Becky Kopitzke: For my own kids, I try to teach them there
Becky Kopitzke: are other kids around you, and just, as you said
Becky Kopitzke: open your eyes. And the importance of doing that is
Becky Kopitzke: when we open our eyes, it causes us to recognize,
Becky Kopitzke: beyond ourselves, that there are people all around us, there
Becky Kopitzke: are people that we can serve, and it helps us
Becky Kopitzke: to get off of our own, out of our own
Becky Kopitzke: head.
John Fuller: That's Becky Kopitzke, and she joins us today on Focus
John Fuller: on the Family. Uh, thank you for being with us.
John Fuller: Your host is Focus president and author, Jim Daly, and
John Fuller: I'm John Fuller.
Jim Daly: John, before we launch into our program today, uh, let
Jim Daly: me say Happy Thanksgiving-
John Fuller: Indeed.
Jim Daly: ... from everyone here at Focus on the Family to
Jim Daly: you. Uh, let me ask you, John, does Thanksgiving tradition,
Jim Daly: what, what do you guys do, you and Dana?
John Fuller: It's usually a lot of people. And for many, many
John Fuller: years, especially when the kids were younger, we had, uh,
John Fuller: two or three families getting together.
Jim Daly: (laughs)
John Fuller: Which meant 20 kids. There was always activity, lots of
John Fuller: things. And then as the kids got older, they started
John Fuller: inviting their friends over to our house, and so that
John Fuller: meant we had 15 or 20 people in the house.
Jim Daly: Yeah. That's for sure.
John Fuller: How about you?
Jim Daly: We tease Jean, it's so funny 'cause Jean wants to
Jim Daly: go around the table, I think we're gonna have 14
Jim Daly: people this year.
John Fuller: ( laughs)
Jim Daly: Big table. You got your kid's table, the adult table,
Jim Daly: that whole thing. But she wants to hear why everybody
Jim Daly: is thankful. And we have done this every year. And
Jim Daly: we start laughing, and we say, " Okay, let's go to
Jim Daly: why everybody's thankful." But it really ends up being the
Jim Daly: highlight of the Thanksgiving dinner. Right at the end when
Jim Daly: we're all done and kicking back, we just go around
Jim Daly: the table and talk about looking over the last year,
Jim Daly: what are we thankful for?
John Fuller: Yeah, that's a good practice.
Jim Daly: Yeah. And so, I hope that you in your heart or
Jim Daly: expressed after that big piece of pumpkin pie can think
Jim Daly: about what you're thankful for. You know, Paul writes in
Jim Daly: First Thessalonians 5:18, " Give thanks in all circumstances." Not some, all circumstances. "
Jim Daly: For this is the will of God in Christ Jesus
Jim Daly: for you." So today, we want to highlight ways you
Jim Daly: can bless your family and others during Thanksgiving, uh, stemming
Jim Daly: from a heart of gratitude at Thanksgiving. Our friend Becky
Jim Daly: has some great thoughts on how to do that.
John Fuller: And Becky Kopitzke has been here before. She's married to
John Fuller: Chad. They have two girls, Clara and Noel. And she
John Fuller: coaches Christian writers, and speakers, podcasters, and creators, and uh,
John Fuller: is an author herself. And we've talked about this book,
John Fuller: we're coming back to it because it's so good, it's
John Fuller: called Love Because: How to Change the World One Blessing
John Fuller: at a Time. And of course, we have copies of
John Fuller: that here. Click the link in the show notes.
Jim Daly: Becky, welcome back to Focus.
Becky Kopitzke: Thank you. It's so fun to be here.
Jim Daly: It-
Becky Kopitzke: It's always fun.
Jim Daly: It's, it's, you bring the fun. You're like the party
Jim Daly: in a box.
Becky Kopitzke: ( laughs). Well-
Jim Daly: Here we go.
Becky Kopitzke: We were saying it is a holiday today, so we ought to be
Becky Kopitzke: having a party.
Jim Daly: That's exactly right. You know, you're the mom of, you
Jim Daly: know this, you're the mom of two girls, did you
Jim Daly: know that? ( laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: I, last I checked, I still am. (laughs)
John Fuller: (laughs)
Jim Daly: How old are your girls?
Becky Kopitzke: They are now 15 and 12.
Jim Daly: Oh, that is so-
Becky Kopitzke: Yes.
Jim Daly: I, I, ah, ours are 22 and 20.
Becky Kopitzke: Sophomore and 7th grade, yeah.
Jim Daly: And I, I would love to go back there. It sounds
Jim Daly: funny, but it's just such a great time.
Becky Kopitzke: It is really a fun time.
Jim Daly: So what is something at Thanksgiving that you guys have
Jim Daly: done as a tradition?
Becky Kopitzke: Well, as a tradition, we do get together with all
Becky Kopitzke: of the family. And, um, we-
Jim Daly: You sound pretty excited about that. ( laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: (laughs). I love all of the family.
Jim Daly: Mom and dad, she didn't mean it that way.
Becky Kopitzke: (laughs). We have to get together with all of the family. (laughs)
Jim Daly: (laughs). Okay, so you're together.
Becky Kopitzke: Yes, I love the extended family. But for us, our
Becky Kopitzke: traditions largely surround food and just the idea of recognizing
Becky Kopitzke: and counting our blessings. I am that mom, you know,
Becky Kopitzke: I'm with Jean here, because I am that mom who says, "
Becky Kopitzke: Let's really think about what are we thankful for, where
Becky Kopitzke: has God blessed us, and let's not be afraid to
Becky Kopitzke: talk about it." And I get the same jokes, " Okay
Becky Kopitzke: mom says we have to talk about what we're thankful for."
Jim Daly: (laughs). Yeah. It is good.
Becky Kopitzke: But we give them the opportunity to do that. And
Becky Kopitzke: as we go around that table, people actually start to
Becky Kopitzke: pipe up and say, " Well, I am thankful for this,
Becky Kopitzke: and this, and this." And maybe they haven't even thought
Becky Kopitzke: about it all year round.
Jim Daly: Exactly right.
Becky Kopitzke: So, it gives us an opportunity to do that.
Jim Daly: You know, at Thanksgiving, uh, just generally the attitude of Thanksgiving, why
Jim Daly: do you think that would be important to God that
Jim Daly: His creation m- you know, expresses Thanksgiving? Kinda like where
Jim Daly: He's coming from.
Becky Kopitzke: Absolutely. We owe it all to Him. We owe everything
Becky Kopitzke: to Him. And so Thanksgiving is not just for the
Becky Kopitzke: capital T, Thanksgiving Day, thanks giving should be something we
Becky Kopitzke: do daily. The Bible is filled with versus and passages
Becky Kopitzke: on the importance of gratitude, the importance of generosity, of
Becky Kopitzke: God's generosity to us.
Jim Daly: Mmm.
Becky Kopitzke: And if we think that top of mind on a day- to-
Becky Kopitzke: day basis, our outpouring ought to be thanks for everything
Becky Kopitzke: he's given us.
Jim Daly: It's so good. Now with kids, we all have, you
Jim Daly: know, children, uh, you know, anywhere from your youngest girl
Jim Daly: to ... How old's your oldest, John?
John Fuller: He's in his mid- 30s almost.
Jim Daly: Okay. There we go. That's, well you never stop that, uh,
Jim Daly: parenting relationship.
John Fuller: No.
Jim Daly: But-
John Fuller: It's always good.
Jim Daly: But in that context, you know, younger kids today, there's
Jim Daly: so much, seemingly so much an attitude of entitlement.
Becky Kopitzke: Yes.
Jim Daly: That, you know, to be thankful when you're saying, " Well, of,
Jim Daly: of course I deserve this trophy. I showed up."
Becky Kopitzke: (laughs)
John Fuller: ( laughs)
Jim Daly: But, uh, that's not really how it works.
Becky Kopitzke: No.
Jim Daly: So how, and how do we as Christian parents, how do
Jim Daly: we battle that attitude of entitlement with our teens and 20-
Jim Daly: somethings even?
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah. Well, I recognized awhile back that the important step
Becky Kopitzke: that all parents ought to take, I was not doing
Becky Kopitzke: this well, is to model it for them.
Jim Daly: Huh, there you go. (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: Am I modeling gratitude for my kids? When I think
Becky Kopitzke: throughout a day what I'm complaining about, or um, what
Becky Kopitzke: I'm feeling like I deserve and I'm not getting, what
Becky Kopitzke: am I teaching them?
Jim Daly: Yeah.
Becky Kopitzke: I'm not teaching them gratitude by my own actions. So,
Becky Kopitzke: that becomes key, especially as the kids get older and
Becky Kopitzke: enter this age of, a lot of people will joke that teenagers are
Becky Kopitzke: all entitled, uh, but maybe it's because they picked it
Becky Kopitzke: up from us.
Jim Daly: Parents love the teenage punching bag opportunity. ( laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: Yes. (laughs)
Jim Daly: Some of it's true, and you know, we get that,
Jim Daly: but it's so funny. I think of, uh, you know,
Jim Daly: correcting a teen with anger problems. And you're going, " Now
Jim Daly: listen, I'm tellin' you anger is not a fruit of
Jim Daly: the spirit." (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: (laughs). Right.
Jim Daly: And they're going, "Okay, dad." (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah. (laughs)
John Fuller: I can kinda tell.
Jim Daly: You gotta model it, right? That's what you're saying.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah, we've gotta model it.
Jim Daly: Are there practical things you do to, to cultivate a
Jim Daly: sense of gratitude in your life?
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah, absolutely. Uh, like I said, first of all I
Becky Kopitzke: recognize my own mouth, what is coming out of my
Becky Kopitzke: mouth, right?
Jim Daly: (laughs). I love that.
Becky Kopitzke: And so it's, it's things like stepping in front of
Becky Kopitzke: the refrigerator and complaining, " There's nothing here to eat." Well,
Becky Kopitzke: is that really true?
Jim Daly: Well, in fact, you had a story about that. What happened?
Becky Kopitzke: I do. ( laughs). I, I opened up the refrigerator, " Got to
Becky Kopitzke: feed these people again", right?
Jim Daly: It's dinnertime, or nearing.
Becky Kopitzke: It's dinnertime. It's nearing dinnertime. And we hadn't been to
Becky Kopitzke: the grocery store in a while. And so what we
Becky Kopitzke: had were leftovers or a few scraps here and there.
Becky Kopitzke: Our scraps is actually someone else's feast, if you think
Becky Kopitzke: about it.
Jim Daly: Right.
Becky Kopitzke: There are people in this world, in our own communities,
Becky Kopitzke: who are not blessed with the same abundance of food
Becky Kopitzke: that we have. I have a pantry that I can't
Becky Kopitzke: even walk into because it's so filled with snacks from
Becky Kopitzke: Costco, right? And so the fact that I thought I
Becky Kopitzke: had nothing to make for dinner was really a perspective
Becky Kopitzke: issue for me. I needed to step back and say, "
Becky Kopitzke: Wait a minute, we are so blessed with this abundance
Becky Kopitzke: of food." And the kids would probably be thrilled if
Becky Kopitzke: I made pancakes for dinner, 'cause we can always make pancakes. (
Becky Kopitzke: laughs)
Jim Daly: I would be thrilled. ( laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: Right? (laughs)
Jim Daly: (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: And so, it's that attitude that I don't have what
Becky Kopitzke: I need, or I'm focused on what I want and
Becky Kopitzke: isn't right in front of me, instead of counting all
Becky Kopitzke: of these blessings and these opportunities that God has given
Becky Kopitzke: us in our own families, because the kids are watching me.
Jim Daly: Yeah.
Becky Kopitzke: You know, I have to deal with that between the Lord
Becky Kopitzke: and me, right? I have an, if I have an
Becky Kopitzke: issue with my gratitude, that's between the Lord and me,
Becky Kopitzke: but there are people in my household who are watching.
Jim Daly: Well when Jean's out for the evening or something, if
Jim Daly: she's out with girlfriends, what I don't tell her is,
Jim Daly: uh, we usually have cereal night. (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: ( laughs). Of course you do.
Jim Daly: She of course planned a big meal, but I said, "
Jim Daly: How about some cereal boys?"
Becky Kopitzke: ( laughs)
Jim Daly: They were like, "Dad, that's great."
John Fuller: Make it easy. Yeah.
Jim Daly: (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: They probably look forward to it, right? I-
Jim Daly: It became a special treat.
Becky Kopitzke: I'm pretty sure that right now I am here in
Becky Kopitzke: Colorado Springs, and my family's back in Wisconsin, pretty sure
Becky Kopitzke: last night was a take- out night, you know, there
Becky Kopitzke: were burgers involved or something that had nothing to do
Becky Kopitzke: with mom's plan for nutritious meals, or actually it's dad's the one these days-
John Fuller: Because there was no food, there was no food in the fridge, Becky,
John Fuller: that's why.
Becky Kopitzke: There was no food in the fridge. No.
Jim Daly: (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: No, right? All we had were packs of chips. ( laughs)
Jim Daly: Yeah, I like that.
John Fuller: Well, Becky, you had a moment where you, uh, realized
John Fuller: that being thankful could really change your relationship with your
John Fuller: husband.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah.
John Fuller: It sounds like it was kind of a mundane day,
John Fuller: but somethin' popped in your head, some light bulb went
John Fuller: off. What happened?
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah, absolutely. It was an average day, as you know,
Becky Kopitzke: most of our lessons begin as an average day. (laughs). But
Becky Kopitzke: my husband had grilled some dinner for the family, especially
Becky Kopitzke: in the summertime that's pretty standard. He'll grill something, and
Becky Kopitzke: then I'll handle the side dishes. And we were going
Becky Kopitzke: through our routine, this is just the division of labor
Becky Kopitzke: in our family. And we all ate the dinner. And
Becky Kopitzke: I'm thinking ahead to the dishes that I've got to
Becky Kopitzke: do. But instead, I took a second and I looked
Becky Kopitzke: up at him and I said, " Thank you for grilling."
Becky Kopitzke: And it was as though the environment around us just
Becky Kopitzke: softened a bit, because I acknowledged that even though the
Becky Kopitzke: assumption in our family is that he will grill and
Becky Kopitzke: I will make the corn, or the rice, or I
Becky Kopitzke: will you know, do the dishes, that division of labor
Becky Kopitzke: is more than just something we assume of each other,
Becky Kopitzke: it's a way that we're serving the family. And when
Becky Kopitzke: I stopped for a second and told him thank you
Becky Kopitzke: for that, I realized that this is something he does
Becky Kopitzke: on a regular basis, and I've just not even been
Becky Kopitzke: acknowledging it. I've been taking for granted his part.
Jim Daly: Now would you say that ... Yeah, would you say that if the meat was burnt
Jim Daly: a little bit?
Becky Kopitzke: Uh, ( laughs).
Jim Daly: " Thank you for grilling. My meat's a little burnt", but ...
Becky Kopitzke: I'll tell you, I actually prefer it that way, because ... (
Becky Kopitzke: laughs)
Jim Daly: Yeah, well I'm kinda, I think I'm offering my lack
Jim Daly: of skills here, but my, uh, my beef skills are usually a
Jim Daly: little over the fried side.
John Fuller: Yeah, well ...
Becky Kopitzke: Because it, it's not the result that matters.
Jim Daly: Oh, good. Ooh.
Becky Kopitzke: It's ... So, you're off the hook here, Jim. You're off
Becky Kopitzke: the hook.
Jim Daly: Okay, that makes me feel better.
Becky Kopitzke: And, because you know, I, I burn carrots for goodness' sake. (laughs)
Jim Daly: ( laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: And it's, it's the effort that we're taking on a
Becky Kopitzke: day to day basis to care for the family, to
Becky Kopitzke: care for the household. And when we acknowledge that, I
Becky Kopitzke: think we just meet this inherent need that we all
Becky Kopitzke: have to feel seen, and to feel as though we've
Becky Kopitzke: done something that has contributed.
Jim Daly: Right, and I like that idea of a thankful heart towards your spouse.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah.
Jim Daly: That's what you're saying. Find something-
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah, it's a thankful heart.
Jim Daly: ... to be thankful about.
Becky Kopitzke: And it doesn't have to be something big, it can
Becky Kopitzke: be the fact that he mowed the lawn. I try
Becky Kopitzke: to make an effort if my husband has mowed the
Becky Kopitzke: lawn, I don't wanna mow the lawn, so I'll say, "
Becky Kopitzke: Thank you for doing that." Just to acknowledge that he
Becky Kopitzke: has played that part in the family. And some people
Becky Kopitzke: might say, " Well my husband doesn't care about words of
Becky Kopitzke: affirmation, so he would just laugh at me." There are
Becky Kopitzke: other ways to show gratitude. It's, the whole idea is
Becky Kopitzke: a heart attitude toward the people that we're doing life
Becky Kopitzke: with day- by- day.
Jim Daly: Yeah. Yeah. That's what's so important in the end. You had
Jim Daly: a dream that shook you back into a sense of
Jim Daly: gratitude the book talked about. What happened?
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah. Well, my husband had been gone for a weekend.
Becky Kopitzke: He was gone hunting. He's an avid hunter. And, um,
Becky Kopitzke: I support that, I make space for that in our
Becky Kopitzke: household. And so, in supporting his interests, especially when the
Becky Kopitzke: kids were younger, I would take on the burden of
Becky Kopitzke: what was left at home. And when the kids were
Becky Kopitzke: small, that was a difficulty for me. But I was
Becky Kopitzke: just fed up that weekend. My kids were bickering and
Becky Kopitzke: I just felt overburdened. I wanted a break. He got
Becky Kopitzke: to go off to the woods to think, uh, you
Becky Kopitzke: know, happy thoughts for a couple of days, ( laughs), with
Becky Kopitzke: nobody chattering around him. And, and I was exhausted. And
Becky Kopitzke: I really had just had it with my family. My
Becky Kopitzke: husband came home that night, and I had a dream
Becky Kopitzke: that I was single in my parent's basement, living in
Becky Kopitzke: my parent's basement, and my mother was bugging me to
Becky Kopitzke: get onto eHarmony and meet somebody. And I woke up
Becky Kopitzke: with a start. And I thought, wait a second, and
Becky Kopitzke: I kinda tapped the side of the bed, my husband's
Becky Kopitzke: here. I'm married. I've, you know, fast- forwarded from that
Becky Kopitzke: part of my life.
Jim Daly: It was that real feeling dream.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah, like oh that ...
Jim Daly: Yeah, those are-
Becky Kopitzke: That wasn't, that dream wasn't real.
Jim Daly: Yeah.
Becky Kopitzke: And all of a sudden it came flooding back to me
Becky Kopitzke: that I've always wanted this family life. I've always wanted
Becky Kopitzke: the family life. I've always wanted my own washing machine.
Becky Kopitzke: And I've wanted children to raise-
Jim Daly: (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: ... and a husband, and God has blessed me with
Becky Kopitzke: those things. But I recognized that they had become the
Becky Kopitzke: very thing I was complaining about on a regular basis.
Jim Daly: Well, and some women right now are saying, " Well, what do you
Jim Daly: get for your space?" So they're not mad at Chad,
Jim Daly: do you get an opportunity to be with the girlfriends,
Jim Daly: and do the things you wanna do outside the home?
Becky Kopitzke: I do. Because we d- we are deliberate-
Jim Daly: Yeah.
Becky Kopitzke: ... about finding that balance.
Jim Daly: Which is a good thing to do.
Becky Kopitzke: It is a good thing to do. And he'll recognize
Becky Kopitzke: he got his hunting weekend, so I'm going to take
Becky Kopitzke: this evening out for dinner with girlfriends.
Jim Daly: Yeah.
Becky Kopitzke: Or I'm gonna go ... I tell him, " I'm going shopping because it's my hunting
Becky Kopitzke: trip."
Jim Daly: ( laughs)
John Fuller: ( laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: And everything that you spent on hunting gear-
Jim Daly: Uh-oh. (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: ... I will now spend at the mall. ( laughs)
Jim Daly: I think that, I think it's a good quid pro quo, that's what
Jim Daly: I'm hearing. You mentioned the me weeds, uh, speak to
Jim Daly: the me weeds. This is our flesh, this is our
Jim Daly: sinful nature. What are the me weeds?
Becky Kopitzke: Me weeds are those ... It's those aspects of our heart
Becky Kopitzke: that are wrapped up in, uh, being self- absorbed, or
Becky Kopitzke: being prideful. Anything that happens in our lives that chokes
Becky Kopitzke: out our ability to recognize our blessings. And so, for
Becky Kopitzke: example, one of them for me is self- absorption. If
Becky Kopitzke: I am so focused on what I have to do
Becky Kopitzke: in a day, what I've got to get done, and
Becky Kopitzke: I'm not looking outside of myself to think of other
Becky Kopitzke: people, it's impossible to bless the people around you. It's
Becky Kopitzke: impossible to be grateful for them when you don't even
Becky Kopitzke: see them. When we don't even-
Jim Daly: Yeah. It's kinda like the list. The list is more important than the people.
Becky Kopitzke: Yes.
Jim Daly: Yeah, I, I think, listen, a lot of women have lists.
Jim Daly: A lot of men do too, but Jean has a
Jim Daly: list.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah. A to-do list.
Jim Daly: Or two, or three, or four. ( laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: On a daily basis, and there's something really therapeutic about
Becky Kopitzke: checking off the list.
Jim Daly: Mm- hmm.
Becky Kopitzke: But in doing so-
Jim Daly: Yeah.
Becky Kopitzke: ... what have we missed?
Jim Daly: Yeah, being thorough. I mean, I appreciate it 'cause I'm not a list maker.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah.
Jim Daly: So, it actually saves my bacon.
Becky Kopitzke: ( laughs). I'll be it does.
Jim Daly: If I can stick with that metaphor.
John Fuller: ( laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: I keep liking Jean better and better the more we
Becky Kopitzke: h- talk about her.
Jim Daly: Oh yeah. No, I, I'm glad she's a list maker.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah.
Jim Daly: 'Cause we'd have a lot of chaos if she wasn't
Jim Daly: makin' the list.
Becky Kopitzke: (laughs)
Jim Daly: But it is true, uh, sometimes I'm not happy about that list. (
Jim Daly: laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: ( laughs). Does she give you your own list?
Jim Daly: Oh no, not too often. She'll just ask very kindly, "
Jim Daly: Could you do such and such?" And then of course
Jim Daly: she puts the reminders on that tower thing in the
Jim Daly: kitchen. You know?
John Fuller: Ah, yes.
Jim Daly: You know? So that, that thing-
John Fuller: Just to make sure.
Jim Daly: ... then pops up an hour later, " Remind Jim to",
Jim Daly: whatever, fill- in- the- blank. So it's all fun.
Becky Kopitzke: ( laughs)
Jim Daly: Um, you mentioned the four P's of blessing, presence, possessions,
Jim Daly: perspective, and prayer. Kinda fill those out.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah. Sure. These are the four ways that we can
Becky Kopitzke: bless the people around us. I've put them into these
Becky Kopitzke: categories to make it easy to remember, ( laughs), but your
Becky Kopitzke: presence is essentially are you available for people? Do you
Becky Kopitzke: look them in the eye when you talk to them?
Becky Kopitzke: Are you looking outside of yourself and seeing that there
Becky Kopitzke: are people all around you who could benefit from your
Becky Kopitzke: attention, and from your love.
Jim Daly: I'm feeling convicted by that right now, so ...
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah, it's very-
Jim Daly: You look them in the eye? (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: When you're talking to them. And I think of this
Becky Kopitzke: with my children.
Jim Daly: Oh, yeah.
Becky Kopitzke: How often do I just do life alongside my children.
Jim Daly: So true.
Becky Kopitzke: But I'm not actually infusing life into my children by
Becky Kopitzke: stopping to listen to what they're saying. 'CAuse I've got
Becky Kopitzke: the to- do list, and I'm working hard, and I
Becky Kopitzke: work from home.
Jim Daly: Yeah.
Becky Kopitzke: And my kids are there, and they're talking to me,
Becky Kopitzke: and I may listen with half an ear, and then
Becky Kopitzke: look up, and they'll look at me like mom, did
Becky Kopitzke: you just hear what I said? So to look them
Becky Kopitzke: in the eye is so important. And then blessing with
Becky Kopitzke: our possessions is simply recognizing the abundance that we've been
Becky Kopitzke: blessed with, and being willing to share it with other
Becky Kopitzke: people. And we're s- so many of us, I should
Becky Kopitzke: speak just for myself, but I am particular, or I'm
Becky Kopitzke: very focused on making sure that I'm operating with good
Becky Kopitzke: stewardship in my business, in my work. But it's so
Becky Kopitzke: important to look at the abundance God has given us, and
Becky Kopitzke: to share it with other people. It doesn't have to
Becky Kopitzke: be big. I'm not talking about writing big checks. I, I
Becky Kopitzke: like to say, I mean this kindly, but writing big
Becky Kopitzke: checks can be easy. But getting up and close and
Becky Kopitzke: personal with someone who has a need that you can
Becky Kopitzke: fulfill with your possessions, maybe it's just a cup of coffee-
Jim Daly: Yeah, that's good.
Becky Kopitzke: ... that you hand to someone. That's so important.
Jim Daly: Hang on one second. If you'd like to write a
Jim Daly: check, please send it to Focus on the Family.
John Fuller: ( laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: (laughs)
Jim Daly: No. (laughs). Right at the end of the year here, I just
Jim Daly: thought it was a good place to mention that, John.
Jim Daly: I don't know.
John Fuller: 809, yeah.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah, for those checks are (inaudible) . ( laughs)
Jim Daly: Yeah, keep ... Sorry, keep movin'.
Becky Kopitzke: ( laughs). So important.
Jim Daly: ( laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: Perspective is another one. The how are we looking at people? Are we
Becky Kopitzke: looking at people the way God looks at them? Or
Becky Kopitzke: are we walking into church and seeing somebody who looks
Becky Kopitzke: different from us, acts different from us? And casting judgment
Becky Kopitzke: on that person, or presuming something about that person based
Becky Kopitzke: on external appearances? Or are we just open to the
Becky Kopitzke: idea that our perspective of other people should be the
Becky Kopitzke: same as God's perspective on people, which is that he
Becky Kopitzke: created each of us for a purpose, on purpose. So,
Becky Kopitzke: that a- alone when we are open to the idea
Becky Kopitzke: of getting to know other people is important.
Jim Daly: Mmm.
Becky Kopitzke: And then finally, prayer. Prayer I think is the one
Becky Kopitzke: thing we all can do.
Jim Daly: Mm-hmm.
Becky Kopitzke: It should not a last resort. It's the one thing
Becky Kopitzke: we all can do, whether we have possessions, whether we
Becky Kopitzke: have a- abundance of time or not. Prayer is something
Becky Kopitzke: that we all can do that directly invokes the action
Becky Kopitzke: of God.
Jim Daly: Let me, uh, camp in some of these and ask
Jim Daly: you some questions to help fill that out a little
Jim Daly: bit, 'cause we were movin' pretty fast there. But you had
Jim Daly: a story about possessions in the book, uh, something called
Jim Daly: the Agent Rusty Fish.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah.
Jim Daly: What was that all about? ( laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: Oh, I love this story, and I could take no
Becky Kopitzke: credit for it because some friends of ours, Mike and
Becky Kopitzke: Vicky, told us that when their daughter was in high
Becky Kopitzke: school, their daughter Carly is now grown and she has
Becky Kopitzke: kids of her own. But when she was in high
Becky Kopitzke: school, they wanted to instill in her a sense of
Becky Kopitzke: generosity towards others, to be aware of needs. So they
Becky Kopitzke: asked her to intentionally look for kids in her school
Becky Kopitzke: who had a need and then to come home and
Becky Kopitzke: tell them about it, and they would pray over it, and
Becky Kopitzke: they would meet the need. And they called this, it
Becky Kopitzke: was a covert operation. They called it Agent Rusty Fish.
Jim Daly: (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: And it was named after some rustic silly lantern at
Becky Kopitzke: their cottage, Rusty Fish. And so, they would actually pray
Becky Kopitzke: over these needs, and then they would write letters, anonymous
Becky Kopitzke: letters signed Agent Rusty Fish. And they would give whatever
Becky Kopitzke: it is the student needed. Maybe if someone was short
Becky Kopitzke: on funds to pay for lunch, they would get food
Becky Kopitzke: cards. There was another student who had needed some important
Becky Kopitzke: ski equipment fixed, and so they would provide funds for
Becky Kopitzke: these types of things, or material blessings. But always, Vicky
Becky Kopitzke: said, it was the letter that made the big difference,
Becky Kopitzke: because she just loved to be able to speak into
Becky Kopitzke: these kid's lives, and show them that they were seen.
Jim Daly: Ah.
Becky Kopitzke: That they were seen, and that someone knew their need
Becky Kopitzke: and was willing to meet it. And so now the
Becky Kopitzke: cover is blown, you know, years later everybody knows now
Becky Kopitzke: it was Mike and Vicky, largely because Vicky let me
Becky Kopitzke: tell this story. ( laughs)
Jim Daly: Yeah, right. (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: And it was-
Jim Daly: You blew the cover.
Becky Kopitzke: ... Carly all along. I did. I did.
Jim Daly: (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: But I just love that idea of teaching our kids
Becky Kopitzke: to look for needs among other students.
Jim Daly: Yeah. I like the concept though of helping them pray
Jim Daly: that through as well though, 'cause it is easy to
Jim Daly: just ... And we don't do enough of it. I say
Jim Daly: it's easy, but we should do more of that material
Jim Daly: blessing with people.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah.
Jim Daly: It's a great way to do it with your kids in school.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah.
Jim Daly: That's awesome. But the prayer component's really critical too, 'cause you're
Jim Daly: teaching your children so many good-
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah.
Jim Daly: ... habits and directionally really helping them understand the bigger
Jim Daly: spiritual battles that go on.
Becky Kopitzke: Absolutely.
Jim Daly: So describe that, you know, prayin' through some of those things.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah. Well, and when we bring it to the Lord in
Becky Kopitzke: prayer, we're acknowledging that He's the source of all of
Becky Kopitzke: our blessings. He's the one who gives us anything that
Becky Kopitzke: we can use then to pay forward to other people.
Becky Kopitzke: And it's also being discerning. This is a need I saw,
Becky Kopitzke: but Lord is it me that you want to fill
Becky Kopitzke: it? Do you have another plan perhaps? Or am I
Becky Kopitzke: stepping in on, uh, someone else's opportunity to bless? And, and
Becky Kopitzke: so it just really brings the Lord into the conversation
Becky Kopitzke: and helps our kids recognize that He ought to be
Becky Kopitzke: a part of every conversation when we're talking about decisions
Becky Kopitzke: on how to use our resources in particular.
Jim Daly: Yeah.
Becky Kopitzke: It's important.
Jim Daly: The, uh, the practical nature of that too, just keeping your eyes
Jim Daly: open to opportunity. I mean, they, if, it seems like
Jim Daly: they kind of curtailed it, or aimed it, at those,
Jim Daly: uh, school interactions.
Becky Kopitzke: Yes, because-
Jim Daly: What are some other practical ways you can do that?
Becky Kopitzke: Well, again, because what we say is teenagers are entitled,
Becky Kopitzke: and so you battle against that entitlement by filling them
Becky Kopitzke: with lessons on how to be aware of what else
Becky Kopitzke: is going on. And so-
Jim Daly: Right.
Becky Kopitzke: In, in my case, for my own kids, I try
Becky Kopitzke: to teach them there are other kids around you, and
Becky Kopitzke: just as you said, open your eyes. And the importance
Becky Kopitzke: of doing that is when we open our eyes, it
Becky Kopitzke: causes us to recognize beyond ourselves that there are people
Becky Kopitzke: all around us, there are people that we can serve.
Becky Kopitzke: And it helps us to get off of our own,
Becky Kopitzke: out of our own head. Because often, especially teenagers I
Becky Kopitzke: think, their, their world is small, and it's very much
Becky Kopitzke: filled with angst.
Jim Daly: It's kinda the normal course of growth.
Becky Kopitzke: It is.
Jim Daly: I mean, that's why it's so common, and why there's
Jim Daly: jokes about it.
Becky Kopitzke: Yep.
Jim Daly: 'Cause that's just like the normal development of human beings.
Jim Daly: We tend to be selfish early.
Becky Kopitzke: Yep.
Jim Daly: Teen years, you're myopic. You don't really ... You're developing connection
Jim Daly: with other people, which would be empathy. But it's just-
Becky Kopitzke: Yes.
Jim Daly: ... kinda comin' around at that time, unless you have
Jim Daly: an exceptional child, which you might, where that, that child
Jim Daly: just really is in tune with other people around 'em.
Jim Daly: But normally, that's blossoming during those years.
Becky Kopitzke: It is. And it's age appropriate, right?
Jim Daly: Right.
Becky Kopitzke: It's age appropriate behavior, so I, I don't want to disparage
Becky Kopitzke: kids and say that they shouldn't be behaving this way,
Becky Kopitzke: because scripture says, you know, " Folly is bound in the
Becky Kopitzke: heart of a child." (laughs). And so, it's a natural party of growth.
Jim Daly: Yeah.
Becky Kopitzke: So we as parents have an opportunity to speak into
Becky Kopitzke: that, and help them open their eyes beyond themselves.
Jim Daly: Kinda water them. (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: Yes, exactly.
Jim Daly: If you look at it that way.
Becky Kopitzke: Exactly. And, and when they do that, when they start to see
Becky Kopitzke: that other kids have problems or needs, it also helps
Becky Kopitzke: them in a way to feel better about their own.
Jim Daly: Yeah. I'm thinkin' about it, how many times did we teach
Jim Daly: our kids to say please and thank you?
Becky Kopitzke: Yes. ( laughs)
Jim Daly: I mean, I didn't count them, but I bet I said, "
Jim Daly: Hey, remember to say please or thank you", 20,000 times.
Jim Daly: I mean, it's probably close to that.
John Fuller: (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah, 40,000 times.
Jim Daly: And then there's this day, there's this wild crazy day that
Jim Daly: all of a sudden you overhear your child say, " Please", or, "
Jim Daly: Thank you." And you go, " They got it, they got it."
Becky Kopitzke: (laughs)
Jim Daly: I mean now-
Becky Kopitzke: It only took 20 years.
Jim Daly: Yeah, whether it's at 15 or 13 is kinda the
Jim Daly: battle, but it's-
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah.
Jim Daly: ... awesome to hear your kids eventually absorbing those great ideas. (
Jim Daly: laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: Yes.
Jim Daly: And then putting them into action.
Becky Kopitzke: Right, that you knew all along were a great idea. (laughs)
Jim Daly: Okay, this is Thanksgiving. Uh, so let's, uh, think of
Jim Daly: some ways we can incorporate gratitude and blessing others.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah.
Jim Daly: What are some more suggestions you might have?
Becky Kopitzke: Some of my favorite ideas are, especially for those families
Becky Kopitzke: who don't want to go around the room and talk
Becky Kopitzke: about what they're thankful for. (laughs)
Jim Daly: (laughs). Little pressure there, actually.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah. (laughs). It feels like a lot of pressure. But I
Becky Kopitzke: like the idea of a Thanksgiving tablecloth with, of paper,
Becky Kopitzke: as they do at some super fancy Italian restaurants, ( laughs),
Becky Kopitzke: with a box of crayons and a paper on the tablecloth.
Jim Daly: Oh, and write it.
Becky Kopitzke: And write out what am I thankful for?
Jim Daly: I hadn't thought of that.
Becky Kopitzke: The little kids can draw pictures. Just what are we
Becky Kopitzke: thankful for this year? And if the family sits down
Becky Kopitzke: to a table that is filled with notes and pictures
Becky Kopitzke: of their, their blessings, that just makes the whole event
Becky Kopitzke: more festive, I think.
Jim Daly: Absolutely.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah. And then also, I like the idea of sending
Becky Kopitzke: Thanksgiving cards. Little late now, but you know, next year.
Becky Kopitzke: Think about this for next year.
Jim Daly: Yeah.
Becky Kopitzke: Instead of Christmas cards, why not Thanksgiving cards? Again, to
Becky Kopitzke: acknowledge that God is a part of the Thanksgiving holiday
Becky Kopitzke: and the attitude of, of gratitude. And so, uh, acknowledge what
Becky Kopitzke: your blessings have been, um, allow people to see into
Becky Kopitzke: your life a little bit-
Jim Daly: Mmm.
Becky Kopitzke: ... through a Thanksgiving card before the barrage of Christmas
Becky Kopitzke: cards. And yours might even stand out a little bit.
Becky Kopitzke: Um, also I like the idea of gratitude packages, which
Becky Kopitzke: are bundles of treats that you can send to people
Becky Kopitzke: in your life who serve you.
Jim Daly: Mmm.
Becky Kopitzke: That might be your orthodontics, it might be your mail carrier.
Jim Daly: Wait a minute, I don't have to go that far,
Jim Daly: do I? ( laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: Oh, you know what? Because the orthodontics is already getting a lot
Becky Kopitzke: of my gratitude, ( laughs), I say that with air quotes. But sure.
Jim Daly: That's pretty funny.
Becky Kopitzke: People who are serving your family on a day- to-
Becky Kopitzke: day basis, uh, you know maybe, maybe it's a teacher.
Becky Kopitzke: Uh, maybe it's a neighbor. Somebody who you want to
Becky Kopitzke: bless. But come up with packages, and just say thank
Becky Kopitzke: you for what they've done for you that year.
Jim Daly: Mmm.
Becky Kopitzke: And then one of my favorites is a thank prank. So
Becky Kopitzke: this is something-
Jim Daly: Yeah, tell me about the thank prank.
Becky Kopitzke: (laughs)
Jim Daly: 'Cause I was tryin' to think okay what could I
Jim Daly: do? I would be drawn to this. It's part of
Jim Daly: who I am. (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: (laughs)
Jim Daly: The thank prank.
Becky Kopitzke: Yes. It's fun. So my family and I came up
Becky Kopitzke: with this a, a few years ago. Essentially, you come up
Becky Kopitzke: with a little bag of treats, and there's a sheet
Becky Kopitzke: of paper on the outside that says, " You've been thank
Becky Kopitzke: pranked." Essentially, thank you for who you are in our
Becky Kopitzke: lives, thank you for all that you've done for us.
Becky Kopitzke: This bag of treats, you put it on their porch,
Becky Kopitzke: ring the doorbell, run away. And then inside of the
Becky Kopitzke: bag is a replica of that same sheet of paper
Becky Kopitzke: that they then can use to pass onto somebody else.
Jim Daly: Oh.
Becky Kopitzke: So it's a pay it forward kind of a thing.
Jim Daly: Okay.
Becky Kopitzke: Just thank you for who you are and what you've
Becky Kopitzke: done. Our gr- our family is grateful for you. Now pass this
Becky Kopitzke: on to someone who has served your family this year.
Jim Daly: So it could be a gift card or anything.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah.
Jim Daly: Doesn't have to be candy.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah. No, well it always should be candy, Jim. ( laughs)
Jim Daly: (laughs). That's the part I'm missin' here. No, I think
Jim Daly: it should be a donut.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah. ( laughs)
Jim Daly: (laughs)
Becky Kopitzke: Whatever floats your boat, it better go in that bag. But
Becky Kopitzke: absolutely, just some sort of a thank you gift. And encourage-
Jim Daly: Yeah.
Becky Kopitzke: ... encourage the paying it forward.
Jim Daly: Uh, Becky, this has been so good, and I appreciate
Jim Daly: the reminder that Thanksgiving can happen every day of the
Jim Daly: year. That's the attitude of getting God into Thanksgiving, right?
Jim Daly: This is a characteristic, or an attribute, of His character.
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah.
Jim Daly: Being thankful and grateful, uh, for the things in your
Jim Daly: life, for the people in your life. And being able
Jim Daly: to express that-
Becky Kopitzke: Yeah.
Jim Daly: ... on a consistent basis. And, now I'm so happy
Jim Daly: that Jean has been a great driver in our family
Jim Daly: in that regard. And I think the boys feel it,
Jim Daly: and it's part of their personality now, and I love
Jim Daly: that. Thanks for bein' with us.
Becky Kopitzke: Thank you for having me.
Jim Daly: Let me turn to the listener. Focus on the Family
Jim Daly: is here for you. We want to help your marriage,
Jim Daly: and help you in that parenting journey. That's our mission.
Jim Daly: So many people don't realize Focus is just a huge
Jim Daly: treasure trove of information and help for you. I don't
Jim Daly: think after 45 years there's a question we can't answer
Jim Daly: and help you with. So, call us, uh, get in
Jim Daly: touch with us. Let us, uh, be part of that
Jim Daly: parenting or marriage journey with you, and help you do
Jim Daly: the best you can do, because that really first and
Jim Daly: foremost honors the Lord in doing your marriage well, and
Jim Daly: being a good parent, and teaching your kids, uh, Godly
Jim Daly: truth, right? That's what it's all about. And, uh, I
Jim Daly: want you to do that. So, get in touch with
Jim Daly: us. Nothing's going to be embarrassing. We will help you.
Jim Daly: And I'd also like encourage you to give family's hope
Jim Daly: this year. We're right at the end of the year
Jim Daly: now, the big drive goes on. That was kind of
Jim Daly: a joke about writing the check, (laughs), but no that's how it
Jim Daly: works. And we would love to hear from you. Be
Jim Daly: part of the ministry. That's as easy as I could
Jim Daly: say it. Uh, this accrues to your account with the
Jim Daly: Lord when you do ministry through Focus on the Family.
Jim Daly: I'll commit to running it effectively and efficiently so you
Jim Daly: and your family can do ministry through it.
John Fuller: Mmm. And, uh, when you get in touch, and uh,
John Fuller: make that contribution, please know that our thank you for
John Fuller: joining the support team is a copy of Becky's book,
John Fuller: Love Because: How to Change the World One Blessing at
John Fuller: a Time. Donate and learn more at our website. The
John Fuller: links are in the show notes. Or call 800, the
John Fuller: letter A, and the word family. On behalf of Jim
John Fuller: Daly and the entire team, thanks for joining us today
John Fuller: for Focus on the Family. I'm John Fuller inviting you
John Fuller: back as we once again help you and your family
John Fuller: thrive in Christ.