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Speaker 1: Life Audio. This is Donna Jones and you are listening

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Speaker 1: to That's just what I needed. Hey, friend, if you've

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Speaker 1: ever been in a conversation where you've walked away thinking, Wow,

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Speaker 1: that was just what I needed, you know how life

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Speaker 1: giving that can be, Well, that's what this podcast is

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Speaker 1: all about. We're women who want to know, love, and

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Speaker 1: follow God in our real lives, but sometimes wonder just

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Speaker 1: how to do it. So each week we'll talk about

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Speaker 1: what following God looks like in the midst of daily

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Speaker 1: demands and crazy cultural chaos. Because this isn't just what

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Speaker 1: we need, it's actually exactly what we need. Hey, hey,

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Speaker 1: my friend, I'm so glad you're here. Before we get

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Speaker 1: into today's episode, I want you to do something for

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Speaker 1: me right now. Would you hit the subscribe button so

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Speaker 1: you don't miss a single episode, and would you connect

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Speaker 1: with me on social media. On Instagram you'll find me

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Speaker 1: at Donna A. Jones and on Facebook I'm at Donna Jones,

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Speaker 1: Speaker and author. We need to keep the connection going,

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Speaker 1: So that's a couple of ways that you can do that.

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Speaker 1: And as long as I'm kind of on this rabbit trail,

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Speaker 1: don't forget to rate or review this podcast. That is

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Speaker 1: how people find out about this podcast, and when you

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Speaker 1: share it, when you rate it, when you review it,

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Speaker 1: it helps the algorithm, and you know how those things

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Speaker 1: work these days. So I would count as such an

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Speaker 1: honor if you would do that. Well, if you are

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Speaker 1: listening to this on the day this podcast airs, then

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Speaker 1: Mother's Day is just around the corner. And if you're

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Speaker 1: not listening to this episode on the day it airs,

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Speaker 1: if you are a mom, or a grandmother, or an aunt,

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Speaker 1: or a caregiver, or a teacher, or anyone who loves children,

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Speaker 1: you're going to be blessed by this episode. Now, I'm

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Speaker 1: aware that Mother's Day can bring up a lot of emotions.

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Speaker 1: For some, it's joyful and it's a great day. But

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Speaker 1: for others it can feel complicated, maybe even painful. Maybe

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Speaker 1: you're a mom who's exhausted and you're wondering, gosh, is

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Speaker 1: anything i'm doing even matter? Maybe you've lost your mom,

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Speaker 1: Maybe you long to be a mother and this day's

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Speaker 1: really hard for you. Or maybe you have adult children

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Speaker 1: who have their own children and you're wondering, am I

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Speaker 1: going to get celebrated this year? Wherever you are today,

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Speaker 1: I want you to know this, You are seen, you

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Speaker 1: are loved, and what you do matters more than you

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Speaker 1: can even imagine. So today I want to give every

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Speaker 1: mom and every woman who nurtures, or mentors or porson

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Speaker 1: to others a message that I hope feels like a

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Speaker 1: deep breath for your soul, because sometimes that's just what

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Speaker 1: we need when it comes to motherhood. I think that

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Speaker 1: perhaps there is nothing that brings us more joy yet

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Speaker 1: more insecurity than motherhood. And I suspect that this is

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Speaker 1: the case because there is nothing we want to do

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Speaker 1: a better job at than being a mom, and so

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Speaker 1: because it's so important to us, we put tons of

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Speaker 1: pressure on ourselves to be the perfect mom. But let's

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Speaker 1: just settle something right now. Perfect moms do not exist.

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Speaker 1: That means I'm not a perfect mom. You're not a

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Speaker 1: perfect mom. Your mom's not a perfect mom. Your mother

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Speaker 1: in law's not a perfect mom. The gal who lives

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Speaker 1: next door to you who seems like she's Mary Poppins,

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Speaker 1: she's not a perfect mom. Perfect moms do not exist.

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Speaker 1: I know social media can make it seem like everyone

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Speaker 1: else's crushing motherhood while you're barely holding it together with

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Speaker 1: dry shampoo. Reeded coffee and a prayer. But the fact is,

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Speaker 1: motherhood was never meant to be performed. It was meant

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Speaker 1: to be lived, like really lived, and lived means messy.

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Speaker 1: It means forgotten permission slips. It means dinner from a

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Speaker 1: drive through. It means losing your patience and then apologizing.

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Speaker 1: It means growing up even as you are helping your

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Speaker 1: children grow up. Do you know what your kids actually need.

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Speaker 1: They don't need perfection, because perfection equals performance, and a family,

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Speaker 1: a human, a child cannot be built on performance. What

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Speaker 1: children really need is presence and love. They need a

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Speaker 1: mom who keeps showing up, a mom who says, oh

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Speaker 1: I blew it today, I'm so sorry. A mom that

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Speaker 1: hugs them after a hard day. A mom who keeps

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Speaker 1: loving even when she feels inadequate. That kind of love

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Speaker 1: leaves a legacy. So let's make this even more real

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Speaker 1: and practical. Here's some of the things that good moms do.

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Speaker 1: They listen, and I mean really listen, not just with

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Speaker 1: their ears but their heart. They share their own heart,

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Speaker 1: letting their kids see who they are and what they value.

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Speaker 1: They encourage. They speak life into their kids even when

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Speaker 1: they're correcting them. They're consistent. Their kids know what to

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Speaker 1: expect because love and boundaries don't change day to day.

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Speaker 1: They discipline not to punish, but to guide, teach, and

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Speaker 1: shape character. They know when to speak up and when

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Speaker 1: to remain silent. Good moms are cheerleaders, not competitors. They

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Speaker 1: celebrate their kids instead of comparing or competing with them.

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Speaker 1: And yes, they show up even when they're tired. They

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Speaker 1: apologize when they mess up. They create a safe place

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Speaker 1: for their kids to land. They pray for their kids,

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Speaker 1: especially when they don't know what else to do. They

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Speaker 1: keep going even when no one says thank you. Good

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Speaker 1: moms aren't perfect. Good moms are faithful. Now gently clear

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Speaker 1: something up, because sometimes we learn just as much from

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Speaker 1: what not to do as we do from what to do.

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Speaker 1: Good moms don't ignore their kids or brush off their feelings.

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Speaker 1: Good moms don't shame their kids for mistakes or struggles.

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Speaker 1: Good moms don't manipulate or control to get the outcomes

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Speaker 1: they want. Good moms don't neglect their family or give

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Speaker 1: them only the leftovers of their time and energy. Good

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Speaker 1: moms don't set expectations so high that they feel like

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Speaker 1: their kids can never measure up, but they also don't

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Speaker 1: set the expectations so low that their kids never grow.

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Speaker 1: Good moms are not hypocrites. They don't tell their kids

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Speaker 1: to do one thing while doing something else themselves. And

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Speaker 1: just to say this again, good moms don't have it

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Speaker 1: all together. They don't get it right every time, they

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Speaker 1: don't always stay patient. But they also don't give up

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Speaker 1: even on the hard days, even after the mistakes, and

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Speaker 1: we all make them even when they feel like they're

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Speaker 1: feeling they just keep showing up. That's what a good

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Speaker 1: mom does. That's what a good mentor does. That's what

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Speaker 1: a good mother in law does. That's what a good

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Speaker 1: grandmother does. She's not perfect, she's faithful. As I reflect

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Speaker 1: on my own life as a mom and now as

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Speaker 1: a gig or a grandmother, I realized that one of

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Speaker 1: the hardest parts of motherhood is that so much of

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Speaker 1: what moms do is invisible. And it's funny because you

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Speaker 1: really feel this as you're raising your children. But oftentimes,

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Speaker 1: even when you're the grandmother or the mother in law,

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Speaker 1: you can still feel these feelings of being somewhat invisible.

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Speaker 1: What do I mean by this, Well, you know, when

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Speaker 1: your kids are little, you clean something and it's dirty

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Speaker 1: again in ten minutes. Or you give advice and no

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Speaker 1: one seems to hear, or worse, no one seems to care.

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Speaker 1: You make meals, You man schedules, You solve conflicts, You

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Speaker 1: remember birthdays, you make Christmas all come together. You coordinate appointments,

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Speaker 1: and carry the emotional temperature for the whole family. It's

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Speaker 1: a lot, and because so much of motherhood is repetitive,

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Speaker 1: it can start to feel insignificant. But here's what I

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Speaker 1: want you to hear today. Repetition is often where love lives.

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Speaker 1: I remember hearing something about childhood memories years ago. Essentially,

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Speaker 1: what studies found was that people remember one of three things,

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Speaker 1: things that were done repetitively, something that was a trauma,

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Speaker 1: or something that was a surprise. Now think back to

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Speaker 1: your own childhood. If you had something traumatic happen in

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Speaker 1: your childhood, you remember it, don't you. But you might

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Speaker 1: also remember a special surprise, like a vacation that your

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Speaker 1: family went on that it was just so out of

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Speaker 1: the box for your family that you still remember that

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Speaker 1: special surprise. But you also might remember things that were

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Speaker 1: done over and over and over again, like every day

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Speaker 1: you came home and your mom had cheese and crackers

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Speaker 1: for you or something like that. I mean things that

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Speaker 1: were done repetitively, things that were surprise, or things that

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Speaker 1: were trauma. Well, as we are mothers and grandmothers, as

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Speaker 1: we're thinking about all the repetitive things that we do,

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Speaker 1: it gives significance to those repetitive things when we realize

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Speaker 1: that we are creating childhood memories. Remember, repetition is where

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Speaker 1: love lies. Love is packed lunches, love is late night talks.

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Speaker 1: Love is asking how the test went. Love is praying

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Speaker 1: over your child when they don't even know it. These small, ordinary,

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Speaker 1: repetitive tasks are shaping lives. Never underestimate what God can

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Speaker 1: do through your faithfulness. Now here's something I want every

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Speaker 1: mom listening to hear. You are not just a resource

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Speaker 1: for everyone else. You are a person. You are a

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Speaker 1: beloved daughter of God, and you need care too. Not

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Speaker 1: just after the burnout, not just after the meltdown, not

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Speaker 1: just when everyone else is okay. You need it now.

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Speaker 1: So maybe this Mother's Day, instead of only asking what

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Speaker 1: everyone else needs, ask yourself what do I need? Maybe

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Speaker 1: you need rest, maybe you need boundaries, Maybe you need

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Speaker 1: to call a friend, Maybe you need five minutes alone

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Speaker 1: with your Bible and no one touching you. Whatever it is,

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Speaker 1: pay attention. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish, it's actually stewardship.

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Speaker 1: And for the moms who are celebrating multiple Mothers Day,

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Speaker 1: and by that, I mean you're a mom, you have

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Speaker 1: your mom, you have your mother in law, you're a

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Speaker 1: mother in law, you have your daughter in law, she

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Speaker 1: has her mother, you have a son, you have a

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Speaker 1: step mother, you you have you know whatever. You have

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Speaker 1: multiple mothers that you're trying to celebrate on this one

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Speaker 1: special day, and you're thinking, how in the world can

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Speaker 1: I take care of myself when there's so many women

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Speaker 1: to celebrate. Well, let me offer you what might be

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Speaker 1: a good solution. Oftentimes, when we celebrate things that we

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Speaker 1: have to share with other people, like for example, Mother's Day,

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Speaker 1: we can end up becoming bitter because somehow we feel

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Speaker 1: like we're losing our day. And let me flip the

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Speaker 1: script kind of coming through the side door with what

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Speaker 1: I'm about to tell you. When we first found out

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Speaker 1: that our son was having our first grandchild, the very

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Speaker 1: first thing out of my husband's mouth were these words,

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Speaker 1: one more person to love. I thought that was so

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Speaker 1: incredibly beautiful. And with every grandchild and with every spouse

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Speaker 1: that our children have married, we have said the same thing,

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Speaker 1: one more person to love, one more person to love,

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Speaker 1: one more person to love, one more person to love. So,

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Speaker 1: if you have a mother a mother in law, don't

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Speaker 1: think of it as a divided holiday. Think of it

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Speaker 1: as one more person to love, and see if you

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Speaker 1: can maybe work it out so that the celebration just

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Speaker 1: gets extended. Maybe you celebrate mothers stay on three separate days,

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Speaker 1: one for you, one for your mother in law, one

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Speaker 1: for your mom. And make it fun, make it celebratory,

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Speaker 1: don't make it obligatory or a drag. Think about it

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Speaker 1: as one more person to celebrate, one more person to love.

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Speaker 1: This is really important if you have young kids too,

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Speaker 1: because you're modeling for them how a younger generation honors

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Speaker 1: an older generation. And remember, as your kids are watching

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Speaker 1: that they're going to do for you what you have

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Speaker 1: done for your mother and your mother in law. Now,

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Speaker 1: admittedly this won't work for everyone, but you might just

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Speaker 1: be my listening friend that this is the solution you've

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Speaker 1: been looking for. Before we close, though, I want to pause,

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Speaker 1: and I want to speak directly to the woman for

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Speaker 1: whom Mother's Day is painful. Maybe you've experienced a miscarriage.

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Speaker 1: Maybe it's infertility, Maybe it's estrangement or loss. Maybe your

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Speaker 1: relationship with your mom is broken or complicated. Maybe this

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Speaker 1: day feels like a reminder of not what you have,

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Speaker 1: but what's missing. I want you to know I see you,

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Speaker 1: and more importantly, God sees you. Your worth, my worth.

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Speaker 1: Our worth is not defined by a title, a relationship status,

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Speaker 1: or an unmet longing. You are deeply loved, and even

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Speaker 1: if Mother's Day feels heavy, you do not carry that

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Speaker 1: heaviness alone. So be gentle with yourself, honor what you're feeling,

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Speaker 1: and know that grief and grade can coexist. So on

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Speaker 1: this Mother's Day and this Mother's Day Week, I hope

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Speaker 1: you remember that you don't have to be perfect, that

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Speaker 1: what you do matters, that you are allowed to need

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Speaker 1: care too, and that you are deeply loved. So Happy

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Speaker 1: Mother's Day to every mom, spiritual mom, mentor grandmother, aunt,

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Speaker 1: caregiver and woman who helps make this world softer, wiser,

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Speaker 1: and stronger. Well, I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I

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Speaker 1: hope it encouraged you, and would you share this episode

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Speaker 1: with a woman who could use some encouragement, and don't

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Speaker 1: forget to subscribe to this podcast so you don't miss

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Speaker 1: a single episode. And I'd love to connect with you

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Speaker 1: on Instagram at Donna A. Jones, on Facebook Donna Jones,

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Speaker 1: Speaker and Author, or on my website Donna Jones dot org,

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Speaker 1: where you will find lots of free resources and as always,

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Speaker 1: my friend, I can't wait to see you next time,

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Speaker 1: for that's just what I needed.