1 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 1: Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Here thousands of 2 00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 1: hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs, and 3 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:38,319 Speaker 1: to purchase Dennisprager's Rational Bibles, go to Dennisprager dot com. 4 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:42,920 Speaker 2: Okay, everybody, it is the Happiness Hour on the Dennisprager Show. 5 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,680 Speaker 2: Every week we devote an hour to the subject because 6 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:50,200 Speaker 2: it is of overwhelming importance. Let me repeat what I 7 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:53,640 Speaker 2: always tell you. It is not a selfish pursuit happiness. 8 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,640 Speaker 2: It can be, but it is not by definition. 9 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:57,280 Speaker 3: Nope. 10 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:00,880 Speaker 2: It is one of the most important things you can 11 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,800 Speaker 2: achieve in your life. It is up there with goodness 12 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:07,759 Speaker 2: and integrity and character. In fact, it's part of character. 13 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 2: That's how big it is. Happy people make the world better. 14 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 2: Happy people have happy Your children happy people have happy 15 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:18,200 Speaker 2: Or marriage is happy, people have happier work or is 16 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 2: everything everything? You have a moral obligation to be as 17 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:30,039 Speaker 2: happy as you can be, right, Okay? I spent ten 18 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:34,160 Speaker 2: years writing a book on happiness. Happiness is a serious 19 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:37,520 Speaker 2: problem is the name of the book, and that is 20 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,520 Speaker 2: one of the themes. How we are obligated to be 21 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:42,679 Speaker 2: as happy as we can be. And each week I 22 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:46,039 Speaker 2: discuss another aspect of this subject. And by the way, 23 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,280 Speaker 2: these have been for many people, at least that's what 24 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:53,160 Speaker 2: you tell me, life changing programs. Therefore, we have now 25 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:57,280 Speaker 2: put many of them on CDs, and you can find 26 00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 2: information about that at my website Dennis Prager dot com 27 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 2: or through my office eight hundred to. 28 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 3: Two two five eighty five eighty four. 29 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:12,079 Speaker 2: Happiness is the subject now today, I am going to 30 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:16,160 Speaker 2: revisit a subject that I have touched upon once before, 31 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 2: just recently, in fact, only once, but the response was 32 00:02:21,079 --> 00:02:24,280 Speaker 2: so overwhelming that I need to talk about it on 33 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 2: the Happiness Hour, even though I talked about it on 34 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:28,520 Speaker 2: a regular hour. 35 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:34,400 Speaker 3: And the issue is people disappointing you. Yep. It's as 36 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,080 Speaker 3: simple as that, people disappointing you. 37 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:43,720 Speaker 2: And what triggered this was a letter from a listener 38 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 2: who says he will no longer listen to me because 39 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:48,520 Speaker 2: I disappointed him, and he wrote me a warm letter 40 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 2: about how I touched his life, and I never responded. 41 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:58,640 Speaker 2: The ease with which we are disappointed by others is 42 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:03,960 Speaker 2: I don't think there's anything easier that somebody can do 43 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 2: to you than disappoint you. And I want you to 44 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:10,560 Speaker 2: think about it for a moment. I want you to 45 00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:16,560 Speaker 2: think about how has anybody disappointed you? A child, a 46 00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:24,280 Speaker 2: husband or wife, a friend, a coworker, me, anybody put 47 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:27,080 Speaker 2: people in public life. I want you to think about 48 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,520 Speaker 2: it for a moment. How many people have disappointed you? 49 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:32,840 Speaker 3: Then? 50 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 2: I also want you to think about this, how many 51 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:38,440 Speaker 2: people have you disappointed? 52 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:49,680 Speaker 3: Are you thinking now? I bet you that in this world, far, 53 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 3: far more. 54 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 2: People would be on list number one than on list 55 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:59,400 Speaker 2: number two. Man, that interesting. Think about that. If I 56 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:03,200 Speaker 2: asked you to make two lists. One list was of 57 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 2: people that have disappointed you, and the other list was 58 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:09,960 Speaker 2: people that you have disappointed. 59 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:17,919 Speaker 3: Which list do you think would be longer? There's no comparison. 60 00:04:18,039 --> 00:04:21,360 Speaker 2: I'll bet you you could name three people you have disappointed. 61 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,520 Speaker 2: It would you would be a very impressive person if 62 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:28,839 Speaker 2: you could name three people that you've disappointed, and I'll 63 00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:31,800 Speaker 2: bet you could name ten who have disappointed you in 64 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 2: your life. In fact, almost everybody you've ever known has 65 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:39,159 Speaker 2: probably disappointed you. That is the way it works, that's 66 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:43,279 Speaker 2: the way it is. We are set up to be disappointed. 67 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,640 Speaker 2: One eighth Prager seven seven six one eight p r 68 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:56,200 Speaker 2: g Er seven seven six. I want to know if 69 00:04:56,279 --> 00:05:00,280 Speaker 2: you how you have dealt with this issue? How many 70 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 2: people you feel you've disappointed? Who has disappointed you? And 71 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,919 Speaker 2: here is why this is the happiness hour. If you 72 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:13,279 Speaker 2: walk around regularly disappointed by people, you can't be happy. 73 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 2: Not only that you will also make them unhappy. Disappointment 74 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:23,440 Speaker 2: is p probably one of the largest obstacles to happiness 75 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:28,920 Speaker 2: that the human being has, because everybody is there, who 76 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:32,480 Speaker 2: is in your life, in effect, is going to disappoint 77 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:36,880 Speaker 2: you at some point. It is almost impossible. It is 78 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:41,479 Speaker 2: almost impossible for that not to be. So how have 79 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:42,560 Speaker 2: you dealt with this? 80 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:43,360 Speaker 3: Now? 81 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 2: Let me give you a number of suggestions. Number one 82 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:49,080 Speaker 2: is to understand. I think the biggest way to deal 83 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:53,720 Speaker 2: with this is to understand that it is inevitable. He 84 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:58,200 Speaker 2: will disappoint me, she will disappoint me. My parents aren't 85 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:01,799 Speaker 2: what I really would like them to be. My spouse 86 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:05,599 Speaker 2: is often but you know, I just wish he or 87 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:09,720 Speaker 2: she were. And then you fill in the line my children, Well, 88 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:14,040 Speaker 2: I tell you it's not what I was really hoping for, 89 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 2: and I, you know, just I get disappointed. They don't 90 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 2: do this, they do do that. My friends, you know, 91 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:26,040 Speaker 2: they don't call. I can't really rely on them. And 92 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:31,160 Speaker 2: they call too much, they call too little. They're not 93 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,320 Speaker 2: there when I need them, they are there when I 94 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,880 Speaker 2: don't need them. I don't know what you can come 95 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:39,520 Speaker 2: up with. I expected more. I expected them to do 96 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,200 Speaker 2: more on my birthday. I expected them to do less 97 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:46,280 Speaker 2: on my birthday. I expected I expected. So it is 98 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:51,400 Speaker 2: it that is part of being human. Life can be, 99 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:55,559 Speaker 2: and is for most people disappointing. Let's be on life 100 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:59,920 Speaker 2: is disappointing, not just people this well. Life disappoints you, 101 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,719 Speaker 2: by the way, and I should do that on a 102 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:07,480 Speaker 2: separate hour. God disappoints most people. Let's be honest. Let 103 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,480 Speaker 2: us be honest that most people would like God to 104 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:16,400 Speaker 2: have done more in their lives. Everybody disappoints you. So now, 105 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,800 Speaker 2: in light of the fact that so many people on 106 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:23,520 Speaker 2: God himself disappoints us, maybe we need to not be 107 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 2: so easily disappointed. That would seem to me to be 108 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:34,000 Speaker 2: a fair, fairly accurate response. Maybe it's our narcissism and 109 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:38,400 Speaker 2: not their failures that has us in a constant state 110 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:42,640 Speaker 2: of disappointment. Well, you didn't you didn't do what I 111 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 2: what I expected, Hence you're a disappointment. Instead of saying 112 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:49,440 Speaker 2: you didn't do what I expected. Maybe my expectations are 113 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:56,120 Speaker 2: too high, right, isn't that possible? Or it is inevitable? 114 00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 2: Or how about this? How about how many have I disappointed. 115 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:04,280 Speaker 3: I? 116 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,760 Speaker 2: And I'm telling you it would be a great exercise 117 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:10,160 Speaker 2: for you to do a terrific one. I think I'm 118 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 2: gonna do it. How many people have I disappointed? And 119 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,520 Speaker 2: how many have disappointed me? Just an interesting You don't 120 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 2: have to show it to anybody, just for yourself, because 121 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:22,720 Speaker 2: you don't go around you. 122 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 3: I mean, I don't mean. 123 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 2: You individually, because I don't know, but I would say 124 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:32,480 Speaker 2: people do not go around with anywhere near the sense 125 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:36,559 Speaker 2: of having disappointed others that they have about being disappointed 126 00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:39,280 Speaker 2: by others. 127 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:42,840 Speaker 3: The ratio of our believing we have. 128 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:46,680 Speaker 2: Been disappointed by others to our disappointing others is probably 129 00:08:47,079 --> 00:08:53,040 Speaker 2: ten thousand to one. How many people really walk around thinking, God, 130 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:55,920 Speaker 2: I've disappointed X, Y and Z. 131 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:57,600 Speaker 3: Yeah people don't. 132 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:01,640 Speaker 2: So its proof is that it is a function in 133 00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:05,480 Speaker 2: not always, not always, some people really have a legitimate 134 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:10,720 Speaker 2: gripe about being disappointed. Somebody has really really betrayed them 135 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:15,800 Speaker 2: and they didn't see it coming, or failed them, and 136 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,040 Speaker 2: they didn't see it coming and they are disappointed that 137 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:22,800 Speaker 2: there is legit at disappointment, but I think overwhelmingly it 138 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:26,800 Speaker 2: is just part of our narcissism. The world should be 139 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 2: as I want it to be for me, and if 140 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:35,160 Speaker 2: people are not acting the way I want them to act, then, 141 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:41,720 Speaker 2: by golly, I'm disappointed. How do you react to this? 142 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,960 Speaker 3: Is this? Does this register with you? 143 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:49,240 Speaker 2: Because you do walk around thinking you're disappointed by people 144 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:52,280 Speaker 2: a lot and not ever thinking how you have done 145 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 2: it to others? Or is this, you know, totally out 146 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:59,080 Speaker 2: of left field one eight Praeger seven seven six. This is, 147 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:01,560 Speaker 2: by the way, a function of another thing that I 148 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,479 Speaker 2: talk about a great deal when I talk about happiness, 149 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:11,320 Speaker 2: that is having expectations. Expectations are are really the root 150 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:17,320 Speaker 2: in many ways of unhappiness. The more you expect, the 151 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:22,600 Speaker 2: less happy you will be, the more disappointed, the more ungrateful, 152 00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:29,760 Speaker 2: the more resentful. Expectations are a curse. And if you 153 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:34,120 Speaker 2: lower your expectations or even don't have any, it is 154 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:37,920 Speaker 2: incredible how much more grateful you will be for whatever 155 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:41,960 Speaker 2: good comes your way in life and from people. I 156 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,400 Speaker 2: will tell you I started learning. I learned that in 157 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:48,640 Speaker 2: college and it has helped shape shape my life. We 158 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,200 Speaker 2: will be back in a moment on the Happiness Hour 159 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:52,600 Speaker 2: on the Dennis Prager Show. 160 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,480 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 161 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,760 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless Wisdom. 162 00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:09,000 Speaker 2: All right, everybody on the Happiness Era on the Dennis 163 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 2: Prager Show. The enormous issue of disappointment and how so 164 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:19,840 Speaker 2: many people walk around fairly regularly disappoint pointed by people 165 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:23,680 Speaker 2: in their lives and a while, of course, there are times, 166 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:25,959 Speaker 2: I mean, let's say you marry somebody, and you marry 167 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:26,920 Speaker 2: a guy and he turns. 168 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,960 Speaker 3: Out to beat you up, or you marry. 169 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,679 Speaker 2: A woman and she turns out to be a drug 170 00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:35,440 Speaker 2: addict that you didn't know that that is a fair disappointment. 171 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,520 Speaker 2: And sometimes it's not easy to know, is it You're 172 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:44,240 Speaker 2: a narcissism or a real true A fair assessment of disappointment. 173 00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:48,000 Speaker 2: But I think by and large, we are much too 174 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 2: easily disappointed. And that's because our expectations are too high, 175 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,280 Speaker 2: and because we want the world to be the way 176 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:59,240 Speaker 2: we want it, and that is especially so in our time. 177 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,760 Speaker 2: For whatever reason, in the last hundred years, people are 178 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:06,120 Speaker 2: just assumed that what they expect to happen with others 179 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:09,680 Speaker 2: should happen, and feel that if they're disappointed, it's clearly 180 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,440 Speaker 2: the other person's fault not to have diminished expectations of 181 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:14,520 Speaker 2: people in their lives. 182 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:15,199 Speaker 3: One A. 183 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 2: Prager seven seven six, Roseville, California on kt KZ thirteen 184 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:25,240 Speaker 2: eighty and Maria, thank you for calling the Dennis Prager Show. 185 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:29,280 Speaker 4: Thank you, mister. I just wanted to make a comment 186 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 4: regarding three people and that might have disappointed me. And 187 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:37,640 Speaker 4: actually I can count three. It's actually my father, mother, 188 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:41,200 Speaker 4: and my sister, and well who's left. 189 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:46,280 Speaker 3: That's only my family. But beyond that, the world's been great. 190 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:51,960 Speaker 4: To me, but my mother and my sister, I've come 191 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:57,000 Speaker 4: to find out that they are the two people that 192 00:12:57,040 --> 00:13:00,760 Speaker 4: I will never be able to fulfill their expectations. And 193 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,520 Speaker 4: although I understand. 194 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,319 Speaker 2: That, Oh so wait a minute, you say you've disappointed 195 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,000 Speaker 2: them or they've disappointed you. 196 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,120 Speaker 4: No, I've disappointed them. 197 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:11,040 Speaker 2: Oh I see, I'm sorry I didn't catch that originally. 198 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,720 Speaker 2: You feel that you have disappointed your mother, your father, 199 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:14,520 Speaker 2: and your sister. 200 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:18,079 Speaker 3: Yes, and by doing what or. 201 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:22,600 Speaker 4: Not doing what, not fulfilling their their expectations as well 202 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 4: as my own contrived expectations that they had of me, 203 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:32,480 Speaker 4: and I've come to understand that in regards to my 204 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 4: mother and my sister, that they will always have expectations 205 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:42,120 Speaker 4: that I will not be able to fulfill no matter 206 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:42,560 Speaker 4: what I do. 207 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:43,199 Speaker 3: Yep. 208 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,679 Speaker 4: And part of that also was my ego, which I 209 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:50,680 Speaker 4: also understand came into play. I've come to understand that 210 00:13:50,679 --> 00:13:53,319 Speaker 4: that's the only way to be. 211 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,560 Speaker 3: Happy is to the fact that you. 212 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:58,360 Speaker 2: I'm curious now and this is almost a game, but 213 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,800 Speaker 2: I don't mean it as such. The fact that you 214 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:04,600 Speaker 2: feel that you have disappointed your mother, father, and sister, 215 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:08,640 Speaker 2: do they disappoint you in that they feel that way? 216 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:12,520 Speaker 4: For I would have to say that in regards to 217 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:13,360 Speaker 4: my mom and sister. 218 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:18,199 Speaker 2: Yes, right, that's what I suspected. Yeah, God, bless you, Maria. 219 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for this is I now realize 220 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:25,800 Speaker 2: we now have compounded disappointment. This is the way it works. 221 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:28,080 Speaker 2: This is a new this is true, correct, And I 222 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:31,680 Speaker 2: thank you so much, Maria. She's right this So this 223 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 2: is what I'm discovering. Not only can I recognize that 224 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:42,000 Speaker 2: I've disappointed X, Y, and Z, but I'm disappointed in them. 225 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:46,280 Speaker 3: For seeing me as a disappointment. Now. 226 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 2: Needless to say, they are disappointed in me for seeing 227 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:54,640 Speaker 2: them as disappointed in me. So you now have disappointment cubed. 228 00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:00,640 Speaker 2: It gives you an idea how much disappointment is around 229 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:01,400 Speaker 2: there in the world. 230 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:02,000 Speaker 3: Now. 231 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,200 Speaker 2: I'm laughing only because it's one of these classic examples 232 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:06,960 Speaker 2: of where you could either laugh or cry. This is 233 00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:10,920 Speaker 2: a very painful subject, and I always say it's preferable 234 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:11,920 Speaker 2: generally to laugh. 235 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,840 Speaker 3: But it's it's really true. 236 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:19,440 Speaker 2: The amount of disappointment out there is can drown the world. 237 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:19,800 Speaker 3: It is. 238 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:24,080 Speaker 2: It may well be the most common sentiment on earth. 239 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:28,000 Speaker 2: There may be more disappointment out there than there is love. 240 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:34,960 Speaker 2: And it's uh, it's as I said earlier, it includes God. 241 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,440 Speaker 2: You know, why didn't God come through when you know 242 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,640 Speaker 2: I expected him to come through and he didn't? 243 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:42,200 Speaker 5: Wow? 244 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,160 Speaker 3: Wow? What? What? What? 245 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,800 Speaker 2: We set ourselves up for for being unhappy? And this, 246 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:52,880 Speaker 2: this is being such a classic example of. 247 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,280 Speaker 3: Of the uh of. 248 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:58,440 Speaker 2: The expectations of others, and we don't have those expectations 249 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:02,120 Speaker 2: nearly as much of ourselves. All right, let's uh, let's 250 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:06,400 Speaker 2: see more here. Nanette in San Diego on k c 251 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 2: b Q. Nannette Dennis Prager, High, Hi, Dennis. 252 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,000 Speaker 6: Thanks for taking my call. I enjoy your show. I'm 253 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 6: a new listener, and I like your subject about disappointment 254 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,800 Speaker 6: a lot. I think I made my list in my mind. 255 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,160 Speaker 6: I was driving as soon as you said it, and 256 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,480 Speaker 6: I was amazed at maybe you just touched on that 257 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,200 Speaker 6: was the last color. How much my list is pretty equal. 258 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 6: When someone has disappointed me, I always can see somewhere 259 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,320 Speaker 6: in there that I have disappointed them at. 260 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,400 Speaker 2: Someone really, you know what, I wonder if women are 261 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:38,680 Speaker 2: more capable of that death of well, if women walk 262 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 2: around more thinking that they have disappointed others. 263 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:41,680 Speaker 3: I don't know. 264 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,680 Speaker 6: It could be a gender thing, but maybe it's a 265 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:48,240 Speaker 6: personality thing. People are harder on themselves or more particle 266 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,720 Speaker 6: of themselves. And I am definitely working on that. But 267 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,600 Speaker 6: my oldest son is recently very disappointed with God because 268 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,800 Speaker 6: his father, my husband, got a girlfriend a year ago. 269 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,400 Speaker 6: And yes, I'm disappointed, and that it was huge and 270 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,880 Speaker 6: it was blindsided me and I loved him very, very 271 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,840 Speaker 6: very much, even though we had our issues and they 272 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:08,720 Speaker 6: were big. But you know, my son has decided that 273 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,239 Speaker 6: God he is to blame. He's blaming God, where I 274 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,039 Speaker 6: have decided that I'm not going to take that route. 275 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,919 Speaker 6: I am disappointed that my son's so upset. But I've 276 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,960 Speaker 6: disappointed my son because I probably should have gotten out 277 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,919 Speaker 6: of the marriage years and years and years ago because 278 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,520 Speaker 6: he was an alcoholic, but I didn't realize it. So, 279 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,480 Speaker 6: you know, there's a lot of disappointment that goes around. 280 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,600 Speaker 6: My family's disappointed that my marriage has fallen apart. Oh well, 281 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,800 Speaker 6: you know, so to me. I think the key for 282 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,959 Speaker 6: me in disappointment because I could wallow in a lot 283 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,320 Speaker 6: of self pity and happiness. Right now, I've got five 284 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,280 Speaker 6: kids that are struggling, and financially we're sinking, and it's 285 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:47,959 Speaker 6: really a hard life right now. But I think everyone 286 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,840 Speaker 6: needs to like hit just a moment ago love. I 287 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,119 Speaker 6: think we need to cut people slack. I tried to 288 00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:55,680 Speaker 6: do that a lot because I want it done for me. 289 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:59,679 Speaker 6: And whenever I've disappointed or when someone's disappointed me, I 290 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,280 Speaker 6: can usually see that I've probably at some level disappointed them, 291 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,159 Speaker 6: and it doesn't matter who did it first. 292 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 2: You know why I'll let you speak so long because 293 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:11,399 Speaker 2: you're a very wise woman. That's the highest compliment. 294 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:11,480 Speaker 3: I can pay. 295 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,480 Speaker 6: Well, you know what, I appreciate that because I don't 296 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,679 Speaker 6: feel very valuable right now. So coming from you, I 297 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,639 Speaker 6: take that as a very nice compliment and I needed 298 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:18,159 Speaker 6: that today. 299 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:22,400 Speaker 2: Thank you, You're welcome, and I meant it very, very sincerely, 300 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:29,760 Speaker 2: very I am moved when I hear people on the air, 301 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:35,080 Speaker 2: off the air who are wise enough to take that approach. 302 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:40,240 Speaker 3: And to be and her, she gave me the. 303 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:46,800 Speaker 2: Words that I think are the perfect antidote to feeling 304 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:51,720 Speaker 2: regularly disappointed in people, cut people, slack. 305 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:58,800 Speaker 3: That's a good one. That's a good one. Your parents are. 306 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:07,400 Speaker 2: Human beings, frail like you. Your husband or wife is frail 307 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:11,200 Speaker 2: like you. 308 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,000 Speaker 3: Your children likewise. 309 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:19,400 Speaker 2: See, when we are disappointed in let's say children, it 310 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:24,479 Speaker 2: is very often really a statement of you didn't bring 311 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:31,840 Speaker 2: me the pride that I expected you to bring me, 312 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:35,879 Speaker 2: the reflected glory of your life onto me. 313 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,359 Speaker 3: Me, me, me back in a moment. 314 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,800 Speaker 1: This episode of timeless Wisdom will continue. 315 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,040 Speaker 3: Right after this. 316 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:50,280 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom. 317 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,680 Speaker 2: This is the Happiness Hour on the Dennis Praguer Show. 318 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:58,800 Speaker 2: Every week at this hour, talk about the great important 319 00:19:58,840 --> 00:19:59,920 Speaker 2: subject of happiness. 320 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,920 Speaker 3: My subject today is disappointment. 321 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,960 Speaker 2: And how I would say most people walk around pretty 322 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,000 Speaker 2: regularly disappointed. 323 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:10,600 Speaker 3: By almost everybody in their lives. 324 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,960 Speaker 2: And you know what else I was thinking here during 325 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:18,760 Speaker 2: the break is that the better the person, the more 326 00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:23,879 Speaker 2: likely that person is to disappoint you. It's not the 327 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:28,600 Speaker 2: jerks who disappoint you, it's the wonderful people. So this 328 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:32,239 Speaker 2: disappointment issue gets more and more important the more I 329 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,080 Speaker 2: think about it and the more I talk about it, 330 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:41,320 Speaker 2: because you not only you don't get disappointed by the 331 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:46,040 Speaker 2: jerks in your life, you don't expect anything from them. 332 00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 2: It's only the people that you think well of that 333 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:54,159 Speaker 2: can disappoint you. And the more you think well of them, 334 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:58,119 Speaker 2: the more they are set up inevitably to disappoint you, 335 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,520 Speaker 2: because they're still human, no matter how wonderful they are. 336 00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:04,119 Speaker 2: You know, all of this came about because of that 337 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 2: letter that I got from a listener that I so 338 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,960 Speaker 2: disappointed him after I didn't respond to his email. He's 339 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:12,320 Speaker 2: no longer listening to me, and he obviously adored me 340 00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:14,960 Speaker 2: because he wrote a very warm letter to me that 341 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:20,159 Speaker 2: I had never responded to. But I say often I 342 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,640 Speaker 2: just can't, and I feel bad, but it's not possible. 343 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,840 Speaker 2: I can't respond to two hundred emails a day. I 344 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,240 Speaker 2: can't respond to one hundred a day. It's hard to 345 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:30,120 Speaker 2: do fifty a day. I mean, just think about it. 346 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,199 Speaker 2: If it's two minutes an email, that's two hours just 347 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:39,119 Speaker 2: for fifty. Anyway, it's but there is a good example. 348 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,840 Speaker 2: If he thought I was a jerk and just listen 349 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,200 Speaker 2: because he liked the information he got from my show, 350 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 2: then I couldn't disappoint him. But the fact is he thought, oh, 351 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,560 Speaker 2: this is a really good guy, this Dennis, and it 352 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,080 Speaker 2: turns out, oh my god, he doesn't even respond to 353 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:56,280 Speaker 2: my warm letter. You know, this is a total disappointment. 354 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:59,160 Speaker 2: I'm out of his life. He's out of my life. 355 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 2: And I think that that macro example is what people 356 00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:05,479 Speaker 2: do a lot in micro life. After all, it is 357 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:10,120 Speaker 2: only the good who can disappoint. Nobody's disappointed in Saddam Hussein. 358 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:15,680 Speaker 2: You get disappointed in good people. So it's really a problem. 359 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 2: The disappointment won alright, So to Wadena in Phoenix on 360 00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:24,760 Speaker 2: nine sixty KKNT, Hello, Adeena, Dennis Prager. 361 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,119 Speaker 7: Hi, good afternoon, Dennis. 362 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:26,440 Speaker 8: Hi. 363 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:30,280 Speaker 7: I read your book Happiness as a serious problem. I 364 00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:32,800 Speaker 7: borrowed it from one of my dearest friends, and I 365 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 7: wanted to bring up about a lack of gratitude in 366 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:41,280 Speaker 7: the general population. As you stated in your book, are 367 00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:43,680 Speaker 7: we really counting the number of things that the person 368 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,879 Speaker 7: has done wrong to offend us when we should be 369 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,240 Speaker 7: counting the number of things that the person has done right. 370 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:48,840 Speaker 3: That's right. 371 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 2: What you're asking for is a magic word that a 372 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:56,159 Speaker 2: lot of people are incapable of doing. Children can't do it, 373 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,920 Speaker 2: and a lot of adults can't. And that is half 374 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,600 Speaker 2: perspective that you have to be able to say, you 375 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:04,240 Speaker 2: know what, this person did fail me in this area, 376 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:08,200 Speaker 2: but as a general statement, you know, so much more 377 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:09,119 Speaker 2: good comes. 378 00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,919 Speaker 7: From him or her right, and we need to remember this. 379 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,840 Speaker 7: They always say thank you. I mean, even in teaching 380 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:17,960 Speaker 7: children at a very small age, even for the little 381 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 7: things that we might take for granted. Because if we're 382 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,200 Speaker 7: going to be willing to criticize, we also need to 383 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:25,640 Speaker 7: be willing to praise. And that includes even our own children. 384 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,600 Speaker 2: Oh, of course it does. It includes everybody, and it 385 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:32,720 Speaker 2: includes companies. I always say every year it is a 386 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,639 Speaker 2: New Year's resolution. For every complaint, letter or call you 387 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 2: make or write, you should do one letter of praise. 388 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,200 Speaker 7: And that is such a good idea. 389 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:44,639 Speaker 2: Thank you so much, thank you, Okay, bye, bye, and 390 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:51,359 Speaker 2: over to Dan in Denver. Dan Dennis Prager. 391 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:55,360 Speaker 5: Hi, Hi Dennis, Hi, I love your show, appreciate everything 392 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:55,880 Speaker 5: that you do. 393 00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:56,399 Speaker 3: Thank you. 394 00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:00,600 Speaker 5: I just want to say that, especially with regards to children, 395 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:07,080 Speaker 5: that expectations can be used, or I should say disappointments, 396 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:12,760 Speaker 5: which can be used regarding expectations. Excuse me a little 397 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:16,919 Speaker 5: nervous here. It depends what you're disappointed in them. I 398 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:18,800 Speaker 5: think that it helped create it can help create them 399 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:22,080 Speaker 5: more compass for your kids. If you're if you express high, 400 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:26,080 Speaker 5: set high standards for them to the degree that you 401 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,760 Speaker 5: know if they disappoint you, you know they have failed miserably. 402 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:30,760 Speaker 5: That's not good. But in terms of it's it's far 403 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:34,240 Speaker 5: more important express a disappointment with regards to a moral 404 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:37,040 Speaker 5: failing or something that's very important, right something, Hey, he 405 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,680 Speaker 5: didn't get the job. That's not that big a deal. 406 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:41,360 Speaker 5: The other thing is I find the more the girl 407 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:45,000 Speaker 5: or I get, I find. But I get disappointed in 408 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,600 Speaker 5: myself when I don't meet my own expectations. If I 409 00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:50,840 Speaker 5: hurt someone, I'm a good disappointed in myself. 410 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:51,520 Speaker 3: That's good. 411 00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:55,199 Speaker 2: I agree with both your points, Dan, it is what 412 00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:58,920 Speaker 2: we can get disappointed. I don't believe that it should 413 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:03,159 Speaker 2: be ruled out of our emotional lives. Disappointment, But what 414 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:07,040 Speaker 2: is it that renders us disappointed? Like in our child? 415 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,560 Speaker 2: Are you disappointed if they don't get an A or 416 00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:12,720 Speaker 2: a B? Or are you disappointed if they cheat on 417 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:16,240 Speaker 2: a test. We'll be back in a moment. I'm Dennis Prager, 418 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,560 Speaker 2: all right, everybody, this is Dennis Prager, and and this 419 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:22,000 Speaker 2: is one of those happiness hours that I think, if 420 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,400 Speaker 2: you take to heart, can really affect your life. 421 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,000 Speaker 3: Sir, these things touch me too. 422 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,920 Speaker 2: I just need you to know when I talk about 423 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,239 Speaker 2: these things, I am talking to Dennis as much as 424 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:37,800 Speaker 2: I'm talking to you. And this notion here of people 425 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:41,800 Speaker 2: disappointing you in life is so big, and it is 426 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:46,800 Speaker 2: so harmful. How much we walk around disappointed and it 427 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,000 Speaker 2: is now. There are times, of course where it is appropriate, 428 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,880 Speaker 2: but I would say that in vast numbers of cases 429 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:58,520 Speaker 2: it's not appropriate because that's or or it's appropriate, But 430 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,439 Speaker 2: you still have to say, that's part of life, and 431 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:05,840 Speaker 2: it is part of life. Everyone is disappointed and everyone 432 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:10,399 Speaker 2: is disappointed often that is the way it is because 433 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:14,240 Speaker 2: we set others up almost in order to disappoint us 434 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,600 Speaker 2: even people we don't know, even public figures. It could 435 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:22,280 Speaker 2: happen with alrighty, let's go to all. Is that true? 436 00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:25,439 Speaker 2: In Los Angeles on k r L A Larry Larry 437 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:30,480 Speaker 2: Dennis Prager Height, Hello, Hello Larry, This is Dennis. 438 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:36,080 Speaker 8: Yeah, Hi, Dennis Hi. Listening to the comments of some 439 00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:40,080 Speaker 8: of the past speakers, it appears to me that perhaps 440 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:45,720 Speaker 8: we can, without standing to let legalistic divide people up 441 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:53,240 Speaker 8: into disappointurs and disappointees, and sometimes people occupy both physicians. 442 00:26:55,200 --> 00:27:02,080 Speaker 8: There's such a wealth of Jewish comedy about Jewish parents 443 00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:06,879 Speaker 8: in planting guilt on their children. It made me wonder whether, 444 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,439 Speaker 8: because I think there may be some truth in that, 445 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:15,160 Speaker 8: although Jews don't hold a monopoly on that, whether the 446 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:18,840 Speaker 8: implantation of guilt is a defense mechanism to one who 447 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:22,720 Speaker 8: is a disappoint or in other words, gee, I think 448 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:26,160 Speaker 8: I'm disappointing my children in some way, so I'm going 449 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:29,920 Speaker 8: to make them feel guilty about this or about that. 450 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,520 Speaker 3: Could well be that's very possible. 451 00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:39,280 Speaker 2: And remember they by by telling, by communicating to them 452 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:42,680 Speaker 2: that they that is our children, that they disappoint us, 453 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:45,080 Speaker 2: that is also instilling guilt in them. 454 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,879 Speaker 3: Yes, now, at the same time. 455 00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:50,440 Speaker 2: You see, that's why life is so complex, or one 456 00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,520 Speaker 2: of the billion reasons, and that is there. There should 457 00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,800 Speaker 2: be an element of I don't want to disappoint my 458 00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:59,520 Speaker 2: mom or disappoint my dad. There should be an element 459 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:02,600 Speaker 2: of that in a child's life. The question is what 460 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:06,240 Speaker 2: is it over That's where the earlier caller said, we 461 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:11,719 Speaker 2: have to use that very very finely tuned. You know, 462 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 2: if my whole belief is what I disappoint my parents 463 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 2: if I don't get a's, I don't think that that 464 00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:22,119 Speaker 2: is nearly as good as I disapparent disappoint my parents 465 00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:26,160 Speaker 2: if I cheat on a test. Yes, yeah, well you 466 00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,680 Speaker 2: you made a powerful point. It's a very complex subject. 467 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,560 Speaker 2: And the issue with children is different, by the way 468 00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:34,560 Speaker 2: than I think the issue with others, because you do 469 00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:37,000 Speaker 2: want to have a level of disappointment there. I don't 470 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:39,440 Speaker 2: think you want to have a level of disappointment anywhere else. 471 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,760 Speaker 2: It probably is good for a child to not want 472 00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:47,600 Speaker 2: to disappoint a parent. It is a motivator, so that 473 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:49,800 Speaker 2: that can be an element. On the other hand that 474 00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:53,200 Speaker 2: I obviously could be overdone. It could be you know, 475 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:58,960 Speaker 2: it's so finely tuned that it's it's it's very difficult 476 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:01,360 Speaker 2: for me to give a general rule on what level 477 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:05,160 Speaker 2: of disappointment is a good thing for children to feel 478 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:08,720 Speaker 2: vis a vis their parent and whatnot. I I remember 479 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 2: talking about parents disappointing. I remember I saw I think 480 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,600 Speaker 2: this was a cartoon in the New Yorker. It's a 481 00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:20,120 Speaker 2: very famous cartoon, if I'm not mistaken. And I'm not 482 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:22,200 Speaker 2: going to get it fully accurately, but you'll get the 483 00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:25,320 Speaker 2: gist of it. It is a monument somewhere in some 484 00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:28,000 Speaker 2: park in some city. There's a monument to a man 485 00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:32,760 Speaker 2: and you know, there's a sculpture of him and it says, 486 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:36,120 Speaker 2: you know his name, commander or admiral or general so 487 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:47,280 Speaker 2: and so, financier, entrepreneur, poet, linguist, general, leader of men, 488 00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:51,720 Speaker 2: and then on the bottom and still a disappointment. 489 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:51,520 Speaker 3: To his mother. 490 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:57,280 Speaker 2: Obviously, it must be so universal that you could make 491 00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:01,600 Speaker 2: this draw, this cartoon and no people will laugh that 492 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:04,840 Speaker 2: no matter what you have succeeded, you're still a disappointment 493 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:07,440 Speaker 2: to your mother. Now that should not be that's a 494 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:13,640 Speaker 2: bad thing, obviously, but it must be universal enough for 495 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:15,600 Speaker 2: it to have been a funny cartoon. 496 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:19,480 Speaker 3: Right. He over to. 497 00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:26,680 Speaker 2: Howard in Seattle on kk O L and Howard Dennis Prager. 498 00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:28,160 Speaker 9: High Dennis, how are you? 499 00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:29,160 Speaker 3: I'm well? Thank you? 500 00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:32,640 Speaker 9: I am I thank you for taking this subject to 501 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:37,480 Speaker 9: America because I believe it is the most universal shame 502 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:41,200 Speaker 9: in people's lives in regards to maintaining happiness. And I 503 00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:44,920 Speaker 9: think it taps into the idea of this tape that 504 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,840 Speaker 9: we all have running in our heads of what's wrong 505 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:51,040 Speaker 9: with me? And it starts as little children disappointing our 506 00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:55,000 Speaker 9: parents through school, not getting good enough grades, through the job, 507 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,880 Speaker 9: I don't make enough money, whatever it is. And when 508 00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:02,160 Speaker 9: people are disappointed in us, it triggers that tape what's 509 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,440 Speaker 9: wrong with me? And I think it opens the door 510 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:08,400 Speaker 9: to our own self loathing when we start asking ourselves 511 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,959 Speaker 9: what's wrong with me? I'm not good? What's wrong with me? 512 00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:12,840 Speaker 3: Right? So you are? 513 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,920 Speaker 2: You're you're explaining or you're offering illustrations of the bad 514 00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,600 Speaker 2: effects of being regarded as a disappointment. 515 00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:24,760 Speaker 9: Absolutely, and I think it taps into even larger issues. 516 00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:26,960 Speaker 9: One of the great doors that I walked through into 517 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:30,040 Speaker 9: my own personal evolution was a conversation I had with 518 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:33,120 Speaker 9: my sister a couple of years ago in regards to 519 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:37,520 Speaker 9: forgiveness and forgiveness of myself for all of the disappointments 520 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:39,720 Speaker 9: that I felt that I wasn't achieving in my life. 521 00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:43,000 Speaker 9: And you know, the perfectionism that we all have. We 522 00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:45,120 Speaker 9: want to be the best, We want to be the best, 523 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,160 Speaker 9: and we're driven in this country to be the best. 524 00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:53,360 Speaker 9: And I think, really, this whole issue of disappointment is 525 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:57,720 Speaker 9: so universal to humanity, and I think it comes from 526 00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:00,920 Speaker 9: that idea of triggering that question what's wrong with me? 527 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:04,360 Speaker 9: If we accept that there's nothing wrong with me? My 528 00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:07,600 Speaker 9: mother loves me exactly the way I am, I love 529 00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,920 Speaker 9: myself exactly the way I am, I think it opens 530 00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:13,720 Speaker 9: the door to immense amounts of joy. 531 00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:14,440 Speaker 3: Right. 532 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:18,480 Speaker 2: The problem is, the problem is, and this is a problem. 533 00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:22,080 Speaker 2: If I am so wonderful the way I am, why 534 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:22,920 Speaker 2: should I improve? 535 00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:25,600 Speaker 3: See that's the other issue. 536 00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:28,880 Speaker 2: But because we do need a certain see, a certain 537 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:33,800 Speaker 2: amount of neurosis is inevitable in life. You know, only 538 00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:38,120 Speaker 2: animals can experience such calm without neurosis. So that's why 539 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:41,240 Speaker 2: this is a difficult subject. In addition, great call back 540 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:41,680 Speaker 2: a moment. 541 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:45,440 Speaker 1: This episode of timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 542 00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:55,120 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom. 543 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:58,520 Speaker 2: All right, everybody, Dennis Prager. Here, the happiness our goes 544 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:00,680 Speaker 2: very fast. At least I feel that way. Help you 545 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:03,520 Speaker 2: do too. Now let me give you an example. I'm 546 00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:04,920 Speaker 2: talking about disappointment. 547 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:05,240 Speaker 3: Now. 548 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,920 Speaker 2: Look I have before me David and Kate, and Richard 549 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,560 Speaker 2: and David and another caller I don't know the name yet, 550 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:14,640 Speaker 2: and Michael. The lines that are filled with people's names. Now, 551 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:16,840 Speaker 2: obviously I can't take all, and I may not even 552 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:19,600 Speaker 2: be able to take one I don't know yet. But 553 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:24,040 Speaker 2: here is a good example of the inevitability of disappointment. 554 00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:27,800 Speaker 2: Anybody who calls obviously waits and hopes to get on 555 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:31,960 Speaker 2: the air. Otherwise you wouldn't call, and you will be 556 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:35,560 Speaker 2: disappointed if you didn't get on. The issue in life 557 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:38,760 Speaker 2: is there are two issues visa v disappointment. At least 558 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:44,640 Speaker 2: one is am I legitimately disappointed? Or is it just 559 00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:49,560 Speaker 2: my narcissism? The other is if I am legitimately disappointed, 560 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:50,320 Speaker 2: what do. 561 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:54,520 Speaker 3: I do with it? And that is where. 562 00:33:56,000 --> 00:34:02,040 Speaker 2: Happiness is so dependent upon philosophy about how you think 563 00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:07,200 Speaker 2: about life. Otherwise we can all become so unhappy all 564 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:10,279 Speaker 2: the time. So if you called in and you have 565 00:34:10,359 --> 00:34:14,600 Speaker 2: been waiting, and my god, take Richard in Denver has 566 00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:17,400 Speaker 2: been waiting for forty five minutes and thirty two seconds. 567 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:22,400 Speaker 2: We have you know, we have the data on here now. 568 00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:26,239 Speaker 2: And Richard says, I've probably disappointed a whole lot more 569 00:34:26,279 --> 00:34:28,480 Speaker 2: than I've been disappointed. Well, here's an example of where 570 00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:29,960 Speaker 2: you may be disappointed, Richard. 571 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:31,000 Speaker 3: Uh. 572 00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:35,760 Speaker 2: Now you know what is Richard to do with this disappointment? 573 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:39,719 Speaker 2: And the only answer for your happiness, I'm talking happiness 574 00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:43,040 Speaker 2: is to say, look, I tried, I didn't get on. 575 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:47,080 Speaker 2: The vast majority of people who called don't get on, 576 00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:48,960 Speaker 2: and it's you know, it's too bad. 577 00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:53,400 Speaker 3: That And is a little tiny example. 578 00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:56,480 Speaker 2: I'm only using it because it is immediate and it 579 00:34:56,520 --> 00:35:00,759 Speaker 2: is at this at this very moment, but all day 580 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:01,360 Speaker 2: it happens. 581 00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,920 Speaker 3: One is disappointed regularly. It's what do you do with it? 582 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:10,120 Speaker 2: As regards people, they do it to us, they disappoint us. 583 00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:14,080 Speaker 2: I disappoint just as many as people disappoint me. There's 584 00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:16,520 Speaker 2: no question about it. It is just that is the 585 00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:21,759 Speaker 2: way of life, and it is something you have to 586 00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:27,359 Speaker 2: work through. Am I a victim of constant disappointment? Well, 587 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:31,000 Speaker 2: it's possible that you are truly a victim. But there's 588 00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:33,400 Speaker 2: a good chance that you are no more a victim 589 00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:37,359 Speaker 2: than anybody else, and that you have disappointed just as 590 00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:41,799 Speaker 2: much as you have been disappointed. And life is a 591 00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:44,799 Speaker 2: series of disappointments, and you rise above it and you 592 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:48,719 Speaker 2: march on, and you know that it is inevitable, or 593 00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:51,279 Speaker 2: as will I just tell you, you will end up friendless, 594 00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:54,959 Speaker 2: you will end up wifeless, you will end up husbandless, 595 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,239 Speaker 2: you will end up alone. And you know what That 596 00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:02,280 Speaker 2: is why so many people prefer pets to people, Because 597 00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:08,279 Speaker 2: your dog never disappoints you, no matter what he or 598 00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:11,720 Speaker 2: she is there to lick you. And that is why 599 00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:15,360 Speaker 2: there is a dangerous preference for animals over people these days, 600 00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:19,560 Speaker 2: because people are so afraid of being disappointed. That's not 601 00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:22,759 Speaker 2: the route to the road to happiness. Stay tuned. This 602 00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:23,640 Speaker 2: is Dennis Prager. 603 00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:28,360 Speaker 1: This has been timeless wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit Dennisprager 604 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:31,920 Speaker 1: dot com for thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, 605 00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:36,600 Speaker 1: and classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles.