WEBVTT - Is Your Marriage an Idol? [Sweet Repeat] 0:00:02.759 --> 0:00:11.240 Life audio. Hey loves, I'm Dana Shay. I've been married 0:00:11.240 --> 0:00:14.320 for over twenty five years to my childhood sweetheart Sean. 0:00:14.840 --> 0:00:18.120 But our marriage hasn't always been sweet. There were some 0:00:18.200 --> 0:00:22.599 really dark nights caused by betrayal and conflict. We were 0:00:22.720 --> 0:00:30.760 so disconnected. Over the last decade, we've learned the tools 0:00:30.800 --> 0:00:34.200 to rebuild our marriage into something greater than we ever 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:37.480 hoped for, and I want to help you do the same. 0:00:38.440 --> 0:00:41.199 As a marriage and relationship coach, I can give you 0:00:41.240 --> 0:00:45.360 the blueprint for how to rebuild your relationship. You're not 0:00:45.520 --> 0:00:48.680 here today by chance, friend, so turn up the volume 0:00:48.960 --> 0:00:52.160 and let me be your guide to rebuilding your life 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:57.160 and rebuilding your love. Welcome to the Rebuilding US podcast. 0:01:01.400 --> 0:01:05.240 Hey friends, how often do you speak life over yourself? 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:09.319 Did you know that psychologists and theologians both support the 0:01:09.440 --> 0:01:13.560 power of affirmations. When I wake up every morning, I 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:17.680 speak positive affirmations all from the Word of God. It's 0:01:17.800 --> 0:01:24.479 totally changed my life. Imagine starting each day with renewed confidence, hope, 0:01:24.520 --> 0:01:28.360 and peace. I want to invite you into this practice 0:01:28.400 --> 0:01:32.679 of speaking life and to jumpstart your journey, I've created 0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:36.840 a soothing, meditative audio just for my faith Friday listeners, 0:01:37.360 --> 0:01:39.959 you can listen to this audio each and every day. 0:01:40.520 --> 0:01:44.200 It's yours for free at Danahshay dot com. Forward slash 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:48.640 Speak Life. It's time that you take captive every thought 0:01:49.040 --> 0:01:52.480 and make it obedient to the word of God. Download 0:01:52.520 --> 0:01:56.320 your free audio today at Danashshay dot com Forward Slash 0:01:56.440 --> 0:02:01.640 Speak Life. Well, hello friends, thank you so much for 0:02:01.680 --> 0:02:04.480 listening to Rebuilding Us. I am your host, Dana Shay, 0:02:05.000 --> 0:02:08.560 and today we have a conversation, y'all. We need to 0:02:08.600 --> 0:02:11.600 have one of those like Mama Bear conversations where I 0:02:11.639 --> 0:02:14.119 need to pull you close and we need to talk 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:17.920 about something that is really affecting a lot of Christian marriages. 0:02:18.600 --> 0:02:20.680 If you know anything about me, you know that I 0:02:20.760 --> 0:02:24.200 love marriage. I am pro marriage, I am a marriage coach. 0:02:24.280 --> 0:02:27.120 I believe in marriage. I talk about it all the time. 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:30.120 But one of the things that we have to be 0:02:30.200 --> 0:02:33.239 careful about is that we have to be careful about 0:02:33.280 --> 0:02:38.160 making our marriages an idle an idle. Now, most of 0:02:38.240 --> 0:02:41.760 us in America, we don't think that we worship idols, right. 0:02:41.800 --> 0:02:43.680 We think that maybe that's something they do in like 0:02:44.000 --> 0:02:49.320 distant Asian nations or African nations. But we sophisticated Americans 0:02:49.480 --> 0:02:50.680 do not worship idols. 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:51.280 A hahaa. 0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:55.600 America, my friends, is probably one of the most idle 0:02:55.680 --> 0:03:00.919 obsessed nations. We worship idols of every kind. I'm talking 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:07.800 from food, to sex, to power, to celebrities, ourselves truthfully, 0:03:08.000 --> 0:03:13.079 and idle is simply anything that you worship. Now again, 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.800 many of you are thinking, well, no, no, no, no, no, nope, Dana, 0:03:15.840 --> 0:03:19.600 I don't worship anyone or anything but God. Well, what 0:03:19.720 --> 0:03:23.520 is the definition of worship? See, the definition of worship 0:03:23.680 --> 0:03:27.880 is not singing, it's not playing music. It's not dancing, 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:31.600 twirling around, laying prostrate on the ground. Those are all 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:36.120 expressions of worship. But worship is what you devote your 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:40.320 heart and your energy to. It is what you magnify 0:03:40.640 --> 0:03:45.320 above everything else. And if we're honest, we can all 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:49.240 see areas in our lives where we have magnified things 0:03:49.640 --> 0:03:52.920 above the place of God. And this is really a 0:03:52.960 --> 0:03:53.720 sobering thought. 0:03:53.760 --> 0:03:54.200 Friends. 0:03:54.640 --> 0:03:56.600 I actually preached a message I want to say it 0:03:56.640 --> 0:03:59.440 was last year. It was called Idols in Disguise, and 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:03.320 I talked to congregation about many different idols that we 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:07.840 serve and bow down to in our nation. One of 0:04:07.840 --> 0:04:10.440 those idols, and I'm gonna even talking about today is 0:04:10.480 --> 0:04:11.840 the idol of marriage. 0:04:12.400 --> 0:04:13.800 Now. I am fresh off. 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:16.120 Of a women's conference where I spoke at My voice 0:04:16.160 --> 0:04:19.000 is a little bit hoarse, so bear with me here today. 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:22.279 But at this conference, I talk to these ladies about 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:25.240 what I'm gonna talk to you about today, which is, 0:04:25.720 --> 0:04:28.520 how do we determine if our marriages are an idol? 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:31.560 And if they are indeed an idol, how do we 0:04:31.680 --> 0:04:35.800 destroy the idol without destroying the marriage or the relationship, 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:40.120 or God forbid the man or the woman. The truth is, 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:43.520 you are supposed to love your spouse. You are supposed 0:04:43.560 --> 0:04:46.760 to be devoted to your spouse above pretty much everything 0:04:47.320 --> 0:04:52.440 except for God. God always has to take first place 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:55.600 in your life. So I remember when Sean and I 0:04:55.640 --> 0:04:57.640 got married. If y'all know our story, we got married 0:04:57.680 --> 0:05:00.599 super young, eighteen and twenty one. I would have never 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:03.159 thought that I had made Sean my idol. I would 0:05:03.200 --> 0:05:05.279 have never thought that I made marriage my idol. I'm 0:05:05.279 --> 0:05:07.240 just a young girl trying to have the best marriage 0:05:07.279 --> 0:05:09.320 that I can with the little information that I had 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:13.480 at the time. But whenever Sean and I would have problems, 0:05:13.560 --> 0:05:17.000 I would get depressed. I would get discouraged. Life was over, 0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:19.919 you know. And that's one of the tailtale signs that 0:05:19.960 --> 0:05:22.280 you know, if something is an idol, because it takes 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:25.240 up too much importance in your life. When it's not 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:28.520 going well, you fall apart. Can we go through marriage 0:05:28.560 --> 0:05:32.400 problems without falling apart? Absolutely? And that is my hope 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:34.640 for you. Your marriage is going to have some struggles, You're 0:05:34.680 --> 0:05:36.920 gonna have some problems from time to time. But if 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:40.600 you fall apart every single time your marriage is on 0:05:40.640 --> 0:05:42.719 the brink, or every single time you and your spouse 0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:44.600 have an argument, or every single time you go through 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:47.560 a season of disconnect, that is a telltale sign that 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:50.960 maybe you're making your marriage an idle, you are elevating, 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:55.360 or you are magnifying it to a place that is unhealthy. 0:05:55.400 --> 0:05:59.320 And that's ungodly. And we have got to be careful 0:05:59.560 --> 0:06:03.719 because all throughout Scripture we see how God was forever 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:07.599 chasing the Israelites because they were forever erecting idols in 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:10.400 his place. One of the ten commandments, if you know 0:06:10.440 --> 0:06:12.080 the ten commandments, you know the one of the ten 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:15.120 commandments is thou shalt I'm gonna say this in King James, 0:06:15.240 --> 0:06:18.080 this is how I learned it, Thou shalt have no 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:22.919 other gods before me, and some translations say beside me. 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:25.560 I love that because it's not just a matter of 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:28.280 us not putting anything before God, but it's also a 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:30.640 matter of us not putting anything on par with God, 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:33.360 on the same level with God. There is no one 0:06:33.480 --> 0:06:37.120 in nothing who can and should be in that place 0:06:37.200 --> 0:06:41.200 and that position with God. He is incomparable. There is 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:43.560 no one who can compare with him. 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:44.760 So when we. 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:48.560 Place our spouses at the level of a God in 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:52.120 our lives, we look to them for provision, for safety, 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:55.280 for comfort, for peace, for love. I mean, these are 0:06:55.320 --> 0:06:58.400 all the things that we really need to attribute to 0:06:58.440 --> 0:07:01.719 the Lord. Now, does the Lord give us people to 0:07:01.920 --> 0:07:06.240 love us? Yes, to comfort us, Yes, to bring us companionship. Absolutely, 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:11.320 there's nothing wrong obviously with human relationships. God loves human relationships. 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:14.440 We were not meant to live life alone. But we 0:07:14.520 --> 0:07:16.720 have got to be so careful that we are not 0:07:16.920 --> 0:07:21.280 deriving our worth and our value and that we're not 0:07:21.600 --> 0:07:25.480 pulling on people to give us the things that only 0:07:25.560 --> 0:07:26.440 God can give us. 0:07:26.800 --> 0:07:28.360 All Right, So back to my story. 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:31.240 Me and Sean eighteen twenty one, we're married, we're going 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:33.360 through all kinds of stuff in our marriage, and I 0:07:33.480 --> 0:07:37.760 realized that I placed Sean at such a high level 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:41.680 in my life that I wouldn't have called it idolatry 0:07:41.880 --> 0:07:45.280 or worship at the time, but looking back, that's exactly 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:49.120 what I did. And so what happened was God allowed 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:52.800 our marriage to fall apart. He allowed me to see 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:57.160 a flawed man and a flawed woman talking about myself, 0:07:57.880 --> 0:08:01.080 and he allowed us to see who He really was, 0:08:01.920 --> 0:08:04.280 that he truly is the only one that is all 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:07.720 the time faithful, that is all the time consistent, that 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:11.080 is one hundred percent unconditional love at all times. 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:11.800 We are not. 0:08:13.360 --> 0:08:16.000 And that is what happens when we put people on 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:19.360 pedestals and we put people in places where they don't belong. 0:08:19.680 --> 0:08:22.880 God says, ooh hmm, I'm gonna have to show you 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:25.640 who they really are so that you can see that 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:29.440 there is no one like me. And this is not 0:08:29.680 --> 0:08:32.600 God doing this out of some sort of insecurity or 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:35.559 out of some sort of pride. This is God saying, 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:38.079 when you put your hope and your trust and people, 0:08:38.640 --> 0:08:42.240 you will forever be disappointed. Oh yes, you will. You 0:08:42.320 --> 0:08:44.840 know what I'm talking about. You put your trust and 0:08:44.880 --> 0:08:48.200 your hope and people. People are going to let you down, 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:52.400 and you are going to let other people down. So 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:56.280 when we wrap ourselves in our children and our husbands 0:08:56.320 --> 0:08:59.920 and our wives and our leaders, and these people fall, 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:05.040 we can't handle it because we place them on a pedestal. 0:09:05.080 --> 0:09:08.720 We've placed them in a position that they cannot and 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:13.719 will not be able to fulfill. So we're going to 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:15.880 take a quick quick break. You guys, I have so 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:17.760 much that I want to share with you, and this 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:19.920 is not going to be a long episode today, but 0:09:20.120 --> 0:09:22.240 we do have to take a quick break. 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:24.280 For a word from our sponsor. Let me encourage you. 0:09:24.320 --> 0:09:26.960 If you have not already subscribed or followed the podcast 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:29.720 right now, go ahead and click that little follow or 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:32.360 subscribe button on your phone or computer or wherever you're 0:09:32.360 --> 0:09:33.079 listening to this. 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:37.240 We'll be right back. All right, friends, we're back. 0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:39.400 We're talking about how do you know if you've made 0:09:39.440 --> 0:09:41.640 your marriage or you could say your relationship. Maybe you're 0:09:41.679 --> 0:09:44.040 not married, you're in a dating relationship, And my goodness, 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:46.400 this needs to be a whole other conversation, right, how 0:09:46.400 --> 0:09:48.840 do you know if you've made that person or that relationship? 0:09:48.880 --> 0:09:49.360 And idle? 0:09:50.280 --> 0:09:53.720 So there's a story of There's many stories, but there's 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:56.559 a specific story in the book of Exodus, Exodus thirty 0:09:56.600 --> 0:09:59.959 two about when the people of Israel have been delivered 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:03.720 from Egypt, God begins leading them to the Promised Land. 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:08.160 Now spoiler alert, the promised land was him. He was 0:10:08.240 --> 0:10:11.400 their land, He was their promise. And this is where 0:10:11.400 --> 0:10:14.440 we get into trouble when we start wanting the things 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:18.320 of God more than we actually want God. When we 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:22.120 start wanting the beautiful, blessed marriage more than we want 0:10:22.160 --> 0:10:23.960 the blessed sir of the marriage. 0:10:24.480 --> 0:10:25.439 When we start. 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:29.840 Wanting the beautiful, happy family more than the giver of families. 0:10:30.800 --> 0:10:33.560 So we've got to be really careful that we don't 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:36.760 begin to desire what's in God's hand more than we 0:10:36.880 --> 0:10:39.960 desire God himself. And this is where the children of 0:10:40.000 --> 0:10:42.640 Israel got into trouble all the time, because they wanted 0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:45.720 the land, they wanted the provision, they wanted the peace, 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:48.120 they wanted the security, they wanted all of those things 0:10:48.280 --> 0:10:51.680 that God was giving them. But then they forsook God. 0:10:52.160 --> 0:10:55.640 They said, thanks God, appreciate it, and we're good. We're 0:10:55.640 --> 0:10:58.840 on our own now. So there's a story in Exodus 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:01.960 thirty two the children of Visoro are traveling to this 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:05.040 promised land. Moses goes up on a mountain to receive 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:07.960 the ten commandments from God. He's gone for forty days. 0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:11.640 The people become really agitated, irritated, frustrated. They're like, we 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:14.560 don't know what's happened to this Moses guy, Aaron, who 0:11:14.600 --> 0:11:18.280 is Moses's brother. They're like, Aaron, make us a calf, 0:11:18.960 --> 0:11:21.960 make us an idol so that we can worship it. 0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:24.520 And this is such a tragic story in the Bible. 0:11:24.559 --> 0:11:26.160 I am not going to preach on this podcast, but 0:11:26.240 --> 0:11:28.640 I do want you, in your time to go and 0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:32.280 read Exodus thirty two and see the tragedy of what 0:11:32.480 --> 0:11:36.120 happens with God's people. And we can be so hard 0:11:36.120 --> 0:11:37.880 on the Israelites. We can look at them and be like, 0:11:37.920 --> 0:11:40.960 oh my gosh, they were grumbling, complaining. Now they're worshiping idols. 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:43.320 Oh Lord, what in the world was wrong with those folks? 0:11:43.559 --> 0:11:47.840 But friends, hello, we can be the same way. We 0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:51.160 can do the same thing when we say, God, you 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:55.920 are taking too long to fix this marriage. Lord, you 0:11:56.000 --> 0:11:59.160 are taken too long to change this man. Lord, you 0:11:59.200 --> 0:12:02.200 are taken too long to speak to this woman and 0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:04.240 tell her all the things that she needs to do 0:12:04.320 --> 0:12:07.680 in order to get herself together. And what happens is 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:11.960 when we become impatient with waiting, we are then tempted 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:16.600 to fulfill our own needs outside of God. That is 0:12:16.760 --> 0:12:21.240 literally what happens in idolatry. So I want you to 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:24.360 think about, what are some things that you tend to 0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:27.720 do when you do not get your needs met or 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:29.880 when you feel that you have been waiting for something 0:12:29.920 --> 0:12:34.880 too long? What are your tendencies if you, of course 0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:37.679 reach out to someone else, that's an easy one, right, 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:41.479 like if you're committing adultery, Which is interesting that adultery 0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:44.800 sounds very much like idolatry because they literally are the same. 0:12:45.640 --> 0:12:48.680 And this is why throughout scriptures, God tells his people 0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:52.199 that you are an unfaithful people. You have committed adultery 0:12:53.040 --> 0:12:55.120 with all of these foreign gods and all these idols 0:12:55.160 --> 0:12:55.840 that they were worshiping. 0:12:55.880 --> 0:12:56.320 Same thing. 0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:58.880 So this is why when I talk to couples about 0:12:58.920 --> 0:13:02.160 infidelity and adult I don't call it cheating. I don't 0:13:02.160 --> 0:13:04.640 call it in discretion. I don't say, oh, you just 0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:06.320 made a mistake. I'm going to call it out for 0:13:06.400 --> 0:13:09.520 what it is you are committing adultery, which is idolatry 0:13:10.720 --> 0:13:12.920 because the one that your heart is supposed to be 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:16.559 committed to, you're in covenant with that person, good or bad, 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:20.720 highs and lows. You don't get an out to go 0:13:20.840 --> 0:13:24.200 and mix it up with somebody else because your needs 0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:28.000 aren't being met. So that's any easy one we all know. Okay, 0:13:28.040 --> 0:13:30.840 adultery is idolatry. But I want you to think about 0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:34.440 what are my tendencies when I do not get my 0:13:34.520 --> 0:13:40.520 needs met? What do I go to when I need comfort? 0:13:40.880 --> 0:13:44.840 What do I go to when I need to relieve 0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:48.839 some stress? What do I go to when I am 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:53.680 full of anxiety and worry and fear and doubt. That 0:13:53.840 --> 0:13:57.160 is your indication of where the idols are in your life. 0:13:58.960 --> 0:13:59.240 Now. 0:13:59.480 --> 0:14:01.480 Is it wrong to go to your spouse if you 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:05.880 need comfort? Absolutely not. That's what they're there for. God 0:14:05.960 --> 0:14:09.680 gave them to you to help you. Is it wrong 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:12.560 to think highly of your spouse, to talk about him 0:14:12.640 --> 0:14:15.520 or her all the time, to think good thoughts about 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:16.000 him or her? 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:16.680 Of course not. 0:14:17.280 --> 0:14:21.680 That's good, that's healthy. But when your thoughts are consumed 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:25.720 with your spouse, when you only go to your spouse 0:14:25.960 --> 0:14:30.720 to meet your needs, that's when it becomes idolatry. So 0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:33.720 God wants to meet all of your needs, and the 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:37.680 way that he does that is through people. When we 0:14:37.720 --> 0:14:39.480 go to the Lord and we're like, God, I am 0:14:39.520 --> 0:14:42.720 really lonely, God himself is not going to come down 0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:44.480 out of heaven and sit with you on your porch 0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:46.760 and have some tea. God is going to send you 0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:49.720 a neighbor, a friend, a child, a spouse. He's going 0:14:49.800 --> 0:14:52.560 to send you somebody. So again, don't hear what I'm 0:14:52.600 --> 0:14:56.160 not saying. God gives us people for our enjoyment, for 0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:58.920 our pleasure, for our peace, for our comfort. But when 0:14:58.960 --> 0:15:04.000 we place people and these unhealthy categories, then we risk 0:15:04.280 --> 0:15:09.200 worshiping them. We risk worshiping the relationship. And when you 0:15:09.280 --> 0:15:13.040 get to that place, you can expect God is going 0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:18.320 to frustrate that relationship. So again, what happened with Sean 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:21.240 and I. Our relationship went through things. Now does that 0:15:21.240 --> 0:15:22.840 give us an out? We're like, you know what, it 0:15:22.880 --> 0:15:24.840 wasn't our fault, It was God's fault. Yep, yep, yep, 0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:28.800 God did it. No, No, we were willing participants in 0:15:28.840 --> 0:15:32.800 the destruction of our marriage. But God used that destruction 0:15:33.240 --> 0:15:36.280 in order to bring us back to himself. One of 0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:39.160 my all time favorite scriptures is in Revelation too, and 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:43.360 this book, this letter, this whole book of Revelation, especially 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:45.480 the first part is all of these letters that are 0:15:45.480 --> 0:15:48.280 written to the church. And in Revelation too, there's a 0:15:48.360 --> 0:15:51.800 letter to the church in Ephesus at that time, and 0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:54.680 so in Revelation two there is a line that says, 0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:59.000 you have left your first love, go back and do 0:15:59.160 --> 0:16:04.160 what you did for the first love was their relationship 0:16:04.200 --> 0:16:08.800 with God. There are times when your marriage is going 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:12.720 to be doing really well. It's not in the bad times, y'all, 0:16:12.720 --> 0:16:15.160 that we forget about God. Oh no, no, no, we know 0:16:15.200 --> 0:16:17.280 who God is at the bad times, because we're reaching 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:20.640 out for help, we're praying, we're crying, We're like God, 0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:24.160 please write. But when your life is going really well, 0:16:25.200 --> 0:16:28.520 when you don't quote need God, that's when you have 0:16:28.600 --> 0:16:32.480 to be careful. When your marriage is restored, when you 0:16:32.600 --> 0:16:35.400 have done the work of rebuilding, that's when you have 0:16:35.480 --> 0:16:38.720 to be really careful not to forget. And this is 0:16:38.720 --> 0:16:41.720 why again, all throughout Scripture, God tells it Israel lies, 0:16:41.800 --> 0:16:45.960 do not forget me. Remember where I brought you from. Remember, 0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:48.160 do not forget, Do not forget. He says it so 0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:52.160 much because he knows that the human tendency is that 0:16:52.200 --> 0:16:54.600 we need God until we get what we want from God, 0:16:54.640 --> 0:16:57.600 and then we're like, I'm good God, and God is like, 0:16:57.680 --> 0:17:00.120 I want to have a relationship with you that that 0:17:00.240 --> 0:17:03.240 is not transactional. Come on, how many of you want 0:17:03.240 --> 0:17:05.680 to be in a relationship with your spouse that's transactional. 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:08.560 As long as you're giving your spouse sex, they're good. 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:11.560 As long as you're meeting their needs, they're good. They 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:13.000 want to talk to you, they want to be around you, 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:14.720 but the moment that you stop doing that, they don't 0:17:14.760 --> 0:17:18.240 want to have anything to do with you. And unfortunately, friends, 0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:20.399 this is how we treat God a lot of times 0:17:20.840 --> 0:17:23.480 when we have a need, When we're praying for that 0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:26.600 marriage to be restored, when we're waiting for that child 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:30.320 to come back home, when we're asking God for a 0:17:30.359 --> 0:17:33.480 miracle for one of our family members who's deathly ill. 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:37.439 We're in God's face every day all day, and then 0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:41.320 when we get the answer, we go ghosts. We leave 0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:43.200 him on red. If I can say it that way, 0:17:44.640 --> 0:17:47.240 and I know that this breaks the heart of the father. 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:53.800 So if you realize, yes, I have tended to put 0:17:53.840 --> 0:17:56.680 my spouse in a position where he or she does 0:17:56.680 --> 0:17:59.760 not belong. Yes, I have seen that I have made 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:01.560 my spouse an idol. 0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:03.119 What do I do? 0:18:03.920 --> 0:18:07.320 How do I destroy the idol without destroying the relationship. 0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:09.720 So the first thing that I'm going to tell you 0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:14.399 number one is you need to evaluate your unmet needs? 0:18:14.920 --> 0:18:19.639 What are the needs that drive you to idolatry and 0:18:19.760 --> 0:18:22.720 y'all y'all can use this template for things outside of 0:18:22.760 --> 0:18:26.520 marriage too. I meant we take food, for example, we 0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:29.760 can make food and idle when you're depressed. It's like, 0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:32.240 come on, Ben, come on Jerry, let's go sit on 0:18:32.280 --> 0:18:34.560 the couch together. And you're eating your little Ben and 0:18:34.640 --> 0:18:39.200 Jerry's ice cream, trying to make yourself feel better. Ask yourself, what. 0:18:39.359 --> 0:18:40.240 Need am I feeling? 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:44.520 Where's the unmet need? So if you're looking at okay, 0:18:44.600 --> 0:18:47.159 I've realized that I might make my spouse an idle 0:18:47.240 --> 0:18:49.040 and I don't want to do that anymore. How do 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:51.920 I destroy the idol without destroying the marriage? One look 0:18:51.960 --> 0:18:54.600 at what are your unmet needs? What are the areas 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:57.400 in your life that cause you to lean on your 0:18:57.440 --> 0:19:01.480 spouse in an unhealthy way? To dignify or exalt your 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:06.119 spouse in an unhealthy way. What are those needs? Maybe 0:19:06.160 --> 0:19:10.239 for you, it's feeling rejected. So you felt rejected your 0:19:10.280 --> 0:19:13.160 whole life, and so you cling to your spouse because 0:19:13.320 --> 0:19:16.760 they accept you, they love you. You have a good spouse. 0:19:17.640 --> 0:19:20.320 You want to be with them all the time because 0:19:20.359 --> 0:19:25.720 being with them helps you to feel accepted. Again, that's 0:19:25.760 --> 0:19:28.800 not a bad thing, But you've got to deal with 0:19:28.840 --> 0:19:32.879 the rejection issue or else you will have an unhealthy 0:19:32.920 --> 0:19:38.160 attachment to your spouse. So take that to the Lord God. 0:19:38.200 --> 0:19:40.639 I realize that I've still got this wound from my 0:19:40.760 --> 0:19:44.080 childhood when I felt rejected. Would you heal me of that? 0:19:45.240 --> 0:19:48.640 So the first thing, realize you're unmet needs. Number two, 0:19:48.720 --> 0:19:51.800 you've got to be honest. And that's really the big 0:19:52.560 --> 0:19:54.240 elephant in the room here, is that you've got to 0:19:54.280 --> 0:19:56.560 be honest about the fact that you've placed idols in 0:19:56.600 --> 0:19:59.440 your life. You place them there. They didn't jump into 0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:02.400 your life them there. And the good news is, since 0:20:02.440 --> 0:20:04.240 you place them there, you can take them out. 0:20:05.000 --> 0:20:06.480 You don't have to wait for God to destroy them. 0:20:06.480 --> 0:20:07.280 You can destroy them. 0:20:08.880 --> 0:20:12.000 So being honest with yourself saying yes, Lord, I realized 0:20:12.000 --> 0:20:13.359 that I have made my marriage an idle. 0:20:13.400 --> 0:20:15.160 I have made these kids in idle. 0:20:15.160 --> 0:20:17.479 And let me tell y'all, parents, do not be around 0:20:17.480 --> 0:20:20.520 here making your kids an idle, because those kids are 0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:24.680 going to leave and you are going to be sadly, 0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:33.360 sadly disappointed. So be honest. Third, you need to put 0:20:33.640 --> 0:20:38.480 something in the way, a distraction, a barrier and obstacle 0:20:39.359 --> 0:20:43.240 that prevents you from leaning on that idle in an 0:20:43.320 --> 0:20:49.160 unhealthy way. If this were something that you could destroy, 0:20:49.440 --> 0:20:52.399 I would tell you to destroy it. Like if you 0:20:52.520 --> 0:20:56.000 know that you go to sugar to comfort you, I'm 0:20:56.040 --> 0:20:58.479 speaking to myself to comfort you. 0:20:58.560 --> 0:20:58.919 Right then. 0:20:58.960 --> 0:21:00.679 You don't want to put that in your home. You 0:21:00.720 --> 0:21:04.879 want to destroy the opportunity to set yourself up that 0:21:04.920 --> 0:21:07.200 way where you can't put your spouse outside of your home. 0:21:07.520 --> 0:21:09.560 They're still gonna be there, and it's not their fault 0:21:09.680 --> 0:21:11.920 that you've made them an idol. But what you need 0:21:11.960 --> 0:21:13.399 to do is you need to put a barrier up. 0:21:13.440 --> 0:21:16.240 That could be simply before I go to my spouse 0:21:16.480 --> 0:21:19.640 for comfort, I'm gonna pray there's your barrier right there. 0:21:19.640 --> 0:21:22.240 I'm gonna go to God first, I'm gonna let him 0:21:22.280 --> 0:21:24.679 know these are the things that are troubling me. This 0:21:24.720 --> 0:21:26.320 is why my heart is heavy. Lord, I'm going to 0:21:26.400 --> 0:21:29.840 reach out to him first. Now, he very well may 0:21:29.920 --> 0:21:32.439 tell you I want you to go talk about this 0:21:32.520 --> 0:21:35.600 with your spouse. Great, if he tells you to do that, 0:21:35.640 --> 0:21:38.640 go do that. But if you know that you've got 0:21:38.680 --> 0:21:43.679 an unhealthy way of processing grief or processing trauma, or 0:21:43.720 --> 0:21:46.680 processing your needs being met, and you always go to 0:21:46.720 --> 0:21:49.760 your spouse first, then the simple switch is to go 0:21:49.840 --> 0:21:53.080 to God first. Put something in the way that is 0:21:53.119 --> 0:21:57.040 going to distract you or detract you from choosing that 0:21:57.200 --> 0:22:02.120 person over God. And then, fourth, and finally, you need 0:22:02.160 --> 0:22:05.879 to put God back on the throne, put him back 0:22:05.960 --> 0:22:09.920 in his rightful place. So maybe you've let your devotional 0:22:09.960 --> 0:22:12.520