1 00:00:20,156 --> 00:00:23,236 Speaker 1: Hi, friend, I'm so glad you're here today. Let's learn 2 00:00:23,276 --> 00:00:26,876 Speaker 1: how to raise our kids to love God, respect authority, 3 00:00:27,196 --> 00:00:31,036 Speaker 1: and do what's right. Let's scroll less and live more. 4 00:00:31,356 --> 00:00:37,956 Speaker 1: I'm Arlene Pelicane, and this is the Happy Home I 5 00:00:38,116 --> 00:00:40,755 Speaker 1: was writing out in preparation for today. What are some 6 00:00:40,836 --> 00:00:44,316 Speaker 1: things that wouldn't happen if mom didn't show up? You know? 7 00:00:44,356 --> 00:00:46,275 Speaker 1: And these are just a few things that I came 8 00:00:46,396 --> 00:00:50,075 Speaker 1: up with. The toast is burnt, the dog goes hungry, 9 00:00:50,556 --> 00:00:54,155 Speaker 1: there's nothing clean to wear, Sissy is late for school. 10 00:00:54,676 --> 00:00:57,835 Speaker 1: Brother science project gets left in the laundry room. The 11 00:00:57,876 --> 00:01:01,836 Speaker 1: grapes go unwashed, The moldy orange in the bowl gets moldier. 12 00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:04,636 Speaker 1: There's no extra toilet paper in the bathroom when you 13 00:01:04,756 --> 00:01:08,396 Speaker 1: really need it. Boo Boo's go on kissed, and no one, 14 00:01:08,756 --> 00:01:12,636 Speaker 1: absolutely no one has any idea what's for dinner? Is 15 00:01:12,676 --> 00:01:16,236 Speaker 1: this not true? Mom's you guys hold it together, And 16 00:01:16,316 --> 00:01:20,075 Speaker 1: today we want to appreciate you. And whether you're sitting 17 00:01:20,116 --> 00:01:23,196 Speaker 1: next to your mom, whether you're missing your mom today's 18 00:01:23,235 --> 00:01:24,356 Speaker 1: maybe she is in heaven. 19 00:01:24,676 --> 00:01:25,796 Speaker 2: Whether you're maybe a little. 20 00:01:25,676 --> 00:01:27,996 Speaker 1: Angry at your mom because she said something to you 21 00:01:28,036 --> 00:01:31,315 Speaker 1: today this morning, wherever you're at. Today is our day 22 00:01:31,356 --> 00:01:34,276 Speaker 1: to honor moms and to say thank you. And I 23 00:01:34,356 --> 00:01:37,715 Speaker 1: love what writer Max Locato says about mothering. He says, 24 00:01:38,155 --> 00:01:42,236 Speaker 1: only a mom can spend a day wiping noses, laundering 25 00:01:42,316 --> 00:01:45,556 Speaker 1: enough socks for the Yankees, balancing a checkbook down to 26 00:01:45,676 --> 00:01:48,276 Speaker 1: one dollar and twenty seven cents and still mean it 27 00:01:48,556 --> 00:01:52,115 Speaker 1: when she says thank you God for my kids. Only 28 00:01:52,156 --> 00:01:55,356 Speaker 1: a mom can discern which teen is entering the door 29 00:01:55,676 --> 00:01:58,316 Speaker 1: just by the sound of the key in the lock. 30 00:01:59,196 --> 00:02:01,796 Speaker 1: And readers did just this month said no one is 31 00:02:01,836 --> 00:02:05,396 Speaker 1: as glued to any piece of reading material as a 32 00:02:05,476 --> 00:02:08,596 Speaker 1: parent counting down the songs in the program for a 33 00:02:08,636 --> 00:02:12,116 Speaker 1: school concert. Isn't it so true? You know my son Ethan, 34 00:02:12,196 --> 00:02:13,676 Speaker 1: this is a picture of him when he was about 35 00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:16,836 Speaker 1: eight years old. He was an old soul, and so 36 00:02:16,876 --> 00:02:19,556 Speaker 1: he said when he was eight years old, you're never 37 00:02:19,676 --> 00:02:24,476 Speaker 1: more alive than when you're almost dead. It's like, yuess, Ethan, 38 00:02:24,556 --> 00:02:27,555 Speaker 1: You're never more alive than when you're almost dead. 39 00:02:27,636 --> 00:02:28,395 Speaker 2: That's right. 40 00:02:28,796 --> 00:02:31,556 Speaker 1: When he was ten years old, he said the purpose 41 00:02:31,596 --> 00:02:35,996 Speaker 1: of money is to spend it on things that daddy likes. 42 00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:38,316 Speaker 1: That's right. That was a good lesson. He learned that 43 00:02:38,316 --> 00:02:40,636 Speaker 1: one well, and then my husband he would get like 44 00:02:40,636 --> 00:02:43,916 Speaker 1: the Wall Street Journal and like some news magazines and stuff. 45 00:02:44,115 --> 00:02:46,356 Speaker 1: So Ethan eleven years old, he'd come into the kitchen 46 00:02:46,436 --> 00:02:48,636 Speaker 1: for breakfast and he'd be like, Mom, have you seen 47 00:02:48,675 --> 00:02:51,956 Speaker 1: the economist? I'm just like, who is this? Who asked 48 00:02:51,956 --> 00:02:55,796 Speaker 1: these kinds of questions? And when he was fourteen, he said, 49 00:02:56,076 --> 00:03:01,356 Speaker 1: who invented sisters? God? If it was anyone else, I'd sue, 50 00:03:01,596 --> 00:03:04,196 Speaker 1: you know, as I said this two younger sisters. But 51 00:03:04,395 --> 00:03:10,316 Speaker 1: my favorite Ethanism was he would say instead of saying 52 00:03:10,436 --> 00:03:12,956 Speaker 1: I don't care. So if I said like, hey, do 53 00:03:12,996 --> 00:03:15,876 Speaker 1: you want to go out to Italian or Chinese? And 54 00:03:15,916 --> 00:03:18,396 Speaker 1: he didn't care, he'd be like, I don't care. But 55 00:03:18,395 --> 00:03:21,956 Speaker 1: instead of saying that, he'd say, I just want what 56 00:03:21,996 --> 00:03:25,835 Speaker 1: you want. I just want what you want. And I'm 57 00:03:25,876 --> 00:03:28,516 Speaker 1: just like, who comes up with these kinds of statements? 58 00:03:28,796 --> 00:03:31,276 Speaker 1: I just want what you want? So the next time 59 00:03:31,596 --> 00:03:33,836 Speaker 1: you really want to say to your spouse, I don't care, 60 00:03:34,356 --> 00:03:37,356 Speaker 1: instead just say it, I just want what you want, 61 00:03:37,796 --> 00:03:39,756 Speaker 1: And all of a sudden you'll score all these points 62 00:03:39,756 --> 00:03:41,716 Speaker 1: with your spouse and you'll be saying the same thing. 63 00:03:41,876 --> 00:03:44,356 Speaker 1: So that's that's my free tip for you as a family, 64 00:03:44,676 --> 00:03:47,996 Speaker 1: I just want what you want, and you know what, 65 00:03:48,076 --> 00:03:49,556 Speaker 1: that's what we want for our kids. We want to 66 00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:51,796 Speaker 1: say to God, Lord, I just want what you want 67 00:03:51,916 --> 00:03:55,436 Speaker 1: for these kids. And today we're specifically going to talk 68 00:03:55,476 --> 00:04:00,196 Speaker 1: about launching adults. How can we raise our kids with 69 00:04:00,316 --> 00:04:04,595 Speaker 1: confidence so that we can launch them out successfully as adults. 70 00:04:04,636 --> 00:04:06,876 Speaker 1: And you know what you don't my heart and my 71 00:04:06,916 --> 00:04:08,396 Speaker 1: prayer is you don't have to be a parent in 72 00:04:08,396 --> 00:04:10,716 Speaker 1: the room to get something out of this, because you 73 00:04:10,756 --> 00:04:14,196 Speaker 1: are either going to be helping someone launch an adult 74 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,516 Speaker 1: or sometimes we ourselves we have to kind of stop 75 00:04:17,516 --> 00:04:19,636 Speaker 1: babing ourselves and be like, oh, I got a lunch 76 00:04:19,716 --> 00:04:23,156 Speaker 1: out myself, Like I need some maturation myself. So this 77 00:04:23,236 --> 00:04:25,956 Speaker 1: is a message for parents, and it's a message for 78 00:04:26,236 --> 00:04:29,716 Speaker 1: all of us because we are struggling, many of us 79 00:04:29,796 --> 00:04:35,876 Speaker 1: are struggling with growing up, getting mature. Consider this sign 80 00:04:36,036 --> 00:04:39,476 Speaker 1: that was posted at an all boys school, and this 81 00:04:39,596 --> 00:04:42,836 Speaker 1: sign elicited like over four thousand comments on social media. 82 00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:45,436 Speaker 1: It really struck a nerve. And here's what the sign said. 83 00:04:45,876 --> 00:04:50,676 Speaker 1: Stop if you're dropping off your son's forgotten lunch books, 84 00:04:51,156 --> 00:04:55,595 Speaker 1: homework equipment, etc. Please turn around and exit the building. 85 00:04:56,076 --> 00:04:59,755 Speaker 1: Your son will learn to problem solve in your absence. 86 00:05:01,036 --> 00:05:03,436 Speaker 1: Do you think that they were having a problem in 87 00:05:03,476 --> 00:05:07,396 Speaker 1: that office that made them make that sign? Right, They're like, Okay, 88 00:05:07,436 --> 00:05:09,396 Speaker 1: we're dealing with so many parents. 89 00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:11,195 Speaker 2: Let's just make a sign. 90 00:05:12,195 --> 00:05:14,956 Speaker 1: And you know what we are in the business, especially moms, 91 00:05:14,956 --> 00:05:18,036 Speaker 1: we're really good at kind of doing you know, more 92 00:05:18,036 --> 00:05:19,916 Speaker 1: and more and more or for our children than we 93 00:05:19,956 --> 00:05:22,515 Speaker 1: really need to be. So I remember when Ethan was 94 00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,996 Speaker 1: going to middle school and he got the school issued 95 00:05:25,036 --> 00:05:27,636 Speaker 1: iPad and he's supposed to go to school with the iPad. 96 00:05:27,956 --> 00:05:29,955 Speaker 1: He would ride his bike to school. He did not 97 00:05:30,076 --> 00:05:33,116 Speaker 1: have a phone, and so he left one morning and 98 00:05:33,156 --> 00:05:35,635 Speaker 1: I'm just, you know, walking around the house and I see. 99 00:05:35,476 --> 00:05:39,316 Speaker 2: The iPad on the kitchen table, right, and. 100 00:05:39,195 --> 00:05:42,356 Speaker 1: What do I think? Oh, my goodness, does he need this? 101 00:05:42,916 --> 00:05:44,996 Speaker 1: Does he have a test today? Is he going to 102 00:05:45,036 --> 00:05:46,916 Speaker 1: be in trouble? Is he going to not be able 103 00:05:46,956 --> 00:05:49,556 Speaker 1: to take notes? Like what's gonna happen to him? Should 104 00:05:49,596 --> 00:05:52,036 Speaker 1: I go to school? Like what should I do? Like 105 00:05:52,076 --> 00:05:53,836 Speaker 1: I can't text him to say do you really need 106 00:05:53,836 --> 00:05:54,635 Speaker 1: your iPad today? 107 00:05:54,676 --> 00:05:58,515 Speaker 2: What should I do? And I'm thinking about the sign right, 108 00:05:59,156 --> 00:06:01,916 Speaker 2: thinking what should I do? 109 00:06:02,476 --> 00:06:05,596 Speaker 1: Because moms, we are so good and coming to the rescue. 110 00:06:05,716 --> 00:06:07,556 Speaker 1: You know, when the kids would be biking to school, 111 00:06:07,676 --> 00:06:10,396 Speaker 1: if it was just like a little bit gray and 112 00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:12,516 Speaker 1: like the tiniest bit of mist. 113 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:15,036 Speaker 2: I'd be like, oh, it might rain. 114 00:06:15,276 --> 00:06:18,155 Speaker 1: I'll drive you guys. You know, but my husband James 115 00:06:18,156 --> 00:06:20,275 Speaker 1: would be like, oh, just put on a rain jacket. 116 00:06:20,315 --> 00:06:22,556 Speaker 1: You're gonna be fine. Like it's this little San Diego. 117 00:06:23,396 --> 00:06:26,276 Speaker 1: I remember, I cut their fingernails, right, I trimp all 118 00:06:26,356 --> 00:06:29,676 Speaker 1: their fingernails till they're like twenty, you're still trimming. They're 119 00:06:29,716 --> 00:06:32,476 Speaker 1: not kidding, but then you realize, like, okay, you probably 120 00:06:32,516 --> 00:06:35,315 Speaker 1: are big. You should do this yourself. We're doing dishes 121 00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:38,075 Speaker 1: and they'll be like, really, my kids. I cook the 122 00:06:38,116 --> 00:06:40,755 Speaker 1: dinner usually and the kids do the dishes and so, 123 00:06:40,876 --> 00:06:43,156 Speaker 1: but there's a dish that's really dirty. What will I say, 124 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,635 Speaker 1: is a mom, Oh, I'll just just let that soap, guys, 125 00:06:45,676 --> 00:06:49,036 Speaker 1: I'll take care of that later. Because moms, we like 126 00:06:49,156 --> 00:06:52,876 Speaker 1: to make the way easy. We like to help our kids, 127 00:06:53,236 --> 00:06:55,396 Speaker 1: and sometimes it's great, but. 128 00:06:55,556 --> 00:06:56,996 Speaker 2: Sometimes it's too much. 129 00:06:57,556 --> 00:06:59,676 Speaker 1: So moms, I know a lot of times you're just 130 00:06:59,716 --> 00:07:02,236 Speaker 1: like I have so much to do. So as my 131 00:07:02,356 --> 00:07:05,476 Speaker 1: Mother's Day gift to you, My first point is my 132 00:07:05,596 --> 00:07:08,716 Speaker 1: gift that you are going to have now less to 133 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:18,476 Speaker 1: do because launching adults requires less rescuing, less rescuing all 134 00:07:18,556 --> 00:07:20,956 Speaker 1: the things we think we have to do for our kids. 135 00:07:21,716 --> 00:07:25,116 Speaker 1: Maybe we would be better off and they would be 136 00:07:25,156 --> 00:07:28,356 Speaker 1: better off if we just let them alone and just 137 00:07:28,476 --> 00:07:32,516 Speaker 1: let them reap the consequences of whatever they did or 138 00:07:32,596 --> 00:07:36,836 Speaker 1: did not do, so less rescuing. You're familiar with the 139 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:40,516 Speaker 1: term helicopter parent, right, is sep mom that dad that's 140 00:07:40,556 --> 00:07:43,636 Speaker 1: hovering so close, that knows everything that's kind of in 141 00:07:43,716 --> 00:07:47,236 Speaker 1: the business of the child. Well, this term was developed 142 00:07:47,236 --> 00:07:50,436 Speaker 1: in nineteen ninety by Foster Klein and Jim Fay, these 143 00:07:50,556 --> 00:07:54,716 Speaker 1: child researchers, and what they meant by helicopter parent was 144 00:07:54,716 --> 00:07:58,396 Speaker 1: they were referring to any parent who hovered over their 145 00:07:58,476 --> 00:08:01,756 Speaker 1: child in such a way that runs counter to the 146 00:08:01,836 --> 00:08:06,396 Speaker 1: parent's responsibility to raise a child to independence. So my 147 00:08:06,516 --> 00:08:09,596 Speaker 1: responsibility is to raise a child who can pack their 148 00:08:09,636 --> 00:08:11,876 Speaker 1: own lunch, who can do their own laundry, who can 149 00:08:11,956 --> 00:08:14,916 Speaker 1: do their homework without being asked, who can go to 150 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:17,916 Speaker 1: sleep on time and wake up by themselves without me 151 00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:20,356 Speaker 1: waking them. All those things. That's my job to raise 152 00:08:20,396 --> 00:08:23,996 Speaker 1: them to independence. But sometimes the helicopter parent, what do 153 00:08:24,076 --> 00:08:26,796 Speaker 1: we do? We do all that stuff for them, so 154 00:08:26,916 --> 00:08:29,676 Speaker 1: they never learn how to do these things. So the 155 00:08:29,916 --> 00:08:32,676 Speaker 1: helicopter parent, it's nothing that we set out to do, 156 00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:35,516 Speaker 1: but as we think about it, we think, okay, wait 157 00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:39,156 Speaker 1: a minute, it's good to be involved in your kid's life, 158 00:08:39,356 --> 00:08:43,836 Speaker 1: but it's not good to be over involved in our kids' life. 159 00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:47,036 Speaker 1: So they did this lab test with parents and kids, 160 00:08:47,876 --> 00:08:51,436 Speaker 1: and the task was how many puzzles could the child 161 00:08:51,596 --> 00:08:56,076 Speaker 1: complete in ten minutes. Now, the parents were not forbidden 162 00:08:56,116 --> 00:08:59,196 Speaker 1: to help, but they were also not encouraged to help. 163 00:08:59,636 --> 00:09:03,196 Speaker 1: And what they found in this ten minute experiment was 164 00:09:03,196 --> 00:09:06,196 Speaker 1: that the children who exhibited a lot of social anxiety, 165 00:09:06,196 --> 00:09:09,596 Speaker 1: who were coming because they were socially anxious, that their 166 00:09:09,796 --> 00:09:13,876 Speaker 1: parents touched the puzzles a whole lot more than the 167 00:09:13,916 --> 00:09:17,996 Speaker 1: other parents. There were these helicopter parents right that were like, okay, kid, 168 00:09:18,356 --> 00:09:21,196 Speaker 1: we only got ten minutes. Let's see what we can do. 169 00:09:21,316 --> 00:09:24,636 Speaker 1: We gotta crush it. Okay, this piece goes with this piece, 170 00:09:24,636 --> 00:09:26,076 Speaker 1: and what does this piece and what does it? So 171 00:09:26,116 --> 00:09:29,756 Speaker 1: they're super involved, the helicopter parents, and then these kids 172 00:09:29,796 --> 00:09:32,676 Speaker 1: were more socially anxious because you can imagine if you 173 00:09:32,756 --> 00:09:36,916 Speaker 1: grow up with this parent hovering over you, you're always thinking. 174 00:09:36,916 --> 00:09:37,836 Speaker 2: Am I doing it right? 175 00:09:38,516 --> 00:09:40,756 Speaker 1: Is this the way to do it? Is it right? 176 00:09:40,996 --> 00:09:44,556 Speaker 1: Versus the parent that just was like, Okay, let's see 177 00:09:44,596 --> 00:09:46,636 Speaker 1: how many puzzles you can do. We got ten minutes, 178 00:09:47,436 --> 00:09:50,076 Speaker 1: and just let your kid do it. And then if 179 00:09:50,116 --> 00:09:52,236 Speaker 1: your kid asked you a question, where does this corner 180 00:09:52,236 --> 00:09:54,916 Speaker 1: piece go? You can help your kid. But see the 181 00:09:55,076 --> 00:09:58,236 Speaker 1: difference in just something like that. So put yourself in 182 00:09:58,276 --> 00:10:02,756 Speaker 1: the situation. What kind of parent are you? What kind 183 00:10:02,796 --> 00:10:05,476 Speaker 1: of parent do you want to be? And you know 184 00:10:05,516 --> 00:10:08,036 Speaker 1: this doesn't just apply to children little children, applies to 185 00:10:08,116 --> 00:10:11,076 Speaker 1: big children too. You know many of you are adult 186 00:10:11,156 --> 00:10:15,196 Speaker 1: children and you feel the wind of your mother or 187 00:10:15,196 --> 00:10:21,076 Speaker 1: your father helicoptering over your life. Okay, So for the parent, 188 00:10:21,836 --> 00:10:24,876 Speaker 1: it's a call to, like, you know what, give your child, 189 00:10:25,036 --> 00:10:28,836 Speaker 1: adult child more space. Jim Byrne says it this way, 190 00:10:28,876 --> 00:10:31,476 Speaker 1: and I love this statement. I think it's very insightful 191 00:10:32,236 --> 00:10:39,676 Speaker 1: to adult children. Unsolicited advice sounds like criticism. The key 192 00:10:39,796 --> 00:10:45,076 Speaker 1: is for the moms to not give unsolicited advice to 193 00:10:45,156 --> 00:10:49,636 Speaker 1: the adult children, to wait, to wait till that advice 194 00:10:49,756 --> 00:10:54,556 Speaker 1: is sought after. But then for adult children, you need 195 00:10:54,596 --> 00:10:58,156 Speaker 1: to realize you have such a wealth of information of 196 00:10:58,236 --> 00:11:01,276 Speaker 1: love in your mother and your aunts and uncles, in 197 00:11:01,316 --> 00:11:04,116 Speaker 1: your father and your grandparents. And instead of looking to 198 00:11:04,156 --> 00:11:09,436 Speaker 1: social media for your answers, ask your own family, the 199 00:11:09,556 --> 00:11:13,036 Speaker 1: people a generation ahead of you for help and believe 200 00:11:13,116 --> 00:11:15,476 Speaker 1: be those that advice is going to be a lot 201 00:11:15,516 --> 00:11:20,436 Speaker 1: more sound. And so for parents, give your children some 202 00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:25,916 Speaker 1: more space your adult kids. But for adult kids, invite 203 00:11:26,476 --> 00:11:28,596 Speaker 1: your parent to give you advice. 204 00:11:28,716 --> 00:11:31,076 Speaker 2: They actually know things, they really do. 205 00:11:31,236 --> 00:11:35,996 Speaker 1: They actually know things. And so as we go into 206 00:11:36,116 --> 00:11:39,476 Speaker 1: launching adults, we at the Pelicane household, we are in 207 00:11:39,516 --> 00:11:42,436 Speaker 1: a practicum period. One thing that I don't want for 208 00:11:42,556 --> 00:11:46,276 Speaker 1: Ethan as he launches out is to be part of 209 00:11:46,356 --> 00:11:49,356 Speaker 1: like the snowflake, like, oh, we're like, we don't know 210 00:11:49,396 --> 00:11:52,316 Speaker 1: what to do. Culture in college. This is what Julie 211 00:11:52,356 --> 00:11:55,956 Speaker 1: lithcott Heims writes in her book How to Raise an Adult. 212 00:11:56,236 --> 00:11:58,756 Speaker 1: And she was the dean of Freshmen at Stanford, so 213 00:11:58,796 --> 00:12:01,516 Speaker 1: she was seeing a lot of kids transitioning into college. 214 00:12:01,876 --> 00:12:04,916 Speaker 1: And here's what she said, My colleagues and I at 215 00:12:04,996 --> 00:12:08,476 Speaker 1: Stanford beget to notice a new phenomenon. Parents on the 216 00:12:08,476 --> 00:12:12,796 Speaker 1: college campus virtually and literally each subsequent year would bring 217 00:12:12,836 --> 00:12:15,956 Speaker 1: an increase in the number of parents who did things 218 00:12:16,076 --> 00:12:20,276 Speaker 1: like seek opportunities, make decisions, and problem solve for their 219 00:12:20,276 --> 00:12:23,876 Speaker 1: sons and daughters, things that college age students used to 220 00:12:23,916 --> 00:12:26,956 Speaker 1: be able to do for themselves. This was not only 221 00:12:26,956 --> 00:12:29,476 Speaker 1: happening at Stanford, mind you, it was happening at four 222 00:12:29,556 --> 00:12:35,036 Speaker 1: year colleges and universities all around the country. So Mama's 223 00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:38,996 Speaker 1: we got to step back. When kids are in college, 224 00:12:39,076 --> 00:12:42,236 Speaker 1: it's their job to pick their classes and to figure 225 00:12:42,276 --> 00:12:44,356 Speaker 1: out their meal plan and to work it out with 226 00:12:44,396 --> 00:12:47,516 Speaker 1: their roommate, and to figure out transportation to church and 227 00:12:47,796 --> 00:12:51,276 Speaker 1: figure all this stuff out because it's their practicum of 228 00:12:51,356 --> 00:12:53,676 Speaker 1: like how do I become an adult? And if we 229 00:12:53,716 --> 00:12:59,356 Speaker 1: as parents are constantly rescuing, constantly doing, constantly intervening, that's 230 00:12:59,436 --> 00:13:01,716 Speaker 1: not going to help them to grow to maturity. That's 231 00:13:01,756 --> 00:13:04,796 Speaker 1: not going to help them launch out. So how can 232 00:13:04,836 --> 00:13:07,596 Speaker 1: we follow a biblical model? What does the Bible show 233 00:13:07,676 --> 00:13:11,356 Speaker 1: us of how do we launch a child into an adult? 234 00:13:11,756 --> 00:13:15,756 Speaker 1: And there's this beautiful verse about Samuel. Now, Samuel is 235 00:13:15,756 --> 00:13:18,356 Speaker 1: such a great boy to look at for Mother's Day 236 00:13:18,396 --> 00:13:23,116 Speaker 1: because his mother, Hannah, she struggled with infertility. She wanted 237 00:13:23,116 --> 00:13:25,156 Speaker 1: a baby so bad. She told the Lord, if you 238 00:13:25,196 --> 00:13:26,956 Speaker 1: give me a baby, i'll give him to you for 239 00:13:27,076 --> 00:13:30,596 Speaker 1: your service. He did give her a baby. She did 240 00:13:30,636 --> 00:13:33,236 Speaker 1: give him for service. And she'd dropped Samuel off at 241 00:13:33,236 --> 00:13:35,916 Speaker 1: the priesthood and she said goodbye, and she didn't have 242 00:13:35,956 --> 00:13:38,036 Speaker 1: any other children, and she was just happy to give 243 00:13:38,076 --> 00:13:42,396 Speaker 1: Samuel to the Lord. And first Samuel two twenty six 244 00:13:42,436 --> 00:13:47,236 Speaker 1: says this and the boy, Samuel continue to grow in 245 00:13:47,356 --> 00:13:51,916 Speaker 1: stature and in favor with the Lord and with people. 246 00:13:52,436 --> 00:13:55,916 Speaker 1: So insert your daughter's name, insert your son's name, would 247 00:13:55,956 --> 00:13:59,836 Speaker 1: it be nice to say? And Melissa continue to grow 248 00:14:00,116 --> 00:14:04,076 Speaker 1: in stature and in favor with the Lord and with people. Right, 249 00:14:04,116 --> 00:14:05,916 Speaker 1: that's what you want for them. And so when you 250 00:14:05,956 --> 00:14:09,556 Speaker 1: see your child work through different things, don't take all 251 00:14:09,596 --> 00:14:13,436 Speaker 1: the struggle away. Let them struggle. Let them work it out. 252 00:14:13,596 --> 00:14:17,676 Speaker 1: And notice they're gaining favor with God and with people, 253 00:14:19,076 --> 00:14:22,356 Speaker 1: gaining favor on social media. They're not getting favor in 254 00:14:22,476 --> 00:14:26,836 Speaker 1: video games. They're not gaining favor with Netflix and Disney 255 00:14:26,836 --> 00:14:29,716 Speaker 1: because they're their best subscribers. Okay, this is not where 256 00:14:29,716 --> 00:14:32,636 Speaker 1: they're gaining favor. And for our kids to grow, we 257 00:14:32,756 --> 00:14:36,276 Speaker 1: have to give them experiences with God and with people 258 00:14:36,396 --> 00:14:42,556 Speaker 1: so they can grow. Jesus has these very similar words 259 00:14:42,636 --> 00:14:45,596 Speaker 1: used about him and his growing up that we find 260 00:14:45,956 --> 00:14:50,116 Speaker 1: so with first Samuel being echoed in Luke two forty 261 00:14:50,436 --> 00:14:55,396 Speaker 1: and the child being Jesus grew and became strong, filled 262 00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:59,356 Speaker 1: with wisdom, and the favor of God was upon him. 263 00:14:59,956 --> 00:15:01,236 Speaker 1: You think, well, of course the favor of God. He 264 00:15:01,316 --> 00:15:02,996 Speaker 1: was the son of God. Of course the favor of 265 00:15:02,996 --> 00:15:05,436 Speaker 1: God was upon him. Can you imagine the pressure of 266 00:15:05,476 --> 00:15:08,796 Speaker 1: being married, like talk about overparenting, like thinking like what 267 00:15:08,836 --> 00:15:11,996 Speaker 1: would God want me to do? He's literally like his dad, like, 268 00:15:12,076 --> 00:15:13,556 Speaker 1: I hope I'm doing it the way he would want 269 00:15:13,636 --> 00:15:16,956 Speaker 1: to do. And yet here's Mary and she apparently was 270 00:15:16,996 --> 00:15:19,996 Speaker 1: able to let go because he is growing up in 271 00:15:20,116 --> 00:15:23,196 Speaker 1: maturity and in favor. And so we find in the 272 00:15:23,236 --> 00:15:28,156 Speaker 1: Bible this equation for maturity. And it's not just for children, 273 00:15:28,356 --> 00:15:31,276 Speaker 1: it's for us as adults as well. But it starts 274 00:15:31,676 --> 00:15:35,236 Speaker 1: in our childhood, and we find it in Romans chapter five, 275 00:15:35,316 --> 00:15:40,756 Speaker 1: verses three through five. We also glory in our sufferings 276 00:15:41,516 --> 00:15:51,916 Speaker 1: because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character and character, hope. 277 00:15:52,356 --> 00:15:53,956 Speaker 2: And if there's something that's lacking in. 278 00:15:53,916 --> 00:16:01,316 Speaker 1: The world right now. It's hope that there are a 279 00:16:01,316 --> 00:16:05,116 Speaker 1: lot of areas in the world that are hopeless. Whether 280 00:16:05,196 --> 00:16:10,676 Speaker 1: it's war, whether it's famine, whether it's wokeness, whether it's schools, 281 00:16:10,676 --> 00:16:13,556 Speaker 1: whatever it is. We are in a place suicide, all 282 00:16:13,596 --> 00:16:17,436 Speaker 1: these places where it is hopeless. And if we look 283 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:20,516 Speaker 1: at the scripture, it gives us a clue of why 284 00:16:20,676 --> 00:16:25,156 Speaker 1: we are in a in this hope of famine. And 285 00:16:25,236 --> 00:16:28,676 Speaker 1: take a look at this, this this stair stepping. First 286 00:16:28,676 --> 00:16:33,156 Speaker 1: they're suffering so and then comes the perseverance from getting 287 00:16:33,156 --> 00:16:36,036 Speaker 1: through that suffering. Out of that there is character that 288 00:16:36,156 --> 00:16:39,476 Speaker 1: is built, and out of that you experience hope because 289 00:16:39,516 --> 00:16:42,436 Speaker 1: you realize when the suffering comes, I can make it. 290 00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:45,836 Speaker 1: God will help me. So if your kid says, I 291 00:16:45,876 --> 00:16:48,156 Speaker 1: don't want to go to school today. I'm super depressed. 292 00:16:48,156 --> 00:16:50,036 Speaker 1: I don't want to go to school today. It's awful, 293 00:16:50,236 --> 00:16:53,676 Speaker 1: blah blah blah, Like let me stay home, and you say, okay, 294 00:16:53,716 --> 00:16:55,436 Speaker 1: you can stay home now. If you do that once, 295 00:16:55,676 --> 00:16:57,716 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be all mad at you. That's great, 296 00:16:57,756 --> 00:16:59,316 Speaker 1: that's fine. You know your kid best, but you know 297 00:16:59,356 --> 00:17:00,636 Speaker 1: you won'er know what I'm saying. You do that a 298 00:17:00,676 --> 00:17:03,116 Speaker 1: little bit more. That's a little bit much. So let's 299 00:17:03,116 --> 00:17:05,356 Speaker 1: say you're like, no, buddy, sorry, you have to go 300 00:17:05,396 --> 00:17:07,515 Speaker 1: to school. You just it's what we do, and you 301 00:17:07,715 --> 00:17:09,995 Speaker 1: just got to go to school. So what does that do? 302 00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:13,116 Speaker 1: That's suffering? Right, they're suffering in math class. They're suffering. 303 00:17:13,436 --> 00:17:16,596 Speaker 1: But what does it build perseverance that they've got to 304 00:17:16,715 --> 00:17:19,636 Speaker 1: show up there? They learn okay, to show up to 305 00:17:19,715 --> 00:17:23,835 Speaker 1: places even though I don't want to. That's called self control. 306 00:17:24,235 --> 00:17:28,316 Speaker 1: That is a key character trait. They're learning patients with 307 00:17:28,396 --> 00:17:31,636 Speaker 1: maybe the annoying person that's at their table. They're learning 308 00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:34,876 Speaker 1: patients with their teachers. So they're learning things and then 309 00:17:34,916 --> 00:17:37,756 Speaker 1: it gives them hope like I can do this again. 310 00:17:38,156 --> 00:17:40,715 Speaker 1: This wasn't that hard. I can do it again. And 311 00:17:40,796 --> 00:17:44,396 Speaker 1: so when we protect our kids from suffering, thinking like, oh, 312 00:17:44,475 --> 00:17:46,876 Speaker 1: let me shield them from all suffering, from all pain, 313 00:17:46,995 --> 00:17:49,556 Speaker 1: let me rescue them, let me bubble wrap them, then 314 00:17:49,755 --> 00:17:55,475 Speaker 1: it's you lose this equation because without that suffering, they 315 00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:58,196 Speaker 1: had no chance to persevere. They had no chance to 316 00:17:58,235 --> 00:18:01,515 Speaker 1: develop that character. And when it's time to be hopeful 317 00:18:01,715 --> 00:18:04,316 Speaker 1: or hopeless, it's real easy to say I'm hopeless. 318 00:18:04,356 --> 00:18:05,236 Speaker 2: I don't know what to do. 319 00:18:05,796 --> 00:18:09,515 Speaker 1: I fall really fast because I've never had to try 320 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:13,755 Speaker 1: it anything. You know what Ethan was in kindergarten. A 321 00:18:13,796 --> 00:18:16,835 Speaker 1: lot of times kids get hurt on bikes out in 322 00:18:16,876 --> 00:18:19,676 Speaker 1: the real world, but our child got hurt on a 323 00:18:19,676 --> 00:18:22,075 Speaker 1: bike in our own living room. So we have a 324 00:18:22,116 --> 00:18:24,555 Speaker 1: spin bike. Okay, So we've got the spin bike at 325 00:18:24,556 --> 00:18:27,595 Speaker 1: home and Ethan in kindergarten. He's riding it. He's riding, 326 00:18:27,676 --> 00:18:30,515 Speaker 1: he's riding, he's having fun. Well, he got it spinning 327 00:18:30,556 --> 00:18:33,835 Speaker 1: really fast, and then he took his legs out, and 328 00:18:33,836 --> 00:18:36,396 Speaker 1: then he put his legs back in. And when he 329 00:18:36,436 --> 00:18:38,595 Speaker 1: took his put his leg back in, the pedal hit 330 00:18:38,676 --> 00:18:42,756 Speaker 1: him right there. Boom right, So, my goodness, can you imagine. 331 00:18:42,796 --> 00:18:45,356 Speaker 1: So he broke his leg right in our living room. 332 00:18:45,396 --> 00:18:48,075 Speaker 1: So here's a picture of him with his cast. So 333 00:18:48,235 --> 00:18:51,836 Speaker 1: he is in kindergarten. He has this cast for six weeks, 334 00:18:52,076 --> 00:18:54,876 Speaker 1: is the last six weeks of school. So we feel 335 00:18:54,916 --> 00:18:58,396 Speaker 1: so sorry for him. Want want want, suffering right kindergarten, 336 00:18:58,436 --> 00:19:02,316 Speaker 1: who can't play, who can't run, who can't jump? Suffering 337 00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:06,916 Speaker 1: mom Me having to go to school every day to 338 00:19:06,995 --> 00:19:09,636 Speaker 1: help him go to the bathroom because he needed assistance 339 00:19:09,676 --> 00:19:11,556 Speaker 1: to go to the bathroom, and then the teacher could 340 00:19:11,596 --> 00:19:15,116 Speaker 1: not do that. So suffering for mom every day going 341 00:19:15,156 --> 00:19:17,955 Speaker 1: to school taking Ethan to the bathroom. But do you 342 00:19:18,196 --> 00:19:22,476 Speaker 1: know in that perseverance of having to do that and 343 00:19:22,515 --> 00:19:25,916 Speaker 1: the character that was not only built in Ethan, but 344 00:19:25,995 --> 00:19:28,515 Speaker 1: what I saw in his classmates, it was like the 345 00:19:28,596 --> 00:19:30,275 Speaker 1: cutest thing I ever saw. So we'd go in the 346 00:19:30,316 --> 00:19:34,396 Speaker 1: classroom and if Ethan likes stood up to like have 347 00:19:34,556 --> 00:19:35,955 Speaker 1: to get something or anything. 348 00:19:36,116 --> 00:19:38,315 Speaker 2: If he stood up, then immediately. 349 00:19:37,755 --> 00:19:40,356 Speaker 1: Two or three other kindergarteners they stand up with him and. 350 00:19:40,275 --> 00:19:42,475 Speaker 2: They walk with him, like do you need something? Do 351 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:43,276 Speaker 2: you need something? 352 00:19:43,636 --> 00:19:45,756 Speaker 1: If he likes stood up and he was gonna go 353 00:19:45,796 --> 00:19:48,716 Speaker 1: to sit down, like all these kids would come around him, 354 00:19:48,715 --> 00:19:50,116 Speaker 1: all of them, and they'd want to put the seat 355 00:19:50,235 --> 00:19:53,156 Speaker 1: underneath him. When it was time for recess, There's this 356 00:19:53,156 --> 00:19:55,676 Speaker 1: one little kid that would always beat all the other 357 00:19:55,796 --> 00:19:59,715 Speaker 1: kids and throw the door open so Ethan could go outside. 358 00:20:00,156 --> 00:20:03,315 Speaker 1: When it was time to race, like everyone would be 359 00:20:03,396 --> 00:20:06,075 Speaker 1: running around and of course Ethan couldn't race. There's this 360 00:20:06,156 --> 00:20:09,596 Speaker 1: little blonde girl and she would race with Ethan. So 361 00:20:09,636 --> 00:20:12,436 Speaker 1: Ethan would race like this, and she would totally be 362 00:20:12,556 --> 00:20:14,755 Speaker 1: like this and like racing with him, and it was 363 00:20:14,876 --> 00:20:18,116 Speaker 1: like the cutest thing I saw. It was so darling, 364 00:20:18,156 --> 00:20:21,396 Speaker 1: and I thought, look at the character qualities that this 365 00:20:21,876 --> 00:20:25,835 Speaker 1: suffering brought out in Ethan and then the other kids 366 00:20:25,876 --> 00:20:28,676 Speaker 1: to look after him. It was just it blew my mind. 367 00:20:29,235 --> 00:20:33,076 Speaker 1: And so kids, when given the chance to blossom through 368 00:20:33,076 --> 00:20:36,916 Speaker 1: adversity and help other kids, they'll do it. And it's awesome. 369 00:20:36,995 --> 00:20:39,755 Speaker 1: And so that produced so much hope, like you're gonna 370 00:20:39,755 --> 00:20:42,115 Speaker 1: make it, buddy. So the day came for him to 371 00:20:42,156 --> 00:20:43,916 Speaker 1: get that cast off, and you'll see it in this 372 00:20:43,995 --> 00:20:46,156 Speaker 1: next phote, and look, his little leg is so tiny, 373 00:20:46,556 --> 00:20:49,076 Speaker 1: so is a little little tiny tie like Bambie, rightly, 374 00:20:49,156 --> 00:20:52,075 Speaker 1: little bamb like. And then and then it started all 375 00:20:52,116 --> 00:20:54,475 Speaker 1: over again because you think, yay, the cast is off. 376 00:20:54,755 --> 00:20:57,076 Speaker 1: And then of course it had atrophied not being used 377 00:20:57,076 --> 00:20:59,876 Speaker 1: for six weeks, and so he couldn't even walk on it. 378 00:20:59,955 --> 00:21:02,235 Speaker 1: He couldn't do anything. And so now it was time 379 00:21:02,275 --> 00:21:05,676 Speaker 1: for what physical therapy and it was painful and it 380 00:21:05,715 --> 00:21:09,476 Speaker 1: was exercise and it was hard. But I really we 381 00:21:09,596 --> 00:21:13,436 Speaker 1: saw it that in kindergarten, because he suffered in this 382 00:21:13,515 --> 00:21:16,636 Speaker 1: way and had to persevere, I think it's what led 383 00:21:16,715 --> 00:21:19,116 Speaker 1: to him being like how I was telling when you 384 00:21:19,676 --> 00:21:23,156 Speaker 1: like kind of the strange kid that understood things very fast, 385 00:21:23,755 --> 00:21:28,316 Speaker 1: that suffering helped him to mature quickly. And so when 386 00:21:28,356 --> 00:21:31,076 Speaker 1: we look at our kids and the suffering that they 387 00:21:31,116 --> 00:21:33,916 Speaker 1: may face, for us to realize, you know what, maybe 388 00:21:33,916 --> 00:21:37,235 Speaker 1: that's why the Bible says to glory in your suffering, 389 00:21:37,676 --> 00:21:39,676 Speaker 1: because there's something good that can come out of it. 390 00:21:40,076 --> 00:21:43,036 Speaker 1: Dan Kindlin, he's a child psychologist, a lecturer at Harvard, 391 00:21:43,396 --> 00:21:46,155 Speaker 1: says this about physical pain. It's like the way our 392 00:21:46,196 --> 00:21:50,315 Speaker 1: bodies immune system develops. You have to be exposed to 393 00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:52,876 Speaker 1: pathogens or your body won't know how to respond to 394 00:21:52,916 --> 00:21:57,795 Speaker 1: an attack. Kids also need exposure to discomfort, failure, and struggle. 395 00:21:58,156 --> 00:22:00,196 Speaker 1: I know parents who call up the school to complain 396 00:22:00,235 --> 00:22:02,035 Speaker 1: if their kid doesn't get to be in the play 397 00:22:02,116 --> 00:22:04,515 Speaker 1: or make the cut for the baseball team. I know 398 00:22:04,596 --> 00:22:06,636 Speaker 1: of one kid who said he didn't like another kid 399 00:22:06,676 --> 00:22:08,996 Speaker 1: in the carpool, so instead of having their child learn 400 00:22:09,076 --> 00:22:11,596 Speaker 1: to tolerate the other kid, they offered to drive him 401 00:22:11,596 --> 00:22:14,636 Speaker 1: to school themselves. By the time they're teenagers, they have 402 00:22:14,796 --> 00:22:18,876 Speaker 1: no experience with hardship. Civilization is about adapting to left 403 00:22:19,156 --> 00:22:23,275 Speaker 1: than perfect situations. Yet parents often have this instantaneous reaction 404 00:22:23,356 --> 00:22:27,955 Speaker 1: to unpleasantness, which is I can fix this, and so mom's, dads, 405 00:22:28,076 --> 00:22:31,156 Speaker 1: let's not do that. Let's not rush to fix you. 406 00:22:31,196 --> 00:22:33,516 Speaker 1: Go back to Ethan's iPad. Remember I never really told 407 00:22:33,596 --> 00:22:35,595 Speaker 1: you what I did with it, So I looked at 408 00:22:35,596 --> 00:22:37,475 Speaker 1: that thing all day and I just thought, like, you 409 00:22:37,475 --> 00:22:39,516 Speaker 1: know what, let's just let him live with the consequences. 410 00:22:39,515 --> 00:22:42,156 Speaker 1: I'm thinking about that sign, Mike. Let's just let him 411 00:22:42,396 --> 00:22:47,276 Speaker 1: live with the consequences. He comes home and I'm just like, Ethan, 412 00:22:47,836 --> 00:22:48,596 Speaker 1: what happened? 413 00:22:48,755 --> 00:22:49,916 Speaker 2: Did you make it? Did you make it? 414 00:22:49,916 --> 00:22:51,835 Speaker 1: I'm just like dying, you know, like did you make it? 415 00:22:51,876 --> 00:22:53,676 Speaker 1: And he's looking at me, like, what's wrong with you? Mom? 416 00:22:53,995 --> 00:22:55,836 Speaker 1: He looked at me and he goes, oh, the iPad. 417 00:22:56,436 --> 00:22:58,715 Speaker 1: He's like, I figured it out. Mom, It's really not 418 00:22:58,715 --> 00:23:01,676 Speaker 1: a big deal. It's like, okay, well, I've been worried 419 00:23:01,676 --> 00:23:04,156 Speaker 1: about it for the last six hours. So a lot 420 00:23:04,156 --> 00:23:06,396 Speaker 1: of times we as parents, we are worried about all 421 00:23:06,396 --> 00:23:10,436 Speaker 1: these things that it's okay, like it will get worked out, 422 00:23:10,955 --> 00:23:14,836 Speaker 1: and so for us to rescue less so launching adults 423 00:23:15,275 --> 00:23:17,875 Speaker 1: means it's okay to have suffering, and we need to 424 00:23:17,916 --> 00:23:21,235 Speaker 1: rescue our kids less and guess what that does. It 425 00:23:21,275 --> 00:23:25,036 Speaker 1: allows them to see God more, let God rescue them. 426 00:23:25,116 --> 00:23:27,196 Speaker 1: That we don't have to be the rescuers. God could 427 00:23:27,196 --> 00:23:29,755 Speaker 1: be the rescuers. And maybe it's us that we're like, Lord, 428 00:23:29,796 --> 00:23:32,676 Speaker 1: if you could please rescue me from this bad job, 429 00:23:33,035 --> 00:23:37,116 Speaker 1: from this relationship, from this annoying person, from this problem, 430 00:23:37,235 --> 00:23:39,835 Speaker 1: from this physical ailment. If you could rescue me, that 431 00:23:39,876 --> 00:23:42,795 Speaker 1: would be really great. But maybe it's you know what, 432 00:23:43,436 --> 00:23:45,796 Speaker 1: child of mine, I'm going to have you sit there 433 00:23:45,796 --> 00:23:48,676 Speaker 1: a little bit longer so you can learn that suffering 434 00:23:49,196 --> 00:23:52,676 Speaker 1: and that perseverance and that character and find hope. So 435 00:23:52,836 --> 00:23:55,996 Speaker 1: be patient. And by being patient, it helps us to mature. 436 00:23:56,715 --> 00:24:00,995 Speaker 1: So we're gonna rescue less. And then the next thing 437 00:24:01,035 --> 00:24:03,676 Speaker 1: I want us to consider is, you know, when your 438 00:24:03,755 --> 00:24:07,395 Speaker 1: child launches out of your house, how would you know 439 00:24:08,035 --> 00:24:10,436 Speaker 1: that you that you did it? Like? What would make 440 00:24:10,515 --> 00:24:13,075 Speaker 1: you think like this was a success, I did it? Like? 441 00:24:13,116 --> 00:24:18,236 Speaker 1: What are your highest goals as a parent for your children? Well? 442 00:24:18,235 --> 00:24:21,396 Speaker 1: I went to the DCI Family conference recently in Orlando, Florida, 443 00:24:21,475 --> 00:24:23,395 Speaker 1: and one of the speakers talked about that they had 444 00:24:23,436 --> 00:24:27,436 Speaker 1: done these surveys and that most parents want these three 445 00:24:27,436 --> 00:24:32,755 Speaker 1: things for their children. They want success, they want happiness, 446 00:24:32,755 --> 00:24:35,555 Speaker 1: for their child to be happy, and they want morality, 447 00:24:35,636 --> 00:24:38,315 Speaker 1: for their child to be a moral person. And I 448 00:24:38,316 --> 00:24:41,235 Speaker 1: think most of us parents, grandparents, we look at that, Lissa, Yeah, 449 00:24:41,275 --> 00:24:43,075 Speaker 1: I want my kid to be successful, I want my 450 00:24:43,156 --> 00:24:46,676 Speaker 1: kid to be happy, I want my kid to be moral. Yeah. 451 00:24:46,715 --> 00:24:50,235 Speaker 1: But then the speaker challenged and said, does this seem 452 00:24:50,275 --> 00:24:53,235 Speaker 1: like a different list if you're a Christian or if 453 00:24:53,235 --> 00:24:55,196 Speaker 1: you're not a Christian, if you're a follower of Christ 454 00:24:55,316 --> 00:24:56,796 Speaker 1: or not a follow of Christ. I mean, I think 455 00:24:56,836 --> 00:25:00,676 Speaker 1: most parents want this. They want success, they want happiness, 456 00:25:00,715 --> 00:25:04,755 Speaker 1: they want morality. And what he proposed is something I 457 00:25:04,796 --> 00:25:07,835 Speaker 1: want to propose to us today. Is that really that 458 00:25:08,196 --> 00:25:14,755 Speaker 1: higher goal is launching adults who love God. It's not 459 00:25:14,876 --> 00:25:17,715 Speaker 1: about success. It's not that they're happy, it's not that 460 00:25:17,755 --> 00:25:22,036 Speaker 1: they're moral, all those things. But maybe they're not successful, 461 00:25:22,116 --> 00:25:25,196 Speaker 1: maybe they're persecuted because they're a Christian and they're believing 462 00:25:25,235 --> 00:25:27,596 Speaker 1: in what they believe in. That would be good, right. 463 00:25:28,356 --> 00:25:31,595 Speaker 1: So for us to readjust and say, you know what, 464 00:25:31,715 --> 00:25:34,676 Speaker 1: this is not the lens. It's not like what my child, 465 00:25:34,755 --> 00:25:36,835 Speaker 1: you know, what college is my child going to get into? 466 00:25:37,035 --> 00:25:39,916 Speaker 1: What sport are they going to play. How popular are 467 00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:42,275 Speaker 1: they going to be? Are they are they happy? That? 468 00:25:42,396 --> 00:25:45,835 Speaker 1: These are not necessarily the big questions. The bigger question 469 00:25:45,955 --> 00:25:48,835 Speaker 1: is does my child love God? Am I raising my 470 00:25:48,955 --> 00:25:52,836 Speaker 1: child to know God? To love God? Is the great commission? 471 00:25:53,116 --> 00:25:57,315 Speaker 1: Is that something that drives my life, drives my parenting. 472 00:25:57,676 --> 00:25:59,756 Speaker 1: You'll think of it, Jesus, he's going to leave the earth, 473 00:25:59,796 --> 00:26:02,275 Speaker 1: He's going to give his disciples. Here's your big to do, 474 00:26:02,916 --> 00:26:05,836 Speaker 1: here's your priority, and think of it in the lens 475 00:26:05,876 --> 00:26:10,636 Speaker 1: of parenting. Matthew twenty eight nineteen. Go therefore, and make 476 00:26:10,715 --> 00:26:13,995 Speaker 1: disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of 477 00:26:14,035 --> 00:26:16,676 Speaker 1: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, teaching them 478 00:26:17,076 --> 00:26:19,876 Speaker 1: to observe all that I've commanded you, and behold, I 479 00:26:19,916 --> 00:26:23,275 Speaker 1: am with you always, even to the end of the age. 480 00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:27,636 Speaker 1: So as we're parenting, am I trying to make small disciples? 481 00:26:27,796 --> 00:26:30,876 Speaker 1: Is that my goal? To raise tiny disciples who know Christ? 482 00:26:31,196 --> 00:26:33,595 Speaker 1: Am I raising them so that when they come of age, 483 00:26:33,636 --> 00:26:35,956 Speaker 1: they'll want to be baptized and we'll see them get 484 00:26:35,995 --> 00:26:39,275 Speaker 1: water baptized. Am I raising them to love the nations, 485 00:26:39,356 --> 00:26:42,355 Speaker 1: to care about people in other countries, and to help them. 486 00:26:42,556 --> 00:26:45,196 Speaker 1: Are these the questions that are informing how do we 487 00:26:45,235 --> 00:26:48,235 Speaker 1: spend a Saturday, how do we spend money? Do we 488 00:26:48,396 --> 00:26:51,916 Speaker 1: go to church every Sunday? All those different things, That's 489 00:26:51,955 --> 00:26:55,235 Speaker 1: what should inform us launching an adult, not who only 490 00:26:55,275 --> 00:26:58,235 Speaker 1: loves people, or loves their job, or loves the planet, 491 00:26:58,556 --> 00:27:03,396 Speaker 1: or loves kittens, or loves but really, most importantly, raising 492 00:27:03,475 --> 00:27:07,035 Speaker 1: a child, launching an adult who loves God. That this 493 00:27:07,076 --> 00:27:10,315 Speaker 1: would be our primary passion. And maybe we've got to 494 00:27:10,356 --> 00:27:13,395 Speaker 1: do some tinkering to put that back into the right place. 495 00:27:14,076 --> 00:27:16,795 Speaker 1: How do we do it? What does it look like? First, 496 00:27:16,836 --> 00:27:20,316 Speaker 1: Samuel back to Samuel, gives us a clue. Two twenty one. 497 00:27:20,916 --> 00:27:24,275 Speaker 1: The Lord's gracious to Hannah. Remember Hannah dropping off Samuel. 498 00:27:24,676 --> 00:27:27,475 Speaker 1: She gives birth to three sons and two daughters, So 499 00:27:27,515 --> 00:27:30,196 Speaker 1: she gives up Samuel to the Lord. The Lord gives 500 00:27:30,235 --> 00:27:33,676 Speaker 1: her back five. That's God's math. God is really cool 501 00:27:33,715 --> 00:27:37,275 Speaker 1: at math. So she has now five kids. Meanwhile, the 502 00:27:37,396 --> 00:27:40,995 Speaker 1: boy Samuel grew up in the presence of the Lord. 503 00:27:41,715 --> 00:27:45,436 Speaker 1: How did Samuel grow up in the presence of the Lord? Well, 504 00:27:45,475 --> 00:27:47,955 Speaker 1: we know the Bible tells us, in the Lord's presence 505 00:27:47,955 --> 00:27:50,916 Speaker 1: there is fullness of joy. We know there would be 506 00:27:51,035 --> 00:27:54,036 Speaker 1: peace in the presence of the Lord. There would be 507 00:27:54,116 --> 00:27:57,196 Speaker 1: maybe singing, the preaching of the word, because how are 508 00:27:57,196 --> 00:27:59,356 Speaker 1: we gonna have faith by hearing the word of God? 509 00:27:59,396 --> 00:28:01,636 Speaker 1: So these are things that we can ask. Are these 510 00:28:01,636 --> 00:28:04,755 Speaker 1: things found in my home? Is there joy in my home? 511 00:28:04,796 --> 00:28:07,715 Speaker 1: And how can I get more of that? Because you 512 00:28:07,796 --> 00:28:10,436 Speaker 1: and I know that a lot of kids, instead of 513 00:28:10,475 --> 00:28:13,196 Speaker 1: being raised in an atmosphere of the presence of the 514 00:28:13,235 --> 00:28:16,756 Speaker 1: Lord in the Bible that is shown as Jerusalem, Jerusalem 515 00:28:16,836 --> 00:28:19,275 Speaker 1: is always shown as the city of God where the 516 00:28:19,275 --> 00:28:22,436 Speaker 1: presence of God dwells. It's the Holy City Jerusalem. And 517 00:28:22,475 --> 00:28:25,035 Speaker 1: then the other side, don't dund on, it's like the 518 00:28:25,076 --> 00:28:28,315 Speaker 1: Empire's Babylon. That's the city of the world. That's the 519 00:28:28,356 --> 00:28:32,196 Speaker 1: city of the devil, that's the city of demons, it's Babylon. Well, 520 00:28:32,275 --> 00:28:36,755 Speaker 1: today many kids they're not being raised in a godly culture. 521 00:28:37,035 --> 00:28:40,916 Speaker 1: They're being raised in what researchers have called digital Babylon, 522 00:28:41,396 --> 00:28:45,996 Speaker 1: in a digital world that's very un Christian. You just 523 00:28:45,996 --> 00:28:48,516 Speaker 1: have to go on any social media platform or YouTube 524 00:28:48,596 --> 00:28:52,356 Speaker 1: video for two seconds to realize it is an Unchristian world. 525 00:28:52,636 --> 00:28:54,676 Speaker 1: So you have to ask ourselves, Okay, if my highest 526 00:28:54,676 --> 00:28:58,556 Speaker 1: priority is launching a kid who loves God? How are 527 00:28:58,556 --> 00:29:01,236 Speaker 1: they spending their time? What are they in the presence? 528 00:29:01,356 --> 00:29:06,075 Speaker 1: In most your screen time can be used for God. Absolutely, 529 00:29:06,356 --> 00:29:09,075 Speaker 1: But is that how most kids are using it? 530 00:29:09,196 --> 00:29:09,476 Speaker 2: No. 531 00:29:09,836 --> 00:29:13,196 Speaker 1: Here's what mere Christianity. C. S. Lewis says about progress 532 00:29:13,276 --> 00:29:15,996 Speaker 1: that I think is so spot on. You know, decades 533 00:29:16,036 --> 00:29:21,316 Speaker 1: ago we all want progress. But progress means getting nearer 534 00:29:21,356 --> 00:29:23,875 Speaker 1: to the place where you want to be. And if 535 00:29:23,916 --> 00:29:26,476 Speaker 1: you have taken a wrong turning, then to go forward 536 00:29:26,596 --> 00:29:28,996 Speaker 1: does not get you any nearer. If you are on 537 00:29:29,076 --> 00:29:32,796 Speaker 1: the wrong road, progress means doing an about turn and 538 00:29:32,836 --> 00:29:35,396 Speaker 1: walking back to the right road. And in that case, 539 00:29:35,476 --> 00:29:38,796 Speaker 1: the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man. 540 00:29:39,676 --> 00:29:42,556 Speaker 1: We have all seen this when doing arithmetic. When I've 541 00:29:42,596 --> 00:29:45,516 Speaker 1: started a sum the wrong way, the sooner I admit 542 00:29:45,596 --> 00:29:48,276 Speaker 1: this and go back and start over again, the faster 543 00:29:48,436 --> 00:29:51,636 Speaker 1: I shall get on. There is nothing progressive about being 544 00:29:51,636 --> 00:29:55,276 Speaker 1: pigheaded and refusing to admit a mistake. And I think 545 00:29:55,316 --> 00:29:57,116 Speaker 1: if you look at the present state of the world, 546 00:29:57,156 --> 00:30:00,196 Speaker 1: it is pretty plain that humanity has been making some 547 00:30:00,276 --> 00:30:03,676 Speaker 1: big mistakes. We are on the wrong road, and if 548 00:30:03,716 --> 00:30:07,836 Speaker 1: that is so, we must go back. Going back is. 549 00:30:07,756 --> 00:30:11,076 Speaker 2: The quickest way on and I think for a lot 550 00:30:11,116 --> 00:30:11,516 Speaker 2: of us. 551 00:30:11,436 --> 00:30:13,916 Speaker 1: In our homes, instead of saying, well, we got to 552 00:30:13,996 --> 00:30:17,156 Speaker 1: keep progressing with everyone else. Everyone else has these devices, 553 00:30:17,156 --> 00:30:19,595 Speaker 1: everyone else is on YouTube, everybody else on TikTok. We 554 00:30:19,716 --> 00:30:21,956 Speaker 1: just got to go with them. We're all going down 555 00:30:21,996 --> 00:30:24,996 Speaker 1: the wrong path, and the most progressive of us will 556 00:30:25,036 --> 00:30:27,236 Speaker 1: realize this is the wrong path. This isn't taking us 557 00:30:27,356 --> 00:30:29,595 Speaker 1: my family where I wanted to go. I'm gonna make 558 00:30:29,596 --> 00:30:32,196 Speaker 1: a one eighty. We're gonna go the different way, all right. 559 00:30:32,396 --> 00:30:36,835 Speaker 1: So you know, we want to launch kids who love God. 560 00:30:36,916 --> 00:30:39,196 Speaker 1: And I just want a special word of love to 561 00:30:39,276 --> 00:30:42,356 Speaker 1: the single moms out there, because I know, having James 562 00:30:42,396 --> 00:30:44,716 Speaker 1: with me, it's nice to have someone bounce ideas off 563 00:30:44,756 --> 00:30:46,876 Speaker 1: of and also do things. And I can't imagine having 564 00:30:46,956 --> 00:30:50,636 Speaker 1: to do this all by yourself, and oftentimes with your 565 00:30:50,676 --> 00:30:54,356 Speaker 1: ex competing against the values that you're trying to put 566 00:30:54,356 --> 00:30:58,355 Speaker 1: into your children. There is a ministry called Life of 567 00:30:58,396 --> 00:31:01,196 Speaker 1: a Single Mom, and I write articles for them, and 568 00:31:01,276 --> 00:31:03,756 Speaker 1: one of the ladies, Quinn Cummings, had wrote this I 569 00:31:03,756 --> 00:31:06,516 Speaker 1: thought was really beautiful. This is what Quinn writes. The 570 00:31:06,556 --> 00:31:09,356 Speaker 1: realization that I would be a single mom didn't set 571 00:31:09,436 --> 00:31:12,075 Speaker 1: in all at once, Once it did set in, it 572 00:31:12,156 --> 00:31:14,756 Speaker 1: was like a weight I'd never felt before. The voices 573 00:31:14,796 --> 00:31:17,396 Speaker 1: were loud in my head. How did you end up here? 574 00:31:17,596 --> 00:31:20,075 Speaker 1: How can you raise him without a father fully present? 575 00:31:20,196 --> 00:31:22,756 Speaker 1: You're going to fail him. I would squeeze my eyes 576 00:31:22,756 --> 00:31:25,116 Speaker 1: shut and pray that God would take these thoughts away. 577 00:31:25,636 --> 00:31:27,876 Speaker 1: And while I knew that prayer works, I also knew 578 00:31:27,916 --> 00:31:30,076 Speaker 1: this negative self talk wouldn't go away if I. 579 00:31:30,036 --> 00:31:31,396 Speaker 2: Didn't change something. 580 00:31:32,196 --> 00:31:33,996 Speaker 1: And I admire her because she's like, I got to 581 00:31:34,076 --> 00:31:36,476 Speaker 1: change something. So the thing she changed was she started 582 00:31:36,516 --> 00:31:39,956 Speaker 1: reading with her child twenty minutes a day. She knew like, 583 00:31:39,996 --> 00:31:42,635 Speaker 1: I can't do everything, but I can do twenty minutes 584 00:31:42,756 --> 00:31:45,956 Speaker 1: every night and read. I remember, she says, reading a 585 00:31:45,956 --> 00:31:48,076 Speaker 1: book about bullying with him. He had just turned five, 586 00:31:48,476 --> 00:31:50,956 Speaker 1: and we started a chapter book written in verse. I'm 587 00:31:50,996 --> 00:31:52,916 Speaker 1: not sure I even got to the third chapter before 588 00:31:52,916 --> 00:31:55,075 Speaker 1: he began to detail about a bully at his school. 589 00:31:55,556 --> 00:31:58,236 Speaker 1: In that twenty minute spent reading a book, You've broken 590 00:31:58,276 --> 00:32:00,716 Speaker 1: through your fears and fed your child light. You've allowed 591 00:32:00,716 --> 00:32:03,355 Speaker 1: them to embrace the character's life and problems only for 592 00:32:03,396 --> 00:32:06,116 Speaker 1: a moment, and just like that, you're helping to shape 593 00:32:06,116 --> 00:32:09,796 Speaker 1: your child's world and preparing them for life, and really 594 00:32:09,876 --> 00:32:12,956 Speaker 1: just reading with your child, talking with your child, preparing 595 00:32:12,996 --> 00:32:15,516 Speaker 1: them for life. Such a beautiful thing. I know there 596 00:32:15,516 --> 00:32:17,916 Speaker 1: are many of you who you're taking care of your 597 00:32:18,516 --> 00:32:22,516 Speaker 1: older mom, your older dad, and your dreams of just 598 00:32:22,596 --> 00:32:25,756 Speaker 1: kind of hanging out, they don't exist, you know, because 599 00:32:25,756 --> 00:32:28,756 Speaker 1: you're taking care and it's active, and on the weekends 600 00:32:28,756 --> 00:32:30,756 Speaker 1: you're taking care of them, and on the weekdays you're 601 00:32:30,756 --> 00:32:32,996 Speaker 1: taking care of them. And you know, we've been talking 602 00:32:32,996 --> 00:32:35,796 Speaker 1: about Samuel and David. Of course, Samuel is the one 603 00:32:35,796 --> 00:32:39,676 Speaker 1: who will anoint David as king, and David before he 604 00:32:39,836 --> 00:32:42,516 Speaker 1: was king, he was running away from Saul, who was 605 00:32:42,556 --> 00:32:45,595 Speaker 1: trying to kill him, who wrongly thought David was trying to, 606 00:32:45,676 --> 00:32:47,756 Speaker 1: you know, seek out the kingdom from underneath him. So 607 00:32:47,756 --> 00:32:50,476 Speaker 1: he's running away from Saul's a terrible time in his life. 608 00:32:50,676 --> 00:32:52,676 Speaker 1: But you know, there's this little verse in for Samuel 609 00:32:52,676 --> 00:32:55,676 Speaker 1: that shows that when David was going through a terrible 610 00:32:55,756 --> 00:32:58,676 Speaker 1: time in his life, running from Saul, trying to keep 611 00:32:58,716 --> 00:33:01,796 Speaker 1: his men alive, trying to keep them fed, hiding in cliffs, 612 00:33:01,876 --> 00:33:05,956 Speaker 1: all this, he takes care of his parents. David does. 613 00:33:06,036 --> 00:33:09,636 Speaker 1: He takes care of his parents, and in first Samuel 614 00:33:09,676 --> 00:33:12,676 Speaker 1: twenty two three and four. We read this. Later, David 615 00:33:12,716 --> 00:33:16,276 Speaker 1: went to Mizpah in Moab, which is where his grandmother 616 00:33:16,396 --> 00:33:20,636 Speaker 1: Ruth would have been from Moab, where the King, Please 617 00:33:20,676 --> 00:33:22,956 Speaker 1: allow my father and mother to live here with you 618 00:33:23,436 --> 00:33:25,595 Speaker 1: until I know what God is going to do for me. 619 00:33:26,156 --> 00:33:29,556 Speaker 1: So David's parents stayed in Mohab with the king during 620 00:33:29,556 --> 00:33:33,635 Speaker 1: the entire time David was living in his stronghold. In 621 00:33:33,636 --> 00:33:35,836 Speaker 1: this little verse, you know what, it shows the heart 622 00:33:35,876 --> 00:33:38,996 Speaker 1: of David to take care of his parents. And you 623 00:33:39,036 --> 00:33:41,356 Speaker 1: know what, if you are taking care of your parents, 624 00:33:41,516 --> 00:33:43,796 Speaker 1: God sees you, and it's such a beautiful way. We 625 00:33:43,876 --> 00:33:46,396 Speaker 1: know it's the fifth commandment, honor your father and mother. 626 00:33:46,796 --> 00:33:48,996 Speaker 1: And it's not just for little kids who were trying 627 00:33:48,996 --> 00:33:50,996 Speaker 1: to tell him not to sass back to their parents, 628 00:33:51,316 --> 00:33:54,236 Speaker 1: but it's for adult kids. It's for sixty year old 629 00:33:54,316 --> 00:33:56,556 Speaker 1: kids and seventy year old kids and fifty year old 630 00:33:56,596 --> 00:33:59,395 Speaker 1: kids who take care of their parents. And so today, 631 00:33:59,596 --> 00:34:01,996 Speaker 1: know that you are celebrated, that you are loved, and 632 00:34:02,036 --> 00:34:04,996 Speaker 1: what you're doing really pleases God brings a smile to 633 00:34:05,036 --> 00:34:07,556 Speaker 1: God's face. And you know what, if you didn't have 634 00:34:07,596 --> 00:34:10,915 Speaker 1: a mom who gave those things to you, you can 635 00:34:10,956 --> 00:34:14,395 Speaker 1: know that you have a heavenly father who loves you, 636 00:34:14,716 --> 00:34:17,716 Speaker 1: who loves you so much, who sees, who sees what 637 00:34:17,836 --> 00:34:21,276 Speaker 1: you do, and who will reward you. Then in heaven 638 00:34:21,356 --> 00:34:24,996 Speaker 1: you will hear good and well done, good and faithful servant, 639 00:34:25,036 --> 00:34:27,636 Speaker 1: that the things that you do for others, for your family, 640 00:34:27,676 --> 00:34:31,516 Speaker 1: those things do not go unseen. I hope you've enjoyed 641 00:34:31,516 --> 00:34:35,516 Speaker 1: today's conversation. I'd love to keep in touch beyond this podcast. 642 00:34:35,916 --> 00:34:38,876 Speaker 1: Click subscribe in the show notes and I will give 643 00:34:38,916 --> 00:34:41,716 Speaker 1: you my latest email to keep up on what's happening 644 00:34:41,756 --> 00:34:45,756 Speaker 1: with technology and kids. And maybe you like reading or 645 00:34:45,836 --> 00:34:48,156 Speaker 1: listening to books. I have a lot of books. You 646 00:34:48,156 --> 00:34:52,996 Speaker 1: could start with The Big Three, Making Marriage Easier, Parents Rising, 647 00:34:53,476 --> 00:34:56,355 Speaker 1: or Screen Kids. A big thank you to the team 648 00:34:56,396 --> 00:34:59,676 Speaker 1: at Life Audio for their partnership with the Happy Home podcast. 649 00:35:00,076 --> 00:35:03,396 Speaker 1: Check out lifeaudio dot com for dozens of other faith 650 00:35:03,476 --> 00:35:08,356 Speaker 1: related podcasts about prayer, Bible study, and more. Remember you 651 00:35:08,396 --> 00:35:11,396 Speaker 1: don't have to come from a happy home to create one. 652 00:35:11,716 --> 00:35:13,796 Speaker 1: You too can have a happy home.