1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:03,520 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,840 Speaker 2: Hey friends, it's Dying Ache and you're listening to the 3 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,639 Speaker 2: Rebuilding Us Marriage podcast. 4 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:12,600 Speaker 1: I am beyond. 5 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:15,720 Speaker 2: Excited to share with you all that in just a 6 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:19,000 Speaker 2: few weeks, my brand new book, Tried and True is 7 00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:22,439 Speaker 2: going to release and I'm literally sitting here trying to 8 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:25,840 Speaker 2: hold it together because I had been working on this book. 9 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:27,639 Speaker 1: For a long time. 10 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:31,400 Speaker 2: And the truth is, I wrote this book in about 11 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 2: two weeks. 12 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,840 Speaker 1: I know that seems crazy, but let me tell you something. 13 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,240 Speaker 2: When God gives you an idea and he just drops 14 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:41,240 Speaker 2: and on you, it doesn't take a long time necessarily 15 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:42,159 Speaker 2: to execute it. 16 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,760 Speaker 1: So I'll talk to you more about the book later. 17 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,959 Speaker 2: This podcast episode today is going to kind of give 18 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 2: you an inside peete on one of the biggest issues 19 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:55,480 Speaker 2: why I even wrote this book, and it's because a 20 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:58,960 Speaker 2: lot of people get married and they realize that marriage 21 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 2: is a lot harder, a lot harder than they ever 22 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:05,800 Speaker 2: expected it to be. We know, we hear people say 23 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:09,280 Speaker 2: marriage is gonna be hard, marriage takes work, You're gonna 24 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,000 Speaker 2: have to do this and that, and we hear all 25 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,119 Speaker 2: the advice. But the truth is, I think a lot 26 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:19,160 Speaker 2: of people go into marriage with really high expectations, really 27 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,960 Speaker 2: believing for the best, which is great, and then they 28 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:26,400 Speaker 2: get married and it's just hard. Marriage is just hard sometimes, 29 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:29,039 Speaker 2: And so I want to talk to you specifically if 30 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 2: that is you, if you feel like I have been 31 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:35,480 Speaker 2: disappointed by my husband or my wife or myself, or 32 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:37,959 Speaker 2: I have just been disappointed in marriage in general. I 33 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,959 Speaker 2: thought that I was going to be married to my 34 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,479 Speaker 2: best friend. We were going to go through some stuff, yes, 35 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,800 Speaker 2: but like what I'm experiencing Dana is like next level. 36 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,639 Speaker 1: I want to talk directly to you today. 37 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,320 Speaker 2: So let me first start off by saying that disappointment 38 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:56,760 Speaker 2: happens to everyone. I don't care where you are in 39 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 2: your life, what season you're in in your life. You 40 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,440 Speaker 2: could be a multi billion and you are going to 41 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:03,560 Speaker 2: experience disappointment in some. 42 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:05,280 Speaker 1: Areas of your life. 43 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 2: And I think that when we go into marriage not 44 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,519 Speaker 2: realizing that disappointment is a part of the package, like 45 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,440 Speaker 2: you might as well stand at the altar and say, 46 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 2: I vow to disappoint you and to be disappointed by you, 47 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:21,640 Speaker 2: because it's gonna happen. It's probably gonna happen like in 48 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:24,640 Speaker 2: your first week. It just is, that's a normal part 49 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:29,200 Speaker 2: of relationships. You're gonna walk through disappointment. However, disappointment does 50 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 2: not mean disengagements. Let me say that again, disappointment does 51 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 2: not mean disengagement. Just because your heart has been broken, 52 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,880 Speaker 2: just because your ideals have not been met, just because 53 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,120 Speaker 2: you have been disappointed, does not mean that you have 54 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:45,480 Speaker 2: to disengage from the marriage. It doesn't mean that you 55 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,680 Speaker 2: get to shrink back and say, well, I gave it 56 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 2: my best, it's been six months. No, just because you're 57 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,880 Speaker 2: been disappointed does not mean that you need to disengage. 58 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:56,680 Speaker 2: So what do you do though, when you're disappointed? Do 59 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,400 Speaker 2: we just pretend like it's all good? Do we just 60 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:02,120 Speaker 2: hope for the best? Do we just wait it out? No? 61 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:03,880 Speaker 2: I believe that there are some things that you can 62 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 2: do to help that disappointment to not take you out. Okay, 63 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:12,040 Speaker 2: so that's another podcast, for another episode. I just really 64 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:15,519 Speaker 2: want to set the stage though, right now, for those 65 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 2: of you who are like, this is hard and I 66 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:20,880 Speaker 2: don't know if I'm going to be able to do 67 00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 2: this for another two years or five years. I don't 68 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,560 Speaker 2: know if I'm going to be able to make it, 69 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,200 Speaker 2: and so I want to start off by telling you 70 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:33,320 Speaker 2: that most couples go into marriage completely unprepared the vast majority, 71 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:36,400 Speaker 2: trust me, you all. I do premarital counseling, and I 72 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:39,000 Speaker 2: love aline couples, I really do. And I'll talk to 73 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 2: these sweet couples. Some of them are young, some not 74 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,600 Speaker 2: so young. Some of them are in their second or 75 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:47,240 Speaker 2: third marriages, and they're going into this thing with all 76 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:51,119 Speaker 2: of these ideals and all of these checkboxes and all 77 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:54,400 Speaker 2: of these hopes. And I'm not telling you not to hope. 78 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,360 Speaker 2: I mean, I'm a huge believer in hope. I hope 79 00:03:56,520 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 2: is what actually gives you that faith to door. However, 80 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,360 Speaker 2: I think that a lot of couples just go into 81 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:08,480 Speaker 2: marriage completely unprepared for, like the real of it, the 82 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 2: messy of it, the middle part, the long game, the it's. 83 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,960 Speaker 1: Not gonna be you know, peaches and cream. Every day. 84 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,400 Speaker 2: You're gonna lose interest sometimes, Like I'm just gonna be 85 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 2: real with you, like, sometimes you're gonna just lose interest 86 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,520 Speaker 2: in your spouse. And if you don't know that, then 87 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 2: you're gonna think something's wrong with me, something's wrong with them. 88 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:26,520 Speaker 1: I don't know if this is gonna work. 89 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:29,320 Speaker 2: So I just want to settle some anxieties right now 90 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,680 Speaker 2: to let you know that most couples understand this, Like, 91 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 2: most couples are going into marriages completely unprepared. And so 92 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,839 Speaker 2: what happens when you go into a marriage You think 93 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:42,800 Speaker 2: that you're prepared, Maybe you did your premarital counseling. You 94 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,880 Speaker 2: uh talk to your parents, You talk to your spouse's parents, 95 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:49,839 Speaker 2: the families get along. Like from the outside, everything looks 96 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:53,159 Speaker 2: like this should work, but for whatever reason, it's not working. 97 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,320 Speaker 2: So let me first start off by telling you that 98 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,279 Speaker 2: there is a grief that a lot of couples feel. 99 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:03,200 Speaker 2: Because of their disappointment, and because nobody's really talking about this, 100 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:05,120 Speaker 2: people don't know what to do with grief, Like they 101 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,080 Speaker 2: don't know. They're like, can I tell my spouse that 102 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:09,680 Speaker 2: I'm grieving? What I thought was? 103 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:10,680 Speaker 1: I don't want to. 104 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 2: Hurt their feelings. I don't want them to become insecure. 105 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:14,520 Speaker 2: I don't want them to start asking me a whole 106 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:16,800 Speaker 2: bunch of questions. I don't want them to not trust me. 107 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,719 Speaker 2: I don't want them to think that I'm telling them 108 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 2: that I want a divorce. Like they're all of these 109 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:26,520 Speaker 2: factors that are surrounding our reasons why we don't speak up, 110 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 2: why we don't address the grief one. A lot of 111 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:31,279 Speaker 2: times we don't even understand what the grief is ourselves. 112 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:34,040 Speaker 2: We're trying to figure out, like what is this? And 113 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:38,719 Speaker 2: grief takes on many forms. Sometimes grief looks like hopelessness. 114 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 2: It's not that you're hopeless about your marriage. It's just 115 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,800 Speaker 2: that you're grieving. You're grieving what you thought would be. 116 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,760 Speaker 2: Maybe you thought when you got married, you and your 117 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:53,159 Speaker 2: spouse would spend long nights on the couch talking about 118 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:54,440 Speaker 2: your dreams and desires. 119 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,240 Speaker 1: And you have not spent not one. 120 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:59,120 Speaker 2: Narry night on a couch talking about a dream, nor 121 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,200 Speaker 2: a desire. And so now you're like, well, shoot, what 122 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:02,840 Speaker 2: do I do with that? 123 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:03,920 Speaker 1: Right, there's grief. 124 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 2: And grief doesn't necessarily mean that you're crying and that 125 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,159 Speaker 2: you're like depressed. It just means that there's a longing, 126 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:14,279 Speaker 2: there's a missing, there's there's this absence. Right, think about 127 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:17,600 Speaker 2: like when someone passes away, there's that longing for that person, 128 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:20,640 Speaker 2: there's that they're not there anymore. There's an absence. And 129 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:24,200 Speaker 2: so that's what grief does. And so if you don't 130 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 2: understand how to manage your expectations, don't diminish them. And 131 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,760 Speaker 2: I'm going to talk about that in a second. But 132 00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:33,440 Speaker 2: if you don't know how to manage your expectations, then 133 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 2: you're gonna be grieving your entire marriage. So let me 134 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:43,239 Speaker 2: just let you know that I believe, and I've said this. 135 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:44,920 Speaker 2: I haven't said it in a while, but I've said 136 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:49,440 Speaker 2: this on other shows. The default of marriage is disconnection, 137 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:50,359 Speaker 2: not connection. 138 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:53,120 Speaker 1: What do I mean by that? 139 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:56,000 Speaker 2: You know, I often talk about this analogy of a 140 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:59,040 Speaker 2: canoe out on a lake. If that canoe is not 141 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:03,599 Speaker 2: heathered or tied to something like a dock or another boat, 142 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:07,120 Speaker 2: when the winds come, natural winds. I'm not talking about 143 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:11,120 Speaker 2: hurricane force winds. I'm just talking about natural winds. When 144 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 2: the winds come, the default of that canoe is that 145 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:18,720 Speaker 2: it's going to drift. That's what happens in marriage when 146 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:25,800 Speaker 2: the winds come, just normal stuff, right, lifing. When that happens, 147 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:31,240 Speaker 2: your natural default is not connection. It is drifting. It 148 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:35,200 Speaker 2: is disconnection. So what you need to be aware of 149 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 2: is that you have to be intentional to stay connected. 150 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:45,120 Speaker 2: The busier you are, the more drift is going to 151 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:48,840 Speaker 2: show up in your relationship. So you have to be 152 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:53,160 Speaker 2: intentional about spending extra quality time. If you're very busy, 153 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:56,240 Speaker 2: if you're very different, if one person's not a talker, 154 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 2: one person's not in tune with their emotional side. Like, 155 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 2: all these different factors that exist in different couples really 156 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:06,120 Speaker 2: up the ante for how intentional you have to be 157 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:10,120 Speaker 2: so that you don't you don't disconnect. Okay, So the 158 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 2: default of marriage is not connection, it's disconnection. And that 159 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:17,360 Speaker 2: doesn't mean that it's normative that you should just stay disconnected. 160 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,480 Speaker 2: It doesn't mean like hey, Dana said that we're just 161 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 2: supposed to be disconnected because that's the default. 162 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,720 Speaker 1: No, that's the normal, right. 163 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,480 Speaker 2: It's just like, if you this is such a horrible example, 164 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,240 Speaker 2: I'm sorry, it's the first thing that popped in my mind. 165 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,400 Speaker 1: It's like, if you don't take a shower. 166 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 2: The normal process of that is that you are going 167 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:42,560 Speaker 2: to stink it, right, So don't just stink take a shower, right, Like, 168 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:43,160 Speaker 2: fix it? 169 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:44,960 Speaker 1: And this is what I'm telling you. 170 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:49,000 Speaker 2: Disconnection is the default, but you don't have to stay disconnected. 171 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:53,680 Speaker 2: You can clean it up, you can fix it. But 172 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,679 Speaker 2: when you're not even talking about why are we disconnected? 173 00:08:56,800 --> 00:09:01,440 Speaker 2: The disconnection is usually tied to a disappointment. So if 174 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,240 Speaker 2: we can't even talk about our disappointment, how are we 175 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 2: gonna ever reconnect? So there is a danger that a 176 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:12,679 Speaker 2: lot of people have. I think i've shared this story before. 177 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,880 Speaker 2: Sewan and I were in Italy in twenty sixteen and 178 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:16,960 Speaker 2: we got on the elevator. 179 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,440 Speaker 1: I don't know why I remember this. 180 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:20,440 Speaker 2: This was like a This was like a light bulb 181 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,800 Speaker 2: moment in my life because I've shared this story at 182 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 2: least fifty two times. We get them this elevator and 183 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,760 Speaker 2: there's this girl that walks in the elevator and she 184 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,200 Speaker 2: had on a sweatshirt or a T shirt that said 185 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:37,120 Speaker 2: no expectations, no disappointments, And I literally just felt so 186 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,760 Speaker 2: sorry for her. I wanted to just pull her aside 187 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:44,080 Speaker 2: and be like, let's talk about this, you know, because 188 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:46,440 Speaker 2: if you live your life in such a way that 189 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:48,760 Speaker 2: I'm just not going to expect anything that way, I 190 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 2: won't be disappointed when the whatever happens. Man, that's just 191 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:56,560 Speaker 2: like living so far beneath your potential, and that's not 192 00:09:56,679 --> 00:10:00,440 Speaker 2: allowing yourself to feel all the good things that could 193 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:03,680 Speaker 2: come your way. And so I want to really encourage 194 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:08,560 Speaker 2: you to set expectations in your marriage. Don't hide and 195 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:12,120 Speaker 2: don't shy away from those expectations that you have of 196 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,280 Speaker 2: your spouse, that you have of yourself, that you have 197 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:18,120 Speaker 2: of your marriage. You should go into marriage fully expecting. 198 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:21,400 Speaker 2: You should go into marriage fully expecting that we are 199 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,280 Speaker 2: going to last until death to us part. 200 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:24,760 Speaker 1: When I meet. 201 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,880 Speaker 2: Couples and they're like, you know, I really hope this last, 202 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I'm not your girl. Sorry, like love you, 203 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,120 Speaker 2: but I'm gonna have to send you somebody else because 204 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:35,520 Speaker 2: I cannot help you to hope for I hope this 205 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 2: really works out. Like that is such a low bar, 206 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:43,079 Speaker 2: and I'm setting y'all up for disaster if I come 207 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,760 Speaker 2: in agreement with that foolishness. So what we're not gonna 208 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 2: do is just hope that this works out. Okay, we're 209 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:54,160 Speaker 2: gonna have some expectations that this is gonna work. Now 210 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 2: the work of it is going to get you to 211 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:57,359 Speaker 2: the fulfillment of the expectation. 212 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:58,760 Speaker 1: But that's another story for another day. 213 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:02,360 Speaker 2: Today we're talking about what do you do when you realize, oh, snow, 214 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,200 Speaker 2: this is a lot harder than I thought it was. Okay, 215 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:07,679 Speaker 2: so we're going to take a quick break for a 216 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:11,319 Speaker 2: word from our sponsor, and when we come back, I'm 217 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,079 Speaker 2: going to get into some of the nitty gritties about 218 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 2: how to actually overcome this feeling of disappointment, how to 219 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 2: not allow it to destroy you or to destroy the 220 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,680 Speaker 2: love that you've worked so hard to build. Don't go anywhere, friends, 221 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:25,040 Speaker 2: We'll be right back. Most marriages don't break in one 222 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:30,079 Speaker 2: big moment. They usually erode through distance, disappointment, and unresolved conflict. 223 00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 2: I'm excited to share that my brand new book, Tried 224 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:36,760 Speaker 2: and True will release in January twenty twenty six. If 225 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 2: your marriage is under pressure, you don't have to guess 226 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,960 Speaker 2: your next step. Tried and True will help you get 227 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 2: on the list to receive my free Companion five day 228 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:47,640 Speaker 2: devotional to help you to reflect and reconnect as you 229 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 2: build a more resilient marriage. Go to Danishey dot com 230 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:53,360 Speaker 2: for it slash Tried and True to get on the list. 231 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:57,440 Speaker 2: That's da na Che dot com for it slash Tried 232 00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,640 Speaker 2: and True. 233 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 1: All right, my friends, we're back. 234 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,160 Speaker 2: So before the break, we were talking about disappointment and 235 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 2: why I really encourage you to set some high expectations 236 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:10,360 Speaker 2: in your marriage. There are two couples. Let me tell 237 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 2: you about the book. Okay, so the book is called 238 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:15,520 Speaker 2: Tried and true. And this book is based on twelve 239 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:19,920 Speaker 2: Biblical couples that had hot mess marriages. Okay, I know one, 240 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:21,800 Speaker 2: we'll read the Bible a lot of times we like 241 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,960 Speaker 2: deify these folks. We think that they're perfect, they didn't 242 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 2: have any problems, that they just walked around and say, 243 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 2: I'm thus say at the Lord if like all the time, y'all. No, 244 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 2: the reason that these folks are in the Bible is 245 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:37,680 Speaker 2: to show us that we are not as bad off 246 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,679 Speaker 2: as we thought. Like we are bad off, I mean, 247 00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:42,880 Speaker 2: we need Jesus, we need a savior. But what I'm 248 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,040 Speaker 2: saying is that, like the Bible says, there is no 249 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 2: temptation that is not common to man. 250 00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:49,280 Speaker 1: Every single human being who. 251 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:52,360 Speaker 2: Has ever lived has gone through hot messes, including the 252 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:55,360 Speaker 2: folks in the Bible. So there's twelve biblical couples that 253 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 2: I'm going to be really getting into the nitty gritties 254 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,360 Speaker 2: of their story. Some of these couples are well known, 255 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:03,360 Speaker 2: you know about them, like Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah. 256 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,720 Speaker 2: But some of them are a little more abstract, like 257 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:09,120 Speaker 2: Deborah and Lapidov or Jacob and Leah. A lot of 258 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,320 Speaker 2: people talk about Jacob and Rachel, But what about Leah? 259 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 2: Like I love this chapter, okay, because I've really studied 260 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 2: Leah and what we know of her, and I've you know, 261 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:23,360 Speaker 2: fictionalized parts of her character just based on what would 262 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:24,720 Speaker 2: have been appropriate at that time. 263 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:27,160 Speaker 1: So I'm really excited for you all to read that chapter. 264 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:30,199 Speaker 2: But I also talk about couples like Anonias and Saphirah, 265 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 2: David and Michael. You know who Michael is. You probably 266 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:35,959 Speaker 2: don't because we don't talk about her a lot. Talk 267 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:40,000 Speaker 2: about Abigail and Nabel. Her husband was a fool. His 268 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:43,640 Speaker 2: parents named him fool. Like that's a whole story. So anyway, 269 00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:46,440 Speaker 2: I go through these twelve different couples, and one of 270 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,240 Speaker 2: the couples or two of the couples actually wanted to 271 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:52,559 Speaker 2: talk about the further remainder of this podcast is Adam 272 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,120 Speaker 2: and Eve and I want to talk to you about 273 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 2: Jacob and Leah. And the reason that I want to 274 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,040 Speaker 2: talk to you about these two couples are because Adam 275 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:04,280 Speaker 2: and Eve face made disappointment right like they were in 276 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 2: a situation of literal bliss, perfection, paradise and then one 277 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:14,800 Speaker 2: bad decision, like one bad choice, and it wasn't even 278 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,920 Speaker 2: like a choice to kill somebody. 279 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 1: It was I'm gonna eat this fruit. 280 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 2: One bad decision because if they were disobedient, obviously the 281 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 2: Lord told them not to eat the fruit. One bad 282 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:30,120 Speaker 2: decision totally changed everything and what they expected changed in 283 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,000 Speaker 2: a moment. And so I think that they are a 284 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:36,440 Speaker 2: great template to look at. How did they navigate that disappointment. 285 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 2: We don't read that they divorced. We don't read that 286 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,200 Speaker 2: they separated. We read that they had a whole bunch 287 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,160 Speaker 2: of kids. Thank god we're here because of that, right. 288 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:48,120 Speaker 2: We read that they left the garden Ie got kicked 289 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:51,120 Speaker 2: out by God of the garden together. So they were like, 290 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:53,400 Speaker 2: we're going to struggle together. We're gonna be out here 291 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:55,760 Speaker 2: trying to figure out how to make this life work 292 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 2: out here in this wilderness when we just left Paradise, 293 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,040 Speaker 2: like they stayed together. And I think that they are 294 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:06,240 Speaker 2: a good model because they face disappointment. Imagine Adam when 295 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:10,520 Speaker 2: he was like, are you serious, Eve, Like we're getting 296 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:12,760 Speaker 2: kicked out of the garden because you wanted to have 297 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 2: a conversation with a serpent. I mean, Adam could have 298 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,000 Speaker 2: been very resentful. Eve could have been very resentful, like 299 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,440 Speaker 2: why didn't you protect me from this. How come you 300 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,840 Speaker 2: saw this serpent talking to me and you were over 301 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,480 Speaker 2: there eating figs and stuff and not coming over here 302 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:27,960 Speaker 2: and telling me to stop talking to it? Like. They 303 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:30,240 Speaker 2: could have blamed each other, which they did, but they 304 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:34,760 Speaker 2: could have disconnected completely, which they didn't. And so I 305 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 2: think that they are a really good model to look at. 306 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:44,680 Speaker 2: They navigated disappointment. Well, when we think about Jacob and Leah, 307 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 2: I want you to think about, if you know the 308 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 2: story of Jacob and Leah and the Book of Genesis, 309 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:53,360 Speaker 2: I want you to think about what the morning after 310 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,440 Speaker 2: must have looked like for Leah. So I'm just kind 311 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,760 Speaker 2: of set up the story real quick. Jacob is the 312 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 2: grandson of Abraham, and he goes to Laban, who's his 313 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:07,040 Speaker 2: mother's brother, Okay, because his brother, Jacob's brother Esau, was 314 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:09,520 Speaker 2: gonna kill him, Okay, So his mom sends him off 315 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 2: to this place called pat and Aram, and so he 316 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:14,760 Speaker 2: lives with his uncle. His uncle has two daughters, or 317 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,560 Speaker 2: at least two, may have had more, but these are 318 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,240 Speaker 2: the two that we know about, Leah and Rachel, and 319 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:23,120 Speaker 2: the Bible says that Jacob loved Rachel. He saw her 320 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,960 Speaker 2: and was like that is the woman for me, loved her, 321 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,160 Speaker 2: and so he asked Laban, Rachel's dad, can I have 322 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,480 Speaker 2: her in marriage. Laban was like, of course, if you 323 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 2: work for me for seven years. So Jacob was like, 324 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,720 Speaker 2: no problem. I love Rachel, I'm not gonna work for 325 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,040 Speaker 2: I'll work for you forever. 326 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:38,360 Speaker 1: Right. 327 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:41,720 Speaker 2: So when he goes into his wedding bed, and you 328 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:45,120 Speaker 2: have to understand that Biblical marriages were not like they 329 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:50,080 Speaker 2: are today. So the bride was usually fully covered, including 330 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,840 Speaker 2: a darkened veil, and so a lot of times her 331 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,720 Speaker 2: husband did not see her face until the next morning. 332 00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:01,280 Speaker 2: All right, So Jacob marries who he thinks is Rachel, 333 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:05,560 Speaker 2: but their father had tricked him, and so he gave Leah, 334 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,440 Speaker 2: who was the older daughter, gave her to Jacob instead. 335 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,960 Speaker 2: The problem is Laban didn't tell Jacob and he didn't 336 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:15,399 Speaker 2: tell Leah. So the next morning they wake up. You 337 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,680 Speaker 2: want to talk about disappointment. Jacob is thinking that he's 338 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:22,000 Speaker 2: waking up to the woman of his dreams, and Leah 339 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,920 Speaker 2: is waking up thinking that this man married her. 340 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:26,440 Speaker 1: And he had been tricked. 341 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,679 Speaker 2: I want you to imagine what Leah felt like in 342 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 2: that moment, and maybe you got married and you feel like, 343 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:39,239 Speaker 2: I'm not meeting my spouse's expectations. They expected me to 344 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:42,200 Speaker 2: be this other person or they expected me to act 345 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 2: a certain way, and I know I'm not meeting their expectations. 346 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:52,320 Speaker 2: How does that make you feel? That's how Leah felt disappointment. Now, 347 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:56,760 Speaker 2: interestingly enough, Jacob could have divorced her, but he didn't. 348 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,440 Speaker 2: He goes to Laban, he's hot. He's like, yo, man, 349 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,960 Speaker 2: what and the what? Right? Like? I did what you 350 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:05,720 Speaker 2: told me to do. I said I was gonna work 351 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:08,160 Speaker 2: for you for seven years. You gave me this other woman. 352 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,600 Speaker 2: And Laban's like, oh, my bad man. 353 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:13,280 Speaker 1: Listen. In our culture, we give the older daughter away 354 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:14,000 Speaker 1: before the younger. 355 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:17,160 Speaker 2: Jacob's like, well, nobody told me that, and so Laban goes, 356 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,040 Speaker 2: but don't worry about it. I'll give you Rachel too 357 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,639 Speaker 2: if you work another seven years. 358 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:22,080 Speaker 1: Right. 359 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:25,399 Speaker 2: So here Jacob is having to work fourteen years for 360 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:29,720 Speaker 2: this woman that he loved, Rachel, but he doesn't divorce Leah. 361 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:33,360 Speaker 1: He gets Rachel too, And that's a hot mess, all right. 362 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:38,040 Speaker 2: So I want to talk about Leah's disappointment and how 363 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:41,960 Speaker 2: she had to navigate that through many years of knowing 364 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:46,080 Speaker 2: that she was not Jacob her husband's first pick, or 365 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:50,119 Speaker 2: even a pick he did not want her. And I 366 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:53,320 Speaker 2: know that things have changed dramatically right in our culture 367 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,480 Speaker 2: where if you that's called you can get a moment 368 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,080 Speaker 2: for that. Right Like, if you marry someone and they're 369 00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:01,600 Speaker 2: literally not the person that you thought you were going 370 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,120 Speaker 2: to marry, that's called fraud, and so you can get 371 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 2: in annulment. But think about it not as literal and 372 00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:10,919 Speaker 2: more figuratively. You get married and the person that you 373 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,920 Speaker 2: married is not who you thought you married. I think 374 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,720 Speaker 2: a lot of people can identify with that. 375 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:17,360 Speaker 1: So what do you do? 376 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:22,240 Speaker 2: How do you navigate that disappointment? Well, I think first 377 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:25,640 Speaker 2: of all, you have to manage your expectations. 378 00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:27,879 Speaker 1: Why did I think this person was going to be 379 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:28,359 Speaker 1: this way? 380 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,880 Speaker 2: Is that the behavior that they showed you maybe why 381 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,359 Speaker 2: you were dating And if you're like, yes, that's exactly 382 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,440 Speaker 2: who they showed me, Okay, well then how long did 383 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,760 Speaker 2: you date them? Did you vet them against any of 384 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,360 Speaker 2: their friends or their family, did you watch them in 385 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,680 Speaker 2: any other environment other than the environment that you two created. 386 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,880 Speaker 2: This is why I always tell especially young people, don't 387 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 2: have your little secret relationship off to the side somewhere 388 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:53,200 Speaker 2: when nobody can see it, because you're doing yourself a disservice. 389 00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,400 Speaker 2: You need to see that person in their natural habitats. 390 00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,200 Speaker 2: You need to see them and their family of origin. 391 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,040 Speaker 2: You need to see all that dysfunction that you're about 392 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,520 Speaker 2: to sign up for. You need to see how they 393 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,480 Speaker 2: treat their friends. You need to see how they are 394 00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 2: at work. You need to see them in all of 395 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:10,240 Speaker 2: these different environments so that you get a full orbed 396 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:14,400 Speaker 2: picture of who this person actually is and that will 397 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,120 Speaker 2: help you. That's proactive, right. But let's say you did 398 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,439 Speaker 2: all that. Let's just say you did all that and 399 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:21,560 Speaker 2: you get married and this person still is not who 400 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,239 Speaker 2: you think, or maybe they've grown into someone that you 401 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:24,679 Speaker 2: don't like. 402 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:25,880 Speaker 1: What do you do? 403 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:30,160 Speaker 2: You remember your covenant? Jacob remembered the covenant he made 404 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:34,000 Speaker 2: to Leah. He could have divorced her, but he chose 405 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,520 Speaker 2: not to. And there's a podcast episode that's going to 406 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,160 Speaker 2: be coming up in a few weeks and it's talking 407 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,719 Speaker 2: about the strength to stay. And I think a lot 408 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 2: of people don't talk about that because in our culture now, 409 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,679 Speaker 2: it's very normative that if you're not happy in your marriage, 410 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,359 Speaker 2: you leave and people will applaud you for that. People 411 00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:52,679 Speaker 2: will say, you know what, I get it. You know, 412 00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,480 Speaker 2: life is too short and if you're not happy, you 413 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,200 Speaker 2: got to be happy. And I'm gonna talk about that 414 00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:01,160 Speaker 2: in that podcast episode. I'm not gonna get into it now, 415 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,479 Speaker 2: but I think that there's a strength to staying. Now. 416 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,400 Speaker 2: I'm not saying, hopefully y'all know me by now. I'm 417 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,160 Speaker 2: not saying you stay in an abusive marriage, you stay 418 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,680 Speaker 2: in a marriage that is somehow dangerous for you or 419 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,560 Speaker 2: your children. Like, that's not at all what I'm saying. 420 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:21,320 Speaker 2: But there there is a strength to staying. So when 421 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,840 Speaker 2: you are disappointed because the person that you are married 422 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,320 Speaker 2: to is not who you thought they were, you first 423 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,639 Speaker 2: remember your covenant and then you do something that a 424 00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:31,720 Speaker 2: lot of people don't talk about, which is you don't 425 00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:37,800 Speaker 2: lower your expectations. You negotiate your expectations. You tell your 426 00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:43,199 Speaker 2: spouse these are the things, sir or ma'am that we 427 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,959 Speaker 2: agree to before getting married. We need to come to 428 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:51,080 Speaker 2: the table and renegotiate some stuff. Okay, because when I 429 00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:53,399 Speaker 2: got married, I didn't say that I was going to 430 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,800 Speaker 2: be cleaning this kitchen every single day. So we're going 431 00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:00,600 Speaker 2: to need to renegotiate so that we can both be 432 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:05,440 Speaker 2: happy and fulfilled in this marriage. Remember your covenant, renegotiate 433 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:09,800 Speaker 2: your expectations, and trust the Lord. Like y'all, if you've 434 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:11,959 Speaker 2: been a Christian for a while, we say this stuff 435 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:15,760 Speaker 2: and it becomes just like ropes trust God. I mean, 436 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,120 Speaker 2: there's T shirts and means and all the things, but 437 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:21,280 Speaker 2: don't nobody be trusting God. I mean, I'm sorry for 438 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:25,479 Speaker 2: saying it like that, but like, truthfully, we gotta trust God. Man, 439 00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,960 Speaker 2: Trust God, bro, Like that's a whole nother T shirt, Like, 440 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:37,440 Speaker 2: really trust him. Because pressure does not signify that your 441 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:38,760 Speaker 2: marriage is broken. 442 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,360 Speaker 1: It just reveals weak spots. 443 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:47,480 Speaker 2: Right. You have to understand that pressure is actually a 444 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:50,080 Speaker 2: good thing for you. And see, this is why we 445 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:56,080 Speaker 2: have a generation that lacks resilience because we good intended parents, 446 00:22:56,240 --> 00:23:00,399 Speaker 2: millennial parents wanted to shield our kids from all harm 447 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:06,200 Speaker 2: and pain. So these kids have no skills with bouncing back. 448 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:11,719 Speaker 2: And then they're getting married and the slightest disappointments are 449 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,960 Speaker 2: coming their way and they're like, I can't do this. 450 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:17,360 Speaker 2: This is too much for my emotional health. I need 451 00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:20,800 Speaker 2: a therapist. It's like, ma'am, your husband just like forgot 452 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:22,560 Speaker 2: to call you and tell you that he was running late, 453 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,199 Speaker 2: like what are we doing? But they don't have the 454 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:30,119 Speaker 2: strength because strength is forged under pressure. My God, I 455 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:35,520 Speaker 2: feel a sermon. Strength is forged under pressure. So you 456 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:39,000 Speaker 2: will not grow stronger in any area of your life 457 00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:44,560 Speaker 2: if you do not have pressure. So when you are 458 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:49,080 Speaker 2: faced with a marriage that is harder than you ever expected, 459 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,160 Speaker 2: know that you are in good company. 460 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:52,960 Speaker 1: You are not alone. 461 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:56,240 Speaker 2: And I don't say that as some you know, greeting 462 00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:59,679 Speaker 2: card encouragement. I literally mean that you are not by 463 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:04,760 Speaker 2: your self. If you are in Christ, if you know 464 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:09,480 Speaker 2: the Lord, he is with you. This is why covenant matters. 465 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,159 Speaker 2: If you're just out here trying to figure out your 466 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,560 Speaker 2: life by yourself and that looks like a good idea, 467 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,480 Speaker 2: that looks like a good mate, Yeah, like you should 468 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:22,520 Speaker 2: be concerned. But if you have God on your side, 469 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 2: and if you have a relationship with him, you talk 470 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,320 Speaker 2: to him, you pray, you involve him in your decisions, 471 00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:31,920 Speaker 2: you're seeking his will. You're not by yourself, and there's 472 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:37,120 Speaker 2: nothing that he can't fix. But oftentimes before God fixes 473 00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:41,400 Speaker 2: our situation, he wants to fix us. So let him 474 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:42,960 Speaker 2: do what he needs to do and you, and he 475 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,480 Speaker 2: often does that through trials. That's what my book's about. 476 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,119 Speaker 2: That's why it's called Tried and True. How God uses 477 00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:52,239 Speaker 2: the trials in our life to refine us, to shape us, 478 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,000 Speaker 2: to mold us, to make us more like him. 479 00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:58,000 Speaker 1: So I want to. 480 00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:01,600 Speaker 2: Encourage you today. If you are in a marriage and 481 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:08,840 Speaker 2: it feels so hard, I understand and I empathize with you. 482 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:13,800 Speaker 2: I have been there, not like once fourteen years ago. No, 483 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,320 Speaker 2: I can part there sometimes, y'all. 484 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:18,840 Speaker 1: I get it. This is real. 485 00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:25,320 Speaker 2: But you know what else is real? Your ability to 486 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 2: withstand the pressure. Let God refine you, let him shape you, 487 00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:35,920 Speaker 2: let him grow you up in areas, and you're gonna 488 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:40,920 Speaker 2: make it. Don't shrink back from the expectations. Don't let 489 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:44,040 Speaker 2: that disconnection cause you or I'm sorry that disappointment will 490 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:48,520 Speaker 2: cause you to disconnect. Stay in the game, be intentional. 491 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:52,080 Speaker 2: Keep listening to this podcast and other resources, because I'm 492 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,120 Speaker 2: gonna help you over these next four weeks. I'm doing 493 00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:57,159 Speaker 2: a little mini series here. I'm gonna help you to 494 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:01,520 Speaker 2: understand how your marriage can become tried to true. But 495 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,320 Speaker 2: before it becomes true, you got to go through the trials. 496 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,200 Speaker 1: I know that part. But we're gonna make it together. 497 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,160 Speaker 2: So You can learn more about the book by going 498 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:13,960 Speaker 2: to danashade dot com Fort Slash, Tried and True, the 499 00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:18,000 Speaker 2: Word and So Tried, A and D True, And I 500 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,080 Speaker 2: also have a free resource that I'm going to share 501 00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:21,720 Speaker 2: with you because y'all know I love to give you 502 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:23,959 Speaker 2: things that are going to help you, So I've created 503 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,080 Speaker 2: a five day devotional that is a perfect companion to 504 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:27,720 Speaker 2: this book. 505 00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:29,960 Speaker 1: You can get the devotional before you even get the book. 506 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,000 Speaker 2: The book's not going to release until January of twenty 507 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,960 Speaker 2: twenty six, so depending on when you're listening to this, 508 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,560 Speaker 2: the book may already be out or it may not 509 00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,600 Speaker 2: be out yet. But you can get this free five 510 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:44,960 Speaker 2: day companion devotional simply by going to danashade dot com Ford. 511 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:46,640 Speaker 1: Slash, Tried and True. 512 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:48,960 Speaker 2: Thanks so much for listening, and I will see you 513 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:50,080 Speaker 2: on the next episode. 514 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:50,720 Speaker 1: To take care