1 00:00:00,009 --> 00:00:00,709 Speaker 1: I say so. 2 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:00,959 Speaker 2: Hey 3 00:00:00,959 --> 00:00:02,160 Speaker 2: Cesara and I'm Jermaine 4 00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:04,429 Speaker 1: and welcome back to another episode of Clarities. 5 00:00:06,530 --> 00:00:09,609 Speaker 1: Now, today's topic, I think that no matter what age 6 00:00:09,609 --> 00:00:12,119 Speaker 1: you are at, be whether you're a primary school student, 7 00:00:12,289 --> 00:00:15,850 Speaker 1: secondary school student, JC Pay or uni student, or if 8 00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:17,889 Speaker 1: you have been in the workforce for some time, you 9 00:00:17,889 --> 00:00:19,280 Speaker 1: can totally relate. 10 00:00:19,409 --> 00:00:22,250 Speaker 2: That is right. We've talked a lot about friendships in 11 00:00:22,250 --> 00:00:24,770 Speaker 2: the past. We've talked about friendship breakups. You can go 12 00:00:24,770 --> 00:00:28,090 Speaker 2: listen to those episodes, but today we're talking about low 13 00:00:28,090 --> 00:00:33,019 Speaker 2: maintenance friendships. The friends that you don't text all the time, 14 00:00:33,209 --> 00:00:34,839 Speaker 2: you don't see all the time. 15 00:00:35,119 --> 00:00:37,028 Speaker 2: But are still your friends. 16 00:00:37,139 --> 00:00:39,060 Speaker 1: I think effortless is the key word here. 17 00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:40,900 Speaker 2: Effortless is good. We like that, no. 18 00:00:41,020 --> 00:00:43,430 Speaker 1: Actually I feel like our friendship is pretty low maintenance. 19 00:00:43,540 --> 00:00:44,220 Speaker 2: I think 20 00:00:44,220 --> 00:00:45,939 Speaker 2: what we have on the couch here is low maintenance. 21 00:00:46,860 --> 00:00:49,778 Speaker 2: Very true, very true. But what does a low maintenance 22 00:00:49,779 --> 00:00:53,970 Speaker 2: friendship mean to you? So Hazy said effortless. I think 23 00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:58,450 Speaker 2: it's even if you don't speak to each other as 24 00:00:58,450 --> 00:01:02,250 Speaker 2: much or see each other as much, every time you do, 25 00:01:02,340 --> 00:01:03,590 Speaker 2: it feels 26 00:01:03,639 --> 00:01:06,910 Speaker 2: Like nothing has changed, like no time has passed. But 27 00:01:06,910 --> 00:01:09,790 Speaker 2: at the same time, no one is pressuring you amidst 28 00:01:09,790 --> 00:01:12,550 Speaker 2: your daily busy life to like put in more effort, 29 00:01:12,669 --> 00:01:14,709 Speaker 2: you know what I mean? That's why I think friendships 30 00:01:14,709 --> 00:01:18,669 Speaker 2: are a lot easier to maintain than relationships, very different 31 00:01:18,669 --> 00:01:20,870 Speaker 2: friendships are like, oh, you don't have to pander to 32 00:01:20,870 --> 00:01:22,910 Speaker 2: the person all the time, like make sure they're OK. 33 00:01:23,110 --> 00:01:26,459 Speaker 2: You know they're OK, but here's what low maintenance friendships are. 34 00:01:26,589 --> 00:01:30,940 Speaker 2: It requires very little effort, right, little care to keep 35 00:01:30,940 --> 00:01:32,150 Speaker 2: it in good condition. 36 00:01:32,389 --> 00:01:34,580 Speaker 2: So it would be the one where you just don't 37 00:01:34,580 --> 00:01:37,260 Speaker 2: have to do too much to maintain that friendship. Yeah, 38 00:01:38,019 --> 00:01:40,300 Speaker 1: I can accept this in friends but not in my relationship, 39 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:43,379 Speaker 1: of course, for good reason, right? I have a very 40 00:01:43,379 --> 00:01:46,300 Speaker 1: good friend, we are besties since uni times, right? We 41 00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:49,790 Speaker 1: don't go out very often, maybe like 3 to 4 42 00:01:49,790 --> 00:01:50,980 Speaker 1: times a year. That's OK. 43 00:01:51,339 --> 00:01:52,940 Speaker 2: That's OK. That's normal, 44 00:01:54,699 --> 00:01:55,110 Speaker 1: I feel like 45 00:01:55,163 --> 00:01:57,502 Speaker 1: Too little, like we should be spending more time together. 46 00:01:57,672 --> 00:01:58,072 Speaker 2: We've had 47 00:01:58,072 --> 00:02:01,333 Speaker 2: one lunch in like one year. That happened yesterday, by 48 00:02:01,333 --> 00:02:05,583 Speaker 2: the way. I think as adults, we always feel, especially 49 00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:07,583 Speaker 2: when you do see that friend, then you'll always say 50 00:02:07,583 --> 00:02:09,942 Speaker 2: we should do this more often. We shouldn't wait until 51 00:02:09,942 --> 00:02:13,512 Speaker 2: like I don't say that because I don't want to 52 00:02:13,513 --> 00:02:16,563 Speaker 1: say that as like a sort of formality. I 53 00:02:16,563 --> 00:02:16,712 Speaker 2: do 54 00:02:16,712 --> 00:02:16,873 Speaker 1: this 55 00:02:16,873 --> 00:02:17,082 Speaker 2: more 56 00:02:17,082 --> 00:02:17,423 Speaker 2: often. 57 00:02:17,936 --> 00:02:19,565 Speaker 2: I don't think we should do it more often, so 58 00:02:19,565 --> 00:02:22,166 Speaker 2: I don't think we should say that. I just say like, OK, yeah, 59 00:02:22,395 --> 00:02:24,675 Speaker 2: I see you next time or whenever that may be. 60 00:02:25,205 --> 00:02:27,925 Speaker 2: But I have my gripes with low maintenance friendships. Yeah, 61 00:02:28,035 --> 00:02:29,945 Speaker 2: but hey, you were talking about your friend. OK, 62 00:02:30,005 --> 00:02:31,886 Speaker 1: so we meet like maybe 3 or 4 times every year, 63 00:02:31,966 --> 00:02:35,345 Speaker 1: but she's the sweetest, you know, like every New Year, 64 00:02:35,686 --> 00:02:38,005 Speaker 1: Christmas and my birthday, she would send me a text, 65 00:02:38,166 --> 00:02:41,845 Speaker 1: like a long paragraph of text on the dot. And 66 00:02:41,845 --> 00:02:43,805 Speaker 1: like that's so sweet, isn't it? That's so 67 00:02:43,805 --> 00:02:46,365 Speaker 2: sweet. I don't even text some of my friends happy 68 00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:46,895 Speaker 2: New Year. 69 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,740 Speaker 1: It doesn't take much to craft the text, and her 70 00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:51,609 Speaker 1: text comes with like, you know, you are a really 71 00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:53,478 Speaker 1: amazing person. I wish you all the best in the 72 00:02:53,479 --> 00:02:55,800 Speaker 1: coming year. It's like those heartfelt texts that she puts 73 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,240 Speaker 1: in time and effort to type. 74 00:02:57,839 --> 00:03:00,160 Speaker 2: Very sweet. Actually my best friend and I are a 75 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,610 Speaker 2: little bit like that where we talk a lot of nonsense, 76 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,399 Speaker 2: but we don't have to talk every day. I don't 77 00:03:04,399 --> 00:03:06,279 Speaker 2: see her very much actually because I think we're both 78 00:03:06,279 --> 00:03:07,960 Speaker 2: very busy. I actually don't know who. 79 00:03:08,038 --> 00:03:11,220 Speaker 2: Z's best friend is just because she has so many friends. Yeah. 80 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:14,250 Speaker 2: In fact, she's supposed to be in labor as we speak, 81 00:03:14,389 --> 00:03:18,149 Speaker 2: but she's not. Oh, I share with the baby. So 82 00:03:18,149 --> 00:03:21,049 Speaker 2: two days ago was the EDD, um, and I know 83 00:03:21,050 --> 00:03:22,830 Speaker 2: she would tell me first, but I didn't hear anything. 84 00:03:22,910 --> 00:03:24,470 Speaker 2: So yesterday I texted her and I was like, actually 85 00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:26,470 Speaker 2: what is going on? Are you in labor? She was like, No, 86 00:03:26,710 --> 00:03:28,119 Speaker 2: you don't want to come out, so I'm just sitting here. 87 00:03:29,830 --> 00:03:31,910 Speaker 2: I think I have a similar, you know, kind of 88 00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:34,309 Speaker 2: like relationship with some of my bestest friends. They don't 89 00:03:34,309 --> 00:03:37,789 Speaker 2: live here, unfortunately. So yeah, Jermaine doesn't live here, you know, 90 00:03:37,830 --> 00:03:39,830 Speaker 2: I have another friend Andrew who doesn't live here anymore 91 00:03:39,830 --> 00:03:42,710 Speaker 2: as well. So when we do get to meet, it's 92 00:03:42,710 --> 00:03:47,059 Speaker 2: even more precious, precious the time, but it doesn't mean that, oh, 93 00:03:47,190 --> 00:03:50,100 Speaker 2: every day we have to text in order to stay friends. 94 00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,600 Speaker 2: Every week we have to call in order to stay friends. 95 00:03:52,869 --> 00:03:53,979 Speaker 2: I know that no matter 96 00:03:54,031 --> 00:03:56,861 Speaker 2: So what happens, right? hell or high water, they will 97 00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:59,662 Speaker 2: be there whenever I need them, correct? Yeah. OK, 98 00:03:59,822 --> 00:03:59,981 Speaker 1: so 99 00:03:59,981 --> 00:04:02,591 Speaker 1: here's the question. Is this still considered a low maintenance 100 00:04:02,591 --> 00:04:06,022 Speaker 1: friendship if no effort is being put in on both 101 00:04:06,022 --> 00:04:06,731 Speaker 1: parties end? 102 00:04:06,861 --> 00:04:09,701 Speaker 2: So this is the flip side of low maintenance friendships 103 00:04:09,701 --> 00:04:12,102 Speaker 2: that you know, low maintenance can be good, can also 104 00:04:12,102 --> 00:04:14,501 Speaker 2: be bad. I think that that is not a low 105 00:04:14,501 --> 00:04:17,582 Speaker 2: maintenance friendship. I think that is a one-sided friendship. I 106 00:04:17,582 --> 00:04:18,371 Speaker 2: used to think that 107 00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:20,092 Speaker 2: You know I had a friend who was like a 108 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,933 Speaker 2: low maintenance friend. Like, you know, I wouldn't consider her 109 00:04:22,933 --> 00:04:25,894 Speaker 2: one of my very close friends, but I just be like, OK, 110 00:04:26,014 --> 00:04:28,962 Speaker 2: I see her, you know, 2 or 3 times a year. 111 00:04:29,084 --> 00:04:31,174 Speaker 2: I would make an effort to take her out for 112 00:04:31,174 --> 00:04:33,614 Speaker 2: her birthday. I'd be like, oh, happy birthday, please let 113 00:04:33,613 --> 00:04:35,613 Speaker 2: me take you out for a meal. And last year 114 00:04:35,613 --> 00:04:39,053 Speaker 2: I noticed when my birthday rolled around, she didn't do 115 00:04:39,053 --> 00:04:41,174 Speaker 2: the same. She didn't do the same and I know 116 00:04:41,174 --> 00:04:42,652 Speaker 2: maybe it's my fault. I shouldn't be. 117 00:04:42,815 --> 00:04:46,385 Speaker 2: it, but she didn't even like offer like, hey, you know, 118 00:04:46,485 --> 00:04:51,765 Speaker 2: let's catch up for your birthday. So she did wish me, 119 00:04:52,246 --> 00:04:53,615 Speaker 2: but it's like how much does it take to wish, 120 00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:56,686 Speaker 2: you know, it's not about monetary or time or effort. 121 00:04:56,726 --> 00:05:00,325 Speaker 2: It's about the yeah, it's about, OK, then I kind 122 00:05:00,325 --> 00:05:02,675 Speaker 2: of feel like I don't want to maintain that friendship anymore. 123 00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:03,855 Speaker 2: Am I a bad person 124 00:05:03,855 --> 00:05:04,445 Speaker 2: for thinking that? 125 00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:07,045 Speaker 1: No, not at all, because I am. 126 00:05:07,369 --> 00:05:09,609 Speaker 1: Um, on the flip side for this one, so there 127 00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:12,029 Speaker 1: is a friend, he's a guy, and every year we 128 00:05:12,029 --> 00:05:13,950 Speaker 1: meet up two times, one time for his birthday, one 129 00:05:13,950 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 1: time for my birthday. But, as time 130 00:05:17,670 --> 00:05:18,160 Speaker 2: passes 131 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:21,029 Speaker 1: by, I realized that maybe this meet up with him 132 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:24,190 Speaker 1: doesn't really add value to my life anymore. Like I 133 00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:27,190 Speaker 1: feel like I'm fine being just acquaintances with this person. 134 00:05:27,630 --> 00:05:29,739 Speaker 1: So he still did ask me out for my birthday, 135 00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:31,299 Speaker 1: like we're going out for a meal, but 136 00:05:32,010 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 1: When his birthday came, I didn't do the same to him, 137 00:05:34,488 --> 00:05:37,260 Speaker 1: and I asked myself, oh my God, I feel so guilty, 138 00:05:37,299 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 1: but do I really have that time and that mental 139 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,079 Speaker 1: energy to spend on a meal with this person? 140 00:05:44,269 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 2: That's true. 141 00:05:44,890 --> 00:05:46,769 Speaker 1: So you might think it's just lunch, right? How long 142 00:05:46,769 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 1: can it take 2 hours at best? 143 00:05:48,450 --> 00:05:48,808 Speaker 2: But 144 00:05:48,809 --> 00:05:51,329 Speaker 2: no, I think time is very precious. It's 145 00:05:51,329 --> 00:05:51,730 Speaker 1: a mental 146 00:05:51,730 --> 00:05:52,808 Speaker 1: capacity, you 147 00:05:52,809 --> 00:05:54,988 Speaker 2: see. No, it's true. I think maybe. 148 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:58,250 Speaker 2: It's an energy thing as well. If you're a bit 149 00:05:58,250 --> 00:06:01,579 Speaker 2: reluctant to spend your energy there, maybe there's something. I 150 00:06:01,579 --> 00:06:04,540 Speaker 2: also think that as you grow up, right, especially in 151 00:06:04,540 --> 00:06:09,100 Speaker 2: your twenties, you tend to outgrow certain friends just because 152 00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:12,179 Speaker 2: everyone matures at a different rate. Sometimes people that you 153 00:06:12,178 --> 00:06:14,419 Speaker 2: used to hang out with and really, really, really love 154 00:06:14,420 --> 00:06:16,579 Speaker 2: hanging out with, like you don't anymore and it's OK 155 00:06:16,579 --> 00:06:18,899 Speaker 2: to be honest with yourself about that and you can 156 00:06:18,899 --> 00:06:19,290 Speaker 2: still 157 00:06:20,109 --> 00:06:22,989 Speaker 2: Love them in the heart of hearts don't see them 158 00:06:22,988 --> 00:06:26,070 Speaker 2: all the time or like, you know, yeah, so I 159 00:06:26,070 --> 00:06:28,659 Speaker 2: enjoy low maintenance friendships, right, because let me give you 160 00:06:28,660 --> 00:06:30,390 Speaker 2: an example. When I was a little bit younger, I 161 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,390 Speaker 2: had a group of friends and it was a very 162 00:06:32,390 --> 00:06:35,950 Speaker 2: high maintenance friendship, not with everybody, but you know how 163 00:06:35,950 --> 00:06:37,549 Speaker 2: in a group of friends, there are a couple of 164 00:06:37,549 --> 00:06:40,630 Speaker 2: you who will see each other more often, and whenever 165 00:06:40,630 --> 00:06:42,660 Speaker 2: I was busy and couldn't make it, I would be 166 00:06:42,660 --> 00:06:46,808 Speaker 2: made to feel bad about it. Oh, like guilt trip 167 00:06:46,809 --> 00:06:47,609 Speaker 2: you a little. 168 00:06:48,540 --> 00:06:52,690 Speaker 2: No time for, but it felt that way. Like you're 169 00:06:52,690 --> 00:06:55,809 Speaker 2: pressured to show up and because of that, I feel 170 00:06:55,809 --> 00:06:58,890 Speaker 2: like I've really got no energy for like high maintenance friendships, 171 00:06:58,928 --> 00:07:02,089 Speaker 2: you know, like I don't think anyone should be pressured 172 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:05,290 Speaker 2: to like, oh no, they're meeting up if I can't 173 00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:07,670 Speaker 2: be there and I really can't be there, but then 174 00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,649 Speaker 2: I'll feel like shit about it. Like they don't want 175 00:07:09,649 --> 00:07:11,970 Speaker 2: to be friends with me anymore. That's crazy. And then 176 00:07:11,970 --> 00:07:14,559 Speaker 2: you'll feel pressured into like, can I move things around? 177 00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:14,809 Speaker 2: Can 178 00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,170 Speaker 1: I but on the other hand, 179 00:07:17,279 --> 00:07:19,429 Speaker 1: What would your friends be thinking? Oh, we always make 180 00:07:19,429 --> 00:07:23,179 Speaker 1: time for this gathering, but Azura is always busy, 181 00:07:23,470 --> 00:07:25,829 Speaker 2: but not all the time maybe like 1 in 3 182 00:07:25,829 --> 00:07:30,769 Speaker 2: times I really can't. Sometimes I think it's also about expectations, right? 183 00:07:30,910 --> 00:07:32,910 Speaker 2: Like when you go into a friendship, I think when 184 00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:36,670 Speaker 2: it comes to low maintenance friendships or high maintenance friendships, 185 00:07:36,829 --> 00:07:39,839 Speaker 2: what really counts is if this friend can be there 186 00:07:39,839 --> 00:07:42,029 Speaker 2: for you in your time of need, like if you 187 00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,420 Speaker 2: really need help and you call right or you text 188 00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:45,829 Speaker 2: like hey, I really need your help. 189 00:07:46,019 --> 00:07:47,609 Speaker 2: Are they going to be there for you? It's not 190 00:07:47,609 --> 00:07:50,279 Speaker 2: about the, oh, you know, let's have lunch like during 191 00:07:50,279 --> 00:07:53,410 Speaker 2: our lunchtime or whatever it is, or let's go see 192 00:07:53,410 --> 00:07:56,100 Speaker 2: this event or go to the shops or whatever. 193 00:07:56,239 --> 00:07:58,890 Speaker 1: But I believe everybody thinks differently. Like, I think it's 194 00:07:58,890 --> 00:08:00,890 Speaker 1: safe to say all of us here on this couch, 195 00:08:01,170 --> 00:08:05,119 Speaker 1: we are for low maintenance relationships, friendships in this case. 196 00:08:05,329 --> 00:08:08,410 Speaker 1: That's because the nature of our work is always so busy, 197 00:08:08,450 --> 00:08:11,450 Speaker 1: we're constantly like packed with shoots, but I always think 198 00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:14,010 Speaker 1: from my friend's point of view, right, let's say my friend, 199 00:08:14,130 --> 00:08:14,709 Speaker 1: one of my 200 00:08:15,070 --> 00:08:18,828 Speaker 1: friends, she works a 9 to 5. Would she crave 201 00:08:18,829 --> 00:08:21,059 Speaker 1: for a different kind of friendship that I'm looking for? 202 00:08:21,190 --> 00:08:21,390 Speaker 1: Like 203 00:08:21,390 --> 00:08:21,790 Speaker 2: would you 204 00:08:21,790 --> 00:08:22,790 Speaker 2: wish that you had more time 205 00:08:22,790 --> 00:08:23,078 Speaker 2: for her, 206 00:08:24,230 --> 00:08:26,339 Speaker 1: right? I think it also boils down to like a 207 00:08:26,630 --> 00:08:30,029 Speaker 1: lifestyle kind of question. What's the lifestyle that you adopt? 208 00:08:30,109 --> 00:08:32,669 Speaker 1: But don't you think it's just easier and easier to 209 00:08:32,669 --> 00:08:35,530 Speaker 1: accept low maintenance friendships as you grow older? Yeah, 210 00:08:35,750 --> 00:08:38,909 Speaker 2: because you have less time, you have less energy to 211 00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:40,789 Speaker 2: give to everyone. I mean, it's very different when you're 212 00:08:40,789 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 2: in school because you're hanging out with each other all 213 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:43,390 Speaker 2: the time. 214 00:08:43,659 --> 00:08:46,719 Speaker 2: So you're already in that friendship all the time, but 215 00:08:46,719 --> 00:08:50,210 Speaker 2: as you grow up, you have responsibilities, some people have families, 216 00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:53,809 Speaker 2: you know, it is easier to accept. It's very funny 217 00:08:53,809 --> 00:08:56,330 Speaker 2: because I think at this age I realize more friends, 218 00:08:56,409 --> 00:08:59,929 Speaker 2: you know, trying to sleep earlier, trying to do more. 219 00:09:00,650 --> 00:09:01,500 Speaker 2: Within the day, 220 00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:05,229 Speaker 1: especially if you have a family, how do you not 221 00:09:05,229 --> 00:09:06,709 Speaker 1: sleep earlier? You have to wake up so early to 222 00:09:06,710 --> 00:09:07,390 Speaker 1: send your kids to school, 223 00:09:07,969 --> 00:09:09,709 Speaker 2: right? And I think people just have so many things 224 00:09:09,710 --> 00:09:12,630 Speaker 2: that they are caught up with, right, that at this age, 225 00:09:12,789 --> 00:09:15,190 Speaker 2: no one really comes to you and like, Hey, you 226 00:09:15,190 --> 00:09:18,140 Speaker 2: don't see me every week, you know, no one's really 227 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:20,309 Speaker 2: going to say that to you. Well, there's someone here 228 00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:23,190 Speaker 2: from Reddit who I think is more in the like 229 00:09:23,190 --> 00:09:25,440 Speaker 2: high maintenance friendship camp. OK. 230 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:28,239 Speaker 2: girls think. This person says, I lost a lot of 231 00:09:28,239 --> 00:09:30,989 Speaker 2: friendships as I think I'm kind of on the clingy side. 232 00:09:31,159 --> 00:09:33,440 Speaker 2: I understand that we may not always get to chat 233 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,520 Speaker 2: regularly because life gets busy, but sometimes I feel like 234 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,640 Speaker 2: it's a one way road and I get tired of 235 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,839 Speaker 2: reaching out. I always feel like I'm a bother and 236 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:44,229 Speaker 2: I'm pushing the other friend and the other party just 237 00:09:44,229 --> 00:09:47,320 Speaker 2: thinks that I am a chore and they just want 238 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,400 Speaker 2: to get on with their own life. So this is 239 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,000 Speaker 2: very draining for me. 240 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,830 Speaker 1: Maybe you just need to fall in love. 241 00:09:54,789 --> 00:09:58,789 Speaker 1: You need to channel your emotions and your energy somewhere else. 242 00:09:58,890 --> 00:09:59,780 Speaker 1: I mean, don't you agree? 243 00:09:59,919 --> 00:10:04,960 Speaker 2: Adopt a dog, do something. But if it's really the 244 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,669 Speaker 2: way this person is saying it right, then it sounds 245 00:10:07,669 --> 00:10:11,070 Speaker 2: a little bit like there's nothing wrong with reaching out 246 00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:12,559 Speaker 2: every once in a while. I mean this person never 247 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:14,919 Speaker 2: see how often or like it sounds like she's not 248 00:10:14,919 --> 00:10:17,280 Speaker 2: asking for anything when she reaches out, you know, and 249 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,280 Speaker 2: I think if if that's the case, then it's a 250 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:23,199 Speaker 2: bit one-sided because she's saying that the other. 251 00:10:23,296 --> 00:10:26,705 Speaker 2: person doesn't reach out, doesn't make the first move, like 252 00:10:26,705 --> 00:10:27,125 Speaker 2: check in on 253 00:10:27,125 --> 00:10:27,476 Speaker 2: her. 254 00:10:27,645 --> 00:10:29,526 Speaker 1: So is it to say that if you are the 255 00:10:29,526 --> 00:10:32,564 Speaker 1: one reaching out, you must also be ready for the 256 00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:35,084 Speaker 1: other party to reject you for that time, for example, 257 00:10:35,155 --> 00:10:36,845 Speaker 1: if you're asking him or her out for lunch. I 258 00:10:36,846 --> 00:10:36,966 Speaker 1: think 259 00:10:36,966 --> 00:10:37,125 Speaker 2: you 260 00:10:37,125 --> 00:10:37,205 Speaker 1: need 261 00:10:37,205 --> 00:10:40,885 Speaker 2: to communicate, right? You need to agree like, OK, what 262 00:10:40,885 --> 00:10:43,245 Speaker 2: kind of friendship is this, but most people don't do that. 263 00:10:43,285 --> 00:10:45,205 Speaker 2: It's quite awkward, right? To go to your friend and 264 00:10:45,205 --> 00:10:48,515 Speaker 2: be like, what is this? What are we? What are we? Yeah, 265 00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:50,166 Speaker 2: like you know how many times do you really want 266 00:10:50,166 --> 00:10:51,526 Speaker 2: to meet a year like no one does that. 267 00:10:51,822 --> 00:10:54,492 Speaker 2: No one does that. People just ghost. Like you just 268 00:10:54,492 --> 00:10:56,252 Speaker 2: ghost if the friend is not that important, you just 269 00:10:56,252 --> 00:10:57,771 Speaker 2: be like, stop talking to them. 270 00:10:57,971 --> 00:10:59,611 Speaker 1: OK, let me tell you what happened to me just 271 00:10:59,611 --> 00:11:01,771 Speaker 1: last week, OK? So I have a group of friends, 272 00:11:01,812 --> 00:11:04,372 Speaker 1: they are my JC friends. We are a click of 5, 273 00:11:04,692 --> 00:11:07,731 Speaker 1: and we had arranged to meet on this day for 274 00:11:07,731 --> 00:11:10,291 Speaker 1: like the longest time, and because of me, they pushed 275 00:11:10,291 --> 00:11:12,132 Speaker 1: back the date, and because of me, we changed the 276 00:11:12,131 --> 00:11:14,892 Speaker 1: venue to a shopping mall that was close to where 277 00:11:14,892 --> 00:11:17,771 Speaker 1: my hosting gig was. So they really like make a 278 00:11:17,771 --> 00:11:20,171 Speaker 1: lot of accommodations for me. 279 00:11:20,739 --> 00:11:24,140 Speaker 1: That they rolled around last minute, really, I don't know 280 00:11:24,140 --> 00:11:26,940 Speaker 1: why it's so jinx at the very last minute, a 281 00:11:26,940 --> 00:11:27,900 Speaker 1: work gig came in. 282 00:11:28,609 --> 00:11:30,640 Speaker 1: And I told my boss, I said, Yo, sorry, I 283 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,719 Speaker 1: really can't take this up. I have a dinner appointment already. 284 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:34,119 Speaker 1: And then my boss was like, OK, what if you 285 00:11:34,119 --> 00:11:37,359 Speaker 1: push it back to 10:30 after dinner, you come. OK, 286 00:11:37,450 --> 00:11:39,479 Speaker 1: so this is when I'm like literally at the crossroads. 287 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:42,960 Speaker 1: I'm thinking, ah, there's money to earn. OK, it's a 288 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:46,320 Speaker 1: job opportunity after all, it's exposure, do I want? 289 00:11:46,655 --> 00:11:48,434 Speaker 1: Yes, I do, but do I want to spend time 290 00:11:48,434 --> 00:11:51,074 Speaker 1: with my girlfriends? Yes, I do as well. But can 291 00:11:51,075 --> 00:11:53,424 Speaker 1: I just quickly do the dinner and then go for 292 00:11:53,424 --> 00:11:55,614 Speaker 1: the gig? What would they think if I had to 293 00:11:55,614 --> 00:11:58,375 Speaker 1: leave dinner early? Right? So I actually spoke to one 294 00:11:58,375 --> 00:12:00,255 Speaker 1: of my girls in the clique and I told her 295 00:12:00,255 --> 00:12:02,324 Speaker 1: this situation and I asked her what should I do. 296 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:05,255 Speaker 1: She immediately said, go for a gig. I mean, we 297 00:12:05,255 --> 00:12:07,414 Speaker 1: can see each other so often, we all stay around 298 00:12:07,414 --> 00:12:09,614 Speaker 1: the same area. It's not hard for us to meet up. 299 00:12:09,815 --> 00:12:12,255 Speaker 1: Actually it's quite hard. We only meet that few times 300 00:12:12,255 --> 00:12:13,864 Speaker 1: a year, but I knew she said that to make 301 00:12:13,864 --> 00:12:14,534 Speaker 1: me feel better. 302 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:17,450 Speaker 1: So after she said that, I was like, OK, let 303 00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:18,809 Speaker 1: me tell the rest of the girls in the group 304 00:12:18,809 --> 00:12:21,238 Speaker 1: chat that. So I told them the situation the group chat, 305 00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:22,598 Speaker 1: nobody replied to me. 306 00:12:23,789 --> 00:12:26,848 Speaker 1: So I don't know whether they are like a rat, 307 00:12:26,919 --> 00:12:29,000 Speaker 1: oh OK, Hazy got to go early. OK, no problem, sure. 308 00:12:29,059 --> 00:12:30,799 Speaker 1: Then they put their phone down, that kind of like 309 00:12:30,799 --> 00:12:32,859 Speaker 1: no reply, or do they feel like 310 00:12:33,530 --> 00:12:35,299 Speaker 1: Why do you have to leave early 311 00:12:35,299 --> 00:12:35,699 Speaker 1: again? 312 00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:37,940 Speaker 2: But did you see them? I did, I did. 313 00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:40,069 Speaker 1: The conversation went OK. Like everyone was happy, 314 00:12:40,570 --> 00:12:42,219 Speaker 2: but did you leave early or like everyone kind of 315 00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:44,299 Speaker 2: left around the same time. So because I 316 00:12:44,299 --> 00:12:48,169 Speaker 1: had to leave early, right, then let's all go together. 317 00:12:48,460 --> 00:12:50,739 Speaker 1: Then we all went home. Yeah, but this is a 318 00:12:50,739 --> 00:12:55,210 Speaker 1: low maintenance friendship that I am honestly very thankful for. 319 00:12:55,380 --> 00:12:55,979 Speaker 1: Rose Rivers. 320 00:12:56,081 --> 00:12:58,311 Speaker 1: I would have told any other girl in that clique 321 00:12:58,312 --> 00:13:00,552 Speaker 1: to do the same, like go for your work thing, 322 00:13:00,591 --> 00:13:03,981 Speaker 1: you know, now is the age to. If not now, 323 00:13:04,072 --> 00:13:04,591 Speaker 1: when? 324 00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:06,992 Speaker 2: That's true. I think most of my friends, like good 325 00:13:06,992 --> 00:13:09,530 Speaker 2: friends would say that as well, but you feel so real. 326 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:14,312 Speaker 2: And of course, especially because you know you've rescheduled, you 327 00:13:14,312 --> 00:13:16,742 Speaker 2: know how hard it is for everybody to find a date. 328 00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:18,671 Speaker 2: You almost like don't want to inconvenience people. 329 00:13:18,814 --> 00:13:21,794 Speaker 2: But sometimes it just happens. So this person on Reddit 330 00:13:21,794 --> 00:13:25,564 Speaker 2: actually said I recently lost a close friend because I 331 00:13:25,564 --> 00:13:27,684 Speaker 2: felt like they would only speak to me when it 332 00:13:27,684 --> 00:13:30,843 Speaker 2: was convenient for them. I felt like deep down I 333 00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:33,604 Speaker 2: was the only one maintaining the friendship and I started 334 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:36,403 Speaker 2: distancing myself when I felt like they only fit me 335 00:13:36,403 --> 00:13:39,363 Speaker 2: into their schedule like an obligation and not like they 336 00:13:39,364 --> 00:13:40,994 Speaker 2: actually want to meet me. 337 00:13:41,546 --> 00:13:43,895 Speaker 2: After I got the guts to speak up and told 338 00:13:43,895 --> 00:13:46,856 Speaker 2: them my feelings about it, they started posting all this 339 00:13:46,856 --> 00:13:52,064 Speaker 2: cryptic stuff about how only low maintenance friendships survive. Yeah, 340 00:13:52,276 --> 00:13:54,415 Speaker 2: so that's what happened to this person. Then 341 00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:54,575 Speaker 1: I 342 00:13:54,575 --> 00:13:56,814 Speaker 1: think they are not the friends that you would want 343 00:13:56,815 --> 00:13:58,556 Speaker 1: in your life. We always go back to this phrase 344 00:13:58,556 --> 00:14:01,064 Speaker 1: on Hash podcast for a season, for a reason, or 345 00:14:01,065 --> 00:14:03,536 Speaker 1: for a lifetime. Maybe these friends just serve you for 346 00:14:03,535 --> 00:14:05,455 Speaker 1: a season and they are in your life for a 347 00:14:05,455 --> 00:14:09,015 Speaker 1: reason like now you have found out that reason. 348 00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:11,520 Speaker 1: Maybe it's better for you to move on to find 349 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:12,960 Speaker 1: friends that will serve you for a lifetime. 350 00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:13,280 Speaker 2: They're 351 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:16,239 Speaker 2: not bad people. Yeah, they're not. You're just not aligned. Correct. 352 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,559 Speaker 2: I don't think it's anyone's fault because maybe they're just 353 00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,549 Speaker 2: looking for something else and you're looking for something else. 354 00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:26,599 Speaker 2: Because then again, even if you say low maintenance, I 355 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:30,280 Speaker 2: think everybody has a different definition of low maintenance. Do 356 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:33,039 Speaker 2: you guys have this thing like friendship tiers, like in 357 00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:36,030 Speaker 2: your own head, you have friendship tiers, you have like 358 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:39,549 Speaker 2: best friends, then you have close friends, then you have 359 00:14:39,549 --> 00:14:43,630 Speaker 2: friends tier one, then you have friends tier two, then 360 00:14:43,630 --> 00:14:46,789 Speaker 2: you have like acquaintances. I feel like people who plan 361 00:14:46,789 --> 00:14:48,979 Speaker 2: their weddings like really have to put this down. 362 00:14:49,190 --> 00:14:52,789 Speaker 1: I was going to say this, like imagine you're holding 363 00:14:52,789 --> 00:14:54,700 Speaker 1: a wedding banquet. Who would you invite list of people, 364 00:14:56,590 --> 00:14:59,270 Speaker 1: they are your like top tier friends, which you two are, 365 00:14:59,309 --> 00:15:00,750 Speaker 1: by the way. If I get married too much I 366 00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:01,109 Speaker 1: should invite 367 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,659 Speaker 2: you to. We are on the PR list. 368 00:15:04,969 --> 00:15:07,059 Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. So I kind of think like in your 369 00:15:07,059 --> 00:15:09,679 Speaker 2: mind you kind of have that. You can't have everyone 370 00:15:09,679 --> 00:15:12,469 Speaker 2: be your close friend. It's not possible. Yeah. On average, 371 00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:16,229 Speaker 2: a person scientifically has about 3 to 5 close, close friends. 372 00:15:16,369 --> 00:15:19,080 Speaker 2: Oh really? Yeah, so if you have like 50 close friends, 373 00:15:19,340 --> 00:15:21,429 Speaker 2: there may be something that you need to kind of 374 00:15:21,679 --> 00:15:22,030 Speaker 2: Yeah, 375 00:15:22,909 --> 00:15:25,299 Speaker 1: people that I would turn to when I really need them, 376 00:15:25,469 --> 00:15:27,549 Speaker 1: not a lot, honestly. I have a lot of people 377 00:15:27,549 --> 00:15:28,669 Speaker 1: I talk to on a day to day 378 00:15:28,669 --> 00:15:28,900 Speaker 1: basis, 379 00:15:29,159 --> 00:15:30,700 Speaker 2: which is like the tier one and tier two. 380 00:15:30,820 --> 00:15:33,669 Speaker 1: Yeah, but they are not like the top tier kind 381 00:15:33,669 --> 00:15:35,630 Speaker 1: of friends, which I'm sure I'm not for them as well, 382 00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:37,710 Speaker 1: and there's nothing wrong with it. It's just everybody has 383 00:15:37,710 --> 00:15:38,820 Speaker 1: different schedule 384 00:15:38,820 --> 00:15:41,590 Speaker 2: when you are someone's close friend, but they are not 385 00:15:41,590 --> 00:15:45,030 Speaker 2: your close friends, and it's like very awkward, you know. 386 00:15:45,174 --> 00:15:47,445 Speaker 2: I feel like the top of the triangle is people 387 00:15:47,445 --> 00:15:50,244 Speaker 2: that you barely have any photos with. I mean, the 388 00:15:50,244 --> 00:15:52,875 Speaker 2: closer you are, the lesser photos you have with each other. 389 00:15:53,284 --> 00:15:56,164 Speaker 2: So true. I love this from PD Nick, and I 390 00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,335 Speaker 2: feel like I want to do it too. OK. It's 391 00:15:58,335 --> 00:16:00,614 Speaker 2: very interesting. She says that she and her friends are 392 00:16:00,614 --> 00:16:03,815 Speaker 2: all grown now, obviously. They met in school and they 393 00:16:04,044 --> 00:16:05,965 Speaker 2: don't have the time to meet as often, but they 394 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,484 Speaker 2: try to celebrate like birthdays and stuff with each other. 395 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:11,989 Speaker 2: But they try to meet at least once a month, 396 00:16:12,030 --> 00:16:14,469 Speaker 2: which is great. What they did is they have a 397 00:16:14,469 --> 00:16:17,859 Speaker 2: telegram group chat and they have a bot. You guys 398 00:16:17,859 --> 00:16:23,260 Speaker 2: know Telegram bots, right? It automatically sends questions every day for, 399 00:16:23,469 --> 00:16:25,630 Speaker 2: you know, her and her friends to answer daily. 400 00:16:26,450 --> 00:16:29,469 Speaker 2: So it keeps the conversation. It's just like very random questions, 401 00:16:29,549 --> 00:16:32,429 Speaker 2: you know, like what's your travel bucket list for this year, 402 00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:35,989 Speaker 2: random questions, and she says they've been friends for 14 403 00:16:35,989 --> 00:16:40,429 Speaker 2: years and going strong. Maybe we should have that none 404 00:16:40,429 --> 00:16:41,500 Speaker 2: of us would reply. 405 00:16:42,299 --> 00:16:45,469 Speaker 1: None of that. That's so true. But this is a 406 00:16:45,469 --> 00:16:49,380 Speaker 1: friendship that's super rare and not everybody has the luck 407 00:16:49,380 --> 00:16:52,270 Speaker 1: to chance upon such friendships, you know. OK, so do 408 00:16:52,270 --> 00:16:55,270 Speaker 1: you guys think low maintenance friendships are easy to maintain 409 00:16:55,270 --> 00:16:55,859 Speaker 1: or not? 410 00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:02,849 Speaker 1: Honestly, the term low maintenance friendships is supposedly easy to maintain, 411 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,959 Speaker 1: but then you got to take care of your friend's 412 00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:10,160 Speaker 1: emotional needs. Does she think you're ghosting her too much? 413 00:17:10,689 --> 00:17:14,160 Speaker 1: Yada yada, this and that, that makes it more tiring sometimes. 414 00:17:14,369 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 2: Maybe it's just low maintenance does not mean no effort 415 00:17:18,569 --> 00:17:22,119 Speaker 2: and that's what people need to understand, right? And maybe 416 00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:25,688 Speaker 2: sometimes we forget. I think in certain phases of our life, 417 00:17:25,930 --> 00:17:28,489 Speaker 2: especially when, you know, maybe you've got things going on, 418 00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:30,770 Speaker 2: you're in a frazzle half the time, you don't have 419 00:17:30,770 --> 00:17:32,930 Speaker 2: very much bandwidth to think about this kind of things 420 00:17:32,930 --> 00:17:35,520 Speaker 2: or reach out to your friends. Do they understand? 421 00:17:35,910 --> 00:17:38,819 Speaker 2: Um, can they, because it's like a relationship, right? If 422 00:17:38,819 --> 00:17:42,208 Speaker 2: I can't bring the 50, can you cover for me? 423 00:17:43,459 --> 00:17:45,458 Speaker 2: I try to be very honest about that. Like if 424 00:17:45,459 --> 00:17:48,609 Speaker 2: I'm not feeling good, I'm going through a very tough period. 425 00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,959 Speaker 2: I'll just try to tell close friends and I'll just 426 00:17:50,959 --> 00:17:53,500 Speaker 2: say I'm not doing well, I may not reach out 427 00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:56,459 Speaker 2: and I'm not like ghosting or whatever. I'm fine. I 428 00:17:56,459 --> 00:17:59,060 Speaker 2: just like cannot deal with life at the moment. So 429 00:17:59,060 --> 00:18:01,140 Speaker 2: I just tell them that. But I think similarly it's 430 00:18:01,140 --> 00:18:03,659 Speaker 2: very important for you to also reach out even if 431 00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:05,420 Speaker 2: it's a low maintenance friendship, don't. 432 00:18:05,530 --> 00:18:07,310 Speaker 2: I always think like, oh, that person will just text me. 433 00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:10,079 Speaker 2: Sometimes if you think of them or something reminds you 434 00:18:10,079 --> 00:18:11,639 Speaker 2: of them in your day, just say, Hey, I was 435 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:14,109 Speaker 2: thinking about you today. That actually goes a very long way. 436 00:18:15,130 --> 00:18:17,199 Speaker 1: So if you are listening to this podcast and you 437 00:18:17,199 --> 00:18:21,439 Speaker 1: have that one low maintenance friend, here are some signs 438 00:18:21,439 --> 00:18:24,199 Speaker 1: for you to better understand him or her. OK, it's 439 00:18:24,199 --> 00:18:26,280 Speaker 1: not that he or she is not putting in effort 440 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:29,800 Speaker 1: or not emotionally supporting you. Maybe he just needs his 441 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,839 Speaker 1: own space. What are some signs that maybe your low 442 00:18:32,839 --> 00:18:35,030 Speaker 1: maintenance friend needs to support. 443 00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:37,660 Speaker 1: If you see like he or she is not really 444 00:18:37,660 --> 00:18:41,500 Speaker 1: posting as often anymore on social media, could it be 445 00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:42,899 Speaker 1: that this person is in a dark 446 00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:47,849 Speaker 2: place or a lot of posts and she's doing just fine. 447 00:18:48,540 --> 00:18:52,659 Speaker 2: I know on my heart that she's fine. In fact, 448 00:18:52,670 --> 00:18:54,859 Speaker 2: the less she posts, the better she is. Oh, it's true, 449 00:18:55,260 --> 00:19:01,739 Speaker 2: it's true. Maybe if your friends suddenly start postings like. Well, OK, 450 00:19:01,939 --> 00:19:04,709 Speaker 2: so when it comes to low maintenance friendships, what are 451 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,839 Speaker 2: Best practices. Well, I think like we said, always make 452 00:19:07,839 --> 00:19:10,160 Speaker 2: sure that you know you're trying to be in tune 453 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:13,719 Speaker 2: with your friend. If you notice anything off, right, maybe 454 00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:15,989 Speaker 2: try to reach out, especially if you really love this person, 455 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,280 Speaker 2: try to reach them. Yeah, I think we should also 456 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:22,119 Speaker 2: listen when they say something, you know, because you're already 457 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:24,790 Speaker 2: not in communication all the time. Yeah, so you know, 458 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:27,438 Speaker 2: it's not just about like hearing out the person, but 459 00:19:27,439 --> 00:19:30,000 Speaker 2: you got to listen actively as well, so you are 460 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,430 Speaker 2: still on top of their lives, you know, 461 00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:34,239 Speaker 1: and I feel like every time you meet. 462 00:19:34,579 --> 00:19:38,750 Speaker 1: you got to reassess your relationship and your friendship. What 463 00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:40,770 Speaker 1: sort of like phase in life are they at right now, 464 00:19:41,050 --> 00:19:44,060 Speaker 1: or what do they need and maybe sort of adjust 465 00:19:44,060 --> 00:19:46,300 Speaker 1: your expectations a little 466 00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:46,579 Speaker 1: bit. 467 00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:49,619 Speaker 2: Yeah, and always remember that you know the small little 468 00:19:49,619 --> 00:19:52,500 Speaker 2: things that make them feel like, oh, you're thinking about me, 469 00:19:52,579 --> 00:19:55,199 Speaker 2: those go a really long way, like maybe you're overseas 470 00:19:55,199 --> 00:19:57,250 Speaker 2: and you see something that really reminds you of them 471 00:19:57,250 --> 00:19:58,829 Speaker 2: and you just buy it back and you give it 472 00:19:58,829 --> 00:20:00,099 Speaker 2: to them the next time you see them. It could 473 00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:03,859 Speaker 2: be 6 months from now, but just that thought is just. 474 00:20:04,260 --> 00:20:07,198 Speaker 1: So sweet. I got something even simpler. This is my 475 00:20:07,199 --> 00:20:10,750 Speaker 1: one tip out there for every low maintenance friendship. 476 00:20:18,569 --> 00:20:19,520 Speaker 2: I reels, sorry, no, no, no, I beg to differ. 477 00:20:19,959 --> 00:20:23,630 Speaker 2: I received so many IG reels from this one girlfriend. 478 00:20:23,839 --> 00:20:26,239 Speaker 2: Like I don't even have time to watch them all. 479 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,599 Speaker 2: It's not you. No, like she would just send and 480 00:20:29,599 --> 00:20:32,599 Speaker 2: I just think she's just sending, I just don't even, 481 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:33,510 Speaker 2: I don't even reply. 482 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,050 Speaker 1: No, I feel like if you see this view and 483 00:20:36,050 --> 00:20:38,400 Speaker 1: it reminds you of a close friend, then you just, 484 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:41,239 Speaker 1: you don't have to type anything. You just send sparingly 485 00:20:41,239 --> 00:20:45,280 Speaker 2: it's OK. You're entitled one reel every 3 days. OK, 486 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:45,780 Speaker 2: that's it. 487 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:47,589 Speaker 1: No, 488 00:20:47,719 --> 00:20:50,520 Speaker 2: but she sends me like 5 reels a day. 1 489 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,760 Speaker 2: every 3 days is OK. 1 every 3 days I 490 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,380 Speaker 2: will watch 1 every 1 day. I might not watch them. 491 00:20:57,189 --> 00:20:59,469 Speaker 2: There's a limit to how many reels you can send 492 00:20:59,469 --> 00:21:02,829 Speaker 2: the stuff that she sends me and I send her 493 00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:05,389 Speaker 2: is usually like getting drunk at 80 together, it's like 494 00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:09,349 Speaker 2: once every 3 months, yeah, something like that. So please, 495 00:21:09,780 --> 00:21:11,459 Speaker 2: please don't bombard your friends with reels. 496 00:21:11,469 --> 00:21:13,310 Speaker 1: But OK, that's still going to be my tip. Any 497 00:21:13,310 --> 00:21:15,229 Speaker 1: tips for low maintenance friendships? 498 00:21:15,349 --> 00:21:16,839 Speaker 2: I think you. 499 00:21:17,334 --> 00:21:21,364 Speaker 2: Respect each other's boundaries and you make it known that 500 00:21:21,364 --> 00:21:23,375 Speaker 2: you're there for each other, but at the same time 501 00:21:23,375 --> 00:21:26,905 Speaker 2: there's no pressure because I think you never know what's 502 00:21:26,905 --> 00:21:30,714 Speaker 2: really on that person's plate and pressure I think is 503 00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:34,563 Speaker 2: maybe the last thing they need uncalled for. Well, my 504 00:21:34,564 --> 00:21:36,724 Speaker 2: tip is to just, you know, stay in touch with them. 505 00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:39,609 Speaker 2: Unfortunately, social media is very addictive, but it's also a 506 00:21:39,609 --> 00:21:41,920 Speaker 2: very good way to know what your friends are up to. 507 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:43,849 Speaker 2: And you know, remember, like, you know, when you see 508 00:21:43,849 --> 00:21:45,369 Speaker 2: them be like, Hey, I saw a couple of months 509 00:21:45,369 --> 00:21:47,569 Speaker 2: ago you went to like Japan, like how was it? 510 00:21:47,689 --> 00:21:49,849 Speaker 2: You know, those small things really go a long way. Wait, 511 00:21:49,890 --> 00:21:50,010 Speaker 1: I 512 00:21:50,010 --> 00:21:53,250 Speaker 1: just thought of one last very useful tip. You know 513 00:21:53,250 --> 00:21:57,920 Speaker 1: that now like on messaging platforms, you can schedule a message. Yeah. 514 00:21:58,130 --> 00:22:00,599 Speaker 1: So I think one very effective way is to schedule 515 00:22:00,599 --> 00:22:03,650 Speaker 1: a message way ahead of your friend's birthday or like whatever. 516 00:22:04,515 --> 00:22:07,645 Speaker 1: Type a message and then scheduled to be sent on 517 00:22:07,645 --> 00:22:09,765 Speaker 1: her birthday at midnight at midnight. Then you'd be 518 00:22:09,765 --> 00:22:11,806 Speaker 2: like, oh thank you for remembering. 519 00:22:14,744 --> 00:22:16,406 Speaker 1: I'm sleeping. I know maybe that comes across as a 520 00:22:16,406 --> 00:22:19,436 Speaker 1: bit insincere, but if you know that you will forget, 521 00:22:20,046 --> 00:22:21,765 Speaker 1: better schedule than miss 522 00:22:21,765 --> 00:22:22,364 Speaker 1: the whole day, right? 523 00:22:22,484 --> 00:22:25,725 Speaker 2: That's true. That's true. Is it? You think so? OK, 524 00:22:25,765 --> 00:22:28,875 Speaker 2: I have a final story which just happened to me recently. 525 00:22:29,244 --> 00:22:30,326 Speaker 2: So basically, um. 526 00:22:30,452 --> 00:22:32,962 Speaker 2: Many many years ago, I had a friend and we 527 00:22:32,962 --> 00:22:36,041 Speaker 2: were pretty close. Actually we met by chance and I 528 00:22:36,041 --> 00:22:38,352 Speaker 2: think it just so happened that we were going through 529 00:22:38,641 --> 00:22:41,401 Speaker 2: a very strange phase of life and we happened to 530 00:22:41,401 --> 00:22:44,202 Speaker 2: be there for each other. So eventually everybody had their 531 00:22:44,202 --> 00:22:47,822 Speaker 2: own lives and it was no love lost, but just 532 00:22:47,821 --> 00:22:51,281 Speaker 2: we sort of lost contact. Not really. I mean we're 533 00:22:51,281 --> 00:22:54,602 Speaker 2: still on Instagram, right? And then last week I bumped 534 00:22:54,602 --> 00:22:57,082 Speaker 2: into her by pure accident. 535 00:22:57,349 --> 00:22:59,219 Speaker 2: And I haven't seen this person in like a couple 536 00:22:59,219 --> 00:23:04,140 Speaker 2: of years now. And something about it felt so bittersweet, 537 00:23:04,219 --> 00:23:09,329 Speaker 2: I think. It felt like really like no love lost. Yeah, 538 00:23:09,339 --> 00:23:14,380 Speaker 2: but it felt like, wow, I've missed so many things 539 00:23:14,380 --> 00:23:16,500 Speaker 2: that has happened in your life and so have you. 540 00:23:17,069 --> 00:23:19,619 Speaker 2: And it just felt like, but we still sort of 541 00:23:19,619 --> 00:23:21,979 Speaker 2: know what was going on and it was really like 542 00:23:21,979 --> 00:23:22,410 Speaker 2: a 543 00:23:23,459 --> 00:23:24,750 Speaker 2: Are you OK? 544 00:23:24,969 --> 00:23:27,270 Speaker 1: I like that. That's so 545 00:23:27,270 --> 00:23:28,839 Speaker 2: sweet. That's the only kind of feeling that you can 546 00:23:28,839 --> 00:23:30,089 Speaker 2: get from a very old friend. 547 00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:32,938 Speaker 1: I agree. So if you are tuning into this episode, 548 00:23:33,020 --> 00:23:35,339 Speaker 1: maybe this is a sign for you to drop your 549 00:23:35,339 --> 00:23:38,380 Speaker 1: low maintenance friend a text just to check in on 550 00:23:38,380 --> 00:23:40,540 Speaker 1: him or her, just to ask how he or she 551 00:23:40,540 --> 00:23:44,099 Speaker 1: is doing and maybe get that lunch down soon. 552 00:23:44,459 --> 00:23:46,889 Speaker 1: Yeah. So if you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to 553 00:23:46,890 --> 00:23:49,260 Speaker 1: follow us on Instagram at it's clarity.com. 554 00:23:49,410 --> 00:23:51,030 Speaker 2: That's right, you can listen to us on me listen 555 00:23:51,030 --> 00:23:54,180 Speaker 2: to Spotify, Apple podcast. We're not very low maintenance. We 556 00:23:54,180 --> 00:23:58,900 Speaker 2: post every week. And of course we're on YouTube as well. Well, 557 00:23:59,050 --> 00:24:02,369 Speaker 2: hope that you guys, you know, go forth and let 558 00:24:02,369 --> 00:24:03,329 Speaker 2: your friendships blossom. 559 00:24:03,810 --> 00:24:03,969 Speaker 1: We'll 560 00:24:03,969 --> 00:24:04,400 Speaker 2: see you next 561 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:05,839 Speaker 1: time. Bye.