Speaker 1: I say so.
Speaker 2: Hey
Speaker 2: Cesara and I'm Jermaine
Speaker 1: and welcome back to another episode of Clarities.
Speaker 1: Now, today's topic, I think that no matter what age
Speaker 1: you are at, be whether you're a primary school student,
Speaker 1: secondary school student, JC Pay or uni student, or if
Speaker 1: you have been in the workforce for some time, you
Speaker 1: can totally relate.
Speaker 2: That is right. We've talked a lot about friendships in
Speaker 2: the past. We've talked about friendship breakups. You can go
Speaker 2: listen to those episodes, but today we're talking about low
Speaker 2: maintenance friendships. The friends that you don't text all the time,
Speaker 2: you don't see all the time.
Speaker 2: But are still your friends.
Speaker 1: I think effortless is the key word here.
Speaker 2: Effortless is good. We like that, no.
Speaker 1: Actually I feel like our friendship is pretty low maintenance.
Speaker 2: I think
Speaker 2: what we have on the couch here is low maintenance.
Speaker 2: Very true, very true. But what does a low maintenance
Speaker 2: friendship mean to you? So Hazy said effortless. I think
Speaker 2: it's even if you don't speak to each other as
Speaker 2: much or see each other as much, every time you do,
Speaker 2: it feels
Speaker 2: Like nothing has changed, like no time has passed. But
Speaker 2: at the same time, no one is pressuring you amidst
Speaker 2: your daily busy life to like put in more effort,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean? That's why I think friendships
Speaker 2: are a lot easier to maintain than relationships, very different
Speaker 2: friendships are like, oh, you don't have to pander to
Speaker 2: the person all the time, like make sure they're OK.
Speaker 2: You know they're OK, but here's what low maintenance friendships are.
Speaker 2: It requires very little effort, right, little care to keep
Speaker 2: it in good condition.
Speaker 2: So it would be the one where you just don't
Speaker 2: have to do too much to maintain that friendship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can accept this in friends but not in my relationship,
Speaker 1: of course, for good reason, right? I have a very
Speaker 1: good friend, we are besties since uni times, right? We
Speaker 1: don't go out very often, maybe like 3 to 4
Speaker 1: times a year. That's OK.
Speaker 2: That's OK. That's normal,
Speaker 1: I feel like
Speaker 1: Too little, like we should be spending more time together.
Speaker 2: We've had
Speaker 2: one lunch in like one year. That happened yesterday, by
Speaker 2: the way. I think as adults, we always feel, especially
Speaker 2: when you do see that friend, then you'll always say
Speaker 2: we should do this more often. We shouldn't wait until
Speaker 2: like I don't say that because I don't want to
Speaker 1: say that as like a sort of formality. I
Speaker 2: do
Speaker 1: this
Speaker 2: more
Speaker 2: often.
Speaker 2: I don't think we should do it more often, so
Speaker 2: I don't think we should say that. I just say like, OK, yeah,
Speaker 2: I see you next time or whenever that may be.
Speaker 2: But I have my gripes with low maintenance friendships. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but hey, you were talking about your friend. OK,
Speaker 1: so we meet like maybe 3 or 4 times every year,
Speaker 1: but she's the sweetest, you know, like every New Year,
Speaker 1: Christmas and my birthday, she would send me a text,
Speaker 1: like a long paragraph of text on the dot. And
Speaker 1: like that's so sweet, isn't it? That's so
Speaker 2: sweet. I don't even text some of my friends happy
Speaker 2: New Year.
Speaker 1: It doesn't take much to craft the text, and her
Speaker 1: text comes with like, you know, you are a really
Speaker 1: amazing person. I wish you all the best in the
Speaker 1: coming year. It's like those heartfelt texts that she puts
Speaker 1: in time and effort to type.
Speaker 2: Very sweet. Actually my best friend and I are a
Speaker 2: little bit like that where we talk a lot of nonsense,
Speaker 2: but we don't have to talk every day. I don't
Speaker 2: see her very much actually because I think we're both
Speaker 2: very busy. I actually don't know who.
Speaker 2: Z's best friend is just because she has so many friends. Yeah.
Speaker 2: In fact, she's supposed to be in labor as we speak,
Speaker 2: but she's not. Oh, I share with the baby. So
Speaker 2: two days ago was the EDD, um, and I know
Speaker 2: she would tell me first, but I didn't hear anything.
Speaker 2: So yesterday I texted her and I was like, actually
Speaker 2: what is going on? Are you in labor? She was like, No,
Speaker 2: you don't want to come out, so I'm just sitting here.
Speaker 2: I think I have a similar, you know, kind of
Speaker 2: like relationship with some of my bestest friends. They don't
Speaker 2: live here, unfortunately. So yeah, Jermaine doesn't live here, you know,
Speaker 2: I have another friend Andrew who doesn't live here anymore
Speaker 2: as well. So when we do get to meet, it's
Speaker 2: even more precious, precious the time, but it doesn't mean that, oh,
Speaker 2: every day we have to text in order to stay friends.
Speaker 2: Every week we have to call in order to stay friends.
Speaker 2: I know that no matter
Speaker 2: So what happens, right? hell or high water, they will
Speaker 2: be there whenever I need them, correct? Yeah. OK,
Speaker 1: so
Speaker 1: here's the question. Is this still considered a low maintenance
Speaker 1: friendship if no effort is being put in on both
Speaker 1: parties end?
Speaker 2: So this is the flip side of low maintenance friendships
Speaker 2: that you know, low maintenance can be good, can also
Speaker 2: be bad. I think that that is not a low
Speaker 2: maintenance friendship. I think that is a one-sided friendship. I
Speaker 2: used to think that
Speaker 2: You know I had a friend who was like a
Speaker 2: low maintenance friend. Like, you know, I wouldn't consider her
Speaker 2: one of my very close friends, but I just be like, OK,
Speaker 2: I see her, you know, 2 or 3 times a year.
Speaker 2: I would make an effort to take her out for
Speaker 2: her birthday. I'd be like, oh, happy birthday, please let
Speaker 2: me take you out for a meal. And last year
Speaker 2: I noticed when my birthday rolled around, she didn't do
Speaker 2: the same. She didn't do the same and I know
Speaker 2: maybe it's my fault. I shouldn't be.
Speaker 2: it, but she didn't even like offer like, hey, you know,
Speaker 2: let's catch up for your birthday. So she did wish me,
Speaker 2: but it's like how much does it take to wish,
Speaker 2: you know, it's not about monetary or time or effort.
Speaker 2: It's about the yeah, it's about, OK, then I kind
Speaker 2: of feel like I don't want to maintain that friendship anymore.
Speaker 2: Am I a bad person
Speaker 2: for thinking that?
Speaker 1: No, not at all, because I am.
Speaker 1: Um, on the flip side for this one, so there
Speaker 1: is a friend, he's a guy, and every year we
Speaker 1: meet up two times, one time for his birthday, one
Speaker 1: time for my birthday. But, as time
Speaker 2: passes
Speaker 1: by, I realized that maybe this meet up with him
Speaker 1: doesn't really add value to my life anymore. Like I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm fine being just acquaintances with this person.
Speaker 1: So he still did ask me out for my birthday,
Speaker 1: like we're going out for a meal, but
Speaker 1: When his birthday came, I didn't do the same to him,
Speaker 1: and I asked myself, oh my God, I feel so guilty,
Speaker 1: but do I really have that time and that mental
Speaker 1: energy to spend on a meal with this person?
Speaker 2: That's true.
Speaker 1: So you might think it's just lunch, right? How long
Speaker 1: can it take 2 hours at best?
Speaker 2: But
Speaker 2: no, I think time is very precious. It's
Speaker 1: a mental
Speaker 1: capacity, you
Speaker 2: see. No, it's true. I think maybe.
Speaker 2: It's an energy thing as well. If you're a bit
Speaker 2: reluctant to spend your energy there, maybe there's something. I
Speaker 2: also think that as you grow up, right, especially in
Speaker 2: your twenties, you tend to outgrow certain friends just because
Speaker 2: everyone matures at a different rate. Sometimes people that you
Speaker 2: used to hang out with and really, really, really love
Speaker 2: hanging out with, like you don't anymore and it's OK
Speaker 2: to be honest with yourself about that and you can
Speaker 2: still
Speaker 2: Love them in the heart of hearts don't see them
Speaker 2: all the time or like, you know, yeah, so I
Speaker 2: enjoy low maintenance friendships, right, because let me give you
Speaker 2: an example. When I was a little bit younger, I
Speaker 2: had a group of friends and it was a very
Speaker 2: high maintenance friendship, not with everybody, but you know how
Speaker 2: in a group of friends, there are a couple of
Speaker 2: you who will see each other more often, and whenever
Speaker 2: I was busy and couldn't make it, I would be
Speaker 2: made to feel bad about it. Oh, like guilt trip
Speaker 2: you a little.
Speaker 2: No time for, but it felt that way. Like you're
Speaker 2: pressured to show up and because of that, I feel
Speaker 2: like I've really got no energy for like high maintenance friendships,
Speaker 2: you know, like I don't think anyone should be pressured
Speaker 2: to like, oh no, they're meeting up if I can't
Speaker 2: be there and I really can't be there, but then
Speaker 2: I'll feel like shit about it. Like they don't want
Speaker 2: to be friends with me anymore. That's crazy. And then
Speaker 2: you'll feel pressured into like, can I move things around?
Speaker 2: Can
Speaker 1: I but on the other hand,
Speaker 1: What would your friends be thinking? Oh, we always make
Speaker 1: time for this gathering, but Azura is always busy,
Speaker 2: but not all the time maybe like 1 in 3
Speaker 2: times I really can't. Sometimes I think it's also about expectations, right?
Speaker 2: Like when you go into a friendship, I think when
Speaker 2: it comes to low maintenance friendships or high maintenance friendships,
Speaker 2: what really counts is if this friend can be there
Speaker 2: for you in your time of need, like if you
Speaker 2: really need help and you call right or you text
Speaker 2: like hey, I really need your help.
Speaker 2: Are they going to be there for you? It's not
Speaker 2: about the, oh, you know, let's have lunch like during
Speaker 2: our lunchtime or whatever it is, or let's go see
Speaker 2: this event or go to the shops or whatever.
Speaker 1: But I believe everybody thinks differently. Like, I think it's
Speaker 1: safe to say all of us here on this couch,
Speaker 1: we are for low maintenance relationships, friendships in this case.
Speaker 1: That's because the nature of our work is always so busy,
Speaker 1: we're constantly like packed with shoots, but I always think
Speaker 1: from my friend's point of view, right, let's say my friend,
Speaker 1: one of my
Speaker 1: friends, she works a 9 to 5. Would she crave
Speaker 1: for a different kind of friendship that I'm looking for?
Speaker 1: Like
Speaker 2: would you
Speaker 2: wish that you had more time
Speaker 2: for her,
Speaker 1: right? I think it also boils down to like a
Speaker 1: lifestyle kind of question. What's the lifestyle that you adopt?
Speaker 1: But don't you think it's just easier and easier to
Speaker 1: accept low maintenance friendships as you grow older? Yeah,
Speaker 2: because you have less time, you have less energy to
Speaker 2: give to everyone. I mean, it's very different when you're
Speaker 2: in school because you're hanging out with each other all
Speaker 2: the time.
Speaker 2: So you're already in that friendship all the time, but
Speaker 2: as you grow up, you have responsibilities, some people have families,
Speaker 2: you know, it is easier to accept. It's very funny
Speaker 2: because I think at this age I realize more friends,
Speaker 2: you know, trying to sleep earlier, trying to do more.
Speaker 2: Within the day,
Speaker 1: especially if you have a family, how do you not
Speaker 1: sleep earlier? You have to wake up so early to
Speaker 1: send your kids to school,
Speaker 2: right? And I think people just have so many things
Speaker 2: that they are caught up with, right, that at this age,
Speaker 2: no one really comes to you and like, Hey, you
Speaker 2: don't see me every week, you know, no one's really
Speaker 2: going to say that to you. Well, there's someone here
Speaker 2: from Reddit who I think is more in the like
Speaker 2: high maintenance friendship camp. OK.
Speaker 2: girls think. This person says, I lost a lot of
Speaker 2: friendships as I think I'm kind of on the clingy side.
Speaker 2: I understand that we may not always get to chat
Speaker 2: regularly because life gets busy, but sometimes I feel like
Speaker 2: it's a one way road and I get tired of
Speaker 2: reaching out. I always feel like I'm a bother and
Speaker 2: I'm pushing the other friend and the other party just
Speaker 2: thinks that I am a chore and they just want
Speaker 2: to get on with their own life. So this is
Speaker 2: very draining for me.
Speaker 1: Maybe you just need to fall in love.
Speaker 1: You need to channel your emotions and your energy somewhere else.
Speaker 1: I mean, don't you agree?
Speaker 2: Adopt a dog, do something. But if it's really the
Speaker 2: way this person is saying it right, then it sounds
Speaker 2: a little bit like there's nothing wrong with reaching out
Speaker 2: every once in a while. I mean this person never
Speaker 2: see how often or like it sounds like she's not
Speaker 2: asking for anything when she reaches out, you know, and
Speaker 2: I think if if that's the case, then it's a
Speaker 2: bit one-sided because she's saying that the other.
Speaker 2: person doesn't reach out, doesn't make the first move, like
Speaker 2: check in on
Speaker 2: her.
Speaker 1: So is it to say that if you are the
Speaker 1: one reaching out, you must also be ready for the
Speaker 1: other party to reject you for that time, for example,
Speaker 1: if you're asking him or her out for lunch. I
Speaker 1: think
Speaker 2: you
Speaker 1: need
Speaker 2: to communicate, right? You need to agree like, OK, what
Speaker 2: kind of friendship is this, but most people don't do that.
Speaker 2: It's quite awkward, right? To go to your friend and
Speaker 2: be like, what is this? What are we? What are we? Yeah,
Speaker 2: like you know how many times do you really want
Speaker 2: to meet a year like no one does that.
Speaker 2: No one does that. People just ghost. Like you just
Speaker 2: ghost if the friend is not that important, you just
Speaker 2: be like, stop talking to them.
Speaker 1: OK, let me tell you what happened to me just
Speaker 1: last week, OK? So I have a group of friends,
Speaker 1: they are my JC friends. We are a click of 5,
Speaker 1: and we had arranged to meet on this day for
Speaker 1: like the longest time, and because of me, they pushed
Speaker 1: back the date, and because of me, we changed the
Speaker 1: venue to a shopping mall that was close to where
Speaker 1: my hosting gig was. So they really like make a
Speaker 1: lot of accommodations for me.
Speaker 1: That they rolled around last minute, really, I don't know
Speaker 1: why it's so jinx at the very last minute, a
Speaker 1: work gig came in.
Speaker 1: And I told my boss, I said, Yo, sorry, I
Speaker 1: really can't take this up. I have a dinner appointment already.
Speaker 1: And then my boss was like, OK, what if you
Speaker 1: push it back to 10:30 after dinner, you come. OK,
Speaker 1: so this is when I'm like literally at the crossroads.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, ah, there's money to earn. OK, it's a
Speaker 1: job opportunity after all, it's exposure, do I want?
Speaker 1: Yes, I do, but do I want to spend time
Speaker 1: with my girlfriends? Yes, I do as well. But can
Speaker 1: I just quickly do the dinner and then go for
Speaker 1: the gig? What would they think if I had to
Speaker 1: leave dinner early? Right? So I actually spoke to one
Speaker 1: of my girls in the clique and I told her
Speaker 1: this situation and I asked her what should I do.
Speaker 1: She immediately said, go for a gig. I mean, we
Speaker 1: can see each other so often, we all stay around
Speaker 1: the same area. It's not hard for us to meet up.
Speaker 1: Actually it's quite hard. We only meet that few times
Speaker 1: a year, but I knew she said that to make
Speaker 1: me feel better.
Speaker 1: So after she said that, I was like, OK, let
Speaker 1: me tell the rest of the girls in the group
Speaker 1: chat that. So I told them the situation the group chat,
Speaker 1: nobody replied to me.
Speaker 1: So I don't know whether they are like a rat,
Speaker 1: oh OK, Hazy got to go early. OK, no problem, sure.
Speaker 1: Then they put their phone down, that kind of like
Speaker 1: no reply, or do they feel like
Speaker 1: Why do you have to leave early
Speaker 1: again?
Speaker 2: But did you see them? I did, I did.
Speaker 1: The conversation went OK. Like everyone was happy,
Speaker 2: but did you leave early or like everyone kind of
Speaker 2: left around the same time. So because I
Speaker 1: had to leave early, right, then let's all go together.
Speaker 1: Then we all went home. Yeah, but this is a
Speaker 1: low maintenance friendship that I am honestly very thankful for.
Speaker 1: Rose Rivers.
Speaker 1: I would have told any other girl in that clique
Speaker 1: to do the same, like go for your work thing,
Speaker 1: you know, now is the age to. If not now,
Speaker 1: when?
Speaker 2: That's true. I think most of my friends, like good
Speaker 2: friends would say that as well, but you feel so real.
Speaker 2: And of course, especially because you know you've rescheduled, you
Speaker 2: know how hard it is for everybody to find a date.
Speaker 2: You almost like don't want to inconvenience people.
Speaker 2: But sometimes it just happens. So this person on Reddit
Speaker 2: actually said I recently lost a close friend because I
Speaker 2: felt like they would only speak to me when it
Speaker 2: was convenient for them. I felt like deep down I
Speaker 2: was the only one maintaining the friendship and I started
Speaker 2: distancing myself when I felt like they only fit me
Speaker 2: into their schedule like an obligation and not like they
Speaker 2: actually want to meet me.
Speaker 2: After I got the guts to speak up and told
Speaker 2: them my feelings about it, they started posting all this
Speaker 2: cryptic stuff about how only low maintenance friendships survive. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so that's what happened to this person. Then
Speaker 1: I
Speaker 1: think they are not the friends that you would want
Speaker 1: in your life. We always go back to this phrase
Speaker 1: on Hash podcast for a season, for a reason, or
Speaker 1: for a lifetime. Maybe these friends just serve you for
Speaker 1: a season and they are in your life for a
Speaker 1: reason like now you have found out that reason.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's better for you to move on to find
Speaker 1: friends that will serve you for a lifetime.
Speaker 2: They're
Speaker 2: not bad people. Yeah, they're not. You're just not aligned. Correct.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's anyone's fault because maybe they're just
Speaker 2: looking for something else and you're looking for something else.
Speaker 2: Because then again, even if you say low maintenance, I
Speaker 2: think everybody has a different definition of low maintenance. Do
Speaker 2: you guys have this thing like friendship tiers, like in
Speaker 2: your own head, you have friendship tiers, you have like
Speaker 2: best friends, then you have close friends, then you have
Speaker 2: friends tier one, then you have friends tier two, then
Speaker 2: you have like acquaintances. I feel like people who plan
Speaker 2: their weddings like really have to put this down.
Speaker 1: I was going to say this, like imagine you're holding
Speaker 1: a wedding banquet. Who would you invite list of people,
Speaker 1: they are your like top tier friends, which you two are,
Speaker 1: by the way. If I get married too much I
Speaker 1: should invite
Speaker 2: you to. We are on the PR list.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. So I kind of think like in your
Speaker 2: mind you kind of have that. You can't have everyone
Speaker 2: be your close friend. It's not possible. Yeah. On average,
Speaker 2: a person scientifically has about 3 to 5 close, close friends.
Speaker 2: Oh really? Yeah, so if you have like 50 close friends,
Speaker 2: there may be something that you need to kind of
Speaker 2: Yeah,
Speaker 1: people that I would turn to when I really need them,
Speaker 1: not a lot, honestly. I have a lot of people
Speaker 1: I talk to on a day to day
Speaker 1: basis,
Speaker 2: which is like the tier one and tier two.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but they are not like the top tier kind
Speaker 1: of friends, which I'm sure I'm not for them as well,
Speaker 1: and there's nothing wrong with it. It's just everybody has
Speaker 1: different schedule
Speaker 2: when you are someone's close friend, but they are not
Speaker 2: your close friends, and it's like very awkward, you know.
Speaker 2: I feel like the top of the triangle is people
Speaker 2: that you barely have any photos with. I mean, the
Speaker 2: closer you are, the lesser photos you have with each other.
Speaker 2: So true. I love this from PD Nick, and I
Speaker 2: feel like I want to do it too. OK. It's
Speaker 2: very interesting. She says that she and her friends are
Speaker 2: all grown now, obviously. They met in school and they
Speaker 2: don't have the time to meet as often, but they
Speaker 2: try to celebrate like birthdays and stuff with each other.
Speaker 2: But they try to meet at least once a month,
Speaker 2: which is great. What they did is they have a
Speaker 2: telegram group chat and they have a bot. You guys
Speaker 2: know Telegram bots, right? It automatically sends questions every day for,
Speaker 2: you know, her and her friends to answer daily.
Speaker 2: So it keeps the conversation. It's just like very random questions,
Speaker 2: you know, like what's your travel bucket list for this year,
Speaker 2: random questions, and she says they've been friends for 14
Speaker 2: years and going strong. Maybe we should have that none
Speaker 2: of us would reply.
Speaker 1: None of that. That's so true. But this is a
Speaker 1: friendship that's super rare and not everybody has the luck
Speaker 1: to chance upon such friendships, you know. OK, so do
Speaker 1: you guys think low maintenance friendships are easy to maintain
Speaker 1: or not?
Speaker 1: Honestly, the term low maintenance friendships is supposedly easy to maintain,
Speaker 1: but then you got to take care of your friend's
Speaker 1: emotional needs. Does she think you're ghosting her too much?
Speaker 1: Yada yada, this and that, that makes it more tiring sometimes.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's just low maintenance does not mean no effort
Speaker 2: and that's what people need to understand, right? And maybe
Speaker 2: sometimes we forget. I think in certain phases of our life,
Speaker 2: especially when, you know, maybe you've got things going on,
Speaker 2: you're in a frazzle half the time, you don't have
Speaker 2: very much bandwidth to think about this kind of things
Speaker 2: or reach out to your friends. Do they understand?
Speaker 2: Um, can they, because it's like a relationship, right? If
Speaker 2: I can't bring the 50, can you cover for me?
Speaker 2: I try to be very honest about that. Like if
Speaker 2: I'm not feeling good, I'm going through a very tough period.
Speaker 2: I'll just try to tell close friends and I'll just
Speaker 2: say I'm not doing well, I may not reach out
Speaker 2: and I'm not like ghosting or whatever. I'm fine. I
Speaker 2: just like cannot deal with life at the moment. So
Speaker 2: I just tell them that. But I think similarly it's
Speaker 2: very important for you to also reach out even if
Speaker 2: it's a low maintenance friendship, don't.
Speaker 2: I always think like, oh, that person will just text me.
Speaker 2: Sometimes if you think of them or something reminds you
Speaker 2: of them in your day, just say, Hey, I was
Speaker 2: thinking about you today. That actually goes a very long way.
Speaker 1: So if you are listening to this podcast and you
Speaker 1: have that one low maintenance friend, here are some signs
Speaker 1: for you to better understand him or her. OK, it's
Speaker 1: not that he or she is not putting in effort
Speaker 1: or not emotionally supporting you. Maybe he just needs his
Speaker 1: own space. What are some signs that maybe your low
Speaker 1: maintenance friend needs to support.
Speaker 1: If you see like he or she is not really
Speaker 1: posting as often anymore on social media, could it be
Speaker 1: that this person is in a dark
Speaker 2: place or a lot of posts and she's doing just fine.
Speaker 2: I know on my heart that she's fine. In fact,
Speaker 2: the less she posts, the better she is. Oh, it's true,
Speaker 2: it's true. Maybe if your friends suddenly start postings like. Well, OK,
Speaker 2: so when it comes to low maintenance friendships, what are
Speaker 2: Best practices. Well, I think like we said, always make
Speaker 2: sure that you know you're trying to be in tune
Speaker 2: with your friend. If you notice anything off, right, maybe
Speaker 2: try to reach out, especially if you really love this person,
Speaker 2: try to reach them. Yeah, I think we should also
Speaker 2: listen when they say something, you know, because you're already
Speaker 2: not in communication all the time. Yeah, so you know,
Speaker 2: it's not just about like hearing out the person, but
Speaker 2: you got to listen actively as well, so you are
Speaker 2: still on top of their lives, you know,
Speaker 1: and I feel like every time you meet.
Speaker 1: you got to reassess your relationship and your friendship. What
Speaker 1: sort of like phase in life are they at right now,
Speaker 1: or what do they need and maybe sort of adjust
Speaker 1: your expectations a little
Speaker 1: bit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and always remember that you know the small little
Speaker 2: things that make them feel like, oh, you're thinking about me,
Speaker 2: those go a really long way, like maybe you're overseas
Speaker 2: and you see something that really reminds you of them
Speaker 2: and you just buy it back and you give it
Speaker 2: to them the next time you see them. It could
Speaker 2: be 6 months from now, but just that thought is just.
Speaker 1: So sweet. I got something even simpler. This is my
Speaker 1: one tip out there for every low maintenance friendship.
Speaker 2: I reels, sorry, no, no, no, I beg to differ.
Speaker 2: I received so many IG reels from this one girlfriend.
Speaker 2: Like I don't even have time to watch them all.
Speaker 2: It's not you. No, like she would just send and
Speaker 2: I just think she's just sending, I just don't even,
Speaker 2: I don't even reply.
Speaker 1: No, I feel like if you see this view and
Speaker 1: it reminds you of a close friend, then you just,
Speaker 1: you don't have to type anything. You just send sparingly
Speaker 2: it's OK. You're entitled one reel every 3 days. OK,
Speaker 2: that's it.
Speaker 1: No,
Speaker 2: but she sends me like 5 reels a day. 1
Speaker 2: every 3 days is OK. 1 every 3 days I
Speaker 2: will watch 1 every 1 day. I might not watch them.
Speaker 2: There's a limit to how many reels you can send
Speaker 2: the stuff that she sends me and I send her
Speaker 2: is usually like getting drunk at 80 together, it's like
Speaker 2: once every 3 months, yeah, something like that. So please,
Speaker 2: please don't bombard your friends with reels.
Speaker 1: But OK, that's still going to be my tip. Any
Speaker 1: tips for low maintenance friendships?
Speaker 2: I think you.
Speaker 2: Respect each other's boundaries and you make it known that
Speaker 2: you're there for each other, but at the same time
Speaker 2: there's no pressure because I think you never know what's
Speaker 2: really on that person's plate and pressure I think is
Speaker 2: maybe the last thing they need uncalled for. Well, my
Speaker 2: tip is to just, you know, stay in touch with them.
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, social media is very addictive, but it's also a
Speaker 2: very good way to know what your friends are up to.
Speaker 2: And you know, remember, like, you know, when you see
Speaker 2: them be like, Hey, I saw a couple of months
Speaker 2: ago you went to like Japan, like how was it?
Speaker 2: You know, those small things really go a long way. Wait,
Speaker 1: I
Speaker 1: just thought of one last very useful tip. You know
Speaker 1: that now like on messaging platforms, you can schedule a message. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I think one very effective way is to schedule
Speaker 1: a message way ahead of your friend's birthday or like whatever.
Speaker 1: Type a message and then scheduled to be sent on
Speaker 1: her birthday at midnight at midnight. Then you'd be
Speaker 2: like, oh thank you for remembering.
Speaker 1: I'm sleeping. I know maybe that comes across as a
Speaker 1: bit insincere, but if you know that you will forget,
Speaker 1: better schedule than miss
Speaker 1: the whole day, right?
Speaker 2: That's true. That's true. Is it? You think so? OK,
Speaker 2: I have a final story which just happened to me recently.
Speaker 2: So basically, um.
Speaker 2: Many many years ago, I had a friend and we
Speaker 2: were pretty close. Actually we met by chance and I
Speaker 2: think it just so happened that we were going through
Speaker 2: a very strange phase of life and we happened to
Speaker 2: be there for each other. So eventually everybody had their
Speaker 2: own lives and it was no love lost, but just
Speaker 2: we sort of lost contact. Not really. I mean we're
Speaker 2: still on Instagram, right? And then last week I bumped
Speaker 2: into her by pure accident.
Speaker 2: And I haven't seen this person in like a couple
Speaker 2: of years now. And something about it felt so bittersweet,
Speaker 2: I think. It felt like really like no love lost. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but it felt like, wow, I've missed so many things
Speaker 2: that has happened in your life and so have you.
Speaker 2: And it just felt like, but we still sort of
Speaker 2: know what was going on and it was really like
Speaker 2: a
Speaker 2: Are you OK?
Speaker 1: I like that. That's so
Speaker 2: sweet. That's the only kind of feeling that you can
Speaker 2: get from a very old friend.
Speaker 1: I agree. So if you are tuning into this episode,
Speaker 1: maybe this is a sign for you to drop your
Speaker 1: low maintenance friend a text just to check in on
Speaker 1: him or her, just to ask how he or she
Speaker 1: is doing and maybe get that lunch down soon.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So if you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to
Speaker 1: follow us on Instagram at it's clarity.com.
Speaker 2: That's right, you can listen to us on me listen
Speaker 2: to Spotify, Apple podcast. We're not very low maintenance. We
Speaker 2: post every week. And of course we're on YouTube as well. Well,
Speaker 2: hope that you guys, you know, go forth and let
Speaker 2: your friendships blossom.
Speaker 1: We'll
Speaker 2: see you next
Speaker 1: time. Bye.