WEBVTT - Are Men Afraid to Date An Independent Women? 0:00:00.009 --> 0:00:02.420 It has been a while but welcome back to another 0:00:02.430 --> 0:00:05.609 episode of men. Explain. Thank you for your viewership, your 0:00:05.619 --> 0:00:06.900 loyalty and your love 0:00:15.109 --> 0:00:19.469 today, we've got two beautiful, wonderful, lovely guests with us 0:00:19.479 --> 0:00:22.290 here today. It's Choo and John. Hi guys. My name 0:00:22.299 --> 0:00:25.629 is Chao and thank you for the whole lovely introduction 0:00:25.639 --> 0:00:28.469 and it's very rare to hear someone be like beautiful 0:00:28.479 --> 0:00:31.799 John and I were both like, oh you thank you 0:00:31.819 --> 0:00:34.009 so much. Thank you so much. We feel we feel good, 0:00:34.020 --> 0:00:34.709 we feel good, 0:00:35.290 --> 0:00:38.090 right? My name is John and I'm glad to be back, 0:00:38.098 --> 0:00:40.830 you know, 2023 is the year of changes. Once again, 0:00:40.840 --> 0:00:41.259 you're back 0:00:41.270 --> 0:00:42.019 for round two 0:00:42.580 --> 0:00:44.319 for round two and I've lost a lot of weight. 0:00:44.330 --> 0:00:45.619 So I feel like I have to say this on 0:00:45.630 --> 0:00:47.439 every video that I have appeared because I worked hard 0:00:47.450 --> 0:00:48.270 for it. Yeah, you 0:00:48.279 --> 0:00:54.130 look there's something lighter and brighter about you. So we're 0:00:54.139 --> 0:00:57.790 here to answer some interesting questions here today, including our 0:00:57.799 --> 0:01:03.869 overarching one are men afraid to date strong independent women. No, 0:01:03.990 --> 0:01:04.910 here is looking at you 0:01:05.550 --> 0:01:06.720 and he replied so quickly. 0:01:06.730 --> 0:01:07.470 All the credits went 0:01:07.480 --> 0:01:07.690 down 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:11.660 there is an explanation. Here. I can't even know what 0:01:11.669 --> 0:01:13.929 it's like to date a strong independent woman. Alright. 0:01:13.940 --> 0:01:17.230 Uh I guess we're diving straight into it but like 0:01:17.239 --> 0:01:21.169 um ok, dating a strong independent woman, I would say no, 0:01:21.180 --> 0:01:24.610 but what one looks like I would say maybe I 0:01:24.620 --> 0:01:29.489 have an idea because a strong independent woman birthed me. 0:01:29.510 --> 0:01:29.709 He has 0:01:29.720 --> 0:01:30.959 a really cool mom. I just want to put it 0:01:31.000 --> 0:01:31.190 out there. 0:01:31.800 --> 0:01:34.889 Who is also the possibly the biggest tires in Singapore 0:01:35.250 --> 0:01:38.190 Tiger mom. Yes, it's very dangerous to not mess with her. 0:01:38.199 --> 0:01:41.569 But like I've seen what that's like, you know, and 0:01:41.580 --> 0:01:45.120 like I've not dated someone like that, but I would 0:01:45.129 --> 0:01:47.800 say based on a thought experiment, you know, we extrapolate 0:01:47.809 --> 0:01:49.980 and based on data that I've gathered throughout my life, 0:01:49.989 --> 0:01:53.879 I would say no, I'm not afraid. But what does 0:01:53.889 --> 0:01:55.889 dating one feel like I have no clue because I 0:01:55.900 --> 0:01:57.220 haven't dated one before. But 0:01:57.230 --> 0:02:01.279 for child, you, do you consider yourself a strong independent woman? 0:02:02.889 --> 0:02:06.269 I never really categorize myself as that because I feel 0:02:06.279 --> 0:02:09.220 like it's a architect that I still respect a lot 0:02:09.229 --> 0:02:11.380 and I look up to. So it's a little bit 0:02:11.389 --> 0:02:15.139 difficult for me to completely declare that I am, that 0:02:15.149 --> 0:02:19.139 thing that I admire. But I feel like there are 0:02:19.149 --> 0:02:22.940 because it's something I admire. Definitely, it inspires me and 0:02:22.949 --> 0:02:25.429 there are traits about a strong independent woman that I 0:02:25.440 --> 0:02:28.899 would want to have for myself. Yeah, like being independent, 0:02:28.910 --> 0:02:30.759 I think I am very independent 0:02:30.970 --> 0:02:35.440 but maybe a different degree of a strong independent woman. 0:02:35.449 --> 0:02:37.449 You know, I think you, I, I see where you're 0:02:37.460 --> 0:02:40.080 coming because I do think that I'm a strong independent 0:02:40.089 --> 0:02:42.410 woman but on some days I just don't want to 0:02:42.419 --> 0:02:44.619 be like, I just want to be, you know, like 0:02:44.630 --> 0:02:47.080 the person that needs people to do something for me 0:02:47.089 --> 0:02:50.279 or it is also a choice like, or your mood, 0:02:50.288 --> 0:02:52.429 you know what I mean? So it's not like every 0:02:52.440 --> 0:02:56.029 second of every waking day I want to be that right. 0:02:56.038 --> 0:02:56.729 So I suppose 0:02:58.059 --> 0:03:00.990 more often than not, I would consider myself a strong 0:03:01.119 --> 0:03:05.440 independent woman. That's, that's pretty much how I make a 0:03:05.449 --> 0:03:07.779 lot of decisions. It's just that I never really bucketed 0:03:07.788 --> 0:03:10.779 it into like a label, but if we're going to 0:03:10.788 --> 0:03:13.119 put a label in it, I guess that's me. Yeah. Well, 0:03:13.130 --> 0:03:15.478 we're gonna unpack it a little more. Um, John was 0:03:15.490 --> 0:03:17.190 a little bit like, you know, he had a bit 0:03:17.199 --> 0:03:19.489 of a face when you said, yeah. What, what were 0:03:19.500 --> 0:03:19.948 your thoughts? 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:23.369 Because like, I was just gonna straight up almost cut in, 0:03:23.380 --> 0:03:24.330 but that's not appropriate 0:03:24.412 --> 0:03:27.402 to do so. Like, like my, my answer to whether 0:03:27.412 --> 0:03:29.941 you're a strong, independent is absolutely yes. There's no need to. 0:03:29.953 --> 0:03:34.233 There's no, there's no going around. But yeah, it, it's, yes, 0:03:34.772 --> 0:03:36.723 you know, I'm gonna kick that self doubt. 0:03:38.003 --> 0:03:40.613 Yeah, because like, clearly there are traits that I see 0:03:40.623 --> 0:03:43.272 in you that are definitely fit the fit the definition 0:03:43.283 --> 0:03:48.072 of strong and independent and such as, right? So when 0:03:48.082 --> 0:03:50.623 it comes to dealing with adversity, she is 0:03:50.766 --> 0:03:53.695 somebody that has a lot of uh is very resourceful 0:03:53.766 --> 0:03:56.296 and picking up on what she has in her environment 0:03:56.305 --> 0:03:58.695 in order to get through her problems and that's strength, right? 0:03:58.826 --> 0:04:01.246 And independence in the sense that she is someone that 0:04:01.255 --> 0:04:04.845 is able to pull together also resources and head space 0:04:04.856 --> 0:04:07.815 to work out things in her life so that she 0:04:07.826 --> 0:04:12.016 continues moving forward, right? And without, without overreliance on anyone 0:04:12.026 --> 0:04:13.815 and people that she picks up along the way in, 0:04:13.826 --> 0:04:17.036 in fact, rely on her and that's independence. 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:20.450 Interesting. Yes, absolutely. So, do 0:04:20.459 --> 0:04:24.690 you rely on her for certain things? For sure? We're 0:04:24.700 --> 0:04:28.238 not talking allowance or money, but we're talking about emotional support, 0:04:28.250 --> 0:04:31.890 emotional support, I think for, for our friendship, we rely 0:04:31.899 --> 0:04:34.279 on each other. So that's nice. But it's more like, 0:04:34.290 --> 0:04:37.510 for example, uh I wouldn't be housemates with her if 0:04:37.519 --> 0:04:39.559 she didn't find the house. Right. 0:04:39.570 --> 0:04:42.679 So you are the one that made the decision pretty much. 0:04:42.690 --> 0:04:43.979 So when it came to, 0:04:44.059 --> 0:04:47.868 I think any big life decision or any challenge that 0:04:47.880 --> 0:04:49.950 I face, I just go out of my way to 0:04:49.959 --> 0:04:55.109 find a solution without asking someone for help or relying 0:04:55.119 --> 0:04:56.700 on someone else to get the job done. I rather 0:04:56.709 --> 0:04:59.459 do it by myself and wait for someone to do it. So, 0:04:59.470 --> 0:05:03.368 in the context of us staying together, the entire process 0:05:03.380 --> 0:05:06.950 and how it went down really was, uh me sending, 0:05:06.959 --> 0:05:09.510 going for a viewing, sending them the listing of the 0:05:09.519 --> 0:05:10.690 house saying 0:05:10.769 --> 0:05:13.220 this is the house, I'm gonna schedule a viewing for 0:05:13.230 --> 0:05:15.510 you guys. Let me know your thoughts. They go down 0:05:15.519 --> 0:05:17.720 for the viewing, they tell me that they're ok and 0:05:17.730 --> 0:05:19.570 I get all the paperwork done and I say, ok, guys, 0:05:19.579 --> 0:05:24.789 we're moving in. Nice. You never told me this. Thank 0:05:24.799 --> 0:05:25.019 you. 0:05:27.350 --> 0:05:29.380 You know how you say mushy stuff in person where 0:05:29.390 --> 0:05:30.738 you can do it on youtube. 0:05:30.750 --> 0:05:32.820 It's kind of like almost like you will never want 0:05:32.829 --> 0:05:36.339 to praise your sibling kind of feeling because you're just like, 0:05:36.350 --> 0:05:37.308 ew get away from me. 0:05:38.220 --> 0:05:41.409 I love you. I love you, my friends. I was like, 0:05:41.420 --> 0:05:45.769 why you talk shit about but yeah, you know, she, 0:05:45.779 --> 0:05:47.250 she is so good at these kind of things, right? 0:05:47.260 --> 0:05:49.809 That it almost feels like even if we do try 0:05:49.820 --> 0:05:53.200 to contribute instead of alleviating her difficulty, we will get 0:05:53.209 --> 0:05:54.779 in a way, you know, 0:05:56.320 --> 0:06:01.529 wait, just curious. Are you like Capricorn or something? I'm not. 0:06:01.540 --> 0:06:06.329 What are you? How do you know what's going on? Nothing. 0:06:06.339 --> 0:06:09.450 I just pick out the earth sign. I figure she 0:06:09.459 --> 0:06:12.820 said I'm a Capricorn. So I share a lot of similarity. 0:06:13.160 --> 0:06:16.250 It's just that um I am not the best in 0:06:16.260 --> 0:06:18.589 terms of organizing and playing. I feel like 0:06:18.692 --> 0:06:21.342 that's the side of me that's not so similar to you. 0:06:21.392 --> 0:06:24.653 I make decisions if you present me with five, you 0:06:24.662 --> 0:06:27.002 know what I mean? So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get narrow 0:06:27.072 --> 0:06:29.152 it down, narrow it down. Yeah. So you, you are 0:06:29.162 --> 0:06:33.712 the person that would, she would just make the final decision, right? Ok. Ok. Well, 0:06:33.722 --> 0:06:37.113 I think that is a good example of independence, you know, 0:06:37.122 --> 0:06:39.892 in some ways, but taking you back even further, let's say, 0:06:39.903 --> 0:06:40.772 you know, um, 0:06:41.065 --> 0:06:43.554 in terms of earning money and stuff like that, now, 0:06:43.565 --> 0:06:45.285 I think more so than ever. There are so many 0:06:45.295 --> 0:06:49.235 more financially independent women than before. And we focus a 0:06:49.246 --> 0:06:51.265 lot on that. Like we don't want to just be like, ok, 0:06:51.395 --> 0:06:53.835 I'll just find a rich husband and rely on, on 0:06:53.846 --> 0:06:55.686 that guy. Have you ever thought of that or do 0:06:55.696 --> 0:06:58.925 you have friends who maybe contribute to that? Ok. I 0:06:58.936 --> 0:07:02.415 think a very common sentiment that I get especially, I 0:07:02.425 --> 0:07:03.376 don't know if it's 0:07:04.500 --> 0:07:08.559 accurate to say, but in this uh industry or at 0:07:08.570 --> 0:07:10.640 least in the social media space, right? And there are 0:07:10.649 --> 0:07:14.869 a lot of people who will just say things, they 0:07:14.880 --> 0:07:16.559 say this very lightly. They will be just like you 0:07:16.570 --> 0:07:18.399 can just go and get a sugar daddy. Oh, I 0:07:18.410 --> 0:07:20.380 get that so much. Like people always tell me and 0:07:20.390 --> 0:07:22.450 I always get D M from people saying they want, 0:07:22.970 --> 0:07:26.578 they want to be my sugar daddy. What? Oh, you don't? OK. Yeah. 0:07:26.589 --> 0:07:30.170 Like people are really scared of me or something nice. 0:07:30.269 --> 0:07:32.609 I wish more people were afraid of me. 0:07:34.700 --> 0:07:37.750 So, you, you get D MS from sugar daddies? Yeah, 0:07:37.760 --> 0:07:40.970 a lot actually. Are they cute? I have no idea. 0:07:40.980 --> 0:07:43.899 They're all anonymous accounts. Nobody would actually show their face. 0:07:47.559 --> 0:07:50.589 We're getting a lot of one liners from this episode now. 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:54.890 But like for real, so many sugar daddies or people 0:07:54.899 --> 0:07:57.660 who are in the space also saying that they have 0:07:57.670 --> 0:07:59.859 a sugar daddy and talking about how it's, it's a 0:07:59.869 --> 0:08:01.730 very easy life for them because all they have to 0:08:01.739 --> 0:08:03.299 do is just talk to this person and they give 0:08:03.309 --> 0:08:03.829 them money, 0:08:04.070 --> 0:08:08.839 but it is easy money. Right? So it's just, yeah, 0:08:08.850 --> 0:08:12.029 and I just can't bring myself to do it. And 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:14.570 I always tell people, I always say, you know what, 0:08:14.579 --> 0:08:16.869 I don't need your money. I rather just on my own. 0:08:17.140 --> 0:08:20.070 And that's just how I have lived my entire life. 0:08:20.079 --> 0:08:22.510 From the moment I was like in school, I feel 0:08:22.519 --> 0:08:25.760 like a lot of it stems from upbringing, having to 0:08:25.769 --> 0:08:27.279 be by myself 0:08:27.385 --> 0:08:29.614 a lot or having to rely on myself a lot 0:08:29.625 --> 0:08:33.434 when I was growing up because uh there, well, when 0:08:33.445 --> 0:08:36.465 I was growing up financially, I had to save a 0:08:36.474 --> 0:08:39.094 lot of my own money and work a lot to 0:08:39.104 --> 0:08:41.905 pay off school fees, that kind of situation. And I 0:08:41.914 --> 0:08:45.223 think that was a bit of a training to for 0:08:45.234 --> 0:08:48.455 my adulthood because now that I'm in adulthood, like I'm still, 0:08:48.465 --> 0:08:50.594 I still have the same drive of wanting to 0:08:51.200 --> 0:08:54.299 cover my ass. Yeah, like provide for myself because no 0:08:54.309 --> 0:08:55.839 one's gonna look after me if I don't do it 0:08:55.849 --> 0:08:58.978 by myself. So now even when people come to me 0:08:58.989 --> 0:09:03.809 with uh offers propositions, um 0:09:04.609 --> 0:09:06.929 I know that I can do it by myself. So 0:09:06.940 --> 0:09:10.500 there's no much less or I would say no temptation 0:09:10.510 --> 0:09:14.219 for me to even consider something like that. Yeah, I 100% 0:09:14.229 --> 0:09:17.500 feel you. I think it really comes down to how 0:09:17.510 --> 0:09:19.559 you want to make your honest living as well, how 0:09:19.570 --> 0:09:20.909 you want to make your money, you know, how you 0:09:20.919 --> 0:09:22.380 feel about it at the end of the day. But 0:09:22.390 --> 0:09:23.280 to those people 0:09:23.364 --> 0:09:26.814 who feel completely fine having a sugar daddy, that's fine 0:09:26.825 --> 0:09:30.195 as well. That's your choice, you know, and there's no 0:09:30.205 --> 0:09:31.875 um we're not going to say like what's right or wrong. 0:09:32.315 --> 0:09:34.895 I agree. 100%. So John for you like have you 0:09:34.905 --> 0:09:38.815 ever dated a girl or woman that is like super 0:09:38.825 --> 0:09:40.375 financially independent? Actually 0:09:40.385 --> 0:09:41.775 not really. I 0:09:42.710 --> 0:09:45.799 am excited at the prospect of meeting someone like that 0:09:45.809 --> 0:09:48.000 because I thought it would be a very interesting 0:09:48.250 --> 0:09:51.229 sort of like experience to kind of deal with that 0:09:51.239 --> 0:09:55.090 dynamic because you know, like what you accurately mentioned right? There, 0:09:55.099 --> 0:09:57.900 there is this, there is this uh societal pressure, you know, 0:09:57.909 --> 0:10:00.789 for men to be the provider and the women will 0:10:00.799 --> 0:10:03.900 usually be, be provided for, you know, and so much 0:10:03.909 --> 0:10:06.179 so that a lot of the times there are people 0:10:06.190 --> 0:10:08.380 who are afraid of meeting a lady like that because 0:10:08.390 --> 0:10:11.780 they'll feel like, you know, they are now something about 0:10:11.789 --> 0:10:14.229 something from them is being taken away, you know. But 0:10:14.239 --> 0:10:16.530 for me, I welcome the idea because I think it's 0:10:16.539 --> 0:10:16.919 really cool. 0:10:16.989 --> 0:10:20.968 I think people do not give enough credit to women 0:10:20.979 --> 0:10:25.679 who are more financially independent than their partners because in 0:10:25.690 --> 0:10:28.460 order to get there, they must have done a few 0:10:28.469 --> 0:10:31.900 things right in their lives. You know. And like those 0:10:31.909 --> 0:10:34.590 things are, they're not nothing. You can't just see the 0:10:34.599 --> 0:10:37.108 end state and be like, wow, this is the person 0:10:37.119 --> 0:10:40.119 because they like that. But you discount everything that came before, 0:10:40.609 --> 0:10:42.330 you know, and, and that's kind of cool. So, like 0:10:42.340 --> 0:10:44.569 dating someone like that would mean that this person probably 0:10:44.580 --> 0:10:45.659 has a lot of experience 0:10:45.729 --> 0:10:48.059 and stories to hear about as well. So a lot 0:10:48.070 --> 0:10:51.750 more valuable connection and a lot more meaningful conversation can 0:10:51.760 --> 0:10:53.368 come from that. And I think that's amazing and you 0:10:53.380 --> 0:10:53.609 don't 0:10:53.619 --> 0:10:56.439 find it intimidating if you were to ever meet a 0:10:56.450 --> 0:10:57.609 woman like that. 0:10:57.719 --> 0:11:00.520 I think there's only one thing that I would be 0:11:00.530 --> 0:11:04.080 worried slash intimidated by and that would be if they 0:11:04.090 --> 0:11:08.080 don't see value in me anymore, which is something that 0:11:08.090 --> 0:11:12.090 is something I feel is a common, er, insecurity when 0:11:12.099 --> 0:11:14.400 someone has a more dominant partner than the other. 0:11:15.049 --> 0:11:18.280 Right? You're worried that eventually you, you strong and independent 0:11:18.289 --> 0:11:21.640 partner is disloyal to you because they find someone who 0:11:21.650 --> 0:11:22.949 is a better fit. Hold up. So, 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:25.479 what if the roles were reversed because the men are 0:11:25.489 --> 0:11:28.479 usually the ones, you know, looked at as the more 0:11:28.489 --> 0:11:32.549 dominating one, the breadwinner and stuff like that. So, for 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:35.559 years and centuries wouldn't women have felt that way? Exactly. 0:11:35.570 --> 0:11:37.409 You know what I mean? My husband is going to 0:11:37.419 --> 0:11:39.640 cheat on me because I'm not contributing. I mean, there 0:11:39.659 --> 0:11:41.789 was a bit of a mindset. Yeah, a bit of 0:11:41.799 --> 0:11:44.750 a mindset of or at least something I've heard from 0:11:44.927 --> 0:11:47.107 the generations is that if your husband cheats on you, 0:11:47.117 --> 0:11:51.936 then it's ok. Ignore, ignore and pretend that nothing is happening. So, 0:11:51.947 --> 0:11:55.538 is this what human behavior would just steer to word 0:11:55.547 --> 0:11:59.006 if there was one partner that's more dominant over the other, 0:11:59.018 --> 0:12:03.037 would it naturally just result in disloyalty? I don't 0:12:03.047 --> 0:12:07.168 agree that it will, it will trend towards because like 0:12:07.177 --> 0:12:09.487 there's more, you know, more capacity for human good than 0:12:09.497 --> 0:12:11.947 human bad, right? But the thing about it is that 0:12:11.958 --> 0:12:14.567 based on what we've learned from a lot of things 0:12:14.578 --> 0:12:14.797 that happen 0:12:14.875 --> 0:12:19.255 tradition is that like there is this almost uh reclamation 0:12:19.265 --> 0:12:22.945 of power from women in the past in order to 0:12:22.955 --> 0:12:26.045 deal with the breadwinner husbands. So I'm pretty sure we've 0:12:26.056 --> 0:12:30.125 all heard this before and that is calling the wives, 0:12:30.135 --> 0:12:33.736 the queen of the kitchen, right? The provider at 0:12:33.745 --> 0:12:36.346 home. I'm definitely not the queen of the kitchen. Put 0:12:36.434 --> 0:12:36.934 it out there. 0:12:36.945 --> 0:12:39.056 Ok? But like it's such a curious term because you 0:12:39.065 --> 0:12:41.335 think about it like why is there a need for 0:12:41.346 --> 0:12:44.405 uh for someone who is the leader of a kitchen? Right? 0:12:44.416 --> 0:12:44.745 Or someone 0:12:44.823 --> 0:12:47.143 who is the leader at home? Shouldn't it be a 0:12:47.153 --> 0:12:51.023 shared process between spouses if they and and parents, if 0:12:51.033 --> 0:12:56.993 their Children and providers for, for whatever priorities in their life? Right? 0:12:57.044 --> 0:13:01.033 So the mere fact that advertising and the stories and 0:13:01.044 --> 0:13:03.883 narratives that yeah, and everything in pop culture from back 0:13:03.893 --> 0:13:06.684 in the day mentions about women being the provider at home, 0:13:06.693 --> 0:13:09.674 in the queen of the kitchen is clearly because that 0:13:09.684 --> 0:13:12.393 was a time where the dynamic of strong, independent, usually 0:13:12.403 --> 0:13:14.693 skilled towards the men and the women need to 0:13:14.771 --> 0:13:19.511 reclaim some form of control and strength by possessing an 0:13:19.521 --> 0:13:24.692 area that uh somehow stereotypically became not the strong suit 0:13:24.702 --> 0:13:27.192 of the man. If not, there will be a pure 0:13:27.202 --> 0:13:30.572 power imbalance and it would just devolve into chaos. I 0:13:30.591 --> 0:13:32.992 think that, you know, in this day and age, at 0:13:33.002 --> 0:13:35.151 least I'm lucky to have experience and I'm just going 0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:37.530 to share my own experiences as well. I've been lucky 0:13:37.541 --> 0:13:40.671 enough I feel to have had partners even though we 0:13:40.682 --> 0:13:43.101 didn't get end up getting married like I dated and 0:13:43.111 --> 0:13:44.641 stuff who have been 0:13:44.719 --> 0:13:48.299 like my equals. You know, they're not exactly, they don't 0:13:48.309 --> 0:13:51.530 feel that intimidated in a sense. I think what they 0:13:51.539 --> 0:13:55.319 feel felt more would be insecurity because they think like, 0:13:55.330 --> 0:13:57.409 oh you're going to meet so many like handsome hot men, 0:13:57.419 --> 0:14:00.209 like in the industry, but a lot of them are gay. 0:14:00.219 --> 0:14:05.329 So I'm just like, you know, that won't happen. Like, 0:14:05.340 --> 0:14:10.169 if you look at the percentage of men in our office. Yeah, same. Right. Exactly. So, 0:14:10.390 --> 0:14:13.320 in that sense, I think the mindset has shifted, you know, 0:14:13.330 --> 0:14:14.590 in the recent years and, 0:14:14.849 --> 0:14:16.719 and when I ask my own partner right now, like, 0:14:16.729 --> 0:14:18.539 what if I earn more than you? 0:14:18.950 --> 0:14:21.320 Um, what would happen? He was like, please provide for me. 0:14:21.330 --> 0:14:24.239 I'm happy he was like, I'm happy to show that, 0:14:24.250 --> 0:14:27.859 you know, but for like, have you ever dated a 0:14:27.869 --> 0:14:32.969 man that was intimidated by what you do your success, 0:14:32.979 --> 0:14:35.270 for example, your independence. Because I can tell that you 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:37.780 are obviously you, you're taking life into your own hands 0:14:37.789 --> 0:14:41.119 and for sure, you know, I think quite similar to 0:14:41.130 --> 0:14:44.030 you actually, with your experience in dating, I was very 0:14:44.039 --> 0:14:44.940 lucky myself that 0:14:45.179 --> 0:14:47.869 the partners that I've had so far and the people 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:50.909 I've gone out with and taken things with a bit further, 0:14:51.130 --> 0:14:54.270 they've all been pretty much equal as well and they 0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:57.150 treat me with respect. And I think it is because the, 0:14:57.159 --> 0:14:59.710 the sole reason why things could even move further is 0:14:59.719 --> 0:15:02.619 because they've always treated me with respect. And if anyone 0:15:02.630 --> 0:15:06.099 even gave me the slightest uh feeling of them thinking 0:15:06.109 --> 0:15:08.989 that they have to be more powerful than, than me, 0:15:09.000 --> 0:15:10.409 or they have to earn more than me to 0:15:10.494 --> 0:15:13.315 feel important then I don't think it, it would have 0:15:13.325 --> 0:15:16.294 even worked out or have gone very far. So I 0:15:16.304 --> 0:15:19.715 think we sure we may be lucky to have met 0:15:19.724 --> 0:15:23.015 people who treat us as equals. But I think it's 0:15:23.025 --> 0:15:26.974 also our kind of dating criteria. Right. Yeah, it's our 0:15:26.984 --> 0:15:31.984 own filter. Maybe it's to get subconscious that we already 0:15:32.315 --> 0:15:37.164 know what we're looking for and if anyone is the least, 0:15:37.195 --> 0:15:37.465 um 0:15:37.950 --> 0:15:41.450 kind of dissatisfied or unhappy about our success, then we 0:15:41.460 --> 0:15:44.090 wouldn't even consider going out with them. So then comes 0:15:44.099 --> 0:15:48.190 the next question. Do you think that independence translates into 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:53.070 confidence necessarily like an independent person is definitely going to 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:57.039 be confident? No, no, I don't think it's 100% but 0:15:57.049 --> 0:16:00.190 it definitely helps, or at least for myself, I think 0:16:00.200 --> 0:16:01.960 that a lot of the reason why I can be 0:16:01.969 --> 0:16:05.340 confident is because I'm independent and I know that 0:16:06.299 --> 0:16:08.940 I just need to rely on myself and it's not, 0:16:08.950 --> 0:16:11.849 I don't need to look for external validation on certain things. 0:16:11.859 --> 0:16:14.909 I don't need to get people's approval. I don't seek 0:16:14.919 --> 0:16:17.799 anyone else's approval apart from my own, right? So then 0:16:18.090 --> 0:16:21.469 that already makes me feel like I have things in 0:16:21.479 --> 0:16:24.359 place like I, I've got this control, I'm in control 0:16:24.369 --> 0:16:27.929 of what whatever I choose to do and that freedom, 0:16:28.510 --> 0:16:31.960 the freedom of choice, right? Uh makes me feel more confident, 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:33.539 but a lot of things I think you're quite 0:16:33.549 --> 0:16:38.119 lucky, but I don't think every single strong and independent 0:16:38.130 --> 0:16:44.760 man or woman necessarily confident because these two are separate things. Yes, 0:16:45.010 --> 0:16:49.239 their ability and also their capacity for confidence are separate things. 0:16:49.250 --> 0:16:51.080 And like a lot of it, I guess comes down 0:16:51.090 --> 0:16:51.440 to 0:16:51.739 --> 0:16:54.820 um their personalities and upbringing for all. You know, this 0:16:54.830 --> 0:16:57.039 is a person who has a lot of ability and 0:16:57.049 --> 0:17:00.890 it is very strong, especially when facing problems, right? But 0:17:00.900 --> 0:17:02.929 if they have all their life, they have been told 0:17:02.940 --> 0:17:04.849 that they are not good enough, they will never see 0:17:04.910 --> 0:17:09.130 the merit that they have from their actions. And that's tough. 0:17:09.140 --> 0:17:11.149 You see? So they may never be confident even though 0:17:11.160 --> 0:17:13.198 everyone be like, what the heck this person is clearly 0:17:13.209 --> 0:17:14.709 a star, you know. 0:17:14.719 --> 0:17:17.619 Yeah. Yeah. I think sometimes we fall into the trap where, 0:17:17.630 --> 0:17:19.339 I mean, this is a bit of a sideline, but 0:17:19.349 --> 0:17:20.170 we might fall in the trap 0:17:20.241 --> 0:17:23.562 where, you know, you're, you're busy chasing success in your 0:17:23.571 --> 0:17:26.952 career or whatever it is that you define success as 0:17:27.041 --> 0:17:29.932 then when you achieve it, you're like, oh OK, what's next? 0:17:30.612 --> 0:17:32.921 Then I haven't achieved enough. So what's next? Do you 0:17:32.932 --> 0:17:34.311 guys fall into that trap a little bit? Is the 0:17:34.321 --> 0:17:39.391 entire Singapore education system? But I know, I know, but 0:17:39.401 --> 0:17:42.491 basically like you finish your O levels and then what 0:17:42.501 --> 0:17:44.302 you go on to Poly or J C, then you 0:17:44.311 --> 0:17:46.491 finish Poly, you finish your diploma and you finish your 0:17:46.501 --> 0:17:48.671 A levels. Then what's next? You go to Uni, right? 0:17:48.744 --> 0:17:52.572 And then after you are done with uni so many 0:17:52.583 --> 0:17:58.183 kids just go like, yeah. Yeah. And that's because I 0:17:58.193 --> 0:18:00.573 think the structure and the way we've been brought up 0:18:00.583 --> 0:18:05.744 in this system has trained this behavior to always think 0:18:05.754 --> 0:18:08.353 that something is waiting for us next. And when we 0:18:08.364 --> 0:18:11.263 need to make the decisions ourselves, then we realize that 0:18:11.273 --> 0:18:13.833 we don't know what to do actually, that can apply 0:18:13.843 --> 0:18:17.033 to relationships as well. Um Because I noticed, and I 0:18:17.104 --> 0:18:17.173 know 0:18:17.244 --> 0:18:20.076 I mentioned this on me, explain before because Lord knows 0:18:20.086 --> 0:18:22.345 my life is an open book ever since we started 0:18:22.355 --> 0:18:27.595 this podcast. Every single guy that I've dated has and 0:18:27.605 --> 0:18:32.576 broken up with has gotten married after me. And I always, 0:18:32.586 --> 0:18:34.764 you know, it always gets me thinking like whether OK, 0:18:34.776 --> 0:18:38.734 I definitely consider myself a career driven, independent person. And 0:18:38.744 --> 0:18:40.336 also it's the way that you are brought up, right? 0:18:40.345 --> 0:18:41.936 And I also want to support my family. I want 0:18:41.946 --> 0:18:44.615 to be able to afford a certain life or whatever 0:18:44.625 --> 0:18:45.676 it is or a future. 0:18:46.010 --> 0:18:48.689 And I always feel like at some points, I'm not 0:18:48.699 --> 0:18:50.140 sure whether it's also 0:18:50.939 --> 0:18:53.938 how I see things that maybe what, what is the 0:18:53.949 --> 0:18:56.189 next thing that I want to achieve in my career? 0:18:56.199 --> 0:18:59.270 And I'm constantly chasing that next career. Yeah, that next 0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:02.569 career move that I'm not really thinking about my personal 0:19:02.579 --> 0:19:04.699 life in that sense. And then the guys that I 0:19:04.709 --> 0:19:06.488 did because they are typically older, 0:19:06.800 --> 0:19:09.409 they're like, but I want to start a family next. Right. 0:19:09.420 --> 0:19:11.670 But then I'm never there. You know what I mean? Like, 0:19:11.680 --> 0:19:14.260 I'm never in that same space. So, do you think 0:19:14.270 --> 0:19:17.589