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Speaker 1: Life Audio.

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Speaker 2: Hi from the Salvation Army. You're listening to Words of

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Speaker 2: Life the Words of the Life.

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Speaker 3: Hey, welcome back to Words of Life. This is our

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Speaker 3: second week in our back to school series with our

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Speaker 3: panel of parents and teachers, and today we continue the

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Speaker 3: conversation by asking if academic success is something beyond just

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Speaker 3: good grades. Again, check out the show notes for links

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Speaker 3: to resources mentioned throughout the series, and follow us on

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Speaker 3: social media. You can find us at Words of Life

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Speaker 3: Podcast Beyond just Academic Success Being straight A's what does

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Speaker 3: success look like to you?

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Speaker 4: Guys?

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Speaker 5: I think every kid is different, you know, as far

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Speaker 5: as how they approach academics. And my kids couldn't be

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Speaker 5: more different. One of them struggled every single day to

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Speaker 5: get any kind of passing grade, and then the other

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Speaker 5: came more naturally for they both worked equally hard at

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Speaker 5: every grade they got. But I think the first thing

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Speaker 5: as parents is we have to set them up for success,

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Speaker 5: and so they have to care about their own academic

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Speaker 5: They have to care about it too, and so we

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Speaker 5: have to help them understand why the why of everything,

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Speaker 5: why it's important to pass, and then place a certain

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Speaker 5: amount of respectibility on them. Obviously age appropriate to do

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Speaker 5: at least their very best to get those grades and

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Speaker 5: just remind them that they can do this. And I

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Speaker 5: think it's really important too that we remind them that

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Speaker 5: they're not alone. Like they might be struggling in certain things.

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Speaker 5: They might think they're the only one, you know, or

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Speaker 5: maybe they're the only one in their family who can't

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Speaker 5: do math, you know, or the new math lord with

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Speaker 5: the new math, So I didn't learn the new math

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Speaker 5: I had. I had to learn the new math. But

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Speaker 5: I think they're not the only one who's struggling here,

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Speaker 5: and I think if they remember that that they're not alone.

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Speaker 5: But setting clear expectations, you know, like we want our

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Speaker 5: kids to go through the struggle to do the things

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Speaker 5: right because they're going to come out better on the

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Speaker 5: other side of that if they go through the struggle.

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Speaker 5: But they also need to take initiative to ask for help.

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Speaker 5: My son, who is an introvert, that was really hard

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Speaker 5: for him to admit when he was struggling and when

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Speaker 5: he needed help with something. So I think as parents,

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Speaker 5: like we also just need to stay involved and recognize

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Speaker 5: when you need to step in and get the help.

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Speaker 5: So sometimes a win is a c it's not an a,

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Speaker 5: you know, or just that they completed their project on

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Speaker 5: time and turned it in, you know, like that's a

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Speaker 5: big thing. That's a big deal. But I think academic

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Speaker 5: success for a kid is just growing in knowledge and

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Speaker 5: responsibility and working with the gifts that God has given them.

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Speaker 5: And each kid is unique and so it's going to

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Speaker 5: look different for everyone.

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Speaker 4: But I want to jump in just before I forget

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Speaker 4: my train of thought, because I agree with everything you

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Speaker 4: just said, Heather, and I think the sense of belonging, right,

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Speaker 4: and how important that is and how that impacts success, right, because.

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Speaker 1: What does that do?

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Speaker 4: Like a sense of belonging speaks to the sense of self,

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Speaker 4: speaks to one just hey, am I okay? Is my

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Speaker 4: nervous system okay in this space? Is my emotional being

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Speaker 4: okay in this place? Once those needs are tended to,

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Speaker 4: then that's when you can kind of work through those

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Speaker 4: sort of questions and you can engage in the classroom,

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Speaker 4: you can take on those things.

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Speaker 5: Right.

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Speaker 4: I have lots of clients they bring their kids to

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Speaker 4: me and say, wow, they did great, Like in second grade,

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Speaker 4: they really loved it. And then they started third grade,

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Speaker 4: and then all these things started to happen and when

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Speaker 4: we would kind of get to the bottom of it,

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Speaker 4: I'd ask, well, how's the relationship with their teacher, how

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Speaker 4: is their relationship with the other students. Well, there is

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Speaker 4: a little bit of bullying, or they're really scared of

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Speaker 4: their teacher because of their teacher in second grade was

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Speaker 4: really like warm and welcome, and this one has a

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Speaker 4: bit more of a different style. And so those are

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Speaker 4: questions that really speak to that, Oh, they probably just

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Speaker 4: don't feel as safe, and so when that part of

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Speaker 4: your emotional brain is shut down, it's really hard to

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Speaker 4: then for form academically. So I'm really glad that you

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Speaker 4: kind of touched on that.

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Speaker 3: Hey, you're listening to the Salvation Armies words of life.

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Speaker 3: We're going to take a quick, bad break and we'll

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Speaker 3: be right back.

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Speaker 6: I really have to emphasize with my students that you're

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Speaker 6: grade in the classroom isn't really what high school or

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Speaker 6: any level of school is about. It is about who

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Speaker 6: you're connected to, and that's your classmates and that's your teachers.

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Speaker 6: Because I don't remember what I got on my high

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Speaker 6: school you know, grades, but I do remember my high

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Speaker 6: school friends, I remember my middle school friends, I remember

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Speaker 6: middle school teachers. And things that they said to me

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Speaker 6: and the impact that they had. So I think that

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Speaker 6: if we want our kids to be academically successful, Dinasas

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Speaker 6: said it, well, we have to help them understand that emotionally,

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Speaker 6: they need to be engaged, which is going back to

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Speaker 6: one of the things that I mentioned in the first

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Speaker 6: episode was that there's a lack of engagement in our

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Speaker 6: classrooms right now, and some of that is because that

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Speaker 6: they are overstimulated in so many different ways through social

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Speaker 6: media technology. And so I think that if we really

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Speaker 6: want them to be academically successful, we need to help

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Speaker 6: them know as humans that you need to connect with

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Speaker 6: your teacher, you need to connect with the people sitting

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Speaker 6: next to you. And I see this on both ends

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Speaker 6: of the spectrum. I have students who are very academically

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Speaker 6: checked out, don't care whatsoever, and then I have students

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Speaker 6: who are very academically motivated and are going to try

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Speaker 6: and get every single point that they can possibly get,

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Speaker 6: but neither of them are actually engaged with the people

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Speaker 6: around them. It's a battle life fight every day to say,

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Speaker 6: what did your teammates say? My students sit in groups

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Speaker 6: every single day of the year, pretty much, and so

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Speaker 6: I said, what did your teammates say? What are you

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Speaker 6: learning from them? And they're like, well, I don't care,

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Speaker 6: it's what I wrote down. It's like, no, it's it's

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Speaker 6: not just about what you wrote down, right, And so

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Speaker 6: it really is a challenge in the classroom to create that.

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Speaker 6: But if our students are and our children are going

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Speaker 6: into it with the mentality of Okay, I'm safe to

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Speaker 6: contribute here. Who I am, my teacher values, who I am,

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Speaker 6: I'm actually curious about my teacher. Some of us have

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Speaker 6: high school students. Get to know your teachers. I know

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Speaker 6: that not all teachers are are that personable, but they

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Speaker 6: want to actually get to know you. I'm believe it

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Speaker 6: or not, I'm not a math teacher for the math.

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Speaker 6: The math I can I can do that, and the

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Speaker 6: math teacher because I enjoy knowing who my students are

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Speaker 6: and students from lots of different backgrounds. My first day

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Speaker 6: of school, I always have this conversation with my students, Hey,

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Speaker 6: if you don't get to know the people in this room,

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Speaker 6: then we're failings as a class. You have to connect

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Speaker 6: and that that gets back to belonging. You have If

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Speaker 6: you feel like you belong, well, guess what you're going

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Speaker 6: to actually work harder, you're going to actually be more successful.

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Speaker 6: But it takes effort. Unfortunately, it is a bit counter cultural.

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Speaker 4: Which is what Heather was saying. I think that starts

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Speaker 4: in the home. I think those are things, the engagement,

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Speaker 4: those discussions like care about your teacher, those are things

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Speaker 4: that as parents we have to instill in our kids.

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Speaker 4: So I'm glad you're kind of on that journey with

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Speaker 4: your family. Heather.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think what's pretty wild is more than any

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Speaker 3: other generation coming up. And there's so many things that

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Speaker 3: my daughter says, Oh, it's not like it when when

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Speaker 3: you're everything's the same as far as career trajectory goes.

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Speaker 3: As they enter the workforce in a lot of fields,

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Speaker 3: they're not competing against other humans. They're competing against AI

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Speaker 3: and so grades are important. But you know, my phone's

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Speaker 3: actually really good at math, and that's not necessarily what

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Speaker 3: someone's going to hire you for.

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Speaker 4: And so.

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Speaker 3: Ring to employer surveys conducted by the National Association of

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Speaker 3: Colleges and Employers NEC, the top qualities employers consistently value

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Speaker 3: include communication, teamwork, problem solving, reliability, and adaptability, often ahead

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Speaker 3: of a GPA, and so like if, but those grades

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Speaker 3: still have to open the door often. But what you're

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Speaker 3: really really learning while you're in school is conflict resolution,

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Speaker 3: is how to like just be a good person. It's

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Speaker 3: about getting them in the right order, because a lot

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Speaker 3: of times we say okay, grades, but then okay, you

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Speaker 3: get those grade grades and they open the door. But

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Speaker 3: then you get into the workforce and like you've said,

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Speaker 3: you don't know how to resolve conflict, You don't know

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Speaker 3: how to talk to people. So then were what was

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Speaker 3: the point in the grades? So if you can connect first,

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Speaker 3: so if you can belong, the grades will follow enough

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Speaker 3: to open the door that needs to open for you.

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Speaker 3: So it's about putting them in the correct order. We

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Speaker 3: pray that you're enjoying and being blessed by this conversation.

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Speaker 3: We're going to take one more ad break and we'll

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Speaker 3: be right back. How can parents support homework without doing

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Speaker 3: it for their kids?

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Speaker 1: Like, it's hard, I feel like to do that because

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Speaker 1: at least for me, because everything in me is just

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Speaker 1: like I could do this easier than you or faster

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Speaker 1: than you, and we'll be done with it and then

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Speaker 1: you can go do whatever else you want to do

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Speaker 1: for the night, but that, I mean doesn't help them learn,

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Speaker 1: and I don't think that really sets that good relationship

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Speaker 1: between me and my kid either. My kids teachers actually,

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Speaker 1: they have a word that they say for this over

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Speaker 1: and over again. They call it productive struggle, like they

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Speaker 1: want our kids to have a productive struggle, and that's

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Speaker 1: hard to watch them not know how to do things

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Speaker 1: and only kind of give them clues as they go,

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Speaker 1: like did you think about it this way? Or what

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Speaker 1: if you move the decimal over? Then what happened? You know,

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Speaker 1: I say math. I'm not a math person. So the

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Speaker 1: fact that I'm telling my kids to move ironic, But

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Speaker 1: I think it's it's being able to sit in that

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Speaker 1: productive struggle with them and say just simply ask those

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Speaker 1: guiding questions like what if you did this or what

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Speaker 1: if you thought about it a different way.

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Speaker 4: I remember when our kids were, you know, in fourth

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Speaker 4: fifth grade, the teachers would tell us, if your child

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Speaker 4: is not doing their homework on their own, they need

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Speaker 4: to be like, be available, be present in case they

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Speaker 4: need support. But at this point they should be the

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Speaker 4: ones doing that. And I just remember that stuck with

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Speaker 4: me because I just felt this pressure to be like,

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Speaker 4: you know, on top of it. Again, sometimes my help

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Speaker 4: actually interfered with some of the things that teachers would

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Speaker 4: want to do right and be like, well, that's you know,

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Speaker 4: and so the teachers like, don't we're gonna learn this

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Speaker 4: in class, but they're practicing it at home. So I

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Speaker 4: just remember, like be available to them. Set the parameters. Hey,

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Speaker 4: designate a time where homework is gonna happen. Right, those

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Speaker 4: are things where you can guide them in that, but

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Speaker 4: the actual work of it, like let them be in that.

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Speaker 4: I like that objective productive struggle. Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Do you think is there is there an age or

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Speaker 3: like when does this like kind of shift start to

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Speaker 3: happen where at some point when they're younger, it's no

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Speaker 3: homework has to be done before you do X, Y

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Speaker 3: and z, and as like you were saying, Melissa, like

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Speaker 3: you start to kind of like release this responsibility to them.

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Speaker 3: I mean again, I'm sure it's different for every kid,

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Speaker 3: but you know, for the most part, my daughter is

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Speaker 3: kind of like on our own, we'll ask about it,

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Speaker 3: but I see you're working, so yeah, you know, assuming

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Speaker 3: it's done and her grades continue to show that she's

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Speaker 3: probably doing it. But yeah, that's that's a tough balance.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. We always told our kids, we'll we trust you

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Speaker 5: that you're doing this X y Z whatever. It is,

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Speaker 5: not just in school but in life in general until

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Speaker 5: you give us a reason not too and then you know,

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Speaker 5: when that happens, then you know things might have to change. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 5: so yeah.

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Speaker 3: I had one funny anecdote that I thought of when

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Speaker 3: Melissa was talking. But I can remember when she was younger.

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Speaker 3: I'm trying not to say her name because I feel

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Speaker 3: like an ass to say his name, but first name

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Speaker 3: is probably Okay, when Jayley was younger and her project

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Speaker 3: for that day, because you know she was much younger,

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Speaker 3: she had to make a like a mailbox for Valentine's cards.

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Speaker 4: Project I know.

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Speaker 1: I help with them is when you're.

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Speaker 3: Having so much fun that I then turn around and

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Speaker 3: she's nowhere to be found. I'm having a blast, Like

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Speaker 3: look at this dinosaur Like she's like, Okay, that's cool.

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Speaker 2: I love.

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Speaker 6: Hey.

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Speaker 3: That's all the time we have for this episode, but

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Speaker 3: join us next week as we continue this conversation with

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Speaker 3: our guests.

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Speaker 2: The Salvation Army's mission doing the most good means helping

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Speaker 2: people with material and spiritual needs. You become a part

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Speaker 2: of this every time you give to the Salvation Army.

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Speaker 2: Visit Salvation Army USA dot org to offer your support.

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Speaker 2: You can subscribe to Words of Life on your favorite

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Speaker 2: podcast store or visit Salvation armyesoundcast dot org. Join us

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Speaker 2: next time for the Salvation Armies Words of Life.

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Speaker 3: These are the worst.

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Speaker 2: Life.

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Speaker 6: The words are the words out of life.

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Speaker 3: Thanks so much for listening to Words of Life. We

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Speaker 3: want to thank the team at Life Audio for their

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Speaker 3: partnership with us on the show. Visit lifeaudio dot com,

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Speaker 3: where you'll find dozens of other faith centered podcasts in

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Speaker 3: their network. They have shows about prayer, Bible studying, parenting,

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Speaker 3: and more. Thanks again for listening. We'll see you next time.