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Speaker 1: Life Audio. If you're in the slog, you're probably in winter.

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Speaker 1: We think it's a wasted season. There's snow on the ground,

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Speaker 1: there's nothing growing cold, and it seems like it's going

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Speaker 1: to last forever. The sun doesn't come out, but during

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Speaker 1: that time, roots are growing down deep.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the Faith Over Fear Podcast, where we share

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Speaker 2: powerful truths to quiet anxiety and fear big and small.

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Speaker 2: I'm Carol McCracken. And if you've ever felt like your

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Speaker 2: past keeps showing up in your present, especially in your relationships,

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Speaker 2: today's conversation is for you. Many of us can wounds, misunderstandings,

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Speaker 2: pain environments that shaped us, and before we realize it,

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Speaker 2: they start shaping how we trust and how we react

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Speaker 2: and how we connect. So here's a lie that we're

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Speaker 2: going to name today. My past defines my relationships. I'll

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Speaker 2: keep repeating it, but here's the truth. God can restory

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Speaker 2: your past so you can walk into relationships with freedom,

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Speaker 2: wisdom and new patterns. Today we're going to talk about

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Speaker 2: how does that actually happen? And today's guest is Mary

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Speaker 2: Demouth again. She's one of my favorites, back for a

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Speaker 2: third time because I love she has to talk about.

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Speaker 2: So for listeners who were shaped by past boons, would

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Speaker 2: you share a moment when you realized that your past

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Speaker 2: was affecting your relationships and how God maybe began to

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Speaker 2: restore it.

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Speaker 1: I was finding that I kept choosing the friends who

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Speaker 1: tended toward narcissism, and they tended also some of them

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Speaker 1: were predatory, and I kept coming to the end of

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Speaker 1: a couple, not all of them, but just a few

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Speaker 1: of them. I would come to the end of those,

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Speaker 1: because when you're in a relationship with someone like that,

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Speaker 1: there usually is a spectacular end. And I was coming

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Speaker 1: to the end of them and wondering and asking myself

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Speaker 1: the question, why do I keep choosing these people? It

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Speaker 1: doesn't logically make sense, and I'm a smart person. I

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Speaker 1: can see someone who's that way predatory or narcissistic pretty

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Speaker 1: much a mile away. But I am drawn to them.

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Speaker 1: Why am I drawn to them? And as I worked

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Speaker 1: through it with the Lord, I realized that they were

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Speaker 1: representing my parents. So one of my parents was very narcissistic,

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Speaker 1: another one was very predatory, and without ever verbalizing it

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Speaker 1: or even thinking about I was trying to complete my story.

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Speaker 1: I thought if I could just get a narcissistic predator

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Speaker 1: or a predatory narcissist to love me. I can prove

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Speaker 1: that I'm lovable to my parents who didn't. And once

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Speaker 1: I figured that out and the Lord helped me to

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Speaker 1: realize I needed to complete that story with him that

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Speaker 1: I am loved and I am cherished and I am

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Speaker 1: adored by him, and I don't need to go out

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Speaker 1: and seek unsafe people to fill that story or to

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Speaker 1: complete that loop. And that has made all the difference

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Speaker 1: in the world. And now my friendships are much more

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Speaker 1: layered and beautiful, and I'm not choosing those hard folks

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Speaker 1: that I chose before that broke my heart. I've learned

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Speaker 1: a lot from that.

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Speaker 2: What began to shift, exactly, it was just.

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Speaker 1: This fed upness of why I have There been seven

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Speaker 1: of these that have happened. Listeners can ask themselves a question,

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Speaker 1: why does this keep happening to me? Usually you're the

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Speaker 1: common denominator. I didn't like to admit that. It was like,

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Speaker 1: oh wait, maybe it's me. And it was me having

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Speaker 1: that mirror moment where you look yourself in the mirror

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Speaker 1: and say, okay, I'm obviously making some choices that are

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Speaker 1: not working for me, so now, Lord help me unpack it.

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Speaker 1: And of course I had conversations with friends and my

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Speaker 1: husband and all of that to try to figure it out,

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Speaker 1: because it was a conundrum for me.

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Speaker 2: When you're in the middle of it, it's probably hard

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Speaker 2: to see to see it. Early experiences obviously shape us.

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Speaker 2: So how does that fear and anxiety grow from these

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Speaker 2: relational wounds?

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Speaker 1: In my case, for that one, I started to question

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Speaker 1: my own ability to be a friend or inability to

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Speaker 1: make something work that we wasn't working, and so that

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Speaker 1: can mess with our nxiety because then we begin to

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Speaker 1: think that we're not good at it. But also there's

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Speaker 1: that residual anxiety that comes from past difficult relationships, whether

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Speaker 1: it's parental or friend or whatever. Those can be a

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Speaker 1: wound that especially if someone said something pervasive over you,

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Speaker 1: like you're a terrible friend, or we're not a good

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Speaker 1: child or whatever. It is some pervasive thing that's been

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Speaker 1: said where you have now internalized it and you're stuck

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Speaker 1: there because you believe it.

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Speaker 2: So where does control then enter the picture? Spiritually?

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Speaker 1: It is something I thought a lot about as a

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Speaker 1: younger child. Control actually was my friend and it helped

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Speaker 1: me to navigate a very dysfunctional environment because I could

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Speaker 1: at least try to control some things that serves you well.

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Speaker 1: When you're in a trauma environment, it does not serve

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Speaker 1: you well as an adult. But the thing that I've

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Speaker 1: learned is as I'm an adult now, that thing that

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Speaker 1: saved me back then is now a detriment. And I

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Speaker 1: can be hyper fixated on control and try to control

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Speaker 1: the people in my life to make them conform to

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Speaker 1: what I want them to be, just so I feel okay.

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Speaker 1: I can work on controlling myself, but when it jumps

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Speaker 1: over to controlling other people or trying to control weird

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Speaker 1: and out of control circumstances, it doesn't work well.

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Speaker 2: Control is really fear based, isn't it.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I'm afraid, So I got to make this work.

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Speaker 2: Okay, you transformed?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, trying to transform.

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Speaker 2: Why is reflection important before transformation?

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Speaker 1: Because if I hadn't asked myself the question why do

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Speaker 1: I keep choosing these mean friends, I'd still be here

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Speaker 1: today and I'd have five mean friends, and then I'd

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Speaker 1: be sad too because they'd be mean to me. So

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Speaker 1: we have to be willing to ask ourselves hard questions

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Speaker 1: like that, and look at some wreckage and say, I

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Speaker 1: am willing to see if I had a part in this. Now,

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Speaker 1: if these people were mean, and they were, they had

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Speaker 1: a part to play too. They were mean, that's on.

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Speaker 1: I was not mean, but I was still attracted to

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Speaker 1: the mean people. So why was I doing that? And

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Speaker 1: that's where introspection is important, asking yourself the question why

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Speaker 1: am I here? What did they do to bring me here?

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Speaker 1: What did I do to bring me here? What can

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Speaker 1: I learn from this? How can I reach out to

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Speaker 1: the Lord and ask him to help me in this?

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Speaker 1: Because I even see my own incapability. He had to

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Speaker 1: change me. I couldn't muster it up myself.

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Speaker 2: So you had to slow down and either you or

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Speaker 2: somebody else had to help you notice patterns.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, my friend Jim talks about how we're all salad

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Speaker 1: dressing and need someone to read our ingredients because we're

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Speaker 1: on the inside swirling around with all the ingredients. But

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Speaker 1: we need friends and people who love us to call

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Speaker 1: out things in us, and not just negative, positive things.

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Speaker 1: I spoke last night at my church and taught Colossians one,

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Speaker 1: and I had a couple of people come up to

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Speaker 1: me who called out nice things in me. And said

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Speaker 1: thank you for that. I really resonated with this. We

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Speaker 1: need that too, And so part of this need of

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Speaker 1: having other people join in and helping us grow is

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Speaker 1: our willingness to be loving and kind to our friends

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Speaker 1: and our family members and calling out good things and

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Speaker 1: difficult things in their lives with love, of course, and

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Speaker 1: with respect.

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Speaker 2: So that sounds like it was a nice safe environment.

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Speaker 2: How do the unknown environments push us toward God as

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Speaker 2: safety because you lived and what sounds like an unknown environment?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, in some ways. Well, now I thank the Lord

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Speaker 1: for my past. I didn't always because it was what

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Speaker 1: caused me to run to him, because he was the

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Speaker 1: only safe place I literally had no other place to go.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes as adults, we try to push against anything that's

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Speaker 1: painful and uncomfortable, but that's the very thing that causes

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Speaker 1: us to reach. And so I would say, take a

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Speaker 1: moment instead of pushing that away or trying not to

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Speaker 1: feel it, take a moment to feel it and then reach,

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Speaker 1: because that's what it's there for. And it's a gift

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Speaker 1: in a way. It's hard to see it in the moment,

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Speaker 1: you'll see it in retrospect, but it is a.

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Speaker 2: Gift, particularly when it's yuck feeling. But to your point,

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Speaker 2: if you don't want to sit in I mean you're

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Speaker 2: reaching for God. There's the gift right in there. And

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Speaker 2: I guess it's like, is it self reliance breaking down?

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Speaker 1: I think you're onto something there because of having to

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Speaker 1: overcome a lot, and I think all of us have

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Speaker 1: that story. We all have to overcome a lot. We

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Speaker 1: become very resilient and self reliant, and again that's a

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Speaker 1: gift in childhood, but it can be a negative in

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Speaker 1: your relationship with God because you're like, I got this God,

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Speaker 1: I'm handling this, and you're pushing him away. So I've

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Speaker 1: definitely had to work through that. Sometimes I have to

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Speaker 1: get to the end of myself in my own self

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Speaker 1: reliant quest about how awesome I am at handling things,

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Speaker 1: and then I fall down in a mud puddle and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I was all an illusion.

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Speaker 2: It's so who shapes our internal narrative?

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Speaker 1: It, Well, it's both three things. The Lord can do that,

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Speaker 1: and that's why we're called in Romans twelve two to

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Speaker 1: have this transformation of mind. Us our own voices and

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Speaker 1: then the bully voices, which can be demonic, which can

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Speaker 1: be the bullies in our life. I tend to give

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Speaker 1: more weight to those. And that's where I think spiritual

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Speaker 1: growth comes from retraining our own mind and sifting through

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Speaker 1: what is true about our own voice in our head,

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Speaker 1: which often is quite influenced by the bully voice in

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Speaker 1: our head, and untethering all that and finding out what

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Speaker 1: is the truth. And that comes from reading your Bible

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Speaker 1: and reminding yourself that you're a child of God. You're

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Speaker 1: well loved, you've been forgiven, you've been died for, you

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Speaker 1: are sanctified, set free.

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Speaker 2: So the past, though it can shape us, our story

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Speaker 2: can change. And that's the whole context of your book,

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Speaker 2: which I like so much, which people, if you don't know,

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Speaker 2: she's got a new book. It's called Restory and it's

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Speaker 2: coming out what next time.

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Speaker 1: Yes, March third, it'll be out Restore Your Life. And

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Speaker 1: then the I always forget the subtitle, but I have

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Speaker 1: it right here so I can read it. How Jesus

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Speaker 1: reframes your past, rewrites your present, and redefines your future.

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Speaker 2: Ooh, there's a good tool right there. Tell us a

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Speaker 2: little bit about safe versus unsafe people.

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Speaker 1: It took me a long time to discern that this

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Speaker 1: makes absolutely no sense. Because of the way I was raised,

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Speaker 1: I should have been freaked out and not walked straight

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Speaker 1: into disasters, but I walked straight in, and so I

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Speaker 1: made the assumption that everything was a safe place, only

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Speaker 1: to realize not everything was a safe place. And so

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Speaker 1: part of our growing up is learning to discern who

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Speaker 1: are the safe people in our lives, what are the

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Speaker 1: safe environments. My husband and I recently fairly recently left

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Speaker 1: a church that had become unsafe, and now we're in

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Speaker 1: a new church. We've been there two years now and

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy there, and the relationships between the two

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Speaker 1: places is profound. But we were swimming in the unsafe place,

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Speaker 1: and when you're swimming in it, you start to make

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Speaker 1: excuses for it, and you dismiss things, and you forget

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Speaker 1: your gut and you push things down. But really you

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Speaker 1: do know. It's just that you don't want to make

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Speaker 1: a big change. No one likes change, and that's hard

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Speaker 1: to do. So that's what I've been learning over the

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Speaker 1: past couple of years.

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Speaker 2: Wow, what does an emotionally safe community look like? You

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Speaker 2: just talked about the new church.

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Speaker 1: Well, this is harder to find nowadays because we have

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Speaker 1: siloed ourselves because of social media, to only listen to

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Speaker 1: voices that affirm our opinions, and therefore we don't know

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Speaker 1: how to have conversations with people who differ from us.

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Speaker 1: And in a safe environment, you can have a different

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Speaker 1: political opinion from someone and have a joy filled discussion

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Speaker 1: that doesn't end with fistfights. We should be able to

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Speaker 1: have conversations and not demonize one another. And so a

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Speaker 1: safe place is being curious. It's people who are curious

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Speaker 1: about you, who don't jump to a negative conclusion about you,

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Speaker 1: and you don't do the same because they might hold

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Speaker 1: a different opinion from you. And safety really has to

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Speaker 1: do with I will love you even if you're different

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Speaker 1: from me, and that's sometimes in this environment that we

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Speaker 1: live in right now, it's hard to find.

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Speaker 2: Well and we've forgotten how to disagree. We have completely

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Speaker 2: the maturity of it online. Sometimes I just watch them.

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Speaker 2: Why am I doing this? Why am I being sucked

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Speaker 2: into this? You talked about a process that people go

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Speaker 2: through where I can disagree with you and it's still safe.

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Speaker 2: So there's misunderstanding and there is a pain point. I

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Speaker 2: hate being misunderstood. I don't know why it really bothers me,

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Speaker 2: why is the pain of misunderstanding so difficult for some people?

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Speaker 1: It's probably one of my number one pains in life

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Speaker 1: is being misunderstood. And I think it's hard because it

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Speaker 1: indicates that the person doesn't really know us, because if

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Speaker 1: they really knew us, they wouldn't have misunderstood, or if

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Speaker 1: they wanted to get to know us, they would have

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Speaker 1: asked us a question before they jumped to their conclusion.

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Speaker 1: This played out with me recently with my pastor. We

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Speaker 1: had a conversation and in it he made an assumption.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't a bad thing. It was super small, but

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Speaker 1: I prayed about it, and I really don't want him

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Speaker 1: to misunderstand where I'm coming from here. But I also

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Speaker 1: don't think this is a big deal to blow it

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Speaker 1: out of proportion. And knowing that it'd probably be easier

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Speaker 1: if I wrote it down, I just wrote them a

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Speaker 1: quick text and said, hey, I think you might have

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Speaker 1: misunderstood where I'm coming from here. Let's explain. I'm not

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Speaker 1: trying to be defensive. I just want to let you know.

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Speaker 1: And so then he picked up the phone. He called

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Speaker 1: me immediately, Hey, let's talk about this. We talked it

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Speaker 1: through and we're totally fine. It was a really good

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Speaker 1: exercise of I could have not said it, and I

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Speaker 1: could have just let it build up forever and just

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Speaker 1: made this pervasive idea that my pastor misunderstands me. Instead,

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Speaker 1: we worked through it and it was so easy and

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Speaker 1: not a painful thing. And so I think a lot

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Speaker 1: of us, because especially in the next generation and down,

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Speaker 1: they haven't been trained how to have conflict at all.

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Speaker 1: We have a little more conflict resolution training, but they don't.

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Speaker 1: They avoid it, their conflict avoiding. But they're going to struggle,

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Speaker 1: as any of us are going to struggle if we

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Speaker 1: never talk about things. We have to talk about them.

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Speaker 2: That's community, isn't it. It is all of us in

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Speaker 2: our different gifts, and we're going to misunderstand each other.

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Speaker 2: You got healed with that conversation and things were made right.

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Speaker 2: So why does pain either hardness or heal us. I

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Speaker 2: think it depends on.

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Speaker 1: Our reaching to the Lord. When I start internalizing things

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Speaker 1: and letting them build up and I don't reach for

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Speaker 1: the Lord, then that's when bitterness enters in, and that

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Speaker 1: when I'm not growing. So there's two ways to resolve

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Speaker 1: that one sometimes it's just best to go to the

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Speaker 1: Lord first, which is what I did. I prayed, I

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Speaker 1: said Lord today, even because I'm willing to let it

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Speaker 1: go and let it slide, but I felt, no, this

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Speaker 1: is important. I need to write about it. And then

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Speaker 1: the second is go to the person. So it's all relational,

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Speaker 1: vertical and horizontal. Now there's a caveat there. Some people

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Speaker 1: are so unsafe and so punitive that you even going

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Speaker 1: to them would give them fodder to crucify you. So

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Speaker 1: there is that discernment that God gives us. And that's

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Speaker 1: why I was willing to walk away, because there's some

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Speaker 1: people I should walk away from. They misunderstood me and

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Speaker 1: they've had a pattern of abuse up until this point.

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Speaker 1: I don't need to re engage with that anymore. I

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Speaker 1: need to take care of myself. But again that's where

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Speaker 1: I gain it from the Lord. He gives me that discernment.

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Speaker 1: Or maybe it's through the word of God that I'm learning,

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Speaker 1: or maybe in a neutral friend who helps me. But

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Speaker 1: it's through relationship that we can make that discernment.

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Speaker 2: And we move to a muddled middle, as you have

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Speaker 2: in your book, where we live in unresolved seasons. What

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Speaker 2: happens to faith when healing isn't linear.

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Speaker 1: When I met Jesus at fifteen, I thought that I

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Speaker 1: would be instantly healed, and that would have been so

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Speaker 1: cool if it had happened, because I was reading all

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Speaker 1: these stories about Jesus meeting people and then poof, they're healed.

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Speaker 1: Oh good, all my emotional problems are going to be healed. No,

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Speaker 1: it's been years and years, and I just want to

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Speaker 1: dignify the person who's in the slog of it right now,

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Speaker 1: because it can feel like I'm not moving anywhere. My

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Speaker 1: encouragement to them is remember the four seasons, and if

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Speaker 1: you're in the slog, you're probably in winter, and we

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Speaker 1: think it's a wasted season. There's snow on the ground,

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Speaker 1: there's nothing growing, nothing is happening. It's cold, and it

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Speaker 1: seems like it's going to last forever. The sun doesn't

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Speaker 1: come out. But during that time, roots are growing down deep,

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Speaker 1: and you will be surprised when spring comes because the

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Speaker 1: flowers are going to explode and the fruit is going

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Speaker 1: to happen. But it usually happens after a long winter,

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Speaker 1: and so you might categorize it that way.

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Speaker 2: Because things take time. And for those of us that

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Speaker 2: don't like waiting you and me who have it all solved.

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Speaker 2: That makes a lot of sense. So we're going to

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Speaker 2: take a quick little sponsor break. Welcome back to faith

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Speaker 2: over fear. Before the break, Mary helped us to see

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Speaker 2: how our past stories, especially painful or disorienting ones, shape

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Speaker 2: the way that we show up in our relationships today.

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Speaker 2: And we talked about fear control, how wounds can quietly

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Speaker 2: drive our patterns, and how God meets us right there

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Speaker 2: in the middle of it, not to shame us, but

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Speaker 2: to restore us. Now, let's talk about what it actually

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Speaker 2: looks like to begin walking differently. So how the boundaries

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Speaker 2: help us reduce it?

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Speaker 1: Oh, I love a good boundary. We can over boundary.

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Speaker 1: We can try to make ourselves so safe that no

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Speaker 1: one can get in right, So we have to be careful.

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Speaker 1: There's a nuance there. But creating boundaries that protect you

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Speaker 1: from ill will and from people who have mal content

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Speaker 1: or malintent is a really wise idea, and it's also

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Speaker 1: a biblical of saying. As I look at my own yard,

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Speaker 1: there's a boundary around the yard. Inside this yard is

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Speaker 1: mine and outside that yard is the public's part of

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Speaker 1: the yard. And so it's important for us to define

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Speaker 1: what we will accept what we won't accept, and it's

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Speaker 1: part of partnering with the Lord and a story that

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Speaker 1: we want to be living good.

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Speaker 2: So why does safe environments with those boundaries create healing?

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Speaker 1: You know, if we are in an environment where we're

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Speaker 1: constantly harmed, we can never heal. So it's like you

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Speaker 1: have this open wound on your own and you can

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Speaker 1: almost see the bone, it's that bad, and you have

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Speaker 1: all these contaminants that keep coming in, and you wonder,

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Speaker 1: why isn't my arm healing? Because you've left it open

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Speaker 1: and you you put bacteria in it, and of course

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Speaker 1: that wound is going to fester and it's going to

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Speaker 1: get bad. You have to do the right measures of

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Speaker 1: putting biotics on it and covering it and giving it time.

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Speaker 1: What I was learning several years ago but still a

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Speaker 1: very important lesson is I was allowing people into my

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Speaker 1: life that were re injuring me, throwing bacteria in my wound,

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Speaker 1: and so it never healed. And then I got mad

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Speaker 1: at myself, like why can't I heal? Well? That's why,

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Speaker 1: because it was reinfected for the sake of them. Even

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Speaker 1: even one of my most profound relationships for the sake

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Speaker 1: of her, I had to bandage the wound and take

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Speaker 1: a break from her so that the wound would heal,

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Speaker 1: and then I could go back with a healed wound.

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Speaker 1: She could try to throw some bacteria that way, but

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Speaker 1: it won't matter because the skin is pulled over and

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Speaker 1: it's line.

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Speaker 2: Safe environments create healing. Okay, So here's a so what moment?

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Speaker 2: What changes when somebody understands their story?

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Speaker 1: For me, in particular, for a long time, I was

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Speaker 1: what is the point of all this drama? You know? Why?

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Speaker 1: And I was so tired of it and I couldn't

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Speaker 1: seem to figure out any wise. And I don't know

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Speaker 1: that why is going to be truly answered until the

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Speaker 1: other side, So I hold that intention. But I began

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Speaker 1: to see, as I was working through my healing and

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Speaker 1: barely started sharing my story that other people were resonating

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Speaker 1: with it. And my why then became, Oh, the why

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Speaker 1: is I'm set free to be an emancipator of others,

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Speaker 1: and then I get to participate in their freedom journey.

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Speaker 1: And there's no greater joy than walking along someone else

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Speaker 1: and helping them to avoid some of your pitfalls and

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Speaker 1: helping them to experience the freedom that you've experienced. That's

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Speaker 1: my I sow what it's to walk alongside others, and

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Speaker 1: I think that's everybody.

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Speaker 2: So what Definitely, particularly if you've healed and made it

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Speaker 2: to the other side, people can look at you and go, oh,

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Speaker 2: she did it. Did she do it?

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Speaker 1: And he's crazy? And she did it, so surely I

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Speaker 1: can do it.

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Speaker 2: You are my people, Mary, So you're moving from reaction

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Speaker 2: to reaction to proaction comes from years of healing, It

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Speaker 2: comes from maturity and.

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Speaker 1: The older that you get. You know, in this world

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Speaker 1: that we live in, it doesn't really value people who

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Speaker 1: get older. But as I get older and younger people

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Speaker 1: are seeking me out for advice. They'll say things like

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Speaker 1: you're so wise, and I'm grateful that they say that

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Speaker 1: because it's hard for me to see that. But it's true.

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Speaker 1: The experience that we gain, the older that we are.

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Speaker 1: That's why we're supposed to pour in to the next

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Speaker 1: generation because wisdom is so it's sadly undervalued and it's

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Speaker 1: pretty rare, but it's a beautiful gift that we receive

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Speaker 1: as we grow in Christ.

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Speaker 2: I have a question, then, can relationships truly be restored?

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Speaker 1: Yes and no. It depends because when Romans twelve, the

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Speaker 1: Paul says, as far as it depends on you, be

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Speaker 1: at peace with all men, that gives one side of

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Speaker 1: the equation. As much as you can do do it.

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Speaker 1: If you can reconcile, if you can ask for forgiveness,

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Speaker 1: if you can say, wow, what I did was wrong.

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Speaker 1: I hope you can forgive me. I did something bad,

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Speaker 1: and here's some restitution whatever it is that you, as

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Speaker 1: far as it depends on you. But restoration of relationship

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Speaker 1: isn't guaranteed because that takes two and it takes the

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Speaker 1: other person also being willing to be humble and ask

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Speaker 1: for forgiveness and all of that. Now, some people just

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Speaker 1: don't believe they've ever done anything wrong, So then that's

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Speaker 1: its own problem. You can't change that. But the other

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Speaker 1: thing to look at is you can always have your

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Speaker 1: vertical relationship with the Lord, okay, by being a repentant

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Speaker 1: person and by asking for forgiveness, and you can go

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Speaker 1: fifty percent the other way toward that relationship, and you

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Speaker 1: just have to wait for them to come the other

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Speaker 1: fifty percent. And it may or may not happen, but

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Speaker 1: I pray for it all the time. I have one

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Speaker 1: friend of mine that I've had for years and years

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Speaker 1: and years, and I just pray for her all the

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Speaker 1: time that the Lord would bring her to himself. And

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Speaker 1: a lot of times those are people that have walked

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Speaker 1: away from the Lord that we have those broken relationships with.

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Speaker 2: Well, do you think then you can use past awareness

435
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:32,520
Speaker 2: from a relationship to navigate new relationships?

436
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would hope. So. I think that's what we're

437
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:38,359
Speaker 1: all doing, trying to learn and do better. You see that,

438
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:43,679
Speaker 1: especially in romantic relationships where you date around and you're like,

439
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:47,480
Speaker 1: oh no, not that. Then you think, oh, I didn't

440
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:49,800
Speaker 1: like the way I was in that relationship, So I

441
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,880
Speaker 1: really see that that showed me I need to grow

442
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:53,600
Speaker 1: up a bit. And so yeah, of course those past

443
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,520
Speaker 1: relationships help us to navigate that.

444
00:23:57,119 --> 00:23:59,520
Speaker 2: You alluded to that in the beginning of the podcast too,

445
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 2: when you said, okay, what am I doing? What am

446
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:06,400
Speaker 2: I doing recognizing a pattern so that you can navigate

447
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:10,880
Speaker 2: new relationships? I see that coming full circle there, learn

448
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:14,480
Speaker 2: something no matter what whether or not that relationship resolved,

449
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 2: but you can always go forward with the new ones,

450
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 2: the healthier ones.

451
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 1: Exactly, And that helps bring hope into situations and a

452
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:26,879
Speaker 1: lot of times for me, I've been like one hundred

453
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:28,879
Speaker 1: percent friend person. If you are my friend in the

454
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,120
Speaker 1: third grade, you should still be my friend today, even

455
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:35,080
Speaker 1: though we've moved seven times. So I have learned that

456
00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:38,879
Speaker 1: there are seasons for friendship and relationships. And I was

457
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 1: so tenacious about holding onto those relationships that I should

458
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 1: have let go of some of them. And then when

459
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:46,639
Speaker 1: you let go of some of them because they were

460
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,480
Speaker 1: there for a season and God was good and there's

461
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:52,160
Speaker 1: nothing conflictual about them, But then that opens me up

462
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,119
Speaker 1: for a new relationship, like leaving an old church and

463
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:55,919
Speaker 1: coming to a new church. I now have these new

464
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 1: relationships that are fantastic, and I wouldn't have had that

465
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:03,080
Speaker 1: capacity early. So it's all joy. It's all good, and

466
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:05,320
Speaker 1: God is good, and he may even bring those people

467
00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:07,040
Speaker 1: from the past back into your life, which he has

468
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 1: also done. But you never know. You've got to look

469
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 1: at it as an adventure and see what's going to happen.

470
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:14,360
Speaker 2: So there's power in a restored life. And it seems

471
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,879
Speaker 2: that telling your storied invites community.

472
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 1: It should. Yes, it helps people not feel so alone.

473
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:21,679
Speaker 1: I had a lady come up to me last night.

474
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 1: She goes, thank you for sharing your heart on the stage.

475
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:26,480
Speaker 1: I think what she was saying in that is I

476
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,919
Speaker 1: don't feel so alone. I'm not the only broken, you know,

477
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,640
Speaker 1: weird person out there. Nope, I will say it from

478
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,480
Speaker 1: the stage. I'm a broken weird person and you are

479
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:36,040
Speaker 1: not alone.

480
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 2: There are plenty of us broken weird people. Yeah, really truly.

481
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:45,520
Speaker 2: So okay, Mary, for the listener today. If they've taken

482
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 2: everything you've said today, where do you begin?

483
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 1: One easy thing to do is to write I was,

484
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:55,040
Speaker 1: I am, I will be statements. You can do that

485
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 1: by identify one of the lies that you believed about yourself.

486
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:02,640
Speaker 1: I believed that I was unlovable. But in the I

487
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 1: am statement, it's what is true of you today because

488
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,840
Speaker 1: of the Lord, because of scripture. Well, I am adopted

489
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:09,840
Speaker 1: by the King of kings, I am loved. I am

490
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 1: His beloved. So I was unlovable, I am His beloved.

491
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,680
Speaker 1: And then I will be is that future restory part

492
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:20,680
Speaker 1: of your story. I will be one who shares God's

493
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 1: love with people who are broken hearted. And so then

494
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,199
Speaker 1: make that into a mission statement, and that shows you

495
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:29,040
Speaker 1: the beautiful transformation that the Lord is actually bringing you

496
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 1: on in your journey.

497
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:36,879
Speaker 2: That's a great idea. What would you say to somebody

498
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,120
Speaker 2: who feels stuck in their story right now?

499
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,159
Speaker 1: First, your normal. We all go through it. Every story

500
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 1: has a stuck point. Second, the Lord is not through

501
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:48,160
Speaker 1: with you. He is still with you. He is working.

502
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 1: It may be a winter season and you may not

503
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 1: see it. People from the past have called it the

504
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 1: dark knight of the soul. A lot of us have those.

505
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 1: It's very normal. And then also be willing to spend

506
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 1: some quiet moments with God, take walks journal and say,

507
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 1: what is it that you're teaching me? What can I

508
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: learn in this winter environment? Can I press into what

509
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 1: lie have I believed? What anxiety has overtaken me? That

510
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 1: I need to relinquish control to you?

511
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 2: For Lord, Well, you're past. It might explain you, but

512
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:23,639
Speaker 2: it doesn't define you. And I think you give us

513
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,480
Speaker 2: hope because it's like God is still writing our story

514
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:31,960
Speaker 2: and he specializes in redemption, especially in those places that

515
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 2: so listeners hear me. Now, you're not too far gone,

516
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 2: you're not too patterned, you're not too late, and you're

517
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:46,119
Speaker 2: being restored. So I hope that you hear that loud

518
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 2: and clear from two people who have been restored. And

519
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 2: I hope that if you liked this podcast if you

520
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,679
Speaker 2: haven't yet, that you'll subscribe to it so that we

521
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:59,160
Speaker 2: can get these messages out to many more people who

522
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:04,159
Speaker 2: need to hear that, and remember that we want you

523
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 2: to be somebody who God has said free. Have a

524
00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 2: good day, everybody,