1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:08,160 Speaker 1: Life Audio. Hey friends, it's Dana se and this is 2 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:11,320 Speaker 1: rebuilding us. You're here today because you want to know 3 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:15,480 Speaker 1: why my marriage be hard? Like who is it? keV 4 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 1: on stage and his wife. I think they actually have 5 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:23,360 Speaker 1: a brand called marriage be Hard, which is funny because 6 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:28,000 Speaker 1: it can be hard. Marriage can be hard, And I 7 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,280 Speaker 1: want to spend some time talking to you all today 8 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:34,960 Speaker 1: about first and foremost changing our perspective and then acknowledging 9 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,080 Speaker 1: that there are some hard parts of marriage. It's like, 10 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 1: we can't go around it, we can't get over it, 11 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,760 Speaker 1: we can't go under it. We just have to go 12 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,200 Speaker 1: through it. There are going to be some tough seasons 13 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:49,840 Speaker 1: in marriage that we have to go through. But when 14 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:52,879 Speaker 1: we go through those seasons and when we learn what 15 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:55,880 Speaker 1: we're supposed to learn in them, then we are so 16 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 1: much stronger. So I want to start by first and 17 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 1: foremost just taking that phrase marriage is hard or marriage 18 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:08,600 Speaker 1: is hard work, and I want to reframe that. I 19 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:12,560 Speaker 1: often tell my clients marriage is not hard work. Marriage 20 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:17,800 Speaker 1: is heart work. H Art. It takes heart in order 21 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:20,840 Speaker 1: for someone to be married for decades, in order for 22 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:23,920 Speaker 1: someone to continue to love their spouse and grow together 23 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:27,039 Speaker 1: as a couple. You've got to have some heart. You've 24 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:28,520 Speaker 1: got to be able to come to it like a 25 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:31,240 Speaker 1: good athlete and understand you're not gonna win every game. 26 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:34,040 Speaker 1: You're gonna have losses along the way. You're gonna have 27 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: injuries sometimes hopefully not physical. Okay, we don't condone physical 28 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:41,560 Speaker 1: violence on the show. But you're gonna have some losses sometimes. 29 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,440 Speaker 1: But you've got to be able to get up. And 30 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:46,040 Speaker 1: this is why that message on resilience that resonated with 31 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:47,520 Speaker 1: so many of you. Thank you so much for all 32 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,680 Speaker 1: of your comments on that particular episode, but that message 33 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,160 Speaker 1: on resilience, I think spoke so well to so many 34 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,200 Speaker 1: of you because you understand what I'm saying to be true. 35 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,240 Speaker 1: You know that regardless of where you are, in whatever 36 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:02,200 Speaker 1: season or state of your life, you have to develop 37 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,840 Speaker 1: resilience so that you can learn how to start seeing 38 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:09,520 Speaker 1: things from their proper perspective. So how you see something 39 00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:13,079 Speaker 1: will shape how you do something. If I and y'all know, 40 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,200 Speaker 1: I use fitness analogies all the time because I'm always 41 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:18,079 Speaker 1: on the struggle bus with working out and losing weight 42 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,600 Speaker 1: and all the things. But if I look at working 43 00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:23,160 Speaker 1: out as oh my god, it's so hard, I don't 44 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,640 Speaker 1: know how I'm being able to lift those dumb bells. 45 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I don't know if I'm be able 46 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,560 Speaker 1: to run on that treadmill. I don't know if I'm 47 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,600 Speaker 1: be able to do that stair supper. If I come 48 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 1: at it with that attitude, then naturally, when I get 49 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:36,960 Speaker 1: on that equipment, it's going to be hard, because I've 50 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,120 Speaker 1: already psyched myself out to believe that that's going to 51 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:42,040 Speaker 1: be hard. So I want to see even change the 52 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,400 Speaker 1: way that we talk about marriage. The way that you 53 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,120 Speaker 1: talk about marriage, especially in front of your children is 54 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 1: so important because of all your kids here is this 55 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,399 Speaker 1: is so hard. Marriage is so hard. Loving your dad 56 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 1: is so hard. Being faithful to your mom is so hard. Well, then, 57 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,399 Speaker 1: my god, what are they going to think about marriage? 58 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,960 Speaker 1: I think what you think, and you're gonna behave in 59 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,440 Speaker 1: the way that you think. How you see something determines 60 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:10,760 Speaker 1: how you do something. Marriage in and of itself does 61 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:14,760 Speaker 1: not have to be hard. There are seasons in marriage 62 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,960 Speaker 1: that are hard, just like in our natural world. There 63 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:21,519 Speaker 1: are seasons that we go through that are hard. Winter 64 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:25,960 Speaker 1: for me is a hard season. I am always cold 65 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,840 Speaker 1: and I do not look forward to the twenties and 66 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:32,080 Speaker 1: the thirties, and God forbid the teens. I live in 67 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:35,560 Speaker 1: Virginia Beach. Any word that has beach behind it should 68 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,360 Speaker 1: not have anything in the teens. I don't care what 69 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:41,920 Speaker 1: month it is of the year. So winter season is 70 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:46,680 Speaker 1: hard for me. I already have a plan for what 71 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,720 Speaker 1: uggs I'm gonna wear. I've got my cuddle duds. I've 72 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:53,200 Speaker 1: got my coat, my scarves, my hat, my gloves. Like 73 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,720 Speaker 1: y'all would think that I live in the dead of 74 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:59,120 Speaker 1: Chicago somewhere with how I dress in the wintertime in 75 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,720 Speaker 1: Virginia Beach. Because winter is hard. There are seasons in 76 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,840 Speaker 1: your marriage that are going to be hard, but you 77 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 1: don't throw the marriage out. You don't decide the whole 78 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:12,680 Speaker 1: thing is hard because there's a season. Now. You might 79 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 1: be in a prolonged season. Maybe you've been in a 80 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,200 Speaker 1: hard season for a couple of years, and it can 81 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,040 Speaker 1: be discouraging. I don't want to be little that it 82 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,239 Speaker 1: can be very discouraging when you're in a hard season 83 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:27,159 Speaker 1: for a long time. But it's still important to put 84 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:30,760 Speaker 1: it into the proper perspective that this is just a 85 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:37,680 Speaker 1: season and this too shall pass, all right, Friends, it's 86 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,560 Speaker 1: been about a month since my book Baby Tried and 87 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,520 Speaker 1: True has been birth into the world. And maybe you 88 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:46,920 Speaker 1: didn't know, but you can get a free companion devotional 89 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:50,840 Speaker 1: to Tried and True delivered to your inbox simply by 90 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:54,320 Speaker 1: going to Tried and True Marriage book dot com scroll 91 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,840 Speaker 1: down to the bottom, and I want to gift you 92 00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:00,800 Speaker 1: with a five day free devotional that is going to 93 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 1: help to bring out some of those points that you're 94 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:08,479 Speaker 1: reading in the book. Super short, super effective, very powerful. 95 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:11,400 Speaker 1: Go to Tried and True Marriage book dot com and 96 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:14,679 Speaker 1: get your free five day devotional. And if you haven't 97 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,359 Speaker 1: already gotten your copy of Tried and True, go ahead 98 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 1: and do that as well at Tried and True marriagebook 99 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:25,040 Speaker 1: dot Com. All right, back to our show. The truth 100 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:29,799 Speaker 1: is nothing that we have that is worth anything comes easy. 101 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,960 Speaker 1: You know, when we were kids, we believe that life 102 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,279 Speaker 1: should be butterflies and balloons and popsicles all day. And 103 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,400 Speaker 1: then you grow up and you're like, adulthood is the 104 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 1: worsthood I have ever been in. Right, Like, this is hard. 105 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:45,760 Speaker 1: Adulting is hard. Everything is hard. Do you have kids? 106 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,119 Speaker 1: Raising kids is hard? Going to work is hard, Showing 107 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:52,000 Speaker 1: up for work on time is hard. Eating right is hard. 108 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:56,000 Speaker 1: Paying bills is hard, saving money is hard. Life is hard. 109 00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,480 Speaker 1: So marriage is not going to just be this unicorn 110 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,240 Speaker 1: thing that's supposed to be easy, and it's supposed to 111 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,520 Speaker 1: just come natural to us. You see, we have been 112 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,839 Speaker 1: duped to believe that just because you love somebody, the 113 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:11,480 Speaker 1: relationship should be easy. True story, you guys. I was 114 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,880 Speaker 1: talking to one of my clients and he is in 115 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,640 Speaker 1: the throes of infidelity right now. He and his wife 116 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:19,080 Speaker 1: are trying to work through some things, but he literally 117 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:23,440 Speaker 1: is still in this adulterous relationship. And so I was 118 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,440 Speaker 1: having a conversation with him, and I said to him, 119 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 1: what about this relationship is so appealing to you? Why 120 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 1: can't you seem to let it go? And he said, 121 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:39,160 Speaker 1: it's just easy, Dana, And I said, really it's easy? Hmm. 122 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 1: You're sneaking around behind your wife's back. Is that easy? No, man, 123 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 1: that's hard. So you're spending extra money to keep this 124 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:52,680 Speaker 1: second relationship going. Is that easy? You're having to be 125 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,640 Speaker 1: really careful about all of your whereabouts? Is that easy? 126 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,800 Speaker 1: You see? It's not easy. But we've been duped to 127 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,680 Speaker 1: think that the new relationship is going to be easy. 128 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,440 Speaker 1: No new relationships aren't easy. It's just that you don't 129 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,880 Speaker 1: know enough about that person yet. There's not been enough 130 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:11,240 Speaker 1: friction in that relationship yet. That relationship has not stood 131 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 1: the test of time yet. And a real marriage that 132 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:21,160 Speaker 1: does have friction, that does have disagreements, where it has 133 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:24,720 Speaker 1: stood the test of time, those relationships are going to 134 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,960 Speaker 1: be more challenging because they're real. They're supposed to be 135 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:33,320 Speaker 1: the counterfeit closeness that you have in a new relationship, 136 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 1: that infatuation. It's not going to last. And this is 137 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,960 Speaker 1: why people go from one relationship to the next, to 138 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:44,120 Speaker 1: the next to the next, always chasing that feeling, that high, 139 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:48,920 Speaker 1: that ease, trying to recreate it in another person. So 140 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,760 Speaker 1: I want to share with you five reasons that I 141 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:56,360 Speaker 1: believe marriage is hard. And these are not reasons that 142 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 1: you need to jump ship. These are just reasons for 143 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:03,360 Speaker 1: you to realize that you're normal, You're okay. If your 144 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 1: marriage is hard, it's likely because of one or all 145 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:11,760 Speaker 1: of these five reasons. Number one, your marriage is hard 146 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:16,320 Speaker 1: because you're trying to change the wrong person. Ooh, yep, 147 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,640 Speaker 1: I went straight for the jugular. You're trying to change 148 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,760 Speaker 1: the wrong person. It's hard trying to change somebody else. 149 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:28,320 Speaker 1: It's darn near impossible. You can't change your spouse. As 150 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 1: much as you try, all the great information that you 151 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,880 Speaker 1: try to share with them, all of the ultimatums that 152 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,560 Speaker 1: you give to them, all of the reasons that you 153 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:39,840 Speaker 1: think it should make sense for them to change, you 154 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 1: cannot change your spouse. Your marriage is always going to 155 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,320 Speaker 1: be hard as long as you're trying to change the 156 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,160 Speaker 1: other person. You're trying to let them see this from 157 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,160 Speaker 1: your perspective. You got to see it my way, You're 158 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:55,040 Speaker 1: going to stay frustrated. Friend. If you want your marriage 159 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 1: to change, you have to change you. Oh yes, you. 160 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,120 Speaker 1: You have to look in the mirror and you have 161 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:05,800 Speaker 1: to say, what about me is causing problems in this marriage? 162 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: How am I contributing to the breakdown in the communication? 163 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,679 Speaker 1: How am I contributing to the demise of trust? How 164 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:17,320 Speaker 1: am I contributing to this pessimistic atmosphere in my marriage? 165 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,640 Speaker 1: If you want to change your marriage, you have to 166 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,079 Speaker 1: change you. Your marriage is hard because you're trying to 167 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:27,920 Speaker 1: change the wrong person. Number two, your marriage is hard 168 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:33,239 Speaker 1: because you're not fully committed. Oh my gosh, I'm committed. 169 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:37,240 Speaker 1: I'm committed. I've never cheated on my spouse. Maybe you haven't, 170 00:09:37,559 --> 00:09:39,800 Speaker 1: but there's one foot in and there's one foot out 171 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 1: in some area. You're not all in. You're still holding back. 172 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 1: Maybe you're like, I've been hurt before, so I'm not 173 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:50,280 Speaker 1: going to fully give of myself to this marriage. Where 174 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:53,320 Speaker 1: your marriage is going to be hard because marriage requires 175 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:57,040 Speaker 1: all of you, one hundred percent of you. You can't 176 00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:00,520 Speaker 1: hold back in any area. You've got to bring all 177 00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,200 Speaker 1: of you, the good, the bad, the ugly. You got 178 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,840 Speaker 1: to bring your full self into your marriage. And the 179 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:08,080 Speaker 1: reason that some of you are struggling is because you 180 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:12,360 Speaker 1: are not fully committed. You're not fully committed to the process. 181 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 1: When your marriage starts to have challenges, you stop because 182 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:19,920 Speaker 1: you're afraid of conflict. You got to go into the 183 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 1: conflict understanding that again, when you survive conflict, when you 184 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,240 Speaker 1: learn from conflict, it makes you stronger, it makes you better. 185 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:32,440 Speaker 1: So how committed are you really? I want you to 186 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:36,680 Speaker 1: think about that. How committed am I? Or do you 187 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,240 Speaker 1: think divorce every single time you and your spouse have 188 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:43,400 Speaker 1: a disagreement. Are you saving money and a secret account 189 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:46,959 Speaker 1: somewhere just in case? Do you have that person hanging 190 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,920 Speaker 1: around on the sidelines just in case this marriage doesn't 191 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:55,360 Speaker 1: work out. You got to be all in friend in 192 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,800 Speaker 1: order for this thing to work. Okay, So now that 193 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,000 Speaker 1: I have royally hurt your fee, I think it's time 194 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,600 Speaker 1: for a break. We're gonna take a quick break. Who 195 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,760 Speaker 1: you can take the time join the commercial break to 196 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,560 Speaker 1: go ahead and write a review on Apple Podcasts, and 197 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:12,120 Speaker 1: please give the podcast a five star rating that helps 198 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:15,840 Speaker 1: other couples to be able to find helpful marriage wisdom 199 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:19,679 Speaker 1: and advice and tools and resources just like you. All right, 200 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,840 Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break. Let's get some fresh air. 201 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:29,959 Speaker 1: We'll be right back. Okay, friends, I have a really 202 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,320 Speaker 1: fun contest that I want to share with you. We 203 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,160 Speaker 1: are doing a race to one hundred reviews contests for 204 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:38,319 Speaker 1: my brand new book, Tried and True Marriage Advice from 205 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:42,240 Speaker 1: twelve imperfect Biblical couples. This is only for a limited 206 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:45,440 Speaker 1: time until March twenty eighth, so depending on when you're 207 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,160 Speaker 1: listening to this episode, we might already be done with 208 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,360 Speaker 1: it now. And three easy steps here's what you need 209 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:54,840 Speaker 1: to do. Number one, get the book. Number two, write 210 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,600 Speaker 1: a review on Amazon, and number three send me a 211 00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:02,079 Speaker 1: screenshot of your review. To end at danashay dot com. 212 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:06,240 Speaker 1: That's I NFO at d A n A c che 213 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:10,080 Speaker 1: dot com. Simply go to Tried and True marriagebook dot 214 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 1: com and click the Amazon link there, or you can 215 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:16,120 Speaker 1: go directly to Amazon and enter Tried and True Marriage 216 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,840 Speaker 1: Book into the search. Now, you do not have to 217 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,280 Speaker 1: be all the way finished with the book. Your review 218 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 1: only needs to be a couple of sentences long. Please 219 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:27,400 Speaker 1: do not feel the need to write a full synopsis 220 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,240 Speaker 1: of the book. You don't even have to write a 221 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:32,120 Speaker 1: full paragraph. All I need you to write is what 222 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,640 Speaker 1: did you like about the book? What mattered to you 223 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:37,400 Speaker 1: in the book? What stood out to you? Okay, so 224 00:12:37,559 --> 00:12:41,360 Speaker 1: again number one, get the book. Number two, write a review. 225 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:45,679 Speaker 1: Number three send your screenshot of your review to info 226 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:49,600 Speaker 1: at danashay dot com. All right, now, everyone who enters 227 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:52,440 Speaker 1: into this contest, you're going to be entered into a 228 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 1: drawing to win a fun prize package including a signed 229 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 1: copy of Tried and True to whomever you choose, plus 230 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 1: two other bonus marriage resources for you, plus a personally 231 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:07,199 Speaker 1: recorded two minute video from me to your spouse or 232 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,880 Speaker 1: your partner anything you want me to tell them. This 233 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,080 Speaker 1: is gonna be so fun, all right, and all you 234 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:15,200 Speaker 1: need to do whin is simply go to Amazon dot com, 235 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:19,839 Speaker 1: write a fabulous review, send me a screenshot to info 236 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:24,240 Speaker 1: at Danasha dot com. That's I NFO at d A 237 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:28,360 Speaker 1: n Ach dot com, and that's it. You're entered into 238 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,560 Speaker 1: the contest. I'm so excited. We're gonna see who's gonna 239 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:34,120 Speaker 1: win this you all, I'm gonna be announcing the winner 240 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:38,000 Speaker 1: on March thirty first on the podcast episode, so be 241 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,400 Speaker 1: sure to tune into that one on March thirty first. 242 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:43,079 Speaker 1: That's in just two weeks. Thanks so much for your 243 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,680 Speaker 1: help and helping me to get to one hundred reviews 244 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:50,959 Speaker 1: for this fabulous book. Now back to our show. All right, 245 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,200 Speaker 1: my friends, we're back. So we're talking about five reasons 246 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,440 Speaker 1: why your marriage is hard. Number three, Your marriage is 247 00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,840 Speaker 1: hard because you have too many people in your ear. 248 00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:02,840 Speaker 1: You got to be so careful about the people that 249 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:06,840 Speaker 1: we allow to speak into our marriage. If your best 250 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:10,320 Speaker 1: friend is your main source of guidance and your best 251 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:13,840 Speaker 1: friend has been married three times, they're probably not the 252 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:17,120 Speaker 1: right person to be speaking to you about your marriage. 253 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,720 Speaker 1: Let them give you advice on stocks and bonds, Let 254 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 1: them give you advice on how many plants you should 255 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 1: plant in your flower bed, but probably don't let them 256 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:31,960 Speaker 1: give you advice on marriage. If you're reading books, or 257 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,560 Speaker 1: you're listening to other podcasts, or you're watching videos, and 258 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 1: every single time you finish that media, you feel disconnected 259 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 1: from your spouse. You feel like I need to get 260 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:43,080 Speaker 1: out of this marriage. They don't deserve me. I could 261 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 1: do better than this. That's probably not the type of 262 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,600 Speaker 1: advice that you need to be listening to. If you're 263 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,440 Speaker 1: listening to your single friends or you're listening to people 264 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:56,320 Speaker 1: with bad marriages, then you need to be careful because 265 00:14:56,360 --> 00:15:00,200 Speaker 1: sometimes you all we bring hardship on ourselves because of 266 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:04,320 Speaker 1: who we're exposing ourselves to. You have to be real 267 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:08,560 Speaker 1: qualified to speak into my marriage because I've been through 268 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,360 Speaker 1: some stuff. You understand what I'm trying to say, so 269 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:13,960 Speaker 1: you can't comment me and being married for two years 270 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 1: telling me what you think I should do. I've been 271 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,720 Speaker 1: married for twenty five years. And this doesn't mean that 272 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 1: your friends have to be married longer than you, but 273 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:25,040 Speaker 1: they need to be qualified to speak into your life. 274 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: So be careful about who you have speaking to you. 275 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:31,880 Speaker 1: We're gonna talk a little bit more about this when 276 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,000 Speaker 1: I talk about some of the media that we consume. 277 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,960 Speaker 1: Number four, your marriage is hard because you're trying to 278 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,560 Speaker 1: do this on your own strength. Listen. I don't know 279 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:43,880 Speaker 1: about you, but if I were not a Christian Sean 280 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,080 Speaker 1: and I would have been lights out a long time ago. 281 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:49,040 Speaker 1: There is no way Listen for those of y'all who 282 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 1: are not Christians, God bless you. I do not understand 283 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:56,240 Speaker 1: how you stay married in and of yourself, Like I cannot. 284 00:15:56,320 --> 00:16:00,120 Speaker 1: I can't even talk right now, like I cannot do 285 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:03,120 Speaker 1: this in my own strength. It is too dang on hard. 286 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,560 Speaker 1: If you're trying to do this on your own, you 287 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 1: don't have to. Jesus spoke some of the most beautiful 288 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:14,000 Speaker 1: words to us in Matthew eleven twenty eight through thirty. 289 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,520 Speaker 1: He says, come and learn from me. He says, my 290 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:20,920 Speaker 1: yoke is easy and my burden is light. What does that? 291 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:23,520 Speaker 1: What does that mean? That means that the way that 292 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:27,440 Speaker 1: he does things, it's not supposed to be burdensome to us. 293 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,560 Speaker 1: Sometimes we look at the Bible and we look at 294 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 1: the way that we're supposed to live as Christians, and 295 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:36,040 Speaker 1: it seems like so much. It's like God, this too much. Right, 296 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:40,680 Speaker 1: But when we understand that Jesus's yoke is truly easy. 297 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,360 Speaker 1: He's not putting more on us than what we can handle. 298 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 1: If your marriage is so burdensome and heavy, could it 299 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,000 Speaker 1: be that you're carrying the load on your own and 300 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:54,960 Speaker 1: you never intended to, so all you have to do 301 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,880 Speaker 1: This is an easy one to fix. Invite him in, 302 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,960 Speaker 1: Say God, I've been doing on my own. I've been 303 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:05,119 Speaker 1: trying to figure this thing out on my own, and 304 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,639 Speaker 1: I know that I don't have to do that. I 305 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,160 Speaker 1: can cast my cares on you. I can bring you 306 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:14,760 Speaker 1: into my situation. Please take this heavy burden and give 307 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:18,520 Speaker 1: me your yoke that is easy and light. That's a 308 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,239 Speaker 1: prayer that God will answer for you. And then our 309 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:24,879 Speaker 1: fifth and our final reason why your marriage is hard. Now, 310 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,400 Speaker 1: obviously there's many more reasons why your marriage might be hard, 311 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,240 Speaker 1: but these are the five big ones that I'm giving 312 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,520 Speaker 1: you today. Your fifth and final reason why your marriage 313 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:36,359 Speaker 1: is hard is because you are focusing on your problems. 314 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:41,399 Speaker 1: What you focus on gets bigger, what you focus on 315 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:46,080 Speaker 1: becomes stronger, it becomes magnified in your life. So if 316 00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:49,120 Speaker 1: you're always focusing on your problems and you're looking at 317 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:54,800 Speaker 1: how emotionally disconnected your husband is, how exhausting your wife is, 318 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:59,520 Speaker 1: how lazy your husband is, how nagging your wife is, 319 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 1: How much money your husband spends, How much money your 320 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:06,399 Speaker 1: wife spends. You're looking at the problems all the time. 321 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:12,120 Speaker 1: It's going to be hard. But what would happen if 322 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:16,200 Speaker 1: you started looking at the vision for your marriage, if 323 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:20,040 Speaker 1: you started looking at solutions for your problems, if you 324 00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:23,199 Speaker 1: started focusing on the person that you married instead of 325 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:27,960 Speaker 1: the problem that they're creating. What would happen if you 326 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:33,119 Speaker 1: simply changed your perspective. This does not mean that hard 327 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,199 Speaker 1: times are not going to come. Jesus said that, and 328 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:38,320 Speaker 1: this life you will have problems, you will have troubles. 329 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 1: But take heart, he said, for I have overcome the world. 330 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:46,560 Speaker 1: He's overcome every problem that you could ever experience. It 331 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,480 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you're not going to have again hard 332 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,479 Speaker 1: seasons or hard times. But your marriage does not have 333 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:54,399 Speaker 1: to be this death sentence of hard. And you're telling 334 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,760 Speaker 1: your friends, listen, don't get married, be careful, don't do it. 335 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:58,760 Speaker 1: I'm trying to tell you. I wish somebody would told me, 336 00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:01,160 Speaker 1: is hard, man, It's all hard, as hard as hard. 337 00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:05,560 Speaker 1: It's hard because you're focusing on the problems. So let's 338 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:08,680 Speaker 1: stop focusing so much on the problems. Let's start focusing 339 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:12,080 Speaker 1: on the person. Let's start focusing on solutions. Let's start 340 00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 1: focusing on a greater vision. This is why I believe 341 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,040 Speaker 1: every marriage needs to have a vision statement. I've talked 342 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:21,280 Speaker 1: about this on other shows. I'll link to an incredible 343 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:23,359 Speaker 1: podcast episode that you can listen to of mine that 344 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,960 Speaker 1: talks to you about why every marriage needs to have 345 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:29,439 Speaker 1: a vision. And when you begin living in vision and 346 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:33,280 Speaker 1: you begin living on mission, then some of these problems 347 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:37,359 Speaker 1: that you're experiencing they just pale, They just they go away. 348 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,520 Speaker 1: They're not even worthy to the mission and the vision 349 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,199 Speaker 1: that you're gonna start living under. You See, the truth is, 350 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:47,600 Speaker 1: if you are a Christian, you're supposed to die in 351 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:50,960 Speaker 1: your marriage. And I'm not talking about till death do 352 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,840 Speaker 1: us part, Like, yes, I understand that it's to death 353 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,760 Speaker 1: to us part. We're supposed to say together, yeah, But 354 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:57,800 Speaker 1: I'm talking about like, while you're alive, you're supposed to 355 00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,720 Speaker 1: be dead. What? Yeah? Do do you not know that 356 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,640 Speaker 1: the Christian life is all about dying to self, It's 357 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:07,640 Speaker 1: about dying to our agendas. It's about dying to our preferences. 358 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,959 Speaker 1: This is why we have to be careful who we marry, 359 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:15,080 Speaker 1: and why we marry and when we marry. I don't 360 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,280 Speaker 1: think twenty one year olds should be out here getting married. 361 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:19,480 Speaker 1: I was eighteen when I got married, the dumbest thing 362 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:23,439 Speaker 1: I ever did. Why I was not mature enough to 363 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:28,280 Speaker 1: understand what I was getting myself into a lifelong covenant 364 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,639 Speaker 1: with another human being. Now, I didn't say choose, and 365 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:33,480 Speaker 1: my husband was the dumbest thing I ever did. But 366 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,359 Speaker 1: eighteen years old, you don't know anything about anything, and 367 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 1: you really don't know much when you're twenty one. If 368 00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:39,840 Speaker 1: you're twenty one, I'm sorry if I've offended you, but 369 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,639 Speaker 1: I'm just being honest. Listen, we have got to be 370 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:47,919 Speaker 1: more discerning when we choose spouses, because this is the 371 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,160 Speaker 1: person that is going to shape you for the rest 372 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,520 Speaker 1: of your life, and this is the person that you're 373 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:55,200 Speaker 1: agreeing to die to for the rest of your life. 374 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:59,480 Speaker 1: I'm dying to myself. This does not mean that everything 375 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,320 Speaker 1: my spouse does is write their way is better because 376 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:05,200 Speaker 1: they're also supposed to be dying. So when they die 377 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,920 Speaker 1: to themselves and you die to yourself and you're focus 378 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,000 Speaker 1: on what is going to be the best thing, the 379 00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:13,640 Speaker 1: right thing, the godly thing. Those are the healthy marriages. 380 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:18,480 Speaker 1: I always know when I haven't quite died to myself 381 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:21,560 Speaker 1: when I hear songs from the past come into my mind. 382 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,320 Speaker 1: I was thinking about this earlier. Y'all. Remember that song? 383 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,600 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, I need to remember who sings that song. 384 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,640 Speaker 1: There's this old songs probably like from the nineteen eighties 385 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:34,280 Speaker 1: called I'm Not Your Superwoman. I wish I could sing 386 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,840 Speaker 1: that song on this podcast without copyright infringement. But it 387 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:41,040 Speaker 1: was by who is that song? Karen White? Oh my lord, listen. 388 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,520 Speaker 1: Every time Sean would get on my nerves, that song 389 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:46,720 Speaker 1: would come out sound not song in ten years and here, 390 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:49,919 Speaker 1: I'm not your superwoman. I'm not the kind of woman 391 00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:52,879 Speaker 1: that you can let down and think that everything's okay. Boy, 392 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,639 Speaker 1: I am only human, Like these lyrics just come to me. 393 00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 1: That's how I know I have not died to myself. 394 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:05,000 Speaker 1: My flesh is alive and well, and listen, God is 395 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,960 Speaker 1: going to continue to test you as long as you 396 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:11,560 Speaker 1: keep that flesh alive. But the moment that you say, Lord, 397 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,960 Speaker 1: I know that I've got to die to myself and 398 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:18,560 Speaker 1: my selfish desires and my selfish ways so that I 399 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,840 Speaker 1: can be the husband or wife that you have called 400 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,800 Speaker 1: me to be. My goodness, You're going to walk in 401 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:27,160 Speaker 1: such peace, You're going to walk in such wholeness. Now, 402 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:30,080 Speaker 1: earlier I mentioned to you that you've got to be 403 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:34,399 Speaker 1: careful about who is speaking into your ear and who 404 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:38,440 Speaker 1: is influencing you in your marriage. This is why having 405 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,960 Speaker 1: a good, solid Christian community around you is so important 406 00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:44,359 Speaker 1: and the reason that I say Christian community and not 407 00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:48,080 Speaker 1: just community. Yes, you need friends that are not Christian. 408 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,359 Speaker 1: I believe that, like your whole world shouldn't be this 409 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,639 Speaker 1: like Christian bubble, because we are in the world, not 410 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:55,480 Speaker 1: of the world, but in it. So we've got to 411 00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:57,600 Speaker 1: be able to have influence. And you won't be able 412 00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:59,960 Speaker 1: to have influence with people if you're not around people. 413 00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:04,800 Speaker 1: But I do believe that your inner circle, if I 414 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,080 Speaker 1: can put it that way, the people who have influence 415 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 1: into speaking and shaping you need to be Christian community. 416 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:15,720 Speaker 1: But with the Christian community, we also have some external 417 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:19,760 Speaker 1: factors that play a big part of how we perceive 418 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:22,720 Speaker 1: our marriages. So I'm going to give you three quick 419 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:26,160 Speaker 1: tips on how you can help to change your perspective 420 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:28,280 Speaker 1: in your marriage. The first thing I want to tell 421 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,440 Speaker 1: you is that you've got to guard your mind, guarding 422 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:37,919 Speaker 1: the influence or the input that you receive. Guard your mind. 423 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:42,919 Speaker 1: What you think about matters because your thoughts shape your behavior. 424 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,880 Speaker 1: So if you're thinking your spouse is a low down, 425 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,080 Speaker 1: dirty dog and you can't believe that, you marry them 426 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,160 Speaker 1: and you're so sick and tired of them, and they 427 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,800 Speaker 1: don't ever appreciate you, and they don't do this and 428 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:57,200 Speaker 1: they never do. If you keep rehearsing that stuff all day, 429 00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,360 Speaker 1: you are not going to be able to love your 430 00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:02,800 Speaker 1: spouse will. You are going to build resentment, you are 431 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,800 Speaker 1: going to build anger. You are going to eventually build 432 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:09,159 Speaker 1: contempt for your spouse, and contempt is the kiss of 433 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:14,520 Speaker 1: death in any marriage. So guard your mind. The second 434 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,720 Speaker 1: thing I'm gonna tell you is to guard your media. 435 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:21,199 Speaker 1: What are the inputs that you are allowing into your mind. 436 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:22,879 Speaker 1: This is why we have to be careful with the 437 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,879 Speaker 1: TV shows and the movies and things that we watch. 438 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:30,199 Speaker 1: I cannot watch certain TV shows because that makes me 439 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:35,840 Speaker 1: start to distrust my husband. I cannot watch certain TV 440 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,760 Speaker 1: shows because that might plant a seed of lust in me, 441 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:44,480 Speaker 1: I cannot listen to certain songs because I make alliances 442 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:49,200 Speaker 1: with my flesh when I'm listening to that music and listen. 443 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:51,879 Speaker 1: It's not my job to tell you, don't watch this, 444 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,080 Speaker 1: don't listen to this. The Holy Spirit needs to be 445 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:55,879 Speaker 1: able to do that for you, and he does, so 446 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,399 Speaker 1: you got to make sure you're listening to him. But 447 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:00,719 Speaker 1: we have to be careful. You're brain is not a 448 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:03,639 Speaker 1: garbage dump. I tell my kids this all the time, like, 449 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,320 Speaker 1: what in the world are you listening to? Do? Y'all? 450 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:08,399 Speaker 1: Hear the songs like I can't even have a You 451 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:11,159 Speaker 1: listen to the stuff that's out here now, but listen 452 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,760 Speaker 1: to what the world is trying to shape you to 453 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:17,440 Speaker 1: believe through the media that it is causing us to consume. 454 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,920 Speaker 1: Are these things that you're consuming helping you to love 455 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,720 Speaker 1: your spouse, helping you to see them as Christ sees them, 456 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,760 Speaker 1: helping you to be more patient and kind and empathetic 457 00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:31,280 Speaker 1: toward them. Or is it helping you to see your 458 00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:34,680 Speaker 1: spouse as getting in your way? Your spouse is a problem, 459 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:38,960 Speaker 1: your spouse is somehow against you, whatever it might be. 460 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:44,080 Speaker 1: Guard the media that you consume, social media being one 461 00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:46,560 Speaker 1: of the biggest. If I were to go on your 462 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,199 Speaker 1: for you page right now, I can tell you what 463 00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:53,440 Speaker 1: kind of media you're consuming. You need to be careful 464 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:57,840 Speaker 1: about what you allow in your life and in your mind. 465 00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:04,399 Speaker 1: Number three, guard your mouth. What you say is so critical. 466 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:07,600 Speaker 1: You have got to be careful, not just in the 467 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,800 Speaker 1: heat of an argument. We all know that, right, like, 468 00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,840 Speaker 1: don't be angry, don't flesh out, don't go crazy with 469 00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:16,480 Speaker 1: your words, but like, even what you say when you're 470 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:20,320 Speaker 1: not angry is very important. How you speak of yourself, 471 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,840 Speaker 1: how you speak of your marriage, how you speak of 472 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:27,600 Speaker 1: your spouse. All of these things are really critical. So 473 00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,480 Speaker 1: if you say things like, you know what, I'm such 474 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:33,760 Speaker 1: a screw up, well, my gosh, how is that helping 475 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,520 Speaker 1: you to have a healthy marriage. First of all, you're 476 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,160 Speaker 1: not a screw up. Do you screw up? I'm sure 477 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,840 Speaker 1: you do. I do, But you are not a screw 478 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:47,320 Speaker 1: up when you put anything after I am, y'all know, 479 00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:48,560 Speaker 1: For and those of you who have been listening to 480 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:49,840 Speaker 1: the podcast for a while, we used to do these 481 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,160 Speaker 1: affirmations I am this, I am that. We did that 482 00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,360 Speaker 1: so that you can start to get in the habit 483 00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 1: of building yourself up with who you really are, not 484 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,240 Speaker 1: who the world tells you that you are, or your 485 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 1: mistakes tell you that you are. So what you say 486 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,840 Speaker 1: matters what you say about your marriage. This is why 487 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:11,960 Speaker 1: we got to stop saying all the time marriage is hard. 488 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:14,600 Speaker 1: Marriage is hard, Marriage is hard. Get it, got it? Okay, 489 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,280 Speaker 1: life is hard. We don't go around saying that all 490 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,520 Speaker 1: the time, or maybe we do, but maybe we should 491 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:22,359 Speaker 1: stop saying life is hard, Like life is good. Life 492 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 1: is great. I'm glad to be alive. Can marriage be hard? Yes, 493 00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,600 Speaker 1: but marriage can also be great, and it can be fun, 494 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:30,280 Speaker 1: and it can be fulfilling, and it can be life 495 00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:34,199 Speaker 1: giving and it can serve the world. How about we 496 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,800 Speaker 1: start saying that. So guard your mind, guards your media, 497 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:41,679 Speaker 1: guard your mouth. As we close, I just want to 498 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:46,639 Speaker 1: say again I am not belittling the hard seasons that 499 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:50,480 Speaker 1: you go through in marriage. Marriage can sometimes be hard. 500 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:55,399 Speaker 1: Seasons of marriage can be very hard, but we have 501 00:27:55,480 --> 00:28:00,080 Speaker 1: to choose our hard self control is hard, but cleaning 502 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:04,440 Speaker 1: up after an angry outburst is also hard. Choose your heart. 503 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:08,960 Speaker 1: Patience is hard. Making decisions in haste is also hard. 504 00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:14,960 Speaker 1: Choose your heart. Loneliness is hard being in a relationship 505 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,560 Speaker 1: outside of God's will for the cure to loneliness is 506 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:23,520 Speaker 1: also hard. Choose your hard. Working on your marriage is hard. 507 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:28,120 Speaker 1: Ignoring and neglecting your marriage is hard. Choose your hard. 508 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:34,920 Speaker 1: Fighting for your marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose 509 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:40,160 Speaker 1: your hard. I pray that after today's episode, you do 510 00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:44,160 Speaker 1: not continue to say marriage is hard, but that you 511 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:48,800 Speaker 1: learn how to say marriage is heart work. And I've 512 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:52,760 Speaker 1: got heart, and I've got endurance and I've got strength, 513 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:55,960 Speaker 1: and i don't have to do this alone. And I'm 514 00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,840 Speaker 1: not going to continue to align my mouth my words 515 00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:01,560 Speaker 1: with what I see, but I'm gonna learn how to 516 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,200 Speaker 1: align my mouth and my words with what I choose 517 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:10,000 Speaker 1: to believe. This new perspective that I have on my marriage. 518 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,960 Speaker 1: And I'm telling you all, see, this is a thing. 519 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:15,520 Speaker 1: I can give you marriage advice. I can give you tips, 520 00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:18,680 Speaker 1: I can give you tools, But unless your brain makes 521 00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:22,560 Speaker 1: the switch, unless you change your perspective on how you 522 00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:25,120 Speaker 1: see your marriage, you're going to be in this endless 523 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:31,719 Speaker 1: cycle of problems and instability. So today I simply challenge you, 524 00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:37,160 Speaker 1: choose your heart and choose to see marriage as heart work. 525 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:41,760 Speaker 1: Your marriage deserves it. You got this. Thank you so 526 00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:44,240 Speaker 1: much for listening today. You can find the show notes 527 00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:47,080 Speaker 1: to this podcast in every podcast episode on my website 528 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:50,640 Speaker 1: at Danashay dot com Forward Slash Podcast. Click on the 529 00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:53,560 Speaker 1: show notes and episodes and you'll find every single episode 530 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:56,880 Speaker 1: that we've ever released right there for you. All the resources, 531 00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:59,240 Speaker 1: all the tools, and everything you need are right there 532 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:01,920 Speaker 1: and the show again. Thank you so much for listening. 533 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,240 Speaker 1: I'll see you on the next episode. Take care,