Speaker 1: Life Audio. In today's episode of Timeless Wisdom.
Speaker 2: I begin with the question of trusting people unless given
Speaker 2: reason not to. I am prepared to trust people.
Speaker 3: I'm currently dealing with trust, and I believe it also
Speaker 3: goes in hand in hand with lies. I think everybody lies,
Speaker 3: including myself. But the thing is to face those things.
Speaker 3: One of my friends has been continually lying to me, and.
Speaker 2: By the way, that's by the way. The interesting thing
Speaker 2: about lying is especially when adults do this. Kids have
Speaker 2: their own reasons, but when an adult lies to another adult,
Speaker 2: it is because the lying adult doesn't trust the other one.
Speaker 2: The reason that people lie to a friend is very simple.
Speaker 2: If you knew the truth, you wouldn't love me, or
Speaker 2: wouldn't like me, or wouldn't be with me, or wouldn't
Speaker 2: stay with me.
Speaker 1: That's coming up on Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Welcome
Speaker 1: to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Here thousands of hours
Speaker 1: of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs. Had to
Speaker 1: purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles, go to Dennisprager dot com.
Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, Welcome to the Dennisprager Show, The Happiness Hour
Speaker 2: every week at this time, I devote an hour to
Speaker 2: the great subjects of happiness. Happy people make the world
Speaker 2: better and the unhappy don't. And that's why I devote
Speaker 2: an hour a week to this subject. It is more
Speaker 2: important than almost anybody thinks. It's up there with integrity, kindness, goodness, honesty.
Speaker 2: All right, join me, everybody here, wherever you are. It's
Speaker 2: the happy, happy, happy happy hour.
Speaker 4: Yes, it is it. It's the happy, happy, happy happy hour. Yep,
Speaker 4: that's correct. Come hell or if I order or even
Speaker 4: trillion dollar deficits, we will speak about happiness. And I'm
Speaker 4: dead serious about it. The happy make the world better.
Speaker 4: The unhappy make it worse. It's true in your personal lives,
Speaker 4: and it's true in the world. The happiest in countries
Speaker 4: do not tend to become communist or Nazis or terrorist.
Speaker 2: Is that fair to say? What a happy terrorist? Now?
Speaker 2: I'm so in love with life I think I'll blow
Speaker 2: myself up. It's an oxymoron. It doesn't work that way. Oh,
Speaker 2: I am so happy. I'm going to go to the
Speaker 2: communist rally and see how many more Ukrainians I can
Speaker 2: starve because I'm such a happy dude. Doesn't work like that,
Speaker 2: it does not work like that. The happy make the
Speaker 2: world better. It is a moral obligation to act happy
Speaker 2: even if you are not happy. And that is the
Speaker 2: reason that I devote an hour a week to the subject,
Speaker 2: plus all the lectures I've given around the world on
Speaker 2: the subject and the book that I have written. It
Speaker 2: is that important. I never realized how important it was.
Speaker 2: I thought as a kid that happiness was a selfish
Speaker 2: pursuit that as an adult I have come to realize
Speaker 2: over the last twenty twenty five years. It is a
Speaker 2: moral obligation to inflict one's unhappiness on others, and everybody
Speaker 2: has unhappiness. To inflict it on others is like inflicting
Speaker 2: bad odor and bad breath on others. And that's the
Speaker 2: way it is. Hence I tell you to act happy
Speaker 2: even if you don't feel. It doesn't mean you hide
Speaker 2: what you feel. You can tell or you should tell
Speaker 2: your best friends, that is your spouse, hopefully on others
Speaker 2: you know what's bothering you. Of course, of course, that's
Speaker 2: very different from inflicting a bad mood. Okay, what's today's subject?
Speaker 2: Today's subject is a dual one because they are so related.
Speaker 2: And I begin with the question of trusting people. The
Speaker 2: world is divided, you know, there are all these divisions.
Speaker 2: The world is divided between the those who love dogs
Speaker 2: and those who love cats. We have all of these
Speaker 2: types of divisions, right, and that's fine, and I get
Speaker 2: a kick out of that. One division is those who
Speaker 2: trust people and those who don't trust people. And I
Speaker 2: am in the group that trust people in my life.
Speaker 2: And I think any of you who have heard me
Speaker 2: over any period of time know that I don't think
Speaker 2: people are basically good. So you would think if you
Speaker 2: don't think people are basically good, why would you trust anybody? Well,
Speaker 2: on a daily basis, I am prepared, unless given reason
Speaker 2: not to, I am prepared to trust people. And the
Speaker 2: reason that I am is ironically selfish. I will have
Speaker 2: a happier life based on that than on not trusting.
Speaker 2: That's why, and I'll tell you why. And this brings
Speaker 2: me to the related twin topic. What's the worst thing
Speaker 2: that could happen if you trust some and they betray
Speaker 2: your trust That you get hurt. But if you live
Speaker 2: a life trying to avoid getting hurt all the time,
Speaker 2: you don't live life. And that's the reason that unless
Speaker 2: I am given signals and they're believe me. And I
Speaker 2: can tell you that's a great subject for another hour.
Speaker 2: I can tell you the signals of whom not to trust.
Speaker 2: I am stunned often I have. I have seen this,
Speaker 2: and in fact, I spoke about this on the Male
Speaker 2: Female Hour when I talked about the subject of humiliating
Speaker 2: a spouse publicly. I remember being very very friendly. There's
Speaker 2: a very rare thing in my life, but it happened.
Speaker 2: I was very friendly with a guy. And I won't
Speaker 2: give more data because it's it's not important that he'd
Speaker 2: be identifiable, though he wouldn't be. But nevertheless, anyway, I
Speaker 2: was very friendly. We would we would we would socialize together.
Speaker 2: We even played ball together. And then one day I
Speaker 2: met his wife and he so humiliated her in my
Speaker 2: presence and other's presence. I ended the relationship. I just
Speaker 2: knew then and there, and here is the way it goes.
Speaker 2: If he's going to do that to his wife, he's
Speaker 2: going to do that to me. It's very interesting. By
Speaker 2: the way, if you have a friend who bad mouths
Speaker 2: people to you, please know rule eight four nine A
Speaker 2: in life. They will do that to you to somebody else.
Speaker 2: If you receive bad mouthing, I promise you will be
Speaker 2: the subject of that person's bad mouthing to somebody else.
Speaker 2: So if you want to avoid getting hurt by people,
Speaker 2: avoid people who display bad behavior, not weak behavior, not
Speaker 2: flawed behavior. Everybody does. I mean bad behavior. Bad is
Speaker 2: mean spirited, bad is destructive. Now, by the way, you
Speaker 2: don't always see this the first time you know somebody.
Speaker 2: It may only come out later and then you get hurt.
Speaker 2: Of course that's true. People can put on terrific acts,
Speaker 2: and they do all the time. The world is a
Speaker 2: stage and we are all actors on it, or something
Speaker 2: like that from Shakespeare. And so that is a possibility.
Speaker 2: But so I don't when I say trust people, I
Speaker 2: don't say trust everybody, no matter how they act. Obviously
Speaker 2: there are people who should be ruled out. I am
Speaker 2: stunned when people don't rule out some people from their trust,
Speaker 2: And I think, don't you see what type of person
Speaker 2: this is? What are you nuts? But having said that
Speaker 2: and excluded those people, by and large, it's worth trusting
Speaker 2: because and this is the large issue of today's Happiness hour.
Speaker 2: The larger issue is that the only reason there are
Speaker 2: people who don't trust anybody is they don't want to
Speaker 2: get hurt, and living a life of not wanting to
Speaker 2: get hurt, of avoiding hurt, is not to live a life.
Speaker 2: I prefer to be hurt and live a full life
Speaker 2: than to live half a life and never be hurt.
Speaker 2: I don't want on my tombstone here lies Dennis Prager,
Speaker 2: nobody ever hurt him. I don't. That's not an aim
Speaker 2: of mine, and I don't like getting hurt anymore than
Speaker 2: the next guy or the next guyet But in fact,
Speaker 2: that's not how I live my life, and I advise
Speaker 2: the same to you. Well, I'm just gonna, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna, really, you know, keep my distance from everybody
Speaker 2: I meet until you know, if I'm going to ever
Speaker 2: open up to anybody or trust anybody, it's going to
Speaker 2: take a really, really long time. I don't know who's
Speaker 2: going to hang around you that long to be perfectly honest.
Speaker 2: People who don't, who don't. I don't like to be
Speaker 2: mistrusted by people I meet. You don't like to be mistrusted,
Speaker 2: So you should. You should generally have the same approach
Speaker 2: toward everybody else, or toward most everybody else. I mean,
Speaker 2: what's going to happen. My father had at a had
Speaker 2: a funny uh has actually a funny statement on that.
Speaker 2: He says, it's only pain. I mean, he went, you know,
Speaker 2: I mean, this is a guy who wouldn't take an
Speaker 2: injection before having his teeth drilled. So you know, I
Speaker 2: have to put my father in a certain you know,
Speaker 2: special area of Hey, pain, that's great, but but for
Speaker 2: most of us, it's still a good It's still a
Speaker 2: good phrase for most of us. In most occasions, it's
Speaker 2: only pain. And if you get hurt, you get hurt,
Speaker 2: and then you move on and you hopefully learn a
Speaker 2: lesson of what type of person to avoid. Believe me,
Speaker 2: there are people to avoid. I am I I'm not
Speaker 2: telling you to trust every person on earth, but there
Speaker 2: are plenty of people you can trust and waiting a
Speaker 2: very very very long time until you do so. Now,
Speaker 2: I'm not talking about the dating situation where people have
Speaker 2: all sorts of motives going in. Dating is its own world, okay,
Speaker 2: I would I would say that a woman is a
Speaker 2: little foolish if she if she trusts every guy that
Speaker 2: she dates, and you know who murmurs anything romantic and
Speaker 2: goes to bed with him? All right? It's forgetting moral
Speaker 2: issues and sexual issues. It's just it's just foolish because
Speaker 2: he has it. Most men have an agenda there and
Speaker 2: that that's understandable. Even good men have that agenda. So
Speaker 2: I want to title my book on male sexuality your
Speaker 2: husband is not a pervert. But that's a separate issue.
Speaker 2: That great title. Every woman thinks her husband's a pervert
Speaker 2: if he's a normal guy. One eight Prager seven seven
Speaker 2: six is the is the phone number here, one eight
Speaker 2: p r a g e R seven seven six, which
Speaker 2: translates digitally into eight seven seven two four three triple
Speaker 2: seven six. And again the subject is that, yes, it's
Speaker 2: better to live a life where you trust and you
Speaker 2: get hurt, you know, periodically, not if you get regularly hurt.
Speaker 2: Then you are trusting too easily. But it's not that
Speaker 2: you're trusting too easily, it's that you're picking the wrong people.
Speaker 2: I think you should trust easily. I just think that
Speaker 2: you have to pick the right people in which to
Speaker 2: do so. I'm going to take your calls as soon
Speaker 2: as we come back, and I have some interesting ones
Speaker 2: coming up. Will begin with I guess Las Vegas, but
Speaker 2: we'll see one eight Prager seven seven six. This is
Speaker 2: the Happiness Hour on the Dennis Prager Show.
Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.
Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's time as Wisdom.
Speaker 2: If the economy continues in its direction, that's all you
Speaker 2: will have is the sun in the morning and the
Speaker 2: moon at night. It's going to become the theme song
Speaker 2: of the country. Hi everybody, Dennis Prigger here, this is
Speaker 2: the Happiness Hour. And the issue here is trusting people
Speaker 2: and how I advocate that you do You obviously you
Speaker 2: don't trust everybody, and you have to discern whom to
Speaker 2: bring into your life. That's another subject for another show.
Speaker 2: We must do that. It doesn't have to be even
Speaker 2: a Happiness hour, but we have to do that. But
Speaker 2: it's related. This theme is related to another theme, and
Speaker 2: that is you can't lead a life. And that's the
Speaker 2: bigger theme. You cannot live a life whose primary goal
Speaker 2: is to avoid being hurt or avoid pain. Then you
Speaker 2: don't live a life. See here's the question that everybody
Speaker 2: has to ask him or herself, and that is do
Speaker 2: I want to live a full life? And a full
Speaker 2: life involves more pain than a non full life. It
Speaker 2: does if you opt to to have children, you are
Speaker 2: opting for pain. You are opting in many instances, for
Speaker 2: a spectacular joy as well. It's not only pain, obviously,
Speaker 2: but if you want to avoid pain, if that is primary,
Speaker 2: I would say, don't have kids. I think most people
Speaker 2: would acknowledge that. Even I'm not talking about that the
Speaker 2: kids will be bad or God forbid, very sick, or
Speaker 2: even just normal course of events. The challenges that kids
Speaker 2: pose to a marriage, for example, I mean it's inevitable.
Speaker 2: In fact, you might even argue, don't get married. Look
Speaker 2: at all the pain that has resulted from poor marriages.
Speaker 2: If half the people the divorce or whatever the statistic is,
Speaker 2: and you know, people debate, oh it's forty five percent,
Speaker 2: it's fifty, it's not really half. What does sicily debate
Speaker 2: to me? A lot of people divorce, and believe me
Speaker 2: not everybody who didn't divorce is happily married. So if
Speaker 2: you really want to avoid pain, you And by the way,
Speaker 2: there are a lot of bachelors who will say that, hey, listen,
Speaker 2: you know, maybe there's something to be said for marriage,
Speaker 2: but hey, the single life, you know, and I could do.
Speaker 2: I go where I want, when I want, I don't
Speaker 2: have to answer to anybody. I eat what I want,
Speaker 2: I watch what I want. You know, that's great. In fact,
Speaker 2: some of the men sitting with me right now have
Speaker 2: a big smile on their face thinking that is one
Speaker 2: cool life. I mean, you know. So that's the question
Speaker 2: that you have to pose. Do you want to lead
Speaker 2: a full life or do you want to lead a
Speaker 2: life that minimizes the possibility of pain? Alrighty, who did
Speaker 2: we promise? We promised Vegas? All right, Jack in Las Vegas.
Speaker 2: You're on Dennis Praguer. Hey, you're not on Dennis Prager.
Speaker 2: You're on the Dennis Prager Show.
Speaker 3: Hi, thank you for taking my call. Dennis. I can't
Speaker 3: thank enough for your work. You do help me change
Speaker 3: my life and face myself a wonderful things. I'm currently
Speaker 3: dealing with trust, and I believe it also goes in
Speaker 3: hand in hand with lies. I think everybody lies, including myself.
Speaker 3: But the thing is to face those things. One of
Speaker 3: my friends has has been continually lying to me, and.
Speaker 2: By the way, that's by the way. The interesting thing
Speaker 2: about lying is especially when adults do this. Kids have
Speaker 2: their own reasons, but when an adult lies to another adult,
Speaker 2: it is because the lying adult doesn't trust the other one.
Speaker 2: The reason that people lie to a friend is very simple.
Speaker 2: If you knew the truth, you would you wouldn't love me,
Speaker 2: or wouldn't like me, or wouldn't be with me, or
Speaker 2: wouldn't stay with me. So ironically, it comes from his
Speaker 2: mistrust of you.
Speaker 3: Right, I guess I don't know, but it hurts so much,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 2: Well, then look, you know you you explain this. If
Speaker 2: you can tell me on a national show, you should
Speaker 2: also tell him privately, and you should say, look, you know,
Speaker 2: I just I've always you know, adored you, and you
Speaker 2: know how close I feel. But you're rupturing our friendship
Speaker 2: because I can't trust what you say to be true. Right,
Speaker 2: And see that's where who the person is. Well, that's right,
Speaker 2: you don't that's the reason lying is so off, that's right, Jack.
Speaker 2: And I hear the pain. I mean, I hate to
Speaker 2: say it. I feel like Bill Clinton. I hear your pain,
Speaker 2: but I do, and it is painful. Look, a rupture
Speaker 2: with a friend is like a divorce. I value friendships
Speaker 2: in the most sacred manner there. It's essential to my
Speaker 2: well being. Friendship and I've always felt that, And so
Speaker 2: if a friend starts or continues to lie to you.
Speaker 2: It's terrible, but there's no way around that. Either they
Speaker 2: stop or you can't continue, and there's no way around that.
Speaker 2: And the irony, as I said, is that the person
Speaker 2: lying is doing so because he doesn't trust you. Because
Speaker 2: if Jack knew the truth, Jack wouldn't be with me.
Speaker 2: All right, let's go to Fort Worth, Texas and Christina. Hi, Christina, Dennis.
Speaker 5: Prager, Hi, Dennis, thanks for taking my call. Your efforts
Speaker 5: on helping people know themselves have really helped me change
Speaker 5: my life and evolve into a person I am learning
Speaker 5: to love now and I really appreciate that.
Speaker 6: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Oh, I appreciate your telling me go ahead.
Speaker 5: Okay, Well, my parents have been married for about forty
Speaker 5: three years something in there, and it seems to me
Speaker 5: they've sent their entire life trying to avoid pain and
Speaker 5: trying to avoid conflict, and in doing so, they avoid trusting.
Speaker 5: They have very few friends, and now, as an adult
Speaker 5: and as a parent myself, I've realized I've absorbed that
Speaker 5: same kind of behavior of not trusting and therefore having
Speaker 5: very few friends. And it's only when I had my
Speaker 5: children that I realized I have a problem. Trusting people.
Speaker 5: My husband had to point it out multiple times for
Speaker 5: me to even acknowledge that he had a point. And
Speaker 5: now I learn I have to I have to go
Speaker 5: outside of myself and find strengths where I didn't know
Speaker 5: I had it, to trust the pediatrician or trust the
Speaker 5: grandparents to watch the kids for an evening. And it's
Speaker 5: nerve racking.
Speaker 2: Wow. Wow, Yeah, that's that's powerful. Look thank God for
Speaker 2: your husband.
Speaker 5: Yes, absolutely, he's an amazing blessing. We've we're meant to
Speaker 5: help each other grow, for sure.
Speaker 7: But just.
Speaker 5: I didn't know I didn't trust.
Speaker 2: Does the trust manifest itself in that you don't open
Speaker 2: up fully to people, to anyone?
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, I'm very guarded.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 2: I'm curious if you and I were, if you and
Speaker 2: I were stuck on an island, would would you open
Speaker 2: up to me?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 5: I'm sure I would, because you open up so so much.
Speaker 5: I've listened to you for a few years now, and
Speaker 5: so I feel like I know you, even though I
Speaker 5: don't know you personally.
Speaker 2: No, you do, right, But you do know me, as
Speaker 2: I always say. But that that your answer is very
Speaker 2: very interesting in what I am gonna I'm going to
Speaker 2: share with everybody. Christina, You're going in a great direction.
Speaker 2: That's all I can say. You are you see, folks,
Speaker 2: you know what she opened up with. Remember you help
Speaker 2: me know myself. That That's been a theme of some
Speaker 2: of my happiness hours. You have to know. You can't
Speaker 2: get happy if you don't know yourself. So she knows
Speaker 2: now that she doesn't trust easily. Okay, that's that's step
Speaker 2: number one. That's fifty percent. Then I want to react
Speaker 2: to this thing about Dennis opens up so I can
Speaker 2: open up when we come back.
Speaker 1: This episode of timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.
Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom.
Speaker 8: It's so important to make someone happy, Make just one
Speaker 8: someone happy, make just one harm to heart you.
Speaker 1: You sing two one.
Speaker 8: Smile that cheers you, lights when your.
Speaker 2: Everything to fame if you win it. You're listening to
Speaker 2: the Dennis Prager shell. And it's the hour I devote
Speaker 2: each week to happiness, titled not oddly the Happiness Hour
Speaker 2: because it is such an important subject. Happy people make
Speaker 2: the world better and make the lives, certainly of those
Speaker 2: around them, so much, so much better. My subject today
Speaker 2: is dual because they have to be related. One is
Speaker 2: the people who mistrust just about everybody, and it's a
Speaker 2: terrible way to go through life. And why people do that, well, there,
Speaker 2: of course there are psychological reasons from their past why
Speaker 2: they would do that, but the but the philosophical reason
Speaker 2: or the rational reason is they don't want to get hurt.
Speaker 2: And my point about that is that avoiding getting hurt
Speaker 2: is a terrible way to live a life. You can't
Speaker 2: live a full life if you don't take risks and
Speaker 2: I mean emotional risks here. And that's the way it is.
Speaker 2: And there are other risks too, by the way, which
Speaker 2: I would I would say the same thing about it's
Speaker 2: better to live a full life with pain than a
Speaker 2: half life with much less pain. The purpose of life
Speaker 2: is to live it, not to avoid pain. At least
Speaker 2: that's my take. Others certainly differ. Now. The last call
Speaker 2: was very moving to me, and this I think she
Speaker 2: was thirty four, was it, Christina? And she said that
Speaker 2: she does not trust easily or even the pediatrician or
Speaker 2: even grandparents that take care of her children, let alone
Speaker 2: opening up to people. And I asked her because she
Speaker 2: had opened up with kind words about my role in
Speaker 2: her life, would you if we were stuck on an
Speaker 2: island together, would you open up to me? Said she would.
Speaker 2: But that's because you open up on the air, and
Speaker 2: I feel I know you, which leads me to another point.
Speaker 2: If you want people to open up, you have to
Speaker 2: open up. That's pretty much. If you're guarded, by and large,
Speaker 2: the next person will be guarded. People pick up immediately
Speaker 2: and so and I don't mean you. You know, you
Speaker 2: immediately divulge every aspect of your life. But if you
Speaker 2: keep the conversation on a macro level and not mention
Speaker 2: your own life, then people will keep it. Likewise, on
Speaker 2: some more superficial level. There are people that I know
Speaker 2: very well, who I've known my whole life, and when
Speaker 2: I whenever I talk to them, the discussion is about
Speaker 2: politics or about religion. But it's always about some subject.
Speaker 2: It's never about what's going on in their life, which
Speaker 2: I don't find all that interesting. Frankly, I can discuss
Speaker 2: I find religion and politics and all these other subjects
Speaker 2: of endless, endless fascination, as you well know. But in
Speaker 2: intimate talk, if it's only that, then it's not intimate. Alrighty,
Speaker 2: Let's go to Houston Texas and Daniel. Hello Daniel, Dennis Prager.
Speaker 9: Hello Dennis. I absolutely adore listening to your show, and
Speaker 9: I wish I'd spend a lifetime speaking with you.
Speaker 2: No, thank you.
Speaker 9: I have a unique problem in the sense that if
Speaker 9: you were to ask any one of my friends or
Speaker 9: anyone who's ever met me any even for a brief moment,
Speaker 9: they would tell you what wonderful and you know, carrying
Speaker 9: a good person I am to be around. But I
Speaker 9: have the most horrible time trying to make peace with
Speaker 9: my mother, and it has gotten so bad to where
Speaker 9: whenever we're in a room together, you know, it's just
Speaker 9: an instant flash. And this all stems from my parents'
Speaker 9: divorce and her infidelity with my father, which has ultimately
Speaker 9: led me to mistrust the majority of women. And I
Speaker 9: continue to try to trust them, but I seem to
Speaker 9: continue to get into relationships where women mistreat me by
Speaker 9: cheating on me or you know, doing something that would
Speaker 9: lead me to mistrust them.
Speaker 2: Well, I guess.
Speaker 9: Continue. I guess My question to you is how can
Speaker 9: I resolve the issues with my mother were we both
Speaker 9: acknowledge we have many, many problems and we are actually
Speaker 9: trying to resolve them. But we are so much alike
Speaker 9: it is very, very difficult to gain any headway.
Speaker 2: All right, all right, I have a theory on why
Speaker 2: what is happening with the women you date is happening.
Speaker 2: I'll tell you that. We come back. I am curious,
Speaker 2: how are your relations with your mother prior to the divorce. Okay,
Speaker 2: we'll get an answer. We come back. You're listening to
Speaker 2: the Happiness Hour on the Dennis Prayer Show.
Speaker 7: Hi, this is a message for Dennis Prager at the
Speaker 7: Happiness Hour, choosing to be happy. I also have been
Speaker 7: very emotional and very moody. I let myself for no
Speaker 7: real reason.
Speaker 3: In college.
Speaker 7: I thought the artistics act you been genuine to My
Speaker 7: emotions spiraled down into depression.
Speaker 2: And it was so bad.
Speaker 7: I mean literally I got the point of almost being
Speaker 7: like suicidal. But but what I learned was to constant choice.
Speaker 7: You do have to fight it, but all you got
Speaker 7: to do is just one I know what a time.
Speaker 7: That's Mike, and so I love Denn Frager.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 7: I hope this will help. And this is one of
Speaker 7: the most important things I've learned in my life, that
Speaker 7: going from an emotional person to being people love my
Speaker 7: positivity and happiness, but I choose it and I fight it.
Speaker 9: Thank you Dennis and Jennifer and ever. I love you guys.
Speaker 2: Bye.
Speaker 1: Are you enjoying timeless wisdom? We'd love to hear from you.
Speaker 1: Call eight seven seven two four three seventy seven seventy
Speaker 1: six and leave a review, share your thoughts, or just
Speaker 1: even an encouraging word for Dennis. Your voicemail might just
Speaker 1: make it on the show. That's eight seven seven two
Speaker 1: four three seventy seven seventy six. That's eight seven seven
Speaker 1: two four three triple seven six. Thanks for listening and
Speaker 1: for your support.
Speaker 2: I love it, I love this, I love the lyrics,
Speaker 2: I love the music. All Right, that was quite a call,
Speaker 2: as he's still there, Yes he is. Okay, folks, this
Speaker 2: is the Happiness Hour, and I've been talking to you
Speaker 2: about the subject of trusting people and how you can't
Speaker 2: live a happy life if you don't trust people. It's
Speaker 2: pretty self evident, and therefore the larger issue, and the
Speaker 2: more interesting one, perhaps, is that people who don't trust
Speaker 2: people don't want to get hurt, and not wanting to
Speaker 2: get hurt is a poor recipe for a happy life. Okay,
Speaker 2: a full life is a happier life, even if it
Speaker 2: has pain, and that's the better life. Now, obviously Daniel's issue, Daniel,
Speaker 2: this would we would be on for the hour at least.
Speaker 2: And indeed you are the classic example of a person
Speaker 2: who probably could be helped by a good therapist. I
Speaker 2: always emphasize good therapists because most of the therapists are
Speaker 2: not good, and every therapist I've talked to was always
Speaker 2: said that anyway. Your relationship with your mother, I asked
Speaker 2: you my last question was was it a difficult relationship
Speaker 2: prior to your parents' divorce.
Speaker 9: No, it was very loving, And I'm sorry I misspoke
Speaker 9: a little. It wasn't that my mother was cheating on
Speaker 9: my father. They just had a horrible relationship, and my
Speaker 9: father had explained to us that she had cheated on him.
Speaker 9: But what was most traumatizing for me was how quickly
Speaker 9: after they split up she brought other men into her
Speaker 9: life and started dating again. And I've never been able
Speaker 9: to get over that.
Speaker 2: How old were you nine? This is a this is
Speaker 2: a very common issue. It's a to a certain extent,
Speaker 2: it's there were two things going on. They're probably ten things,
Speaker 2: and I would just share two of them. One is
Speaker 2: childhood narcissism. My parents exist for my pleasure, and I
Speaker 2: don't mean that in a condescending way at all. It's
Speaker 2: just that's that's a child like view, and one one
Speaker 2: is no longer a young person. One should not have
Speaker 2: that your parents have as much right to happiness as
Speaker 2: you do, and the constant belief that they should forsake
Speaker 2: it for the sake of the child is a primitive
Speaker 2: narcissistic one. So that's but that doesn't help you psychologically.
Speaker 2: It only helps you intellectually. But the older one gets,
Speaker 2: the more the intellect can play a role here. And
Speaker 2: the other is that you may have very well simply
Speaker 2: identified with your same sex parent and felt that he
Speaker 2: was betrayed, and therefore your loyalty to your father would
Speaker 2: have caused that resentment. Did those two things make sense
Speaker 2: without adult Okay? So all right, these are That's why
Speaker 2: I say these are things that you can you can
Speaker 2: and will. I am sure you will work because you
Speaker 2: want to work them through. You don't want this relationship
Speaker 2: with your.
Speaker 9: Mother, right, No, not at all?
Speaker 2: Okay, then I promise you. I promise you it will
Speaker 2: work out. I mean, I'm not saying painlessly. I'm just
Speaker 2: curious though, Oh, yes, the issue because none of that
Speaker 2: is directly related to my topic, except in so far
Speaker 2: as you spoke about the women you date, how they
Speaker 2: repeat your mother's pattern. If they do, the reason is
Speaker 2: so obvious that it doesn't take particular insight. But the
Speaker 2: reason is that you're choosing to undo the damage in
Speaker 2: your home through having women like your mother in your
Speaker 2: life and then making it good. That's why many first
Speaker 2: marriages don't work, because people choose the spouse based on
Speaker 2: the opposite sex parent and try to fix their family life.
Speaker 9: Okay, well, I guess one last question. If you would
Speaker 9: recommend therapy. Would you recommend that we try to do
Speaker 9: some sort of group therapy together?
Speaker 2: Oh you and your mom? Oh, if only if you
Speaker 2: have found that that others have recommended that it works.
Speaker 2: I don't have any any that on that question. It
Speaker 2: to me the only issue is what works, not not
Speaker 2: which specific way to do it. But but I tell you,
Speaker 2: the human complexity is such that you know this is
Speaker 2: a perfect example. You know, repeating the sins of the
Speaker 2: family is one of the most common things. It's almost
Speaker 2: as if people sometimes I think people ought to have
Speaker 2: a first marriage and not be allowed to have kids
Speaker 2: for two years and then and then be allowed by
Speaker 2: society to annull it. I mean, of course, I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't advocate that. I'm just saying, though, that so
Speaker 2: often people choose in a first marriage, or in a
Speaker 2: second or a third, or of tenth I mean, for
Speaker 2: that matter, or at least, here is not marriages, but
Speaker 2: here was successive relationships. Again, choosing the mother so as
Speaker 2: to so as to undo the damage and fix it.
Speaker 2: It's all done by the way, subconsciously. No, none of
Speaker 2: it is done consciously. In fact, consciously, you may want
Speaker 2: to choose the opposite of your opposite sex parent. All right,
Speaker 2: back to the trust issues in any event, and let's
Speaker 2: go to San Antonio, Texas and Deborah High Deborah Dennis Prager.
Speaker 6: Hi, Dennis, I really love you. I tell my husband
Speaker 6: I have an intellectual affair on him every day with you.
Speaker 9: Uh Oh.
Speaker 2: I hope, I hope he takes it well. I don't
Speaker 2: want I don't want to get I don't want to
Speaker 2: get white powder in the mail from San Antonio. Okay, oh, okay,
Speaker 2: bless him.
Speaker 6: Came to San Antonio. He took me to.
Speaker 2: Good good.
Speaker 6: Actually, I had a friend or a coworker who used
Speaker 6: to constantly talk about other people, and I guess share
Speaker 6: with me stuff that was going on in their lives.
Speaker 6: And I would never stop her from doing it. And
Speaker 6: somebody told me something that I shared with her that
Speaker 6: was very personal about me. She shared it with somebody else,
Speaker 6: and I knew I had not shared that with anybody else.
Speaker 2: Also, you lived exactly what I said earlier, exactly.
Speaker 6: So I remember being so upset and I said, Okay,
Speaker 6: I'm not going to trust anyone at work. I just
Speaker 6: that's it. And it happened that About a week after that,
Speaker 6: our pastor did a Hebrew teaching on gossiping, and so
Speaker 6: he said, there's three people affected, the person gossiping, the
Speaker 6: person listening, and the person that is God.
Speaker 2: That's right, That's exactly right. And that's exactly from the
Speaker 2: Hebrew teaching. A comment. When we come back and more
Speaker 2: calls on the Happiness Hour.
Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this.
Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom.
Speaker 2: All right, you're listening to the Dennis Prager Show. I
Speaker 2: try to hit a nerve, as they say, in the
Speaker 2: best sense. Every happiness hour, and sometimes I feel that
Speaker 2: I've really hit one today is one of them. On
Speaker 2: this issue of trust, I could tell by the openness
Speaker 2: with which you spoke and when I see the subjects
Speaker 2: of the other callers. So it's a very big deal.
Speaker 2: Let me say so. Let me say something though, because
Speaker 2: I look at a call here from Sherry in Pensacola, Florida,
Speaker 2: and I'm in a relationship with my man is always
Speaker 2: on the internet, says that I should trust him, that
Speaker 2: he's not dating other women. How can I trust him?
Speaker 2: See the issue of betrayed trust or suspicions in a
Speaker 2: marriage or in dating, that's a separate issue entirely. There
Speaker 2: there are so many other factors involved. I'm talking about
Speaker 2: trusting the other six billion people on earth, not all
Speaker 2: of them obviously, but from among them, and not specific
Speaker 2: to dating. As I said very early, you know, men
Speaker 2: dating tend to have an agenda. Some indeed wanted the
Speaker 2: agenda of marriage. But in any event, men have other
Speaker 2: agendas and doesn't make them bad, it makes them male.
Speaker 2: So this notion of well, I trust every guy I date,
Speaker 2: and if you know, and if he wants to take
Speaker 2: my clothes off, it means that he loves me. That's
Speaker 2: a little silly. Then you're being naive. I'm not asking
Speaker 2: people to be naive. I'm asking them to be trusting
Speaker 2: unless they have reason not to be. That's a tough
Speaker 2: one with Sherry. I mean, I'm on the internet a lot,
Speaker 2: but it's you know, I guess the answer is one.
Speaker 2: One way is, since I'm a big believer in couples
Speaker 2: doing as much together as possible, that you sit you know,
Speaker 2: can I sit next to you? Honey? I would love
Speaker 2: to love to do what you're doing. Say well, you
Speaker 2: don't trust me, and you say no, Actually, the truth
Speaker 2: is whether I trust you or not. I just want
Speaker 2: to share it with you. The more we share. I mean,
Speaker 2: if you can really say that I would have a
Speaker 2: problem with my wife sitting next to me when I'm
Speaker 2: on the internet, I'd actually probably like it. Let's see
Speaker 2: here and uh oh, that's interesting. Jan In Cleveland, my
Speaker 2: ex husband was a cop and in the final stages
Speaker 2: of marriage, we went to a marriage counselor who said,
Speaker 2: for the first time he only knew one husband, a
Speaker 2: cop who was able to trust his wife. I'd like
Speaker 2: to hear about that. I mean, if you can't trust
Speaker 2: your wife, then it's a big problem. That's that's a
Speaker 2: big deal. But I haven't talked about trust in husband
Speaker 2: wife things. That's a separate issue. That's about your marriage
Speaker 2: in general. My friends. Here's the motto. This is what
Speaker 2: I want you to take away from this hour. That
Speaker 2: you can't live a life trying to avoid pain. You
Speaker 2: have to lead a full life, and that will always
Speaker 2: involve pain. And now call in on any subject under
Speaker 2: the sun. One eight Prager seven seven six.
Speaker 1: On tomorrow's episode of Dennis teaches the Torah.
Speaker 10: Shakespeare is a genius. In fact, I'm reading Hamlet now,
Speaker 10: believe it or not. I should have read it in
Speaker 10: high school. But I'm enjoying it more now, I suspect
Speaker 10: than I would have then.
Speaker 2: I suspect I'll read Hamlet again and yet again.
Speaker 11: But having read other plays by Shakespeare, the repeated study
Speaker 11: does not reveal enormous new insights every time I do it.
Speaker 11: I am amazed at how many new insights I learn
Speaker 11: each time I study a chapter in the Torah. There
Speaker 11: is a depth to it that I have found nowhere
Speaker 11: else in life. Now you can say brilliant people wrote it.
Speaker 11: You certainly have that prerogative. I don't believe though, in
Speaker 11: such superhuman abilities as I find in the depth of
Speaker 11: the words of the Torah. So I believe that there
Speaker 11: is a divine human interaction that makes it, being that
Speaker 11: it is to me therefore a religious text, and being
Speaker 11: that in Judaism it is a religious obligation to study
Speaker 11: Torah and related texts.
Speaker 10: I wear a keypot when I teach Toro. So that's
Speaker 10: why I always make this introductory statement. You'll understand why.
Speaker 2: I do it.
Speaker 11: With that, I will begin the Book of Exodus.
Speaker 1: Join us tomorrow to hear more on Timeless Wisdom with
Speaker 1: Dennis Prager. Visit denispragger dot com for thousands of hours
Speaker 1: of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs, and to
Speaker 1: purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles. We want to take just
Speaker 1: a second to thank the team at Life Audio for
Speaker 1: their partnership with us on the podcast. Go to lifeaudio
Speaker 1: dot com to find dozens of other faith centered podcasts
Speaker 1: and their network, including shows about prayer, Bible study, parenting,
Speaker 1: and more.