WEBVTT - Mind Your Money - Why financial compatibility is the new romance standard

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<v Speaker 1>Hello and welcome to Mind Your Money with me, Cheryl

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<v Speaker 1>Goh here on CNA 938.

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<v Speaker 1>Now we live in a high cost, high pressure society

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<v Speaker 1>that is Singapore and uh it's become so that financial

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<v Speaker 1>transparency isn't just something that's practical in relationships nowadays, it's romantic.

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<v Speaker 1>Singles on our little red dot are apparently rewriting relationship

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<v Speaker 1>rules focusing on shared financial goals like home ownership, long

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<v Speaker 1>term stability and building wealth together. So,

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<v Speaker 1>Is financial compatibility the new must when it comes to relationships,

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<v Speaker 1>that's something we're discussing on the show today, uh, with

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<v Speaker 1>Dilbert T, CMO of Coffee Meets Bagel and also Sebastian Seber,

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<v Speaker 1>CMO of Cyph. Uh, welcome both to the show.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks. Yeah, alright, let's start with you, Gilbert. Tell us

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<v Speaker 1>why financial skills are the new it factor when it

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<v Speaker 1>comes to seeking a partner in modern relationships.

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<v Speaker 2>Uh, well, to start off, Coffee Meets Bagel is the

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<v Speaker 2>place where people look for serious relationships, and the thing

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<v Speaker 2>that I would say is fairly consistent is

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<v Speaker 2>Finding a serious partner is all about finding shared values.

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<v Speaker 2>We see this in the data where more than 80%

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<v Speaker 2>of people agree that values alignment is the most important thing. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>what those values reflect.

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<v Speaker 2>Or what those values mean can change over time. So

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<v Speaker 2>in this day and age where financial literacy with platforms

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<v Speaker 2>such as Sy making things a lot more accessible, making

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<v Speaker 2>things a lot easier for people to take on these

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<v Speaker 2>values can adopt those things, and that's why financial literacy

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<v Speaker 2>come up. And what's interesting is

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<v Speaker 2>There is a generational shift wherein we see younger people

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<v Speaker 2>are actually a lot more open with these kind of

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<v Speaker 2>conversations than older people. So the way we interpret the

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<v Speaker 2>data is, it's all about how the more educated you

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<v Speaker 2>are about this particular topic, financial literacy and having that

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<v Speaker 2>kind of conversation.

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<v Speaker 2>The more it becomes part of the values that you're

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<v Speaker 2>looking to align with with whoever you want to have

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<v Speaker 2>a serious relationship

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<v Speaker 2>with.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, definitely. Sebastian, from a financial aspect, do you have

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<v Speaker 1>anything to add?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, no, I think, I think it's something really, really

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<v Speaker 1>important because in a committed relationship, the actions of one

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<v Speaker 1>always have an impact or affect the other. So I

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<v Speaker 1>think it's only like natural and and a fair thing to,

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<v Speaker 1>to really discuss these things early and make sure like.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, the ideas and the goals are somewhat, somewhat

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<v Speaker 1>aligned because of course, the both the good and the

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<v Speaker 1>bad habits will have an impact and, and so I

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<v Speaker 1>think an alignment is, is, is really critical and, and

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's great to see in our study that

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<v Speaker 1>People are willing to discuss these things earlier, um, which,

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<v Speaker 1>which allows them to, to make the right decisions and

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<v Speaker 1>I think that's really a positive development. um, and, and

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<v Speaker 1>we see this actually increasing uh since our last survey

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<v Speaker 1>which we did, um, in 2022. Yeah, um, Dilbert so

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<v Speaker 1>Sebastian mentioned that people are starting to talk about finance

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<v Speaker 1>a bit earlier in relationships, but from a dating perspective,

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<v Speaker 1>when should this come up, especially if we're still trying

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<v Speaker 1>to get to know the other person.

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<v Speaker 2>So the data suggests that you should bring it up

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<v Speaker 2>um around 3 to 5 uh dates if you are

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<v Speaker 2>from the younger maybe like around your mid-20s, above, above,

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<v Speaker 2>above like late 20s, early 30s, they're more comfortable with

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<v Speaker 2>5 to 10. So try to sense the room is

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<v Speaker 2>what I would say, have a good sense of is

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<v Speaker 2>it the right time to bring it up? What's the

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<v Speaker 2>context of bringing it up.

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<v Speaker 2>Like it's always about reading the room properly during the

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<v Speaker 2>day and you just brandish like, hey, I got my

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<v Speaker 2>payslip and it's this much. That's a no go. I'll

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<v Speaker 2>tell you, I'll tell you right now whether you're in

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<v Speaker 2>the 5th date or the 10th date, but

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<v Speaker 2>At that point in time, depending on where you fall

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<v Speaker 2>within the age group, you should definitely slowly bring it

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<v Speaker 2>up and see the comfort level there and if you don't,

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<v Speaker 2>that's also a sign, you should read these things as

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<v Speaker 2>signs ultimately, not everything needs to be a positive sign,

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<v Speaker 2>negative signs are also signs and tells you maybe there's

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<v Speaker 2>no value alignment there, and you guys should just move on.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, um.

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<v Speaker 1>Uh, besides the timing though Dilbert, um, you, you said

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<v Speaker 1>things like, yeah, don't say this is my payslip, right,

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<v Speaker 1>but how much do we go about revealing our financial situations,

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<v Speaker 1>especially when it comes to trickier issues like maybe you

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<v Speaker 1>know some debt or some loans that we might have

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<v Speaker 1>that uh we're not sure whether we should share with

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<v Speaker 1>our potential partner.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, that's, that's a really tough one. I would say, um.

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<v Speaker 2>I, at least what the data tells us with young,

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<v Speaker 2>it makes sense with younger people, they're not heavily burdened

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<v Speaker 2>by such things, um, especially if maybe they haven't gotten their,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, like no BTO yet, nothing, nothing to burden their, um, financial.

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<v Speaker 2>Financial life, but I would say when you're older and

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<v Speaker 2>maybe that's why the data looks like this, where in

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<v Speaker 2>the older people tend to want to have that conversation

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<v Speaker 2>much later. So then when you have that conversation much

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<v Speaker 2>later and maybe you have a heavy debt burden, maybe

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<v Speaker 2>you have a flat that you, you know, have a

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<v Speaker 2>mortgage for all of those things.

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<v Speaker 2>Then you have to bring it up much, much later.

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<v Speaker 2>I would, I would, I would assume.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, definitely. I think maybe for me to add on

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<v Speaker 1>this like I think it's really not about interrogating the other,

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<v Speaker 1>the other, the other partner. It's really about, um, I

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<v Speaker 1>think maybe sharing some of their own.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, um, shortfalls or like being vulnerable, I think.

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<v Speaker 1>And by doing so, I think you can also get

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<v Speaker 1>the other person to, to share more openly. And, and

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<v Speaker 1>then I think it really becomes more of a discussion

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<v Speaker 1>about what can we do together? What do we want

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<v Speaker 1>to achieve together, um, rather than, you know, asking about.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, debts or salaries and so on. And I think

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of this will be, will be visible from

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<v Speaker 1>the context and, and what people can share and, uh,

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<v Speaker 1>goals rather than purely based on, you know, numbers and

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<v Speaker 1>hard facts. And just,

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<v Speaker 2>just to add on, like when you're, when you're, when

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<v Speaker 2>you're dating someone and getting to know someone.

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<v Speaker 2>It's all about being vulnerable. Ultimately, vulnerability is a key

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<v Speaker 2>ingredient to making anything work, whether it's friendship, romance, if

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<v Speaker 2>you're not vulnerable, you're not open.

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<v Speaker 2>You're not getting anywhere. That's that's a guarantee. So you

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<v Speaker 2>have to be vulnerable and, you know, find the time

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<v Speaker 2>or find the comfort to share such things, and you

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<v Speaker 2>obviously don't say that on the first day that you

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<v Speaker 2>have this heavy debt burden or some kind of issue,

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<v Speaker 2>but as you get.

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<v Speaker 2>To know someone, you open up slowly, slowly, slowly, and

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<v Speaker 2>you see their reaction. Are they helpful? Are they constructive?

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<v Speaker 2>Are they empathetic? That's when you know that you might

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<v Speaker 2>have someone who is worth your

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<v Speaker 2>while.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I love that. I love that it's just about

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<v Speaker 1>being vulnerable, being open, right? Dilbert, um, financial inequality will

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<v Speaker 1>exist and a lot of, a lot of times in

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<v Speaker 1>this day and age, it could be the women who

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<v Speaker 1>are earning more than the men.

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<v Speaker 1>Um, how do we deal with uh this uh tricky situation?

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<v Speaker 2>There's actually this, this, uh, there was this really viral, uh,

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<v Speaker 2>Reddit post that came from Singapore around this time last year,

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<v Speaker 2>where in this Singapore woman was talking about, she used

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<v Speaker 2>the word dating down, where she talked about how she

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<v Speaker 2>found a partner who earns half of what she was

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<v Speaker 2>earning and

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<v Speaker 2>Obviously, the, you know, the comment section were asking how, how,

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<v Speaker 2>like how do you guys work and all of those

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<v Speaker 2>things um but ultimately they, they work because they shared

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<v Speaker 2>common values and you know, like uh her her whole

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<v Speaker 2>intention of sharing was more about saying to people like, hey.

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<v Speaker 2>There are these arbitrary.

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<v Speaker 2>Thresholds that we impose upon ourselves, but that doesn't mean

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<v Speaker 2>that you can't find someone outside of that to share

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<v Speaker 2>your values. So, you know, I'm bringing it back to

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<v Speaker 2>dating apps. Dating apps is, it's all about, it's all

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<v Speaker 2>about um reach.

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<v Speaker 2>Like the the likelihood that you'll find someone is higher

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<v Speaker 2>if you open yourself up to more potential profiles. If

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<v Speaker 2>you create such as, you know, you know, so many

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<v Speaker 2>filters this age, this height, this, this way, this distance,

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<v Speaker 2>all of those things, then naturally you, you, you, you

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<v Speaker 2>narrow your pool, and does that mean you should keep

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<v Speaker 2>everything blank? No, I'm not saying that, you need to

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<v Speaker 2>find your sweet spot.

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<v Speaker 2>And you need to interrogate each and every one of

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<v Speaker 2>those things that you're looking for, whether it's money, whether

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<v Speaker 2>it's height, whether it's religion, because ultimately everything actually boils

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<v Speaker 2>down to values.

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<v Speaker 2>You can completely fit with someone and have a strong

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<v Speaker 2>relationship with someone who earn less than you, who might

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<v Speaker 2>be shorter than you, who might not be as, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>attractive as you want them to be, but if you

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<v Speaker 2>share common values, that's such a strong foundation for a

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<v Speaker 2>relationship that I can totally imagine seeing that

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<v Speaker 1>work. Yeah, definitely.

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<v Speaker 1>Um, alright, Sebastian, when it comes to shared expenses in

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<v Speaker 1>a relationship, I guess if you see someone more, you

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<v Speaker 1>go on more dates, uh, you, you end up having

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of meals together, maybe, you know, paying for

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<v Speaker 1>things like movie tickets, uh, transport expenses, etc. How, what's

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<v Speaker 1>your thoughts on how we, how two people should navigate this?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I think it really depends always on the individual,

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<v Speaker 1>of course. But I think I can share a couple of, of,

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<v Speaker 1>of guidelines or a couple of ideas on how to, how,

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<v Speaker 1>how to manage those things. I think one common approach, um,

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<v Speaker 1>has been to have a, a shared or a joint

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<v Speaker 1>kind of account for, for the recurring bills. So what

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<v Speaker 1>I call like the necessities, which is anything from, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>the groceries, shared meals, we're gonna, uh, consume together, utilities or, or,

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<v Speaker 1>or maybe the monthly rental, um,

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<v Speaker 1>We have, we have, we have to pay. Um, and

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<v Speaker 1>then people, um, keep the individual accounts for, for their

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<v Speaker 1>own expenses, anything which is probably going a bit beyond what's,

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<v Speaker 1>what's really the ne necessity. And I think Del will

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<v Speaker 1>brought up an interesting topic earlier, which is, um, uh,

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<v Speaker 1>the inequality in terms of like, you know, um, um, um,

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<v Speaker 1>um salaries. I think this can really be.

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<v Speaker 1>Um, also built into this so that whoever earns more

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<v Speaker 1>also probably contributes a higher percentage, um, and basically supports

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<v Speaker 1>the other, um, the, the partner like this a little bit. Um, I,

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<v Speaker 1>I think that, that, that we have seen commonly in, in, in, in, in,

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<v Speaker 1>in pairs and they in couples, and I think something which,

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<v Speaker 1>which really worked well. And then I think um as

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<v Speaker 1>Nowadays, for almost anything, there's a plethora of apps which

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<v Speaker 1>you can use, which, which really make it just a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit easier to manage those kind of things. Um,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, it's easy to upload, um, receipts or, or

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<v Speaker 1>invoices and, and to like make it easier to divide, um, among, uh, uh,

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<v Speaker 1>among the, the couple and just to support it and

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<v Speaker 1>make it a little bit easier. Yeah, that's really good.

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<v Speaker 1>Uh, Delbert, anything to add from a from a dating

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<v Speaker 1>app perspective,

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<v Speaker 1>you know,

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<v Speaker 2>this this reminds me of is gonna reveal my age,

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<v Speaker 2>but I remember this Friends episode wherein.

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<v Speaker 2>The half of them who weren't making as much versus

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<v Speaker 2>the half of them who were making more money. They're

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<v Speaker 2>all there, there was a conflict about what they would

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<v Speaker 2>want to do because, you know, if those who didn't

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<v Speaker 2>make enough money, they, you know, they were, they couldn't

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<v Speaker 2>do the thing or they it was it became awkward.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think it's uh it's like that with relationships

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<v Speaker 2>wherein you need to be, you need to be empathetic.

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<v Speaker 2>About your partner's situation. So for instance, with that story

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<v Speaker 2>I mentioned about the Singaporean woman, just because she's earning

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<v Speaker 2>way more money, um, the way she spends or the

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<v Speaker 2>way like, let's say they go on dates or uh

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<v Speaker 2>go on vacation, maybe instead of Europe, let's just go

0:13:00.049 --> 0:13:03.949
<v Speaker 2>to Hong Kong, maybe things like that. I think if

0:13:03.950 --> 0:13:07.159
<v Speaker 2>you bring it, if, if you approach it with sensitivity,

0:13:07.250 --> 0:13:08.280
<v Speaker 2>with empathy.

0:13:09.109 --> 0:13:12.968
<v Speaker 2>I think you can arrive at a place of understanding

0:13:12.969 --> 0:13:15.929
<v Speaker 2>as opposed to a place of awkwardness within you wouldn't

0:13:15.929 --> 0:13:18.289
<v Speaker 2>want to say like, oh, let's let's take this, uh,

0:13:18.330 --> 0:13:21.679
<v Speaker 2>let's take this trip to Europe. It's gonna cost this much,

0:13:22.090 --> 0:13:24.809
<v Speaker 2>they're gonna be put in an awkward situation where in.

0:13:25.349 --> 0:13:28.530
<v Speaker 2>Oh, I, my, my thing isn't there yet or I'm

0:13:28.530 --> 0:13:32.330
<v Speaker 2>not financially, you know, um, set to do that kind

0:13:32.330 --> 0:13:34.770
<v Speaker 2>of thing. So you want to avoid those things and

0:13:34.770 --> 0:13:37.299
<v Speaker 2>you avoid those things by being just more empathetic.

0:13:38.570 --> 0:13:42.049
<v Speaker 1>Empathy definitely something to bear in mind. uh Sebastian, you

0:13:42.049 --> 0:13:45.000
<v Speaker 1>mentioned about, you know, talking about using apps to make

0:13:45.000 --> 0:13:47.869
<v Speaker 1>things like shared expenses a little bit easier. What other

0:13:47.869 --> 0:13:50.520
<v Speaker 1>tips do you have when it comes to financial planning

0:13:50.520 --> 0:13:51.488
<v Speaker 1>for couples?

0:13:53.190 --> 0:13:57.330
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so I think apart from, from the, from the expenses,

0:13:57.570 --> 0:14:01.449
<v Speaker 1>I think the other really important part is thinking about

0:14:02.109 --> 0:14:06.520
<v Speaker 1>What are, what happens to our savings, right? Um, so each,

0:14:06.969 --> 0:14:09.770
<v Speaker 1>regardless if you have completely shared accounts, which is more

0:14:09.770 --> 0:14:14.309
<v Speaker 1>common like with married couples or, um, separate accounts, um, in,

0:14:14.369 --> 0:14:17.880
<v Speaker 1>in committed relationship, I think couples should also think about

0:14:18.090 --> 0:14:19.130
<v Speaker 1>what happens to

0:14:19.440 --> 0:14:23.809
<v Speaker 1>The portion they save. Because, um, if one of, if, if,

0:14:23.830 --> 0:14:26.510
<v Speaker 1>if one of them decides to spend everything and one

0:14:26.510 --> 0:14:29.979
<v Speaker 1>is a very, um, is very thrifty and it saves

0:14:29.979 --> 0:14:32.650
<v Speaker 1>a lot, even this can lead to conflicts in the,

0:14:32.849 --> 0:14:35.330
<v Speaker 1>in the long term. So I think people should not

0:14:35.330 --> 0:14:37.119
<v Speaker 1>only think about how to divide.

0:14:37.390 --> 0:14:41.849
<v Speaker 1>The expenses, but also think about what are the other

0:14:41.849 --> 0:14:44.010
<v Speaker 1>goals they have and what do they, how do they

0:14:44.010 --> 0:14:47.890
<v Speaker 1>save and invest for, for those. And, and this can

0:14:47.890 --> 0:14:51.799
<v Speaker 1>be anything. This can be, um, the holiday, and Albert mentioned,

0:14:51.929 --> 0:14:55.650
<v Speaker 1>but this can also, of course, be the more long-term goals,

0:14:55.729 --> 0:14:58.330
<v Speaker 1>such as how do they want to retire, how they

0:14:58.330 --> 0:15:02.809
<v Speaker 1>want to finance or fund their retirement? How about kids and,

0:15:02.869 --> 0:15:06.440
<v Speaker 1>and their education and all, all of those kind of things.

0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:10.070
<v Speaker 1>Um, so yeah, these are really important conversations to have and,

0:15:10.359 --> 0:15:14.250
<v Speaker 1>and equally important, I think as, as the expenses, as

0:15:14.250 --> 0:15:16.359
<v Speaker 1>the expenses part. Yeah, definitely.

0:15:16.770 --> 0:15:20.429
<v Speaker 1>Uh, today, uh, very enlightening discussion on how we navigate

0:15:20.429 --> 0:15:24.150
<v Speaker 1>finances and money when it comes to romantic relationships. We've

0:15:24.150 --> 0:15:27.799
<v Speaker 1>been speaking to uh Delbert T, who is CEO of

0:15:27.799 --> 0:15:31.659
<v Speaker 1>dating app Coffee Meets Bagel and also Sebastian Seibert, who

0:15:31.659 --> 0:15:34.429
<v Speaker 1>is CMO of investment services provider SyF. If you want

0:15:34.429 --> 0:15:38.260
<v Speaker 1>to check them out online, Coffee Meets Bagel.com, one word,

0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:42.739
<v Speaker 1>and also for CyF that's spelled S Y F E.com.

0:15:42.989 --> 0:15:44.869
<v Speaker 1>Uh gentlemen, thank you so much for taking the time

0:15:44.869 --> 0:15:46.150
<v Speaker 1>to be on Mind Your Money today.

0:15:47.400 --> 0:15:47.799
<v Speaker 1>Thank you.