker 2: often
Speaker 1: every time we film Harsh Podcast. Exactly.
Speaker 2: So that the coffee shop people
Speaker 1: shout out to them. They
Speaker 2: call us the power.
Speaker 2: You also may be in different life stages. Like some
Speaker 2: of your friends might have kids, they have to dedicate
Speaker 2: more time to their family or their parents. You might
Speaker 2: not be able to see them as often. I think
Speaker 2: it all these factors come into play. Right? Let me
Speaker 2: tell you a story. So
Speaker 2: I know someone right, who is in his late thirties
Speaker 2: right now. Ok. Ok. So this pattern for him has
Speaker 2: started since 20 years ago. So this person is single,
Speaker 2: still is single. Um So at that time, let's say
Speaker 2: he was 20 his friends are all 20. Then eventually
Speaker 2: they start getting the relationships, they start settling down, they
Speaker 2: start having kids.
Speaker 2: Ok. But he's still at that place. So he starts
Speaker 2: distancing himself from his friends because he feels like they
Speaker 2: are not at the same place anymore and that they
Speaker 2: don't have time for him, I can just keep getting
Speaker 2: younger and younger. But that cycle just keeps repeating. Ah. Right. Ok.
Speaker 2: But for us it feels like actually we may have, like,
Speaker 2: suck for you, but it does not mean that we're
Speaker 2: not going to be dead for you. Like, why do
Speaker 2: you have to distance yourself away from us? Even though
Speaker 2: we are moving on with our lives.
Speaker 1: Maybe his needs for friends are your needs for friends.
Speaker 1: Maybe he
Speaker 2: requires a lot more quality time. Correct? Time spent together.
Speaker 2: Love language
Speaker 1: is all commitment.
Speaker 2: That's true. That's correct. So,
Speaker 2: and then we just keep watching the cycle happen and
Speaker 2: I don't think there's much that you can do right
Speaker 2: at the very most. You can just let him know
Speaker 2: that you always be there as a friend. But yeah,
Speaker 2: people have to do what they want to do. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I think
Speaker 1: your friend views making friends as an adult, very important
Speaker 1: for his personal well being. But do you guys agree
Speaker 1: is making friends important for your personal well being in growth?
Speaker 1: Because I have to say
Speaker 1: I'm not so sure about that. Actually,
Speaker 2: I agree. I agree making friends, right. Making, making connections
Speaker 2: because I feel like when, when you only have a
Speaker 2: few close friends, right? You're in sort of like an
Speaker 2: echo chamber of what you are, right? I think. But
Speaker 2: when you make more connections, even if they disagree with
Speaker 2: you on certain things, you are learning more, like, like,
Speaker 2: for example, something simple, like, oh, I make friends with
Speaker 2: someone who is an engineer. I learn more,
Speaker 2: more about engineering that I would have never known before. Right. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So
Speaker 1: I think of this in a slightly different way. Um,
Speaker 1: as an adult sometimes I would really much rather go
Speaker 1: home after work and just sit down in my, whatever
Speaker 1: it is and watch a show, you know, that kind
Speaker 1: of alone time matters more to me now.
Speaker 1: But back when I was in my, maybe my teens,
Speaker 1: maybe hanging out with friends was priority for me. You know,
Speaker 1: it sort of shifts a little bit just because I
Speaker 1: go home,
Speaker 2: I saw today, by the way. Ok. Friends. Yeah, Mala
Speaker 2: is a way for you to make friends in your
Speaker 2: twenties is a way to make friends, is the way
Speaker 2: to make friends for sure. Go out and enjoy food,
Speaker 2: go out and eat. But no, I, I think,
Speaker 2: and for what you're trying to say is that because
Speaker 2: you have a limited amount of time, would you rather
Speaker 2: spend that time outwardly externally? Right. With yourself. I think
Speaker 2: time with yourself and time with friends is both important. Correct? Yeah.
Speaker 2: But
Speaker 1: for us in this industry it's a bit different because
Speaker 1: we spend most of our working hours talking to people. Right.
Speaker 1: This is not something that someone maybe who works in
Speaker 1: the office would experience. That's right after office hours.
Speaker 1: Just want to go out and spend time with their friends.
Speaker 1: But I can understand that. So, we've been speaking the
Speaker 1: whole damn day. What
Speaker 2: do you, what is your take then on friends that
Speaker 2: you don't meet in person but friends that you only
Speaker 2: know online, I
Speaker 1: don't have such friends
Speaker 2: if you remember. Right. When we first got to know
Speaker 2: each other we were online friends. Yeah, we
Speaker 1: made a Tik Tok video. That's how, yeah,
Speaker 2: we were friends on, we couldn't even meet, we were
Speaker 2: making tiktok videos, separate
Speaker 2: them together. That's how our friendship started. That's right. You
Speaker 2: know what I mean? Yeah, I, I told them, yeah,
Speaker 2: it is possible. Maybe not, not so much for girls
Speaker 2: but for guys. So, so recently told me the story
Speaker 2: of how they have been friends for 10 years and,
Speaker 2: you know, one, there, in one there is in Malaysia.
Speaker 2: They have been friends through online gaming to online gaming
Speaker 2: while they are because, you know, they can talk to
Speaker 2: each other, right? While they play the game, they will
Speaker 2: tell each other
Speaker 2: about like the deepest darkest parts. Like, oh, I broke up,
Speaker 2: you know, with my girlfriend, I'm so sad, you know, da,
Speaker 2: da da and confide in each other online while waiting
Speaker 2: for the game to start. Then when the game is starting,
Speaker 2: it's like fire in the hole, fire the hole. Yeah, bro. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I broke up with my girlfriend today. I'm so sad.
Speaker 1: What my take is on this is that these two
Speaker 1: guys should never meet the same concept. You should never
Speaker 1: speak to your idol.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So, when you see me, right, this magical aspect
Speaker 1: of the friendship will disappear then be
Speaker 2: comfortable to just be able to see anything because you
Speaker 2: don't actually know that person physically, you know, maybe. Oh, interesting. Yeah. So,
Speaker 2: online friendships, you know, is another,
Speaker 2: another thing. Where is it really genuine or not? No,
Speaker 2: I have
Speaker 1: to say though there's a level of genuine in that,
Speaker 1: like you can't say it's a fake friendship. But you
Speaker 1: know how I made one of my closest friends in
Speaker 1: life through radio. Like I can't do not. Ok. So
Speaker 1: there was a period of time where we had guest
Speaker 1: DJ S on board and then this listener, she is
Speaker 1: from Hong Kong. So she really, really loved um the,
Speaker 1: the local singer Derek who came on to be a
Speaker 1: guest DJ, even though it was just for eight weeks,
Speaker 1: every single day for Derek. And after Derek left the station,
Speaker 1: she continued tuning in and she would drop in text
Speaker 1: to say hi to us. And that's how I got
Speaker 1: to know her. So one time I went to Hong
Speaker 1: Kong and I asked her if she has any recommendations,
Speaker 1: what should I eat? What should I do? She came
Speaker 1: to the airport to pick me up and bring me around. Ok.
Speaker 1: Not gonna lie. I was a bit afraid like she's
Speaker 1: going to kidnap me or something. Like you had never
Speaker 1: met her, I had never met her because she stays
Speaker 1: in Hong. But after we met like we hit it
Speaker 1: off so well,
Speaker 1: she really respected my space, the privacy I needed. She
Speaker 1: gave me time to do whatever I needed. But when
Speaker 1: I need recommendation, she's always there for me and she
Speaker 1: brought me around Hong Kong herself personally. Yeah, she even
Speaker 1: brought me to see her place. That's so sweet. I
Speaker 1: really believe I made a true friend
Speaker 2: there. Yeah, you never know. I think don't close yourself
Speaker 2: off to any kind of friendship. I think the key
Speaker 2: is to be open about it to be open to
Speaker 2: things happening, you know, and
Speaker 2: that's why I say like honestly like really, really honestly
Speaker 2: like I would choose to let life take me where
Speaker 2: it wants to because I don't know, I'm gonna have,
Speaker 2: you know, like what I'm gonna experience, right? Who I'm
Speaker 2: gonna meet. So for someone like I guess hazy, right?
Speaker 2: Who I think is out of the three of us,
Speaker 2: you are the most extroverted and uh easiest to make
Speaker 2: friends with as
Speaker 1: loud as a is I believe so. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah. What would your top tip be for making new friends?
Speaker 2: Like how do you make friends be
Speaker 1: yourself? That's the first tip that comes, comes to my mind. OK?
Speaker 1: Because only have you heard of it saying your vibe
Speaker 1: attracts your tribe. Oh, yes. Yeah. So only if you
Speaker 1: are yourself, you can attract people who think like you
Speaker 1: and then like what Jeremy said, you know, you are
Speaker 1: the average of the five
Speaker 1: people you hang out most with. Yeah. So that's how
Speaker 1: you keep growing. You keep learning to be yourself. So
Speaker 1: normally on the first meet up with the new people
Speaker 1: I know already whether we fight or if our frequencies
Speaker 1: are on par or not and if it isn't, then
Speaker 1: just stay as acquaintances. I don't see anything wrong with it.
Speaker 2: I think it's always good to meet people and
Speaker 2: how close you get doesn't matter, you can't fall. Right. Right.
Speaker 2: You just let that take its natural course, but it's
Speaker 2: just good to always be open to meeting people and
Speaker 2: you never know like
Speaker 2: what is gonna happen in the future. You know, it's
Speaker 2: like me saying that all I want to be in
Speaker 2: life is to be a life fixer. Remember I want
Speaker 2: to be that person with someone for everything. Sure. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I may not be close friends with all of
Speaker 2: these people, but I know someone who is someone, you know,
Speaker 2: who can help someone. Yeah, I think um I'll come
Speaker 2: from the angle of people
Speaker 2: with a bit more social anxiety, right? Who find it
Speaker 2: very hard to go out there, put themselves out there
Speaker 2: as you would say. The fact of this life is
Speaker 2: people will always care more about themselves than they will
Speaker 2: about other people. This is a human condition, right? And
Speaker 2: because of that, you can use that to your advantage.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying you can make close friends with this,
Speaker 2: but you can use this to make acquaintances when you
Speaker 2: meet someone for the first time.
Speaker 2: If you are not comfortable talking about yourself, don't ask
Speaker 2: them about themselves. What do you do? Like, how, how
Speaker 2: do you like your job, like or how, how's, how's everything,
Speaker 2: you know, and then really show interest in that, right?
Speaker 2: And start people off being comfortable in that way. I
Speaker 2: think that is really the best way to Yeah, you
Speaker 2: don't have to talk about yourself. A lot of people
Speaker 2: have anxiety about that.
Speaker 1: Correct. I have a friend who once told me that
Speaker 1: she would review every single conversation
Speaker 1: that she had in the day when she got back
Speaker 1: home at night. Yeah. She keep thinking, oh, should I
Speaker 1: have said this? Should I not have said this? Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I told her actually, you know, what people don't
Speaker 1: think about you as much as you think they do.
Speaker 1: That's true. They don't give two damns about what you say.
Speaker 1: So just stop beating yourself up over it. But I
Speaker 1: understand sometimes, you know, we experience anxiousness, anxiety when we
Speaker 1: speak to other people. So have you
Speaker 1: things from this point of view. Actually, your parents can
Speaker 1: be your friends as well. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's true because your parents shouldn't be someone that you have,
Speaker 2: shouldn't someone you have social anxiety with, I mean,
Speaker 1: they probably can be someone you can confide in. I've
Speaker 1: never experienced that because I'm just not willing to confide
Speaker 1: in my parents with certain stuff when it comes to
Speaker 1: relationship or work. Right. But when it comes to my
Speaker 1: friendships
Speaker 1: they, you know, they're cool. They are more than happy
Speaker 1: to listen to me. It's very nice when I confronted
Speaker 1: them about work or relationships, then they start nagging. So, oh,
Speaker 1: so
Speaker 2: for some people, a small part of the population, their
Speaker 2: parents are some of their closest friends. It's true. It's true.
Speaker 2: Or you can be like me and be friends with
Speaker 2: your friend's parents. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's always different when the kid is not yours.
Speaker 2: Yeah. True. Because I asked the girl you want to
Speaker 2: take home to your mother.
Speaker 1: So sure about
Speaker 2: that. At the end of the day, I think it's
Speaker 2: also important to acknowledge that loneliness is a part of
Speaker 2: everyone's life. Correct? There are going to be some times
Speaker 2: when you feel a bit lonely. When you feel like, hey,
Speaker 2: why is nobody asking me out? You'd have to wait
Speaker 2: for someone to ask you out. Why don't you ask them?
Speaker 2: Right? If you feel like pursuing
Speaker 1: common interest is actually a very good way to make
Speaker 1: new friends.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Food is my top way of making friends,
Speaker 1: right? Maybe gaming is for some people. So, like communicating virtually,
Speaker 1: like Tony mentioned a hobby if they do have
Speaker 2: one, right? Surfing or, you know, cycling, running, swimming
Speaker 1: to be something like that even causes, if you like
Speaker 1: self-improvement causes. Go take that damn course. And you find
Speaker 1: someone with similar.
Speaker 1: My side is yours.
Speaker 2: Yeah. That's right. So, we hope you took something away
Speaker 2: from today's about, you know, friendships in adulthood and maybe
Speaker 2: girl friendships.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. For the extroverts out there don't forget to
Speaker 1: include some of them were flowers. Some of the introverts
Speaker 1: you go out and meet new people, you never know
Speaker 1: what you can take away from them. And for the
Speaker 1: introverts don't be shy, don't be afraid to just take
Speaker 1: the first step and say hi to a new friend.
Speaker 2: So cute. I think some people just take a lot
Speaker 2: longer to warm up. Some people just take a lot
Speaker 2: longer for them to show you a little bit more
Speaker 2: of themselves. Give it time as well to develop and
Speaker 2: it's wonders what a simple smile can do just, you know,
Speaker 2: anywhere you are like, even if you're not feeling so
Speaker 2: comfortable in your skin, just a nice smile, a warm
Speaker 2: smile that will attract a lot of genuine connection. I
Speaker 2: have a warm smile.
Speaker 2: This is my woman.
Speaker 1: So we hope you definitely did smile after listening to
Speaker 1: this episode. And if you heard some like Julie, right?
Speaker 1: Just because there's some random renovation going on here.
Speaker 2: Real life right
Speaker 1: in any case, follow us on Instagram at its clav
Speaker 1: dot com. That's
Speaker 2: right. You can listen to us on me Less Spotify
Speaker 2: Apple Podcast and youtube as well. Yeah, and turn on
Speaker 2: the notifications to know when the new episode of Hush drops.
Speaker 2: And thank you so much for tuning in today. See
Speaker 2: you next
Speaker 1: time. Bye bye.