1 00:00:00,009 --> 00:00:01,820 Speaker 1: Hi, this is Sarah and I'm 2 00:00:01,830 --> 00:00:04,769 Speaker 2: Jermaine and welcome back to another episode of Clarity has 3 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,520 Speaker 1: today we are dressed very aptly for the episode. We 4 00:00:10,529 --> 00:00:13,909 Speaker 1: are dressed as girls from mean girls 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:15,989 Speaker 2: and I had to borrow this outfit from Jam 6 00:00:17,319 --> 00:00:20,530 Speaker 1: who was Regina George. Yeah, it looks like her. Yeah, 7 00:00:20,540 --> 00:00:22,610 Speaker 1: definitely trying to make that happen. 8 00:00:25,729 --> 00:00:28,350 Speaker 1: Ok. About mean girls aside, that's exactly what we are 9 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:32,189 Speaker 1: talking about today. I think with the recent drama surrounding 10 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:35,699 Speaker 1: Haley and Selena team Hay team, Selena. Ok, we're gonna 11 00:00:35,709 --> 00:00:38,409 Speaker 1: get right into it. Um It might seem like another 12 00:00:38,418 --> 00:00:42,379 Speaker 1: like Petty Hollywood kind of drama. It does, it does 13 00:00:42,389 --> 00:00:44,590 Speaker 1: seem like it, but I feel like there's a deeper 14 00:00:44,598 --> 00:00:47,409 Speaker 1: connotation to it about mean girls about 15 00:00:47,556 --> 00:00:50,376 Speaker 1: bullying behavior that, that we can relate to in our 16 00:00:50,387 --> 00:00:52,965 Speaker 1: own life. Ok. Can we have a quick recap? Ok. 17 00:00:52,976 --> 00:00:56,536 Speaker 1: So here's what happened between Selena Haley. Then there's Kylie, 18 00:00:56,547 --> 00:00:58,887 Speaker 1: there's Kendall, there's this girl called Justine Sky. Like what 19 00:00:58,896 --> 00:01:02,826 Speaker 1: are you doing there? I also don't know, basically in January, 20 00:01:02,837 --> 00:01:05,007 Speaker 1: Selena Gomez went on holiday and she posted some like 21 00:01:05,016 --> 00:01:07,986 Speaker 1: swimsuit photos, right? And I thought she looked really good 22 00:01:07,997 --> 00:01:09,757 Speaker 1: in it, but she faced a lot of body shaming 23 00:01:09,766 --> 00:01:10,726 Speaker 1: saying that she gave weight 24 00:01:10,924 --> 00:01:13,844 Speaker 1: really fat now and all that. Um Shortly after that 25 00:01:13,853 --> 00:01:17,363 Speaker 1: while she was receiving all this body hate Haley Bieber 26 00:01:17,374 --> 00:01:20,042 Speaker 1: and her friends, including Kendall Jenner uploaded a Tik Tok 27 00:01:20,054 --> 00:01:24,673 Speaker 1: video of themselves where yes, I'm not said she deserves it. 28 00:01:24,723 --> 00:01:27,664 Speaker 1: But I'm saying God timing is always right. So that's 29 00:01:27,674 --> 00:01:31,712 Speaker 1: the audio the netizens took to believe it was about 30 00:01:31,723 --> 00:01:34,173 Speaker 1: Selena saying that oh, she got what she just deserved 31 00:01:34,250 --> 00:01:38,100 Speaker 1: all this hate. Ok. So a lot of comments that 32 00:01:38,111 --> 00:01:40,459 Speaker 1: they left here and there like Kale saying, no way 33 00:01:40,471 --> 00:01:42,941 Speaker 1: it's not about that. And Selena saying like, no, you know, 34 00:01:42,950 --> 00:01:46,350 Speaker 1: I I don't let these things affect me. Yeah, but 35 00:01:46,361 --> 00:01:50,941 Speaker 1: in late February, she then posted this photo on her 36 00:01:50,950 --> 00:01:54,041 Speaker 1: Instagram saying like it's a close up of her brows, 37 00:01:54,051 --> 00:01:57,500 Speaker 1: a video saying I think I laminated my brows too much. 38 00:01:57,830 --> 00:02:02,599 Speaker 1: Yeah. Ok. So people thought that was about Haley or no, no. 39 00:02:02,610 --> 00:02:05,419 Speaker 1: So when she did that, ok. That, but after that, 40 00:02:05,430 --> 00:02:08,800 Speaker 1: Kylie posted a photo of like just her brows and 41 00:02:08,809 --> 00:02:11,690 Speaker 1: she was like, it's an accident question mark, question mark, 42 00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:13,970 Speaker 1: question mark, question mark. This was an accident, question mark, 43 00:02:13,979 --> 00:02:16,800 Speaker 1: question mark, um which was definitely about Selena because it 44 00:02:16,809 --> 00:02:19,000 Speaker 1: was about the brows, right? And then she also posted 45 00:02:19,008 --> 00:02:21,220 Speaker 1: a screenshot of a facetime call um where it's like 46 00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:23,690 Speaker 1: close up of the brows of her and Haley Bieber's 47 00:02:23,699 --> 00:02:27,029 Speaker 1: brows which, which is very obvious. I mean, it's related 48 00:02:27,038 --> 00:02:29,830 Speaker 1: to that incident. You can, you can't really say it wasn't. 49 00:02:29,839 --> 00:02:31,979 Speaker 1: She tried to say she was like, she backtracked and 50 00:02:31,990 --> 00:02:33,788 Speaker 1: she was like, no, you know, it's not about that, 51 00:02:33,809 --> 00:02:36,130 Speaker 1: but I feel like there's nothing else it could have 52 00:02:36,139 --> 00:02:39,549 Speaker 1: been about. So netizens who were watching this entire thing 53 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:42,490 Speaker 1: started to take part in the whole drama and take 54 00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:44,690 Speaker 1: teams and take sides and a lot of people 55 00:02:44,770 --> 00:02:48,399 Speaker 1: actually unfollowed Haley Bieber um in the aftermath of this 56 00:02:48,410 --> 00:02:52,019 Speaker 1: and Kylie Jenner as well and it turns out Selena 57 00:02:52,029 --> 00:02:54,929 Speaker 1: has just become the most followed woman on Instagram in 58 00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:58,799 Speaker 1: the middle of all this drama overtaking Kylie Jenner. So 59 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,258 Speaker 1: um the drama is still unfolding. I mean, we don't 60 00:03:01,270 --> 00:03:03,149 Speaker 1: really know what's happening right now, Justin Bieber just had 61 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:05,679 Speaker 1: his birthday party. He didn't look very happy. So that's 62 00:03:05,690 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 2: related and he canceled all his concerts, right? 63 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,240 Speaker 1: Yes, he did. But I think that's because he like 64 00:03:10,380 --> 00:03:14,698 Speaker 1: six because he was sick. Um But let's, let's hear 65 00:03:14,710 --> 00:03:17,949 Speaker 1: you after this sort of like summary of the mean 66 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,229 Speaker 1: girl drama. What do you guys think? 67 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,210 Speaker 2: I mean, based on the episode that just talked to 68 00:03:22,220 --> 00:03:24,220 Speaker 2: me about, of course, I feel like it's very uncalled 69 00:03:24,229 --> 00:03:26,758 Speaker 2: for like two girls against one. It's not 70 00:03:30,070 --> 00:03:30,429 Speaker 1: just 71 00:03:32,210 --> 00:03:34,639 Speaker 2: OK, a few of them against one. Selena Gomez. I 72 00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 2: think that's very, very uncalled for. And where's the love? 73 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:40,789 Speaker 2: You know, we are all women? Has it got anything 74 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,729 Speaker 2: to do with Justin Bieber because they both dated the 75 00:03:42,740 --> 00:03:43,820 Speaker 2: same guy. I think 76 00:03:43,830 --> 00:03:45,460 Speaker 1: so. I think so. I mean, a lot of people 77 00:03:45,470 --> 00:03:46,080 Speaker 1: think so. Right. 78 00:03:46,899 --> 00:03:49,839 Speaker 2: Well, if that's the case, then I'm definitely Team Selena, 79 00:03:49,850 --> 00:03:52,279 Speaker 2: but I also must say there's a lot going on 80 00:03:52,289 --> 00:03:54,949 Speaker 2: behind the scenes that we don't know about. Um As 81 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,320 Speaker 2: I was talking to my friends in private, who knows 82 00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,419 Speaker 2: what Selena Gomez might have done 83 00:03:59,514 --> 00:04:02,235 Speaker 2: private. I mean, we never know the truth to all 84 00:04:02,244 --> 00:04:04,365 Speaker 2: of this, right? What we see is all on social media. 85 00:04:04,585 --> 00:04:07,125 Speaker 1: I think the thing is that like now people are 86 00:04:07,134 --> 00:04:11,134 Speaker 1: reacting because of these incidences, but like I've been rather invested, actually, 87 00:04:12,815 --> 00:04:15,315 Speaker 1: I've been watching quite a bit of videos and it's 88 00:04:15,324 --> 00:04:18,034 Speaker 1: so hard to ignore the fact that this has been 89 00:04:18,045 --> 00:04:20,924 Speaker 1: going on for so long and it's so hard to 90 00:04:20,934 --> 00:04:24,924 Speaker 1: ignore all this like parallels and similarities and just strange 91 00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:27,005 Speaker 1: things and it's making me feel like 92 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:32,630 Speaker 1: Haley needs help. Oh, so you're obviously team Selena. Um 93 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,828 Speaker 1: I'm my team. Oh OK, cool. 94 00:04:36,730 --> 00:04:40,380 Speaker 1: But I just feel like he needs help. I don't know. 95 00:04:40,390 --> 00:04:42,089 Speaker 1: I think just the timing of the things that were 96 00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:45,349 Speaker 1: posted is just very suspect and this girl called Jay 97 00:04:45,359 --> 00:04:48,209 Speaker 1: Bennett on tiktok just to wrap this up. Um actually 98 00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:51,820 Speaker 1: said this Haley, you don't have fans the way that 99 00:04:51,829 --> 00:04:55,380 Speaker 1: Selena has Selena has been hot since Barney. She got 100 00:04:55,390 --> 00:04:58,690 Speaker 1: that Disney clout. Oh, you started beefing with somebody who 101 00:04:58,700 --> 00:04:59,940 Speaker 1: got a whole generation of 102 00:05:00,062 --> 00:05:03,291 Speaker 1: people backing her. She has fans for real. Remember that? 103 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:06,532 Speaker 1: Next time I thought that was like I read it 104 00:05:06,541 --> 00:05:09,592 Speaker 1: and I was like, I was like, girl, it's true, 105 00:05:09,683 --> 00:05:11,912 Speaker 1: it's true. Like, and then, and then people are not saying, 106 00:05:11,923 --> 00:05:13,722 Speaker 1: oh Haley is only famous because of the man in 107 00:05:13,733 --> 00:05:13,863 Speaker 1: her 108 00:05:13,872 --> 00:05:15,162 Speaker 2: life, right? Because of the 109 00:05:19,502 --> 00:05:21,782 Speaker 1: men, the men in her life. So, you know, I 110 00:05:21,791 --> 00:05:23,222 Speaker 1: think this kind of wraps up a sum 111 00:05:23,476 --> 00:05:26,726 Speaker 1: of what has been unfolding with the drama. Um But 112 00:05:27,045 --> 00:05:29,585 Speaker 1: we wanna talk about mean girls today, ok? You know 113 00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:31,735 Speaker 1: what we mean? Girls do, we experience mean girls in 114 00:05:31,746 --> 00:05:34,795 Speaker 1: our lives. Let's be honest with ourselves. Ok? Um What 115 00:05:34,805 --> 00:05:38,865 Speaker 1: is mean girl behavior though in adults? Ok, like, ok, 116 00:05:38,876 --> 00:05:40,605 Speaker 1: fully grown adults like now, I mean, not like when 117 00:05:40,615 --> 00:05:42,675 Speaker 1: we're young and you pull someone's hair like and not 118 00:05:42,686 --> 00:05:43,445 Speaker 1: pull anybody's head. 119 00:05:43,815 --> 00:05:46,765 Speaker 2: Have you gotten your hair before? No. Was thinking that 120 00:05:48,570 --> 00:05:52,010 Speaker 1: I don't believe she hasn't put anyone's hair. Mean girl 121 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:56,940 Speaker 1: behavior is often relational aggression that's indirect but a harmful 122 00:05:56,950 --> 00:06:01,640 Speaker 1: form of social bullying. It's not physical harm. You pop, pop, 123 00:06:01,649 --> 00:06:04,308 Speaker 1: you know, pop, pop, right? Um But it's more of 124 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:08,890 Speaker 1: bringing another girl down or taking away like the confidence 125 00:06:08,899 --> 00:06:11,790 Speaker 1: that somebody has or something that someone has. So I 126 00:06:11,799 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 1: don't know if you've ever come across a mean girl 127 00:06:14,579 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 2: back in my 128 00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:18,190 Speaker 2: secondary school days. Oh my gosh, I realized in harsh 129 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:21,109 Speaker 2: podcast I revisit I revisit my secondary school days a lot. 130 00:06:21,119 --> 00:06:22,929 Speaker 2: You were a mean girl. There was a period of 131 00:06:22,940 --> 00:06:26,029 Speaker 2: time where I thought gossiping was cool. I mean, we 132 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,269 Speaker 2: all had that face. I don't know, like, you know, 133 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:30,829 Speaker 2: you gossip about other people with your friends and you 134 00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:33,738 Speaker 2: thought that was cool. But I realized that I didn't 135 00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:36,190 Speaker 2: enjoy doing that at all. So I think I stepped 136 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,049 Speaker 2: out of the ming girl phase pretty quickly 137 00:06:38,910 --> 00:06:40,750 Speaker 1: because you're not a mean girl at heart. 138 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,368 Speaker 2: I think so sometimes. 139 00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:49,920 Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, but gossiping, I, I completely understand it's such 140 00:06:49,928 --> 00:06:53,390 Speaker 1: an addictive thing, especially when you're young. Um That when 141 00:06:53,399 --> 00:06:56,190 Speaker 1: your girlfriends partake in it, you also want to partake 142 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,829 Speaker 1: in it. Yeah. Part of the cool club when I 143 00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:03,019 Speaker 1: was in school, right? So we were not mean girls. 144 00:07:03,029 --> 00:07:06,309 Speaker 1: We were just clowns until today is still clown. Ok. 145 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,109 Speaker 1: But the clow started pretty early for me. 146 00:07:09,459 --> 00:07:12,410 Speaker 2: But, but has this clow accidentally hurt other people? 147 00:07:12,489 --> 00:07:13,380 Speaker 2: People's feelings. 148 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,600 Speaker 1: Um I don't think so. So basically last time, right? 149 00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:17,929 Speaker 1: There was a whole bunch of us and we were 150 00:07:17,940 --> 00:07:21,470 Speaker 1: all clowns and we were like, we were not rowdy, 151 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:25,660 Speaker 1: we were just irritating, like annoying, like annoying loud girls 152 00:07:25,670 --> 00:07:31,190 Speaker 1: but nice. Ok, but nice. Ok, nice. Mean girl. Yes. Ok. 153 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,779 Speaker 1: So like there was this girl I still remember in 154 00:07:33,790 --> 00:07:35,820 Speaker 1: our class who was, you know, just a bit more 155 00:07:35,829 --> 00:07:38,010 Speaker 1: to herself. Um More. 156 00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,980 Speaker 1: Yes. You know, like people don't really mix with her 157 00:07:41,140 --> 00:07:44,450 Speaker 1: that she really mix with anyone and we loved her. 158 00:07:44,470 --> 00:07:48,829 Speaker 1: She hated us obviously because we are so noisy, but 159 00:07:48,839 --> 00:07:51,040 Speaker 1: we will always try to include her. But like, you know, 160 00:07:51,049 --> 00:07:53,619 Speaker 1: we're not bullying, you know, we will always be like, 161 00:07:53,829 --> 00:07:57,200 Speaker 1: let's say her name is Rachel for example. No, we'll 162 00:07:57,209 --> 00:07:59,359 Speaker 1: be like, thank you, thank you. Thank you. Will all 163 00:07:59,369 --> 00:08:03,950 Speaker 1: come irritating, right? You can see why she hated you guys. 164 00:08:05,670 --> 00:08:10,480 Speaker 1: She just want to be by herself. She's like, shut up. Ok? 165 00:08:10,489 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 1: But like we tried to include her rather than further 166 00:08:14,209 --> 00:08:16,890 Speaker 1: exclude her, but you didn't bully anybody. No, no, no, no, 167 00:08:16,899 --> 00:08:19,760 Speaker 1: but she looks like a bully. So I'm quite surprised really? 168 00:08:19,850 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 1: Now I, no, no, I always get bullied. 169 00:08:23,619 --> 00:08:25,140 Speaker 2: No shit. 170 00:08:25,510 --> 00:08:25,920 Speaker 1: No, 171 00:08:26,809 --> 00:08:29,119 Speaker 1: no, when I was young. But I feel like in 172 00:08:29,130 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 1: adulthood and I was just thinking about this the other day, 173 00:08:31,940 --> 00:08:35,809 Speaker 1: I keep getting bullied especially recently and I feel like 174 00:08:35,820 --> 00:08:40,799 Speaker 1: it's because sometimes I'm so like, ah, whatever, whatever. Like 175 00:08:40,809 --> 00:08:41,760 Speaker 1: I don't believe like that. 176 00:08:41,770 --> 00:08:44,339 Speaker 2: Ok? Because they are too chill, I think because it 177 00:08:44,349 --> 00:08:46,439 Speaker 2: is a bit hard for me to believe that anyone 178 00:08:46,450 --> 00:08:49,319 Speaker 2: can ever bully Zura. First of all, she's quite tall 179 00:08:49,330 --> 00:08:52,140 Speaker 2: for a girl and her character is so strong, 180 00:08:52,224 --> 00:08:55,955 Speaker 2: tough. Yeah, she's such a tough personality. It's just so unimaginable. 181 00:08:55,965 --> 00:08:56,034 Speaker 2: I 182 00:08:56,044 --> 00:08:59,664 Speaker 1: try not to be like confrontational, you know, I feel like, no, 183 00:08:59,674 --> 00:09:01,395 Speaker 1: she's so chilled that she would just let it go. Like, 184 00:09:01,405 --> 00:09:03,994 Speaker 1: what's the point of wasting her time and effort. Like, 185 00:09:04,005 --> 00:09:06,015 Speaker 1: if it's, if I were her, I will go and fight. Like, 186 00:09:06,025 --> 00:09:08,744 Speaker 1: I'm very confrontational so I understand what she means. But 187 00:09:08,755 --> 00:09:11,125 Speaker 1: I try to let as much go as possible until 188 00:09:11,135 --> 00:09:14,895 Speaker 1: it comes to a point where, like, ok, my head 189 00:09:14,905 --> 00:09:17,015 Speaker 1: and you're stepping all over me. That's it. You're done. 190 00:09:17,739 --> 00:09:21,710 Speaker 1: What, a skate park? A skate park. Yeah. Interesting. Ok. 191 00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:25,299 Speaker 1: I think personally for me, I, I, I told you 192 00:09:25,309 --> 00:09:27,919 Speaker 1: guys before that I was bullied when I was young, right? Um, 193 00:09:27,929 --> 00:09:29,690 Speaker 1: on the school bus. Oh my God, she 194 00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:32,169 Speaker 2: was at the back of the school bus. I remember that. 195 00:09:32,179 --> 00:09:32,709 Speaker 2: I actually have an 196 00:09:32,719 --> 00:09:34,940 Speaker 1: update on that. I'll share with you guys, I'll share 197 00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:37,469 Speaker 1: with you guys later. Ok. But, but so because of 198 00:09:37,479 --> 00:09:39,599 Speaker 1: those incidents when I was young where I didn't know 199 00:09:39,609 --> 00:09:41,669 Speaker 1: how to stand up for myself. When I went into 200 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:43,169 Speaker 1: secondary school, I wanted to, 201 00:09:43,255 --> 00:09:45,275 Speaker 1: to be the bully. I don't want anyone to have 202 00:09:45,284 --> 00:09:48,864 Speaker 1: that power over me anymore. So then if anyone like, 203 00:09:48,875 --> 00:09:51,895 Speaker 1: you know, it remotely, you know, kind of wrongs me, right? 204 00:09:51,905 --> 00:09:54,343 Speaker 1: I will want to do something to get revenge. And 205 00:09:54,354 --> 00:09:57,194 Speaker 1: I had that streak for like many years until one 206 00:09:57,205 --> 00:09:59,674 Speaker 1: day it was doing me more harm than good and 207 00:09:59,684 --> 00:10:02,455 Speaker 1: it made me, you know, have very toxic thoughts and 208 00:10:02,465 --> 00:10:04,645 Speaker 1: I thought, why am I doing this to myself and 209 00:10:04,655 --> 00:10:05,445 Speaker 1: to other people? 210 00:10:05,455 --> 00:10:08,684 Speaker 2: You know what this reminds me of in the glory. 211 00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:12,719 Speaker 2: No, she was badly bullied in high school days. Right. 212 00:10:12,729 --> 00:10:15,228 Speaker 2: So she grew up, like, really wanting revenge and she 213 00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:17,919 Speaker 2: plotted her revenge every single day of her life. Like 214 00:10:17,929 --> 00:10:20,309 Speaker 2: there was no meaning to her life other than for 215 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:23,630 Speaker 2: the revenge, getting revenge against a bunch of people who 216 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:24,229 Speaker 2: bullied her. 217 00:10:24,239 --> 00:10:25,309 Speaker 1: What kind of life is that? 218 00:10:25,349 --> 00:10:27,400 Speaker 2: I know. But at the same time you find that 219 00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:30,210 Speaker 2: you can really empathize with her because the kind of 220 00:10:32,445 --> 00:10:36,395 Speaker 1: oh OK. No, I didn't watch it. They burn out 221 00:10:36,405 --> 00:10:39,116 Speaker 2: the hair color. Yes. They took the hair color after 222 00:10:39,125 --> 00:10:41,926 Speaker 2: like curling the hair, they just like scolded her with it. 223 00:10:42,135 --> 00:10:45,286 Speaker 2: So she, her arms, her thighs, they were filled with 224 00:10:45,296 --> 00:10:46,434 Speaker 2: all the burns. Wow. 225 00:10:46,445 --> 00:10:49,845 Speaker 1: OK. OK. Please take revenge. I support you every step 226 00:10:49,856 --> 00:10:51,445 Speaker 1: of the way. But that leads me to 227 00:10:51,455 --> 00:10:54,194 Speaker 2: my next question. Yes. Why do mean girls behave the 228 00:10:54,205 --> 00:10:55,495 Speaker 2: way that they do? I think 229 00:10:55,631 --> 00:10:58,571 Speaker 1: sometimes it's a projection like, you know, the way you behave, 230 00:10:58,581 --> 00:11:00,971 Speaker 1: especially when it's not nice. It's sort of a projection 231 00:11:00,981 --> 00:11:04,752 Speaker 1: of your own insecurities. And that's true. Actually, there is 232 00:11:04,761 --> 00:11:08,641 Speaker 1: some psychology professor over at the University of Ottawa. She 233 00:11:08,651 --> 00:11:13,771 Speaker 1: specializes in indirect and relational aggression. She actually hypothesized that 234 00:11:13,780 --> 00:11:18,742 Speaker 1: women use this relational aggression as a competition strategy. 235 00:11:19,099 --> 00:11:22,929 Speaker 1: So by making another woman look bad, you can actually 236 00:11:22,940 --> 00:11:25,789 Speaker 1: secure the best mate for yourself. 237 00:11:25,799 --> 00:11:29,979 Speaker 2: Exactly what happened in the drama, the glory in the glory. OK. Yeah, 238 00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:32,900 Speaker 2: I believe the mean girl actually did all of this 239 00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:35,809 Speaker 2: to show that she is in power so nobody else 240 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:38,169 Speaker 2: could step over her. So she had all the hottest 241 00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:39,209 Speaker 2: guys by her side. 242 00:11:39,250 --> 00:11:41,500 Speaker 1: Yeah. But then that comes from insecurity, right? Like what 243 00:11:41,510 --> 00:11:44,069 Speaker 1: happened when you were young or in the past that 244 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:48,010 Speaker 1: you feel the need to be in competition with another female, right? 245 00:11:48,710 --> 00:11:51,159 Speaker 1: And I think there's there's a line in a John 246 00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:54,469 Speaker 1: Mayer song that is of course like her body is 247 00:11:54,479 --> 00:11:56,340 Speaker 1: a wonderland. Thank you. 248 00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:01,320 Speaker 1: No, but basically it says like power is never created, 249 00:12:01,330 --> 00:12:05,479 Speaker 1: it's never given, it's always taken, right? Yeah. So for 250 00:12:05,489 --> 00:12:07,238 Speaker 1: you to have power, it's because you have taken it 251 00:12:07,250 --> 00:12:07,978 Speaker 1: from someone 252 00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:11,190 Speaker 2: but at the same time you strip them off of 253 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:15,228 Speaker 2: their confidence and their ego and everything else. 254 00:12:15,239 --> 00:12:18,299 Speaker 1: I don't think mean girls behavior is exclusive to girls 255 00:12:18,309 --> 00:12:21,659 Speaker 1: though because I think even guys can exhibit, you know, 256 00:12:21,669 --> 00:12:23,500 Speaker 1: this sort of like they don't call it mean girls 257 00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:26,090 Speaker 1: but it's more like it's like a whose dick is 258 00:12:26,099 --> 00:12:28,179 Speaker 1: bigger competition? Really? 259 00:12:28,489 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 1: Sorry, I don't know how to put it like uh 260 00:12:31,789 --> 00:12:35,270 Speaker 1: who like big dick energy. Yeah. Big dick, not big 261 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,260 Speaker 1: dick energy but like really? Who's who's 262 00:12:37,270 --> 00:12:39,858 Speaker 2: stronger? Yeah. Oh OK. So last time when I was 263 00:12:39,869 --> 00:12:42,099 Speaker 2: still schooling, I remember the boys would always go to 264 00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:45,409 Speaker 2: the void and have like a 1-1 fight. Oh It's 265 00:12:45,419 --> 00:12:47,909 Speaker 2: very weird. And they had a term for it. 266 00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:51,630 Speaker 2: I, I forgot what it's called something like, ok, only square, 267 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:55,348 Speaker 2: square square fight, which means it's so it's so ridiculous, right? 268 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:58,010 Speaker 2: Which means you can only tackle the person within like 269 00:12:58,020 --> 00:13:00,869 Speaker 2: this range, like their face all the way to the chest. 270 00:13:01,770 --> 00:13:04,098 Speaker 2: So like only within this square, which is why it's 271 00:13:04,109 --> 00:13:05,830 Speaker 2: called like a square foot or something. I can't remember 272 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:09,270 Speaker 2: the exact term, but that actually happened and they use 273 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,510 Speaker 2: this as an indication of who is stronger in that sense. 274 00:13:12,489 --> 00:13:16,380 Speaker 1: Oh, interesting. So ridiculous. Um Yeah. So things like that, right? 275 00:13:16,390 --> 00:13:18,780 Speaker 1: Where I think that feeds more of the male ego, 276 00:13:18,789 --> 00:13:21,390 Speaker 1: but it's also that competition, right? And to them it's 277 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,579 Speaker 1: also like, oh whoever, you know, shows that they are stronger, 278 00:13:24,659 --> 00:13:27,650 Speaker 1: maybe they can have the better girls. It's like anyone, 279 00:13:27,659 --> 00:13:30,599 Speaker 1: any guy who, you know, treats their partner a little 280 00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:32,390 Speaker 1: bit better or like listen to their partner and then 281 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,960 Speaker 1: the guys all go like, oh you are fucking, you know, 282 00:13:34,969 --> 00:13:35,978 Speaker 1: as an ego thing. 283 00:13:36,109 --> 00:13:39,090 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But 284 00:13:39,099 --> 00:13:41,319 Speaker 2: I think that's sweet though. I do think so too 285 00:13:41,380 --> 00:13:43,489 Speaker 2: for girls, they will view that guy as like, oh 286 00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:46,108 Speaker 2: you are such a nice boyfriend to your girl. 287 00:13:46,210 --> 00:13:49,659 Speaker 1: Then the, the the, you know those macho boys finished 288 00:13:49,669 --> 00:13:50,000 Speaker 1: last one. 289 00:13:51,739 --> 00:13:54,429 Speaker 2: Story time, story time. So we have a story from 290 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:57,238 Speaker 2: our P D. She's had an experience with a mean man. 291 00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:59,640 Speaker 2: Who is this? Is she not here? Oh 292 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,809 Speaker 2: oh OK. OK, she's met this 50 year old straight 293 00:14:03,820 --> 00:14:09,080 Speaker 2: man who was an absolute bully. Um This is your colleague, 294 00:14:10,539 --> 00:14:12,869 Speaker 2: this is her ex colleague. So he will be to 295 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:16,669 Speaker 2: her about how some suits don't dress apart and constantly 296 00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:19,820 Speaker 2: trying to stir shit basically between the creative team and 297 00:14:19,830 --> 00:14:21,030 Speaker 2: the other colleagues. This 298 00:14:21,039 --> 00:14:23,409 Speaker 1: is the advertising industry. Correct. Correct. 299 00:14:24,020 --> 00:14:27,030 Speaker 2: So one time our P D actually asked him, why 300 00:14:27,039 --> 00:14:28,429 Speaker 2: do you have to be such an asshole? 301 00:14:29,049 --> 00:14:31,979 Speaker 2: And this 50 year old street man actually took back 302 00:14:31,989 --> 00:14:34,659 Speaker 2: the gift that he gave to her some time ago. 303 00:14:34,669 --> 00:14:34,950 Speaker 2: Oh my 304 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:41,700 Speaker 1: God. That is petty behavior. Yeah, it's true. It's true. 305 00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:45,140 Speaker 1: It's terrible. Well, he's mean like, that's what we call 306 00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:46,219 Speaker 1: like a male bitch 307 00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,929 Speaker 1: where they just always like, you know, I got a 308 00:14:48,940 --> 00:14:50,590 Speaker 1: lot of things to say about this and that and 309 00:14:50,599 --> 00:14:52,690 Speaker 1: just very annoying, like, just focus on yourself at the 310 00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:55,340 Speaker 1: end of the day and be kind to other people, right? 311 00:14:55,349 --> 00:14:58,059 Speaker 1: But I think, you know, sometimes um like we say 312 00:14:58,070 --> 00:15:00,640 Speaker 1: with mean girls, right? They exist in a group, like 313 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:03,880 Speaker 1: the people who bullied, they exist in a group like 314 00:15:03,890 --> 00:15:05,989 Speaker 1: Regina George and her girls in a group. So it's 315 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,309 Speaker 1: like a lot of this hurt mentality that gives them 316 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:10,380 Speaker 1: that power, right? 317 00:15:10,469 --> 00:15:13,099 Speaker 1: That's why I think when we watch like shows as well, 318 00:15:13,109 --> 00:15:17,190 Speaker 1: they always have like a part of it where it's like, 319 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,700 Speaker 1: oh when they're together, they're like, yeah. And then after 320 00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:22,830 Speaker 1: that they always try and corner one person or they 321 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,450 Speaker 1: always try and, like, put one person in a spot 322 00:15:25,460 --> 00:15:29,469 Speaker 1: where you're alone and then they're, like, powerless. 323 00:15:29,479 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 2: Right. Yeah. Yeah. 324 00:15:30,489 --> 00:15:34,030 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, because obviously when you are in numbers, yeah. 325 00:15:34,190 --> 00:15:38,559 Speaker 1: You think you have more power? Right. And, yeah. Yeah, definitely. 326 00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:39,260 Speaker 1: But actually her 327 00:15:39,270 --> 00:15:43,119 Speaker 2: mentality doesn't have to be a bad thing. Ok. For example, 328 00:15:43,130 --> 00:15:45,159 Speaker 2: you want to sign up for yoga classes as one 329 00:15:45,169 --> 00:15:49,590 Speaker 2: group that's very harmless. Like, dress down on Fridays together. Oh, 330 00:15:49,619 --> 00:15:51,200 Speaker 2: that's also very, very on Wednesdays 331 00:15:51,210 --> 00:15:56,750 Speaker 1: we wear pink today is we are. Yeah. So that 332 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:57,820 Speaker 1: is an example 333 00:15:57,909 --> 00:16:01,530 Speaker 1: of, I think, I guess good hurt, right? Or nontoxic 334 00:16:01,539 --> 00:16:02,869 Speaker 1: hurt mentality. But when 335 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:06,330 Speaker 2: does hurt mentality become toxic, I guess when you choose 336 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:10,580 Speaker 2: your personalities around your friends and together you act as 337 00:16:10,590 --> 00:16:11,650 Speaker 2: a bunch of bullies. Right? 338 00:16:11,820 --> 00:16:14,489 Speaker 1: But here's the thing, right? Like there's this other thing 339 00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:17,109 Speaker 1: that sometimes we joke about of which, like, oh, if 340 00:16:17,119 --> 00:16:19,840 Speaker 1: my best friend hates someone automatically, I hate them too. 341 00:16:19,849 --> 00:16:21,539 Speaker 1: Do you think that's mean girl too? 342 00:16:21,979 --> 00:16:23,750 Speaker 1: Because sometimes we just want a small friend. You know 343 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,820 Speaker 1: what I mean? Or like that person has really done 344 00:16:25,830 --> 00:16:28,880 Speaker 1: them wrong, them dirty. Well, I think if it's, they've 345 00:16:28,890 --> 00:16:32,030 Speaker 1: really done something bad to the, to the, your friend, 346 00:16:32,039 --> 00:16:34,599 Speaker 1: that's fine. But if it's your, your friend just doesn't 347 00:16:34,609 --> 00:16:37,070 Speaker 1: like this girl and you want to jump on that bandwagon. 348 00:16:37,090 --> 00:16:39,960 Speaker 1: Like I always tell my friends. Right? Like, if they're 349 00:16:39,969 --> 00:16:42,219 Speaker 1: bitching to be about someone, but I have no ill 350 00:16:42,229 --> 00:16:44,390 Speaker 1: feelings towards the person. I would just say I have 351 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:44,969 Speaker 1: no beef with that person 352 00:16:45,041 --> 00:16:47,312 Speaker 1: person because I really have to be with that person. Why, 353 00:16:47,322 --> 00:16:50,221 Speaker 1: why would I jump on the bandwagon unless that person 354 00:16:50,231 --> 00:16:52,911 Speaker 1: has really wronged you. And I know for a fact. Yeah. Right. 355 00:16:52,921 --> 00:16:54,882 Speaker 2: Right. Yeah. And I think it's one thing to, like, 356 00:16:54,892 --> 00:16:57,752 Speaker 2: dislike this person or cut off all contact. Yeah. And 357 00:16:57,762 --> 00:17:00,442 Speaker 2: it's not to act on it to like, cause harm 358 00:17:00,452 --> 00:17:02,872 Speaker 2: to that person. I think it's very uncalled for, especially 359 00:17:02,882 --> 00:17:06,101 Speaker 2: this isn't your decision to begin with or the situation 360 00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:06,712 Speaker 2: that you're stuck in. 361 00:17:06,862 --> 00:17:08,031 Speaker 1: So, have you guys ever been 362 00:17:08,104 --> 00:17:09,904 Speaker 1: part of like a toxic friend group? Oh 363 00:17:09,953 --> 00:17:10,933 Speaker 2: my gosh. Have 364 00:17:10,943 --> 00:17:16,513 Speaker 1: you? We know your story. What? No. Oh, yes. Very codependent. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 365 00:17:16,523 --> 00:17:19,034 Speaker 1: But that's a mix of both girls and guys. And 366 00:17:19,042 --> 00:17:22,494 Speaker 1: it was really, it was really her mentality where if 367 00:17:22,504 --> 00:17:25,384 Speaker 1: they don't like someone, then everyone, you know, talks shit 368 00:17:25,394 --> 00:17:28,312 Speaker 1: about that person and ostracizes that person. I think that 369 00:17:28,323 --> 00:17:31,093 Speaker 1: is ultimate mean mean girl 370 00:17:31,166 --> 00:17:32,225 Speaker 1: hurt mentality behavior. 371 00:17:32,234 --> 00:17:34,166 Speaker 2: Right? I think I was part of a group like 372 00:17:34,176 --> 00:17:36,855 Speaker 2: this once as well until I become the one that 373 00:17:36,865 --> 00:17:40,635 Speaker 2: got ostracized by the group that I was in secondary 374 00:17:40,645 --> 00:17:42,946 Speaker 2: school in secondary school. Yeah. So that was, um, it 375 00:17:42,955 --> 00:17:45,245 Speaker 2: was not a nice phase of my life, but it 376 00:17:45,255 --> 00:17:48,785 Speaker 2: also actually opened up my eyes to, to a lot 377 00:17:48,796 --> 00:17:48,995 Speaker 2: more 378 00:17:49,005 --> 00:17:51,066 Speaker 1: things. Have you seen any of them since? Uh, 379 00:17:51,076 --> 00:17:52,946 Speaker 2: not really, but they see you 380 00:17:52,955 --> 00:17:53,696 Speaker 1: everywhere. 381 00:17:55,989 --> 00:17:58,359 Speaker 2: Not really. The bulk of them are not like friends 382 00:17:58,369 --> 00:18:00,239 Speaker 2: I would want to keep and I think some of 383 00:18:00,250 --> 00:18:02,520 Speaker 2: them actually listen to this podcast, like some of my 384 00:18:02,530 --> 00:18:06,500 Speaker 2: secondary school mates. The ones that I'm still like, ok with. Yeah. Yeah, 385 00:18:06,510 --> 00:18:09,000 Speaker 2: because I think birds of a feather flock together. So, 386 00:18:09,010 --> 00:18:11,569 Speaker 1: was there a Regina George in that group of friends? Um, 387 00:18:11,579 --> 00:18:12,300 Speaker 1: mainly 388 00:18:12,310 --> 00:18:12,550 Speaker 2: male? 389 00:18:12,635 --> 00:18:16,675 Speaker 2: I would say not the female. Yeah. The males are 390 00:18:16,685 --> 00:18:17,055 Speaker 2: the one in 391 00:18:18,704 --> 00:18:26,944 Speaker 1: your mouth. What did they do to you? Nothing. Sometimes 392 00:18:27,084 --> 00:18:29,405 Speaker 1: I enjoy listening to them talk because you're like, wow, 393 00:18:29,739 --> 00:18:32,729 Speaker 1: like guys. Wow. But most of your friends are guys. 394 00:18:33,510 --> 00:18:35,698 Speaker 1: But yes, I mean, try to identify if you're in 395 00:18:35,709 --> 00:18:37,859 Speaker 1: a friend group right now. If you do, you know, 396 00:18:37,869 --> 00:18:40,619 Speaker 1: sometimes feel very uncomfortable with the way that they talk 397 00:18:40,630 --> 00:18:42,609 Speaker 1: about other people or the way that they do things 398 00:18:42,619 --> 00:18:44,708 Speaker 1: then just identify. Is that something that you want in 399 00:18:44,719 --> 00:18:46,649 Speaker 1: your life? So I think 400 00:18:46,660 --> 00:18:48,739 Speaker 2: it's very hard to step out of this. Yeah. I 401 00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:53,069 Speaker 1: think sometimes people also feel like rather than I am 402 00:18:53,079 --> 00:18:53,859 Speaker 1: the one who's being 403 00:18:54,087 --> 00:18:56,876 Speaker 1: get ostracized like, you know what? Let me just join 404 00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:59,726 Speaker 1: them and save myself instead. Right? Yeah, I like the 405 00:18:59,737 --> 00:19:02,337 Speaker 1: point that brought up about is it just, you know, 406 00:19:02,347 --> 00:19:04,495 Speaker 1: like being loyal to your friend, for example, we take 407 00:19:04,506 --> 00:19:07,557 Speaker 1: the Kylie and Haley thing. Right. Um, when this whole 408 00:19:07,567 --> 00:19:09,646 Speaker 1: thing with Selena came up and because Kylie obviously is 409 00:19:09,656 --> 00:19:11,656 Speaker 1: on Haley's team and then she came out all these 410 00:19:11,666 --> 00:19:14,307 Speaker 1: things to back them up. I personally, I mean, I 411 00:19:14,317 --> 00:19:16,327 Speaker 1: don't know any of these people, but I personally don't 412 00:19:16,337 --> 00:19:18,357 Speaker 1: think that it was more of 413 00:19:18,433 --> 00:19:20,953 Speaker 1: loyalty. I think it was more of, they just want 414 00:19:20,963 --> 00:19:24,244 Speaker 1: to get in the drama because drama sells and their 415 00:19:24,254 --> 00:19:27,884 Speaker 1: life is based on drama. If there's no drama, they 416 00:19:27,894 --> 00:19:30,533 Speaker 1: have no career, they have no, you know what I mean? 417 00:19:30,553 --> 00:19:33,312 Speaker 2: But we are talking about people who, whose lives are 418 00:19:33,323 --> 00:19:36,114 Speaker 2: based on this. What about other people who works like 419 00:19:36,124 --> 00:19:38,533 Speaker 2: normal office jobs, for example, in your face with these 420 00:19:38,542 --> 00:19:40,473 Speaker 2: kind of situations? Maybe 421 00:19:40,484 --> 00:19:42,703 Speaker 1: to them, it's excitement in their own life, 422 00:19:42,961 --> 00:19:46,441 Speaker 1: you know, gossip, drama, you know, all this. Yeah, I 423 00:19:46,451 --> 00:19:49,590 Speaker 1: think it's terrible that sometimes these behavior just makes them 424 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,890 Speaker 1: feel better about themselves. Yeah. And that's so sad. Like, 425 00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:55,110 Speaker 1: how about you just take that time to reevaluate yourself 426 00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:57,379 Speaker 1: and like what you can do to make yourself better, 427 00:19:57,390 --> 00:19:58,801 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Or like make yourself feel 428 00:19:58,811 --> 00:20:03,311 Speaker 1: better without affecting someone else. Here's the theory that I have, right? 429 00:20:03,321 --> 00:20:06,201 Speaker 1: Or that something that something that I hold on to 430 00:20:06,211 --> 00:20:07,031 Speaker 1: quite um 431 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:13,319 Speaker 1: tightly which is, don't build your happiness on someone else's misery, right? Yeah, 432 00:20:13,329 --> 00:20:19,229 Speaker 1: I like that. Thank you very wise. Is that by John? No, 433 00:20:19,239 --> 00:20:21,119 Speaker 1: but it's true. I mean, like I always say, there's 434 00:20:21,130 --> 00:20:24,310 Speaker 1: enough happiness pie to go around. You won't be any 435 00:20:24,319 --> 00:20:30,569 Speaker 1: happier by feeding on someone's, you know, misfortune. In fact, 436 00:20:30,579 --> 00:20:32,560 Speaker 1: all you should have empathy, you should be able to 437 00:20:32,569 --> 00:20:33,409 Speaker 1: support them. 438 00:20:33,790 --> 00:20:36,719 Speaker 1: Um, but how can you support a friend if let's 439 00:20:36,729 --> 00:20:40,270 Speaker 1: say you were, you were Kylie, right? And then you're 440 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:44,050 Speaker 1: embroiled in this Haley Selena situation. I'll pay for Haley's therapy. 441 00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:45,180 Speaker 1: Oh my God. 442 00:20:46,780 --> 00:20:48,390 Speaker 2: Yeah. Actually, if I were a friend, I would try 443 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:49,290 Speaker 2: to talk sense. 444 00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:52,589 Speaker 1: Haley. OK. You say OK, so you are, you are Kylie? 445 00:20:52,599 --> 00:20:53,069 Speaker 1: You Haley? 446 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:57,198 Speaker 2: But I must understand how she's feeling first. LA OK? 447 00:20:57,209 --> 00:20:59,630 Speaker 2: Tell me, tell me, Haley, how are you feeling? 448 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,989 Speaker 1: I'm just so annoyed because like every song that just 449 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,589 Speaker 1: put out is about like Selena 450 00:21:03,790 --> 00:21:05,139 Speaker 2: come, let's go to a therapist. 451 00:21:06,959 --> 00:21:07,810 Speaker 2: I'll say, 452 00:21:09,630 --> 00:21:12,319 Speaker 1: OK, OK, so, so you would try to, I mean, 453 00:21:12,329 --> 00:21:14,979 Speaker 1: if it's a true friend, right? You try to talk 454 00:21:14,989 --> 00:21:15,670 Speaker 1: to them, I'll try 455 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,599 Speaker 2: to be a therapist. I will try to listen to her. 456 00:21:17,609 --> 00:21:20,410 Speaker 2: I'll try to take some negativity off her. OK? And 457 00:21:20,420 --> 00:21:23,180 Speaker 2: I wouldn't partake in any social media activity. I mean, 458 00:21:23,189 --> 00:21:25,810 Speaker 2: that's easy for me to say because I'm, but let's 459 00:21:25,819 --> 00:21:28,919 Speaker 2: say today, yeah, Kylie, maybe her decisions will be different. 460 00:21:29,089 --> 00:21:30,010 Speaker 2: But then again, there will be 461 00:21:30,609 --> 00:21:33,160 Speaker 2: like she dropped one million followers in the span of 462 00:21:33,170 --> 00:21:34,180 Speaker 2: how many days, right? 463 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,390 Speaker 1: So as we get older, right? We still have mean 464 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,219 Speaker 1: girls around us. We still have mean guys, you know, 465 00:21:39,229 --> 00:21:43,458 Speaker 1: we just mean people around us that like to take 466 00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:47,119 Speaker 1: away from your success to make themselves feel better. Like 467 00:21:47,130 --> 00:21:50,790 Speaker 1: for example, Hazel nominated for most popular writing, 468 00:21:53,030 --> 00:21:57,849 Speaker 1: thank you every three or three votes every day. Mean 469 00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,919 Speaker 1: girl behavior, right would be someone coming up to you 470 00:21:59,930 --> 00:22:02,500 Speaker 1: and saying, oh only most popular in style, also not 471 00:22:02,510 --> 00:22:04,479 Speaker 1: top 10 female artist. Yeah. Or they will be like 472 00:22:04,829 --> 00:22:08,149 Speaker 1: only what not real. You know what I mean? Yeah, that, 473 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,180 Speaker 1: that is like taking away from someone else's success but 474 00:22:10,189 --> 00:22:11,199 Speaker 1: don't take a 475 00:22:12,260 --> 00:22:12,659 Speaker 2: day a 476 00:22:12,859 --> 00:22:16,119 Speaker 1: day. But that would be mean girl behavior. Exactly. 477 00:22:16,130 --> 00:22:17,829 Speaker 2: But I find that like, you know, after stepping into 478 00:22:17,839 --> 00:22:18,810 Speaker 2: this industry, 479 00:22:19,089 --> 00:22:21,429 Speaker 2: I'm not really bothered by comments like this because we 480 00:22:21,439 --> 00:22:25,859 Speaker 2: face them way too often. And from the first year 481 00:22:25,869 --> 00:22:28,329 Speaker 2: that you are in this industry, you really have to 482 00:22:28,540 --> 00:22:31,260 Speaker 2: build a very strong foundation mentally that you will be 483 00:22:31,270 --> 00:22:33,050 Speaker 2: faced with this kind of comments. And how can you 484 00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:34,130 Speaker 2: best ignore them? What 485 00:22:34,140 --> 00:22:37,040 Speaker 1: if it's from your friend? Wouldn't that be very hurtful 486 00:22:37,050 --> 00:22:38,849 Speaker 2: to you? Then that person wouldn't be my friend? 487 00:22:40,130 --> 00:22:42,060 Speaker 1: Yeah. Fair enough. Yep. 488 00:22:42,069 --> 00:22:44,349 Speaker 2: But I think it takes a lot to step out 489 00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:46,629 Speaker 2: of a friendship and for some of our viewers and 490 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:50,050 Speaker 2: listeners here, maybe they are facing like, similar issues. But 491 00:22:50,060 --> 00:22:51,750 Speaker 2: I think you just have to ask yourself, does this 492 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,510 Speaker 2: friendship make you feel like you're walking on eggshells? Do 493 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:57,239 Speaker 2: you feel pressured in this friendship. If the answer is yes, 494 00:22:57,250 --> 00:23:00,400 Speaker 2: then maybe it's time to like, what, as mentioned, we 495 00:23:00,430 --> 00:23:01,899 Speaker 2: evaluate yourself and this 496 00:23:01,910 --> 00:23:04,089 Speaker 1: friendship. Yeah, you can listen to our episode on breaking 497 00:23:04,099 --> 00:23:07,169 Speaker 1: up with friends and why? That is ok. Yeah. Episode eight. 498 00:23:08,071 --> 00:23:11,170 Speaker 1: But you know, whether or not like Selena and Haley 499 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:14,561 Speaker 1: are actually really fighting whether they are like, you know, 500 00:23:14,571 --> 00:23:16,821 Speaker 1: some people think that they're sitting down together having tea 501 00:23:16,830 --> 00:23:17,681 Speaker 1: now going. 502 00:23:18,431 --> 00:23:21,301 Speaker 2: Right. Yeah, that might be the case actually. Maybe, 503 00:23:21,311 --> 00:23:23,629 Speaker 1: or whether, you know, Selena was a perpetrator in the 504 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,561 Speaker 1: first place. Who knows? Who knows? Right. But I feel 505 00:23:26,571 --> 00:23:30,140 Speaker 1: like it's what, it's what they're portraying on social media, 506 00:23:30,340 --> 00:23:34,401 Speaker 1: that sort of speaks a lot about themselves. 507 00:23:34,482 --> 00:23:37,472 Speaker 1: True aside from the fact that whatever fact that it 508 00:23:37,482 --> 00:23:39,531 Speaker 1: is going down or whether they are fighting with a man, 509 00:23:39,541 --> 00:23:41,501 Speaker 1: I don't know why this man is very interesting man. 510 00:23:41,621 --> 00:23:45,362 Speaker 1: I don't know, one less lonely girl but, ok, apart 511 00:23:45,371 --> 00:23:48,291 Speaker 1: from breaking up with friends, ok. Um, and people that 512 00:23:48,302 --> 00:23:49,881 Speaker 1: you don't know if you want in your life anymore 513 00:23:49,891 --> 00:23:52,771 Speaker 1: because maybe they are bullies. They are mean, how can 514 00:23:52,781 --> 00:23:55,331 Speaker 1: you deal with these mean girls? Maybe they are not 515 00:23:55,342 --> 00:23:58,781 Speaker 1: exactly close friends with you. You can't exactly like break 516 00:23:58,791 --> 00:24:01,151 Speaker 1: up your friendship with them. What are some other ways 517 00:24:01,161 --> 00:24:01,630 Speaker 1: that you can do? 518 00:24:01,713 --> 00:24:04,703 Speaker 1: Right. Um, I think one of the very important ways 519 00:24:05,243 --> 00:24:07,322 Speaker 1: is to protect confidence because a lot of them, they 520 00:24:07,333 --> 00:24:10,532 Speaker 1: feed on vulnerability. If they see they can walk over you, 521 00:24:10,542 --> 00:24:12,213 Speaker 1: if you build a skate park on your head, they 522 00:24:12,223 --> 00:24:15,623 Speaker 1: will walk over you, they will, they will over your head. 523 00:24:15,633 --> 00:24:18,243 Speaker 1: So you have to project that confidence such that it can't, 524 00:24:18,253 --> 00:24:20,833 Speaker 1: it's your own boundary, it's your own barrier that can't 525 00:24:20,843 --> 00:24:21,853 Speaker 1: be broken. Right? 526 00:24:21,863 --> 00:24:24,412 Speaker 2: I also think it's very important to recognize what you 527 00:24:24,422 --> 00:24:28,723 Speaker 2: can control. Don't act in anger, like never act in anger. 528 00:24:28,943 --> 00:24:33,093 Speaker 2: Try to keep your responses polite and professional. Actually, this one, 529 00:24:33,104 --> 00:24:36,383 Speaker 2: I think I have to draw references back to the drama. Again. 530 00:24:36,394 --> 00:24:41,553 Speaker 2: The glory did it like perfectly gracious, gracious after she 531 00:24:41,563 --> 00:24:45,484 Speaker 2: stepped into society. Like she is a confident lady. She, 532 00:24:45,494 --> 00:24:48,353 Speaker 2: she knows how to stand up for herself. She recognizes 533 00:24:48,364 --> 00:24:51,004 Speaker 2: what she can or cannot control, which is why the bullies, 534 00:24:51,013 --> 00:24:53,113 Speaker 2: even though they are still in one pack, they are 535 00:24:53,124 --> 00:24:55,263 Speaker 2: not able to walk over her anymore. 536 00:24:56,175 --> 00:24:59,234 Speaker 1: She demolished the skate park on her head, she skate 537 00:24:59,244 --> 00:25:01,155 Speaker 1: park and here's the thing, right? Sorry. Yeah, I'm all 538 00:25:01,165 --> 00:25:04,255 Speaker 1: about dropping cos today. So um there's this thing that 539 00:25:04,265 --> 00:25:08,704 Speaker 1: says that, you know, the situation is 10% and then 540 00:25:08,714 --> 00:25:13,555 Speaker 1: your response to it is the 90%. It could be 541 00:25:13,564 --> 00:25:16,314 Speaker 1: anything you could be in any situation, right? But you 542 00:25:16,324 --> 00:25:19,614 Speaker 1: get to control your response. I got a video with 543 00:25:19,625 --> 00:25:23,045 Speaker 1: just a like from this episode like so that's just it. 544 00:25:23,599 --> 00:25:26,790 Speaker 1: Um But here's another quote. Ok. Ok. Um which I 545 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,438 Speaker 1: I actually really, really believe in the way that people 546 00:25:29,449 --> 00:25:33,540 Speaker 1: treat you 100% has to do with them. It has 547 00:25:33,550 --> 00:25:36,969 Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. Agree. Yeah. So the way 548 00:25:36,979 --> 00:25:39,699 Speaker 1: that they hurt you, it's based on their pastor, the 549 00:25:39,709 --> 00:25:40,589 Speaker 1: way that they show 550 00:25:40,670 --> 00:25:44,260 Speaker 1: ugliness is based on themselves and not on you. Be confident, 551 00:25:44,270 --> 00:25:47,280 Speaker 1: recognize what you can control and stand up for yourself. 552 00:25:47,290 --> 00:25:51,520 Speaker 1: Learn how to be assertive in a respectful manner with that. Right. 553 00:25:51,530 --> 00:25:55,099 Speaker 1: Going to that, you know, same level of stoop to 554 00:25:55,109 --> 00:25:57,639 Speaker 1: that lone that other people have against you, 555 00:25:57,869 --> 00:26:00,329 Speaker 1: but be careful when you confront a bully, of course. Yeah, 556 00:26:00,339 --> 00:26:00,859 Speaker 1: for 557 00:26:00,869 --> 00:26:04,599 Speaker 2: sure. And if you are faced with, er, let's say 558 00:26:04,609 --> 00:26:07,780 Speaker 2: a room full of people engaging in gossips, I think 559 00:26:07,790 --> 00:26:10,729 Speaker 2: the best thing to do is to disengage yourself, don't 560 00:26:10,739 --> 00:26:12,790 Speaker 2: participate because they will just bring you 561 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:15,199 Speaker 1: down if you have to sit in that situation. Sometimes 562 00:26:15,209 --> 00:26:17,579 Speaker 1: I just sit politely there but I don't really say anything. 563 00:26:18,109 --> 00:26:18,890 Speaker 1: It's very awkward. 564 00:26:18,900 --> 00:26:21,688 Speaker 2: Sometimes. It's interesting to hear what they're talking about. As 565 00:26:21,790 --> 00:26:23,160 Speaker 2: long as they don't participate. 566 00:26:23,910 --> 00:26:24,959 Speaker 2: It's ok. Yeah. And 567 00:26:24,969 --> 00:26:27,478 Speaker 1: if it's something like, you know, that I don't subscribe to, 568 00:26:27,489 --> 00:26:29,369 Speaker 1: usually I say, like you can tell me if you 569 00:26:29,380 --> 00:26:32,920 Speaker 1: want but I'm not gonna say anything but, yeah, I'm 570 00:26:32,930 --> 00:26:34,969 Speaker 1: not gonna say anything about it but if you feel 571 00:26:34,979 --> 00:26:37,609 Speaker 1: like you just need to, like, I don't know, then 572 00:26:37,619 --> 00:26:40,719 Speaker 1: go ahead. Ok. Um, and if you are the mean girl, 573 00:26:40,770 --> 00:26:44,000 Speaker 1: if you're listening to this and you identify some behaviors that, 574 00:26:44,010 --> 00:26:46,239 Speaker 1: oh shit. You know, I have been doing as well. Um, 575 00:26:46,250 --> 00:26:49,760 Speaker 1: consider therapy. We're not paying for you. 576 00:26:50,969 --> 00:26:54,139 Speaker 1: Maybe you should do a therapy giveaway or something. But yeah, 577 00:26:54,150 --> 00:26:57,968 Speaker 1: consider therapy. Um, genuinely just because I do think that 578 00:26:57,979 --> 00:27:00,760 Speaker 1: once you step out of this mingle kind of vibe, 579 00:27:00,790 --> 00:27:03,800 Speaker 1: you will level up, you will find like a new, 580 00:27:03,839 --> 00:27:07,500 Speaker 1: a new meaning to life. Like after she let revenge, 581 00:27:07,510 --> 00:27:08,839 Speaker 1: she haven't got 582 00:27:08,849 --> 00:27:12,069 Speaker 2: revenge. She's still plotting her revenge right now. Yes, 583 00:27:13,015 --> 00:27:16,375 Speaker 2: we are still waiting for the episodes to drop on 584 00:27:16,385 --> 00:27:18,875 Speaker 2: the point of recording. The new episodes will drop two 585 00:27:18,885 --> 00:27:19,944 Speaker 2: days later in part. 586 00:27:20,875 --> 00:27:23,214 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Let me know, let me know what happened. 587 00:27:24,895 --> 00:27:27,405 Speaker 1: Um And I just want to end this off with 588 00:27:27,454 --> 00:27:30,823 Speaker 1: a little bit of a follow up because my bully 589 00:27:30,834 --> 00:27:32,145 Speaker 1: actually reached out to me. 590 00:27:32,709 --> 00:27:35,089 Speaker 1: Wait, which bully is this the one who, who slapped 591 00:27:35,099 --> 00:27:37,449 Speaker 1: me on the school bus? Because she heard the harsh, 592 00:27:37,739 --> 00:27:40,479 Speaker 1: oh my God. I have not spoken to her in 593 00:27:40,489 --> 00:27:44,199 Speaker 1: 15 or 16 years and she still has my number. 594 00:27:44,209 --> 00:27:46,089 Speaker 1: My number hasn't changed since I was like 10 years 595 00:27:46,099 --> 00:27:49,160 Speaker 1: old and she actually texted me last month and she said, 596 00:27:49,170 --> 00:27:50,729 Speaker 1: hi Jane. I hope your number is still in use. 597 00:27:50,739 --> 00:27:52,189 Speaker 1: There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about 598 00:27:52,199 --> 00:27:54,979 Speaker 1: all these years. I said, oh, ok. What is it? 599 00:27:55,223 --> 00:27:57,473 Speaker 1: Can I just be straightforward? I really don't know where 600 00:27:57,483 --> 00:27:59,993 Speaker 1: to start from. I'm more or less sure that I'm 601 00:28:00,003 --> 00:28:02,532 Speaker 1: the bully from Punggol end. And the reason why I'm 602 00:28:02,542 --> 00:28:05,512 Speaker 1: messaging you now is because now I know why we 603 00:28:05,522 --> 00:28:08,233 Speaker 1: stopped becoming friends. We would always play at your house 604 00:28:08,243 --> 00:28:10,792 Speaker 1: and one day it stopped. And it also came back 605 00:28:10,802 --> 00:28:12,262 Speaker 1: to me because sometimes when you do things, when you're young, 606 00:28:12,272 --> 00:28:14,873 Speaker 1: you forget, it came back to me. She forgot, she 607 00:28:14,883 --> 00:28:17,112 Speaker 1: forgot that she slapped you. I don't know. But yeah, 608 00:28:17,734 --> 00:28:20,666 Speaker 1: she says, I remember the incident where I slapped you 609 00:28:20,676 --> 00:28:23,186 Speaker 1: and I remember that your mom called my house and 610 00:28:23,196 --> 00:28:25,696 Speaker 1: after that you and I made up and we decided that, 611 00:28:25,705 --> 00:28:28,105 Speaker 1: you know, we're just kids being kids, but clearly I 612 00:28:28,115 --> 00:28:30,145 Speaker 1: did not remember that part. She did not remember the 613 00:28:30,156 --> 00:28:34,046 Speaker 1: first part. It just, it just happens, right? So she 614 00:28:34,056 --> 00:28:37,555 Speaker 1: says I felt very, very bad and I still remember 615 00:28:37,566 --> 00:28:41,855 Speaker 1: how you looked because I was in shock myself. Plus 616 00:28:41,865 --> 00:28:44,344 Speaker 1: you were very chubby last time. So when I slapped you, 617 00:28:44,355 --> 00:28:46,345 Speaker 1: then your face became like a tomato and I felt 618 00:28:46,355 --> 00:28:47,526 Speaker 1: so bad after that. 619 00:28:49,989 --> 00:28:52,119 Speaker 2: How come this message is actually quite cute? I don't 620 00:28:52,130 --> 00:28:52,680 Speaker 1: know. Yeah. 621 00:28:53,229 --> 00:28:56,319 Speaker 1: To me, our memories together were good except this one incident. 622 00:28:56,329 --> 00:28:58,099 Speaker 1: But today I realized for you that it was a 623 00:28:58,109 --> 00:29:00,930 Speaker 1: different thing and even affected you so much that in 624 00:29:00,939 --> 00:29:03,790 Speaker 1: secondary school you behaved in a certain way. So I'm really, 625 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:05,959 Speaker 1: really sorry. It was a very very long message, but 626 00:29:05,969 --> 00:29:07,260 Speaker 1: this is the summary of it, but 627 00:29:07,270 --> 00:29:09,089 Speaker 2: it was very nice of her to reach out. No, 628 00:29:09,099 --> 00:29:09,109 Speaker 2: I 629 00:29:09,119 --> 00:29:11,670 Speaker 1: think so too. I genuinely think so. Like, thank you 630 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,290 Speaker 1: so much for, for reaching out. I it was a 631 00:29:14,300 --> 00:29:17,199 Speaker 1: very sour kind of feeling for me um because it 632 00:29:17,209 --> 00:29:19,180 Speaker 1: is like bittersweet, right? It's like so long ago I 633 00:29:19,189 --> 00:29:21,530 Speaker 1: already put it down like it doesn't affect me anymore. 634 00:29:21,619 --> 00:29:23,079 Speaker 1: But the fact that you 635 00:29:23,189 --> 00:29:25,260 Speaker 1: like, you have to reach out, I think that's very 636 00:29:25,270 --> 00:29:25,849 Speaker 1: big of you, 637 00:29:25,859 --> 00:29:28,489 Speaker 2: correct? And this is what a was talking about just now. 638 00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:31,819 Speaker 2: The situation is 10%. How you respond to it is 90%. 639 00:29:31,829 --> 00:29:33,910 Speaker 2: And she chose to reach out to you. How do 640 00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,109 Speaker 2: you respond to that though? No, I 641 00:29:35,119 --> 00:29:37,479 Speaker 1: responded in a very nice way. I basically just said 642 00:29:37,489 --> 00:29:39,540 Speaker 1: thank you so much for this text and please don't 643 00:29:39,550 --> 00:29:41,650 Speaker 1: feel bad. We were very good kids many years ago 644 00:29:41,660 --> 00:29:44,530 Speaker 1: and it's a blur memory at this point. Um But 645 00:29:44,540 --> 00:29:47,170 Speaker 1: just know that, you know, I never held this against you. 646 00:29:47,180 --> 00:29:49,849 Speaker 1: I think we just drifted apart naturally. But nevertheless, thank 647 00:29:49,859 --> 00:29:51,459 Speaker 1: you for dropping me a text and let's catch up 648 00:29:51,469 --> 00:29:52,920 Speaker 1: when you're in Singapore. 649 00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:57,000 Speaker 1: I mean, what's the point of bringing all that, you know, 650 00:29:57,010 --> 00:29:59,500 Speaker 1: into your adult life? I just think, you know, if, 651 00:29:59,510 --> 00:30:01,229 Speaker 1: if we didn't talk about it on Hush, she would 652 00:30:01,239 --> 00:30:03,270 Speaker 1: have never known because I would have texted her and said, hey, 653 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,270 Speaker 1: you slapped me all those tears, my face, like, told 654 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:08,390 Speaker 1: me too. I wouldn't have said that so. Yeah, I 655 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,869 Speaker 1: think it's nice. I hope I get to see her honestly. Yeah. 656 00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:13,880 Speaker 1: But here's the thing, right? Like in the glory, ok. 657 00:30:14,310 --> 00:30:17,729 Speaker 1: At one point, the bully, the hit on Joe, the 658 00:30:17,849 --> 00:30:17,880 Speaker 1: reg 659 00:30:18,642 --> 00:30:22,782 Speaker 1: was like, well, she is doing so, basically they're, they're 660 00:30:22,792 --> 00:30:25,203 Speaker 1: sort of seeing that she's been plotting all this revenge 661 00:30:25,213 --> 00:30:28,603 Speaker 1: and she's been making herself seen and her presence felt. 662 00:30:28,713 --> 00:30:30,973 Speaker 1: And then the police said, what did we do to her? 663 00:30:30,983 --> 00:30:31,103 Speaker 1: That 664 00:30:31,113 --> 00:30:34,562 Speaker 2: was the first time she saw in the drama. She 665 00:30:34,572 --> 00:30:37,802 Speaker 2: couldn't even call her by her name. She forgot about 666 00:30:37,812 --> 00:30:41,072 Speaker 2: this person. It's terrible. And I remember at the end 667 00:30:41,083 --> 00:30:42,103 Speaker 2: of the season one, 668 00:30:42,206 --> 00:30:45,365 Speaker 2: she said something, the bully, she said I shouldn't have 669 00:30:45,375 --> 00:30:47,776 Speaker 2: bullied her at that time. I should have killed her instead. 670 00:30:47,816 --> 00:30:51,696 Speaker 2: Oh my God. I was like, what? That, that mentality 671 00:30:51,706 --> 00:30:52,936 Speaker 2: is so 672 00:30:53,176 --> 00:30:55,786 Speaker 1: fucked because that girl is still a mean girl today. 673 00:30:55,796 --> 00:30:56,875 Speaker 1: That's why, right? 674 00:31:01,125 --> 00:31:03,456 Speaker 2: You should totally watch it. I think it's worth a watch. 675 00:31:03,465 --> 00:31:06,176 Speaker 2: And also it brings up very um 676 00:31:06,510 --> 00:31:10,699 Speaker 2: very real situations that's happening in schools or societies. 677 00:31:10,709 --> 00:31:13,099 Speaker 1: It just proves to you that you could have one 678 00:31:13,109 --> 00:31:16,199 Speaker 1: idea of a situation or this thing is so insignificant 679 00:31:16,209 --> 00:31:18,719 Speaker 1: to you, but it has ruled over someone else's life 680 00:31:18,729 --> 00:31:22,040 Speaker 1: for years. Right? Yeah. So at the end of the day, 681 00:31:22,050 --> 00:31:24,670 Speaker 1: I think if you find yourself in a situation where 682 00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:26,130 Speaker 1: you have a mingle in your life or you are 683 00:31:26,140 --> 00:31:26,939 Speaker 1: the mean girl 684 00:31:27,239 --> 00:31:29,290 Speaker 1: reflect on that. Um And as I think we will 685 00:31:29,300 --> 00:31:30,260 Speaker 1: be doing as well, 686 00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,329 Speaker 2: right? So as you Joe, if you have any thoughts 687 00:31:32,339 --> 00:31:34,459 Speaker 2: about this episode, feel free to reach out to us 688 00:31:34,469 --> 00:31:37,300 Speaker 2: on Instagram. OK. At its Clarity dot co Yes, 689 00:31:37,310 --> 00:31:39,369 Speaker 1: that's right. You can listen to us on Spotify. We 690 00:31:39,380 --> 00:31:43,810 Speaker 1: listen Apple Podcast. Don't forget to turn on your notifications, ok? 691 00:31:43,819 --> 00:31:45,390 Speaker 1: And we're on youtube as well. We're in our mean 692 00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,739 Speaker 1: girls outfits. It's Wednesday and we're wearing pig. Yeah. 693 00:31:48,290 --> 00:31:49,319 Speaker 2: Thank you for listening. 694 00:31:49,329 --> 00:31:52,199 Speaker 1: I'm Hazel. I'm Azura. I'm Jemaine and I'm so glad 695 00:31:52,209 --> 00:31:53,910 Speaker 1: that Azura did not cut out holes in her T 696 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,550 Speaker 1: shirt for this mean girl thing. She did. She did, 697 00:31:56,709 --> 00:31:58,060 Speaker 1: she actually did.