1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:03,600 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:05,680 Speaker 2: Christine, thanks for joining me. 3 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,039 Speaker 1: Thank you, Michael, It's so good to be here. 4 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:13,000 Speaker 2: Christine de Clario Dove Award winning and Latin Grammy nominated 5 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:16,680 Speaker 2: artist who has a new book, Healing in the Desert, 6 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:20,760 Speaker 2: which offers a roadmap for those walking through depression, anxiety, 7 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:26,280 Speaker 2: and trauma, based of course, on your own personal experience, Christine. Indeed, Christine, 8 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:31,520 Speaker 2: millions of people know you buy your music. What led 9 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,720 Speaker 2: you to't want to open up about such a personal story. 10 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 1: Well, about seven and a half years ago, I got 11 00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:43,960 Speaker 1: diagnosed with a severe postpartum depression and one of my 12 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:48,680 Speaker 1: biggest and hardest symptoms with suicide and so be a 13 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:53,479 Speaker 1: public figure, more so a public figure of faith and 14 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:59,040 Speaker 1: struggling with thoughts of death and an unsound mind was 15 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 1: something that I just can't reconcile I did it. I 16 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:06,280 Speaker 1: was completely unaware that there were resources for people like me, 17 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:08,479 Speaker 1: that there were other people going through the same thing. 18 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:13,000 Speaker 1: And what does a leader in faith do, like, how 19 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,920 Speaker 1: do we confess? How do we reach out for help 20 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:18,760 Speaker 1: without the fear of maybe being shunned or being seen 21 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:22,039 Speaker 1: as a failure. So there was a very big struggle. 22 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,840 Speaker 1: I'm really grateful that there were key people in my 23 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:27,360 Speaker 1: life that I know the Lord put there that were 24 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:30,000 Speaker 1: able to identify what I was going through because they 25 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:33,240 Speaker 1: can notice it. They'd been there before. It's a very 26 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,960 Speaker 1: important thing to note. And they pretty much did an 27 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:42,800 Speaker 1: intervention and put me headfirst into trauma therapy and just recovery. 28 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:46,480 Speaker 1: It turns out that my postpartum depression was a blessing 29 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:51,080 Speaker 1: in disguise. It was the spears head of a deeper 30 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,800 Speaker 1: healing that needed to happen from trauma from my childhood 31 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:57,120 Speaker 1: that was never resolved. I survived sexual abuse at five. 32 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 1: I watched my dad's detriment to a until he passed away. 33 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:04,600 Speaker 1: When I was six. I was uprooted from New York 34 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,120 Speaker 1: where I was born to a new country in Puerto Rico, 35 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:11,680 Speaker 1: and it was a snowball effect of complex trauma that 36 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,200 Speaker 1: I simply had just never dealt with. I grew up 37 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:17,639 Speaker 1: in the Church, and what was instilled upon me was, Hey, 38 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,400 Speaker 1: the joy of the Lord is our strength. Okay, it's 39 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,560 Speaker 1: time to smile now that the passes in the past 40 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:24,880 Speaker 1: move forward. And so we didn't have the resources for 41 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:29,799 Speaker 1: mental health or inner healing or trauma resolution. So when 42 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 1: I fell into that postpartum depression. Though it was probably 43 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,400 Speaker 1: the hardest and darkest season of my life, it was 44 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,960 Speaker 1: a blessing to me because it held the keys for 45 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:43,640 Speaker 1: me to start opening up and allowing the light of 46 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:46,080 Speaker 1: the Lord to come into those dark places and heal. 47 00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 1: And so I realized that I'm not alone, which is great. 48 00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 1: There are many, many, many more of us that struggle 49 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,160 Speaker 1: with our mental health, especially in our generation, in our 50 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,280 Speaker 1: day and age. One of the biggest pandemics in the world. 51 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,760 Speaker 1: It wasn't COVID nineteen, it's the lack of mental health. 52 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 1: And people started reaching out to me as I became 53 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,680 Speaker 1: vocal about my story and using my platform to talk 54 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:12,360 Speaker 1: about my struggles. A lot of people have influence, especially 55 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:17,320 Speaker 1: and I felt very convicted by the Lord that this 56 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 1: wasn't a story for me. This was a story that 57 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,440 Speaker 1: was going to serve as a guide for many, many people. 58 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,360 Speaker 1: And then I sat down and put it in a 59 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:30,480 Speaker 1: book with all those little guide posts and lamp posts 60 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:34,600 Speaker 1: and like little flags upon the road that we all 61 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,840 Speaker 1: can benefit from at some point in our lives and 62 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:40,200 Speaker 1: in our struggles. It's good to be able to see 63 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 1: ourselves in the story of someone else, because what is 64 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: it that the Bible says the spirit of prophecy is 65 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:50,560 Speaker 1: a testimony of Jesus. So when we testify, it becomes 66 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,760 Speaker 1: the prophecy for someone else and it brings hope. And 67 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:57,839 Speaker 1: so that's why healing in the desert exists. It's my story, yes, 68 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:01,080 Speaker 1: but it's also everybody else's story wherever they find themselves 69 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:02,720 Speaker 1: in their desert. Absolutely. 70 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,680 Speaker 2: You know, mental health, Christine can be a difficult subject 71 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 2: to address in some church environments. What has your what 72 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:13,040 Speaker 2: has been your experience in raising a subject within maybe 73 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 2: your own Christian community, and what do you holte this 74 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:19,360 Speaker 2: book maybe teaches the body of Christ about this subject. 75 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 1: Well, when I first confessed, I saw a very, very 76 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,800 Speaker 1: stark division, especially in the people of faith. There was 77 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:32,800 Speaker 1: half of them that were against it. No, this is spiritual, 78 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:37,279 Speaker 1: you're demonized, or no, you probably open the door to 79 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 1: the enemy. Or no, you don't pray enough, or no, 80 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:43,880 Speaker 1: you don't go to church enough, which I understand because 81 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:51,719 Speaker 1: we really haven't erected a good altar to renew the mind, 82 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,680 Speaker 1: not in our generation and not in any generation. We 83 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,400 Speaker 1: see altars to the Lord, and you know, emotional altars, 84 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 1: physical altars, spiritual altars, but nobody has laid down the 85 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,359 Speaker 1: mind on the altar of the Lord so that he 86 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:07,800 Speaker 1: can help us renew it. We don't talk about it enough, 87 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:12,120 Speaker 1: we don't educate ourselves enough. Hopefully that changes with our 88 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:14,200 Speaker 1: work and those of us that are sounding the alarm 89 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:17,160 Speaker 1: and waking people up. So there was that half of 90 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:19,920 Speaker 1: the people that were you know, you kind of reject 91 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,160 Speaker 1: what you don't understand because you're afraid of it type thing. 92 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:26,559 Speaker 1: But the other half was very encouraging to me because 93 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,400 Speaker 1: it was either people that were saying, I didn't know 94 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 1: someone like you could go through something like that. And 95 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:37,200 Speaker 1: if you face that, then I'm not so wrong for 96 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 1: suffering in the same way. And if you came out 97 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,360 Speaker 1: of it and you found your way through the desert, 98 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 1: then that gives me hope. How do I go through this? 99 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:51,279 Speaker 1: And I'm absolutely happy to give all the wisdom that 100 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,240 Speaker 1: the Lord has given me in my journey and the 101 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:57,599 Speaker 1: resources things like work that we now do. With mental health. 102 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 1: We started a ministry called soul Share Health that soul 103 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:03,880 Speaker 1: share health dot com, and it's a community of believers 104 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,919 Speaker 1: who are either going through crisis or have been through crisis, 105 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 1: or their mental health care professionals that are licensed to 106 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 1: be able to help us navigate through our stuff. We 107 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,920 Speaker 1: get together and we gather monthly and weekly for prayer, 108 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:20,800 Speaker 1: just to build each other up and come out of 109 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 1: the desert. So for that part of the population is 110 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:28,680 Speaker 1: who I work for that I've seen myself until I'm 111 00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:31,800 Speaker 1: very very very old and ot and headed and in 112 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,640 Speaker 1: my deathbed surrounded by my kids and grandkids and great grandkids, 113 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:39,839 Speaker 1: going home to Jesus thinking about all those people who 114 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 1: are still earthside and are fulfilling their process and their 115 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:48,479 Speaker 1: progress and the Lord because a few brave of us 116 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:53,000 Speaker 1: decided to not see vulnerability as a weakness, but as 117 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:55,960 Speaker 1: a superpower and a sword that we can wield in 118 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 1: defense of those that haven't understood it yet. 119 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,320 Speaker 2: Amen to that that you mentioned therapy, How did therapy 120 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,599 Speaker 2: interact with your faith on this journey, because that's a 121 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:05,360 Speaker 2: big part of your book. 122 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:11,960 Speaker 1: I recommend therapy wholeheartedly. But there is the butt not 123 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:15,800 Speaker 1: any therapy, because there are sometimes are therapists that need 124 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:19,480 Speaker 1: therapy more than giving it. No no, no. 125 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:27,200 Speaker 3: Therapy by a spirit filled anchored in the Bible, therapist 126 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 3: who knows the Holy Spirit, who sits with Jesus daily, 127 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,760 Speaker 3: who walks with God and lithens who. 128 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 1: Leans on the Lord and not on their own understanding 129 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 1: and their books savvy to be able to help people through. 130 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:44,440 Speaker 1: That is the key. Had I not had the combination 131 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 1: of a very spirit filled, highly discerning therapist and Jesus, 132 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,160 Speaker 1: I would probably still be in the therapeutic process now 133 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:55,120 Speaker 1: because there was way too much to unpack. So the 134 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 1: key is a Christian spirit filled therapist that will bring 135 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 1: the Word of God into session. You know, there's a 136 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:07,680 Speaker 1: statistic that says that you can exponentially accelerate the progress 137 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:11,440 Speaker 1: and the outcome of your therapy if you pull faith 138 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:16,000 Speaker 1: into session. That's statistically proven you advance more than sixty 139 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:20,280 Speaker 1: or seventy percent speed if you bring God into the equation. 140 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 1: So that is the key, sitting with someone, not doing 141 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 1: it alone, because if you're in the mess and you 142 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,239 Speaker 1: haven't been able to come out on your own, chances 143 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,079 Speaker 1: are the Lord is calling you to pair up with 144 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,480 Speaker 1: someone who's already been there and who can help you 145 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 1: through it. And he sent his disciples two by two, 146 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:40,240 Speaker 1: and that was for a reason because when one is weak, 147 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,000 Speaker 1: the other one lifts him up and vice versa. 148 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:46,680 Speaker 2: Am in a that that's so good. I'm curious. So, 149 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:49,560 Speaker 2: when you were struggling years ago, did you at Sim's 150 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:52,439 Speaker 2: question God, did you question your faith? It seems like 151 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,880 Speaker 2: it ended up building your faith. But what was it 152 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:55,600 Speaker 2: like at the time. 153 00:08:56,880 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 1: Well, I wouldn't call it fully deconstruction. It was more 154 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:06,240 Speaker 1: like ripping off band aids. There were there were lots 155 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:09,400 Speaker 1: of concepts I had about God that were like putting 156 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:13,199 Speaker 1: a band aid on an open bowel. You know, it 157 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,000 Speaker 1: doesn't really work, That's not what it's for. A bunch 158 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,359 Speaker 1: of scripture that was kind of half out of context 159 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:24,439 Speaker 1: that just wasn't serving me fully because I wasn't profound 160 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:28,679 Speaker 1: enough into suffering to seat or the full answer, you 161 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,559 Speaker 1: know what I mean. Sometimes you have to go through it, 162 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,920 Speaker 1: and you have to go through a depth of pain 163 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:40,440 Speaker 1: so that you can understand the fullness of the joys 164 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:44,480 Speaker 1: that come after the pain. And so my perspective needed 165 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:48,720 Speaker 1: to be broadened, and part of that was me having 166 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 1: it out with the Lord. One thing that I learned 167 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 1: about him that makes me so in love with him 168 00:09:55,840 --> 00:10:00,200 Speaker 1: now is that he can take it. When when I 169 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:04,040 Speaker 1: was angry and I lashed out at the Lord, he stayed. 170 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 1: When I was depressed and felt so pathetic and a loser. 171 00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 1: He stayed when I was revisiting disgusting pain. He stayed, 172 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 1: and he could take it. He could take all my anger, 173 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:24,480 Speaker 1: all my frustration, all my pain, all my wailing. Even 174 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,440 Speaker 1: when I couldn't take myself. I was like, look God, 175 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:30,080 Speaker 1: because then stop already. And I couldn't because my body 176 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 1: was just resolving the trauma. He stayed, and he remained, 177 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:38,920 Speaker 1: and he was stubbornly insistent in being a faithful companion, 178 00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 1: even when I couldn't handle a single word from anyone, 179 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:46,280 Speaker 1: including him, because my brain was just too fragile. His 180 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:51,760 Speaker 1: presence in silence was sufficient to help me stay hopeful 181 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,560 Speaker 1: that if he didn't leave me, there was still some 182 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,840 Speaker 1: worthiness inside of me that he saw enough to restore me, 183 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,760 Speaker 1: and the work that he started he will fulfill in 184 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:05,560 Speaker 1: my life and everyone else's. So I was only able 185 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:09,360 Speaker 1: to see that perspective of God's love in the depths 186 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,200 Speaker 1: and the darkness of the desert. I wouldn't have been 187 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,680 Speaker 1: able to fall in love with him that way. Any 188 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:19,200 Speaker 1: other way. 189 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:28,319 Speaker 2: I think many characters in in scripture would would it, 190 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,040 Speaker 2: would would agree with you they they walked in your 191 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:33,920 Speaker 2: shoes and would say exactly what you just said. I 192 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:37,040 Speaker 2: think that there's a lot there's many examples of that 193 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:37,640 Speaker 2: in scripture. 194 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,400 Speaker 1: I can't wait to have a big round table in 195 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,360 Speaker 1: heaven and be like Elijah, come here, let's have a 196 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,840 Speaker 1: little chat. I want to see your perspective on that 197 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:47,840 Speaker 1: depression that you want to kill her, you want to 198 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 1: kill yourself under the rubush. Tell me about that. 199 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 2: Asked, Yeah, the book is healing in the desert. Let's 200 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,160 Speaker 2: switch briefly to your music career. For those who don't 201 00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 2: know who Christine does, who Christina is? You have two 202 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:05,800 Speaker 2: million monthly Spotify streams. That's more than many artists that 203 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 2: I listened to. So you are somebody in the music world. 204 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:13,720 Speaker 2: Did you grow up wanting to be a singer? Yeah, okay, 205 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:17,400 Speaker 2: tell us about that. From what age and how did 206 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:18,079 Speaker 2: you get started? 207 00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:22,200 Speaker 1: My mom tells me, and she very vividly remembers that 208 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:27,240 Speaker 1: I thinging since before I could speak. There were tunes, 209 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,719 Speaker 1: and everybody was very impressed in my family because I 210 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,839 Speaker 1: can carry a tune perfectly. I had a great musical ear, 211 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: so even before I was babbling, I was already you know, 212 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:39,600 Speaker 1: humming songs and going back. I would drive them absolutely insane, 213 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,400 Speaker 1: repeating the same cassettes over and over and over and 214 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 1: over with the same song. Since I was just so 215 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:48,000 Speaker 1: fascinated by music, and music became a place of refuge 216 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,640 Speaker 1: for me when I was going through all those childhood 217 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:54,240 Speaker 1: pains and wounds. It became a very good escape. It 218 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 1: was a good companion for a season. It was an idol. 219 00:12:59,559 --> 00:13:02,800 Speaker 1: And when I had my encounter of salvation with the Lord, 220 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:07,520 Speaker 1: then it became my most pleasant gift to him. Oh 221 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,720 Speaker 1: there to ask me, Yeah, I do have it every day, 222 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:15,000 Speaker 1: just that of gratitude. I have decided that I will 223 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 1: sing to Him and only him. 224 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,240 Speaker 2: And then that tell us about your conversion. You mentioned 225 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:23,400 Speaker 2: it briefly there did you come fIF as a youngster, 226 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:26,359 Speaker 2: as a teenager, as a young adult, at the age. 227 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,960 Speaker 1: Of nineteen, I had my encounter with the Lord. However, 228 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:32,640 Speaker 1: I grew up in the Church, so my culture, my 229 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,960 Speaker 1: upbringing was all I was through and through the church. Kid, 230 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:39,320 Speaker 1: I talked the talk, didn't really walk the walk because 231 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:43,240 Speaker 1: I my relationship with God as a father was kind 232 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:47,600 Speaker 1: of null because I didn't have my father. So I 233 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:52,240 Speaker 1: grew up missing him, longing to one debut with him, 234 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:55,760 Speaker 1: but not having him. So That's the same filter with 235 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:58,200 Speaker 1: which I looked time every time somebody said no and God, 236 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,480 Speaker 1: our Father, who aren't heaven A like, oh yeah, he's 237 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:03,880 Speaker 1: all the way up there and I'm down here and 238 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,680 Speaker 1: he's too busy with the affairs of the world. But 239 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,440 Speaker 1: you know, if I do everything right, I'll meet him 240 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:12,440 Speaker 1: one day. But having a relationship with him was it 241 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 1: something that I can say I had up until the 242 00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:19,880 Speaker 1: age of nineteen, after I had become the worship leader 243 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,760 Speaker 1: of a very large, influential church in my town. But 244 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 1: I was living a double life. I became very rebellious 245 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:28,440 Speaker 1: because of all the pain that I was carrying, and 246 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 1: weekends I was at church as the church girl music minister, 247 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:36,120 Speaker 1: and during the week I was doing the exact opposite. 248 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:41,960 Speaker 1: I was flying off the rims. So I made a 249 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 1: lot of mistakes in that time of double living and 250 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:50,120 Speaker 1: just hypocritical Christianity, and I hit a rock bottom. That 251 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,600 Speaker 1: was the first time that I faced mental health issues. 252 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:57,000 Speaker 1: I also was suicidal back then, had a deep depression, 253 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,280 Speaker 1: and the Lord rescued me from that. It made it 254 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:03,440 Speaker 1: all the more when I found myself many many decades 255 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: later in the same spot after being. 256 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:10,480 Speaker 4: Redeemed and having a relationship with the Lord, which goes 257 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:14,680 Speaker 4: to show that Jesus was so right in saying in 258 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:18,880 Speaker 4: the world you will have troubles, but take heart, I 259 00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:19,800 Speaker 4: have overcome the world. 260 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,520 Speaker 1: So if you're with me, I've got the way out. 261 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 1: And so when I had the moment of rock bottom 262 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:30,600 Speaker 1: back when I was nineteen, I kind of reached out 263 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:34,880 Speaker 1: to the Lord. And not the best way, truly. It 264 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 1: was a snarky prayer, was it very nice with my verbiage. 265 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 1: I was kind of street. And so I kind of 266 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:46,880 Speaker 1: called out the Lord in an ultimatum and said, well, 267 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,720 Speaker 1: if you love me, if you exist, if you're real, 268 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:53,000 Speaker 1: if you have any plans with me or whatever, you 269 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 1: have until midnight to show me, or I'm just going 270 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:57,120 Speaker 1: to go out into the world fully up, become a 271 00:15:57,160 --> 00:16:02,160 Speaker 1: secular artist or something. And that's it. And so eleven 272 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,680 Speaker 1: forty something, this lady comes up to me out of 273 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:08,040 Speaker 1: nowhere and she starts speaking to me on behalf of 274 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:11,400 Speaker 1: the Lord. Starts by saying, I am the Lord, your God, 275 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,200 Speaker 1: I do exist, I am real, I do love you, 276 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 1: and yes, I do have a plan with you, and 277 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:19,280 Speaker 1: I'm gonna show you right now. And it was so 278 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 1: beautiful that the Lord spoke to me in the language 279 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:25,560 Speaker 1: that I understood, because I was very haughty and proud 280 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,360 Speaker 1: back then. So I was like, I'll tell you peace 281 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 1: of mylind And so he turned around and told me 282 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:35,560 Speaker 1: a piece of his It totally humbled me, but at 283 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:43,680 Speaker 1: the same time embraced me with such a precious, deep, abundant, 284 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:49,200 Speaker 1: rich love. I finally saw that I was worth it, 285 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,680 Speaker 1: that he would make somebody go out of their way 286 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:56,160 Speaker 1: to bring a message of his on me and reveal 287 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 1: his fatherly love to me. Fatherly love is not necessarily 288 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,240 Speaker 1: easy love, because it was very confrontational. I was like, 289 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:09,400 Speaker 1: you made mistakes, your life is a miss but come, 290 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:13,960 Speaker 1: let me hold you, let me heal your wounds, let 291 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,600 Speaker 1: me wash your face, and let me teach you the 292 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:19,040 Speaker 1: way you need to go. And I mean, it was 293 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,800 Speaker 1: like a Jeremiah moment. He seduced me with his love, 294 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:26,160 Speaker 1: and I just I had no escape. I fell madly 295 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,840 Speaker 1: in love with my Savior that day. That was August 296 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,359 Speaker 1: of two thousand and three, and I'm never going back, 297 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,720 Speaker 1: never ever. Amen to that. 298 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,880 Speaker 2: Amen, let's close this. Let's close this with a little 299 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 2: bit of advice from maybe we were walking and the 300 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:44,240 Speaker 2: shoes that you were walking in. Maybe people were battling 301 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:48,120 Speaker 2: with anxiety, depression and some of the issues that you faced. 302 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,480 Speaker 2: What advice would you give them right now? 303 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,800 Speaker 1: Well, I would start with scripture. There's a scripture that 304 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:58,760 Speaker 1: says that many are the afflictions of the righteous, meaning 305 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,440 Speaker 1: there's different ways in which this world is going to 306 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:06,679 Speaker 1: hit us, and it's gonna hurt but immediately it says, 307 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,919 Speaker 1: but of all of those, the Lord will rescue you. 308 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,680 Speaker 1: If you're in a situation where you feel you can't 309 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:16,320 Speaker 1: escape and you feel like you've tried everything and that 310 00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:20,879 Speaker 1: you're still in the hole. I know no better hero 311 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:25,359 Speaker 1: than the Holy Spirit. His rescue is exactly what we 312 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:28,600 Speaker 1: need when we need it now. There is a little 313 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:33,000 Speaker 1: tag to that, and it's to not embrace the lies 314 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 1: of the enemy that he isn't there, because he is. 315 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:41,280 Speaker 1: He's always there, and sometimes we're wanting to find him 316 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:46,679 Speaker 1: in like these big supernatural gestures when he's been speaking 317 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:51,840 Speaker 1: to you in the still small whisper. So get still 318 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:57,080 Speaker 1: and know that he is God, and don't believe that 319 00:18:57,160 --> 00:19:00,000 Speaker 1: you are alone, because you're not. The Lord is with him, 320 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:03,320 Speaker 1: and people like me are with you too. There is 321 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:07,320 Speaker 1: an entire army of us that is forming to be 322 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,679 Speaker 1: able to help you out. You do not have to 323 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:14,280 Speaker 1: walk this journey alone. There. Yes, there are a lot 324 00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:17,320 Speaker 1: of people out there that are not professing the proper Christianity. 325 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:21,440 Speaker 1: I know social media is full of them, but there 326 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:25,000 Speaker 1: are many of us who still understand that those of 327 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:29,320 Speaker 1: us that are spiritual, as the Apostle Paul said, we 328 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:33,919 Speaker 1: bring up our brothers and sisters with meekness and with 329 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:38,960 Speaker 1: compassion and with a tender heart. So find someone you trust, 330 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:43,240 Speaker 1: don't hold it in, tell them what you're going through 331 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,320 Speaker 1: so that you have someone to walk with you. And 332 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,399 Speaker 1: if you don't have that person, you are welcome to 333 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 1: log into soulsharehealth dot com. We have a community of 334 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:58,280 Speaker 1: very strong faith believers that can help you through because 335 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,000 Speaker 1: we've all been through stuff and we have the authority 336 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,640 Speaker 1: from the Lord to help you and pull you out 337 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:03,080 Speaker 1: of it too. 338 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,560 Speaker 2: If you enjoy today's interview, please make sure to subscribe 339 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 2: and share the episode with a friend. A big thanks 340 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,520 Speaker 2: to the team at life Audio for their partnership with 341 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,879 Speaker 2: us on the podcast. If you go to lifeaudio dot com, 342 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:20,840 Speaker 2: you will find dozens of other faith centered podcasts in 343 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,600 Speaker 2: their network, See you next time.