1 00:00:00,009 --> 00:00:00,939 Speaker 1: Hello. It's Hazel. 2 00:00:00,949 --> 00:00:01,970 Speaker 2: Hey, and 3 00:00:01,980 --> 00:00:03,450 Speaker 1: I'm Jemaine and welcome back to Clever. 4 00:00:06,190 --> 00:00:11,469 Speaker 2: Today we are discussing something that we are. Ok, friend. 5 00:00:12,989 --> 00:00:13,060 Speaker 1: I'm 6 00:00:13,220 --> 00:00:17,149 Speaker 2: thinking so, let, let's start off today's episode, right? Because 7 00:00:17,159 --> 00:00:19,809 Speaker 2: we're all radio DJ s here. Ok. Let's sing a 8 00:00:19,819 --> 00:00:24,360 Speaker 2: song that represents friendship to us. Ok. Ok. Ok. 9 00:00:24,370 --> 00:00:25,139 Speaker 1: On the count of three, 10 00:00:25,149 --> 00:00:28,229 Speaker 2: let's do it one by one. Ok. Ok. Ok. Go first. 11 00:00:28,239 --> 00:00:29,180 Speaker 1: Uh, when I think of friends, 12 00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:37,026 Speaker 1: I think of as we go on, we remember we 13 00:00:37,034 --> 00:00:37,945 Speaker 1: had to get 14 00:00:38,076 --> 00:00:41,095 Speaker 2: so soon every graduation they play a song, 15 00:00:45,636 --> 00:00:47,965 Speaker 1: like, review my age with that song there. No, but 16 00:00:47,976 --> 00:00:50,895 Speaker 1: everybody knows that song, right? The primary school students download 17 00:00:51,125 --> 00:00:52,226 Speaker 2: icon. Yeah. What about you? 18 00:00:55,512 --> 00:00:57,391 Speaker 2: Bottoms up, bottoms up. 19 00:00:57,402 --> 00:00:57,872 Speaker 1: Oh, 20 00:00:58,501 --> 00:01:03,251 Speaker 2: interesting. Interesting take, um, on, on friendship. I, I see. 21 00:01:03,262 --> 00:01:12,262 Speaker 2: I see. Ok. Hey, hey, 22 00:01:12,412 --> 00:01:14,491 Speaker 1: hey, I would not expect you to sing it. 23 00:01:16,349 --> 00:01:16,709 Speaker 1: You 24 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:20,099 Speaker 2: are a friend. Thank you. I think that's a very 25 00:01:20,110 --> 00:01:22,989 Speaker 2: sad song. It's about how friendships change over time, but 26 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,610 Speaker 2: your friends are always there for you. Yeah, I think so. 27 00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:26,599 Speaker 2: I'm not sure. 28 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:29,839 Speaker 1: Actually it's quite a positive song. LA but, yeah, also, 29 00:01:30,010 --> 00:01:33,959 Speaker 2: also the reason why we talk about friendships is because 30 00:01:33,970 --> 00:01:36,620 Speaker 2: as we get older people find it hard, 31 00:01:36,715 --> 00:01:39,435 Speaker 2: hard to make friends and harder to make close friends. 32 00:01:39,444 --> 00:01:42,045 Speaker 2: And this is something that hazy you actually talked about 33 00:01:42,055 --> 00:01:44,805 Speaker 2: in the hot pot with the, you got watch. 34 00:01:44,816 --> 00:01:47,346 Speaker 1: That's right. That's right. And together with, I felt like 35 00:01:47,356 --> 00:01:49,716 Speaker 1: it was an entire catch up session right there. So 36 00:01:49,725 --> 00:01:52,405 Speaker 1: we discussed about friendships and there were a few interesting 37 00:01:52,416 --> 00:01:55,606 Speaker 1: takeaways from that episode. First of all, Joey Joey. Yeah. 38 00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,445 Speaker 1: Actually classified her friends 39 00:01:57,762 --> 00:02:01,251 Speaker 1: of tears, you know, like bronze, silver, gold. 00, so 40 00:02:01,262 --> 00:02:04,722 Speaker 1: she told us that every person she met at first 41 00:02:04,732 --> 00:02:07,891 Speaker 1: would automatically go to the gold tier. Oh, yeah. Then 42 00:02:07,902 --> 00:02:10,972 Speaker 1: based on like how the conversation develops, the person might 43 00:02:10,981 --> 00:02:15,781 Speaker 1: like downgrade to the silver, bronze or might stay there 44 00:02:15,861 --> 00:02:16,530 Speaker 1: all the time, 45 00:02:17,421 --> 00:02:18,731 Speaker 2: I think platinum. 46 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:22,429 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's all star. You must excel and outperform yourself. 47 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:22,789 Speaker 1: Then you can 48 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,299 Speaker 2: upgrade for me. Everyone that enters my life is a 49 00:02:25,309 --> 00:02:29,149 Speaker 2: participating trophy. Correct? Yeah. Then, and then you grow up, 50 00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:31,210 Speaker 2: you're just a participant. 51 00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:35,669 Speaker 1: It's a really interesting takeovers. And also we discuss, have 52 00:02:35,679 --> 00:02:39,210 Speaker 1: you got sort of like, of course, four more. We 53 00:02:39,220 --> 00:02:40,190 Speaker 1: all know what that is. 54 00:02:41,610 --> 00:02:46,830 Speaker 2: Jos, fear of missing out. 55 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:48,100 Speaker 2: Yeah, 56 00:02:51,220 --> 00:02:55,089 Speaker 1: Jomo. Come on. Give it a go joy, joy of 57 00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:55,619 Speaker 1: missing 58 00:02:55,649 --> 00:02:56,609 Speaker 2: up, joy of missing 59 00:02:59,110 --> 00:03:01,690 Speaker 1: in friendships. Yeah, of course. There's also a lot of 60 00:03:01,699 --> 00:03:02,609 Speaker 1: joy of missing. 61 00:03:03,309 --> 00:03:05,050 Speaker 2: I know like I don't want to go. You all 62 00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:06,500 Speaker 2: have fun Yeah, you get to 63 00:03:06,508 --> 00:03:07,270 Speaker 1: spend all the, you know, 64 00:03:10,210 --> 00:03:10,470 Speaker 1: is a 65 00:03:10,479 --> 00:03:13,449 Speaker 2: real interesting. So, um, I think you guys covered a lot. 66 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:15,820 Speaker 2: Make sure you check out the episode of the hot pot. 67 00:03:15,830 --> 00:03:18,089 Speaker 2: You know? Is it a real hotpot? I wish it's 68 00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:20,020 Speaker 2: not hot pot. The 69 00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:22,070 Speaker 2: hop, 70 00:03:22,758 --> 00:03:27,639 Speaker 1: hop into different pots to discuss different things. 71 00:03:27,649 --> 00:03:31,630 Speaker 2: Ah, ok. You check out that episode of the hot 72 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:34,820 Speaker 2: pot and, you know, today I think, let's delve a 73 00:03:34,830 --> 00:03:36,839 Speaker 2: little bit more into, like, girl friendship. Do you think 74 00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:39,750 Speaker 2: it's easy to make friends as a girl in general? 75 00:03:39,759 --> 00:03:40,389 Speaker 2: In general? 76 00:03:40,860 --> 00:03:44,669 Speaker 1: Yes. Yes. Because girls talk about very frivolous stuff. Yeah. 77 00:03:44,679 --> 00:03:47,149 Speaker 1: Like nails, hair, boys. 78 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,020 Speaker 2: The easiest place to make friends as girls is the 79 00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:54,130 Speaker 2: club bathroom. Oh, my God. Nice skirt. Where did you 80 00:03:54,139 --> 00:03:57,490 Speaker 2: get your shoes? Follow each other? Best friends done. Ok. 81 00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:59,339 Speaker 2: I would like to tell a story. Ok. This is 82 00:03:59,350 --> 00:04:01,550 Speaker 2: how Jermaine and I became friends a couple of years ago. 83 00:04:01,860 --> 00:04:05,110 Speaker 1: Oh, you guys became friends through the podcast, correct? 84 00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:07,149 Speaker 2: Ok. But at that point, maybe we had just met 85 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 2: once or twice. What's going on. I'm scared. We had 86 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,529 Speaker 2: only met once or twice. 87 00:04:10,619 --> 00:04:12,678 Speaker 2: It was during COVID and we used to go in 88 00:04:12,690 --> 00:04:14,750 Speaker 2: and out of the building by the side door. 89 00:04:14,759 --> 00:04:15,309 Speaker 1: Right. 90 00:04:15,669 --> 00:04:18,159 Speaker 2: Right. Yes. Yes. So, at this point, like, we barely 91 00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:21,808 Speaker 2: knew each other. Not really. Yeah. Yeah. Not really at all. 92 00:04:21,820 --> 00:04:26,480 Speaker 2: I was standing there and I was always a clown, 93 00:04:26,488 --> 00:04:29,790 Speaker 2: the clown. That I am is really one kind. Ok. 94 00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:32,869 Speaker 2: You don't remember this. Not at all. Oh, ok. So 95 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:36,709 Speaker 2: you know how there's that railing, right? Glass railing and 96 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:40,279 Speaker 2: then over the glass is literally like a 97 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:45,929 Speaker 2: thing like with little, oh, with little plants with little 98 00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:49,769 Speaker 2: plans and then it's two stories down to the floor, correct? Ok. Ok. 99 00:04:49,779 --> 00:04:52,239 Speaker 2: Hold on. Sorry, let me paint this picture for you 100 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:55,450 Speaker 2: one more time. Ok. So the door that we exit 101 00:04:55,459 --> 00:04:58,589 Speaker 2: and enter is a level three. Ok. So you're sending 102 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,640 Speaker 2: a level three to go to level one is via 103 00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:01,890 Speaker 2: a ram. 104 00:05:02,613 --> 00:05:04,914 Speaker 2: But from that level three to level one, there's this 105 00:05:04,924 --> 00:05:09,605 Speaker 2: like little structure with like plants on top. So on 106 00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:12,804 Speaker 2: that little thing, you're basically two stories up, correct? Ok. 107 00:05:12,815 --> 00:05:16,174 Speaker 2: I was standing there, Jeremy just dropped off from the 108 00:05:16,184 --> 00:05:20,404 Speaker 2: car and is walking up the ramp and I am going, 109 00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:26,609 Speaker 2: I knocked my phone over my phone, fell into that 110 00:05:26,619 --> 00:05:29,850 Speaker 2: little thing. This girl comes up. I said, oh my God, 111 00:05:29,859 --> 00:05:32,510 Speaker 2: I just dropped my phone without 112 00:05:33,450 --> 00:05:37,640 Speaker 2: she never bat an eyelid. No, no time to think 113 00:05:37,649 --> 00:05:41,660 Speaker 2: she jump over the glass. Lah. Yeah, I remember I 114 00:05:41,670 --> 00:05:43,539 Speaker 2: have a video. By the way, I will send it 115 00:05:43,549 --> 00:05:46,510 Speaker 2: to you all. I risked my life. She jumped over 116 00:05:46,519 --> 00:05:49,099 Speaker 2: the glass immediately. I pushed her out 117 00:05:50,029 --> 00:05:53,690 Speaker 2: for someone I barely knew to get my phone for me. 118 00:05:55,059 --> 00:05:57,719 Speaker 1: Best friends, best friends. 119 00:05:59,109 --> 00:05:59,839 Speaker 1: So yes, 120 00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:02,380 Speaker 2: that's how our friendship. I don't remember now I see. 121 00:06:02,390 --> 00:06:04,589 Speaker 2: I see. Yeah. Wow. Wow. And then I was like, 122 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:05,630 Speaker 2: oh my God. 123 00:06:06,149 --> 00:06:07,970 Speaker 1: And the fact that she forgot it, see, 124 00:06:07,980 --> 00:06:09,170 Speaker 2: why did I do that? 125 00:06:10,630 --> 00:06:13,480 Speaker 2: So, yeah, there are many different ways to make friends. 126 00:06:13,488 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 2: I would not advise that way. So, so 127 00:06:16,178 --> 00:06:18,339 Speaker 1: is a gold star friend now because 128 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:22,540 Speaker 2: like back for life. 129 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:27,480 Speaker 2: So you can't say it's hard to make friends in adulthood. 130 00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:31,010 Speaker 2: We are all adults. I think we make friends just fine, honestly. Yeah. 131 00:06:31,019 --> 00:06:33,040 Speaker 2: But then again, maybe some people would say that we 132 00:06:33,049 --> 00:06:33,928 Speaker 2: are extroverts. Oh, you 133 00:06:33,940 --> 00:06:35,899 Speaker 1: are correct and, and given the line of work that 134 00:06:35,910 --> 00:06:38,959 Speaker 1: we work in, it's easy for us to communicate effectively 135 00:06:38,970 --> 00:06:39,850 Speaker 1: with people. I will 136 00:06:39,859 --> 00:06:43,409 Speaker 2: say we make friends just fine, but it's hard to 137 00:06:43,420 --> 00:06:47,440 Speaker 2: make close friends. Close friends have to stand the test 138 00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:50,140 Speaker 2: of time and loyal and all that, right? And it's 139 00:06:50,149 --> 00:06:51,269 Speaker 2: similar to what Joey has. 140 00:06:51,363 --> 00:06:55,295 Speaker 2: Bronze, silver, gold, right? They are actually tiers of friendships, right? 141 00:06:55,303 --> 00:06:59,493 Speaker 2: If you look at tier one participating, trophy. Ok, acquaintances. Yes. 142 00:06:59,505 --> 00:07:04,315 Speaker 2: These are people that you know, someone like, hello. Hello, bye. 143 00:07:04,325 --> 00:07:06,644 Speaker 2: Limited conversation. It's not someone that you really know in 144 00:07:06,654 --> 00:07:10,065 Speaker 2: depth or would maybe like meet one on one on 145 00:07:10,075 --> 00:07:14,494 Speaker 2: an extended period of time. Ok. Level two, just friends. 146 00:07:14,505 --> 00:07:17,834 Speaker 2: This is like probably, you know, a bigger circle that 147 00:07:17,845 --> 00:07:18,695 Speaker 2: you see on and off. 148 00:07:18,809 --> 00:07:20,880 Speaker 2: You feel comfortable meeting them. You have a good feeling 149 00:07:20,890 --> 00:07:25,149 Speaker 2: about them and you share this mutual like friendship and 150 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:28,339 Speaker 2: support can get together and all she can spend time 151 00:07:28,350 --> 00:07:28,750 Speaker 2: can go 152 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,859 Speaker 1: out for dinner, one on one kind. Ok. 153 00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:34,328 Speaker 2: The top level close friends, so close friends are the 154 00:07:34,339 --> 00:07:36,929 Speaker 2: people that you can be completely yourself. You know, they 155 00:07:36,940 --> 00:07:39,750 Speaker 2: don't judge you. They offer you a very high level 156 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,619 Speaker 2: of support, you know, and you know, that you can 157 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:45,279 Speaker 2: confide in them and it's safe with them, basically. 158 00:07:46,255 --> 00:07:51,575 Speaker 2: Level four, in my opinion, are people that transcend close friends. 159 00:07:51,584 --> 00:07:54,795 Speaker 2: So whenever you meet people, right, they either take energy 160 00:07:54,804 --> 00:07:57,684 Speaker 2: from you or give energy to you. Right? For me, 161 00:07:57,695 --> 00:08:01,214 Speaker 2: I classify the highest level of friends as people that 162 00:08:01,225 --> 00:08:04,475 Speaker 2: I don't feel are taking energy from me. Yeah, you 163 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,984 Speaker 2: can just spend like the whole day with them and 164 00:08:06,994 --> 00:08:10,015 Speaker 2: you don't feel exhausted or like your social battery has strained. 165 00:08:10,024 --> 00:08:13,665 Speaker 2: Level four is also sometimes you rarely ever see them 166 00:08:13,904 --> 00:08:14,605 Speaker 2: and then 167 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,899 Speaker 2: you just send memes all the time and then you 168 00:08:17,910 --> 00:08:23,730 Speaker 2: can call at any time crying. 00 yeah, that's a, yeah. So, 169 00:08:23,739 --> 00:08:26,000 Speaker 2: so love for a friendship, I, I would say it's 170 00:08:26,010 --> 00:08:30,179 Speaker 2: someone that doesn't drain your social, your energy as they 171 00:08:30,190 --> 00:08:31,350 Speaker 2: call it. It's like comfort. 172 00:08:31,589 --> 00:08:34,010 Speaker 2: Yeah, it is like comfort. Um I thought this was 173 00:08:34,020 --> 00:08:38,000 Speaker 2: quite interesting. So basically I was looking online, right? And 174 00:08:38,010 --> 00:08:42,250 Speaker 2: there is a British psychologist, his name is Robin Dunbar. Robin, 175 00:08:43,510 --> 00:08:46,700 Speaker 2: you don't act like, you know who Robin is, Robin Dunbar? 176 00:08:46,710 --> 00:08:47,738 Speaker 2: Robin Dunbar. 177 00:08:48,215 --> 00:08:52,284 Speaker 2: And uh Mr Dong Bos says that humans are only 178 00:08:52,294 --> 00:08:58,655 Speaker 2: cognitively able to maintain about 150 connections at once. Real 179 00:08:58,664 --> 00:09:02,375 Speaker 2: connections a lot. No, no, there's very few because imagine 180 00:09:02,385 --> 00:09:04,044 Speaker 2: how many people you follow on social media. 181 00:09:05,299 --> 00:09:07,549 Speaker 1: Probably think about it. No. But I don't talk to 182 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:09,260 Speaker 1: all these people. I follow on social media on a 183 00:09:09,270 --> 00:09:10,359 Speaker 1: daily basis. Right. Right. 184 00:09:10,369 --> 00:09:12,229 Speaker 2: Exactly. So, it's different. 185 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,260 Speaker 1: I don't even talk to 15 people a day. Exactly. 186 00:09:15,359 --> 00:09:18,900 Speaker 1: Like on a close basis. You know what I mean? 187 00:09:18,909 --> 00:09:22,218 Speaker 1: Like stuff like that. 150 188 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:26,770 Speaker 2: people is a genuine connection. Yeah. How many close friend 189 00:09:26,780 --> 00:09:29,289 Speaker 2: connections would you guys say you have, like, if you 190 00:09:29,299 --> 00:09:32,890 Speaker 2: would count really close friends, like close, close, right? 191 00:09:33,469 --> 00:09:37,169 Speaker 2: Like, can call it three and basically whatever your definition 192 00:09:37,179 --> 00:09:38,559 Speaker 2: of cloth is. Ok. I think 193 00:09:38,570 --> 00:09:44,520 Speaker 1: for me about 20 a lot of it, I mean, 194 00:09:44,530 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 1: different parts of my life. I'm close to different people. 195 00:09:47,530 --> 00:09:50,119 Speaker 1: Primary school, secondary school JC. 196 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:55,500 Speaker 2: One has a different definition of close friends. So, your definition, right. So, 197 00:09:55,510 --> 00:09:57,900 Speaker 2: how many people would you consider your close friends? Me? 198 00:09:57,971 --> 00:10:02,552 Speaker 2: Yes. 10, maybe 10. Ok. I, I would say I 199 00:10:02,562 --> 00:10:05,622 Speaker 2: have about six or seven. Yeah. I think to be 200 00:10:05,631 --> 00:10:08,361 Speaker 2: a close friend it has to be someone that it's 201 00:10:08,372 --> 00:10:12,142 Speaker 2: on a higher level of friendship. Yeah. And in fact, 202 00:10:12,151 --> 00:10:15,622 Speaker 2: for most people research says that you need about 3 203 00:10:15,631 --> 00:10:19,002 Speaker 2: to 6 close friends to maintain a good physical well 204 00:10:19,011 --> 00:10:22,062 Speaker 2: being and mental health at least 3 to 6. 205 00:10:22,072 --> 00:10:22,401 Speaker 1: And I think 206 00:10:22,473 --> 00:10:26,113 Speaker 1: the keyword is close friends, not just any normal friend. Correct. 207 00:10:26,124 --> 00:10:29,583 Speaker 2: That's absolutely right. Yeah. Um, so when you think about 208 00:10:29,593 --> 00:10:33,254 Speaker 2: how many people you meet in your adulthood, how many 209 00:10:33,263 --> 00:10:36,494 Speaker 2: actually can get past acquaintance level? Do you think it's 210 00:10:36,504 --> 00:10:39,132 Speaker 2: harder when we are older? Ok. Question. First of all, 211 00:10:39,143 --> 00:10:41,153 Speaker 2: before we get there. Right. If you look at your 212 00:10:41,164 --> 00:10:44,533 Speaker 2: close friends in which part of your life did they 213 00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:44,973 Speaker 2: come in? 214 00:10:44,984 --> 00:10:46,903 Speaker 1: Um, I think 215 00:10:46,976 --> 00:10:50,204 Speaker 1: different phases. I have one very close friend from primary school, 216 00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:53,805 Speaker 1: one from secondary school, a couple from JC, a couple 217 00:10:53,815 --> 00:10:56,276 Speaker 1: from UNI and then at work there's also a few 218 00:10:56,285 --> 00:10:57,885 Speaker 1: here and there and they 219 00:10:57,895 --> 00:11:00,796 Speaker 2: add up right for me as well. Different stages. Some 220 00:11:00,806 --> 00:11:03,666 Speaker 2: go way back like 15 years ago. Some are new 221 00:11:03,676 --> 00:11:05,856 Speaker 2: like in the last two years but still part of 222 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:08,455 Speaker 2: that close friend circle. Some should jump over the glass 223 00:11:08,466 --> 00:11:10,495 Speaker 2: to take the phone. Yeah, I wish I didn't. 224 00:11:11,979 --> 00:11:14,369 Speaker 2: Yeah. So I, I think it comes from different stages 225 00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:17,069 Speaker 2: of your life because there are some people who believe 226 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,340 Speaker 2: that the friends that you carry with you in your 227 00:11:19,349 --> 00:11:22,580 Speaker 2: life mostly come from the earlier part of your life. 228 00:11:22,590 --> 00:11:25,690 Speaker 2: So school, for example, primary school, secondary school, some people 229 00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:26,750 Speaker 2: believe that. Hm. 230 00:11:26,849 --> 00:11:30,439 Speaker 1: No, I always feel like um there's a different person 231 00:11:30,450 --> 00:11:31,169 Speaker 1: in a different stage of your 232 00:11:31,445 --> 00:11:34,575 Speaker 1: correct and you must allow for that to happen. Right. 233 00:11:34,585 --> 00:11:37,135 Speaker 1: You can't keep clinging on to your friends from the past. 234 00:11:37,145 --> 00:11:39,135 Speaker 1: I feel like you should allow yourself that space to 235 00:11:39,145 --> 00:11:41,234 Speaker 1: make new emotional connections and new friendships. 236 00:11:41,244 --> 00:11:43,994 Speaker 2: That is true. I don't think a 10 year friendship 237 00:11:44,005 --> 00:11:47,864 Speaker 2: is always necessarily stronger than a two year friendship. Yes. Yeah. 238 00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:48,224 Speaker 2: Fair 239 00:11:48,234 --> 00:11:50,375 Speaker 1: point. But I think in adulthood 240 00:11:50,799 --> 00:11:54,849 Speaker 1: it's definitely easier to make acquaintances, but it's not hard 241 00:11:54,859 --> 00:11:57,179 Speaker 1: to make close friends as long as you want it 242 00:11:57,190 --> 00:11:59,598 Speaker 1: to happen. I do feel like as an adult I'm 243 00:11:59,609 --> 00:12:03,530 Speaker 1: a lot more selective in choosing my friends. Yeah. But 244 00:12:03,539 --> 00:12:04,650 Speaker 1: once I've chosen them, 245 00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:06,669 Speaker 1: I do think that I make pretty good choices. So, 246 00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:08,010 Speaker 1: what about you, girls? 247 00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:10,150 Speaker 2: I think when you're young. Right. It may be, it 248 00:12:10,159 --> 00:12:13,260 Speaker 2: may seem easier to make friends because your threshold for 249 00:12:13,270 --> 00:12:16,229 Speaker 2: close friends is a lot bigger. It's like anyone can 250 00:12:16,239 --> 00:12:17,909 Speaker 2: be my close friend, like, every day, you know, you 251 00:12:17,919 --> 00:12:19,510 Speaker 2: come home from primary school, like, I have a new 252 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,489 Speaker 2: best friend. I have a new best friend. Right. And 253 00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:24,690 Speaker 2: everyone is open to making friends in school also. Your 254 00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,949 Speaker 2: problems are not as severe then. That's true. Yeah, 255 00:12:28,034 --> 00:12:30,984 Speaker 2: that's true. It's like who's willing to stick around even 256 00:12:30,994 --> 00:12:32,914 Speaker 2: though your life may be in shambles. Is that what 257 00:12:32,924 --> 00:12:37,325 Speaker 2: you say as you get older, you see your problems grow. Right. Right. 258 00:12:37,335 --> 00:12:39,954 Speaker 2: And then, like I said, right. And this is something 259 00:12:39,965 --> 00:12:41,525 Speaker 2: that I've been saying, I think quite a bit to 260 00:12:41,534 --> 00:12:45,284 Speaker 2: people around me, which is thank you for being around 261 00:12:45,294 --> 00:12:48,125 Speaker 2: and thank you for always speaking up the pieces and 262 00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:50,585 Speaker 2: mending the heart that you never broke in the first place. 263 00:12:51,469 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 2: All friends are right. Pick up the pieces with you 264 00:12:54,770 --> 00:12:57,559 Speaker 2: and they are mending a heart that didn't ever broke. 265 00:12:58,369 --> 00:13:01,570 Speaker 2: They are so nice. Ok? But don't let anyone break 266 00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:04,679 Speaker 2: your heart. You break that. Ok? I will break you. 267 00:13:05,729 --> 00:13:08,189 Speaker 2: She's very scary. No, no, no, no, no. But yeah, 268 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:11,479 Speaker 2: I think making friends when you're an adult is not, 269 00:13:11,489 --> 00:13:11,699 Speaker 2: is not 270 00:13:11,799 --> 00:13:14,400 Speaker 2: that deep, right? Correct. People always think, oh, you have 271 00:13:14,409 --> 00:13:17,979 Speaker 2: to have like a strong level of connection. Um You 272 00:13:17,989 --> 00:13:21,450 Speaker 2: have to go networking events to meet them, but really 273 00:13:21,460 --> 00:13:24,520 Speaker 2: it can just be anyone that you meet from anywhere. Yeah, 274 00:13:24,530 --> 00:13:24,799 Speaker 2: I think 275 00:13:24,809 --> 00:13:26,750 Speaker 1: a lot of people have the misconception that making friends 276 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,440 Speaker 1: in your adulthood, you have to invest a lot of 277 00:13:28,450 --> 00:13:31,210 Speaker 1: time and energy apart from your work, which is taking 278 00:13:31,219 --> 00:13:32,030 Speaker 1: up so much commitment. 279 00:13:32,130 --> 00:13:34,130 Speaker 1: Really? Right. But I feel like if you meet the 280 00:13:34,140 --> 00:13:36,949 Speaker 1: right person and you invite right away then that's if 281 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,309 Speaker 1: she can very well be a good friend, won't be 282 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,979 Speaker 1: taking energy from you. Correct? You bouncing off each other's energy, 283 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:47,039 Speaker 2: trust your gut, right? Yeah. Trust your gut feeling. Um 284 00:13:47,049 --> 00:13:49,830 Speaker 2: If you feel like if you vibe with the person 285 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,979 Speaker 2: then definitely, you know, meet them again. But if you don't, 286 00:13:51,989 --> 00:13:52,380 Speaker 2: then 287 00:13:52,609 --> 00:13:55,179 Speaker 2: you don't have to, you're not obliged to see anyone 288 00:13:55,190 --> 00:13:56,739 Speaker 2: that you don't want to. Right. Right. 289 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,150 Speaker 1: So, is it safe to say that all three of 290 00:13:59,159 --> 00:14:01,979 Speaker 1: us don't agree with this sentence. It's hard to make 291 00:14:01,989 --> 00:14:04,358 Speaker 1: new friends once you're in your late twenties, 292 00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:06,020 Speaker 2: new friends know. 293 00:14:06,270 --> 00:14:09,598 Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I disagree. Not at all. I don't think so. Yeah. 294 00:14:09,609 --> 00:14:12,770 Speaker 2: And in fact, as you get older you are exposed 295 00:14:12,780 --> 00:14:16,250 Speaker 2: to more social circles. Right. That's where you get to 296 00:14:16,260 --> 00:14:19,359 Speaker 2: meet more new people and it's healthy, you know, to 297 00:14:19,369 --> 00:14:23,400 Speaker 2: be meeting new people, especially like having a healthy social life, 298 00:14:23,409 --> 00:14:26,979 Speaker 2: you get to learn more about different life experiences and 299 00:14:26,989 --> 00:14:27,799 Speaker 2: you get to, 300 00:14:28,039 --> 00:14:30,429 Speaker 2: I guess, interact with different people. Yeah, and help you, right? 301 00:14:30,890 --> 00:14:33,359 Speaker 2: I can understand why some people find it hard. I'm 302 00:14:33,369 --> 00:14:35,179 Speaker 2: going to use this as an example. It's not the 303 00:14:35,190 --> 00:14:39,809 Speaker 2: same thing but I'm sure you've heard someone say something like, ok, 304 00:14:39,820 --> 00:14:43,039 Speaker 2: let's say someone is single, you've heard them say something like, 305 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:45,969 Speaker 2: oh it's a lot harder to date when you're older 306 00:14:45,989 --> 00:14:48,880 Speaker 2: because where do you meet people? You know, you meet 307 00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:50,349 Speaker 2: if you don't 308 00:14:50,426 --> 00:14:53,346 Speaker 2: at work or you know, you only meet people at work, 309 00:14:53,356 --> 00:14:55,085 Speaker 2: for example, and you don't want to date there, please 310 00:14:55,096 --> 00:14:56,245 Speaker 2: don't date. Where 311 00:14:56,255 --> 00:14:58,106 Speaker 1: else do you meet people? No, but that comes with 312 00:14:58,116 --> 00:15:01,325 Speaker 1: conditions for dating and the relationship to happen. The other 313 00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:04,065 Speaker 1: party must be single but for friends, it doesn't come 314 00:15:04,075 --> 00:15:06,216 Speaker 1: with such conditions. You can be attached and you can 315 00:15:06,226 --> 00:15:07,505 Speaker 1: still be good friends with this person 316 00:15:07,515 --> 00:15:11,426 Speaker 2: the pool is bigger. Right. Yeah. Yeah. But, but it's just, 317 00:15:11,476 --> 00:15:12,726 Speaker 2: especially if you're an adult 318 00:15:12,892 --> 00:15:15,392 Speaker 2: who never goes out. Correct. You go to work, you 319 00:15:15,401 --> 00:15:17,872 Speaker 2: go home on the weekends, you stay home. Where are 320 00:15:17,882 --> 00:15:19,361 Speaker 2: you going to meet new friends? Where are you going 321 00:15:19,372 --> 00:15:21,382 Speaker 2: to meet? You know what she's trying to say? And 322 00:15:21,452 --> 00:15:24,322 Speaker 2: let's say it's mutual friends or friends of your friends, 323 00:15:24,331 --> 00:15:26,411 Speaker 2: you probably already know them because the circle of friends 324 00:15:26,421 --> 00:15:29,572 Speaker 2: is probably from like 5, 10 years and is not 325 00:15:29,581 --> 00:15:31,281 Speaker 2: a big place, especially if you live here. It's a 326 00:15:31,291 --> 00:15:34,471 Speaker 2: problem that it's not a big place. Everyone knows everyone. Right. Yeah. 327 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,099 Speaker 2: But you, you know, you always have that one friend. 328 00:15:38,109 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 2: I don't know if you guys have that, that one 329 00:15:39,890 --> 00:15:42,419 Speaker 2: friend who seems to be friends with everyone or they 330 00:15:42,429 --> 00:15:44,299 Speaker 2: breathe and they make friends. Yeah. They seem to have 331 00:15:44,309 --> 00:15:46,809 Speaker 2: like 100 friends. Do you guys know of someone like that? 332 00:15:47,799 --> 00:15:48,450 Speaker 2: Is it you? 333 00:15:49,919 --> 00:15:51,979 Speaker 1: I know, I feel like three of us know. Yeah, 334 00:15:51,989 --> 00:15:54,309 Speaker 1: I feel like that's what my friends would picture or 335 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,880 Speaker 1: like paint a picture of, of me. Social butterfly. Yeah. 336 00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:59,669 Speaker 1: But I really enjoy speaking to people. I think that's 337 00:15:59,679 --> 00:16:02,000 Speaker 1: why we are all radio jokes, right? The US is 338 00:16:02,010 --> 00:16:04,619 Speaker 1: as well. Like you go out with the, of the fingers, 339 00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:05,630 Speaker 1: you're making friends already. 340 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:09,109 Speaker 2: Absolutely. Um But when you think about who your close 341 00:16:09,119 --> 00:16:12,030 Speaker 2: friends are, I think that circle is the most important. 342 00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:15,359 Speaker 2: Um This speaker, his name is Jim Ron. He is 343 00:16:15,369 --> 00:16:17,380 Speaker 2: British as well. And I don't think so. I think 344 00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:18,169 Speaker 2: he is American. 345 00:16:18,335 --> 00:16:21,356 Speaker 2: You are the average of the five people that you 346 00:16:21,366 --> 00:16:24,195 Speaker 2: spend the most time with, the people that you spend 347 00:16:24,205 --> 00:16:27,015 Speaker 2: the most time with, they actually shape who you are. 348 00:16:27,026 --> 00:16:31,955 Speaker 2: They determine the conversations that dominate your attention. And according 349 00:16:31,966 --> 00:16:35,125 Speaker 2: to research, the people that you spend the most time 350 00:16:35,135 --> 00:16:39,776 Speaker 2: with determine as much as 95% of your failure or 351 00:16:39,786 --> 00:16:43,296 Speaker 2: success in life. So it's very important, not the quantity 352 00:16:43,306 --> 00:16:46,786 Speaker 2: of friends you keep around you, but the quality of friends. 353 00:16:46,835 --> 00:16:47,315 Speaker 2: I can't 354 00:16:47,325 --> 00:16:47,885 Speaker 1: agree more. 355 00:16:47,971 --> 00:16:52,432 Speaker 2: Wow, because you are what you feed your mind with. Exactly. 356 00:16:52,442 --> 00:16:55,041 Speaker 2: So if you're constantly hanging out with people and just 357 00:16:55,052 --> 00:16:58,392 Speaker 2: gossiping and negative nancy, like negative thoughts, you know, just 358 00:16:58,401 --> 00:17:01,512 Speaker 2: always talking about nonsense, you're never gonna grow, they're not 359 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,091 Speaker 2: going to challenge you. Yeah. 360 00:17:03,302 --> 00:17:06,562 Speaker 1: And, and here's a tip for, uh, finding out if 361 00:17:06,571 --> 00:17:08,900 Speaker 1: a person is going to be a bad friend the 362 00:17:08,911 --> 00:17:10,751 Speaker 1: first time you meet. So, ok, there's a note from 363 00:17:10,761 --> 00:17:14,141 Speaker 1: a producer here. What she's discovered is that people who 364 00:17:14,151 --> 00:17:17,521 Speaker 1: review deep secrets about themselves when you guys first meet 365 00:17:17,739 --> 00:17:21,020 Speaker 1: are almost always bad at being friends because they will 366 00:17:21,030 --> 00:17:24,160 Speaker 1: always approach you and talk to you about their problems 367 00:17:24,170 --> 00:17:25,829 Speaker 1: until they don't need you anymore. 368 00:17:26,538 --> 00:17:31,519 Speaker 2: Really? I know like that. Isn't it true? I know 369 00:17:31,529 --> 00:17:36,488 Speaker 2: of people that trauma dump to other people within the 370 00:17:36,499 --> 00:17:41,109 Speaker 2: first conversation. Right. When they barely know these other people. Yeah. 371 00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:45,328 Speaker 2: It's like trauma dumping but it's more for, to their own, 372 00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:50,048 Speaker 2: their own problems and then when they're done they, they 373 00:17:50,058 --> 00:17:51,938 Speaker 2: will just trauma up to the next person they don't 374 00:17:51,948 --> 00:17:52,348 Speaker 2: need you. 375 00:17:53,109 --> 00:17:55,349 Speaker 1: Yeah. And the fact that they can tell you so 376 00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:57,959 Speaker 1: much on the very first meet up, what makes you 377 00:17:57,969 --> 00:18:01,910 Speaker 1: think that they won't tell their secrets to somebody else? Exactly. Right. 378 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:06,530 Speaker 2: That's true. So, that's a good, that's a good tip. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Um, 379 00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:09,369 Speaker 2: but yeah, I think that's why, you know, making friends 380 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:12,260 Speaker 2: in adulthood can be tough because you have to think 381 00:18:12,270 --> 00:18:14,609 Speaker 2: about all these. Yeah, I guess who is going to 382 00:18:14,619 --> 00:18:16,790 Speaker 2: keep my secrets from me? Correct. And I think in 383 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,879 Speaker 2: adulthood as well, we are a little bit more guarded. 384 00:18:19,229 --> 00:18:21,310 Speaker 2: You know, everybody has gone through 385 00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:26,449 Speaker 2: heartaches, heart break ups, you know, friendship, breakups and everything. So, 386 00:18:26,459 --> 00:18:29,670 Speaker 2: every time or with every heartbreak, the next one that 387 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:31,369 Speaker 2: you do, you are a little bit more. Got it. Yeah. 388 00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:32,988 Speaker 2: It's like when you're young. Right. It's like, what's your 389 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:33,639 Speaker 2: favorite color 390 00:18:35,869 --> 00:18:37,790 Speaker 2: now? It's like, oh, you want to be friends? What 391 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,790 Speaker 2: kind of past trauma have you been through? And will 392 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,569 Speaker 2: I be able to deal with it? I went down 393 00:18:41,670 --> 00:18:44,920 Speaker 2: on it. You know, the threshold gets so much higher. 394 00:18:44,930 --> 00:18:47,329 Speaker 2: Everyone has busy schedules. Look at the three of us. 395 00:18:47,339 --> 00:18:49,680 Speaker 2: We are still friends. When's the last time we sat 396 00:18:49,689 --> 00:18:50,680 Speaker 2: down for a meal. 397 00:18:50,910 --> 00:18:53,659 Speaker 1: Literally just told us next time we come together to 398 00:18:53,670 --> 00:18:55,780 Speaker 1: film Harsh Podcast. Let's have lunch before that. We 399 00:18:55,790 --> 00:18:58,030 Speaker 2: have to. Yeah, I know. 400 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:01,109 Speaker 1: But you know what the point is? We have to 401 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:03,129 Speaker 1: record the Harsh podcast for us to come together to 402 00:19:03,140 --> 00:19:05,050 Speaker 1: have lunch. Yes. You know, I, 403 00:19:06,030 --> 00:19:09,699 Speaker 2: so that was my birthday. That's not too bad. Two months, 404 00:19:09,709 --> 00:19:12,189 Speaker 2: maybe that's pretty long. We used to have way more 405 00:19:12,199 --> 00:19:12,680 Speaker 2: often 406 00:19:12,689 --> 00:19:15,729 Speaker 1: every time we film Harsh Podcast. Exactly. 407 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:17,969 Speaker 2: So that the coffee shop people 408 00:19:19,310 --> 00:19:20,540 Speaker 1: shout out to them. They 409 00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:21,150 Speaker 2: call us the power. 410 00:19:23,104 --> 00:19:26,145 Speaker 2: You also may be in different life stages. Like some 411 00:19:26,155 --> 00:19:28,425 Speaker 2: of your friends might have kids, they have to dedicate 412 00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:31,555 Speaker 2: more time to their family or their parents. You might 413 00:19:31,564 --> 00:19:34,055 Speaker 2: not be able to see them as often. I think 414 00:19:34,064 --> 00:19:36,364 Speaker 2: it all these factors come into play. Right? Let me 415 00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:37,935 Speaker 2: tell you a story. So 416 00:19:39,819 --> 00:19:44,399 Speaker 2: I know someone right, who is in his late thirties 417 00:19:44,410 --> 00:19:47,910 Speaker 2: right now. Ok. Ok. So this pattern for him has 418 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,599 Speaker 2: started since 20 years ago. So this person is single, 419 00:19:51,609 --> 00:19:55,040 Speaker 2: still is single. Um So at that time, let's say 420 00:19:55,050 --> 00:19:58,489 Speaker 2: he was 20 his friends are all 20. Then eventually 421 00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:02,229 Speaker 2: they start getting the relationships, they start settling down, they 422 00:20:02,239 --> 00:20:03,089 Speaker 2: start having kids. 423 00:20:03,186 --> 00:20:07,406 Speaker 2: Ok. But he's still at that place. So he starts 424 00:20:07,416 --> 00:20:10,595 Speaker 2: distancing himself from his friends because he feels like they 425 00:20:10,605 --> 00:20:12,594 Speaker 2: are not at the same place anymore and that they 426 00:20:12,605 --> 00:20:16,004 Speaker 2: don't have time for him, I can just keep getting 427 00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:22,676 Speaker 2: younger and younger. But that cycle just keeps repeating. Ah. Right. Ok. 428 00:20:22,875 --> 00:20:26,436 Speaker 2: But for us it feels like actually we may have, like, 429 00:20:26,552 --> 00:20:28,321 Speaker 2: suck for you, but it does not mean that we're 430 00:20:28,332 --> 00:20:30,352 Speaker 2: not going to be dead for you. Like, why do 431 00:20:30,362 --> 00:20:33,531 Speaker 2: you have to distance yourself away from us? Even though 432 00:20:33,541 --> 00:20:35,161 Speaker 2: we are moving on with our lives. 433 00:20:35,232 --> 00:20:39,802 Speaker 1: Maybe his needs for friends are your needs for friends. 434 00:20:39,852 --> 00:20:40,462 Speaker 1: Maybe he 435 00:20:40,511 --> 00:20:44,281 Speaker 2: requires a lot more quality time. Correct? Time spent together. 436 00:20:44,531 --> 00:20:45,612 Speaker 2: Love language 437 00:20:45,621 --> 00:20:47,482 Speaker 1: is all commitment. 438 00:20:47,491 --> 00:20:49,842 Speaker 2: That's true. That's correct. So, 439 00:20:50,310 --> 00:20:52,849 Speaker 2: and then we just keep watching the cycle happen and 440 00:20:52,979 --> 00:20:55,699 Speaker 2: I don't think there's much that you can do right 441 00:20:56,079 --> 00:20:58,130 Speaker 2: at the very most. You can just let him know 442 00:20:58,140 --> 00:21:00,599 Speaker 2: that you always be there as a friend. But yeah, 443 00:21:00,609 --> 00:21:02,040 Speaker 2: people have to do what they want to do. Yeah. 444 00:21:02,050 --> 00:21:02,390 Speaker 2: And I think 445 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 1: your friend views making friends as an adult, very important 446 00:21:06,290 --> 00:21:09,300 Speaker 1: for his personal well being. But do you guys agree 447 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:12,000 Speaker 1: is making friends important for your personal well being in growth? 448 00:21:12,010 --> 00:21:13,560 Speaker 1: Because I have to say 449 00:21:13,859 --> 00:21:15,719 Speaker 1: I'm not so sure about that. Actually, 450 00:21:15,890 --> 00:21:21,510 Speaker 2: I agree. I agree making friends, right. Making, making connections 451 00:21:21,670 --> 00:21:25,099 Speaker 2: because I feel like when, when you only have a 452 00:21:25,109 --> 00:21:27,468 Speaker 2: few close friends, right? You're in sort of like an 453 00:21:27,479 --> 00:21:29,839 Speaker 2: echo chamber of what you are, right? I think. But 454 00:21:29,849 --> 00:21:32,829 Speaker 2: when you make more connections, even if they disagree with 455 00:21:32,839 --> 00:21:36,060 Speaker 2: you on certain things, you are learning more, like, like, 456 00:21:36,069 --> 00:21:38,349 Speaker 2: for example, something simple, like, oh, I make friends with 457 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:40,409 Speaker 2: someone who is an engineer. I learn more, 458 00:21:40,494 --> 00:21:44,165 Speaker 2: more about engineering that I would have never known before. Right. Yeah. 459 00:21:44,185 --> 00:21:44,685 Speaker 2: So 460 00:21:44,905 --> 00:21:47,444 Speaker 1: I think of this in a slightly different way. Um, 461 00:21:47,454 --> 00:21:51,584 Speaker 1: as an adult sometimes I would really much rather go 462 00:21:51,594 --> 00:21:55,425 Speaker 1: home after work and just sit down in my, whatever 463 00:21:55,435 --> 00:21:58,145 Speaker 1: it is and watch a show, you know, that kind 464 00:21:58,155 --> 00:22:01,145 Speaker 1: of alone time matters more to me now. 465 00:22:01,510 --> 00:22:05,239 Speaker 1: But back when I was in my, maybe my teens, 466 00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:08,319 Speaker 1: maybe hanging out with friends was priority for me. You know, 467 00:22:08,329 --> 00:22:12,920 Speaker 1: it sort of shifts a little bit just because I 468 00:22:13,109 --> 00:22:13,250 Speaker 1: go home, 469 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:19,660 Speaker 2: I saw today, by the way. Ok. Friends. Yeah, Mala 470 00:22:19,810 --> 00:22:22,160 Speaker 2: is a way for you to make friends in your 471 00:22:22,170 --> 00:22:24,849 Speaker 2: twenties is a way to make friends, is the way 472 00:22:24,859 --> 00:22:28,919 Speaker 2: to make friends for sure. Go out and enjoy food, 473 00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:30,959 Speaker 2: go out and eat. But no, I, I think, 474 00:22:31,310 --> 00:22:33,709 Speaker 2: and for what you're trying to say is that because 475 00:22:33,719 --> 00:22:36,109 Speaker 2: you have a limited amount of time, would you rather 476 00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:40,399 Speaker 2: spend that time outwardly externally? Right. With yourself. I think 477 00:22:40,410 --> 00:22:44,800 Speaker 2: time with yourself and time with friends is both important. Correct? Yeah. 478 00:22:44,810 --> 00:22:45,319 Speaker 2: But 479 00:22:45,329 --> 00:22:47,810 Speaker 1: for us in this industry it's a bit different because 480 00:22:47,819 --> 00:22:51,929 Speaker 1: we spend most of our working hours talking to people. Right. 481 00:22:51,939 --> 00:22:53,919 Speaker 1: This is not something that someone maybe who works in 482 00:22:53,930 --> 00:22:56,699 Speaker 1: the office would experience. That's right after office hours. 483 00:22:56,771 --> 00:22:58,182 Speaker 1: Just want to go out and spend time with their friends. 484 00:22:58,192 --> 00:23:00,021 Speaker 1: But I can understand that. So, we've been speaking the 485 00:23:00,031 --> 00:23:01,811 Speaker 1: whole damn day. What 486 00:23:01,821 --> 00:23:04,921 Speaker 2: do you, what is your take then on friends that 487 00:23:04,932 --> 00:23:07,592 Speaker 2: you don't meet in person but friends that you only 488 00:23:07,602 --> 00:23:08,702 Speaker 2: know online, I 489 00:23:08,712 --> 00:23:09,501 Speaker 1: don't have such friends 490 00:23:10,991 --> 00:23:13,390 Speaker 2: if you remember. Right. When we first got to know 491 00:23:13,401 --> 00:23:15,732 Speaker 2: each other we were online friends. Yeah, we 492 00:23:15,741 --> 00:23:17,702 Speaker 1: made a Tik Tok video. That's how, yeah, 493 00:23:17,712 --> 00:23:20,302 Speaker 2: we were friends on, we couldn't even meet, we were 494 00:23:20,311 --> 00:23:22,161 Speaker 2: making tiktok videos, separate 495 00:23:22,933 --> 00:23:26,494 Speaker 2: them together. That's how our friendship started. That's right. You 496 00:23:26,504 --> 00:23:28,373 Speaker 2: know what I mean? Yeah, I, I told them, yeah, 497 00:23:28,384 --> 00:23:30,583 Speaker 2: it is possible. Maybe not, not so much for girls 498 00:23:30,593 --> 00:23:33,072 Speaker 2: but for guys. So, so recently told me the story 499 00:23:33,083 --> 00:23:35,923 Speaker 2: of how they have been friends for 10 years and, 500 00:23:35,933 --> 00:23:38,163 Speaker 2: you know, one, there, in one there is in Malaysia. 501 00:23:38,173 --> 00:23:42,763 Speaker 2: They have been friends through online gaming to online gaming 502 00:23:42,773 --> 00:23:44,322 Speaker 2: while they are because, you know, they can talk to 503 00:23:44,333 --> 00:23:46,713 Speaker 2: each other, right? While they play the game, they will 504 00:23:46,723 --> 00:23:47,624 Speaker 2: tell each other 505 00:23:47,696 --> 00:23:51,985 Speaker 2: about like the deepest darkest parts. Like, oh, I broke up, 506 00:23:51,994 --> 00:23:54,345 Speaker 2: you know, with my girlfriend, I'm so sad, you know, da, 507 00:23:54,355 --> 00:23:57,744 Speaker 2: da da and confide in each other online while waiting 508 00:23:57,755 --> 00:23:59,535 Speaker 2: for the game to start. Then when the game is starting, 509 00:23:59,546 --> 00:24:02,225 Speaker 2: it's like fire in the hole, fire the hole. Yeah, bro. Yeah, 510 00:24:02,234 --> 00:24:04,484 Speaker 2: I broke up with my girlfriend today. I'm so sad. 511 00:24:06,556 --> 00:24:08,686 Speaker 1: What my take is on this is that these two 512 00:24:08,696 --> 00:24:11,946 Speaker 1: guys should never meet the same concept. You should never 513 00:24:11,955 --> 00:24:12,754 Speaker 1: speak to your idol. 514 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:17,569 Speaker 1: Yeah. So, when you see me, right, this magical aspect 515 00:24:17,579 --> 00:24:19,919 Speaker 1: of the friendship will disappear then be 516 00:24:19,939 --> 00:24:23,209 Speaker 2: comfortable to just be able to see anything because you 517 00:24:23,219 --> 00:24:28,209 Speaker 2: don't actually know that person physically, you know, maybe. Oh, interesting. Yeah. So, 518 00:24:28,219 --> 00:24:30,569 Speaker 2: online friendships, you know, is another, 519 00:24:30,819 --> 00:24:34,469 Speaker 2: another thing. Where is it really genuine or not? No, 520 00:24:34,479 --> 00:24:34,819 Speaker 2: I have 521 00:24:34,829 --> 00:24:37,489 Speaker 1: to say though there's a level of genuine in that, 522 00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:39,819 Speaker 1: like you can't say it's a fake friendship. But you 523 00:24:39,829 --> 00:24:41,679 Speaker 1: know how I made one of my closest friends in 524 00:24:41,689 --> 00:24:45,079 Speaker 1: life through radio. Like I can't do not. Ok. So 525 00:24:45,089 --> 00:24:46,770 Speaker 1: there was a period of time where we had guest 526 00:24:46,780 --> 00:24:49,060 Speaker 1: DJ S on board and then this listener, she is 527 00:24:49,069 --> 00:24:51,989 Speaker 1: from Hong Kong. So she really, really loved um the, 528 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:55,709 Speaker 1: the local singer Derek who came on to be a 529 00:24:55,719 --> 00:24:58,208 Speaker 1: guest DJ, even though it was just for eight weeks, 530 00:24:58,576 --> 00:25:01,495 Speaker 1: every single day for Derek. And after Derek left the station, 531 00:25:01,505 --> 00:25:04,666 Speaker 1: she continued tuning in and she would drop in text 532 00:25:04,676 --> 00:25:07,115 Speaker 1: to say hi to us. And that's how I got 533 00:25:07,125 --> 00:25:08,946 Speaker 1: to know her. So one time I went to Hong 534 00:25:08,955 --> 00:25:11,666 Speaker 1: Kong and I asked her if she has any recommendations, 535 00:25:11,676 --> 00:25:13,706 Speaker 1: what should I eat? What should I do? She came 536 00:25:13,715 --> 00:25:16,566 Speaker 1: to the airport to pick me up and bring me around. Ok. 537 00:25:16,576 --> 00:25:18,416 Speaker 1: Not gonna lie. I was a bit afraid like she's 538 00:25:18,426 --> 00:25:20,125 Speaker 1: going to kidnap me or something. Like you had never 539 00:25:20,135 --> 00:25:22,436 Speaker 1: met her, I had never met her because she stays 540 00:25:22,446 --> 00:25:25,186 Speaker 1: in Hong. But after we met like we hit it 541 00:25:25,196 --> 00:25:26,125 Speaker 1: off so well, 542 00:25:26,332 --> 00:25:29,251 Speaker 1: she really respected my space, the privacy I needed. She 543 00:25:29,261 --> 00:25:31,391 Speaker 1: gave me time to do whatever I needed. But when 544 00:25:31,401 --> 00:25:33,341 Speaker 1: I need recommendation, she's always there for me and she 545 00:25:33,352 --> 00:25:37,491 Speaker 1: brought me around Hong Kong herself personally. Yeah, she even 546 00:25:37,501 --> 00:25:40,631 Speaker 1: brought me to see her place. That's so sweet. I 547 00:25:40,641 --> 00:25:42,351 Speaker 1: really believe I made a true friend 548 00:25:42,362 --> 00:25:44,982 Speaker 2: there. Yeah, you never know. I think don't close yourself 549 00:25:44,991 --> 00:25:48,341 Speaker 2: off to any kind of friendship. I think the key 550 00:25:48,352 --> 00:25:51,942 Speaker 2: is to be open about it to be open to 551 00:25:51,952 --> 00:25:53,942 Speaker 2: things happening, you know, and 552 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:58,449 Speaker 2: that's why I say like honestly like really, really honestly 553 00:25:58,459 --> 00:26:01,060 Speaker 2: like I would choose to let life take me where 554 00:26:01,069 --> 00:26:03,500 Speaker 2: it wants to because I don't know, I'm gonna have, 555 00:26:03,510 --> 00:26:05,479 Speaker 2: you know, like what I'm gonna experience, right? Who I'm 556 00:26:05,489 --> 00:26:09,459 Speaker 2: gonna meet. So for someone like I guess hazy, right? 557 00:26:09,469 --> 00:26:13,020 Speaker 2: Who I think is out of the three of us, 558 00:26:13,030 --> 00:26:16,770 Speaker 2: you are the most extroverted and uh easiest to make 559 00:26:16,780 --> 00:26:17,629 Speaker 2: friends with as 560 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:19,739 Speaker 1: loud as a is I believe so. Yeah. 561 00:26:20,010 --> 00:26:24,300 Speaker 2: Yeah. What would your top tip be for making new friends? 562 00:26:24,310 --> 00:26:25,739 Speaker 2: Like how do you make friends be 563 00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:29,000 Speaker 1: yourself? That's the first tip that comes, comes to my mind. OK? 564 00:26:29,010 --> 00:26:31,579 Speaker 1: Because only have you heard of it saying your vibe 565 00:26:31,589 --> 00:26:34,659 Speaker 1: attracts your tribe. Oh, yes. Yeah. So only if you 566 00:26:34,670 --> 00:26:37,239 Speaker 1: are yourself, you can attract people who think like you 567 00:26:37,439 --> 00:26:39,489 Speaker 1: and then like what Jeremy said, you know, you are 568 00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:40,439 Speaker 1: the average of the five 569 00:26:40,540 --> 00:26:42,510 Speaker 1: people you hang out most with. Yeah. So that's how 570 00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:46,280 Speaker 1: you keep growing. You keep learning to be yourself. So 571 00:26:46,290 --> 00:26:48,849 Speaker 1: normally on the first meet up with the new people 572 00:26:48,859 --> 00:26:51,909 Speaker 1: I know already whether we fight or if our frequencies 573 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:54,160 Speaker 1: are on par or not and if it isn't, then 574 00:26:54,170 --> 00:26:56,919 Speaker 1: just stay as acquaintances. I don't see anything wrong with it. 575 00:26:57,660 --> 00:27:00,989 Speaker 2: I think it's always good to meet people and 576 00:27:01,310 --> 00:27:04,140 Speaker 2: how close you get doesn't matter, you can't fall. Right. Right. 577 00:27:04,150 --> 00:27:06,829 Speaker 2: You just let that take its natural course, but it's 578 00:27:06,839 --> 00:27:09,310 Speaker 2: just good to always be open to meeting people and 579 00:27:09,319 --> 00:27:11,339 Speaker 2: you never know like 580 00:27:12,099 --> 00:27:15,060 Speaker 2: what is gonna happen in the future. You know, it's 581 00:27:15,069 --> 00:27:17,760 Speaker 2: like me saying that all I want to be in 582 00:27:17,770 --> 00:27:20,290 Speaker 2: life is to be a life fixer. Remember I want 583 00:27:20,300 --> 00:27:23,430 Speaker 2: to be that person with someone for everything. Sure. Yeah. 584 00:27:23,550 --> 00:27:26,510 Speaker 2: So I may not be close friends with all of 585 00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:31,270 Speaker 2: these people, but I know someone who is someone, you know, 586 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:35,550 Speaker 2: who can help someone. Yeah, I think um I'll come 587 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,569 Speaker 2: from the angle of people 588 00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:40,336 Speaker 2: with a bit more social anxiety, right? Who find it 589 00:27:40,345 --> 00:27:43,706 Speaker 2: very hard to go out there, put themselves out there 590 00:27:43,715 --> 00:27:46,586 Speaker 2: as you would say. The fact of this life is 591 00:27:46,595 --> 00:27:49,865 Speaker 2: people will always care more about themselves than they will 592 00:27:49,875 --> 00:27:53,345 Speaker 2: about other people. This is a human condition, right? And 593 00:27:53,355 --> 00:27:55,426 Speaker 2: because of that, you can use that to your advantage. 594 00:27:55,436 --> 00:27:57,385 Speaker 2: I'm not saying you can make close friends with this, 595 00:27:57,395 --> 00:28:01,514 Speaker 2: but you can use this to make acquaintances when you 596 00:28:01,526 --> 00:28:02,946 Speaker 2: meet someone for the first time. 597 00:28:03,212 --> 00:28:06,271 Speaker 2: If you are not comfortable talking about yourself, don't ask 598 00:28:06,281 --> 00:28:09,001 Speaker 2: them about themselves. What do you do? Like, how, how 599 00:28:09,011 --> 00:28:11,821 Speaker 2: do you like your job, like or how, how's, how's everything, 600 00:28:11,832 --> 00:28:15,342 Speaker 2: you know, and then really show interest in that, right? 601 00:28:15,352 --> 00:28:18,641 Speaker 2: And start people off being comfortable in that way. I 602 00:28:18,651 --> 00:28:21,021 Speaker 2: think that is really the best way to Yeah, you 603 00:28:21,031 --> 00:28:22,452 Speaker 2: don't have to talk about yourself. A lot of people 604 00:28:22,462 --> 00:28:24,161 Speaker 2: have anxiety about that. 605 00:28:24,171 --> 00:28:26,141 Speaker 1: Correct. I have a friend who once told me that 606 00:28:26,151 --> 00:28:28,681 Speaker 1: she would review every single conversation 607 00:28:28,979 --> 00:28:31,050 Speaker 1: that she had in the day when she got back 608 00:28:31,060 --> 00:28:33,290 Speaker 1: home at night. Yeah. She keep thinking, oh, should I 609 00:28:33,300 --> 00:28:35,739 Speaker 1: have said this? Should I not have said this? Yeah. 610 00:28:35,939 --> 00:28:38,369 Speaker 1: So I told her actually, you know, what people don't 611 00:28:38,380 --> 00:28:40,500 Speaker 1: think about you as much as you think they do. 612 00:28:40,770 --> 00:28:43,709 Speaker 1: That's true. They don't give two damns about what you say. 613 00:28:43,719 --> 00:28:46,160 Speaker 1: So just stop beating yourself up over it. But I 614 00:28:46,170 --> 00:28:50,500 Speaker 1: understand sometimes, you know, we experience anxiousness, anxiety when we 615 00:28:50,510 --> 00:28:52,140 Speaker 1: speak to other people. So have you 616 00:28:52,495 --> 00:28:55,156 Speaker 1: things from this point of view. Actually, your parents can 617 00:28:55,166 --> 00:28:56,485 Speaker 1: be your friends as well. Yeah, 618 00:28:56,495 --> 00:28:59,926 Speaker 2: that's true because your parents shouldn't be someone that you have, 619 00:29:00,186 --> 00:29:04,505 Speaker 2: shouldn't someone you have social anxiety with, I mean, 620 00:29:04,515 --> 00:29:07,656 Speaker 1: they probably can be someone you can confide in. I've 621 00:29:07,666 --> 00:29:10,706 Speaker 1: never experienced that because I'm just not willing to confide 622 00:29:10,715 --> 00:29:12,786 Speaker 1: in my parents with certain stuff when it comes to 623 00:29:12,796 --> 00:29:15,265 Speaker 1: relationship or work. Right. But when it comes to my 624 00:29:15,276 --> 00:29:15,926 Speaker 1: friendships 625 00:29:16,271 --> 00:29:18,932 Speaker 1: they, you know, they're cool. They are more than happy 626 00:29:18,942 --> 00:29:21,442 Speaker 1: to listen to me. It's very nice when I confronted 627 00:29:21,452 --> 00:29:27,241 Speaker 1: them about work or relationships, then they start nagging. So, oh, 628 00:29:27,352 --> 00:29:27,822 Speaker 1: so 629 00:29:28,161 --> 00:29:31,842 Speaker 2: for some people, a small part of the population, their 630 00:29:31,852 --> 00:29:35,381 Speaker 2: parents are some of their closest friends. It's true. It's true. 631 00:29:35,391 --> 00:29:37,942 Speaker 2: Or you can be like me and be friends with 632 00:29:37,952 --> 00:29:39,921 Speaker 2: your friend's parents. Oh, 633 00:29:39,932 --> 00:29:42,952 Speaker 1: it's always different when the kid is not yours. 634 00:29:45,489 --> 00:29:47,930 Speaker 2: Yeah. True. Because I asked the girl you want to 635 00:29:47,939 --> 00:29:49,209 Speaker 2: take home to your mother. 636 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:51,540 Speaker 1: So sure about 637 00:29:52,859 --> 00:29:55,260 Speaker 2: that. At the end of the day, I think it's 638 00:29:55,270 --> 00:30:00,069 Speaker 2: also important to acknowledge that loneliness is a part of 639 00:30:00,079 --> 00:30:03,520 Speaker 2: everyone's life. Correct? There are going to be some times 640 00:30:03,530 --> 00:30:05,819 Speaker 2: when you feel a bit lonely. When you feel like, hey, 641 00:30:05,829 --> 00:30:08,459 Speaker 2: why is nobody asking me out? You'd have to wait 642 00:30:08,469 --> 00:30:10,079 Speaker 2: for someone to ask you out. Why don't you ask them? 643 00:30:10,324 --> 00:30:12,415 Speaker 2: Right? If you feel like pursuing 644 00:30:12,425 --> 00:30:14,694 Speaker 1: common interest is actually a very good way to make 645 00:30:14,704 --> 00:30:15,275 Speaker 1: new friends. 646 00:30:15,285 --> 00:30:18,314 Speaker 2: Yeah. Food is my top way of making friends, 647 00:30:18,324 --> 00:30:21,994 Speaker 1: right? Maybe gaming is for some people. So, like communicating virtually, 648 00:30:22,005 --> 00:30:24,155 Speaker 1: like Tony mentioned a hobby if they do have 649 00:30:24,165 --> 00:30:28,234 Speaker 2: one, right? Surfing or, you know, cycling, running, swimming 650 00:30:28,244 --> 00:30:30,645 Speaker 1: to be something like that even causes, if you like 651 00:30:30,655 --> 00:30:33,964 Speaker 1: self-improvement causes. Go take that damn course. And you find 652 00:30:33,974 --> 00:30:34,734 Speaker 1: someone with similar. 653 00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:35,839 Speaker 1: My side is yours. 654 00:30:35,849 --> 00:30:39,060 Speaker 2: Yeah. That's right. So, we hope you took something away 655 00:30:39,069 --> 00:30:42,819 Speaker 2: from today's about, you know, friendships in adulthood and maybe 656 00:30:42,829 --> 00:30:43,770 Speaker 2: girl friendships. 657 00:30:43,780 --> 00:30:46,650 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. For the extroverts out there don't forget to 658 00:30:46,660 --> 00:30:49,520 Speaker 1: include some of them were flowers. Some of the introverts 659 00:30:49,670 --> 00:30:52,050 Speaker 1: you go out and meet new people, you never know 660 00:30:52,060 --> 00:30:54,069 Speaker 1: what you can take away from them. And for the 661 00:30:54,079 --> 00:30:56,890 Speaker 1: introverts don't be shy, don't be afraid to just take 662 00:30:56,900 --> 00:30:59,390 Speaker 1: the first step and say hi to a new friend. 663 00:30:59,454 --> 00:31:02,885 Speaker 2: So cute. I think some people just take a lot 664 00:31:02,895 --> 00:31:05,324 Speaker 2: longer to warm up. Some people just take a lot 665 00:31:05,334 --> 00:31:07,635 Speaker 2: longer for them to show you a little bit more 666 00:31:07,645 --> 00:31:10,255 Speaker 2: of themselves. Give it time as well to develop and 667 00:31:10,265 --> 00:31:14,155 Speaker 2: it's wonders what a simple smile can do just, you know, 668 00:31:14,165 --> 00:31:16,944 Speaker 2: anywhere you are like, even if you're not feeling so 669 00:31:16,954 --> 00:31:19,625 Speaker 2: comfortable in your skin, just a nice smile, a warm 670 00:31:19,635 --> 00:31:22,364 Speaker 2: smile that will attract a lot of genuine connection. I 671 00:31:22,375 --> 00:31:23,344 Speaker 2: have a warm smile. 672 00:31:25,270 --> 00:31:26,530 Speaker 2: This is my woman. 673 00:31:26,729 --> 00:31:29,209 Speaker 1: So we hope you definitely did smile after listening to 674 00:31:29,219 --> 00:31:31,579 Speaker 1: this episode. And if you heard some like Julie, right? 675 00:31:31,589 --> 00:31:33,839 Speaker 1: Just because there's some random renovation going on here. 676 00:31:34,750 --> 00:31:36,699 Speaker 2: Real life right 677 00:31:37,060 --> 00:31:39,619 Speaker 1: in any case, follow us on Instagram at its clav 678 00:31:39,739 --> 00:31:40,790 Speaker 1: dot com. That's 679 00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:42,640 Speaker 2: right. You can listen to us on me Less Spotify 680 00:31:42,650 --> 00:31:45,300 Speaker 2: Apple Podcast and youtube as well. Yeah, and turn on 681 00:31:45,310 --> 00:31:48,770 Speaker 2: the notifications to know when the new episode of Hush drops. 682 00:31:48,780 --> 00:31:51,229 Speaker 2: And thank you so much for tuning in today. See 683 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:51,670 Speaker 2: you next 684 00:31:51,750 --> 00:31:53,410 Speaker 1: time. Bye bye.