1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,440 Speaker 1: Hey, friends, We're going to be talking about the birds 2 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:04,800 Speaker 1: and the bees today. So if you want to listen 3 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:07,600 Speaker 1: to this episode later when littles are not with you, 4 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:10,080 Speaker 1: I invite you to hip pause and come back soon. 5 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:19,079 Speaker 1: Access more. Welcome to the Happy Home. I'm Arlene Pellicane. 6 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:24,119 Speaker 1: Talking about sex can be shameful, embarrassing, or painful, but 7 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:27,760 Speaker 1: what if it could be healing and hopeful. Doctor Julie 8 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:31,440 Speaker 1: Slattery is here to talk about God's transformative love for 9 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:37,559 Speaker 1: every area of our life, including our sexuality, strengthening you 10 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:43,000 Speaker 1: and your family. Welcome to the Happy Home Podcast with 11 00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:48,240 Speaker 1: your host Arlene Pellicane. Through the years, my husband James, 12 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,559 Speaker 1: we've been married twenty six years now, He'll say to me, 13 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,879 Speaker 1: you should write a sex book, and I'm like, no, 14 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 1: I do not want to write a sex book. I 15 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 1: have friends who write those books. I don't write that book. 16 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:00,760 Speaker 1: So I don't write sex books. But I do write 17 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 1: books that have like chapters about sex in them. So 18 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:09,039 Speaker 1: if you want to grab making Marriage Easier and read 19 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:10,679 Speaker 1: what I did write about sex, you can do that. 20 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:14,679 Speaker 1: And Making Marriage Easier dot com that'll have free discussion 21 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 1: questions kind of things to talk about with your spouse 22 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 1: to make you curious about one another again, free date 23 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:24,120 Speaker 1: night ideas, etc. So grab that at Making Marriage Easier 24 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: dot com and you can also listen to chapter one 25 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:31,040 Speaker 1: for free. Well. Today's guest doctor Julie Slattery is the 26 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:35,560 Speaker 1: president and co founder of Authentic Intimacy, a ministry dedicated 27 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:39,759 Speaker 1: to reclaiming God's design for sexuality. She hosts the Java 28 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:42,720 Speaker 1: with Julie podcast and she's the author of several books, 29 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:44,600 Speaker 1: and today we're going to be talking about her book, 30 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 1: Surrendered Sexuality. She and her husband Mike have three grown sons. 31 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 1: And I just got to see Julie at a conference 32 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 1: and I love her much as a friend and it's 33 00:01:54,160 --> 00:02:00,480 Speaker 1: great to have her on again. Let's get started, Julie, 34 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,200 Speaker 1: it is so good to have you back on the 35 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:07,360 Speaker 1: Happy Home podcast. Okay, your book is called Surrendered Sexuality, 36 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:09,480 Speaker 1: and of course many of them think, like, wait a minute, 37 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,800 Speaker 1: do those words go together? Isn't that mine? Why do 38 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:15,000 Speaker 1: I have to surrender that? So tell us you know 39 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:17,040 Speaker 1: just a little bit more about this title. 40 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:21,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, thanks for having me, Arleane, some of your listeners 41 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:25,560 Speaker 2: might know that I've been in this field of Christian 42 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 2: sexuality for over a decade. Now for thirteen years, so 43 00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:33,520 Speaker 2: a lot of time studying sexuality, but also walking with 44 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 2: people who have so many questions about sexuality and pain 45 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 2: points and struggles and frustrations. And so this book came about, 46 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:48,480 Speaker 2: and the title came about really at looking at some 47 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 2: of the failed strategies we used to try to make 48 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 2: sense of God and sexuality and how if we are 49 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 2: followers of Christ, it means that we're following Him in 50 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:02,480 Speaker 2: every area, that we take words seriously, that we surrender 51 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,320 Speaker 2: our lives to Him in every area. And sexuality just 52 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,240 Speaker 2: happens to be one of those pockets that we don't 53 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,160 Speaker 2: really think about it that way and we don't know 54 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 2: how to surrender it. So that's a heart behind the book. 55 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: Yes, that makes so much sense. You know, a lot 56 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:19,920 Speaker 1: of us as parents or maybe pastors, youth pastors, you know, 57 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 1: youth volunteers, this is kind of something we don't want 58 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:23,760 Speaker 1: to talk about, you know, with our diillitary we don't 59 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,400 Speaker 1: wake up in the morning and say, oh, let me 60 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,639 Speaker 1: talk about sexuality with my teenager or with my eight 61 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:32,840 Speaker 1: year old, et cetera, and in our silence right both 62 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 1: maybe from the pulpit from this Sunday school class you know, 63 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 1: et cetera. And in the parents thing, you know, tell 64 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 1: us just help us to see what have we been missing, 65 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:46,000 Speaker 1: Like what is that deficit caused or help to cause? 66 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:50,080 Speaker 2: Well, it's huge, I'll name a few things. Number One, 67 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 2: I think because we've been silent, most people are very 68 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:58,000 Speaker 2: uncomfortable mixing the topic of God and sexuality because they've 69 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:01,600 Speaker 2: never heard it integrated in spaces that talk about God. 70 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 2: All they've heard is avoiding it or at most, you know, 71 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 2: kind of talking about what's wrong about our sexuality. So 72 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:15,000 Speaker 2: it's created a disconnect, a very unnatural disconnect of God 73 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:17,400 Speaker 2: doesn't have much to say about this area of my life. 74 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:20,400 Speaker 2: I certainly can't pray about it. Nobody in the faith 75 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:24,839 Speaker 2: community would understand what I'm going through. And then, second 76 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 2: of all, while the church has been quiet about it, 77 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,800 Speaker 2: our families have been quite about it. Like our culture 78 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:36,479 Speaker 2: is screaming about it every day. Our kids are ingesting 79 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:41,360 Speaker 2: messages through social media, through news sources, through the songs 80 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:45,800 Speaker 2: they listen to, the shows they stream, even things that 81 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:50,120 Speaker 2: might be kind of PG rated and not terrible. They're 82 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,560 Speaker 2: getting messages that the first thing you do when you're 83 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,479 Speaker 2: attracted to somebody who's you sleep together like that's normal, 84 00:04:56,080 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 2: And they're getting messages that we define our identity and 85 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:04,839 Speaker 2: our purpose through our sexual desires, whether we're oriented towards 86 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 2: men or weremen are both. And so our kids are 87 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:11,160 Speaker 2: continually being disciple and how to think about their sexuality, 88 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 2: and we are as adults. But when we don't counteract 89 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:20,280 Speaker 2: that with Christian discipleship, even the best kids who want 90 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:24,560 Speaker 2: to serve God are so confused and so infiltrated in 91 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:28,600 Speaker 2: what the culture has taught them that God's rules don't 92 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,120 Speaker 2: even make sense to them. 93 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,680 Speaker 1: That's such a sobering truth you have just shared, and 94 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:36,120 Speaker 1: that is one hundred percent true. How can we, as 95 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,800 Speaker 1: we're listening as parents, as a church, just give us 96 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,599 Speaker 1: one way to get better? How can we get better 97 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:41,840 Speaker 1: at this? 98 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,520 Speaker 2: I think first of all, we have to understand that 99 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:49,120 Speaker 2: the conversation of sexuality begins with a worldview conversation. And 100 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,440 Speaker 2: I think this is what we often miss. Our lane 101 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,960 Speaker 2: is we want to go right to the rules and say, 102 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,840 Speaker 2: you know, God's designed for sex and goods, save it 103 00:05:56,880 --> 00:06:00,680 Speaker 2: for marriage, don't look at pornography. God designs sex between 104 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:04,440 Speaker 2: a man and a woman. And if you have been 105 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 2: raised in a culture that believes in postmodern humanism, which 106 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:12,559 Speaker 2: is the culture we live in today. Those rules seem 107 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:17,360 Speaker 2: harsh and unloving, and so if you're talking to somebody 108 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 2: thirty five and younger and sometimes even older than that, 109 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,280 Speaker 2: and all you do is have a conversation about God's 110 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,800 Speaker 2: design for sex and the rules, it's going to be 111 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:31,279 Speaker 2: a total disconnect. And so we have to start by 112 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:35,360 Speaker 2: helping people, including our children, understand that there are two 113 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:38,920 Speaker 2: predominant world views that have nothing to do with each other. 114 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 2: There's the postmodern worldview that you have to create your 115 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 2: own happiness. Love, sex, sexual identity all play a very 116 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 2: big part in that, and so you navigate your sexuality 117 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:55,200 Speaker 2: based on your feelings and finding the perfect person for you. 118 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:58,279 Speaker 2: You have to have romance and all these things to 119 00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:02,360 Speaker 2: be happy, versus a biblical worldview that doesn't say any 120 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:06,279 Speaker 2: of that. It actually says that we all have desires 121 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,320 Speaker 2: of the good things that God has given us are 122 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,920 Speaker 2: tainted by our flesh and tainted by the world, and 123 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 2: so sex is a good thing. Sexual desire is a 124 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,840 Speaker 2: good thing, but we're going to experience it in a 125 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,880 Speaker 2: way that's distorted in our bodies and in our world, 126 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,520 Speaker 2: and that we don't live for sexual fulfillment. We actually 127 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 2: live for more significant things like intimacy and connection and commitment, 128 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:33,120 Speaker 2: and that sex is not meant to be an expression 129 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:37,080 Speaker 2: of who we are, but actually a revelation of how 130 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:40,120 Speaker 2: God created us and who He is. And so that 131 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:44,840 Speaker 2: obviously is more than one conversation. It's a discipleship worldview. 132 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:49,400 Speaker 2: But I think the biggest mistakes that we're seeing happening 133 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 2: in Christian families today is we have an older generation 134 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:56,360 Speaker 2: who's just talking about the rules and a younger generation 135 00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 2: for whom the rules feel very disconnected to what it 136 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 2: means to thrive. So bridging that gap is really critical. 137 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,320 Speaker 1: Boy, that you can re listen to that you know 138 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,520 Speaker 1: over and over again what you just said and how 139 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:13,240 Speaker 1: you explained it, so that we can have that, so 140 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:15,400 Speaker 1: we can have those kind of conversations over and over 141 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,600 Speaker 1: with our kids. I'm looking at your books Surrendered Sexuality, 142 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 1: and you write about this situation that I'm going to 143 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 1: read because I think it expresses so much of what 144 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,400 Speaker 1: people are going through. Devon is a pastor who loves Jesus. 145 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,560 Speaker 1: He's also a man who battled pornography and sexual addiction 146 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,360 Speaker 1: since he was a young teen. His wife, Amy, was 147 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 1: devastated to discover her husband's porn news. Amy had her 148 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,000 Speaker 1: own battle with a low sex strive and painful intercourse. 149 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 1: For a few years, the couple stopped having sex together. 150 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 1: Their church congregation had no idea of the pain and 151 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 1: shame they carried around this aspect of their relationship. While 152 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,800 Speaker 1: he knew he needed to include sexual topics in his 153 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:56,400 Speaker 1: preaching rotation to remember he's a pastor, he couldn't bring 154 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:59,199 Speaker 1: himself to do so because of his own private struggles 155 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:02,280 Speaker 1: and shame. And I think, you know, I think all 156 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,960 Speaker 1: the people were around like hi, hi, and we don't know, 157 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 1: like this is underneath and this is so common. Talk 158 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:12,080 Speaker 1: to the couple right now, who they are struggling. One 159 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 1: of them is looking at pornography, one of them has 160 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,520 Speaker 1: a lower sex drive, one of us higher, whatever that 161 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:20,720 Speaker 1: problem is. What are those beginning steps to find more 162 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:21,840 Speaker 1: wholeness and healing. 163 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,959 Speaker 2: Yeah, so, first of all, it's realizing that you're normal, 164 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:29,760 Speaker 2: Like you know, I have the benefit again of all 165 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,760 Speaker 2: these years of speaking in this space, but also as 166 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:37,560 Speaker 2: a clinical psychologist meeting with individuals and couples, and I 167 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:42,080 Speaker 2: get to hear the secret questions that nobody asks anywhere else. 168 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,960 Speaker 2: And at first I was just blown away by the 169 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,160 Speaker 2: fact that every church I go to, every room I enter, 170 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:54,120 Speaker 2: people are hurting and they have situations like this or others. 171 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,119 Speaker 2: You know, we can name a bunch of other scenarios 172 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,560 Speaker 2: where people like, yep, you just describe me, You just 173 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:03,160 Speaker 2: describe my experience or my family. And so I think 174 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:08,200 Speaker 2: normalizing the struggle is really key. That there's nothing, you know, 175 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:12,160 Speaker 2: totally shameful about you that's different from what we're all 176 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,839 Speaker 2: struggling with. Yeah, but second of all, we've got to 177 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:18,480 Speaker 2: accept that normal doesn't mean healthy. So if you look 178 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,320 Speaker 2: at the average American diet, what's normal for us to 179 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,760 Speaker 2: consume is killing us, you know, and you know, you 180 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:28,120 Speaker 2: can't eat process foods and sugar and you know, trans 181 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:31,840 Speaker 2: fats and be healthy. And in a similar way, we 182 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 2: have to wake up and realize that the way the 183 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:39,000 Speaker 2: normal American, and I would say even Christian American is 184 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:43,120 Speaker 2: navigating sexuality is not healthy and it's not where God 185 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 2: wants us to be. And so what do we do. 186 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:50,440 Speaker 2: We name the problems and we begin to find healthier 187 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:55,559 Speaker 2: ways of addressing these issues, like the situation that you 188 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,920 Speaker 2: just read about that scenario with the pastor and his wife. 189 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:01,400 Speaker 2: You know, it's they need to find a safe place 190 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,280 Speaker 2: to begin to talk about this. And for people who 191 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:09,000 Speaker 2: are in Christian leadership, sometimes they carry the most shame 192 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:12,080 Speaker 2: because it's kind of an unspoken rule in their job 193 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,280 Speaker 2: description that you're not all to struggle with these things. 194 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,079 Speaker 2: You have to preach on it tell us what to do. 195 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 2: But if we ever find out that you struggle, you 196 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 2: might lose your job. And so a couple like this 197 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:28,320 Speaker 2: really needs to find a counselor or safe community friend 198 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,600 Speaker 2: mentor that they can begin unpacking some of this and 199 00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 2: get biblically based help, whether that's counseling or books and 200 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:40,679 Speaker 2: resources that help paint the picture for them what health 201 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,480 Speaker 2: actually looks like and how they can begin working towards it. 202 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,480 Speaker 1: Let's say we have a five year old an eight 203 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:49,440 Speaker 1: year old and we are thinking, okay, I want my 204 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:53,719 Speaker 1: child to have this healthy biblical view. What are some 205 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:55,440 Speaker 1: steps we might take this week? 206 00:11:56,120 --> 00:12:00,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think one big step to take, and 207 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,439 Speaker 2: you can't do it in a week, but you can 208 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:07,360 Speaker 2: make a decision and start, Yes, we have to be healthy. 209 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 2: So you know, sometimes I'll talk about the difference between 210 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:16,000 Speaker 2: sex education and sexual discipleship. So sex education is I'm 211 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,640 Speaker 2: going to read a book. I'm going to tell my 212 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:20,720 Speaker 2: child all the birds and the bees, like the facts 213 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:23,199 Speaker 2: they need to know, or I might even tell them 214 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,400 Speaker 2: here are the Bible verses that you need to know. 215 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:31,640 Speaker 2: That's education and that's valuable. But discipleship is training somebody 216 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 2: and how to think, like how to live an integrated life. 217 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:40,200 Speaker 2: And the culture is sexually discipling us. And so if you, 218 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,680 Speaker 2: as a parent, say I'm just going to have the 219 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,920 Speaker 2: talk or I'm just going to read this one book 220 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:49,360 Speaker 2: and keep it at education, listen, discipleship always beats out education. 221 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:54,160 Speaker 2: But here's the key with discipleship. Discipleship is passing on 222 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:57,960 Speaker 2: what I have. And I know that I ran into 223 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:01,080 Speaker 2: walls in parenting my own kids where it's like I 224 00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 2: need to have conversations with them and I've never had 225 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:08,120 Speaker 2: and I have questions, and so I think for a 226 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:11,240 Speaker 2: lot of parents and they're starting in those early years, 227 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,600 Speaker 2: a lot of it begins with I need to reconcile 228 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:18,480 Speaker 2: some of my hurt, some of my shame, some of 229 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:21,079 Speaker 2: my questions because I'm afraid my kids are going to 230 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:24,000 Speaker 2: ask and I'm not going to have an answer. And 231 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,280 Speaker 2: so I think, for again a lot of us, that's 232 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,680 Speaker 2: a very first step and an aggressive one that we 233 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,520 Speaker 2: need to begin taking in our marriages or our own 234 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:32,320 Speaker 2: personal lives. 235 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,880 Speaker 1: Yeah. I think of doctor Howard Hendrix, the Great Disciple learn. 236 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 1: He said, you cannot impart what you do not possess. Yes, 237 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:41,920 Speaker 1: And I think that's part of the call of parenting 238 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:43,920 Speaker 1: that Hey, on my own I would just let the slide. 239 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:46,800 Speaker 1: But because I've got these kids, I got to figure 240 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:50,480 Speaker 1: this out. And you know, talk about how unhealthy sexuality, 241 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,199 Speaker 1: how can that drive a wedge or build a wall 242 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 1: between us and God? 243 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:58,400 Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, in so many different ways. You know, 244 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:02,679 Speaker 2: just look at examples of what's happening in real life today. Pornography. 245 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:07,000 Speaker 2: There are so many men and women today who are 246 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,440 Speaker 2: engaging in pornography. They're confused about it, they don't know 247 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:14,000 Speaker 2: how to stop, and it builds a wall because they 248 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:19,360 Speaker 2: feel consistently shameful and unclean, like I've got this terrible sin. 249 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 2: God can't love me, Like why isn't He rescuing me 250 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,480 Speaker 2: from it? So that's a wall. You've got a wall 251 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:30,480 Speaker 2: of sexual trauma. The research shows that fifty percent of women, 252 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,120 Speaker 2: and about thirty percent of men have experienced sexual violence. 253 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,800 Speaker 2: So let that sink in. Sexual violence causes you to 254 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:42,400 Speaker 2: ask the question, why did God let that happen? How 255 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:45,920 Speaker 2: can I trust him? That's a wall you have, the 256 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:51,240 Speaker 2: wall of betrayal in marriage of I was wounded or 257 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,960 Speaker 2: I was the one who betrayed, and again you've got shame. 258 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,920 Speaker 2: And then today you've got all the questions around LGBT, 259 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,360 Speaker 2: where you know, people are wondering how would a good 260 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,800 Speaker 2: God keep somebody from loving the person they want to 261 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:08,440 Speaker 2: be or living out their authentic self? And only we 262 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:12,920 Speaker 2: see so many young adults and teenagers walking away from 263 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,640 Speaker 2: a faith in God because they can't reconcile that question. 264 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 2: So this is not just about sexuality. I've come to 265 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:23,040 Speaker 2: believe and find that every sexual issue is also a 266 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:27,400 Speaker 2: spiritual issue. And when we neglect the sexual issues, we're 267 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:32,720 Speaker 2: actually neglecting the underlying spiritual issues that cause somebody to 268 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,560 Speaker 2: doubt God, to not trust him, or to walk away 269 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:36,760 Speaker 2: from their faith altogether. 270 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:41,960 Speaker 1: How can we as parents, you know, help be that bridge. Like, 271 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 1: let's say our child is going through this their question, 272 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:48,960 Speaker 1: they're starting with pornography, they have had a sexual trauma, 273 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,440 Speaker 1: they're thinking, they're wondering, you know, am I gay, am 274 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:54,320 Speaker 1: I this and my trans How can we as a 275 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:58,480 Speaker 1: parent help them to bring that to God, to bring 276 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:02,200 Speaker 1: that to the light and to be okay having those conversations. 277 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:05,200 Speaker 2: Yeah. I think first of all, it starts by not 278 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:10,040 Speaker 2: freaking out, which every parent freaks out in these times. 279 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 1: Right to practice behind closed doors, free out and then 280 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,920 Speaker 1: would your child be very like, oh, tell me more. 281 00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 2: Yes, And some of it is not just practicing that 282 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 2: that face, but where are you going to process it? 283 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:26,160 Speaker 2: Like when our kids have sexual struggles or questions, it 284 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,400 Speaker 2: brings up every fear and insecurity in us as parents, 285 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,320 Speaker 2: And so where do I go to process that? So 286 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,440 Speaker 2: I don't process it with my kids, and so I 287 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,720 Speaker 2: can be there and be available to them. And that's 288 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 2: key because if they're getting even implicitly the message that 289 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,440 Speaker 2: this is not okay to confess or talk about with 290 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,720 Speaker 2: my parents, they'll shut down. But they're also getting that 291 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:52,560 Speaker 2: message that maybe it's not okay to process and talk 292 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:58,120 Speaker 2: about with God, and so affirming their relationship, encouraging them 293 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,480 Speaker 2: for coming and being open up at it, and just 294 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,480 Speaker 2: say hey, we're going to go down this road together, 295 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:07,440 Speaker 2: like I want to walk with you and pursue what 296 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:11,560 Speaker 2: God has to say about this together, and you know, 297 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:14,280 Speaker 2: I just want you to know, no matter where this 298 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,520 Speaker 2: ends up, you're never going to lose my love. You're 299 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:20,399 Speaker 2: always my child. And you know, just the empathy, the 300 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 2: compassion again, the journey of not just we're going to 301 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:28,080 Speaker 2: pursue what God says about sex, but who God is 302 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:31,280 Speaker 2: as a person. You know, how do we understand his goodness? 303 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,159 Speaker 2: Why would a good God put things in the Bible 304 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 2: that are really difficult for us to grapple with? And 305 00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:39,679 Speaker 2: what does he say? The end goal is, you know, 306 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:43,520 Speaker 2: the life of a disciple embraces that if you cling 307 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 2: to this life, you're going to lose it. But if 308 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,080 Speaker 2: you lay down this life for the sake of Christ, 309 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,080 Speaker 2: you find it okay. So what does that mean when 310 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:55,080 Speaker 2: we're struggling with something sexually like that's a very different framework. 311 00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:58,080 Speaker 2: And so those are the kinds of conversations we want 312 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,000 Speaker 2: to have with our kids, not preaching at them, but 313 00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:05,200 Speaker 2: even being authentic about the ways that those teachings challenge us. 314 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:09,080 Speaker 1: I like that a lot, because you're partnering, you're walking together. 315 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:13,120 Speaker 1: Instead of it, you like going opposite directions because of this, 316 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,080 Speaker 1: and then you're saying, let's pursue God together. You know, 317 00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:19,360 Speaker 1: it's not like, oh, great, let's celebrate what thing you're 318 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 1: thinking about right now. That isn't true, but it's no, no, 319 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:26,960 Speaker 1: let's walk together and let's pursue God together. There's a 320 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:30,720 Speaker 1: quote in the book that I found very interesting. It 321 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,840 Speaker 1: was by Abigail Favale. I may not be saying that right, 322 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:37,840 Speaker 1: but she wrote, we now think of sex as a 323 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:43,439 Speaker 1: recreational rather than a procreational activity. The connection between sex 324 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:47,040 Speaker 1: and the possibility of new life has been severed. Pregnancy 325 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:50,280 Speaker 1: is seen often as a sexual mishap, a case of 326 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:54,000 Speaker 1: sex gone wrong, rather than the very outcome that sexual 327 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:57,000 Speaker 1: intercourse is designed to bring about. You know, here we are, 328 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,600 Speaker 1: we're parents, and we know this those good like Archell, 329 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,439 Speaker 1: even on our worst day, we're still happy that this 330 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:06,400 Speaker 1: child came about. And how interesting that when we take 331 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:10,800 Speaker 1: that out of the equation, right, it just skews everything 332 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,840 Speaker 1: to talk about how we just need to get back 333 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:16,680 Speaker 1: to this idea that sex brings life, that it is procreational, 334 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,879 Speaker 1: that is either a real life, a baby kind of life, 335 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:24,280 Speaker 1: or life into the relationship, into the marriage, your relationship 336 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 1: with God, all those things, right. 337 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:33,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, So historically sex was about the possibility of life, 338 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:37,119 Speaker 2: always like, you couldn't have a sexual encounter without I 339 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:41,119 Speaker 2: might get pregnant or I might get somebody pregnant, and 340 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,520 Speaker 2: that has its negatives when we look back in history, 341 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:47,840 Speaker 2: like absolutely, I mean, we live in a fallen world. 342 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:52,240 Speaker 2: But when the birth control pill became mainstream and abortion 343 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:56,760 Speaker 2: became mainstream, what we're essentially saying is you can have 344 00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:00,560 Speaker 2: sex without life or the possibility of life. And this 345 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,399 Speaker 2: is when we started to see the sexual revolution, where 346 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:07,240 Speaker 2: it was about exploration and hooking up with each other, 347 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:13,000 Speaker 2: and then onward to gay relationships and buy relationships and 348 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:17,920 Speaker 2: all of it. Even the gender conversation about reproduction doesn't 349 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,560 Speaker 2: really matter anymore because we have science to get around that. 350 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 2: So we have to go back to God's original design. 351 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:28,360 Speaker 2: It wasn't just for life, but that life also creating family, 352 00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 2: and family is such an important construct in our worldview. 353 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:37,000 Speaker 2: I mean, how many times does the scripture talk about 354 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:40,600 Speaker 2: God's people as the family of God, as his children, 355 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,280 Speaker 2: and as us being family members and brothers and sisters. 356 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:48,200 Speaker 2: And so what we see happening with sexuality is tearing 357 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:52,880 Speaker 2: down constructs of how we were designed to operate in community, 358 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:57,000 Speaker 2: and constructs of even things that help us understand the 359 00:20:57,080 --> 00:21:00,240 Speaker 2: nature of God and how he designed us to reflect that. 360 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,119 Speaker 2: You know, husband and wife, like the concept of a 361 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:07,320 Speaker 2: covenant marriage is all but disappearing. I would say, even 362 00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:10,720 Speaker 2: within Christian culture. It's become about how do I find 363 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,679 Speaker 2: the person that makes me most happy and create a 364 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:17,479 Speaker 2: life where I'm happy and when it becomes difficult, I'm 365 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:20,320 Speaker 2: going to go to the next one. So these things 366 00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:24,639 Speaker 2: are so essential not just for how communities and individuals flourish, 367 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:28,760 Speaker 2: but also their representative of some of the major things 368 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:29,960 Speaker 2: that we see in scripture. 369 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:34,200 Speaker 1: Yes, that we are the family reflects God's love for us. 370 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:38,440 Speaker 1: It's reflecting of this covenant relationship, not of this like oh, yay, 371 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,119 Speaker 1: you're good for me for now. Great, I'll keep you. 372 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,000 Speaker 1: Oh you're not good for me. I'm going to leave you. 373 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:46,720 Speaker 1: It's like that, that's not how this was made. Talk 374 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:49,760 Speaker 1: to the single mom or the single dad who is listening, 375 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:53,680 Speaker 1: and this is just such a hard topic because it's like, Okay, 376 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:57,800 Speaker 1: I'm hearing married people complain about sexuality, like, oh, you 377 00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:59,640 Speaker 1: only want to do it that many times? I want 378 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,679 Speaker 1: to do it many times, and here I am single, 379 00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:05,280 Speaker 1: thinking what about me? You know, talk to that single. 380 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, boy, this is a difficult conversation. I feel like 381 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:11,800 Speaker 2: we've also neglected in the church. Even when we talk 382 00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:15,200 Speaker 2: about singles, we often think we're talking about people twenty 383 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:17,919 Speaker 2: five and younger, which is one hundred percent not the 384 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,080 Speaker 2: case today, and that there are a lot of older 385 00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:23,800 Speaker 2: adults in the church that are single and want to 386 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,639 Speaker 2: understand God's He's then for sexuality. I think part of 387 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,680 Speaker 2: what we need to grasp is that as significant as 388 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:36,200 Speaker 2: marriage and family and sexuality are, they are temporary aspects 389 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:40,480 Speaker 2: of our humanity that point to something more lasting, which 390 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:44,280 Speaker 2: is why we see such parallels in you know, Jesus 391 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:48,000 Speaker 2: saying that he's our bridegroom and we're the bride because 392 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:51,160 Speaker 2: ultimately that's the marriage that we're made for, or as 393 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,800 Speaker 2: we've already mentioned that we are the children of God, 394 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 2: we are brothers and sisters because that's the eternal family 395 00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,399 Speaker 2: that we were created for. And I do think that 396 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:05,560 Speaker 2: there's a level setting when a single person hears married 397 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:09,320 Speaker 2: people complain about sex. You know, it's not always great, 398 00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:13,800 Speaker 2: but it's it's almost like recognizing that like Paul said 399 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:18,200 Speaker 2: in First Grindai, chapter seven, there's a gift of singleness. 400 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:21,280 Speaker 2: There's some good things and there's some burden, And there's 401 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:24,000 Speaker 2: a gift of marriage. There's some good things, but there's 402 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,159 Speaker 2: some burden. And what we find in today's world is 403 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:29,760 Speaker 2: that the married people want to be single and the 404 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,200 Speaker 2: single people want to be married because we don't want 405 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:36,639 Speaker 2: the burden. But being able to embrace that, there's some 406 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:40,480 Speaker 2: freedoms that come from being single. There's some definite burdens. 407 00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:45,280 Speaker 2: But God, what, how do you help me understand the 408 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,240 Speaker 2: goodness of my stage of life right now? Even if 409 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 2: I wish to be married and I wish to be 410 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:53,520 Speaker 2: having sex, I know those aren't the things that will 411 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:57,919 Speaker 2: ultimately fulfill me. So give me the perspective to enjoy 412 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,680 Speaker 2: and appreciate the things I do have instead of idolizing 413 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 2: the things that I don't have. 414 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,960 Speaker 1: Right now, you talk a lot about mindset, how to 415 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:11,160 Speaker 1: think differently about the purpose of sexuality. So if someone's wondering, oh, 416 00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:14,320 Speaker 1: I thought like, it's one hundred percent for pleasure, you 417 00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:16,639 Speaker 1: know what I mean? It's like that is my thinking. 418 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:20,360 Speaker 1: It's one hundred percent for pleasure. And however, I want 419 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,199 Speaker 1: to do it with whoever I want to do it. 420 00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:26,720 Speaker 1: That's it. How biblically should we be thinking about sexuality? 421 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,399 Speaker 2: Yeah again, I think we've got to understand how like 422 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:34,159 Speaker 2: infiltrated in today's world view, we are so biblically we 423 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 2: should be thinking about sexuality as a celebration of covenant. Okay, 424 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,880 Speaker 2: So now why do I say that? Well, first of all, 425 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:47,080 Speaker 2: celebrations are usually fun, so there is pleasure, Like God 426 00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:50,880 Speaker 2: did create sex for pleasure, but it's pleasure for a reason. 427 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,320 Speaker 2: We see that God designed marriage to be this covenant, 428 00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:58,720 Speaker 2: lifelong covenant between a husband and wife, and he has 429 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:03,480 Speaker 2: given a married couple the gift of sex to be 430 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:07,840 Speaker 2: a regular reminder and celebration of that covenant. And the 431 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 2: language is very similar in the New Testament, particularly in 432 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:15,399 Speaker 2: Paul's letters, to what God has given us with communion. Okay, 433 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,360 Speaker 2: So Jesus says that he is a covenant with us 434 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 2: through his blood, and he has given us the practice 435 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:25,440 Speaker 2: of remembering that covenant his body and his blood through 436 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,639 Speaker 2: the act of communion. It's an outward physical symbol of 437 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:32,880 Speaker 2: a spiritual truth. And Paul uses almost the same wording 438 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:37,440 Speaker 2: when he talks about taking communion outside of that covenant, 439 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:42,040 Speaker 2: he says, you eat and drink death upon yourself, and 440 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,399 Speaker 2: then he says the same thing in one Corinthian six, like, 441 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:48,720 Speaker 2: when you engage in sex outside of covenant, you're sitting 442 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:53,840 Speaker 2: against your own body because you're using something sacred apart 443 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:57,600 Speaker 2: from what it was intended. And then there's there's so 444 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,840 Speaker 2: much outworking of that of Okay, what does that look 445 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,919 Speaker 2: like in the early years and the middle years, and 446 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:07,160 Speaker 2: the busy years and the latter years. And it's not 447 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:11,400 Speaker 2: just an act. It's a journey of working out the covenant, 448 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,600 Speaker 2: even through the gift of sexuality, learning to love each 449 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:19,440 Speaker 2: other well, learning to be free together, learning to be playful, 450 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,960 Speaker 2: learning to change is our bodies change, So it's not 451 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 2: just a static thing. 452 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:29,320 Speaker 1: I love hearing you talk about this because you are 453 00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:32,639 Speaker 1: talking with such a depth of knowledge of all the 454 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,480 Speaker 1: people you've talked to. And then you've gone through many 455 00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:38,040 Speaker 1: of these stages. Right, We've just been talking about our children, 456 00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:40,360 Speaker 1: how our children are so big and so old now, 457 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:44,040 Speaker 1: and it's like, how did this happen? That to remind us, 458 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,040 Speaker 1: there are stages like it's okay, if it wasn't like 459 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:50,120 Speaker 1: it was twenty five years ago, like we change and 460 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:52,880 Speaker 1: this is all right, and let's keep you know, hey, 461 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:55,119 Speaker 1: it's time for our celebration of covenantal love like this 462 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,439 Speaker 1: is still a very good thing, and to keep talking 463 00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,280 Speaker 1: about it. The last question I want to ask you 464 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,399 Speaker 1: is just give that. You know, is there hope for 465 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,320 Speaker 1: those who have a broken past? They look at their 466 00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:07,520 Speaker 1: past and they say, wow, there's a lot of hurt there, 467 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:09,639 Speaker 1: but I don't want to live in that hurt. Is 468 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:14,640 Speaker 1: there hope past that sexual thing or mindset that has 469 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,040 Speaker 1: been bringing this person down? 470 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:19,239 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I'm gonna say yes, Yes, I can 471 00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:25,919 Speaker 3: set you up. There's there's always hope. And one of 472 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,720 Speaker 3: my greatest joys again, being in this ministry so long 473 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,240 Speaker 3: is that I've been able to see so many stories 474 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:36,520 Speaker 3: of hope that I've seen, you know, women and men 475 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:41,440 Speaker 3: who have horrendous histories of trauma like work through that 476 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:44,600 Speaker 3: and find healing and find wholeness. And I've seen couples 477 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:49,280 Speaker 3: who have gone through terrible infidelity do the hard work 478 00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:53,080 Speaker 3: of not just restoring what they had, but actually rebuilding 479 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:56,520 Speaker 3: something more significant and profound in the future. Many of 480 00:27:56,520 --> 00:28:00,600 Speaker 3: them are in ministring themselves, you know, telling cup like 481 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:03,760 Speaker 3: there's hope. I've seen people who are so addicted to 482 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:08,920 Speaker 3: pornography that you know, they just they got fired from 483 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:13,439 Speaker 3: their jobs, they lost everything, and they sought healing and 484 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:15,280 Speaker 3: recovery and they're thriving. 485 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:19,199 Speaker 2: So whatever it is. You know, I've seen people who 486 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:23,639 Speaker 2: struggle with saying sex desire, but gender dye for you. 487 00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:26,600 Speaker 2: You know, there's nothing that catches God by surprise. There's 488 00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,280 Speaker 2: nothing that is too deep of a pit for Him 489 00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:32,480 Speaker 2: to rescue us from. You know, He is a redeeming 490 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:35,679 Speaker 2: and healing God. And I've often found that the people 491 00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:40,400 Speaker 2: who have been rescued from the deeper things actually have 492 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:43,080 Speaker 2: a deeper love for God. And Jesus said that, you know, 493 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,800 Speaker 2: to a woman who is known as the sexual Scenery, said, 494 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:50,360 Speaker 2: this woman loves much because she's been forgiven much. And 495 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:54,000 Speaker 2: so God not only makes good on things like he 496 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:57,960 Speaker 2: actually turns them to our good to where we have 497 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:00,920 Speaker 2: a deeper love for Him and faithful Him than somebody 498 00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:03,160 Speaker 2: who hasn't walked through those things. 499 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,320 Speaker 1: So beautiful, tell us how can people find out more 500 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,120 Speaker 1: about you, doctor Julie? And how can people get your 501 00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:10,880 Speaker 1: book Surrendered Sexuality? 502 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:14,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, so the book is available anywhere you're going to 503 00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:18,520 Speaker 2: buy Christian books, so Amazon, christianbook dot com, anywhere like that, 504 00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:21,520 Speaker 2: and then we'd love to connect with you through our 505 00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:25,960 Speaker 2: website Authentic indrecip dot com, social media accounts by that 506 00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:30,760 Speaker 2: same name, and our podcast is Java with Julie, so 507 00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:33,920 Speaker 2: that's another way just kind of jump into the conversation. 508 00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,760 Speaker 1: And we'll have all those links in the show notes. 509 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:37,160 Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Julie. 510 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:39,480 Speaker 2: Thank you always great to talk to you. 511 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:47,200 Speaker 1: I hope this conversation has been helpful for you. And 512 00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:51,400 Speaker 1: those links are in the show notes. Authentic Intimacy dot com. 513 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:57,200 Speaker 1: The book is Surrendered Sexuality and the podcast is Java 514 00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,800 Speaker 1: with Julie, and again those links are in the show notes. 515 00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:03,280 Speaker 1: Remember you don't have to come from a happy home 516 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:06,920 Speaker 1: to create one. You two can have a happy home.