1 00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:05,560 Speaker 1: Life audio. Hey, friend, Heather Creekmore. 2 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:09,479 Speaker 2: Here have you heard a country song by an artist 3 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:12,920 Speaker 2: named Ella Langley? And I don't mean Choos in Texas, 4 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:18,239 Speaker 2: I mean another one called be Her. Yeah, if you 5 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:20,320 Speaker 2: haven't hear's generally what it's about. 6 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:22,640 Speaker 1: It's the singer describing. 7 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,520 Speaker 2: A woman who seems to have it all figured out. 8 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:27,600 Speaker 2: She's calm, she's grounded, she's secure in her faith, in 9 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:30,080 Speaker 2: her marriage, and comfortable in her own skin, and she's 10 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:34,479 Speaker 2: not chasing anyone's approval. And the chorus is really interesting. 11 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:36,239 Speaker 2: I really grabbed my attention the first time I heard 12 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:41,800 Speaker 2: it because it's not just like an admiration song. Man. 13 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:45,800 Speaker 2: There's an ache in it. She sings more or less 14 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,760 Speaker 2: that she wants to be this woman so badly that 15 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:52,520 Speaker 2: it physically hurts. I just want to be her so bad, 16 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:58,760 Speaker 2: it hurts so bad. Now here's the twist. It made 17 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,639 Speaker 2: me kind of perk when I first heard about it, 18 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:06,200 Speaker 2: because I thought, Hmm, I don't know that she's talking 19 00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:11,679 Speaker 2: about envy. I don't know that she's talking about wanting 20 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 2: to be another woman. And so I did a little 21 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 2: research and I was right. Ella Langley has said in 22 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:22,640 Speaker 2: interviews that the woman in the song isn't actually a 23 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,520 Speaker 2: real person that she's comparing herself to and wants to 24 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,880 Speaker 2: be more like. It's not about wanting someone else's life. 25 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:35,320 Speaker 2: It's about her wanting and longing for a version of herself. 26 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:41,680 Speaker 2: She wants to be different so bad it hurts. Now'll 27 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:44,319 Speaker 2: sit with that for a second, because I've had this 28 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,600 Speaker 2: conversation too many times to count, where women are telling 29 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,200 Speaker 2: me I don't compare myself with other people. I just 30 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:55,800 Speaker 2: compare myself with the me I want to be. And 31 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:59,160 Speaker 2: I honestly think that that might even be more common 32 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:02,840 Speaker 2: than us comparing ourself to others. I mean, I don't 33 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:06,040 Speaker 2: know that any of us are actually losing sleep over 34 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 2: wanting to look like a stranger on Instagram. What we're 35 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:16,000 Speaker 2: aching for is closer and maybe a little weirder than that. 36 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 1: We ache to be a. 37 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:24,640 Speaker 2: Version of ourselves who's figured everything out. She knows how 38 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 2: to eat, she doesn't spiral in front of the mirror, 39 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:31,639 Speaker 2: she's at peace with her own body, she's got it 40 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:36,560 Speaker 2: all together. She's amazing in all the ways. And we 41 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:41,320 Speaker 2: treat closing the gap between who we are and who 42 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 2: we want to be like it's the point of our 43 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:48,240 Speaker 2: whole lives, and today I want to talk more about 44 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:53,079 Speaker 2: that ache that hurts so bad as Ella Langley sings, 45 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,040 Speaker 2: because I don't think it's silly and I don't think 46 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:58,560 Speaker 2: it's shallow, but I think it reveals something very real. 47 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 2: And I also think less it's unexamined, it can quietly 48 00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:06,800 Speaker 2: become one of the most exhausting idols we'll ever build. 49 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 1: Let's get to the day show. 50 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 2: What happens when a three and a half minute country 51 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:30,160 Speaker 2: song teaches us more about the human heart than some 52 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:33,520 Speaker 2: sermons do. Okay, So this song by Ella Langley, it's 53 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:37,480 Speaker 2: called be Her. It's not a body image song on 54 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:44,880 Speaker 2: the surface. I mean it's about comparison. It's about ideals. 55 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 2: It's about this idealized, effortless version of womanhood. But underneath 56 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,600 Speaker 2: it is something that I think probably most of us 57 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 2: wrestle with, whether we've. 58 00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,120 Speaker 1: Put it into a country song or not. 59 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:06,960 Speaker 2: It's this ache to become better, to become our ideal selves, 60 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 2: to become a version of ourselves. Oh that can just 61 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:18,720 Speaker 2: bring us rest and peace and oh sunshine and rainbows, 62 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:22,360 Speaker 2: and it would just be so wonderful to be like 63 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:26,279 Speaker 2: we want to be, And yet we just can't seem 64 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 2: to get there. So today we're talking about this idealized self, 65 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:37,000 Speaker 2: where she comes from, why chasing her can quietly become idolatry, 66 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,840 Speaker 2: and what it actually looks like to stop chasing her 67 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:46,160 Speaker 2: and start receiving something better. So close your eyes for 68 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,640 Speaker 2: a second. Well not if you're driving, please don't close 69 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 2: your eyes. But I just want you to picture her. 70 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:53,240 Speaker 1: I want you to. 71 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:57,680 Speaker 2: Picture the idealized version of you. 72 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 1: Can you see her? Do you know what the eyes 73 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 1: ideal you is like? 74 00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:05,240 Speaker 2: See if you can relate to my ideal And I'm 75 00:05:05,279 --> 00:05:07,880 Speaker 2: going to read you this from my forty day Body 76 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,640 Speaker 2: Image workbook, where I talk about this concept in depth. 77 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:14,680 Speaker 2: But here's my ideal me. She's stylishly dressed in a 78 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:18,360 Speaker 2: much smaller size. Of course, she's so confident she doesn't 79 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,599 Speaker 2: need to change clothes five times before leaving the house. 80 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 2: She's a loving wife, a calm and patient parent, just 81 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:28,920 Speaker 2: the right mix of rules enforcement and fun mom. The 82 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 2: ideal me doesn't read into the tone of benign statements 83 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,440 Speaker 2: from friends, Neither does she question it when they don't 84 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,920 Speaker 2: immediately reply to text messages. She's the picture of discipline, 85 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,880 Speaker 2: never missing a workout, neither would she ever go back 86 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,960 Speaker 2: and eat three more cookies after vowing she'd only eat one? 87 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 1: She's a success story. What's your ideal? 88 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:54,599 Speaker 2: Like? It's funny I wrote that the book came out, 89 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,560 Speaker 2: I guess two years ago now, so I wrote that 90 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,320 Speaker 2: probably three or four years ago. But it matches Ella 91 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,800 Speaker 2: Langley's song perfectly. Ella paint says the picture of a 92 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:08,200 Speaker 2: woman who has it all together according to Ella's standards. 93 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:12,279 Speaker 2: She's calling her mom constantly, like it's a normal part 94 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:15,200 Speaker 2: of her day, not a chore she's guilting herself into. 95 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:18,480 Speaker 2: And she's in regular conversation with Jesus, not a stiff, 96 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:21,200 Speaker 2: performative way, but like it's natural talking to a friend. 97 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 2: When she says something, you can take it at face value. 98 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:27,040 Speaker 2: She's not embellishing, she's not performing, she's not managing how 99 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,239 Speaker 2: it's perceived. When her car breaks down, there's a steady 100 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:34,400 Speaker 2: person there for life isn't something she's white knuckling alone. 101 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 2: And there's a couple other things that Ella specifically picks 102 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:44,040 Speaker 2: out so we can see who Ella's ideal or ideal 103 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:48,640 Speaker 2: idol is. And none of these things in the song 104 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 2: are really about beauty. Notice what she's actually describing is 105 00:06:54,480 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 2: just a woman who isn't using anything, whether it's why 106 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:04,480 Speaker 2: or exaggeration or managing everyone's perception of her. She's not 107 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 2: using any of these things to cope, or to escape 108 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,920 Speaker 2: or to be loved. She's just present. She's unhurried, she's rooted. 109 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 2: That's probably pretty close to at least part of the 110 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 2: picture you carry for yourself of your own ideal, isn't it. 111 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 2: I mean for most of us, Like, she's not necessarily 112 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:25,119 Speaker 2: talking about being thinner or prettier. She's just talking about 113 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:28,920 Speaker 2: being free, free from the noise that so many of 114 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,080 Speaker 2: us carry around all day long, they running telly of 115 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,480 Speaker 2: what we ate and what we said, and how we 116 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,520 Speaker 2: came across and what do people think of me? And 117 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,400 Speaker 2: what do we still need to fix about ourselves before 118 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 2: we were allowed to relax. Here's what else I want 119 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 2: you to notice that before we go any further, this her, Remember, 120 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,520 Speaker 2: I just want to be her so bad. It hurts 121 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:51,640 Speaker 2: so bad. This hurt isn't a villain. It's not a 122 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,000 Speaker 2: bad thing to want these things. They're actually it's a 123 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:58,840 Speaker 2: decent list of good things. She wants to be less anxious, 124 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:02,640 Speaker 2: more grounded, more secure. Good desires The danger's not in 125 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:07,120 Speaker 2: wanting them. The danger isn't what we are quietly asking 126 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 2: that wanting. 127 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 1: To do for us. 128 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 2: So let's talk a gibout. And we've talked about this before, 129 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:20,200 Speaker 2: but how a genuinely good desire to grow, to heal, 130 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:24,360 Speaker 2: to become more whole, to become a better woman can 131 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:27,640 Speaker 2: turn into something that can quietly exhaust and enslave us. 132 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:32,439 Speaker 2: An idol in a biblical sense isn't a statue that 133 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 2: you bounce down to necessarily. Of course it could be, 134 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 2: but in our culture it's not. It's something good that 135 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,720 Speaker 2: you've elevated to be, something ultimate, something you're trusting in 136 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:45,439 Speaker 2: to give you what only God can give, security, worth piece, 137 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,800 Speaker 2: a settled sense of being okay. And here's the sneaky 138 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 2: thing about this ideal idol, Specifically, it doesn't even require 139 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 2: another person. You don't need an influencer or a friend 140 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,240 Speaker 2: or a stranger in a country song to compete with. 141 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:04,280 Speaker 2: You just need your own imagination and a mental image 142 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,520 Speaker 2: of the woman you could be if you just finally 143 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:12,720 Speaker 2: got everything right. And that's actually a more dangerous idol 144 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:17,760 Speaker 2: than many other idols, because you can't unfollow her, you 145 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:21,240 Speaker 2: can't mute her. She lives inside your head, and she's 146 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:25,840 Speaker 2: always just slightly out of reach, which means that chase 147 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:29,120 Speaker 2: never actually ends. Every time you get a little closer, 148 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 2: maybe you have a quote unquote good week with your eating, 149 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:37,040 Speaker 2: or you actually feel confident in an outfit, or you 150 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,439 Speaker 2: go a whole day without body checking in the mirror. 151 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:47,600 Speaker 2: She moves the goalposts quietly because being her was never 152 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 2: really about a checklist of behaviors. She's just a stand in, 153 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:58,000 Speaker 2: a substitute for this concept of peace that you're actually 154 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:04,840 Speaker 2: searching for peace. And I'd also add rest and behaviors, 155 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:10,400 Speaker 2: even quote unquote perfect ones can't lead to peace. They 156 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:14,199 Speaker 2: don't have the ability to manufacture it. They can imitate 157 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:18,160 Speaker 2: it for a little bit, pretend to offer it, but 158 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:22,600 Speaker 2: it doesn't last. And that's why this ache in the 159 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:28,040 Speaker 2: song be Her it Hurts so Bad, is so raw 160 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:32,240 Speaker 2: because it talks about how the wanting just hurts. 161 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:33,320 Speaker 1: Of course it hurts. 162 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:38,559 Speaker 2: You're reaching for a rescue that keeps receding the moment 163 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 2: you get near it, and some tired part of you 164 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:46,520 Speaker 2: already suspects that even if you became her, you might 165 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:51,320 Speaker 2: not actually feel all that rest in peace you're hoping 166 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:55,680 Speaker 2: to feel a little part of us knows it probably 167 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:59,360 Speaker 2: wouldn't actually work even if we could pull it off. Now, 168 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,800 Speaker 2: let's bring some scripture in here, because I think it 169 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:05,040 Speaker 2: reframes us ache in a way that's really hopeful. 170 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 1: And helpful. 171 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:11,120 Speaker 2: For Samuel sixteen, there's this moment where the prophet Samuel's 172 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 2: looking for Israel's next king. He's about to anoint the oldest, 173 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 2: most impressive looking of Jesse's son, but God stops him 174 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:21,480 Speaker 2: and he says, hey, humans, look at outward appearance. I 175 00:11:21,559 --> 00:11:24,080 Speaker 2: look at the heart. And that first gets quoted a lot, 176 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,680 Speaker 2: of course in body image spaces, and for good reason. 177 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,840 Speaker 2: I think it does apply just as much to the 178 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 2: idealized inner self that we're chasing as it does to 179 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 2: how we look. God isn't waiting for us to become 180 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 2: calm enough, disciplined enough healed enough to be worth loving. 181 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,040 Speaker 2: He's already looking at our hearts right now. Mid chase 182 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:48,280 Speaker 2: in the mess, here's another one. Romans twelve says, don't 183 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,240 Speaker 2: be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be 184 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,880 Speaker 2: transformed by the renewing of your mind. Notice the contrast 185 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:59,960 Speaker 2: Paul sets up conforming to a pattern versus being transformed conform. 186 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:06,640 Speaker 2: Conforming is what happens when you study someone else's blueprint. Okay, 187 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 2: here's orry gets strictly, even an imaginary, idealized version of 188 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:13,160 Speaker 2: yourself is still a blueprint. And when you try to 189 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:17,640 Speaker 2: force your life to match it from the outside in, 190 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:24,280 Speaker 2: that's conforming to an image your own image. Transformation is different. 191 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 2: It's not copying a pattern. It's an actual renewal that 192 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:34,400 Speaker 2: happens from the inside out. You receive the transformation rather 193 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 2: than manufacture the transformation. And this is someone that gets 194 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,840 Speaker 2: me every time sending her There's three says that we 195 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,719 Speaker 2: with unveiled faces beholding the glory of the Lord, are 196 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:51,760 Speaker 2: being transformed into his image, from one degree of glory 197 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:56,280 Speaker 2: to another, transformed into his image, not into the image 198 00:12:56,280 --> 00:13:02,920 Speaker 2: of our idealized self, even not into the composed, secure 199 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:07,520 Speaker 2: everything in moderation, got it all together, woman, that you 200 00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:13,160 Speaker 2: have built in your imagination, it's into Christs image, which, 201 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:19,240 Speaker 2: unlike your imagined her, is not a mirage that pulls 202 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,680 Speaker 2: away as soon as you get close. It's a real 203 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,800 Speaker 2: person who actually meets you and actually changes you slowly, 204 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 2: but it requires you to look at him, keep your 205 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:35,360 Speaker 2: mind and thoughts and eyes fixed on him instead of 206 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:39,120 Speaker 2: on that idealized idol of her. 207 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:40,560 Speaker 1: Now, please hear me. 208 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:44,080 Speaker 2: I don't want you to think that this ache, this 209 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,320 Speaker 2: hurts so bad. I just wish I could be more 210 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,880 Speaker 2: like my ideal self. I don't I want you to 211 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:52,120 Speaker 2: be ashamed of that. Right, the longing you feel when 212 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 2: you picture your idealized self, the one who's finally at 213 00:13:57,280 --> 00:14:00,040 Speaker 2: peace and all the things, that's not proof that but 214 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:04,679 Speaker 2: there's something wrong with you. I actually consider it a 215 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,960 Speaker 2: sign post now. C. S. Lewis wrote about these kind 216 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 2: of sign post longings decades ago, and it's really interesting. 217 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:15,120 Speaker 2: But the idea is that our deepest desires for peace 218 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:19,920 Speaker 2: and wholeness and belonging those aren't accidents, but their clues 219 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:25,200 Speaker 2: signposts along the way pointing us to an actual destination 220 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:30,360 Speaker 2: where we can find satisfaction for that which is Jesus. 221 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:31,800 Speaker 1: Right, which is eternity. 222 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:37,720 Speaker 2: They're not destinations in and of themselves. So the ache 223 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:41,680 Speaker 2: and be her isn't silly, it's actually onto something true. 224 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:45,640 Speaker 2: It's just aimed at the wrong target. Right. 225 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,440 Speaker 1: It's just if I could be her, then I'd arrive, 226 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,400 Speaker 1: And that's not actually correct. 227 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:56,080 Speaker 2: The mistake we make isn't in wanting peace or security 228 00:14:56,160 --> 00:15:01,200 Speaker 2: or freedom. The mistake is believing that becoming a more disciplined, 229 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:06,680 Speaker 2: more composed, more put together version of myself is what 230 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:11,920 Speaker 2: will deliver that peace, security, freedom. But that ache was 231 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:16,280 Speaker 2: never meant to be resolved through self improvement. It was 232 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:20,120 Speaker 2: meant to send you looking for God. So let's make 233 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,120 Speaker 2: this really practical. 234 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:23,920 Speaker 1: What can you do well? 235 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:26,680 Speaker 2: First, I think you name your her. This is a 236 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:29,320 Speaker 2: really important exercise that I do with my coaching client. 237 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,160 Speaker 2: So I'm just going to give it to you today 238 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,400 Speaker 2: for free, and if you need help with it, maam, 239 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,680 Speaker 2: I really hope you'll reach out and grab a session 240 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,240 Speaker 2: with me, or, better yet, join us on the forty 241 00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:38,920 Speaker 2: day journey. 242 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:40,120 Speaker 1: And this is. 243 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:42,280 Speaker 2: Part of what we talk about as we go through 244 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:45,800 Speaker 2: the content in my forty Day Body Image workbook. But 245 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:50,960 Speaker 2: getting really specific about what you are idealizing and therefore 246 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:55,960 Speaker 2: what you are idolizing is super helpful because then you 247 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:56,840 Speaker 2: can see it for. 248 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:59,520 Speaker 1: What it is. So what does your idealized self actually 249 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 1: look like? How does she eat? 250 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 2: How does she talk to herself? What does she never do? 251 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,840 Speaker 2: And I suggest you write it down because you can't 252 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:14,080 Speaker 2: examine an idol that you've actually never looked directly at second, 253 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:17,240 Speaker 2: I want you to ask what this ideal idol is 254 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:20,600 Speaker 2: promising you and for almost everyone. I'll tell you when 255 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 2: I do this exercise with clients. It's not really the 256 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,520 Speaker 2: promise of a better body because I eat better, right, 257 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:33,120 Speaker 2: It's this promise of peace underneath all these habits or ideals. 258 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 2: It's this sense that I would finally be secure enough, 259 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:41,440 Speaker 2: settled enough, like, name what the promise is specifically, because 260 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:45,160 Speaker 2: that's the thing that you are actually chasing. You're not 261 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:51,720 Speaker 2: chasing moderation or feeling more confident when you respond to 262 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 2: text messages, You're chasing something else. 263 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:55,800 Speaker 1: Name it. 264 00:16:56,920 --> 00:17:02,920 Speaker 2: Third, bring that exact long to God instead of viewing 265 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,000 Speaker 2: it as a self improvement project. 266 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,680 Speaker 1: So my book The Comparison Free. 267 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:11,280 Speaker 2: Life was originally titled The Burden of Better But I 268 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:15,360 Speaker 2: talk all about this in that book. I highly recommend it. 269 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:22,200 Speaker 2: But friend, we have to stop chasing self improvement believing 270 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:26,600 Speaker 2: it's going to deliver something that only Jesus can. So 271 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:30,120 Speaker 2: pray something like this, God, I've been trying to become 272 00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:33,680 Speaker 2: a woman who's finally at peace, but peace was never 273 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 2: something I could achieve my way into. Will you give 274 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,119 Speaker 2: me what I've been trying to build. 275 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:42,560 Speaker 1: It's not passive. It doesn't mean again. 276 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,439 Speaker 2: You sit on the couch and eat Cheetos and you 277 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,480 Speaker 2: don't care, and God just like zap me better because 278 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:48,879 Speaker 2: now I'm gonna have peace and so I don't have 279 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:49,840 Speaker 2: to care about anything anymore. 280 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:53,320 Speaker 1: Like No, it's not apathy, but it means that anything 281 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:54,280 Speaker 1: you do. 282 00:17:55,560 --> 00:18:01,160 Speaker 2: To improve your body or to improve your life isn't 283 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,320 Speaker 2: about self improvement. It comes from a place of God. 284 00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:09,840 Speaker 2: I want to serve you well. I already have enough 285 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:14,919 Speaker 2: peace through you. You are my peace. Just show me 286 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,439 Speaker 2: how to handle this thing. Show me how to handle 287 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:20,200 Speaker 2: this thing. Grow me in the ways I need to grow. 288 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:24,240 Speaker 2: Sanctify the areas of my life that need sanctified. 289 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,200 Speaker 1: You don't have to pay. 290 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,280 Speaker 2: A price of I got to get better in this 291 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:34,560 Speaker 2: area in order to receive that peace. Fourth, remember what 292 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,479 Speaker 2: I said about transformation. It's something that happens to you, 293 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,800 Speaker 2: not something you produce. And you're not feeling because you 294 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:45,040 Speaker 2: haven't self improved your way to your ideal self yet. Friend, 295 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,520 Speaker 2: you were never supposed to get there by chasing an image. 296 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:54,719 Speaker 2: That image isn't idol, it's not Jesus. And if in 297 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:56,960 Speaker 2: your head, you're singing, I just want to be hurt 298 00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:01,280 Speaker 2: so bad. It hurts so bad, it hurts, so friend, 299 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:09,159 Speaker 2: surrender those desires to him, lay down that ideal self 300 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 2: idle and let him heal the hurt and show you 301 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:22,680 Speaker 2: how to grow, develop, change, and transform his way into 302 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:26,600 Speaker 2: the woman he wants you to be, not into this 303 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:29,760 Speaker 2: idealized woman that you think you need to be to 304 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:34,680 Speaker 2: get the things that he already gives you. And closing today, 305 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:38,480 Speaker 2: I keep coming back to that line from Ella Langley's 306 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:42,520 Speaker 2: explanation from the song that it's less about wanting to 307 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,280 Speaker 2: be someone else the more about wanting to become who 308 00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:48,920 Speaker 2: you already hope you can be. And I think that's 309 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:52,960 Speaker 2: actually like a beautiful, honest description of sanctification. And even 310 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:56,240 Speaker 2: if Ella didn't mean it that way at all, I 311 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,040 Speaker 2: think each of us carry a picture of who we 312 00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:01,439 Speaker 2: wish we already were. The Gospel doesn't shame us for 313 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:05,080 Speaker 2: that picture. It just tells us the truth about how 314 00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:09,240 Speaker 2: to actually get there. And it's not by chasing her down, 315 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,400 Speaker 2: not by day dreaming about these earthly ways we could 316 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,840 Speaker 2: be better, But it's about turning our face toward the 317 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:22,480 Speaker 2: one who's remaking us into someone who's more like Jesus, 318 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,600 Speaker 2: and that's where the peace comes from. You don't have 319 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:32,320 Speaker 2: to be her, You get to become you, the woman 320 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:37,840 Speaker 2: God created on purpose for his purpose. You're already known, 321 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:41,680 Speaker 2: you're already loved, You're enough through him and because of him, 322 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:46,720 Speaker 2: and you're right in the middle of becoming. Hey, friend, 323 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:50,359 Speaker 2: thanks for listening today. If this episode hit you, I'd 324 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,959 Speaker 2: love for you to share it with someone you know 325 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:55,400 Speaker 2: who would be encouraged by it. Also, if you haven't 326 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,000 Speaker 2: left a review yet, that would really encourage our hearts. 327 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,600 Speaker 2: This podcast has shown a more peace well based on 328 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 2: the number of reviews we have, and I don't know 329 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,240 Speaker 2: if we have yours yet. I hope something in this 330 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,480 Speaker 2: episode has helped you stop comparing even to that woman 331 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,119 Speaker 2: just in your own head and start living. 332 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:13,400 Speaker 1: And thanks for listening to day Bye Mike.