1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:06,680 Speaker 1: Life Audio. Sometimes we have plans for our life and 2 00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:10,600 Speaker 1: other times things go completely not according to plan, but 3 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:13,520 Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that we still can't encounter the peace 4 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:15,280 Speaker 1: of God. And that's what I want to talk about 5 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:22,240 Speaker 1: in today's episode. Hello. Hello, Hello, ladies and gents, and 6 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,480 Speaker 1: welcome to this week's episode of the Bat and Beloved Podcast. 7 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:28,320 Speaker 1: As always, it's a girl Kirby Kelly, and this is 8 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:32,600 Speaker 1: one of the first episodes that I am recording postpartum. 9 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 1: Ah So, a lot of the episodes that you have 10 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:39,040 Speaker 1: been tuning into, listening to, watching however you are consuming 11 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:45,880 Speaker 1: this podcast has been recorded probably back in January, February, March, 12 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 1: maybe April. But if you've been keeping up with just me, 13 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,839 Speaker 1: even on my social media and everything, then you know 14 00:00:53,760 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 1: I gave birth. I had my sweet, beautiful, incredible, lovely daughter, 15 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:04,320 Speaker 1: Lily back at the very end of April, and I'm 16 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:06,880 Speaker 1: gonna be talking about that in today's episode and before 17 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,959 Speaker 1: you too. Now, if you're like, okay, this is just 18 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,679 Speaker 1: gonna be like a birth story, all right, Like this 19 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,120 Speaker 1: doesn't relate to me, this doesn't relate to my season 20 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:20,040 Speaker 1: of live whatsoever. I want you to just wait and 21 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,200 Speaker 1: give me a minute. Here because the real story that 22 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: I want to share is how everything that I prayed 23 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:30,600 Speaker 1: for and everything that I prepared for and everything that 24 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:35,679 Speaker 1: I expected did not go how I expected it to go. 25 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: And maybe you are going through a season right now, 26 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: or a situation, or have gone through something, and you 27 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:46,200 Speaker 1: had an expectation of this is how it's going to 28 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 1: play out. I prepared for things to go exactly this way. 29 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 1: I prayed for things to go this way, but then 30 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:58,640 Speaker 1: they completely went an opposite direction. And maybe you didn't 31 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 1: even have time to wrap your mind around the course 32 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:05,800 Speaker 1: in which God was directing your steps, and maybe you're 33 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,720 Speaker 1: grieving that. I got a couple dms the other day 34 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 1: from different people as I was just sharing bits and 35 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:14,639 Speaker 1: pieces here and there about motherhood and postpartum and all that, 36 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,320 Speaker 1: and there are people who have reached out to me like, wow, Kirby, 37 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:19,960 Speaker 1: you know, I was expecting my journey to go this 38 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,840 Speaker 1: way and it actually went a different way. And I'm 39 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 1: kind of grieving that. I'm kind of grieving what I 40 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 1: prepared for, prayed for, and expected, and now I'm kind 41 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:34,760 Speaker 1: of disappointed. I'm disappointment with I have disappointment towards God 42 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,600 Speaker 1: because I thought that things would go a certain way 43 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:42,000 Speaker 1: and they didn't. I'm grieving this idea of what I 44 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:45,360 Speaker 1: imagined this process would look like, or this season of 45 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,680 Speaker 1: life would look like. And I think that this can 46 00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:53,000 Speaker 1: transcend beyond motherhood and giving birth. This can go for 47 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,120 Speaker 1: pretty much any season of life. I know there have 48 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:57,400 Speaker 1: been other seasons of my life where I had an 49 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:03,400 Speaker 1: expectation on God, on myself, on my circumstance, on other people, 50 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,399 Speaker 1: for things to play out a certain way, and when 51 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,640 Speaker 1: they didn't, it can be really easy to question the 52 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,040 Speaker 1: plans of God. It can even be easy to question 53 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,840 Speaker 1: the character of God. But what I found is that 54 00:03:14,919 --> 00:03:18,280 Speaker 1: even in the twists and turns of things going completely 55 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:22,360 Speaker 1: different than what I expected, I saw God come through 56 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:26,840 Speaker 1: in the most incredible way. And that's what I'm excited 57 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,560 Speaker 1: to get into. So let me share my birth story 58 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,280 Speaker 1: with you all, because y'all have been asking for it, 59 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 1: So here we go. I was completely preparing to give 60 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:40,200 Speaker 1: birth the way that God intended. You know, let's keep 61 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,280 Speaker 1: a PG. I guess, as much as a birth story 62 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: can be PG. You know, I was planning on giving 63 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 1: birth the way that God intended, but the way that 64 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,800 Speaker 1: God intended for me to give birth was not the 65 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 1: way I'm not that he intended. I ended up having 66 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,440 Speaker 1: a C section because, as it turned out, my daughter 67 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:03,120 Speaker 1: was breached. Breached in the sense of head up, feet down. 68 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,560 Speaker 1: I was breached in the sense that her tiny little 69 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:10,560 Speaker 1: heihknee was wedged in my pelvis. So there was literally 70 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:14,120 Speaker 1: no way for me to flip this girl or get 71 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,599 Speaker 1: this girl out. And I remember we went past the 72 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:21,000 Speaker 1: do date. I was over forty weeks and she still 73 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:24,839 Speaker 1: had not come. I did not experience any contractions, any 74 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:29,560 Speaker 1: signs of labor. I was just getting big. So I 75 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 1: went into my obie and they were like, well, let's 76 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:35,240 Speaker 1: do an ultrasound first, just to make sure that everything's okay. 77 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:39,240 Speaker 1: Everything's good because I had a healthy pregnancy, Praise God 78 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 1: throughout my entire pregnancy. And when they did the ultrasound 79 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:47,680 Speaker 1: on me, y'all, to my surprise, she gets quiet and like, 80 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 1: I see my daughter on there. The ultrasound tech gets quiet, 81 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,800 Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, I see the heartbeat, I see 82 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:56,720 Speaker 1: her moving around like she seems fine, but she seems 83 00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:00,240 Speaker 1: to not be head down. And that is when the 84 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 1: ultrasoundtech said she's breached, and I was in shock. I 85 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:13,480 Speaker 1: was like, no way, you're kidding, you're joking. Richard filmed it, 86 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,920 Speaker 1: and like you can see in the video that he took. 87 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,640 Speaker 1: I don't know if I'll post it or whatever, but 88 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:22,960 Speaker 1: in the video you can see just the shock overcome 89 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 1: me because it wasn't just the fact that, oh, my 90 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,159 Speaker 1: daughter is breach. Is the fact that I knew that 91 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:34,120 Speaker 1: this meant like in with the odds of probably how 92 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,880 Speaker 1: that goes, I don't know. I know nothing about the 93 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:40,279 Speaker 1: statistics of sea sections. I knew that I was probably 94 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:43,120 Speaker 1: gonna get a sea section based off of this. And Richard, 95 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,200 Speaker 1: you know, he hears this that she's breached, and he's like, oh, 96 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:48,120 Speaker 1: does that mean that she's coming, which you would think 97 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,760 Speaker 1: that's what breached meant, right, like you're breaching a parameter. 98 00:05:51,279 --> 00:05:52,960 Speaker 1: But no, I was like, no, it means that I 99 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,520 Speaker 1: probably have to get a sea section because of the 100 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:58,040 Speaker 1: way that she's literally like lawn chair folded up in 101 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:02,479 Speaker 1: me with her with her feet by her head, and 102 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:06,120 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I started to freak out. I 103 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,919 Speaker 1: started to freak out because it wasn't just months and 104 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 1: months of me mentally preparing, like being pregnant. I had 105 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:19,080 Speaker 1: to mentally, not just physically and emotionally and spiritually, but 106 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:22,839 Speaker 1: mentally go through this preparation of what my body was 107 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:26,680 Speaker 1: about to go through. Right, Like I was prepared for 108 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:31,839 Speaker 1: the labor pains. I was prepared to be playing my 109 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,920 Speaker 1: worship music and to also be playing my you know, 110 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:38,640 Speaker 1: twenty fifteen club remix low key, if I needed to 111 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 1: just have a little bit of I don't know, something 112 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:47,000 Speaker 1: to hype me up a bit, right, basically my workout playlist, 113 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,080 Speaker 1: my Christian rap music. I was like, okay, like, IM 114 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,080 Speaker 1: I might need I might need to listen to some 115 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,000 Speaker 1: one one six while I'm pushing this girl out, right, 116 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:57,760 Speaker 1: Like that's what I was preparing for. And so to 117 00:06:57,839 --> 00:07:00,760 Speaker 1: find out, oh no, now I need to prepare for 118 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 1: major surgery. And like I hadn't really studied much about 119 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:07,280 Speaker 1: a C section, so I was like, well, what could 120 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:09,400 Speaker 1: go wrong? What are the complications? What are the So 121 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: it's like the fear, the uncertainty. I think that's really 122 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:17,680 Speaker 1: where where all the quote unquote negative emotions came from. 123 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 1: Was this uncertainty of I thought that I had certainty 124 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: in what this would look like. I thought I had 125 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:28,320 Speaker 1: a sense of control even in being out of control 126 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 1: because I was preparing my body and my mind and 127 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:34,880 Speaker 1: my emotions and everything for giving birth the way that 128 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:38,480 Speaker 1: most women give birth. But no, uh, I was gonna 129 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,480 Speaker 1: be cut open. The next morning they were like, okay, 130 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 1: we'll see you tomorrow morning at ten am. I was like, huh, 131 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be cut open, like laid out on a 132 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,400 Speaker 1: table and you're just gonna pull this human being out 133 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: of me. What I came home, well, first I wept 134 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 1: in the in the obgyn office and they're like, okay, 135 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 1: see it tomorrow. They like, hug to me. They were great. 136 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 1: The team was amazing. But to make a long story short, 137 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:06,240 Speaker 1: I went home, uh, and I cried a lot. I 138 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:10,960 Speaker 1: cried a lot. And it's not because I doubted God's 139 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:16,600 Speaker 1: goodness or doubted his plans for this birth, but it 140 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:21,720 Speaker 1: just was something that I wasn't expecting. And yet his 141 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:25,239 Speaker 1: peace began to flood me right then and there. Because 142 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: the main things that the main thing that I prayed 143 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,160 Speaker 1: for are things. Yeah, the main things I prayed for 144 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:35,240 Speaker 1: during my pregnancy would be that it would be healthy. 145 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,240 Speaker 1: It would be a healthy pregnancy, and it would be 146 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,960 Speaker 1: a healthy labor and delivery. That it would be quick, 147 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,319 Speaker 1: that it would be as painless as possible, that it 148 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,640 Speaker 1: would be peaceful, and that I would have the best team. 149 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,840 Speaker 1: That's what I prayed for. God, let this be as 150 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 1: quick and painless as possible, let it go well, let 151 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,720 Speaker 1: it be healthy, and let the team just be the 152 00:08:55,760 --> 00:09:00,120 Speaker 1: best team ever. And that's actually what ended up happening. 153 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,880 Speaker 1: That is exactly what ended up happening. I didn't feel 154 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:05,560 Speaker 1: like any paine because obviously they had a number because 155 00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:08,320 Speaker 1: they were literally cutting me open. Half of my team, 156 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,640 Speaker 1: if not more like seventy five percent of the team 157 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: that operated on me were Christians. It's not like they 158 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,400 Speaker 1: like flat out told me I love Jesus, but in 159 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:19,640 Speaker 1: the way that we talked in me talking about being 160 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:23,720 Speaker 1: in ministry and loving the Lord, literally playing worship music 161 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,320 Speaker 1: in the operating room and seeing that some of these 162 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:31,160 Speaker 1: physicians and doctors and nurses were singing along to the music. 163 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,960 Speaker 1: They even had like their little surgical caps on with 164 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,320 Speaker 1: Christian fish on them. It's like there were all these 165 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:40,160 Speaker 1: little signs that God gave me the best team, gave 166 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:44,920 Speaker 1: me the best care. And though it was completely unexpected 167 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:49,200 Speaker 1: and not what I was expecting at all, it went 168 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,800 Speaker 1: according to his plan, And I think that's the main 169 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,960 Speaker 1: point that I want to make in today's episode, is 170 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:59,200 Speaker 1: that we will often plan for the future. We will 171 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:03,240 Speaker 1: plan for careers, we will plan for families, we will 172 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:09,280 Speaker 1: plan for just about anything and everything. But the plans 173 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:14,199 Speaker 1: that God has for us, it's far better. And sometimes 174 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,760 Speaker 1: He will give you a glimpse as to Okay, this 175 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,800 Speaker 1: is the destination that I'm bringing you to. But the 176 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:23,680 Speaker 1: journey we have an expectation for, and it's within the 177 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,880 Speaker 1: journey that He does in the most refinement, because oftentimes, 178 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,640 Speaker 1: how often do we know that sometimes the journey is 179 00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 1: completely different than what we expect. Like I was planning 180 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,679 Speaker 1: on things to go like this, like that, and like that, 181 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,520 Speaker 1: but they didn't yet I still ended up at the 182 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:43,960 Speaker 1: destination that I believe God was leading me too with 183 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,840 Speaker 1: the birth of my daughter, right and in every season 184 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:50,679 Speaker 1: of life, it's like I expected, you know, with college, 185 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,679 Speaker 1: to do these, to go to this certain school. I 186 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,160 Speaker 1: was expecting to go to a completely different school and everything, 187 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:59,320 Speaker 1: and then God changed my plans. He had me go 188 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,320 Speaker 1: to a different you U university, and in going to 189 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,560 Speaker 1: that university, the destination that I knew that He wanted 190 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,800 Speaker 1: me to arrive at was being in ministry and getting 191 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:12,200 Speaker 1: a degree regarding ministry, and that's where I ended up. 192 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,680 Speaker 1: The journey was different, but the destination was what He 193 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,280 Speaker 1: had showed me, promised me, gave me peace about, gave 194 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:23,800 Speaker 1: me I don't know, an inkling towards through the Holy Spirit, 195 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,720 Speaker 1: and I think that that's something that we need to 196 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:32,320 Speaker 1: be okay with. Abandoning and surrendering too is his plan 197 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:36,600 Speaker 1: is the journey. We need to be okay with the 198 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:41,880 Speaker 1: ebb and flow of when and where and how, even 199 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,240 Speaker 1: when we don't understand the why, God, why did you 200 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:47,480 Speaker 1: allow this thing to happen? Why did you not allow 201 00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:50,240 Speaker 1: these things to take place that I prayed for or 202 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 1: prepared for or expected. It was there in that surrender 203 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,360 Speaker 1: of everything that I prepared for that I became fully 204 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:03,719 Speaker 1: dependent on God. Like as much as I could make 205 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: a choice in that moment of okay, let's go forward 206 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:09,440 Speaker 1: with the C section, I had to yield yes to 207 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,480 Speaker 1: the hands of these surgeons and the antithesiologists and these 208 00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:15,960 Speaker 1: nurses and all these other people. But ultimately, what I 209 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:22,240 Speaker 1: have learned in going through pregnancy and birth and postpartum, 210 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 1: that could be a whole other episode. What God is 211 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:28,440 Speaker 1: teaching me in postpartum is surrender. That has been the 212 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:32,000 Speaker 1: big thing, and that is one of the biggest Marx 213 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:39,600 Speaker 1: Staples foundation points of the Christian life is surrender. I 214 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,319 Speaker 1: don't know how long you've been walking with the Lord, 215 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,360 Speaker 1: maybe this, maybe you're new to the faith, and let 216 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,760 Speaker 1: me encourage you with this that your entire faith journey 217 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:53,840 Speaker 1: is going to be a lifelong process of surrender, of 218 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:57,520 Speaker 1: being sanctified, of being having the old be chipped away 219 00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 1: to make room for the new that wants to reveal 220 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 1: in our life as we are becoming more like Him, 221 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,800 Speaker 1: more of who He actually created us to be. And 222 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:11,480 Speaker 1: there have been moments in my life, especially recently, where 223 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,080 Speaker 1: it's kind of like I feel like I've learned all 224 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:16,080 Speaker 1: the lessons. I feel like I've read all the scriptures. 225 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,720 Speaker 1: I feel like I haven't really had many moments where 226 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,400 Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, I need to overcome this thing or 227 00:13:21,559 --> 00:13:24,199 Speaker 1: learn this valuable lesson. Like I don't know if you've 228 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,000 Speaker 1: ever been there, but that's kind of like where I 229 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,040 Speaker 1: arrived and I was like, Okay, pregnancy is gonna be 230 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:31,160 Speaker 1: like this new thing where I learned something new about God. 231 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:37,160 Speaker 1: And yes, but I think that my labor and delivery 232 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:41,800 Speaker 1: and especially my postpartum ooh, is where I have just 233 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 1: been like completely wrecked by the Lord, where it's like, oh, yeah, 234 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:49,800 Speaker 1: I'm not done growing. In fact, you are beginning a 235 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,600 Speaker 1: new thing in me right here, right now that I 236 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:57,280 Speaker 1: need to surrender to again. Like pregnancy, I had to 237 00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:01,199 Speaker 1: surrender to God in so many ways, labor and delivery, 238 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,560 Speaker 1: I had to surrender to the changing of plans in 239 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:07,880 Speaker 1: so many ways. But being a mom, ugh, I not 240 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:10,559 Speaker 1: only have to surrender my life to the Lord daily 241 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:13,640 Speaker 1: and the plans he ask for me, but now my child, 242 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 1: Like I'm really learning all this stuff firsthand, and it's amazing, 243 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:26,560 Speaker 1: sometimes terrifying, but amazing. I imagined my birth story for 244 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:30,720 Speaker 1: months would look a certain way, but it completely turned 245 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,360 Speaker 1: out different and that's okay. And I think that's where 246 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,600 Speaker 1: we can really learn about who God is is in 247 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:40,600 Speaker 1: these moments of surrenders, in these moments where plans change. 248 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,840 Speaker 1: That's where our faith can be refined and tested. And 249 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 1: there are a couple truths. I wrote them down, a 250 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:52,000 Speaker 1: couple truths that I feel like I've clung to about 251 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:56,560 Speaker 1: God and his character in this season. And the first 252 00:14:56,600 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 1: is that God's wisdom is far better than my own understanding. 253 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:05,480 Speaker 1: His wisdom far better than my own understanding. Uh. There's 254 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 1: a proverb Proverbs three five through six. It's very popular, 255 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:11,160 Speaker 1: you know, trusting the Lord with all your heartly not 256 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:14,240 Speaker 1: on your own understanding. It's it's very famous. A lot 257 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 1: of us probably have that as like a screensaver or 258 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,840 Speaker 1: maybe even the verse in your bio. I don't know, 259 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:22,880 Speaker 1: but I had one picture in mind. Okay, God had another. 260 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:28,880 Speaker 1: God had another. Neither one of us was surprised by, 261 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:33,800 Speaker 1: you know, my daughter's position, like or he wasn't, but 262 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:38,360 Speaker 1: I was. I was surprised by that, and and I 263 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,640 Speaker 1: was hoping and expecting something to happen one way. But 264 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,720 Speaker 1: his wisdom was far better than my own understanding of 265 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 1: like this is how things should go like we often think, 266 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 1: you know, if something changes with what I expected, then 267 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,920 Speaker 1: something must have gone wrong. Maybe that's you today where 268 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:58,000 Speaker 1: it's like, oh, the way that I was planning my life, 269 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:02,160 Speaker 1: now that there's this completely different shift and change in 270 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:06,840 Speaker 1: direction in timing in the course of obstacles that have 271 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:10,280 Speaker 1: popped up, we can quickly assume, Okay, something is wrong. 272 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:13,360 Speaker 1: I've done something wrong, you know, or maybe God has 273 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,640 Speaker 1: done something wrong, he has abandoned me, he has forgotten me. 274 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:20,440 Speaker 1: But that's not true. God in his wisdom, will lead 275 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:25,760 Speaker 1: us through valleys, will lead us through seasons and situations 276 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,360 Speaker 1: that maybe don't make sense or line up with what 277 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:32,280 Speaker 1: we expected. But that doesn't mean that God didn't prepare 278 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,720 Speaker 1: for it, or that God hasn't been preparing you for it. 279 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,040 Speaker 1: In fact, I feel like God was preparing me for 280 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 1: what I went through, even though I didn't expect to 281 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,200 Speaker 1: go through what I went through. Does that make sense? 282 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:48,240 Speaker 1: He's always leading, He's always leading us, He's always guiding us. 283 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 1: He's always preparing us for the next thing, even if 284 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 1: we don't have complete clarity on what that next thing 285 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:56,160 Speaker 1: might be or what might pop up in the journey 286 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:59,840 Speaker 1: that He has us going through. The thing about my 287 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,920 Speaker 1: situation is that God knew right. God knew that my 288 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,920 Speaker 1: baby was gonna be breached. God knew the team that 289 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,400 Speaker 1: I was gonna have. God knew that I was gonna 290 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:10,760 Speaker 1: undergo a see section. I did not. But he wasn't 291 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:14,720 Speaker 1: scrambling right. He saw He knew me. I was a 292 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:19,760 Speaker 1: little scrambled, But what I learned about God in his 293 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:23,399 Speaker 1: wisdom in that season and in that situation was you know, 294 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:32,040 Speaker 1: sometimes we trust God until his plans diverge from ours. Yukes, 295 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:36,439 Speaker 1: we will trust God until his plans diverge from ours, 296 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,960 Speaker 1: and that's when we begin to just scramble. We try 297 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,040 Speaker 1: to take matters into our own hands. We on our 298 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:46,720 Speaker 1: own understanding, will rely on any means of reaching for 299 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:52,480 Speaker 1: comfort or control. But back to that word surrender. We 300 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,639 Speaker 1: need to learn how to yield and trust God in 301 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:59,000 Speaker 1: these moments that don't line up with our understanding and expectation. 302 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:01,920 Speaker 1: And we need to trust in the wisdom and the 303 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:05,680 Speaker 1: guidance and the sovereignty of God. If we are walking 304 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:08,399 Speaker 1: in his will, if we are trusting him, If you 305 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,919 Speaker 1: truly are abiding in Christ and you are in a 306 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,800 Speaker 1: place or a season that doesn't make sense to you, 307 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,960 Speaker 1: it doesn't have to make sense to you. What needs 308 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,119 Speaker 1: to make sense is that you are just locked in 309 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 1: with God because He will ordain your steps. He will 310 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:26,000 Speaker 1: give you the wisdom and discernment and strength and skill 311 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:29,600 Speaker 1: and whatever you need. But more importantly, he will give 312 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:33,679 Speaker 1: you himself. He will give you the opportunity to rely 313 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,000 Speaker 1: on Him, and he will be your strength and weakness. 314 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,720 Speaker 1: He will be the joy where there might be pain. 315 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:44,760 Speaker 1: He will be the reasoning where there is no understanding. 316 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,520 Speaker 1: And now on the other side of things, it's like, 317 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,840 Speaker 1: oh God, I'm so glad that things went the way 318 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,600 Speaker 1: that they went and unfolded the way they unfolded. Sure, 319 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,960 Speaker 1: you know, I ended up having a longer recovery because 320 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,280 Speaker 1: of those things and this, that and the other. But 321 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:04,640 Speaker 1: everything was so God ordained. Everything was so God ordained. 322 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 1: And I think that we can mistake let me say 323 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:13,399 Speaker 1: that again. I think that we can mistake when things 324 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 1: don't go our way for God abandoning us, when really 325 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 1: it is a God ordained shift. We need to pray 326 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,240 Speaker 1: into that. We need to pray into the journey that 327 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,879 Speaker 1: we are on in whatever season you're going through, and 328 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,200 Speaker 1: really analyze, Okay, is this an attack from the enemy. 329 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,240 Speaker 1: Is this you know, am I stepping out of the 330 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,400 Speaker 1: will of God? You know, that's a whole other discussion. 331 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,400 Speaker 1: But if you are walking in the will of God, 332 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,600 Speaker 1: if you are obedient, if you are trusting in Him, 333 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:45,760 Speaker 1: maybe the shift that is happening is God ordained and 334 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:49,360 Speaker 1: it's just another opportunity to trust in Him, to surrender 335 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,480 Speaker 1: to Him and to see good come out of it, 336 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,760 Speaker 1: because there was good that came out of the unexpected, 337 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 1: Like I will never know what would have happened if 338 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,880 Speaker 1: I just spontaneously went into labor and I was trying 339 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:07,119 Speaker 1: to deliver her, you know, the way that I planned 340 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:10,240 Speaker 1: to deliver her, she was breached. Like a million things 341 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 1: could have gone wrong, but God, in his sovereignty, you know, 342 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,440 Speaker 1: I went over. I didn't labor. I didn't, you know. 343 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:18,920 Speaker 1: I was a little concerned about that. I was like, 344 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,240 Speaker 1: why why is this taking so long for her to come. 345 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:23,480 Speaker 1: It's because we caught that she was breached, and I 346 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,639 Speaker 1: got paired up with like one of the most incredible 347 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:28,280 Speaker 1: team of doctors, where I just felt the peace of 348 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,919 Speaker 1: God and my daughter came out perfectly healthy and it 349 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,280 Speaker 1: was great. Like I had a great birth story. And 350 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,320 Speaker 1: I know a lot of people don't have that luxury, 351 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,040 Speaker 1: And I'm sorry if you didn't have that story. But 352 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,680 Speaker 1: maybe there is still good to come out of that story. 353 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,359 Speaker 1: Maybe God is still working at all for good, and 354 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,040 Speaker 1: this is the opportunity to trust in His wisdom over 355 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:53,320 Speaker 1: our understanding. The second thing that I learned in my 356 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 1: whole labor and delivery was that God's presence matters more 357 00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:04,920 Speaker 1: than predictability, all right. His presence matters way more than predictability. 358 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,080 Speaker 1: And as someone who is a little bit more Type A, 359 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:11,280 Speaker 1: like I have a color coded schedule. Google Calendar, let 360 00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:15,000 Speaker 1: me say this, Google Calendar, I love you. Please be 361 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:18,479 Speaker 1: an official sponsor of this podcast. They literally just dropped 362 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:22,520 Speaker 1: a bunch of new color options. So my schedule, as 363 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:25,520 Speaker 1: if it wasn't already looking like the promise of God 364 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,960 Speaker 1: right a rainbow, it is even more colorful now because 365 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:31,640 Speaker 1: they just gave us like a million more color options 366 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,080 Speaker 1: to color coordinate everything. I love that. I love the 367 00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 1: predictability of my Type A schedule. I love having everything 368 00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 1: planned out, but pregnancy started to strip that away a 369 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:46,160 Speaker 1: little bit. Labor and delivery definitely took that away. And bruh, 370 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:54,359 Speaker 1: being a mom in this fourth trimester? Color code? Who schedule? 371 00:21:54,440 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 1: Who predictability? Who? Like? Yeah, some days, but after that 372 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:06,000 Speaker 1: second nap, Lily's got her own She's not predictable. I 373 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:07,399 Speaker 1: was just gonna say she has her own schedule, but 374 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,959 Speaker 1: she doesn't. I'm just going with her flow. I'm trying 375 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,680 Speaker 1: to implement a schedule, but homegirl is twelve weeks old. 376 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,280 Speaker 1: I'm trying to teach a twelve week old to have 377 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:21,199 Speaker 1: a schedule all predictability. That ain't happening. My life is 378 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,800 Speaker 1: so unpredictable right now. It is predictable in the sense 379 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:27,080 Speaker 1: of I'm gonna live the same three hours over the 380 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:30,240 Speaker 1: course of twenty four hours, but it's also gonna be 381 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,959 Speaker 1: unpredictable because nothing's gonna go a great plan. I got 382 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,879 Speaker 1: a different baby every week, like all my moms out 383 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:40,679 Speaker 1: there are probably going yep, yep, and it's different with 384 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:44,680 Speaker 1: every kid. Anyways, this is what I want to say. 385 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:48,240 Speaker 1: You know, in Exodus thirty three fifteen and in Isaiah 386 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:51,359 Speaker 1: forty three to two, it talks a lot about the 387 00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:53,840 Speaker 1: presence of God both of those verses that when we 388 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,400 Speaker 1: pass through the waters, He's gonna be with us. That 389 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,240 Speaker 1: you know, God's presence is going to be there when 390 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,240 Speaker 1: we go through certain things, when we go through certain places, 391 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:05,800 Speaker 1: when He's the one leading us, we can have confidence 392 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:09,119 Speaker 1: that his presence will be with us. He will not 393 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,880 Speaker 1: abandon his people. That is what he has promised us 394 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:15,119 Speaker 1: through his word time and time again. God does not 395 00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:19,840 Speaker 1: promise I'm gonna have everything go according to your plans. No, 396 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,760 Speaker 1: he promises us that no matter what happens. No matter 397 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,960 Speaker 1: where he brings us, no matter what obstacles or attacks 398 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:31,240 Speaker 1: of the enemy take place, he will be with us. 399 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,440 Speaker 1: He will be with us. And that was so true 400 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,480 Speaker 1: for my story with being in the operating room. You know, 401 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,639 Speaker 1: like I was waiting to go into surgery, and I'm 402 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,719 Speaker 1: not gonna lie to you, I had some fear, like 403 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:46,719 Speaker 1: I was afraid of going into surgery. I never had 404 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:48,879 Speaker 1: surgery before. This was my first major surgery and it 405 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:53,600 Speaker 1: was seven layers deep. Hah, the Lord's number, seven layers deep. 406 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:57,159 Speaker 1: That's insane to me. And then four hours later they 407 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,639 Speaker 1: expect you to get up and walk around, huh, Like 408 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,239 Speaker 1: I just got a cath that are in me, Like 409 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,960 Speaker 1: she's in diapers, I'm in diapers. We cannot control ourselves. 410 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:10,199 Speaker 1: That's the reality of the situation. But like it was 411 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:13,960 Speaker 1: within the lead up to it and going through it, 412 00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:19,280 Speaker 1: that within the unknown, there is this space where either 413 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:24,119 Speaker 1: fear can come in or wonder can come in. And 414 00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:25,920 Speaker 1: I actually write about this in my book. I feel 415 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:29,880 Speaker 1: like my pregnancy, my labor, delivery, and postpartum. I wrote 416 00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,520 Speaker 1: a book. It's called The Fabric of Hope. I know, 417 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,800 Speaker 1: shameless plug, you can get it I'll link it down below, 418 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:38,120 Speaker 1: but I've actually been listening to my own audiobook because 419 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,119 Speaker 1: I'm like, I need to hear this. I need to 420 00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:42,240 Speaker 1: be reminded of the promises of God and the presence 421 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:46,639 Speaker 1: of God and the provision of God and his plans 422 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,280 Speaker 1: and purposes and how to have hope in this season 423 00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:52,560 Speaker 1: with everything that I've gone through and been going through. 424 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:54,840 Speaker 1: But one of the things that I touch about is 425 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:58,480 Speaker 1: that when we go through a season that feels unknown 426 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,639 Speaker 1: to us, where it's like my play and everything I 427 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:04,359 Speaker 1: prepared for, my expectations, pull out the window. In that 428 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,919 Speaker 1: space where there is unknown, fear can try to creep in, 429 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,000 Speaker 1: or we can allow that to be the space where 430 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:14,400 Speaker 1: wonder and awe for God seeps in the wonder of God, 431 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,359 Speaker 1: the mysteries of God. God, what do you want to 432 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 1: show me? What do you want to do here? What 433 00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:24,639 Speaker 1: do you want to reveal? Because you are here, you 434 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:28,040 Speaker 1: are working, you want to do something? So how about 435 00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:31,160 Speaker 1: I sit back, I relax as best as I can, 436 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,720 Speaker 1: I surrender, and I allow for there to be this 437 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:38,680 Speaker 1: wonder where there could have been worry, where I can 438 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:43,000 Speaker 1: see you move in a way that is miraculous, Where 439 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:46,399 Speaker 1: where there can be a testimony of your goodness. Like 440 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,639 Speaker 1: I have a testimony that came out of this. I 441 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,679 Speaker 1: wasn't expecting that. I wasn't expecting to have a testimony 442 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,720 Speaker 1: of the goodness of God and the peace of God 443 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,960 Speaker 1: and him doing something completely different that I'm just like, 444 00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:59,520 Speaker 1: thank you Jesus, that this is what you ordained. There 445 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:02,359 Speaker 1: had to be space for unknown for that to take place, 446 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:04,600 Speaker 1: and where there could have been fear, there ended up 447 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:09,560 Speaker 1: being wonder and it was wonderful, wonderful. I had a 448 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,800 Speaker 1: wonderful experience because I chose to trust in God. I 449 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:18,399 Speaker 1: chose to rely and trust in his presence that He 450 00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:20,399 Speaker 1: is with me, that He's going to carry me through this, 451 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 1: that he has ordained this, rather than the predictability that 452 00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:28,439 Speaker 1: I had, the expectation that I had set up that Like, 453 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,200 Speaker 1: that's where I experience God the most when I think 454 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:34,280 Speaker 1: about it, is in these seasons where there is unknown, 455 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:38,439 Speaker 1: where where I have to rely on God and trust him, 456 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:44,000 Speaker 1: you know. So, Yeah, God often doesn't eliminate the valley. 457 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:45,840 Speaker 1: He often joins us there and that can be a 458 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:47,919 Speaker 1: place for worry or it can be a place for wonder. 459 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:51,600 Speaker 1: The third thing about the Lord again, I have notes 460 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,960 Speaker 1: here because I'm postportum and I forget everything and I 461 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,840 Speaker 1: need to stay on track. The third thing about God's 462 00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:03,159 Speaker 1: presence is that his peace peace is so much stronger. 463 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:09,600 Speaker 1: His peace is so much more palpable than our circumstance. Like, 464 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:12,359 Speaker 1: our circumstances are real, right, The pain that you go 465 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:15,359 Speaker 1: through is real. The diagnosis that you get, it's real. 466 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,080 Speaker 1: The divorce of your parents that you're trying to navigate, 467 00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:25,119 Speaker 1: the broken friendships relationship, the job loss, the I have 468 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:27,320 Speaker 1: zero dollars in my bank account and I got rent 469 00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:30,760 Speaker 1: to pay. Like, those circumstances are real. They are real. 470 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:35,359 Speaker 1: But what is more real is the peace of God. 471 00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:39,560 Speaker 1: And that's not to eliminate the reality of your situation. 472 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,320 Speaker 1: It is to remind you of the reality of who 473 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,879 Speaker 1: our God is, because that also is the reality of 474 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:48,680 Speaker 1: your situation. Is that we can have peace in God 475 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:51,840 Speaker 1: as our provider. We can have peace in God as 476 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:55,000 Speaker 1: our healer. We can have peace in the fact that 477 00:27:55,080 --> 00:28:01,400 Speaker 1: God is our father, that he cares for his children. Gosh, 478 00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:04,000 Speaker 1: wait till I drop that episode, because God's been teaching 479 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:06,600 Speaker 1: me so much about his love for me through my 480 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,960 Speaker 1: own love for my kid. But the peace of God 481 00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,520 Speaker 1: is what will guard our hearts. That's what philippiins four 482 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:16,280 Speaker 1: talks about Philippines four six through seven, And it's within 483 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:19,960 Speaker 1: that verse as Paul's writing that he talks about how 484 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:25,280 Speaker 1: peace doesn't come after our circumstances improve. The peace of 485 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:32,159 Speaker 1: God appears. It seeps into every part of our life, 486 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:36,040 Speaker 1: in the midst of the uncertainty, in the midst of 487 00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:38,760 Speaker 1: the circumstance, in the midst of the bad news, in 488 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,720 Speaker 1: the midst of the storm. That is where the peace 489 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:45,720 Speaker 1: of God meets us. We don't have to come out 490 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:49,680 Speaker 1: of the storm the sable clouds and then we will 491 00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,800 Speaker 1: find the peace of God. No, the silver lining within 492 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,520 Speaker 1: the sable cloud is the peace of God. It meets 493 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:59,480 Speaker 1: us there. He meets us there. It is so much 494 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:03,200 Speaker 1: more real. And that's what I experienced in making the 495 00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:06,920 Speaker 1: decision to get a sea section. Being in the operating room, 496 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,960 Speaker 1: I ended up having way more peace than I thought. 497 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:13,840 Speaker 1: And then afterwards I was like, thank you God. You 498 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:17,520 Speaker 1: were here in every moment where there was where there 499 00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:19,760 Speaker 1: was a twist and a turn that I didn't see coming, 500 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:23,560 Speaker 1: you were standing there saying, hey, I'm right here, I'm 501 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,160 Speaker 1: right here. I know that you were expecting to go left, 502 00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,480 Speaker 1: but were actually going right. But I'm the one that's 503 00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,120 Speaker 1: going with you. I'm the one that's actually going before you. 504 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,720 Speaker 1: And his presence, which I talked about a moment ago, 505 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,680 Speaker 1: is what gave me that peace, knowing that he goes 506 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:41,800 Speaker 1: before me, that he has ordained these things, and that 507 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:45,000 Speaker 1: as I trust in his will, in his way, I 508 00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,640 Speaker 1: will be okay. Like it makes me think about Mark Forward. 509 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:52,320 Speaker 1: Jesus is literally sleeping in the storm. It's like the 510 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,800 Speaker 1: storm is happening, but the peace of God, I mean 511 00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:58,920 Speaker 1: God himself was there right Christ, But like the peace 512 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:02,320 Speaker 1: of God can be with us in the rockiest of seasons, 513 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:05,120 Speaker 1: in the most unexpected places. And the place is where 514 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:08,400 Speaker 1: you thought that you were gonna drown. I don't gotta 515 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:11,800 Speaker 1: worry about drowning. He walks on water, period. I can 516 00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:14,120 Speaker 1: sleep in the storm too. If this boat goes down, 517 00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:16,000 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be on top of the waves doing this, 518 00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:20,200 Speaker 1: doing the worm like we are good. We are good. 519 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:24,920 Speaker 1: The storm was real, but so was the peace. The 520 00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:28,440 Speaker 1: pain is real, but so is the peace. The heartbreak 521 00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:32,480 Speaker 1: is real, but so is the peace. The redirection or 522 00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:36,520 Speaker 1: the relocating or the refinement. You're going through. That's real. 523 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:40,080 Speaker 1: But so is the peace of God. Because if we 524 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:41,560 Speaker 1: are walking in the will of God, if we are 525 00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,920 Speaker 1: trusting God, if we are surrendered to Him and yielding 526 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:48,440 Speaker 1: to Him, and we understand that He is sovereign overall, 527 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,720 Speaker 1: we can have peace. We can have real peace knowing 528 00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:54,920 Speaker 1: that I'm walking in the will of God. I'm trusting 529 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:57,720 Speaker 1: in You, even though I'm feeling all these things, and 530 00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:00,320 Speaker 1: all these things are happening, and they're very real. So 531 00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:03,800 Speaker 1: are you. You are that much more real. You are 532 00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:07,280 Speaker 1: the realest thing God, And I'm going to trust in You, 533 00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,600 Speaker 1: and I will. I will have peace when we abide 534 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:12,560 Speaker 1: in Christ. One of the fruits of the Spirit as 535 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,040 Speaker 1: he abides in us is peace, if you remember that 536 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:19,080 Speaker 1: from Galatians. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithful inness, gentleness, 537 00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:22,560 Speaker 1: self control. Those are fruits of the Holy Spirit of 538 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:26,960 Speaker 1: Him abiding in us and us abiding in Him, dwelling 539 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:32,320 Speaker 1: in him, running to him, relying on him. Peace is 540 00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:36,000 Speaker 1: the presence of Jesus. So let's bring it all back. Okay, 541 00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:38,280 Speaker 1: let's wrap this in a boat, because I've been yapping 542 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:39,760 Speaker 1: for a while now, and I didn't really come into 543 00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:41,880 Speaker 1: this with a plan other than just like three things 544 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:43,680 Speaker 1: that I wanted to highlight that God's been teaching me 545 00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:47,040 Speaker 1: about himself. If I could go back today right and 546 00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:51,640 Speaker 1: go back to Kirby before she gave birth, would I 547 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:57,840 Speaker 1: still choose the birth that I originally imagined, honestly knowing 548 00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:01,920 Speaker 1: what I know now. No, I am glad that things 549 00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,240 Speaker 1: did not go the way that I expected, prepared for, 550 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:11,080 Speaker 1: or planned. I'm glad that the unexpected happened. I'm glad 551 00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:16,280 Speaker 1: that God's plans usurped my plans. I'm glad that even 552 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:20,200 Speaker 1: in my preparation, He's still used that but in a 553 00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:22,760 Speaker 1: completely different way. Like I was prepping my body to 554 00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:25,200 Speaker 1: push out a baby, but what I didn't realize is 555 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:28,760 Speaker 1: that I was actually prepping my body for the recovery 556 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:32,080 Speaker 1: of having a C section, and my recovery's been going great. 557 00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:34,600 Speaker 1: Like there are little things where I'm like, Wow, God, 558 00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,360 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you that you instilled these disciplines within 559 00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:40,880 Speaker 1: me to prepare for something else, but I was actually 560 00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:44,800 Speaker 1: preparing for something else. Makes sense, Like, I'm thankful that 561 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:48,800 Speaker 1: God still used what I was going through to prepare 562 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:54,680 Speaker 1: me for the unexpected. He does that The surgery wasn't easy, 563 00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:58,200 Speaker 1: you know, the recovery, I should say, has not been easy. 564 00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:03,760 Speaker 1: The surgery went great, but like the things that I expected, 565 00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:08,040 Speaker 1: and even all the things that came with it, recovery, 566 00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:12,680 Speaker 1: having a scar, whatever it may be, I'm thankful for 567 00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:14,880 Speaker 1: those things because these scars now tell a story of 568 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:18,240 Speaker 1: a deeper healing that's going on in my life. Healing 569 00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:20,920 Speaker 1: with when it comes to trusting God, healing when it 570 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,640 Speaker 1: comes to Him parenting me as I become a parent. Like, 571 00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,920 Speaker 1: there's so much good that is coming out of the 572 00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:29,960 Speaker 1: season that I'm thankful for. And I just want you 573 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,000 Speaker 1: to know that the presence of God and the peace 574 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,440 Speaker 1: of God and the wisdom of God can meet you 575 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,440 Speaker 1: in those moments where things go left where you thought 576 00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:40,959 Speaker 1: they would go right, or when they go up when 577 00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:43,400 Speaker 1: you thought they would go down. Like He is the 578 00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:45,600 Speaker 1: one that can guide us on this journey, and we 579 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:49,000 Speaker 1: can fully have faith in Him and trust in his 580 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:53,160 Speaker 1: his plans and his peace and his presence and his 581 00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:57,920 Speaker 1: wisdom all these things and more. But yeah, I just 582 00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:00,000 Speaker 1: hope that this encourages you that with whatever it is 583 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,000 Speaker 1: that you are going through today, that you can have 584 00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:06,360 Speaker 1: hope that all things work together for the good of 585 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:09,160 Speaker 1: those who have been called according to His purposes, just 586 00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:12,160 Speaker 1: like it talks about in Romans eight. We know that 587 00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:15,160 Speaker 1: all things work for good for those who trust in 588 00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:17,480 Speaker 1: Him and who have been called according to His purposes. 589 00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:22,360 Speaker 1: All things, all things. I love that, not just some things, 590 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:25,480 Speaker 1: but all things can be redeemed for good whenever they 591 00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:28,160 Speaker 1: are trusted into the hands of God, and when we 592 00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:30,719 Speaker 1: are yielded to Him and the journey that He has 593 00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:32,759 Speaker 1: us on. Maybe He has given you a glimpse as 594 00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:35,520 Speaker 1: to what the destination might be, but maybe what you 595 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:37,839 Speaker 1: need to surrender is your expectation of what it looks 596 00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:41,839 Speaker 1: like to get to that destination. Planes, trains, and automobiles, 597 00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:44,560 Speaker 1: you know, might take a couple of different ways and 598 00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:47,960 Speaker 1: courses and means and modes of transportation to get to 599 00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:51,120 Speaker 1: the destination. But if God is the one leading you 600 00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:55,080 Speaker 1: and guiding you, that's half the fun. Is the journey, 601 00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:58,240 Speaker 1: the unexpected, the room for wonder where there could be worry, 602 00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,279 Speaker 1: of where we get a trust in God. So that 603 00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:03,759 Speaker 1: is my episode for today. I hope it encouraged you. 604 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:06,920 Speaker 1: I am happy to be back on the pod. I 605 00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:09,680 Speaker 1: have some episodes that are going to be recorded for 606 00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:13,200 Speaker 1: you all where it's just me chatting with y'all. If 607 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:14,840 Speaker 1: there's anything that you want me to talk about in 608 00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:17,719 Speaker 1: a future episode, you can email me at botandbeloved at 609 00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:20,560 Speaker 1: gmail dot com. I'm sure that now I have this 610 00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:25,920 Speaker 1: like whole new I don't know, demographic outlook, season of 611 00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:28,440 Speaker 1: life I'm walking through, unlocked with being a parent. I'm 612 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:29,880 Speaker 1: sure that there's going to be so much more that 613 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,799 Speaker 1: I can speak to, even though I only have like 614 00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:36,120 Speaker 1: a three month old. Yeah, like I'm an expert parent now, 615 00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:38,719 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But God has teaching me 616 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,520 Speaker 1: so much through this, And if you want to know 617 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:45,239 Speaker 1: anything specific, email me. I don't know. I would love 618 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:47,680 Speaker 1: to encourage you, whether that is in the season of 619 00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:51,279 Speaker 1: life that you are in or with scripture. Maybe you've 620 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:52,920 Speaker 1: read something in the Bible and you're like, what does 621 00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:55,920 Speaker 1: this mean? I would love to make an episode on that. 622 00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:58,600 Speaker 1: If you have any suggestions, email me button beloved at 623 00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:02,360 Speaker 1: gmail dot com. You can also subscribe to the podcast 624 00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:05,759 Speaker 1: if you're watching on YouTube, Hi hello. If you are 625 00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:10,759 Speaker 1: listening on Spotify or Apple podcast, Hi Hello, Follow, leave 626 00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:13,200 Speaker 1: a review, leave a rating, all the things to let 627 00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:16,160 Speaker 1: people know that this is a good, solid sound Christian 628 00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:19,279 Speaker 1: podcast that they can tune into and know that they're 629 00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:22,080 Speaker 1: gonna get the gospel truth because that's what I care about. 630 00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:24,560 Speaker 1: But other than that, I love you. I'll see you 631 00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:27,080 Speaker 1: guys here again next week for another episode, but until then, 632 00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:33,280 Speaker 1: tutelou love you bye. For more life giving, faith based 633 00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:36,920 Speaker 1: podcast just like this one, check out lifeaudio dot com, 634 00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:41,520 Speaker 1: a proud partner of the Botan Beloved podcast