1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:07,960 Speaker 1: Life Audio. We can't just expect our spouse to know 2 00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:11,319 Speaker 1: what we're thinking, right, Like, how often do we do that? Well, 3 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:14,319 Speaker 1: my spouse just know. I mean we even say things 4 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:18,079 Speaker 1: like I mean dot dot dot right, which means like 5 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: uh duh, Like everybody knows this, and we might even 6 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:25,160 Speaker 1: say that, well, everybody knows that this is how marriage 7 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:29,120 Speaker 1: should be, or everybody knows that husbands do this, or 8 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:33,040 Speaker 1: everybody knows that wives do this. And what we're doing 9 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:36,040 Speaker 1: is we're assuming and then we're placing our spouse and 10 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 1: that everybody knows bots Well, obviously everybody don't know because 11 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:44,120 Speaker 1: your spouse ain't doing it. Well. Hey, hey, everybody, it's 12 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:47,440 Speaker 1: dying ache and you're listening to the Rebuilding US Marriage podcast. 13 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,920 Speaker 1: If you recall, I announced that I was running a 14 00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:54,440 Speaker 1: one hundred reviews contest for my new book, Tried and True. 15 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,840 Speaker 1: This is a really quick contest that we ran, and 16 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,520 Speaker 1: I am announcing the winner live at the end of 17 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,480 Speaker 1: the episode, so make sure you stick around to the 18 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:08,120 Speaker 1: end so that you can find out who won. I 19 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,160 Speaker 1: love this episode, you guys. Let me just tell you something. 20 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,399 Speaker 1: I crack myself up when I go back and listen 21 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 1: to myself sometimes there are some really funny moments in 22 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,720 Speaker 1: this episode, and I hope that you laugh as much 23 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:22,600 Speaker 1: as I laugh. This conversation is one of those that 24 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 1: I encourage every single couple to have, whether you are 25 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,760 Speaker 1: thinking about getting married or maybe you're already married. I 26 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 1: think it's so important that we keep our expectations in line, 27 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,920 Speaker 1: that we keep our expectations at the forefront of our conversations, 28 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 1: and that we are always evaluating whether the expectations that 29 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: we have of our spouse are realistic. So, if you've 30 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,160 Speaker 1: listened to the show for a while, if you've been 31 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,600 Speaker 1: following me, you know that shann and I got married 32 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:52,400 Speaker 1: super young. We were eighteen and twenty one, and because 33 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:54,920 Speaker 1: we were so young, we did what young people do right. 34 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:56,920 Speaker 1: We hung out all the time. We had lots of 35 00:01:56,960 --> 00:02:00,320 Speaker 1: friends of the opposite sex. We stayed out till three 36 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,400 Speaker 1: four o'clock in the morning, just you know, being young, 37 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: being doing what young people do. Well. When we got married, 38 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:11,000 Speaker 1: I fully expected for my husband to start acting like 39 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,160 Speaker 1: a husband, and husbands don't hang out till two and 40 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:17,080 Speaker 1: three and four o'clock in the morning. I also had 41 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,480 Speaker 1: a six week old baby. I should say we had 42 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 1: a six week old baby, and so I certainly was 43 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 1: not wanting to be out all late anymore. So one 44 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:31,200 Speaker 1: of the things that I did wrong was I assumed 45 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:33,960 Speaker 1: that Sean would just kind of get the memo and 46 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:37,079 Speaker 1: that he would just understand that, hey, now we're married, 47 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 1: we got to make some changes, like we don't hang 48 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,040 Speaker 1: out late, we don't go out clubbing, like these aren't 49 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 1: the things that we do anymore because now we are married. 50 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:50,600 Speaker 1: And I expected him to just realize that, but he 51 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:53,960 Speaker 1: did not. So, as you can imagine, we had a 52 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:57,959 Speaker 1: lot of fights, a lot of arguments, a lot of disagreements, 53 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 1: a lot of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, angry nights. I may 54 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 1: or may not have locked him out of our apartment 55 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,840 Speaker 1: several times in the middle of the night. But I 56 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,560 Speaker 1: wanted to bring this up because I think that whether 57 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,440 Speaker 1: it's you have a spouse who's staying out late, you 58 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:17,360 Speaker 1: have a spouse who is hoarding their money. Maybe you 59 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,120 Speaker 1: thought when we got married we were going to share 60 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,360 Speaker 1: bank accounts, and your spouse was like, oh, well, I 61 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:26,320 Speaker 1: didn't know that that was your expectation. So I think 62 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:29,200 Speaker 1: one of the best ways that we can avoid being 63 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:35,120 Speaker 1: hurt in our marriages by unrealistic or unspoken expectations. Is 64 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: to simply tell our spouses what we need, tell our 65 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 1: spouses what we expect. And again, the best time to 66 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:42,800 Speaker 1: do this is before you get married. But there are 67 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:46,480 Speaker 1: going to be inevitably times where things come up during 68 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,160 Speaker 1: your marriage that you're going to have to readdress. You're 69 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,920 Speaker 1: gonna have to say, oh, we just had a child. 70 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,840 Speaker 1: Maybe right, Maybe you've been married for several years, you 71 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 1: just had a child. You had all these expectations about 72 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,520 Speaker 1: what parentsing would be and now it is not anything 73 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,040 Speaker 1: like that. So as we get into this, this might 74 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,640 Speaker 1: be a really good episode for you to take notes. 75 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:06,880 Speaker 1: This might be for sure one that you want to 76 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,320 Speaker 1: download so that you can come back and listen to 77 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 1: it again and again and again. This podcast episode originally 78 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:16,919 Speaker 1: aired back in April of twenty twenty three. It was 79 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 1: episode one point forty. And I really like to re 80 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:23,960 Speaker 1: air some of my top rated shows. This one is 81 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,839 Speaker 1: one that actually people still listen to today. So I 82 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: love to go back through my podcast analytics and look at, Okay, 83 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,919 Speaker 1: what are the episodes that people like, What are the 84 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,839 Speaker 1: ones that they're still listening to, And some of these, 85 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:38,200 Speaker 1: like OG shows, y'all are still getting like thousands of downloads, 86 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,839 Speaker 1: which is amazing. I love it. Thank you guys so much. So, 87 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,919 Speaker 1: without any further ado, I don't want to be labor 88 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,680 Speaker 1: this intro, but I just wanted to give you a 89 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 1: little bit of heads up. If you're like, oh, hold up, Neil, 90 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: this sounds real familiar. I think I may have heard 91 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,920 Speaker 1: this one before. You may have heard it before if 92 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:54,159 Speaker 1: you've been listening for three years, and if so, then again, 93 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:55,720 Speaker 1: I'm so grateful for you. And I know that you've 94 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,680 Speaker 1: already written a podcast review, right, Like, if you've been 95 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,960 Speaker 1: listening to Rebuilding Us for three years, and even if 96 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 1: you just started listening to the show, I would be 97 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 1: so grateful if you would go to Apple Podcasts or 98 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 1: Spotify and leave a review on this podcast. That helps 99 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,440 Speaker 1: the algorithm. It helps other people who are typing in 100 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:18,800 Speaker 1: marriage podcasts or Christian podcast or what podcasts should I 101 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,760 Speaker 1: listen to to help my marriage? The algorithms are like, hey, 102 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 1: other people think that this one is good. What do 103 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,720 Speaker 1: you think? And so it's not just me wanting numbers. 104 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:31,800 Speaker 1: It really is an outreach tool that just you writing 105 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:34,839 Speaker 1: a review, you are actually helping other couples to find 106 00:05:34,839 --> 00:05:37,719 Speaker 1: the show. Okay, that's it, let's jump into today's episode. 107 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:40,120 Speaker 1: I'm so excited about this and I hope you're gonna 108 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:47,320 Speaker 1: love it. All. Right, here we go unrealistic expectations. Many 109 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:50,280 Speaker 1: of you probably clicked on this podcast because either you 110 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:55,800 Speaker 1: have some unrealistic expectations or your spouse have some unrealistic 111 00:05:55,880 --> 00:06:00,839 Speaker 1: expectations of you and you want to overcome that. Now. 112 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,360 Speaker 1: I could talk about this all day, y'all, because I 113 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:09,600 Speaker 1: am a very I am a very optimistic person. I 114 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 1: have a lot of expectations, and I'm a little bit 115 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:15,039 Speaker 1: of an idealist. I think that things should just be 116 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,200 Speaker 1: like they're supposed to be, and therefore I get my 117 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 1: heart broken. To be honest, sometimes I become disappointed because 118 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:27,720 Speaker 1: I expect great things, not only from others, but from myself. 119 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,039 Speaker 1: I'm the kind of person that believes, like, if an 120 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 1: A is possible, why settle for the B. So I 121 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:36,280 Speaker 1: made straight a's throughout college. I made hon a roll 122 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,640 Speaker 1: in high school. It's interesting that I actually made better 123 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,960 Speaker 1: grades in college, I know, But anyway, I am just 124 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,960 Speaker 1: a firm believer that if greatness is possible, why settle 125 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 1: for good? And so that carries on into my relationships, 126 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,799 Speaker 1: and sometimes, y'all, that's not always a good thing because 127 00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:56,760 Speaker 1: everybody doesn't have those same expectations. So if you can 128 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,040 Speaker 1: relate to that, you're gonna find a ton of value 129 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,400 Speaker 1: out of this particular or episode. If you can't relate 130 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,040 Speaker 1: to that, and you're like, girl, please, I'm good with average, 131 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:07,320 Speaker 1: because guess what sees get degrees, Well, you need to 132 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,040 Speaker 1: listen to this episode too, because I hope that you 133 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 1: can actually raise your expectations a little bit. So I 134 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 1: want to go ahead and jump right into the meat 135 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,840 Speaker 1: of this episode because there's a lot that we're going 136 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,720 Speaker 1: to unpack here, and I don't want to waste any time, 137 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,000 Speaker 1: So let's jump right in. What I want you all 138 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,560 Speaker 1: to think about when you're thinking about your marriage, And 139 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,360 Speaker 1: of course, when I talk about marriage, of course, you 140 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:31,320 Speaker 1: can apply any of this to any other relationship, but 141 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,240 Speaker 1: specifically I want to talk about marriage, all right, So 142 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:38,360 Speaker 1: what are your expectations? Have you even thought about that? 143 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: Do you know how to define them? What are some 144 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: of the things that you are expecting of your spouse. 145 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,960 Speaker 1: One of the issues that we have with these unrealistic 146 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 1: expectations is sometimes y'all we don't even know what our 147 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:56,000 Speaker 1: own expectations are, like, we have not clearly defined them. 148 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,640 Speaker 1: We have an idea of what we want our marriages 149 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 1: to look like, we have an idea idea of how 150 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:04,160 Speaker 1: we think our spouses should operate, but we haven't actually 151 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,840 Speaker 1: clearly defined what it is that we are expecting. So 152 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,360 Speaker 1: the first thing that I want to know is what 153 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 1: are your expectations? What are you looking for? What kind 154 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 1: of marriage do you want to have? You know, we 155 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:18,800 Speaker 1: did a whole series on this podcast talking about the 156 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 1: vision for your marriage, and if you haven't listened to 157 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,400 Speaker 1: those shows, go back and listen to them. I'll link 158 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 1: to them and the show notes of this podcast. But 159 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 1: this is what we were talking about, Like, if you 160 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 1: don't have a clear vision for where you want to go, 161 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:33,360 Speaker 1: you'll never going to get there, and expectations do play 162 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:37,080 Speaker 1: into that. So if you don't know what your expectations are, 163 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:40,920 Speaker 1: then take some time with yourself and write out what 164 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:44,720 Speaker 1: are the things that I expect in my marriage? What 165 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:48,640 Speaker 1: are the things that I expect of my partner. The 166 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:51,040 Speaker 1: second question that I want you to ask yourself is 167 00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:56,880 Speaker 1: are these expectations realistic? Are they fair? Are you putting 168 00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:02,319 Speaker 1: an unnecessary burden on your spouse because your expectations are 169 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:06,440 Speaker 1: not realistic. One of the examples that you might think of. 170 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,640 Speaker 1: You know, many wives say something like, you know, I 171 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 1: expect my husband to be my best friend. Right? That 172 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:14,520 Speaker 1: sounds great? Oh? How cute? Right? All? I want my 173 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:19,280 Speaker 1: husband to be my best friend. Is that a realistic expectation? Though? 174 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,360 Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe for your husband it isn't. Maybe 175 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,280 Speaker 1: for your husband it is. But you have to ask 176 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:29,079 Speaker 1: yourself is it fair? Is this realistic or not? Maybe? 177 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:32,679 Speaker 1: Another example could be for a husband. A husband might think, Okay, 178 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:36,960 Speaker 1: I expect my wife to provide a beautiful home. Well, 179 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 1: what is the state of the home that your wife 180 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 1: was living in when you were dating? Was she like 181 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:48,240 Speaker 1: super clean and organized and was her home beautiful when 182 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 1: you were dating? Or was her home messy and stuff 183 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,839 Speaker 1: all over the place and she was totally fine with that? 184 00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:56,680 Speaker 1: Do you see what I mean that? Sometimes, y'all, we 185 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,920 Speaker 1: expect our spouses to be these people that they know 186 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 1: ever showed us that they were going to be. I 187 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,880 Speaker 1: have a very personal example when I'm talking about this. 188 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,880 Speaker 1: You know, when Shawn and I were dating, I never 189 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:13,240 Speaker 1: really had this whole conversation within myself about him being 190 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,560 Speaker 1: the spiritual leader in our home. I just never thought 191 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:18,320 Speaker 1: about it. Now, I grew up in the church. If 192 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:19,920 Speaker 1: you guys have heard my story, you kind of know 193 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,400 Speaker 1: how I grew up right, And when we got married, 194 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 1: I had this expectation that Sean would become the spiritual 195 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:30,319 Speaker 1: leader in our home, and that he would have devotions 196 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 1: with our kids. He would not just have devotions with 197 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:36,200 Speaker 1: our kids, he would actually lead the devotions with our kids. 198 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:42,160 Speaker 1: My friends, that was an unrealistic expectation, not because Sean 199 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,280 Speaker 1: is not able to be the spiritual leader and not 200 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:48,800 Speaker 1: because he is not able to lead family devotions. But 201 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,920 Speaker 1: Shawna never showed me any proof that that was what 202 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,600 Speaker 1: he was all about. So, because I had that expectation 203 00:10:55,760 --> 00:11:00,600 Speaker 1: of him and it was unrealistic, I had many appointments 204 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:06,360 Speaker 1: which led to lots of disagreements unnecessarily. So we're going 205 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:09,720 Speaker 1: to continue to talk about this because it's super important 206 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 1: that we actually define what our expectations are. But before 207 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,959 Speaker 1: we go on, we're going to take a quick break 208 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:22,679 Speaker 1: to hear a word from our sponsor. Most marriages aren't 209 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:26,400 Speaker 1: falling apart. They're being refined, tried, and True as a 210 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:29,559 Speaker 1: scripture based marriage guide for couples who want a resilient, 211 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:34,200 Speaker 1: faith filled marriage, especially in seasons that feel ordinary, difficult, 212 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,640 Speaker 1: or stretched through twelve and perfect biblical marriages. This book 213 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:43,200 Speaker 1: shows how God uses trials to strengthen connection, not destroy it. 214 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:47,439 Speaker 1: Learn more at Tried and truemarriagebook dot com or find 215 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:53,320 Speaker 1: Tried and True everywhere books are sold. All right, my friends, 216 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:57,359 Speaker 1: So we've talked a little bit about are our expectations realistic? 217 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,240 Speaker 1: Are they unrealistic? The third question that I want you 218 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:03,760 Speaker 1: to ask yourself is where did these expectations come from? 219 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,400 Speaker 1: When I was talking earlier about this expectation that I 220 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 1: had of Sean being the spiritual leader, where did that 221 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:13,400 Speaker 1: come from? For some of us, it comes from culture. 222 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,160 Speaker 1: It comes from maybe what the media tells us marriage 223 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,439 Speaker 1: should look like, or what husbands should look like, or 224 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,520 Speaker 1: how wives should act. Some of it is our religious 225 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:25,679 Speaker 1: or biblical or church upbringing. Some of these expectations are 226 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,559 Speaker 1: ingrained in us by our families of origin. Maybe it's 227 00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:30,920 Speaker 1: how we saw our parents relating to one another, or 228 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:34,800 Speaker 1: how we saw our parents not relating to one another, 229 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:38,200 Speaker 1: and so we developed this expectation. When I get married, 230 00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:43,040 Speaker 1: this is how things are going to be. Sometimes we 231 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:47,400 Speaker 1: have to challenge the origin of those expectations and ask 232 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:52,000 Speaker 1: ourselves is that fair. So in my example, I could say, yeah, 233 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:55,480 Speaker 1: it's fair. That was a fair expectation as a Christian 234 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,120 Speaker 1: couple for me to expect my husband to be the 235 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: spiritual leader. However, when you look closely at this example, 236 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,840 Speaker 1: and I'm bringing this example up, y'all because I know 237 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:08,640 Speaker 1: that there are many wives who listen to this podcast, 238 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:12,200 Speaker 1: many who are Christian, who your husband is not leading spiritually, 239 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 1: and it just like kills you, right, It's like just 240 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,360 Speaker 1: irritates the but Jesus out of you, and you're like, oh, 241 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:20,280 Speaker 1: I just wish this man would step up. And I 242 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,959 Speaker 1: can relate to that. So there's actually a scripture in 243 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,480 Speaker 1: the Book of Deuteronomy, chapter six. I'm gonna read it 244 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:29,719 Speaker 1: to you. It says, and you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly 245 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,840 Speaker 1: to these commands that I'm giving you today. This is 246 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:35,480 Speaker 1: Moses talking to the children of Israel, okay, verse seven, 247 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,120 Speaker 1: and he says to them, repeat them again and again, 248 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:41,360 Speaker 1: to your children, talk about them when they are at home, 249 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:43,640 Speaker 1: and when you are on the road, and when you're 250 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,640 Speaker 1: going to bed. And where you're getting up. Basically, Moses 251 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,600 Speaker 1: is telling the children of Israel, I want you all 252 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:51,439 Speaker 1: to teach your children how to know and love the Lord. 253 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,920 Speaker 1: Did you hear though, who Moses was talking to. He 254 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: wasn't just talking to the men. He was talking to 255 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:01,520 Speaker 1: the whole community. And I had to really go back 256 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:05,080 Speaker 1: and reread those scriptures and say, oh, so I've been 257 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 1: putting this expectation on Sean that he's supposed to be 258 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:12,080 Speaker 1: the one that's leading our family spiritually. Well what am 259 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,920 Speaker 1: I supposed to be doing? And the truth of the 260 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:18,480 Speaker 1: matter is, y'all, I'm actually the ordained pastor in the family, 261 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 1: like I do this for a living. But yet I 262 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:26,640 Speaker 1: was thinking this is something Sean should do. Now. To 263 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,240 Speaker 1: my credit, I have not always been a pastor, right, 264 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 1: and especially when I had these thoughts that he should 265 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:35,680 Speaker 1: be leading our family, I wasn't in ministry vocationally at 266 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:38,600 Speaker 1: that time. And is that again. I'm not saying that 267 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,640 Speaker 1: I should just throw that expectation out of the window, 268 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:43,080 Speaker 1: because there are scriptures that do talk about the husband 269 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,560 Speaker 1: leading his home and being a spiritual leader and all 270 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,280 Speaker 1: of that. But what I am saying is that when 271 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,880 Speaker 1: I was trying to put my husband in this box, 272 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,560 Speaker 1: like you have to be the one that's leading the 273 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,040 Speaker 1: devotions and if you don't, a, you're not spiritual, and 274 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,320 Speaker 1: I'm mad at you and be our kids are going 275 00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,200 Speaker 1: to suffer spiritually because you're not doing your part. I 276 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,560 Speaker 1: simply could just step in and do that because God 277 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:05,240 Speaker 1: has actually gifted and anointed me to do so as well. 278 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,160 Speaker 1: So if you can relate to that, awesome. If not, 279 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,520 Speaker 1: think of another expectation that you have of your spouse 280 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:15,960 Speaker 1: that maybe you're putting them in a box when it's 281 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:21,200 Speaker 1: maybe something that you can do. So another example, and 282 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,520 Speaker 1: this is I'm not going to generalize this, because I 283 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,440 Speaker 1: know that a lot of times you're like on marriage 284 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,240 Speaker 1: shows or you know, in marriage books, a lot of 285 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:34,320 Speaker 1: times these these experts, if you will, will generalize sex 286 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 1: and thinking that it's always the man who wants sex 287 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:40,800 Speaker 1: and it's always like the wife who doesn't. So I'm 288 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,160 Speaker 1: not going to say who wants sex more. But what 289 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,600 Speaker 1: I am going to say is that oftentimes sex can 290 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:50,560 Speaker 1: be an unrealistic expectation at marriage. One spouse will think, oh, well, 291 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:53,680 Speaker 1: we're supposed to have sex every day or every other day. 292 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:57,600 Speaker 1: But a they've never actually communicated that that's a huge 293 00:15:57,840 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 1: little nugget that I'm going to give you in a second. 294 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,600 Speaker 1: They've never communicated that to their spouse. And then b 295 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,320 Speaker 1: they've never actually asked their spouse is that a value 296 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:13,800 Speaker 1: to them? So, when you have these expectations, we have 297 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:18,120 Speaker 1: to be careful that we are actually communicating these expectations 298 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,480 Speaker 1: not only to ourselves, but then to our spouses. We 299 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:25,440 Speaker 1: can't just expect our spouse to know what we're thinking, right, 300 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 1: Like how often do we do that? Well, my spouse 301 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 1: to just know? I mean, we even say things like 302 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:34,760 Speaker 1: I mean dot dot dot right, which means like uh duh, 303 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:38,000 Speaker 1: like everybody knows this, And we might even say that, well, 304 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 1: everybody knows that this is how marriage should be, or 305 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:46,240 Speaker 1: everybody knows that husbands do this, or everybody knows that 306 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:49,800 Speaker 1: wives do this, And what we're doing is we're assuming 307 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,920 Speaker 1: and then we're placing our spouse and that everybody knows 308 00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:56,240 Speaker 1: bots well, obviously everybody don't know because your spouse ain't 309 00:16:56,240 --> 00:17:00,200 Speaker 1: doing it. We also say things like you know, well, 310 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:03,200 Speaker 1: I mean it just makes sense that fill in the blank, 311 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:08,480 Speaker 1: or we'll say things like I mean, I just figured blah, 312 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:13,240 Speaker 1: blah blah blah. In all of that talking. That inner 313 00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:20,639 Speaker 1: talking is actually unhelpful. It's just feeding these unspoken and 314 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:24,919 Speaker 1: unrealistic expectations that we have of our spouse. Let me 315 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,920 Speaker 1: tell you all something and you might want to jot 316 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:33,160 Speaker 1: this down. Unspoken expectations lead to unmet desires, which lead 317 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 1: to unnecessary disappointment. I'm gonna repeat that for you. Unspoken 318 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:44,360 Speaker 1: expectations lead to unmet desires, which lead to unnecessary disappointment. 319 00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:47,520 Speaker 1: The reason that many of us are disappointed in our 320 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:51,119 Speaker 1: marriages is not necessarily because we have bad spouses or 321 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:53,320 Speaker 1: our spouses are not doing what they're supposed to do. 322 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:58,399 Speaker 1: Many times, our disappointment stems from our unrealistic and often 323 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 1: unspoken at expectations. So one of the first things that 324 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,239 Speaker 1: you need to do after you get clear about what 325 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,239 Speaker 1: your expectations are and where they came from, is to 326 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:13,520 Speaker 1: be sure that you have communicated those expectations to your spouse. Now, 327 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 1: a part of you communicating those expectations to your spouse 328 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:21,160 Speaker 1: is understanding that just because you communicate those expectations does 329 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,400 Speaker 1: not mean that your spouse is going to fulfill them. 330 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,879 Speaker 1: So let's say you say to your spouse, Hey, babe, 331 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:32,520 Speaker 1: I want to have sex every single day. That's my expectation. Well, 332 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:34,640 Speaker 1: you have to communicate that, but then you also need 333 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,840 Speaker 1: to be understanding that that might not be what they 334 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:40,680 Speaker 1: want to do. And it's okay if they say, oh wow, 335 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:43,280 Speaker 1: that's great, thanks for letting me know that that's not 336 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 1: going to happen, and then the conversation happens, and then 337 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:51,840 Speaker 1: you guys need to figure out a plan, a solution, compromise. Right. 338 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 1: So before we can even get to the compromise and 339 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,200 Speaker 1: the solution, though, we've got to be able to communicate. 340 00:18:58,240 --> 00:18:59,800 Speaker 1: You got to be able to say to your spouse 341 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,720 Speaker 1: what it is that you need and stop assuming that 342 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:07,320 Speaker 1: they know. They don't know. I've told Sean so many times, Sean, 343 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:09,920 Speaker 1: I know you think I know what you're thinking. I 344 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,159 Speaker 1: know that I have many talents, Okay, I know that. However, 345 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,800 Speaker 1: reading your mind is not one of them. So I 346 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,359 Speaker 1: cannot know what you are thinking if you do not 347 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 1: tell me, buddy, you got to be able to tell me. 348 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,200 Speaker 1: And this is what some of y'all need to tell 349 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,000 Speaker 1: your spouses. I don't know what you're thinking. I love you, 350 00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:30,119 Speaker 1: I love you, I really do. But I don't know 351 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,480 Speaker 1: what you're thinking. You have to be able to tell 352 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:37,480 Speaker 1: me what you're thinking. So here are five common unrealistic 353 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:41,640 Speaker 1: expectations that show up in many many marriages. Number one, 354 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,520 Speaker 1: my spouse should not change. Have y'all ever heard that 355 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,600 Speaker 1: or thought that? Like? We even say things like, oh 356 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,560 Speaker 1: my gosh, I just love you so much, I pray 357 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:54,399 Speaker 1: that you never change. Does not sound so romantic, like 358 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,199 Speaker 1: I just love you the way that you are and 359 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,520 Speaker 1: I hope that you never change. Well, you know what 360 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:02,920 Speaker 1: the problem is with that. Human beings change. We do. 361 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:07,320 Speaker 1: We change, we grow, we mature, We change our thoughts, 362 00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:11,280 Speaker 1: we change our needs, we change our opinions, we change 363 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,640 Speaker 1: our desires, we change how we look, we change what's 364 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,360 Speaker 1: important to us. We change a lot. And so if 365 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:22,000 Speaker 1: you get married and you have this expectation of your 366 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:25,679 Speaker 1: spouse that they should not change, you are setting yourself 367 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:30,240 Speaker 1: up for some major disappointment because I guarantee you your 368 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:34,679 Speaker 1: spouse is going to change. So when they change, what 369 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,320 Speaker 1: are you going to do? Are you going to be like, 370 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:41,280 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I can't believe you're changing. Well, friend, 371 00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:43,919 Speaker 1: you should want your spouse to change. I've said this 372 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:47,520 Speaker 1: a million times I'll say it again. Healthy things change, 373 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:51,520 Speaker 1: they grow, healthy things. If your spouse is healthy, they 374 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:56,480 Speaker 1: should be changing, they should be growing. But often, y'all, 375 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:00,359 Speaker 1: we're uncomfortable with those changes because why that force us 376 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,840 Speaker 1: to change, doesn't it. So we have to go into 377 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 1: marriage understanding that my spouse is going to change. I'm 378 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,240 Speaker 1: going to change, You're going to change, We're all going 379 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:13,800 Speaker 1: to change. So let's get rid of that one right away. 380 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:18,159 Speaker 1: My spouse isn't going to change. Another unrealistic expectation that 381 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:22,439 Speaker 1: we have is I can change my spouse. Oh my geez, Like, 382 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:27,760 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, you guys, if you ever thought that, 383 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,240 Speaker 1: you know that you can't do that, right, Like, you 384 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:34,600 Speaker 1: know that you can't change your spouse. You can't even honestly, 385 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,240 Speaker 1: you can't even really change yourself. And I'm talking about 386 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,199 Speaker 1: like when you're really struggling with something and you're like, 387 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,760 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I really need to change this part 388 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,760 Speaker 1: of myself. For those of you who are believers, you're Christians, 389 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,359 Speaker 1: you know that we need the help of the Holy 390 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:50,960 Speaker 1: Spirit to change. So you absolutely cannot change your spouse. 391 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,240 Speaker 1: I don't care how much pressure you put on them. 392 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,160 Speaker 1: I don't care how much manipulation you choose. I don't 393 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,600 Speaker 1: care how many boundaries you put up in the place. 394 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:02,160 Speaker 1: Like boundaries are great. Y'all know that I'm huge on boundaries. 395 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,480 Speaker 1: I talk about them, I teach boundaries all the time. 396 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:08,639 Speaker 1: But boundaries are not meant to change your spouse. Boundaries 397 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,919 Speaker 1: are simply meant to let your spouse know where you 398 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,040 Speaker 1: start and where they stop. It's a it's a it's 399 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:17,040 Speaker 1: a line of delineation. It's a it's a it's a 400 00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:19,159 Speaker 1: it's a boundary marker. For lack of a better term. 401 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:20,359 Speaker 1: I know you're not supposed to use the word in 402 00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:23,359 Speaker 1: the definition, but boundaries are not meant to change your spouse. 403 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,080 Speaker 1: So if you're thinking, Okay, I need to do all 404 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:27,919 Speaker 1: of these things so that I can change my spouse, 405 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,800 Speaker 1: you're gonna also be disappointed because you cannot change your spouse. 406 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:33,320 Speaker 1: Can you just say that out loud with me. It'll 407 00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:38,119 Speaker 1: make me feel so much better. I cannot change my spouse. No, like, 408 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:42,280 Speaker 1: literally say that with me. I cannot change my spouse. 409 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:46,600 Speaker 1: You can't. That is an unrealistic expectation. If you have 410 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:53,679 Speaker 1: that one, all right, Nimburo three, my spouse will make 411 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:58,600 Speaker 1: me happy. So often we get into marriage is thinking 412 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:03,040 Speaker 1: that our spouses are going to make us happy. And 413 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,399 Speaker 1: then you get married and you stay married for like 414 00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,680 Speaker 1: two weeks and you realize, oh, dang, I've made a mistake. 415 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:12,080 Speaker 1: My spouse can't make me happy. Happiness, you all, is 416 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:17,199 Speaker 1: an inside job. It's your job to seek your own happiness. 417 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:20,760 Speaker 1: It is not your job to demand that of your spouse. 418 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,919 Speaker 1: Your spouse is trying to live their life, work on 419 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:28,400 Speaker 1: their stuff. You know, they don't have time to try 420 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:31,680 Speaker 1: to figure out how to make you happy. Now, does 421 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:35,119 Speaker 1: that mean that they shouldn't bring joy and fulfillment and 422 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:39,240 Speaker 1: happiness to your life. Of course, no one gets married 423 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,440 Speaker 1: to be miserable and sad. That's not what I'm saying. 424 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,600 Speaker 1: What I am saying, though, is take ownership of your stuff, 425 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,320 Speaker 1: Take responsibility for what you are supposed to be doing 426 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:51,040 Speaker 1: in your own life. Your spouse is not there to 427 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,360 Speaker 1: make you happy, and guess what, they're going to make 428 00:23:54,400 --> 00:24:00,320 Speaker 1: you unhappy a lot. Just try living with another human 429 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,800 Speaker 1: being and you're going to see to it very quickly 430 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,679 Speaker 1: that your spouse is not going to meet all of 431 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,360 Speaker 1: your needs. They are going to disappoint you. They are 432 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:10,680 Speaker 1: going to make you unhappy. Sometimes, So let's just get 433 00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:14,080 Speaker 1: rid of that expectation that this person in our life 434 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,919 Speaker 1: is supposed to make us happy. They're not. That's not 435 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:23,119 Speaker 1: what they're there for. Number four, another unrealistic expectation that 436 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,680 Speaker 1: we have is, and I said this a little earlier, 437 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,160 Speaker 1: my spouse should know what I'm thinking. My spouse should 438 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,600 Speaker 1: know what I'm thinking. My spouse should know what I need. 439 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:34,320 Speaker 1: My spouse should know what I want. My spouse should 440 00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:38,080 Speaker 1: know why I'm upset. I mean, there's lots of iterations 441 00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:41,800 Speaker 1: of this particular unrealistic expectation. But if you're thinking that 442 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:47,520 Speaker 1: your spouse should know, they don't, and they shouldn't because 443 00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:52,560 Speaker 1: you should be communicating what you need, why you're unhappy, 444 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,359 Speaker 1: what your desires are. Again, that's your job to communicate 445 00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,119 Speaker 1: that to your spouse. It isn't your spouse's job to 446 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:04,000 Speaker 1: know what you need. That's an unrealistic expectation. And again, 447 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:06,480 Speaker 1: like I said earlier, if you do that, you are 448 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,200 Speaker 1: going to be disappointed, and you're gonna have a lot 449 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:12,840 Speaker 1: of strife, and you're gonna have a lot of tension 450 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,000 Speaker 1: in your marriage because your spouse is always going to 451 00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,240 Speaker 1: be trying to figure out what's wrong. With you, you're 452 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:19,400 Speaker 1: not gonna be communicating it, and you're gonna be expecting 453 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 1: them to know instead of you just saying, hey, you 454 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,280 Speaker 1: know what. When that particular thing happened, it made me 455 00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:28,600 Speaker 1: really upset, because like, isn't that so much easier? Isn't 456 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,480 Speaker 1: that so much more mature? That's a much more mature 457 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:35,000 Speaker 1: way to communicate versus just expecting your spouse to know 458 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:39,560 Speaker 1: what you're thinking and what you need. And then finally, 459 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,080 Speaker 1: and this is not like all inclusive. There's many many 460 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,480 Speaker 1: unrealistic expectations that we have, but just for the sake 461 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:50,080 Speaker 1: of this podcast episode, the fifth unrealistic expectation that we 462 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,040 Speaker 1: often have is that my spouse should be like me. 463 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,199 Speaker 1: We don't say it that way, y'all, but this is 464 00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:00,639 Speaker 1: what we mean when we say things like, well, my 465 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:04,040 Speaker 1: spouse should value what I value, or my spouse should 466 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,359 Speaker 1: like what I like, or they shouldn't like who or 467 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,800 Speaker 1: what I don't like. We really want our spouses to 468 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:14,760 Speaker 1: be us. Think about it. Think about the last argument 469 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 1: you had with your spouse. I'm thinking about the last 470 00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,640 Speaker 1: time me and Sean got into a disagreement. I asked 471 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:22,639 Speaker 1: him if you wanted to take a trip somewhere and 472 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,560 Speaker 1: he was like no, and I was appalled, Like I 473 00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,160 Speaker 1: was like, what kind of Christian are you? You don't 474 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:30,800 Speaker 1: want to go to this particular place? Literally, that is 475 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,640 Speaker 1: the thought that I had. And it's not that Sean 476 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:35,600 Speaker 1: doesn't like to travel. We travel all the time. He 477 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:39,159 Speaker 1: just didn't want to go to this particular place. But 478 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,119 Speaker 1: I want to go there. So I really want him 479 00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:44,600 Speaker 1: to be like me and value what I want and 480 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,199 Speaker 1: what I think is important. And when he doesn't, I 481 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:50,199 Speaker 1: get a little tued, don't I? And so do you? 482 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,359 Speaker 1: Because inherently in and of ourselves, we kind of like 483 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:59,440 Speaker 1: idolize ourselves, don't we We idolize our thoughts, we idolize 484 00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:04,159 Speaker 1: our opinion, we idolize our ways of doing things. And 485 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,440 Speaker 1: then our spouses show up and they have a nerve 486 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:10,439 Speaker 1: to be different than us, how dare and then we 487 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:14,720 Speaker 1: get all upset. But this is an unrealistic expectation that 488 00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,720 Speaker 1: we have of them, that really we want them to 489 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:21,520 Speaker 1: be like us. And can I just give you and 490 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:25,560 Speaker 1: myself some marriage advice here? You didn't marry your spouse 491 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:30,440 Speaker 1: because they were like you? You might not have realized this, 492 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,840 Speaker 1: This might have been something happening like in the subconscious, 493 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:35,439 Speaker 1: but you really married your spouse because they're different than you. 494 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:40,280 Speaker 1: Opposites really do attract, And there's something about your spouse 495 00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:43,720 Speaker 1: because they are so different, really attracted you to them. 496 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:48,040 Speaker 1: So let's celebrate that instead of trying to make them 497 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:52,200 Speaker 1: like us. Okay, you guys, So you're like, all right, Dan, 498 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,840 Speaker 1: I got it. I got some unrealistic expectations. What do 499 00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:58,960 Speaker 1: I do to overcome them? Oh, I'm so glad you asked, 500 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,159 Speaker 1: because y'all know I love get you the solutions. So 501 00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:05,040 Speaker 1: here's what we can do to get rid of these 502 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:11,760 Speaker 1: unrealistic expectations in our marriages. Number One, be curious. Ask 503 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:16,400 Speaker 1: your spouse what's important to them. So in my case, right, 504 00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:18,400 Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I want to take this particular trip 505 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,760 Speaker 1: to this particular place. Sean's like, no, I don't want 506 00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:23,879 Speaker 1: to go there. Instead of me getting upset and thinking 507 00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:26,440 Speaker 1: that the man is halfway to hell because he doesn't 508 00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:29,360 Speaker 1: want to go here, I could just say, well, where 509 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:32,200 Speaker 1: would you like to go? It's a spiritual trip, y'all. 510 00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:34,119 Speaker 1: But you're like, what what was hell have to do 511 00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:36,520 Speaker 1: with vacations? All right? Well, because it's like a spiritual 512 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,560 Speaker 1: place and I thought, oh, we could grow in our 513 00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:41,800 Speaker 1: faith together if we go here to this spiritual place. Well, 514 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 1: I could just ask him, Okay, well if you don't 515 00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:46,320 Speaker 1: want to go, there is there somewhere else that you 516 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,800 Speaker 1: would like to go where we can actually like grow 517 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,680 Speaker 1: in our faith together. And if he's still like no, 518 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:54,240 Speaker 1: then I could be like okay, dude, like for real, 519 00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:58,920 Speaker 1: what is it like? Where do you want to go? Then? Curiosity, though, 520 00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:02,840 Speaker 1: is my point. We got to become more curious about 521 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,960 Speaker 1: our spouses. That is such a great attribute to have 522 00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:09,000 Speaker 1: a marriage. To never feel like you know your spouse 523 00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:11,560 Speaker 1: so well that you don't you don't need to ask 524 00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:15,480 Speaker 1: questions anymore. Like I still want to learn about Sean. 525 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,080 Speaker 1: He's changing all the time. I'm changing all the time. 526 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:22,240 Speaker 1: So we need to stay curious. Ask your spouse what's 527 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,800 Speaker 1: important to you? What do you think about this? Hey, 528 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:27,240 Speaker 1: I've read this thing in the in the news, or 529 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,760 Speaker 1: I saw this article, I listened to this podcast. Instead 530 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:32,160 Speaker 1: of you just saying this is what I think and 531 00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:33,920 Speaker 1: then thinking that they're going to be like, yeah, me too, 532 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,440 Speaker 1: me too, I agree, ask them what do you think? 533 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:39,360 Speaker 1: What does this mean to you? What stood out to you? 534 00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:45,720 Speaker 1: Stay curious? That's how you start to overcome some of 535 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,880 Speaker 1: these unrealistic expectations. The second thing that you can do 536 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,880 Speaker 1: is to stay flexible. A lot of times when we 537 00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:55,760 Speaker 1: have these expectations, they're so rigid and they're so set 538 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:59,160 Speaker 1: in stone that we don't leave any flexibility. We don't 539 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:01,880 Speaker 1: allow in you room for movement. We don't allow our 540 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:06,000 Speaker 1: spouses to breathe and be different. So say, flexible, Maybe 541 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:09,280 Speaker 1: you have an expectation of something, but ask yourself, can 542 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:12,840 Speaker 1: I actually ease up on that. I'm not saying throw 543 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:16,400 Speaker 1: your expectations out of the window, but maybe you can 544 00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:19,320 Speaker 1: just let up on it a little bit. You can say, Okay, 545 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:24,200 Speaker 1: maybe it doesn't have to be exactly that way. So women, 546 00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:26,160 Speaker 1: and I don't again, I don't want to generalize here, 547 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:28,640 Speaker 1: but let's just say you have a particular way of 548 00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:31,840 Speaker 1: cleaning your kitchen. I know I'm not talking to any 549 00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,960 Speaker 1: of you all right now, right, yeah, we all have 550 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:38,520 Speaker 1: our particular way of cleaning the kitchen. And then our 551 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:40,760 Speaker 1: sweet husbands come in they think that they're doing a 552 00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,240 Speaker 1: favor and it's just not right. No, no, no, that's 553 00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:45,160 Speaker 1: just not going to work. So then what do we do? 554 00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:47,920 Speaker 1: We go behind them? And then we do it all again, 555 00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:50,320 Speaker 1: and then we complain that they never help out around 556 00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:53,880 Speaker 1: the house. Well, maybe we could say, okay, this is 557 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,400 Speaker 1: my expectation of what a clean kitchen looks like, but 558 00:30:56,480 --> 00:31:00,120 Speaker 1: you know what his way is. Fine, it's not the 559 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,720 Speaker 1: best way, it's maybe not my way, but it'll do. 560 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:09,080 Speaker 1: We have to be flexible. The third thing that we 561 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:10,800 Speaker 1: need to do, and this is kind of similar to 562 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,800 Speaker 1: being flexible, is we have to learn how to collaborate 563 00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:17,880 Speaker 1: more with our spouses. This is one of the This 564 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:20,120 Speaker 1: is an advanced skill in marriage, okay, is when you 565 00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:24,280 Speaker 1: can actually blend your opposing skills. But what I mean 566 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,960 Speaker 1: by that is there are some strengths that you have, 567 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,600 Speaker 1: and then there are some strengths that your spouse has 568 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:34,160 Speaker 1: that are usually each other's weaknesses. So like Sean is 569 00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:38,400 Speaker 1: like the fun, easy going parent. That's his strength, that's 570 00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:43,080 Speaker 1: who he is. That is not my strength. I believe 571 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:48,800 Speaker 1: in organization, discipline, responsibility, and order. I love those things, 572 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,520 Speaker 1: and so that's a strength though it's not a weakness. 573 00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:54,000 Speaker 1: And what happens is a lot of times we'll look 574 00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:58,080 Speaker 1: at our spouse their opposing strength as a weakness. But 575 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:00,160 Speaker 1: what we need to learn how to do is say, okay, hey, 576 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:04,160 Speaker 1: these are both strengths here. We both have these strengths, 577 00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:08,760 Speaker 1: So how can we blend our strengths and collaboration so 578 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,920 Speaker 1: that we can have a thriving and a healthy marriage. 579 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:17,400 Speaker 1: So maybe I am better at organization, but Sean is 580 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:21,640 Speaker 1: better at spontaneity, so we can blend that together. I 581 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:23,920 Speaker 1: don't have to have an expectation that Sean is super 582 00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:26,880 Speaker 1: organized like me, and he doesn't have an expectation that 583 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:29,560 Speaker 1: I'm always going to be spontaneous like him. We can 584 00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:33,400 Speaker 1: blend our opposing strengths in order to create something really beautiful. 585 00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:38,560 Speaker 1: The fourth and final solution that I have for you 586 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:47,000 Speaker 1: about how do we actually overcome these unrealistic expectations is celebration. Celebrate, Celebrate, Celebrate. 587 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:50,720 Speaker 1: What do I mean by that gratitude? My friends? When 588 00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:54,680 Speaker 1: I am looking at all of Sean's weaknesses, fault flaws, 589 00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:57,640 Speaker 1: things that he's not doing to measure up, then I'm 590 00:32:57,680 --> 00:32:59,760 Speaker 1: not going to be grateful for anything that he's going 591 00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,720 Speaker 1: to do. I'm just going to be critical and mad. 592 00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:06,400 Speaker 1: But if I can actually celebrate the things that he 593 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:10,560 Speaker 1: does well, even if they're not necessarily what I would 594 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:14,200 Speaker 1: deem as important or priorities, right, because sometimes we're like, yeah, 595 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:17,040 Speaker 1: I mean he does that, but right, but can we 596 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,320 Speaker 1: just get to a place where we can just be 597 00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:22,400 Speaker 1: grateful for what our spouses are doing, that we actually 598 00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:26,080 Speaker 1: celebrate the goodness that they are bringing into our lives, 599 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:29,200 Speaker 1: into our marriage and to our families. The more that 600 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:33,200 Speaker 1: you celebrate, the more that you get to celebrate. Does 601 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:36,040 Speaker 1: that make sense? Like when you look for good, you'll 602 00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:39,520 Speaker 1: find more good. So you celebrate and then you find 603 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,320 Speaker 1: more things to celebrate. You show gratitude and you find 604 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:45,840 Speaker 1: even more things to be grateful for. What is this 605 00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,320 Speaker 1: have to do with expectations? Well, then, because you realize 606 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:50,680 Speaker 1: maybe that thing that I was holding up as such 607 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:53,520 Speaker 1: a high standard as this expectation, maybe it's really not 608 00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:56,200 Speaker 1: that important after all, because look at all of these 609 00:33:56,200 --> 00:34:01,840 Speaker 1: other amazing things that my spouse does. So stay curious, 610 00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:07,280 Speaker 1: stay flexible, learn how to collaborate, and then learn how 611 00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:11,200 Speaker 1: to celebrate. So I hope that this episode has helped 612 00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:14,440 Speaker 1: you all maybe to define what your expectations are, to 613 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:17,000 Speaker 1: maybe challenge yourself like where did that even come from 614 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,560 Speaker 1: in the first place? And have I communicated that with 615 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:23,760 Speaker 1: myself and with my spouse and then hopefully you're taking 616 00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:27,120 Speaker 1: some time to then ask yourself, Okay, the expectations that 617 00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:30,399 Speaker 1: I have, how can I actually still live with that? 618 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:34,399 Speaker 1: Or maybe you do need to change them, But how 619 00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:36,160 Speaker 1: can I live with them if they're good, if they 620 00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:38,719 Speaker 1: need to remain, and then how can I then communicate 621 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:41,319 Speaker 1: them to my spouse in a way that celebrates and 622 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:47,959 Speaker 1: honors us both. So there we have it. I would 623 00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,720 Speaker 1: love to hear some of your feedback. Maybe there's something 624 00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:52,520 Speaker 1: in your life that you're thinking. You know, Dana, this 625 00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:55,080 Speaker 1: thing though, is really important. I've got this expectation and 626 00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:57,640 Speaker 1: my spouse just will not fulfill it. What do I 627 00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:00,160 Speaker 1: do about that? Well, you guys can always he me 628 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,800 Speaker 1: up in the DMS on Instagram. I am at missus 629 00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:06,160 Speaker 1: Dana Shay. That's at Mrs d A N A c 630 00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:09,400 Speaker 1: h E. Let's continue the conversation over there, because this 631 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:13,000 Speaker 1: is important. This is one of those like building blocks 632 00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:18,120 Speaker 1: of a healthy relationship is learning how to manage our expectations. So, 633 00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:22,279 Speaker 1: your spouse is not your employee. Okay, they're not. And 634 00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:24,680 Speaker 1: even if they work for you outside of your marriage, 635 00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:27,799 Speaker 1: in your marriage, they're still not your employee. So we've 636 00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:31,400 Speaker 1: got to learn how to work together in this beautiful 637 00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:36,200 Speaker 1: life called marriage. Now, wasn't that fun? I mean, you 638 00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:39,439 Speaker 1: got to learn a lot about unrealistic expectations. You got 639 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:43,239 Speaker 1: to learn about how to overcome these unrealistic expectations, and 640 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:45,600 Speaker 1: I hope you got a little laugh in there too. Well. 641 00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:47,480 Speaker 1: As we wrap, I just want to remind you if 642 00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:50,200 Speaker 1: you have not already picked up my new book, Tried 643 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:54,480 Speaker 1: and True Marriage Advice from twelve Imperfect Biblical Couples, you 644 00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:56,640 Speaker 1: are going to want to get that. The e book 645 00:35:56,719 --> 00:36:00,279 Speaker 1: is available, the paperback is available, and the audiobook is 646 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:02,880 Speaker 1: going to be available, probably maybe by the time you 647 00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,600 Speaker 1: listen to this episode or maybe the next episode. It's 648 00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:08,279 Speaker 1: coming out very very soon, so make sure that you 649 00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:12,120 Speaker 1: go to Tried and truemarriagebook dot com get your copy. 650 00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:16,200 Speaker 1: You and your spouse read it together. It's funny, it's good. 651 00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:18,920 Speaker 1: It's not super deep, but it's going to help you 652 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:22,360 Speaker 1: to be able to see your story in the lives 653 00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:24,879 Speaker 1: of some of these Biblical couples and learn from their 654 00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:31,799 Speaker 1: stories as well. Well. Drum roll, please, you guys have 655 00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:35,320 Speaker 1: heard me talking about the reviews contest that I've been doing. 656 00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:38,560 Speaker 1: This is really my way of getting you all to 657 00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:42,440 Speaker 1: share what you loved about my new book, Tried and True. 658 00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:45,000 Speaker 1: So we've been running this contest for the past couple 659 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:47,200 Speaker 1: of weeks. It was just a real short, quick flash 660 00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:53,520 Speaker 1: contest to help the algorithms, the wonderful Amazon algorithms, to 661 00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:57,600 Speaker 1: share this book out with more people. And as promised, 662 00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:00,839 Speaker 1: I said that on today's episode, I was going to 663 00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:05,480 Speaker 1: announce live the winner of the contest. So just to 664 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,640 Speaker 1: refresh your memory, remember that the winner of the contest 665 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,760 Speaker 1: is going to receive a signed copy of my book 666 00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:14,440 Speaker 1: that I'm going to send to them, a special gift 667 00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:17,919 Speaker 1: bundle which will include a couple other marriage resources, and 668 00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:21,759 Speaker 1: that fun personalized two minute video from me to their 669 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,440 Speaker 1: spouse on whatever they want me to say. So I 670 00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:28,520 Speaker 1: am super excited to announce that our winner was Hope 671 00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:31,880 Speaker 1: burge Feld. I Hope, I'm saying your last name correctly. 672 00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:37,479 Speaker 1: Hope Burgefeld and Hope write Amazing Marriage Advice Dana Shay 673 00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:41,040 Speaker 1: is an amazing resource for all relationships, whether you're married 674 00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:45,719 Speaker 1: or nearing marriage. Her book definitely did not disappoint. Amazing 675 00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:49,800 Speaker 1: marriage advice tied into God's Word You. While this was 676 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:52,680 Speaker 1: so fun and Hope, thank you so much for that review. 677 00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:55,560 Speaker 1: This is the thing. Your reviews don't have to be long. 678 00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:59,120 Speaker 1: Hope's review was what two sentences may be, and just 679 00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:02,000 Speaker 1: by her simply say saying what she appreciated about the book, 680 00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:04,200 Speaker 1: it is going to help other people who are looking 681 00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:06,959 Speaker 1: for similar marriage advice to be able to find this book. 682 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:08,960 Speaker 1: So Hope again, thank you so much. Thank you to 683 00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:10,879 Speaker 1: those of you who entered. Of course, we could only 684 00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:14,799 Speaker 1: have one winner, and so Hope you are the winner. Now, 685 00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,360 Speaker 1: if you have still not written a review, or you're like, 686 00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,200 Speaker 1: oh man, I missed the contest, it's okay. I would 687 00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:23,600 Speaker 1: still love for you to write a review on Amazon. 688 00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,760 Speaker 1: You can simply go to Amazon dot com search Tried 689 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,759 Speaker 1: and True Marriage Advice, or Tried in True Book by 690 00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:32,600 Speaker 1: Dana Shay, Tried in True Marriage Book, whatever you want 691 00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:34,600 Speaker 1: to put in there. When the book comes up, all 692 00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,160 Speaker 1: you have to do is scroll down to the bottom 693 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:39,920 Speaker 1: where it says customer reviews and write what this book 694 00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:43,000 Speaker 1: has meant to you. I'm telling you there is probably 695 00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:46,160 Speaker 1: no greater gift that you can give an author other 696 00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:51,520 Speaker 1: than writing a review. So again, congratulations Hope. So again, 697 00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:54,320 Speaker 1: remember the show notes to this episode can be found 698 00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:58,479 Speaker 1: at rebuilding uspodcast dot com forward slash three ninety eight. 699 00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:01,440 Speaker 1: The show notes will contain all the links that I 700 00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:05,640 Speaker 1: shared today other podcast episodes related to this one, so again, 701 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:09,200 Speaker 1: you can check that out at rebuilding uspodcast dot com 702 00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:12,560 Speaker 1: forward slash three nine eight. Thanks so much for listening. 703 00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:14,439 Speaker 1: I can't wait to see you next week. Take care,