1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:03,600 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:08,119 Speaker 2: If you have breath in your lungs, there is something 3 00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:11,120 Speaker 2: you can do to change it. Tomorrow can be different 4 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:13,760 Speaker 2: if you choose it. You change your mind, you change 5 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:16,040 Speaker 2: your life, and it won't be perfect and it will 6 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:18,320 Speaker 2: be messy. Really, do not get in your head that 7 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:21,640 Speaker 2: it is this linear, straightforward right right, because no one 8 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:22,920 Speaker 2: heals in a straight line. 9 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:23,640 Speaker 3: I mean it is. 10 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,040 Speaker 2: It will be all over the place, all the time, 11 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 2: and that's perfectly normal and perfectly natural. 12 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:32,840 Speaker 4: Welcome to Love Life Sober. I'm your host and your coach, 13 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:36,040 Speaker 4: Christy Osborne. This podcast is for the woman who loves 14 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:39,040 Speaker 4: Jesus or is longing to reconnect with him, and who 15 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,120 Speaker 4: knows deep down that alcohol is no longer serving her. 16 00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:45,239 Speaker 4: Here we talk honestly, with grace and truth about how 17 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:49,120 Speaker 4: stepping away from alcohol opens the door to the love, joy, 18 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:53,160 Speaker 4: peace and connection you've been searching for. Because, Babe, those 19 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 4: things were never meant to be found in a bottle 20 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:58,800 Speaker 4: of wine. They're found in Jesus. Through scripture, coaching and 21 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:01,880 Speaker 4: neuroscience will help you make sense of your habits, your 22 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 4: nervous system, and what you're really craving, so that freedom 23 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:08,959 Speaker 4: feels not only possible, but sustainable. You don't have to 24 00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:15,480 Speaker 4: do this alone, Babe, Let's dive in. Hi, my beautiful friend, 25 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:19,280 Speaker 4: Welcome back to the podcast. This week, we're joined by 26 00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:24,000 Speaker 4: Gina Burckmeyer, licensed professional counselor, trauma expert and the author 27 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:28,400 Speaker 4: of Generations Deep. If you've ever found yourself saying while 28 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:32,040 Speaker 4: my mom drank, or my grandfather struggled with alcohol, or 29 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,560 Speaker 4: this just runs in my family, then I really want 30 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:38,400 Speaker 4: you to lean into this episode because what Gina teaches 31 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,520 Speaker 4: us is that while our stories may explain us, they 32 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,679 Speaker 4: do not have to define us. In this conversation, we 33 00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:50,400 Speaker 4: talk about generational trauma, addiction, epigenetics, nervous systems, shame, motherhood, 34 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 4: and what it really means to become a cycle breaker. 35 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,400 Speaker 4: We also talk about the guilt and shame so many 36 00:01:56,440 --> 00:02:00,000 Speaker 4: women carry around drinking, especially as mothers. If you've ever 37 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 4: wondered about what your children may have seen or whether 38 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 4: you may have done too much damage, I believe this 39 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:07,640 Speaker 4: episode is going to really bring you so. 40 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 1: Much hope and community. Gals. 41 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:12,160 Speaker 4: I'm really excited because Gina is going to be stopping 42 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:15,040 Speaker 4: by the Love Life Sober Community this August for a 43 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:19,560 Speaker 4: very special master class on breaking generational patterns inherited dysfunction 44 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:22,040 Speaker 4: and what it looks like to be the cycle breaker 45 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:24,200 Speaker 4: in your family. So keep your eyes peeled for the 46 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 4: details in the community, because this is going to be 47 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 4: a really, really powerful masterclass. Maybe God is inviting you 48 00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:34,160 Speaker 4: to become the woman who says it stops with me. 49 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 4: Not because you're stronger, not because you're more disciplined, but 50 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:42,359 Speaker 4: because with Christ healing as possible. Babe, your family history 51 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,040 Speaker 4: may explain some things, but it does not get the 52 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:48,959 Speaker 4: final word Jesus does. As you listen, I want you 53 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:52,440 Speaker 4: to ask yourself one simple question, what if the cycle 54 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 4: breaker in your family? 55 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:55,880 Speaker 1: Is you all right? 56 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 3: Babe? 57 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,480 Speaker 1: Let's dive in. Oh my friend, how are you? 58 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 3: I am good? How are you? 59 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,720 Speaker 4: I am so glad we get to do this today, 60 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:05,919 Speaker 4: right too? 61 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 3: Me too? 62 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,800 Speaker 4: I am so excited to talk to you again today. 63 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:13,320 Speaker 4: You are just your work is so so important and 64 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 4: it is so relevant to all the women in the 65 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 4: love life sober community. 66 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:18,960 Speaker 1: And for the women that don't know you. 67 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:20,800 Speaker 4: I would just love for you to give a little 68 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:21,800 Speaker 4: bit of your story. 69 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 3: Sure. 70 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:22,760 Speaker 4: So. 71 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,320 Speaker 2: My specialization is in generational trauma, and the reason that 72 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:29,120 Speaker 2: I am on that path is because that's my story. 73 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,519 Speaker 2: My story is being a survivor of false narrative written 74 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:35,000 Speaker 2: the story that was written before I was ever born, 75 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,280 Speaker 2: before I took my first breath. There are a lot 76 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:40,240 Speaker 2: of patterns in my family that repeated generation after generation 77 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 2: because there was no intervention. There was nobody owning the things. 78 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 2: There was nobody taking ownership and saying we need to 79 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:50,200 Speaker 2: do something differently here. That verse in genesis that comes 80 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,880 Speaker 2: back things going out to the third and fourth generation. 81 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 2: That was true in my family, and so there was 82 00:03:55,320 --> 00:04:02,240 Speaker 2: a pervasive pattern of neglect, abandonment, abuse, addiction, that ran, 83 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:06,800 Speaker 2: depression anxiety before they called it depression and anxiety. There 84 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:10,160 Speaker 2: were a lot of things going back even into my 85 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 2: great grandparents, my grandparents, and those things kind of permeated 86 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:18,040 Speaker 2: from generation to generation, even into my own life. 87 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,320 Speaker 3: There was a lot of dysfunction in my home growing up. 88 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 2: About twelve years old is when I took my first drink, 89 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:27,720 Speaker 2: and then very quickly after that started with marijuana and 90 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 2: other experimenting with other drugs. There was a lot of 91 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 2: volatility and toxicity in my home, a lot of dysfunction. 92 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:35,800 Speaker 3: My parents were divorced. 93 00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:40,359 Speaker 2: I'm adopted, but I lived with my adopted parents at 94 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,919 Speaker 2: the time, and my adoption stayed in the family, so 95 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,840 Speaker 2: I knew a lot about my family, but I didn't 96 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:49,919 Speaker 2: know who the players actually were. So my mother was 97 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:53,640 Speaker 2: actually my cousin if you can follow that, which means 98 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,480 Speaker 2: my grandmother was actually my great aunt, and she lived 99 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,159 Speaker 2: in the house with us, and there was just a 100 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:02,120 Speaker 2: lot of dysfunction. Later on, when I learned about different 101 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:07,160 Speaker 2: mental illnesses and personality disorders, I understood a little bit 102 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 2: more about what was going on with my grandmother and 103 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:13,719 Speaker 2: my mom. They definitely had borderline tendencies, and so my 104 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:18,600 Speaker 2: home was very unpredictable. There was a lot of neglect 105 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:22,680 Speaker 2: in terms of just not really focusing on my well 106 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 2: being or paying attention to what was going on with me. 107 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 2: So I pretty quickly started hanging out with a kind 108 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,279 Speaker 2: of a dangerous crowd and older crowd, and really I 109 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:36,479 Speaker 2: watched my family. Every time something was wrong, it was well, 110 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,080 Speaker 2: you know, I need a drink, or my mom would 111 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:40,920 Speaker 2: come home and she would be upset. Her and my 112 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:45,080 Speaker 2: father had a very volatile divorce also, so I was 113 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:49,200 Speaker 2: sort of weaponized. They used me against one another a lot, 114 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,520 Speaker 2: but to cope in general, my mom used prescription drugs 115 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 2: and alcohol. I had an uncle who lived in the 116 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,960 Speaker 2: home her brother. He was also an alcoholic. He had 117 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 2: served in the military, harryet. Nobody talked about it. Nobody 118 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,640 Speaker 2: really talked about anything that was going on with him. 119 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,359 Speaker 2: He was sick a lot, but I think it was 120 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:06,680 Speaker 2: more alcohol related. 121 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:07,760 Speaker 3: And my mom worked a. 122 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,240 Speaker 2: Lot, so I was with him a lot, So I 123 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:11,320 Speaker 2: spent a lot of time with him, and that meant, 124 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,080 Speaker 2: you know, he would take me to the bowling alley 125 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,200 Speaker 2: or to hang out with his friends and things like 126 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,920 Speaker 2: that where everybody was drinking all day long, and so 127 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,600 Speaker 2: that's just kind of that was something that. 128 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,840 Speaker 3: Was a big part of my story. 129 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:25,000 Speaker 2: The first time I was sexually abused was at twelve, 130 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:29,240 Speaker 2: And there is some tie in between all of that, 131 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,840 Speaker 2: this older crowd. It was actually the father of one 132 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:35,520 Speaker 2: of the people in the older crowd, and so that 133 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 2: exacerbated my drinking, my using drugs, things like that, and 134 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 2: then that just kind of escalated from there. There were 135 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 2: some other issues of sexual abuse, exploitation, things like that 136 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,360 Speaker 2: from older men in my life. 137 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:51,400 Speaker 3: I had an uncle who also attempted to assault me. 138 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 2: I was able to stop that, but there were all 139 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,599 Speaker 2: of these things, right, and so they began to form 140 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:01,160 Speaker 2: this narrative within me that was valid by what had 141 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 2: happened to the generations before me, which said not just 142 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 2: about the drinking and the drugs, but about believing what 143 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,880 Speaker 2: my value was, what my work was, and that love 144 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 2: was conditional because my mom was very big on compliance 145 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:19,720 Speaker 2: meant that you loved her and meant you could stay 146 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:21,600 Speaker 2: in her good graces. Right, So I did a lot 147 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:23,440 Speaker 2: of overfunctioning for my mother. 148 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 3: I did. 149 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,040 Speaker 2: I was parentified a lot, I was in charge of 150 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,640 Speaker 2: her emotional well being a lot, and so I was 151 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:32,280 Speaker 2: constantly in this high state of arousal, my nervous system 152 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,680 Speaker 2: always scanning the people in my. 153 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,520 Speaker 3: Life, wondering what was going on with them. 154 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:40,520 Speaker 2: And so that also when I found alcohol and drugs, 155 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 2: I was like, oh wow, okay, Like that was when 156 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 2: I felt like I could breathe because it took my 157 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,720 Speaker 2: nervous system a little bit offline. And then that just 158 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,840 Speaker 2: started a whole pattern of toxic and abusive relationships in 159 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:55,520 Speaker 2: my life and just this domino effect of repeating things 160 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:58,400 Speaker 2: that the generations before me had also done. 161 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,080 Speaker 4: I'm so sorry you went through all of that, and 162 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:04,360 Speaker 4: just the way that you've taking all of the pain 163 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,560 Speaker 4: in trauba that you've gone through and turning around and 164 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:12,440 Speaker 4: making your life's work to help others and to see 165 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 4: this the patterns, to see that it didn't start with you, 166 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 4: but also to see that's not the foregone conclusion of 167 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,920 Speaker 4: what your life has to be either, right, that you 168 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 4: get to. 169 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:24,640 Speaker 1: Make a change. 170 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,240 Speaker 4: And so in the book you talk about that moment 171 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 4: where you knew you had to make a change so 172 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 4: that the generations after you it didn't continue. 173 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:33,320 Speaker 1: And so what was that? 174 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 3: Yeah? 175 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,120 Speaker 2: So I had actually already had children, and I was 176 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,760 Speaker 2: a very ineffectual mother to my daughter. I got pregnant 177 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,600 Speaker 2: when I was very young and just did not was 178 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,439 Speaker 2: not able to mother her. And so she spent a 179 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,280 Speaker 2: lot of her time as a young child with her 180 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 2: grandparents on her dad's side, not on my side. And 181 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,199 Speaker 2: so then when I had my son, there was this 182 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 2: thing that happened where it was like just something has 183 00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 2: to be different. 184 00:08:58,679 --> 00:08:59,679 Speaker 3: That was the beginnings. 185 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,720 Speaker 2: It was this little percolating thing like no, you just 186 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:03,880 Speaker 2: can't do this again, right. 187 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:04,200 Speaker 4: Yeah? 188 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:05,880 Speaker 3: And then also and you. 189 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,760 Speaker 2: Know, like you have this daughter and you have to 190 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:09,560 Speaker 2: figure out what does that look like and how do 191 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 2: you get healthy for her? I knew that I had 192 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,560 Speaker 2: to do that, but I just I was not still 193 00:09:13,559 --> 00:09:15,440 Speaker 2: not equipped, and I also did not have much of 194 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 2: a support system. But something in me knew go to 195 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,920 Speaker 2: church and so and I had tried therapy, and therapy 196 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,280 Speaker 2: worked pretty well, but only up to a certain point, 197 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,520 Speaker 2: and so I had kind of sort of abandoned that 198 00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:27,720 Speaker 2: a little bit. Was very into self help books, did 199 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,800 Speaker 2: a lot of self help books, was trying to understand that, 200 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,960 Speaker 2: found self help books that were rooted in Christ. Started 201 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,959 Speaker 2: doing some of that, and then just when I had 202 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,080 Speaker 2: my son, it was like, go to church, go to church. 203 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,760 Speaker 3: And so I went to church and so it was 204 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:40,800 Speaker 3: a great church with some. 205 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,720 Speaker 2: Really well meaning people, but that did eventually fizzle. 206 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:45,760 Speaker 3: I wasn't able to hold on to it. 207 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,640 Speaker 2: And I think part of that was because I was like, Okay, well, 208 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,960 Speaker 2: I'm a Christian now, so everything should be peacha key, 209 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 2: and I should not have to worry about the trauma 210 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,880 Speaker 2: that I endured or go back and visit any of 211 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,600 Speaker 2: that or work through any of it. It's fine. I'm 212 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,719 Speaker 2: you know, I'm a follower of Christ. He's going to 213 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,240 Speaker 2: fix it, all right. I want her somebody say it's 214 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:04,840 Speaker 2: that unintended manipulation of scripture that can sometimes happen in 215 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:07,800 Speaker 2: the church when you have a dysfunctional background. I can 216 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,559 Speaker 2: do all things through a verse taken out of context. Yes, 217 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:13,439 Speaker 2: I've seen that, and that was really kind of how 218 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 2: I was living my life. And so obviously it didn't work, 219 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,080 Speaker 2: and so I kind of went back to, you know, 220 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,880 Speaker 2: managing my emotions with alcohol and things like that, and 221 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 2: I found myself in another toxic, abusive relationship. And I 222 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:27,200 Speaker 2: came home from work one night, my son was three, 223 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,480 Speaker 2: came home from work, kind of sat down. He had 224 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:33,400 Speaker 2: already been drinking, came home, started drinking. We were talking, 225 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,440 Speaker 2: found out that he was dating other people, that he 226 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:39,839 Speaker 2: was just seeing other people and had no expectation that 227 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,840 Speaker 2: that should bother me, or that I should want him 228 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:44,280 Speaker 2: to stop that or whatever. 229 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,560 Speaker 3: And it was it just turned out into this huge thing. 230 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 2: And I went upstairs and I remember jumping on the 231 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:53,400 Speaker 2: bed on my knees and kind of bouncing with my 232 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,720 Speaker 2: fists in the sky, and I was like, Okay, God, 233 00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:00,240 Speaker 2: either you kill me or you take over my life, 234 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,720 Speaker 2: because I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. 235 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,719 Speaker 2: Either you kill me or you take over my life. 236 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:09,600 Speaker 2: And then the next morning, when I was sober, I 237 00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:12,840 Speaker 2: was back pedaling as fast as I could, right, like, no, 238 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,520 Speaker 2: I don't I actually I don't want to die, and also. 239 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:18,600 Speaker 3: Do not take over my life, Like I don't trust 240 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,560 Speaker 3: you that much. I just don't trust you that much. 241 00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:22,240 Speaker 3: It hasn't been good so far, so I just don't 242 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:26,040 Speaker 3: trust you that much. But in his gracious, gracious goodness, 243 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,320 Speaker 3: he was like, Nope, you said it, I'm doing it. 244 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:32,520 Speaker 2: And he did, and he systematically dismantled the life that 245 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:33,240 Speaker 2: I was living. 246 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:36,160 Speaker 3: And it was painful. It was so painful. 247 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 2: We were even homeless for a time, but there was 248 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:41,400 Speaker 2: God put good people in my life to help me 249 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 2: through that time. And we never spent a night on 250 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:47,000 Speaker 2: the street. We were just homeless. We didn't have a 251 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,800 Speaker 2: place to call our own for a while. And yeah, 252 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,520 Speaker 2: and so he just really brought me down to bare 253 00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:57,080 Speaker 2: bones and started rebuilding me. And that was through he 254 00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 2: led me to other self help books, he led me 255 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,000 Speaker 2: to other therapy, he led me to some healthy churches 256 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:06,120 Speaker 2: and some healthy believers and just started putting. 257 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:08,080 Speaker 3: Me back together that way. And then that was just. 258 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,880 Speaker 2: Kind of the beginning of what then became my journey 259 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 2: to getting my masters in counseling and then moving on 260 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 2: into the generational work because I saw it so much 261 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,040 Speaker 2: in my office, not just in my own life, but 262 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 2: in my office. And that's when I started writing, and 263 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:24,439 Speaker 2: I knew there were so many people that I wanted 264 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 2: to reach that I would never be able to reach 265 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:27,120 Speaker 2: just one person at. 266 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,040 Speaker 3: A time in my office. 267 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:31,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, And so that's when I started publishing a blog, 268 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,920 Speaker 2: and then that moved into working on the book and 269 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:36,560 Speaker 2: things like that, and then which eventually led me to 270 00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 2: do what I'm doing now, which is generation deep groups 271 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,200 Speaker 2: and all the other work that I do with individuals, 272 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,720 Speaker 2: and then also now moving into my doctorate. 273 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,280 Speaker 3: So yeah, that's how I got it. 274 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:47,439 Speaker 1: That's so cool. 275 00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:50,360 Speaker 4: Can you talk a little more about breaking free from 276 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:52,680 Speaker 4: alcohol and what that looked like and what you had 277 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:54,880 Speaker 4: to kind of do to rewire the way that you 278 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 4: thought about it? 279 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:59,200 Speaker 3: Yeah? Sure. So it was really funny because I think 280 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:00,280 Speaker 3: a little bit like. 281 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,720 Speaker 2: What I falsely believed when I found that first church, 282 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,520 Speaker 2: which was Okay, I'm good now, right because I'm Christian. 283 00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:07,800 Speaker 2: Once I sort of have my feet underneath me, and 284 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:11,480 Speaker 2: even into my master's program, if I'm totally honest, I 285 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,720 Speaker 2: was like, well, I can drink. I mean, I'm not 286 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,520 Speaker 2: drinking to change how I feel anymore, So what's the 287 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:16,960 Speaker 2: big deal? 288 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:20,680 Speaker 3: Right? Except I still kind of was right. 289 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,400 Speaker 2: It was like if it was social or if it 290 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:27,280 Speaker 2: was a really rough week, or we even had this 291 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,320 Speaker 2: group that would get together with some professors called the 292 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:33,400 Speaker 2: Schneidhorse Seven, and we would go to this pub and 293 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,439 Speaker 2: sit around and talk about psychology and theology, and there 294 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,200 Speaker 2: was like, as there was not always seven of us, 295 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,280 Speaker 2: seven of us started it. 296 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,200 Speaker 3: That's how I got his name. 297 00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:43,080 Speaker 2: And so we would sit around and we would have 298 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:44,840 Speaker 2: our drinks and we would just talk, you know, and 299 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,040 Speaker 2: it was like, what's wrong with that? There's nothing wrong 300 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,880 Speaker 2: with that, and then not really realizing that there was 301 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,480 Speaker 2: a problem, and then I started to realize I don't 302 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,720 Speaker 2: really feel great after I like the next day. 303 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,319 Speaker 3: But then I was still doing it. 304 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,559 Speaker 2: So if if I don't have a problem with it 305 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,760 Speaker 2: at all, why am I still doing it? 306 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:05,720 Speaker 3: Right? Like what's the point? 307 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:09,680 Speaker 2: And so I think it had to be a switch 308 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:13,200 Speaker 2: that flipped that said, you know, you don't have to 309 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,199 Speaker 2: do this because everybody else is doing it right, and 310 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,960 Speaker 2: it doesn't like you can be a social person without 311 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,760 Speaker 2: this and maybe there is something that you're really not 312 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,920 Speaker 2: looking at. And I think to a certain extent, it 313 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,440 Speaker 2: was still a way that I was dealing with stress. 314 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,720 Speaker 2: It was a way that would sometimes help me go 315 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,440 Speaker 2: to sleep, although not stay asleep. It was a way 316 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:37,880 Speaker 2: that I could kind of relax with my husband, especially 317 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:40,040 Speaker 2: when we had a couple of rough patches over the 318 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 2: years we've been together twenty six years. 319 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 3: But it helped smooth the edges of the rough patches. 320 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:48,880 Speaker 2: And there was a time when if I didn't drink, 321 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:52,480 Speaker 2: he would be like, well, why aren't you drinking? And 322 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:54,920 Speaker 2: our friends and there are family members would be like, 323 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,400 Speaker 2: what's wrong if they saw me without a. 324 00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:58,040 Speaker 3: Drink, you know? 325 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,160 Speaker 2: And then I remember one time, I'm just being It 326 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,960 Speaker 2: was my father in law's seventieth birthday and it was 327 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,880 Speaker 2: a big party. So I had just felt the Lord 328 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:09,680 Speaker 2: saying would you just not drink? Would you just not 329 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:12,840 Speaker 2: drink for like six months? And I remember that we 330 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:15,480 Speaker 2: had a party bus, and I remember that night being 331 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:20,680 Speaker 2: so difficult because and I would say part of it 332 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,640 Speaker 2: was because I felt like a fish a little bit 333 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,800 Speaker 2: out of water because everybody else was drinking, and I 334 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:30,640 Speaker 2: watched that slow, subtle smoothing of the edges the more 335 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:31,760 Speaker 2: they drank over the night. 336 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,000 Speaker 3: But I actually saw it. 337 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:38,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, but also because all night long, people were coming 338 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,200 Speaker 2: up to me saying, what's wrong, Why aren't you drinking? 339 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,560 Speaker 3: What's wrong? Why aren't you drinking? 340 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,880 Speaker 2: And I was like, I was so close to think, 341 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,480 Speaker 2: you know what, I'm just going to get one because 342 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:47,360 Speaker 2: I just can't even I don't want to answer this 343 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,560 Speaker 2: question anymore. And then one of my father in law's 344 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,800 Speaker 2: friends came up and said it was I guess the 345 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:55,560 Speaker 2: tipping point, and he just he was like, what's going on. 346 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,720 Speaker 2: Why aren't you drinking? And I said because God asked 347 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:01,640 Speaker 2: me not to. I love it and he was like 348 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:06,520 Speaker 2: what that sort of shut it down, but yeah, and 349 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,200 Speaker 2: I would say I kind of went in and out 350 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:12,000 Speaker 2: of it for a while. Truthfully, I love the taste 351 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,600 Speaker 2: of wine, and you know it's my I joke that 352 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 2: it's my Italian blood, you know, I think it was 353 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,800 Speaker 2: in my veins when I was born. I was also rationalizing, well, 354 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,120 Speaker 2: I love the taste of it, though, like it's the taste, 355 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:23,040 Speaker 2: It's just the taste. 356 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:24,480 Speaker 3: And then I got to. 357 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:27,120 Speaker 2: The point where I was like, no, there's I just 358 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:30,840 Speaker 2: don't feel good. There's no amount that does nothing to me, right, Like, 359 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:32,480 Speaker 2: I just don't feel good when I do this. 360 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 3: And so if you don't feel good, Gina, why are 361 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:35,800 Speaker 3: you doing it? 362 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,000 Speaker 2: And so then that led me to really looking at 363 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:42,520 Speaker 2: better ways to just manage life in general, because I 364 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 2: will tell you it doesn't just disrupt your sleep, like 365 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:49,160 Speaker 2: I said, it puts some blinders on, yeah, for sure, 366 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,080 Speaker 2: like there's things you can't see even when you're not 367 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 2: drinking to get drunk. It still has an impact. And 368 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:59,520 Speaker 2: now we know it affects our hormones. We know that 369 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:03,280 Speaker 2: it's precursor to cancer cell growth. We know that it's 370 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 2: smoothed the rough the rough bumps in the brain, which 371 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,920 Speaker 2: we don't want smooth brains. We know that it reduces 372 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,800 Speaker 2: the gray matter in the brain. And so at some 373 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,200 Speaker 2: point you just say, like it's it's just not worth it. 374 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,920 Speaker 2: It's just I'm worth not drinking and I'm better when 375 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:20,440 Speaker 2: I don't. 376 00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:23,919 Speaker 1: Yes, one hundred percent, one hundred percent. 377 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 4: We'll be back right after a quick word from our sponsors. Hey, babe, 378 00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:32,199 Speaker 4: I just wanted to pause us for one second to 379 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:36,720 Speaker 4: remind you that this September we are gathering in Holland, 380 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 4: Michigan for the Aligned Conference. 381 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:40,400 Speaker 1: This is going to. 382 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:46,879 Speaker 4: Be the first ever Christian women's alcohol free conference, and 383 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,560 Speaker 4: I am so excited to be partnering with my friend 384 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,879 Speaker 4: Sherry Hoppin of Sala House Recovery. If you've ever wished 385 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:57,320 Speaker 4: there was a place where you could talk openly about 386 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:01,240 Speaker 4: freedom from alcohol, growing closer to Jesus, and building genuine 387 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:04,679 Speaker 4: friendships with women who understand the journey, then this is 388 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:11,159 Speaker 4: your opportunity. We're bringing together incredible speakers, meaningful conversations, worship, prayer, 389 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:14,840 Speaker 4: practical tools, and plenty of opportunities to connect with women 390 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:18,440 Speaker 4: who are pursuing freedom and living aligned with God's best 391 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,000 Speaker 4: for their lives. One of the things I'm most excited 392 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,120 Speaker 4: about is that so many women from the Love Life 393 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:26,359 Speaker 4: Sober community are already coming. If you've ever wanted to 394 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,879 Speaker 4: meet some of those amazing women in real life and 395 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:32,560 Speaker 4: get an in person hug and spend a few days 396 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 4: just hanging out with women who are alcohol free or sober, 397 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:41,520 Speaker 4: curious and love Jesus, then this is your chance. It 398 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:45,200 Speaker 4: doesn't matter how long you've been free from alcohol, if 399 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,520 Speaker 4: you are just at the beginning of this journey or 400 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,440 Speaker 4: years in. We don't mind. We just want to get 401 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,160 Speaker 4: in a room with you, and we are so so excited. 402 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:56,800 Speaker 4: All of the details and the ticket information is all 403 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:59,399 Speaker 4: at the link in the show notes. I am so 404 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:04,119 Speaker 4: I'm so excited to get to hug some of you 405 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:08,560 Speaker 4: beautiful women in person this September. Okay, let's get back 406 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:10,880 Speaker 4: to today's EP. I would love to talk a little 407 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,600 Speaker 4: bit about how this kind of intersects with your work, 408 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:17,439 Speaker 4: because I get clients all the time who say, well, 409 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,920 Speaker 4: my grandfather was an alcoholic and so is my mom 410 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,800 Speaker 4: an et cetera, et cetera. Tell us why that matters, 411 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:29,160 Speaker 4: but also why the buck doesn't stop with a generational 412 00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:29,960 Speaker 4: curse like that. 413 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:35,040 Speaker 2: Sure, sure, so it does matter because it's called a 414 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:39,000 Speaker 2: pre existing genetic vulnerability. And so you know that you 415 00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:42,800 Speaker 2: have the genes. Okay, so we know that that is there. 416 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:46,280 Speaker 2: It's within your DNA makeup. You have the genes to 417 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,840 Speaker 2: become addicted to a substance. But what we now know 418 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:55,240 Speaker 2: is that what really matters is the epigenetic influence. Epigenetics 419 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,159 Speaker 2: is what determines whether that gene, whether that switch is 420 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:01,040 Speaker 2: going to be flipped or not flipped. And so when 421 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:04,520 Speaker 2: we talk about epigenetic influencers. We're talking about our level 422 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:09,720 Speaker 2: of support, our nutrition, our sleep, our mental health, our relationships. 423 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:13,440 Speaker 2: All of those things are epigenetic influencers, or you might 424 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:17,920 Speaker 2: even say environmental influencers that have some power within our 425 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:22,600 Speaker 2: epigenetic makeup to decide what genes are actually going to 426 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,720 Speaker 2: be expressed and what genes are going to be repressed. 427 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,359 Speaker 2: So sometimes you might have somebody who and this is 428 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:32,120 Speaker 2: where it gets tricky because yes, we're talking about alcohol 429 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:35,720 Speaker 2: and drugs and substances, but recognize that it might manifest 430 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:39,080 Speaker 2: as some other type of addiction. It could be performance, 431 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,440 Speaker 2: it could be working out, It could be food based, 432 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,920 Speaker 2: it could be gambling, it could be so many things. Right, 433 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 2: it really is about that influence, that ability to transform 434 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,920 Speaker 2: everything that is around us, that is influencing us, so 435 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,760 Speaker 2: that we cultivate our life that does not invite that 436 00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 2: genetic rushing to happen. We cultivate a life that represses 437 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:07,560 Speaker 2: that genetic expression and allows us to make a different choice, 438 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,440 Speaker 2: and then by living out of that choice, we form 439 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:15,080 Speaker 2: neural pathways and habits and behaviors that solidify those things 440 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,440 Speaker 2: that allow us to then live that new life. 441 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:19,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, so the knowledge of that. 442 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:21,560 Speaker 4: What you're saying, right, is that it can be really 443 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,920 Speaker 4: empowering to know this, so that you can know exactly 444 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:27,760 Speaker 4: what you can tweak and change and what you can 445 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,200 Speaker 4: be intentional about. 446 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,760 Speaker 2: Yes, Because so what's interesting about that is so when 447 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,679 Speaker 2: I was doing my book, I did an interview with 448 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,840 Speaker 2: doctor Isabel Mansway, who's the head of epigenetic research at 449 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,480 Speaker 2: the University of Zurich in Switzerland, and she and I 450 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,480 Speaker 2: were talking. One of the coolest things that she said 451 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:46,439 Speaker 2: to me was which also gave us a really unexpected 452 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:49,760 Speaker 2: cool Jesus moment because she's not a believer, but it 453 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,520 Speaker 2: was really cool to be able to say she's talking 454 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:56,560 Speaker 2: and she says, so, without intervention, these patterns will continue 455 00:21:56,560 --> 00:22:00,360 Speaker 2: to manifest to the third and fourth generation. And I said, 456 00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:03,320 Speaker 2: wait a second, can you say that again? And so 457 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,800 Speaker 2: she said it again and I said, Isabelle, do you 458 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,760 Speaker 2: know that there is a scripture that says the sins 459 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,680 Speaker 2: of the father are visited to the third and fourth 460 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,720 Speaker 2: generation and what that is? And I used to hate 461 00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:17,199 Speaker 2: that verse because it felt like, oh my gosh, this 462 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:21,080 Speaker 2: punitive God that wants to crack a whip at this generation, 463 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:24,200 Speaker 2: that four generations out is going to feel what's that about? 464 00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 2: But then as I did my healing and I learned 465 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,919 Speaker 2: more and I kind of got healthier, and I started 466 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:33,120 Speaker 2: learning about epigenetics and all of those things, I recognized 467 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 2: what that verse is saying is if you don't address this, 468 00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:41,680 Speaker 2: you are passing on things that then your kids are 469 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,159 Speaker 2: going to have to deal with, because if we are 470 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:47,080 Speaker 2: able to change it before we have kids, then it 471 00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:50,119 Speaker 2: will change the genetic expression of our kids. 472 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,920 Speaker 4: So powerful, it is so so powerful. Oh my gosh, 473 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:54,960 Speaker 4: I love that you have that moment with her, and I. 474 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:57,719 Speaker 2: Was so well, yeah, I was so unexpected, but it 475 00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:58,359 Speaker 2: was so fun. 476 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 3: She was so quiet for a few se like what 477 00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:04,320 Speaker 3: that's in the Bible? Oh my gods, that is in 478 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:04,840 Speaker 3: the Bible. 479 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,639 Speaker 4: And not only can it does it end up affecting 480 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:11,080 Speaker 4: the generations that come after us, right, but our choices 481 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,520 Speaker 4: end up affecting I think of Lee's to patient rule 482 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:18,359 Speaker 4: like everybody around us, and when people see us making 483 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:21,000 Speaker 4: different choices, then maybe you have less people at the 484 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,240 Speaker 4: barbecue or the seventieth birthday party asking you why you 485 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,879 Speaker 4: aren't drinking, which I think we're seeing right now, at 486 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:29,800 Speaker 4: least in the sober verse. Is less and less people 487 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,640 Speaker 4: drinking because of the information that you gave about how 488 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,600 Speaker 4: it affects our health. We'll be back right after a 489 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,800 Speaker 4: quick word from our sponsors. I want to ask a 490 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:44,399 Speaker 4: question about having you encourage the women in the community 491 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:48,119 Speaker 4: who are in this place of shame because they have 492 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,760 Speaker 4: been drinking, their kids have seen them drinking. Now they're 493 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,600 Speaker 4: on a journey to stop or do a forty day 494 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:57,560 Speaker 4: fast with us, and there again is all this shame 495 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,560 Speaker 4: because of what their children have seen. And so how 496 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,880 Speaker 4: would you encourage that woman? And maybe what we can 497 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:07,480 Speaker 4: do is encourage the gal who has younger kids. But 498 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,040 Speaker 4: then also I've heard from from gals who are now 499 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,640 Speaker 4: empty nesters whose kids have gone and those kids saw 500 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,440 Speaker 4: the gambit right like, very much like you did growing up. 501 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:18,640 Speaker 4: How do we encourage these moms? 502 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,600 Speaker 2: So I get it because I've been there and I 503 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:22,639 Speaker 2: really understand that. 504 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,560 Speaker 3: So I would say a couple of things. 505 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:29,000 Speaker 2: Shame is one of the most effective tools the enemy 506 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,959 Speaker 2: will use, and shame will feed our addiction. 507 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:35,600 Speaker 3: Shame will feed the narrative that feeds the addiction. 508 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:39,160 Speaker 2: So when we find ourselves in a place of shame, 509 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,000 Speaker 2: we want to take that to the Lord and we 510 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,040 Speaker 2: want to take it to someone else. 511 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:45,000 Speaker 3: We're created for a relationship. 512 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:49,000 Speaker 2: We are designed in the image of a relational God, father, son, spirit. 513 00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:51,800 Speaker 2: It stands to reason. It says it in Genesis. It 514 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:53,800 Speaker 2: is not good for man to be alone. That's not 515 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:55,600 Speaker 2: just about a man and a woman being married. That 516 00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:59,400 Speaker 2: is about our created nature of connectedness. Right, So take 517 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,080 Speaker 2: it to God, take it to another person. I would 518 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:06,240 Speaker 2: also say that as they continue to change, their eyes 519 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,359 Speaker 2: are going to be open to the ways perhaps that 520 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:12,640 Speaker 2: it has impacted the family, or their kids, or their spouse. 521 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:17,359 Speaker 2: And that's an opportunity for repairing a rupture, which is 522 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,560 Speaker 2: a beautiful thing. So I would encourage them not to 523 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:24,000 Speaker 2: hide it. I would encourage them to have the honest conversations, 524 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,960 Speaker 2: get some help if they need it. But be very 525 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,520 Speaker 2: careful of the narrative you are feeding yourself in those moments, 526 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:34,760 Speaker 2: because that narrative is going to either strengthen you towards 527 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:38,159 Speaker 2: relapsing or going back to drinking, or staying in drinking, 528 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:41,200 Speaker 2: or it's going to propel you into that sober life 529 00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,919 Speaker 2: that you want. So be very mindful of the narrative 530 00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,560 Speaker 2: that you are telling yourself. Allow God to help you 531 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:50,560 Speaker 2: rewrite that and pay attention to the things that you 532 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,840 Speaker 2: trip over consistently and figure out how do I then 533 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,240 Speaker 2: take those out of my path? Do I need some 534 00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:59,320 Speaker 2: help to do that? So that's the ones with the 535 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:03,040 Speaker 2: little ones. And then the other thing I would say 536 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:06,240 Speaker 2: is when the kids are older and you're an empty 537 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,800 Speaker 2: nester and you're getting sober and you're recognizing the way 538 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,639 Speaker 2: that this has impacted your family, all the things that 539 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:17,000 Speaker 2: I just said are still true, especially the part about 540 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:21,119 Speaker 2: repairing rupture. And this is where I would encourage somebody 541 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,720 Speaker 2: again to get some help so they aren't swept away 542 00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:26,399 Speaker 2: by a shame spiral. This is a really great place 543 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,480 Speaker 2: to get some help a sober coach. If you have 544 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,360 Speaker 2: a big trauma story and that fed into your drinking, 545 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:35,200 Speaker 2: you get some help, get some help with them, get 546 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:38,080 Speaker 2: some help with understanding it, get some help with recognizing 547 00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:41,360 Speaker 2: how it becomes a trigger when you drink. It's never 548 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:46,000 Speaker 2: about the thing that happened right before that right it's 549 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,479 Speaker 2: that pre existing vulnerability that set you up somewhere in 550 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,639 Speaker 2: the last twenty four hours, thirty six hours, forty eight hours. 551 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,680 Speaker 2: It's never about the thing that's been right before. So 552 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,760 Speaker 2: Beth can be a place where you can look at, oh, 553 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,440 Speaker 2: that was a trigger and I didn't see it right, 554 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,200 Speaker 2: so and you might get need to get some help 555 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,639 Speaker 2: with that, and there is no shame in that. And 556 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,760 Speaker 2: I'm also going to say this, it is really important 557 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:12,240 Speaker 2: to make those repairs where you are able to make them, 558 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,439 Speaker 2: allow yourself the space to grieve what you need to grieve, 559 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,399 Speaker 2: and your kiddos to grieve what they need to grieve, 560 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,960 Speaker 2: and to be honest with you about how they have 561 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:25,479 Speaker 2: been impacted by what has happened. But also and I 562 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,080 Speaker 2: just wrote an article about it this week called when 563 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:31,119 Speaker 2: loving when helping them is harming you. There is this 564 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:35,280 Speaker 2: space that happens now, and I think it's relatively prevalent, 565 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:40,320 Speaker 2: especially in social media, where any issues that adult kids have, 566 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:44,000 Speaker 2: it's the parent's problem, it's the parent's fault. And then 567 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:48,280 Speaker 2: it's into this place where we find ourselves hurting ourselves 568 00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:51,280 Speaker 2: because we're doing everything we can to try to fix 569 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:55,320 Speaker 2: our adult children and we cannot do that. 570 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:57,200 Speaker 3: So pay attention to. 571 00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:01,360 Speaker 2: How are you trying to do that, because that you're 572 00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:04,280 Speaker 2: going to lose yourself in that and it will not 573 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,119 Speaker 2: be effective, and if anything, they're going to resent you. 574 00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:09,199 Speaker 2: If for trying to do it and recognize that just 575 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,760 Speaker 2: like we have to make the decision to be the 576 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:15,439 Speaker 2: cycle breaker, our kiddos have to make that decision for 577 00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:16,520 Speaker 2: themselves as well. 578 00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,320 Speaker 3: We cannot do that for them. They have to do 579 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:19,879 Speaker 3: that work. 580 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,720 Speaker 2: It's our responsibility to do our work, make the repair, 581 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,359 Speaker 2: make sure that we have something positive we can give 582 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:28,160 Speaker 2: to our kiddos to be an effective part of their 583 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,840 Speaker 2: lives and our grandkids' lives and whatever that looks like. 584 00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:35,160 Speaker 2: But be careful what you take responsibility for. You can 585 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,120 Speaker 2: be maybe the pair of hands on the other side 586 00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:39,680 Speaker 2: of the rock helping them hold it, but you can't 587 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:41,880 Speaker 2: pick that voulder up and carry it away for them. 588 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 2: They have to take care of that for themselves. Yeah, 589 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:48,320 Speaker 2: I love that so much. That's such beautiful encouragement and 590 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:52,280 Speaker 2: also just I think it helps to the knowledge that 591 00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:54,880 Speaker 2: not only can we not make the choices for them, 592 00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:56,840 Speaker 2: but also that God loves them more than we do, 593 00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,720 Speaker 2: and that He's playing a huge role in their lives too, 594 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:05,240 Speaker 2: And that's helpful. Anytime I just get worried about my teenagers, 595 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,560 Speaker 2: and I will tell you I've walked that road. Christy 596 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:10,600 Speaker 2: might so our oldest So we have six kids. We 597 00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:13,880 Speaker 2: have one daughter, five sons. Our oldest is thirty seven 598 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,000 Speaker 2: and our youngest is thirty. While we're a blended family, 599 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,480 Speaker 2: we've been together twenty six years, so everybody kind of 600 00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:22,600 Speaker 2: saw everything because we for the most part, had everybody 601 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 2: at our house most of the time. And so there's 602 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,520 Speaker 2: that piece of it right where I have had to 603 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:31,840 Speaker 2: go back and say not just about the drinking, but 604 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:36,920 Speaker 2: even about how the patterns of dysfunction manifested and showed 605 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:40,280 Speaker 2: up in my parenting and my inability to do things 606 00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:42,120 Speaker 2: the way that I would do them knowing what I 607 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,520 Speaker 2: know now right or knowing what I've known for the 608 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:48,240 Speaker 2: past ten years or twenty years, and so like having 609 00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:51,600 Speaker 2: to go back and also give them permission, which I 610 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:55,120 Speaker 2: would encourage the listeners to do if it's if it's 611 00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:58,680 Speaker 2: insofar as that it is safe to do, allow your kids, 612 00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:01,920 Speaker 2: let them know the door is open. They get to 613 00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:05,239 Speaker 2: come to you and say, hey, I'm realizing that this 614 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:07,760 Speaker 2: thing that happened when I was a kid, it really 615 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,040 Speaker 2: kind of messed me up, or it really hurt me, 616 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,040 Speaker 2: or it really caused me to doubt myself, or it 617 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:16,440 Speaker 2: scared me, or whatever it is, and just listen, don't justify, 618 00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:21,080 Speaker 2: don't minimize, don't rationalize, just listen and apologize, make a repair. 619 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:23,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, it goes back to what you're saying about not 620 00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:27,160 Speaker 4: having the narrative be so like held onto as you 621 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:30,560 Speaker 4: go into those conversations, right, just be able to listen. 622 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:33,760 Speaker 4: I also think it gives us a beautiful opportunity to 623 00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:37,280 Speaker 4: to show our kids that we struggle with things and 624 00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:39,880 Speaker 4: that we can do hard things with the help of Christ, 625 00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:43,600 Speaker 4: that we can overcome. I mean, as far as alcohol goes, 626 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:47,000 Speaker 4: I can have the conversation with my teenagers of if 627 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:49,360 Speaker 4: you're gonna make that choice, these are all the reasons 628 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:51,720 Speaker 4: you probably shouldn't, but like, why are you making it? 629 00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:54,000 Speaker 4: Are you trying to change your emotional state? Are you 630 00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:57,920 Speaker 4: trying to fit in? Mom went through it, I get it. 631 00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:00,800 Speaker 4: It's highly addictive. But also so you can talk to 632 00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:03,960 Speaker 4: me about this, and it gives us the opportunity to 633 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,640 Speaker 4: show them that you can get stuck with it, right, 634 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:09,080 Speaker 4: and but that you can get unstuck with it too. 635 00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:11,120 Speaker 4: And so that's one of the things I always say 636 00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:13,160 Speaker 4: to the galas in the community is they get to 637 00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,240 Speaker 4: watch you do something really hard and cling to Jesus. 638 00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:18,760 Speaker 4: While you're doing it. And isn't that a cool thing 639 00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:21,960 Speaker 4: for them to see that we're not perfect by any stretch? 640 00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:26,000 Speaker 2: Right? A cool thing? Such a cool thing. Yes, and 641 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,280 Speaker 2: taking that power. You know earlier you said generational curse. 642 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:34,040 Speaker 2: And there's a line in a movie that says curses 643 00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:37,600 Speaker 2: don't end, they're broken. So this isn't about waiting for 644 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:39,880 Speaker 2: something to end or fizzle out. This is about you 645 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:43,000 Speaker 2: taking the power that God has given you to make 646 00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:46,600 Speaker 2: different choices and to break the cycle. 647 00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:49,040 Speaker 4: What would you say to the woman that's listening to 648 00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:52,760 Speaker 4: right now and is thinking, yeah, that's fine, but my 649 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,920 Speaker 4: path has been too hard, or I've had too much trauma, 650 00:31:56,200 --> 00:32:00,000 Speaker 4: or my story is just so awful that there's no 651 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:01,000 Speaker 4: way it could stop with me. 652 00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:05,200 Speaker 2: I would say to them to tell the enemy to 653 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:08,719 Speaker 2: sit down and shut up, because that is condemnation and 654 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:12,120 Speaker 2: that is not from God. Yeah, and if you have 655 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,600 Speaker 2: breath in your lungs, there is something you can do 656 00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:18,640 Speaker 2: to change it. Tomorrow can be different if you choose it. 657 00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,960 Speaker 2: Like our friend lisays, right, you can start today, right, 658 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,920 Speaker 2: you change your mind, you change your life, and it 659 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:27,440 Speaker 2: won't be perfect, and it will be messy, and it 660 00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:30,640 Speaker 2: won't be this linear, and really, do not get in 661 00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:33,240 Speaker 2: your head that it is this linear, straightforward right right, 662 00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:35,640 Speaker 2: because no one heals in a straight line. 663 00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:36,400 Speaker 3: I mean it is. 664 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:38,760 Speaker 2: It will be all over the place all the time, 665 00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:42,960 Speaker 2: and that's perfectly normal and perfectly natural. Again to that person, 666 00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:45,800 Speaker 2: don't do it alone. It's possible that you have. So 667 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,840 Speaker 2: you've rehearsed that so much in your mind that it's 668 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:50,760 Speaker 2: too much. I've gone through too much. Too much has 669 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,920 Speaker 2: happened to me, I've done too much that you're now 670 00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:57,280 Speaker 2: just a self fulfilling prophecy. Right, So it begins by 671 00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:02,160 Speaker 2: changing that narrative and putting people around you who will 672 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,640 Speaker 2: help you believe something that is true rather than that 673 00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,960 Speaker 2: false narrative. What are the promises that God has for you? 674 00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:13,120 Speaker 2: Go find a recovery Bible. Those are amazing for this walk. 675 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,600 Speaker 2: Find people in that are in recovery that you can 676 00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:21,200 Speaker 2: come alongside of. You, Get a professional who understands a 677 00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:25,200 Speaker 2: biblical worldview and is trauma informed. It's like saying that 678 00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:29,840 Speaker 2: you're unredeemable, and there is no one who is unredeemable. 679 00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:31,800 Speaker 3: I mean that not in the eyes of God. 680 00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:35,200 Speaker 2: If God can say there are none that are unredeemable. 681 00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:38,760 Speaker 2: If Jesus says that he came for all right, to 682 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:42,320 Speaker 2: redeem all, to save all, to love all, are you 683 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:46,640 Speaker 2: part of all right? Like, so claiming some of those 684 00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:49,240 Speaker 2: things for yourself and getting the help to do it. 685 00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:51,160 Speaker 4: I just think of the gal and there are a 686 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:53,560 Speaker 4: few of them that are just popping into my head 687 00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:56,640 Speaker 4: right now that that you know, still do feel like 688 00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:00,720 Speaker 4: those promises are for everybody else. And so just heed 689 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:03,400 Speaker 4: what Gina is saying and keep working on this because 690 00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:05,920 Speaker 4: it's not linear. And get in a community and it 691 00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,480 Speaker 4: can be the love life sober community, or can be 692 00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:11,480 Speaker 4: another one. But if you surround yourself with people that 693 00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:15,920 Speaker 4: have been walking this similar path, you'll see that it's 694 00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:18,560 Speaker 4: that it is work, but that God is so good 695 00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:20,880 Speaker 4: and that he shows up and his timing is so 696 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:24,880 Speaker 4: perfect too, right Like he teaches us all these things. 697 00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:27,600 Speaker 4: I always say, it's actually not about alcohol, right Like, 698 00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:31,799 Speaker 4: it's about so many other things, and he pulls all 699 00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:34,960 Speaker 4: that out. I think on an alcohol free exodus in 700 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:39,240 Speaker 4: a way that is really gentle and in a time 701 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:41,520 Speaker 4: that we can handle it, you know. I just I 702 00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:44,359 Speaker 4: think about my own story and I'm like six years 703 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:47,040 Speaker 4: alcohol free this week and I went through a really 704 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:49,640 Speaker 4: hard this last kind of year if you measure it 705 00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:53,080 Speaker 4: like alcohol free Day to Alpochol free Anniversary Day. But 706 00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:55,440 Speaker 4: I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so glad that I 707 00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,080 Speaker 4: had all those tools that I learned in year four 708 00:34:58,120 --> 00:34:58,520 Speaker 4: and five. 709 00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:00,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, to give you. 710 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:01,960 Speaker 1: Those hard things in year six. 711 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:02,880 Speaker 3: Yeah. 712 00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,799 Speaker 2: And I appreciate what you just said because, first of all, 713 00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:07,319 Speaker 2: let me just say I was one of those people 714 00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,160 Speaker 2: who believe the promises were for everybody else. 715 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:10,239 Speaker 3: So I get that. 716 00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,000 Speaker 2: I get the person who's saying that we don't have 717 00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:16,120 Speaker 2: to believe every thought that comes into our head. So 718 00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,080 Speaker 2: sooose choose not to believe that one because it isn't true. 719 00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:21,200 Speaker 2: But also I love what you said about the things 720 00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:23,120 Speaker 2: you learned in year four and five that you would 721 00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:24,120 Speaker 2: need in year six. 722 00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:24,399 Speaker 3: Right. 723 00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:26,719 Speaker 2: It's kind of like the muscles in our body. We 724 00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:28,560 Speaker 2: don't wait until we need them to go to the 725 00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:32,399 Speaker 2: gym and work them out, right, Like we do those 726 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:35,760 Speaker 2: things so that when the time comes, we are prepared 727 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,960 Speaker 2: and ready for it. And so I think that you 728 00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,680 Speaker 2: think about the life for your listeners, for your community, 729 00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:45,320 Speaker 2: think about the life you want to live, that healthy 730 00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:47,600 Speaker 2: life you want to live, believe that that is what 731 00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,520 Speaker 2: God has for you because it is, And then what 732 00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:52,919 Speaker 2: might it look like to design the path to get 733 00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:54,360 Speaker 2: there step by step? 734 00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:56,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so so good. 735 00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:58,879 Speaker 4: And one last question because I heard you talk about 736 00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:00,880 Speaker 4: this on Lee's podcast and I thought it was so 737 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,080 Speaker 4: cool when we're talking about we talk a lot in 738 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:06,839 Speaker 4: the community about numbing hard emotions, right and not growing 739 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:09,280 Speaker 4: up not having the tools to deal with hard emotions. 740 00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:14,799 Speaker 4: Talk about emotions as children where you want them, because 741 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:18,040 Speaker 4: I thought that was like the best analogy ever. And also, 742 00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:21,480 Speaker 4: can you give a little encouragement for the woman who 743 00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:23,440 Speaker 4: is sitting with a really hard emotion today? 744 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:25,160 Speaker 1: What can she do instead of numb? 745 00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:28,719 Speaker 2: So and I have to say, like, this is kind 746 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:30,920 Speaker 2: of taken from somebody else. I heard it somewhere and 747 00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:32,759 Speaker 2: I wish I could remember where, And then I kind 748 00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:34,839 Speaker 2: of tweaked it because I thought it was cute. So 749 00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:37,560 Speaker 2: I'm a grandma and this makes me giggle every time 750 00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:40,839 Speaker 2: I say it. Emotions are like toddlers, right. We do 751 00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,640 Speaker 2: not put the toddler in the driver's seat. We don't 752 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:45,680 Speaker 2: let them drive the car. That's not what we do. 753 00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:48,360 Speaker 2: But we also don't lock them in the trunk, because 754 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,279 Speaker 2: that is not a safe thing to do either. No, 755 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,400 Speaker 2: we want them in their little rocket seat in the 756 00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:54,759 Speaker 2: back where we can see them, we can hear them, 757 00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:56,640 Speaker 2: we can pay attention to them, but they are not 758 00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,959 Speaker 2: in control. They are where they belong, and we can 759 00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:03,000 Speaker 2: then be in control ourselves. And so that's how we 760 00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:05,120 Speaker 2: want to remember to treat our emotions. They don't get 761 00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:07,160 Speaker 2: to be the boss of us. And then to the 762 00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:10,480 Speaker 2: woman who's sitting with a really hard emotion, first of all, 763 00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:13,240 Speaker 2: I want to cheer you on because you are sitting 764 00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:15,959 Speaker 2: with it. Okay, you're sitting with it. Hear me say 765 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,920 Speaker 2: that that is the work. The work is sitting with it. 766 00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:21,799 Speaker 2: Now you can journal, there are other things that you 767 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,120 Speaker 2: can learn to do. Of course, take it to the 768 00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:27,320 Speaker 2: Lord in prayer. But as you're sitting with that hard emotion, 769 00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,040 Speaker 2: what are some other things that you know that are true? 770 00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,239 Speaker 3: What we want to do is, you know, pain is. 771 00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:35,040 Speaker 2: Unavoidable, but I do think that in many cases suffering 772 00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:39,560 Speaker 2: is optional. And so we build that suffering in ourselves 773 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,520 Speaker 2: right by ruminating on the thing that is painful, and 774 00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:45,879 Speaker 2: that's where the suffering comes from. So name the thing 775 00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:49,480 Speaker 2: we name entertainment, Name the herd Emotion Journal about it. 776 00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,719 Speaker 2: Do whatever you need to do to externalize it, and 777 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:54,160 Speaker 2: then what is the thing that you would like to 778 00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:56,080 Speaker 2: put in its place? Let the Lord help you with that, 779 00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:58,799 Speaker 2: Let your community help you with that. Again, get some 780 00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:02,080 Speaker 2: professional help if that's you need. But sit in it 781 00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:05,160 Speaker 2: in a way that processes through, don't sit in it 782 00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:06,600 Speaker 2: in a way that reinforces it. 783 00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:10,800 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's so helpful. Thank you so much. My friend, 784 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:13,560 Speaker 4: Tell everybody about the book and I will link it 785 00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:15,560 Speaker 4: all in the show notes and then where they can 786 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:18,640 Speaker 4: find you and about your substack and all the good things. 787 00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:20,080 Speaker 3: Sure. Yeah. 788 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:23,560 Speaker 2: So the book is Generations Deep, Unmasking inherited dysfunction and 789 00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:26,360 Speaker 2: trauma to rewrite our stories through faith and therapy. And 790 00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:28,279 Speaker 2: the title really does say it all. The book is 791 00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:31,680 Speaker 2: very interactive. There are questions. I've written it in first person, 792 00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:33,360 Speaker 2: so it kind of feels like I'm sitting there with you, 793 00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:36,319 Speaker 2: and it is both my personal and professional journey with 794 00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:39,799 Speaker 2: the faith, the science, the epigenetics. There's also some things 795 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:43,200 Speaker 2: in there about therapy. It's a resource. It's meant to 796 00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,719 Speaker 2: be a resource, not just a book to read. There's 797 00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:48,320 Speaker 2: also a journal that goes with it that really helps 798 00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:51,440 Speaker 2: you sort of apply what you're learning in the book. 799 00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,279 Speaker 2: And then there's also generations deep groups that we do. 800 00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:57,319 Speaker 2: They are small personal groups. People can be a part 801 00:38:57,360 --> 00:38:59,880 Speaker 2: of those. And then if people are looking for me, 802 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,520 Speaker 2: they can find me at Ginaburkmeyer dot com. They can 803 00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:05,840 Speaker 2: find me on Instagram at my out Loud Voice, and 804 00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:08,680 Speaker 2: they can find me on substack at Gina Burkemeyer LPC. 805 00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:12,120 Speaker 4: Yeah, and she's Gina is one of my recommended reads, 806 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,359 Speaker 4: So if you're looking for her, she's right there at 807 00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:17,160 Speaker 4: the top of my recommended list. Thank you so much. 808 00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:20,400 Speaker 4: All Right, gals, We'll see you next week on Lovelife Sober. 809 00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:24,080 Speaker 4: Thank you for spending this time with me on love 810 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:27,680 Speaker 4: Life Sober. If today's conversation stirred something in your heart, 811 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:30,480 Speaker 4: don't rush past it, take it to prayer. If you're 812 00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:33,880 Speaker 4: feeling ready for deeper connection and support, I'd love to 813 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:37,120 Speaker 4: invite you into the Love Life Sober community, a grace filled, 814 00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:41,440 Speaker 4: shame free space where real connection grows and lasting change 815 00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:43,879 Speaker 4: takes root. You can find the link to join us 816 00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:47,400 Speaker 4: in the show notes. Love Life Sober is part of 817 00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:51,319 Speaker 4: the Life Audio Podcast Network, where faith centered podcasts help 818 00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:53,759 Speaker 4: you grow deeper in your walk with Christ. You can 819 00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:58,120 Speaker 4: find more faith centered podcasts at lifeaudio dot com. Until 820 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:01,600 Speaker 4: next time, be gentle with yourself, stay curious, and trust 821 00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:02,480 Speaker 4: God's promises. 822 00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:04,319 Speaker 1: He has freedom waiting for you.