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Speaker 1: Welcome to Christian Parent Crazy World, the podcast that tackles

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Speaker 1: tough topics to help you be a godly parent in

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Speaker 1: an ungodly world. I am your host, Catherine Seegers, and

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Speaker 1: in today's episode, we're diving headfirst into this vitally important question,

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Speaker 1: how do.

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Speaker 2: We reset when we've blown it with our kids?

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Speaker 1: Okay, So I know that you don't need this episode,

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Speaker 1: No no, no no, You're just.

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Speaker 2: Here out of pure compassion.

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Speaker 1: You're thinking of all those other parents, you know, the

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Speaker 1: ones who lose their cool, say the wrong thing and

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Speaker 1: completely botch a moment. M M yeah sure. Okay, So

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Speaker 1: let's be honest.

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Speaker 2: We all need this. I know that I do because

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Speaker 2: Mamas and Papa's all the intentional discipleship, all the careful conversations,

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Speaker 2: all the spiritual foundations we're trying.

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Speaker 1: So hard to build.

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Speaker 2: None of it works if the relationship underneath it is cracked.

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Speaker 2: When that connection breaks, everything else wobbles. So today's episode

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Speaker 2: is all about what to do when we mess up

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Speaker 2: and how to repair, restore, and reconnect with the kids

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Speaker 2: we love most. That's the plan for this episode of

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Speaker 2: Christian Parent Crazy Will.

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Speaker 3: So let's get started.

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Speaker 1: This is a special best of episode of CPCW and

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited to bring this one back. I loved

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Speaker 1: this conversation the first time around, and after last week's

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Speaker 1: solo episode, I realize these two episodes together make such

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Speaker 1: a powerful little relationship building series. It's such a great

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Speaker 1: thing to do at the beginning of the year every year, honestly,

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Speaker 1: but we all need time to reset sometimes. And speaking

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Speaker 1: of resets, my guest today may very well be a

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Speaker 1: parenting expert simply by sheer repetition. Kirsten Vossler is a

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Speaker 1: mama of nine. Actually, I'm fairly certain the number is

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Speaker 1: ten now. In fact, I think she was secretly pregnant

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Speaker 1: during this interview. You know, it's not often that I

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Speaker 1: meet someone who doubles my kid count. Yeah, that's a

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Speaker 1: tall order. Now, Kirsten has worn just about every.

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Speaker 2: Ministry hat you can imagine. She's been a children's pastor,

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Speaker 2: a worship leader, a writer, conference speaker, and she is

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Speaker 2: the host of the Rejoicing in Motherhood podcast. But as

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Speaker 2: you'll quickly hear, her favorite and most important role is

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Speaker 2: being mom and not the Pinterest perfect version. Nope, she

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Speaker 2: is the real life, grace filled occasionally blown it but

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Speaker 2: willing to repair version. In this conversation, we talk about

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Speaker 2: what to do when we've damaged the all important connection

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Speaker 2: with our kids, how to rebuild that trust, to restore

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Speaker 2: peace and model humility in a way that actually strengthens

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Speaker 2: the relationship instead of weakening it. And yes, I even

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Speaker 2: managed to fumble her name at the beginning of the interview,

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Speaker 2: which honestly just makes.

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Speaker 1: Me the perfect host for this topic. I provide live,

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Speaker 1: unscripted examples of needing relational repair. You're welcome, You're very welcome.

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Speaker 3: So that's it.

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Speaker 1: Let's jump right in. Kirsten, welcome to the program. It's

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Speaker 1: so awesome to have you here.

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Speaker 3: Thank you. I am just delighted to be here. This

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Speaker 3: is going to be really great.

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Speaker 1: I know it is. Okay, I just have to say,

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Speaker 1: I've been contemplating your name, Kirsten Vossler, and I was

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Speaker 1: thinking if I were to write a novel and had

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Speaker 1: a heroine in it, not yet like heroin as in

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Speaker 1: the female lead, not as in the drug. But if

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Speaker 1: I were going to have a heroin in it, I

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Speaker 1: would want to name her Kirsten Vossler or either. That

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Speaker 1: would be like the most sophisticated character in the book.

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Speaker 1: That is the coolest name. Like, we know met your husband.

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Speaker 1: Did you think when you found out his last name,

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Speaker 1: You're like, oh, we gotta get married, because then I'll

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Speaker 1: be Kirsten Bossler.

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Speaker 3: You know, honestly, it didn't really cross my mind. I

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Speaker 3: was glad he had a name it was easy to pronounce,

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Speaker 3: because my first name isn't always easy to pronounce.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, well, you know it's everybody wants to I'm

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Speaker 1: sure you get Christian all the time? Right, oh, yes,

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Speaker 1: all the time cursened. Yeah, I'm sorry, no, no offense

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Speaker 1: for all the Christians out there. It's a beautiful It's

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Speaker 1: just a little cool words. And I actually I actually

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Speaker 1: pronounced it Kirston. Oh my gosh. So you might have

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Speaker 1: mentioned that in the last show we just did and

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Speaker 1: I called you Curson the whole time, right, didn't I

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Speaker 1: I still think we talked about it.

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Speaker 3: I'm so used to all of it. So, oh, I

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Speaker 3: say it, we're stin Kirston. Yes, that just.

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Speaker 1: Went up the sophistication change there. This person's cool. Kirsten Bossler.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. I don't know what she does in

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Speaker 1: the book that I'm gonna write. She's probably cures cancer

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Speaker 1: and get us go yeah, world peace and assolves all

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Speaker 1: of our the Middle East crisis too. I mean, Kirsten

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Speaker 1: Bossler wouldn't have done quite all of that, She wouldn't

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Speaker 1: have gotten quite that far. But Kirsten Bossler. Yeah, there

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Speaker 1: we go. Okay, well I've got it right now, her

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Speaker 1: kirst and Bossler. So you know, Kirsten, I so resonate

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Speaker 1: with what you write on your website about your calling

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Speaker 1: as a mother. You mentioned all the many roles that

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Speaker 1: you used to play. You were a Sunday school teacher,

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Speaker 1: children's pastor, worship leader, writer, or conference speaker. But this

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Speaker 1: is what you said. I love this, you said.

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Speaker 3: Quote.

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Speaker 1: Some would say that stepping away from most of those

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Speaker 1: roles for a time to be a wife and a

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Speaker 1: mother would be losing part of myself, or that my

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Speaker 1: bigger calling is less than what I did before. But no,

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Speaker 1: though my stage is smaller, I believe my impact in

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Speaker 1: longevity is greater than ever. Little me. Mothering my own

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Speaker 1: children literally has the power to change the world. End quote.

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Speaker 1: I love that. As you know, the old adage, the

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Speaker 1: hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. So you

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Speaker 1: probably read my page as well. They sound allest identical

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Speaker 1: kid spirits. Yes, so well, today's topic is on seven

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Speaker 1: ways to reset when you've blown it with your kids.

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Speaker 1: And you know, obviously this is primarily for my listeners

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Speaker 1: because personally, I can't really relate to this. That's never

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Speaker 1: really personally, not at all. Seriously, I have to I

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Speaker 1: have to confess this, Okay. So you and I were

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Speaker 1: kind of going back and forth about what we were

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Speaker 1: going to be talking about on our respective shows, and

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Speaker 1: so I was having a situation with a couple of

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Speaker 1: my kids, two of them, and it wasn't going well.

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Speaker 1: I was starting to get a little off track. I

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Speaker 1: was starting to blow it, as you would say, and

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Speaker 1: so I called my husband in as kind of reinforcement

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Speaker 1: back up, and he promptly started blowing it with the kids.

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Speaker 1: And then this is how bad I need to show today.

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Speaker 1: Then we started blowing it with each other, okay in

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Speaker 1: front of the kids. Yeah, wow, epic fail. I really

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Speaker 1: need Perkustionen come on and talk about ways to recover

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Speaker 1: and reset after we've blown it. That's how badly I

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Speaker 1: need this topic today. So I'm so excited to hear

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Speaker 1: what you have for us, because I need it and

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Speaker 1: I'm sure my listeners need it as well.

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Speaker 3: Yes, well, we all have those days, you know, we

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Speaker 3: all have days that are just tough, they're stressful. We've

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Speaker 3: got like all kinds of life stuff going on, We've

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Speaker 3: got change happening in our lives, whatever it is, and

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Speaker 3: we think, oh, I'm just going to manage this perfectly.

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Speaker 3: I'll never get upset with my kids, I'll never yell,

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Speaker 3: I'll never have a bad attitude, and yet here we are.

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Speaker 3: So so there's kind of this I think, you know,

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Speaker 3: expectation we put on ourselves, like, well if I do,

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Speaker 3: if I mess up, then either we think, well I

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Speaker 3: should just give up, because you know, that was that

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Speaker 3: and now that's over and I guess they can never

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Speaker 3: cover from that. But we can't do that. We can't

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Speaker 3: just give up, and we can't give in to the

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Speaker 3: you know, the anger or the fear that we're giving into.

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Speaker 3: So we kind of have those two choices that we

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Speaker 3: feel like we have two choices. Either we can just

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Speaker 3: give up or we can give in and we can

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Speaker 3: just continue to yell, continue to be angry, continue to

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Speaker 3: be frustrated, and lash out at our children or our spouse.

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Speaker 3: And yet it's really so much better if we can

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Speaker 3: just stop ourselves and we can reset. And so yeah,

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Speaker 3: so that's what today is all about. And I think

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Speaker 3: it's really important that you know, there's a saying that

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Speaker 3: the time heals all wounds, and there are some elements

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Speaker 3: of truth to that, but there are some things that

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Speaker 3: are just absolutely not true about that, because we really

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Speaker 3: can't ignore what happens in our families. Like we are

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Speaker 3: good parents that love our children and we want the

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Speaker 3: best for them, and so we can see when we're

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Speaker 3: damaging our kids even as it's happening. Sometimes if we're

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Speaker 3: away enough of our own selves and our kids of

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Speaker 3: what's going on, you know, you can see as you

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Speaker 3: start to kind of lay into your child like oh

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Speaker 3: my goodness, like I'm really hurting them. And sometimes we

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Speaker 3: don't even know what to do with that, and we

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Speaker 3: just kind of like keep going out of just habit

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Speaker 3: because we don't have we don't feel like we have

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Speaker 3: the agency or the power to stop, and we don't

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Speaker 3: know what to do if we do stop. And so

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Speaker 3: I think it's really important not to just ignore it

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Speaker 3: or brush it away and just like Okay, well that's over,

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Speaker 3: let's go on, you know. So to having this reset,

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Speaker 3: having this, let's start over, let's how do we get

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Speaker 3: through this, how do we heal from this? It is

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Speaker 3: really important for parents to do with their children. And

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Speaker 3: I think if there's any areas of wounding in ourselves

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Speaker 3: from our own childhood or from our own from other

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Speaker 3: things that have happened in our own lives, I think

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Speaker 3: we would agree like, oh, yeah, I wish that my

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Speaker 3: parents would have come and said they were sorry to me.

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Speaker 3: I wish that they would have recognized that there was

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Speaker 3: damage happening, as opposed to just like, well, get over it,

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Speaker 3: you know, let's just get on.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we can't ignore it. If we do we brush

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Speaker 1: it into the rug or pretend like it didn't happen.

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Speaker 1: That does leave a wound in our child that doesn't

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Speaker 1: go away. They're going to carry that on out of

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Speaker 1: the house into adulthood, and it's going to be It's amazing.

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Speaker 1: I think some of the things that come back around

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Speaker 1: if you haven't dealt with them, and there's so much

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Speaker 1: harder to deal with when they're out of the house

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Speaker 1: and that wound has just been covered over and they've

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Speaker 1: built up walls around it. Then that's when you're in real,

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Speaker 1: real troubling territory, and you've got a broken relationship with

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Speaker 1: your kids. So learning how to do this is vitally

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Speaker 1: important in our parenting. It's just so so important. So

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Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear how we can stop and

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Speaker 1: reset to get to build that relationship back up with

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Speaker 1: our kids and to bring some healing when we have

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Speaker 1: blown it.

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Speaker 3: And I mean, this whole topic has come out of

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Speaker 3: my own experience, right, you know, like, yeah, the reason

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Speaker 3: I know these seven steps is because I've had to

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Speaker 3: do them many times, yes, you know. So, I mean

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Speaker 3: there was a day I remember that that kind of

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Speaker 3: sparked this whole thing and made me actually like write

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Speaker 3: it down and be like, what what did I actually do?

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Speaker 3: Because we were in the process of moving. We had

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Speaker 3: eight kids at this point, we were moving to a

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Speaker 3: different state, we were staying in somebody else's house. There

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Speaker 3: was just so much change, so much chaos. There was

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Speaker 3: so many stressors with you know, my husband's job and

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Speaker 3: just things going on and like selling a house, by

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Speaker 3: trying to buy a house, like just all the things right,

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Speaker 3: and so we just had a horrible, horrible day. It

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Speaker 3: was just like when I was absolutely frustrated absolutely overwhelmed, stressed,

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Speaker 3: and then I have all these children that I'm trying

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Speaker 3: to like keep from, you know, tearing apart somebody else's

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Speaker 3: house and all this stuff. And so I don't even

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Speaker 3: remember the exact situation, the exact infraction, but there were

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Speaker 3: just stressors galore, and I was just not responding well

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Speaker 3: at all. I personally was feeling like I was failing

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Speaker 3: in every area, which is a clue. If you feel

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Speaker 3: like you're failing in every area, it's a clue that

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Speaker 3: the enemy is trying to jump on something that's going

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Speaker 3: on and to get in there and influence you and

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Speaker 3: discourage you. Because there are some things that we mess

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Speaker 3: up at, but we're never a complete failure at everything.

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Speaker 3: So I manage. That's really so in the midst of that,

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Speaker 3: I just had this horrible attitude. I was just blowing

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Speaker 3: it left and right, just yelling at them. I had

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Speaker 3: I just you know, oh my goodness, what am I

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Speaker 3: going to do? And so I discovered, or I experienced,

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Speaker 3: here's how we can reset, here's how we can get

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Speaker 3: I got it to coming into life and being at

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Speaker 3: peace with one another. And the first thing to do

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Speaker 3: is just to stop, which is easier said than done

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Speaker 3: when we're just in the middle of that emotional upheaval.

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Speaker 3: But just to stop and like literally put your hand

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Speaker 3: over your mouth if you have to, and just like

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Speaker 3: stop hard, stop. Okay, you know, yeah, put down the

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Speaker 3: towel you're swinging around like whatever's going on. You just

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Speaker 3: physically stop yourself. And then the second step is to

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Speaker 3: get alone. Step out on the porch, go to the bathroom,

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Speaker 3: go sit on your bed, just physically remove yourself from

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Speaker 3: the crazy. Now. If you have tiny little kids, that

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Speaker 3: might mean like putting on a show for a few minutes.

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Speaker 3: I remember just saying like, okay, kids, watch this movie.

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Speaker 3: Mommy will be back in a few minutes, you know,

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Speaker 3: by and I just left the room, so, you know,

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Speaker 3: get a safe place for your children, whatever that looks

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Speaker 3: like in your specific phase. But you're gonna get alone.

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Speaker 3: And the third thing is which comes easily, is just

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Speaker 3: to cry out to God because there's just this overwhelming honesty.

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Speaker 3: I think that we have to just share with the Lord.

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Speaker 3: Just tell him how you feel, tell him what's bothering you. God.

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Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, I've totally blown it. God, I've been

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Speaker 3: so angry. I see I'm hurting my kids. I'm so

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Speaker 3: mad because of blah blah blah. Whatever it is, just

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Speaker 3: it's just cry out to God, help me. I don't

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Speaker 3: know what to do. Help me God. And the fourth thing,

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Speaker 3: so number four would be ask God what he wants

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Speaker 3: to say to you. He is such a good kind father.

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Speaker 3: I feel like the days when I feel like I'm

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Speaker 3: completely losing it, when I've completely lost it and I've

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Speaker 3: just have ruined everything. A lot of times, what he

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Speaker 3: says is he will bring He'll bring identity, and he'll

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Speaker 3: bring perspective as to what's going on. And so often

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Speaker 3: I feel like when I come to him and I'm like, God,

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Speaker 3: I've ruined everything, and he says something like I love you.

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Speaker 3: You are my daughter, you are precious to me. And

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Speaker 3: I'm like, are we on the same Like what? But

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Speaker 3: Psalm Psalm ninety verse, or say, satisfy us in the

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Speaker 3: morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for

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Speaker 3: joy for the rest of our lives. And so it's

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Speaker 3: that unfailing love that we feel from God that will

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Speaker 3: satisfy us to the point where we can be joyful

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Speaker 3: and we can have a good attitude and we can

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Speaker 3: come out of this crazy state essentially. So then once

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Speaker 3: we've kind of settled in with God, we've settled down

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Speaker 3: with ourselves. This fifth step is to repent. And first

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Speaker 3: we have to repent to God. It's not our kids

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Speaker 3: that the real infraction is toward. It's when we get

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Speaker 3: so angry or when we are just completely messing up.

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Speaker 3: We really have to repent to God. And so repent

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Speaker 3: to God. First. God, I am sorry that I did this.

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Speaker 3: I see the damage it's doing. Will you please forgive me?

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Speaker 3: I know that you have a better way for me.

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Speaker 3: And at that point, so we're five steps in. At

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Speaker 3: that point, I feel like everything kind of comes down

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Speaker 3: because we've been able to deal with the stuff that's

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Speaker 3: going on inside of us. And I think that's a

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Speaker 3: huge thing, which we can talk about more later if

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Speaker 3: we want to, is that oftentimes when we're lashing out

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Speaker 3: of other people, it's really because of something that's going

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Speaker 3: on inside of us. Yes, I think if we're honest,

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Speaker 3: we'll agree with that. You know, so often we look

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Speaker 3: at other people, we look at the circumstances, and we're like,

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Speaker 3: if only that were different, I would not be this way.

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Speaker 3: And yet it's really true that we are just reflecting

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Speaker 3: what's inside of us kind of all the time. And

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Speaker 3: so if our kids are having a bad day and

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Speaker 3: then we're like, there's probably something going on inside of

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Speaker 3: us that's not even related to them.

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Speaker 1: Vice versa, right, yes, them, that's not related to us necessarily.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yes, And so so we just once we repent

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Speaker 3: to God and we have that kind of settledness, then

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Speaker 3: number six, we can go and repent to our children.

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Speaker 3: And the way to do that really is to just

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Speaker 3: simple humble ourselves. And I think it's really powerful to

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Speaker 3: use words like I was wrong. Jesus would never talk

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Speaker 3: to you like that, so I don't want to either.

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Speaker 3: I messed up. I'm sorry. And acknowledge their pain is

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Speaker 3: another part of repentance because we can see like, oh

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Speaker 3: I damaged you, I'm sorry, So acknowledging their pain is

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Speaker 3: super important. Did I hurt your feelings? Did I make

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Speaker 3: you feel scared? I know I hurt your feelings when

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Speaker 3: I talk to you like that, I'm sorry, will you

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Speaker 3: please forgive me? And I think those words are very

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Speaker 3: powerful because we can say something like I apologize, but

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Speaker 3: like what does that even mean?

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Speaker 1: You know?

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Speaker 3: Or even just saying I'm sorry and expecting them to

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Speaker 3: offer forgiveness without asking for forgiveness. It's kind of semantics,

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Speaker 3: but it's something that personally, like, I feel differently when

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Speaker 3: somebody asks me, will you forgive me than if they

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Speaker 3: just say I'm sorry, right, you know, so I think

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Speaker 3: those words are really key, are really important. And then

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Speaker 3: the last step, step number seven is oftentimes after you've

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Speaker 3: had this infraction and then repentance and forgiveness, there's really

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Speaker 3: a sense of tenderness that comes into my heart, into

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Speaker 3: our own hearts, into our children. And so number seven

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Speaker 3: would be to move on throughout your day with tenderness.

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Speaker 3: You've reset, and then just go with that tenderness, pay

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Speaker 3: extra special attention to rebuilding connection with your family, and

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Speaker 3: then if any further things come up, just deal with

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Speaker 3: those things quickly and kindly, as kindly as you can.

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Speaker 3: So that hope, I mean hopefully, the hope is that

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Speaker 3: once you have this like reset, that you know, we

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Speaker 3: might have to reset a few times, but if we're

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Speaker 3: if we really pay attention and we just walk in

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Speaker 3: that tender heart, we may not have to reset quite

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Speaker 3: so many times. We may be able to just quickly

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Speaker 3: deal with something small that comes up before it becomes

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Speaker 3: this mountainous thing. So those are kind of the seven

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Speaker 3: ways that we can reset when we have a blowout.

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Speaker 1: That I think you've taken us through the whole trajectory there,

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Speaker 1: which is beautiful of what we do need to do.

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Speaker 1: And initially, and I think because it's contemplating that, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I what happens sometimes, I think is there's there's something

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Speaker 1: that feels good about indulging that anger at the beginning.

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Speaker 1: I mean, let's just be honest. I joked in a

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Speaker 1: previous podcast a friend of ours, Elizabeth andrew Yevsky, and

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Speaker 1: she talks about mom rage and I'm like, oh, what's

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Speaker 1: momb rage? Like I didn't know. I know what mom

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Speaker 1: rade is. I definitely know it's there's feels it, there's

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Speaker 1: something that feels good in our flesh to indulge that.

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Speaker 1: And how do we then? Do you have any I

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Speaker 1: was trying to figure out how do we get to

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Speaker 1: that place? Do you? Is it something you just have

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Speaker 1: to predetermine? Okay, God, okay, God, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: damn my kids. So when it gets their holy spirit,

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Speaker 1: just really get loud and clear. So I mean, because

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Speaker 1: you know, when you're losing it, you know, when you're

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Speaker 1: about to go kind of what they used to call postal.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what they call.

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Speaker 3: It these days.

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Speaker 1: When you're I'm old. So what do you just determine beforehand?

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Speaker 1: Because here's what I would advise, especially to any parents

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Speaker 1: who have just younger kids. When they get older, you

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Speaker 1: start to realize, oh wow, that thing that happened back there,

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Speaker 1: it didn't just live back there, It lives on even

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Speaker 1: I think the process you've described as beautiful and accurate

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Speaker 1: and exactly what we need to do. But it doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean there's not still a wound or a scar there sometimes.

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Speaker 3: Yes, no, that's absolutely true. So do you just.

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Speaker 1: Determine in your mind? Okay, God, I'm going to stop

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Speaker 1: myself and just remove myself from the situation before it

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Speaker 1: gets to that place. And that's a discipline because you've

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Speaker 1: you've got to really really exercise restraint there. And sometimes

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Speaker 1: if you've been used to to just allowing yourself to rip, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: then how have you learned to do that?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Well, I think there are several answers to this.

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Speaker 3: So let me let me try to go out in

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Speaker 3: one at a time. We'll see how my brain does

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Speaker 3: with this. But I think I have to credit the

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Speaker 3: Holy Spirit honestly because as a believer, the Holy Spirit

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Speaker 3: lives inside of me and he teaches me what is right.

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Speaker 3: And so as I if I'm honest with myself, whenever

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Speaker 3: I am getting over, you know, angry, I'm just gonna

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Speaker 3: let's just say angry, I'm yelling. If I am honest,

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Speaker 3: the Holy Spirit is in my ear saying that's not

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Speaker 3: what you should be doing right now. Yeh, Like, uh

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Speaker 3: watch out, you know, Like it's just it's subtle, it's small,

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Speaker 3: but it is there. And so if I pay attention

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Speaker 3: to it once or twice and I actually stop myself,

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Speaker 3: then that voice of the Holy Spirit gets louder, it

400
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Speaker 3: feels louder, and if I ignore it, it feels like it

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Speaker 3: gets quieter. So I really I think that it is

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Speaker 3: absolutely a discipline.

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Speaker 1: It is hard.

404
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Speaker 3: It is hard. It's not like, oh yeah, easy, Holy

405
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Speaker 3: Spirit there, I'm never gonna have a problem again, you know, right.

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Speaker 3: It's just that he helps us. He is the hot

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Speaker 3: helper and he's the comforter. And so there is that

408
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Speaker 3: part of it where it's just like, you know what,

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Speaker 3: if you're a believer, like the Holy Spirit will be

410
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Speaker 3: putting that little thought in your mind like don't do this,

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Speaker 3: you know, stop your stop, don't go there. And the

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Speaker 3: more we respond to that and actually obey that, the

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Speaker 3: quicker and easier it will be to stop ourselves. But

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Speaker 3: it does take discipline, And I think that's why for me,

415
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Speaker 3: like physically doing something is helpful because it's like physically

416
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Speaker 3: leaving the room, physically putting my hand over my mouth

417
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Speaker 3: whatever needs to happen. It's like, Okay, I'm crazy. My

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Speaker 3: brain is just what is going wild? And I feel

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Speaker 3: like I can't even stop my mouth. So I'm going

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Speaker 3: to physically stop my mouth. I'm going to physically leave

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Speaker 3: the room and figure out what's going on by talking

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Speaker 3: to God. Yes, So that's one answer. I think another

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Speaker 3: answer is that, like I said before, so much of

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Speaker 3: what we deal with on a daily basis actually isn't

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Speaker 3: about today. It's actually about yes, fast things, And so

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Speaker 3: I think.

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Speaker 1: A huge help is to.

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Speaker 3: Is to deal with past stuff as it comes up.

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Speaker 3: So one of the ways we can do that is

430
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:55,359
Speaker 3: if we have a blowout and we're lying on our

431
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:57,760
Speaker 3: bed crying out to God, what do I do? Why

432
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,720
Speaker 3: did this happen? And he says remember when you were

433
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 3: this age and this happened before. Remember when you were

434
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 3: seven and you feel like nobody was listening to you,

435
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 3: and so you screamed at your you know, you screamed

436
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 3: really really loud, and then you know, end's like oh,

437
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,640
Speaker 3: and so then we can invite the Holy Spirit into

438
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,679
Speaker 3: that memory and be like, okay, well there I was.

439
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,520
Speaker 3: I was seven years old. I had this experience. I

440
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 3: felt like nobody was listening to me. Oh today, I

441
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,399
Speaker 3: felt like nobody was listening to me. And so my

442
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 3: reaction was really more like a seven year old, not

443
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:32,800
Speaker 3: like a mom.

444
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:34,919
Speaker 1: Yes exactly, you know.

445
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,200
Speaker 3: And so I think when we can recognize those things

446
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:42,040
Speaker 3: and go, okay, so my kids are just being kids.

447
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:45,960
Speaker 3: They're not you know, horrible psychopaths that are trying to

448
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:50,400
Speaker 3: ruin my life and make me crazy, Let's see where

449
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,920
Speaker 3: else this might be coming from, and to go back

450
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,240
Speaker 3: to that place with the Holy Spirit and have him

451
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:58,199
Speaker 3: show us like, okay, well, Holy Spirit, you're everywhere. So

452
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 3: where were you in that situation? Were you with me

453
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 3: when I was seven years old and I felt like

454
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 3: nobody was listening to me? And to be able to

455
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:08,040
Speaker 3: vulnerably open up to the Lord and be like, how

456
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,640
Speaker 3: do I heal from this? You know? Will you heal

457
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:12,919
Speaker 3: my heart? Will you speak peace to that seven year

458
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 3: old who apparently still lives here? Yes, how will you

459
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 3: help me with this? And he's so faithful. I mean,

460
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 3: I've been through so much inner healing in those days

461
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:28,320
Speaker 3: wherever the spirit is just like, oh, yes, I was there,

462
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 3: Here I was, and he'll show me just like you know,

463
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 3: like a like an imagination, like a picture in your

464
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:37,679
Speaker 3: minds here you are there, I remember, you know, like

465
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,800
Speaker 3: inviting Jesus back into that memory. I remember when this

466
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,879
Speaker 3: thing happened, and I can see myself in that situation

467
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:47,080
Speaker 3: in my mind, and I can see Jesus. Oh, Jesus

468
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:49,159
Speaker 3: was there, and he didn't like it that nobody was

469
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,240
Speaker 3: listening to me. He was trying to listen to me,

470
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:55,680
Speaker 3: or you know, whatever the scenario is. But I think

471
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:57,880
Speaker 3: that is a really important part of like going back

472
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 3: and cleaning up the stuff that we've had in our past,

473
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 3: because then we can go forward with a clean slate.

474
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 3: We can go forward with like a pure a pure heart,

475
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:10,680
Speaker 3: and then things can actually matter as they come as

476
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 3: opposed to everything that happens being past, stuff that's being

477
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 3: triggered and like resurfacing all the time.

478
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 1: Oh so wow, that's like a whole nother podcast. It

479
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,879
Speaker 1: really is. I'm thinking of breaking these and two here

480
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,679
Speaker 1: because this is really about healing our you know, the

481
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:28,880
Speaker 1: inner child within and some of the things that we

482
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 1: may still have wounds from and they can surface in

483
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,399
Speaker 1: our parenting. And I was thinking while we were talking,

484
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:38,360
Speaker 1: it's not just that, although that's huge, that's huge, especially

485
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,000
Speaker 1: if something's festered since you were seven years old. And

486
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 1: I think we've all I've found those things. I can

487
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:48,439
Speaker 1: remember what time, Woo man, I can there was a

488
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,440
Speaker 1: there was a situation where I felt bullied as a child.

489
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:56,240
Speaker 1: This this bullying came from a boy. And I was

490
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:59,080
Speaker 1: in a situation with my oldest when she was younger,

491
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:02,800
Speaker 1: and there was there was an instance where a boy

492
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:06,320
Speaker 1: was doing that to my oldest child, and my reaction

493
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:12,879
Speaker 1: to that was visceral, and I in that holy spirit

494
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:15,560
Speaker 1: time that I had to go and he just was

495
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 1: digging up some stuff to where I had felt like,

496
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:21,000
Speaker 1: like you said, that I wasn't listened to, that I

497
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:25,080
Speaker 1: was bullied, that I wasn't really entirely protected in that situation.

498
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:30,920
Speaker 1: And so that's really big. But there can also be

499
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,520
Speaker 1: the other thing that occurred to me. Sometimes I can

500
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 1: be bothered by a health problem that I'm having that

501
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,600
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with my kids, or I'm a

502
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:42,359
Speaker 1: financial problem that we're having it has nothing to do

503
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:46,920
Speaker 1: with the kids, or interpersonal relationship problem that I'm having

504
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 1: with another adult that has nothing to do with my kids,

505
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,200
Speaker 1: but I'm so stressed and frustrated with it that I've

506
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 1: become short. My fuse got this big, and it becomes

507
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,680
Speaker 1: short with my kids. So it can be something that

508
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:02,600
Speaker 1: is not related to them, but it comes out with him,

509
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 1: Or it could be the fact that it's just you know,

510
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,080
Speaker 1: I've asked you did that a million times and you haven't.

511
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 1: And let's face it, that all happens with our parenting too,

512
00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:13,639
Speaker 1: And how we have to remind yourself how patient is

513
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:16,359
Speaker 1: God with me? More patient than I'm being with my

514
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 1: kid right now?

515
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,679
Speaker 3: Yes? Well, and yeah, that's that's so good. I mean,

516
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 3: that's I was like, there's another there's another answer to

517
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:26,440
Speaker 3: the question, you know, because like like in this situation

518
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:28,639
Speaker 3: I was describing, like there were so many stressors, there

519
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 3: were so many things going on right that the kids

520
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 3: just being normal kids.

521
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:37,639
Speaker 1: You know was like, you know, right right, it's overload.

522
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 3: I can't handle this and yeah, so that's absolutely true.

523
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 3: And I think it's just so important for us to recognize,

524
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 3: like just be honest with ourselves, like I'm mad at

525
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 3: your dad right now. Yeah, on you, I'm going to

526
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 3: go talk to him and we're going to work this out. Yeah,

527
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 3: let's handle that.

528
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:57,720
Speaker 1: Or I'm frustrated about this other situation and obviously we

529
00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:00,320
Speaker 1: don't want to lay burdens on them about well, mommy's

530
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 1: not a health problem over here. But at the same time,

531
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 1: what am I doing? And I want to injure my

532
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 1: kid because I'm you know, frustrated with metopause or whatever.

533
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 1: You're not there?

534
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, And I've and I've I mean, I've had

535
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:13,840
Speaker 3: situations like that where I'm like, yeah, you feel super crummy.

536
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 3: You know what, instead of yelling at you, let's watch

537
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:18,880
Speaker 3: a movie together. I'm gonna play on the couch because

538
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 3: I really need to lie down, So let's just light

539
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 3: down and watch a movie together. Wouldn't that be fun?

540
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 3: Instead calling at you and thinking I have to get

541
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 3: all these things done and I'm feeling really bad today, Like,

542
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:32,680
Speaker 3: let's just re like, let's reset, and in that tenderness,

543
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:34,640
Speaker 3: let's just figure out like, Okay, what do we really

544
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:35,400
Speaker 3: need to do today?

545
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 1: What do we need?

546
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:40,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, not like what's on the list, like what should

547
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,959
Speaker 3: be happening right now, what's going to actually bless and

548
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 3: benefit all of us? So that is such a good point.

549
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 1: Oh, this has been so helpful. This has been wonderful.

550
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 4: No.

551
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 1: I I think learning to walk through that whole process

552
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 1: and what is exactly that, what exactly does that look like,

553
00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 1: and our parenting and we need to do that. I've

554
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:06,480
Speaker 1: often encouraged my listeners to to make sure we're taking

555
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:09,880
Speaker 1: those moments where we tell our kids mommy was wrong

556
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 1: or you know, if your daddy was wrong and admitting

557
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 1: that and owning that, because they need to see us

558
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 1: model first of all, repentance so that they'll learn how

559
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 1: to do that themselves, because they often do become little minimes.

560
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 1: We end up acting like our parents, you know, and

561
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 1: so we need to be able to We want to

562
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 1: model true repentance for our kids to where they see us. Okay,

563
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 1: this is what mommy does when she blows it. Yeah

564
00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:37,640
Speaker 1: she does blow it, she's human, but mommy does make

565
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 1: it right. Mommy and Daddy does make it right, and

566
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:45,240
Speaker 1: if they've never seen that from us, then they're not

567
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:47,840
Speaker 1: going to learn how to do that. And we all

568
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 1: need to be doing that. But also, the other thing

569
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 1: that came to mind when you were talking is just

570
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 1: learning to be led by the spirit and not indulge

571
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:02,000
Speaker 1: what feels good than the moment, whether that's eating a

572
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 1: big old half gallon of Bluebell ice cream, which I love,

573
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 1: or whether that's you know, there's a lot of ways

574
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 1: we can indulge the flesh where we're but one of

575
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 1: the most damaging ways. I mean, I can, I can lose,

576
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 1: I can go out and run, and I can diet.

577
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 1: That's probably not going to leave a permanent mark on

578
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:25,440
Speaker 1: me if I'm indulging my appetite or you know, I can.

579
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 1: I'm not saying we should we should be concerned about that,

580
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 1: but that's a different show. Here's something we're definitely concerned

581
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 1: about in wounding our kids, because these leave marks even

582
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 1: when we go through the and I don't want to

583
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 1: discourage anyone because we need to go through the process

584
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:45,120
Speaker 1: of repentance, but that does leave a mark on our kids.

585
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 1: And what I've noticed that older my kids get, they resurface.

586
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 1: Those things resurface, and there's there's regret, and there would

587
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:57,720
Speaker 1: be a lot more regret if I hadn't apologized, But

588
00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 1: there's regret. There were times when I've blown it and

589
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 1: lost my temper, and I, you know, I praise God,

590
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 1: I've really worked on that. My kids will even tell

591
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 1: you that Mommy's gotten better, a lot lot better at that.

592
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 1: But I too feel you know, I guess we've got

593
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,440
Speaker 1: to forgive ourselves. But I feel guilt sometimes over you know,

594
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 1: that stress of having all the little kids and Daddy's

595
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 1: away at work and I'm going on our fourteen here

596
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: and our third meal, and I'm you know, didn't I

597
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 1: got next to nothing done with school? And and there's

598
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:34,960
Speaker 1: it happens. Yeah, sometimes there can be genuine regret over that,

599
00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 1: and I think we've got to be able to forgive

600
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:44,320
Speaker 1: ourselves and offer that apology and ask I love that

601
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:47,880
Speaker 1: you said, ask for no, just say I'm sorry, and

602
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 1: don't give some sort of generic sorry, give a specific storry,

603
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 1: but also say can you forgive me? Because that prompts

604
00:32:56,640 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 1: your child to do what they need to do spiritually,

605
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 1: and that is released this back to God because it's

606
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 1: I don't want that festering and wounding them. Even though

607
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,720
Speaker 1: it's my fault obviously, I don't want this wound to

608
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 1: I want it to start to heal. And the way

609
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 1: that heals is when they say I forgive you yes,

610
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 1: and walk in forgiveness yes. And we need to walk

611
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:32,600
Speaker 1: forgiveness for ourselves. Hey friends, it's Catherine here. If you're

612
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:36,040
Speaker 1: trying to raise godly kids in this wild and wacky world,

613
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 1: you need all the help you can get, and I've

614
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 1: got you covered. When you subscribe to my website, you'll

615
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 1: get instant access to tons of free resources made just

616
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:49,120
Speaker 1: for Christian parents. You'll get my Prodigal Bundle, which is

617
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:52,719
Speaker 1: packed with every podcast, article and scripture list I've created

618
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 1: for parents walking that tough prodigal road. You'll also get

619
00:33:56,760 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 1: my free eat book Beyond the Lies and covering five

620
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:03,720
Speaker 1: I've Missed the culture spreads to mothers, plus powerful scripture

621
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 1: list Pray over your kids, and even scripture songs to

622
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:10,080
Speaker 1: help your family Hi, God's Word in your hearts without

623
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 1: even drying. And of course I'll keep you encouraged with

624
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 1: my weekly newsletter full of faith filled PEP talks and

625
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 1: outlines of what we're tackling each week on the show,

626
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:22,840
Speaker 1: So don't miss out. Head over to Catherine Secers dot com.

627
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 1: That's Catherine Scres dot com and subscribe today because.

628
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,920
Speaker 2: Christian parenting may be crazy, but you don't have to

629
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:30,920
Speaker 2: do it alone.

630
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:36,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, and we can help them with that too, Like

631
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:39,359
Speaker 3: if we really see a wounding. I know we've done

632
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:41,840
Speaker 3: this with our own children, where we see something like,

633
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 3: oh man, that's probably connected to that other thing that

634
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:48,560
Speaker 3: happened in a while back, you know, and to be

635
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:52,279
Speaker 3: able to go to them and say, listen, can we

636
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,440
Speaker 3: just talk to Jesus about this together and kind of

637
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:58,720
Speaker 3: help them to walk through and have them be honest

638
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 3: with the Lord, like but it really hurt me when

639
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:03,160
Speaker 3: Daddy yelled at me like that, or it really hurt

640
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,839
Speaker 3: me when Mommy said this thing. And even though we've

641
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:07,840
Speaker 3: already asked forgiveness and they may have even said I

642
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 3: forgive you, but we can actually help them by just

643
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 3: helping them open up to the Lord and actually connecting

644
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:19,200
Speaker 3: with him because he's the healer. And the thing is

645
00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 3: like we can be we could be like a plus

646
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:27,000
Speaker 3: perfect parents quote unquote, Yeah, and our kids are still

647
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 3: going to need a savior and so that is like that,

648
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 3: that is kind of the hope I think in this

649
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 3: whole conversation is like, you know what we're going to

650
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:39,319
Speaker 3: We can do the best we can. We are gonna

651
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 3: mess up. The Holy Spirit's gonna help us not mess

652
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:45,319
Speaker 3: up as often or as bad, but we still live

653
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 3: in a body of flesh. We are likely gonna make mistakes.

654
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:54,720
Speaker 3: But our children have a beautiful, blessed savior in Jesus Christ,

655
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 3: just like we do, and the healing and the connection

656
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:00,880
Speaker 3: that we have with God, they can have with God,

657
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:03,919
Speaker 3: and they have to like we can't save them. Being

658
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 3: a perfect parent and never messing up will not save them,

659
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,000
Speaker 3: will not help them. I mean it will help them,

660
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,759
Speaker 3: but you know what I mean, like it does not.

661
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:13,240
Speaker 3: It doesn't rescue them the way that Jesus rescues them.

662
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 3: And so I think that's that's something that we have

663
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:20,400
Speaker 3: to keep in mind as we go throughout our parenting journey,

664
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:23,719
Speaker 3: being like, you know what, I'm not the savior, like

665
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,840
Speaker 3: Jesus is the savior. They are going to have to

666
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 3: They're gonna like wounding is going to happen. I mean,

667
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 3: I'm such a mercy, like I do not want to

668
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 3: hurt my kids like ever, and yet I have and

669
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,480
Speaker 3: I know that you know what, I can't fully fix it.

670
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:42,279
Speaker 3: Jesus can fully fix it. Jesus can come into their

671
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:45,600
Speaker 3: lives and heal those broken and hurt places, even that

672
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 3: I've caused. I think another just this is a little

673
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:52,719
Speaker 3: bit a little bit of a detail. But as we

674
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,239
Speaker 3: help our children and as we ask them for forgiveness,

675
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 3: I do think it's really important that we, like you

676
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:02,880
Speaker 3: said them, we let them go through the spiritual process

677
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 3: that they need to go through and not to demand

678
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 3: like you have to forgive me so that I feel better, right,

679
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 3: because I feel bad that I hurt you, so now

680
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 3: you have to forgive me so I can feel better.

681
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:18,080
Speaker 3: That's not what this is about. That's about you know.

682
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:22,360
Speaker 3: This is not about me feeling better about myself now

683
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:25,799
Speaker 3: because oh okay, got over that, you know, got through

684
00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:29,239
Speaker 3: that one. This is all about This is about the kid,

685
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 3: This is about our husband, this is about our friend,

686
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:34,480
Speaker 3: this is you know, this is about actually healing the infraction.

687
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 3: And so it really requires humility and sometimes it requires

688
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:43,279
Speaker 3: great patience, yes, because sometimes people are not ready to

689
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:45,480
Speaker 3: just be like, oh yes, I forgive you boom. You know,

690
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:48,799
Speaker 3: little children are beautifully forgiving. So most of the time

691
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:50,399
Speaker 3: they're gonna be like, yes, I forgive you, and they'll

692
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:53,840
Speaker 3: be done with it, you know. But I think it

693
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 3: is important for us to for us to find our

694
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,719
Speaker 3: sense of security in God and when we know we've

695
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 3: done everything we can do to rest in that and

696
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:10,000
Speaker 3: not demand that somebody else gives us the result or

697
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:13,359
Speaker 3: the reaction that we want to make our flesh feel better.

698
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:15,279
Speaker 3: That makes sense.

699
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:18,799
Speaker 1: Oh, totally, totally. I'm glad you said that, because it

700
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:24,120
Speaker 1: can turn into a situation where the forgiveness that you're

701
00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:29,279
Speaker 1: a child can offer that maybe kindly when they're not

702
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:33,320
Speaker 1: fully ready to or are fully there in their mind,

703
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 1: and they're just saying it to make you you happy,

704
00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:41,640
Speaker 1: and we should encourage them to, Hey, take some time,

705
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 1: you go and pray about this. And I'm hoping that

706
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:46,880
Speaker 1: you're going to be able to forgive me, and I

707
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:50,440
Speaker 1: asked that you would let me know. And if you're

708
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:53,240
Speaker 1: not ready to do that yet, that's okay, that's okay.

709
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:57,840
Speaker 1: But let's you know, don't give them a big sermon

710
00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 1: on well, you have to forgive in order to be

711
00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 1: forgo given, child, or God will turn you away from

712
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:05,840
Speaker 1: the pearly game. I mean definitely that would not be

713
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 1: the way we would want to go about that. No,

714
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 1: But and depending on how you know, every child's going

715
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 1: to be different. Some kids might be like immediately ready

716
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 1: to forgive, and then some kids.

717
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:15,759
Speaker 3: It's just me.

718
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:20,320
Speaker 1: But you know, I think this relates to love languages

719
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:23,239
Speaker 1: a lot of times. Yes, if your child is a

720
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:28,200
Speaker 1: word person, words of affirmation, words that are spoken against

721
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:32,440
Speaker 1: them can injure them far more deeply than the child

722
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 1: that maybe likes gifts or have it to love language.

723
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:40,720
Speaker 1: That because I've always noticed that about me words, because

724
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:43,720
Speaker 1: I am a words of affirmation person. Yeah, so someone's

725
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 1: words can really injure and can really encourage. If you

726
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 1: have a child like that and you have blown it

727
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:55,239
Speaker 1: with your words, then you might need to really and

728
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:57,520
Speaker 1: really listen to the Holy Spirit as you're going about

729
00:39:57,520 --> 00:40:00,399
Speaker 1: that healing process as to what that child needs and

730
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:02,920
Speaker 1: how they need to go about it. And maybe they

731
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:06,840
Speaker 1: do need to take some time to really seek the

732
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:09,160
Speaker 1: Lord and get to the place where they're able.

733
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:09,279
Speaker 3: To say it.

734
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 1: Because we don't want them to just say empty words.

735
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 1: We want them to be able to freely meet you

736
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:17,680
Speaker 1: give those words to us because they mean it so

737
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 1: that in doing so, that they've released this to their

738
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:24,600
Speaker 1: heavenly Father, who can cover that wound and heal that wound.

739
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:27,359
Speaker 1: And you know, we're not I can't do that, You

740
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 1: can't do that, but God. And so we need to

741
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,480
Speaker 1: be patient, like you said, with each child, and I'm

742
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,520
Speaker 1: sure with your nine and I know with my five.

743
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:37,920
Speaker 1: You look at them, you're like, they each react to

744
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 1: these things very very differently.

745
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:42,239
Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, I know.

746
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:48,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is awesome to so much, Kirsten for sharing

747
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:51,440
Speaker 1: those incredibly insightful and practical ways to reset when we've

748
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:53,359
Speaker 1: blown it. And this I think is probably gonna end

749
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:56,840
Speaker 1: up being two episodes, but just talking about healing the

750
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,759
Speaker 1: inner child and what's going on inside of us. It

751
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:02,560
Speaker 1: may be related to our childhood, it may be related

752
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:05,879
Speaker 1: to something else very stressful we're going through right now,

753
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:09,799
Speaker 1: but all of those things can contribute and to what's

754
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 1: going on with our kids in a relationship with our kids,

755
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:15,640
Speaker 1: and so in order to make that relationship healthy and whole,

756
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:18,520
Speaker 1: we need to be in tune with that and really

757
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:20,839
Speaker 1: spending time with the Lord and following the Lord. So

758
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:25,359
Speaker 1: I'm really grateful that you came to help us do that.

759
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:29,479
Speaker 1: Understand how we can reset when we've blown it, And

760
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 1: can you please tell our listeners where they can learn

761
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:35,759
Speaker 1: more about you and your amazing podcast, Rejoicing in Motherhood.

762
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:39,439
Speaker 3: Yes, well, you can find me on my website, which

763
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:43,560
Speaker 3: is Kirsten Vossler dot com and I'm also on Instagram

764
00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 3: at Rejoicing in Motherhood and my podcast is called Rejoicing

765
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 3: in Motherhood and it's a weekly show for Christian moms

766
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:56,120
Speaker 3: to equip, inspire, and encourage mothers in the high calling

767
00:41:56,160 --> 00:42:00,160
Speaker 3: of motherhood. So I just love talking about motherhood and

768
00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:04,520
Speaker 3: just my journey. I occasionally have guests and Catherine is

769
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 3: going to be on my show soon and so it's

770
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:10,840
Speaker 3: just a really great place to just fill up and

771
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 3: be encouraged as a mom. So I invite you to

772
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:15,799
Speaker 3: come and listen in if you'd like to. It's just

773
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:17,960
Speaker 3: it's available anywhere you listen to podcasts.

774
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 1: Oh that is awesome. And I didn't mention this before,

775
00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:22,719
Speaker 1: but I think you have the most soothing voice. I've

776
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:25,200
Speaker 1: been listening to your shows and you have this beautiful

777
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:27,399
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is a voice I think I could

778
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 1: just listen to. And I don't know, I could just

779
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:31,879
Speaker 1: sit out on the back porch and listen to It's

780
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:35,760
Speaker 1: so soothing and your advice is so so calming and reassuring,

781
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 1: and I just so appreciate that. I'm very honored to

782
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 1: be on your show. We're going to be talking about

783
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:42,120
Speaker 1: an ebook that I have on the cultural myths that

784
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:44,920
Speaker 1: we believe about motherhood, so I'll be looking that for

785
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:47,600
Speaker 1: my listeners and letting them know. No, but you've done

786
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 1: some amazing, amazing shows with that incredible voice of yours

787
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 1: and your amazing name Kirsten Vossler over show, So I

788
00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:59,480
Speaker 1: so appreciate that, mamas and papa's you go check out

789
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:03,440
Speaker 1: Choicing in Motherhood and get some of this hard earned

790
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 1: wisdom from this mother of nine who needs to updated website.

791
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:12,080
Speaker 1: This has been so so so helpful and encouraging. Kristin.

792
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:13,880
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being with us today.

793
00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 3: Oh thank you, Catherine.

794
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:20,280
Speaker 2: So when I originally aired this conversation, I did split

795
00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:24,320
Speaker 2: it into two episodes, but for this best of archive,

796
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:26,920
Speaker 2: I put it back together because Kristin didn't just give

797
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 2: us the steps, We also dug deep into the heart

798
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:34,719
Speaker 2: issues that cause the meltdown in the first place. And

799
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:38,719
Speaker 2: boy will that ever preach now. I want to recap

800
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 2: those steps in case you miss dumb or want to

801
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,919
Speaker 2: jot them down. And remember you can always find these

802
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 2: kinds of practical takeaways in my weekly newsletter at Katherine

803
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:51,080
Speaker 2: Segers dot com. You can just subscribe there and I'll

804
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:54,920
Speaker 2: send it out to you. But remember, when you've blown

805
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 2: it with your kids. Number one stop, just shut your mouth,

806
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:03,359
Speaker 2: turn off the speak, don't let the flesh grab the microphone.

807
00:44:03,719 --> 00:44:09,120
Speaker 2: Number two get alone, like physically remove yourself from the

808
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 2: chaotic situation. Number three, cry out to God, be real

809
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:17,680
Speaker 2: about what's going on inside of you. Number four, ask

810
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:21,279
Speaker 2: God what he wants to say to you, not to

811
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:23,399
Speaker 2: your kids, but to you, and he's going to bring

812
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:29,360
Speaker 2: clarity and identity and perspective to the situation. Number five

813
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 2: repent to God first, and then number six repent to

814
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 2: your child. Humble yourself and own it, apologize and ask

815
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:45,120
Speaker 2: for forgiveness. Then finally, number seven, be tender with your

816
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:49,520
Speaker 2: child as they are healing from what happened. These seven

817
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:53,239
Speaker 2: steps are the full cycle of repentance, and when we

818
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:57,000
Speaker 2: live it out, we're not just repairing the relationship, we're

819
00:44:57,040 --> 00:45:01,440
Speaker 2: discipling our kids by showing them what grace action actually

820
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 2: looks like now, be sure to join me next week,

821
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:08,560
Speaker 2: because parenting doesn't just come with these little daily hiccups.

822
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 1: It comes with full blown didn't see that coming, curveball seasons.

823
00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 1: You know what I'm talking about, The diagnosis you didn't

824
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:17,560
Speaker 1: see coming.

825
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:21,880
Speaker 2: That prodigal season, the unexpected transition, the prayer that you

826
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:26,320
Speaker 2: thought God would answer differently. Now I'm going to bring

827
00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 2: back my very first guest, doctor Aaron Barry, and we're

828
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 2: going to talk about how to stand firm when parenting

829
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 2: and life just knocks the wind right out of you,

830
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 2: and how God will meet you right there in the

831
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 2: middle of the mess. If you've ever wondered how did

832
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:50,240
Speaker 2: we get here, this episode is for you, and always

833
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:55,279
Speaker 2: remember God gave you your kids, your specific kids for

834
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:59,160
Speaker 2: a reason. That's because you hold the key to unlocking

835
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:02,719
Speaker 2: God created them to be. We'll see you next time.

836
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:13,000
Speaker 4: Christian parent Crazy World is a production of Life Audio

837
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:15,800
Speaker 4: and Salem Media. If you liked what you heard today,

838
00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:18,840
Speaker 4: please take a second to rate and review this podcast

839
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:21,960
Speaker 4: in your favorite podcast app so that more listeners like

840
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:26,319
Speaker 4: you can find the show. For more faith filled inspirational podcasts,

841
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:36,880
Speaker 4: visit us at lifeaudio dot com.