1 00:00:02,759 --> 00:00:09,240 Speaker 1: Life Audio. Hi there, it's Dana sche and welcome to 2 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:16,640 Speaker 1: the Rebuilding US Marriage podcasts. Well, hey, hey everybody, it's 3 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:19,840 Speaker 1: Danache and you're listening to the Rebuilding US Marriage podcast. 4 00:00:20,239 --> 00:00:24,280 Speaker 1: Today's conversation is really geared toward those who are not 5 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,600 Speaker 1: yet married, but who are thinking about getting married, or 6 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:30,319 Speaker 1: maybe you are married and you just want a good 7 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 1: refresh of what are some good conversations that you can 8 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:36,360 Speaker 1: have with your spouse that go a little bit deeper 9 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:39,640 Speaker 1: than just those shallow conversations. So I was having a 10 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:41,960 Speaker 1: conversation with a friend of mine the other day and 11 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,920 Speaker 1: she was talking about how her kids, who are about 12 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,960 Speaker 1: the same age as my adult kids, are in the 13 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:52,200 Speaker 1: space and place of looking for spouses, and we started 14 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:58,280 Speaker 1: talking about how people in their twenties oftentimes are being 15 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:02,120 Speaker 1: told that marriage is something that it absolutely is not. 16 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:06,400 Speaker 1: It just isn't, you know. We are told this fairy 17 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,000 Speaker 1: tale of you're going to get married to someone that 18 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:13,440 Speaker 1: you're compatible with, somebody that you are financially compatible with. 19 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:17,039 Speaker 1: You are going to build a beautiful life together, you're 20 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:19,959 Speaker 1: going to have children, You're going to experience some ups 21 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 1: and downs, Like most people are honest about that, But 22 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:25,720 Speaker 1: I think the problem is that most people when they 23 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:29,279 Speaker 1: get married, they have no idea what to expect because 24 00:01:29,319 --> 00:01:32,680 Speaker 1: they did not prepare well. So a big part of 25 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,040 Speaker 1: what I do as a marriage coach, and really this 26 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,959 Speaker 1: has shifted more in the last year or so, is 27 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:41,160 Speaker 1: I'm really dedicating more of my energy and time to 28 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,600 Speaker 1: pre married couples. This does not mean that I don't 29 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,400 Speaker 1: want to help those of you who are already married. 30 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,600 Speaker 1: This is what this podcast is all about. But I 31 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,120 Speaker 1: also want to be able to really help to equip 32 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,440 Speaker 1: couples before they even get married so that they can 33 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:56,400 Speaker 1: avoid some of these pitfalls that many of us fell into. 34 00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 1: So we're going to jump into twelve essential show emotionally 35 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 1: healthy questions that I believe every single couple needs to 36 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,800 Speaker 1: be talking about. All right, let's jump right in because 37 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 1: the list is long, and of course y'all know I'm 38 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,760 Speaker 1: gonna have some comments here for every single one of 39 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,919 Speaker 1: these questions. So if you have something to write with, 40 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,040 Speaker 1: this might want to be a podcast episode that you 41 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 1: want to take notes. You may want to share this 42 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:25,040 Speaker 1: podcast episode with someone that you know who is about 43 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 1: to get married or considering marriage. We're gonna jump right in, 44 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:32,080 Speaker 1: all right, Number one. This is an important question that 45 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:36,200 Speaker 1: I believe every pre married couple needs to ask, and 46 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 1: that is what makes you feel heard or understood. Oftentimes 47 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:47,520 Speaker 1: in relationships, we think that we're good listeners, and you've 48 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:49,760 Speaker 1: heard me say this if you've watched or listened to 49 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,680 Speaker 1: any of the podcast episodes that I've done on listening 50 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:58,239 Speaker 1: not hearing. The problem though, is in conversations. A lot 51 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:01,280 Speaker 1: of times we don't spend enough time I'm trying to 52 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:05,480 Speaker 1: understand what our partner is saying. So it would be 53 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,840 Speaker 1: wise of you to ask your partner what can I 54 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 1: do to make you feel heard and understood and then 55 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 1: give them the space to respond. Now, this is not 56 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 1: the time for you to go, well I already do that, 57 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,040 Speaker 1: or well, well how is that going to help you 58 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,320 Speaker 1: to be understood? Just listen, and I'm going to tell 59 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:23,120 Speaker 1: you that this is going to be the disclaimer for 60 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:25,600 Speaker 1: all of these questions. This is not a point of 61 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:30,400 Speaker 1: contention or arguing. This is simply a point, a place, 62 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 1: a space where you can listen to what your partner 63 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:37,360 Speaker 1: needs and then hopefully you can feel that need for them. Okay, 64 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,520 Speaker 1: so number one, The first question that I want you 65 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,640 Speaker 1: to ask each other is what makes you feel heard 66 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:47,600 Speaker 1: and understood? All right? Number two, what makes you feel 67 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 1: most loved or seen? I believe that many of us 68 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:58,080 Speaker 1: don't even know what we're looking for to feel loved. 69 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,600 Speaker 1: And I'm not talking about the love languages. We'll talk 70 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,920 Speaker 1: about that a little bit later. But this is really 71 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:08,000 Speaker 1: about what makes you feel like you're important, What makes 72 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,560 Speaker 1: you feel like your love, like you're seen, like you're 73 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 1: not invisible, like you matter. What are things that I 74 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,960 Speaker 1: do that can help you to feel that way? So 75 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 1: that's a really great question to ask your partner, all right. 76 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:26,480 Speaker 1: Number three, what three emotionally unsafe behaviors turn you off? 77 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: Or to simplify, you could just simply say, what are 78 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:35,120 Speaker 1: three emotionally unsafe behaviors? Now this is important because you 79 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 1: might be doing some of these behaviors and you might 80 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:40,719 Speaker 1: not know it. So maybe your partner says, what do 81 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,719 Speaker 1: you mean about emotionally unsafe? What is that? Then you 82 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:47,240 Speaker 1: can simply say, are there things that people do, maybe 83 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:50,320 Speaker 1: even me, that make you want to clam up? That 84 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:53,000 Speaker 1: make you want to retreat because you don't feel safe 85 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 1: in a conversation. This is a really great conversation for 86 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,480 Speaker 1: you all to have okay, so ask for three. If 87 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 1: they can only think of one or two, that's fine, 88 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 1: But if they can give you three, that's great. What 89 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:11,360 Speaker 1: are three emotionally unsafe behaviors? Number four? What does emotional 90 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:14,799 Speaker 1: support to you look and feel like? In hard times? 91 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:20,039 Speaker 1: Everybody says that they want to support their spouse. Everybody 92 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:22,479 Speaker 1: says that they want to support their partner. But you 93 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:26,320 Speaker 1: need to know what does emotional support look like to 94 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:30,920 Speaker 1: the person that you're with, Because maybe for you, emotional 95 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:37,279 Speaker 1: support is conversations, it's sitting together and talking out problems. 96 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:41,799 Speaker 1: But maybe to your partner that doesn't feel emotionally supportive. 97 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:46,039 Speaker 1: Maybe that feels like too many words, or maybe it 98 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,960 Speaker 1: feels like you're trying to control the narrative or whatever 99 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,360 Speaker 1: it might be. So for them, maybe it's alone time, 100 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,080 Speaker 1: maybe it's quality time. I don't know. So this is 101 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 1: a question that you're going to ask them. What can 102 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:03,719 Speaker 1: I do essentially to make you feel emotionally supported when 103 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:09,680 Speaker 1: you're struggling, when you're going through a hard time, Hey loves. 104 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,840 Speaker 1: Whether you're about to say I do or you already did, 105 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:16,039 Speaker 1: here's a truth bomb. Every healthy marriage is built on 106 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,520 Speaker 1: the same few relationship secrets. And I want you to 107 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,560 Speaker 1: get in on them. That's why I've created seven secret 108 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:25,840 Speaker 1: marriage rules to know before I do and after I did, 109 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: a free audio packed with real deal insights on how 110 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 1: to protect, prioritize, and find genuine pleasure in your marriage. 111 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,919 Speaker 1: No fluff, just practical tools to help your marriage thrive. 112 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,800 Speaker 1: Why wait for a better marriage when you can start now. 113 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,760 Speaker 1: Download your free audio today and build a love that lasts. 114 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 1: It's time to level up your relationship. Download the seven 115 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:51,800 Speaker 1: Secrets at Danashay dot com, ford slash seven Secrets. That's 116 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:55,280 Speaker 1: d A. N Ache dot com, Ford Slash the number 117 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,719 Speaker 1: seven Secrets. Get your free audio now. You can thank 118 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:05,400 Speaker 1: me later, all right? Number five? How do you respond 119 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,880 Speaker 1: when you feel hurt or rejected? Now, if you've been 120 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,680 Speaker 1: in a relationship with this person for any length of time, 121 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 1: it could be two weeks, two months, two years, twenty years, 122 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:18,480 Speaker 1: you know how they respond when they feel hurt or rejected. 123 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: So you're not going to suppose their behavior on them. 124 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 1: I want you to ask them for their perspective. Ask them, 125 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:32,120 Speaker 1: how do you typically respond when you feel hurt or rejected? 126 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,160 Speaker 1: This might be a light bulb moment for you. They 127 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 1: might say something like, well, I just get really really quiet, 128 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:43,920 Speaker 1: I power down. And maybe you're thinking, oh my gosh, 129 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,600 Speaker 1: they do that all the time. I thought they were 130 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,040 Speaker 1: rejected me. I thought they didn't want to be around me. 131 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,600 Speaker 1: I thought it was something that I said that upset them. 132 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 1: And maybe they're actually feeling rejected. Maybe they're actually feeling 133 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,440 Speaker 1: hurt and you didn't know it. So ask them what 134 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 1: do you typically do when you're hurt, when you're feeling rejected? 135 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:07,280 Speaker 1: How do you typically respond? All right? Number six is 136 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,000 Speaker 1: what are your love languages? This kind of goes back 137 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,880 Speaker 1: to that question number two, what makes you feel most 138 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 1: loved or seen? But this is going a little bit deeper. 139 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:19,640 Speaker 1: So if you're unfamiliar with Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages, 140 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:22,360 Speaker 1: I mean it's the bestseller book you know, multiple times over. 141 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 1: But the five love languages are quality time, acts of service, 142 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:33,040 Speaker 1: physical touch, gifts, and words of affirmation in no particular order. Okay, 143 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:37,000 Speaker 1: every single one of us has a love language that 144 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,640 Speaker 1: is primary, and then most of us have secondary love languages. 145 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:44,360 Speaker 1: Your job is to figure out with this person that 146 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,640 Speaker 1: you're dating with, this person that you're engaged to, with 147 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:48,360 Speaker 1: this person that you want to marry, or maybe you're 148 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:51,079 Speaker 1: already married again and you're just asking these questions. As 149 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:54,680 Speaker 1: a couple, your job is to figure out how your 150 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:59,080 Speaker 1: spouse or soon to be spoused receives love. That's what 151 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,720 Speaker 1: the love languages are. It's not how do they give love, 152 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:06,439 Speaker 1: it's how do they receive love? So, for example, if 153 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:11,120 Speaker 1: they are in a situation where let's say you really 154 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,120 Speaker 1: want to do something special for them, you really want 155 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,640 Speaker 1: to show them how much they mean to you, and 156 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:18,560 Speaker 1: you wash their car, ask them would that make you 157 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:21,600 Speaker 1: feel love? And if they're like, oh my gosh, yes, 158 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:24,480 Speaker 1: as a matter of fact, when you wash my car, 159 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:28,680 Speaker 1: when you clean the dishes. Now hopefully you're not cleaning 160 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,439 Speaker 1: dishes if you're not married, because hopefully you're not living together. 161 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,880 Speaker 1: But that's a whole another conversation for another day. But 162 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,840 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, if they're telling you things 163 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,959 Speaker 1: that are more acts of service, then that's probably their 164 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,840 Speaker 1: love language. If they say no wash in my car, 165 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,760 Speaker 1: no way. You know what it really helped me to 166 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 1: feel loved is if we want on a bike ride together, 167 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,400 Speaker 1: or if we want to on a walk together, or 168 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:52,080 Speaker 1: if we just sat together on the couch that's quality time. 169 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,280 Speaker 1: So you're going to want to listen for clues. They 170 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:57,400 Speaker 1: might not tell you what the actual love language is, 171 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,440 Speaker 1: especially if they're unfamiliar with the book with or with 172 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,720 Speaker 1: the five love languages. They might not say words of affirmation, 173 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 1: but they might say, you know, it's when you say 174 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:09,400 Speaker 1: nice things about me. It's when you compliment me. That's 175 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,720 Speaker 1: what they're saying. So I want you to be familiar 176 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,840 Speaker 1: with the five love languages so that when they give 177 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:17,800 Speaker 1: you your cut. So I want you to be familiar 178 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,560 Speaker 1: with the five love languages so when they give you 179 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:24,520 Speaker 1: their response, you can file it away as Okay, this 180 00:10:24,679 --> 00:10:27,439 Speaker 1: is their love language, all right, So ask them that 181 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:32,679 Speaker 1: which your love language? Number seven, How do you typically 182 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:38,679 Speaker 1: reconnect after conflicts? This is such a great question. Now, again, 183 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,600 Speaker 1: if you're in a relationship with them, you already see 184 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,520 Speaker 1: how they're reconnecting. But the goal is you want to 185 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:51,000 Speaker 1: know how intentional are they with reconnecting after conflicts? What 186 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:56,160 Speaker 1: do they typically do? How do they initiate reconciliation? Okay, 187 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 1: now be careful with this conversation. Okay, anytime we're talking 188 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,079 Speaker 1: about it can be a little spicy, It can be 189 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:04,800 Speaker 1: a little invitation for arguing, and that is not the 190 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,400 Speaker 1: goal here. The goal here is that you want to 191 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:12,160 Speaker 1: ask them how do they typically want to reconnect when 192 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:16,240 Speaker 1: things are not going great in the relationship. All right, 193 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:18,880 Speaker 1: my friends, we have five more questions that I want 194 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:20,840 Speaker 1: to get to, but we do need to take a 195 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:24,000 Speaker 1: quick break for a word from our sponsor. 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Go 206 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:59,720 Speaker 1: to Amazon dot com, write a review, and then send 207 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,640 Speaker 1: me a screenshot of that review. You can send that 208 00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:07,800 Speaker 1: screenshot to info at Danashay dot com. That's info at 209 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 1: Danashay dot com. You'll be entered into a contest to 210 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:14,680 Speaker 1: win a fabulous marriage prize pack. Now this contest ends 211 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,760 Speaker 1: on March twenty eight, So I'm not sure when you're 212 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,520 Speaker 1: listening to this podcast, but make sure that you do 213 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 1: not delay. Go to Amazon right now, write your review 214 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 1: for Tried and True, and enter into the contest. All right, 215 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:34,280 Speaker 1: we'll be right back. All right, and my friends, we 216 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:37,160 Speaker 1: are back. So before the break, we talked about the 217 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:41,880 Speaker 1: first seven emotionally safe, emotionally healthy questions that you want 218 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,959 Speaker 1: to ask your spouse or your partner. Now again, as 219 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,720 Speaker 1: I said in the intro, these conversations will be great 220 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,760 Speaker 1: to have as conversation starters if you're already married, but 221 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,960 Speaker 1: I believe they are essential if you are not yet married. 222 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:57,200 Speaker 1: All right, let's jump back in to number eight. The 223 00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 1: eighth most essential question I believe that you can add 224 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,959 Speaker 1: ask your soon to be spouse is what boundaries do 225 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:09,320 Speaker 1: you currently have with friends? OMG, When Seawan and I 226 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,560 Speaker 1: were dating, and y'all know that if you've listened to 227 00:13:11,559 --> 00:13:14,439 Speaker 1: the show, we got married super young. I was eighteen, 228 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:17,560 Speaker 1: he was twenty one. We had lots of friends of 229 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 1: the opposite sex, and when we got married, we didn't 230 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 1: do anything different. We didn't know that we should. We 231 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:30,040 Speaker 1: were unaware. So this is an important conversation because when 232 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:35,160 Speaker 1: you get married, boundaries change concerning friends, especially friends of 233 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 1: the opposite sex, but not only friends of the opposite sex. 234 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:43,760 Speaker 1: For example, if you're dating right now and you've got 235 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,080 Speaker 1: like a best friend, Let's say you're a woman and 236 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:49,760 Speaker 1: your best friend is another woman, so there's nothing romantic 237 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,560 Speaker 1: going on. This is just your best friend. When you 238 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 1: get married, though, she is going to have to take 239 00:13:56,320 --> 00:14:00,200 Speaker 1: a back seat to your husband. She cannot be you're 240 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:04,079 Speaker 1: number one go to person. Your husband needs to become 241 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,360 Speaker 1: that person. And the same is true for men. If 242 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,640 Speaker 1: you're a guy and you've got like a real good 243 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,400 Speaker 1: guy for it could be your brother, your cousin, your 244 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:15,280 Speaker 1: mentor whomever. When you get married, your wife now takes 245 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: center stage. And this is a conversation that a lot 246 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,600 Speaker 1: of people are not having. And we think that these 247 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:24,400 Speaker 1: things just happen naturally, and normally they don't. You have 248 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:28,200 Speaker 1: to put boundaries in place. So ask the question, hey, 249 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,520 Speaker 1: when we get married, how do you think that our 250 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:33,200 Speaker 1: friendships are going to change? If your spouse says they're 251 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,360 Speaker 1: not going to change, I'm going to keep all my friends. 252 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,160 Speaker 1: You're going to keep all your friends, and nothing's going 253 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,840 Speaker 1: to change. You need to have a deeper conversation. Do 254 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,880 Speaker 1: not get rid of all your friends. That's not what 255 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 1: I'm saying. You need friends, absolutely, but the way that 256 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,960 Speaker 1: you interact with those friends it's going to change. It's 257 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,720 Speaker 1: going to need to change once you get married. And then, 258 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:57,440 Speaker 1: of course, boundaries with friends of the opposite says, So 259 00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:00,760 Speaker 1: if you are super close to that female coworker and 260 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,840 Speaker 1: you're a guy, yeah, yeah, that's gonna have to change. 261 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:08,440 Speaker 1: We're gonna have to guard our conversations, especially around our marriage. 262 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:12,640 Speaker 1: You cannot be confiding in some person of the opposite 263 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 1: sex about your marriage like that. That's boundary one oh one. 264 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:20,280 Speaker 1: That's like foundational stuff. But you all need to have 265 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:23,120 Speaker 1: this conversation. What do they think is an important boundary? 266 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:26,880 Speaker 1: And why? Okay, so have that conversation. What boundaries do 267 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,600 Speaker 1: you currently have with friends? And are these gonna change 268 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:36,080 Speaker 1: once we get married? All right? Number nine, this question 269 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:43,120 Speaker 1: is pivotal. How do you handle stress and burnout? Now, again, 270 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 1: if you're in a relationship, you might already see how 271 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,280 Speaker 1: they handle stress and burnout. And if it is a 272 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:54,240 Speaker 1: red flag, do not ignore that red flag. If you're 273 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:57,360 Speaker 1: in a relationship with somebody and when they get stressed out, 274 00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:02,960 Speaker 1: they lash out To address that, don't just marry someone. 275 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,720 Speaker 1: I say, yeah, well, we all have our issues. That's 276 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:08,080 Speaker 1: not one of the this this one is not one 277 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:09,920 Speaker 1: of those things that you can just brush on by. 278 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:13,480 Speaker 1: If you're in a relationship with someone and they handle 279 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:17,560 Speaker 1: stress and burnout by disappearing again, that's not good. It's 280 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:22,960 Speaker 1: not healthy. Address that one. They might not be aware. 281 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,280 Speaker 1: And this was my story. I did not know when 282 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:30,200 Speaker 1: I was stressed out because I am a naturally optimistic person. 283 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:34,080 Speaker 1: I love life, I love people like I'm naturally up 284 00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:37,400 Speaker 1: all the time. And I remember going to the doctor 285 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,440 Speaker 1: one time my blood pressure was up. My doctor was like, 286 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,320 Speaker 1: you are stressed out? And I was like I am, 287 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:46,520 Speaker 1: and he's like, yes, And I know. I've been going 288 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,280 Speaker 1: to the same doctor for like nineteen years. It's one doctor. 289 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,600 Speaker 1: He knows me very well. So I was telling him 290 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,880 Speaker 1: about some things that were happening in my life and 291 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:57,040 Speaker 1: he was like, Dana, you are totally stressed out, y'all. 292 00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 1: I did not know. I didn't know what stress felt like. 293 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,960 Speaker 1: My body knew, because as you may have heard, the 294 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:07,080 Speaker 1: body keeps the score. My body knew, and my body 295 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:10,960 Speaker 1: was telling me, hey, alarm, alarm, alarm, were not okay, 296 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,240 Speaker 1: this is not okay, But I wasn't aware of that. 297 00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:17,199 Speaker 1: So your partner might tell you something similarly. They might 298 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,920 Speaker 1: be like, I don't really feel stressed or I've never 299 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,560 Speaker 1: been burnt out. And then maybe you can offer them 300 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,920 Speaker 1: a little bit of helpful commentary, like you remember when 301 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,560 Speaker 1: you threw that chair the other day? You know, hopefully not, 302 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:30,280 Speaker 1: but you know what I'm saying. You can probably give 303 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:33,800 Speaker 1: them some examples of I've actually seen you under stress 304 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,320 Speaker 1: and this is how it seems like you handle that. 305 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:41,080 Speaker 1: Is that what you mean to do, or do you 306 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:44,080 Speaker 1: want to learn to handle stress and burn out in 307 00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:47,200 Speaker 1: a different way? Okay, So this is an important question, 308 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:50,080 Speaker 1: and this is something that I always say to pre 309 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:54,400 Speaker 1: marital couples, especially if you have never seen your partner 310 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:57,760 Speaker 1: get angry or get stressed. Do not marry them yet. 311 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,879 Speaker 1: I'm not saying don't marry them, but I'm saying you 312 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,040 Speaker 1: need to see what this person acts like when they're 313 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,959 Speaker 1: not at their best. Everybody can put on a smile 314 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,720 Speaker 1: when things are great. Everybody can be the best partner 315 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 1: when life is good. You need to experience that person 316 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:17,160 Speaker 1: when life isn't so great when they're stressed out, when 317 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:21,000 Speaker 1: they feel like they are are being taken advantage of, 318 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:24,520 Speaker 1: when they feel like they are being hurt or rejected. 319 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:28,239 Speaker 1: You need to experience that person when they're angry so 320 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:33,120 Speaker 1: that you know what you're getting yourself into. Number ten, 321 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,480 Speaker 1: When you imagine the relationship of your dreams, what does 322 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 1: it look like day to day? Now be careful with 323 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,119 Speaker 1: this one, okay, because if you've got a spouse or 324 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:46,200 Speaker 1: a partner who wants to just flatter you, they might 325 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:48,840 Speaker 1: say something like, you're the relationship in my dreams. Every 326 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:52,000 Speaker 1: day with you is exactly what I envisioned, and that's 327 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,600 Speaker 1: going to make you feel so o warm and fuzzy inside. 328 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:56,880 Speaker 1: It's going to make you feel so good. But that's 329 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,760 Speaker 1: really not the answer that we're going for here. You 330 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:04,480 Speaker 1: want to know when they imagine their best relationship, what 331 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:09,080 Speaker 1: are the behaviors and activities day to day that constitute 332 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:13,440 Speaker 1: to having such a relationship. So you are looking for 333 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:19,320 Speaker 1: examples of we talk out our problems, We don't leave 334 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:24,280 Speaker 1: a conversation without trying to resolve a conflict. We support 335 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:28,600 Speaker 1: one another, we're there for one another, We listen without judgment. 336 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,199 Speaker 1: You know things like that. Those are kind of some 337 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 1: of the things that you should be listening for. And again, 338 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,960 Speaker 1: your partner might not be that well versed. They might 339 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 1: not know how to express themselves necessarily in that way 340 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:44,000 Speaker 1: like I just did. But what you do want to 341 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:47,160 Speaker 1: look for is what are some behaviors? And you can 342 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,159 Speaker 1: maybe even simplify this question and say, what are some 343 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,399 Speaker 1: of the behaviors that you think would make a really 344 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:57,320 Speaker 1: healthy relationship That might be even simpler. All right, that's 345 00:19:57,359 --> 00:20:00,200 Speaker 1: a really good conversation to have, and I believe every 346 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,399 Speaker 1: couple should be having this conversation. I'm gonna ask s 347 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,959 Speaker 1: on this conversation as soon as we're done recording this podcast. 348 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,120 Speaker 1: As a matter of fact, all right, we're almost done here. 349 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:12,760 Speaker 1: Number eleven is what behaviors make you feel taken for granted? 350 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:18,000 Speaker 1: All all because I didn't know I was doing all 351 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:22,159 Speaker 1: of these things truthfully, right, Like, we don't know a 352 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,719 Speaker 1: lot of times how we're coming across to our spouse 353 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,400 Speaker 1: and our partner. So these are some questions that are 354 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,679 Speaker 1: gonna help you not only to understand your spouse or partner, 355 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:35,119 Speaker 1: but also for you to understand yourself. So ask them 356 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,359 Speaker 1: what behaviors make you feel taken for granted. It doesn't 357 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,080 Speaker 1: just have to be you. It could be from work. 358 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,160 Speaker 1: You know, what are some things that your boss does 359 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 1: that makes you feel taken for granted? What are some 360 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:50,400 Speaker 1: things that your coworkers do, your parents, whomever. What are 361 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:54,240 Speaker 1: some things that people do that make you feel taken 362 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:58,879 Speaker 1: for granted? All right, Our twelfth and final question today 363 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:05,120 Speaker 1: is when it's the last time you cried? Now, real 364 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:09,280 Speaker 1: talk y'all. I am not a big crier like I 365 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:13,959 Speaker 1: used to wonder years ago if I had tear ducks. Seriously, Like, 366 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:17,399 Speaker 1: I just don't cry that often. It doesn't mean that 367 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:21,680 Speaker 1: I don't get sad lately, though, I will say lately 368 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,280 Speaker 1: over the maybe the last three or four years since COVID, 369 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:27,040 Speaker 1: maybe COVID having COVID so many times like turned on 370 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:29,520 Speaker 1: my tear ducks because I will tell you that I 371 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,880 Speaker 1: can cry easier now. I don't like look to cry. 372 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,520 Speaker 1: I certainly don't ever make myself cry, but like sometimes 373 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,439 Speaker 1: I'll be listening to a story and I'll be like, 374 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 1: my face is what like they do work? I have tears. 375 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,920 Speaker 1: So your partner, your spouse might not be a big crier. 376 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,680 Speaker 1: So don't like look at them like they have two heads. 377 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:50,520 Speaker 1: If they're like, the last time I cried was twelve 378 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,160 Speaker 1: years ago, twelve years might be a stritch. Let's say 379 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,760 Speaker 1: they say the last time I cried was last year. Fine, 380 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:00,959 Speaker 1: maybe they don't cry a lot. But of this question 381 00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:03,719 Speaker 1: is you want to get some sort of gauge on 382 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:09,520 Speaker 1: their emotional health, because the ability to express grief is 383 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:14,480 Speaker 1: an emotionally healthy response. Like I said earlier, I am 384 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:18,240 Speaker 1: naturally an optimistic person. I tend to be up way 385 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:21,600 Speaker 1: more than down. But I know how to be down right, like, 386 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,879 Speaker 1: I know how to cry. I know how to be sad. 387 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,720 Speaker 1: I know how to be upset. Sean's like, yes she does. 388 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,399 Speaker 1: She knows how to be angry, like I know how 389 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:33,040 Speaker 1: to express those negative quote unquote emotions as well. So 390 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,120 Speaker 1: the goal here is that we want to be well 391 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:40,199 Speaker 1: rounded individuals. If you are with someone and they never cry, 392 00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:44,119 Speaker 1: that might mean that they're out of touch with their emotions. 393 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,800 Speaker 1: Maybe they don't know how to feel hurt, and that's 394 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:53,360 Speaker 1: dangerous because you know what's going to show up instead. Anger. 395 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 1: Anger is always a secondary emotion, and anger usually is 396 00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:04,440 Speaker 1: asking hurt. So if your partner is like, I don't 397 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 1: get hurt. People don't hurt me, that's a red flag. 398 00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,320 Speaker 1: Whether they're crying or not, that is a red flag. 399 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,960 Speaker 1: If they cannot experience hurt, they are out of touch 400 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,080 Speaker 1: with their emotions. And it doesn't mean it's a deal 401 00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:21,160 Speaker 1: breaker in my opinion. I mean maybe for you it is, 402 00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:24,520 Speaker 1: but it means that there's some further conversation that needs 403 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:29,600 Speaker 1: to be had around that conversation. Okay, So these, of course, 404 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,160 Speaker 1: are not the only questions that you should have before 405 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,240 Speaker 1: you get married, but I think this is a really 406 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,440 Speaker 1: good start. We are going to talk in later podcast 407 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,199 Speaker 1: episodes and I'm going to break these down more into categories. 408 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,960 Speaker 1: So we're gonna have conversations about what are twelve financially 409 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,600 Speaker 1: important questions that you need to have before you get married? 410 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:52,800 Speaker 1: What are twelve sexual questions that you need to have 411 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,960 Speaker 1: before you get married. These are different conversations that I'm 412 00:23:55,960 --> 00:24:00,199 Speaker 1: really gonna encourage every engaged couple to have. I'm going 413 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:01,880 Speaker 1: to run through this list one more time. I'm gonna 414 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:03,920 Speaker 1: give you a free resource, and we're going to be 415 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,679 Speaker 1: out all right in order the questions that I believe 416 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:11,400 Speaker 1: are most essential, most emotionally healthy questions that you can 417 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:13,879 Speaker 1: ask before you get married? Number one? What makes you 418 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:17,679 Speaker 1: feel heard and understood? Number two? What makes you feel 419 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 1: loved or seen? Number three? What are three emotionally unsafe behaviors? 420 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:28,320 Speaker 1: Number four? What does emotional support look like to you? 421 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:33,200 Speaker 1: And hard seasons? Number five? How do you respond when 422 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:37,640 Speaker 1: you feel hurt or rejected? Number six? What are your 423 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:43,399 Speaker 1: love languages? Number seven? How do you reconnect after conflict? 424 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:48,120 Speaker 1: Number eight? What boundaries do you currently have with friends? 425 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:53,120 Speaker 1: And will those change once we get married? Number nine? 426 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:58,240 Speaker 1: How do you handle stress and burnouts? Number ten? When 427 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:01,439 Speaker 1: you imagine the relationship of your streams? What does it 428 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:06,200 Speaker 1: look like day to day? Number eleven, what behaviors make 429 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:10,560 Speaker 1: you feel taken for granted? And number twelve when is 430 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:14,800 Speaker 1: the last time you cried? It would be great for 431 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:18,520 Speaker 1: you to also answer these questions after your partner answers. 432 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 1: This is how we have conversations. Right, You're not interviewing them. 433 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:25,040 Speaker 1: You're having a conversation. So when they answer, you can 434 00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:27,440 Speaker 1: ask them, would you like to hear how I respond 435 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 1: when I get angry or something like that? All right, 436 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,399 Speaker 1: and listen. Do not have all of these questions in 437 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:36,120 Speaker 1: one sitting. Some of these questions might take you fifteen 438 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:39,240 Speaker 1: twenty minutes to talk about, So choose one or two 439 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,800 Speaker 1: for that conversation and move on. All right, these are 440 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:44,840 Speaker 1: going to be conversations that I want you to come 441 00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,159 Speaker 1: back to, So again, don't feel like you need to like, 442 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:49,639 Speaker 1: let's talk for two hours. We're going to get through 443 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:52,320 Speaker 1: all these twelve questions. That's probably going to do more 444 00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:55,800 Speaker 1: harm than good. Okay, all right. So I want to 445 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,359 Speaker 1: be able to share with you a free resource if 446 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,359 Speaker 1: you have not already received it. I do a lot 447 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:06,000 Speaker 1: of retroactive thinking. Maybe you're like me, and you think, 448 00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,679 Speaker 1: dany if I would have known this stuff before I 449 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:10,840 Speaker 1: got married, like some of you just listened to this episode, 450 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:12,960 Speaker 1: Like man, if I would have known half of this 451 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:16,320 Speaker 1: stuff before I got married. So this is me giving 452 00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:18,520 Speaker 1: you kind of your get out of jail free card. 453 00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:21,760 Speaker 1: All right. I have a free resource called seven Things 454 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:24,520 Speaker 1: you Need to Know before you say I do. This 455 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,760 Speaker 1: is an incredible resource for those who are not yet married, 456 00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,639 Speaker 1: but it's also a good refresher for those of you 457 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:34,159 Speaker 1: who are married. So you can get that resource simply 458 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:39,199 Speaker 1: by going to Danisha dot com ford slash seven Secrets. 459 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:45,480 Speaker 1: That's da na cche dot com. Ford slash the number 460 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:50,879 Speaker 1: seven secrets all right, enjoy You're gonna be like what 461 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,240 Speaker 1: and if you're not married, you can thank me later, 462 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,200 Speaker 1: because I really believe that this is going to save 463 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,160 Speaker 1: you a lot of stress in the long haul. If 464 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,119 Speaker 1: you know couple who is thinking about getting married, a 465 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,240 Speaker 1: couple who was engaged, be sure to send them this 466 00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:08,080 Speaker 1: podcast episode. Thanks so much for being here. We'll see 467 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 1: you on the next episode. Take care,