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Speaker 1: Life Audio.

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Speaker 2: You are listening to The beck and Cook Show with

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Speaker 2: your host, Beckett Cook. For more information about Beckett and

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Speaker 2: his ministry, visit his website at Beckettcook dot com. To

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Speaker 2: help support the podcast, visit Patreon dot com slash the

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Speaker 2: Becket Cook Show. Please consider subscribing to the podcast and

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Speaker 2: leaving a five star rating.

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Speaker 3: Hey guys, welcome to the show. Today.

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Speaker 4: I have a special guest, Kaway Ferreira, and he has

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Speaker 4: an amazing story of God's mercy in his life.

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Speaker 3: It's fascinating. But first award from our sponsor. Please welcome

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Speaker 3: kawait Hi beck It.

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Speaker 1: It's awesome to be here.

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Speaker 4: Good to have you on. Good to have you on.

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Speaker 4: We had some trouble with the Wi fi, so but

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Speaker 4: we're all squared away. So I want to jump right

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Speaker 4: into your story. You were born in Japan and you

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Speaker 4: live there until you're nine years old. Why where tell it?

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Speaker 4: Tell me about your childhood and why you were born

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Speaker 4: in Japan because you're not Japanese, yest.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, So my family is Brazilian, but my grandpa from

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Speaker 5: my mom's side, we are He is Japanese, and so

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Speaker 5: that kind of makes me a little bit Japanese. There's

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Speaker 5: no real reason why I was born in Japan. I

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Speaker 5: think my parents just wanted to go there. I think

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Speaker 5: because he was living there. So we went there. And yeah,

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Speaker 5: they had me in Japan.

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Speaker 4: What part of Japan.

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Speaker 5: The city I was born in, it's called and it's

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Speaker 5: like right in the belly you know, it kind of

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Speaker 5: looks like a dragon Japan.

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Speaker 1: It's kind of right on the belly of the dragon.

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Speaker 4: Okay, because I yeah, I lived in Tokyo for a year.

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Speaker 4: But so and then and you lived there until you

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Speaker 4: were nine years old? What so, what did your So

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Speaker 4: your parents just worked there? Your dad worked in Japan?

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Speaker 5: Yes, they both did. They both worked there. They had

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Speaker 5: very difficult jobs there. They were they worked in like

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Speaker 5: the Toyota factories actually building the cars, you know, like

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Speaker 5: the car parts and everything.

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Speaker 1: And in Japan, like.

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Speaker 5: As a foreigner because they're not citizens of Japan, and

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Speaker 5: as a foreigner, things are very hard, very difficult, and

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Speaker 5: so they Deepanies.

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Speaker 3: Don't like foreigners very much. Yeah I don't.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, Yeah, And so they worked there, like my mom

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Speaker 5: worked at in the day and then my dad worked

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Speaker 5: at night, you know, and I'd be like going through

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Speaker 5: babysitters basically, but yeah, it was tough. It was tough

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Speaker 5: for them there and then yeah, at nine years old,

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Speaker 5: they decided to move to to America connect.

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Speaker 4: And but what was your childhood like, Like, what was

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Speaker 4: your family life like? Were your parents like you know, yeah,

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Speaker 4: how were they?

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Speaker 3: How were they?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? So they were.

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Speaker 5: The thing with my parents is like, for example, I

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Speaker 5: see a lot of people who have, like I hear

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Speaker 5: a lot of childhood stories that I'm like, Oh, my goodness,

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Speaker 5: Like I feel so bad for you. You know, my

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Speaker 5: parents weren't really like that. Like they weren't bad parents, right,

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Speaker 5: but they had a bad habit.

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Speaker 1: Of yelling a lot.

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Speaker 5: And I was always very sensitive and so that yelling,

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Speaker 5: like really, that's that's one thing that really made me

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Speaker 5: feel just unsafe. And and so that I haven't realized

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Speaker 5: how much that affected me until very recently, you know,

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Speaker 5: like did it When a child feels safe, that's that's

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Speaker 5: so important. And when you don't have that, it actually

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Speaker 5: like affects much more than than you'd think, you know.

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Speaker 1: And so yeah, and.

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Speaker 5: So I didn't have that, like I guess stability right

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Speaker 5: off the bat. And because of that, I think it

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Speaker 5: made other issues in my life worse.

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Speaker 3: You know, what were they yelling about?

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Speaker 5: Just like when they would correct me or when they

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Speaker 5: would you know, tell me not to do something. It

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Speaker 5: wasn't really like I don't do that. It was just

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Speaker 5: kind of just a lot of just like going to

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Speaker 5: yelling very easily, you know, like the escalation was very

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Speaker 5: very fast. And for a child, of course, that's that's yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So and both your parents were like that with you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, both my parents were like that. Now they.

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Speaker 5: Have yeah, yeah, now like they're they're very different. They

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Speaker 5: they don't yell at all. I have younger sisters and

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Speaker 5: you know, I see how they treat them, and it's

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Speaker 5: it's very different now, which you know, thank god they're

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Speaker 5: both Christians, so so glory be to God for that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. We we we've worked through that already, you know.

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Speaker 4: Okay, So then you moved to Connecticut when you're nine

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Speaker 4: years old, and what that must have been like dramatic,

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Speaker 4: a dramatic change for you.

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Speaker 1: It was a dramatic change.

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Speaker 5: And you know, I again that's something that I haven't

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Speaker 5: really like processed until recently, but it was it was

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Speaker 5: a lot of cultural shifts, right because my my family

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Speaker 5: is Brazilian, like we act like Brazilians, and I was

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Speaker 5: living in a country that was, you know, Japanese, extremely opposite.

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Speaker 3: Of it's very Brazili, yeah.

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Speaker 5: Exactly, and and then coming to America having to adjust

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Speaker 5: to that. What I noticed recently was that I I

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Speaker 5: really have never really felt like I fit in, you know,

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Speaker 5: not just because of the same sex attraction, but also

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Speaker 5: because of like cultural differences. Like my like, I was

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Speaker 5: always very Brazilian in my way of being, you know,

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Speaker 5: but I think I was very shamed just for that

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Speaker 5: because I was very extroverted. I guess these are stereotypical things,

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Speaker 5: but very extroverted, very touchy, I guess. And I think

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Speaker 5: like Americans are. They're not like the coldest, right, but

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Speaker 5: they are. They tend to be a little more chilled

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Speaker 5: out than Brazilians from from what I've seen.

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Speaker 3: Well, it depends on what part of the country.

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Speaker 4: Like in Connecticut they're probably colder, but in like.

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Speaker 5: This very.

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Speaker 1: Yeah that's true.

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Speaker 5: But yeah, so I think, yeah, that played into it,

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Speaker 5: the culture shift. That's kind of how I was affected

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Speaker 5: by it.

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Speaker 3: And why did your parents move to America at the

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Speaker 3: United States?

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Speaker 5: So in twenty eleven, there was that big tsunami that

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Speaker 5: happened in Japan, and we weren't like directly affected by that,

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Speaker 5: but they kind of just took it as kind of

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Speaker 5: like a sign and they were like, you know what,

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Speaker 5: let's just like they already kind of wanted to leave

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Speaker 5: Japan because it was so hard to work there, and

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Speaker 5: so they just said, you know what, let's just let's

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Speaker 5: just go.

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Speaker 3: You know, well, why didn't they Why didn't you guys

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Speaker 3: just move to Brazil.

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Speaker 1: Because Brazil is also.

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Speaker 5: Not as easy as not not that America is easy, right,

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Speaker 5: but it's still difficult in Brazil as well in terms

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Speaker 5: of work and everything, and so you know, it's I

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Speaker 5: guess that immigrant vision of like the American dream, and

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Speaker 5: so they kind of wanted to go for that, and

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Speaker 5: they've already had those desires before, you know, of like

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Speaker 5: going to America, and they just kind of took that

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Speaker 5: opportunity that happening and just carried on with it. You know,

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Speaker 5: there was no like real reason to come. It was

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Speaker 5: just more opportunity, right.

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Speaker 4: And then so what was school like when you were

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Speaker 4: in the United States, like in Connecticut or because then

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Speaker 4: you moved to Massachusetts at another point, But what was

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Speaker 4: high school like junior high and high school.

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Speaker 5: Like for you, Yeah, so junior high in high school,

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Speaker 5: I was already in Massachusetts. In Connecticut, I only stayed

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Speaker 5: there for like two years junior high and high school.

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Speaker 5: For me, it was like in the beginning, right when

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Speaker 5: I was like younger, still in middle school, I did

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Speaker 5: experience some like bullying, right like because of the way

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Speaker 5: I acted and like just like you know, the the

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Speaker 5: regular teasing that people experience, like oh, you know, you

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Speaker 5: don't act like like me, or like you don't you know,

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Speaker 5: you don't like the things I like. So you know,

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Speaker 5: I'm gonna call you gay and I'm gonna these sort

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Speaker 5: of things, and yeah, so I experienced that. That was

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Speaker 5: kind of more in middle school. But because I experienced that,

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Speaker 5: and again, like I'm I've always really been like really sensitive,

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Speaker 5: I decided to just kind of shut down, right Like

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Speaker 5: my my mind subconsciously just kind of started shutting down

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Speaker 5: and just like becoming very like, you know, just closed

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Speaker 5: off and I'm not really expressing myself, not really acting

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Speaker 5: like myself because I really hated that like I was

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Speaker 5: perceived in the way that I was, you know, I

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Speaker 5: was I really hated that I was you know, called,

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Speaker 5: you know, gay, and you know all the other worst

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Speaker 5: things and so yeah, I that caused like in middle school,

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Speaker 5: that's when I started shutting down. And when I went

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Speaker 5: through high school, that's when I started to sort of

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Speaker 5: adopt like a new persona and just like be like

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Speaker 5: a different person, a person that people wanted to talk

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Speaker 5: to and to, you know, to to be around. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: that that led to some success in high school, but

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Speaker 5: ultimately it was still very empty because I knew people

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Speaker 5: talk to me or you know, I guess even just

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Speaker 5: tolerated me because I was acting like somebody else. So

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Speaker 5: I never really felt like myself, you know, like I

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Speaker 5: never really it got to the point where, because that

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Speaker 5: happened so early in my life, I I'm still going

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Speaker 5: through kind of a process of like discovering what I like,

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Speaker 5: you know, and what I like to do, what I

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Speaker 5: enjoyed doing, what I want to pursue because of how

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Speaker 5: much I really like stuffed that down and tried to

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Speaker 5: ignore that part of myself that you know, that caused

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Speaker 5: like people to say thanks to me or whatever.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we'll be right back after this short break.

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Speaker 4: And were your parents your parents were Christians? Were you

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Speaker 4: raised in a Christian home?

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Speaker 5: So my parents. When we first got to Massachusetts, we

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Speaker 5: already had like that sort of the mindset of like, Okay,

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Speaker 5: we love Jesus, right, Like, they had that conscious of Christ,

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Speaker 5: but they didn't really like pursue God. They didn't you know,

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Speaker 5: they didn't really so like ultimately know, they weren't really Christian.

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Speaker 5: But we did like thank God for our lives, you know.

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Speaker 5: But it's only when we got to Massachusetts that we

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Speaker 5: started to go to church. And and that's when I

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Speaker 5: started to like actually understand a little bit more about God.

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Speaker 5: That's when I was like, I think eleven or twelve

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Speaker 5: at that time, and so I ever since I was young,

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Speaker 5: I really like I always believed in God, you know,

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Speaker 5: even when I was younger. I have memories of me

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Speaker 5: talking about God. And when I first started getting exposed

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Speaker 5: to like what it means to be a Christian. Right

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Speaker 5: when we started going to church, I started to learn

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Speaker 5: more about God. But the only issue was that my

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Speaker 5: church it was kind of stagnant spiritually, you know, the

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Speaker 5: first church that we went to, and it didn't have

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Speaker 5: like at any basically any discipleship going on. And so

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Speaker 5: when that happens, as especially for children like you start

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Speaker 5: to perceive.

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Speaker 1: God in the way that you view the world.

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Speaker 5: And so for me, I was always just very fearful,

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Speaker 5: very anxious, right for all the reasons that I've talked about,

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Speaker 5: And so I would like perceive God, view God as

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Speaker 5: this judge and this you know, this just like.

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Speaker 1: Strict judge.

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Speaker 5: You got to do what I tell you, you know,

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Speaker 5: and you got to do it well or like you're

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Speaker 5: not right before me. And I've always wanted to honor

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Speaker 5: God and to please God. I've always wanted to I

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Speaker 5: think I've always wanted to do everything right for God

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Speaker 5: because I was like God was basically all that I had.

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Speaker 5: Like God to me was always like, you know, if

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Speaker 5: nobody else loves me, I know God loves me. But

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Speaker 5: because I had that view of life, I thought, well,

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Speaker 5: this is a conditional love, you know, and I have

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Speaker 5: to maintain that love. I have to do the right

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Speaker 5: things like go to church, read your Bible, pray so

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Speaker 5: that God does.

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Speaker 1: Not leave me. You know. That was kind of my

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Speaker 1: view of God.

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Speaker 5: And that only kind of started breaking through when I

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Speaker 5: was like nineteen years old, which was when I really

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Speaker 5: decided to seek God with everything. Yeah, do you want

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Speaker 5: me to get into that or do you want to

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Speaker 5: ask me?

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Speaker 4: But in the meantime, well in the meantime though, before

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Speaker 4: we get to that, So, how did you deal with

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Speaker 4: wanting a relationship with God but also being having this

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Speaker 4: you know, homosexual desire?

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Speaker 3: Like what how did you deal with those two things?

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Speaker 5: Yeah? So for me, I think, like, like I said,

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Speaker 5: I always really suppressed myself and that included also like

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Speaker 5: not just my emotions, but because I I wanted to

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Speaker 5: honor God so much, I suppressed like everything like my anger,

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Speaker 5: my my sadness because in my mind, like growing up,

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Speaker 5: I knew that these things would lead to sin, and

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Speaker 5: so I just suppressed the crap out of it, you know.

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Speaker 5: And I just like was like, Okay, no, I can't

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Speaker 5: feel anger and I can't feel sadness like I'm because

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Speaker 5: I know this is going to like lead me in

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Speaker 5: a bad way, and so I'm not going to feel it,

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Speaker 5: you know. And that sort of included the the you know,

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Speaker 5: same sex attraction. I really just suppressed it. And but

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Speaker 5: of course, like I throughout that time, I developed a

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Speaker 5: pornography addiction, and so but that's the thing, right, so

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Speaker 5: I guess I have to get into that so it

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Speaker 5: can make sense So when I was like eleven or twelve,

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Speaker 5: I was exposed to pornography. It was straight pornography, and

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Speaker 5: that was my addiction for like a year. But then,

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Speaker 5: you know, after like something's happened in my life whatever,

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Speaker 5: I kind of fed my same sex attraction and I

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Speaker 5: got addicted to homosexual pornography.

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Speaker 1: And then.

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Speaker 5: But in my mind, right in my like child of mind,

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Speaker 5: I I knew I had desires for like women as well.

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Speaker 5: So I didn't really like I always thought like, okay,

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Speaker 5: that part of me is going to go away, you know,

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Speaker 5: that part that part is going to like go away soon,

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Speaker 5: Like I don't really have to pay too much attention

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Speaker 5: to it. And so I never really like consider myself gay.

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Speaker 5: You know, I've never like took on that label for myself.

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Speaker 5: But it was definitely something that like there was like

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Speaker 5: a lot of shame there of course. Yeah, And so

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Speaker 5: I didn't really balance it well because I know, I

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Speaker 5: know that was the question, how did I balance it.

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Speaker 5: I didn't really balance it well. I think I kind

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Speaker 5: of just suppressed it and and yea try to ignore it,

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Speaker 5: you know.

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Speaker 3: So Kawai, tell me about the.

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Speaker 4: You had a girlfriend for six months and then something

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Speaker 4: happened with that that led to these stomach problems, like

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Speaker 4: talk about that.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, So when I was around like fifteen, I had

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Speaker 5: dated this girl. And I say that very lightly. It

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Speaker 5: wasn't really a relationship. We kind of just hung out

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Speaker 5: with our friends. But I had dated this girl and

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Speaker 5: something happened with her where I was kind of put

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Speaker 5: in a very like humiliating sort of situation.

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Speaker 4: And basically, you were you were at a party where

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Speaker 4: she like kind of did she kind of humiliated you

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Speaker 4: at a party?

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Speaker 5: Yes? Yeah, and thank you. Yes, that's what happened. And

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Speaker 5: I remember when that happened been I felt like this

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Speaker 5: something I've never felt before, which it was kind of

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Speaker 5: like a pit in my stomach, but it's something I've

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Speaker 5: never felt before, and so I would like I felt

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Speaker 5: like I had to just get out of there, Like

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Speaker 5: I felt like somebody like stabbed me in my stomach,

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Speaker 5: and I was just like, oh my God, like there's

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Speaker 5: something I've never felt before. It felt so intense. And

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Speaker 5: ever since that happened, I noticed that I started to

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Speaker 5: get these like random stomach paints and these stomach aches.

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Speaker 5: And I already tried, like everything I tried to eliminate

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Speaker 5: all these foods from my from my diet. I tried

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Speaker 5: getting tested for like you know, like all these things

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Speaker 5: like crones, celiac, whatever, but nobody knew what was wrong.

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Speaker 5: Like I didn't have any any issue. I even had

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Speaker 5: an endoscopy done, and the doctor she told me that

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Speaker 5: I had like the stomach of it like an old man.

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Speaker 5: And she said that I had like a pre cancer

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Speaker 5: because of like how much it randomly just started hurting,

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Speaker 5: you know, and it was just really irritated. And so

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Speaker 5: I had that for like a really long time. And

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Speaker 5: the Lord started showing me that because there was one

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Speaker 5: day where I prayed and I said, Lord, you know,

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Speaker 5: if you took this away from me, I could do

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Speaker 5: so much more for you, because it's something that really

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Speaker 5: kept me from doing much like I would have to

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Speaker 5: plan my days around my stomach, you know, pretty much

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Speaker 5: because if it started hurting, like I really just couldn't

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Speaker 5: be around anybody, like I didn't want to be around anybody.

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Speaker 5: So it really it really messed me up. It really

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Speaker 5: affected me. But again nobody knew why. And so I

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Speaker 5: told the Lord that, and he told me, Cowie, even

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Speaker 5: if I took the pain away, that wouldn't fix the issue,

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Speaker 5: because the issue is a fear of man, you know,

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Speaker 5: it's a fear of man. And so that's when I

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Speaker 5: started to like slowly trace back, you know, when it

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Speaker 5: started and how it started. And I realized that, like

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Speaker 5: the pain was just like a symptom, a symptom yes

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Speaker 5: of like shame basically and just fear of getting shamed

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Speaker 5: or fear of humiliation. And so I would like brace

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Speaker 5: myself or prepare myself so that I wouldn't be put

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Speaker 5: in that position again, you know. And slowly God started

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Speaker 5: to work in my heart and sort of heal, heal this,

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Speaker 5: like teaching me how to stop being so anxious, right,

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Speaker 5: because like I, like I said, I was very anxious

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Speaker 5: as a child, and I was always fearful. I never

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Speaker 5: felt safe, you know, and so God was just slowly

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Speaker 5: started to teach me how to feel safe and you know,

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Speaker 5: how to not be worried about things that are going

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Speaker 5: to happen.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 5: The Bible says, don't worry, you know, do not.

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Speaker 3: Be anxious or anything.

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Speaker 4: But in everything, my parents application make a request known

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Speaker 4: to God exactly. Yeah, And so what happened, so, like, uh,

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Speaker 4: you said that you started seeking God for three months. Yes,

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Speaker 4: you texted a friend and talk about that.

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Speaker 5: Okay, So I was at this church event, and this

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Speaker 5: church event there was you know something I don't want

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Speaker 5: to get too into it, but at this.

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Speaker 4: Point, but at this point was your was the stomach

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Speaker 4: Were you healed at this point of the stomach issue?

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Speaker 5: No, not yet, not yet, Okay, it was still there.

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Speaker 5: And this was before like I even knew God really

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Speaker 5: like this before this is this moment at the church

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Speaker 5: event was kind of what inspired me to like actually

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Speaker 5: like seek God. Right because at this church event, I

362
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Speaker 5: noticed like my pastor's heart, and I noticed these other

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Speaker 5: pastors who were there, and they were just like loving

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Speaker 5: the people right they were. They were showing how much

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Speaker 5: they loved the people there. And I saw that and

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Speaker 5: I was like, man, like I still don't understand how

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Speaker 5: they have this love and you know, and so I

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Speaker 5: made a decision that day because what I did was

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Speaker 5: all fear based, right, like I read my Bible, I

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Speaker 5: prayed every day, but it was all because I was

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Speaker 5: so scared that God would leave me, and and so

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Speaker 5: I didn't understand this love that they had for people

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Speaker 5: because I was doing everything based on fear, right, And

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Speaker 5: so this inspired me to like, okay, you know what,

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Speaker 5: I'm gonna seek God with everything. And so I decided

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Speaker 5: to just, you know, every night, go to my room, pray,

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Speaker 5: read my Bible, or just just pray and cry out

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Speaker 5: to God. It's funny because during this time, I actually

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Speaker 5: stopped reading my Bible and I just said, you know what,

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Speaker 5: like Lord, I just needed to show me who you

381
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Speaker 5: are and I needed to just you know, come and

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Speaker 5: fill my heart up and you know, help me understand

383
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Speaker 5: what these people understand, because I still apparently don't. And

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Speaker 5: so after like around three months, I texted this friend

385
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Speaker 5: because I felt like God was telling me to text

386
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Speaker 5: him because he needed help. And I texted him and he,

387
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Speaker 5: you know, I helped him out, so he actually didn't

388
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Speaker 5: need help. But then he asked about my my sexuality.

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Speaker 5: And it's funny, right, because I heard God and I

390
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:07,879
Speaker 5: obeyed him, and then somebody comes and to me, that

391
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:14,720
Speaker 5: felt kind of like getting exposed in a way because

392
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Speaker 5: I've never talked about that with anybody before, and so

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Speaker 5: I kind of deflected what he asked me. But then

394
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Speaker 5: that made me very I'm not sad, but like kind

395
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Speaker 5: of just like anguished, you know, and I was like

396
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Speaker 5: Lord like. And so what I did that day was

397
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Speaker 5: I went to God to do my daily encounter. And

398
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Speaker 5: that was the first time after I told God, you know, Lord,

399
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Speaker 5: this is making me feel bad, you know, like I

400
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:48,439
Speaker 5: like everybody always says this about me, you know, like

401
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:52,720
Speaker 5: why can't I just just chill? You know. And that's

402
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:56,280
Speaker 5: the first time that God actually encountered me. And he

403
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:02,880
Speaker 5: I basically felt like, uh, what I think I said

404
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:06,160
Speaker 5: this to you? But I felt like like the jealous

405
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 5: love of God. Right, Like there's that song how He

406
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,239
Speaker 5: Loves Us and and and one of the lyrics is

407
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Speaker 5: he is jealous for me, and that's what I felt like.

408
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,680
Speaker 5: I felt God just embrace me. That was the first

409
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Speaker 5: time I felt like like like I felt the Lord saying,

410
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Speaker 5: you know, like I can't believe people make you feel

411
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:27,679
Speaker 5: this way about who I made you, you know, or

412
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Speaker 5: how I made you. And that was the first time

413
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Speaker 5: I was like, wow, like this is the love of God.

414
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Speaker 5: You know. It's like it's hard to describe, but yeah,

415
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,120
Speaker 5: that was That was the first time I really encountered God.

416
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Speaker 5: That was what set me set me on a journey

417
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 5: to to actually desire to pursue Him and not just

418
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Speaker 5: pursue him based on fearing and all that stuff.

419
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Speaker 4: And and God, you said that. God said, like you

420
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Speaker 4: heard God say something about like you need to heal correctly.

421
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Speaker 5: Yes. So during this encounter is very intense because I

422
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:07,960
Speaker 5: felt like God was throwing a lot at me, right,

423
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 5: I felt that embrace, and then I felt God like

424
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Speaker 5: just like like I kind of understood everything that I

425
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:16,119
Speaker 5: went through, you know, like the purpose of everything that

426
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Speaker 5: I went through, and I like the Lord l just

427
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:24,280
Speaker 5: like prophesied over my life. And he said one one

428
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Speaker 5: of the things he said, waskw wait, now take the time,

429
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Speaker 5: take the time to heal correctly. And the reason he

430
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:34,919
Speaker 5: said that was because I I'm always have I've always

431
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 5: been somebody who like if I want to do something,

432
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Speaker 5: I'm gonna do it, you know, like, and I want

433
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Speaker 5: to do it, and like I'm very like anxious in

434
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Speaker 5: a way of like going on and doing it quick,

435
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Speaker 5: you know.

436
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Speaker 3: Being proactive, like you want to be proactive.

437
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,960
Speaker 5: Yes, exactly. And so in my mind, you know, like

438
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:56,439
Speaker 5: I was like, Okay, now I'm ready. Now I'm gonna

439
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,600
Speaker 5: I'm gonna do something for God, you know what I mean,

440
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:02,800
Speaker 5: Because I've always wanted to, right, But I never knew

441
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,640
Speaker 5: the right time, and I felt like, you know what,

442
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 5: like I just encountered God, now now is the time, right,

443
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 5: So I'm gonna I'm gonna start making some YouTube videos.

444
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:15,040
Speaker 5: And I started making these YouTube videos kind of disregarding

445
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,720
Speaker 5: what the Lord told me right and take the time

446
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:24,480
Speaker 5: to heal correctly. And I had made these YouTube videos.

447
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:30,120
Speaker 5: It helped some people. But after like seven months, I

448
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:35,800
Speaker 5: started to get burned out and I started to to

449
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,440
Speaker 5: just like have no motivation, you know, pretty much. And

450
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 5: I remember there was this one one day where I

451
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 5: had like kind of like a fight with my dad

452
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,800
Speaker 5: for yeah, it was kind of an argument, and I

453
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:52,960
Speaker 5: got up, like I left my house, went to this

454
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:57,159
Speaker 5: random parking lot. And at this point, like God was

455
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 5: already telling me about how I needed to feel my

456
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:05,719
Speaker 5: emotions because I've suppressed myself a lot, Like I told you,

457
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:10,240
Speaker 5: I've always suppressed myself a lot. And God was telling me,

458
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:12,160
Speaker 5: you know, you got to feel things out. You have

459
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:15,719
Speaker 5: to process things. You cannot just ignore them, right. And

460
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,080
Speaker 5: so at that moment, like I was very angry. I

461
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:20,280
Speaker 5: knew I needed to let it out. I needed to cry, right,

462
00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 5: but I couldn't, And so I was there in the

463
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:28,920
Speaker 5: car for like thirty minutes, and I was like, okay, Lord,

464
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 5: Like I tried, I tried crying, you know, but it's

465
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 5: not coming out. And so I kind of give up

466
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,440
Speaker 5: and I go on my phone and on my phone

467
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:41,160
Speaker 5: a video pops up and it's this man. The title

468
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 5: is something like like stop doing Christian things or something

469
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,800
Speaker 5: like that, and so I clicked on the video and

470
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 5: the guy basically said like, you don't have to do

471
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:54,200
Speaker 5: anything Christian to earn God's love. You don't have to

472
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 5: do things for God to earn his love. You know,

473
00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 5: you don't have to to do work to earn his love,

474
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 5: to earn your position as a child before him. And

475
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 5: that is when I started crying. And I was like wow,

476
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 5: Like I was just doing these videos because, you know,

477
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:15,200
Speaker 5: I felt like I needed to do something for God.

478
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:17,680
Speaker 5: Not because I actually wanted to, you know what I mean,

479
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:19,760
Speaker 5: Not because I was, you know, doing it from a

480
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:23,920
Speaker 5: place of like overflow, but because I have this thing

481
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 5: where I keep trying to earn his love and I

482
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 5: keep trying to to maintain his love, which is ridiculous.

483
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:37,400
Speaker 5: And so that was a big breakthrough for me. From

484
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:40,880
Speaker 5: that point on, God started to you know, he continued

485
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,600
Speaker 5: to work in my heart. I started to learn what

486
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 5: sonship meant and being a child of God and accepting

487
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:53,440
Speaker 5: that life is a process, it's a sanctification is a process, right,

488
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 5: And we have a hard time, I think, understanding that

489
00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:01,760
Speaker 5: because the Bible says behold for I am Holy, right,

490
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 5: and so we read that, we're like, oh, okay, so

491
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 5: you know, we can't do anything or we're gonna end up,

492
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 5: you know, in hell. But God, more than anybody else,

493
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:13,560
Speaker 5: understands that it's a process. He understands that you're human.

494
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 5: And honestly, for a long time, I really hated my humanity,

495
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:21,000
Speaker 5: right because I've always wanted to honor God. I've always

496
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 5: wanted to please God, and my human desires always like

497
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 5: really frustrated me. I'm not even talking about like same

498
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 5: sex attraction, you know, just in general, Like I hated that.

499
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 5: I like there were moments where I would, you know,

500
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,960
Speaker 5: like get angry at somebody or like I hated that

501
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:41,479
Speaker 5: I would feel sad and then want to sin, right,

502
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 5: because that's that's why we seek sin. It's for comfort

503
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 5: and pleasure. And so I just hated my humanity.

504
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:50,360
Speaker 4: And it's like Paul Paul in Roman seven when he says,

505
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 4: why do I do the things.

506
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 3: I don't want to do? That kind of thing? Yes, exactly,

507
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 3: if that's Romans.

508
00:30:56,160 --> 00:31:01,800
Speaker 5: But yeah, anyway, yeah exactly. And you know the best

509
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 5: thing I've ever learned from God is that he meets

510
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 5: you where you are at, and that he meets you

511
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:14,600
Speaker 5: in your humanity. Right, Jesus Christ literally comes down and

512
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 5: meets you in our humanity. It's amazing. It's you can't really,

513
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,080
Speaker 5: you can't make that up. Yeah.

514
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 4: And so but then you were your your dad hired

515
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 4: you as a consultant, or your dad hired you and

516
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 4: you worked with him, and he your dad had a

517
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:36,480
Speaker 4: consultant who was like a marry He was a man

518
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 4: who was married to a man.

519
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:41,920
Speaker 5: Is that correct, Yes, So what happened was I started

520
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:45,880
Speaker 5: working with my dad at his company and he hired

521
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:51,800
Speaker 5: this consultant, like a business consultant for like general business

522
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:56,760
Speaker 5: operations and employee relations and all that. And what he

523
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,520
Speaker 5: didn't know though, was this consultant was married to a man,

524
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:06,920
Speaker 5: so it was a gay couple. And so he kind

525
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,080
Speaker 5: of spoke to all the employees in one on one

526
00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 5: just to kind of like help people, you know, and whatnot.

527
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 5: And so when it came to for my turn to

528
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 5: speak to him, he that's when he kind of revealed

529
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 5: to me, you know, that he was married to man.

530
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:25,400
Speaker 5: I was like, oh wow, okay. And so, in my innocent,

531
00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 5: in my innocent mind, in my innocent heart, I at

532
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,840
Speaker 5: this point, I was already you know, like very much

533
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 5: had my relationship with God, but I still had my

534
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 5: pornography struggles, right, my same sex attraction struggles. However, I thought,

535
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:45,680
Speaker 5: you know what, like I'm gonna tell him, I'm gonna

536
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:47,400
Speaker 5: try to help him. You know, I'm gonna say, hey,

537
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 5: because something about this person was that he was even

538
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 5: though he had this relationship with this man, with this

539
00:32:56,000 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 5: other man, he was he still considered himself a Christian, right,

540
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 5: but he kind of accepted the fact that, like he

541
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 5: he accepted that the idea that you know, God will

542
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:14,600
Speaker 5: that he's right before the Lord in that lifestyle, right,

543
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 5: living in that lifestyle. And so, like I said, in

544
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 5: my innocent brain, I thought, you know what, let me

545
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 5: try to help this guy. And so I tell him

546
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 5: I share with him, Hey, man, you know, like it's okay,

547
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 5: Like I understand you. I deal with these desires as well,

548
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 5: but you don't have to live like this, you know, God,

549
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:37,880
Speaker 5: like God can sustain you, right. And I didn't even

550
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 5: hide the fact that I that I had my my addictions. Still,

551
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:42,640
Speaker 5: I was very open about it. I was just like,

552
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 5: you know, we just gotta take it one day at

553
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 5: a time. We just gotta proceed and you know, like

554
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 5: and and trust God. And so that was my biggest

555
00:33:53,400 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 5: Mistake's what's telling him that? Because after he kind of

556
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:04,640
Speaker 5: started to like, you know, work in the company and whatnot,

557
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 5: we became close professionally, and he sort of felt like

558
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 5: he had like a sort of liberty to joke around

559
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 5: with me, right, and to to like make jokes right like, oh,

560
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:22,880
Speaker 5: you know, even if if you don't identify or like,

561
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:26,239
Speaker 5: even if you if you don't practice, you still are gay,

562
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 5: you know what I mean, If even if you don't

563
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 5: act on it, you're still gay. And of course that's

564
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:39,600
Speaker 5: not how I identified, right, But that really started to

565
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,320
Speaker 5: bother me. It's really started to get into my mind

566
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:46,719
Speaker 5: because the main issue was, Okay, well, here I am

567
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 5: telling this man he doesn't have to live like this,

568
00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:52,240
Speaker 5: but I'm still struggling with it, you know, and God's

569
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 5: not right from my perspective back then, God's not helping me,

570
00:34:56,280 --> 00:35:00,239
Speaker 5: you know, He's not taking this away from me. So

571
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 5: you know, that's why his words kind of started to

572
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,399
Speaker 5: affect me in that way. And you know, I told

573
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,880
Speaker 5: him to stop a few times with those jokes, but

574
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:15,400
Speaker 5: it took kind of like a freeze out for it

575
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:21,319
Speaker 5: to stop anyways, And so I was like having to

576
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:25,320
Speaker 5: deal with him sort of every day, right, and I would,

577
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:26,840
Speaker 5: you know, in front of him, I'd be like, you

578
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 5: know what, like that's not right, and you know, I

579
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:34,400
Speaker 5: don't agree with you. But then at home, I'd be like, lord, like,

580
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:40,560
Speaker 5: if he's wrong, why am I still you know, struggling

581
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:43,799
Speaker 5: with this? Why why why am I still dealing with this?

582
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:47,160
Speaker 5: If I'm literally telling him what you can do? Why

583
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 5: is it hasn't that been done for me? Right? And

584
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 5: this led me to like a big spiral, right, a

585
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 5: big spiral because one of the things about me that

586
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 5: I've learned is that because I suppressed a lot of

587
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:03,440
Speaker 5: my emotion, I always tried to rationalize everything, and that

588
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 5: was my escape. Was just like, Okay, if I don't

589
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 5: want to feel that, so I'm going to think about it,

590
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:08,920
Speaker 5: you know, and I'm going to find an answer, and

591
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:11,759
Speaker 5: that's going to be good enough. But the thing with

592
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:16,719
Speaker 5: you know, this topic is that nobody knows what's going on.

593
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:23,400
Speaker 5: And so I would obsessively search up why does homosexuality happen?

594
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 5: You know, what caused the same sex attraction?

595
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:25,920
Speaker 2: Uh?

596
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,680
Speaker 5: And I would see all these theories and all these things,

597
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:33,840
Speaker 5: but nothing was coherent right. There was no like, oh,

598
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:36,439
Speaker 5: this is why this happens. There's no like one way

599
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:40,719
Speaker 5: to put it. And so that really messed with me.

600
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:43,400
Speaker 5: It really frustrated me because I had all these points

601
00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 5: that I could think of, but nothing was coherent, right,

602
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:51,000
Speaker 5: And so I was like dang, like, and then I

603
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,920
Speaker 5: started to get this like anger towards God. You know,

604
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:57,640
Speaker 5: I started to be like, Lord, like I can we

605
00:36:57,680 --> 00:37:01,080
Speaker 5: can explain everything. It seems like we can explain everything

606
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 5: else except this, right, And and so I was just like

607
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:10,279
Speaker 5: you know, being real, Like it got to a really

608
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 5: bad point where like I never considered leaving God, but

609
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:22,799
Speaker 5: I I did have many arguments with him. And you

610
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 5: know what, that's a wonderful thing, by the way, right,

611
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:29,600
Speaker 5: because that's how you create intimacy with the Lord. It's

612
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 5: you have to speak with him, you have to air

613
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:34,480
Speaker 5: things out right. He like, I said, well, that's what

614
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:42,680
Speaker 5: exactly speaking of, which during that time where I was

615
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:48,960
Speaker 5: having these struggles, these this sort of obsessive researching about

616
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,839
Speaker 5: this that lasted about a year and a half, and

617
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,560
Speaker 5: during that whole year and a half, the Lord just

618
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 5: told me to read Palms, Read Palms, Read Palms, read

619
00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:59,719
Speaker 5: some and so that's the only book that I read

620
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:05,120
Speaker 5: that whole year and a half. And you know, that

621
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,719
Speaker 5: was like that was my life. When David says, you know,

622
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 5: how long Lord do I have to stay in this

623
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 5: bed weeping? You know, how long do my tears have

624
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:16,319
Speaker 5: to be my food? That was my whole life for

625
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:18,520
Speaker 5: a year and a half, you know, just because I

626
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:22,319
Speaker 5: was so like obsessed with this topic and trying to

627
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 5: resolve this. You know, I tried to find an answer

628
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 5: because I thought in my head, if I can find

629
00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:33,399
Speaker 5: the answer to homosexuality, then like it's but then there

630
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 5: is like a solution. That was like my my my

631
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 5: thought process, it's like if I can find the cause,

632
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 5: I can find a solution. And so yeah, it got

633
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:49,080
Speaker 5: to the point where the Lord said, okay, caw wait, stop,

634
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:53,320
Speaker 5: like chill, You're done, You're done looking at this trying

635
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:56,880
Speaker 5: to figure things out, and I was like, okay, all right,

636
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:58,720
Speaker 5: and I really got to the point where I was exhausted.

637
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:05,080
Speaker 5: I was like, yeah, okay, fine, And it's crazy how

638
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:07,440
Speaker 5: the enemy. I just remember, like it's crazy how the

639
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:13,080
Speaker 5: enemy really he really, he's sneaky. I remember during that

640
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:16,400
Speaker 5: time when I was obsessing over this, I started to

641
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:18,520
Speaker 5: get angry at God, right, and like I said, I

642
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:22,759
Speaker 5: started to argue with him. But it got to the

643
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:25,920
Speaker 5: point where I knew in my conscious mind when I

644
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 5: was going to a place of when I was losing reason, right,

645
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:33,760
Speaker 5: because you start questioning God because you're struggling with something,

646
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 5: but then you start you start trying to be a

647
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:40,240
Speaker 5: social justice warrior for others, right. And so for example,

648
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:44,120
Speaker 5: in my feed sometimes on Instagram, I have a point here.

649
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:45,799
Speaker 5: I know it's kind of all over the place, but

650
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:49,239
Speaker 5: in my feet on Instagram sometimes there's like videos of

651
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:52,520
Speaker 5: like these poor children in Africa, like struggling with like

652
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:58,000
Speaker 5: tumors or starvation, right, And so I remember when sometimes

653
00:39:58,040 --> 00:40:00,200
Speaker 5: I'd be like thinking about my struggle and be like Lord,

654
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 5: you know, like you don't take this away, and you know,

655
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:06,279
Speaker 5: like how do you expect people to follow you if

656
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 5: it's this difficult, right, how do you expect And I

657
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:11,480
Speaker 5: started talking talking about these kids, how do you expect

658
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:13,319
Speaker 5: these kids to follow you, you know, and to have

659
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:17,160
Speaker 5: this faith that you're asking of me when they're like

660
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 5: dealing with things that are even worse than I'm dealing with. Right,

661
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 5: And I just start trying to like just really just

662
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:27,600
Speaker 5: fight with God. And I remember when I when I

663
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,839
Speaker 5: was having this argument, I remember God put in my heart.

664
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:35,240
Speaker 5: He said, he said, how do you know the faith

665
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:38,799
Speaker 5: that I'm requiring of them? He said, how do you

666
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:42,399
Speaker 5: know that I'm requiring the same faith from you as

667
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:48,200
Speaker 5: as I am from them. I was like, oh, okay,

668
00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:52,319
Speaker 5: that's fair. I was still angry though. I was like,

669
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:56,239
Speaker 5: you got me, but I'm still bad at you, bro anyways,

670
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:57,879
Speaker 5: And so yeah, and so I got to the point

671
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 5: where the Lord just told me, you know how, he stopped, like,

672
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:04,240
Speaker 5: you need to chill now. And I was like, okay, fine,

673
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:07,640
Speaker 5: you know I'm gonna I'm gonna chill now. And and

674
00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 5: God just started to two like he told me to

675
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,280
Speaker 5: stop thinking about it, right, stop thinking about the struggle,

676
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 5: stop thinking about the temptation. And I was like, okay,

677
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:26,480
Speaker 5: all right, And I remember during this time.

678
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:30,240
Speaker 1: Was when.

679
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:35,200
Speaker 5: I went to the Send. I don't know if you're

680
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 5: familiar with the Send, but the Send is like like

681
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:42,080
Speaker 5: a big Christian conference and there's like multiple speakers. And

682
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 5: one of the speakers there was Francis Chan and he

683
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 5: was talking about the verse in Romans that says not

684
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:52,360
Speaker 5: good at memorizing verses, but something along the lines of

685
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:56,239
Speaker 5: there is now therefore no condemnation for those who are

686
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:59,319
Speaker 5: in Christ Jesus. And he was preaching that verse, and

687
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:02,720
Speaker 5: I remember he's said a lot of pastors are scared

688
00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:05,360
Speaker 5: of preaching this because they think they'll preach this and

689
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,480
Speaker 5: then people start going off the rails, right, people will

690
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:12,680
Speaker 5: start sinning everywhere because you know, there's no condemnation. But

691
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:17,520
Speaker 5: the truth is that verse was the beginning of me

692
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:21,400
Speaker 5: becoming set free from my addiction from my same sex attraction.

693
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:30,880
Speaker 5: That verse helped me to stop judging myself, right. I

694
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:33,319
Speaker 5: started to look at myself in the way that God

695
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,279
Speaker 5: looked at me, and I started having grace for myself. Hey,

696
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,440
Speaker 5: you know what the Lord says, There's no condemination for

697
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:40,960
Speaker 5: me even when I sin, So I'm not going to

698
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:43,920
Speaker 5: feel bad about myself, right, because what I would do

699
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:48,400
Speaker 5: is after I looked at pornography or something, I would

700
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 5: like give myself space between God. It's exactly what Adam did, right,

701
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 5: he said, Oh I hate the fruit. Now I'm going

702
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:57,560
Speaker 5: to run away. And I thought, for some reason in

703
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 5: my human brain that if I just did that, that,

704
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 5: you know, like, I'm gonna give myself like I don't know,

705
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:06,520
Speaker 5: like a day between me and God and and things

706
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 5: will reset or something. And so I thought I couldn't

707
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 5: like come to God right right after I've sinned, right

708
00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:17,239
Speaker 5: because like now I'm like unholy, right, as if that's

709
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 5: what made me unholy, But of course not. And so

710
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:26,560
Speaker 5: and so that those intervals, right as I meditated on

711
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:30,440
Speaker 5: that word, they started to become shorter. And you know,

712
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:32,920
Speaker 5: there'd be days where I, you know, I watch pornography

713
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,120
Speaker 5: and I just like put my phone out and be like,

714
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:39,440
Speaker 5: oh Lord, I'm sorry, and I just start talking to

715
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:42,160
Speaker 5: God and developing a relationship with God, you know what

716
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:46,359
Speaker 5: I mean, because that's what it's about. That's what it's about.

717
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:51,040
Speaker 5: It's a relationship with the Lord. And you know, something

718
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:53,399
Speaker 5: that that that's in my heart and that I want

719
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,759
Speaker 5: people to understand is just how close you can become

720
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:57,839
Speaker 5: to the Lord, just how how much of a friend

721
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:01,560
Speaker 5: God can be to you. You know, religion really kills

722
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:07,240
Speaker 5: that that understanding that that we have of God. God

723
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:09,480
Speaker 5: is your friend, he is your father, and he's not

724
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:14,439
Speaker 5: There's nothing you can do to take yourself away from

725
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 5: his presence unless you take yourself away from His presence, right,

726
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:26,759
Speaker 5: And so that that sort of understanding of how I

727
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:30,400
Speaker 5: cannot earn my sonship and I cannot take away my

728
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:35,360
Speaker 5: sonship right before God, that sort of understanding really broke

729
00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:41,160
Speaker 5: me free from this addiction, right, this pornography addiction, like this,

730
00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:43,400
Speaker 5: this hole that I had in my heart, the reason

731
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:47,319
Speaker 5: why I sought that out started to break, right. And

732
00:44:47,719 --> 00:44:51,840
Speaker 5: you know, around this time there was still the question

733
00:44:51,960 --> 00:45:00,560
Speaker 5: of like of homosexuality and same sex attraction. And it

734
00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:05,439
Speaker 5: was around this time where I found your channel, right,

735
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:09,040
Speaker 5: and I watched a lot of the videos, right, and

736
00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:13,320
Speaker 5: none of them really talked about like like there was

737
00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:15,600
Speaker 5: a lot of testimonies which were so good, but at

738
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 5: the time that I was like trying to find an answer, right,

739
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:20,560
Speaker 5: there was nobody talking about the answer. So I was like, Okay,

740
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 5: this is not how gonna help me. But then around

741
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:32,719
Speaker 5: this time you posted the video with doctor Nickelosi, and

742
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:36,800
Speaker 5: he talked about so many points that I had already

743
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:40,320
Speaker 5: thought about, right, but that I couldn't connect, and he

744
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 5: talked about all of it. He explained it in such

745
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:46,320
Speaker 5: a good way, and I was like, oh wow, okay,

746
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:49,400
Speaker 5: that that makes so much sense. Right, just some of

747
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 5: them is like, uh basically right, an overarching theme is

748
00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:57,160
Speaker 5: like just an insecurity in your masculinity.

749
00:45:57,600 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 3: Yeah.

750
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:03,400
Speaker 5: And that was like a big deal for me because

751
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:09,640
Speaker 5: I was like, okay, wow, I I realized how much

752
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:14,480
Speaker 5: that fueled my same sex attraction. And so I started

753
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:18,120
Speaker 5: to after seeing that video, right, and after things started

754
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:20,319
Speaker 5: to make a little more sense. And by the way,

755
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:23,440
Speaker 5: God only allowed me to see that video after I

756
00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:26,920
Speaker 5: rested in him. Right, we want answers, We want answers,

757
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 5: and God says, chill, you gotta chill, you gotta you

758
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:35,200
Speaker 5: gotta wait for his time, right, And so finally had

759
00:46:35,239 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 5: some answers, right, And I was like, okay, Lord, you

760
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:40,520
Speaker 5: know what, I'm just gonna bring it to you. I'm

761
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:42,799
Speaker 5: just gonna bring it to you. And I started to

762
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:47,239
Speaker 5: bring uh, you know, these insecurities that I started to

763
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:49,440
Speaker 5: realize I had, you know, like about my body or

764
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:53,239
Speaker 5: or my yeah, just like my way of being right,

765
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:55,160
Speaker 5: like oh, I'm not like you know, like man enough

766
00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:58,760
Speaker 5: or whatever. And I started bringing this to the Lord

767
00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:02,279
Speaker 5: and he started to just heal my heart. Like that's

768
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:03,920
Speaker 5: the best way you can put it, is like he

769
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:09,040
Speaker 5: started to heal my heart and and like that same

770
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:12,439
Speaker 5: sex attraction. That that for me, right, I'm not gonna

771
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:14,839
Speaker 5: speak for a bunch of people because everybody's different, but

772
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:18,480
Speaker 5: for me, a big thing was like man, I just

773
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:21,080
Speaker 5: I that what fueled that for me was just like

774
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:25,399
Speaker 5: an insecurity in myself, in my manhood, you know. When

775
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:30,760
Speaker 5: I was younger, Like I remember, I I fantasized about

776
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:33,799
Speaker 5: like a relationship with a girl. I really did, and

777
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:36,680
Speaker 5: I really wanted that, but I felt like I was

778
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:39,600
Speaker 5: enough for a girl. Like that was a genuine thought

779
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:41,799
Speaker 5: I had, was like I'm just not enough for for

780
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:43,640
Speaker 5: a girl. I'm not man enough for a girl, so

781
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:46,120
Speaker 5: like I have to settle for guys, which you know

782
00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:50,600
Speaker 5: doesn't make any sense logically, But it's all these like

783
00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 5: weird wounds we have, you know, these traumas we have,

784
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,560
Speaker 5: and the way we make sense of it as kids,

785
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:58,439
Speaker 5: which usually doesn't make any sense. There's no truth to it, right,

786
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 5: But that's how we reason things out. And you know,

787
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:05,200
Speaker 5: God just started cleaning my heart out and cleaning my

788
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:09,520
Speaker 5: heart up, and these desires just started to fade away.

789
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:12,720
Speaker 5: And it's really insane. Now I want to make something clear,

790
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:16,239
Speaker 5: Like I'm not saying like I don't have temptation anymore, right,

791
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:21,560
Speaker 5: but I can say that I'm free from that hole

792
00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:23,399
Speaker 5: that I had in my heart. I don't have that

793
00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:29,040
Speaker 5: like that need for it anymore. Right, Paul says, be

794
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:32,200
Speaker 5: careful if you are, you know, standing not to fall.

795
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 5: That just means like be aware of the environment you're in,

796
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,319
Speaker 5: be aware of you know, don't be dumb, you know, like.

797
00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:42,359
Speaker 3: If yeah, if yeah, bless you fall.

798
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:45,839
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah. So like I'm not here saying like, oh

799
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:51,399
Speaker 5: I'm mister, like you know now I'm together. Yeah, Like.

800
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:54,960
Speaker 4: Uh, but.

801
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:58,839
Speaker 5: Like I I I can say that I'm set free,

802
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 5: you know what I mean, Like I have that understanding

803
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:04,520
Speaker 5: that the Lord literally sent me free, the Lord healed

804
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:06,640
Speaker 5: my heart. I don't have that that hole in my

805
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:13,160
Speaker 5: heart anymore. You know. And people they're very they want

806
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 5: black and white answers, right. I remember I recently posted

807
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:19,040
Speaker 5: a video talking about my story a little bit and

808
00:49:19,080 --> 00:49:23,960
Speaker 5: some guy comments and he said the comment was kind

809
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:26,799
Speaker 5: of funny. He said, man, this is a long video.

810
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:34,279
Speaker 5: So are you gay or not? And you know, it's like, man,

811
00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:37,239
Speaker 5: you're focusing on the wrong thing. You're focusing on the

812
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 5: wrong thing. It's not about your sexuality. Man, God wants

813
00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:43,360
Speaker 5: your heart. He wants your heart. And I think people

814
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:45,600
Speaker 5: just want a black and white answer because it's easier

815
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 5: to help them support their worldview, right. But I can

816
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 5: only share what I've lived right with the Lord, and

817
00:49:57,120 --> 00:50:01,080
Speaker 5: that's the beauty of our testimony.

818
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then what and so did your parents liked?

819
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:06,600
Speaker 4: Do your parents did they know about all this? Now?

820
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:08,399
Speaker 5: They do?

821
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:10,920
Speaker 1: They do know.

822
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:14,440
Speaker 5: They're they're a little hesitant. It's funny because they're Brazilian,

823
00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:19,160
Speaker 5: you know, and in brazil culture, like you can still

824
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:21,120
Speaker 5: you can still die for being gay, you know, like

825
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:24,279
Speaker 5: in Brazil, like people will literally like kill you. And

826
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 5: so they're very like they're not scared. They were just

827
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:31,919
Speaker 5: very like hesitant. They were like, Okay, well make sure

828
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 5: you're doing this, you know, because you feel the Lord

829
00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:37,880
Speaker 5: is leading you. Because well we also go to a

830
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:42,359
Speaker 5: Brazilian church as well. And so even though I'm I'm

831
00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:43,200
Speaker 5: in mass Now.

832
00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:48,239
Speaker 4: You know even though you're in wait, what did you

833
00:50:48,239 --> 00:50:49,680
Speaker 4: say when even though what.

834
00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 5: Even though I'm in Massachusetts? Now, yeah, I go to

835
00:50:54,040 --> 00:50:56,959
Speaker 5: a Brazilian church. And so they were kind of just like, okay, well,

836
00:50:57,160 --> 00:51:00,759
Speaker 5: you know, be prepared for what's to come. And they're right,

837
00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:03,879
Speaker 5: the devil is a liar, the devil is dirty.

838
00:51:05,040 --> 00:51:09,040
Speaker 4: And now what and what's happened with your stomach problems?

839
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:10,200
Speaker 3: Are they gone?

840
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:20,319
Speaker 5: So? Right? So I had this this relates to my

841
00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:25,959
Speaker 5: to my my testimony, right, So I after the Lord

842
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:29,879
Speaker 5: started to sort of push me forward and you know, say, hey, Kyi,

843
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:33,760
Speaker 5: you should start sharing your testimony. I was like, okay, Lord,

844
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:36,440
Speaker 5: I'm gonna start sharing my testimony. And I was gonna

845
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:38,480
Speaker 5: stay it in front of my whole youth group, right.

846
00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:40,719
Speaker 5: But then I remember that there's some people that I'm

847
00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:42,680
Speaker 5: so close to, and I was like, you know what,

848
00:51:42,719 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 5: I'm not gonna like drop this bomb on them because

849
00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:47,680
Speaker 5: at this point, nobody really knew anything right about the

850
00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:52,279
Speaker 5: same extraction, pornography, addiction, none of that, And so I

851
00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 5: was like, I'm not going to just drop this this

852
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:56,640
Speaker 5: bomb on them. I'm gonna speak to my close, my

853
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:59,400
Speaker 5: close friends first. And so I gathered them up this

854
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:06,560
Speaker 5: one day and I spoke with them, and I spoke

855
00:52:06,600 --> 00:52:08,439
Speaker 5: with them. They were very They received me in such

856
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:13,240
Speaker 5: a wonderful way. They were so loving. And I remember

857
00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:15,360
Speaker 5: as we were leaving, two of them were in my

858
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:18,960
Speaker 5: car and because we're going to go somewhere. And then

859
00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 5: one of them he called me while I was in

860
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:23,759
Speaker 5: the car and he was like, hey, Kywi, I know

861
00:52:23,800 --> 00:52:26,160
Speaker 5: that you talked a little bit about your stomach issues, right,

862
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 5: and I think we should just pray for your stomach.

863
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:35,840
Speaker 5: And I was like, okay, awesome, And so you know,

864
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:38,280
Speaker 5: we all just prayed. We all prayed and prayed and prayed.

865
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:42,320
Speaker 5: And that raw feeling that I had in my stomach,

866
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:44,719
Speaker 5: because my stomach at this point was very damaged, right,

867
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:49,080
Speaker 5: But that raw feeling that I had in my stomach,

868
00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:52,680
Speaker 5: it literally went away like during that prayer, and I

869
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:54,640
Speaker 5: felt the Lord tell me, like, Kwie, the more you

870
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:57,200
Speaker 5: share your testimony, the more I'm going to heal your stomach.

871
00:52:58,160 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 5: Because the issue with my stomach was always just like

872
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:05,279
Speaker 5: the fear of man right and humiliation and shame. It's

873
00:53:05,320 --> 00:53:09,560
Speaker 5: like that's what that all kind of became somatic, right,

874
00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:14,719
Speaker 5: and then it manifested itself in my stomach, and so

875
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:18,319
Speaker 5: people ask me like, oh, is your stomach healed? Now,

876
00:53:18,960 --> 00:53:21,840
Speaker 5: I believe the Lord healed my stomach from the damage

877
00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:30,640
Speaker 5: it had. However, my issue is I have to position

878
00:53:30,800 --> 00:53:37,319
Speaker 5: myself so that I don't get tempted into fearing man, right,

879
00:53:37,360 --> 00:53:41,640
Speaker 5: get tempted into being ashamed, because when I do, my

880
00:53:41,719 --> 00:53:44,520
Speaker 5: stomach it hurts a little bit, you know. And that's

881
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:47,440
Speaker 5: so it's such a it's so interesting because you know,

882
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:49,759
Speaker 5: again people want to make things like and white. Right,

883
00:53:50,040 --> 00:53:53,600
Speaker 5: Oh is your stomach healed or not? The Lord he

884
00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:57,200
Speaker 5: healed the damage. I believe that, but he's not going

885
00:53:57,280 --> 00:54:02,440
Speaker 5: to take away something things because he wants us to

886
00:54:02,520 --> 00:54:05,880
Speaker 5: learn from it, right, he wants us to to grow.

887
00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:11,279
Speaker 5: And growth it comes through, you know, living life and

888
00:54:12,080 --> 00:54:15,879
Speaker 5: living through the difficult things and just walking all these

889
00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:19,920
Speaker 5: things out with him. And so yeah, I believe the

890
00:54:19,920 --> 00:54:24,480
Speaker 5: Lord healed my stomach. But I have the conscious consciousness,

891
00:54:24,520 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 5: the awareness that I have to remember too to be

892
00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:31,200
Speaker 5: who God has called me to be, right, somebody who's

893
00:54:31,280 --> 00:54:34,919
Speaker 5: bold and who's courageous. Right, That's that's what my name means.

894
00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:38,360
Speaker 5: It means strong, brave, and courageous. And it's so funny

895
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:42,920
Speaker 5: because the devil tried to literally, you know, kill that

896
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:45,799
Speaker 5: in me ever since I was a kid. Yea. And

897
00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:49,680
Speaker 5: so the Lord really he's amazing.

898
00:54:51,160 --> 00:54:56,720
Speaker 4: Well, praise the Lord. That's awesome, Kawe. I'm I'm happy

899
00:54:56,760 --> 00:55:00,239
Speaker 4: for you. I'm happy that you that the Lord just

900
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:03,600
Speaker 4: showed you what the root of all these issues were

901
00:55:04,200 --> 00:55:06,359
Speaker 4: and that he's working all this out with you, like

902
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:11,719
Speaker 4: it's amazing. And yeah, well, everyone just keep praying for

903
00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:15,440
Speaker 4: Kawai to continue to grow in that and like to

904
00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:18,680
Speaker 4: be healed of all of this shame and like that

905
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:22,399
Speaker 4: he's felt since a child. It's this shame and fear

906
00:55:22,480 --> 00:55:25,560
Speaker 4: of man. So thank you for coming on the show

907
00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:26,560
Speaker 4: and sharing your story.

908
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:29,560
Speaker 5: Kahway. Thank you, Becky. This is awesome.

909
00:55:30,120 --> 00:55:31,279
Speaker 3: Wait, don't touch that dial.

910
00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:35,000
Speaker 4: Please like and subscribe, and also please consider becoming a

911
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:38,600
Speaker 4: patron on Patreon for as little as five dollars a month,

912
00:55:38,640 --> 00:55:41,040
Speaker 4: you can really help us out on the show. The

913
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:44,239
Speaker 4: link is below and we so so appreciate it.

914
00:55:44,280 --> 00:55:49,920
Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you for listening to this episode of

915
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:53,640
Speaker 2: The Beckett Cook Show. Your support makes this content possible.

916
00:55:54,960 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 2: All episodes of The Beckett Cook Show are also available

917
00:55:58,080 --> 00:56:02,800
Speaker 2: on YouTube. More information about Beckett and his ministry. Visit

918
00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:06,240
Speaker 2: his website at Beckettcook dot com.

919
00:56:06,360 --> 00:56:08,279
Speaker 4: Thank you to the team at Life Audio for their

920
00:56:08,320 --> 00:56:09,319
Speaker 4: partnership with us.

921
00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:11,040
Speaker 3: If you go to lifeaudio dot

922
00:56:11,040 --> 00:56:14,040
Speaker 4: Com, you will find more faith centered podcasts about prayer,

923
00:56:14,120 --> 00:56:15,799
Speaker 4: Bible study, parenting, and more