1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:06,680 Speaker 1: Life audio fear is that the root of overfunctioning, because 2 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:10,080 Speaker 1: it says, Okay, in order to be valuable, I need 3 00:00:10,119 --> 00:00:12,559 Speaker 1: to be all things to this person, or maybe not 4 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,400 Speaker 1: all things, maybe even more than I'm able to be. 5 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,600 Speaker 2: Welcome to the Faith over Fear Podcast, where we share 6 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 2: powerful truths to quiet anxiety and fear, being and small. 7 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:26,160 Speaker 2: I'm Carol McCracken and we're beginning a brand news series today. 8 00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:30,800 Speaker 2: It's called Relational Peace. Loving others without losing yourself because 9 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:34,880 Speaker 2: if we're honest, some of our deepest anxiety doesn't come 10 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 2: from world, nds or finances. It comes from relationships, family, 11 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:46,800 Speaker 2: it's friendships, it's ministry, relationships, marriage, adult children, church dynamics. 12 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:51,600 Speaker 2: It's a fear of disappointing people, a fear of conflict, rejection, 13 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:55,160 Speaker 2: and the fear of not being enough. So in this series, 14 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,360 Speaker 2: we're going to talk about what it looks like to 15 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 2: love well while still remaining a emotionally healthy, spiritually grounded 16 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:06,440 Speaker 2: and secure in who God says we are. In today's 17 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,960 Speaker 2: conversation is such an important place to begin because sometimes 18 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:14,839 Speaker 2: we don't even realize that we're disappearing inside relationships until 19 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:19,479 Speaker 2: we're exhausted resentful, anxious, or we're wondering why we no 20 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,959 Speaker 2: longer really know how we think and feel. So the 21 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:27,000 Speaker 2: perfect person, in my opinion, that's joining me today is 22 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:31,800 Speaker 2: Becky Harley because she's got several books out, including one 23 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 2: that our gallantines people at church love called friend Wise, 24 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 2: and she's got one called Cultivating Deeper Connections in a 25 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 2: Lonely World. And the insights that she has just on 26 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:48,920 Speaker 2: friendship and connection and healthy relationships, she's got wisdom, honesty, 27 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 2: and grace that she can add to this. So if 28 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:57,120 Speaker 2: you've ever found yourself overextending over explaining people, pleasing, or 29 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 2: losing your sense of peace, Today's conversations for you. 30 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:06,160 Speaker 1: So after all that, Hi, Becky, oh wow, thank you 31 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,640 Speaker 1: for that wonderful introduction. And I think a lot of 32 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:13,640 Speaker 1: us over extend, over explain and end up getting in 33 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:17,600 Speaker 1: a mess. So I think this conversation is very important. 34 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:22,040 Speaker 2: Thank you. We've seen and we've been women sometimes who 35 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:26,440 Speaker 2: don't realize they're suddenly losing themselves until they're emotionally exhausted. 36 00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:28,800 Speaker 2: Why do you think this happened so suddenly? 37 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:32,280 Speaker 1: I think it happened slowly. A lot of us in 38 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 1: the church were raised to be good, and so we 39 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:40,079 Speaker 1: internalized this message that to be a good means I'm 40 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,840 Speaker 1: not going to say no to friends or to people 41 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:47,280 Speaker 1: who want me to do good things. Now, certainly we 42 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 1: were to say no if it was something bad, but 43 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,320 Speaker 1: as far as good things, it was almost like good 44 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:57,120 Speaker 1: girls don't say no. Well, that's a lie, because Jesus 45 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 1: said no. Jesus set boundary. And when we don't set boundaries, 46 00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:06,240 Speaker 1: it's exactly as you said, we lose ourself and all 47 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 1: of a sudden we're like, I don't even know who 48 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:09,919 Speaker 1: I am anymore, and I'm exhausted. 49 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:13,600 Speaker 2: But there are men that listen to Do you think 50 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 2: that it applies to men as equally as it does 51 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 2: to women. 52 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 1: Culturally, I think women struggle a little more of it 53 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:23,480 Speaker 1: than men. Perhaps, However, men can struggle with it too 54 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:26,680 Speaker 1: when they say yes to everything and they try to 55 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:30,639 Speaker 1: be all to everyone. We're not designed for that. God 56 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:34,960 Speaker 1: designed us with limits, and if you think about it biblically, 57 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:38,680 Speaker 1: the angel that wasn't willing to live within his limits 58 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 1: was Satan. So we have to live within the limits 59 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:46,720 Speaker 1: that God has given us. That's a huge spiritual principle 60 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 1: for us. 61 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:53,560 Speaker 2: I agree. Sometimes we confuse loving with being available all 62 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 2: the time. 63 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 1: Seen that, yes, And I've also seen it as almost 64 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:03,320 Speaker 1: hundred percent of us as adults are carrying cell phones 65 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 1: right because our cell phone, which is now hooked up 66 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:10,240 Speaker 1: to the Internet, we can get calls at any time, 67 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:13,440 Speaker 1: at any moment in the day, and all of a sudden, 68 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:19,280 Speaker 1: we are accessible twenty four hours a day unless we 69 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:23,400 Speaker 1: turn our phones off. And so what happens then is 70 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:28,520 Speaker 1: we become exhausted because our brains aren't designed to be 71 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 1: on twenty four hours a day, our emotions aren't designed 72 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:36,239 Speaker 1: for people to have access to us twenty four hours 73 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,920 Speaker 1: a day. We've got to embrace some limits. 74 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,880 Speaker 2: Good point. Why do you think faith filled people struggle 75 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 2: with boundaries so much? 76 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:47,520 Speaker 1: That's such a great question. And I think it's because 77 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:52,240 Speaker 1: we're trying to be like Jesus. And Jesus laid down 78 00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:56,240 Speaker 1: his life for his friends, that's what scripture tells us. 79 00:04:56,520 --> 00:05:01,480 Speaker 1: But also Jesus set boundaries, and because in our humanity 80 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:04,960 Speaker 1: we're striving so hard to be like Jesus, we think 81 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:10,159 Speaker 1: mistakenly that to love people well, we have to be 82 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 1: everything to them. We have to be available at all times. 83 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:17,279 Speaker 1: We can never say no and that's just not true. 84 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:22,880 Speaker 2: Yeah. At what point, then, does compassion and our love 85 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 2: become self a rasure? 86 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:30,240 Speaker 1: Yeah? It becomes it very easily, because all of a 87 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:33,799 Speaker 1: sudden you realize I don't know who I am anymore, 88 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:37,080 Speaker 1: and I don't know what I value because I've said 89 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:40,160 Speaker 1: yes to so many people and I've tried to please 90 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,760 Speaker 1: so many people. God doesn't design us to lose ourselves 91 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:47,560 Speaker 1: because he created us with intentionality and he has a 92 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,039 Speaker 1: unique path for us. He wants us to be able 93 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,000 Speaker 1: to walk that path and do the assignment he's given 94 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 1: us without losing ourselves with other people. 95 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,320 Speaker 2: It's amazing. I see that. I teach a Bible study 96 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:02,359 Speaker 2: on Wednesday at my church and it ends up that 97 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 2: the majority of people are empty nest people. The connection 98 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,760 Speaker 2: to the school and their kids is now gone because 99 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,720 Speaker 2: they've raised their children. It's exactly what you say. They 100 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,279 Speaker 2: don't know who they are anymore. Church should be a good, 101 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:19,440 Speaker 2: safe place, and so why don't we connect over the word. 102 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,480 Speaker 2: So the good news is that we've got this huge 103 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:26,600 Speaker 2: group that has made wonderful connections. But what a commonality 104 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,560 Speaker 2: this empty nest thing is in people not knowing what 105 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,120 Speaker 2: to do with themselves anymore. 106 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:36,200 Speaker 1: It really is. It's interesting because empty nest really provides 107 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:40,160 Speaker 1: a wonderful new adventure for your life. But you have 108 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,359 Speaker 1: to know who you are. You have to know what 109 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,599 Speaker 1: you value. In my coaching practice, Carol, I love to 110 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:49,640 Speaker 1: give an assignment where I have them write down who 111 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:52,200 Speaker 1: they are, what are they like, what do they value? 112 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:55,520 Speaker 1: What are their priorities? What do they do for hobbies? 113 00:06:55,680 --> 00:07:00,320 Speaker 1: Because they have to reintegrate sometimes with themselves if they 114 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,279 Speaker 1: feel like they've lost themselves. 115 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:06,520 Speaker 2: Do you think people have a hard time answering that sometimes? Oh? 116 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,320 Speaker 1: Absolutely, I've seen it. They're like, yeah, I don't know 117 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,920 Speaker 1: what I like anymore because I've given myself to other 118 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,320 Speaker 1: people so much. That's it. 119 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,240 Speaker 2: So now maybe that's the time to reintegrate. Just as 120 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 2: you say, With that being said, I think that many 121 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:23,600 Speaker 2: listeners feel guilty hearing the phrase protect your piece. How 122 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:28,480 Speaker 2: do we separate biblical love from unhealthy self sacrifice. I 123 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:33,320 Speaker 2: don't think it's a separation from loving other people, because 124 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:38,440 Speaker 2: I believe that you can love other people more effectively 125 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,280 Speaker 2: if you protect your piece. So and you can love 126 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:46,240 Speaker 2: people more effectively. Another way of saying that is if 127 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 2: you have good boundaries and you know your limits. Because 128 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,000 Speaker 2: what happens when you don't know your limits and your 129 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:57,640 Speaker 2: boundaries you trespass on other people's boundaries, right, because boundaries 130 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:00,400 Speaker 2: are like property lines. I have to know where I 131 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 2: started an end and where you started an end, Carol. 132 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,920 Speaker 2: And if I'm always getting all up in your business, 133 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 2: I'm trust meding. I love that. I wish you would 134 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,120 Speaker 2: have told me that, like fifteen years ago. 135 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: Maybe I didn't know it then. Well. 136 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:18,760 Speaker 2: I have found in being on staff that fear of 137 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:22,600 Speaker 2: a lot of different things may be rejection, conflict, abandonment, 138 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 2: being misunderstood, to name a few. It can drive relational overfunctioning. 139 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:29,520 Speaker 1: Yep. 140 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 2: How much of people pleasing is actually like fear wearing 141 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 2: the spiritual disguise? 142 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot. I think fear is at the root 143 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:44,319 Speaker 1: of overfunctioning because it says, Okay, in order to be valuable, 144 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,640 Speaker 1: I need to be all things to this person, or 145 00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:51,160 Speaker 1: maybe not all things, maybe even more than I'm able 146 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:54,240 Speaker 1: to be, and so we tend to overfunction. I see 147 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 1: this all the time. There's adult kids. They have the 148 00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:01,320 Speaker 1: fear of losing their kids. They don't want to lose 149 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:04,439 Speaker 1: their kids, so they overfunction. They do everything for the 150 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 1: adult child who should be doing things for themselves. It 151 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:11,880 Speaker 1: plays out in friendship. I don't lose a friend, so 152 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:16,800 Speaker 1: overfunction in the friendship and take on more responsibility than 153 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:23,680 Speaker 1: I should. But what happens is presenting it. How much 154 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,840 Speaker 1: better to set the boundaries in the beginning, so that 155 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:30,640 Speaker 1: you know what you're capable of and where your limits are, 156 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,080 Speaker 1: so that you don't resent your friends, so you're able 157 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: to love them more effectively. 158 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:38,760 Speaker 2: And that's interesting too, because having been in a friendship 159 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:42,080 Speaker 2: where somebody was overfunctioning, you feel mothered. 160 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,480 Speaker 1: Yes you do, so both people can end up presenting it. 161 00:09:45,640 --> 00:10:00,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely, all right. So what does fear based love 162 00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:03,800 Speaker 2: look like compared to a healthy, Christ centered love? 163 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:09,360 Speaker 1: Your base love really looks like being afraid to say no, 164 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:14,720 Speaker 1: saying yes when you really shouldn't say yes. It can 165 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:20,440 Speaker 1: look like overcompensating, getting jealous and wanting your friend to 166 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 1: be everything and everything to you rather than sharing that 167 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:28,840 Speaker 1: friend with somebody else. It can look like over contacting 168 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:33,560 Speaker 1: another person, texting them bazillion times because they're not answering you. 169 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,600 Speaker 1: Maybe they're at a work meeting or out of lunch 170 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,079 Speaker 1: or with family for a friend, but you're afraid you're 171 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,400 Speaker 1: going to lose them, so you text and text and 172 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,679 Speaker 1: text and call, and that's actually just annoing. 173 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:48,560 Speaker 2: So don't I love it? So what's contrasting that? What 174 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,560 Speaker 2: does the healthy christ centered love look like? 175 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,880 Speaker 1: Christ's centered love says, I'm going to support you as 176 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,760 Speaker 1: your friend, but I'm not going to try to fix you. 177 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:59,960 Speaker 1: I have some friends right now who are walking through 178 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:04,160 Speaker 1: very heavy circumstances, and I will check in with them. 179 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,680 Speaker 1: I will say how is it going for you? But 180 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,000 Speaker 1: I'm not going to try to offer them advice unless 181 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,520 Speaker 1: they ask me for it. Yeah, And I'm not going 182 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,520 Speaker 1: to try to fix the situation for them. I'm not 183 00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 1: going to try to set up counseling for them. Oh 184 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:22,479 Speaker 1: my word. Wives are famous for doing this for their husbands. 185 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:27,600 Speaker 1: Like the wife realizes, oh man, my husband needs some counselings. 186 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,560 Speaker 1: I know he's going to bulk. I'm just gonna do 187 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:33,200 Speaker 1: him and me a favor, and I'm going to call 188 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 1: a counselor and set it up for him. Don't do that, 189 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:42,480 Speaker 1: because you're overfunctioning and not only are you sacrificing yourself, 190 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,920 Speaker 1: but your husband is going to resent it, yause he's 191 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:49,360 Speaker 1: a bable of setting his own things, so we have 192 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:53,920 Speaker 1: to be careful that we are operating within our own limit. 193 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:57,199 Speaker 1: Jesus was famous for this carol in Mark One, one 194 00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:00,240 Speaker 1: of my favorite passages, thirty five to thirty nine. You know, 195 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 1: the disciples are all wiggy. They come to him, and 196 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:05,960 Speaker 1: it's like, Jesus, get with the program. There's all these 197 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,640 Speaker 1: people that still want to be healed to here and 198 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,880 Speaker 1: this and that and the other thing. And Jesus is 199 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:15,680 Speaker 1: sitting there praying, and he doesn't get frustrated by them, 200 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,880 Speaker 1: he doesn't get pulled into their crazy. He just says, 201 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,200 Speaker 1: let's go to the next town. That's why I've come. 202 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:27,160 Speaker 1: I love that passage because in essence, Jesus said what 203 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 1: I called the sweet No. 204 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,080 Speaker 2: Let's talk about that more. You're on what I think 205 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:35,439 Speaker 2: is maybe a key anchor to this whole series. Jesus 206 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:40,559 Speaker 2: loved deeply, didn't lose himself. He hoped not to pray 207 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:44,280 Speaker 2: like you said. He wanted to be with God, his father. 208 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:50,319 Speaker 2: Jesus disappointed people, and he did not heal everybody immediately. 209 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:56,240 Speaker 2: He had inner circles and he was not controlled by urgency. 210 00:12:56,440 --> 00:13:00,319 Speaker 2: And Jesus even loved Judas, and he didn't entrust himself 211 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:04,600 Speaker 2: to Judas, Jesus letting Judas make his own choice. Yes, 212 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,160 Speaker 2: I just gave a whole lot of bullet points there, 213 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:12,120 Speaker 2: But let's talk about that Jesus loved very deeply. But yes, 214 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:13,400 Speaker 2: not lose himself. 215 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:18,560 Speaker 1: No, And I think one way that lose themselves is 216 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:23,000 Speaker 1: responding to everybody else's emergency. A good example of this 217 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 1: with Jesus is Lazarus is very ill, Mary and Martha 218 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,760 Speaker 1: send for Jesus. And the scripture in John eleven is 219 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:37,560 Speaker 1: so intriguing Carol. It says because he loved them, Jesus waited, 220 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:41,040 Speaker 1: he didn't go right away. It's easy to lose ourselves 221 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:46,880 Speaker 1: when somebody else's emergency becomes our emergency and it's like, Bay, 222 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,440 Speaker 1: I need your help right now, because X, Y, and 223 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:53,000 Speaker 1: Z and a lot of those things aren't even really emergencies. 224 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 1: If it's a real emergency, sure step up to the plate. 225 00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:01,880 Speaker 1: But there's a time to respond bond immediately, and there's 226 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,800 Speaker 1: a time to hold back a bit. And because Jesus 227 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 1: loved Lazarus, Martha and Mary, he actually held back and waited. 228 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:16,560 Speaker 2: I like that Jesus was compassionate. Now, he was never 229 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:22,080 Speaker 2: emotionally manipulated even though they wanted him right away, he 230 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:26,400 Speaker 2: held his ground and he needed to be done. What 231 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,800 Speaker 2: stands out to you, Becky, about how he maintained peace 232 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,840 Speaker 2: and his identity while still. 233 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:37,840 Speaker 1: Loving his brilliant ability to set boundaries and to live 234 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:42,200 Speaker 1: within his limits. You know even Philippians too. Paul talks 235 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:45,760 Speaker 1: about this about Jesus, although he existed in the very 236 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:49,640 Speaker 1: form of God, did not grasp at equality with God 237 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:53,560 Speaker 1: a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself becoming a 238 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 1: bond servant. When Jesus came to Earth, he had to 239 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:00,240 Speaker 1: live within the limits of a twenty four hour day 240 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:04,720 Speaker 1: as part of he was perfect, so he lived in 241 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:08,640 Speaker 1: a rhythm of absolute wisdom. But he also had to 242 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:13,120 Speaker 1: embrace his lips. When Jesus was tired, he swept. You're 243 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 1: not to be pushing beyond your human limits, beyond your 244 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:21,040 Speaker 1: physical limits. You should be getting sleep, you should be 245 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:25,360 Speaker 1: maintaining good rhythms. Don't try to teach the word well 246 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 1: if you're not in the word for you, if you're 247 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:32,160 Speaker 1: not spending time in prayer, just enjoin God's presence. Don't 248 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,080 Speaker 1: try to lead other people there, because you won't be 249 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:39,160 Speaker 1: able to. But because Christian leaders view themselves as having 250 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:42,080 Speaker 1: a calling on their life, and they do. They somehow 251 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:44,920 Speaker 1: feel like they're supposed to push beyond all their limits. 252 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,720 Speaker 1: And I believe that that's unholy. That's like being like 253 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:51,440 Speaker 1: Satan who tried to push beyond his limits to be God. 254 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:55,280 Speaker 1: You can't be God, you're human. Embrace your humanity and 255 00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:56,720 Speaker 1: live within those limits. 256 00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,560 Speaker 2: Well, God created us for rest if you look back 257 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:03,880 Speaker 2: in Jeni says, even God resident. Yeah, we've got to replenish. 258 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,040 Speaker 2: I agree with you. Let's talk about some of the 259 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:10,800 Speaker 2: subtle signs maybe that we're losing ourselves for our listeners today. 260 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,640 Speaker 2: You've written in your book you've seen physical symptoms in 261 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:17,480 Speaker 2: some of your books that were people's anxiety over other 262 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 2: people's moves, or maybe over explaining decisions or feeling responsible 263 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:26,280 Speaker 2: for people's emotions. Can you talk about some of those 264 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,120 Speaker 2: signs that were losing ourselves. 265 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,440 Speaker 1: Yeah. Number one, if you don't have any hobbies, if 266 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 1: you don't know how to relax, you've probably lost some 267 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:38,280 Speaker 1: semblance of who you are. Because we all have to 268 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:42,640 Speaker 1: have places where we relax and refresh and just enjoy life. 269 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:47,160 Speaker 1: I think becoming exhausted, I know, for myself. When I'm 270 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:50,680 Speaker 1: exhausted several days in a row, I have to stop 271 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 1: and ask myself, where have I pushed beyond my limits? 272 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 1: Because I've got a dial it back over explaining, Carol, 273 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,320 Speaker 1: this is embarrassing. But about fifteen years ago, I remember 274 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 1: being in a TSA line and explaining to the TSA 275 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,320 Speaker 1: person why my purse was such a mess, and the 276 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,400 Speaker 1: guy's looking at me like, lady, I could care less 277 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,159 Speaker 1: about your purse. I'm trying to see if there's a 278 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:15,720 Speaker 1: weapon in there. So when we over explain, it's usually 279 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:18,800 Speaker 1: because we're concerned about our image. We don't want people 280 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,320 Speaker 1: to think less of us, so it's like, I'll just 281 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,600 Speaker 1: tell you why my purse is a mess, and really 282 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:26,919 Speaker 1: there's if your purse is. But I just looked at 283 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,120 Speaker 1: me like, lady, are you on crack? It was so crazy. 284 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:33,440 Speaker 1: I tell that story so your listeners know I've been 285 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 1: on the end where I've over explained. Another example is 286 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:40,160 Speaker 1: when somebody asks you to do something and you look 287 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,600 Speaker 1: at your schedule and you know you can't do it, 288 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,840 Speaker 1: and you go on and on explaining, and when you 289 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,879 Speaker 1: over explain, when you're going to say no, here's what 290 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:52,240 Speaker 1: I've discovered, Carol, that gives the opportunity to the other 291 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:56,000 Speaker 1: person to explain back to you why you're over Explaining 292 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,800 Speaker 1: isn't working, So they're trying to push this for you 293 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,880 Speaker 1: to get to do this because they may not think 294 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:05,160 Speaker 1: you have a valid reason. So instead of giving them 295 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:08,479 Speaker 1: all your reasons, you stay no, I'm sorry, I'm not 296 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,240 Speaker 1: able to do that right now, end of story. Not 297 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,040 Speaker 1: because I have to pick up my grandkids from school, 298 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:16,159 Speaker 1: or I have to do this, or I have to 299 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,600 Speaker 1: do that, because immediately you open yourself up to be judged. 300 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:23,320 Speaker 1: I love a story that Sheila Walsh tells about how 301 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 1: her neighborhood women wanted her to teach a Bible study. 302 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,480 Speaker 1: This was years ago when her son Christian was still 303 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:31,399 Speaker 1: at home, and she said, I'd love to teach a 304 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,800 Speaker 1: neighborhood Bible saying. And they said, well, we've all met 305 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:37,000 Speaker 1: and we've decided that Wednesday night is the best. And 306 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 1: She'll said, oh, I'm sorry, I can't do that, and 307 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,560 Speaker 1: they said, well why not, And she said, I'm shooting 308 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:44,760 Speaker 1: basketball hoops with my son that night, and they said, 309 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,080 Speaker 1: do you mean to tell me that shooting hoops is 310 00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:51,040 Speaker 1: more important than the Bible study, and she said absolutely, 311 00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:56,480 Speaker 1: that's exactly what I'm telling you. Restrains the point when 312 00:18:56,480 --> 00:19:00,640 Speaker 1: you over explain people then feel the need to judge 313 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:05,080 Speaker 1: your priorities. Don't give them that opportunity. Just offer a 314 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:06,360 Speaker 1: simple note. 315 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 2: And the end most definitely, what are some morning signs 316 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:23,639 Speaker 2: that were no longer loving from freedom but from fear? 317 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,840 Speaker 1: We resent people? I see this all the time with people. 318 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:31,320 Speaker 1: It's like, oh, well, everybody takes advantage of me, And 319 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:36,919 Speaker 1: I always think to myself, well, I actually speaks to 320 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:41,040 Speaker 1: you and not them. If everybody's always taking advantage of you, 321 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:45,639 Speaker 1: it means you're not setting boundaries. But people sometimes wave 322 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:49,800 Speaker 1: that flag like it's a holiness thing, but it's not. 323 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:53,120 Speaker 1: It speaks to a lack on your part to set 324 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 1: your own limits. 325 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:57,560 Speaker 2: Yeah. Good point. I love friendship because of your friend 326 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:01,000 Speaker 2: Wise book, and you speak a lot about emotion dependency. 327 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:07,720 Speaker 2: How to healthy friendships differ from emotionally consuming relationships. 328 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,360 Speaker 1: That's a really good question. I feel like I could 329 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:14,200 Speaker 1: write an entire book on that, Carol. Sometimes in our 330 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,680 Speaker 1: desire to help other people, we become co dependent. What 331 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,560 Speaker 1: I mean by that is the person we're trying to 332 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 1: help they need us. But we need them to keep 333 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:27,560 Speaker 1: meeting us, and that's when we know we have a problem. 334 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:33,120 Speaker 1: And so and emotionally healthy friendship looks like, hey, we 335 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:37,480 Speaker 1: need each other, but we're not desperately needy for each other. 336 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:42,240 Speaker 1: In our friendship, Carol, you and I encourage each other. 337 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:46,320 Speaker 1: We need each other as sisters in Christ. But it's 338 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,639 Speaker 1: not like you're desperately dependent on me or I'm desperately 339 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:53,520 Speaker 1: dependent on you. That's where it becomes co dependent. You 340 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:57,240 Speaker 1: can tell if you're codependent by asking yourself, am I 341 00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:02,960 Speaker 1: trying to fix this person? If you are, chances are 342 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 1: you're so dependent you need that person to need you 343 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,160 Speaker 1: because it makes you feel good about yourself. 344 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:13,560 Speaker 2: That's not healthy. So a help friendship then allows you 345 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,119 Speaker 2: to remain fully yourself. 346 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:19,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, it allows you to remain fully of yourself, to 347 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,399 Speaker 1: cheer for your friends. You can tell it's emotionally healthy 348 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:25,080 Speaker 1: first of all, when you have joy after being with 349 00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:29,280 Speaker 1: that person, When you feel energized, when you don't feel 350 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:34,920 Speaker 1: completely drained, when you feel a sense of peace, and 351 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,600 Speaker 1: all of that, Carol, really comes from knowing who you 352 00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:43,879 Speaker 1: are in Christ. Because our deepest attachment is always with Jesus. 353 00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:47,440 Speaker 1: And once we're really secure in that attachment. We're able 354 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,359 Speaker 1: to love other people out of the overflow of a 355 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,760 Speaker 1: full heart, not out of the overflow of a needy 356 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:54,720 Speaker 1: heart that's always groping for more. 357 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,120 Speaker 2: Because you're secure. I love that word you used. You're 358 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:02,040 Speaker 2: secure and who you are, and so there's no constant 359 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,640 Speaker 2: scorekeeping in a friendship like that, and you can say 360 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:06,280 Speaker 2: no safely. 361 00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:10,159 Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely. There was a time in my life where 362 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:12,760 Speaker 1: I wasn't emotionally healthy and I had to go through 363 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,639 Speaker 1: a lot of therapy. I could be the poster child 364 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:20,000 Speaker 1: for Christian therapy. But I realized maybe fifteen years ago, 365 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:22,239 Speaker 1: when I had finished that, I thought, you know what, 366 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:25,800 Speaker 1: I really like who I am, and I like who 367 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:29,560 Speaker 1: I'm becoming. When you can stay that, that means you 368 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:32,240 Speaker 1: have a good handle on who you are, and when 369 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,080 Speaker 1: you can like yourself, and you're able to be a 370 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,000 Speaker 1: much better friend to people. 371 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:41,600 Speaker 2: This conversation is already so freeing, and I think many 372 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:46,680 Speaker 2: listeners are realizing that peace isn't about selfishness. It's learning 373 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:50,440 Speaker 2: to love from the security that you're talking instead of fear. 374 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:54,160 Speaker 2: I've got some great questions, I think because we're going 375 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:57,320 Speaker 2: down such a healthy track. Beggie what would you say 376 00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:01,320 Speaker 2: to the woman or man who's listening, exhausted from trying 377 00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:04,240 Speaker 2: to keep everyone happy, I would say, first and foremost, 378 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:08,800 Speaker 2: set aside some time to be with the Lord and prayer, 379 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,199 Speaker 2: and take a piece of paper and write out what 380 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:16,359 Speaker 2: are the top priorities in my life right now. 381 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:21,240 Speaker 1: And then decide and commit to the Lord that you're 382 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,440 Speaker 1: going to live within those priorities. You're not going to 383 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:29,480 Speaker 1: let those priorities get lambasted by somebody else's neediness. You're 384 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,879 Speaker 1: going to be compassionate, but you're not going to overextend 385 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,600 Speaker 1: yourself because you want to keep a good rhythm on 386 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:38,080 Speaker 1: your own life. 387 00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:41,520 Speaker 2: So you can be a better friend. I love that. Yes, 388 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:46,479 Speaker 2: So if this whole series is about relational peace, what 389 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:47,639 Speaker 2: does that actually feel like? 390 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:49,879 Speaker 1: That goes back to what I said before. The great 391 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,679 Speaker 1: relational peace means I'm first of all at peace with 392 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,679 Speaker 1: myself because I'm at peace with the Lord. Yea. And 393 00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:01,280 Speaker 1: so I know that the Lord deeply loves me, he 394 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:05,280 Speaker 1: sees me, he knows me, he's forgiven me, he's empowered me. 395 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 1: I'm fully known by him and fully loved by him, Okay, 396 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,000 Speaker 1: And that allows me to be at peace with myself, 397 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,800 Speaker 1: this is who I am, this is who God's created 398 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,720 Speaker 1: me to be. I'm going to offer all of that 399 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:20,199 Speaker 1: back to the Lord. And then in my friendships, I 400 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:25,359 Speaker 1: experience relational peace when I realize that I have lived 401 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,640 Speaker 1: within my own limits. I have done what I can 402 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:32,040 Speaker 1: to keep peace in that relationship, but I haven't just 403 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:36,520 Speaker 1: gone overboard. Sometimes when there's conflict in a relationship, and 404 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,040 Speaker 1: every relationship is going to have some kind of conflict, 405 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:44,080 Speaker 1: but when I'm at peace in my relationships, I'm able 406 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,920 Speaker 1: to say, we might disagree on that, but that's okay 407 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:51,200 Speaker 1: because I love my friend, I love who I am, 408 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:55,359 Speaker 1: and it's just okay. You're at rest in your soul. 409 00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:59,600 Speaker 1: You're not striving to attain something in the relationship that 410 00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:00,840 Speaker 1: might be unattainable. 411 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:05,720 Speaker 2: Do you think it's different a friendship relational piece versus say, 412 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:09,280 Speaker 2: being on staff somewhere or working for somebody that maybe 413 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,200 Speaker 2: has some power over you. 414 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,560 Speaker 1: Yeah. The power differentials are always a big thing to 415 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:18,040 Speaker 1: deal with in the workplace, and I think you could 416 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,280 Speaker 1: be at peace in the workplace even if your boss 417 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:25,800 Speaker 1: is not peaceful. But again, you might be tested in 418 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:27,760 Speaker 1: the area of boundaries a little more. 419 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:33,160 Speaker 2: Gotcha that's a good point. Okay, So you talked about 420 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:37,000 Speaker 2: security and who God says you are. How can somebody 421 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:40,239 Speaker 2: begin reconnecting with who God created them to be if 422 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:41,560 Speaker 2: they've lost that man. 423 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,240 Speaker 1: A great place to start is Some one thirty nine, 424 00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:49,080 Speaker 1: you know where David writes that were fearfully and wonderfully made, 425 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,600 Speaker 1: that God knew us in the womb. That psalm shows 426 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:56,040 Speaker 1: us his delight in us and the way He's made us. 427 00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:59,359 Speaker 1: Another great passage to go to is Ephesians two texts 428 00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,680 Speaker 1: that we were created in Christ Jesus to do good 429 00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:06,119 Speaker 1: works which God ordained beforehand for us. In other words, 430 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,399 Speaker 1: God has a calling on your life no matter what 431 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,119 Speaker 1: you do. It's not just people in ministry that have 432 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:16,479 Speaker 1: a calling. It's teachers, it's coaches, it's the machine worker, 433 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:20,480 Speaker 1: corporate executives. God has ordained that for them, and that 434 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:24,920 Speaker 1: shows us his pleasure in us, that he gave us 435 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:28,880 Speaker 1: an assignment, and he doesn't leave us in that assignment lonely. 436 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:33,040 Speaker 1: He gives us the Holy Spirit, which represents His anointing 437 00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:34,320 Speaker 1: in our life to do this. 438 00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:39,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, what's one thing you hope that listeners remember from 439 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:40,679 Speaker 2: today's conversation? 440 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:46,800 Speaker 1: Hey, I hope you remember that you are fully known, loved, forgiven, 441 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:51,240 Speaker 1: empowered and pursued by God. Because once you get that straight, 442 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,440 Speaker 1: you're going to be able to love other people out 443 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:56,240 Speaker 1: of the overflow of a full heart, and you'll be 444 00:26:56,480 --> 00:27:01,680 Speaker 1: less tempted to overextend yourself to keep every. 445 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:04,000 Speaker 2: Thank you for that. You've given us such a powerful 446 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,480 Speaker 2: way to begin this new series on relational piece, and 447 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,000 Speaker 2: I think one of the biggest takeaways for me today 448 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:14,120 Speaker 2: is that losing yourself is rarely sudden. It happens quietly, 449 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:18,800 Speaker 2: and it's like one expected, unexpected yes, or overextended yes, 450 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:22,200 Speaker 2: I think is a better word, one fear driven decision 451 00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:25,240 Speaker 2: at a time, one attempt to keep everybody happy at 452 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:29,119 Speaker 2: the expense of your own soul. But Jesus never asked 453 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:33,399 Speaker 2: us to disappear in will to love well. And I 454 00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,919 Speaker 2: kept hearing that and everything that you were saying that 455 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:40,040 Speaker 2: healthy relationships aren't built on fear, guilt or emotional exhaustion. 456 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:43,439 Speaker 2: They're built on truth. You kept talking about truth and 457 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:47,879 Speaker 2: grace and wisdom and identity firmly rooted in Christ. So 458 00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:51,320 Speaker 2: a huge thank you to you, Becky Harling for joining 459 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:55,439 Speaker 2: us today and sharing such practical and freeing wisdom and friends. 460 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,959 Speaker 2: That this episode encouraged you, I hope you'll join us 461 00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:03,280 Speaker 2: throughout this entire seriestional piece, losing others without losing yourself. 462 00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,840 Speaker 2: And if you haven't already done so, I encourage you 463 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:08,280 Speaker 2: to subscribe to this podcast so you won't miss a 464 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,800 Speaker 2: single episode, and rate it because it encourages Jennifer and me, 465 00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,040 Speaker 2: Share it with your friends, and until next time, may 466 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,600 Speaker 2: you live as one who has been set free.