1 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 1: Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Here thousands of 2 00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 1: hours of Dennis's lectures courses in classic radio programs. Had 3 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:39,199 Speaker 1: to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles. Go to Dennisprager dot com. 4 00:00:39,519 --> 00:00:43,720 Speaker 2: This is Dennis Prager and this talk is Insights into 5 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 2: Marriage or Thoughts on Marriage. I first gave it for 6 00:00:46,519 --> 00:00:50,479 Speaker 2: a group of couples that gathered in Los Angeles under 7 00:00:50,519 --> 00:00:54,360 Speaker 2: the auspices of my Los Angeles radio station KRLA. It 8 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,680 Speaker 2: went over really well, if I'm allowed to say that, 9 00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:03,840 Speaker 2: and many people ordered the tape. However, I have since 10 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:08,040 Speaker 2: given this talk a second time in Colorado at a 11 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:12,959 Speaker 2: meeting of FTI Consulting. They brought me out to Colorado 12 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:18,120 Speaker 2: to speak to their people and about marriage, and I 13 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:23,000 Speaker 2: incorporated more ideas than at the original lecture in Los Angeles. 14 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 2: And so this is the one I'm sending out. If 15 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:28,040 Speaker 2: you insist on the LA one, just call the office. 16 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:34,039 Speaker 2: But in the meantime, enjoy Insights into Marriage. I'm going 17 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 2: to talk to you about marriage, and I have a 18 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:42,120 Speaker 2: few things to say in advance on this matter. You 19 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:45,000 Speaker 2: might wonder why I'd be talking to you about marriage. First, 20 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:50,000 Speaker 2: That's what they requested. That's really the major reason I 21 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:52,320 Speaker 2: actually let me tell you because those of you who 22 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:55,560 Speaker 2: don't know me at all, I care about everything, and 23 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:59,240 Speaker 2: I've done radio now for twenty years. Beside from my 24 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,640 Speaker 2: books and writings, that has been the greatest learning for 25 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:05,320 Speaker 2: me because I get to talk to people from every 26 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:09,760 Speaker 2: background on every subject, and I have talked to hundreds, 27 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:13,480 Speaker 2: if not thousands, of couples in the course of my 28 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,679 Speaker 2: radio and the course of actually even interviewing people privately. 29 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:20,120 Speaker 2: I am fascinated by marriage. Let me tell you my credentials. 30 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:24,720 Speaker 2: I am married, and I have also been single, and 31 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:28,560 Speaker 2: I was also divorced, so I had a five and 32 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:32,240 Speaker 2: a half year marriage. I'm now in a fifteen year marriage. 33 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,800 Speaker 2: My wife is with me as two of our children, 34 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:38,440 Speaker 2: so I have seen a lot of it. That does 35 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 2: not make me an expert at all, although I guess 36 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,680 Speaker 2: every married person is somewhat of an expert on marriage. 37 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,960 Speaker 2: And it brings me some humility to talk before you, 38 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,800 Speaker 2: most of you being married, because I know you have 39 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:53,919 Speaker 2: wisdom to share on the subject of marriage as well. 40 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,680 Speaker 2: So I will just hopefully I will have earned your 41 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 2: respect on this matter after you hear the points that 42 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,640 Speaker 2: I have to make the purpose of this being to 43 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 2: offer insights into the most complex institution. Parent child relations 44 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:13,640 Speaker 2: are complex, of course, business relations are complex, but nothing, 45 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:17,600 Speaker 2: in my opinion, matches the complexity of marriage. That a 46 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,640 Speaker 2: man and a woman will live together it is for 47 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:24,280 Speaker 2: any period of time, is to my mind, a victory 48 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:29,600 Speaker 2: for the human spirit. Men. I am never amazed at 49 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:32,840 Speaker 2: the divorce statistics. I am always amazed at the stay 50 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:36,560 Speaker 2: together statistics. It is not just that I am some 51 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 2: built in optimist. It is just that I know how 52 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 2: different men and women are, a subject one of my 53 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:46,640 Speaker 2: all time favorite subjects. On my radio show, I will 54 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,080 Speaker 2: have one hour on Iraq and the next hour on 55 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 2: how men and women are different and they are equally important. 56 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,240 Speaker 2: And as to your credit, by the way, that you 57 00:03:55,280 --> 00:04:00,160 Speaker 2: didn't only have macro subjects at your conference, I am 58 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,280 Speaker 2: just as happy to speak on macro issues. But this 59 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:06,160 Speaker 2: is really as much a part of life and as 60 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 2: much a part of whether you will be a fulfilled 61 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:12,360 Speaker 2: person as anything you do in your business. So I 62 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 2: hope that this helps you. I gave this talk most 63 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:18,360 Speaker 2: recently in Los Angeles to couples who listen to my 64 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:22,920 Speaker 2: radio show because I had been conducting single seminars because 65 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,680 Speaker 2: I'm a big believer in marriage, and so I say 66 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,960 Speaker 2: that on the radio. And so I had six hundred 67 00:04:28,039 --> 00:04:30,920 Speaker 2: singles at a time who would come to conferences where 68 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:34,599 Speaker 2: I spoke on singlehood and getting married and so on. 69 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,600 Speaker 2: Then I said, you know, though, I really want couples 70 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,320 Speaker 2: to meet couples, and I want to talk to couples. 71 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,599 Speaker 2: So we had a couple's conference, and a very interesting 72 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:49,240 Speaker 2: thing happened. I got remarks through email and on my 73 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 2: radio show the next day of wives telling me that 74 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 2: some of their husbands cried, and I was a little 75 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:01,800 Speaker 2: taken aback. I didn't even know which part would. But apparently, 76 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:03,880 Speaker 2: and that's the only reason I feel I deserve your 77 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:07,080 Speaker 2: attention on this matter. Apparently I had said things that 78 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:10,520 Speaker 2: really in the best sense, not in any God forbid 79 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:14,480 Speaker 2: negative sense, hit home for people. And if I can 80 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:18,080 Speaker 2: in some way help your marriage or understanding of marriage 81 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 2: in one of the ten or eleven points I give, 82 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:23,400 Speaker 2: than the time really is worth it, because you do 83 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 2: wonder and I did too. Listen, I wrote a book 84 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,520 Speaker 2: on happiness, and I didn't want to write a book 85 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,400 Speaker 2: repeating what others had said. It's a waste of my 86 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,479 Speaker 2: time and the reader's time, and I treasure time. But 87 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,599 Speaker 2: I believe that over time, if you're careful and you 88 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:41,000 Speaker 2: think things through new and you don't have an agenda, 89 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 2: that you can say things that are worthwhile. And so 90 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:48,600 Speaker 2: I hope that that's what happens here there is By 91 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 2: the way I hear a honeymooning or couple, or just 92 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:55,279 Speaker 2: the Mike and Stacy Tucker, I want to congratulate you, 93 00:05:55,360 --> 00:06:03,159 Speaker 2: and I am very happy that you're hearing this after 94 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:09,120 Speaker 2: your honeymoon. I just I really got realiteralieved these are 95 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:16,000 Speaker 2: because all of these these are very sobering thoughts about Marrit. Okay, 96 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,440 Speaker 2: so let me begin. There is no order in this order. 97 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:24,200 Speaker 2: None every one of the points is probably equally important. 98 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:27,120 Speaker 2: But let me begin, because I do want to have 99 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:30,080 Speaker 2: time for you. It's very important for me to get 100 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,240 Speaker 2: your feedback. And you may not agree with points. You 101 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:35,760 Speaker 2: may think I left out a particularly important one. By 102 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:39,599 Speaker 2: the way, I always speak every talk I've given. I 103 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:42,800 Speaker 2: started speaking at twenty one. I'm fifty four, for a 104 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:46,159 Speaker 2: thirty pathetic that I have to do this slowly. For 105 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 2: thirty three years I have been speaking, and I think 106 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:52,719 Speaker 2: every one of my speeches has been enumerated, which is 107 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,480 Speaker 2: wonderful for the audience because in case you fall asleep 108 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:58,960 Speaker 2: at point four, you could rejoin at six, and you 109 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,800 Speaker 2: have only missed four and five. All they all stand 110 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 2: on their own, each of the points I'm about to make, 111 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,360 Speaker 2: which is also good if you take notes. But if 112 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 2: this does earn your interest, I want you to know 113 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 2: what is being recorded and will be made available somehow 114 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:17,240 Speaker 2: to you afterwards. So I did want you to know. 115 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:21,400 Speaker 1: That this episode of Timeless Wisdom we'll continue right after this. 116 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:31,400 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. 117 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:37,239 Speaker 2: Point number one, either marriage gets better or it gets worse. 118 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,680 Speaker 2: I take it from your reaction that you agree with me. 119 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,320 Speaker 2: I didn't feel that you were laughing at me, but 120 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:52,960 Speaker 2: with me. This is a very important simple point. They're 121 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:57,160 Speaker 2: all important simple points that need to be stated because 122 00:07:57,280 --> 00:08:02,680 Speaker 2: the human, the natural human tendency is to coast. Nobody 123 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:06,240 Speaker 2: likes to make efforts. We make efforts all day. Why 124 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,040 Speaker 2: are we going to then have to make efforts when 125 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:12,360 Speaker 2: we get home. I'll never forget a bachelor who, as 126 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:15,560 Speaker 2: it turns out, didn't have a good marriage. Now I'm 127 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 2: sorry to say but when he was a bachelor, a 128 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,640 Speaker 2: very bright man that I knew. She said, Dennis, what 129 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:22,480 Speaker 2: does it like to be married? And I said, well, 130 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:25,920 Speaker 2: you know, well, we'll just call him Larry. You know, Larry. 131 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:29,200 Speaker 2: It's you have to work on marriage. She said, work 132 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:32,559 Speaker 2: on marriage. That's ridiculous. I work all day. I don't 133 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:34,839 Speaker 2: want to go home and work. And I said, you 134 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,800 Speaker 2: better stay a bachelor. If that's your attitude, you better 135 00:08:37,839 --> 00:08:41,199 Speaker 2: stay a bachelor. Marriage has to be worked on. That 136 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:45,640 Speaker 2: It doesn't mean that it is that it is laborious 137 00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:49,640 Speaker 2: and tedious or anything like that. But the marriage has 138 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,760 Speaker 2: to be tended to. By God. Your car has to 139 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:55,080 Speaker 2: be worked on. We bring in cars for tune ups. Right, 140 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 2: If your car is not tuned up, will it will 141 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 2: get worse. You can't coast along in a car without 142 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:06,600 Speaker 2: loop jobs, without periodic engine checks. All right, no pun intended. Okay, guys, 143 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:11,360 Speaker 2: oh boy, you know, Jeff, you didn't warn me. You 144 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:14,720 Speaker 2: did not warn me. This is the raunchiest crowd I 145 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:19,000 Speaker 2: have spoken to in a while. Anyway, forget the loop job. 146 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:25,200 Speaker 2: The marriage has to be tendant to. By the way, 147 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,520 Speaker 2: I have to say this, especially since my wife is 148 00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:33,199 Speaker 2: in the room. I do not offer myself as a 149 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:39,720 Speaker 2: paragon of all ten points. Please, okay, just I will 150 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,679 Speaker 2: not be able to face my wife, she said, how 151 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,000 Speaker 2: could you cover across as doing all these things? This 152 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 2: is I'm telling you wisdom that I have to live 153 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,600 Speaker 2: by as well as anybody else. I just want that clear. 154 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:54,199 Speaker 2: But in any event, either marriage does get better or 155 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 2: against worse. You, by the way, you know where I 156 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,560 Speaker 2: learned this, This is so bizarre. I didn't learn this 157 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:03,360 Speaker 2: just from being married. I learned this from by field 158 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,320 Speaker 2: of study was Soviet and Russian history of all things 159 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:10,720 Speaker 2: prepared me well for life. But there was a there 160 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:15,160 Speaker 2: was a Tzarist minister, And only because I learned Russian 161 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 2: can I say his name right? Pabya de Nostseev. This 162 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:21,120 Speaker 2: guy made a statement to the Tsar in the late 163 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:25,640 Speaker 2: nineteenth century which about the Russian Empire, which stayed with 164 00:10:25,679 --> 00:10:29,720 Speaker 2: me my whole life. And it's true almost about everything 165 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:34,559 Speaker 2: he said to the Tsar in defense of the empire expanding. 166 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:38,880 Speaker 2: He said, that which doesn't expand contract, that was the 167 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:44,520 Speaker 2: rationale for the Russian Empire constantly expanding. And I realized, 168 00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:47,839 Speaker 2: my God, that's true for everything in life, that which 169 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:52,720 Speaker 2: doesn't improve in fact, gets worse. And it is true 170 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 2: for all of our lives. It is true for marriage. 171 00:10:56,760 --> 00:11:00,120 Speaker 2: If you coast along, you basically end up coasting into 172 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:05,040 Speaker 2: an iceberg, and so you can't. Your marriage needs attention, 173 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:11,400 Speaker 2: and that's why there are marital therapists. That's why there 174 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:15,280 Speaker 2: are romantic getaway weekends. That's why there are telephones to 175 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,760 Speaker 2: talk to each other, That's why there are so many things. 176 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,960 Speaker 2: But you can't, no matter how much in love you are. 177 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:25,040 Speaker 2: And I say this to the newlyweds especially so that 178 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:28,640 Speaker 2: they can avoid this. Please know, just as your business 179 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:36,600 Speaker 2: takes attention, your marriage takes attention. Number two, some romantic 180 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:43,240 Speaker 2: ideas can really hurt your marriage. Romance is beautiful, romantic 181 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:49,400 Speaker 2: thinking isn't. And the most obvious one is this. Many 182 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:53,480 Speaker 2: people who divorce, And I'm not against divorce. I'm against 183 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 2: gratuitous divorce, divorce that shouldn't have happened. There are divorces 184 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,400 Speaker 2: that should happen, there's no question, But there are divorces 185 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,120 Speaker 2: that shouldn't have happened. And one of the things that 186 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:09,440 Speaker 2: you hear is well, I fell out of love. Now 187 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,560 Speaker 2: I'm not judging those people, but I want to speak 188 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:16,840 Speaker 2: about the concept of in love. No one and that's 189 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:21,720 Speaker 2: why I feel bad about the newlyweds. No one is 190 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:26,040 Speaker 2: in love all the time. That is like being if 191 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:31,280 Speaker 2: you will, orgasmic all the time, it's not possible. There 192 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,480 Speaker 2: are times for being orgasmic, and there are times for 193 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 2: being normal. You cannot be You cannot be in love 194 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:42,200 Speaker 2: all the time. It is a high. It is a 195 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 2: chemical high. It is a chemical high that I wish 196 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:49,240 Speaker 2: upon every good person on earth. There is no high 197 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:53,520 Speaker 2: like being in love. And it doesn't necessarily end God forbid, 198 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 2: after the initial in love period of a marriage, whatever 199 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:01,400 Speaker 2: time that is. But it doesn't continue forever, and that's 200 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:05,520 Speaker 2: nothing to panic about. In love is a chemical state. 201 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,120 Speaker 2: You can't be in a chemical state. It's like being manic. 202 00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:12,679 Speaker 2: You can't be manic all the time. It is not good. 203 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:17,400 Speaker 2: It's like a high. You can love all the time, 204 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,839 Speaker 2: but you cannot be in love all the time. And 205 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,680 Speaker 2: it's okay if you're not. It's normal if you're not. 206 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:28,960 Speaker 2: The trick is to sometimes get that high back under circumstances, 207 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,679 Speaker 2: and sometimes by the way, it's hard to know. Listen, 208 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:35,559 Speaker 2: so many things impinge upon being in love. Of course 209 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:40,839 Speaker 2: they do. Number One children. As I have often said, 210 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:45,000 Speaker 2: God has a sense of humor. That well, let me 211 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,200 Speaker 2: tell you why he has a sense of humor. Don't 212 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:51,760 Speaker 2: laugh yet, God has a sense of humor. Why that 213 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:57,319 Speaker 2: which is created by passion then kills it. Now you're 214 00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,800 Speaker 2: permitted to laugh. Who are a very live group. I 215 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:04,200 Speaker 2: must say, God, why do you like like it? Four 216 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:09,520 Speaker 2: in the afternoon lass eight thirty in the morning. That's 217 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:14,000 Speaker 2: very important to remember because children. Really, it's possible to 218 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,920 Speaker 2: have a sex life after children. I've done surveys and 219 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:21,840 Speaker 2: it is possible, but it isn't the same for most 220 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,320 Speaker 2: unless you don't mind if your kid is crying while 221 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 2: you're doing it. But most people do. And that is 222 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,640 Speaker 2: a very severe test of a marriage. Here you are, 223 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:35,400 Speaker 2: you are the focus of each other's attention entirely, and 224 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:38,280 Speaker 2: now that can't be the case. It can't. Even if 225 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:43,400 Speaker 2: you put your marriage first first doesn't mean exclusive. Somebody 226 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 2: else is demanding your attention, who is helpless and gets 227 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,880 Speaker 2: you tired, And usually it's the mom and she gets 228 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:54,480 Speaker 2: tired and after a day of cleaning up pup and 229 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:58,120 Speaker 2: poop and pee and pop and pipe, maybe she doesn't 230 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,560 Speaker 2: want to make love. We'll come back to that issue 231 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:05,640 Speaker 2: because a significant issue, and then he feels, what's happened here? 232 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,920 Speaker 2: My lover is no longer my lover, she's dead, tired, 233 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,840 Speaker 2: and then real things, real crises can take place. He 234 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 2: may seek an affair in the worst case scenarios, or 235 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,680 Speaker 2: they just start drifting and coasting or or what have you. 236 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,360 Speaker 2: But this is very normal. That's why I raise it. 237 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,800 Speaker 2: People have to be aware of this issue. That's why 238 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,240 Speaker 2: parents have to figure out what do we do? That's 239 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:31,600 Speaker 2: what I mean by safeguard the marriage? What do we do? 240 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,880 Speaker 2: Kids have come? I want to tell you it's a 241 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:38,000 Speaker 2: very odd thing that happened. I got married first when 242 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,720 Speaker 2: I was thirty two, so I had a fairly long 243 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:44,520 Speaker 2: singles period, and I was the single and the head 244 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 2: of a retreat center in southern California where many couples, 245 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:53,760 Speaker 2: many many couples came for weekend retreats. And my dear 246 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 2: friend and I, he was also single at the time, 247 00:15:56,440 --> 00:16:01,120 Speaker 2: we would talk about couples because because people have never 248 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:03,520 Speaker 2: been married know nothing about marriage. I mean, it's just 249 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 2: there's nothing they can do about it. I didn't, you didn't, so, 250 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:10,200 Speaker 2: but I wanted to know about marriage and all of 251 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:13,600 Speaker 2: a sudden One day, my friend Joseph said to me, Dennis, 252 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 2: it's very strange, but it seems like the couples who 253 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:21,800 Speaker 2: have no kids have happier marriage. And I disregarded it. 254 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,160 Speaker 2: I said, Joseph, that's a little scary to think a 255 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:28,440 Speaker 2: I always wanted kids, and being most couples do have kids, 256 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:32,400 Speaker 2: So what kind of recommendation is that? But he may 257 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 2: be right, because you can attend to one another so 258 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,920 Speaker 2: much more if there are no children. On the other hand, 259 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 2: having a children together is also a form of cement 260 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:47,040 Speaker 2: to a marriage. Look at what we share together, these children. 261 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:51,080 Speaker 2: But please remember this is all under the rubric of 262 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:55,480 Speaker 2: that high of in love is not available at all times. 263 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:59,240 Speaker 2: It's not bad that it isn't the human being can't 264 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:03,240 Speaker 2: live on a high. So therefore keep that in mind. 265 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:04,920 Speaker 2: And that brings me to a point that I was 266 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,400 Speaker 2: going to make it the end. Actually is going to 267 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,000 Speaker 2: be my last point, but it's probably worth bringing in now, 268 00:17:11,679 --> 00:17:19,159 Speaker 2: and that is patience. Couples need to have patience. There 269 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:22,440 Speaker 2: is a great story about the wise King Solomon, considered 270 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:26,080 Speaker 2: the wisest man who ever lived, and he one day 271 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,959 Speaker 2: he asked his jeweler to make him a ring that 272 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,920 Speaker 2: would make him happy when he was sad and bring 273 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:37,000 Speaker 2: him to normal if he got too excited, got too happy, 274 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,800 Speaker 2: And the jeweler made him a ring. And on the 275 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:46,080 Speaker 2: ring where the words this too shall pass. I wear 276 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 2: that ring, or I try to wear that ring I recommend. 277 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,720 Speaker 2: I don't mean literally, I have a normal wedding band, 278 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:56,439 Speaker 2: but I metaphorically try to wear such a ring in 279 00:17:56,520 --> 00:18:01,600 Speaker 2: life to realize this too shall pass. Every couple has 280 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:06,040 Speaker 2: bad times, and during those bad times, first you try 281 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:10,040 Speaker 2: to remember why you do love the person. Sometimes you 282 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,160 Speaker 2: may you know, you may have to actually sit down 283 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,159 Speaker 2: with yourself. Well, wait a minute, why did I marry her? 284 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:17,160 Speaker 2: Why did I marry him? And good, good memories can 285 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,840 Speaker 2: come back. That is why, by the way, it is 286 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,040 Speaker 2: to have a very powerful initial phase, I think in 287 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:26,280 Speaker 2: a marriage. But in any event, know that this will pass. 288 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,960 Speaker 2: And it may not pass in a day. It may 289 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,240 Speaker 2: not pass in a week or a month, or maybe 290 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,520 Speaker 2: it will take a year, maybe it will take two years. Clearly, 291 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:38,720 Speaker 2: if it's going to take fifteen years, you've got a serious, serious, 292 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:44,639 Speaker 2: serious problem. But there are periods, there are highs, and 293 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,280 Speaker 2: there are lows. But that's true in your life. It's 294 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,680 Speaker 2: true in singles lives. The difference between a married person 295 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,640 Speaker 2: and a single is that there is someone you live 296 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:56,960 Speaker 2: with that monitors your moods. Again, my friend Joseph said 297 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,560 Speaker 2: to me, Dennis, you know what I discovered when I 298 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:03,040 Speaker 2: got married? I said, what, how moody I am? Because 299 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 2: when you're single, you're never in a bad mood because 300 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:09,199 Speaker 2: there's no mirror of your moods to bounce off. So 301 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,600 Speaker 2: you're just you all the time. But as soon as 302 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:15,320 Speaker 2: you get married, you are. Everything you say, do, how 303 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:20,440 Speaker 2: you act is monitored by another person monitoring your your life. 304 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:24,560 Speaker 2: Patience is critical to a marriage. Doesn't mean you just 305 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,159 Speaker 2: sit by and do nothing, but it does mean that 306 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:31,000 Speaker 2: you calm yourself down. Don't panic. That's really what I'm 307 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:34,520 Speaker 2: saying here. Don't panic. It's very easy to panic. My 308 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:38,800 Speaker 2: marriages is on the rocks. Don't panic. Some marriages are 309 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,639 Speaker 2: on the rocks. I'm not here to say one should 310 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:44,760 Speaker 2: never get divorced, but a lot of divorces were not necessary. 311 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:49,119 Speaker 1: I suspect this episode of timeless Wisdom will continue right 312 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:58,800 Speaker 1: after this. Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom. 313 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 2: Number four, no human being in the world can fulfill 314 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:11,639 Speaker 2: all of your wants or even probably all of your needs. 315 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:17,879 Speaker 2: It is not possible. That is again, Remember I said 316 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:22,280 Speaker 2: I'm anti roman atic, not anti romance, anti romantic thinking. 317 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,199 Speaker 2: That is why I have never been a fan of 318 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:28,960 Speaker 2: the term soulmate. I meet single singles drive me nuts, 319 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:33,360 Speaker 2: and I drive them nuts. It's mutual. Singles are telling me, oh, 320 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,800 Speaker 2: you know, I don't know. I don't know when I 321 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,040 Speaker 2: when I meet my soulmate, that's when I'll get married. 322 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,760 Speaker 2: What a soul maate mean? You know what it means? 323 00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:49,600 Speaker 2: For most people? It means clone. I tell you I 324 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:53,000 Speaker 2: know singles real well. I do all these conferences with them. 325 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:56,280 Speaker 2: They they'll half of them will never get married. They're 326 00:20:56,320 --> 00:21:01,600 Speaker 2: looking for themselves. My soulmate will be me in another body. 327 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,239 Speaker 2: That doesn't happen, it does. What does that even mean? 328 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,440 Speaker 2: So what a soulmate mean? I mean it's a term 329 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,160 Speaker 2: that is used, but but all it does is hurt 330 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:15,280 Speaker 2: people in my opinion, because because it's it's creating an 331 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:19,520 Speaker 2: image of some grandias, grandiosity that is not a available 332 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,840 Speaker 2: to normal mortals. It is enough to have a partner 333 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 2: in life that you respect and love and can make 334 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:30,040 Speaker 2: love with and and have shared values. That's a big achievement. 335 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:35,960 Speaker 2: Forget soulmate or look at singles ads. Singles ads are 336 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,520 Speaker 2: that's that's why we're in bad shape. Look at what 337 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:42,439 Speaker 2: they think matters. Singles ads go basically as follows. You know, 338 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:53,680 Speaker 2: forty years old, love, love, Chinese food and tennis? Who cares? 339 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:59,239 Speaker 2: Who cares? Chinese food and tennis? Oh, that's gonna make 340 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:03,520 Speaker 2: a beautiful marriage. I'm serious. I have met men who 341 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:06,280 Speaker 2: have said to me women, if he doesn't play tennis, 342 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:10,320 Speaker 2: that's it, that's it, that's it, because you and I 343 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 2: know how important tennis is to a good marriage. This 344 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:18,320 Speaker 2: as important as loving Chinese food. They list things, and 345 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:21,119 Speaker 2: that's why I mean by clone, who cares whether we 346 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,720 Speaker 2: both like Chinese food? Who cares? It's nice addition if 347 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 2: we could both play tennis, admit it. It's just a 348 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:31,560 Speaker 2: nice addition though. That's all it is. What people don't 349 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,399 Speaker 2: even know what to look for. If you read singles ads, 350 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,240 Speaker 2: if you read singles ads compared to they had singles 351 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 2: ads one hundred years ago. By the way, I just 352 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:43,680 Speaker 2: saw recently singles ads from the late nineteenth century, and 353 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,879 Speaker 2: it was like another world looking for a man with 354 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,320 Speaker 2: good character who would love to raise children. I mean, 355 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:54,280 Speaker 2: now it's Chinese food and tennis. We are in some 356 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:58,080 Speaker 2: ways far less sophisticated, believe it or not, and we 357 00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:00,560 Speaker 2: think we're much more sophisticated than they were one hundred 358 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:04,600 Speaker 2: years ago. There is no such thing as the person 359 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,200 Speaker 2: who will fulfill all your needs. If you love tennis, 360 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 2: find someone to play tennis with. It doesn't have to 361 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:16,160 Speaker 2: be your spouse. Okay, that's all, and it's not hard 362 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,919 Speaker 2: to do. There are many people looking for tennis partner, 363 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:24,280 Speaker 2: and you have to understand that otherwise it is endless. 364 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:28,280 Speaker 2: You really want a duplicate of you, and that's not 365 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:31,400 Speaker 2: possible that someone will meet all your needs or all 366 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:36,199 Speaker 2: your wants. Marriage is a unique institution to share a 367 00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:39,680 Speaker 2: life with a human being that you can love and respect. 368 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,280 Speaker 2: And the respect part, that's the one part that is 369 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:45,120 Speaker 2: a scene at kuana. There are even times you may 370 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,920 Speaker 2: wonder about loving, but if you wonder about respecting that 371 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:50,879 Speaker 2: I have to say it is hard for me to 372 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:55,160 Speaker 2: imagine that a marriage can survive. The respect is absolutely 373 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,600 Speaker 2: the bottom line that I do believe has to exist 374 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:03,200 Speaker 2: virtually every moment, even when you're angry. At each other 375 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:05,560 Speaker 2: or whatever there is. If you can't respect a human 376 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:08,760 Speaker 2: as a human, or as a man, or as then 377 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,840 Speaker 2: I think you're pretty much pretty much doomed unless it 378 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:15,600 Speaker 2: can be revived somehow. In light of the fact that 379 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:19,280 Speaker 2: nobody can fulfill all your wants or all your needs, 380 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 2: I advocate with equal passion as I do advocating that 381 00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:29,720 Speaker 2: singles get married. I advocate that married people find friends. 382 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:35,159 Speaker 2: If a woman has a close girlfriend, a man has 383 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:38,680 Speaker 2: a close guy friend, it takes a lot of pressure 384 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:43,399 Speaker 2: off the marriage. If the guy is really aching to 385 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,679 Speaker 2: watch football and she's not into it, then watch it 386 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:52,000 Speaker 2: with a guy, that's all, and a woman listen. By 387 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,960 Speaker 2: and large, most men don't want to know all the 388 00:24:55,040 --> 00:25:02,000 Speaker 2: details of your stories. I know this is a this 389 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:09,320 Speaker 2: so very painful, very painful for me to say, especially 390 00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:12,560 Speaker 2: with my wife present. Yes, honey, I do want to 391 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,320 Speaker 2: know what the two of you had for lunch, But 392 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:23,200 Speaker 2: I we are very different. Men and women are very different. 393 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:26,800 Speaker 2: And if a woman could find a girlfriend to talk 394 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,480 Speaker 2: the stuff that she loves to talk about, and a 395 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:33,320 Speaker 2: guy could do whatever guy stuff he's into, listen. I 396 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,480 Speaker 2: realized very early in my marriage that my wife is 397 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:43,280 Speaker 2: not into stereo gear. She isn't for her preamplifier is irrelevant. 398 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:48,000 Speaker 2: That hurts. It hurts. That's want you to know. It 399 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,359 Speaker 2: took me a while to get over the fact that 400 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,080 Speaker 2: when I brought in two mono amps it did not 401 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:58,199 Speaker 2: mean much to Fran. But gradually you realize it doesn't 402 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:03,239 Speaker 2: really matter. You like the stereo, others like it. That's fine. 403 00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:06,960 Speaker 2: Your wife, your partner, doesn't have to love it. It's okay. 404 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,360 Speaker 2: In the sum total of life, it's pretty darn trivial, 405 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,320 Speaker 2: So you don't have to find someone who meets all 406 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,320 Speaker 2: your wants and needs. That does that person doesn't exist. 407 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,960 Speaker 2: Maybe fifty people would have to exist to do it, 408 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:23,000 Speaker 2: let alone all your emotional needs and all your psychological 409 00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:27,600 Speaker 2: needs and wants. That's why getting friends is so important. Now. 410 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,440 Speaker 2: There are two types of friends that I strongly recommend 411 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:34,879 Speaker 2: for couples. One is the same sex friend for each 412 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,880 Speaker 2: of you, or friends and couples friends. I believe couples 413 00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:45,240 Speaker 2: need couples as much as singles need single friends, and 414 00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:48,040 Speaker 2: I believe to the so strongly do I believe in 415 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:51,159 Speaker 2: that that I believe you should date to find a 416 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:54,400 Speaker 2: couple friend, just like you dated to find a spouse 417 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,760 Speaker 2: you need. I'm convinced. I have seen no data on this, 418 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:03,760 Speaker 2: but I am absolutely convinced that couples with couples friends 419 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:07,199 Speaker 2: have a better chance of the marriage continuing and the 420 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:10,199 Speaker 2: best thing couples could ever possibly do. And this is 421 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,600 Speaker 2: very rare, I admit it is, talk about their marital 422 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:17,160 Speaker 2: issues with the couple. It's very hard. People will talk 423 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:20,480 Speaker 2: about problems with children openly to couples. People will talk 424 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:24,760 Speaker 2: about financial problems even, but they won't talk about marital problems. 425 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:28,240 Speaker 2: They're embarrassed. That's why I am so amazed at how 426 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,359 Speaker 2: often people will have friends and I'd say, well, did 427 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,800 Speaker 2: you see the divorce of your friends coming? No, we 428 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:37,040 Speaker 2: were shocked. How could you be their friends and be shocked. 429 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,679 Speaker 2: It's a very It's the ideal. I'm offering you an 430 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,760 Speaker 2: ideal that you can open up about your marriage to friends, 431 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:46,359 Speaker 2: and I'll tell you why. The moment you do, you 432 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,560 Speaker 2: start to laugh about many of your problems because you 433 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:55,640 Speaker 2: realize they are universal. Most marital issues are not unique 434 00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:59,840 Speaker 2: to the jerk you're married to, because you're not married 435 00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:02,679 Speaker 2: to a jerk. In most instances, you're married to a 436 00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:09,639 Speaker 2: normal man, and you have to understand that this is 437 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:13,600 Speaker 2: the relief. There are two things, guys. Let me tell you. 438 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 2: There are two things that work on your behalf in 439 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:19,600 Speaker 2: your wife understanding you. A is having a couples for 440 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,080 Speaker 2: friends who talk about their marriage, and then you can 441 00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:25,879 Speaker 2: sit back and seem, see, I'm even better than he 442 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:30,520 Speaker 2: is when they talk about their issues. The second thing 443 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:32,919 Speaker 2: that helps all men in marriage is if you have 444 00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:39,160 Speaker 2: a son, because your wife looks at this animal and realizes, 445 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:45,560 Speaker 2: my god, you have come so far. That is absolutely right. 446 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:53,240 Speaker 2: It was a major moment in my marriage. My wife 447 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,760 Speaker 2: looked at me. I was like saintly I had because 448 00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,280 Speaker 2: this is the question every wife asks her, Well you 449 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:04,040 Speaker 2: like that, right? That's every every wife said, yes, darling, 450 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,719 Speaker 2: that's right. I no longer make fart sounds at the table. 451 00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:18,400 Speaker 2: Oh you're you're great, You're great. So guys are guys, 452 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,280 Speaker 2: and women can't know guys or guys till she meets 453 00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:25,200 Speaker 2: other guys within couples or in having a son. So 454 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:28,040 Speaker 2: and the same thing with women. It's not that your 455 00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:32,360 Speaker 2: wife demands a lot of attention. Women demand a lot 456 00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 2: of attention. That is the way they're made. That's what 457 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 2: makes them female and not male. That's by the way, 458 00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:42,120 Speaker 2: all generalities have exceptions. I understand that if you're different, 459 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,640 Speaker 2: you're different. That's fine. But this is this is as 460 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:49,440 Speaker 2: true as seat belts save lives. Some see it is no, no, no. 461 00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:54,840 Speaker 2: Some seat belts don't save lives, but most do. Okay, 462 00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,959 Speaker 2: So it is very important you need friends. Friends are 463 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,920 Speaker 2: a big help, both as couples and singles. Number let's 464 00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:08,920 Speaker 2: see number five. Remember. Remember, I don't know if you remember, 465 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:11,400 Speaker 2: but Love Story was a famous film many years ago, 466 00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:16,000 Speaker 2: and you know most movies have a motto. The motto 467 00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:21,280 Speaker 2: of Love Story was, without question, the dumbest motto, probably 468 00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 2: the dumbest statement that I have ever heard publicly made. 469 00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 2: Being in love means never having to say you're sorry. 470 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:32,040 Speaker 2: That is what I call romantic thought, and a thought 471 00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:37,080 Speaker 2: only Hollywood in its wisdom could come up with. Because 472 00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:41,600 Speaker 2: being in love means always having to say you're sorry. 473 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:48,640 Speaker 2: It is the opposite of that stupid line. In fact, 474 00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:52,320 Speaker 2: let me tell you, in all seriousness, those three words 475 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,920 Speaker 2: I am sorry, in the course of a human life, 476 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:59,840 Speaker 2: may be more powerful than I love you. They are 477 00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,160 Speaker 2: I'll tell you where. And this is a talk out 478 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:06,040 Speaker 2: I give about raising children, and I believe that saying 479 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:09,840 Speaker 2: to your child, when appropriate, I am sorry will do 480 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:13,200 Speaker 2: more for the psychic health of your child psychological health 481 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:17,080 Speaker 2: than I love you. If your parents had said I 482 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,719 Speaker 2: am sorry to you on some occasions when they should have, 483 00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:23,520 Speaker 2: even maybe today, things would be better with your parents. 484 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:27,760 Speaker 2: In most instances, they are the most powerful three words, 485 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,760 Speaker 2: and they are powerful not only to your children. They 486 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:34,480 Speaker 2: are powerful to your spouse. I am sorry. I hurt 487 00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:38,600 Speaker 2: your feelings. I know that because we do hurt each other. 488 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,200 Speaker 2: It's not possible for a couple never to hurt one another. 489 00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:47,440 Speaker 2: It's not possible. Even if you do nothing wrong, you 490 00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:50,800 Speaker 2: will hurt by sins of O mission, not just by 491 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:54,360 Speaker 2: sins of CO mission. Most guys' errors, by the way, 492 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,040 Speaker 2: are in fact sins of O mission. What did I 493 00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:03,560 Speaker 2: do is typical? What did I do? Me? We have 494 00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:07,920 Speaker 2: no idea, by the way, we truly have no idea now. 495 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,640 Speaker 2: By the way, while those are the most important words, 496 00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:13,600 Speaker 2: here are the worst words that a man can hear. Honey, 497 00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:18,160 Speaker 2: we have to talk. You don't feel that those I 498 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,000 Speaker 2: mean your wife doesn't say that to you. The honey, 499 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:22,520 Speaker 2: we have to It's not usually about I just wanted 500 00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:24,200 Speaker 2: to tell you how great you are as a husband. 501 00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:29,320 Speaker 2: It's usually not what happens. I am sorry, is powerful. 502 00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:34,200 Speaker 2: Now that brings me to point number six, and that 503 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:39,280 Speaker 2: is here is men and women have their own I 504 00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:42,320 Speaker 2: don't know of flaws. I would maybe better say challenges 505 00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:47,200 Speaker 2: in being an ideal spouse. One of the flaws with 506 00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:49,320 Speaker 2: women is and I'll put it to you best, that 507 00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:54,760 Speaker 2: dear friend of mine made a great quote. He said, Dennis, 508 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:59,720 Speaker 2: I read Genesis, and this is the way I read Genesis. 509 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:03,520 Speaker 2: In the beginning, God created men and critics. 510 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:08,560 Speaker 1: This episode of timeless wisdom will continue right after this. 511 00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:18,360 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Brager's timeless wisdom. 512 00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:22,960 Speaker 2: Now, some of you probably relate to this. Women do 513 00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:27,280 Speaker 2: tend to criticize their husbands about their driving. For example, 514 00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:30,800 Speaker 2: in my case, my wife actually gets closer to God 515 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:34,920 Speaker 2: whenever we drive, because she feels that He has saved 516 00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:38,840 Speaker 2: her from a fatal accident with me. Truly, she does not. 517 00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:42,400 Speaker 2: She believes it is divine intervention alone that I do 518 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:46,680 Speaker 2: not crash every time I drive. You may have your areas, 519 00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:50,200 Speaker 2: but women tend to criticize their men. Now, why do 520 00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,840 Speaker 2: women criticize their men? It's an interesting question because it 521 00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:57,520 Speaker 2: is fairly universal. I say fairly because it's not always true. 522 00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:05,000 Speaker 2: I think it comes from a primal desire that their 523 00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:09,719 Speaker 2: husband be perfect. Men have a primal desire that their 524 00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:13,519 Speaker 2: wife be beautiful, and women have a primal desire that 525 00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:16,720 Speaker 2: their wife, that their husband be perfect the night in 526 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,640 Speaker 2: shining arm or whatever you call. But in and effect, 527 00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:23,400 Speaker 2: that's what they that's what they want. Primal desires are okay. 528 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:28,120 Speaker 2: We are in we are consistent of consisting in some 529 00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:33,200 Speaker 2: ways of primal yearnings, and that's okay. The problem, therefore, 530 00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:37,399 Speaker 2: is not that the wife criticizes. It is how the criticism. 531 00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:41,000 Speaker 2: And men criticize too, by the way, and men's criticism 532 00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:45,880 Speaker 2: is usually more severely problematic for the marriage because basically 533 00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:49,920 Speaker 2: the ratio is about eighty to one in her critiques 534 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,080 Speaker 2: to his. Because if you say something critical to your wife, 535 00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:56,759 Speaker 2: it doesn't bounce off quite like her criticism might of you. 536 00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,560 Speaker 2: I try to understate the case as best as I 537 00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:09,320 Speaker 2: possibly could. So here is a suggestion on criticizing. First, 538 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,960 Speaker 2: for here is a general rule that I have every 539 00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,560 Speaker 2: on my radio show. As each New Year's approaches, I 540 00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:21,160 Speaker 2: have a suggest suggestion for New Year's resolutions. This one 541 00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:25,560 Speaker 2: I give every year. It would make life not nicer 542 00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:29,319 Speaker 2: in our society. For every time you make a call 543 00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:32,680 Speaker 2: or write a letter of complaint to a company or whatever, 544 00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:36,759 Speaker 2: write a letter of praise or make a call of 545 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:40,160 Speaker 2: praise as well to someone who has done good for you. 546 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:45,640 Speaker 2: We tend to be more verbal in our complaining in life, 547 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:50,279 Speaker 2: in our criticizing, than we do in our complementing. And 548 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,400 Speaker 2: it's a very important lesson in the macro vis a 549 00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:55,840 Speaker 2: vis Oh, if you had poor service on an airline, 550 00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:57,960 Speaker 2: you may very well write a letter. But if you 551 00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,080 Speaker 2: had great service, did you write a letter too? And so? 552 00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:05,560 Speaker 2: But one should. It's not right not to. And so likewise, 553 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:10,680 Speaker 2: certainly in the micro that compliments be as often it 554 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,400 Speaker 2: monitor almost. It would be a nice idea for the 555 00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:17,360 Speaker 2: spouse who criticizes the most to count how many times 556 00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:20,680 Speaker 2: I have done so week, today, whatever. It's a little 557 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,000 Speaker 2: chart you could keep, and how many times did I 558 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:27,719 Speaker 2: tell him how wonderful he is? That's all. It's a 559 00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:30,279 Speaker 2: fair thing. Just as it's fair with the airlines, it's 560 00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:33,719 Speaker 2: fair with your spouse. The other is when you do criticize. 561 00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:36,480 Speaker 2: And by the way, wifely criticisms are very important, and 562 00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:39,040 Speaker 2: this is. I mean this seriously, I am a very 563 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:44,160 Speaker 2: much better man for about forty six percent of the criticisms. 564 00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:46,839 Speaker 2: I don't know what percent I'm kidding, but I am 565 00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:50,560 Speaker 2: a better man because I want to be better too. 566 00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:55,000 Speaker 2: But it has to be done lovingly. It has to 567 00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:58,120 Speaker 2: be done that you criticize the action, not the person. 568 00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:02,080 Speaker 2: It's not you, but it By the way, you know 569 00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:04,399 Speaker 2: that for children, you don't say to your child you're 570 00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:06,680 Speaker 2: a bad boy, you're a bad girl. You say what 571 00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:10,080 Speaker 2: you did was bad. You're a good girl who did 572 00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:13,360 Speaker 2: a bad thing. If you're a bad girl, well that 573 00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:15,759 Speaker 2: ends everything. Then there's no hope for me. If I'm 574 00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,919 Speaker 2: a bad guy, then what's the hope for me? Now, 575 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:23,680 Speaker 2: when you're angry, it's very tempting to overstate the case, 576 00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:26,680 Speaker 2: to overstate the criticism, and to generalize about the person. 577 00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:30,040 Speaker 2: Maybe that's why it's best to criticize when you're not angry. 578 00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:34,799 Speaker 2: Just a thought. It's a very sensitive part of marriage. 579 00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:40,239 Speaker 1: This has been timeless wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit Dennispragger 580 00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:43,840 Speaker 1: dot com for thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, 581 00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:48,560 Speaker 1: and classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Prager's rational Bibles,