1 00:00:01,440 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 1: Welcome to Christian Parent Crazy World, the podcast that tackles 2 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,159 Speaker 1: tough topics to help you be a godly parent in 3 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:14,480 Speaker 1: an ungodly world. 4 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 2: I am your host, Catherine Seekers, and in today's episode, 5 00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:22,239 Speaker 2: we are asking some questions that every family should wrestle with. 6 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:27,920 Speaker 2: Questions like what is your family's unique identity? And by 7 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:31,760 Speaker 2: that I mean why has God brought your family together? 8 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:36,360 Speaker 2: What values define your home? And how are you intentionally 9 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:40,880 Speaker 2: passing those values on to your children? Now, if those 10 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:45,120 Speaker 2: questions leave you feeling a little overwhelmed, don't worry, you 11 00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:48,400 Speaker 2: are not alone. Most of us spend so much time 12 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:51,000 Speaker 2: keeping up with the day to day demands of parenting 13 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,920 Speaker 2: that we rarely stop to think about the culture we're 14 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:58,960 Speaker 2: creating inside our own homes. That's why I am so 15 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:03,279 Speaker 2: excited for you to hear today's conversation with Derek England. 16 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 2: Derek is the executive director of Family ID, which is 17 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:10,720 Speaker 2: a ministry that has helped thousands of families move from 18 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:16,640 Speaker 2: simply surviving to parenting with greater clarity and intentionality. That's 19 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:19,400 Speaker 2: the ground we will cover in this episode of Christian 20 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,040 Speaker 2: Parent Crazy World. 21 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 1: If you've ever. 22 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:35,440 Speaker 2: Felt like your family is constantly reacting instead of living 23 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:36,520 Speaker 2: with purpose. 24 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 1: If you struggled to. 25 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:41,920 Speaker 2: Get everyone moving in the same direction, or if you've 26 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:45,400 Speaker 2: wondered how to create a stronger family, culture and world 27 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 2: that is constantly pulling your kids away from your values, 28 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:53,760 Speaker 2: than today's conversation is for you. Now, before we jump 29 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,480 Speaker 2: in a quick note. As my family and I are 30 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:59,400 Speaker 2: in the middle of moving to another state, I'm sharing 31 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:02,960 Speaker 2: a few of my favorite conversations from the archives, and 32 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 2: this one is simply too good not to revisit. Today, 33 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:11,919 Speaker 2: I am talking with Derek England, executive director of Family ID, 34 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 2: which is an incredible ministry that has spent more than 35 00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:20,480 Speaker 2: twenty five years helping parents build intentional, purpose driven families. 36 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:24,960 Speaker 2: They have workshops and practical resources and even a completely 37 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:29,160 Speaker 2: free family assessment that has equipped thousands of families to 38 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:33,920 Speaker 2: clarify who they are, strengthen their relationships, and live with 39 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:39,080 Speaker 2: greater unity and purpose. Because the truth is, families don't 40 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 2: drift towards health. No, no, they drift towards chaos. Says 41 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:46,560 Speaker 2: the woman who's in the middle of moved to another state. 42 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:50,920 Speaker 2: I know something about chaos, but building a thriving home 43 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:55,080 Speaker 2: takes intentionality, and Derek is going to share with us 44 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:58,080 Speaker 2: today practical tools to help us get there, and a 45 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 2: lot of biblical wisdom that can help any family create 46 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:07,040 Speaker 2: a stronger foundation. So whether you're parenting toddlers or teens 47 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 2: or somewhere in between, I think you're going to find 48 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:13,520 Speaker 2: this conversation just as timely as when we first recorded it. 49 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 2: So with that said, let's jump right in. Derek, Welcome 50 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,640 Speaker 2: to Christian parent Crazy World. 51 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: It's so awesome to have you here. 52 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,080 Speaker 3: Oh, thanks for having me. I'm really excited about today. 53 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,560 Speaker 3: It is a crazy world, So glad to be here. 54 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:32,520 Speaker 1: Yes, I almost said welcome back. Our listeners don't know. 55 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 1: We have been having technical difficulties and I was just 56 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,920 Speaker 1: telling you the more important topic, the more technical difficulties 57 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 1: I seem to have on the show, which says, this 58 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 1: is a very important topic because we're talking about families today. 59 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:49,560 Speaker 1: We deal with a lot of really tough cultural topics 60 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:55,040 Speaker 1: on this show, theological topics, apologetic issues, but none of 61 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:58,760 Speaker 1: that really matters if our relationships aren't strong in our family, 62 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 1: if they're broken, or they're not thriving, or they're not 63 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 1: all that they could be. And let me tell you, 64 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:08,640 Speaker 1: I was telling you at our first interview had all 65 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:13,840 Speaker 1: the technical difficulties and our pre conversation. Your resources here, 66 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:18,159 Speaker 1: the family id resources here are something I never really 67 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:21,040 Speaker 1: knew I needed. I thought we kind of got this 68 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 1: family thing down. We have a strong family, We homeschool, 69 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:25,600 Speaker 1: we do all of this kind of stuff. This is 70 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 1: who we are. And the more I begin to investigate 71 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 1: your resources, I'm like, I'm a family podcaster pretty much 72 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,080 Speaker 1: a period of podcaster, and I'm like, I need this stuff. 73 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 1: I don't have this down yet, Derek, And I know 74 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,320 Speaker 1: you get that all the time, don't you. 75 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:44,480 Speaker 3: All the time all the time. Because so until you 76 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:48,359 Speaker 3: think this thought about how important it is to be 77 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:52,159 Speaker 3: intentional in the family, until that thought crosses a thin 78 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:56,200 Speaker 3: veil in your brain and everybody's my brain. It took 79 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 3: sitting down for a family I d workshop twelve years 80 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,800 Speaker 3: to go, for me and for Gina, my wife, to 81 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:05,479 Speaker 3: have this thought. But until we think it, you don't 82 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:08,240 Speaker 3: think it. But once you do think it, you can't 83 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:12,039 Speaker 3: unthink it and you can't undo it. It becomes one 84 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:14,000 Speaker 3: of the greatest passions in your life and something that 85 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,800 Speaker 3: you have to do on a consistent basis. 86 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,479 Speaker 1: This is foundational stuff. This is family one oh one, 87 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,200 Speaker 1: and somehow we're missing it. And you know, I feel 88 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,320 Speaker 1: like this is a much longer conversation for us than 89 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,040 Speaker 1: our listeners because we've been talking about it for a 90 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,320 Speaker 1: while now. But it's like every church you go to 91 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:33,400 Speaker 1: they say they shove a personality test in your face, 92 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,920 Speaker 1: but they kind of do. It's like, here's your personality test, 93 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:39,120 Speaker 1: and what are your giftings. It's all individual, individual, it's individual, 94 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:43,400 Speaker 1: and yet the family is God's plan for his kingdom. 95 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,440 Speaker 1: It's all about the family, and which is why the 96 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,440 Speaker 1: family is under such attack in our culture today. But 97 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 1: I'm getting ahead of myself. So if I say this 98 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:56,480 Speaker 1: is such a serious topic, such an important topic, and 99 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 1: before we dive in, why don't you tell us a 100 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:02,000 Speaker 1: little bit about yourself, your family and how you came 101 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 1: to be the executive director of Family ID. 102 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:09,120 Speaker 3: Absolutely so, Gina. My wife and I have been married 103 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,919 Speaker 3: for almost twenty one years, and she and I it 104 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,560 Speaker 3: was twelve years ago. We had little kids, they were 105 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 3: two and three at the time, and we were looking 106 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:23,640 Speaker 3: for something to know how to do family right. There 107 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 3: are tons of resources. We both came from different family 108 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:28,800 Speaker 3: dynamics and so we wanted to make sure that we 109 00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:32,599 Speaker 3: were doing it right. And I met Greg Gunn, who 110 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:36,440 Speaker 3: started and founded Family ID, at a men's retreat. He 111 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,480 Speaker 3: started talking about some of the things that we're going 112 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,080 Speaker 3: to talk about today, and it hit me and it 113 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,080 Speaker 3: was like I had those exact same thoughts and feelings 114 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:49,360 Speaker 3: of like, why why am I so intentional at work? 115 00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:51,919 Speaker 3: I mean, I'll put all kinds of work and goals 116 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,920 Speaker 3: and measurables and five year and one year and ten 117 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 3: year plans and all kinds of stuff at work, Yet 118 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,960 Speaker 3: at home, I just kind of take it a day 119 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,200 Speaker 3: at a time. And it hit me and struck me, 120 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:05,880 Speaker 3: and so Gina and I went we went to a 121 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 3: Family I D workshop. It was a weekend seminar, and 122 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:11,960 Speaker 3: we walked out of there with mission statement, vision statement, 123 00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:17,240 Speaker 3: and core values. Essentially, this is our family identity, purpose 124 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,520 Speaker 3: and direction. And so over the course of ten or 125 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,440 Speaker 3: twelve years, we were putting it all together, and my 126 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 3: kids have grown up under that, under the direction and 127 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:31,200 Speaker 3: the intention of living those things out, guardrails and all 128 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:36,920 Speaker 3: of it. And so they are fantastic kids. They're incredible, 129 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,679 Speaker 3: and it has it has changed our family and the 130 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:43,720 Speaker 3: trajectory and direction of our family and So about five 131 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:47,120 Speaker 3: years ago, I was doing residential home lending. I was 132 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:49,280 Speaker 3: doing mortgages and felt the call to get out of 133 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:53,080 Speaker 3: that and into ministry. And Greg called out of the blue, 134 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:58,080 Speaker 3: which is a tongue in cheek comment, but it was 135 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:01,480 Speaker 3: obviously the right time. He had an opportunity available. I 136 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,880 Speaker 3: stepped over, and he and I have been growing this, 137 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 3: developed a team, put it together, and our goal is 138 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 3: to reach thirty million families with the message of family 139 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:16,120 Speaker 3: ID and helping them to live with intentional direction inside 140 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 3: the home. 141 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:17,520 Speaker 4: Amen. 142 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,720 Speaker 1: Ah, that's so awesome. I tell you, I'm just kind 143 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,600 Speaker 1: of just a little bit jealous when I'm listening to 144 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,120 Speaker 1: you talk about this, I'm like, Ah, I wish I 145 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:31,400 Speaker 1: discovered this so long ago, because we think because and 146 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,839 Speaker 1: you're so right. We have all these metrics for work. 147 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:37,240 Speaker 1: We have all these metrics for sports. My kids they're 148 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 1: playing baseball and softball, and they measure everything, like absolutely everything. 149 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:46,199 Speaker 1: We have measures for my podcasting and how many downloads 150 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:48,360 Speaker 1: did you get, and how many views did you get 151 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,360 Speaker 1: on that article? How many books do you sell? And 152 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 1: to some degree we even haven't in marriage, you know 153 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,600 Speaker 1: which anniversary how long have you been married? And you know, 154 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,040 Speaker 1: you kind of have these certain things that you want 155 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,440 Speaker 1: to do in your marriage, and that's also another good 156 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:07,400 Speaker 1: place to kind of have assessments and draw vision for 157 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,400 Speaker 1: what you want your marriage to be. But it's like 158 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:15,520 Speaker 1: we virtually have no metrics or things to measure our 159 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:20,040 Speaker 1: family by or and I'm not saying in a competitive sense, obviously, 160 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,560 Speaker 1: but just what is my family about? Because we know 161 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:29,040 Speaker 1: that God works through the family, so each family is individual. 162 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:32,560 Speaker 1: It's the beautiful snowflake analogy, a much better one than 163 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,080 Speaker 1: we're using in our culture today. But they were all different. 164 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:38,320 Speaker 1: We're all beautifully unique with a different design for a 165 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,240 Speaker 1: different purpose. So I'm so excited to talk to you 166 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:44,920 Speaker 1: about this today because we know that our family is 167 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:50,280 Speaker 1: under the family is under attack, which isn't new to anybody, right. 168 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:51,840 Speaker 1: We talk about that all the time on this show. 169 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,360 Speaker 1: I'm sure you get that all the time too, and 170 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:56,120 Speaker 1: the work that you do. I think though we're kind 171 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:59,280 Speaker 1: of taken aback. I suspect you are too. You've parented 172 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,000 Speaker 1: long enough that you're a little taken aback at the 173 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:06,320 Speaker 1: acceleration of how divided we've become in the families, how 174 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,800 Speaker 1: we're in so many different places with all of these 175 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:14,679 Speaker 1: devices and how you've created some tools there to really 176 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 1: help you unify. And I think we all are sitting 177 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,000 Speaker 1: here going, Okay, how do I go to one of 178 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,480 Speaker 1: those weekends? But you've digitized all of this right to 179 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 1: where you can actually do it online now, and you 180 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 1: can do it with your small group from your church, 181 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 1: or you can I'm sure you travel and stuff. You 182 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,760 Speaker 1: can bring something like this to your church as well, 183 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:31,160 Speaker 1: can't you? 184 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 3: Absolutely? Absolutely, And you're right we have. So we made 185 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,439 Speaker 3: a decision a couple of years ago that we want 186 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:41,440 Speaker 3: every family to receive this and go through Family ID, 187 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 3: and so we have a couple of resources and tools 188 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,920 Speaker 3: that we've developed that are totally free that somebody can 189 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:52,760 Speaker 3: go to our website, take the Family ID Assessment, which 190 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:56,080 Speaker 3: is like a personality test, go through that, and then 191 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,880 Speaker 3: they can go through the Family ID Masterclass, which is 192 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 3: what Gina and I went through twelve years ago, and 193 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:06,200 Speaker 3: it highlighted. It goes through videos and worksheets, and it's 194 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 3: really really simple. I think there's like forty five minutes 195 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,880 Speaker 3: of video. So it is not overwhelming, it is not daunting. 196 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,400 Speaker 3: It takes you step by step to go through, and 197 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:19,280 Speaker 3: you can walk away with identity, purpose and direction, and 198 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 3: then application on how you put these things into practice. 199 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:26,199 Speaker 1: Now, are those what I was understanding when I heard 200 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 1: you talk about it before? Those are smaller you're saying 201 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,360 Speaker 1: forty five minutes total, they're smaller videos. 202 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,800 Speaker 3: Right, Oh, there's like three. Yeah, there's eleven three to five. 203 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:37,160 Speaker 1: Minute videos and those are free too, right, totally free. 204 00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:40,840 Speaker 3: All of it's free. All of it's free because we 205 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 3: want to do that. We want families to go through this. 206 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,839 Speaker 3: We want to be able to partner with other organizations 207 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:48,200 Speaker 3: that offer this, and we don't want costs to be 208 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:52,080 Speaker 3: a barrier to partnering with other people. And we do 209 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,640 Speaker 3: we still do live seminars and workshops where we can 210 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 3: come to a church or an organization and walk groups 211 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,480 Speaker 3: or congregations with people through the family ID process. And 212 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:04,520 Speaker 3: at the end of that one day or two day process, 213 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 3: everybody will walk out with core values, mission statement, vision 214 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:13,760 Speaker 3: statement and understand who they were created to be. 215 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:17,520 Speaker 1: And that masterclass that you can take for free, which 216 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:21,320 Speaker 1: the two to three minute videos like eleven of them 217 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:22,960 Speaker 1: that will get you to that point. 218 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:24,760 Speaker 3: As well, YEP, covers all the same material. 219 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:29,000 Speaker 1: Sign me up, man, because I'm so excited. No, seriously, 220 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,760 Speaker 1: we do a weekly devotional and frankly, I haven't been 221 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,320 Speaker 1: thrilled with the one that we were doing at the moment, 222 00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 1: but I'm like, this is absolutely perfect because we still 223 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:42,360 Speaker 1: have a seven to nine year old with shorter attention spans. 224 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:45,240 Speaker 1: We got older kids that can but I mean my kids. 225 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,240 Speaker 1: You know, those little kids can hold on to one 226 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:49,360 Speaker 1: of those videos for a few minutes and then just 227 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,640 Speaker 1: walk through that. I'm so excited to do this and 228 00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:53,960 Speaker 1: I'm going to be reporting back to you exactly what 229 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,920 Speaker 1: our our core values are because you're going to talk 230 00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,559 Speaker 1: about your family and your your family type and I 231 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 1: am going to reveal my family type in a little bit. 232 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,559 Speaker 1: But before we get into all of that good stuff, 233 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,400 Speaker 1: I want to set the state for it. Let's talk 234 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:11,640 Speaker 1: about God's design for the family in the first place, 235 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:15,160 Speaker 1: Like what did he intend for the family to be? 236 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 1: Because I don't think we're seeing that fully. Certainly it's 237 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:21,080 Speaker 1: under attack inner culture, but we got to we need 238 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,040 Speaker 1: that plumb line. Don't we to go back to what 239 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 1: was his original intention when he created the family? 240 00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:31,839 Speaker 3: Absolutely, and I'm glad you're bringing us back because I 241 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,400 Speaker 3: can get pretty operational and just throw the resources out 242 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,920 Speaker 3: there and I want everybody to go through it. But 243 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,040 Speaker 3: you're right. So obviously God's plan was one man and 244 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:44,800 Speaker 3: one woman. And there's a teacher. His name is Ray 245 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,760 Speaker 3: Vander Lane, one of my favorite Bible teachers, and he 246 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:54,040 Speaker 3: gives historical, biblical, cultural, and geographical context for what we 247 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,959 Speaker 3: read in God's Word. And there's one of his lessons 248 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:02,200 Speaker 3: that he talks about now. In the Middle East. In 249 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 3: biblical times, it was a patriarchal structure. And I know 250 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:10,480 Speaker 3: that that word can be triggering. It has a negative 251 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:15,280 Speaker 3: terminology and tone today, but not in an abusive way. 252 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,960 Speaker 3: In any way, shape or form. It is a a 253 00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:20,280 Speaker 3: this is the way that it was set up, and 254 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:25,520 Speaker 3: that patriarch was the one who was responsible for stewarding 255 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:30,120 Speaker 3: the family. He was the greatest servant of the entire 256 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 3: family and his his job or his role was to 257 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 3: make sure that the whole extended family, sons, daughters, cousins, 258 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:42,920 Speaker 3: and uncles, everybody in that family, that they were not lost. 259 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 3: And his job was to use all the resources of 260 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,840 Speaker 3: the family to seek and find those that were marginalized 261 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:53,280 Speaker 3: were lost in the family. And so when we think 262 00:14:53,320 --> 00:15:01,080 Speaker 3: about that, I view God uses family terms, God, the Father, Christ, 263 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,280 Speaker 3: the Sun. You know, I mean it is a family 264 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,760 Speaker 3: in Romans. It talks about how we are sons and 265 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:11,280 Speaker 3: daughters to the Father and heirs with Christ, and so 266 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 3: it is family terms that God relates to us because 267 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:18,560 Speaker 3: that was his goal. The family is designed to be 268 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:33,000 Speaker 3: the first and most important ministry for any unit, and 269 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:33,520 Speaker 3: it is. 270 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,440 Speaker 1: The family of God. We say that kind a term 271 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:38,960 Speaker 1: all night. Is a family of God composed of all 272 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:42,320 Speaker 1: of these little individual families that have their unique purpose 273 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:48,720 Speaker 1: in His kingdom, unique purpose contributing towards his purpose. And 274 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 1: you know, we've become such an individualistic society. We see 275 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:57,080 Speaker 1: ourselves so differently than I think a lot of people 276 00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:00,960 Speaker 1: saw each other in the family throughout history. I want 277 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,200 Speaker 1: to get to that in just a second, but I 278 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:06,160 Speaker 1: want to touch on I really appreciate that you mentioned 279 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,960 Speaker 1: how triggering the term patriarchal can be, because we've seen 280 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 1: the abuse of it historically where the father wasn't necessarily 281 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 1: acting in this manner. And I've interviewed a woman named 282 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 1: Nancy Pearcy, and she wrote an amazing book, The Toxic 283 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,600 Speaker 1: War on Masculinity, and I've read her work for years 284 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,280 Speaker 1: of other books of hers, I had no idea when 285 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 1: you looked into like her introduction her family life. Actually 286 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 1: they were religious family. They were in church. Her father 287 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 1: had one persona to the church, this very godly man, 288 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:46,720 Speaker 1: and was a holy terror to live with so much 289 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:51,800 Speaker 1: she had to go on medication, like for anxiety issues 290 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,840 Speaker 1: in stomach. It's just horrible. And you see this and 291 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,360 Speaker 1: she still come out her book The toxic war on 292 00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:01,920 Speaker 1: masculinity is lenity is how we've attacked masculinity in our 293 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,359 Speaker 1: culture and what God intended it to be. And even 294 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:08,200 Speaker 1: though her personal experience was one where she and I 295 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,320 Speaker 1: think we need to recognize this. Maybe this is why 296 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:14,760 Speaker 1: we had to do redo the episode. They're probably people 297 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:18,520 Speaker 1: that are listening who had terrible home, you know, absolutely 298 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:23,600 Speaker 1: life experiences growing up and perhaps abusive families. Nancy Pearcy did, 299 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:28,520 Speaker 1: and yet she recognizes who God created the father to be, 300 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,080 Speaker 1: who he wants the father to be, and the mother 301 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:32,880 Speaker 1: to be in a home. Perhaps it was a mother 302 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:36,640 Speaker 1: that was abusive in a in an upbringing situation. And 303 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:40,240 Speaker 1: a lot of families are having to work through trauma. 304 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 1: Parents are having to work through trauma of their own 305 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:46,440 Speaker 1: and their own upbringing and hoping and praying, how can 306 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:50,080 Speaker 1: I create a healthy environment going forward? And I love 307 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:53,320 Speaker 1: that your tools really help us to do that. But also, 308 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,760 Speaker 1: you know, there's that healing the Lord wants to do 309 00:17:56,240 --> 00:18:00,280 Speaker 1: in families, because that is there's a kind of tation 310 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:04,600 Speaker 1: with patriarchal that it is domineering and authoritarian and abusive. 311 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:07,159 Speaker 1: That's not God's intention. And he says it in the 312 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:10,840 Speaker 1: New Testament too, that the husband is supposed to love 313 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:14,480 Speaker 1: his wife's rue as Christ loved the church, and how 314 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,440 Speaker 1: did he love the church? He sacrificed him for the church. 315 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 1: That is the patriarchal role that has unfortunately been tainted 316 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,040 Speaker 1: by people who have misused it and abused it. But 317 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,960 Speaker 1: that's not God's intention with it. And the other thing 318 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,760 Speaker 1: that I wanted to mention was how countercultural from the 319 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:36,240 Speaker 1: beginning the family was in that Middle Eastern culture when 320 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,600 Speaker 1: the first five books of the Bible were written, when 321 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:43,000 Speaker 1: Genesis was written, it was common in those homes that 322 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,440 Speaker 1: the husband would the family would go out and get 323 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,600 Speaker 1: a wife for the husband and bring her back into 324 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:51,159 Speaker 1: the family, and they would kind of create these dynasties, 325 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:54,440 Speaker 1: these big, big, super big families. That's not God's vision. 326 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,480 Speaker 1: He said that the husband's supposed to or the man 327 00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:00,879 Speaker 1: is supposed to lead his father and mother take a 328 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:05,080 Speaker 1: wife and cleave and they form a new family unit. 329 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:09,280 Speaker 1: And that it is families begetting families where you're respecting 330 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:13,639 Speaker 1: and honoring and loving and having those grandparents a part 331 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:17,040 Speaker 1: of your family. But then you're starting something new, and 332 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,720 Speaker 1: you say something about that that I think is so 333 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:24,520 Speaker 1: beautiful about how these new branches have their own purpose 334 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,480 Speaker 1: and their own new identity, don't they? 335 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,680 Speaker 3: Absolutely? And that's what So a question that we get 336 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,400 Speaker 3: so often plays into that, and it is the question 337 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,960 Speaker 3: that we get from families is how do I have 338 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,879 Speaker 3: this multi generational vision for my family and make sure 339 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,400 Speaker 3: that the next vision or the next generation lives on it. 340 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 3: How do I push my vision down to the next generation? 341 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,680 Speaker 3: And Greg and I were sitting in the office one 342 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:54,800 Speaker 3: day trying to process this question, and it hit us 343 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,960 Speaker 3: that it was the wrong question, that it was focused 344 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:02,000 Speaker 3: in the wrong direction, because it shouldn't be about what 345 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:05,520 Speaker 3: am I doing to push my vision down to the 346 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:09,320 Speaker 3: next generation, but it should be how do I push 347 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:14,639 Speaker 3: the next branch, the next generation up towards the sun, 348 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:21,679 Speaker 3: sun or son? Right? Because each branch is completely unique. 349 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,879 Speaker 3: It takes two individuals that have never been married before, 350 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,560 Speaker 3: puts them together and creates a new culture and a 351 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:32,280 Speaker 3: new purpose and a new calling for what God's going 352 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:36,719 Speaker 3: to do in that branch. And our calling is like 353 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:40,200 Speaker 3: what we are saying is to be the greatest servant. 354 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:43,080 Speaker 3: So how do I be Think of a tree. Think 355 00:20:43,119 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 3: of a family tree where there are gigantic, huge, strong 356 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,160 Speaker 3: limbs I think you'd call them right, that are thick, 357 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 3: and then each branch comes off of that. But that 358 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:59,280 Speaker 3: limb has to be strong and foundational and to support 359 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:04,560 Speaker 3: each and every future branch. Something we say in family 360 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:07,480 Speaker 3: ID is that we have to be a part of 361 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:13,160 Speaker 3: something that is bigger than us, but better because of us. 362 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:17,680 Speaker 3: So think about that. A tree is bigger than one 363 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 3: individual leaf, but the tree is better because of all 364 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,760 Speaker 3: of the leaves. And so that's the way that our 365 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:29,359 Speaker 3: family is. Our family did not start with us, and 366 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:33,440 Speaker 3: it will not end with our kids. It started way 367 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:35,840 Speaker 3: back at the beginning and it will continue all the 368 00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:39,120 Speaker 3: way to the end. And so we have to understand 369 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,840 Speaker 3: we're part of something bigger than us, and how do 370 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:45,199 Speaker 3: we support the next branch? How do we push the 371 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,880 Speaker 3: next branch up towards their calling and what God wants 372 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,240 Speaker 3: to do in their lives. 373 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 1: I love that so much because too often I think 374 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:56,440 Speaker 1: in the Body of Christ as well, we want to 375 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,120 Speaker 1: live on something old, that something God was doing before. 376 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,679 Speaker 1: And God's doing something new. He's doing something new. And 377 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:04,800 Speaker 1: I'm not at that point where my kids are married 378 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,600 Speaker 1: and have children of their own, where they've started their 379 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,720 Speaker 1: own families. But someday I've got five little branches here 380 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,040 Speaker 1: that are going to get married, They're going to start 381 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:16,200 Speaker 1: their own families. And then it becomes about how can 382 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,640 Speaker 1: I support who God's creating each of these family branches 383 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:22,919 Speaker 1: to be right? How can I How can I be 384 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,800 Speaker 1: a part of that? And one thing I say at 385 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:28,439 Speaker 1: the end of every show is that you, as a parent, 386 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:31,199 Speaker 1: you hold the key to unlocking who God created your 387 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,119 Speaker 1: kids to be. You hold that key because you've got 388 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:37,760 Speaker 1: a front row seat to see all of the giftings, 389 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:41,639 Speaker 1: all of the talents, all of the unique characteristics about 390 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,200 Speaker 1: each child. And then somebody else comes into their life 391 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:47,840 Speaker 1: and joins with them, and then it's gonna happen. Someday 392 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:52,760 Speaker 1: They're gonna leave and Cleven start this new, beautiful thing 393 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,960 Speaker 1: that isn't what the old is. And one thing I 394 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:59,879 Speaker 1: mentioned to you before was I was contemplating on, Okay, 395 00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 1: where did this deterioration end. Through much of human history, 396 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,520 Speaker 1: we had a very different dynamic in the family for 397 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:11,240 Speaker 1: not just centuries, but for millennia. The son of a 398 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:13,920 Speaker 1: fisherman was a fisherman, right. The son of a carpenter 399 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,240 Speaker 1: was a carpenter. That's why Jesus was a carpenter, because 400 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,480 Speaker 1: Joseph was a carpenter. The son of a blacksmith is 401 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,160 Speaker 1: a blacksmith. The son of a king is a king. 402 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,920 Speaker 1: And so what you would see was this this kind 403 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:27,840 Speaker 1: of shere. I think many for many millennia, I think 404 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:31,119 Speaker 1: families kind of understood their identity and the concept. And 405 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,120 Speaker 1: that's not how we should define our identity any anyways, 406 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,480 Speaker 1: by what we do. But I think there was more 407 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,720 Speaker 1: a sense of shared purpose and somewhat of an identity 408 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:44,080 Speaker 1: in centuries past. But that kind of started to unravel 409 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:45,879 Speaker 1: in our country. 410 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:46,680 Speaker 4: Uh. 411 00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,200 Speaker 1: And this was also goes back to Nancy Pearcey's book 412 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,159 Speaker 1: on the Toxic War on Masculinity. She talks about how 413 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:59,080 Speaker 1: radically the industrial Revolution altered the family. Suddenly you had 414 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,639 Speaker 1: you know, the farmer husband working alongside the farmer wife 415 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,119 Speaker 1: with the kids, who get up before the crack of 416 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,520 Speaker 1: dawn and go out to the you know, feed the 417 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:08,960 Speaker 1: chickens and take care of all the livestock, and you know, 418 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,920 Speaker 1: everybody was in a common purpose and they understood. But suddenly, 419 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,960 Speaker 1: with the industrial revolution, we have all these factories springing up, 420 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:18,600 Speaker 1: and men were taken out of the home well fourteen 421 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:23,280 Speaker 1: sixteen hours a day, and they have this whole other life, 422 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:26,240 Speaker 1: and a lot of us not everyone. Some people are 423 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,199 Speaker 1: blessed to not live in that kind of dynamic. But 424 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,399 Speaker 1: my husband right now is twenty miles away in the 425 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:35,680 Speaker 1: downtown area working even on a Saturday. He gets other 426 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,600 Speaker 1: days off. They vary from week to week, but you know, 427 00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:43,440 Speaker 1: his industry, he's gone fifty when you add and commute 428 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:45,440 Speaker 1: sixty hours a week. At least, there have been times 429 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,840 Speaker 1: it's been worse seventy hours a week. Sometimes. You know, 430 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,639 Speaker 1: that's a long time to be away from your family. 431 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:55,639 Speaker 1: And so then the wife becomes the principal disciplinarian. And 432 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,840 Speaker 1: now we also have a lot of instances of single 433 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:05,000 Speaker 1: parent families. We're divorce or tragically on one family member 434 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,560 Speaker 1: has pasted. It was just on Instagram last night. I'm 435 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,159 Speaker 1: not on there a lot. I really don't like it 436 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,239 Speaker 1: that much. But I was watching these videos of this 437 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,439 Speaker 1: woman whose husband they have six kids, six kids. He 438 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:17,679 Speaker 1: was diagnosed he has a rap it on set like 439 00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:21,600 Speaker 1: MS and he's had to go to assisted living. And so, 440 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,879 Speaker 1: you know, we live in this world where we're disconnected 441 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,520 Speaker 1: all the time, and a lot of our kids are 442 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:32,360 Speaker 1: in public schools or private schools, and they're away from 443 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:35,000 Speaker 1: us for most of their waking hours Monday through Friday, 444 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,879 Speaker 1: and then they go do extra curricular stuff. We're so divided. 445 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:43,280 Speaker 1: If we're not intentional about the family, we will die 446 00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:45,320 Speaker 1: as a family. We can't thrive as a family if 447 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:48,240 Speaker 1: we're not intentional about it. And I frankly, I'm realizing 448 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:49,920 Speaker 1: as I'm going through your stuff, I'm so excited to 449 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,800 Speaker 1: share this with everybody. We can be far more intentional, 450 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:57,600 Speaker 1: really defining what is it about us that God created 451 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:02,000 Speaker 1: to impact the world. Who exactly are we? So let's 452 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:06,399 Speaker 1: dig into this family identity and exactly how that works. 453 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:10,240 Speaker 1: You've defined what like sixteen different types of families that 454 00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:11,760 Speaker 1: we might end up being. 455 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:16,040 Speaker 3: That's right, So we have I think you touched on 456 00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,160 Speaker 3: the question there and you asked it just right, Catherine, 457 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,880 Speaker 3: It is who are we? Who are we? Because we 458 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:25,960 Speaker 3: can go in so many different directions that life becomes 459 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,959 Speaker 3: so hectic that we never sit down and actually answer 460 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,000 Speaker 3: the question, Hey, who are we? Guys? Who are we? 461 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:36,280 Speaker 3: As a family? And I think that naturally happened probably 462 00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:40,080 Speaker 3: prior to that Industrial Revolution, when there was time there 463 00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:43,840 Speaker 3: were meals together, there were conversations around a table not 464 00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:46,200 Speaker 3: picking up a bite to eat on the way to 465 00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:48,760 Speaker 3: this practice, and that parent takes that kid to like, 466 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,399 Speaker 3: there's all kinds of stuff and so one it's not 467 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:56,960 Speaker 3: daunting or complicated to sit and intentionally ask the question, 468 00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:02,960 Speaker 3: as long as we are not afraid of the answer. Okay, guys, 469 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,639 Speaker 3: who are we? Who are we? Who are we as 470 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:07,840 Speaker 3: a family? What do we stand for? And even if 471 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:12,719 Speaker 3: we're not together, how do we go continue our identity 472 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 3: in what we're doing separately? So we as an England 473 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,320 Speaker 3: family and then I'll get into the sixteen types. Is 474 00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:24,000 Speaker 3: we as an England family? One of our core values 475 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:28,960 Speaker 3: is excellence and everything? And so I know because we've 476 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:33,040 Speaker 3: had conversations about it that where Gina is or where 477 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:35,640 Speaker 3: my daughter is, or my son is, orhere I am 478 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:41,440 Speaker 3: that they and I will do our absolute dead level 479 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:46,119 Speaker 3: best at whatever we're working on. They and I hope 480 00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,800 Speaker 3: that it is reflected and people see the England family 481 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:55,520 Speaker 3: as man they really care about excellence, They do things excellently, 482 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,359 Speaker 3: and so that can be and is part of our 483 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:03,840 Speaker 3: core idea entity because we intentionally asked the question and 484 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:08,440 Speaker 3: answered the question, who are we? Well, we're the England's 485 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:10,879 Speaker 3: and one of the things the Englands, the Englands do 486 00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,359 Speaker 3: is they have excellence in everything. They don't have to 487 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,439 Speaker 3: be the best, but we'll do our best. Yes and 488 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:22,200 Speaker 3: so and so it was so we took we ministered 489 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:24,760 Speaker 3: to tens of thousands of families and we saw certain 490 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:29,359 Speaker 3: tendencies in families and commonalities. And it turned out, as 491 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:32,640 Speaker 3: we dug into it, that the way a family approaches 492 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:40,800 Speaker 3: four core principles inside their home identity, purpose, direction, and application, 493 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:44,760 Speaker 3: and how they prioritize those in a one, two, three, 494 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:50,880 Speaker 3: four order changes or influences that culture and the dynamics 495 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:54,560 Speaker 3: inside the home and culture. All I'm saying is is 496 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:57,880 Speaker 3: it answers the question. This is how we do things 497 00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:02,000 Speaker 3: around here. This is how we do things. That's as 498 00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:08,600 Speaker 3: deep as culture has to be the traditions, commonalities, practices, foods, music. 499 00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:10,440 Speaker 3: I mean, this is just how we do things right here. 500 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,840 Speaker 3: But we found those commonalities, and we broke it down 501 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:20,440 Speaker 3: into sixteen different family types and created an assessment to 502 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 3: help families understand which family type they are. And the 503 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:29,280 Speaker 3: benefit of that is it doesn't answer all the questions. 504 00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:32,880 Speaker 3: It doesn't answer the question, Hey, who did God uniquely 505 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,320 Speaker 3: create you to be? But what it does is it 506 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:39,520 Speaker 3: gives a common language and gives an insight and a 507 00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:43,360 Speaker 3: quick rundown of some tendencies that might be in your home. 508 00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:47,160 Speaker 3: I'll give you an example. There's one family type that's 509 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:51,720 Speaker 3: called the impactful family, and the culture inside that home 510 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:55,280 Speaker 3: is that their highest priority is to go make an 511 00:29:55,360 --> 00:30:00,000 Speaker 3: impact in society or community around them. Well, if they 512 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:03,840 Speaker 3: that's a great tendency, that's a great characteristic. I love that. 513 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:08,160 Speaker 3: But if they're not careful, they can have let's say 514 00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:12,120 Speaker 3: five people in the family going in five different directions 515 00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:15,959 Speaker 3: to make impact in five different areas that are important 516 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:21,280 Speaker 3: to them. Now, imagine if you had alignment in taking 517 00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:24,640 Speaker 3: those five people and they can say, oh, you know what, 518 00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:27,480 Speaker 3: we all agree that impact needs to be made over here. 519 00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:33,560 Speaker 3: Let's go impact together. Well, then you have synergy working together, 520 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:37,040 Speaker 3: they can accomplish much more because you have a family 521 00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:39,960 Speaker 3: moving in the same direction, at the same pace, for 522 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:43,120 Speaker 3: the same purpose. And it's crazy powerful. 523 00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:48,200 Speaker 1: That's such a great example because you also you're building 524 00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:53,120 Speaker 1: your family identity and your relationships when you organize yourself 525 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:55,800 Speaker 1: around a common purpose. And I love like that first 526 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:59,720 Speaker 1: that that first value that you have. That's that's something 527 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,440 Speaker 1: you can really explained to a very young child, like 528 00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:05,640 Speaker 1: we we have excellence and everything sare share your other. 529 00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:08,680 Speaker 1: Everybody's gonna get jealous when they hear that. You guys 530 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:11,239 Speaker 1: know exactly what your and your kids know exactly what 531 00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:13,440 Speaker 1: your values are. Share exactly what those are for us, 532 00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,160 Speaker 1: because I think they're awesome. I'm gonna steal maybe a couple. Actually, 533 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:17,720 Speaker 1: we're gonna go through the whole thing and then we're 534 00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,440 Speaker 1: gonna you get to you have suggestions, so you don't 535 00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:23,600 Speaker 1: have to formulate these on your own. Do you see? 536 00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:26,440 Speaker 1: That's realiant? Because I think, Okay, when I first heard yours, 537 00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,240 Speaker 1: I'm like, wo, how am I gonna boil it down 538 00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:30,520 Speaker 1: in it? But you've you've kind of you've done a 539 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:32,280 Speaker 1: lot of that, you've done the legwork. We just have 540 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:34,400 Speaker 1: to kind of examine these and say which ones fit. 541 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,760 Speaker 1: It's like going to try on you know, you're going 542 00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:38,840 Speaker 1: to try on these things. We're like, oh, these these 543 00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:42,400 Speaker 1: really resonate with my family, and some of yours really do. 544 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,160 Speaker 1: I think they're awesome. All of them are awesome. But 545 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,320 Speaker 1: tell us what your core values are as a family. 546 00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:55,680 Speaker 2: Hey, friends, it's Catherine here. If you're trying to be 547 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:59,320 Speaker 2: a godly parent in this wild and wacky world, you 548 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:02,040 Speaker 2: need all the help you can get, and I've got 549 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:05,000 Speaker 2: you covered. When you subscribe to my website, you'll get 550 00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:09,240 Speaker 2: instant access to tons of free resources made just for 551 00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:12,920 Speaker 2: Christian parents. You'll get my Prodigal Bundle, which is packed. 552 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:15,920 Speaker 1: With every podcast, article, and scripture list I've created for 553 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:19,920 Speaker 1: parents walking that tough prodigal road. You'll also get my 554 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:23,840 Speaker 1: free eat book Beyond the Lies and covering five myths 555 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:27,400 Speaker 1: the culture spreads to mothers, plus powerful scripture list Pray 556 00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:30,200 Speaker 1: over your kids, and even scripture songs to help your 557 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,800 Speaker 1: family hide God's word in your hearts without even trying. 558 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,959 Speaker 2: And of course I'll keep you encouraged with my weekly 559 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:40,960 Speaker 2: newsletter Full of Faith filled pep talks and outlines of 560 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,240 Speaker 2: what we're tackling each week on the show. 561 00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:44,080 Speaker 1: So don't miss out. 562 00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:47,400 Speaker 2: Head over to Katherine Scars dot com. That's Catherine Scers 563 00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:51,520 Speaker 2: dot com and subscribe today because Christian parenting may be crazy, 564 00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,600 Speaker 2: but you don't have to do it alone. 565 00:32:57,240 --> 00:32:59,840 Speaker 3: Yeah. So we have five for guys that the England 566 00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:03,640 Speaker 3: that define who we are. We are radically protective of 567 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:07,760 Speaker 3: quality time. We are prayerful and decision making, we have 568 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:12,360 Speaker 3: excellence in everything, we have enduring family unity, and we 569 00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:17,520 Speaker 3: have unwavering integrity. And that's who we are. And the 570 00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:21,360 Speaker 3: beauty of those is those become a framework through which 571 00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:23,200 Speaker 3: you see the world and a lens through it, or 572 00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:24,680 Speaker 3: or a lens through which you see the world and 573 00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:28,080 Speaker 3: a framework through which you make decisions. So for us, 574 00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:31,959 Speaker 3: it's really easy to sit down at a dinner table 575 00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:35,760 Speaker 3: and say, hey, guys, we have all of these opportunities 576 00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:39,440 Speaker 3: in the week now. We are radically protective of our 577 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:43,000 Speaker 3: quality time. So do we want to say yes to 578 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:45,720 Speaker 3: all of these commitments or do we want to say 579 00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:48,880 Speaker 3: yes to quality time and say no to some of 580 00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:53,680 Speaker 3: these commitments. Because it gives you the ability to say wait, wait, wait, wait, 581 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:56,920 Speaker 3: there's a book about this. I've heard pastors say this, 582 00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:59,920 Speaker 3: when you know who you are, you'll know what to do. 583 00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:03,640 Speaker 3: And so hey, if you have to, we have to 584 00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:06,880 Speaker 3: define who we are first, then we can begin to 585 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:10,520 Speaker 3: go make decisions. So the quality time is a great example. Yeah, 586 00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:14,399 Speaker 3: that's a better most parents or families we hear like, oh, 587 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:15,880 Speaker 3: I just want to be a better parent or a 588 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:19,279 Speaker 3: better family or that. But better, better is not a 589 00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:23,759 Speaker 3: target all the way get better and if if one 590 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:27,120 Speaker 3: day you backslide, well then you think you're never going 591 00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,680 Speaker 3: to get better and all kinds of stuff. And you 592 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:31,239 Speaker 3: mentioned in a while ago. We don't want to be 593 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 3: competitive in the family, but at the same time, it's 594 00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:36,960 Speaker 3: natural for all of us to want to have a 595 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:40,360 Speaker 3: scorecard to know if we're moving in the right direction, 596 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:44,120 Speaker 3: Are we winning? Are we not winning? Am I? Am 597 00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,640 Speaker 3: I headed where I want to be? And those core 598 00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:51,480 Speaker 3: values create guard rails to protect the culture on who 599 00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:54,239 Speaker 3: God created your family to be. Hey, these are the 600 00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:57,000 Speaker 3: core values, and if we're staying in it, then we're 601 00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,680 Speaker 3: moving in the right direction and we can move towards 602 00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:03,040 Speaker 3: the vision that He's called us to have in the future. 603 00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:06,680 Speaker 1: Okay, so I have to ask you, you developed these 604 00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:09,640 Speaker 1: core values when your children were very young. Have they 605 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:11,760 Speaker 1: changed over the years or have they stayed the same? 606 00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:16,759 Speaker 3: Good question. So we came up with five twelve years 607 00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:19,759 Speaker 3: ago and they were pretty close to the same. And 608 00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,560 Speaker 3: then when my kids were nine and ten, we went 609 00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:25,239 Speaker 3: through the Family ID workshop again and we did it 610 00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:28,200 Speaker 3: together as a family because we wanted their voices to 611 00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:29,080 Speaker 3: be part of it. 612 00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:31,440 Speaker 1: Because that's what I was wondering, because you know, I've 613 00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,480 Speaker 1: got my kids from nineteen to seven, so going through 614 00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:36,840 Speaker 1: those workshops now, they would have such an important voice 615 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:40,400 Speaker 1: because it's got to you gotta have buy in by everybody, everybody. 616 00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:40,520 Speaker 5: You know. 617 00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:42,759 Speaker 1: You can't have a value where one of them's no, 618 00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:45,719 Speaker 1: I don't agree with protecting quality time or what you know, 619 00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:48,319 Speaker 1: whatever it is, because if they're not buying into it, 620 00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:49,600 Speaker 1: then they're not going to be able to live it 621 00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:53,279 Speaker 1: out and you're gonna you're just gonna have division in 622 00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:55,839 Speaker 1: the family. But you know, and I'm sure a lot 623 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:57,960 Speaker 1: of them seemed like great things to have, and you 624 00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:00,000 Speaker 1: don't want to have too many because it gets too complied. 625 00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:03,040 Speaker 1: But if you have just like five, like you said, 626 00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:07,160 Speaker 1: then that really helps you navigate your days, your weeks. Okay, 627 00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:09,799 Speaker 1: this is who we are, This is who God is, 628 00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:13,040 Speaker 1: not just that's right. It's not who I've invented myself 629 00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:15,400 Speaker 1: to be. It's who I've discovered God created me to be. 630 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:19,560 Speaker 1: That's that's so important because it has to it has 631 00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:22,839 Speaker 1: to resonate because God has created you to be this 632 00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,439 Speaker 1: family with a purpose in mind. So let's talk about 633 00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:28,479 Speaker 1: some of the I love this, some of these these 634 00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:30,560 Speaker 1: different types of families that you might be. 635 00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:36,320 Speaker 3: Yep, And so to your point, we've done the heavy 636 00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:40,200 Speaker 3: lifting and so on the assessment. On the assessment, it's 637 00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:44,239 Speaker 3: simple questions you've answer, I agree or disagree, and it'll 638 00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:47,560 Speaker 3: lead you through the process. And then anybody can invite 639 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,920 Speaker 3: their other family members to participate, and their other family 640 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,719 Speaker 3: members will take their own assessments, and our system will 641 00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:57,879 Speaker 3: will collect all of those, combine them and give one 642 00:36:57,880 --> 00:36:59,200 Speaker 3: of sixteen family types. 643 00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:03,040 Speaker 1: Oh oh, okay, okay, yeah, because we I was a 644 00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,719 Speaker 1: little jealous because you were on another show and she's like, oh, 645 00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:07,400 Speaker 1: we all got the same one. I'm like, my husband 646 00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:09,600 Speaker 1: and I took it and we see things differently, right, 647 00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:13,920 Speaker 1: and we got two differentes, but I can see elements 648 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:17,480 Speaker 1: of both of them certainly, and it comes down, you know, 649 00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:21,200 Speaker 1: because it's my personality looks at things differently than he does. 650 00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:24,600 Speaker 1: And we'll get to what ours is and his is. 651 00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:26,680 Speaker 1: But share with us what those family types are. 652 00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:32,280 Speaker 3: Okay, so they're sixteen and they are. Those family types 653 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:38,440 Speaker 3: that prioritize identity are the collaborative, harmonious, reflective, and resourceful. 654 00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:43,560 Speaker 3: And then we move over those that prioritize purpose, focused 655 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:54,280 Speaker 3: and generous, inventive and visionary. Those that prioritize direction are impactful, resilient, strategic, 656 00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:58,520 Speaker 3: or trailblazing. And then those that are all about application, 657 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:04,480 Speaker 3: go go go do ky put it into practice, are driven, empowered, evolving, 658 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:09,040 Speaker 3: and nurturing. And there is no it is not a 659 00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:13,120 Speaker 3: hierarchy of families. So there is no goal family. It 660 00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:16,359 Speaker 3: is how your family. Because if we believe that God 661 00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:19,120 Speaker 3: knew us before the foundations of the world, then we 662 00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:21,799 Speaker 3: have to believe that He hand picked people to be 663 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:25,040 Speaker 3: in your family for good or bad, for good days 664 00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:29,080 Speaker 3: and bad days and challenges and joy like, Hey, there's 665 00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:32,200 Speaker 3: purpose in that, and so let's discover what that purpose 666 00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:37,880 Speaker 3: is and really dig into it. And the assessment helps 667 00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:41,239 Speaker 3: give common language to that and understand who that, what 668 00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:44,320 Speaker 3: your family type is, so then you can look for 669 00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:49,480 Speaker 3: common cautions or ways to develop opportunities in your family 670 00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:50,120 Speaker 3: to make it better. 671 00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:53,000 Speaker 1: And you even have like each family is a different 672 00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:55,720 Speaker 1: animal type too, just to kind of put some imagery 673 00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:58,279 Speaker 1: to it. I thought that was really fun. Wait here 674 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:00,880 Speaker 1: with us, who you, who your fai family is, and 675 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,279 Speaker 1: what your your animal is. 676 00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:05,799 Speaker 3: Okay, so we are the harmonious. 677 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:09,800 Speaker 1: Wait, let me just say this is not a spirit animal. Okay, 678 00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:13,640 Speaker 1: let's just invite it. We're not talking about spirit animals here. 679 00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:17,279 Speaker 3: We're not about This is something fun that our team 680 00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:20,319 Speaker 3: put together and just threw an animal on there that 681 00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:25,719 Speaker 3: maybe exemplifies one of these character Just a fun thing, right, 682 00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:30,480 Speaker 3: And so we are the heart the England family. We 683 00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:35,560 Speaker 3: are the harmonious family. And so we prioritize identity and 684 00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:38,279 Speaker 3: that's understanding who we are and who God's called us 685 00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:42,279 Speaker 3: to be and making sure that relationships are strong and 686 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,760 Speaker 3: people feel empowered and heard and respected inside the family. 687 00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:51,280 Speaker 3: And so you know, there are cautions with that because 688 00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:55,239 Speaker 3: it's really easy for us to get into and us 689 00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:58,800 Speaker 3: for no more mentality. Hey, if we're so over focused 690 00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:01,239 Speaker 3: on identity, we've got to watch out these things, and 691 00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:06,600 Speaker 3: so each family type has different opportunities or threats that 692 00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:09,080 Speaker 3: we have to watch out for. And these are just tendencies. 693 00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:12,959 Speaker 3: This is not an overcast. This is just hey, watch 694 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,839 Speaker 3: out for these things and be aware so that you 695 00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:19,040 Speaker 3: can develop who you are. For the harmonious family, it's 696 00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:23,279 Speaker 3: the elephant. The elephant is the mascot because it's all 697 00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:28,080 Speaker 3: about important relationships and strong connections. And how long a 698 00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:31,480 Speaker 3: child elephant stays with the parent is like four times 699 00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:34,200 Speaker 3: as long as most animals in the wild because it's 700 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:37,760 Speaker 3: all about relationships and they stay together their whole lives 701 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:42,120 Speaker 3: in families and packs and move together. And that's I mean. 702 00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:45,319 Speaker 3: For Gina and I, one of our greatest dreams is 703 00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:49,879 Speaker 3: to live near, close next door to our kids, right, 704 00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:56,280 Speaker 3: because it's the funniest thing, Catherine, my kids. I enjoy 705 00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,680 Speaker 3: them because they are a combination of my two favorite people, 706 00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:04,799 Speaker 3: me and my wife. So like they're blast I want 707 00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:07,680 Speaker 3: to be around them and I want to have great 708 00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:09,200 Speaker 3: relationships with them for a long time. 709 00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:15,960 Speaker 1: Oh that's awesome. Okay, so drum roll. My family, according 710 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:18,440 Speaker 1: to my husband, was all the things you just described. 711 00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:23,719 Speaker 1: He got harmonious family as well. So that's what he got, 712 00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:25,719 Speaker 1: and I see a lot of those characteristics both in 713 00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:29,840 Speaker 1: him and in our family. And by the way, okay, 714 00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:32,320 Speaker 1: so you send out this little thing that kind of 715 00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:37,240 Speaker 1: gives you those four core how you scored on identity, purpose, direction, 716 00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:41,880 Speaker 1: and application, But then you send like this really long, 717 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:45,359 Speaker 1: healthy analysis of what each of those family types are 718 00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:48,000 Speaker 1: when you get it. So now I were, I guess 719 00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,320 Speaker 1: a little bit of a split personality in our family. 720 00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:52,480 Speaker 1: I was a very different type of family. I came 721 00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:56,000 Speaker 1: out with the focused family, which, as I'm reading through 722 00:41:56,040 --> 00:42:03,560 Speaker 1: this passionate, intentional, persistent, uh check check check, yes, and 723 00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:06,280 Speaker 1: that's that is a lot of me. But see, here's 724 00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:10,759 Speaker 1: the thing that's who I am, and I'm putting that 725 00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:13,359 Speaker 1: I'm kind of you know, that's what I pour into 726 00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:17,520 Speaker 1: my kids because I am I'm very passionate, I'm very 727 00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:21,480 Speaker 1: intentional about a lot of things. I'm very I'm very persistent, 728 00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:26,560 Speaker 1: and you know that I see that in a lot 729 00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,480 Speaker 1: of my kids. And you know what's hilarious about this, Okay, 730 00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:32,040 Speaker 1: I've got I'm reading a book right now, you me 731 00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:35,480 Speaker 1: and our ADHD family for an upcoming episode, and I'm 732 00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:38,040 Speaker 1: kind of clueless. Three of my kids have been formally 733 00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:43,120 Speaker 1: diagnosed with issues. Dealing with ADHD is primarily issues with 734 00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:47,160 Speaker 1: focus as am I. I'm reading the book and I'm like, 735 00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:48,799 Speaker 1: how did I get to be as old as I am? 736 00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:50,920 Speaker 1: And I didn't realize the reason why they struggle with 737 00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:53,319 Speaker 1: this is because I do. But what we struggle with 738 00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:55,840 Speaker 1: time and time again is focusing on the stuff that 739 00:42:55,880 --> 00:43:02,560 Speaker 1: we're not so interested in remedial math, phonic laundry and 740 00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:05,840 Speaker 1: leaning the kitchen and many things like that. And so 741 00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:08,520 Speaker 1: I struggle with focus in a lot of areas. But 742 00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,759 Speaker 1: when it comes to those important things, those things I'm 743 00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:15,399 Speaker 1: passionate about and intentional about and persistent with, I am 744 00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:20,440 Speaker 1: hyper focused. Like rome can be burning around me and 745 00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:23,080 Speaker 1: I'm working on something in terms of something I'm writing 746 00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:26,040 Speaker 1: or whatever, and I'm like zoned, and people laugh at 747 00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:29,400 Speaker 1: me and the family They're like, I'm so stinking focused. 748 00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:32,799 Speaker 1: And I've noticed that in my kids too. And I 749 00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:36,840 Speaker 1: had one kid, Okay, get this, she's also diagnosed with ADHD, 750 00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:39,600 Speaker 1: and and she just didn't seem to have a passion 751 00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:41,239 Speaker 1: for anything, and I was praying, like, God, help her 752 00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:43,720 Speaker 1: to find that thing, and she did. Civil Air Patrol 753 00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:47,799 Speaker 1: never imagined my husband and I were not. We didn't 754 00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:49,719 Speaker 1: do our OTC or any of that kind of stuff. 755 00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:53,120 Speaker 1: Civil Air Patrol is kind of like the arm of 756 00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:56,560 Speaker 1: the Air Force for younger kids to get into. And 757 00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:58,520 Speaker 1: she's gotten into that, and she's already flown a plane. 758 00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:00,640 Speaker 1: She gets promoted every two months, and she is like 759 00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:04,000 Speaker 1: so intentional and focused on that. I've got one kid 760 00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:08,000 Speaker 1: who's so focused on baseball. So I totally see this 761 00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:12,400 Speaker 1: in our family and in our family dynamic and our personality. 762 00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:15,120 Speaker 1: I am so excited to learn how do I then 763 00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:20,840 Speaker 1: parlay that over into family intentionality, family focused because I 764 00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:23,400 Speaker 1: don't think we cracked that nut yet, and I'm pretty 765 00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:27,640 Speaker 1: sure as we go through that free online curriculum that 766 00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:30,000 Speaker 1: you have that we're going to be able to discover 767 00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:33,120 Speaker 1: how to hone down exactly what our values are so 768 00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:35,440 Speaker 1: we can fully live that out. So, now, what age 769 00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:39,000 Speaker 1: and up would you recommend doing that assessment for the family? 770 00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:42,840 Speaker 3: Great question we have On the assessment there are questions 771 00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:46,080 Speaker 3: for adults and then questions for teens or preteens. So 772 00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:50,040 Speaker 3: I would say, you know, nine, ten, okay or older 773 00:44:50,239 --> 00:44:52,440 Speaker 3: for the assessment and the masterclass are great, But I 774 00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:54,439 Speaker 3: want to touch on something real quick that you said, 775 00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:57,040 Speaker 3: because I think what you're saying is so key for 776 00:44:57,160 --> 00:45:01,640 Speaker 3: so many families, and that is, hey, i've got a 777 00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:05,760 Speaker 3: kid or myself, I'm just not they don't have discipline, 778 00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:07,920 Speaker 3: or they don't have passion, or they're just not focused, 779 00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:11,200 Speaker 3: or like, how do I motivate them? And here's something 780 00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:14,279 Speaker 3: that I'll steal from Greg who said it for a 781 00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:18,560 Speaker 3: dozen years, is the key is you show me somebody 782 00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:20,920 Speaker 3: who has a passion problem. And they don't have a 783 00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,279 Speaker 3: passion problem or a focus problem, they don't have a 784 00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:28,840 Speaker 3: focused problem, they have a vision problem. Because vision creates passion, 785 00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:34,000 Speaker 3: and then passion creates discipline for us as a family. 786 00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:39,840 Speaker 3: Like for families, most families that I talk to, the 787 00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:42,920 Speaker 3: thing they have the greatest vision for and the most 788 00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:46,440 Speaker 3: passion and discipline is like a family vacation. I mean 789 00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:49,840 Speaker 3: they can get laser focused on a family vacation because 790 00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:53,120 Speaker 3: they know exactly where they're going, when they're going, what 791 00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:55,000 Speaker 3: they're going to do there, what they're going to wear, 792 00:45:55,360 --> 00:46:00,160 Speaker 3: and they get so so clear on that vision that 793 00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:02,400 Speaker 3: it's all they focus on. And then they spend hours 794 00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:06,000 Speaker 3: searching airbnbs and rental cars and all this stuff. Right, 795 00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:09,960 Speaker 3: they're laser focused and they're disciplined about it. But if 796 00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:14,160 Speaker 3: we can convert that into hey, whoa A vacation is 797 00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:17,160 Speaker 3: incredibly important. Family should go on vacation and make memories 798 00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:20,680 Speaker 3: and build relationships. But if we can steer that energy 799 00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:25,280 Speaker 3: into having a vision for the family as a whole, Hey, guys, 800 00:46:25,719 --> 00:46:28,600 Speaker 3: what is our where's our family really going? Let's figure 801 00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:31,080 Speaker 3: out where we're going, when we're going, how we're going 802 00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:32,959 Speaker 3: to get there, what we're going to do when we're there. 803 00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:36,240 Speaker 3: Now we have a vision for the future. Your daughter 804 00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:39,120 Speaker 3: is passionate about the Civil Air Service or Civil Air 805 00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:42,920 Speaker 3: Patrol because she has a vision for her in that. 806 00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:46,719 Speaker 3: Or your son he has a vision for himself of 807 00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:49,399 Speaker 3: playing baseball at whatever the next level is. Oh mom, 808 00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:52,239 Speaker 3: I want a fastball with a twenty six twenty six 809 00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:55,879 Speaker 3: hundred spin rate like they metric everything, and so there's 810 00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:59,279 Speaker 3: a clear vision on exactly what the targets are that 811 00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:03,680 Speaker 3: he needs to hit. And vision creates passion. Passion creates discipline. 812 00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:06,359 Speaker 3: Discipline allows us to completely sell out. 813 00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:09,759 Speaker 1: You're absolutely right, and we don't have that for one 814 00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:12,200 Speaker 1: of the most important things in life, that is the family. 815 00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:15,719 Speaker 1: I love your example of the vacation. I could have 816 00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:18,400 Speaker 1: probably been a travel agent in another life, because I 817 00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:20,719 Speaker 1: love to plan out stuff like that. I can get 818 00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:23,440 Speaker 1: very laser for. I mean, I will spend like just 819 00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:25,799 Speaker 1: hours and hours in comparing, Okay, what's the best place 820 00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:27,239 Speaker 1: to go and the best price, and what are we 821 00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:28,920 Speaker 1: going to do when we get there? And yet we 822 00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:30,680 Speaker 1: don't do this with our family. And I love what 823 00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:34,520 Speaker 1: you mentioned. Yeah, that was seriously, it was my kid 824 00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:36,680 Speaker 1: that just didn't seem to get into anything, and then 825 00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:40,719 Speaker 1: she found this, and it was it's so foreign to 826 00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:44,520 Speaker 1: me because it's so opposite of anything myself, or that's 827 00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:48,200 Speaker 1: what we were talking about, getting that having that branch there, 828 00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:50,759 Speaker 1: pouring into what that branch is supposed to be, not 829 00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:53,120 Speaker 1: what I envisioned it to be. You know. I named 830 00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:56,160 Speaker 1: her Avonlea after Anne of Green Gables, and she doesn't 831 00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:58,080 Speaker 1: really even like to read. All of my kids have 832 00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:00,880 Speaker 1: literary names, and this one is she's not really passionate 833 00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:01,640 Speaker 1: about literature. 834 00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:04,080 Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh my gosh, seriously. 835 00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:06,319 Speaker 1: I gave you the best name, and you know that's 836 00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:09,040 Speaker 1: not what you're Okay, we're gonna do. But I love 837 00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:11,480 Speaker 1: watching her in Civil Air Patrol because she's become more 838 00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:14,200 Speaker 1: disciplined as a person, like if she has to have 839 00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:16,279 Speaker 1: a room clean to go to Civil Air Patrol, she 840 00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:18,640 Speaker 1: gets it done. She gets it done. And then my son, 841 00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:21,279 Speaker 1: you mentioned baseball, he already knows. He's nine years old. 842 00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:24,200 Speaker 1: He wants to play for LSU, he wears, and we 843 00:48:24,239 --> 00:48:26,279 Speaker 1: don't even live in Louisiana, and I've tried to tell 844 00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:28,360 Speaker 1: him how hot and sticky it is there, and no, 845 00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:31,080 Speaker 1: he wants to. I don't know why, but he he's 846 00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:33,520 Speaker 1: like he knows so much baseball trivia and he knows 847 00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:37,439 Speaker 1: everything so much about the game, like incredible focus. When 848 00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:39,480 Speaker 1: I look at this, I'm like, you're right. We are 849 00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:43,800 Speaker 1: a very focused family. And we are a harmonious family. 850 00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:47,000 Speaker 1: We have We live near my in laws, and there's 851 00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:49,640 Speaker 1: like when we all get together, there's like twenty plus 852 00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:52,040 Speaker 1: of us, and we do it all the time, like 853 00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,840 Speaker 1: all the time work because everybody's always got a birthday 854 00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:57,759 Speaker 1: or some sort of celebration. We've got a baptism coming up. 855 00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:00,839 Speaker 1: I'm so excited next weekend. My youngest is getting bad tied, 856 00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:03,160 Speaker 1: and so families coming in town. And it's like we 857 00:49:03,280 --> 00:49:06,360 Speaker 1: are a harmonious family as well. We have those elements 858 00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:08,600 Speaker 1: so what you're saying is you have everybody in the 859 00:49:08,600 --> 00:49:11,120 Speaker 1: family take it, and then you will assess the family 860 00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:13,120 Speaker 1: as a whole to see, Okay, this is what you 861 00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:14,680 Speaker 1: most likely are. 862 00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:27,080 Speaker 3: So inside the system, you'll have one parent take it 863 00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:30,120 Speaker 3: or one person take it, and on the results page 864 00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:33,319 Speaker 3: there's an invite button and they can invite everybody in 865 00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:36,400 Speaker 3: the family and it puts all of their scores into 866 00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:39,680 Speaker 3: one family unit, and it combines it and spits out 867 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:42,920 Speaker 3: and you can see everybody's individual results and then you 868 00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:46,120 Speaker 3: can see the collective average results at the very end. 869 00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:50,120 Speaker 3: So one person lead take the assessment, click the invite 870 00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:53,359 Speaker 3: button and email it to everybody, and then as they 871 00:49:53,400 --> 00:49:56,520 Speaker 3: take it, the system will combine the scores and give 872 00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:57,920 Speaker 3: a collective response. 873 00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:02,640 Speaker 1: That's really cool. I've got my husband and myself have 874 00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:05,960 Speaker 1: done ours, and so we could have some different results 875 00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:08,080 Speaker 1: from different kids, right, that's right, yep. 876 00:50:08,120 --> 00:50:09,919 Speaker 3: So go into you should be able to go back 877 00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:11,880 Speaker 3: into your results. There should be a link in one 878 00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:15,200 Speaker 3: of the emails. Click on it, click invite, send it 879 00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:18,520 Speaker 3: to your kids and let them participate in it and 880 00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:21,279 Speaker 3: see what they because it will answer some of the 881 00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:25,560 Speaker 3: questions of how they view the family. I mean personal 882 00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:32,800 Speaker 3: identity is a combination of just hardwiring. My kids a 883 00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:35,959 Speaker 3: daughter who's fifteen, a son who's fourteen. They were born 884 00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:39,360 Speaker 3: thirteen months apart, and they were the exact same size, 885 00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:43,799 Speaker 3: I mean exact same size, you know, seven pounds fifteen ounces, 886 00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:47,760 Speaker 3: twenty and a half inches long. But today their personalities 887 00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:50,800 Speaker 3: are vastly different. They've grown up in the same environment 888 00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:54,120 Speaker 3: they I mean, we Tina and I make clones as 889 00:50:54,200 --> 00:51:01,960 Speaker 3: much as possible, but they're hardwired differently. And so identity 890 00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:05,560 Speaker 3: is a combination of the way that we're hardwired and 891 00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:07,400 Speaker 3: the environment that we're in and the way that we 892 00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:12,399 Speaker 3: perceive things. And so for that assessment, yeah, invite them 893 00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:15,960 Speaker 3: and you'll get us a snapshot or a peek behind 894 00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:19,400 Speaker 3: the curtain about the way that your kids or children 895 00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:23,160 Speaker 3: view the family, because there are questions on there like, hey, 896 00:51:23,200 --> 00:51:25,960 Speaker 3: we meet regularly as a family, or we have traditions 897 00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:29,239 Speaker 3: that are important as well as I feel like I 898 00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:33,680 Speaker 3: belong in my family, you know. And you can't see 899 00:51:33,719 --> 00:51:37,359 Speaker 3: individual answers, but you can see the scores and it 900 00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:41,000 Speaker 3: will provide some insight as to hey, what are we doing, 901 00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:43,520 Speaker 3: where are we going, and give a collective answer and 902 00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:46,879 Speaker 3: then you can move together into that masterclass that again 903 00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:51,080 Speaker 3: is totally free and will walk a family from zero 904 00:51:51,280 --> 00:51:54,320 Speaker 3: to walking out with core values, mission statement, vision statement 905 00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:57,879 Speaker 3: and understanding. This is what we need and I'll take 906 00:51:57,920 --> 00:52:02,719 Speaker 3: the pressure off. It won't be perfect at the end, 907 00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:07,200 Speaker 3: it won't, I promise. It took Gina and I a 908 00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:12,719 Speaker 3: couple years to nail down and clearly identify exactly who 909 00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:16,400 Speaker 3: God created us to be, because we know today and 910 00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:20,080 Speaker 3: my kids know today that as in England, we are 911 00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:23,400 Speaker 3: called to be a beacon of light and a pillar 912 00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:26,960 Speaker 3: of strengths to a dark and grumbling world. That's what 913 00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:28,680 Speaker 3: we're called to be, a beacon of light and a 914 00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:30,840 Speaker 3: pillar of strength. But we didn't land on that on 915 00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:33,920 Speaker 3: day one. That took some time to develop. We had 916 00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:36,440 Speaker 3: an idea of what God was calling us to do 917 00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:42,040 Speaker 3: and who but it doesn't have to be figured out today, 918 00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:45,160 Speaker 3: but it is important to start today. I was telling 919 00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:47,520 Speaker 3: you earlier I heard a quote from I originally heard 920 00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:49,080 Speaker 3: it from Dave Ramsey. I don't know if it's his 921 00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:52,240 Speaker 3: or not, but he said, the best time to plant 922 00:52:52,239 --> 00:52:56,400 Speaker 3: a tree is ten years ago. The second best time 923 00:52:56,920 --> 00:53:00,000 Speaker 3: is today. And that's the way I feel about this family. 924 00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:04,680 Speaker 3: Stuff is. Hey, sure, we all wish that we could 925 00:53:04,719 --> 00:53:09,400 Speaker 3: have invested in relationships previously, you know, three, four, five, six, 926 00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:12,880 Speaker 3: seven years ago, but the best time to start is today. 927 00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:15,759 Speaker 3: It's never too late. It's never too late as an 928 00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:19,400 Speaker 3: adult to reach out to an adult child, you know, 929 00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:23,360 Speaker 3: as somebody in my forties hearing from my parents today 930 00:53:23,760 --> 00:53:27,359 Speaker 3: that they love me and are proud of me. It's 931 00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:31,640 Speaker 3: not lost. It is appreciated. It is incredibly appreciated. My 932 00:53:31,680 --> 00:53:33,640 Speaker 3: father in law is one of the best at just 933 00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:37,600 Speaker 3: simply saying, Derek, you're a good dad. You do a 934 00:53:37,600 --> 00:53:41,319 Speaker 3: good job. Sometimes you just need to hear it. And 935 00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:45,120 Speaker 3: it's never too late to start that today and start 936 00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:46,600 Speaker 3: those encouraging words. 937 00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:50,759 Speaker 1: Thank you for that. That's beautiful. I think I had 938 00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:54,759 Speaker 1: this vision of God when you were talking earlier, just 939 00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:57,839 Speaker 1: like you guys, this is you know, I just I've 940 00:53:57,880 --> 00:54:01,719 Speaker 1: created this purpose for you, created I discover it. You know, 941 00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:03,520 Speaker 1: so much of what we have to do in the 942 00:54:03,640 --> 00:54:07,480 Speaker 1: walk of faith with God is it's a journey of discovery, 943 00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:11,160 Speaker 1: of discovering who God created us to be, discovering who 944 00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:14,719 Speaker 1: he created the family to be. And this and and 945 00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:17,480 Speaker 1: it is daunting to think about because you know, you 946 00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:19,960 Speaker 1: listen to that, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I 947 00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:23,600 Speaker 1: don't have those five values yet, and I'm not exactly sure. 948 00:54:23,640 --> 00:54:27,400 Speaker 1: I don't have that exact mission, you know, a concrete 949 00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:30,040 Speaker 1: mission statement. I probably you know here, I have a 950 00:54:30,080 --> 00:54:32,560 Speaker 1: pairing podcast, and you asked me that question. I'm going 951 00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:34,920 Speaker 1: to be your deer in headlight response a little bit. 952 00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:38,359 Speaker 1: You know, I'll give you some kind of generic nebulous things, 953 00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:41,840 Speaker 1: but not it's not focused, it's not intentional. And where 954 00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:44,719 Speaker 1: there is a lack of vision, we all know the 955 00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:49,239 Speaker 1: verse the people right, there's a lack of vision for 956 00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:52,480 Speaker 1: your family. Maybe your family won't perish altogether, but it 957 00:54:52,520 --> 00:54:54,480 Speaker 1: won't thrive. It's not going to be all that God 958 00:54:54,640 --> 00:54:58,880 Speaker 1: intended for it to be. And so this these are 959 00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:02,359 Speaker 1: tools I'm I'm so so excited to be using. I'm 960 00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:04,680 Speaker 1: really excited to get this assessment. And like I said, 961 00:55:04,719 --> 00:55:06,640 Speaker 1: I was so impressed with the assessment. I'm reading through that. 962 00:55:06,719 --> 00:55:09,840 Speaker 1: I'm like, this is really a lot of great information. 963 00:55:09,960 --> 00:55:13,640 Speaker 1: You've got positive outcomes for my family of what can 964 00:55:13,680 --> 00:55:17,839 Speaker 1: happen with my passion, persistence and intentionality. And then hey, 965 00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:21,400 Speaker 1: look out here, you could be a little you know, 966 00:55:21,440 --> 00:55:25,839 Speaker 1: have limited perspective. Dogmatism can be a part of that 967 00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:30,080 Speaker 1: kind of family type or commitment can become legalism, prudence 968 00:55:30,120 --> 00:55:33,000 Speaker 1: can become a judgmental attitude. So here's some places you 969 00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:35,839 Speaker 1: need to make sure you're cautious. And then I love 970 00:55:35,880 --> 00:55:39,640 Speaker 1: the impactful action you give all of these amazing ideas 971 00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:41,960 Speaker 1: of things that you could do. Let's do a financial 972 00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:45,279 Speaker 1: planning game. Okay, because we're focused family, let's try that, 973 00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:48,640 Speaker 1: and a trivia nighte a cause worth cooking for. Like 974 00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:51,200 Speaker 1: I'm not I don't like to cook, but we have to. 975 00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:54,200 Speaker 1: My husband actually loves to. But yeah, let's try this 976 00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:56,320 Speaker 1: and it's you know, cook with a purpose. 977 00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:56,799 Speaker 3: You know. 978 00:55:57,080 --> 00:55:59,600 Speaker 1: We did this actually during COVID. My husband came up 979 00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:02,279 Speaker 1: with this really great idea. He's like, okay, pick a 980 00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:05,759 Speaker 1: meal from a country, another country, something that you'd like 981 00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:08,800 Speaker 1: to try that you've never tried before. And one of 982 00:56:08,800 --> 00:56:11,640 Speaker 1: the kids came up with snitzel, and one of the 983 00:56:11,719 --> 00:56:14,560 Speaker 1: kids came up with Vietnamese fa that was really cool, 984 00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:17,480 Speaker 1: and I can't remember there were a few other ones, 985 00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:19,879 Speaker 1: and I think I came up with at least five 986 00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:24,160 Speaker 1: extra pounds from all of these wonderful tests. But we 987 00:56:24,239 --> 00:56:28,440 Speaker 1: did that as a family and explored other countries. You know, 988 00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:31,480 Speaker 1: it was very, very focused and intentional on that a 989 00:56:31,600 --> 00:56:34,080 Speaker 1: nature scavenger hunt. That's another thing you got there. So 990 00:56:34,239 --> 00:56:36,920 Speaker 1: all of this is amazing. I'm really excited and I 991 00:56:36,920 --> 00:56:39,319 Speaker 1: can't wait to go through that with our family devotionals 992 00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:42,439 Speaker 1: to to do those videos. So why don't you tell 993 00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:45,200 Speaker 1: our families again where they can learn more about you 994 00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:46,520 Speaker 1: and about family ID. 995 00:56:47,239 --> 00:56:51,880 Speaker 3: Yep, greatest place is the website family dashed dot com 996 00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:56,760 Speaker 3: Family dashid dot com. The assessment. There's a big blue button. 997 00:56:56,840 --> 00:56:58,680 Speaker 3: You can click on it on the web page. Take 998 00:56:58,719 --> 00:57:02,719 Speaker 3: the assessment. That will lead you through the resource of 999 00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:05,799 Speaker 3: the free video master classes. There you click on that 1000 00:57:06,239 --> 00:57:09,320 Speaker 3: sign up for that again. The assessment and master class 1001 00:57:09,320 --> 00:57:12,040 Speaker 3: are totally free. We want to minister to families. We 1002 00:57:12,120 --> 00:57:17,680 Speaker 3: want families to be changed and to lead intentional lives together. 1003 00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:21,160 Speaker 3: You can find us on Facebook. Do you find us 1004 00:57:21,160 --> 00:57:25,200 Speaker 3: on Instagram? We have a pretty strong Pinterest game. I'm 1005 00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:29,959 Speaker 3: just saying because of course, hey, resources, So let's we've 1006 00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:33,080 Speaker 3: created a ton of resources. One of the greatest things. 1007 00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:36,920 Speaker 3: And I'll leave you with this. Don't make this daunting 1008 00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:41,040 Speaker 3: like this is not some gigantic mountain that you have 1009 00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:43,000 Speaker 3: to climb and get it right and if you miss 1010 00:57:43,040 --> 00:57:46,640 Speaker 3: your foot, you're going to fall. This is all about 1011 00:57:47,040 --> 00:57:51,240 Speaker 3: you and your family, So take it one question at 1012 00:57:51,280 --> 00:57:54,320 Speaker 3: a time, one night at a time. Around dinner, Hey, 1013 00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:57,720 Speaker 3: what are we about? Hey? At dinner what Turn to 1014 00:57:57,760 --> 00:57:59,840 Speaker 3: your left and say one of your favorite things about 1015 00:57:59,840 --> 00:58:02,000 Speaker 3: your brother or sister, your mom or dad, whoever sit 1016 00:58:02,120 --> 00:58:05,800 Speaker 3: next to you, say an encouraging thing about that. Hey, guys, 1017 00:58:05,880 --> 00:58:09,360 Speaker 3: I've been thinking, we really need to be blank fill 1018 00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:12,000 Speaker 3: in the blank, and then just start having a conversation 1019 00:58:12,040 --> 00:58:14,920 Speaker 3: about it. I love the idea of your husband picking 1020 00:58:15,040 --> 00:58:18,000 Speaker 3: meals from other countries. You know what, I would be 1021 00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:20,480 Speaker 3: willing to bet that those are some of your kid's 1022 00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:25,920 Speaker 3: greatest memories because it was time spent together working on something, 1023 00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:28,600 Speaker 3: and it was relationship building. So it doesn't have to 1024 00:58:28,640 --> 00:58:34,880 Speaker 3: be some super duper ultra something. Just have conversations and 1025 00:58:35,040 --> 00:58:39,600 Speaker 3: lead live more intentionally today and don't come home flop 1026 00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:42,480 Speaker 3: on the couch, but instead I'd go, Okay, home is 1027 00:58:42,560 --> 00:58:45,920 Speaker 3: my greatest priority. How do I make it my greatest priority? 1028 00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:48,840 Speaker 3: And these people in the home, how do I love them? 1029 00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:52,400 Speaker 3: And how do I serve them and be the greatest servant, 1030 00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:54,480 Speaker 3: I can possibly be inside my. 1031 00:58:54,440 --> 00:58:59,520 Speaker 1: Home as you were saying that, I just saw this, Like, 1032 00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:02,680 Speaker 1: I bet a lot of healing takes place in this, 1033 00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:04,760 Speaker 1: doesn't it so much? 1034 00:59:05,320 --> 00:59:05,840 Speaker 3: So much? 1035 00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:08,320 Speaker 1: I know we've talked for a while, but do you 1036 00:59:08,320 --> 00:59:10,520 Speaker 1: have any stories of the healing that's taken place? 1037 00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:13,680 Speaker 3: Oh gosh, there's I mean yes, Like there are kids 1038 00:59:13,720 --> 00:59:17,240 Speaker 3: that this is the first time that they feel like 1039 00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:19,920 Speaker 3: their voice is heard. We've gone into churches. Well, we 1040 00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:22,360 Speaker 3: do seminars and the kids sitting around the table and 1041 00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:25,000 Speaker 3: they're participating, and they get to choose their core values 1042 00:59:25,480 --> 00:59:27,840 Speaker 3: and a parent will look and go, I had no 1043 00:59:27,920 --> 00:59:31,520 Speaker 3: idea you valued that. Well, yeah, I know, I don't 1044 00:59:31,560 --> 00:59:33,840 Speaker 3: show it. I don't do it a whole lot, but 1045 00:59:33,880 --> 00:59:36,400 Speaker 3: this is incredibly important to me. Or we ask them 1046 00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:39,240 Speaker 3: to write down some wins of the year. You know, hey, 1047 00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:41,680 Speaker 3: in the last thirty days and the last ninety days, 1048 00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:44,640 Speaker 3: what are some greatest wins things you want to celebrate. 1049 00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:47,760 Speaker 3: Let's make those milestones and Ebenezer stones so the future 1050 00:59:47,760 --> 00:59:50,600 Speaker 3: generations can see them as they pass, right, Like, what 1051 00:59:50,680 --> 00:59:52,840 Speaker 3: are the greatest wins? And kids will write it down, 1052 00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:55,760 Speaker 3: our parents will write it down, and in the seminar 1053 00:59:55,880 --> 00:59:59,440 Speaker 3: in the masterclass, we talk about hey, his needs, her needs, 1054 01:00:00,440 --> 01:00:05,040 Speaker 3: And there are some simple statements that if you've ever 1055 01:00:05,080 --> 01:00:07,360 Speaker 3: heard the phrase, and I might not get it perfect here, 1056 01:00:07,360 --> 01:00:16,960 Speaker 3: but a unspoken appreciation or unspoken encouragement comes across as unappreciation. Right. 1057 01:00:17,040 --> 01:00:19,440 Speaker 3: If you don't say that you appreciate somebody, you're thankful 1058 01:00:19,440 --> 01:00:21,480 Speaker 3: for them, they take it as though you are not. 1059 01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:25,320 Speaker 3: And so we give couples or families the opportunity to 1060 01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:28,880 Speaker 3: say that because we want the home to be the 1061 01:00:28,920 --> 01:00:32,720 Speaker 3: greatest place of encouragement and support and love that it 1062 01:00:32,760 --> 01:00:36,200 Speaker 3: can possibly be. And if we're not intentional about that, 1063 01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:39,920 Speaker 3: we'll miss the market. And so it's not crazy, daunting, 1064 01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:43,920 Speaker 3: it's just simple stuff. It's just a reminder of Hey, families, 1065 01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:48,040 Speaker 3: our greatest priority. Family is what God intended ministry to 1066 01:00:48,080 --> 01:00:51,640 Speaker 3: happen on a core basis. So let's live that out. 1067 01:00:52,800 --> 01:00:55,760 Speaker 1: And this is our biggest, our greatest ministry. You know, 1068 01:00:55,800 --> 01:00:58,320 Speaker 1: I think most parents recognize that if we if we 1069 01:00:58,400 --> 01:01:01,440 Speaker 1: fail here, then there's a whole ball wax Man. That's everything. 1070 01:01:01,640 --> 01:01:06,960 Speaker 1: That is everything. I confess. Yeah, I wish I'd started 1071 01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:09,400 Speaker 1: this ten years ago, but the next best time to 1072 01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:10,480 Speaker 1: start that is now. 1073 01:01:11,040 --> 01:01:13,320 Speaker 3: That's right today, Just one more quick question. 1074 01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:15,880 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I can pick your brain all day. But 1075 01:01:16,080 --> 01:01:18,720 Speaker 1: so in those videos, do you offer all those kind 1076 01:01:18,760 --> 01:01:21,280 Speaker 1: of suggestions of hey, try this at dinner and things, 1077 01:01:21,360 --> 01:01:22,880 Speaker 1: or is that somewhere else on the website. 1078 01:01:22,960 --> 01:01:27,720 Speaker 3: Nope, those are downloadable resources in the Masterclass perfect. It's full, 1079 01:01:27,880 --> 01:01:30,600 Speaker 3: it's full of activities to do together. And then on 1080 01:01:30,600 --> 01:01:33,240 Speaker 3: our social media we often share a bunch of resources 1081 01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:37,000 Speaker 3: and tools. We're about to launch just a doubt, a 1082 01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:41,200 Speaker 3: free downloadable ebook. He questions that every daughter needs answered, 1083 01:01:41,320 --> 01:01:44,280 Speaker 3: questions that every son needs answered, and how we answer 1084 01:01:44,280 --> 01:01:47,360 Speaker 3: those questions inside the home because every dog, I mean, 1085 01:01:47,880 --> 01:01:52,360 Speaker 3: this is something she found an article a few years ago. 1086 01:01:52,680 --> 01:01:57,680 Speaker 3: Is that out? The teenage girl questions for body image 1087 01:01:57,680 --> 01:02:01,760 Speaker 3: fourteen times a day, fourteen times on average, and so 1088 01:02:02,480 --> 01:02:07,280 Speaker 3: hey we inside the home, we need to answer that 1089 01:02:07,360 --> 01:02:10,480 Speaker 3: question for her fifteen times a day. Yep, you know. 1090 01:02:10,640 --> 01:02:13,120 Speaker 3: And so it's questions like these that kids need answered, 1091 01:02:13,120 --> 01:02:16,000 Speaker 3: and so we're constantly putting out resources like that on 1092 01:02:16,120 --> 01:02:22,040 Speaker 3: social media. But it's all in the Masterclass downloadable pdf. 1093 01:02:22,120 --> 01:02:24,520 Speaker 3: You can print it at home. Still in the blanks, 1094 01:02:24,560 --> 01:02:27,480 Speaker 3: go through it. You talked about the core values earlier, Yeah, 1095 01:02:27,640 --> 01:02:30,440 Speaker 3: it is hard to come up with core values on 1096 01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:34,160 Speaker 3: a blank slate. I mean that's hard. But we give 1097 01:02:34,280 --> 01:02:36,880 Speaker 3: like sixty or seventy questions on the page and all 1098 01:02:36,920 --> 01:02:38,760 Speaker 3: you have to do is circle them. Hey, I like 1099 01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:41,919 Speaker 3: these ten or fifteen, and now let's narrow it down. 1100 01:02:42,120 --> 01:02:44,120 Speaker 1: And now let's narrow it down as a family. 1101 01:02:44,560 --> 01:02:46,560 Speaker 3: As a family. Yep, that's awesome. 1102 01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:48,680 Speaker 1: See. And then your kids buy into it. You know, 1103 01:02:48,720 --> 01:02:50,440 Speaker 1: they've got they've got skin in the game. They're like, 1104 01:02:50,520 --> 01:02:53,240 Speaker 1: I'm heard. You know this is important to me, and 1105 01:02:53,280 --> 01:02:56,000 Speaker 1: this this is who we are as a family. It's 1106 01:02:56,040 --> 01:02:57,840 Speaker 1: not just important to me, but you know that they 1107 01:02:57,880 --> 01:03:00,920 Speaker 1: get to contribute to that process. I think it's beautiful. 1108 01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:03,160 Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. So it's family dashid 1109 01:03:03,440 --> 01:03:06,720 Speaker 1: dot com right correct, Okay, I'm gonna link all of 1110 01:03:06,720 --> 01:03:08,640 Speaker 1: that in the show notes. Moms and dads take the 1111 01:03:08,680 --> 01:03:11,360 Speaker 1: free assessment for your family and go through these pre corps. 1112 01:03:11,400 --> 01:03:14,640 Speaker 1: I mean, like, seriously, why would you not do that? Okay? 1113 01:03:14,720 --> 01:03:16,840 Speaker 1: If your family is important to you, this is such 1114 01:03:16,840 --> 01:03:19,320 Speaker 1: an incredible resource. And I come back to that thing 1115 01:03:19,400 --> 01:03:21,240 Speaker 1: we were talking about earlier. There's so many things for 1116 01:03:21,280 --> 01:03:24,040 Speaker 1: the individual and the church, and yet we're really not 1117 01:03:24,200 --> 01:03:28,720 Speaker 1: looking at this, especially knowing how much the family is 1118 01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:31,720 Speaker 1: under attack. This is just one of those perfect ways 1119 01:03:31,760 --> 01:03:34,840 Speaker 1: to just re establish, really make sure we've got a 1120 01:03:34,880 --> 01:03:37,400 Speaker 1: strong foundation in the family. And so I know we're 1121 01:03:37,440 --> 01:03:39,520 Speaker 1: gonna do it and the seekers household, and we're gonna 1122 01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:41,680 Speaker 1: figure out what our core values are. I honestly, I 1123 01:03:41,680 --> 01:03:44,680 Speaker 1: can't wait. I'm so excited, so excited. I cannot thank 1124 01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:48,240 Speaker 1: you enough for making us aware of our need for 1125 01:03:48,360 --> 01:03:51,800 Speaker 1: a family identity and showing us how to find it. Man, 1126 01:03:51,840 --> 01:03:54,880 Speaker 1: You've made it so easy for us. It seems like 1127 01:03:54,920 --> 01:03:57,280 Speaker 1: a daunting task, but I know that you're just gonna 1128 01:03:57,320 --> 01:03:58,880 Speaker 1: lead us. You've got the bread comes right in front 1129 01:03:58,920 --> 01:03:59,120 Speaker 1: of us. 1130 01:03:59,120 --> 01:04:00,840 Speaker 3: We just have to keep up follow It's it one 1131 01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:03,000 Speaker 3: step at a time, one step of time. 1132 01:04:03,280 --> 01:04:06,040 Speaker 1: Ah. Thank you so much, Derek. I think this is 1133 01:04:06,160 --> 01:04:09,200 Speaker 1: just really going to impact so many lives and transform 1134 01:04:09,320 --> 01:04:11,800 Speaker 1: so many lives. I love the work you're doing. Thank 1135 01:04:11,840 --> 01:04:14,720 Speaker 1: you for joining us to share with us your heart 1136 01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:17,120 Speaker 1: for the family, which is God's heart for the family, 1137 01:04:17,120 --> 01:04:19,240 Speaker 1: which is all of our hearts for the family. Thank you, Derek, 1138 01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:20,480 Speaker 1: Thank you for having us. 1139 01:04:20,960 --> 01:04:25,480 Speaker 4: And as always, remember God gave you your kids, your 1140 01:04:25,640 --> 01:04:29,920 Speaker 4: specific kids for a reason. That's because you hold the 1141 01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:34,320 Speaker 4: key to unlocking God created them to be well. 1142 01:04:34,400 --> 01:04:35,160 Speaker 2: See you next time. 1143 01:04:41,880 --> 01:04:45,160 Speaker 5: Christian parent Crazy World is a production of Life Audio 1144 01:04:45,280 --> 01:04:47,960 Speaker 5: and Salem Media. If you liked what you heard today, 1145 01:04:48,120 --> 01:04:51,040 Speaker 5: please take a second to rate and review this podcast 1146 01:04:51,160 --> 01:04:54,120 Speaker 5: in your favorite podcast app so that more listeners like 1147 01:04:54,200 --> 01:04:58,520 Speaker 5: you can find the show. For more faith filled inspirational podcasts, 1148 01:04:58,760 --> 01:05:06,960 Speaker 5: visit us at life audio dot com. 1149 01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:08,440 Speaker 1: MHM