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Speaker 1: Life Audio.

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Speaker 2: Hi there, it's Dana See and welcome to the Rebuilding

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Speaker 2: US Marriage Podcasts. Seriously, though, I think in relationships you

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Speaker 2: got to be able to value both people and both

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Speaker 2: perspectives and not shame the other person for feeling how

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Speaker 2: they do or money habits or financial habits that you

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Speaker 2: have in your life. So there are people who are

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Speaker 2: listening who also have this dynamic where one spouse is like,

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Speaker 2: they don't need all that. Hey everyone, it's Danache and

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Speaker 2: welcome to the Rebuilding US Marriage podcast. I am here

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Speaker 2: with my husband Sean, and like I teased out a

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Speaker 2: couple episodes ago, Sean and I are here to talk

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Speaker 2: about the differences that couple's experience in our gift giving habits. Okay,

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Speaker 2: so if you're married, there's probably one of you that's

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Speaker 2: a spender, one of you that's a safe, one of

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Speaker 2: you that maybe considers yourself to be a giver.

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Speaker 3: And the problem happens when you need.

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Speaker 2: To start giving gifts, especially to your kids, and you

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Speaker 2: start to have these disagreements, shall we say so? I

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Speaker 2: wanted to bring Sean on because I don't want to

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Speaker 2: talk about him behind his back. I want him to

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Speaker 2: be present for the things that I'm going to be

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Speaker 2: sharing with you all today, but real talk also to

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Speaker 2: help you to be able to have these conversations in

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Speaker 2: your own relationship, whether you're married or you're partnered, to

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Speaker 2: be able to have these conversations and it not actually

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Speaker 2: damage the connection or the joy of the holiday. So again,

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Speaker 2: most of my episodes are evergreen, meaning you can always

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Speaker 2: listen to them, but these few episodes that I've been

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Speaker 2: doing lately are more holiday inspired. Now, obviously you can

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Speaker 2: take what we're saying today and you can apply it

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Speaker 2: to any holiday, or you can apply it to any

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Speaker 2: sort of money habits or financial habits that you have

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Speaker 2: in your life. So with all that being said, Sean,

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Speaker 2: welcome back.

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Speaker 3: To the show.

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Speaker 1: Hello, thanks having me back.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I wanted to have this conversation with you

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Speaker 2: and not surrounding you and just giving like what I

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Speaker 2: think is your perspective, because I think it's important that

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Speaker 2: in a relationship everybody feels honored and everybody feels like

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Speaker 2: they can truly be themselves. And that includes how you

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Speaker 2: like to shop or spend or save. So let's kind

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Speaker 2: of take it back a little bit. Where did you

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Speaker 2: get like your money habits from as far as like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: we're just gonna let the cat out of the back.

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Speaker 2: You're the giver in the family and the relationship, which

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Speaker 2: is great like and I think for me, I spent

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Speaker 2: some time.

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Speaker 3: Not really appreciating you for that.

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Speaker 2: And really because I'm such a frugal person, I'm such

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Speaker 2: a saver, and so for a long time for me,

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Speaker 2: it was difficult to even like appreciate that about you.

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Speaker 2: And I've learned now to appreciate that that as a

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Speaker 2: core part of who you are. So how did you

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Speaker 2: get to being such?

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Speaker 3: I guess a giver.

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Speaker 4: When I saw my mom always giving and everything she did,

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Speaker 4: I mean not only to me, but family and church friends.

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Speaker 4: I mean she just always gave, gave, gave, gave her

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Speaker 4: herself and so and turn turned me into a giver,

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Speaker 4: you know, And I always believe. And it's funny because

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Speaker 4: my kids said too, it always it always comes back,

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Speaker 4: it always comes back, and I mean I've seen it

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Speaker 4: always come back. So I don't hold on. I mean,

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Speaker 4: I can't take it with me. So I'm always like,

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Speaker 4: you know, what if you aaron need and I can help,

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Speaker 4: why not?

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Speaker 2: So I think that's noble, right, And I also grew

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Speaker 2: up with a mom who was a giver giver giver

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Speaker 2: I think to a fault like I would see my

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Speaker 2: mom we opened up our home to people. We always

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Speaker 2: had people staying with us, or she would give whatever

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Speaker 2: she had.

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Speaker 3: You know, if my mom had it, you were going

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Speaker 3: to have it. And I respected that.

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Speaker 2: But at the same time, I'm a very like necessity

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Speaker 2: driven person, right, So if something is not.

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Speaker 3: A need, then it is hard for me to give

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Speaker 3: to that.

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Speaker 2: So for example, if the kids are like, we want

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Speaker 2: the newest iPhone, that is not a need, that is

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Speaker 2: a wish or a desire, and I feel no sense

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Speaker 2: of this is what I need to go out here

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Speaker 2: and get for them.

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Speaker 4: Well, considering Apple, and there's also a lawsuit out there

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Speaker 4: to prove it that they were slowing down the phones

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Speaker 4: when the new ones came out, so it actually was

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Speaker 4: in need so they can have a phone that worked.

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Speaker 2: Because cell phones themselves are not a need, it's what

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Speaker 2: we've become accustomed to. But for a child to have

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Speaker 2: a cell phone, that is a privilege. And so I

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Speaker 2: feel like, if you have a phone, use the phone

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Speaker 2: that you have. So that's just one example, but I think,

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Speaker 2: you know, I don't want to make it like appear

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Speaker 2: like I'm not a giver or then I'm stingy your selfish,

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Speaker 2: because that's not true at all. I give too, we

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Speaker 2: just given different ways. I like to give more memories.

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Speaker 2: Like I love experiences, so trips like I will go

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Speaker 2: all out. We went to We took a fabulous ten

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Speaker 2: day cruise to Alaska over the summer, and that to

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Speaker 2: me is more valuable than a new PS five or

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Speaker 2: a new cell phone or you know, a new T

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Speaker 2: shirt or whatever it might be. So I think that's

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Speaker 2: kind of where we differ, is that I like to.

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Speaker 3: Give more more memorable things.

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Speaker 2: I know, when the kids were little, I would always say, like,

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Speaker 2: they're not going to remember that little toy, whatever the

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Speaker 2: toy was that they got on their eighth birthday. They're

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Speaker 2: gonna remember my dad took me to a baseball game.

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Speaker 2: My dad took me to the Commander's game when they

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Speaker 2: were the Redskins.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we have the ability to do both, so

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Speaker 1: do both.

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Speaker 4: And also you know, I'm like, I don't want them

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Speaker 4: to ever go without. So I mean, yes, there's two

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Speaker 4: theories behind it. But also look at the older kids

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Speaker 4: and like they see that I worked, you know, and

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Speaker 4: worked for this, you know, and so you work hard

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Speaker 4: so you are able to do this.

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Speaker 1: You know. I wouldn't. I wouldn't, you know.

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Speaker 4: I'm not saying, oh, put this aside so I can

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Speaker 4: go give this stuff, you know, like be financially responsible to.

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Speaker 1: Take care of your business. After you take care of

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Speaker 1: your business, all right, let me take care of this

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Speaker 1: stuff here.

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Speaker 2: I also think though, that there's this like Gen Hamaker

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Speaker 2: wrote a book a while ago called the Mutiny against Excess,

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Speaker 2: and I think for me, I am very like anti excess.

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Speaker 2: I feel like our kids have too much already, and

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Speaker 2: so to keep piling on the gifts, to me, it

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Speaker 2: almost like it makes me queasy, you know, like it

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Speaker 2: makes me physically uncomfortable when I look around and I

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Speaker 2: see stuff, and I'm just like, you know what, Like, yes,

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Speaker 2: they have and they don't want and all of that.

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Speaker 3: But I think, in the long term, what are they

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Speaker 3: being taught? You know?

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Speaker 2: So for example, Corey who's in college right now, freshman

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Speaker 2: in college, he's like, I need to get a job,

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Speaker 2: and we're like, why you have football. You're playing collegiate football.

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Speaker 2: That is a huge responsibility. You have your grades that

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Speaker 2: you need to keep up to keep that scholarship. Right,

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Speaker 2: you don't need a job. What do you need a

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Speaker 2: job for? What do you need money for? Uh? And

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Speaker 2: he's just used to having stuff. He's used to being

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Speaker 2: able to DoorDash that will. He's used to being able

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Speaker 2: to just buy random things and so provide it for himself, right,

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Speaker 2: which is good. But I guess what I'm saying is like,

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Speaker 2: I just feel like there's you know you and I

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Speaker 2: grew up with single moms, right for the most part.

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Speaker 2: I mean I had a stepdad who was in out,

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Speaker 2: but for the most part, we grew up with single moms.

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Speaker 2: And I think there's something that is forged in a

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Speaker 2: person when you have to struggle, when you have to

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Speaker 2: figure things out. And I don't want my kids to struggle.

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Speaker 2: I don't want my kids to be destitute. We're not

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Speaker 2: in poverty. Like, That's not what I'm saying, but I

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Speaker 2: think that there's something to be said about struggle, like

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Speaker 2: to come up if you will, like everyone kind of

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Speaker 2: going through that season of like I don't have it

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Speaker 2: like that. And I think that our kids and maybe

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Speaker 2: you know, even to our listeners here, maybe your kids

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Speaker 2: are so used to having nice things or things just

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Speaker 2: on demand, that maybe we're robbing them of something that

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Speaker 2: we had to we had to, like we had.

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Speaker 3: To grow into.

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Speaker 2: Most marriages don't break in one big moment. They usually

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Speaker 1: I understand what you're saying where you're at, and I

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Speaker 1: just know for me, my mom and my stuff father.

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Speaker 4: But my mom for the most part, until she got married,

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Speaker 4: provided the best things for me.

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Speaker 1: You know, it was nice gear.

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Speaker 4: I mean, she did everything she could and so I

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Speaker 4: didn't experience the struggle, you know, like whatever she and

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Speaker 4: so that's how I am, you know, like my kids

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Speaker 4: even though we may be struggling.

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Speaker 1: They they should have.

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Speaker 4: A life of growing up without having the experience just

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Speaker 4: you know, the struggle or knowing the struggle. Just's like

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Speaker 4: we talked about it before, but they never knew that

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Speaker 4: we might be, you know, broke with something week. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 4: because man, I can't you know, we can barely eat,

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Speaker 4: and so the kid needs to know that.

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Speaker 1: And I don't I don't believe that. I think a

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Speaker 1: kid should be a kid and.

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Speaker 4: Experience, you know, man ask for the world, you know,

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Speaker 4: and go strive for the world. But now look at

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Speaker 4: where he said. You know, he's in college and he's

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Speaker 4: I got to work. I got to so for me

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Speaker 4: to be able to continue to do these things, now

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Speaker 4: I'm responsible. I need to go do this, I need

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Speaker 4: to go do that, which is great because he's not

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Speaker 4: relying on us to provide it.

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Speaker 1: He's like, I need a job. I need to go

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Speaker 1: do this because because I want to continue with this here,

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Speaker 1: you know, and I continue this and getting this. So

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Speaker 1: what do I need to do?

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Speaker 2: Yes, I think that that is a good quality to have.

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Speaker 2: And I don't think that your kids should grow up

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Speaker 2: with like financial burdens like I grew up with financial burdens.

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Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, Like I was seven eight

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Speaker 2: years old, like thinking about I wonder if we're going

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Speaker 2: to have lights when I get home from school. I

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Speaker 2: wonder if the water is gonna be hot, Like I

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Speaker 2: remember that stuff, but I will say that I think

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Speaker 2: it made me super grateful, So I gratitude is like

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Speaker 2: a core value of mine. I'm so grateful for every

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Speaker 2: single thing that I have. And I don't know if

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Speaker 2: I would be grateful to the level that I am

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Speaker 2: if if I didn't go through a lot of that struggle.

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Speaker 2: So my mom she would give us nice things, like again,

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Speaker 2: she gave as much as she could. But I also

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Speaker 2: didn't grow up expecting a lot like did. I wasn't

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Speaker 2: one of those kids like you asked of the kids,

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Speaker 2: what do you guys want for Christmas? And they're giving

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Speaker 2: you like a Christmas list is over one thousand dollars

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Speaker 2: per child, and I'm like, listen, we have four kids,

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Speaker 2: and to me, even if we were multi millionaires, no, no, no,

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Speaker 2: you do not need all that stuff on Christmas of

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Speaker 2: all days. It's not even your birthday, like we're celebrating

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Speaker 2: Jesus's birthday. It's not even about you, and so for me,

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Speaker 2: it's just a hard sell, you know.

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Speaker 3: And so yeah, man, I don't even know.

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Speaker 2: I don't even know what the solution is, but I

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Speaker 2: know that there are people who are listening who also

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Speaker 2: have this dynamic where one spouse is like they don't

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Speaker 2: need all that.

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Speaker 1: But I mean I see it.

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Speaker 4: Like this, right, you're operating in your gifts or however

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Speaker 4: you want to do it, and so I don't think

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Speaker 4: you should shame the other for how they are. I mean,

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Speaker 4: you should compromise somehow, some way. All right, this is

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Speaker 4: how I give, Okay, cool, and this is how you give.

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Speaker 1: But you shouldn't be like you're wrong, you know, like

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Speaker 1: you know, what if you don't want to give all that?

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Speaker 4: Okay, Like I don't you know, sitting there and put

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Speaker 4: from dad from dad and you know everything.

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Speaker 3: Is from mom and dad.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and so it's like you know and they Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I just think I don't think you should you know,

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Speaker 4: you're wrong for thinking this way, you know, or you're

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Speaker 4: wrong for wanting to give.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's just but do.

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Speaker 2: You think that there's sometimes where one spouse and it

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Speaker 2: could be the savor? Do you think that there is

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Speaker 2: possible that one spouse is out of like what's the

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Speaker 2: word I'm looking for, Like they're they're they're over the limit,

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Speaker 2: like they're they're out of bounds, if you will, like

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Speaker 2: they're doing too much or maybe they're not doing enough.

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Speaker 2: Like do you feel like that's a thing or do

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Speaker 2: you think just kind of whatever works for each individual person,

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Speaker 2: that just how it should be.

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Speaker 4: I feel it's over the limit when you are taking

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Speaker 4: away from something to make this happen. So again, if

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Speaker 4: I have to not pay the bill for you know,

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Speaker 4: I've never been at you know and they say, oh

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Speaker 4: you can Christmas time you can ask do something with

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Speaker 4: your credit card where or payment or something where you

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Speaker 4: skip the muff and then it's pot all that. I

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Speaker 4: never think that's smart because now you're getting behind. So

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Speaker 4: I always feel, you know, if you have to do

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Speaker 4: stuff like that, don't do it, you know, don't do

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Speaker 4: it at all. Don't don't go into debt trying to

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Speaker 4: do this stuff. You know, I can't do that, you know,

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Speaker 4: look at look at different options and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: You know, never set yourself up like that. So I

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Speaker 1: don't believe in never setting and stuff.

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Speaker 4: You know, I think for us, fortunately you know, each

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Speaker 4: growing up each different levels.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 4: Unfortunately these days and time, everything is crazy pricing. But

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Speaker 4: thankfully we're not at the same place we were many

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Speaker 4: years ago, because if we were, they wouldn't be getting

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Speaker 4: all that stuff, you know, the things they get, you know.

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Speaker 2: Listen, man, Yes they did, yes they did. And I

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Speaker 2: mean our kids have always gotten like I mean.

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Speaker 4: We said, good Christmases, you know, all good stuff, you know,

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Speaker 4: and but it was never like to the extent where oh, well,

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Speaker 4: all right, we got Christmas here and then Jemmy, first,

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Speaker 4: the lights are out.

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Speaker 2: True, but also I remember years where maybe the lights

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Speaker 2: were out, but it was like real tight in January,

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Speaker 2: you know, real tight, or it would be like, well,

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Speaker 2: I don't know if we're gonna be able to go

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Speaker 2: on this vacation or again, because to me, I'm about

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Speaker 2: the experience. I'm like, heck no, like I would go

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Speaker 2: on vacation any day of the week over getting some gifts,

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Speaker 2: because I think that you can teach this entitled mentality

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Speaker 2: and we like real So we love our kids. They're wonderful,

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Speaker 2: but our kids we didn't entitled sometimes.

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Speaker 4: But it's also again it goes back to how you

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Speaker 4: grew up because I didn't grow up a lot of

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Speaker 4: you know, for me, like I didn't grow up a lot.

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Speaker 4: All right, go these you know, all these vacations and

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Speaker 4: different days, you know, the big stuff for us for

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Speaker 4: the holidays, and so therefore was the celebration there, that's

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Speaker 4: what we look forward to.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 4: It wasn't you know, family would come over, we am

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Speaker 4: some of our cousins stuff. But I was never all right,

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Speaker 4: let's let's prepare for this elaborate vacation, you know, and you.

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Speaker 3: Did so I didn't. I mean I went to different.

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Speaker 2: Places like that, but it wasn't elaborate like we were

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Speaker 2: all piled into like the but.

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Speaker 4: You used to that spirits what I'm saying. So therefore,

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Speaker 4: like a vacation to me at first was like okay,

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Speaker 4: you know, like all right, what's you know a cool

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Speaker 4: But yeah, yeah, that's why I think one thing, you know,

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Speaker 4: you know, and.

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Speaker 1: So therefore I had to learn to appreciate you know,

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Speaker 1: you wanted to go on this vacation, wanted to go

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Speaker 1: on this experience.

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Speaker 4: Okay, cool, all right, let's do this now. How again,

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Speaker 4: that goes into how can we both meet each other

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Speaker 4: these and appreciate what you're bringing to the table. You

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Speaker 4: want to bring that experience. All right, cool, great celeb

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Speaker 4: you know, Oh you know you never Oh this is dumb,

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Speaker 4: you know, or you're going too overboard, you're spending too

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Speaker 4: much on this.

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Speaker 1: All right, that's what you want to do, all right,

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Speaker 1: let's make it happen.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And I think for me, like, it's been difficult for

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Speaker 2: me because I'm not a gift Not only am I

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Speaker 2: not a gift buyer. I don't love receiving gifts. It's

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Speaker 2: not my love language. I mean, I like nice things,

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Speaker 2: don't get me wrong, but I feel like I make

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Speaker 2: my own money. I can buy my own things, right,

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Speaker 2: So it's not and it's not just you, like it's friends,

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Speaker 2: it's my family members, Like I don't.

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Speaker 3: I don't.

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Speaker 2: I never expect anything because I feel like, if I

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Speaker 2: want a new dress, I'm going to go buy a

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Speaker 2: new dress.

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Speaker 3: I'm not going to.

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Speaker 2: Wait for Christmas to put it on a list and

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Speaker 2: be like here's my Christmas.

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Speaker 3: You know.

349
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Speaker 2: So for me it's been uncomfortable sometimes your extravagance. And

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Speaker 2: I've tried to say that in a way that doesn't

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Speaker 2: seem like I'm being ungrateful because that's not that's never

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Speaker 2: my intent. But sometimes it's it's I don't want to

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Speaker 2: use depressing.

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Speaker 3: That's too strong of a word.

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Speaker 2: But like honestly, like sometimes on Christmas, like I get anxiety,

356
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Speaker 2: like I get I start to become anxious because I

357
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Speaker 2: know I'm about to receive all this stuff, and you

358
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,479
Speaker 2: know me, like I'm always trying to purge, like I'm

359
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,080
Speaker 2: trying to get rid of stuff, I'm giving away, clothes

360
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Speaker 2: I'm giving away, I'm giving away.

361
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Speaker 3: I'm like I want my house to be decluttered.

362
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Speaker 2: And so sometimes why are you looking at me like that?

363
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Speaker 2: I have to have my TV clothes right, But.

364
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Speaker 3: But I will say it's like sometimes for me it's.

365
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Speaker 2: Been like like I feel my I feel the tension

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Speaker 2: rising because it's it can be so much and I

367
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Speaker 2: don't think you understand that.

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Speaker 3: So no, no, no, it's more than that. It's not

369
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Speaker 3: just relax.

370
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Speaker 1: I've been on two cruises. I had to relax.

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Speaker 3: It's not it's not that though. It's like the.

372
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,919
Speaker 1: Same anxiety, but I just had to let it go.

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Speaker 1: I can't sing your sing the song.

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Speaker 3: I can't. But it's like I don't want to have

375
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Speaker 3: all of this stuff.

376
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Speaker 2: Like so if I say, I don't want anything. I

377
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:31,080
Speaker 2: don't I know, and I can't. So so when happens,

378
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:34,159
Speaker 2: I can't even like be watching a TV commercial or

379
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Speaker 2: something and.

380
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Speaker 3: Be like, oh I like that, I'm like, no, no, no,

381
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Speaker 3: I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't

382
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Speaker 3: like it.

383
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:40,520
Speaker 2: I know you're gonna buy it. And I know this

384
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,040
Speaker 2: sounds so stupid to some people, Like some people are like,

385
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Speaker 2: what why she complained at the hoys and gets her things?

386
00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:48,920
Speaker 2: I don't know, but I just feel like I don't

387
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Speaker 2: want to be this excessive, over the top person.

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Speaker 1: When you have somebody that can do that, it means

389
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Speaker 1: they're paying attention to you. You have to look at that.

390
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Speaker 4: So if they can see something you like, okay, cool

391
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:05,080
Speaker 4: note mental note, So now I can buy this.

392
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Speaker 1: Later and surprise you, you know, like that.

393
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:10,200
Speaker 4: And so it's like I want to see the smile

394
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:13,679
Speaker 4: on your face, like, oh man, he remembered, he actually

395
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:14,880
Speaker 4: listens to me, he remembered.

396
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,280
Speaker 2: I like that, you know what a smile on my face?

397
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,879
Speaker 2: What's my number one love language?

398
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,840
Speaker 1: We know, I mean time to ever and you know

399
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:24,680
Speaker 1: words affirmation.

400
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,480
Speaker 3: So that's what I want. I just want you to

401
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:29,040
Speaker 3: write me a love letter. That's it. It's free. You

402
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,000
Speaker 3: don't have to spend any money.

403
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,800
Speaker 4: And do that as well, but you also have to

404
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,880
Speaker 4: appreciate both, you know, like mine too.

405
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,919
Speaker 1: What I like to do is give. So if I

406
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,919
Speaker 1: can write you a letter, so I write more in

407
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:46,160
Speaker 1: the cards and different things. But you should also appreciate

408
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:47,239
Speaker 1: what comes along with that.

409
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:53,040
Speaker 2: I appreciate it, but I can't stop like calculating.

410
00:19:53,240 --> 00:20:05,919
Speaker 3: I mean, like god, I find it's difficult to not

411
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,239
Speaker 3: be like how much was this? How much was that?

412
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,760
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, like this was so much? You know,

413
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:12,920
Speaker 3: I don't know, man.

414
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:17,119
Speaker 2: I think sometimes I'm like, I'm having a little therapy

415
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:20,200
Speaker 2: session with myself right now. I think sometimes that poverty mentality,

416
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:23,120
Speaker 2: because I didn't grow up with a lot, I think

417
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,320
Speaker 2: sometimes that gets in the way.

418
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:28,359
Speaker 3: And it's hard. I know. They're like, you're with They say,

419
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:29,720
Speaker 3: you're not in the trenches anymore.

420
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:30,800
Speaker 1: Exactly.

421
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,520
Speaker 3: It's true, but it's easier said than done, honestly.

422
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:38,080
Speaker 2: Like this is again, if you're listening to this, you're like,

423
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:39,879
Speaker 2: what in the heck is she talking about? Maybe you

424
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,439
Speaker 2: do not relate to this at all. Maybe some of

425
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,960
Speaker 2: you do relate to this, and you understand how difficult

426
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,480
Speaker 2: it can be. Like I like nice things I do,

427
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 2: but I also really have a huge value of saving

428
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:57,720
Speaker 2: and not having things done in excess. So two three

429
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:01,639
Speaker 2: gifts max. When I start to see like five and

430
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:06,159
Speaker 2: twelve gifts, I start to like literally like my shoulders,

431
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:07,800
Speaker 2: Like I'm like, well.

432
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,560
Speaker 4: That's not even gonna work because two or three gifts.

433
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,959
Speaker 4: I mean, you have four kids and a husband, so

434
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,000
Speaker 4: that equals five right there, So that's already over your mac.

435
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:18,199
Speaker 2: So I'm saying like from you, from maybe from like

436
00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:20,720
Speaker 2: you right So like if the kids get me stuff in.

437
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:21,880
Speaker 3: That or like, mom, what do you want you want?

438
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,800
Speaker 3: I don't want anything from them, Like they're kids.

439
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,680
Speaker 2: I mean, yes, they're young adults, but like I don't know,

440
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,359
Speaker 2: a pair of earrings or something something small when they

441
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 2: were little.

442
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:30,640
Speaker 3: I love the.

443
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,960
Speaker 2: Little things that they made for me. Again, it's about

444
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,040
Speaker 2: experiences and memories for me. So like I still have

445
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:39,520
Speaker 2: some of their little art projects and their little clay pots,

446
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:40,800
Speaker 2: you know all that stuff.

447
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,440
Speaker 3: Man, that's like priceless to me. But I don't need

448
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 3: another gadget. I just don't.

449
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 2: Well, thank you guys for letting Sean and I have

450
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,880
Speaker 2: this conversation and I hope that this was helpful for you. Seriously, though,

451
00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,760
Speaker 2: I think in relationships you do have to be mind Sean.

452
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,320
Speaker 2: You said it right, like you got to be able

453
00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:06,359
Speaker 2: to value both people and both perspectives and not shame

454
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:10,320
Speaker 2: the other person for feeling how they do, or you know,

455
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,359
Speaker 2: not call like he never calls me a cheap skate,

456
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 2: do you know?

457
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:15,239
Speaker 3: You know?

458
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:19,119
Speaker 2: And I've had to really change my words because I

459
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:22,960
Speaker 2: don't want something good to be spoken of in a

460
00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:27,199
Speaker 2: bad way like I don't want it's ridiculous because I

461
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 2: know that there are many people who their spouses don't

462
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 2: even remember their birthdays or they forget anniversary.

463
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:34,320
Speaker 3: Like We've never done that.

464
00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:38,800
Speaker 2: We've always gifted each other on every birthday, every anniversary,

465
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 2: every Valentine's Day, and.

466
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:42,160
Speaker 3: I love that. I do love the holidays. I love

467
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:47,800
Speaker 3: those things. But I'm just saying just not so much. Okay, noted,

468
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:48,960
Speaker 3: and then.

469
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,440
Speaker 2: I'm going to get back on this podcast in twenty

470
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,199
Speaker 2: twenty six and be like, y'all, my husband didn't give

471
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:53,639
Speaker 2: me anything for Christmas.

472
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 3: And I was so mad.

473
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:59,879
Speaker 2: So yeah, well again, I think that these conversations are

474
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,560
Speaker 2: important to have because if not, then one person can

475
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:08,920
Speaker 2: become resentful or feel underappreciated or devalued.

476
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:09,639
Speaker 3: And it's just it's not necessary.

477
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:11,480
Speaker 2: So do what you need to do to have the

478
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,440
Speaker 2: conversations that you need to have friends.

479
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:15,520
Speaker 3: If you need to sit down and make a.

480
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,440
Speaker 2: Budget, like I would love for us to do that,

481
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 2: be able to sit down and be like, Okay, we're

482
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,720
Speaker 2: spending X amount of money per kid and it should

483
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,479
Speaker 2: be different. Listen, listen now, these young adult kids got

484
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:28,320
Speaker 2: big time, big big boy and big girl jobs now,

485
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:33,520
Speaker 2: so we don't need to be buying excessive things for them.

486
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,440
Speaker 3: Do you agree somewhat?

487
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:36,080
Speaker 1: Yeah?

488
00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 3: So what are you gonna get?

489
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:37,439
Speaker 1: Chris?

490
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,199
Speaker 3: I mean he's not listening to the podcast that you

491
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 3: could say, see so that I'm like, why can't why

492
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:45,200
Speaker 3: you can't buy your own work?

493
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 1: I clothes man, thing is a practical gift that somebody's

494
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:49,679
Speaker 1: asking for.

495
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:53,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was gonna buy him some stuff for his

496
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 3: house necessity.

497
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 1: But if he doesn't want that is really a gift.

498
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 2: M I don't have to give that one some thought.

499
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 2: I think he would appreciate it. You want yeah, Yeah,

500
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,040
Speaker 2: you're right, Okay, I need to go back into the lab.

501
00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:14,920
Speaker 2: I might need to do some more work. So on myself. Well,

502
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:16,879
Speaker 2: thank you guys so much for listening. And again, I

503
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:20,200
Speaker 2: hope this conversation was helpful for you and I would

504
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:22,280
Speaker 2: love to hear your comments. You can always email me

505
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,879
Speaker 2: at info I n F O at Dana Sha d

506
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 2: A n A C h you dot com and make

507
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:30,479
Speaker 2: sure that you listen to the podcast episode that I

508
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:31,640
Speaker 2: that I did recently.

509
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 3: I believe it was episode three eighty two on.

510
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:40,200
Speaker 2: How to Decrease the inability of Affection in your marriage,

511
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 2: basically how to how to keep the affection going in

512
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:43,080
Speaker 2: your marriage.

513
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 3: Especially during the holidays, because it is difficult.

514
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,280
Speaker 2: Sometimes we get so caught up in the busyness of

515
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,400
Speaker 2: life and then you know, ripping and running and doing

516
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 2: all the things that we can kind of let that slide.

517
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 2: So be sure to listen to that. And of course,

518
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,439
Speaker 2: if you haven't already gotten your Ultimate Couples Guide, be

519
00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:59,920
Speaker 2: sure to go to Danashay dot com for its slave

520
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:04,400
Speaker 2: Ultimate Couple I'm giving you five simple strategies to enhance

521
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 2: and increase the intimacy, not just sexual intimacy, but all

522
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:12,639
Speaker 2: the intimacies in your relationship. SHAWNA was good having you good?

523
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 3: All right, you

524
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:17,600
Speaker 2: Guys, I'll see you in the next episode, take Care