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Speaker 1: Life Audio. Hi there, it's Dana Se and welcome to

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Speaker 1: the Rebuilding US Marriage Podcast. Hey friends, it's Dana se

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Speaker 1: and you're listening to the Rebuilding US Marriage Podcast. I'm

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Speaker 1: back you guys with a live episode. You might still

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Speaker 1: hear a little bit of congestion in my voice. I

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Speaker 1: have been so sick, you guys. Crazy thing is usually

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Speaker 1: every single year in January, I get sick. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if it's the flu, I don't know if it's

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Speaker 1: a cold, I don't know if it's a mystery virus.

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Speaker 1: But this year I did pretty well. I did not

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Speaker 1: get sick in January. I think it's the new probiotic

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Speaker 1: I'm taking. I really think that's it. But Sean got sick.

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Speaker 1: And Sean never gets sick, and let me tell you

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Speaker 1: when he does. And the off chance that he gets sick,

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Speaker 1: this man keeps going. I mean, this man is outside

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Speaker 1: cutting the grass. He's like, you know, reorganizing the garage.

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Speaker 1: Like he just continues to go. So I decided I

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Speaker 1: was going to take a note from his playbook, and

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Speaker 1: even though he got me sick, I was not going

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Speaker 1: to stop. I was just going to keep going. I

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Speaker 1: was going to keep working out, I was going to

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Speaker 1: keep meeting with people virtually, I'm not going to meet

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Speaker 1: with people face to face knowing him sick. But in any case,

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling better and I'm just so grateful that you're

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Speaker 1: here today for this episode. You guys, Today we're going

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Speaker 1: to talk about something that is a little bit embarrassing

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Speaker 1: for us to admit. Maybe you've never talked about this

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Speaker 1: with your spouse before because you've felt embarrassed, or because

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Speaker 1: you don't want them to feel like you're insecure, or

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Speaker 1: because maybe you don't want to ruffle any feathers, or

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Speaker 1: maybe because you don't want to be honest with yourself

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Speaker 1: even about how you really feel. Today, we're talking about

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Speaker 1: what to do when you feel like you are coming

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Speaker 1: in second place in your marriage. I call this being

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Speaker 1: second fiddle. So I'm going to read to you an

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Speaker 1: excerpt out of my brand new book, Tried and True

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Speaker 1: Marriage Advice. I'm twelve Imperfect Biblical Couples. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: read to you an excerpt out of chapter four, where

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Speaker 1: we are going to look at the story of Jacob

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Speaker 1: and Leah. So let me just kind of set this

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Speaker 1: story up in case you're unfamiliar with it. You can

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Speaker 1: find the full account of this story in the Book

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Speaker 1: of Genesis. Jacob, who was Isaac's son. Isaac was abraham son. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so we've got Abraham Isaac, and now Jacob. Jacob was

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Speaker 1: madly in love with a woman named Rachel. Now Rachel's

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Speaker 1: dad was a guy named Laban, and Laban was a

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Speaker 1: little bit shisty, okay. Jacob had told Laban that he

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Speaker 1: wanted to marry Rachel, and Laban was like, great, no problem,

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Speaker 1: but you have to work for me for seven years

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Speaker 1: in order to do that. So Jacob went to work

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Speaker 1: for Laban. He was a shepherd in his field for

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Speaker 1: seven years, and at the end of the seventh year,

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Speaker 1: Jacob goes to Laban and he says, hey, Laban, I

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Speaker 1: work for you for seven years. I'm ready for my wife.

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Speaker 1: And Laban goes, great, we're gonna have a wedding. Well,

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Speaker 1: when Jacob wakes up the next morning after his wedding,

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Speaker 1: he realizes that the woman in his bed was not Rachel. No, no,

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Speaker 1: it was her sister Leah. Now, the Bible has a

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Speaker 1: lot to say about Rachel and how she basically had

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Speaker 1: it going on. She was curvacious, she was beautiful, all

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Speaker 1: the men in the town loved her. But then when

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Speaker 1: it talks about Leah, it says that Leah had weak eyes.

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Speaker 1: So Leah probably had some sort of eye condition, maybe

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Speaker 1: she was cross eyed, something of that sort. So I

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Speaker 1: want you to just imagine with me what you would

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Speaker 1: feel the day after your wedding if you woke up

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Speaker 1: to someone who was not your spouse, someone that you

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Speaker 1: were not madly in love with. It was their brother,

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Speaker 1: or their sister, or their cousin that you barely knew

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Speaker 1: and obviously don't want to be married to. So this

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Speaker 1: is what was going on in this story. Now, Jacob

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Speaker 1: has every right to be upset, of course, but Leah

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Speaker 1: didn't ask for any of this. Leah did not go

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Speaker 1: into this marriage being shisty like her father. She was

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Speaker 1: probably told that Jacob had chosen her, or maybe she

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Speaker 1: was told, you know, Leah, this is the law here.

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Speaker 1: We don't marry off the younger daughter, because Rachel was

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Speaker 1: younger than Leo. We don't marry off the younger daughter

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Speaker 1: before we marry off the older daughter. So here's your

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Speaker 1: husband who knows. Most marriages aren't falling apart, they're being refined,

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Speaker 1: tried and True is a scripture based marriage guide for

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Speaker 1: couples who want a resilient, faith filled marriage, especially in

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Speaker 1: seasons that feel ordinary, difficult, or stretched through twelve and

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Speaker 1: perfect biblical marriages. This book shows how God uses trials

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Speaker 1: to strengthen connection, not destroy it. Learn more at Tried

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Speaker 1: and truemarriagebook dot com or find Tried and True everywhere

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Speaker 1: books are sold. If you have your book. I'm reading

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Speaker 1: from page fifty seven Under the heading second fiddle Okay,

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Speaker 1: it says, have you experienced the time when you felt

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Speaker 1: like second fiddle in your marriage? Perhaps you discovered that

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Speaker 1: your spouse wanted to marry someone else but they quote

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Speaker 1: settled for you. Or maybe your spouse had an affair

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Speaker 1: and though they promised it was really nothing, you now

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Speaker 1: feel like the other woman or the other man. Leah

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Speaker 1: was not Jacob's first choice because she was not beautiful.

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Speaker 1: The Bible describes her as having weak eyes. The Greek

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Speaker 1: word for weak in this context is asteness, meaning feeble, sick,

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Speaker 1: lacking strength, or helpless. Leah most likely had an eye condition.

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Speaker 1: She may have been cross eyed, which diminished her beauty. Rachel,

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Speaker 1: on the other hand, had bright, beautiful eyes and a

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Speaker 1: lovely figure. In essence, Rachel had it going on, while

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Speaker 1: Leah would make a great aunt someday. Laban eventually gave

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Speaker 1: Rachel to Jacob, albeit requiring him to work another seven

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Speaker 1: years to acquire her. Now Jacob had two wives, one

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Speaker 1: he loved and the other he loathed. Throughout their marriage,

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Speaker 1: Leah would play second fiddle to Rachel. Even though Jacob

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Speaker 1: did not love Leah and likely treated her more like

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Speaker 1: a servant than a wife, God loved her. I want

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Speaker 1: to pause right there because some of you need to

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Speaker 1: hear that. Maybe you feel unloved by your spouse, but

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Speaker 1: you need to know that God loves you. You're not

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Speaker 1: second fiddle in his eyes. Okay, listen. When the Lord

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Speaker 1: saw that Leah was unloved, he enabled her to have children,

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Speaker 1: but Rachel could not conceive Genesis twenty nine thirty one.

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Speaker 1: I want to speak directly to those who feel unseen

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Speaker 1: and loved by their spouse. God sees you, He loves you,

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Speaker 1: and he can make you fruitful even in the middle

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Speaker 1: of your struggles the right priorities. Let's read the following

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Speaker 1: scriptures closely. So Leah became pregnant and gave birth to

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Speaker 1: a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, the

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Speaker 1: Lord has noticed my misery, and now my husband will

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Speaker 1: love me. She soon became pregnant again, and she gave

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Speaker 1: birth to another son. She named him Simeon, for she said,

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Speaker 1: the Lord heard that I was unloved and has given

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Speaker 1: me another son. Then she became pregnant a third time,

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Speaker 1: and she gave birth to another son. His name was Levi,

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Speaker 1: for she said, surely this time my husband will feel

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Speaker 1: affection for me, since I have given him three sons.

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Speaker 1: Once again, Leah became pregnant and gave birth to another son.

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Speaker 1: She named him Judah, for she said, now I will

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Speaker 1: praise the Lord, and then she stopped having children. That's

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Speaker 1: Genesis twenty nine thirty two through thirty five. I want

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Speaker 1: you to notice that every time Leah had a son,

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Speaker 1: she looked to Jacob to love her. After Reuben was born,

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Speaker 1: Jacob still felt no affection toward her, so she tried again.

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Speaker 1: When Simeon was born, she thought God must be avenging

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Speaker 1: her by giving her another son. Now Jacob would finally

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Speaker 1: notice her. When Levi made his appearance into the world,

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Speaker 1: Leah thought, third times a charm. Surely after I've given

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Speaker 1: him three sons. Jacob will love me now. But notice

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Speaker 1: what happened after Judah was born. Leah takes her eyes

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Speaker 1: off of her husband and she puts them on the Lord.

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Speaker 1: The name Judah is derived from the Hebrew word YadA.

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Speaker 1: It means praise. It carries the meanings of to no

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Speaker 1: confession or thanksgiving. Leah turned her worry into worship, and

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Speaker 1: when that happened, she stopped having children. Does this mean

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Speaker 1: that God punished her? Quite the contrary. I believe that

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Speaker 1: once she refocused her priorities on what truly mattered, worshiping God,

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Speaker 1: regardless of whether she felt love or important, she stopped

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Speaker 1: seeking validation and what she could produce. Leah may have

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Speaker 1: been second fiddle, but it was through Leah, not Rachel,

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Speaker 1: that the coming Messiah would be born. Let that sing in.

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Speaker 1: People may devalue you, but God has a purpose and

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Speaker 1: a plan for your life, far greater than you know.

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Speaker 1: I wish Leah had remembered this lesson throughout her plight,

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Speaker 1: But if you keep reading Genesis thirty, you'll notice that

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Speaker 1: she finds herself and yet another rivalry with Rachel. Rachel

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Speaker 1: had been barren all those years, so she decided to

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Speaker 1: use her servant girl as a surrogate to produce children

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Speaker 1: with Jacob. Sound familiar. If you know the story of

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Speaker 1: Abraham and Sarah, you know that Sarah did this as well.

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Speaker 1: She gave her her servant girl, Hagar, to Abraham to

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Speaker 1: have kids because she didn't really believe in God's promise

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Speaker 1: for her. Okay, I'm gonna pause right here. Listen. When

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Speaker 1: we read the Word of God, these stories are so profound,

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Speaker 1: but sometimes we're just like, Wow, that's crazy, hmm, what

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Speaker 1: happened to them? But every story in the Bible is

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Speaker 1: meant to shine a light on our own lives. So

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Speaker 1: we're gonna go to break for just a second for

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Speaker 1: a word from our sponsor. But before we do, I

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Speaker 1: really want you to ask yourself, who are you in

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Speaker 1: this story? Are you Jacob? Perhaps maybe you've treated your

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Speaker 1: spouse in a way that they're not valued or they

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Speaker 1: don't feel loved by you. Are you Leah? Are you

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Speaker 1: someone who you've tried so hard to gain the affection

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Speaker 1: of your spouse but it seems like no matter what

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Speaker 1: you do, you're just never gonna win it. You're just

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Speaker 1: never ever ever gonna be loved by them. So I

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Speaker 1: want you to just pause. We're gonna put a pin

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Speaker 1: in that. We're gonna take a quick break for a

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Speaker 1: word from our sponsor. We'll be right back. All right, friends,

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Speaker 1: we're back. Before we get back into the story, if

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Speaker 1: you have not already gotten your cap of Tried and True,

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Speaker 1: I want to encourage you to head over to Tried

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Speaker 1: and truemarriagebook dot com. You can purchase your book directly

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Speaker 1: from me. I will be happy to sign it and

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Speaker 1: mail it to you, or you can purchase it from Amazon.

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Speaker 1: It's also available on Kindle. So if you love Kendall,

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Speaker 1: if you have Kendall Unlimited, that is a great and

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Speaker 1: excellent way to read it. I'm actually in the process

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Speaker 1: of recording the audiobook, so that is going to be

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Speaker 1: released in just a few months. So let's jump back

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Speaker 1: into our story. We're reading about Jacob and Leah. So

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Speaker 1: before the break, remember we had talked about how Leah

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Speaker 1: had decided, you know, she had judas she put her

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Speaker 1: eyes on God, She's like, all right, Lord, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: trust you with my pain. But then she kind of

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Speaker 1: has a relapse. All right, she decides that she's going

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Speaker 1: to take matters into her own hands, which, hello, you

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Speaker 1: and me. We do it all the time, right, All right,

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Speaker 1: let's continue it, says Leah, who had stopped conceiving, must

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Speaker 1: have thought, two can play that game. So each of

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Speaker 1: them gave their servants to Jacob to sleep with them,

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Speaker 1: talking about Leah and Rachel. Okay, because at this point,

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Speaker 1: Jacob is also a mayor to Rachel, so he's got

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Speaker 1: the two wives. Rachel can't conceive. So Rachel is giving

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Speaker 1: her servant girls to Jacob to sleep with, because those

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Speaker 1: children would go to Rachel, not the servant girl. I know,

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Speaker 1: it's messed up. It's crazy, this is this is how

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Speaker 1: things were in the Bible times. Okay. So Leah says,

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Speaker 1: too can play that game. So each of them gave

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Speaker 1: their servants to Jacob to sleep with, emulating their husband's grandmother, Sarah.

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Speaker 1: We just talked about that a moment ago to bear

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Speaker 1: even more children. Somewhere along the way, Leah put her

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Speaker 1: eyes back on Jacob. Remember she had taken her eyes

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Speaker 1: off of Jacob, she had put them on the Lord.

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Speaker 1: But now she's got this relapse. She's like, oh snap,

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Speaker 1: Rachel's beating me and the child bearing right, She's got

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Speaker 1: her servants that are having kids for Jacob, let me

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Speaker 1: get back in the game. And so Leah puts her

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Speaker 1: eyes back on Jacob, stooping so low as to pay

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Speaker 1: Rachel and man Drakes for an opportunity to sleep with Jacob. Y'all,

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Speaker 1: this story is wild. I'm not going to get into it,

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Speaker 1: but if you want to read more, you can read

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Speaker 1: it in Genesis, chapter thirty, verses fourteen through sixteen. It's

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Speaker 1: crazy story about how Leah is basically bargaining for some

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Speaker 1: alone time with Jacob from Rachel. Okay, now here's the question.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever experienced deliverance from insecurity only to find

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Speaker 1: yourself competing or comparing yourself to others? Again? I have

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Speaker 1: hands raised here, and like a drug, it sucks you

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Speaker 1: back in. This is the thing. If we don't keep

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Speaker 1: our eyes focused on who we are in Christ, we

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Speaker 1: will inevitably focus on who we aren't to others. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna say that again. If we don't keep our eyes

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Speaker 1: focused on who we are in Christ, we will inevitably

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Speaker 1: focus on who we are not to other people. And

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Speaker 1: let me tell you something, friend, I don't know about you,

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Speaker 1: but people are really good at telling you who you

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Speaker 1: are not whether they come out and say that to

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Speaker 1: you directly, or whether they just show you through their action.

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Speaker 1: And this is why we have to keep our eyes

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Speaker 1: on Christ. He is the one who gives us our identity.

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Speaker 1: You have a creator. And it is not your spouse,

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Speaker 1: and it is not your ex, and it is not

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Speaker 1: the person that you're trying to impress, and it is

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Speaker 1: not your boss, and it is not fill in the blank.

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Speaker 1: You have a creator and his name is God, and

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Speaker 1: he is the one who has given you identity, purpose, meaning,

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Speaker 1: and value. And every single time that you take your

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Speaker 1: eyes off of Him and what he says about you

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Speaker 1: through his word and you start to put them on

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Speaker 1: other people and their words, you're setting yourself up for insecurity.

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Speaker 1: I don't know about the people in your life, but

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Speaker 1: the people in my life can be really fickle. And

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about like the good people, right, like friends

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Speaker 1: and loved ones and people who probably don't realize that

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Speaker 1: their wishy washiness can have an effect on how you

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Speaker 1: view yourself. And this is why I'm always teaching you

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Speaker 1: all how to not put all of your eggs in

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Speaker 1: your spouse's basket. What do I mean by that, I'm

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Speaker 1: not saying don't be devoted to your spouse, don't be faithful.

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Speaker 1: Of course, that's not what I'm saying. This whole podcast

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Speaker 1: is called Rebuilding Us. It's talking about how to rebuild

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Speaker 1: a faithful relationship. So I'm not telling you not to

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Speaker 1: prioritize your spouse. Quite the contrary. What I'm saying, though,

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Speaker 1: is you cannot pull on your spouse to be your

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Speaker 1: everything to tell you how great and awesome and wonderful

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Speaker 1: you are. When you do that, if your spouse is

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Speaker 1: having a bad day, then you're gonna have a bad day.

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Speaker 1: If your spouse starts treating you in a way that

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Speaker 1: you feel like you don't deserve, then you're just gonna

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Speaker 1: be like knocked off kuilter, Like what do I do

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Speaker 1: some for USh to get a divorced? It doesn't mean that

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Speaker 1: we don't hurt, and it doesn't mean that you might

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Speaker 1: need to have some important conversations with your spouse if

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Speaker 1: you are being devalued. But what I'm trying to encourage

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Speaker 1: you today is when you keep your eyes on Christ,

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Speaker 1: when you say Lord, I know that I'm valued, I

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Speaker 1: know that I am loved, I know that I am important,

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Speaker 1: I know that I matter, My life has purpose and

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Speaker 1: meaning regardless of how other people treat me. Nobody can

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Speaker 1: take that away from you. Nobody. So I want to

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Speaker 1: talk for the next few moments about ways that maybe

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Speaker 1: you feel like your second fiddle. Now I know that

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Speaker 1: everyone immediately goes to adultery, right like, oh, there's another woman,

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Speaker 1: there's another man in the picture. So maybe I've never

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Speaker 1: felt that way. However, I want to ask you, have

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Speaker 1: you ever felt like your second fiddle to your in laws?

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Speaker 1: Maybe your spouse values their parents' opinions higher than they

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Speaker 1: value yours. Maybe you've got an in law, whether it

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Speaker 1: be a mother in law, father in law, a sister

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Speaker 1: in law, a brother in law, someone who has a

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Speaker 1: lot of influence over your spouse, and you feel like

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Speaker 1: your second place. Maybe it's your children. I did a

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Speaker 1: podcast episode years ago and it was why your children

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Speaker 1: should not be first in your marriage, y'all. I did

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Speaker 1: not know that that was so controversial. Like, to me,

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Speaker 1: that's like baseline the emails that I got from these

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Speaker 1: sweet mothers who were like, Dana, I love your podcast,

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Speaker 1: but oh my gosh, are you saying that we shouldn't

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Speaker 1: prioritize our children. Of course you should prioritize your children,

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Speaker 1: but just not before your spouse. But maybe you feel

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Speaker 1: like you are maybe third rung down, fourth rung down,

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Speaker 1: Maybe you're not even on the ladder because your children

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Speaker 1: have taken over your marriage. That's not good, that's not right.

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Speaker 1: We gotta correct that. Okay, maybe you feel second fiddle

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Speaker 1: to a friend that your spouse has, or my goodness,

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Speaker 1: god forbid, an ex, or someone that you know they're

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Speaker 1: infatuated with, even if they don't admit it. Can we

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Speaker 1: talk about that? Like sometimes, Sean told me one time

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Speaker 1: something that I never forgot. He said, Dana, I always

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Speaker 1: know when you're kind of like interested in someone because

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Speaker 1: you talk about them all the time. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: what in the world. First of all, I'm not interested

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Speaker 1: in anybody but you. But what I realized is that

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Speaker 1: there were a couple of men who I had been

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Speaker 1: talking about a lot. It's really just because I was

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Speaker 1: inspired by them. These were people in my real life.

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Speaker 1: These were not like people on TV or you know,

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Speaker 1: people that I look up to. These were like real

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Speaker 1: people in my life. And I had to be careful

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Speaker 1: about that, because if you're talking about somebody so much

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Speaker 1: so that your spouse starts to wonder, Hmm, that's not good,

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Speaker 1: and especially if that person has influence over you and

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Speaker 1: you find yourself listening to that person over your spouse. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: these are the nitty gritty things that we don't like

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Speaker 1: to talk about a lot, fam but if we're honest,

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Speaker 1: we've got some of those people in our lives. Listen,

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Speaker 1: have friends. Please do not get married and then like

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Speaker 1: get rid of all your friends. You need friends, your

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Speaker 1: spouse needs friends. But those friends cannot be more influential

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Speaker 1: in your life than your spouse. I don't care who

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Speaker 1: it is, male, female, my friend for thirty five years,

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Speaker 1: my best friend from childhood, whoever, they cannot have that

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Speaker 1: much influence over you that your spouse starts feeling like

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Speaker 1: he or she is second fiddle. So I want to

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Speaker 1: tell you just real quick, if you find yourself in

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Speaker 1: this situation, you're like, Okay, I absolutely feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: like on the back burner. I absolutely feel like I

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Speaker 1: am second or third or no priority to my spouse.

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Speaker 1: How do I get them to see this without starting

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Speaker 1: an argument, them getting defensive, or me feeling even more

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Speaker 1: insecure because now I've got to be super vulnerable and

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Speaker 1: tell them this listen one of the things that I love,

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Speaker 1: and not just me, but I've heard this through reviews

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Speaker 1: that people have written, through people who I know who

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Speaker 1: have read this book. They say, Dana, we love the

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Speaker 1: conversation starters in this book. The reason that every single

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Speaker 1: chapter has conversation starters at the end is because I

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Speaker 1: know how hard it is to have these conversations sometimes

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Speaker 1: like where do we start, what do I say, how

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Speaker 1: do I bring it up? When do I bring it up?

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Speaker 1: So at the end of every chapter and tried and true,

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Speaker 1: I'm giving you at least five conversation starters. Okay, so

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Speaker 1: these are the two. I'm not going to give all

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Speaker 1: of these to you, but these are two conversation starters

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Speaker 1: that I want you to use if you feel like

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Speaker 1: you're in this situation. Okay, The first question I want

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Speaker 1: you to ask your spouse is, are there areas where

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Speaker 1: you feel that I compare you, perhaps to others or

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Speaker 1: even to an ideal. I'm going to repeat that, ask

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Speaker 1: your spouse this, are there areas where you feel that

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Speaker 1: I compare you, perhaps to others or even to an ideal?

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Speaker 1: What do I mean by an ideal? Well, there are

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Speaker 1: people that I've watched on TV like literally like Bill Cosby.

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Speaker 1: Now this was before, this is before the scandals. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I grew up on Bill Cosby. I thought he was

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Speaker 1: like the best father in America. Really, I mean he

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Speaker 1: was amazing. And so because I did not have a

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Speaker 1: good dad, I did not have a good model of

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Speaker 1: a dad. Mom. You guys have heard my story if

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Speaker 1: you've listened to the podcast my Mom. I had a stepfather.

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Speaker 1: He was in and out not a good example whatsoever.

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Speaker 1: So I did not look to him to be a

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Speaker 1: template for what a father should be. You know who

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Speaker 1: I look to Bill Cosby. He's an ideal. He's a

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Speaker 1: fictional character. But I, as a child, thought, when I

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Speaker 1: get married one day, my husband's going to be like

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Speaker 1: Bill Cosby. So I get married to a man named

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Speaker 1: Sean who was not Bill Cosby, and I will tell

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Speaker 1: you real talk. Sean and I used to have arguments

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Speaker 1: because I was like, well, and I wouldn't say like well,

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Speaker 1: Bill Cosby would do it. But you know what that

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Speaker 1: was in my subconscious I was comparing him to an

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Speaker 1: ideal situation. And I was looking at him like, well,

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Speaker 1: Bill Cosby works. I mean he's a doctor, but he

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Speaker 1: still manages to go and play football with a son outside,

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Speaker 1: and he still manages the teacher's daughters drive, and he

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Speaker 1: still manages to go to the PTA meetings, and he

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Speaker 1: still I mean, this is a fictional character, you guys.

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Speaker 1: But we can do this, right. We can compare our

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Speaker 1: spouses sometimes to fictional people or to ideals, maybe to

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Speaker 1: standards that we've set in our own minds, and that

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Speaker 1: is not fair to them. But I want you to

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Speaker 1: ask your spouse because this might be a blind spot

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Speaker 1: for you. You might have no idea that you're doing this, Okay,

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Speaker 1: So that's the first conversation starter. The second conversation starter

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Speaker 1: that I want you to ask is what do you

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Speaker 1: need from me right now to feel more secure in

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Speaker 1: our marriage? What do you need from me right now

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Speaker 1: in order to feel more secure in our marriage? Now?

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Speaker 1: This is one of those questions where you're going to

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Speaker 1: have to listen and not defend yourself. So if your

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Speaker 1: spouse is like, I need you to spend more time

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Speaker 1: with me, you can't be like, well, when have you

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Speaker 1: seen my schedule? Like, don't ask if you're not willing

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Speaker 1: to do what they're asking you to do. So this

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Speaker 1: is probably one of my favorite chapters in this book.

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Speaker 1: I mean they're literally all my favorite truthfully. I mean

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't have put them in the book if I

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Speaker 1: didn't like them, obviously, but I can so relate in

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Speaker 1: many areas of my own life where I have felt

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Speaker 1: lonely in my marriage, and Sean can relate. Sean and

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Speaker 1: I talk about these things all the time, and he's

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Speaker 1: told me that he's felt like he's been on the

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Speaker 1: back burner, and so this is something that you're going

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Speaker 1: to have to actively work toward. I don't really believe

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Speaker 1: in the whole notion of balance, but I do think

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Speaker 1: that you can develop good rhythms in your marriage so

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Speaker 1: that you both feel appreciated, so that you both feel desired,

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Speaker 1: so that you both feel like you're a priority to

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Speaker 1: one another. As we wrap this episode, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: close out with the prayer that is at the end

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Speaker 1: of chapter four. And again, every single chapter in this

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Speaker 1: book has conversation starters, and every single chapter ends with

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Speaker 1: a prayer. Because it's not enough for us to just

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Speaker 1: talk about these things. You're going to need some help,

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Speaker 1: my friend, and God is your helper, So I want

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Speaker 1: to end with a prayer over you dear Lord, we

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Speaker 1: acknowledge that we did not choose you, but you chose

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Speaker 1: us that we might be fruitful. We confess that there

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Speaker 1: have been times when we have not always prioritized each other.

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Speaker 1: There are times, Lord that we have compared our spouses

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Speaker 1: to others, even an ideal version of who they should be.

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Speaker 1: Forgive us for not seeing the other the way that

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Speaker 1: you see us. Help us, Lord to be wise with

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Speaker 1: our affection and attention, protect our marriage from othering. Thank

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Speaker 1: you for bringing us together, and by your grace, keep

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Speaker 1: us together in Jesus name. Amen. Well, friend, I hope

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Speaker 1: that you have enjoyed this little excerpt from chapter four

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Speaker 1: of Tried and True Jacob and Leah. There are so

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Speaker 1: many other amazing stories in this book, so I really

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Speaker 1: hope that you get your copy. And if you've already

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00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:17,880
Speaker 1: gotten your copy of Tried and True, maybe you've read

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00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 1: it you're halfway through. I would love if you would

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00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:24,800
Speaker 1: go to Amazon and leave a review. I believe that

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00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 1: reviews are one of the easiest and best ways for

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00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 1: other couples to be able to find this book, to

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Speaker 1: be able to find the hope and the help that

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Speaker 1: they need to rebuild their marriages. So thank you so

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Speaker 1: much for listening. I will link to the book in

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Speaker 1: the show notes of this podcast, but again you can

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Speaker 1: get it simply by going to tried and truemarriagebook dot com.

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Speaker 1: Thanks so much for listening. I'll see on the next episode.

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Speaker 1: Take care,