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Speaker 1: Life Audio.

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Speaker 2: Hi there, and welcome to the Praying Christian Women podcast.

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Speaker 2: I'm Jamie Hampton and I am so thankful today to

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Speaker 2: have Carol Holmes joining us on the show today. Carol

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Speaker 2: is a wife, a mother of seven children, and a

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Speaker 2: writer who is passionate about grief, loss, and parenting children

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Speaker 2: and adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Carol is the

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Speaker 2: author of two books sharing her families unexpected and often

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Speaker 2: painful journey into adopting three children with developmental disabilities and

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Speaker 2: other significant needs. Her first book was Grace according to Gifts,

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Speaker 2: and her newest book, which at the time that we

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Speaker 2: released this it will have released just a couple of

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Speaker 2: weeks prior, and it's called Only Jesus Knows Loving the

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Speaker 2: World's Most Vulnerable, which is the story of their oldest

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Speaker 2: adopted son. So Carol, thank you so much for joining

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Speaker 2: us on the podcast today.

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Speaker 3: Thank you for having me on. It's a pleasure to

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Speaker 3: be here.

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Speaker 2: I just happen to find out that March is recognized

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Speaker 2: in the United States as Developmental Disabilities Awareness Months. I

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Speaker 2: had no idea it's a coincidence, but it's really fitting

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Speaker 2: to highlight this story and your story, your family's story

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Speaker 2: during this month.

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Speaker 4: You are correct, it is, and I believe it's actually

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Speaker 4: also a down syndrome awareness month. Okay, and they kind

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Speaker 4: of go a hand in hand.

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Speaker 3: But okay, so.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so very timely before we get into your story

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Speaker 2: and just you sharing. We always like to ask our

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Speaker 2: guests what is your favorite prayer closet? So where do

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Speaker 2: you like to go to connect with God? It could

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Speaker 2: be you know, very normal, run of the mill, or

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Speaker 2: completely off the wall.

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Speaker 4: So it's a little bit interesting because currently, when most

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Speaker 4: people our age are in their emptiness season of life,

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Speaker 4: my husband and I are not because one of our

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Speaker 4: children that we adopted is still living at home. He'll

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Speaker 4: be fourteen in June, and it is very difficult for

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Speaker 4: me to find that quiet time in that quiet space.

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Speaker 4: So usually what I do is I get up very

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Speaker 4: early in the morning, usually around five, and I have

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Speaker 4: you know, an hour to an hour and a half

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Speaker 4: to just just be still and drink my cup of

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Speaker 4: gloffee and have that quiet time. If it's starting to

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Speaker 4: get like during daylight saving time, when the days are

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Speaker 4: a little bit longer, I will actually go out to

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Speaker 4: our patio and I'll sit and I'll watch the sun

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Speaker 4: come up, if I can go in the winter, I

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Speaker 4: just sit right in my living room and it's just

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Speaker 4: me and my Bible. And so that's where I just

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Speaker 4: I make myself so comfortable as I can well.

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Speaker 2: As a mom of seven and a mom with children

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Speaker 2: that have.

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Speaker 1: Special needs and lots of needs.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure a lot of people ask you how you

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Speaker 2: do it, And I wonder, is that your secret? Just

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Speaker 2: making that time and being disciplined and getting up and

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Speaker 2: setting aside that time for God.

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Speaker 1: Is that part of your the way that you're.

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Speaker 4: Able absolutely absolutely setting that time a side. I also

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Speaker 4: am a very high energy person, and I you know,

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Speaker 4: I think the Lord knew what he had in store

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Speaker 4: for me, and so he gifted me with a lot

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Speaker 4: of energy. So but yes, I would not be able

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Speaker 4: to do it without that time. It's a Lord every morning.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And it's not easy though, I mean, it's not easy

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Speaker 2: to get up that really when I'm sure you're up

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Speaker 2: late sometimes. I'm sure there are nights that you not

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Speaker 2: sleep because your sleep is interrupted.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely absolutely, yeah, But it's just it's become it's a discipline,

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Speaker 4: and I'm a very disciplined person, and so you know

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Speaker 4: that discipline thing is not hard for me. But yeah,

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Speaker 4: there are a lot of mornings where I would just

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Speaker 4: really love to hit, you know, flam off my alarm

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Speaker 4: clock and you know, roll back over and go back

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Speaker 4: to sleep. But I have learned from experience over the

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Speaker 4: years that that usually does not go well for me.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, well that's good, that's amazing.

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Speaker 2: Well let's jump into your story. Can you just give

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Speaker 2: us a background. You did not grow up intending to

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Speaker 2: adopt children, and you did not grow up adopt, you know,

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Speaker 2: intending to adopt children with with lots of needs, and

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Speaker 2: so how did this happen? Like, how did you unexpectedly

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Speaker 2: come to adopt not just one or two, but three

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Speaker 2: children with special needs?

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Speaker 3: Oh, you are one hundred percent correct. We did.

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Speaker 4: My husband and I had no plans of adopting. We

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Speaker 4: at the time had our children are pretty small. We

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Speaker 4: had a three year old, a five year old, a

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Speaker 4: seven year old, and an eight year old, and so

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Speaker 4: to say that we already had a full plate was

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Speaker 4: pretty accurate. But we had received a call from somebody

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Speaker 4: who knew us through someone else, and they asked us

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Speaker 4: if we would host a critically ill child that was

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Speaker 4: going to be coming from Haiti in two days on

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Speaker 4: a private jet with a group of other kids that

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Speaker 4: were coming to have life saving surgeries. We knew that

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Speaker 4: our fun or that this child was he was about

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Speaker 4: three and a half months old, and we knew that

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Speaker 4: he had a pretty significant hurt defect that needed to

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Speaker 4: be repaired. The plan was for him to come for

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Speaker 4: a few months and go back to Haiti, and so

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Speaker 4: that was what we thought we were doing. However, his

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Speaker 4: surgery was very difficult, and like pretty much from the

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Speaker 4: moment he was put in my arm, we would just

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Speaker 4: thrust into this something that I don't think we had

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Speaker 4: really signed up for. It was much much bigger than us,

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Speaker 4: much bigger than what we were expecting. A few days later,

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Speaker 4: a few days after he arrived in our house, he

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Speaker 4: actually sat breathing in my arms, and so we had

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Speaker 4: to do We had to save this baby's life. And

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Speaker 4: after he had his open heart surgery and was deemed healthy.

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Speaker 4: I do have a medical background, and so I just

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Speaker 4: I had a really really bad feeling about this baby

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Speaker 4: from as a parent and as a medical professional. I

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Speaker 4: just felt like something was wrong and we were nearing

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Speaker 4: the time when he would need to go back to Haiti,

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Speaker 4: and I was very concerned for him, and so I

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Speaker 4: pushed pretty hard with some of his factors.

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Speaker 3: And.

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Speaker 4: Ultimately a CTI was done of his brain and it

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Speaker 4: was determined that he had severe brain damage, and that

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Speaker 4: was pretty devastating because at this point, we think we're

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Speaker 4: sending this now brain damage baby back to Haiti, which

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Speaker 4: kind of sounded like a death sentence. He also had

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Speaker 4: some following difficulties, and so you know, we were he

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Speaker 4: basically he needed to have a feeding tube put in place,

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Speaker 4: but we couldn't really do that if he was going

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Speaker 4: back to Haiti, and so, you know, I just it

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Speaker 4: just did. It was very bleak to think of him

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Speaker 4: going back. The doctor returned the other children back to Haiti. Maise,

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Speaker 4: my son's name is Mauise. He was still with us,

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Speaker 4: but when he got to Haiti, he talked with Maise's

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Speaker 4: biological parents and they did not want him to come

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Speaker 4: back because they knew that Haiti would not be kind

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Speaker 4: to him. So she asked if I would be his mother, and.

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Speaker 3: That was a pretty big ask.

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Speaker 4: And you know, my husband and I had not been

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Speaker 4: thinking we would have adapt him, but suddenly we were

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Speaker 4: faced with either we adapt him or they take him

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Speaker 4: back to Haiti where he's probably going to die. And

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Speaker 4: it was a very painful and very difficult decision, but

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Speaker 4: ultimately we did end up adapting him, and immediately we're

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Speaker 4: thrust into the world of disabilities, you know, the doctor's appointments,

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Speaker 4: the hospitalizations, the therapy appointments, all the things that go

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Speaker 4: with that. And we figured out pretty quickly that we

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Speaker 4: sort of had a knack for this. My husband and

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Speaker 4: I work together very well as a team. We have

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Speaker 4: we own an operated business, and we work together very well.

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Speaker 4: And my husband is just Hayes, just remarkable, and he

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Speaker 4: has a very deep love for people with disabilities. He

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Speaker 4: actually has a brother who has a developmental disability, and

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Speaker 4: so he just has a deep love and a compassion

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Speaker 4: for that, and so, you know, we just figured out

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Speaker 4: pretty quickly that we could do this, and then the

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Speaker 4: adoption agency that facilitated our adoption figured this out pretty

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Speaker 4: quickly too.

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Speaker 3: But we just we had a knack for this, or

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Speaker 3: a gift.

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Speaker 4: I guess I don't really like calling it a gift,

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Speaker 4: and yet, I mean, what else can we call that?

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Speaker 4: Because it definitely came from the Lord. It was not

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Speaker 4: of ourselves, and so the adoption agency then later reached

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Speaker 4: I think he was seven at the time, they had

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Speaker 4: another situation of a baby that needed open heart surgery.

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Speaker 4: She was also born with Down syndrome, and she needed

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Speaker 4: a home, and so we adopted her off. And then

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Speaker 4: several years later we received another call of baby. This

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Speaker 4: has been two thousand and this baby had been born

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Speaker 4: to Liberian birth parents and had just a host of

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Speaker 4: medical issues and his care that they really could not

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Speaker 4: tell us what a future would look like for him.

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Speaker 4: And so long story short, we ended up adapting him also,

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Speaker 4: and so there we have three children with its abilities

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Speaker 4: and to say that it changed our life is a

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Speaker 4: pretty dramatic understatement.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so, Carol, I am still stuck on you were

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Speaker 2: asked with a short notice to just host a baby

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Speaker 2: that was awaiting an incredibly complex medical procedure, and you said, yes,

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Speaker 2: I mean I'm still stuck on that of just that's amazing.

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Speaker 1: To me, even if I mean, I just you know

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Speaker 1: what know? So tell us about that, like, what was

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Speaker 1: what did that look like? Was it a knowing? Was

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Speaker 1: it a I guess nobody.

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Speaker 3: Else do it?

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Speaker 4: I it was really pretty dalmba bus.

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Speaker 2: And yet you would never change a thing, right, knowing

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Speaker 2: what you know now, you would not.

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Speaker 1: Change a thing.

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Speaker 4: But we were young and naive and idealistic, and I

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Speaker 4: kind of want to say this word stupid, except my

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Speaker 4: granddaughter would say that's a bad word, and so so.

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Speaker 3: We I mean we had two days. He was going

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Speaker 3: to be flying in in two days, and so I

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Speaker 3: mean I.

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Speaker 4: Took this call and then I I called my husband

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Speaker 4: and we're just like, I mean, I'll be honest, It

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Speaker 4: kind of sounded like a fun thing to do. It

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Speaker 4: was a feel good thing to do. We did not

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Speaker 4: put enough prayer into that. We just were like, I thought,

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Speaker 4: I already have four children, how much how hard can

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Speaker 4: it be to care for one more child.

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Speaker 3: I mean, he's going to go he's going to have

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Speaker 3: his open.

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Speaker 4: Heart surgery, and we'll send him back to Haiti and

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Speaker 4: we will have done this good deed.

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Speaker 3: And that's what I thought we were doing. The minute

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Speaker 3: they put.

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Speaker 4: That baby in my arms, I knew that our life

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Speaker 4: was never going to be the same thing. In fact, later,

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Speaker 4: as we strapped him into the car seat to bring

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Speaker 4: him home, I said to my husband, why do I

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Speaker 4: feel like our life is never going to be the same,

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Speaker 4: and he said to me, because it's not. And the

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Speaker 4: minute I looked at the baby, he was three and

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Speaker 4: a half months old, he was under nine pounds, he

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Speaker 4: was covered in rashes.

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Speaker 3: I knew.

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Speaker 4: I was able to identify one right away with scabies,

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Speaker 4: and the other one nobody seemed to know.

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Speaker 3: What it was.

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Speaker 4: It was obvious that he had two different things going on.

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Speaker 4: His lips were blue, his fingernail beds were blue, and

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Speaker 4: so I knew, you know, that he was suffering from

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Speaker 4: oxygen deprivation. And yet from the very beginning he had

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Speaker 4: this just beautiful smile that lit up his face. And

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Speaker 4: I mean he hooked me right there with that smile.

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Speaker 4: And so we just honestly, we just didn't think. We

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Speaker 4: just acted. And that's the only thing that I can

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Speaker 4: say about it.

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Speaker 3: We just acted.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, it's interesting. In some of the things I've

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Speaker 2: been reading that you've written, you talk about how you

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Speaker 2: couldn't unsee what you saw, and once your eyes were

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Speaker 2: opened to this world of children with disabilities, and that

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Speaker 2: you you couldn't unsee it and it became.

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Speaker 1: Part of you.

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Speaker 4: We knew they're there, and that when that they're the

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Speaker 4: verse in Isaiah, I can't tell you exactly where it is.

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Speaker 4: But once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend that

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Speaker 4: we do not know. For God, who knows our hearts,

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Speaker 4: he knows what we know and holds us accountable to

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Speaker 4: it act and I can't get that. And when we

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Speaker 4: took our third baby, I'll be honest, I didn't really

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Speaker 4: want to do it. We had been through a lot

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Speaker 4: of trauma and heart and grief for our two previous adoptions,

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Speaker 4: and I didn't want to do it. But you are right,

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Speaker 4: I couldn't unsee it. I couldn't pretend that I didn't

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Speaker 4: know how hard it would be to find a family

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Speaker 4: for this baby, that nobody could tell us what kind

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Speaker 4: of a future we were looking at. I couldn't pretend

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Speaker 4: that I didn't know how very difficult it is to

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Speaker 4: care for and raise these children. And God had given

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Speaker 4: us the ability to do that, and here he was

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Speaker 4: asking us again.

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Speaker 3: I couldn't pretend I didn't know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, can you talk a little bit about those

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Speaker 2: early years? So can you give us a timeframe of

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Speaker 2: what was the time between first receiving Moise until you

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Speaker 2: took in your third child? What was the time range there?

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Speaker 4: So Moise when we got him, he was three and

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Speaker 4: a half months old. He was around ten or eleven

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Speaker 4: months old when we actually made the decision to adopt him, okay,

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Speaker 4: And that was in two thousand and one. In two

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Speaker 4: thousand and seven, so Moise he was born in December,

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Speaker 4: so Moise had just turned fixed. So in two thousand

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Speaker 4: and seven, our daughter Jelaine came along. Julaine passed away

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Speaker 4: when she was two and a half. So in two

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Speaker 4: thousand and nine, Jelayne passed away, and then in twenty

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Speaker 4: twelve is when Cruise we all back up a little bit.

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Speaker 4: We got Julaine from the hospital. She was two days

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Speaker 4: old when we got her, and then she passed away.

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Speaker 4: In two thousand and nine and twenty and twelve we

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Speaker 4: were called about Cruise. At that point, he was about

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Speaker 4: four and a half months old. And so all of

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Speaker 4: this between two thousand and one to twenty twelve, so

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Speaker 4: twelve years were all three of thattions.

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 2: And so when you say that you had gone through trauma,

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Speaker 2: I mean you had gone through the loss of a

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Speaker 2: child by the time you were approached with them wanting

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Speaker 2: you to take Cruise. So I mean, can you just

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Speaker 2: tell us about just some of those struggles in the

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Speaker 2: early days, in the early years of adoption and children

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Speaker 2: with disabilities. And I'm just thinking of the person listening

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Speaker 2: who's in the shoes of you as a young mom,

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Speaker 2: just struggling with all of these unexpected curveballs that you

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Speaker 2: never knew when you said yes would be there. What

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Speaker 2: were some of those struggles and how did you approach them?

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Speaker 2: What role did prayer play in that strength to get

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Speaker 2: you through that?

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Speaker 1: Just all the things.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so there were a lot of struggles.

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Speaker 4: We were immediately thrusted because by this time Malis was

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Speaker 4: ten and his disabilities were extreme. He had multiple disabilities,

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Speaker 4: so he was deaf at that time. He later when

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Speaker 4: he was thirteen, he actually lost his vision also, and

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Speaker 4: he had several palsy and at that point he had

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Speaker 4: a feeding tube. He and then was cognitively impaired as well.

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Speaker 4: And so we were immediately thrust into all the therapies.

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Speaker 4: We had a developmental therapist, we had a physical therapist,

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Speaker 4: beach therapist, feeding therapists, occupational therapists, we had all of

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Speaker 4: these therapies and so basically it just consumed our lives.

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Speaker 4: And then, not to mention, he also is very complex medically,

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Speaker 4: and so we were having one surgery after another and

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Speaker 4: like lengthy hospitalizations, and so a lot of the times

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Speaker 4: I feel like I was just functioning in survival mode.

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Speaker 4: I functioned in survival mode for quite a while when

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Speaker 4: we first got Moise, and then there was the difficulty

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Speaker 4: of navigating I also, we can't forget, had four biological

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Speaker 4: children who needed me also, so there was just that

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Speaker 4: finding that balance of how do I here for one

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Speaker 4: who is so needy and also care for these other

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Speaker 4: four who needed me also, obviously in different ways. There

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Speaker 4: was a lot of grief, and like anybody who might

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Speaker 4: be listening who has a child with disabilities, is you

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Speaker 4: need to allow yourself to grieve. It is very painful.

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Speaker 4: And you know, I didn't even give birth to him,

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Speaker 4: but I had to grieve the loss of the family

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Speaker 4: that I thought I was going to have. Life did

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Speaker 4: not look like I ever imagined it would look, and

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Speaker 4: I had to grieve that. And I think that's a

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Speaker 4: very very important piece. I actually have a daughter who

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Speaker 4: now has an almost five year old who is developmentally disabled,

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Speaker 4: and that grief piece is very important because suddenly you

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Speaker 4: have a child who your dreams have to alter.

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Speaker 3: For him or her.

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Speaker 4: What you thought their life was going to be is

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Speaker 4: not what it's going to be, and grieve the fact

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Speaker 4: that your life is going to be difficult, it's going

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Speaker 4: to be hard.

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Speaker 3: Those were way around it, and so it just was.

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Speaker 4: It was all consuming. His care was all consuming, and

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Speaker 4: so it was I really did learn to take one

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Speaker 4: day at a time, honestly, one moment at a time,

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Speaker 4: one breath at a time, because if we made plans,

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Speaker 4: Moise would inevitably just blow them out of the water.

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Speaker 3: We would plan a trip and he would end up

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Speaker 3: in the hospital.

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Speaker 4: We would you know, just different things that we would

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Speaker 4: plan to do and something major, like at a straphic

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Speaker 4: would happen with Moise.

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Speaker 3: And so I learned and very much of a planner.

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Speaker 4: I'm very organized and detailed, and I really did learn

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Speaker 4: to give a lot of that up because it just

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Speaker 4: was not it just was not possible. And so but

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Speaker 4: the big I really feel like that grief piece is

349
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Speaker 4: a really big piece for families who are raising its

350
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Speaker 4: fits abilities. And there's a measure of guilt that goes

351
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Speaker 4: with that that why should we be grieving ourailed? And

352
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Speaker 4: yet it's so very important to acknowledge that my life

353
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Speaker 4: does not look like I thought it was going to look.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for giving permission for that, because that was

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Speaker 2: my next thing I was going to say, is I

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Speaker 2: can imagine that there would be a level of guilt

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Speaker 2: or avoidance even of addressing that emotion and suppressing it

358
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Speaker 2: rather than getting it out and acknowledging it and calling

359
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Speaker 2: it out. And it's in the suppression, it's in the

360
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Speaker 2: mask that the enemy can just really do damage I

361
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:50,200
Speaker 2: think inside when you don't. So I'm just so thankful

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Speaker 2: that you are giving parents permission to acknowledge those feelings

363
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Speaker 2: and to realize that it's okay, that's totally normal and yeah,

364
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Speaker 2: and God knows and we'll meet you right in that

365
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Speaker 2: and absolutely not condemn those feelings, because yeah, did you

366
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Speaker 2: feel like your relationship with God changed significantly during that time?

367
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Speaker 1: In for better?

368
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Speaker 4: Oh my goodness, so much better, so much better, Because yeah,

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Speaker 4: I was raised a Christian. In my whole life. I

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Speaker 4: have been a Christian, as you know, as long as

371
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Speaker 4: I can remember. I accepted Christ when I was fifteen

372
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Speaker 4: years old, but I did not have that deep relationship

373
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Speaker 4: with the Lord, and that had to come through knowing

374
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Speaker 4: that I could not do this of myself.

375
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Speaker 3: I could not There was no way I could do this, you.

376
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:57,480
Speaker 4: Know, physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually, in terms of our marriage,

377
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Speaker 4: there was no way that we could do this of

378
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Speaker 4: our health.

379
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Speaker 3: And so I learned too.

380
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Speaker 4: Just to cry out to God, and crying out to him,

381
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Speaker 4: you know, he draws us so close to him, And honestly,

382
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Speaker 4: it's a beautiful thing to have Dad draw you near

383
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Speaker 4: when you know you're just in the trenches. And we

384
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Speaker 4: were in the trenches year after a year after a year.

385
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Speaker 1: Does anything come to mind.

386
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Speaker 2: In terms of ways that God showed up for you

387
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Speaker 2: at clutch moments when you needed him at most. I'm

388
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Speaker 2: kind of putting you on the spot, but do you

389
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Speaker 2: have any examples?

390
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Speaker 4: So many times there would just be people that would

391
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 4: just like show up at our door, like like I

392
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 4: can remember one time, because I had four biological kids

393
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Speaker 4: who weren't old enough to stay by themselves, one time

394
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Speaker 4: we had a medical I don't even remember what the

395
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:55,879
Speaker 4: medical crisis was.

396
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Speaker 3: But my family are farmers. My parents were farmers.

397
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Speaker 4: Across somewhere we live is a field that my parents own,

398
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 4: and they were walking beans that day and my sister

399
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,800
Speaker 4: happened to be one of the people next door that

400
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,679
Speaker 4: was walking beans. I don't know if anybody knows what

401
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 4: that is. It's definitely a farming term, Midwest farming term.

402
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,959
Speaker 4: And so they were out walking beans and we had

403
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,640
Speaker 4: a medical crisis and I was just able to go

404
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:27,760
Speaker 4: across the street and ask my sister, Hey, can you

405
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 4: watch my kids? And you know, right then and there,

406
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 4: I had another situation with Julaane, my middle child, adapted child.

407
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:40,280
Speaker 4: She turned blue sitting in her car seat one day.

408
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 4: This is right before her open heart surgery. She had

409
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:48,159
Speaker 4: gone into congestive heart failure, and I was just rather frantic,

410
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:54,040
Speaker 4: and right then one of my friends showed up at

411
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,960
Speaker 4: my door who happened to be a nurse, and she

412
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,640
Speaker 4: was like, oh, Carol, you need to go to emergency.

413
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:02,359
Speaker 4: You know when you need to go to asporale right away.

414
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:08,160
Speaker 4: I'll take my wise. And just so many situations like that.

415
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:13,200
Speaker 4: So we saw the lords show up a few times financially,

416
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:18,240
Speaker 4: where you know, we had like a major surgery or

417
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 4: maybe a therapy that was recommended but insurance wasn't going

418
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 4: to cover it, and we would get an anonymous check

419
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 4: in the mail. Wow, And just a lot of different

420
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 4: things like that that happened.

421
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Speaker 2: And that's something I don't think that's talked about enough

422
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:41,000
Speaker 2: when it comes to parenting children with disabilities. I think

423
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 2: a lot of us can see, yes, this is very emotionally, physically,

424
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:51,360
Speaker 2: spiritually taxing. But financially, it's not like the insurance companies

425
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 2: are just like, oh here, yeah, good for you. You know,

426
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 2: you're you're doing a great job.

427
00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 1: We're going to cover you.

428
00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:00,639
Speaker 2: It's you know, a lot of life of out of

429
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:05,680
Speaker 2: pocketing expenses that aren't necessarily there for the use.

430
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:06,720
Speaker 1: But it's your child.

431
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:13,679
Speaker 4: The financial piece is huge, and a lot of people assume,

432
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 4: you know, that this child has disability, always never had disability.

433
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 4: He never qualified for like any kind of financial like

434
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,720
Speaker 4: a medical card or anything like that. He never qualified

435
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:33,400
Speaker 4: for any of that. It seems absurd, but he never qualified.

436
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 3: For any of it.

437
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:37,439
Speaker 4: And so that is a very very big piece that

438
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,880
Speaker 4: people are not aware of. I think everybody just assumed

439
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:44,880
Speaker 4: that we were getting some sort of financial assistance somewhere

440
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:49,120
Speaker 4: and we were not. Yeah, and so the financial piece

441
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 4: is a very very big piece, and it causes a

442
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 4: lot of added stress.

443
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:56,479
Speaker 3: You know.

444
00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:59,720
Speaker 4: It's also stressful anyway with all these hospital visits and

445
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:02,960
Speaker 4: to just navigate the whole thing, and then you add

446
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 4: the financial strain on top of it, and it's really hard.

447
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 3: Yeah.

448
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 2: Well, you've talked about the grief of losing children. You

449
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 2: talked about Jolaine who passed away when she was very young,

450
00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:23,360
Speaker 2: and then in your book you talk about Louise and

451
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:28,359
Speaker 2: you've also lost him. And can you just talk to

452
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:32,479
Speaker 2: the woman right now who is just so entrenched in grief,

453
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:36,439
Speaker 2: whether it's caring for a child and seeing them suffer,

454
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:39,520
Speaker 2: or after the loss of a child that she just

455
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 2: doubts God even exists, or worse that he exists and

456
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:46,280
Speaker 2: he doesn't care. How do you meet grief when you're

457
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 2: in that place.

458
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:51,840
Speaker 4: Well, for the person Danny on the outside of grief,

459
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,679
Speaker 4: I would say that the way that you meet grief

460
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 4: is through prayer and presence. The person who had lost

461
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:02,119
Speaker 4: a child needs an a lot of prayer for a

462
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:05,639
Speaker 4: long time. It does not go away after a lot

463
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 4: of people tend to think that after the first year,

464
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:11,359
Speaker 4: after you've experienced all the first it does not go

465
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:15,960
Speaker 4: away ever, And so they need a lot of prayer

466
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:20,120
Speaker 4: and they need presents, They need people to show up.

467
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,560
Speaker 4: You don't have to be smart. You don't have to

468
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 4: have all the right scriptures. You don't have to I

469
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,439
Speaker 4: don't really have to say anything. You just need to

470
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 4: show up and let them know. When you're walking through grief,

471
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 4: you lose a lot of friends because a lot of

472
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 4: people are not capable of staying with you in that painful, painful.

473
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 3: Place for the long haul.

474
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 4: And they want you to be okay, and when you

475
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 4: don't appear to be okay, they it's almost like they

476
00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 4: get tired of it. And I don't know what else

477
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 4: to say to her. I don't know what to do

478
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:05,480
Speaker 4: with her anymore. And so I'm moving on. And that

479
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 4: is and so somebody, just like I had friends who

480
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 4: would call me and say, you know, get me out

481
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 4: for a walk. Just show up. You don't have to

482
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,960
Speaker 4: have all the right words. You just need to show

483
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,760
Speaker 4: up and let them know that you're still there. So

484
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 4: that's what I would say to the person on the outside,

485
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:27,600
Speaker 4: to the woman, the mother that is in the midst

486
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 4: of that grief. First of all, I just have to say,

487
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:36,240
Speaker 4: I'm so so sorry, because no one should have to

488
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 4: go with your natural toward the child. And God is there,

489
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 4: and you know, it's something I understand people being angry

490
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 4: with God. I can't say that I ever really was

491
00:29:54,560 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 4: angry with God, because I believe so completely in his

492
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 4: sovereignty that my children had an appointed time to be born,

493
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 4: in an appointed time to die, and it was all

494
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 4: a part of God's plan. But God wants you to

495
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 4: draw near to him. He wants to hold you close

496
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 4: to him. And if we allow ourselves to just rest

497
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 4: in the knowledge that He is God, it's almost like

498
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 4: you can physically feel his arms around you, carrying you.

499
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 4: And the strength of the Lord is evident even in

500
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:36,480
Speaker 4: the fact that we are able to get out of

501
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 4: bed in the morning. And that is one of the things.

502
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 4: I actually had a sister that just lost her son

503
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 4: last August, horrible tragedy, and she said to me the

504
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 4: first night, I don't know what to do, And I said,

505
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 4: all you have to do is whatever comes next. So

506
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:59,640
Speaker 4: in the morning, you have to get up and then

507
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 4: whatever comes next. Maybe it's eating, maybe it's getting dressed

508
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 4: or taking a shower. Just take whatever comes next. That's

509
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:13,080
Speaker 4: all that's expected of us when we're in that really,

510
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 4: you know, an immediate aftermath of death. Just do whatever

511
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 4: comes next, because to not do what comes next, we'll

512
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:30,959
Speaker 4: spiral us into a deep, deep dark pit that is

513
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 4: very difficult to climb out of.

514
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so as hard as it is to step

515
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 2: out of bed or brush your teeth or whatever, like

516
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:48,959
Speaker 2: you said, that next thing is, it's important to do it,

517
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 2: whatever the next thing is.

518
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:55,760
Speaker 4: And like I said, that strength comes from the Lord,

519
00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:02,480
Speaker 4: and he is holding us through this. And there's no

520
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 4: way that I can sit here and say, you know,

521
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 4: don't be angry at God. God can take wherever we

522
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 4: throw at him. He can take our anger. He can

523
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 4: you know, if we shake our fists at him, God

524
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 4: can handle it. And he understands. And Jesus questioned, I

525
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,720
Speaker 4: have you forsaken me? And one of the really big

526
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 4: pieces that has helped me is lament. I write my

527
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:32,400
Speaker 4: prayers and every morning I take my prayer journal and

528
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:35,880
Speaker 4: I write out my prayers. And one of the really

529
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:40,800
Speaker 4: big pieces is to lament. And it's scriptural. It's all

530
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 4: over in the scripture of the people who have lamented,

531
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 4: you know, job, King, King David, there's just Elijah, there's

532
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:52,720
Speaker 4: all kinds of them. And so it's okay to take

533
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 4: whatever it is that we're feeling and express it to

534
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,720
Speaker 4: the Lord. And what I usually have found is that

535
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 4: when we lament, it turns back to praise, because when

536
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 4: we're lamenting, we're drawing near to Him and we can

537
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:11,120
Speaker 4: see him, we be painted with him with my deep,

538
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:15,880
Speaker 4: deep sorrow that the Lord himself has felt, and we

539
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 4: turn back to praise. And so one of the habits

540
00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:24,239
Speaker 4: that I got into, honestly when Mais Is and in

541
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:27,960
Speaker 4: Mais's early years, as I started the prayer journaling, and

542
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:32,080
Speaker 4: I always started with praise and I ended with praise.

543
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:36,320
Speaker 4: And that I really, even when you don't want to,

544
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 4: even when you don't feel like praising him, do it anyway,

545
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 4: and you will find that eventually that comes very naturally.

546
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:47,680
Speaker 4: So that's that's how I did it, you know, just

547
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:52,400
Speaker 4: mostly just writing it all out. And it just is

548
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 4: amazing how when we come before Him and just pour

549
00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 4: everything out, how you can just feel his arms coming

550
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:00,960
Speaker 4: around us.

551
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:04,480
Speaker 1: Oh, that is such good advice. And we see that

552
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 1: through the psalms.

553
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 2: I'm always amazed, you know, when I read David in

554
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:12,400
Speaker 2: his darkest moments, almost every single time he brings it

555
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 2: back in the end to praise.

556
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:15,520
Speaker 3: That he does.

557
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,600
Speaker 4: And it's a model that's set out for us and

558
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 4: like I wouldn't say that when I began to lament

559
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 4: that I set out with that model.

560
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:27,320
Speaker 3: It's just comes naturally.

561
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 1: That's amazing.

562
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:33,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've never heard anyone talk about it independently of oh,

563
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 2: it's a good idea to finish with praise, but just

564
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 2: that maybe our spirits are wired so that when we

565
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:40,920
Speaker 2: meet God in any.

566
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 4: Kind close to him, and whether we're asking because we're

567
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:51,560
Speaker 4: saying so, for example, we're saying, Lord, I don't understand

568
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:56,839
Speaker 4: why you took her from me. I don't understand why

569
00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 4: this had to happen. Right, You put the sun in

570
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,960
Speaker 4: the sky, you put the moon in the sky. You

571
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 4: could have changed her. You are so big, you are almighty.

572
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 4: And as we're naming those qualities of God, we can't

573
00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:18,120
Speaker 4: help but praise him. So it goes from why to

574
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:21,320
Speaker 4: your sovereign You're almighty, You're good.

575
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:22,440
Speaker 3: I praise you.

576
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:27,399
Speaker 1: Amen. I love that well.

577
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:29,799
Speaker 2: I wanted to take just a minute, and you said

578
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:33,239
Speaker 2: you're okay with this, Just to honor the memories of

579
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 2: Moise and Julaane, could you just tell us a little

580
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 2: bit about each of them and who they were, what

581
00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 2: you love most about them.

582
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:49,280
Speaker 4: So Moise died in November of twenty four, very unexpectedly,

583
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:52,800
Speaker 4: he developed an aspiration pneumonia, and in three days he

584
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:58,719
Speaker 4: was gone. He was the bravest soul I have ever

585
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 4: known him. He faced loss after lost after lost. He struggled,

586
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:12,759
Speaker 4: he suffered unspeakably, and as his mother, it was very painful.

587
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 4: I grieved. We just grieved a lot throughout his life.

588
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 4: And yet he had a smile and a laugh that

589
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:31,279
Speaker 4: could just light up the room. And he touched more

590
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 4: people without ever saying a single word than I will

591
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:38,320
Speaker 4: ever touch in my whole life with all the words.

592
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 4: Just had a calm about him, and he just he

593
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:47,440
Speaker 4: drew peuthful to him. He was just beautiful and he

594
00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:49,440
Speaker 4: would laugh and we didn't always know what he.

595
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:54,680
Speaker 3: Was laughing at. He just touched many lives. There are

596
00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 3: just so many things. Always loved this one.

597
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:06,200
Speaker 4: And he did his resper an unblong period of time.

598
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:09,800
Speaker 3: Learned ladies. There's always a lot of older lady or whatever.

599
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:12,759
Speaker 4: We're going to get him come back up and all

600
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 4: of a sudden just have the big huge uns. They'd

601
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:17,759
Speaker 4: be like, oh, like that because they didn't think we

602
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:19,799
Speaker 4: were going to, you know, bring him her air. That

603
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:22,279
Speaker 4: was he was really quirky. He had a lot of

604
00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 4: little quirky things that he did. He loved anything motorized,

605
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 4: he loved anything that he could manipulate. He pretty much

606
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 4: destroyed everything he's done by trying to figure out how work.

607
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:39,360
Speaker 4: They always said, you know, things were a little different.

608
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 4: He probably would have been an engineer someday. And then

609
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,520
Speaker 4: Julane died when she was two and a half years old.

610
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:48,759
Speaker 4: She was born with Down syndrome, and she just was

611
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:52,719
Speaker 4: radiantly beautiful. She touched the lives of people everywhere she went.

612
00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:57,239
Speaker 4: Just a few days before she passed away, she died

613
00:37:57,239 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 4: in an accident, a very tragic, horrific act. And a

614
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,319
Speaker 4: few days before she passed away, we were at a

615
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 4: cross country meet with my kids. One of my kids

616
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:10,920
Speaker 4: is running and a woman came up to me and said,

617
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:18,719
Speaker 4: that child absolutely radiates. And I always say that she

618
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:22,839
Speaker 4: was so beautiful and so radiant because she had so

619
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:26,399
Speaker 4: much to do in two and a half years and

620
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:31,400
Speaker 4: she just like her whole life with a beautiful memory.

621
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:34,320
Speaker 3: My kids just doated on her.

622
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:39,000
Speaker 4: We just we loved her so much and it was

623
00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:42,560
Speaker 4: devastating when we lost her. But we do know that

624
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:44,399
Speaker 4: we're going to see both of our kids one day

625
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:48,400
Speaker 4: in heaven, and I long for heaven because I know

626
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 4: that I'm going to be with my children again.

627
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you for sharing, Carol, Thanks for sharing about

628
00:38:53,560 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 2: them both. So you have two books that kind of

629
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,719
Speaker 2: were different windows into your story. Can you tell us

630
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 2: about the two books. One of them just came out

631
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 2: a couple of weeks ago.

632
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 3: Yes, so great. According to Gifts, I published that in

633
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:22,080
Speaker 3: twenty eighteen.

634
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:26,240
Speaker 4: And when I started writing that book, it was more

635
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:29,320
Speaker 4: I just felt like I wanted to get my story

636
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:33,240
Speaker 4: out for my older biological children, because by this point

637
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:37,960
Speaker 4: they were adults and they knew our adaption stories, but

638
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:43,440
Speaker 4: they didn't begin to know the hurt and the prayer

639
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:47,319
Speaker 4: and the emotion that went into each of those adoptions.

640
00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:51,360
Speaker 4: And so I just like almost felt like this urgency

641
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:54,600
Speaker 4: to get it out for my older kids who know

642
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 4: and understand and read. And then I just ended up publishing.

643
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:02,440
Speaker 4: It became much more than what I had originally intended

644
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:05,360
Speaker 4: it to be. I did not intend to write another book,

645
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:09,080
Speaker 4: but after MAI's past, I knew that I had to.

646
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:12,920
Speaker 4: Only Jesus knows loving the world's most Vulnerable is Moisa's

647
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:18,279
Speaker 4: story and throughout the story, I offer a lot of

648
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 4: resources and helps to families who are raising children with

649
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 4: developmental disabilities. And I also shed light on the fact

650
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:29,759
Speaker 4: that our state of Illinois and a lot of other

651
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 4: states are in a state of crisis because there's a

652
00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 4: tremendous lack of services for adults with developmental disabilities. So

653
00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:40,239
Speaker 4: it's Maesa's story with a lot of other things kind

654
00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 4: of entwined throughout the story, and I just feel like

655
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:50,120
Speaker 4: Moisa's story has potential to have an incredible impact for

656
00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:53,800
Speaker 4: the adults with developmental disabilities community.

657
00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:56,320
Speaker 2: I love that, and I love that about your website.

658
00:40:56,600 --> 00:41:00,880
Speaker 2: On your website you have like step by step up this.

659
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 2: If you find yourself in a position with a child

660
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:07,640
Speaker 2: with developmental disabilities, this is what you do. Very practical.

661
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,719
Speaker 2: I love that that is I've never seen that anywhere.

662
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:12,120
Speaker 2: That's amazing.

663
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:17,360
Speaker 4: It's a very important brief first because it is so

664
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:20,799
Speaker 4: overwhelming and families they're saying, I don't know what to do.

665
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:23,760
Speaker 4: This will tell you at this age you need to

666
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:26,760
Speaker 4: get help. Here, at this age, you need to set

667
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:29,279
Speaker 4: them up for success as they become adults.

668
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:31,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, so can you tell us about that?

669
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:34,080
Speaker 2: Tell us where to find your books, how to connect

670
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:36,479
Speaker 2: with you online where you are on social media, because

671
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 2: I know you share a lot of your story on

672
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:39,160
Speaker 2: social media as well.

673
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,080
Speaker 4: Yes I do, I do, I share a lot on

674
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:45,160
Speaker 4: social media. Both books can be found on Amazon. It's

675
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:50,000
Speaker 4: under my name, Carol, It's KA r O L Blick

676
00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 4: G l U E C K.

677
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 3: Holmes. So Carol Blick Holmes is my name, my author name.

678
00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:01,719
Speaker 4: My social media tags are Harold Holmes author, k A

679
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 4: R O L h O L M E s Author

680
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:09,120
Speaker 4: and my website is lovingdeleaf dot com.

681
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 2: Okay, we will link to all of that in our

682
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:16,680
Speaker 2: show notes. So what are some practical supports that we

683
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:20,880
Speaker 2: can give to families in our sphere. Obviously we can pray,

684
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,359
Speaker 2: we can love them, we can show up for them.

685
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 2: But what are some very practical supports we can give

686
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,799
Speaker 2: to families who are in the process of adoption or

687
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:33,560
Speaker 2: have adopted kids, who are parents of kids with disabilities,

688
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:36,600
Speaker 2: or who are in the process of grieving the loss

689
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 2: of a child.

690
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 4: In Prayer and presences the two big things, but there

691
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:43,840
Speaker 4: are a lot of practical things that you can do

692
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:47,120
Speaker 4: for families. One of the things to consider is that

693
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:51,359
Speaker 4: you know when we have children, we hire babysitters, and

694
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 4: for someone who has a child with disabilities, they will

695
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:58,480
Speaker 4: be hiring caregivers for the entirety.

696
00:42:58,080 --> 00:42:59,040
Speaker 3: Of that child's life.

697
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:03,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, at a huge expense, and it's very difficult to

698
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:07,680
Speaker 4: find them. So if at all possible, you know, reach

699
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:11,680
Speaker 4: out to give mom a you know, an hour here

700
00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:14,920
Speaker 4: or there by just being able to watch that child.

701
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:17,919
Speaker 4: I know sometimes that can be difficult. Some children need

702
00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 4: nursing care and all of that, but if at all possible,

703
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:23,919
Speaker 4: try to give them a little bit of time. Other

704
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:28,240
Speaker 4: things are just helping out with you know, perhaps NILS

705
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:31,279
Speaker 4: gift cards are great because a lot of times the

706
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 4: family with disabilities cannot go out to dinner if they

707
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:37,120
Speaker 4: can't take that child out to dinner, and so give

708
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 4: cards to just be able to bring food in is

709
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:41,120
Speaker 4: a huge support.

710
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:43,719
Speaker 3: And as far as the.

711
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:47,799
Speaker 4: Parent who has lost a child, again, just showing up

712
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:52,440
Speaker 4: encouraging them just with the practical things getting up, getting

713
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:55,160
Speaker 4: out of bed, go take them for walks. And that's

714
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:57,400
Speaker 4: another thing. Even if somebody has a child that's in

715
00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:59,680
Speaker 4: a wheelchair, just offer to take that child out for

716
00:43:59,719 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 4: a walk.

717
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:02,160
Speaker 3: Just a few.

718
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 4: Minutes of alone time for Amma is priceless, or just

719
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 4: an hour for a mother to spend some time with

720
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 4: her typically developing children is very very important, and so

721
00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 4: just being able to give them some time, or husband

722
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:22,799
Speaker 4: and wife spending a little bit of time together. You

723
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:26,799
Speaker 4: do not get that if you have children with disabilities,

724
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 4: and so showing up and just all those little waves

725
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:33,799
Speaker 4: get creative. We had a group of people who like

726
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:38,240
Speaker 4: they had a rotation. One night a week, a different

727
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:41,839
Speaker 4: couple would come and just put Mowasee in his wheelchair van,

728
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:45,000
Speaker 4: drive him to somewhere for ice cream, feed him some

729
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:48,320
Speaker 4: ice cream, and bring him back home. And that allowed

730
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:51,920
Speaker 4: my husband and I and our children to sit at

731
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,920
Speaker 4: the table and enjoy a dinner together without me having

732
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:59,279
Speaker 4: to feed another child. And so just little things like

733
00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:04,840
Speaker 4: that just get creative. These families are everywhere. They're in

734
00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:09,920
Speaker 4: our backyard, they're in our churches, and they're hurting, they're overwhelmed,

735
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:13,840
Speaker 4: they're lonely, they're isolated, and so just remember them.

736
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:16,439
Speaker 2: I just wanted to touch on the fact that they're

737
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:19,839
Speaker 2: not always in our churches because they can't be And

738
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:23,960
Speaker 2: can you just real quick, because that is a problem,

739
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:26,759
Speaker 2: and can you just just speak to that.

740
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:35,400
Speaker 4: Yes, the church is so unequipped or ill equipped to

741
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 4: handle families with disabilities. We need to be coming alongside

742
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:42,440
Speaker 4: of them. There are so many families who disappear from

743
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:46,200
Speaker 4: churches because they cannot bring their child to church, and

744
00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:49,400
Speaker 4: so as a church body, we need to be reaching

745
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 4: out to these families in some way. If they disappear

746
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:53,719
Speaker 4: from your church, it's not because they don't want to

747
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:55,920
Speaker 4: go to church, it's because they cannot bring their child.

748
00:45:56,560 --> 00:46:00,600
Speaker 4: And so I don't know exactly what the ads. There

749
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:04,160
Speaker 4: are a lot of ministries starting at but a lot

750
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:06,840
Speaker 4: of those ministries kind of end when the child reaches

751
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:10,520
Speaker 4: their teenage years, and that is when they need help

752
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:12,359
Speaker 4: the most. Because I am here to tell you, if

753
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:15,839
Speaker 4: we think teenagers are difficult with a typically developing child,

754
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 4: try one who can't process his emotions and does and

755
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:22,120
Speaker 4: cannot communicate his emotions.

756
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 3: It's otherworldly.

757
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:29,040
Speaker 4: And so find those families they're in your community there

758
00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:33,239
Speaker 4: they've disappeared from churches, and reach out to them just

759
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:36,680
Speaker 4: to be a friend to them because it is extremely,

760
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:37,800
Speaker 4: extremely isolating.

761
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:40,280
Speaker 3: Yeah.

762
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:43,719
Speaker 2: Well, Carol, this has been so so good talking with you,

763
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:45,960
Speaker 2: and I just want to tell you I'm so sorry

764
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:50,040
Speaker 2: for your losses and just so thankful to you for

765
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:54,160
Speaker 2: being willing to talk about these painful things, because I

766
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:57,279
Speaker 2: know that just being present and sharing your story is

767
00:46:57,280 --> 00:47:00,480
Speaker 2: going to be a lifeline to people who are also struggling.

768
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:02,360
Speaker 2: So thank you, thank you so much.

769
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:05,200
Speaker 3: Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.

770
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:07,480
Speaker 2: Well, how can we pray for you today? And we're

771
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:08,400
Speaker 2: going to close in prayer.

772
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:14,240
Speaker 4: Definitely still struggling with grief over my son's pathing, and

773
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:17,200
Speaker 4: so I give use prayer there. I think a lot

774
00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:22,000
Speaker 4: of people think that because he was so medically complex,

775
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 4: that his death was more of a relief, and there

776
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 4: was some of that, but also it's a huge grief.

777
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:32,440
Speaker 4: So that and then I just would I that you

778
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:36,960
Speaker 4: pray that Moise's story in my second book, only Jesus

779
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:40,480
Speaker 4: knows that it could make a difference for adulthood disabilities.

780
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:50,359
Speaker 2: Absolutely well, thank you, Thank you so much, Carol Let's pray. God,

781
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:53,960
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for Carol for her willingness to

782
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 2: share her story and to share Moise's story, and to

783
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:02,440
Speaker 2: share Jelaine's story and just the story of their whole family.

784
00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:05,960
Speaker 2: We just lift their whole family up to you.

785
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:08,399
Speaker 1: Father. We just pray that you would bless.

786
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:12,560
Speaker 2: Them, that you would provide in every way in abundance

787
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:16,799
Speaker 2: for them. We pray for the person listening who is

788
00:48:17,719 --> 00:48:22,920
Speaker 2: in the trenches right now of just grief, being overwhelmed,

789
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:26,239
Speaker 2: and at the end of their rope. We pray that

790
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:30,520
Speaker 2: you would meet her there. Lord, in Jesus' name, We

791
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:35,080
Speaker 2: just pray that you would bring peace and healing and hope.

792
00:48:36,120 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 2: We pray that you would provide tangible help in the

793
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 2: form of brothers and sisters that would be the hands

794
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:48,799
Speaker 2: and feet of Jesus. We just pray for those outside

795
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:53,959
Speaker 2: of the realm of raising kids and adults with disabilities,

796
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:57,920
Speaker 2: that you would just allow us to have eyes to

797
00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:02,319
Speaker 2: see the needs, that when someone stops coming to church,

798
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:06,000
Speaker 2: it wouldn't go unnoticed or it wouldn't be misinterpreted as

799
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:09,120
Speaker 2: a choice, And that we just as the church as

800
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:12,040
Speaker 2: the body of Christ, that you would open doors through

801
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:16,840
Speaker 2: these books and just through other means of just opening

802
00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 2: the eyes of the church to the needs of families

803
00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 2: with children with disabilities and adults with disabilities.

804
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:25,359
Speaker 1: We just pray that this.

805
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 2: Book would go out, that it would reach more people

806
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:34,480
Speaker 2: and just bless more people than Carol ever could have

807
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:37,520
Speaker 2: dreamed or imagined, and we just pray that it would

808
00:49:37,560 --> 00:49:42,040
Speaker 2: make a huge difference, not just individually, but on a

809
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:45,600
Speaker 2: collective and global scale. And we know that it will,

810
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 2: and we just thank you for that, God in Jesus name.

811
00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:49,080
Speaker 1: Amen.

812
00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 2: Do you love true crime but feel like it's a

813
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Speaker 2: guilty pleasure because of the swearing and explicit content. If so,

814
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Speaker 2: I can't wait to tell you the good news. Alana

815
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:08,400
Speaker 2: and I just launched our brand new podcast, Christian True

816
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Speaker 2: Crime Junkies, a squeaky clean crime show for believers. Each

817
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:17,520
Speaker 2: week we bring you unforgettable testimonies of survival, stories of justice,

818
00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:21,880
Speaker 2: and tales of redemption. And yes, sometimes plain old murder,

819
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:27,720
Speaker 2: always clean, always from a Christian perspective. Listen to Christian

820
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Speaker 2: True Crime Junkies today wherever you listen to podcasts, and

821
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Speaker 2: don't forget to follow us. New episodes come out every

822
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Speaker 2: week and you don't want to miss out.

823
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:42,279
Speaker 1: We'd like to.

824
00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:44,120
Speaker 2: Take just a quick second to thank the team at

825
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:46,920
Speaker 2: Life Audio for their partnership with us on the podcast.

826
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Speaker 2: If you go to lifeaudio dot com you will find

827
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Speaker 2: dozens of other faith centered podcasts in their network.

828
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829
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830
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